To Be Loved
by xNimCee
Summary: She wanted to be loved. He never wanted to love again. She found it in all the wrong places, and he had to bring her back. A story about an American hopeless romantic and an English bad boy trying to move on from his dark past. AH, very OOC, High School
1. The Way

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight.

**WARNING:** This story will contain violence, drinking, sexual situations, and sensitive subject matter in later chapters.

**Also, I'm only going to say this once. The Bella in this story is not the kind you're used to. I know this is fiction, but we're going to be a little realistic here. If a Bella that is timid, weak, and doesn't stand up for herself for part of the story is something that bothers you, then you don't want to read this story.**

**Not every girl is strong and independent, and the Bella in this story does not **_**start off**_** as such. **

**So, if you're going to read anyway, please understand WHY the characters are the way that they are. The story is less about who they are and more about HOW they overcome and become stronger.**

**So, please, if you're going to flounce because of how "weak/pathetic/timid/stupid" Bella is, don't say I didn't warn you.**

**Keep in mind that characters, even when they're fictional, are the way that they are for a reason. **

**Thanks. **

* * *

**Chapter 1 - The Way**

_They made up their minds_  
_And they started packing_  
_They left before the sun came up that day_  
_An exit to eternal summer slacking_

_But where were they going_  
_Without ever knowing the way?_

_The children woke up_  
_And they couldn't find 'em_  
_They Left before the sun came up that day_

_They just drove off_  
_And left it all behind 'em_  
_But Where were they going Without ever knowing the way?_

**The Way- Fastball**

* * *

**Bella POV**

_Friday, July 6, 2006_

I'd like to say that this day was an ordinary day. I'd like to say that it was another boring, useless, uneventful day of a summer vacation as blank as an uninspired artist's canvas.

I'd love to say that this day didn't change my life in any way whatsoever.

But if what happened on that day never happened, if it never left me broken, there wouldn't be a story to tell.

I was fourteen and full of life. My cheeks were naturally flushed with the exuberance of a blooming adolescence.

I stood at my mirror, pulling a brush through my chestnut brown locks, and humming to myself tunelessly. It was something I often did subconsciously.

The smell of pancakes drifted up the stairs from the kitchen and into my room, causing my stomach to growl. I sighed and set the brush down, ready to head downstairs and start another ordinary day.

Or so I thought.

Ordinary. I was ordinary, my life was ordinary, and my family was ordinary.

Ordinary- A word I used to frown upon soon became something I desperately wished for.

I would kill for ordinary again.

I skipped down the stairs, almost tripping on the last step as usual, and made my way into the kitchen. My mother Renee stood at the stove flipping pancakes whilst my dad, Charlie, sat at the small kitchen table, reading a newspaper and sipping coffee. It was an ideal sight.

And the last time I'd ever see it.

In fact, the sight was so cliché that I stood in the kitchen doorway and giggled.

"Morning Bella," Renee said without looking up from the pan. "What's funny?" I shook my head, even though she wasn't looking my way. She held out a plate of pancakes for me, still concentrating on the frying bacon. Her gray eyes were focused and her light brown hair hung in her eyes. I took the plate of pancakes from her and gave her a funny look, because both of my parents seemed distracted this morning. I walked over to the kitchen table and took a seat across from Charlie.

It was strange to see my father so deeply immersed in the Forks newspaper with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Nothing remotely interesting ever happened in this rainy little town, so my curiosity was peaked as to what could have gotten him so into the paper. Being the police Chief, he would already know everything, wouldn't he?

"What're you reading there, Dad?" I asked, stabbing some pancake with my fork. "Someone got shot? Murdered?"

I couldn't help the morbid excitement in my voice. It really would be major news if something like that happened around here, but I highly doubted it ever would.

Maybe once every century.

Charlie noticed my excitement and glanced up from the paper to give me a brief, but stern, look.

"There's nothing exciting about shootings and murder, Bella," he said. With that, he shook the paper straight and went back to reading it as though I hadn't spoken, and without even answering my question.

"Oh give her a break, Charlie." Renee said tiredly. She walked over to the table to put down a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him before walking back to the stove. "She's just bored. I would be too if I were cooped up at home the first few weeks of summer vacation."

"Yeah well, you've got friends." Charlie said to me, gnawing on some bacon but keeping his eyes on the paper. "Do something. Go to the beach like all the other kids around here."

I raised my eyebrows at him. He knew I actually had little to no 'friends'. I'd always been a withdrawn, shy person, and the few friends I did have were all pretty much out of state doing something fun, unlike me. As for the beach, it was either always too chilly around here, even in July, or the sun wasn't treating me very kindly. My porcelain skin burns easily, so the beach was easily out of the question.

"Dad, you know Jessica and Angela aren't even in state. Mike isn't even in the country," I said. "And the sun will roast me if I go to the beach."

"Suit yourself," he muttered.

"Your father's a bit grumpy today, Bella, in case you haven't noticed," Renee said from the stove.

"Really? I had no idea," I replied with sarcasm. Charlie grunted something incoherently but didn't acknowledge my presence after that.

The room fell silent and the air was tense. I suddenly felt awkward and started fidgeting with my fork. I really didn't know why there was any tension at all, since my parents were usually morning people. They were always energetic and talkative by day and exhausted and quiet by night. I observed them carefully, contemplating whether or not they had been fighting, though it didn't seem likely. My mom and dad always seemed like a happy couple to me, despite the fact that they had raised two kids they hadn't planned for.

Renee and Charlie got married straight out of high school and ended up having my brother Emmett nine months after their wedding. This wasn't something they intended, but it happened anyway and they struggled being teen parents, even though they were adults according to the law. They didn't want any more kids after Emmett but I came along six years after him. Renee and Charlie weren't exactly the greatest parents in the world, but they did the best they could to raise two kids they didn't see coming. When I was growing up, I felt the distance between myself and my parents. We didn't spend a lot of time together but they took care of us nonetheless, though often times it felt like they did it, not exactly out of love, but out of a sense of responsibility. As I got older I could tell they sometimes wished they could go back in time and change a few things around, possibly things that would prevent the existence of Emmett and me. But that's something I didn't like to think about.

After all, I was living my life, and they were living theirs.

Charlie looked uncomfortable at the table for some reason and kept shifting in his seat, whilst Renee was touching things unnecessarily, trying to look busy.

Something was wrong.

Before I could question them about anything, a sudden flash of red zoomed by the window to our right as the sound of speedy tires hitting gravel met our ears. Then there was the squeal of tires coming to a sudden stop in our driveway. Charlie shook his head and muttered something about "reckless" and Renee sighed.

There could only be one source for that sound: Emmett.

I shot out of my seat, tripping on the table leg but catching myself, and sprinted to the kitchen door that opened onto our deck, backyard and driveway. I threw the door open and stepped onto the deck to see Emmett open the car door as he turned off the loud rock music playing inside. I didn't know how his extremely bulky figure could even fit in that front seat but, lo and behold, he climbed out easily and with a huge grin on his face.

"Em!" I called excitedly.

"Hey kiddo!" he said in his booming voice. I sprinted down the two little steps but caught my foot in a rock and fell onto the grass, catching myself on my hands, as Emmett laughed hysterically. He helped me up, still laughing, and pulled me into the vice grip of his arms, squeezing the breath out of me.

"Ah, I forgot how graceful you are," he chuckled, still squeezing me tightly.

"You know, one of these days you're gonna crash that car right into the garage door," came my mother's voice. I pulled away from Emmett to see Renee standing in the kitchen doorway, frowning with her arms folded across her chest.

"Don't say that!" Emmett said, sounding hurt. "I would never do that to my car!"

I laughed as Renee went back inside and Emmett and I followed. He threw his heavy arm over my shoulders as we walked, and I tried to keep my balance although the weight of his arm made it difficult.

"So sis," he said. "How's life? How's your summer going?"

I groaned as we stepped into the kitchen. "Boring! I've been at home sitting on my ass for the past two weeks."

"That explains the little extra pudge," he teased, poking my cheek.

"Hey!" I protested, too excited by his presence to feel insulted. "I am not fat!"

"I didn't say that!" he retorted.

"Leave your sister alone," Renee chided as she briefly hugged him around the waist. "It is good to see you, though, Emmett."

I looked around for Charlie, but didn't see him.

"Where's dad?" Emmett asked, mirroring my thoughts.

"He went upstairs; he'll be down soon," Renee replied. I thought it was weird that Charlie would head upstairs the moment his son came home after months, but I brushed it off.

"So what're you doing here?" I asked Emmett as he grabbed three pancakes off a plate and took an enormous bite. Renee looked at him disapprovingly.

Emmett shrugged, his mouth full of pancake and said something sounding like, "I uff wafid foo fee ma guzla". Bits of pancake flew out of his mouth and I cringed away from the debris.

"Emmett!" Renee cried, smacking his bicep lightly with a spatula. "Don't talk with your mouth full! Do they discourage manners at college?"

Emmett was a junior at Seattle Pacific University, and majoring in physical education to be a physical therapist or something. He still lived in state but his college was a long drive from Forks. He only visited every few months and when he did, he stayed for a few days. Emmett and I were really close, even though we were six years apart in age. We used to do everything together before he left for college and he was pretty much my best friend.

"What?" I laughed. "I need you to say that again, I don't speak pancake."

Emmett swallowed with a gulp. "I was saying that I just wanted to see my klutzilla."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He had been calling me that since we were kids, always finding it hilarious that I wasn't the most coordinated person in the world. It still drove me insane, and he knew it. He grinned at me wickedly.

"I'm just kidding!" he said, nudging me with his elbow playfully. "No, but really, I just came to see everyone."

"Are you staying?" I asked hopefully.

"Yup!" he said, shoving what was left of the three pancakes in his mouth, and I smiled widely. Having my brother around for a few days would definitely make up for the weeks of boredom that had just passed.

Charlie shuffled into the kitchen then to greet his son, and the next few minutes were spent standing in the kitchen and chatting aimlessly about what Emmett had been up to since school let out. I had finally finished my breakfast and was putting plates in the sink when I heard my mom say, "Thanks for coming Emmett. I'm glad you could babysit for us tonight."

I whirled around, puzzled. Was she talking about me, a teenager, needing a babysitter?

"Aw, you know I can't refuse when mommy calls and requests something," Emmett said sweetly.

"Wait!" I said. "Mom, you called Emmett to come babysit me?" Renee glanced at me for what may have been the first time that morning, but turned away to start washing the dishes.

"I just thought you'd like some company while your father and I go on a little date tonight," she said simply.

"I don't need a babysitter!" I cried, offended.

"Who said you need a babysitter?" Emmett asked confusedly.

"Mom did." I turned to my mother. "I don't need Emmett to babysit."

"Fine," Emmett muttered, pretending to sound hurt. "I'll leave."

"No," I said quickly. "You can stay; I'm just insulted that you guys think I need to be babysat. I'm fourteen."

"That's not what I meant," Renee said. Her voice was gentle. "I was just asking Emmett if he would stay here with you while we were gone."

"Of course I would!" Emmett said, hugging me tightly with one arm and ruffling my hair. "I don't want my baby sister home alone all night. There are creeps in this town." He whispered the last part loudly and we all laughed as I pushed away from him.

Charlie had been standing there quietly the whole time.

* * *

Emmett and I spent the rest of the day out. Being a fitness buff, he wouldn't allow me to sit at home any more than I had already been doing. He said I needed to be more active, so I was dragged to the park to throw a Frisbee around. Football was not for me, so he settled for the next best thing, as long as he was allowed to throw something. Of course, the Frisbee kept flying over my head, making it impossible for me to catch. Sometimes I thought Emmett played sports with me just to watch me embarrass myself.

Soon we gave up on the possibility of me catching the damn thing (the Frisbee hitting me in the face and me grabbing it afterwards didn't count), so we just walked around the park and chatted. One of the best things about Emmett was that we could talk for hours about any and everything. He could make any lame topic and twist it around to be interesting and funny. It was great having him around, and I felt my spirits lift greatly.

We planned on having a movie night that night since my parents were going out, and Emmett was shocked at the lack of junk food in our house. He felt that was a crime, especially for a movie night, so after the park we headed to the grocery store to stock up on unhealthy stuff. He filled the cart with every type of potato chips, cookies, soda, and candy he could get his hands on. I thought it was funny that he had insisted we be active that morning, yet he also insisted on buying an excessive amount of junk food. When I pointed this contradiction out to him he just said, "You need some meat on those bones, kid."

Around six that evening, Emmett and I sat in the living room arguing about what movies to watch. The living room had a flat screen TV embedded in the wall above the mantelpiece where a mirror used to be before Charlie won some money in a lottery. My parents were getting ready to go out so it would be just Emmett and I hanging out all night.

I sat on the couch across from the TV, as Emmett looked through the DVDs that were shelved under the coffee table that I had my feet rested on.

Emmett wanted to watch something one hundred percent action whereas I desired something more romantic. Not a chick flick but something fantastical.

"Okay if you don't want action, let's do horror," he suggested.

"Fine, but it has to have vampires," I said, and Emmett groaned. Finally he pulled out a DVD.

"30 Days of Night?" he suggested. "It's got action, a little romance, and chicks think that main dude is hot."

"He is," I smiled. "I vote yes."

"Speaking of hot dudes, what about you?" he asked has he turned the DVD player on. "Any scumbags you like around here that I need to scare off?"

I laughed. Emmett had always been overprotective when it came to me and boys. When I was 4 and he was 10, we were at the park and Mike Newton gave me a kiss on the cheek. I thought he had cooties so I tried to push him away but he kept trying to kiss me. It was all in good fun, but Emmett saw and threw a handball at Mike's face.

Yeah, he got in some trouble for that.

"No," I assured my brother. "No one around here."

Honestly, I secretly wished there was. I was a hopeless romantic at heart, as well as a huge fan of romance novels and films. One of the things I wanted most in life was just to fall in love and have someone love me back. I really wished I had someone to call my own, especially since I had been pretty lonely lately. Guys in middle school really didn't give me any attention, so I hoped I would find a nice guy in high school, which I would start attending that September. Not that I would ever tell Emmett that I wanted a boyfriend. Emmett's body was a neon sign that read FEAR ME.

"That's good," Emmett muttered. "I'd hate to hunt down and mess up some hormonal little twerp on my first day here."

I rolled my eyes and stood up to go make some popcorn when Renee and Charlie came down the stairs and into the living room. Charlie wore a suit with no tie and Renee had on a simple black dress with a matching shawl thrown over her shoulders.

"Aww, you guys look great!" I said, grinning.

"Lookin' good!" Emmett agreed. Charlie looked uncomfortable and Renee smiled.

The smiled didn't reach her eyes.

"Thank you," Renee said. "We're going to head out now. We should be back around 11, midnight at the latest."

Suddenly, she hugged me. I honestly could not remember the last time she did that. Renee and Charlie weren't very emotional people, and seldom said or showed what they felt. They weren't the type of parents to tell their kids how much they loved them on a daily basis.

My mom let go of me and didn't look at me as she walked over to Emmett, hugging him too. The look on his face showed that he was a bit surprised as well.

"You kids have fun," she said. With that, she walked to the front door and left.

"Okay. . ." Emmett said uneasily. He cocked an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. Charlie, who had been standing there silently, cleared his throat and nodded at us both before following Renee out.

Emmett and I stared at each other when the front door closed, its click echoing in the room. It was quiet for a moment before Emmett finally mumbled, "That was . . . awkward."

I just stood there and nodded. It had been extremely awkward, and the discomfort was gnawing at me. Something was very, very off today.

The silence was becoming unbearable and Emmett shook his head jerkily, like he was trying to get rid of a thought.

"Anyway," he said. "Let's get this DVD player working. I wanna see some gore!" He went back to mess with it as I headed into the kitchen to make the popcorn.

The rest of the night was spent watching the film and commenting on things here and there. Emmett had a joke to crack about everything and didn't go out of his way to make fun of Josh Hartnett, just because I had a thing for him. Even though I had seen the film before, I still jumped at the scary parts, and even screamed once, which put Emmett into hysterics. He even scared the hell out of me on purpose when he went to the bathroom and then snuck up behind me on his way back. I dropped the whole bowl of popcorn when I jumped and told him he had to clean them up.

He stomped on them all.

After 30 Days of Night was over, we decided to settle on a comedy. We watched Shaun of the Dead, just because it contradicted the last film. It was around 11:30pm when my head started to nod off from exhaustion, my eyelids getting heavy and closing. We had planned on staying awake until my parents came home, but I had risen earlier than usual that day and was tired, especially from being at the park. I would have fallen asleep if Emmett hadn't been throwing popcorn at my face every two seconds from the armchair he sat in. His aim was flawless and I was too tired to even tell him to stop anymore.

"Go to bed!" he finally said, laughing. "I think every piece of popcorn from the floor has been on your face and back."

I just hummed in response, my eyes almost completely closed.

"Want me to carry you?" he suddenly asked. There was an amused quality to his tone, and I did not like the sound of that. It was usually present when he was planning on doing something mischievous.

"Whatever you're thinking, don't - " Before I could finish he roared and my eyes flew open as he charged at me, lifting me up and throwing me over his shoulder.

"Emmett!" I cried, wide awake now. "What the hell! Let me down!" I punched at his back, only hurting myself in the process, as he charged towards the stairs, laughing. He ran up the stairs, flew down the hallway, and kicked my bedroom door open. He then proceeded to throw me on my bed, where I bounced off the mattress and nearly hit the floor.

I sat up on my elbows and glared at him while he was bent over, still laughing like a madman.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I snapped.

He was trying to catch his breath as he gasped, "Man, I think you gained more than a little extra pudge."

I got off my bed and pushed at his chest angrily.

"Get out," I demanded. I did not like what he did, as fun as it may have been for him. My brother was funny and all, but sometimes he just went way overboard. I pushed against his chest again, and he backed up towards the open door, doing what I said for once.

"Oh come on, you know that was fun!" he said, grinning. Once he was over the threshold, I slammed the door in his face and locked it.

"Bells, really? Did that really piss you off?" he called through the door. I went to my dresser and pulled out my pajamas, the exhaustion getting back to me.

"I'm sorry!" he said, but I could hear a smile on his face.

"Whatever," I snapped, loud enough for him to hear me. I forgave him. He was just being his annoying, silly self and that's what I loved about my brother. It wasn't fair for me to get mad at him on his first day here. The sleepiness was clearly getting to my head.

"You wanna finish the movie?" he asked, obviously still standing outside.

"No," I called back. "I think I'm gonna go to bed."

"'Kay. I'll be downstairs if you need me. Love ya, sis."

I sighed. Emmett could be annoying as hell, but he could also be really sweet.

"Love you too," I said, and I heard his heavy footsteps thump down the hallway and back downstairs.

I awoke with a start in the middle of the night. I looked around my dark room, disoriented with sleep, and glanced at the large red numbers of the alarm clock. It was almost four-thirty in the morning. I yawned and climbed out of bed, the several Cokes I drank finally catching up with my body.

I stepped into the dark hallway and was heading towards the bathroom when I passed by my parents' bedroom, seeing that their door was slightly ajar. They always closed the door completely at night when they went to bed, so I found it odd. Normally I would have ignored such a thing but I felt the sudden urge to peek in.

I held the doorknob and pushed the door open just a little bit more so I could glance inside.

Their bedroom was dark, illuminated slightly by the streetlights outside.

Their bed was made but they weren't in it.

I pushed the door open completely and stared at the bed, confused. It was four in the morning; wouldn't they be home by now? They promised midnight at the latest. . .

Another thing I noticed was that the drawers of their dresser and the closet doors were also slightly open. I slowly walked over to the closet and glanced inside.

It was empty, the hangers on the rack bare. The gnawing feeling I had had all night at the back of my head was beginning to surface.

I flew over to the dresser and yanked the drawers open all the way. Every single one of them was full of nothing but air. The panic began to settle in as I got on my knees and crawled over to the bed. Underneath it should have been the empty suitcases that were stored there for vacations. But when I peeked under the bed, the only thing I found was dust bunnies.

They couldn't have. . .

Freaking out a bit, I went into the hallway and towards the window at the top of the stairs. It had the same view as the kitchen windows, showing the deck, backyard, and part of the driveway. I could see the shiny red tint of Emmett's sports car, but the tree that grew in our driveway obstructed my view from seeing if my parents' beat-up old car was behind it. I went to the guest bedroom, which used to be Emmett's old room and where he stayed when he came over, and saw that he wasn't in his bed either.

Fully beginning to panic now, I stumbled down the stairs and back into the living room.

The place was a mess. Popcorn was still all over the floor and couch, eight Coke cans sat on the coffee table, and bags of chips, cookies, and candy were also lying here and there. The TV screen was on, but blue, and the lights were dimmed from when we had started the movies. The kitchen light, as well as the dining room light, was off.

The biggest relief to me was seeing Emmett's massive form lying on the couch and snoring. His feet hung off the end and his arm dangled off to the side. He clearly didn't fit but he was sleeping like a baby. He had an afghan thrown over himself, but it only covered his torso and thighs. He had obviously been too lazy to drag himself upstairs.

I headed into the kitchen and towards the back door, the dread in me getting stronger. If Renee and Charlie had come home, they would surely have made Emmett go to bed and not sleep on the couch. What was the delay?

I opened up the back door and a gust of freezing cold wind blew in. I shivered and felt myself get goose bumps, but stepped outside still barefoot. It was drizzling lightly and the patio lights, which were motion sensitive, turned on as I leaned over the banister and peeked down the driveway.

Other than Emmett's car, it was completely empty.

I ran back inside, not bothering to close the door, and went back to the living room.

I grabbed Emmett's foot and shook it, trying to wake him.

"Emmett!" I hissed. "Wake up!" He stirred but kept on snoring. "Emmett!" I grabbed his massive leg and tugged, hard. He woke with a start and lifted his head to see me at the foot of the couch. Jumping, he pulled the afghan up to his neck, looking scared.

"Shit! Jeez, Bella, what are you doing? You scared the shit out of me." His voice was thick with sleep. He took in my expression, which must have looked terrified, and his brows furrowed with concern.

"What is it?" he asked, sitting up. "What's wrong?"

"Mom and Dad didn't come home." My voice was shaky. Emmett stared at me before he shook his head, trying to understand something.

"They said they'd be home by midnight," he said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"It's almost five in the morning," I clarified. "Their closet and their drawers are empty, their bed is made, and their suitcases are gone." I spoke quickly, the words jumbling together because of my fear. Emmett blinked at me before standing up quickly and pulling his phone out of his pocket.

"I'll call Dad, you call Mom," he ordered. I wildly looked around for my phone, spotting it on the coffee table and grabbing it. I found my mom's number in my contacts and hit send.

"The number you are trying to reach is unavailable. Please try ag-" I groaned and pressed the end button, then the send button again.

"The number you are trying to reach is-" I slammed my thumb into the end button again and repeated the whole process at least five times. My heart was beating fast, and my breathing was on the verge of turning into hyperventilation.

Emmett cussed, his back to me, and violently pressed some buttons on his phone as well.

"No luck?" I asked, my voice cracking. Emmett shook his head and glanced at me briefly, but not briefly enough for me to miss the panic and fear in his eyes.

"I don't get it," he mumbled, pacing back and forth. "How is the number unavailable? There's perfect reception here and it should take me to voicemail even if the battery died or some shit. Nothing with Mom, either?"

I shook my head no, my eyes beginning to water. I was absolutely terrified. What would make them just pack up and leave? Did they hate us that much? Sure, this wasn't the life they wanted, but did they really dislike it so much that they would abandon everything? Abandon years of memories, and all the friends they had in this town?

Abandon me?

Did they really have it that bad? We hadn't had a perfect relationship but I still loved them to pieces. As distant as they were emotionally, they were still there for me when I needed them.

I could have sworn they loved me.

Tears spilled over and a sob escaped me.

"Hey," Emmett said softly, walking over to me and pulling me into his arms. "Don't cry. It's going to be okay, they'll come home."

He hugged me tight and I felt safe where I was but I wasn't concerned about my safety at the moment. I tried to choke back my sobs but it wasn't working and before I knew it, I started to cry into his chest as he stroked my hair. The sense of abandonment was overwhelming me, my mind unable to understand anything.

"Shhh," Emmett soothed. "There's nothing to cry about, kiddo. Maybe they didn't want to tell us they were going on vacation to avoid us getting jealous or something." His assumption sounded silly to me. I could tell he was just making up some bullshit theories to try and make me feel better.

"Maybe they're staying in a motel or something for a while," he continued."Must have been a hot date." He was trying to be reassuring but there was a panicky edge to his voice that made me sure he was trying to comfort himself as much as he was me.

"It's going to be okay," he said again.

I wanted to believe him. How desperately I wanted to believe every word he told me.

I must have scared him with my hysterical sobs, but I just couldn't hold them back. That gnawing feeling was making itself known in the form of tears, and I had to let it out.

Because as much as I would hate to say it out loud and as much as I wished I could deny the possibility, I knew.

I knew they weren't going to come home, not tonight, maybe not ever.

I was right.


	2. Show Me What I'm Looking For

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 2- Show Me What I'm Looking For**

_Save me, I'm lost  
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you  
I'll pay any cost  
Save me from being confused  
Show me what I'm looking for  
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord_

_Don't let go  
I've wanted this far too long  
Mistakes become regrets  
I've learned to love abuse  
Please show me what I'm looking for_

**Show Me What I'm Looking For- Caroline Liar**

**

* * *

**

_September 2008_

Two years. It had been a little over two years since my parents packed up and left. Two years since they left us broken. The feeling that those that raised you didn't love you and felt their lives would be better somewhere you weren't, was the worst feeling I had ever felt. It was like a vital chunk of my heart had slipped away, making it harder for me to function.

I was only fourteen. A fourteen year old girl needs her parents, her mother more than anyone else. It's one thing to have a parent taken away from you because of life's many tragedies, but to have her just walk away?

That was a different kind of torture.

Renee and Charlie clearly made no effort to contact us; no phone calls, emails, or letters were sent our way. They wanted to cut us off completely.

For a while, it was painful to go anywhere since everywhere we went was a reminder of our loss. The townsfolk were very helpful in the beginning, always stopping by to ask if we needed anything and offering their sympathies. They were just as baffled as we were over why my parents would just bolt.

As for how Emmett and I were faring two years later? That was debatable.

Some would say we were doing exceptionally well. Others, especially those that knew us best, would say we were doing okay. Emmett would say we were both doing fine but I would say I was doing better than him in so many ways.

The first few months were awful. There was a lot of crying on my part, especially at night when I was in bed and allowed myself to think too much. Emmett was in just as much pain as I was though he tried not to show it. But I could tell. He may not have been making it obvious but when you share the same pain as another person, you can tell they're grieving with you. I saw it in his eyes, in the way he would space out, and in the things he said which always seemed to have double meanings.

We were downright depressed for the longest time. Emmett dropped out of SPU and transferred to a nearby community college to be closer to home. After "graduating" (aka just getting the degree in PE) he became a gym trainer here in Forks, sometimes taking personal trainer jobs. Occasionally he would be called into Seattle to train someone.

I had started high school the same year they left, and that didn't help me one bit. My grades were extremely low the first semester but Emmett kept pushing me to not be so mopey and do the right thing.

But I could call him a hypocrite. Because Emmett had become the mopiest person I had ever come across.

Obviously the whole situation changed us both. We both matured exceptionally, but Emmett downright _aged_. In the beginning he was 20-going-on-13 but now he was 23-going-on-80.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that I had to move on. I couldn't be a dead robot all the time; that wouldn't be what my parents wanted. They would surely want us to move on with our lives and accept the situation. I didn't think I could accept it, but I could certainly try to move on. Emmett wouldn't try doing either.

I was concerned about him. He had changed in ways I didn't think the most tragic thing could change him. He had become permanently somber, never laughing or smiling. If he did smile, it was either sad or forced for my sake. I hadn't heard him laugh since that night two years ago when he threw me on my bed.

There was no light in his eyes. We never chatted aimlessly anymore, we just said what we needed to each other and that was it. Occasionally he would ask me if I was okay for no reason and I would say yes.

He also became extremely overprotective, making sure he was available to drop me off and pick me up from school. If I was out somewhere and didn't answer his calls, he would come looking for me, completely panicked. When I told him I was going out, he would ask me who with, where to, how, what time I'd be back and how I'd come back. The first year or so it was understandable. But now, after two years, it was getting to be too much.

I knew he was scared. I knew he was terrified that he would lose me, too. And I was definitely afraid of the same thing. I couldn't lose Emmett. He was all I had left. Even if he was a little late from work, I'd panic and call him.

The fear was a two-way street.

Emmett had also become very stoic. His face was always the same blank mask, never moving. His eyes were constantly dull, and it killed me. I hated to see him like that. I missed the old Emmett, the one that would call me klutzilla and laugh at the smallest things. The one that would give me bear hugs just because he felt like it and ruffle my hair even though he knew I hated that. It was true that Emmett hadn't hugged me in a while, and I missed that most of all.

I wanted to find a way to bring the old Emmett back, because I knew he was in there somewhere. Somewhere in that gigantic form that was my brother, was lurking the silly and playful Emmett, begging to come out. I was determined to bring him back.

It was three days before school began. I would be starting my junior year of high school very soon and I was determined to bring Emmett out of his shell and live life again. I sat in the living room putting some new school supplies into my schoolbag as Emmett was in the kitchen getting ready to make burritos for dinner.

I could hear him banging around in there, like he was looking for something. Not being able to find something always pissed him off, amongst many other things. Emmett had lost his personality, but he had gained a temper. This week in particular he had been especially temperamental and would yell at me for no reason.

"Bella!" he called, frustrated. "Where's the cheese grater?"

"I don't know," I called back. "Check the utensils drawer."

"That's what I just did!" he replied irritably. "If it was fucking in there, I would have found it by now!"

"Well, I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" He was pretty much yelling now and it was getting on my nerves. "Didn't you use it last week to make lasagna?"

"No, I used the pre-shredded cheese from the grocery store." There was a pause before I heard a bang, like he had kicked something,

"Damn it, Bella, you didn't think to tell me that before I started banging around in here like an idiot?" I heard the fridge door bang against the wall as he threw it open. "Shit, you'd think you'd be a bit more considerate!"

That was it. It was getting to be too much. He had been blaming me for the smallest things, especially if he couldn't find something. I was tired of him taking out his anger on me.

I got up from the couch and stomped into the kitchen where he was rummaging through the fridge looking for the pack of shredded cheese.

"There isn't any left," I suddenly remembered. I had used it all last week for the lasagna since we both liked it extra cheesy.

Emmett's back straightened and he turned to glare at me.

"What?" he said, narrowing his eyes. "You tell me that _now_?"

I glared right back at him. "Of course I'm telling you now that you're looking for it, when did you want me to tell you? Tomorrow?" The sarcasm in my voice was sharp. I was beginning to lose it with him.

"What the hell is your problem?" he demanded, slamming the fridge shut.

"No, what the hell is your problem? Why do you blame me for everything that goes wrong? You think I purposefully hid the freakin' cheese grater or something?"

"Well it's your fault you can't remember where the hell you put it!" he shot back. "And I don't blame you for everything!"

"How is what I do or do not remember my fault? I don't even remember the last time I used the thing! And yes, you do blame me for everything!"

"I do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too!"

He just stood there and stared at me, the anger in his expression melting away and being replaced by the blank mask again. His face was cold, and I didn't like it one bit.

"Look at us," I said quietly. "Arguing over a cheese grater." I smiled, trying to relieve some tension but he still just stared at me with the face of an emotionless statue.

"It wouldn't kill you to smile every once in a while," I added bitingly. I had never actually brought up his lack of emotion.

Emmett's brows furrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked coldly.

"Being a stoic statue isn't going to bring them back, Emmett," I said softly.

I braced myself, knowing that would set him off. We never, _ever_ talked about our parents and just springing them on him like that was cruel of me. But he had to know that he just wasn't normal. It had been too long for him to be like that. If I, the most obviously emotional person in the universe, could move on then he, the strongest person I knew, could move on too.

Emmet's eyes flashed with anger. "What do they have to do with this?" he asked icily.

"They have everything to do with this! They're the reason you're like this!"

"Like what?"

"Like this… this…this emotionless, boring, stoic robot!"

The minute I saw the look of hurt cross his face, I regretted saying that. But after a few seconds his face settled into being blank again.

The silence was tense before he said, "What makes you think this is because of them?" His voice was low and instead of looking at me he stared at a point above my shoulder.

"I know," I said. "You've been like this ever since it happened. At first, I know I was the same way and it was understandable. But now I know that they wouldn't want it to be this way. Emmett, it's been too long."

"So that's it? You've stopped hoping they'll come back?"

"I haven't stopped _hoping_, Emmett. I've stopped _waiting_. You should, too."

He shut his eyes and sighed. "What would you like me to do, Bella?" he asked, opening his eyes. "You want me to hop around and be all chipper all the time for no reason, like your friend Alice? You want me to sing Hannah Montana songs at the top of my voice and dance around the house every morning?"

It was my turn to sigh. "No. That would be really amusing to see, but no, that's not what I want."

"Then what would you like me to do for you, Bells?" He sounded tired, aged. "Everything I do, I do for you. I pay for the house, pay the bills, make sure there's food on the table, and give you money when you need it. . . Hell, sometimes I even give you my credit card. All of that is for you. What else do you want from me?"

Suddenly I felt awful. He was right, he did do everything for me, and here I was calling him a stoic robot and all sorts of things. I never even thanked him once. What kind of a selfish bitch was I?

"Thank you," I said quietly. He stared at me with a confused expression. "For everything." The guilt was overwhelming me. Emmett shrugged halfheartedly.

"You don't have to thank me," he muttered. "It's my job."

"I just miss you," I said softly. My eyes stung from oncoming tears and I blinked, trying to hold them back.

Emmett's cold expression visibly softened. "Bells, I'm right here," he whispered. He took a step forward but stopped, like he didn't know what to do next.

"No, you're not," I retorted tearfully. "You're physically here, yes. But personality-wise . . . where'd you go?" My voice broke.

Emmett looked sad, and I didn't want him to be but he needed to know how I felt. His blank mask was gone completely now.

"I'm sorry," he said, barely audibly. "I didn't think. . . " He trailed off and then stared at the ground with his brows furrowed like he was concentrating on something. Then his head snapped up to look at me again and his face showed a hint of the old Emmett. His eyes had more emotion; they weren't the dull pits I had grown to know.

"I hope you know I didn't plan on being this way," he said. "It's just. . . I had to grow up, Bells. I couldn't be that carefree college kid anymore. I had to mature and be an adult, for you. That's what I felt mom and dad would want. Do you understand?"

He had a point. And I completely understood it. I felt even worse about calling him out.

I nodded and looked down, feeling ashamed.

Then he did something he hadn't done in a while.

He walked over to me and gave me a hug.

I was so surprised that it took me a few seconds to actually hug him back. He squeezed me tight and I didn't realize how much I needed this from him until I sensed a feeling of restoration.

It was like a missing part of me had been restored, like I was in the process of being healed.

* * *

I slammed my hand against the alarm clock when it went off on the first day of junior year. With a groan, I rolled onto my back and tried to open my eyes. I really didn't want to go back to school and my bed was way too warm for me to even consider getting out of it. Just when I was seriously thinking about sleeping some more and possibly missing first period, there was a loud knock on my door.

"Wakey, wakey, sunshine!" came Emmett's voice.

I groaned again and hid under my blanket. Emmett had gone almost completely back to normal after the little scene in the kitchen. He still had his serious, mature moments but his boisterous moments were more frequent. Usually I didn't mind them but one thing I did not enjoy was being woken up by him.

He kicked my door open with a bang and sauntered over to me, yanking the blanket off my face. I blinked at the sudden light.

"Well, I am appalled!" he said with mock horror. "The first day of junior year, one of the most important years of high school might I add, and you're still in bed? I will not stand for this, missy." He shook a finger in my face and I scowled at him, pulling the blanket over my face again.

"Go away," I mumbled.

We played tug-of-war with my blanket but I gave up pretty soon. My frail arms were no match for his massive ones and he pulled the blanket clean off of me. The cold hit me and I sat up, disoriented.

"I'm up, I'm up," I muttered, not willing to see what he would do next to get me out of bed.

"Whoa," he said, staring at me with wide eyes. "You look like the chick from The Exorcist."

I threw a pillow at him and he dodged it. It hit my dressing table and knocked over a few things as he laughed.

"I'm just kidding. You really do not look all that great in the morning, though." He still had my blanket in his hands and he made it into a big ball before tossing it at me.

"Here," he said. "Come down and have breakfast so I can drive you. I don't want you to walk into class late on the first day and look like an idiot." With that, he walked out of my room and shut the door behind him.

I sighed before getting off the bed and stretching. Emmett had really been taking the legal guardian role seriously after my parents left. He really took care of me like my parents never had, so I was taken aback by it all. My parents had allowed me to be independent, starting at a very young age. Emmett, on the other hand, doted on my every need. He didn't spoil me, but he did what he could to show me that he cared and that he'd always be there. It was nice.

I brushed my teeth and dressed in something simple. The sun chose this day to show itself completely, which was totally unfair since no one would be able to enjoy it because of school. Because of that, it was warmer out than usual for September so I settled for a long-sleeved green shirt and jeans.

I never really had a sense of style, much to the dismay of my best friend Alice. I usually wore what was comfortable, but I didn't pull on any old thing either. As long as it wasn't too tight, too big, or dirty, I'd wear it. I pulled on my favorite pair of Converse (I had them in almost every color) and headed downstairs.

Breakfast was usually a simple affair, consisting mostly of cereal, Pop-Tarts, or Toaster Strudel. On weekends we usually made pancakes from the boxed pancake mix. I was a better cook than Emmett but during the school year we usually ordered a lot of take-out or pizza. It was just faster that way. We took turns cooking almost every day of the summer, but now that school started I would probably have less time to do that.

Emmett sat in the living room with a bowl of cereal and I headed into the kitchen to make myself a bowl, too.

After we were done eating, I washed the bowls in the sink as Emmett waited in the car. I yawned, still tired, and dried the last bowl. We had a dishwasher but I was always paranoid that it wasn't cleaning the dishes properly, so I just did them by hand.

As I placed the bowl into the dish rack, Emmett honked the horn impatiently. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my backpack before heading outside.

Emmett no longer had his shiny red sports car. He had settled for a cheaper car that was easier to pay for soon after my parents left. Emmett sold his precious car to get some money.

I exited out the kitchen door and into the driveway as Emmett honked again.

"Hold your horses," I said with a yawn. "I'm here!"

As I walked across the front of the car, dragging my feet because I was so tired, he slammed his hand into the horn again. It blasted loudly, scaring the hell out of me since I was so close to the car, and I jumped nearly a foot in the air. Emmett laughed and I glared at him as I sat in the passenger seat.

"Not funny," I growled. I really was not a morning person.

"Seriously kid, you need to wake up," he said as he pulled out of the driveway. "You look like the walking dead."

"Thanks," I mumbled. "So I went from being the chick from The Exorcist to the walking dead, huh? I guess that's an improvement."

"It is," he grinned at me. He reached for the stereo under the GPS and turned on some music really loud, clearly trying to wake me up some more.

The whole way to school he sang along to the songs loudly and I couldn't help but nod my head with him. He had really good taste in rock music and I was starting to like it a lot myself.

Suddenly he lowered the music and asked, "Hey what did you dream about last night?"

I looked at him, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

Emmett looked kind of uncomfortable for a second, almost guilty.

"I worry about you, kiddo," he said. "Every night I kinda check up on you to see if . . . you're doing okay." It sounded like he meant to say "if you're still there" but I didn't bring that up.

"And. . . ?" I pressed.

"And right before I left you said something in your sleep about 'boyfriend'."

My eyes widened as I recalled last night's dream. It was one of those dreams that are foggy, and you are vaguely aware of what's going on but not really who you're with. Last night I dreamt I was on a beach, hand in hand with someone. We were talking about our relationship and how we would be together forever. It was quite lovey-dovey and I assumed it was the effect of the romance novel I read before bed. I had no idea who the guy in the dream was, just that I loved him. And I knew I talked in my sleep, I always had, but it made me blush that my brother had heard me mumble something about this particular dream.

"I . . . don't remember," I lied. I was uncomfortable talking to Emmett about something like that.

"Cause I gotta admit," he said. "It kinda freaked me out a little. I mean, 'boyfriend'? What's that about?" He eyed me curiously from the corner of his eyes but I quickly turned from him and looked out the window.

It was true that my summer had consisted mostly of reading when I wasn't waiting tables at the local diner. I was still a romance fan; I couldn't help it. Apparently it wasn't just getting into my daydreams; my fantasies had leaked into my dreams at night as well.

"You don't have like a secret boyfriend or something, do you?" Emmett pressed on.

"No, Emmett," I replied. I kept my eyes on the trees flying past my window. "If I had one, you would know. It's not like I socialized much during the summer." Emmett hummed in response but kept glancing at me suspiciously from the corner of his eyes.

"Would you keep your eyes on the road?" I said, annoyed.

"But you're so much more interesting!" he joked, and he turned his head fully to look at me while he was still driving.

I stared at him incredulously. "Are you insane?" I cried. "Look at the road!" He glanced at it briefly before grinning at me again.

Of course, it was empty.

At first.

Everything happened so fast. Emmett had only been grinning at me for about two seconds before **he** came out of nowhere. There was no one on the street and Emmett was still trying to scare the hell out of me by not focusing on where he was going, when someone on a skateboard came right through the middle of the road, in front of our car.

"Look out!" I yelled, and Emmett's head snapped back to the road as he slammed on the brakes.

The guy on the skateboard lost his balance and toppled off, suddenly hidden from our view by the front of our car.

Emmett and I stared in front of us, silent and in shock, trying to absorb what just happened. We hadn't hit him, but was the guy on the skateboard okay?

Emmett must have been thinking the same thing because he threw the car door open and climbed halfway out, one leg still inside the car. Just then, the guy on the skateboard stood up and brushed dirt off himself. I eyed his body frantically, searching for any visible injuries.

I didn't see any but I noticed how he wore a fitted brown t-shirt and dark blue jeans. His skin was a gorgeous tan and his jet black hair was cropped short. His fitted tee showed off his muscles and boy, did he have muscles. His biceps protruded from the sleeves of his shirt and you could tell he was buff. Not as buff as Emmett, but buff enough. He held up his hands in what looked like surrender.

"I'm okay!" he told Emmett. "No bruises or broken bones. Wait, I think I bruised my ass, but that's okay." His voice was deep and even when he stopped speaking I couldn't look away from his lips. They were full and looked very soft. I felt something strange at the pit of my stomach, some form of desire. I had felt a small version of this before, when I watched movies with actors I found particularly attractive, but this was stronger because it was real. I found this boy to be extremely handsome.

Heck, he was sort of beautiful.

Emmett interrupted my crushy little staring.

"Dude, you sure you're okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, perfectly fine," skateboard boy said. "Seriously though man, you almost ran me over. Gotta watch where you're driving."

Emmett narrowed his eyes. He still had somewhat of a temper and I didn't think we could fix that anytime soon.

"I wasn't the one crossing in the middle of the street like an idiot," he snapped. Skateboard Boy furrowed his brows.

"Well maybe if you were paying attention I wouldn't have almost been killed!"

"Serves you right for not looking left and right like a smart person!"

"Emmett," I warned. "Let it go." I didn't want him getting worked up any more than he already was. He ignored me, of course.

"You're saying I deserve to be killed for trying to get to school on time?" Skateboard Boy retorted.

"I'm saying you're a complete moron for not crossing the damn street at the crosswalk like every other logical being!"

Emmett was starting to raise his voice and people on the street started stopping to watch. He was embarrassing me and I lowered myself in my seat. Not only that, but I was running very late for school.

"Emmett!" I said loudly. "Let it go! I told you to watch where you were going in the first place so you shouldn't be blaming him as it is!" Emmett turned to glare at me and Skateboard Boy looked at me for the first time. I felt a slight thrill go through me when his dark eyes met mine.

"Whose side are you on?" Emmett asked, aggravated.

"I'm not on anyone's side!" I said exasperatedly. "I think both of you were being irresponsible, you for not keeping your eyes on the road and him for crossing in the middle. But I just need to get to school, okay? I'm late!"

Both of them were silent and both were looking at me- Emmett with annoyance but Skateboard Boy with . . . amusement? I met his gaze again and he smiled widely at me.

My jaw dropped slightly when I saw his smile. His teeth were the straightest, whitest teeth I had ever laid my eyes on. His smile made me sheepishly smile back, like it was contagious.

"Hey!" Emmett said angrily. "What the fuck are you grinning at my sister for?" I groaned as Skateboard Boy's smile faltered and his eyes cut back to Emmett.

"Sorry man, I was just-"

"I suggest you get your ass to school or it won't be the only thing that's bruised."

"Emmett!" I hissed. He was being so rude for no reason.

"Jeez, relax!" Skateboard Boy said, dropping his skateboard to the ground. "Just bein' polite . . . take some notes."

"What was that?" Emmett said threateningly, stepping out of the car completely. "If you've got something to say, say it to my face, douche bag."

"Knock it off!" I yelled as Skateboard Boy took a step back.

"Dude, chill!" he said. "I'm leaving, I'm leaving. Sorry I came in your way. Christ." With one last glance at me he hopped on his skateboard and rolled away. I was fuming as Emmett climbed back in the car and the people on the street kept walking.

"I wish I had run him over," Emmett muttered under his breath as he started driving again. I scowled at him and looked out the window.

Why did he have to freak out on every guy that so much as _looked_ at me? It wasn't like I got that often, anyway. Was Skateboard Boy showing interest or was I just desperate to think so? Either way, Emmett had overreacted. I understood that he was playing the role of Protective Older Brother, but did he really have to spazz out on people for being friendly? It was unbelievably frustrating. Did he plan on ever letting me have a life? He really needed to loosen up before I snapped.

As for Skateboard Boy, I had to wonder, would I ever see him again? Perhaps he was new in town. Since he said he was going to school, could he have meant Forks High? That was where I was headed and I felt a slight anxiety at the possibility of seeing him again. I suddenly wished I had worn something else, something not so boring.

The rest of the ride to school was quiet for the most part. I was still a little pissed off and Emmett kept mumbling things under his breath. I caught words like "moron", "ass" and "idiot" a lot. I hoped he would really let it go soon.

Emmett pulled up in front of the school and I opened my door the second the car stalled.

"Have a nice day, don't talk to strangers," Emmett said to me like I was five.

I ignored him and got out of the car, making damn sure to slam the door. He hated when I did that since this car, which he loved almost as much as the red one he had to sell, was precious to him. He would give me hell for that later but I would take it.

I stomped towards the school as the first bell rang, trying to walk as fast as I could. Once inside, I shuffled to my locker, which had been the same since freshman year, and threw in some notebooks from my bag.

"Holy Oscar De La Renta, did you have to dress so blasé today?" My best friend Alice's voice chirped from behind me and I turned to see all five-feet-one of her looking at me disapprovingly. She was dressed very fashionably (as usual), and her short black hair stood in every direction; it was wild but very artistic.

"Alice!" I said, pulling her into a hug. "It's so good to see you! How was Paris?" She hugged me back, laughing, before she pulled away and opened her locker which was next to mine.

"It's good to see you too! Paris was the same as it is every year. Though I must say, the boutiques have improved greatly in their selection. In fact, I got you something! It's at home though; it was too big for me to bring to school."

"You didn't have to buy me anything!" I said, frowning and shutting my locker. I hated getting gifts for no reason; it made me feel like a jerk for not thinking about others spontaneously when on shopping trips like they all seemed to do.

"I know," Alice said, putting her own books away. "But I saw something at _Belle Fille_ that I thought would be perfect for you. You'll love it, I have a feeling." Alice had a "feeling" about everything and I hoped she was right. Usually, she was.

As we walked to our first period math class, which we thankfully had together, Alice linked her arm in mine and said, "So you wanna hear some first-day-of-school gossip?"

I groaned. Alice loved to gossip and even though it was never anything mean about anyone and just about who was in a relationship with whom and who broke up with whom, I didn't enjoy it at all. A part of me felt envious that I wasn't in a relationship with anyone, unlike every other teen in this place, so hearing about the relationships of people I knew but barely spoke to was a bit annoying.

"Sure, Alice," I sighed. I knew Alice was gonna say what she wanted to say regardless of whether or not I wanted her to.

"Well," she began as we entered the classroom. "There's a new kid in town." My heart skipped a beat when she said that, my mind automatically going to Skateboard Boy. We plopped into two seats towards the back and Alice kept talking.

"His name is Jacob Black and he moved here two weeks ago from Michigan. He's super tall, naturally tanned, and ohmygod Bella, he is _buff_. He's like a body builder in the making which, if you ask me, is kinda gross. I'm not into the whole I-bet-I-can-make-my-chest-a-thousand-times-bigger-than-my-head thing. It's freaky. I wouldn't be going out with Jasper if he was that huge. I mean, I'm tiny as it is, thank you very much. So Jacob lives with his mom, a waitress someplace in Seattle, and her boyfriend who's the manager of Thriftway. I think I've seen him there before, his name is Harry or something, and he's kinda cranky and always getting snappy at the cashiers and stuff. No fun at all. Anyway, Jacob's favorite color is blue - I know, typical boy answer - and he got a job working part time at Joe's Pizza. The girls are totally swooning over him so I bet they're all gonna order pizza like every night. Crazy girls. Oh, and he loves skateboarding. You barely see him without it."

My heart skipped a beat when she said the last part. "You know all that already?" She nodded her head enthusiastically, a big smile on her face. All I could say was "wow".

Alice then began to complain some more about my outfit, but thankfully I was saved by the late bell and the teacher, Mr. Varner, walking in and telling us to hush.

Right after math I sauntered over to my Spanish class where I met my old friends Mike and Jessica. We all used to be really close but then those two started dating and I kept my distance. Now I hung out mostly with Alice, her boyfriend Jasper (who was a complete sweetheart), Eric, and Angela. Eric and Angela were a couple too but nowhere as obvious about their love for one another like Mike and Jessica. Those two could get PG-13 in public and it was not a pretty sight.

I took a seat on Jessica's left in class and we chatted about her summer. Well, she chatted about her summer. Actually, she told me about her summer while I listened. I hoped I looked like I was interested in what she was talking about. Honestly, my mind was on Jacob Black. I was pretty sure he was the same guy Emmett almost ran over. I felt a nervous sort of excitement when I thought about the possibility of running in to him.

Ten minutes into class, while Sra. Mendoza was speaking, the classroom door flew open and the person I had momentarily forgotten about walked in.

It was Skateboard Boy.

"Sorry I'm late," he said. He was panting, like he ran to class. "I got caught up." He walked over to the teacher and handed her a piece of paper. My heart was beating fast and I swallowed as my stomach got butterflies.

"Jacob Black.", she said, reading the paper briefly before setting it on her desk. "Welcome. _Cuanto espaňol sabes__?"_

Jacob stared at her blankly like she was speaking gibberish. From the look on his face, that was probably what it sounded like to him.

"Huh?" he said, confused. A couple kids in the class snickered and Sra. Mendoza smiled.

"Never mind," she said. "That answers my question. Have a seat, _por favor_. And please, try not to be late next time."

Jacob nodded and turned to a seat in the very first row, which was one of the only seats available. He glanced around the class quickly before he sat down, and my heart stopped when his eyes met mine for the third time that day. He paused, looking slightly surprised to see me, before he smirked and sat down.

I couldn't keep my eyes off of Jacob the entire class. I was completely distracted by the back of his head, and Jessica noticed. She kept smirking at me as she glanced between me and him and would occasionally whisper something to Mike, who sat on her right. At one point, Sra. Mendoza asked me something in Spanish but I was too busy staring at the muscles of Jacob's back to notice. It wasn't until he turned to look at me expectantly, like several other kids that I noticed she was speaking to me. Blushing, I told her in very bad Spanish that I didn't hear her question. Jacob smiled at me before turning around again.

After the bell rang, I kept my head down as I gathered my books. I wanted to get out of there before him, or way after him. An hour ago I wanted to see him and now that I had, I felt like an idiot and wanted to avoid him completely. I had to admit, though, when he smiled at me it made me feel all tingly inside. I mumbled my goodbye to Jessica and Mike and glanced up to see Jacob walk out of class. I let out a sigh of relief and was heading out when Sra. Mendoza stopped me to reprimand me about not paying attention. I just apologized and nodded but hurried out, not wanting to be late for my next class.

I froze when I exited the classroom and saw him leaning against the wall to my left. He pushed himself off when he saw me and walked over to where I was standing, staring at him. He smiled and stuck out his large hand.

"Hey," he said. "I'm Jacob. You know, the guy that your brother almost ran over this morning." I blushed and took his hand, shaking it once. His grip was firm and his hand was incredibly warm.

"I'm. . . Bella," I said, letting go of his hand.

"Bella," he repeated. "That's pretty."

"Thanks," I mumbled. I didn't know what else to say and the silence was awkward before he continued talking.

"So where's you locker?" He asked, adjusting the strap of his backpack over his right shoulder before shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Over there," I nodded over his shoulder and walked forward, my arm brushing against his as I passed him. It gave me goose bumps for some reason and I felt flushed when I could feel him walking behind me to my locker. Why did he want to see my locker anyway?

"This place is so wet," he said as we walked. I was walking fast but his long legs could keep up. "I mean, Michigan is mostly snow but I'd take the snow over the rain any day." I hummed in response as we reached my locker.

Alice was already at hers and I was glad that she was so that maybe she could alleviate some tension and awkwardness. I was no good at speaking to guys I liked . . . if 'liked' was the right word for what I was feeling.

"Oh!" Alice said as she spotted us. "You've met Jacob."

"Yeah," I said, opening my locker.

"How do you know who I am?" Jacob asked her, sounding creeped out.

"Alice knows everything," I said, smiling. Having her here made me more comfortable.

"Hey look at that!" Jacob said, looking at me with mock awe. "I got you to say more than two words!" I couldn't help but chuckle. Me saying more than two words to him had more to do with Alice than with him, but I didn't say that.

"I'm Alice," Alice said, sticking out her tiny hand. "Alice Brandon. I've heard all about you, Jacob Black." A look of annoyance briefly flashed across Jacob's face as he took her hand and shook it.

"Oh," he said. "Great." He looked like he wished she would just leave.

"So you had class with Bella?" Alice asked. I shut my locker and turned to glance between the two of them. Alice looked absolutely miniscule standing in front of Jacob. She had to turn her head up almost completely to look at him.

"Yup," Jacob said. "Spanish. She's better at it than I am, though." He smiled at me fondly.

"How do you know that?" Alice asked curiously and Jacob looked even more annoyed.

"Uh, because I heard her speak it," he replied. He said it like Alice was stupid and like it was the most obvious answer in the world. It bothered me that he would talk to my best friend that way.

"Alice likes to ask questions," I said. "Don't mind it." Jacob nodded and looked uncomfortable for a second.

"Yeah," he said, rocking back on his heels. "Uh . . . guess I'll see you around, Bella." With that, he turned and walked away.

I didn't know what he had against Alice, but he clearly didn't favor her. I didn't like seeing him walk away. As much as I wanted to avoid awkwardness, I still wanted him nearby. I didn't understand what exactly I was feeling and why. I kept showing myself the things I liked about him in my head, and tried to defend the little things I didn't like. His attitude towards Alice was something I tried to brush off, and I focused more on the positive things, though they were limited since I barely knew him. He had dominated my thoughts since the almost-incident that morning and I couldn't stop thinking about the way he looked at me. He showed interest, and that was something I rarely got.

Alice was watching Jacob walk away, a look of speculation on her face, like she was thinking hard about something.

"Why doesn't he seem to like you?" I asked her.

"I don't know. . ." she said slowly. Her eyes looked slightly glazed over; she was spacing out a little. She did this a lot when she was trying to make a decision about something. She would space out for a minute before she came back to reality. Whenever she did, she would come to a conclusion about something.

I waved my hand in front of her face to get her attention. "Alice. Yoo-hoo." She snapped out of it to look at me like she was noticing me for the first time.

"I don't think I like him," she said matter-of-factly. She was staring at me with that look of concentration still on her face.

"You barely know him," I said. "You two didn't even have a conversation."

"Neither did you." She looked at me silently before suddenly adding, "What do you think of him?" I stared back at her, surprised by her sudden question.

What did I think of him?

I didn't know what to think. On one hand, I was definitely attracted to him. On the other hand, I was torn about whether or not I wanted him around. I mean, I had just met the guy. I didn't know enough about him to actually like him personality-wise. It was just too early to tell.

"I just met him," I told her. "I don't know what to think. Maybe I'll form an opinion over time. . . I mean I thought he was cute when Emmett almost ran him over this morning but I-"

"What?" she said, laughing. "Emmett almost ran him over? So you saw him before I did! Why didn't you say anything?"

"I guess it didn't cross my mind. Emmett was being an idiot and not paying attention to the road, and Jacob was crossing through the middle of the street and Emmett didn't see him and almost hit him." I had been in a daze since Jacob walked into class.

"That didn't cross your mind?" she repeated incredulously. "Really, Bella, what is wrong with you?"

I honestly did not know. My feelings were tangled into a confused web. I barely knew Jacob, but I wanted to like him badly. I wanted to know everything about him and I wanted him close by, even though it felt strange when he was. I looked for signs that he wasn't a good person, but I didn't find any. Other than his slight annoyance towards Alice, I didn't see anything I didn't like. I couldn't find a word for my emotions other than 'confused'.

The thing I liked most of all, was that he seemed to like me. That was a first.

I didn't have another class with Jacob at all. I saw him every now and then in the hallway, talking to a few people. He seemed to be making friends pretty quick and was gaining popularity in one day. He would always smile at me when he caught me looking but didn't make an attempt to come talk to me again.

At lunch I sat with Alice, Jasper, Eric, Angela, Mike, and Jessica. Jacob, however, was seen sitting across the room with a bunch of kids from the football team. I couldn't help glancing at him every minute and I noticed how animated he was when he spoke, always using his hands to gesture. Every now and then he would glance my way and at one point he even winked.

"I have a feeling about Jacob Black," Alice suddenly said. Ever since our chat in the hallway she'd been spacing out more often than usual.

"And what's your feeling?" Jasper asked. Jasper was the sweetest guy I had ever met, always calm and collected. He was a true gentleman and you could tell he was deeply in love with Alice just by the way he looked at her. Their love wasn't just some hormonal teenage thing, it was more than that.

"I can't be sure," Alice said, staring at Jacob. "All I know is, it isn't positive."

I furrowed my brows. "So you're saying that you have a bad feeling about him?" I asked. She nodded, still staring at Jacob.

"But you barely know him," I said. I didn't know why I felt so defensive. I wanted Alice to like him even though I was confused about my own feelings.

"I know I'm not justified," Alice said, finally looking away from him. "But something is just not right about that boy."

I hoped she was wrong.

But then again, Alice almost never was.

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**A/N:** Edward will make an appearance in the next chapter. Get excited. ;)


	3. Can't Take My Eyes Off You

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight.

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**Chapter 3- Can't Take My Eyes Off You**

_Pardon the way that I stare.  
There's nothing else to compare.  
The sight of you leaves me weak.  
There are no words left to speak,  
But if you feel like I feel,  
Please let me know that it's real.  
You're just too good to be true.  
Can't take my eyes off you._

**Can't Take My Eyes Off You- Frankie Valli**

**

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**

When I left school that day, I walked with Alice and Jasper to Alice's bright yellow car. Emmett usually picked me up since he conveniently worked the same hours I was in school, but he had texted me earlier, letting me know that he had a personal training job in Seattle so I was to hitch a ride with Alice.

Alice's car was a modest little thing, small, but able to squeeze in four people. As we approached it and Alice chatted to Jasper about how she had a feeling we were going to have a pop quiz in biology sometime that week, I heard the sound of something rolling on concrete.

Turning, I saw Jacob rolling towards me on his skateboard, grinning.

"Bella!" he called, waving. He stopped abruptly in front of me, the skateboard sticking up under his right foot. The smile on his face was almost as bright as Alice's car.

"Hey," I said, in a daze. He glanced over my shoulder at Jasper and Alice, who were eyeing us warily.

"So I was wondering. . . " Jacob began, but Alice cut him off.

"She's getting a ride with me," she stated cheerily.

Jacob narrowed his eyes at her. "How in the hell did you know I was going to ask that?" He was clearly aggravated.

Alice shrugged, a small smile on her lips. "I just do," she replied. Jacob shot her a look of annoyance before he looked at me again.

"Anyway, like your freaky little friend just said-"

"Hey watch it, buddy," Jasper cut him off, clearly not liking what he called his girlfriend. Jacob eyed Jasper, who was a little taller than him, and noticed how his hand was linked in Alice's.

"Whoops," he said. "Didn't mean to offend the boyfriend." Alice pulled Jasper, who was still glaring at Jacob, towards the car.

"We'll be inside, Bella," she told me. I bit my lip and turned back to Jacob who was watching me curiously. I was anxious about what he wanted to say.

"Christ, it's like I can't get a word in edgewise today," he chuckled, and I smiled at him. He was adorable when he smiled or laughed, reminding me in a non-patronizing way of a puppy.

"So, like I was saying," he continued. "I actually was going to ask you how you were getting home. I thought your brother would be here, but obviously he isn't so . . . want me to walk you home?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded. Everything was going so fast with him. I met him just today and already he wanted to walk me home? He didn't even know where I lived! He didn't even know me!

However, I couldn't ignore the butterflies in my stomach at the thought of being walked home by him. As much as I was flattered that he would ask me and as much as just thinking about it pulled at my heart strings, it didn't feel right.

"Of course," he kept going. "You can show me the way. I just wanna get to know you. I mean I already made a few friends but I still think there's one more friend I need to make." He leaned a little towards me and winked when he said the last part.

My stomach flipped and I giggled.

"Uh . . . it's a long walk," I said. I didn't know if I was trying to discourage him or secretly accepting his offer while letting him know what he was in for. Maybe both. Either way, all I knew was that I wasn't ready for this.

"That's fine," he replied. "We can skateboard there. Can you board?" I shook my head, sighing. I couldn't do anything athletic at all. The thought of Jacob watching me fall off a skateboard made me cringe.

"I can teach you," he added, grinning at me. The grin looked mischievous.

I shook my head and laughed nervously. "No! I'd probably bust my behind a million times."

Jacob laughed. It was a husky sound, yet pleasant, and it made me smile.

"Yeah that would make the two of us," he said. I felt myself growing more comfortable around him. "So what do you say?"

"I don't think so," I answered hesitantly. Jacob's smile faltered and he tried not to look disappointed.

"Oh. That's fine," he said, looking down. I didn't like seeing him bummed out, and felt guilty immediately.

"Maybe some other time," I added quickly, and the genuine smile was plastered on his face again.

"Promise?" he asked hopefully, and I nodded. "Cool! I guess I'll see you later then."

As he turned to walk away with a smile, I waved awkwardly before turning to get into Alice's car. I tripped over my own feet when I turned, but caught myself on the hood. I saw her shoulders shrug as she sighed, and Jasper grinned at me, shaking his head.

When I climbed in the back, Alice stared at me warily through the rear view mirror.

"What?" I asked her.

"You like him, don't you?"

I didn't know how to answer her, since I wasn't sure myself.

"Maybe," I answered, and she sighed again.

"Just think about it, Bella," she said as she started driving. "Don't you think it's too early? You just met him today."

"I know. That's why I didn't let him walk me home. Don't you think it's too early for you to **not** like him?"

"I never said I didn't like him, just that I had a feeling. But that doesn't mean I'm unwilling to give him a chance."

**

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**

When Alice dropped me home, I headed inside to grab a snack and start dinner. We usually didn't do much cleaning until the weekends, and because the school week was busy for the both of us.

I grabbed a fruit bar from the pantry and headed up to my room to start homework. It was ridiculous to get homework on the first day and even though it wasn't much, it was enough to bum me out.

It was about 5:30 in the evening when I finished all my work. I was about to head down to the kitchen to make mac and cheese for dinner, when my phone buzzed.

It was a text from Emmett: **Get ready. Not having dinner at home tonight. Coming to pick u up.**

I stared at the message, confused. I typed a reply: **Why? Where are we going?**

A minute later he sent:**Just be ready & downstairs in 10. Can't talk now, driving.**

My eyes widened when I read that he was texting while driving. Always the reckless driver. I decided it was best to not reply since he was obviously preoccupied.

Setting my phone aside, I went to my dresser. I wasn't sure what he meant by "get ready" so I assumed he didn't want me to look like a slob.

Theories as to where he was taking me whirled around in my head as I pulled on a pair of dark jeans and a long-sleeved blue shirt that fit snugly. I pulled on a black hoodie over that since it was drizzling outside and a little chilly.

Right on time, Emmett was outside honking his horn ten minutes later. He was in front of the house rather than in the driveway so I went out the front door and jogged to the car in the light rain. I climbed in the passenger seat, curiosity overwhelming me.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he drove away.

He grinned at me. "Today, little sis, you are going to be meeting someone very special."

I stared at him, perplexed. "Who?"

His grin seemed to get wider as he said, "My girlfriend."

My jaw dropped at his words. "Since when do you have a girlfriend?"

Emmett laughed. "It hasn't been that long but it's been great. Three months."

"Three months? And how did I not know this?" He had pretty much had a girlfriend all summer long and I knew nothing about it. He sure hadn't been acting like he was with someone. "Who is she? Where does she live? I'm having dinner with her?"

"Hey one question at a time, kid, you'll get all your answers!" he laughed. "But first, do you promise to listen and save all questions and comments for the end?" I nodded excitedly, wanting to know all the deets about this girl. I also felt anxious, not knowing what she'd be like and if she'd like me.

Emmett cleared his throat and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He just sat there with his mouth open, teasing me.

"Emmett!" I said, smacking his arm. "Stop teasing me! Spill!"

He chuckled and shifted in his seat. "Okay," he said. "Her name is Rosalie Lillian Cullen." He said her name dramatically, like he was speaking of some highly respected queen. "One day in the beginning of summer she came with a friend to the gym where I work. I gotta say, it was like love at first push-up. She is the sexiest, most gorgeous girl these two eyes have ever laid their eyes on, and these eyes have seen some pretty hot babes at the gym. But Rose was different. She had a confidence about her, a strength that was clear on her face, you know? It was weird, but so intriguing. The first thing she did was drop down and do 15 push-ups. In my one year at working at the gym, I have never seen a chick do that without breaking a sweat. It was amazing. So I had to go and talk to her and find out more about this fine thang. So I went over to her, turned on the charm, and before you know it she was inviting me over to her place."

"You're kidding," I said. "On the very first day you met?"

My thoughts flashed immediately to Jacob and how I had turned him down when he wanted to walk me home because it was too soon. Was it okay to accept something like that the first time you met a guy? Rosalie did it. . .

Emmett looked at me, cocking an eyebrow seriously.

"Oh," I said. "Right. Shutting up now."

He sighed and continued. "So anyway, yeah, Rose invited me over to her place but not that day and not for what you think. Jeez, she isn't easy like that. Head in the gutter today, sis?" I rolled my eyes. "She hired me to personally train her since I offered her some useful . . . uh . . . tips." I knew there was some hidden meaning to his words but I decided I didn't want to know. "A few days later I went over to her place to get down to business and show her how my, uh, tips . . . work. Every Wednesday and Friday we'd work out together and soon it became what we call _lurve_."

"Love?" I asked. "Are you sure?" I knew nothing about Emmett's past relationships so I didn't know if he used the term 'love' lightly.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure. You know what did it for me? You know what really pushed me over the edge and made me wanna marry this chick right then and there?" I could see excitement in his eyes so I nodded enthusiastically, my eyes wide with anticipation. "God, I have been dying to tell you this. SHE HAS MY OLD MR2 TURBO!"

He yelled the last part and I stared at him blankly before I figured out what he was talking about.

"Oh my God!" I shrieked. "Your old red sports car?"

"Yeah!" he said, grinning happily. "I had no idea she was the one that bought it. I left it at some used car place in Seattle. My girl has good taste in men and cars, that's for sure! When I walked her to her car one day and saw that it was my old love, I flipped out! And you know how I knew it was mine? Because it still smelled like me! It smelled like me with a hint of Rosalie, a perfect combo. But I also knew it was mine because that one little button in the stereo was still missing. And to think that I actually used to worry about whose hands that baby was in. If I had known it was in Rose's soft hands, I wouldn't have worried about that car at all."

I was practically bouncing in my seat with happiness for him. Seeing him happy made me happy, too.

Emmett sighed contentedly and leaned back in the seat. "Man, Rose is amazing, Bells. You'll love her. She's all into that feminist shit, but don't tell her I called it shit. She's a strong woman who knows what she wants. I know you must be thinking that if she's a feminist, why isn't she anti-men or whatever, but that's a stereotype. Oh and, get this, she's from England!"

"No way!"

"Way! She moved down here as soon as she turned eighteen. I'm telling you, that English accent is almost as sexy as her body. I could listen to her talk for hours. It's awesome. She's got a younger bro, around your age or older maybe. He's cool, a little reserved, but he's alright. Rose is a guidance counselor at Forks Middle School, since she likes to help kids out with their issues and shit. So I'm taking you to meet my girlfriend, how do you feel?" He looked at me excitedly and I contemplated his question.

"Nervous," I said honestly. Rosalie sounded great but I was still anxious about how I would get along with her. "What if she doesn't like me?"

"She'll love you," he assured. "There isn't a person on this planet who wouldn't like you, kid."

"You sure?"

"Positive. You'll like her, too. Promise."

I took his word for it and nodded, not sure how I felt about him having a girlfriend. The logical part of me was happy for him, but the selfish part felt betrayed. I had always been single, and as far as I knew, Emmett had always been single, too. He never really spoke of having a girlfriend. I felt like Emmett and I were an alliance of some kind, but now that he had someone who was possibly more important to him, I felt alone and slightly resentful.

_Stop being so selfish, Bella Swan_, I chastised myself in my head**. **_Look at how happy he is._

It was true that Emmett had a glow in him that was especially evident in his eyes. That old sparkle was back and if it had anything to do with Rosalie, I was grateful. I silently wondered how she had put up with him in his stoic days. All I knew was that the Emmett I knew and loved was back. He may have his moments, but that's the effect of a tragedy. I accepted that.

"Why didn't you tell me about her before?" I asked. He thought about it for a second.

"I wasn't sure if it was a permanent thing, ya know?" he replied. "I wasn't sure if it was just a job or just a fling or whatever. I didn't know if she was into me only while she was my client or afterwards, too. I didn't want you to know about her until I was absolutely, one hundred percent positive that she was the one. It didn't take me long, but I knew. When she kept telling me how much she wanted to meet you, I became sure it was gonna last."

I nodded, convinced that Emmett wouldn't make me have dinner with a girl if he wasn't sure she'd be around for a while. It seemed like he really did care about her.

Port Angeles wasn't that far from Forks, and we were there in about an hour. Emmett pulled into the parking lot of an apartment complex and we climbed out of the car, jogging towards the front doors in the now heavy rain. The jog from the car to the door was a long one and both of us were practically drenched by the time we got inside. My hood was up and some of my hair hung out the front.

"Shit!" Emmett said as we got to the elevators. "I forgot something in the car for Rose. Listen, go up to apartment 5E without me, will you? It's on the fifth floor, Rose will be there and she'll know you're my sis."

"I'll come with you!" I said quickly. I didn't want to meet Rosalie on my own. I was nervous like crazy as it was.

"I don't want you to go out in the rain again, you might get sick. Just go on up, you'll be fine. She won't bite . . . unless you piss her off, but don't worry." With that, he turned around and jogged back towards the front doors.

I stood outside the elevator, contemplating whether or not to ignore his request and just wait here for him. I had no choice but to get in when the doors opened and a lady already inside gave me a weird look, like I should be getting in since I obviously pressed the button for it to stop here. My anxiety increased as I stepped inside, pressing the number 5, and the doors closed in front of me.

My stomach churned when the elevator went upward. The lady next to me got off on the second floor and once I was alone in the elevator, the panic started to settle in. What if Rosalie hated me? What if I hated her? What would that do to Emmett? What if the elevator got stuck? What if I couldn't find apartment 5E?

I was starting to freak out when the elevator doors opened at the fifth floor. I stumbled out and looked around me.

The hallway was long and had five doors on each side. At the end of the hallway was a large window that showed the parking lot below and a mass of treetops. You could probably see Forks from here.

I walked down the hallway slowly, my palms sweaty, looking for apartment 5E. The letters next to the number 5 alternated from the wall on my right to the wall on my left. 5A was on the right hand wall, 5B on the left, 5C on the right, and so on. 5E was located at the end of the right wall, closest to the window.

I approached it, but froze.

The door stood halfway open.

I felt a strange sense of déjà vu. Seeing the door halfway open reminded me of the night I found my parents' bed empty and how their door had stood ajar the same way. I shuddered and shook my head, trying to rid myself of the memory.

I stepped towards the door and looked at the door number, making sure I had the right one. Sure enough, the number 5E was embedded into the wood. I peered into the apartment, kind of feeling like a peeping tom.

The apartment had a modern, chic look to it. Light pink and peach were the dominant colors, making the whole apartment seem peaceful and comfortable. The living area was to the right, where a couch and two armchairs were set in a half-moon in front of a TV. A painting of a little girl in a blue dress playing in a garden hung on the wall above the TV. The kitchen was on elevated ground to the left, with a marble counter dividing the two rooms. That was all I could see from here, and so far I saw no one inside.

Secretly hoping no one was home and extremely curious as to why the door was open, I lifted my fist and knocked lightly. I waited a few seconds but when no one showed up, I knocked a little harder. I waited another 30 seconds or so before knocking hard. I couldn't help but wonder if I looked like an idiot, standing here knocking when clearly no one was inside.

I debated with myself on whether or not to go in. Surely it would be trespassing. Was I supposed to stand out here and wait for Emmett or someone to show up? Maybe Rosalie was in the bathroom and didn't hear me or something.

Suddenly I heard a noise inside, a soft thud, like something was being gently closed. A drawer? Door, maybe?

I hesitantly pushed the door open and took a step over the threshold.

"Hello?" I called, softly.

There was no answer.

I took another step inside, fully in the apartment now, and looked around. There were two doors to the left of the kitchen, both of them closed. There was also a pair of double doors to the far left that lead onto what I assumed was a balcony since the curtains that hung there were flapping in the wind from outside. They were blocking my view so I didn't know if anyone was out there.

Just when I was starting to feel really uncomfortable and seriously considering just going out to stand in the hallway, I spotted something stuck to the fridge.

It was a drawing. It was an absolutely amazing drawing of a city. Squinting at it, I took a step forward, but my foot got caught in the rug and I tripped. I fell onto a vase table next to the off-white couch, knocking the table and the vase down with me. We fell with a loud **CLANG** and I cringed.

"Shit!" I hissed, scrambling to get up. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the vase was plastic, not glass, and hurried to right the table and set the vase back on top. I straightened up my clothes and looked around nervously.

Seriously, where was this chick?

I saw the drawing on the fridge again and fully walked towards it. I spotted Big Ben, and realized it was a drawing of London. An unbelievably detailed drawing of London.

It was amazing. Did Rosalie draw? If she did, she was incredibly talented. The drawing was a view from somewhere high up, showing Big Ben, and something that looked like a Ferris wheel, though I wasn't sure what exactly it was called. On the streets I saw those double-decker buses I had always wanted to go on. The drawing was in pencil but the strokes of lines were so precise, thick where they should be and thin when they should be. It was all so perfect.

I reached a finger out, gently stroking one of the lines that made up Big Ben.

"Who the fuck are you?" a voice snapped.

I yelped and whirled around, frightened.

I met a pair of hostile green eyes. . . Hostile, yet gorgeous green eyes. . . And a mess of bronze-colored hair. . . Strong jaw line. . . Full lips. . .

Who was this person?

The strange, warm, tingling feeling was back at the put of my stomach. But this time . . . it was intense.

His beauty was ethereal. I had never been so strongly infatuated with someone the first time I laid my eyes on them. He couldn't be human . . .

Jacob who?

He stood about 10 feet behind me, holding a bat half raised in the air. His eyes were narrowed, his expression cold. I couldn't speak, not knowing if it was from the fact that he had somewhat of a weapon raised at me or because I was so taken aback by him. He was tall, possibly taller than Emmett, and lean. He wore dark jeans, a gray shirt, and a jacket. His skin was pale, not in a sickly way, but pale enough to make his green eyes stand out powerfully and his bronze hair shine.

"Well?" he said, frustrated. He dropped the bat with a loud clunk and stood stiffly staring at me, his eyes still cold. "Are you going to tell me who the fuck you are and what the hell you're doing in my sister's flat?" His tone was harsh.

What he said pulled me out of my reverie. I remembered I was in Rosalie's apartment, and she was nowhere to be found. I remembered I was touching a drawing of London. . .

I remembered what Emmett said about Rosalie being English because this boy spoke with an English accent, too.

Holy hotness . . . he was English? My heart must have melted then and there.

I still couldn't bring myself to speak and there was silence as he scowled at me and I just stared at him like an idiot. My heart was beating frantically in my chest and I didn't know what to do.

"Oh," he said, a strange look of mock realization crossing his chiseled features. "So you're fucking mute then, are you?" I furrowed my brows at him.

"And you're deaf, too?" he continued rudely. "Or are you just plain stupid?"

What he was saying stung. I hadn't done or said anything to him so why was he being an asshole to me?

"I-uh. . ." I sputtered, but before I could continue, Emmett walked in laughing and holding the hand of a beautiful blonde girl.

She was stunning. Her shiny golden locks cascaded down her back and her blue eyes were sparkling with happiness. She wore a light pink top that hugged her curves and light blue jeans that were skin-tight and showed off her long, perfectly sculpted legs.

Emmett and Rosalie paused inside to look between me and Bat Boy. Both of them looked confused and I saw Rosalie shoot Bat Boy a look that looked stern and disapproving. She looked at me and smiled warmly.

"You must be Bella!" she said, walking swiftly over to me. Her heels clicked against the floors, extra loud in the silent room. "It's so good to finally meet you!" Her voice was soft and the fact that she had an English accent made her sound sweeter.

I was surprised when she hugged me, her grip tight. She smelled nice, like lavender. The hug was warm and felt genuine; I had no problem hugging her back.

She pulled away from me and took my hands. Hers were soft and perfectly manicured. She looked me up and down which made me feel a bit self-conscious and I felt myself turning red.

"Look at you! You're precious!" she exclaimed, and I blushed even more.

"Aw come on, Rose, don't embarrass her!" Emmett said, chuckling. I was grateful for his interference. I didn't know what Rosalie saw in me that made her think I was precious so I was really taken aback by it all.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you don't mind, do you?" she asked me, concern written all over her face. She still had my hands and I prayed my palms weren't still sweaty. Though after being verbally attacked by the boy behind her, whose presence I was still very strongly aware of, they probably were.

I shook my head, internally yelling at myself to speak.

"It's nice to meet you, too," I mumbled, smiling shyly. It sounded awkward since I was a little late with my response.

Bat Boy snorted and Rosalie let go of my hands, turning to him and placing her hands on her hips. Her back was to me but her posture told me she wasn't very happy with him.

"You didn't say anything awful to her, did you?" she asked severely. Bat Boy's lips turned up into a crooked smile and shrugged.

"Only the usual," he said, leaning back against the kitchen counter.

Rosalie sighed and turned back to me. "My brother wasn't horrid was he? I hope he didn't say anything to upset you. He can be a bit . . . rude."

I glanced at Bat Boy who was no longer smirking but had an eyebrow cocked at me seriously.

I shook my head, but Rosalie wasn't buying it.

"Don't mind him. He isn't even supposed to be here." She shot him a glare over her shoulder. "He doesn't mean everything that comes out of his mouth, but that's something I can't control."

"I meant every word," Bat Boy said, eyeing me curiously. His gaze made me even more self conscious.

"Dude, you gotta chill with my sis," Emmett said. I had forgotten he was there. "And when I say 'chill', I mean tone down all the shit-talking. She's not used to people just talking shit to her for no reason, ya know."

"I'll say what I want, when I want, to whomever I want. I don't really give a fuck," Bat Boy replied. My eyes widened and immediately went to Emmett.

I was shocked when he didn't look angry. He just looked at Bat Boy like there was no hope for him and shrugged.

"Suit yourself," he said calmly. "But if she comes crying to me because you said something to upset her, I can't say I'll let it go."

I wasn't sure if I was relieved by his calm attitude or if I was disturbed. I guess I was glad he wasn't about to get into a fight with Bat Boy or something, but I was disturbed as to why he was so indifferent about Bat Boy's attitude. If it had been anyone else talking to him like that, it would have gotten nasty.

"Is she that soft?" Bat Boy asked, looking at me again. I had to look away from his penetrating green eyes.

"Edward, please!" Rosalie said to him. "Be nice, will you?"

Edward? That was his name? It sounded so . . . grandpa-ish. It didn't seem to fit his persona at all.

Rosalie took my hand again and starting pulling me to the living area.

"Just ignore my brother," she said kindly. "Whatever he says should go in one ear and out the other, pay him no attention."

Suddenly she stopped and I nearly crashed into her back. She was looking down, her brows furrowed. I followed her gaze and saw that she was staring at the bat on the floor.

"Edward," she said. "Why the hell is my bat lying on the floor?" She turned to Edward again, her eyebrows raised.

"I thought she was a robber or something," he said, nodding towards me.

"You hit her with a bat?" Emmett said incredulously, anger finally in his voice and expression.

"No!" Edward said, annoyed. "Don't be stupid. I would have if she was a slimy bloke trying to nick something but when I saw it was girl I dropped it."

I didn't understand his terminology all that much, since it was clearly some type of English slang. Rosalie stared at Edward, her expression slightly shocked.

"The door was open," I said quietly. They all turned to look at me and I immediately felt uncomfortable. "Um . . . the door was open and I came in. I must have scared him when I tripped and crashed into the vase table. It was . . . loud." I finished explaining and looked down.

"You didn't fucking scare me," Edward said to me. I glanced up at him and he was looking at me with something close to disgust.

Rosalie groaned. "Edward, there's a lady present, mind your language."

"I'll say what I want, Rose," he retorted. Rosalie growled with frustration and took my hand again.

"Put that bat back in my room!" she ordered him, pulling me once again to the living area.

For much of the evening, Rosalie and I chatted about all sorts of things, but mostly about school. I was very comfortable around her and found her extremely easy to talk to. It was like talking to an older sister; I wasn't afraid to say what I felt and I knew she wouldn't judge me.

She didn't bring up my parents even once and I figured that had something to do with Emmett forewarning her about how sensitive that topic was to me. At one point she asked me if I "fancied" any boys at school but I quickly told her I didn't. Partly because Emmett was there, and also because I was still confused about my feelings towards Jacob. Emmett just sat across from us, sprawled out in an armchair, and watched us talk with a grin on his face, occasionally making a comment on his own.

I was strongly aware of Edward's presence. He was never directly in the living room but was mostly just hanging around in the kitchen, silent. I could feel his eyes on me often and I didn't dare turn around to see if he actually was, but I was sure. When I felt him looking, it was like electrical currents were running over my skin, subtle but enough to put me on edge. I was careful with everything I said to Rosalie, trying not to sound like an idiot, because I knew he was listening.

What was it about him that put me on edge? Was it just his looks? He was, hands down, the most gorgeous person I had ever seen but what did that matter when his personality seemed so ugly?

Nothing he said to me was polite and I couldn't figure out what I did or said that could make him treat me that way. I soon realized that I wasn't the exception to his bad attitude. He seemed to talk to Emmett the same way and was only just a bit kinder to Rosalie. A part of me admired his boldness; he obviously wasn't afraid to say whatever the hell he wanted and his accent made it all the more impressive.

At one point he took off his jacket, revealing the simple gray t-shirt he wore underneath. He wasn't just lean, he was muscular too. Not overly buff like Emmett or Jacob, but he had enough. His biceps protruded slightly from his sleeves but his shirt wasn't snug enough to show whether or not he had abs.

I mentally slapped myself for even thinking about his abs, or lack thereof. _He's a jerk, remember_? I reminded myself.

Soon the pizza we ordered arrived and we all sat around the glass round-table that sat at the far end of the room by the window.

"Don't be rude, Edward, we've got guests," Rosalie chided when Edward said he'd rather eat in the kitchen. "This is my flat and when I say we're all eating together, I mean it. Get your ass over here." I giggled at her last statement but broke off when Edward glared at me.

Rosalie sat to my right and Emmet sat on her other side, across from me. That left the seat to my left, the one across from Rosalie, empty.

I tensed up when Edward sat there, the electrical currents on my skin back again from his close proximity. When he plopped down in his seat I caught a whiff of him- he smelled like cologne but also like cigarettes and rain. He threw open the pizza box impatiently and pulled out two slices, not even waiting for Rosalie to finish handing out the plates.

"I swear, Edward, if you drop so much as a crumb on my table-", Rosalie began but Edward cut her off.

"Relax, stop being so neurotic," he replied.

I took a plate from Rosalie and set it down in front of me. I was stiff, not wanting to say or do anything stupid to embarrass myself. I felt overheated and really wanted to take my hoodie off but I didn't want to make any major movements.

"Extra cheesy, baby, just like I like it!" Emmett said excitedly, pulling out two of his own slices.

"You're extra cheesy," Edward muttered, taking a big bite out of his. Emmett chuckled and set the slices down on his plate as Rosalie handed Edward one.

I tried not to stare at Edward's mouth as he chewed, though it was difficult to keep my eyes off him for more than five seconds. His full lips moved in a motion that set me on fire on the inside.

Yes, it was getting very hot in there.

"Go on, Bella," Rosalie said. "Have some." I could feel Edward looking at me as I reached out to get some pizza. My hand was visibly shaking but I hoped no one noticed.

"Why the fuck are you shaking?" Edward asked, his voice a mixture of curiosity and disgust that I couldn't understand. My hand froze in mid-air and I looked at him. His green eyes were probing and he was grimacing.

"Um. . . I'm cold," I lied. Rosalie and Emmett stared at me and Edward raised his eyebrows.

"Are you? It's really fucking baking in here for me." He turned back to his pizza like I hadn't even spoken.

"Want me to close the balcony door?" Rosalie asked. "It may be a little drafty in here."

I shook my head. "No, it's okay. I'm fine" I replied.

"But you just said you were cold," Emmett said.

"I'm fine, okay?" I snapped. I was a terrible liar and it was worse when I had to explain myself.

"Alright, relax," Emmett said. "Jeez. Down, kitty." Edward's mouth pulled up into a crooked grin again and I was momentarily dazzled before Rosalie put a slice of pizza on my plate for me, smiling kindly.

"Eat up," she said.

Emmett and Rosalie were having a playful sort of argument but I wasn't sure what it was about. I was concentrating too hard on not sitting weird, eating weird, or acting weird. I kept my back straight, eyes down, took small bites, and chewed slowly. I took small sips of my Coke and my pizza was getting cold but I could care less about that.

Edward was silently eating, occasionally snorting or rolling his eyes at something Emmett and Rosalie said. I noticed that he played with his hair a lot, reaching up and grabbing at his messy bronze locks often. I was captivated by his hair; it was like he just got out of bed yet it also looked perfect. I didn't think anyone but Edward would ever be able to pull it off.

After the two boxes of pizza were completely empty and we had all finished eating, a phone rang shrilly in one of the rooms off the kitchen.

"I'll get that," Rosalie said, and left to answer the phone in what appeared to be her bedroom. That left just Edward, Emmett, and I at the table.

"Aw, man," Emmett said, leaning back in his chair and patting his stomach. "Best pizza I ever had. We need to get pizza from Port Angeles more often, huh Bells?" I just shrugged. I hadn't talked much through dinner and only spoke when someone asked me a question. Usually I gave one worded answers.

"Why are you so quiet?" Emmett asked. I couldn't help but glance at Edward, who was kind of staring into space, and hoped that Emmett didn't notice.

"Tired," I answered.

"Hey you did your homework and shit right?" he asked. I nodded.

"Speaking of shit-", he said, standing up. "I gotta go to the bathroom, I'll be back." He scurried off to the other door that was by the kitchen and my eyes widened. Partly because Emmett had just said something to gross me out, but mostly because I was now all alone at the table with Edward. And knowing Emmett, he'd be a while.

I glanced at Edward nervously. He was still silent and spaced out, not even acknowledging my presence. Every time I looked at him I was entranced. Was I so shallow that I would fall head over heels for a guy because of his looks? Was that what this was? Was I falling head over heels for him? My heart would start racing whenever his eyes met mine.

I couldn't take my eyes off his chiseled features, full lips, and dazzling green eyes, which were momentarily glazed over. My eyes roamed down his arm, laying palm-down on the table, and lingered once again on his bicep. Just looking at him did strange things to me and the temperature seemed to get warmer and warmer. Damn this hoodie.

I wondered what it would feel like to touch him. . .

"What are you staring at?" My eyes snapped back to his face, his eyes gazing at me with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance.

"Nothing," I mumbled, looking at the table again.

"You're really weird, you know that?" he said. I looked at him again and his expression showed amusement.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, my brows furrowed. I had been trying for almost an hour to not seem weird, yet it still happened.

"Weird, strange, odd, queer, bizarre. Have you not finished primary school, then?" he replied condescendingly.

I guessed primary school was the English equivalent to elementary school so I was slightly offended. Rosalie had told me to ignore what he said but it was a lot harder than I thought.

"I have finished 'primary school'," I said. My mouth was dry despite the Coke I drank, so I swallowed. "And I know what 'weird' means." That was all I could bring myself to say and Edward smirked.

"Well if you didn't act so dimwitted. . ." he said, looking away. I blinked. Dimwitted?

"Are you calling me stupid?" I asked. My voice was normal now, probably having something to do with his attitude. He was so rude, and for no apparent reason. What was this guy's issue?

Edward pretended to think about it for a second before saying, "Yeah, I reckon I am."

I furrowed my brows and without thinking I blurted, "Why are you such an asshole?"

I clamped my hand over my mouth as his smirk fell and his face formed a scowl.

"Sorry," I mumbled, dropping my hand to my lap. "That was rude." I didn't know why exactly I was apologizing but it just felt wrong to call someone out like that. Calling people names wasn't something I usually did and it felt particularly wrong saying it to him for some reason.

I saw a hint of anger flash in his eyes and his hand formed a fist on the table before he snapped, "You should be fucking sorry. You don't know who the fuck you're talking to."

The way he spoke to me was like I was inferior to him and that pissed me off. I hated being patronized and treated like a child. My independent nature was permanent and when I felt I was being attacked, that set me off.

"I know exactly who I'm talking to, I'm talking to you," I said irritably.

"Yeah? Well I suggest you stop talking altogether, if you know what's good for you."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. You probably don't want to wait to find out."

We glared at each other silently. The temperature in the room was as hot as ever, but this time it was because I was starting to get really pissed off. Who the hell did he think he was? Obviously he had some anger issues but did he have to take it out on me?

He stood up, his jaw clenched, and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He lit one right in front of me and inhaled it deeply, blowing the smoke out. The stench drifted to me and I shot out of my seat, taking a step back and covering my noise.

"Gross," I said. He turned to look at me, aggravation written all over his face.

"Got a problem with me smoking?" he snapped.

"Yes!" I replied. "Smoking is disgusting. It turns your lungs black, stains your teeth, and makes your breath stink. Not only that but it's slow suicide." He kept smoking as I spoke, eyes narrowed.

"Look at you sounding like a geek. We're all going to die one fucking day, might as well speed up the process, no?" I stared at him, horrified that he would say such a thing.

"Are you that depressed?" I asked. He snorted, inhaling again and then blowing.

"Piss off," he snapped. I glared at him.

He was losing his appeal to me with every word he said.

"Well, sorry to piss you off, but you're kind of being a jerk."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Americans," he muttered, shaking his head. "I'm not saying you're pissing me off, I'm telling you to piss off. Means the same as bugger off, or fuck off. Get it now?"

My jaw dropped. "Don't tell me to fuck off!" I said loudly. I wanted to slap him really badly. Never had I met someone so rude.

"Too fucking late, I already have," he said. "Now do me a favor and shut up, will you? Your voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard, its grating at my nerves."

"Don't tell me to shut up," I snapped. It took everything in me not to pick up that vase I knocked off earlier and throw it at his head.

"If you would shut your mouth I wouldn't have to!" he said, raising his voice.

Rosalie came out of her bedroom with a worried expression.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" she asked. She saw Edward smoking and flipped out on him.

"Are you mad?" she cried. "What the hell do you think you're doing, smoking in my flat? Either take that out on the balcony or leave. Look! You're getting ashes all over the rug! What is wrong with you, Edward?" Rosalie had been calm and kind all night but now she was clearly aggravated.

Edward pointed at me and said, "If she wasn't so fucking annoying I wouldn't have had to have a fag!"

"I didn't do anything to you," I stated angrily. "You're the one being a douche bag for no reason and talking down to me like you're so damn superior!"

"You're barmy, that's what you are," Edward said. I looked at him, confused and irritated. He kept using words I didn't understand.

"What the hell does that even mean?" I asked, annoyance in every word.

"Christ, you don't know what anything means, do you? I knew you were thick from the moment I saw you."

"I am not fat!" I retorted.

Edward growled in irritation and took in another long breath of his cigarette.

"Thick mean's stupid, Bella," Rosalie said, her eyes still on Edward. "And I don't appreciate you calling her that, Edward. You should apologize."

"Apologize?" Edward said incredulously. He looked at her in disbelief. "For what, for being honest?"

"For being rude!" Rosalie said, hands on her hips.

"Fuck that," he said. "Everything about her is annoying; she never understands any fucking thing I say to her."

"Maybe if you spoke plain English, I would understand what the hell you say," I shot back.

"I am fucking speaking plain English," he said. "I'm speaking real English, not your Americanized shit! It's not my fault you don't bloody understand."

We glared at each other for a few more seconds before he turned his back to me. Rosalie stood pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Edward," she said quietly. "Come out to the balcony. I want to speak with you."

"No," he replied curtly.

"Either get on the balcony, or go home." Edward turned his head a little towards her before stomping towards the balcony doors and going out, slamming the doors behind him. Rosalie sighed and looked at me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," she said exasperatedly. "I'm sorry you had to deal with him. My brother, he . . . he's just been through a lot. He really is a nice person, he just doesn't show it all too much."

I snorted. I could not imagine Edward as a nice person. Right now I just thought of him as an amazingly sexy asshole.

Sexy?

I thought he was sexy?

Yikes. It was true, I felt that way. But his bad attitude still made me dislike him very, very strongly.

"I know, I know," Rosalie said. "It's hard to believe. Just give him time. He's only been in this country for a week."

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

Rosalie nodded. "It's not an easy adjustment. I mean it's not entirely different from England but adjusting to any new country is hard. Look at me. I've been here almost five years and I still can't get used to the fact that the steering wheel is on the opposite side of the car." She laughed and I couldn't help but smile back.

I also felt a pang of pity for Edward, now knowing that the adjustment was hard for him. But did he really have to take his aggravation out on me?

The balcony door opened again and Edward popped his head out.

"What the fuck," he said. "I thought you wanted to talk to me, and now you're out here talking to this . . ." he waved his hand around, trying to come up with a word that described me. "Fuck it. There isn't a word that describes her."

Rosalie sighed again and turned to face him.

"Edward, please. I'm coming, have some patience," she said.

"Hurry up," he said with obvious vexation, and disappeared behind the door again.

"I hope you understand," Rosalie said to me, her eyes pleading. "That's just how he is. I hope you know that he doesn't hate you or anything, he's just not good with people."

I nodded. "I totally get it," I said. "I'm just taken aback. No one's ever acted that way towards me before."

"I'm sorry," she apologized again. "I wish I could explain his behavior a bit more but it's a mystery to me almost as much as it's a mystery to you. Don't take anything he says to heart. You seem like a strong girl. You're not going to let what he says hurt you, are you? Because he doesn't know what he's saying half the time."

"I'll be fine," I told her. "I understand completely."

"Thank you," she said, giving me a small smile before turning and heading out to the balcony.

I hoped she would smack him for me. Regardless of what she suggested to me about not taking what he said to heart, it was hard. Everything he said to me replayed in my head over and over. He had called me so many things: "dimwitted", "barmy", "thick", "weird", "annoying". . . the list went on and on. And all for what? He had no reason to treat me that way.

I plopped down on the couch and took my hoodie off, the heat getting to me. I felt free immediately and sat back with my eyes closed. Emmett came out of the bathroom and looked around, confused. Did he really not hear anything out here?

"Uh . . . where is everyone?" he asked.

I sighed. "They're on the balcony talking," I told him.

I suddenly felt exhausted. Yelling at Edward seemed to take up all my energy. The thing that irked me was that we hadn't even argued about anything. We had, in all honesty, argued about nothing at all.

Emmett walked over to the living area and sat beside me.

"Did something happen while I was otherwise occupied?" he asked. "You look . . . distressed."

I thought about what to tell him and whether or not he would freak out on Edward. Then again, I thought, I wouldn't mind seeing him punch Edward in the face. Momentarily mess up that gorgeous face of his. . .

Thinking about his face got me thinking about the rest of him, along with the velvety sound of his voice. If he had been polite and not so much of an asshole, I would be crushing on him big time. He was just so god-like. . .

I mentally slapped myself again when Emmett waved a hand in front of my face.

Oops. Had I been zoning out?

"Oh," I said, trying to remember what he had asked me. Right, something about what had happened while he was in the bathroom. "Edward and I got into an argument."

Emmett's brows furrowed. I suddenly decided that to stop myself from crushing on him and his asshole attitude, I would get Emmett riled up. It wasn't like me to be so vindictive, but Edward's words had made me angry.

"He was being such an asshole, Emmett," I said, trying to sound hurt. "The things he said to me! It was awful. He called me stupid, annoying, said that my voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard. . . I have never met anyone so rude! I wanted to slap him across the face . . . hard!"

Emmett chucked and I frowned. Wasn't he angry?

"Wow," he said. "That's Edward for ya!"

I stared at him in disbelief. "You're not upset about that?" I asked. "He was a jerk to me!"

"I know, and I'm sorry about that. But that's just how he is. I got used to it, you should too."

"Don't you wanna go kick his ass?" I asked hopefully.

Emmett shrugged. "Not really. I mean, Edward's just being Edward. He's new here, it's hard on him. Rose told me he's been through some tough shit back in London. I'm afraid I can't do much about it. Just don't take what he says seriously. As long as he doesn't put his hands on you, I can't really step in. Sorry, kiddo."

I scowled at him. "What kind of a brother are you?" I mumbled, and he laughed.

"The kind that doesn't want to piss off his girlfriend for messing up her younger brother. Look, if he really, really hurts you and you want me to talk to him, I can, but it's going to be kind of a lost cause."

"Forget it," I muttered. A tried to stifle a yawn but it didn't work. "I'm tired. Can we go home? There's still school tomorrow."

"Uh, sure. Let me just tell Rose. . ." He stood up and I did the same, just as Edward and Rosalie came out.

Edward's face was blank, lacking emotion, and hers looked just a little bit disturbed. He went to the kitchen counter and leaned against it like he had earlier, hands in his pockets. He had the stoic mask that Emmett used to have after my parents left before I got him to stop.

"Rose, we gotta go," Emmett told Rosalie regretfully. "Bella's got school tomorrow and whatnot."

"That's fine," Rosalie said. "It was really nice to meet you, Bella." She gave me a hug and I returned it, glad that at least one Cullen had been kind to me.

"It was nice to meet you, too," I said, meaning it. I glanced over her shoulder at Edward, who was staring at me blankly. I furrowed my brows at him and he grimaced.

Rosalie pulled away from me and went to hug Emmett. I turned my back on Edward but I could feel his gaze burning a hole in my back. Rosalie and Emmett kissed and he waved at Edward who nodded stiffly in return.

We made it halfway into the hallway when I heard a door open and footsteps running towards me.

"Oi!" came Edward's voice.

I whirled around to see him jogging towards me with my hoodie in his hand. His crazy hair drifted back a little from the breeze he was creating. I was momentarily entranced by him. . .

Until he threw the hoodie at my face.

I caught it just in time but it was draped over my face, blocking my sight. Emmett chuckled as I pulled it off of me, scowling.

Edward's back was to me as he walked away.

That night I came to the conclusion that I hated Edward Cullen and I never wanted to see him again.

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**A/N:** Yes, I know. Edward is a complete asshole. Bear with me on this one, the boy has his reasons.

Much love to my betas **pinkaquaclouds** and **TashaTBHx** for helping out. I couldn't have done the English slang without Tasha's help! I would have butchered it.

Next chapter will be Edward's POV.


	4. Welcome To My Life

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight.

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**CAUTION**:**This chapter contains sensitive subject matter on the case of sexual abuse [nothing too graphic, though]. If you're uncomfortable with anything like that, you might not want to read ahead.**

**Also, the level of angst is pretty high.**

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**Chapter 4- Welcome To My Life**

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?|  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you?_

_Do you ever wanna run away?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming.  
No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like_

_To be like me._

**Welcome To My Life- Simple Plan**

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**Edward POV**

I hated this fucking town. I hated everything about it. It was too fucking green, too small, too isolated. Shit compared to London. Of course, when you grew up in London like I did, you can't see anything else measure up. Well, perhaps that's just me. I was in love with London and every part of it. It was my home; it was a part of me. It was everything I knew and more. My mates were there, my family was there, my life was there.

Then my dad had to go and be so fucking successful in his business that they want to move him to America. I wasn't exactly of age yet, so of course they had to drag my ass along. I thought we'd be moving to New York or Chicago- some big city where businesses run the place. But they move us to Forks of all places.

It's cruel, really. To grow up in a big city full of life and full of things to do, and then be forced to move to a small ass town overseas where everything is the color of shit. Really fucking cruel. I threw a right fit when my mum told me we'd be going to Forks. I knew there wasn't a place in England with a name as stupid as that, so I was pretty pissed off that we'd have to leave the country.

Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that I was worried about my mother, I probably would have bunked with a mate for another year before I could get my own place. But just the thought of my mother living alone in a new country, with that dirty old bastard called my father, was enough to make my blood boil.

The fact that Rosalie lived nearby the town we would be moving to helped ease my stress a bit. Rose and I were pretty close growing up, even with our difference in age. When she was eighteen and I was thirteen, she announced that she would be moving to America. That, at the time, was the most fucked up thing she could possibly have said to me.

There was enough crap going on in my life at thirteen, and the fact that my older sister, the only person that fucking understood me, was going to live across the ocean was enough to ruin me. Somehow it was worse than my wanker of a father being an alcoholic, worse than my mother being his little pet that didn't do shit about him, and worse than the fact that I had just hit puberty and was going through loads of confusing hormonal shit.

I was angry with her for a long time. Then I told myself to grow some balls and stop being so selfish. Because I understood why Rose would want to move out of the country. It wasn't so much the country itself, but it was more of who lived here that fucked up her life. It was the past that she could never seem to get away from. In order to start anew and move on with her life, she felt she had to leave the continent. It was a drastic move, but her pain was that much. Even though I didn't share that pain on the same level, I understood it.

My father, Carlisle, was the reason that Rose felt the need to leave. See, he wasn't just an alcoholic that got so plastered every night that he couldn't remember his fucking name. He was also sick, sick in the head. Drunk or not, he would find the need to go into Rosalie's room every night and do things the Queen would frown upon. I caught him at it when I was six, though I had no idea what the hell was going on.

"Daddy, what are you doing?" I had asked. I saw the panic in his eyes and the fear in Rosalie's. Carlisle stopped his hands and dragged me out of the room and into my own. He made me swear I would never tell anyone what I saw, and threatened to smack me if I did. Of course, at six, I didn't know any better and just did as I was told. Sex to me at that age was something unheard of. For all I knew, the banging I heard every night coming from my parents' bedroom was my father trying to unsuccessfully hammer something into the wall.

But the fear I saw in Rosalie's eyes would haunt me forever. Over time I couldn't figure out if it had been a dream; I was so fucking young and also a bit disoriented with sleep.

It wasn't until I was a bit older that I started figuring out what was really happening. I had grown to be pretty perceptive, and by the time I was eleven or twelve, I had figured it all out. I saw the shift in my sister's demeanour, in the way that she held herself. The older she got, the less fragile she seemed but the more reserved she became in public. I started to notice the way Carlisle would look at her, his eyes so fucking greedy. I saw the way Rosalie would look at him, with fear and resentment. They barely ever spoke to one another, but when they did it was curt.

My own relationship with my dad wasn't exactly brilliant itself. He just wasn't around all that much. Not that I cared. Work took up most of his time, and when he was home, beer was his best friend. He was an angry alcoholic, always rambling about one thing or another. He never really got violent, but the things he would say were enough to hurt anyone emotionally. You'd take a blow to the face rather than hear what my dad had to say in one of his drunken rages. Rose and I would usually keep ourselves in our rooms until he passed out, but my mother would have nowhere to go.

My mum, Esme, was someone that I loved dearly, but also someone that drove me mad. She was a lovely woman, taking care of Rose and me with the greatest possible affection. She was gentle and loving, the complete opposite of Carlisle. You could tell she was a kind person just by looking at her heart-shaped face and soft bronze coloured hair. There was nothing but kindness in her eyes. But that kindness was gone when my father was around. It was instead replaced by worry, hurt, and what I hated most of all- fear. I still cannot, to this day, understand why the fuck she is still with a prick like that.

She tried to put on a strong front when us kids were around, but as perceptive as I was, she couldn't fool me. I knew my mother as a person who loved to laugh, who was always smiling and always had a nice thing to say. There was always light in her eyes and she put the needs of others before her own. But that fun-loving woman was gone whilst my father was home. Sometimes he wouldn't come home for days, and she was happiest then. I could never really understand why. I started to notice how she changed around him, and that made me resent my father even more. Because he was, in a way, taking my mother away from me.

The older I got, the more guts I had to say what I felt. My relationship with my father seemed to get worse and worse as time went on, because I wouldn't put up with his bullshit anymore. I would tell him straight up that he was pissing me off, or that he needed to treat my mother better. He would proceed to shouting at me, telling me that I was good for nothing and worth shit to him. He would tell me I was a useless little bugger and a disappointment to him and my mother. I shouted right back, telling him he was a sick old bastard. Sure, that was a bit disrespectful, but why should I give respect to a man who wouldn't know respect if it kicked him in the nuts? I should respect him because he's my father?

Fuck it. He was no father of mine.

I never brought up the issue of Carlisle sneaking into Rosalie's room at night until I was much older and able to understand, in my early teens perhaps. I told my mother one morning whilst Carlisle was at work and Rosalie was finally settled in America. It was something that had always been at the back of my head, and now that I got it I was ready to fuck someone up. Esme had remained quiet the whole time I was telling her what I had seen when I was six. Her silence was maddening. Why wasn't she upset? Why wasn't she ready to call the police or something?

Finally she said, "That stopped happening ages ago. It's best to just let it go."

That was what drove me insane. She knew? She knew what was happening and she did nothing? This was her fucking daughter we were talking about.

I was gobsmacked. I didn't think that just because it stopped happening, Carlisle shouldn't be held responsible for his sick, twisted actions.

Father or not, I would have fucked Carlisle up when he came home that day. But Esme insisted that I control myself. Seeing my furious expression, she became panicked. She didn't want a brawl between my father and me. She persuaded me that he regretted what he did, and that he was punishing himself more than anyone else possibly could.

Right. I didn't believe a word of that. Like getting fucking drunk every day was some punishment. But I respected Esme, and I didn't want to upset her by messing up my father's face. If she wanted me to back off, I would. It was hard, but I had to. For her.

I rang Rose in Port Angeles and spoke to her over the phone, asking her if she remembered that night. Of course she remembered. Shit like that is unforgettable. But Rose told me to let it go, that she was trying to get over it and move on now that she was in a different country and around people she didn't know.

Apparently Carlisle really had stopped doing what he did, but that doesn't mean the scars weren't still there. That doesn't mean she wasn't emotionally damaged and torn apart on the inside because of what her father did to her. Rosalie assured me that she was okay, and that she was sorry I had seen what I did. I told her I would never be able to let it go, no matter how long I lived. I could never forgive him for what he did to my sister, and what he was doing to my mother. I was pretty sure Rosalie didn't forgive him herself, but at least she was getting help.

After that revelation, I officially loathed my father. If he weren't the boss over at the company he worked for, he probably would have gotten sacked by now.

My family life was so fucked up that I had to go to the streets to find any kind of solace. I had probably just hit puberty when I started hanging out with the wrong people, doing the wrong things, getting into all kinds of trouble. I wasn't really feeling the love at home, so I sought happiness in all the wrong places.

There were only two people that I was happy around- my best mate, Peter, and my girlfriend Tanya.

The only two people that I would trust with my life were the only two people to ever betray me.

So the summer of 2008 was probably the worst of my life. Not only did I do shit that would be enough to dub me a monster, but I lost a grip on what was real and what wasn't. I was one screwed up individual, and I hated myself, I hated everyone.

When the whole thing with Tanya and Peter went down, I found myself alone in a world full of chaos. I found myself angry at the world, but most of all, angry at myself for being the person that I was. For trusting people. For resorting to all sorts of dangerous methods to make myself feel better.

For being a criminal.

And you know what the cause was for my bad behavior?

Love.

I let myself love, I searched for it, and I found it in all the wrong places. Then when that was snatched from under my feet, I was blindsided. It made me even worse, it made my world worse.

Still, it wasn't enough to make me want to move out of the damn continent. But at the same time, I wanted to start fresh, leave all the fucked-up-ness behind.

A part of me felt that by moving to America for a bit, I could take a break or start afresh. I didn't really want to make new friends or anything; I just wanted a new life. I wanted to get away from all the people that wouldn't get off my bollocks back in London. I just needed a long vacation.

I had just gotten out of year 12 of school and should have been starting year 13 that September, but school was the last fucking thing I wanted to do at the moment. I couldn't see _those two_ again, not so soon after they ripped out my fucking heart and then stepped on my dick. Besides, who cares if I started year 13 a year later than normal?

It had been two weeks into our move and I was right depressed. My father hadn't been going to work just yet so it was two weeks of watching him sit on his arse and chug down beer like it was the last drink on Earth.

Mum was obsessed with settling in, pulling in furniture and hanging up paintings and other decorative shit. Once she settled in the kitchen to cook, I had nothing to do. I had been around town; it was as boring as watching paint dry. Such was the situation in my room; the dark gray paint on the walls was drying and I couldn't stand the smell. My dad was sitting in the living room, drinking and watching American news on the telly. I didn't want to be in the same room as him, so I decided it was time to visit Rose in Port Angeles.

Again.

Just as I pulled on my jacket and took a step towards the garage door to get on the motorbike I bought, Carlisle's voice rang out from the parlour.

"Oi, Edward? Come in here a moment, will you?"

I groaned. I avoided speaking to my dad at all costs. I couldn't just ignore him when he called for me. I mean, I could, but he was drunk so I might as well just go with the fucking flow of things.

I slowly walked into the parlour and eyed him cautiously. He was slouched back into the couch, a beer can in his right hand. He had on a gray t-shirt and his blonde hair was messed up from the back where his head rested against the couch.

"What?" I asked irritably. I wanted to get out of there.

"Off to school?" he asked, his eyes still on the telly. I furrowed my brows at him.

"School?" I repeated. "What do you mean, 'school'? I'm done with school. For now." I had no idea what he was getting at, and I hated people being vague.

"They're telling me you have to go to school," he replied, taking a swig from the can. "It's the law. You should be in high school, they say."

"Who the fuck are 'they'?" I snapped. The last thing I wanted was to go to high school. I was probably loads smarter than anyone there, anyway.

"The authorities," he shrugged. "Apparently if you don't go to school at your age, it's wrong. You're underage here as well."

"Like you give a fuck about right and wrong," I grumbled. "No one needs to know whether or not I'm going. That's stupid. I'm not going to go to high school for one fucking year. What for? There's no point, I'm moving back home next summer."

"You're not eighteen, you can't just do what you want, boy," Carlisle said. "Besides, I've already got you enrolled at the high school."

I immediately started fuming.

"What!" I said. "You fucking enrolled me? What did you do that for? I'm not fucking going, I don't care what you say!"

Carlisle looked at me for the first time, his blue eyes slightly glazed over from intoxication. They flashed with anger and before he could shout at me, I turned around and headed back towards the garage.

"Edward." My mum's voice rang out and I froze. She stood in the kitchen doorway, a look of concern on her face. I felt my expression soften when I looked at her.

"We've discussed this once before," she said quietly. "About you going to school here. It would be good for-"

"I know," I cut her off gently. "I just. . . I really, really don't want to. I need a break from people. I can't go through all that shit again. . . "

Esme smiled sadly. "It's not likely to happen again, darling. It's one year."

"Loads of shit happened in one summer, Mum," I reminded her.

Her eyes were permanently saddened as she gazed me. '

Then she blinked. "Where were you off to?" she asked.

I shrugged."Rose's."

Esme raised her eyebrows. "Again?" I shrugged again and she smiled. "Tell her I said hello."

I nodded and walked over to her, kissing her on the cheek.

Yes, I was quite the mummy's boy.

I walked into the garage and pulled out the motorbike that I had purchased shortly after coming here. Bikes were something I loved as much as Rose loved cars. I liked cars too, but there was just something personal about motorbikes; something that made me feel free from life's bullshit. The bike I had in England, a Triumph, was unfortunately unable to be shipped here, so I had to get one as soon I could. I fell in love with the Yamaha F6 I found here. I didn't know what the rules were for licenses in this country, but I never had one in England either, so it didn't mean anything to me.

Normally I wouldn't bother wearing a helmet, but for my Mum's sake I did. I promised her I would change my "ways", so to speak, and this was a small step towards what was hopefully a better life.

I shoved the piece of shit on and climbed on the bike, putting it into gear and taking off into the streets.

Riding a motorbike wasn't the same with a helmet on. I used to love the feeling of the wind blasting through my hair and shit, but that always got me into a bit of trouble.

Trouble. Like that was anything new. I reckoned if this country had some strict rule about helmets, I might as well comply and wear the damn thing to avoid the American authorities from giving me crap.

I got to Rosalie's building and got in the lift to go up to her flat. There was a girl inside who looked like a slag, her skirt so short it could be used as a fucking belt. Her top was tight and so low that her tits hung out. Her face was covered in cosmetic shit and that, combined with her dead and unnaturally colored hair, made her look like a drag queen.

She smirked at me and gave me a once-over as I got in. I stood as far from her as I could manage but as soon as the doors shut, she moved closer.

"Hey baby," she said. "Anything I can do for you?"

I looked down at her from the corner of my eyes as she fluttered her eyelashes sporadically.

"Something in your fucking eye?" I asked.

She blinked and raised her eyebrows before smiling widely. "Oh my gosh," she said. Her voice was whiny and annoying. "Are you from, like, Britain?"

I rolled my eyes. What was with the yanks' fascination with Brits anyway?

The doors opened to the fourth floor and the girl took a step forward and stuck her hand into the side of the lift so the doors wouldn't close.

"You know," she said. "If you want, you can come hang out in my apartment. . ." She puckered her too-shiny lips and widened her eyes at me.

"No," I told her, stepping out of the lift. "I'd rather not get an STD, thanks."

I left her looking at me with an offended expression as I went in search of a staircase. I found a doorway with a symbol on it and immediately went through.

The stairwell was dimly lit by a fluorescent light that blinked a bit. I hopped up two flights of stairs, taking two steps at a time, before I reached the door that opened onto the fifth level. I walked down the hallway and reached flat 5E, knocking on it loudly. I waited impatiently, tapping my foot, as I waited for Rose to get the door. She would be back from work by now and wouldn't have gone out anywhere since she said she was having 'guests' over for dinner. I planned on being in and out before they got here.

I banged on the door again and called, "Come on, Rose, open the fucking door! I didn't come all the way here to-" I broke off when the door flew open.

"Edward. What are you doing here?" she asked, looking slightly stunned and annoyed.

"Lovely to see you too, sis," I replied, pushing past her and into her flat. "I can't just come and see you?"

"Not after I've told you I've got guests coming over," she said, shutting the door. "They'll be here any minute. This is kind of important."

"Who's more important than your younger brother, eh? What, is it the prime minister or something? Fuck, I forgot we're not in England."

"It's Emmett and his sister," she said, walking towards the glass round-table and wiping it with a rag.

"That's it?" I asked. "Your boyfriend and his sister? Really, Rose? They're more important than me?"

Rosalie sighed and set the rag down, her hands on her hips. "Look, I love Emmett. You know that. He's as close to his sister as you are to me, and I really want to get to know her. Having you and your bad attitude here isn't exactly a brilliant idea."

"Wow," I said, putting on a hurt tone. "I can't believe you think so low of me. You think I'll ruin this evening for you? Ouch."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "You can stay if you want, but you have to swear you'll be good."

I snorted at that. "Right. Like anything's going to stop me from saying what I want to."

I spotted the drawing of London on her fridge and walked over to it. It was something I drew for her right before she left London to come here almost five years ago; it was a little something to remind her of home. I felt bittersweet looking at the picture. It was the place I loved, yet also the place where all the shit took place.

"You've still got this?" I asked, pointing to the picture. "I thought you would have chucked it by now."

Rosalie smiled fondly at me. "When have I ever chucked out something you drew for me, Edward? I've still got things you made me when you were five."

I chuckled and shook my head. "I'd rather not see those."

"Are you staying, then?" she asked.

"Nah. I'll leave. I figured I could kill some time here, but I guess I've got to go back home. . ."

My expression must have looked depressed, because her brows immediately furrowed with concern. She was going into big sister/therapist mode.

"What happened now?" she asked gently. I shook my head and walked out onto her balcony.

I liked standing out there; the view wasn't magnificent but it made me feel like I was away from all the bullshit. I liked to just stare at the mass of trees and the clouds to get my mind off things. A part of me loved nature, but that was something I never told anyone.

Rosalie followed me out and I stood staring up at the gray clouds. The weather here wasn't that different from London; it rained often there, too.

Rose put a hand on my arm. "Go on," she said. "Is it Carlisle again?"

Rosalie hadn't called our father 'dad' for a very long time. Like me, she didn't see him as much of a father.

I shrugged. "Almost. They want me to go to fucking school. School, Rose. Here. Why? I don't bloody get it. Can't I get a fucking break?"

I shook my head and my hand instinctively flew to my back jeans pocket, for my pack of fags. But then I remembered Rose didn't like me smoking, especially in her flat, so I ran my hand through my hair instead.

"Maybe it's not a bad idea," she said quietly.

My eyes widened with disbelief. "Not a bad idea? Are you mad? What the fuck am I supposed to do with a high school diploma if I'm moving back to London next year?"

Rosalie frowned. "You're not staying?" she asked, sounding disappointed.

"Why should I?"

My sister stared at me and I couldn't put a finger on the emotion in her eyes. It looked like worry more than anything, but there was something else. . .

"Just think about it," she said, and I groaned. Before I could protest, she kept going, "This could be a good opportunity for you! Look, I know you want to start over, and that's great. But moving back to London in such a short amount of time isn't going to change much. How are you going to manage there on your own? You're bright, yes, but we don't have many people there to help you out if you need it. And your friends and Tanya-"

"Don't," I said through clenched teeth. "Don't . . . bring them up."

"Sorry," she said softly. "What I mean to say is, I know it seems easy to just go back to London alone once you turn eighteen, buy a flat, get a job and all that. But it's really not that simple. Do you know how hard it was for me to start a life here? I had no one. I worked my ass off to get where I am now, and London may be familiar to you, but it's really not going to be all that different."

"No one told you that you had to move to the fucking states," I said.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "I know that. And I wouldn't have changed my decision. Just take it from someone that knows; it's not easy to start your life over when you've got no support system."

"I won't be alone," I argued. "I know those wankers who fucked up my life aren't going to be there, and that's exactly what I want. There's still family. There's Aunt Kate and Uncle Garrett. So they live in Norwich, not London, but at least it's England. If worst comes to worst, I'll crash at their house."

Rosalie sighed. "Would you really want to do that to them, Edward?" she asked.. "I know for a fact you wouldn't really do that. Besides, where will you sleep, on their couch? It's a small house-"

"I know, I know," I said "And no, I wouldn't do that. Not really. I'll figure something out. . . "

"While you're figuring something out', try school-"

"I'm _not_going to-"

"Will you stop interrupting me?" she said irritably.

I shut my mouth and raised my eyebrows at her, telling her to proceed as she sighed.

"Thank you," she said calmly. "Look. . . I know you think you can start a life here without going to school. I know you want to avoid making friends and dating. But Edward, being antisocial is not healthy for you, or anyone else for that matter. You need to be around new people. Not only that, but you won't have much of a life without school. Do you plan on getting a part time job here?"

"What for?"

"Exactly. I know you won't be at home all the time, and I'm starting work soon. Are you just going to walk around town all day?"

"I _can_do that, really. . . " I said quietly. She was close to convincing me. Damn Rose and her logical ways.

"You can, but you won't. You're not that stupid." Shit. Now she was using reverse psychology.

"So, because I don't want to go to a new school in a new country with new people for one year to get a useless diploma, I'm stupid?" She shook her head, a small smile on her lips.

"Not because of that," she said. "Because you won't do the one thing that will help you do what you want to do: move on. Come on, Ed. Do it for Mum."

"Don't bring Mum into this!" I said irritably. I definitely had a sore spot for my mother. "She's got nothing to do with it.."

"She does. She would really love for you to go to school. She told me just the other day over the phone…"

"Yeah, yeah," I said dismissively. Honestly, she had me there.

Suddenly Rose's mobile phone went off. She pulled it out and sighed when she saw the number on the ID.

Flipping it open and holding it to her ear, she turned slightly away from me and said, "Ann? You all right?" Her voice was full of nothing but concern; it was always the tone her voice took on when she went into guidance counsellor mode. She probably handed her number to anyone on the street that looked like they had personal shit they needed to talk about.

Rosalie listened to the voice on the other end, occasionally sighing and shaking her head.

"Again?" she said, her brows furrowing. "Oh no. . . All right, just. . . Mm hmm . . . oh good Lord. All right, calm down, sweetheart, I'll come right down. Okay. All right. See you in a bit." She flipped the phone closed and looked at me.

"Someone wants to talk about their fucked up life?" I asked her.

Rose nodded sadly. "It's Ann, a student at the middle school," she said hurriedly. Her brows were permanently furrowed and she seemed distracted. "She actually happens to live down on the third floor. Her mother . . . never mind. I need to speak to her, now." I nodded and gazed at the trees before me.

"Mull things over for a bit, okay?" she said. "Please. Think about it, I really do believe it's for your benefit. I wouldn't be trying to convince you if I didn't care."

She smiled sadly at me before patting my arm and walking back into her flat. After a minute, I assumed she was gone so I immediately pulled out a cigarette and lit it. The heat ran down my throat and into my lungs, putting me at ease immediately. I liked to smoke when I had a lot to think about; somehow it helped me sort things out.

It was raining hard now, but it didn't hit me because the balcony had an awning. I gazed through the screen of falling rain, and stared at the mass of trees that was Forks. I loved the rain; I always had, for as long as I could remember. Even as a child I would love to just sit in the window and watch it fall. There was something peaceful about it, a type of serenity that nothing else in nature could match. When it rained as hard as it was now, it was like it rained for me. It was like the skies were telling me that they felt my pain and were crying for me.

This was shit I would never tell anyone. Wouldn't want anyone thinking of me as some pansy, always roaming about it nature. But I couldn't deny on the way rain made me feel. Everything about it gave me peace, especially its smell. I was glad Washington wasn't some ridiculously sunny place; it reminded me of London with its frequent raining. The rain smelled different here, though. It smelled more natural, earthier. It was new to me, but it was actually something new that I didn't mind.

I suddenly remembered how opposed Rose was to my smoking, and I didn't want her knowing I smoked anywhere near her flat, so I shut the balcony doors. They shut with a soft thud.

I turned back to gaze at the rain some more, and stared at the trees again. My mother was there, in Forks, and I wondered what she was doing now. I wondered if Carlisle had passed out yet. I wondered when he was going to pass out without ever waking up.

My fag was getting dull so I put it out in a potted plant that was in the corner of the balcony. I then leaned over the balcony to see if there was anyone on the pavement below, before dropping the cigarette. I watched it fall, move about the rain, land. Then it was just a minuscule little dot on the rain darkened pavement.

Suddenly, I heard something crash inside and I whirled around toward the doors. I opened them just in time to hear someone hiss, "Shit!"

Peering out, I saw someone's feet crawling around on the floor, having knocked something over. All I saw were the shoes, which were simple Chucks and could have belonged to anyone. My mind immediately said, "robber" and I contemplated what to do.

I could take him out with my fist. But what if he had a weapon? What if he had a gun? I could take anyone out with my fist; years of getting into brawls on the streets of London taught me that. But my blows were nothing compared to the quick pull of a trigger. Sure, I thought my life was fucked up, but I didn't want to die just yet.

I knew that Rose kept a bat in her room for security. Thinking quick, I slipped out of the balcony and into her bedroom. Once inside, I looked around for the bat. I was right when I assumed it was under the bed, so I quickly pulled it out and silently went back outside.

The intruder was in the kitchen now. Their back was to me as they stared at the drawing of London I made. I would have immediately snuck up on them and knocked them on the head, but what stopped me was that I wasn't sure it was a male anymore. The intruder wore a black hoodie, the hood up. The jeans were fitted to show thin legs, definitely on the feminine side. I suddenly thought, "Nice ass." before mentally slapping myself. Sometimes I couldn't escape being a bloke.

My bat was still halfway raised as I tried to figure out what to do. Then, the intruder lifted a slender finger to touch the drawing.

They touched the fucking drawing. They touched _my_ fucking drawing.

"Who the fuck are you?" I snapped, and the intruder turned around, frightened.

I was right. It was a girl.

She stared at me with wide brown eyes, her brown locks damp and hanging out from under her hood. She eyed me with shock as I glared at her. Her eyes roamed my face and it felt like they left a trail as the skin on my face started to feel prickly.

"Well?" I asked, dropping the bat. Clearly, she wasn't harmful and even she was a thief of some kind, she was a bad one. I kept myself talking, not liking how I was all but entranced by her porcelain-like skin, slender features, and pink lips.

Her upper lip was fuller than her bottom one. Something about that had me feeling things I hadn't felt in a while. . .

"Are you going to tell me who the fuck you are and what the hell you're doing in my sister's flat?" I asked her harshly. She blinked and stared at me some more. It was putting me on edge, something about her gaze sending what felt like static across my skin.

"Oh," I said, pretending to become aware of something. "So you're fucking mute then, are you?"

Her brows furrowed. Finally, some emotion other than shock on that face.

"And you're deaf, too?" I continued my verbal attack. "Or are you just plain stupid?"

Yes, I was being a dick. But this girl comes out of nowhere and does things to me just by looking at me, and that catches me off guard. I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit. Who did she think she was, anyway?

"I, uh -" she began to speak, her voice soft and low. Rose and her giant bloke of a boyfriend chose that moment to burst in.

Rose greeted The Intruder, whose name I learned was Bella.

Bella. Ever since I heard it, the name played itself over and over in my head like a broken record. It was irritating me to no end, and I tried to think of other things as the girl and Rose chatted away for almost an hour. I stayed mostly in the kitchen, playing around with my barely used mobile or listening to my iPod.

It didn't matter what I did, my thoughts and my body unwillingly made me aware of who else was there.

I could have left, but I didn't. For one thing, there was no fucking way I was going home yet. In all honesty, I didn't want to.

I didn't know what was wrong with me. This girl did absolutely nothing to me and yet she was driving me mad by just being there.

Was it the way I was drawn to her without reason? I couldn't see anything special about her. She was fairly nice-looking, I supposed, but nothing about her made her unique to me. She was absolutely ordinary.

What was it then? I was confused, and mostly annoyed at the situation. I wanted to tear my hair out.

Because this girl was no one, yet clearly she was someone.

Pizza came, and I insisted on staying in the kitchen but Rose started bitching at me about manners and shit. I ended up sitting somewhat next to Bella. I saw her tense up when I sat down; was she afraid of me? I didn't want her to be. I wanted her to steer clear, definitely, but she didn't have to be afraid. It's not like I was going to fucking touch her or anything. I wasn't my father.

Rosalie and Emmett were arguing about the difference between "chips" in the UK compared to "chips" in the US. In England, chips are the American equivalent to French fries. Apparently this had confused Emmett when he and my sister went on a casual date and she felt like having chips. The dimwit took her to the grocery store for crisps.

I liked Emmett. It was hard for me to like anyone at all, yet Emmett had a personality that I had never really come across. He was boisterous, playful, and extremely corny with his jokes. Normally I would find someone like that extremely irritating, yet it amused me because it didn't fit Emmett's physical appearance at all. Not only that, but he was good to Rose. When I heard Rose had a boyfriend, I was wary. I thought, Oh boy, what fucked up bugger is she going out with now? Rose didn't date just anyone. Dating was something she did not take lightly, and I knew she would be extra careful with whoever she went out with. But I was pleasantly surprised by Emmett. He was a bit on the wacky side, but I thought he was cool.

And that was a first for me.

I could tell Rose was in love with him, and that was fine by me. You could tell by the way she smiled at him, the way she looked at him, the way she listened to what he said. Same went for Emmett- he clearly wasn't going out with her for the shagging. He seemed to appreciate her intellectually, always asking her about things and seeming interested in whatever she was talking about. There was a spark in his eyes when he looked at her; it was never horny, just infatuated.

I wondered if I had ever looked like that when I was with my ex. Did I look at her the same way? Did she look at me like Rose looked at Emmett? Now, I doubted that she did. I couldn't believe I ever thought she loved me, but most of all I couldn't believe what I let her do to me…

Rose went off to answer the phone in her room, and Emmett went off to the loo. That left just Bella and I. I was aware that we were alone, yet I was still lost in my thoughts of Tanya.

Tanya. The only girl that I loved and the only girl that screwed me over. The only girl that I would have died for at one point, and the only one that killed me on the inside.

Love. What a broad concept. To me, love meant one thing and one thing only.

Pain.

I felt Bella's gaze on me and I was snapped out of my reverie. She was staring at my arm, her mouth slightly open and her eyes probing. I had never actually looked at her this close up before.

Did I think she was just ordinary before? All of a sudden, she was far from. . .

Her skin was as clear as day, looking so fucking soft that it took everything in me not to just reach over and run my fingers over it. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes matched the color of her hair. Her features were slender and feminine. She looked fragile, like you could break her just by stroking her cheek.

But her lips had me flipped over and fucked up in so many ways. The top one stuck out in a natural pout, leaving the lower one lonely and on its own. They were a dark pink and so fascinating to me. They looked so fucking soft. I wondered what it would feel like to. . .

Shit. What was she doing to me? She had no right to make me feel this way. Sure, it wasn't exactly her fault, but either way, she was sending static through me without even fucking trying.

Fuck it. I couldn't go through that again. Never, ever again.

I asked her what she was staring at and she said, "Nothing" before looking down at the table. She was so strange. I told her that straight up, that she was weird.

I thought that by telling her that out loud, I would be able to convince myself that it was true.

Her brows furrowed and she said, "What's that supposed to mean?" She sounded slightly insulted, and I was pleased. Maybe I was going somewhere with this.

"Weird, strange, odd, queer, bizarre," I explained. "Have you not finished primary school, then?"

"I have finished 'primary school'," she replied. She swallowed before continuing. "And I know what 'weird' means." She was defending herself. Good. That's how it should be. It would suck if she let me talk shit without fighting back. Where's the fun in that? It wouldn't work any other way. . .

"Well if you didn't act so dim-witted. . ." I continued. She wasn't stupid, and she wasn't acting like it. But I had to make her think so.

"Are you calling me stupid?" she asked. Her voice wasn't low anymore, it was normal. It was angry. Her anger was . . . cute. It was like a small kitten trying to be intimidating.

I pretended to think about it before saying, "Yeah, I reckon I am."

"Why are you such an asshole?" she blurted.

I didn't know I was smirking until the smirk fell. Yes, I was an asshole. But I had to be. She didn't understand. Maybe it was irrational of me to think that she should think about what may have made me this way, but at the time all I could think was about how fucked up my life was and how I couldn't help being this way. She just didn't fucking understand.

She clamped her hand to her mouth, looking regretful.

"Sorry," she said quietly. "That was rude." Why was she apologizing? She didn't need to fucking apologize to me. Then again, she should be sorry. She should be sorry for not trying to get where I was coming from.

"You should be fucking sorry," I said angrily. "You don't know who the fuck you're talking to." It was true. She had no idea. And I hoped she would never find out.

"I know exactly who I'm talking to, I'm talking to you," she snapped. My blood was suddenly boiling, the hints of the old me trying to resurface.

"Yeah? Well I suggest you stop talking altogether, if you know what's good for you," I said. My fist was clenched and I tried not to punch anything. Something was very, very wrong with me.

"Are you threatening me?" I wasn't threatening her, I was warning her. She really shouldn't be around me, and I shouldn't be around her. I wouldn't hurt her, but the situation wasn't safe for either of us.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not," I said vaguely.

We glared at each other for a few moments. Her eyes shone with anger and her brows were furrowed, creating a slight shadow over her chocolate brown eyes. Her lips were in an angry pout and her long brown hair draped her face wildly, still damp from the rain.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't look at her. It felt right, yet it felt wrong because I didn't want it to feel right. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I stood up and pulled out my cigarettes, not caring that Rose was in the other room. I needed this, and I needed it now.

I needed to feel the heat radiating down to my lungs to distract me. I needed to feel a different kind of heat, not the heat I was feeling now. It was an angry heat, a frustrated heat, a confused heat.

It was a heat of desire, and that was very, very dangerous for me.

She shot out of her seat and covered her nose as I let out the smoke, a look of revulsion on her face.

"Gross," she mumbled.

"Got a problem with me smoking?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied. "Smoking is disgusting. It turns your lungs black, stains your teeth, and makes your breath stink. Not only that but it's slow suicide." She was right, it was slow suicide. It was too late, though. Fags became the one thing that helped me get through the day. Maybe the slow suicide thing was intentional. Maybe it wasn't.

"Look at you sounding like a geek," I told her, although I really didn't care. "We're all going to die one fucking day, might as well speed up the process, no?"

She looked at me, horrified. "Are you that depressed?"

I snorted. "Piss off." Her probing was making me uncomfortable.

"Well, sorry to piss you off, but you're kind of being a jerk," she retorted, and I rolled my eyes.

"Americans," I muttered, shaking my head. "I'm not saying you're pissing me off, I'm telling you to piss off. Means the same as bugger off, or fuck off. Get it now?"

"Don't tell me to fuck off," she said, clearly offended.

"Too fucking late, I already have," I spat. "Now do me a favour and shut up, will you? Your voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard, its grating at my nerves." That was a lie. Her voice was nowhere near that.

"Don't tell me to shut up," she countered. Her voice got higher in pitch and my scowl deepened.

"If you would shut your mouth I wouldn't have to!" I said, raising my voice. I didn't shout, but I was close to it.

Here he comes, I thought remorsefully. The old Edward.

Thankfully, Rose came out of her bedroom in time before I could say anything I regretted. Not that I had said anything nice, but when I felt the old Edward coming out, that was bad.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Rose asked. She saw the fag in my hand and went bonkers.

"Are you mad?" she cried. "What the hell do you think you're doing, smoking in my apartment? Either take that out on the balcony or leave! Look! You're getting ashes all over the rug! What is wrong with you, Edward?"

I wish I knew. I wish I could tell her what the hell was going on inside of me. It was a whirlwind of emotions, frustration more than anything. I knew what I was frustrated about but I didn't want to admit it. Instead of admitting anything, I decided to blame.

I pointed at Bella and said, "If she wasn't so fucking annoying I wouldn't have had to have a fag!"

"I didn't do anything to you!" Bella yelled. "You're the one being a douche bag for no reason and talking down to me like you're so damn superior!"

"You're barmy, that's what you are," was all I could say.

A look of confusion crossed her face. "What the hell does that even mean?"

"Christ, you don't know what anything means, do you?" I said. Communication would be a problem. "I knew you were thick from the moment I saw you."

"I am not fat!" she retorted.

"Thick mean's stupid, Bella," Rosalie explained to her, still glaring at me. "And I don't appreciate you calling her that, Edward. You should apologize."

"Apologize?" I said with disbelief. "For what, for being honest?"

I wasn't being honest. I hadn't been honest with myself since the moment I saw her.

"For being rude!" Rose said sternly, hands on her hips.

"Fuck that," I said."Everything about her is annoying; she never understands any fucking thing I say to her."

"Maybe if you spoke plain English, I would understand what the hell you say," Bella stated.

"I am fucking speaking plain English!" I snapped. "I'm speaking real English, not your Americanized shit! It's not my fault you don't bloody understand."

We glared at one another, the air tense. I turned my back to her, not liking the expression of hate on her face. I deserved it, and it was best for the both of us, but that didn't mean I liked it.

"Edward," Rose said quietly. "Come out to the balcony. I want to speak with you."

"No," I said curtly. I wasn't in the mood for one of her shrink sessions.

"Either get on the balcony, or go home."

I turned my head a little towards her, bringing up 'home' a smart way to get me to listen. She knew I didn't want to go home, not yet at least. It was no 'home' of mine after all.

I finally stomped off to the balcony, slamming the doors behind me. I put out the fag in the same potted plant as earlier and sighed. I walked over to the ledge, leaning my elbows on it and once again throwing my cigarette down. It had stopped raining, but the scent of earthy rain still hung in the air. I breathed it in deep, hoping it would help me clear my thoughts.

What was the matter with me? I was so fucking confused. Did I like her? Did I not? I knew absolutely nothing about the girl. She was my sister's boyfriend's sister. What did that make her to me? Nothing, I hoped.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I knew what I was feeling and I tried to push it away.

_This is wrong_, I lectured myself. _Think about what you're doing. You can't do this again. You can't think about anyone but yourself. You know what happened last time. You know what happened the last time you let yourself like anyone._

Was this love? It couldn't be, and it wasn't at the time. Why did it feel so much like it, then?

_I need to be careful_, I thought. _I can't let her have the effect she has on me. She must not even be worth it. You better fucking hope she isn't worth it._

Rose was taking too long. I grew impatient, wanting to get over with whatever the hell she wanted to say to me. I opened the balcony doors and stuck my head in, seeing Rose and Bella still standing there, talking.

"What the fuck," I said. "I thought you wanted to talk to me, and now you're out here talking to this . . ." I waved my hand in the air, trying to think of a word that described her. Several words did come to mind, but I couldn't say them. Not for the life of me. "Fuck it. There isn't a word that describes _her_."

Rose sighed and said, "Edward, please. I'm coming, have some patience." I told her to hurry up and closed the doors again.

I shook my head and looked up at the darkening sky.

I was screwed. I was so very, very screwed.

Rose finally came out and shut the doors gently behind her.

"Why, Edward?" she asked gently. She didn't look angry, but she did look disturbed. "Why must you treat her like that?" I shook my head again, not wanting to answer her.

Of course I knew why I had treated Bella like shit. None of it was her fault, but I had to protect myself. I had been through too much pain and had just stitched myself up again.

Then comes this girl, who with one look was threatening to open up those scars again.

I glanced at Rosalie from the corner of my eyes, and she was staring at me with deep concentration. It was the look she got when someone was talking about their feelings, though I wasn't really saying anything.

Damn. It must have been written on my face.

Suddenly, Rose gasped softly. My head snapped towards her, and her mouth was slightly open, her eyes wide.

"Oh, no," she said.

I furrowed my brows at her. "What?"

What had she just realized? Clearly not the truth. . .

"Don't tell me," she said.

"Don't tell you what?"

"You fancy her, don't you?"

"No!" I said too quickly. Rose's eyes got wider and I fully turned towards her.

"Rose," I said urgently. "I don't. I really don't. It's not that, it's just . . . something about her irritates me. That's all."

She raised her brows at me, not buying it.

"Really!" I said, trying to persuade her. "I don't even know her Rose, do you really think I like her already?"

She stared at me. "I don't know. . . you just seem. . ."

"What? I seem what?"

"You seem. . . distracted."

I let out and exasperated breath. "Let it go, okay? I don't fucking like her. There isn't anything I like about her. I talked to her the way I talk to everyone else. She isn't anyone special."

Rose eyed me skeptically, still not buying it but almost on the verge.

I would have to go deeper.

"Do you really think I'd let myself like anyone at the moment? After all that bullshit with . . . with Tanya?"

I thought about it, but I never really talked about it out loud. Rose looked slightly stunned at my having finally spoken the name out loud.

"Oh," she said quietly. "So you don't. . ."

"No," I said, my voice low. "I can't. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Don't think this girl's got to me, all right? Because she hasn't. She's nothing to me. I just got pissy with her because she was bitching about me smoking. I get that enough from you and Mum, I don't need her doing that, too."

Rose smiled sadly. "Anything you want to talk about?"

I shook my head and turned away from her. "No," I said, staring at the darkened trees. "Not yet."

"Just promise me one thing," she suddenly said. I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Promise me you'll be just a bit nicer to Bella than you were."

"No can do," I said.

"Why? What is so difficult about being nice to someone?"

"What's difficult is when you're nice to someone and they fucking backstab you. What's difficult is when you let yourself trust someone and they take that trust and shove it up your ass. What's difficult is when the _one_ person you care about fucking screws you over after all you fucking did for them. You can't ever be too nice to anyone, because they'll take advantage of you. They'll think they can do whatever the fuck they want, not giving a shit about the consequences it can have on a person. You want me to be nice? Sorry, sis, not going to happen. I won't do it. I won't make that mistake again. I won't make the mistake of fucking being kind to someone when they haven't shown me anything that tells me they deserve my fucking kindness. Because if you ask me, every fucking person in this shithole of a world can't be trusted."

I didn't know where my outburst came from. The timing was unexpected, but it was something I had wanted to say for a very long time.

"Wow," Rose said. "I didn't know you felt that way."

I snorted bitterly. "Look. I don't want to discuss it. You want me to be nice to the girl? I'll try. No guarantees. I guess it's because she's Emmett's sister right? She means something to you?" Rose nodded. "Right. I reckoned as much. I won't say anything else to her for the rest of the night if that makes you happy."

"That's not enough," she said quietly.

"It may not be, but that's all I've got to offer. I'll try not to be here when she comes round next time, all right?"

"It would be nice if you two got to know each other a bit-"

I laughed bitterly. "What good's that going to do?"

"I'm knackered," I sighed. I really did feel exhausted, the emotional roller coaster overwhelming me. "All this thinking . . . it's fucking with my head. Let's go back inside, shall we? I won't say another word to her. Promise."

Rose suddenly hugged me, her head on my chest. I was taken aback, but hugged her back as she squeezed me.

"If there's anything you want to talk about, you know I'll always be here, right?"

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah. I know that."

She pulled away, her nose wrinkled. "You stink like smoke, Ed. Try quitting-"

"Deal with it."

We headed back inside, and I kept my expression blank as I went back to lean against the kitchen counter. Emmett was out of the loo, and told Rose that he needed to go because Bella had school.

School. That was another thing I had to think about.

I noticed that Bella had taken off her hoodie. It lay on the couch as she stood there in a blue top that hugged her curves. The color was striking against her skin, making her look like she was glowing. It brought out the pink in her cheeks, and I couldn't take my eyes off her body as she hugged Rose, her back to me.

_Look away, you pervert_**,** I told myself.

I tried, but I couldn't. Was she trying to drive me insane, wearing a top like that? It wasn't revealing, but it was fucking sending heat through my body.

Bella and Emmett left and soon after I realized that Bella had left her hoodie. It was chilly outside by now; she would be without it?

Without thinking, I grabbed it and ran out the door. The two were closer to the lift at the end, and I jogged towards her.

"Oi!" I called. She whirled around, confused, and I tossed her hoodie at her.

I expected her to catch it, but obviously her reflexes weren't very good since the hoodie ended up draping over her face. I smirked at the sight and walked away as Emmett chuckled.

I went back into Rose's flat and lay on her couch, closing my eyes. My head was pounding, and my thoughts were still a jumbled mess.

That night I came to the conclusion that I needed to make myself hate Bella Swan before it was too late.

If I knew what was good for me, I never wanted to see her again.

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **I swear he won't always be this mean, but at least we know the reasons now.


	5. The Best Thing

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 5- The Best Thing**

_I'll go back to before we met  
Try and erase the past  
Try harder to forget cause  
Nothing will ever be as good as here and now_

_Cause when I looked into your eyes  
And you dared to stare right back  
You should've said "Nice to meet you, I'm your other half"_

_And this is the best thing  
The best thing that could be happening  
And I think you would agree  
The best thing is that it's happening_

_To you and me._

**The Best Thing- Relient K**

* * *

**Bella POV**

My alarm clock was not what woke me up on Monday morning.

_What the hell?_ I thought, rolling over in bed.

The sun was seeping through my blinds gently, and a glance at the alarm clock told me it was almost seven-thirty in the morning. I quickly tried to scramble out of my blankets, realizing that I was running late for school. My feet got tangled in the blankets and I fell off the bed, hitting my head on the floor. I groaned and grabbed my skull, my head spinning. I lay there for a while before carefully getting up and heading out of my room.

The drilling noise, which was what had woke me up, got louder as I stepped into the hallway. I walked slowly towards the stairs, still sleepy, and stood at the top. From here, all I could see was part of the living room floor caked in white dust and a bunch of tools lying around. I heard the mumble of male voices followed by Emmett's loud guffaw.

Emmett had informed me the day before that he would be calling over some guys to work on the flat screen embedded into the wall. Something had gone wrong with it and my brother knew nothing about TVs, as far as getting them to work was concerned. I knew there would be workers coming over that, but I was unaware that they would be coming that early.

I yawned and walked down the steps halfway, peering over the banister.

The living room was a mess. The hardwood floor was covered in white dust from the wall, the room smelling like plaster. Tools lay all over the place and the rugs and couches were randomly strewn here and there, pushed out of the way for the workers. I assumed they had just had breakfast, since dishes were scattered around, too. I sighed, knowing that I would end up being the one to clean it all up later.

Two of the men were trying to drill the TV out of the wall as two more supervised and Emmett leaned against the kitchen doorway, watching. Dust from the drills was flying everywhere and I had to squint from it. I accidentally inhaled some and coughed, causing Emmett to notice me there.

"Hey Bells!" he called over the noise, grinning. "Excited about getting the TV fixed?"

I shook my head and coughed again.

"Are these professionals?" I asked loudly. The men didn't look like they had much practice in this type of thing.

"Are you kidding?" Emmett replied. "Do you know how much they would cost? Nah, these are buddies." My eyes widened briefly before I had to squint again.

"Do they know what the hell they're doing?" I called, but the workers had shut the drills off so I was yelling for no reason.

I looked at them, embarrassed.

"Hey," one of them, a short and pudgy guy, said to me. "We may not have a license in this kind of thing, but years of tearing shit up and putting it back together as a hobby comes in handy sometimes." He winked and turned the drill back on. I looked at Emmett in disbelief.

"Don't worry about it," my brother called, reading my expression. "If they fuck something up, we'll sue."

I nodded hesitantly before running back upstairs to get ready for school.

I threw on a simple white top with three-fourth sleeves and light blue jeans before quickly running a brush through my hair. Pulling on a denim jacket and a pair of white Chucks, I stumbled down the stairs again.

The men had finally managed to get the TV out, which left a huge rectangular hole in the wall. They were now messing around with the wires that stuck out from the back of the TV, mumbling to themselves and shaking their heads in confusion.

Glad that my shoes were white, I carefully stepped over the dusty areas of the floor, which was pretty much impossible since it was all over, and went into the kitchen to grab a cereal bar. No time for Pop-Tarts today.

Emmett was putting the men's plates in the dishwasher and I was in too much of a hurry to even get paranoid about it.

"Are you sure you trust these guys?" I asked him quietly as I went into the pantry. "They really don't look like they have a clue."

Emmett shrugged. "I seriously don't have the money to pay professionals," he said. "These guys work for cheap, and they're not just fixing the TV, they're gonna be screwing around with the light in my room, too. It's been flickering all weird for days. Hurts my eyes and shit."

"They're going to be here all day?" I asked with a groan.

"I heard that!" one of the men called from the living room. I blushed as Emmett chuckled.

"Might as well get what needs to be done, right?" Emmett said, putting the last of the plates away. I shoveled down my cereal bar quickly and threw out the wrapper.

"Don't choke," Emmett said as I went towards the back door.

I swallowed before I cried, "I'm late!"

My brother looked at the time on the microwave and did a double-take.

"Oh, shit!" he said. "You are!"

I rolled my eyes and nodded towards the door suggestively.

"Hey guys," Emmett called into the living room. "I'm gonna drive Bella to school, don't steal anything while I'm gone!" The men mumbled in response as Emmett followed me out the door.

For once, I begged Emmett to drive faster the whole way to school. Unfortunately there was a minor accident in town so there was traffic. The streets always got clogged over the littlest things, since the people of Forks liked to ogle. The town was just that boring.

After fifteen minutes of sitting in a barely moving car, I seriously considered getting out and walking the rest of the way.

"That's it," I told Emmett. "I'm seriously about to get out right now and go to school on foot."

Emmett shrugged indifferently. "You can," he said. "School's like, what, five blocks away?"

I was torn as to whether or not to actually do it. It wasn't raining today, and the blocks were short. I really did not want to be late for class and be under the spotlight once I walked in, though at this point that seemed inevitable.

"I can totally park somewhere and walk you," Emmett suggested.

"I'm not a dog, Emmett, I don't need to be walked," I replied. I was frustrated with the traffic and my hand was clutching the door handle.

"Touchy, touchy," he said, laughing. "Seriously though, if you wanna walk the rest of the way, that's fine with me. I kinda wanna go back home and check on the guys anyway. Make sure they didn't touch my shit, you know. Besides, it's a nice day."

That was all it took to officially convince me. I pushed the door open and hastily got out.

"Hey goodbye to you, too!" Emmett called out the window.

"Bye!" I said over my shoulder, but tripped on the wheel of a parked car. I caught myself in time and ignored the honks at me as I stepped off of the street and onto the sidewalk.

I power-walked the last few blocks to school, trying not to break into a run. I was pretty sure math had already started and I was trying not to be entirely too late.

By the time school was three blocks away, I was breathing heavily and my heart was racing. My legs were tired and I felt stupid for doing this; cars were zooming by me so the traffic was probably cleared. I had pulled my jacket off and held it draped over my arm, the cool wind feeling nice on my skin.

Just when I was contemplating just slowing to a normal pace and missing class altogether, the familiar sound of rubber wheels on concrete met my ears. I stopped in my tracks and turned around.

My mouth pulled into a grin and my heart thudded faster yet as I saw Jacob rolling towards me. He wore a black t-shirt with a silver metallic design on the front and dark jeans. He looked good, as usual, and his full lips pulled into a smile as he approached me.

"In a hurry?" he asked, stopping abruptly next to me. He picked the skateboard up as we started walking at a normal pace toward school.

"Yeah," I said breathlessly. "I'm pretty late."

"Correction," he replied. "We're pretty late." My heart fluttered slightly at the mention of 'we'. I felt myself blush and looked down at my feet, feeling warm and flustered.

"That's so cute," he said. I looked at him, puzzled, as he reached out and gently touched my cheek with his fingers. I felt my face get even redder as his warm fingers left a blazing trail on my skin. "You turn pink so easily."

I laughed nervously as his fingers left my face. I immediately wanted them back.

"I know," I said. "I hate that."

His brows furrowed. "How come?"

"Sometimes I don't want it to be obvious how I'm feeling," I replied. "The blush is always a dead giveaway. It can be annoying."

Jacob smiled and shrugged one shoulder. "I think it's cute," he said, as though that dismissed the case.

We fell into an awkward silence again as we continued to walk. I always got goosebumps when I was around him, especially when he was this close to me, and I couldn't figure out why. I brushed it off as part of having a major crush on someone. On top of that, I was suddenly no longer freaked out about being late for school.

"How come you're walking?" he asked after a moment. He looked down at me curiously, his dark eyes penetrating.

"Um . . . there was traffic," I said simply. "I was running really late and the cars were frozen in their spots so I just . . . got out and started walking."

Jacob nodded in understanding. "That makes sense. You live far away then?"

I shook my head. "I live walking distance, but it's a really long walk," I explained. "I can do it, but I'd have to leave the house like half an hour early if I want to make it to school on time."

"I don't see the point of getting to school on time," Jacob said, staring ahead. "As long as you show up, no matter what time, it should count for something. Right?"

He looked at me to see if I agreed and even though I didn't I just nodded.

Jacob continued, "Take now for example. I bet we've missed the first 20 minutes of class. The first 20 minutes of every class is always useless; the teacher basically just rambles on about shit we did the day before and checks homework and all that. We never really learn anything new in the first 20 minutes. So why be there?"

All I could do was nod, not really sure what to say. I had always been taught to abide by any kind of rules, since my father was a Police Chief, but what Jacob was saying sort of went against that.

"You have a point," I said quietly, not wanting him to think I was ignoring him. He nodded and smiled, pleased by my response.

I forced myself to pluck up some courage and talk to him some more. I saw the way he held his skateboard almost protectively, and decided to ask him about skateboarding. By the time we got to school, our conversation had transformed many times from being about skateboards to public transportation to cranky bus drivers to cranky teachers to cell phone prohibition in classrooms to phone numbers.

"Speaking of phone numbers," he said. "Can I write on you?"

We were in the middle of the school hallway now and I stopped too look at him, confused.

"What?" I asked, laughing. "You want to . . . write on me?"

He pulled out a pen from his back pocket and took my right arm. His grip was firm and his hand was hot like he was running a temperature. I felt the heat from his touch radiate up my arm and down my body. He started writing something on the area between my wrist and forearm, his eyes squinted in concentration. The pen's tip tickled me and I giggled. He smiled at me briefly before continuing. I saw he was writing a phone number and my heart skipped a beat as I felt my cheeks get warm again.

When he was done he capped the pen and put it back in his pocket. He laughed and touched the blush on my cheek again before saying, "Talk to you later" and turning a corner.

I stood there in shock. I felt ecstatic that he had given me his number, on my arm nonetheless. It seemed to have happened so fast, in a matter of seconds.

I suddenly remembered that I should be going to class and I looked around frantically. I was on the same floor as my math class so I broke into a run as I headed for the classroom.

I burst through the door, panting slightly. Mr. Varner was at the blackboard, writing something, and he turned to look at me in surprise. I could feel all the eyes gawking at me and I feared looking around.

"Sorry I'm late," I mumbled. I suddenly felt stupid for letting myself get caught up in Jacob. My power-walking would have paid off a bit if I had continued to half-run.

Mr. Varner glared at me.

"Do you have any idea how late you are, Ms. Swan?" he asked icily.

"Yes," I said quietly. "There was . . . traffic."

_Please, please just let me sit down_, I thought. The eyes on me were burning a hole in the side of my face.

"I'm not going to change your attendance," Mr. Varner continued, and I blushed with embarrassment. "I marked you absent and more than half the class is over so it's like you weren't even here."

I nodded quickly and took a hesitant step forward to see if was going to chastise me some more. When he didn't, I hurried to my usual seat.

And there sat Edward Cullen.

He was here, in Forks High.

He was here, in my class.

He was here, _in my seat_.

I froze and gawked at him. He didn't look surprised to see me, but he did look a bit annoyed.

Other students were beginning to stare at me to, wondering why the hell I was just standing in the middle of the aisle and staring at Edward.

"What?" Edward asked in an irritable whisper.

How could I have forgotten the piercing green of his eyes, the strong jaw line and full lips? I was speechless again, my heart thudding against my chest wildly. He wore a leather jacket over a white t-shirt, and he looked absolutely badass.

"You're . . . you're in my seat," I finally hissed back .

"Sorry?" he said, raising his brows.

"You're in my seat," I said through clenched teeth, wanting to desperately sink into a chair and never resurface.

"Do I look like a care?" he whispered back.

"Is there a problem, Ms. Swan?" Mr. Varner's voice rang out and I cringed as the whole class turned to look at me again. Edward smirked and I glared at him.

"No," I told Mr. Varner, and I stiffly took the empty seat behind Edward that I didn't even notice was there.

For the next few minutes, I called myself an idiot in my head.

Alice was next to Edward, eyeing me thoughtfully. She met my eyes and smiled; I had told her all about Edward the day after I first met him. I had fumed about how obnoxious he was and Alice seemed to fume with me. Now she just looked excited. The smile on her face faltered when she saw the number on my arm, which was resting on the desk.

"Jacob?" she mouthed and I nodded, smiling slightly, as she sighed.

I turned to look in front of me and was met by the back of Edward's head. He was leaning back in his seat, and I could smell cigarette smoke and cologne from his clothes. For some reason, I didn't find the cigarette smell gross opposed to if it had been coming from anyone else. Instead, I focused on his hair.

His bronze colored hair was smoother in the back compared to the chaos in the front. It was cut short, but not as short as Jacob's, and looked extremely soft. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but I restrained myself.

Mr. Varner handed out worksheets to the first person in every row so that they could take one and pass it back. When the papers got to Edward, he took one and instead of handing them to me, he reached over his head and dropped them onto my desk. They slid off and fell to the floor, sliding up next to Edward's chair. I stuck my foot out to drag them back, but Edward sucked his teeth and reached down to get them.

As he lifted them up with his right hand, I noticed how long and slender his fingers were. That warm sense of desire was back and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as warmth spread from my chest down.

Edward turned around and narrowed his eyes at me before slamming the papers down on my desk. His green eyes pierced mine briefly and he moved to turn back around but his eyes fell on the number on my arm. He stared at it for a quick second before facing the front again. His back was suddenly stiff.

My stomach was churning nervously and I just sat there in somewhat of a stunned silence. I wasn't sure how I felt about him being here. Once again, I was confused. Just moments ago I was swooning over Jacob and nearly collapsed when he wrote his number on my arm; now I was sitting here, my skin prickling all over by the fact that Edward was sitting inches in front of me.

I felt a hard poke on my back and turned to face Lauren Mallory. Her platinum blonde hair hung pin straight and she was scowling.

"Any day with the papers, now," she hissed.

"Oh sorry," I mumbled. I quickly took a sheet and handed her the rest, which she snatched.

I had known Lauren Mallory since kindergarten. Even way back then she had been a cruel child, always bullying and belittling other girls. She had always regarded me indifferently, with the occasional vicious and uncalled for comment, but I never really let it bother me. Lauren and her crew were the bitches of the school; it was their job to ridicule.

I was distracted for the rest of class. Edward sat there quietly, never raising his hand or speaking. I was tense in my seat, not wanting to breathe too obviously.

I looked down at the number on my arm, thinking of Jacob. Why didn't he make me feel what Edward made me feel, even though Jacob was a thousand times nicer? Both of them clearly had an effect on me physically but with Edward it was so much more intense.

I didn't know how I felt about Edward being at the same school I went to. I had never wanted to see him again, yet clearly that wasn't going to happen.

I was caught up in assumptions of why Edward was here when suddenly everyone, except him, was looking at me again. I looked around, horrified. Was I wearing a neon sign today that I didn't know about?

"Ms. Swan," Mr. Varner said exasperatedly, like he was repeating himself.

My head snapped up in his direction. He had his hand on his hips and his eyebrows were raised.

"Huh?" I asked. Damn it. Was I zoning out again? I mentally smacked myself for getting lost in thoughts of irritating and friendly boys instead of paying attention.

"The answer," Mr. Varner said, and I looked at him, confused.

"To what?" I asked, and a few people snickered. I felt myself getting red. This was seriously a pretty bad day for me and it only seemed to be getting worse.

"Number three," Mr. Varner said, annoyance clear in his tone. "On the board. Now."

My eyes widened. I hated going to the board, especially in math since it was my worst subject. It was teachers like Mr. Varner who forced you to do it that made classes hell on earth for me.

"I, uh, I d-didn't do it," I stuttered nervously. Alice smiled at me sympathetically before raising her hand.

"I'll do it, Mr. Varner!" she said cheerily.

I threw her a relieved and forever grateful glance, but Mr. Varner said, "You did number one, Alice. I want Isabella to do the next one."

I cringed at the sound of my full first name and swallowed; my mouth was dry. I was about to get out of my seat when Edward suddenly spoke up.

"I'll do the damn thing."

Everyone's gaze shifted to him and I stared at the back of his head in shock.

"Excuse me?" Mr. Varner said, his eyebrows raised so high that they almost touched his hairline.

"I said," Edward said a little slower. "I'll do the damn thing. As long as the shit gets done, what difference does it make?"

A few students looked at him in disbelief while most of the girls eyed him greedily. My heart was beating wildly and I silently prayed that Mr. Varner would let him do it. Just please, anything to get less attention on me.

Mr. Varner's gaze shifted from me to Edward a few times before he sighed and said, "Very well. Go ahead, Mr. Cullen. But please, refrain from using such language in my classroom. And we raise our hand when we speak."

Edward ignored the reprimand as I let out a sigh of relief and sat back in my chair. He got up to go to the board and everyone's eyes were on him. I was still surprised he had offered to save me, and I definitely saw it as being saved.

Edward walked with a bit of swagger and I took in his tall form. His jeans weren't overly baggy like most guys seemed to wear them these days, and he had on a pair of Chucks like mine, except mine were white.

He picked up a piece of chalk and did the problem hastily, his handwriting messy yet legible. In less than thirty seconds he was done and he dropped the chalk to the board's ledge before walking back to his seat.

"You owe me for saving your ass, Swan," he muttered, without looking directly at me, before sitting down.

Mr. Varner eyed the problem before nodding, "I'm impressed by your speed, Mr. Cullen. That is correct."

"Of course it is," Edward mumbled, but no one heard but me and Alice, who grinned at him like he was her best friend.

I was saved from any more ridicule from Mr. Varner when the bell rang, and I got up from my seat in a rush. I tripped on the chair's leg and fell on my butt, in between Alice's seat and Edward's. No one except those two even noticed my fall, since everyone was in a rush to leave.

I looked up and saw Edward smirking down at me. He stepped around me and left, leaving me on the floor.

Alice gave me her hand and helped me get up.

"Some gentleman he is, huh?" she said, her eyes sparkling.

"Oh yeah, he's so chivalrous," I replied sarcastically.

We hurried out of the room before Mr. Varner could attack me, and I cautiously looked around the hallway but there was no sign of Edward.

Alice and I walked over to our lockers, but I suddenly really wanted to go home. I was not happy with having Edward here; high school was hell enough without him.

"He's quite handsome, isn't he?" Alice said to me as we opened our lockers. She winked at me and I looked at her, appalled, even though I honestly felt 'handsome' was an understatement.

"No way," I told her, but she gave me a look that told me she wasn't buying it.

"I don't think there's one girl in this school who hasn't seen Edward Cullen and thought, 'I'd tap that'. I think half of them totally forgot about Jacob Black."

I looked away from her, feeling slightly guilty. I had momentarily forgotten about Jacob as well. Edward tended to do that to me.

"Yeah well, as gorgeous as he might be, he's still an asshole," I reminded her. "Why the hell is he even here? It's so frustrating!"

"I don't know," Alice said. "I got a chance to talk to him earlier, though. He's a little tough, sure, but I like him."

I stared at her in disbelief.

She liked Edward. She still didn't have any preference for Jacob, yet she liked the jerk that annoyed the living daylights out of me. It had taken Alice two minutes to start disliking Jacob and probably less than that to start liking Edward.

Sometimes that girl did not make sense to me.

"You're kidding me," I said. "When I told you all about him, you were just as pissed as I was."

"I know, I know," she said. "But that was before I met him. Of course I'm going to dislike anyone that's rude to my best friend, but when I met him I got this feeling that there's a reason for him being the way he is. Deep down, he's a sweetheart, I'm sure."

I stared at her, unable to accept what she was saying, before rolling my eyes. Alice and her 'feelings' again. And Edward, a sweetheart? Like that was even remotely possible.

"He gives off a better vibe than Jacob does, anyway," Alice continued. "Speaking of- he gave you his number, huh?" She was staring at my right arm again.

"Oh yeah," I said looking down at the number and smiling. "He did. There was traffic and I got out of the car and started walking, and ran into Jacob on the way. We were talking and we were late together."

I felt a strange sense of happiness just talking about it. Alice smiled kindly at me but it didn't touch her eyes.

She shut her locker and simply said, "Oh. That's nice."

I sighed exasperatedly and shut my own locker.

"Are you still against him, Alice?" I asked irritably. Jacob and I had slowly been getting to know each other and every time I told Alice about it, she put on an obviously false kind of support. We were the best of friends, but this was something that was creating a rift between us.

"I'm not against him," Alice protested, clutching her books to her chest and turning to me. "There's just something off about that guy, that's all."

"I'm pretty sure I know him better than you do, Alice. I think he's perfectly nice," I told her gently. "And you don't have to act like he's a total jerk every time we talk about him."

"I'm sorry," Alice said. "I didn't realize I was making my dislike of Jacob so obvious."

"You weren't," I replied. "But I know it's there, no matter how much you try to hide it. How is it that you like Edward, but can't stand Jacob? It doesn't make any sense. You know Edward's asshole tendencies, and Jacob has always been nice to me."

"I just have a better feeling about Edward than Jacob," she said matter-of-factly.

I shook my head, knowing that when it came to Alice and her vibes about people, there was no use arguing with her.

"Speak of the devil," Alice said, looking over my shoulder.

I turned my head to see Jacob walking over to us, his eyes on me. I smiled at him and turned back to Alice.

"I'm gonna head to French," Alice said to me, sounding sad. I knew that had to do with Jacob and it irked me. "Jasper's waiting. See you later." She turned and walked away as Jacob came behind me.

"Hey gorgeous," he said in my ear, and I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I turned to face him, feeling my face turn red. I wasn't expecting him to be so close, so I was surprised when I turned around and he was close enough for me to prominently see the stubble on his upper lip. I took an involuntary step back and smiled.

"Hi," I said.

"Ready for Spanish?" he asked, and I nodded. It had somehow become a routine that after math, Alice would leave when Jacob approached and we would walk to Spanish together.

Jacob and I walked to class and he usually took the seat he had on the first day, but today he took Jessica's. When she walked in and saw him there, she didn't say a word. Instead, she smirked at me and took the seat in front of him.

"You look cute today," Jacob suddenly said, and I blushed. He was eying me up and down.

"Thanks," I mumbled in return, unable to meet his gaze. "You look good, too. You always do." He chuckled at that but said nothing.

Sra. Mendoza walked in and started rambling something in Spanish, but I was distracted again. I had gotten better at focusing when I was in class with Jacob, but him being next to me changed that. I tried the best I could to focus but I felt Jacob's gaze on me every few seconds. It made me self-conscious and I wondered if my posture looked strange, or if my hair was a mess.

Jacob noisily ripped out a piece of paper from his notebook and scribbled something down. He folded it and, with a cautious glance at the teacher, placed it on my desk.

In rough and scratchy handwriting he had written: _**Dude writing notes on paper is so old fashioned. Did u add my # in ur phone yet?**_

All I could scratch back was: _No, not yet_. I tried to write neatly and handed him the note when the teacher wasn't looking.

He read it quickly before writing: _**Do it now.**_

I looked at him, my brows furrowed. He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

I shrugged and did what he asked, pulling out my phone and holding it under the desk. Our school had a strict policy about cell phones; if they were seen being used in class they would be taken away for ten days and a parent or guardian had to come pick it up afterwards. I never really took my phone out for that reason, but also because I never felt the need to text anyone while in class.

I quickly typed the number in my phone and put it away before Sra. Mendoza caught me. Smiling at Jacob, I took his note, folded it, and put it in my bag. Maybe I'd frame it later.

"Text me," Jacob whispered.

I stared at him, puzzled. "Now?" I mouthed.

He shrugged. "Whenever," he whispered. "Just soon."

I nodded in agreement, planning on doing what he asked yet again.

After Spanish, Jacob walked me to my locker. When he said goodbye, he tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. I felt myself heat up as he grinned his pearly white grin and walked away.

That's when I saw Edward.

He was at his locker, which was in the same row as mine except much farther down. I saw him above the heads of a few other kids and he was eying me with an emotion I couldn't put my finger on. It looked a lot like dislike, but it didn't seem like the look was for me. It was like it was about me. He met my eyes and sneered at me before slamming his locker shut and walking away.

"Issues," I muttered to myself, shaking my head.

My next two classes, Biology and English, were uneventful. I felt a little on edge every time I walked into a class, wondering if I would have another one with Edward. It turns out that I did. That class was the one class in which I embarrassed myself the most, the one class in which I would never want anyone to see me in:

Gym.

Jacob had recently gotten some classes switched around in his schedule, so I now had gym with him, too. I was embarrassed enough to have him watch me stumble and fall and look like an idiot trying to run after a ball, but when I walked into the gym and saw Edward there, I suddenly felt nauseous.

He, surprisingly, was talking to Jasper on the bleachers, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. Class hadn't started yet, so everyone was free to do as they pleased.

Edward looked statuesque in the school gym uniform, which was hard to pull off for guys or girls. The t-shirt was dark blue and had the yellow Forks High logo on it. The shorts were also blue and reached just above his knees, showing off his muscular calves. His lean arms were also prominent in the t-shirt, and I was stuck staring again.

Jasper saw Alice and me and waved us forward. Edward followed his gaze and saw me, a scowl forming on his face the moment he saw me. He said something to Jasper, who laughed. It bothered me that he was talking about me; if he wanted to say something about me, he could say it to my face.

Alice and I walked over to them and Edward didn't look at me as we approached. I saw Jacob across the gym, playing basketball with some of his friends. He was already sweating, the pits and neck of his t-shirt drenched.

"Hey guys," Alice greeted. She hopped up onto the bleachers, next to Jasper. He took her under his arm as she rested her head on his shoulder. I just stood there awkwardly as Edward stared across from the room, not even acknowledging my presence.

"So Bella," Jasper said. "You and Jacob Black, huh? Is it official?"

I blushed and looked at my feet. Why did it feel wrong to speak about this in front of Edward?

"Um. . . I don't know," I mumbled.

"I mean, you've got his phone number written on yourself," Jasper continued. "Plan on getting that tattooed?"

Alice giggled and I rolled my eyes but couldn't answer him, still slightly afraid to speak. Edward was still staring at something ahead of him, but his eyes didn't look distracted anymore.

"Leave her alone, Jasper," Alice chided, even though she was laughing.

"Okay, okay," Jasper said. He winked at me before adding, "I can't say I approve, though."

I groaned. "Alice got to you, didn't she?" I said, slightly annoyed.

Jasper gave me a wide-eyed innocent look. "No, of course not. I am capable of forming my own opinions, you know."

"And what exactly is the basis of your opinion?" I asked, knowing that Alice and her 'feelings' had gotten to Jasper's head.

"Well, he's kind of a douche," Jasper admitted. My jaw dropped and my blood started boiling. He thought Jacob, the sweetest guy I knew, apart from Jasper himself, was a douche? He was hanging out with Edward! If he thought Jacob was a douche, then Edward had to be Satan himself.

"You think Jacob is a douche? Jacob?"

Jasper nodded at me, seemingly unrepentant.

"You don't even know him," I protested. "It just so happens that he's cute, funny, and sweet!"

"All right, all right," Jasper said, laughing. "Relax. Sorry I doubted his ability to be a good boyfriend for you."

"You should be sorry," I said, glaring at him. "It's not right to judge someone without knowing anything about them. If you get to know him, I'm sure you'll see exactly how sweet he is."

"Why is it so fucking cold in here?" Edward suddenly said. He was still staring ahead of him, but he had his arms wrapped around his elbows. The temperature felt fine to me.

"Is it?" Alice said. "It's a little warm for me."

Jasper nodded in agreement. Edward said nothing.

The following silence was awkward before I heard a deep voice call my name from across the gym. I looked across the room to see Jacob there, waving me over with a grin on his face. I automatically smiled in return and nodded, letting him know I'd be there in a second.

"Your boyfriend wants you," Jasper chuckled, and I turned to glare at him.

"Why are you so annoying today?" I asked him, and he laughed. "And he's not my boyfriend."

"Yet," Alice added.

"Who in their right mind would date you?" Edward asked out of nowhere. He looked at me for the first time, now with an insulting kind of confusion.

"Excuse me?" I said.

"I mean, you're psychotic," Edward said. "You're absolutely nuts. He must be the equivalent if he's interested in you."

For a moment I felt deeply hurt. But that pain was soon replaced with anger. Clearly, Edward had not changed since the last time I saw him. Alice and Jasper stared at him in stunned silence as I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I don't recall asking you for your opinion," I hissed.

Edward smirked and shrugged one shoulder. "Ask me or not, I'll give my opinion when I want to. And I think that big bloke over there is a prick. He's a bit bonkers if he wants someone as ordinary as you."

I'll admit it, I was hurt. I was hurt because what he was saying rang true to me. I would wonder why Jacob was so into me, since I found there to be nothing remotely interesting about myself. It was a thought I would push to the back of my head, telling myself that maybe he saw something that I didn't. Having Edward say it confirmed my fears in a way, since he was a guy and it was coming from a guy's point of view. Then again, maybe I was being irrational. Regardless, it sent a pang through my heart.

My eyes stung as I felt the tears spring up.

_Don't cry,_ I mentally told myself. _Not_ _here, not in front of Edward._

"Well that wasn't very nice," Alice said. Edward looked at me and I looked away from him, my jaw clenched.

"You, Edward Cullen," I finally said. "Are a complete and utter asshole. Go to hell!" With that, I turned around and stomped across the gym to where Jacob waited, looking impatient.

Luckily for me, the tears didn't fall over and I was able to approach Jacob with a smile on my face. He was appraising me with something that definitely looked like interest; Edward didn't know what he was talking about.

"Hi," I said, biting my lip.

"Hey," he said. "You looked upset over there. Everything okay?"

"Yes," I automatically lied, then corrected myself. "Well, not really. You know that new kid, Edward? I've kinda met him before, he's my brother's girlfriend's brother. Let's just say, he isn't the nicest person in the world."

I felt comfortable telling him what was bothering me. I felt like he would be able to protect me from anything. So far, no one but Emmett made me feel that way. I guessed it had to do with his buffness.

Jacob's brows furrowed as he glanced over my shoulder at Edward.

"Well what did he say?" he asked. I shook my head, not wanting to bring up that he had called Jacob nuts for being interested in me.

"It doesn't matter," I said. "I just can't stand him."

"Yeah, everyone's been talking about him," Jacob said. I sensed a hint of jealousy in his voice but I could've been wrong. "Edward freakin' Cullen from England. Ooooh, England! How fascinating!"

I laughed at the thick sarcasm in his voice and he smiled at me.

"You have a really nice laugh," he said, and I blushed again. He reached out a finger and stroked my cheek, causing me to feel even warmer. With Jacob, it was always heat and warmth and sunshine. It was nice.

Coach Clapp blew his whistle and we all had to assemble in front of him so he could do the roll call. Thankfully, all he did was talk about the rules of soccer, which we would start playing the following day. I wouldn't have to embarrass myself in gym today.

Once gym was over, we all had lunch. I wondered where Edward would be sitting, but I didn't see him there.

"Where's Edward?" Alice asked Jasper, voicing my own question. We were standing in the lunch line and Jasper shrugged.

"He said he'd be sitting with us," Jasper replied, looking around. "I guess he's ditching? I don't know. . ."

I was relieved that I wouldn't have to deal with Edward again. If he was here he would be sitting with us and that would call for all sorts of tension. I still wondered where he could have gone.

Jacob still sat with the football kids, and I wondered what would happen if we started dating. Would I have to sit with them? Or would Jacob be joining me and my friends?

Lunch flew by and then I had my last class, US Government.

Mr. Ackerman was doing the roll call and I stiffened in my seat when he called the third name on the list, "Edward Cullen."

My heart skipped a beat and I glanced around without moving my head, not seeing him anywhere from where I was seated.

Mr. Ackerman repeated Edward's name and then checked something off on the file, probably marking him absent.

I had this class with Edward, too? I groaned inwardly. How often would I have to see him in a day? Where was he anyway? Did he really ditch and go home or something?

US Government came almost as easily to me as English did. I wasn't into politics, but I was good with knowing the history of the American government and how it functions. It helped that I actually had a good teacher. I finished the work we were supposed to be doing and, since I actually had no one to talk to in this class, resorted to daydreaming.

"Ms. Swan?"

I was taken out of my daydreams of Jacob by Mr. Ackerman, who stood behind me. He was a kind teacher, never as cruel as Mr. Varner. He was one of the youngest teachers in the school, probably in his mid-twenties, and made something as boring as politics a little fun. I had even crushed on him a little at one point, but that all changed when I met Jacob.

"Yes, Mr. Ackerman?" I asked.

"You look done, can you do me a favor?" he said. He was holding the roll call file.

"Sure," I agreed. Anything to get my mind off things.

He held out the file to me. "Would you be a doll and take this down to the main office? I've got to go straight to a meeting after this, I'd probably waste time going down to the first floor."

"Okay," I said, taking the file from him.

"Thank you. Grab the hall pass from my desk."

I stood up and walked over to the front of the room, grabbing the wooden hall pass and stepping out into the hallway. It was always nice to kill time by getting out of class. I took my time walking down the hallway and going down the two flights of stairs to the first floor.

As I walked towards the main office, I froze in my tracks.

Across from the main office was the principal's office. Outside of the principal's office was a bench where rule breakers waited. On one end was Tyler Crowley, sporting a black eye and bloody lip.

On the other end sat Edward, seemingly unharmed.

Edward stared at the floor in front of him, a scowl on his face. Tyler kept throwing him frightened looks. I walked towards the office, eying the two of them warily. Edward heard me approach and cocked an eyebrow as I reached the door of the main office.

I threw him a suspicious glance before walking in.

Ms. Cope, the school secretary, smiled at me as I dropped the file into the basket on the counter before she went back to organizing papers. I stepped back outside just as the principal, Mr. Green, opened the door and beckoned Edward and Tyler in. Tyler hurriedly got up and went inside the office whereas Edward slowly rose to his feet and followed.

Curiosity overwhelmed me as I sauntered back to class. It looked like Edward got into a fight his first day here. And by the terrified look on Tyler's face, Edward had won. I wondered what they had fought about, or if Edward had just been an asshole. I wondered if it had been some kind of self defense, since Tyler Crowley was somewhat known for bullying others.

Still, I wished Edward had been the one with a black eye.

* * *

After school, Emmett and I walked into the living room to be greeted by a dusty floor that hadn't been changed since that morning.

Emmett pushed past me to go upstairs and check on the men, who were now drilling away in his bedroom.

I groaned, forgetting that I would have to clean all this up myself. The TV was now working and neatly embedded back in the wall, the perimeter around it re-plastered. But the floor was still a mess and I stared at it exasperatedly as I listened to the drilling and voices coming from upstairs.

I had a government exam the next day; how was I supposed to study with all this noise? Emmett's room was the noisiest and it was right next door to mine.

As I put together a sandwich, I contemplated what to do.

I did my homework at the kitchen table, eating and trying really hard to concentrate. The men were as rambunctious as Emmett, laughing loudly and talking. Were they even getting any work done?

Emmett came downstairs after a while to get cans of soda for them and he grinned at me when he entered the kitchen.

"Hey Bells," he said, pulling the fridge open. "What're you up to?"

"_Trying_to get some work done," I said. "Are you guys playing beer pong up there or something?"

"Nah," Emmett said, tossing a soda can at me. I obviously couldn't catch it and it hit the table with a bang, but I grabbed it before it could roll off. "They're all pretty much done. Who said you couldn't work and play at the same time?"

"I've got a test tomorrow, Em," I told him seriously. "When are they leaving?"

"Shit, I really don't know. Don't worry, I'll crack the whip up there and kick them out soon so you can study."

"Thanks," I mumbled, and I expected him to turn and head back upstairs but he was staring at my arm.

My eyes widened as I realized he was staring at Jacob's phone number. I wanted to kick myself for not taking precautions to hide it from Emmett.

"What is that?" Emmett asked slowly, taking a few steps towards me. I quickly put my arms in my lap and out of his sight.

"Nothing," I said quickly. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously and my heart started thudding against my chest. This was something I did _not_ want Emmett to find out about, especially since he had once wanted to run Jacob over.

"Bella," he said. "I may not be Einstein, but I know what a phone number looks like. Whose is it?"

Emmett was rarely ever dead serious with me, but his face was nothing but serious at that moment. I quickly made up some lie.

"It's Alice's," I blurted. "She changed her phone number. It's hers, I wrote it on my arm. There was no paper available, we were in gym."

I was a terrible liar and Emmett didn't look like he was buying it.

"Where'd you get the pen from?" he challenged, one eyebrow raised.

"Coach Clapp," I responded, impressed at how quickly I came up with a lie, even if I was bad at it.

"Hmm. . ." he said, and I prayed he would let it go.

"Yo, Emmett!" A worker called down the stairs. "We hope you weren't in love with that wrestling trophy. . . "

Emmett groaned. "Fine, I trust you," Emmett said, his expression softening. "I might have to go kick some ass up there."

He stomped back upstairs and I breathed a sigh of relief, sitting back in my chair. I would definitely scrub the number off in the shower.

I stared at the number, suddenly remembering how Jacob had asked me to text him later. I pulled my phone out from by bag and toyed with it nervously. What should I say? Would he even answer?

I flipped it open and ran my thumbs over the keys. I selected his number and put it in the send box, still contemplating whether or not to even do this. He had asked me to. . .

After about 10 minutes of thinking about what to type, I finally sent: _Hey_**.**

_Smooth move, Bella__,_ I thought. _How very unique and exciting of you__._

I shook my head and set the phone on the table in front of me. My heart was thumping and my stomach was churning anxiously.

Suddenly my phone buzzed and I jumped nearly a foot in my seat. I snatched it up and flipped it open, seeing that I had one new message. I opened the message and, sure enough, it was from Jacob. It read:**Hey! Glad u got back to me ;) wutz up?**

I smiled at the winky emoticon he used and replied.

_Nothing much. Just hw. Bored. -B_

**Dat sucks lol. If ur bored, come 2 da park. –J**

I stared at my phone, confused.

_The park? Why?__ -B_

**Cuz I'm here**. **Duh LMAO I'm sk8ing. Its a nice day 2day, & kinda quiet. Nice place 2 study I guess lol - J**

I thought about going to meet him. This wasn't something I usually did, making last minute plans to meet boys places. But then again, I had never been put in a situation with a boy before. I had to grasp this opportunity.

_Sure! Meet you in a few. -B_

I felt something like adrenaline in my veins. I felt a little badass and devious, but also a bit guilty about what I was about to do.

I went to the foot of the stairs and called Emmett, who came to the top and looked down at me.

"I'm going to the park, is that okay?" I called over the drilling noise.

"The park?" he called back. "What for?"

"I need some fresh air, it stinks like dust and plaster and that zoo up there won't let me concentrate. I'll be back before dark, okay?"

Emmett shrugged. "I guess," he said. "Want me to drive you?"

I shook my head. "The park's practically around the corner, I think I'll manage."

I grabbed my bag and headed out the door, swiftly walking down the block. It really was a nice day for Forks; the sun was out and there was a nice breeze that smelled earthy. Birds were chirping and many people were sitting on the steps in front of their house or on their porches. The atmosphere lifted my mood as I turned a corner and headed towards the park.

Forks Park was small and rarely used because of how the weather was. A large part of it was nature, mostly trees and grass. Still, it seemed to draw most of the town's kids on days like this. There was a new area with skateboarding ramps that had been added a year or two ago. But like most parks, the heart of the park was the swings, slides, and monkey bars. Teenagers didn't usually come here, unless it was for skateboarding or sitting around by the lake.

Once in the park, I bit my lip and gazed around. A few guys were skateboarding, but I didn't see Jacob's tan and muscular form. I walked over to a grassy area and plopped down under the shade of a tree. The grass was a little wet and I regretted not bringing a blanket or something to sit on. It would definitely leave grass stains on my jeans.

I was fidgeting with excitement, not sure if I would be able to study if I tried. The park was fairly quiet despite the fact there were quite a few kids here. The smaller ones dominated the swing or slide area whereas the older kids hung out at the monkey bars. From where I was sitting, I was closest to the skateboarding ramps, only separated from them by pavement for bikers.

My eyes scanned the park nervously. He said he was already here, so why didn't I see him? I thought about if I should text him or if I should just wait. After a moment, I pulled out my government textbook, not wanting to be caught desperately searching for him if he did happen to show up.

I read a paragraph without really taking in the content, completely distracted by the sound of numerous wheels on wood and the sound of teenage boys guffawing as they fell. I stared at the passage blankly, beginning to lose hope that he would show up.

Just when I was considering leaving, my phone buzzed. I frantically pulled it out and flipped it open. The message was from Jacob: **U look good in white.**

I stared at it, confused for a moment, before finally realizing that he could see me.

I looked around wildly, suddenly finding him standing at the top of a ramp in the skateboarding area and grinning at me. He looked like an intimidating warrior of sorts, his silhouette dark against the blue sky. He hopped on his skateboard and rolled down the ramp, hopping in mid-air and landing on the ground without the skateboard losing contact with his feet. It was impressive.

He rolled towards me before the grass intercepted him, hopping off and grabbing the board before he started strolling over to me.

I felt even more fidgety with excitement as he approached. I shut the textbook and bit my lip, my heart thudding as I took in his now-dirty jeans and fitted t-shirt.

"Hey," he said, plopping down next to me. This was the closest he had been to me, physically, and I felt the heat in my veins immediately. "You came."

I giggled for no reason. "I said I would."

His smile got wider. "So you're a woman of your word," he said, nodding to himself. "I like that."

I blushed and looked away, not knowing what to say every time he complimented me.

"So did you get to study anything?" he asked, eyeing the textbook in my lap.

"Not really," I replied. "I've been kind of distracted the whole time."

He nodded in understanding. "I guess there's no point in even trying then," he said. He took the textbook off my lap and stuffed it into my backpack. "That takes care of that."

He definitely had some nerve, taking it upon himself to touch my things. But I honestly didn't mind too much.

"I was wondering," Jacob said. "If you wanted to hang out some time?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded. Was he asking me out already?

He stared right back at me, dark eyes boring seriously into my own.

"We're hanging out now," I told him, my mouth dry.

"Well I know that," Jacob said, rolling his eyes. "But I meant somewhere else. Somewhere. . . not Forks."

My mind was spinning. He wanted to hang out somewhere that wasn't Forks. With me. That was a big step and everything seemed to be happening so fast. Would we even be able to pull it off? There was no way I could tell Emmett. . .

Jacob noticed my hesitation.

"You could bring some friends," he suggested. I looked at him, and he was smiling at me understandingly. So maybe he wasn't asking me out on a date. I nodded, feeling that Emmett wouldn't freak out if I took Alice with me. Maybe even Jessica.

The fact of the matter was, I really, really wanted to go.

"Yeah," I finally said, not feeling so stunned anymore. "Yeah, I'll bring someone. Sure." I laughed nervously and Jacob chuckled.

His eyes were roaming my face and I looked down, feeling myself get red again. He put a finger under my chin and lifted my head up so I would meet his gaze.

"Damn," he said. "You are so fucking cute."

My eyes widened slightly. It was the first time I heard Jacob throw the F bomb, and something about it was appealing. His finger was still under my chin and was now traveling slowly to my cheek. Heat, always dominant when I was around him, radiated from the trail he was making on my face to the rest of my body.

Jacob bit his full lip and stared at my lips. My heart was thudding in my ears and I wouldn't be surprised if he could hear it.

He leaned in slowly.

Closer. Closer. Closer.

I could feel his hot breath on my face and I was frozen solid. What the hell was going on? I wanted this, I wanted it badly. But now, so soon? Something wasn't right. My mind was spinning and I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.

"I gotta go!" I blurted, and stood up, grabbing my bag. Jacob looked at me, shocked and embarrassed. Was that anger I saw briefly in his eyes?

"What?" he said, standing up. "Already? Why?"

I looked around, not knowing what to say. "It's gonna get dark soon," I said, and Jacob looked up at the sky.

"So what?" he said. He looked upset and I immediately regretted it, feeling guilty.

_You're an idiot_**,** I told myself. _You like him; you should have let him kiss you. What is wrong with you, Bella Swan?_

As I stood there, staring at his tall, muscular form, I wanted to cry. Here he was, the _one_ guy who had ever wanted me. I didn't know why he did but that shouldn't matter. The point was that he liked me, he actually liked me. No guy had liked me since I was a little girl, and that had been Mike Newton. Even he had found someone else. So what the hell was I doing now? I was throwing this away, I was throwing away this last opportunity.

So what if he had wanted to kiss me so soon? Why should that matter? It was more important that he actually _wanted_ to. I was insane to think otherwise. And judging by his upset expression, he was embarrassed. Embarrassed that he was going to show me how much he liked me, and I didn't even let him. I needed to fix this, because this could have been the best thing that happened to me in a long time. I had to make it the best thing, rewind time and not over-react. Because before Jacob, my life was dull. Here he was, openly wanting me, openly showing me that he wanted to be with me, and I freaked out. Isn't this what I always wanted? So maybe it wasn't love, but it could get there one day.

We had potential, Jacob and I, and it would be best for me to let it happen. Jacob was my one chance of truly forgetting the past and moving on, my only chance of growing up. And this was just the first step. My future felt like it was landing on this moment, here and now.

He was Jacob, and he was mine. He had to be.

"I'm sorry," I told him. I took a step forward, biting my lip. Jacob shrugged, but didn't say anything. I felt horrible, like I had scolded a small child before knowing that he hadn't done anything wrong.

He stood there, looking awkward and uncomfortable, his skateboard lying at his feet.

I didn't know what brought me to do it, but I suddenly hugged him.

My head rested on his hard chest, and he was stiff with surprise before he hugged me back, laughing softly.

"What's this for?" he asked, his hand resting on my lower back. I just shrugged and pulled away, looking up at his face. His eyes were twinkling as they looked at me.

_Take this opportunity, Bella__,_ I thought**.**_This__is all you're gonna get so don't screw it up__._

And that's when I kissed him.

I had reached up on my toes, taken his face in my hands, and pressed my lips to his. I didn't know what I was doing, but I didn't care. When my lips met his soft ones, the heat in me was overwhelming. My knees felt wobbly but his strong arms were around me and I didn't fall. His lips were frozen against mine, neither one of us breathing.

I pulled away and stared at him, my face burning. His eyes were wide and his lips pulled up into a wide grin.

"Wow," he said, staring at me like he was in a daze. "That was . . . unexpected."

"S-sorry," I stuttered, turning away. I didn't know what I was apologizing for and before I could get away, he grabbed my wrist tightly.

"Don't apologize," he said as I turned to him again. "That was nice." I smiled and looked at my feet shyly.

"I don't know what got into me," I said.

"It's okay," he said, stepping closer and taking both my hands. "Whatever got into you, it needs to get into you more often.

* * *

**A/N:** I request your patience with Bella/Jacob. They need to happen in order for the story to happen. This is an E/B story though, I promise.


	6. Creep

**Disclaimer**: I'm afraid I don't own Twilight. Darn.

* * *

_**Chapter 6- Creep**_

_When you were here before,  
Couldn't look you in the eye  
You're just like an angel,  
Your skin makes me cry_

_You float like a feather  
In a beautiful world  
I wish I was special  
You're so fuckin' special_

_But I'm a creep,  
I'm a weirdo  
What the hell am I doin' here?_

_I don't belong here_

**Creep- Radiohead**

* * *

_**Edward POV**_

"Edward, love, you've got to get up for school."

Mum's soft voice interrupted my dreamless sleep as she ran her hand through my hair. Her touch started at the hairline and went through to the top of my head as she inconspicuously tried to fix my eternally chaotic locks.

It felt so fucking nice when she did that. She had been waking me up for school this way my entire life and I didn't know if I would ever be able to wake up on my own when I moved back to London alone. The motion never actually made me wake up, but rather made me want to sleep some more.

I gently pushed her hand away and turned onto my side with my back to her, putting the pillow over my head. I was beginning to doubt my decision about going to school in Forks. The only reason I even agreed to it was because of the fucking look my mother gave me every time I said I didn't want to do it. The sad, concerned, almost pitiful look. That, on top of endless pressure from my sister and father, was enough to make me go, just to get them to shut the fuck up.

The elated expression on my mother's face when I finally said I would be going was almost enough to make it worthwhile.

Almost.

And now it was Monday morning. The worst fucking day of the whole week. I'd much rather have stayed in my bed and slept till midday, but my mum would have sat there until I got up. Another old trick of hers.

"Edward, dear," she said, rubbing my back. Everything she did was way too comforting to get me up. "I know this is hard, but it has to happen. Come on, sweetheart, you don't want to be late on your first day, do you?"

"I don't care," I said into the pillow.

"Now, that's not the right kind of attitude," she said calmly, taking the pillow away from me.

I groaned and rolled onto my back, blinking up at her. She sat on the edge of the bed, my pillow on her lap. She started to stroke my hair again and I closed my eyes, just letting her do it. It was the most soothing thing and it was the equivalent of a massage for me. My ex used to do it for me, too, but it just wasn't the same.

"It's going to be fine," Esme said. "You might even like it."

I snorted. "Right," I said, my voice thick. "I reckon I'm going to like school here just as much as I like my father."

My eyes flew open when the realization of what I said hit me. Esme's face was sad, her eyes showing pain that I wished I could erase.

I sat up in bed, feeling like shit because of the day it was, but mostly because of what I had just fucking said. I knew I was a git at times, but I couldn't be to my mother.

"Mum, I didn't mean-" She held up a hand to stop me before resting it on my knee.

"It's alright," she said, not meeting my gaze and standing up. "Now that you're up, you ought to hurry. Don't want to be late, now, do you?"

She gave me one last sad smile before leaving, taking my pillow with her. What the fuck was she going to do with that, anyway?

I sighed and fell back onto the bed, still feeling like crap. I stared up at the ceiling, wishing I was staring up at the skylight that used to be at my house in London. Instead I was greeted by the ceiling, painted black.

The walls of my room were light gray, and only the ceiling was black. It was quite emo of me, I know, to want to go and paint the ceiling that colour, but I had to do it. I didn't want to stare at white, and every other colour annoyed the shit out of me.

I ran a hand through my hair just as my mobile, which was on the bedside table, rang. My ring tone was some loud and random shit, probably the music to some metal song. I really didn't know or care, for that matter.

I snatched it up and looked at the ID, seeing that it was Rose.

"It's too fucking early for you to be calling me, Rose," I answered, climbing off of bed and heading to my dresser.

"You're so lovely," came her chiming voice. "I actually just called to make sure you were doing the right thing."

"'Doing the right thing'?" I repeated, pulling out a random white t-shirt and pair of jeans. "You mean sleeping for as long as I bloody want and creating havoc with my bike later? Nope, sorry, I've got to do the pansy thing and go to school."

Rosalie sighed. "Don't make me lecture you on this again, Eddie," she said. Only Rose and my mum were allowed to call me Eddie. Anyone else calls me that and they'd lose all their fucking teeth.

"Start lecturing me again and my phone gets turned off," I told her, walking over to the long mirror that hung on my door.

"Turn your phone off whilst I'm talking to you and I'll kick your arse," she said.

"I'd like to see you try."

"Watch me."

"You can't watch someone while you speak to them over the phone, stupid."

"Don't be a prick."

"I'll stop if you will."

Rosalie let out a huff. "Have a nice day in school," she said, sounding like she was speaking through clenched teeth. "That's all I wanted to say."

"Cheers," I said with a smirk, and I heard her phone click shut. I shook my head and set mine aside, looking into the full length mirror that hung at the back of my bedroom door.

My face looked tired, the shadows under my eyes quite prominent. I hadn't slept that well the night before, the American sleeping times not quite catching up with my body. My hair was a hectic mess, as usual, but I liked it that way. It was a physical representation of how I honestly didn't give a fuck about anything.

I was shirtless; I always was when I went to bed. I could never really sleep with a shirt on, and that had been my habit for quite a few years now. Sleeping with a shirt on, even in the dead of winter, made me feel suffocated and overheated so I always went to bed in nothing but my boxers.

There was a pink patch of skin that ran vertically down the right side of my torso, starting just below my peck and ending right above my hip bone. It looked like a slight rash and the letters that had once been there were faded. Only I would be able to make out what they said. They were a daily reminder of what I had been through, of who had put me through it. I was stupid, so fucking stupid to go and get her name tattooed on myself. They say that's one of the dumbest things you can do in a relationship, but I really didn't give a fuck at the time. I thought we would be forever. . .

I stopped staring at myself, suddenly disgusted by the sight, and went to take a hot shower to start a day that would probably be hell on earth.

* * *

The whir of my bike's engine was a muffled roar in my ears as I sped towards Forks High School. I could never get used to this, to not being able to feel the wind in my hair. Sure the helmet saved my head from cracking open and shit, but I needed to feel that sense of freedom, especially now.

I sped through the roads of Forks, weaving between cars that were just flashes of colour to me. I was surprised that I had yet to get pulled over by a fucking copper, but if I did I would just say that I was late for school. Which was true, since I took my time in the shower and whilst eating breakfast.

I rode into the Forks High parking lot; several students were already there, standing around and yakking. Every single one of them stopped to gawk at me as I pulled in to a spot far away from any other vehicles. I didn't want to risk any of these yanks pushing their car doors open and accidentally hitting the bike. I had just polished her the night before. And besides, I didn't want to have to fuck anyone up on my first day.

After locking the bike into place, I climbed off and took off my helmet. All of the kids were still staring, and muttering to themselves about who this new stranger could be. I was used to people staring at me, so I really didn't care as much as someone else would.

_Just don't touch me, buggers,_ I thought. _That would be a problem__._

I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath. This was supposed to be good for me, a good experience. I highly doubted school would make me any happier; I was screwed for life. Anyone that got involved with me, whether it was good or bad, was screwed too.

I set my helmet on the bike and walked towards the school building. Every head turned in my direction; the girls watched me with obvious interest whereas the blokes pretty much looked at me like, who the fuck does he think he is?

_You can keep your slags, boys__. __I'm not here for them__._

There was a group of students, three girls and two guys, huddled in front of the main doors. Shit. How the fuck was I supposed to get through if they were standing in the way?

I approached them as they stared, hoping body language would be enough to get them out the fucking way. Sure enough, they moved aside as I got closer.

"Hey, stranger," a girl in the group said as I approached.

She had straight platinum blonde hair and her clothes looked like they were painted on her fucking body. The neck on her blouse was too small, causing her tits to overflow over the edge. Why was it always the sluts that were attracted to me? Clearly that hadn't worked out for me so well in the past.

I ignored this girl's greeting and walked on by the group like I didn't hear her whiny little voice.

"Hey," she said again as I passed, reaching out and grabbing my arm. "I'm talking to you."

I froze in my tracks, my whole body tensing up.

I hated being touched; especially by someone I didn't fucking know.

My arm was stiff under her grip as I looked down at her hand on me. Her acrylic fingernails were like claws. I looked down at her seriously, a smirk on her overly glossed lips and her blue eyes eying my face hungrily.

"Get. Your. Hand. Off. Me," I said slowly, making sure she'd understand every word. Her expression shifted to confusion and her hand slid off of me as she stared at me like I was some freak.

The second her hand was off I pulled the door open and walked through. I heard her say, "What the hell is his problem?" before it shut behind me.

"You have no fucking idea," I muttered.

There weren't many people already inside the school and I glanced around the corridor, looking for the main office. Spotting the words written above a door, I walked into a small room that was an ugly orange colour.

A pudgy woman with curly red hair and glasses sat behind the counter. She looked up at me as I walked in, her eyes widening fractionally.

"How can I help you, dear?" she asked, her eyes still a bit wide as she looked me over.

"I'm Edward Cullen," I said curtly, hoping she'd already be expecting me. But her brows furrowed with confusion as she continued to stare at me.

"That's fine, dear, but how can I help you?" she asked.

I controlled the urge roll my eyes.

"I'm new," I told her, trying to keep my tone polite. "I start today."

She stared at me some more, her mouth hanging open.

"Haven't you got to give me something?" I asked, annoyed. "Like a schedule or some shit?"

She blinked before jumping, like she's just been electrocuted in the ass.

"Oh!" she said, looking flustered. "Yes, yes, of course!"

The woman got to her feet and went to a file cabinet behind her as I finally rolled my eyes and shook my head. Apparently they hired just anyone to work here.

She took a file out and walked over to me. "Edward Cullen?" she asked.

"I do believe that's what I said a minute ago," I replied. I just wanted to get out of there.

The woman pulled out a large card and three other pieces of paper, laying them on the counter in front of her so I could see.

"This one is your schedule," she said, pointing to a thick card the colour of urine. "All the information about who your guidance counsellor is along with your locker number and lock code is at the top. The classes you are taking and what period they occur are in the left hand column, the teacher's name is in the middle column, and the room number of the class is in the right hand column. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, yes?"

What the fuck?

I nodded and she pointed to the next few papers. "This one here is just a map of the school, and this one is the bell schedule so you know what time the classes start and end. This purple slip here just has to be signed by all your teachers. Bring it back to me at the end of the day, signed, okay? That's all." She smiled at me and I nodded again, picking up the papers.

"Good luck, honey," she said. "Have a nice day."

"Cheers," I muttered, quickly leaving the room as the bell rang.

Students started flooding in and I looked at the urine-coloured card. My locker number was 523 and I luckily didn't have to get very far to reach it. I popped it open once I entered the code and stared into its hollow emptiness. What was I supposed to do now? I didn't have many books in my bag so I just slammed the locker shut and looked at the schedule..

I had maths first with someone called Varner, and I hoped he wasn't a dick.

But because life is a fucked up bitch, I was wrong.

The second I walked into the classroom and handed him the paper thing he was supposed to sign, he addressed the class.

"Class!" he barked. "Look up here. This here is Edward Cullen, and he's new. I'd like you all to give him a warm welcome."

The kids muttered their hellos and the loudest was the slag that had touched me earlier. Mr Varner handed me the paper he signed but before I could sit down he said, "Tell us about yourself."

I groaned inwardly; I had been dreading this. I didn't have a problem with public speaking or anything, I wasn't shy, but I honestly didn't think these kids gave a fuck about who the hell I was or where the fuck I came from.

What was I supposed to say? Hello, I'm Edward Cullen and my life is fucked up? My father is a pedophile, my mother is his doormat, my sister was sexually abused, and I have led a life of crime enough to get anyone put in prison for life, all before the age of seventeen?

Right, I think I'll pass.

"I'd rather not," I told Mr. Varner, who looked at me in surprise.

"My classroom, my rules, Mr. Cullen," he said. "It'll take you all but 30 seconds to tell us just a little bit about who you are and where you come from."

"I don't think they care, really," I retorted.

"Ohmygod!" That familiar, whiny voice rang out and I looked to see the touchy slag with her hand in the air. "You have an accent! Are you from England?" A bunch of other kids muttered to each other and my jaw clenched and unclenched.

"Yeah," I said curtly.

"Tell us about that," Mr. Varner said with interest, and half the class leaned forward in their chairs curiously.

I sighed. "I was born in London," I said, monotone. "Grew up there. Moved here this summer. There, I've said it, can I sit down now?"

Mr. Varner cocked an eyebrow at me. "That's all?" he asked.

"Obviously," I snapped.

I ignored the teacher's expression and swiftly walked over to one of the only empty seats, which was unfortunately a seat away from the platinum blonde slag. Every head was still turned to stare at me and I could feel the annoyance under my skin, like an itch I couldn't find.

"Is there something on my fucking face?" I said loudly to them all, and all but a few heads turned away.

Mr. Varner shook his head as if to say, "What a hoodlum" and then turned away to write on the board.

I leaned back in my seat and relaxed a bit. All I wanted to do was sit quietly through all my classes, do the work, and pass the exams. I didn't plan on attending the stupid graduation ceremony at the end of the year, either.

I was only doing this for my family, so they could have me out of their hair. I didn't think this would help me personally, but if it killed time until I could go back to London again, then that was fine with me.

Class began and there were occasional glances at me as Mr. Varner taught shit I already knew. Maths was always easy for me; I didn't need to pay attention much to be able to understand what was going on.

I mostly daydreamed, thinking about how much I wanted to get on my bike again and leave this place. I thought about London and how it was nine months until I could legally get on a plane and go back home. I didn't know what I would do once I got there, but I wasn't one to plan things anyway.

"Psst," someone hissed.

I looked to my right and saw a small girl sitting there. Everything about her was tiny, and she wasn't a midget, but she was still quite pixie-like. Her black hair was all over the place and she was smiling at me like I had just made her fucking day.

"Hi," she whispered, sticking out a tiny hand. "I'm Alice Brandon."

She wasn't looking at me like she wanted to bang me, like all the other girls around here had been doing, and so I didn't find the need to be rude. This girl just looked, well, friendly.

I just nodded slightly and took her hand, shaking it once. It was like shaking hands with a toddler; my large hand could wrap completely around her minuscule one.

"Bella Swan?" Mr. Varner's voice rang out, and my head snapped up to look at him.

The name sent a wave of panic through me, and I couldn't understand it. Bella Swan was here? Mr. Varner glanced around for her, and I did the same. She wasn't anywhere to be seen and I felt relief wash through me.

It would be a lie if I said I hadn't at all thought about the girl that fucked with my head. The girl that annoyed the hell out of me, only because she made me feel things I didn't want to. I had thought about her, but not often. Still, I felt like an idiot not realizing that she would probably go to this school, too. I mean, if her brother lived in Forks, then obviously she would be living here, too. Hence, she'd most likely be attending Forks High.

Mr. Varner called her name again and looked around, but got no response. He ticked something off on the register and continued calling names.

I sat back in my seat, wondering where she was. I was glad that she wasn't there, but I also felt curious. If I saw her again, would she send static through me like before? Or was that just a first-time thing?

I glanced to my right and saw that pixie-like girl, Alice I think she said, staring at me with a smile on her face. It was so weird how she was just so . . . chipper. For no reason. It annoyed me a bit.

"What are you smiling at?" I hissed at her.

Her grin got wider and her eyes sparkled. "Don't freak out," she laughed quietly. "I think Bella's going to be late today."

I stared at her, the name sending a pang through me again.

"Who?" I asked, playing stupid and looking away. "I don't know who you're talking about."

"Oh I think you know exactly who I'm talking about," she whispered. "Bella Swan. Your sister's boyfriend's sister? You were rude to her when she went to your sister's place? Brown eyes, brown hair, really pretty, pale skin? Ring a bell?"

I was tense again, not knowing what to say. How did she know this?

"I vaguely remember someone like that," I said, not meeting her gaze. Alice didn't respond and I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes; that stupid smile was still on her face.

"Do you ever stop smiling?" I snapped, trying to keep my voice low. "You're like the fucking Joker."

She tilted her head to one side. "The Jack Nicholson one or the Heath Ledger one?" she asked.

"Jack Nicholson."

"Hmm. I'll take that as a compliment."

"You shouldn't."

"Okay. But I am."

"Whatever."

"I like you."

My head snapped towards her. "What?"

"I said, I like you."

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?"

"Why the fuck do you like me? You don't even fucking know me."

"I don't have to. It's all about first impressions."

"And you've gotten a good one from me then, have you?"

She nodded vigorously. "Oh yeah, definitely."

". . . You are so fucking strange."

"Mr. Cullen and Ms. Brandon seem to be having a fascinating conversation," Mr. Varner's irritating voice interrupted our whispered conversation.

"Oh, we're sorry Mr. Varner," Alice said merrily. "We were just getting to know each other."

"Get to know each other on your own time," the prick replied. "But not during my class."

Alice nodded, smiling at him sweetly, and he continued to write on the board.

"Why were you so mean to her?" she suddenly whispered.

I sighed, thinking that our conversation had ended.

"Who?" I asked, pretending to be confused.

But before she could answer, the door flew open and the one person I had hoped to never see again flew in.

"That's who," Alice whispered, but I couldn't look at her.

Bella was panting slightly and she looked frazzled. She wore a white top and jeans that fit her well and she had a jean jacket slung over her arm. The colour white didn't clash with her already pale skin, but actually made her look rather angelic.

_Angelic? Really, Cullen? What is wrong with you?_

Seeing her again made my insides squirm, not with nausea, but with something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. I felt slightly uncomfortable and very annoyed at the fact that she was here, although _I_was the one that was in _her_ territory.

Bella apologised for being late and her face was red as she rushed to her seat, but froze abruptly in her tracks when she saw me.

When her eyes met mine, there it was again. That static, running across my skin. She stared at me, shock written all over her face. She stood there, stunned, and everyone was staring at her.

"What?" I finally hissed at her, and she blinked before telling me I was in her seat. I told her I didn't care and then Varner interrupted her staring. She hurriedly sat in the seat behind me and I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up when she did.

She didn't speak for the entire class and I tried to ignore her presence. The goosebumps at the back of my neck wouldn't let me deny that she was just inches behind me.

I was supposed to come to this school to start over, to forget the past. This girl wasn't part of my fucked up past, yet why did it feel like she was? What she made me feel was so fucking confusing.

Honestly, it pissed me the fuck off. It pissed me off that she was doing this to me. It pissed me off that I had to see her again. It pissed me off that she was here, even though she had every right to be and I didn't.

It pissed me off that I was attracted to her.

I was pissed off at myself for feeling like this. I was pissed off at her for _making_ me feel like this. I wanted to bang my head against a wall until I bled. I wanted to fuck someone up to let out all the anger, frustration, confusion, and annoyance at the fact that this girl drew me to her like a fucking magnet.

I wanted to fucking scream.

Varner handed out some papers that we had to pass back. When the pile got to me, I took one and threw the rest over my head, still fuming at the fact that the tingles on my skin hadn't left me. The papers slid off of her desk and landed next to my chair. I picked it up and, turning around, slammed them onto her desk. I unintentionally looked into her brown orbs but doing that made the static seep through my skin so I looked down instead.

My eyes landed on her arm, on which was written a number. It looked like a phone number and was scribbled on her like she was a piece of paper. I turned around, stiff, not knowing what to think. Why did the fact that she had a phone number written on her arm bother me so much?

_You are so screwed__, Cullen.__So fucking screwed__._

Later in class, Varner started picking on Bella again. Apparently, like me, she hadn't really been paying attention since she didn't know what the fuck was going on. Varner wanted her to do a question on the board but she said she hadn't done it so Alice volunteered. But Varner turned her down and he wouldn't leave Bella alone. She obviously didn't want to do the damn thing, so why the fuck did he keep on harassing her?

And that's when I volunteered to do the stupid shit myself.

I don't know why I did it, but I did. Varner had been humiliating her since the moment she walked in and I knew what it felt like to be humiliated, worse than what she went through even. It was just a stupid maths problem, why couldn't he just let it go? Prick.

Varner let me do the thing and it was an easy problem; the maths here was nowhere as hard as the maths back home. This was baby shit. I'd always been pretty good at playing around with numbers anyway. Varner started going on about how we're supposed to raise our hands and shit but I honestly didn't give a crap about him and his rules. I did the question quickly without having done it on the worksheet itself and sat back down, telling Bella that she owed me for that.

I honestly didn't care if she paid me back or not. I just told her that so she wouldn't think I was being nice to her.

I'd never want to be nice to her.

Once the bell rang, my ass was out of that seat faster than you could blink. Bella tripped and fell on her ass right at my feet. Instinctively, I almost helped her up, but I restrained myself and smirked down at her instead. I stepped around her and walked out of the room, shuddering, trying to get the prickly feeling off of me. During the whole class my body had been taut, the static sensation never leaving my skin.

I hated her. I really fucking hated her. It was stupid, irrational, yet I couldn't help but feel like she was made to ruin me again. Like her very existence was to fuck up my own even more. I couldn't be in this school; it just wasn't safe for me, or safe for what I was trying to do by being here in the first place.

I didn't bother going to my locker since I didn't have anything in there. Instead, I just strolled around the first floor, trying to get as far from the girl as possible. I ignored the strange looks I got; people were looking at me like I was a freak. What was the expression on my face anyway?

I realised my face must have looked pissed off and I tried to soften my expression but it just wouldn't happen. I was pissed, and that was that.

Once I had circled the first floor and was back where I started, I went to my locker and threw my bag in. I had been holding it in my hand the whole time since I thought it looked really fucking stupid on my back. I reckoned I should just get rid of it and hold the books in my hand.

Slamming the locker shut, I pulled out the schedule and saw that my next class was biology on the second floor.

I got to the classroom and walked over to the teacher, a middle aged man with glasses. He signed the paper I handed him without a word and gestured for me to sit without making me stand there and say some shit about myself that no one cared about. And for that, I liked him already.

I took a random seat at a lab table somewhere in the back of the room and waited for the class to begin so I would have something else to think about.

A skinny blonde bloke walked in and took the seat next to me. I didn't even acknowledge his presence until he said, "You're Edward Cullen."

"No shit," I replied, not even looking his way. I felt him staring and glanced at him; he had a smirk on his face that wasn't patronizing, but actually friendly.

"I think I know who the fuck I am," I told him, wishing he'd stop looking at me.

"My girlfriend had a feeling I'd have class with you," he said, smiling.

I stared at him, confused. "And who exactly is your girlfriend?"

"Alice," he said, and I remembered that tiny girl from maths.

"The annoyingly cheerful midget?" I asked, and he laughed, nodding.

"Yeah, that would be her," he said. "But don't tell her you said that."

I shrugged, still a bit weirded out.

"It gets easier," he said, and I looked at him confusedly again.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, starting to get annoyed at his vagueness.

"Being in a new country, a new school. It's hard, but it gets easier. I'm Jasper, by the way." He stuck out a hand and I begrudgingly took, shaking it once like I had his girlfriend.

"Don't worry," he continued. "High school isn't that tough if you don't let the small things get to you. Besides, it's senior year, we get out of here in a few months."

I nodded, looking at him funny because he was completely comfortable just sitting next to me and giving me fucking advice like I'd known him for years. And I didn't mind, really. It was strange, but I felt calm around him, at ease.

"Thanks," I said. "But I really didn't ask for your advice." I said it gently, not harshly, since I wasn't getting any asshole-vibes from this bloke.

Jasper shrugged. "I tend to do that sometimes," he said, smiling. "Anyway, it's up to you if you wanna take the advice or not. It's just a bad habit of mine to dish it out."

Class began then and the teacher, Mr. Banner, started handing out microscopes and some watery shit on a glass thing. Jasper and I were partners and he informed me that he was glad he finally got someone to work with since his old partner moved or something.

If it weren't for Jasper's calm manner, I probably would have been uneasy in this class, too. Always fucking wondering if a certain someone would unknowingly assault me again by being late to class. . .

It turns out, Jasper wasn't all that bad. I mean, I really didn't intend on making friends or anything but it just fucking happened. He was nice, really. And even a little funny, in a cheesy way.

But then I remembered. I remembered how friends could turn into foes so fucking fast. I remembered how getting close to someone could hurt you so fucking bad when they pushed you away. I remembered why I was here, and I couldn't let myself get attached to anyone. Besides, I wasn't going to be here very long.

"You know I'm moving back to London, right?" I asked Jasper as he peeked into the microscope. I had cut him off mid-sentence; he was saying something that I wasn't paying attention to.

He paused and looked at me.

"You are?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm only here because I was forced to be. I plan on going back to London in the summer; I'll be eighteen and free to fucking do what I want."

Jasper eyed me thoughtfully. "What're you gonna do once you get back?"

I shrugged. "Get a job, buy a flat. Maybe even go to uni."

Jasper stared at me, suddenly looking concerned.

"It's not that easy," he said. "I know it seems simple, but once you're out there on your own . . . it's gonna be tough, man."

I sighed exasperatedly. "You sound like my sister," I mumbled. "And I know it's not going to be easy; I've been through worse shit than trying to find a job."

Jasper shrugged and, thankfully, didn't ask me what it was I had been through.

Biology flew by and Jasper told me I could sit with him at lunch and I agreed; it's not like I gave a fuck anyway. When I went back to my locker, I pulled out the schedule and saw that next I had English on the third floor.

When I looked up, I saw Bella standing by her locker with some bloke. He was tall, almost taller than me, and tan. He was also pretty fit, his muscles prominent under his tight shirt.

Bella looked giddy, her cheeks pink. She looked up at this bloke with pure adoration in her eyes as he smiled stupidly down at her. They weren't standing too far apart from each other, and that bothered me. When I saw him tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear and saw how her face got even redder, I felt something under my skin, something trying to claw its way out. I felt fidgety, wanting to do something with myself and not watch this bloke touch her face like that. It bothered the shit out of me, and I didn't know why. I didn't _want_ to know why.

He walked off, strutting like he thought he was so fucking cool, and Bella saw me staring. I sneered at her and slammed my locker shut, walking away. I felt really fucking on edge, not able to get that image of him touching her out of my head.

_Get a grip on yourself, Cullen_**, **I told myself._She doesn't fucking belong to you__._

I headed to the third floor, the crowd on the stairs parting quickly through the middle to let me pass. My expression must have been pissed off again.

I went into the English classroom and saw that the teacher was an elderly woman who looked like she should be retired by now and not fucking teaching at a high school. I handed her the paper thing and she signed it.

"Well, Edward Cullen," she said in a croaky voice. "Welcome to Forks High. I'm Mrs. Schneider. Do you like to read?" She held the paper back to me and I took it gently, afraid that if I took it too swiftly she'd get a fucking paper cut.

I shrugged. "A bit," I told her honestly.

It was true that I was somewhat of a bookworm, but not as much as I used to be. I wasn't into the romantic shit but there was something to be said about romance in the classics. Most of the times the classics were a bit too fucking hard to understand with all of their eighteenth century language, but they were classics for a reason. No, I was more into the horror novels and the science fiction ones. Sometimes even a bit of historical fiction was entertaining.

But I hadn't read a good novel in a while. Not even my favourites; they always had some fucking love story involved somehow.

"A bit?" she repeated, looking up at me through glasses that magnified her blue eyes. "What have you read?" She was an old woman and I was one to respect my elders (unless they were complete pricks like Varner and my father) so I just answered her normally.

"I've read the usual. Shakespeare. Austen. Bronte. But only because I had to . . . you know, in school."

She nodded at me, smiling a wrinkly smile. "Ah yes, the classics. Always such wonderful, wonderful reads. And this was back in England, yes?"

I nodded solemnly.

"I remember England," she said. "I went there for my honeymoon almost 50 years ago. It was beautiful. . . "

The bell rang then and students started filing in. She picked up a book from a stack on her desk and handed it to me. It was Frankenstein by Mary Shelly, one of my favourite horror stories.

"Here," she said. "We're currently reading this. You can take a seat, sweetheart." It was eerie how her smile looked almost exactly like my dead grandmother's.

I sat towards the back once again and immediately tensed up when I saw that tan bloke walk in. He sauntered in like he owned the place and greeted some other blokes as he sat in the row next to mine, three seats down. He had an air of confidence about him, but it was overconfidence. Pompousness, rather.

It was the way my mates used to carry themselves, and the way I used to carry myself. Looking at that as an outsider, I hated that that was once me.

"Okay, everyone," Mrs. Schneider said, her croaky voice louder. "You need to settle down." Half the class listened, but Jacob and his pack of idiots ignored her. They continued to talk and laugh like the lady hadn't spoken.

"Boys," she said to them. "I need you to quiet down so we can begin." They still ignored her and it was starting to piss me off. It was like they were disrespecting my grandmother or something.

"Jacob," she said, and the tan bloke looked up to meet her disapproving expression.

"Oh sorry, Mrs. Schneider," he said "We didn't hear you. I apologize." He sure as fuck didn't sound sorry; he was being fake and I saw right through it.

"Thank you," she said, and looked away from him only to have a few of his friends snicker. What the fuck were they laughing at?

"Now," Mrs. Schneider began. "Who'd like to summarize chapter eleven? It was homework. . . " Jacob and his mates were still snickering to themselves and I wanted to punch them all.

"How about you, Paul?" she said, looking at one of Jacob's mates. He looked up, surprised, and glanced around like he would find the answer written on the fucking walls.

"Uh. . . ", he began. "IDK."

Several other students, including Jacob, laughed at that and I looked at them with disgust. I mean, I wasn't a perfect student myself but I knew when to show some fucking respect. It's not like the teacher was a bitch; she was actually pretty fucking nice.

"And what does 'IDK' mean, Paul?" Mrs. Schneider asked tiredly, but he ignored her and snickered some more. I wanted to knock his fucking teeth out.

No one bothered to answer her question so I said, "It means 'I don't know' in text speak."

I could feel the scowl on my face as Mrs. Schneider and Jacob and his mates turned to look at me.

"Oh," Mrs. Schneider said. "I see. Paul, I would appreciate it if you didn't use text speak in my class. Thank you, Edward."

I nodded at her.

"Thank you, Edward," someone mocked her in a high-pitched, fake old woman's voice and my head snapped to see Paul fist bumping Jacob as they snorted with idiotic laughter.

That was it.

"Shut the fuck up," I snapped.

Every head turned to look at me as I glared at Jacob and his mates. Anger was coursing through my veins.

"What?" Jacob said, his brows raised and the stupid smile gone.

"I said," I replied slowly. "Shut. The. Fuck. Up."

All of Jacob's mate's visibly tensed up and looked at each other in a We're-Going-To-Fuck-Him-Up kind of way. I was way too familiar with that look. I had even been a part of it way back when.

"Edward," Mrs. Schneider admonished, but I was still glaring at Jacob. "Please don't use that kind of language."

"I know you're not talking to me," Jacob said, a subtle threat in his tone. The air was thick with tension; everyone seemed to be holding their breath.

"News flash, you twat," I said just as calmly, but letting acid seep through my voice. "I'm sure as fuck not talking to myself. So yeah, it is you I'm talking to you."

"Boys," Mrs. Schnieder said tentatively, but it was too late.

"What did you call me?" Jacob asked, standing up.

Not liking the way I had to look up at him, I stood up too. We were about four feet away from each other.

"That would be 'twat'," I told him, ignoring Schneider's order for us to sit down. "Means the same as asshole, and you're being one right about now."

Jacob took a step closer but I didn't move.

"Say that to my face," he said.

"Are you fucking blind?" I asked. "I just did, you wanker. And if I were you, I'd start showing some fucking respect."

"Who the fuck are you?" he said, getting visibly angry. "You're no one special, why the fuck would I show you respect?"

"I'm not talking about my fucking self," I said, my voice getting louder. "I'm talking about the fucking teacher!"

He was in my face now and my hand twitched, but I didn't hit him. I had promised not to start shit here. He'd have to touch me first.

"Boys!" The old lady actually came and tried to get between us. "Stop this now!"

"Jake!" one of his mate's suddenly said. "Let it go, man. He's not worth it, he's just some creep."

Mrs. Schneider was saying something about calling a dean as Jacob actually took a step back. His dark eyes never left mine as he walked backwards to his own seat. I remained standing as he sat down, his back finally to me. I sat down myself, heat running through me.

He should have hit me. He should have fucking hit me so I could have taken him down.

Mrs. Schneider was still shrieking at us and after a while she calmed down and went back to teaching.

I was tense for the rest of the class, meeting the glares of Jacob and his pack with my own.

They actually said nothing for the rest of the class.

* * *

Spanish class went by slowly and I just sat there and daydreamed the whole time. I wasn't fluent in Spanish but I was pretty decent; I used to have a Hispanic mate back in London who would spew Spanish words every now and then. So I reckon you could say I knew a bit of Spanish, even though most of what I knew was probably profanity.

Next I had gym and I groaned when I saw that I actually had it every single fucking day. In the UK we only had gym once a week and that was fine, but every day? Really? I mean, I wasn't exactly the most athletic person, but I knew how to kick a football around. I guess you could say the only sport that I felt comfortable with was actually football, soccer if you speak American.

I saw Jasper in the corridor and asked him where the locker rooms were. He had gym next as well, so he just showed me the way. The lockers in the locker room were blue and the place smelled like sweat with a touch of deodorant and soap. The showers were in the back and Jasper lead me to some lockers on the left.

Once I changed into the ugly t-shirt and shorts, we headed to the gym where people were already throwing around a basketball or smacking around a volleyball.

"You into sports?" Jasper asked as we entered. I shook my head and snorted.

"Nah, I'd rather take a spin on my bike, really. I did play a bit of rugby back home though, and some football. . ."

"Football as in soccer?" he asked, and I nodded.

"You don't seem very sporty yourself," I told him and he chuckled, walking over to some bleachers.

"I'm not exactly," he said. "But unfortunately, this school doesn't have a horseback riding team." I didn't want to laugh, but I couldn't help it.

"Horseback riding?" I scoffed. "What, like some fucking cowboy?"

Jasper smirked at me. "Hey, I grew up in Texas," he said, and that shut me up. "I only moved here three years ago. I used to love horseback riding like nothing else in this world. But then we had to move here. No horses in this place. Just squirrels." He sighed and I felt like I was seeing him for the first time.

Because that meant that Jasper was a bit like me, being forced to leave what he loved and move somewhere new. Before I could ask him anything more about Texas, a few of Jacob's mates passed by, throwing glares at me. I glared right back, daring them with my eyes to come and say some shit to me. One of them, a dark boy that wasn't in my English class, said something to them and they laughed, sneering at me. I felt my blood boil, wishing I hadn't promised my mum and my sister that I wouldn't start trouble.

"Okay. . ." Jasper said, sounding befuddled. "What was that about?"

I shook my head angrily. "They're all a bunch of gits," I said bitterly, and Jasper looked at me, confused. I didn't feel like explaining to him what a git was so I didn't say anything.

"I'm guessing that isn't something positive," he said hesitantly, and I snorted. "What did they do?"

"They just think they fucking own the place," I said, glowering at where Jacob and his pack were playing basketball. "They think they're the shit, like they're better than everyone else."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Jasper said. "But like I said, it's easier if you don't let the small shit get to you."

"It's hard not letting it get to you, even if it does make things easier," I said, and we sat there in thoughtful silence.

"They were so fucking rude to Schneider," I continued. "I mean she's not exactly young and fit, but that doesn't mean you don't show her the same amount of respect you would to any other fucking teacher. Wankers."

"Ah yes," Jasper said. "They always give Mrs. Schneider a hard time because of her old age."

"They just wouldn't shut the fuck up. It's like, the lady is talking to you, how about you stop your fucking yakking and listen to what the fuck she has to say!" My blood was boiling again and I clenched and unclenched my jaw.

"Easy, man," Jasper said trying to calm me down. "That's just how they are; there isn't much we can do about it." Something about Jasper's easy going attitude really did calm me down a bit.

"I just don't belong here," I said quietly. I didn't know why, but I felt like I could tell him this shit.

"It takes time," he said softly. He then saw someone over my shoulder and waved them over. I looked to see Alice and Bella walking towards us and I scowled at myself for feeling myself get prickly again.

And holy mother fucking shit.

She was in shorts. Shorts.

I glanced at her creamy legs walking over to us and I felt a different kind of heat, one that travelled all the way to my dick.

_Control yourself, Cullen_**,** I ordered myself, looking away.

I stared across the gym and tried to focus on something else, trying to ignore Bella's presence as the pixie hopped up on the bleachers next to her boyfriend. Bella was standing to my right, in front of Jasper and Alice. I could see the cream of her legs from my peripheral vision and I made sure I would ignore her until she left.

For a second I really did zone out, but then I heard Jasper mention Jacob. My ears pricked up like a fucking dog's and I was tense again.

Jasper was talking about Jacob and how he had written his phone number on Bella's arm. She blushed a lot and looked at her feet shyly every time Jasper talked about their "relationship". But then Jasper called Jacob a douche, and I tried not to smile at that. Bella got all defensive and starting saying all this shit about how Jacob was sweet and funny and all other kinds of bullshit. It made me angry to hear her talking like that about him; clearly she didn't see the side of him that was a dick.

I couldn't take all this pro-Jacob talk.

"Why is it so fucking cold in here?" I said, still not looking at anyone. I actually felt rather warm, but that had nothing to do with the temperature in the room. I actually just wanted to say something, anything that would stop this banter.

None of them agreed with me and the following silence was awkward until a deep voice called Bella from across the gym. We all looked up to see Jacob waving Bella towards him with a stupid grin on his face. What a lazy ass; he couldn't just walk over here if he wanted her? Twat. But then again, I didn't think he should be anywhere near me.

Bella smiled and nodded at him, her face pink again. Jasper called him her 'boyfriend' and she glared at him, calling him annoying and saying that Jacob wasn't her boyfriend. When Alice said he wasn't her boyfriend "yet", I had to intercede again. But this time I had to shut her up. I had to, or I would go mad.

I told her that she was psychotic and that Jacob would have to be psychotic as well if he wanted her. I could feel Alice and Jasper's stunned gaze on me, but I paid them no mind. Bella told me that she didn't ask me for my opinion and I told her I was going to give it whether she asked me or not.

I then proceeded to calling Jacob a prick and saying that he was bonkers if he wanted someone as ordinary as her.

It was like word vomit, insult after insult. It was like my brain's way of reflexively protecting myself from reliving the past. Cut her down so that she won't get far enough to mess with your heart. Something told me it was already too late for that.

I saw Bella's eyes tear up as she looked away from me. I suddenly felt guilty, thinking that maybe I had been a bit too harsh. Because, honestly, I had lied. She may not look like a model on a magazine cover, but she wasn't ordinary. There must have been something really fucking special about her if she was doing what she did to me.

Bella told me that I was an asshole, and I secretly agreed. She told me I could go to hell, and I knew I was destined for that anyway. She stormed off towards Jacob, leaving me to stare after her.

I felt bad, I honestly did. It took a lot to make me feel remorseful for anything, but just seeing her about to cry did that to me. I shut my eyes and leaned back, resting my head on the wall. This girl had me screwed over. And I didn't even fucking know her.

"That was an asshole move, dude," Jasper told me, and I opened my eyes to see him and Alice glaring at me.

"Really uncalled for, Edward," Alice said, her tiny brows furrowed.

"I know," I said through clenched teeth. "I didn't mean it, I just. . . ugh, fuck it. I don't care."

I glowered angrily across the gym where Bella and Jacob were laughing. Suddenly he reached up and stroked her cheek.

I almost had an aneurysm.

He touched her face. He fucking touched her face. Why did that bother me? My hand made a fist and I wanted to hit something. Or someone. I couldn't look away from the two of them and Jasper was trying to get my attention but it wasn't working.

The coach blew his whistle and I was pulled out of my reverie. Everyone gathered around him so he could call names and then he started to talk about the rules of 'soccer'. But my mind was elsewhere.

Later, in the locker room, Jasper and I were quiet. I didn't know if he was still annoyed about what I had said to Bella, but I didn't care. I still felt hot and bothered on the inside, and for all the wrong reasons.

"See ya later, man," Jasper said, and I nodded at him as he left the locker room. I had just put my Chucks back on and was tying them when I heard my last name.

". . . don't know who the hell he thinks he is. . ." someone was saying. It was a voice I didn't recognise.

I looked down the row of lockers and saw Jacob and his pack of twats, a few of them looking my way. One of them, the dark guy who had glared at me earlier, was the one who was speaking. He obviously knew I was listening since he didn't bother to hide his glances at me.

He mumbled something I couldn't hear and Jacob laughed in a hyena-like manner and said, "Good one, Tyler."

My temper was flaring again as they continued to guffaw. Jacob and two of the guys left, leaving Tyler and the kid whose name I remembered was Paul. Those two were still throwing me amused looks. I wanted to pound their faces in. All of the warnings my mum and Rosalie had given me about keeping my temper in check all went out the fucking window. I just didn't care anymore.

I had to hit something, I had to. Either that or a few noses were about to get broken, maybe even a few jaws.

Naturally, all the anger went down to my right fist. I punched my locker, hard, and left a dent. The sound got the whole room's attention as the loud bang echoed loudly through the room. Every head turned in my direction and the few guys that were around me scrammed.

"You okay there, Eddie Beddie?" Tyler said.

My head turned slowly in his direction, my face contorting with anger.

I just wanted to break some bones and I didn't care if I broke mine in the process. I wanted to fuck someone up so bad that their own mother wouldn't be able to recognize them for months. I wanted to show them that I wasn't one to mess around with; you fucked with me, I fucked with you worse.

"Does it look like I'm fucking okay?" I growled as I walked swiftly towards him. Paul was suddenly on Tyler's other side as Tyler crossed his arms and stood his ground, narrowing his eyes at me. The locker room wasn't empty just yet; there were a few excited onlookers but I honestly didn't give a fuck about them.

"You've got something to say," I said in his face, his expression unflinching. "Then say it right to my fucking face you motherfucking twat. Otherwise, piss off. Because I don't need this shit right now. You want to say something, say it. You want to do something, do it. I dare you, motherfucker."

I didn't know if he knew it, but I was begging for a fight. Everything I'd been feeling since I stepped one foot into this fucking country was itching to crawl out. This was how I would have gotten out all my anger and frustration in London- I'd pick a fight with someone. But not just anyone. Someone who deserved a good thrashing for one reason or another, even if it didn't involve me. This did involve me, and I could have walked away, but I didn't want to.

I wanted to fuck someone up like life had fucked me up.

Tyler glared right back at me as the heat in my fists caused them to ache, me having punched the locker having nothing to do with it.

"You know what Brit boy," Tyler hissed in my face. "You don't scare me. You think you can just come into this school and fuck around with anyone? No, you don't know who the fuck you're messing with. " He put on a fake English accent, "So run along now to mummy, little boy. I'm sure she's waiting with your tea and biscuits."

Paul laughed and before I could stop myself, I shoved him. Tyler shoved me in the chest in return and I stumbled back a few steps before my right fist pulled back and collided with his left eye. He fell back and hit the back of his head on a locker.

My heart was pounding against my chest, the adrenaline coursing through my veins.

_Finally,_ I thought. _That felt so fucking good__._

Tyler groaned and clutched his head. Paul stared at me, suddenly looking afraid.

"What, giving up already then?" I yelled at Tyler. "Get up and fight like a man!"

Tyler looked up at me with fury and then he was up again.

I dodged his punch and he got one in the ribs. Then it was on.

Suddenly I was back on the streets of London, back in the alleyways where I was fucking up some bloke for one thing or another. I was all fists; nothing could stop me until one of us was down and staying down. My fists were flying, and his were, too. I took a few blows but I couldn't even feel them.

Tyler kept falling and I kicked him until he got up again. People were yelling for me to stop, some even trying to hold me back, but they got a blow in the fucking face as well. They should know better than to lay a hand on me.

I was merciless; everything was coming out now. All the frustration from that one fight with Peter that wasn't finished, all the frustration about being in the country, in this school. All the frustration about being screwed over when it came to that Bella girl and how she was with Jacob. . . Everything, everything was releasing itself in the form of blows.

Tyler was on the ground, trying to cover himself with his hands as I kicked him.

_Stop__,_ I told myself. _You'll kill him__._

I stopped kicking just as two pairs of strong arms grabbed me from behind and pulled me away. Tyler was still on the ground whimpering and I hated the sight.

"Get up and fight you fucking cock-munching, wanking, asswipe!" I yelled. I was panting and my knuckles were aching. Coach Clapp's furious voice growled in my ear as two teachers appeared and helped him up.

"What the hell are you doing, Cullen?" Coach Clapp was roaring. "Control yourself!"

He pulled me out of the locker room as shocked and terrified faces stared, not looking me in the eyes.

They were afraid of me. They were fucking afraid of me. Did I care? Not in that moment.

Coach Clapp led me outside the locker room, his grip around my arms causing them to ache.

"You can let go of me now," I told him angrily.

"I don't think so," he said, walking me like a dog to the lifts. "You're not goin' anywhere but the principal's office right now."

The corridors were empty; the next period would have already started.

We entered the lift and he was still holding on to me like I was a criminal and he was a fucking copper.

"Tyler's going to have to see a nurse after what you did to him," Clapp said once the doors closed. "What the hell happened?"

I shook my head angrily, not wanting to talk about.

"Fine," he told me. "But don't expect Mr. Green to let you get away with it. You'll be suspended, that's for sure. Isn't this your first day, Cullen? Fighting already? Crappy way to start, if you ask me. You're practically throwing senior year out the window, kid."

I ignored him and once we were out of the lift, he led me to a bench that sat outside an office door.

"Sit," he told me, treating me like a fucking dog again. "Wait here, and don't even think about making a run for it."

I wanted to tell him that I wasn't that fucking stupid, but I suddenly felt too exhausted. I slumped into the bench and rested my head back against the wall, closing my eyes as he went inside where a secretary sat.

What the bloody hell was wrong with me? This was something I had supposedly been trying to avoid. I couldn't stop thinking about how good it felt to fuck someone up. It had been a while since I got into a brawl and fights were usually what helped me sort out my anger. Mum and Rose had been telling me for ages that that was wrong, and I knew that.

But old habits die hard.

Yes, Tyler was a dick. Still, did he really fucking deserve all that I did to him?

Suddenly, remorse.

The old Edward had taken over, without rationality, without logic. I was so caught up in my fucking emotions that all I cared about was making someone pay. Making someone pay for _my_ fucked up life.

_I'm an asshole_**, **I thought**.**_A big fucking asshole._

And here I was, fucking up again. My thoughts were confused, so fucking confused. I tried to get them in order but all I could think about was the fight. Was it really Tyler's taunting that had leaded me to it? Or was it something else? I felt like I was going mad.

I opened my eyes and looked around the empty corridor. The floors and lockers were squeaky clean; the fluorescent lights making the place look like a fucking ideal place to be.

But I didn't belong here. Like one of Jacob's mates had said earlier, I was just some creep. Some fucking weirdo. I was all twisted on the inside and apparently that showed. I thought that if I tried hard enough, maybe, just maybe I could be healed somehow. I shook my head and snorted to myself. "Healed". Like that was fucking possible. This place was fucking ripping me apart instead of putting me back together again. And it was only the first day.

I frankly didn't give a rat's ass if I was expelled. Sure, my sister and mother would be really fucking pissed, but I gave up.

As far as I knew, this was my first and last day here.

I heard footsteps and looked to my right. Tyler was walking towards me, followed closely by two deans. He had a black eye and a bloody lip, the bloody nose probably fixed by the nurse. I seriously thought I had done more damage and was only slightly disappointed by the sight. Damn.

As they got nearer, I moved to the edge of the bench, knowing that Tyler wouldn't want to sit anywhere near me. I glared at him as he looked at me like I was the most terrifying person in the world. That look made me feel rueful. I wanted people to stay the fuck away from me, but not because they were afraid.

A dean was shaking his head at me.

"You're screwed kid," he told me. "He's bruised all over and you're lucky you didn't break any bones, otherwise you'd be getting sued. Hell, you probably still can get sued."

I shrugged indifferently although on the inside I felt like shit.

"No more trouble, alright?" the other dean asked me as Clapp came back out. I nodded, letting him know I wasn't going to start anything again. The two deans eyed us both warily before leaving us there alone.

"Both of you wait here until Green comes to get you. No more nonsense, Cullen." And then he walked off as well.

This school had really fucking bad security. No one fucking showed up in the locker room until it was too late and now the deans and the teacher were just walking away, leaving us unsupervised?

Shit, I probably just wanted someone there to make sure I didn't do something stupid again.

We were both silent as we sat there; the air was tense. It was like I could smell the fear rolling off of Tyler and I wanted him to grow some fucking balls. So I had fucked him up, big deal. He didn't have to act like he was about to piss in his pants with fear.

I heard light footsteps and looked up, seeing Bella walking down the corridor.

Shit. What a wrong fucking time for her to show up.

She looked radiant in her white top; the bright white lights making her look fucking angelic again. My skin felt prickly once more and I looked away, suddenly feeling angry again.

She stared at us curiously before walking into the office across from us. The door to the principal's office opened and Mr. Green, a short and balding bloke with glasses, gestured for us to come in.

I didn't look at Bella as I got up and followed Tyler inside.

We entered a tiny lobby-type area where a secretary sat, eying us disapprovingly.

"Through the door in the back, boys." Green's gruff voice came from behind us.

The principal's office was overheated and looked too fancy to be in a high school. His chair as well as the two armchairs in front of his desk were leather. Book cases lined the wall and the rug looked foreign.

Mr. Green lectured us for almost an hour about school rules and violence not being the answer and shit. He started going on about how I was starting out on the worst foot possible and how this just ruined my permanent record and shit. Like I gave a fuck about that anyway.

It turned out, I didn't get expelled. I did get three weeks of detention, though. Like that was anything new. After hearing my account of what happened, Green felt I was in the wrong and that I over-reacted to a little bullying. Tyler didn't have to do as much time as I did, and that pissed me off. I was in enough trouble as it was, so I kept my mouth shut. They also called our homes so a parent or guardian could come pick us up. I was glad my father wasn't home; he would probably be plastered and I didn't want him to come here and embarrass me in all his drunken fucking glory.

Mum wasn't home, so the next person they called up was Rose. Great. That's another fucking lecture I'd have to hear.

Mr. Green did warn me that if I ever fought on school property again, I would get expelled.

I almost planned on doing it again on purpose, just so I would have a legit reason for not coming to school again.

_This place isn't for me__,_ I thought. _I'm never stepping foot here again._


	7. In Between

**Disclaimer:** I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so therefore I do not own Twilight.

_**

* * *

**_

**Chapter 7- In Between**

_Let me apologize to begin with  
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say  
But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed  
And somehow I got caught up in between_

_Between my pride and my promise  
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way  
And things I want to say to you get lost before they come  
The only thing that's worse than one is none_

**In Betweeen- Linkin Park**

_**

* * *

**_

**Bella POV**

"Would you stop telling me I didn't have to do this?" Jacob asked, laughing.

After our kiss, Jacob and I had lounged under the tree some more and made plans to go to Seattle that coming Saturday. He knew I would be more comfortable if extra people tagged along, so he promised to bring along some of his friends and I decided to ask Alice and Jasper if they wanted to come. I then got a text from Emmett, telling me that some of the workers in our house needed a ride and that he was driving them home. Upon hearing this, Jacob absolutely insisted on walking me home. The whole way there I had been telling him how unnecessary it was.

We were now a block away from my house and I felt uneasy and paranoid that Emmett might come back earlier than expected and see us. I didn't want Jacob walking me home for that very reason. Still, I was flattered. Walking a girl home from anywhere was such a classically romantic thing to me.

"I can't help it," I told Jacob. "You really didn't have to walk me home. I mean, I literally live like right around the corner."

"I wanted to," he said, taking my hand. I smiled up at him before gently removing my hand from his. His smile faltered as he furrowed his brows at me.

"I don't really want anyone to see. . . " I said quietly, glancing around me cautiously. "The townsfolk have a tendency to gossip."

A look of realization came across Jacob's face before he grimaced.

"Psh," he said, shrugging nonchalantly. "Who cares? Let them."

He grabbed my hand again and tightly intertwined his fingers with mine. I looked at him, slightly shocked, and glanced around nervously once more. There wasn't really anyone around, yet I felt like I was being watched.

"Quit freaking out," he said, grinning down at me. "Let them say what they want, it's not a big deal."

"It kind of is…"

Jacob frowned. "Why do you say that?"

"I don't know, just. . . I've never really . . . done anything like this before, and I'm not ready for anyone to find out about it and go running to my brother, so. . ."

Jacob nodded. "I get it. Still, I honestly don't think you should give a shit what anyone thinks. As for your brother . . . we'll sort that out later."

I forced myself to smile, my stomach clenching at the thought of Emmett finding out. I still felt guilty about keeping Jacob a secret, but everything was just so new and intimidating to me. Emmett would definitely not be happy with my choice and I just wasn't ready to tell him yet. No, Jacob would have to be swept under the rug for a little while longer.

We got to the front of my house and I felt relieved to see that Emmett's car wasn't in the driveway yet. I expected Jacob to let go of my hand as we walked up the path to the front door, but he held on.

I bit my lip, feeling eyes on me again.

"So, uh… I guess I'll go inside now."

"Not gonna invite me in?" he teased, winking.

My eyes widened briefly. "I don't think that's a good idea," I said quickly. "Emmett will be back soon, and-"

"Relax," he cut me off. "I'm just kidding; I wouldn't make you invite me in so soon."

I smiled and he leaned down, kissing me once on the mouth sweetly before letting go of my hand. It felt empty the second I lost his touch.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said, walking backwards down the little steps. "So, ask your friends and then we'll talk about meeting up someplace. Depends on who's going. Call me, babe."

Babe? I stifled a giggle at that as he hopped on his skateboard with one last wave to me.

I stood there, staring at the ground in a daze. Was this all really happening to me? I had known Jacob for less than a month and already we were making plans to go places together. My head spun just thinking about it.

Being with Jacob and making the plans was the easy part; the hard part was going to be getting around Emmett.

I sighed and pulled out the house key from under the potted plant that sat outside. I unlocked the door and stepped into the living room, gasping at the sight.

The room was spotless. The place still smelled like plaster but the floor, which had previously been covered in white dust from the wall, was now perfectly clean with only a hint of dust embedded into the edges of the walls. The furniture was put back where it belonged and there were no more dishes around.

I walked through the living room and towards the kitchen, looking around me in stunned silence.

In the kitchen, a note in Emmett's messy handwriting was stuck to the fridge:

_Don't look so shocked, kid. ;)__  
__I made the guys help me clean up the living room & shit. Didn't want u to have to clean up their mess. Dropping them off, be back soon.  
- Em_

_P.S. Avoid my room at all costs. We didn't have a chance to get all Mr. Clean in there._

I shook my head, smiling. But then I remembered how I was deceiving him and my smile fell as remorse and anxiety flooded through me. I wasn't used to this feeling and I wished I could get rid of it. The only way for me to not feel like this would be to tell him the truth. But, knowing Emmett, he'd over-react and chaos would ensue.

I sighed and took my school bag up to my room, plopping onto the bed on my belly and pulling out my phone to call Alice. She picked up after the first ring.

_"Hey Bella!"_ she chirped. _"Knew you were gonna call. What's up?"_

"Hey," I said. "You're never going to guess what happened."

I suddenly felt giddy with excitement again, recalling my kiss with Jacob. My stomach was doing excited flips, and this feeling was alien to me.

Is this what it felt like to have a boyfriend? Is this what it felt like to know that there was finally someone for you?

I could picture Alice's eyes widening with curiosity as she squealed.

_"Spill!"_ she said. _"Now!"_

I started off by telling her how I had to go to the park because my house was too noisy. I also told her about how Emmett had seen Jacob's number written on my arm and, shamefully, how I had lied and told him it was Alice's.

_"Bella,"_ she whined. _"Why did you have to do that? You better hope Emmett doesn't ask for my so-called 'new number'."_ The thought made me nervous.

"Don't worry, I don't think he will," I assured her, though I was really just assuring myself. I then proceeded to tell her about texting Jacob, followed by meeting him at the park.

_"So you told Emmett you were going to go do homework but then met up with Jacob instead?"_ Alice asked. She didn't sound happy.

"Well, yeah," I said. "I did try to do my homework, I really did! But I couldn't concentrate and then Jacob came, so. . . "

_"You lied to Emmett twice, Bella. That doesn't sound like you."_

"Alice, you know how Emmett can get. He'll flip out if he finds out about Jacob."

_"Regardless of his reaction, he should know. He's not just your brother, he's your guardian. He has a right to know these things."_ She had a point and I felt guiltier and guiltier by the second.

"Look, I know that. I am going to tell him, just . . . not yet."

_"Do it soon, okay? Don't stretch it out too much."_

"Okay Alice, I get it. Now do you wanna know what else happened?"

_"There's more?"_ Excitement and wonder was back in her voice and that lifted my spirits a bit.

"Oh yeah, a lot more!"

_"Dish!"_

"So, we started talking and then he asked me out-"

_"No way,"_ she interrupted. _"I mean, that was expected, but already?"_

I nodded enthusiastically even though she couldn't see me, a big grin on my face.

"Yup! He wanted to go somewhere outside of Forks."

Alice was suddenly quiet on the other end.

_". . . Wow. Really?"_

"Yes, but that's not all. He may or may not have tried to kiss me."

_"Get out!"_ she said, clearly stunned, and I giggled.

"I didn't let him, though."

_"Good for you, Bella! Its way too soon for any lip action!"_

_Whoops.._

"Alice, I . . . I didn't let him kiss me because I panicked. But then I felt bad and then I kissed him . . . instead." My voice faltered as I heard her gasp.

There was complete silence on the other end and then, _". . . HOLY DOLCE AND GABBANA!"_ I cringed and pulled the phone away from my ear. _"__Why didn't I see this coming? Bella, you did NOT. Please tell me you didn't."_

My brows furrowed and I felt a mixture of panic and confusion.

"Why?" I asked. "Why, is that bad?" Alice was quiet again and it was starting to worry me. "Alice. Please say something."

She sighed. _"Caution, I am about to go on an anti-Jacob rant."_

I huffed with annoyance. "Fine, then don't say anything at all," I snapped. We were quiet once more and I momentarily thought she hung up on me. "Alice?"

**"**_Still here."_

"Okay. . ."

_"Bella?"_

"Yes?"

_"How do you feel?"_

I thought about it, chewing on my lip. I wouldn't tell her how I kissed him to make sure I had him. I wouldn't tell her how I felt like he was the only shot at love I was ever going to get.

"I'm happy," I said. "I mean, it felt good, it was nice. He likes me, and I like him. I don't see any wrong in it."

_"Okay. As long as you're happy. That's all that matters."_

I sensed she wanted to say something more but was refraining.

"I feel guilty about Emmett, though," I added.

_"You should,"_ her voice wasn't harsh, just gentle.

"I'm gonna tell him," I promised myself. "Soon."

_"Good."_

She wasn't being very talkative and that bugged me.

"Oh!" I remembered the other reason I called her, other than to squeal about my day with Jacob. "Jacob and I are planning on going to Seattle this weekend. I'd really love it if you came with us. He's bringing some friends, and you can bring Jasper, too."

_"Oh, Bella,"_ Alice said, sounding regretful. _"It's kind of last minute. Remember how I told you my Aunt Maddy was getting married this weekend? Down in Olympia? That's this Saturday; we're driving down there really early in the morning."_My heart sank. _"You can still ask Jasper, but I doubt he'll go without me. . . "_

"Never mind," I said sadly. "There's still Mike and Jessica. And Angela and Eric."

I honestly wasn't sure if I wanted Mike and Jessica to tag along. Their company wasn't as pleasant as Alice and Jasper's.

_"Yeah, definitely!"_ Alice said cheerily, obviously trying to make me feel better. _"If Mike and Jess won't go then Eric and Angela might. Maybe. . ."_ The reassurance in her voice faltered.

"You have a feeling neither of them is going to go, don't you?"

_"You can still call and ask."_

"I'll give it a shot..."

_"I gotta go. Mom's calling. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"_

"Okay. Bye, Alice.

_"Oh, and Bella?"_

"Hmm?"

_"Emmett,"_ she said urgently. _"Tell him about Seattle. Please. Tonight, maybe? Since you're going kinda far. . . Just get it over with; I don't want you to be stressed all week."_

"I'll try."

Alice sighed. "Ciao!"

She hung up and I flipped my phone shut, rolling onto my back.

Mission Get Emmett to Not Flip Out would have to go into affect tonight. The sooner the better.

**

* * *

**

Alice was, as always, right about my other friends. Mike and Jessica had other plans and Angela was apprehensive about being around Jacob and his pals. I assured her that he was perfectly nice, but she said she wouldn't be comfortable and that Eric had been hoping they could go see a movie. Angela did sound really regretful, but I didn't want her to feel guilty so I assured her that it was okay and that I didn't mind.

So now I was on my own.

I definitely felt nervous about hanging out in Seattle with just Jacob and his friends. I had never really hung out with only guys. I would have been much more comfortable if there was another girl around.

I called Jacob right before dinner and told him that all my friends had bailed. I sensed that he was happy about that, since his voice got a little overenthusiastic and reassuring, but I brushed it off. He told me that none of his friends would be going either.

Coincidence much?

So that left just the two of us. In Seattle. Alone.

I really felt anxious about it just being me and him. Like I said before, everything was moving at the speed of lightning. It felt like just yesterday that Emmett almost ran him over.

Emmett. Thinking about my brother made me uneasy about how I had been lying to him and how I planned on telling him about Jacob that night. I kept on making excuses and putting it off, but I demanded myself to have some courage.

_Suck it up and be a woman,_ I told myself. _Get this over with and you'll feel a lot better, regardless of his reaction._

Then it hit me. What if he didn't let me go? What would I do? Would I have the tenacity to sneak out? No, I couldn't do that. Would I tell Jacob that I couldn't go? That would upset him.

I had to think of something, and fast.

I went down into the living room and strolled into the kitchen where Emmett was just pouring spaghetti out of a pot.

_"Hola,"_ he said, seeing me. "Hungry?"

"Not really," I answered honestly.

_Wow, you actually told him something true this time,_ I told myself bitterly. It was true that I wasn't hungry; I felt nauseous with anxiety about what I was about to do.

"Home come?" he asked, carrying two plates of spaghetti into the living room. I followed, my heart starting to hammer.

Emmett flipped on the TV and propped his feet up on the coffee table with his plate in his lap. I sat in a nearby armchair and began to play around with the food. Emmett had asked me why I wasn't hungry but I guess he asked without really caring if he got an answer, since he didn't prompt me.

Dinner was usually when Emmett and I bonded, since it was the end of a long day of work and school and we both just hung out and relaxed. The TV was usually on, but it was always just for background noise. At that moment there was some sitcom on where the fake audience laughter was annoying because it always happened when something wasn't even funny.

"So," Emmett said. "What did you do today? Anything interesting I might actually care about?" He smiled his dimpled smile at me and it made me feel even worse.

"No, just another boring day," I said, unable to make eye contact. "School, homework. . . "

"Oh yeah, you went to the park to do homework. Sorry you had to, by the way. How'd that go? Did you get shit done?"

"Yes," I lied automatically. Emmett nodded, shoving a whole meatball into his mouth. I hated how I was starting to fib almost automatically. I didn't want to make this a habit.

"What about you?" I asked. "Do anything fun, other than supervise rambunctious men?"

"Nah," he said. "Hung out with Rose for a while. Oh hey, did you see Edward in school? Rose said he was starting at Forks High today."

"I did," I replied. I thought about Edward with a resentful sort of awe, if such a thing were even possible. "He was his usual asshole self."

"Aw, don't be so hard on the kid. He's been through a lot of shit. Rose told me all about what went down in London and wow, I don't blame him for being all messed up in the head."

"What happened in London?" I asked, my curiosity sparked.

Emmett stared at me, his mouth moving slightly but no words coming out.

"Oh, um. . . " Clearly he felt he had said too much. "Just some stuff with his ex-girlfriend and whatnot." He looked sheepish. "Rosalie actually made me swear on our MR2 Turbo that I wouldn't say anything, so I'm afraid I can't say too much. Sorry. Wait, I told you a little, I wonder if karma's gonna make the paint on the car chip or something. . . Oh, crap."

"It's okay," I said, chuckling. "You don't have to tell me."

Emmett nodded and went back to his spaghetti. I was still curious as to why Edward was the way he was. I wasn't a nosy person and wasn't going to snoop for the details, but a part of me was almost dying to know about Edward's past. Maybe I wouldn't be so annoyed with him if I knew the reason for his bad attitude.

"So, I was wondering," Emmett said. "You wanna do something this weekend? On Saturday? I feel like it's been forever since we actually hung out together, just me and you, ya know? I thought maybe we could just chill, go see a movie or something. What do you say?"

_Oh, shit._

My mind was blank as I tried to figure out what to say.

_Now or never, Bella. Get it over with, now's your chance._

I swallowed, my mouth dry and my heart starting to thud as Emmett looked at me expectantly.

"I- I was gonna tell you," I began. "I actually kinda already have plans for this Saturday."

Emmett's face fell and I felt horrible.

"Oh," he said, disappointed. "That's too bad. What're you doing?"

The hand that was holding my fork was trembling and I put the fork down as to not be too obviously nervous.

"I'm going to Seattle," I said, but that evidently wasn't enough information since Emmett's eyes got wide.

"Seattle?" he said. "What're you going there for? And with who?"

"Just to hang out," I said. "And I'm going with. . . Alice."

_Damn it, Bella. Some friend you are._

I couldn't bring myself to tell him about Jacob. I could tell my brother anything but when it came to boys I had to tread carefully. Now was just not the time.

"Alice?" he repeated. "You and Alice are going to Seattle? Alone?" He looked concerned and I didn't want him to be.

"Jasper might go," I quickly said. "And maybe even Mike and Jessica and Eric and Angela. We're probably just going to shop around and stuff."

Emmett seemed to think about it.

"Okay," he said hesitantly. "I guess if it's a group of you. . . Just be safe, alright? Seattle's a big city, don't get lost and shit. And stick together."

"I know, I know," I said. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Sorry I couldn't hang out with you. Next weekend maybe?"

"We'll see," he said, smiling at me.

I had planned on feeling relieved about telling him about this, but I only ended up lying some more and feeling even worse. I wasn't even relieved that I told him half the truth; the part about Seattle was completely true.

What was happening to me? I was sneaking out to go meet up with a guy I barely knew, lying compulsively to my brother about any and everything involving that guy, and using my friends as a way to cover up my lies. This wasn't me.

I hoped that the rest of the week and Saturday itself would be worth this whole mess.

**

* * *

**

The week went by super fast and that only increased my anxiety. When I wasn't around Jacob at school or texting him like crazy at home, I felt extremely nervous about the whole thing. I had too much time to think and my guilt got worse by every minute. But when I was with him, I remembered why I liked him so much and I felt better about being with him in Seattle. He was funny, and sweet, and carefree. He talked a lot and loved to have fun, not seeming like he had a care in the world. It was nice to be with someone who viewed life as something to be lived to the fullest. I hoped he could instill some of that in me.

Edward had not returned to school all week. Walking into my first period math class every day, I felt queasy about having to see him again. But my old seat was continuously empty and Alice and Jasper were just as clueless as me about why he didn't show up. He was out the whole week and everyone thought that he had gotten suspended because of his fight with Tyler Crowley. Jasper said he wasn't there for the fight, but from what he had heard, it was a pretty bad one. Everyone was talking about how vicious Edward had been and about how he had shown no mercy on Tyler. Tyler, on the other hand, was refusing to even talk about it. I was a bit relieved that I possibly wouldn't have to see him again for a while. This was technically my fist week as Jacob's "girlfriend", or so he called me, and I didn't want Edward and his unnecessary comments ruining everything.

When Alice asked me if I had told Emmett about Seattle, I was able to look her in the eyes and tell her I did. But when she asked me if I had told him about Jacob, I had to look away. Like the compulsive liar I had now become, I told her that I informed Emmett I was going with "friends", and that he hadn't questioned me on that. I figured that she wouldn't believe me if I told her that he was okay with Jacob.

"He really didn't ask which friends?" she asked in disbelief, and I shook my head, unable to speak.

She eyed me skeptically and then shrugged. "You got luck. Still, I think you should have told him."

"Not yet," I replied. "Not yet…"

I had voiced my concerns about Emmett to Jacob, and he agreed with me that I shouldn't tell him yet. I was glad someone was on the same page, since Alice apparently wasn't and Jasper was always going to agree with her. I was finding it easier to tell Jacob everything; he always listened with complete interest and we were growing closer day by day. I got excited about Seattle every time Jacob mentioned it. I told him it wasn't safe for him to come pick me up at my place, so we agreed that he would pick me up at the park again in his car.

His car. Was it risky? I felt like I knew Jacob pretty well and I was extremely comfortable around him now. As long as no one in town saw me get in his Rabbit. . .

I told my brother that Seattle was probably an all-day thing. Jacob told me there was a place he really wanted to take me; he said I would love it. I was very curious as to what this place would be.

Friday night, I couldn't sleep.

When Saturday morning rolled around, I was wide awake.

I had slept for only a few hours, the excitement and anxiety in me overwhelming. I was out of bed by eight, not sleeping in for as long as I usually would on a Saturday. I didn't even feel sleepy. I was a little uneasy but also completely thrilled about the day.

I walked by Emmett's bedroom and could hear him snoring loudly inside. I was glad; I wouldn't have to deal with him noticing my unusually fidgety behavior this morning before I could calm myself down.

I stumbled down to the kitchen, my stomach feeling too queasy to eat anything. I still poured myself a bowl of cereal and settled in the living room, flipping on the television to Saturday morning cartoons.

Yes, I still watched Saturday morning cartoons. When I woke up early enough for them, that is.

I forced myself to eat, and by 9am my phone buzzed. Of course, it was Jacob.

**Still on 4 2day? - J**

Did he know I was super anxious? I quickly typed a reply.

_Of course!__Still meeting at eleven? - B_

**Yea I'll b behind da sk8board ramp area in my rabbit. C u then ;) - J**

I smiled, and set my phone aside, biting my lip.

_This is going to be good_**,** I thought, trying to easy my anxiety. _Suck it up and think about how you're going out with your boyfriend. You have a boyfriend._

I suddenly giggled to myself, the thought of me having a boyfriend making me giddy again. It was still hard to believe that I, Bella Swan, the most ordinary person on the planet, had a boyfriend. I thought that day would never come.

"You have no idea how weird you look just sitting there and giggling," Emmett's booming voice made me jump.

"What's so funny?" he asked, smiling.

_Just the thought of me having a boyfriend. Pretty hilarious, no?_

"Just the cartoons," I told him, nodding at Tom and Jerry.

"Ah yes," he sighed fondly at the TV. "The mysterious workings of a dumbass cat and a smartass rat. Classic." He chuckled and went into the kitchen.

"So," he called. "What time are you meeting Alice and your other peeps at the park?" My stomach flipped nervously at "Alice and your other peeps". . . since there actually was no "Alice and peeps".

"Eleven," I called back.

"Want me to drop you?"

"No!" I all but yelled. There was silence in the kitchen. "Emmett, we talked about this before. The park is around the corner, I really don't believe I'm going to be attacked on the one block I walk there."

"You never know," he frowned, walking back in and sitting in an armchair. "My bad for caring." He looked sad and I immediately felt horrible again.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I just think you can be a bit ridiculously over protective sometimes. It's unnecessary."

He shrugged and ate a spoonful of cereal. "Can't help it. It's just 'cause I care and wanna make sure you're safe, ya know? And I know it's unnecessary, and I also know you would never give me a reason to be overprotective anyway."

Oh . . . shit.

He was doing the guilt trip thing without even knowing it.

"Right," was all I could say.

After breakfast I ran back upstairs to get ready, even though I still had over an hour until I would meet Jacob.

I stood in front of my closet, hands on my hips. I really needed Alice. Usually I would throw on whatever my hands touched, but this felt like an actual date. I imagined we would be walking, so I would just wear a random pair of Chucks. But the sky looked like it was threatening rain so I would probably need something with a hood.

I rummaged in my closet and found a baby pink t-shirt shirt that had some metallic design on the front. It was cute and girly, not really like me, so I had no idea where it came from. I figured it was something that Alice had gotten me at one point, since the tag had some brand name on it. I threw it on, and it fit me perfectly. I then pulled on some light washed designer jeans that were way too tight for my liking. I figured that since we were going with brand names today, might as well throw on anything Alice had gotten me in the past. I didn't want to wear my regular old denim jacket so I hoped that Alice had once gotten me a jacket or sweater that I could wear over that.

"I love you, Alice!" I cried out loud when my hands found a white motorcycle-jacket, lace accented jacket thing all the way at the back of my closet. I would have kissed her if she was there.

_I love you so much,_ I texted her. _Everything I'm wearing today was bought by you! - B_

**OMG. The one time u wear something I buy for you, I'm not there to see it! LOL. Take a picture and send it to me! - A**

I laughed, not knowing if she was serious about it. But, knowing Alice, she was probably dying to see how I looked at that moment.

I brushed my hair and let it hang limp as I set my phone to camera mode. I never really took pics of myself but I had learned from Alice that in order to get a picture of your outfit when no one was around to do it, you took a picture in the mirror.

There was a full length mirror that stood at the opposite end of the room, and I walked over to it and stood there, looking at myself. This outfit did not look like something I would wear. It was so fashionable, and I wasn't used to this. The only thing I didn't like about what I saw was my face and my hair. My hair was boring and limp, and my face was plain. I didn't even have any makeup.

I pointed the phone at the mirror so I could take a picture and smiled, feeling awkward because it was the first time I took a picture of myself. The picture was a little dark but you could still see my outfit, so I sent it to Alice. It didn't take long for her to reply.

**I'm sooo proud of you!**she wrote. _You put it together without my help! *sniff_*** You look great Bella. Kust throw on a head band or something, your hair looks dull. - A**

I sighed in agreement and rummaged for a headband. Throwing it on, I put on my light pink Chucks as well. I usually didn't wear pink, but it had to work for me today.

With Alice's second approval, I was finally ready . . . and it wasn't even 10:30 yet.

Sighing, I sat on my bed and decided to text Jacob again.

_I'm bored. Are you ready? -B_

**Baby, I been ready. Want me 2 get u now? - J**

_Sure. I'm leaving now. - B_

**C u in a few ;) - J**

I hopped up excitedly and grabbed my small cross body bag, throwing in my phone, compact umbrella, and wallet. I sauntered down the stairs and into the living room where Emmett was now on his laptop.

"Heading out already?" he asked, looking at me. He did a double-take as he saw me, looking at my outfit. "Wow. Don't you look . . . like Alice."

I laughed. "Yeah she bought me all this," I said, gesturing at myself. "I figured I'd make her happy by wearing it, I can't wait to see her reaction." I was shocked at how easy it was becoming for me to lie. It didn't make me comfortable at all. "Well, I'm gonna go now."

Emmett nodded and went back to typing. "'Kay. Be safe, all right? Stick together-"

"-don't get lost, I know I know," I cut him off, heading towards the door.

"Don't talk to strangers. Stop, drop and roll. Try and get back before dark," he told me. "I'm spending the day with Rose, so call my cell if you need me."

"Got it! Bye!"

I hurried out the door, accidentally slamming it shut in all my excitement. I tripped on the front steps and landed on my knees, catching myself with my hands.

"Crap," I muttered, standing up and brushing myself off. I looked around hesitantly, hoping no one saw me. I felt like I was being watched again, just like when Jacob had dropped me off. I shuddered and hurried to the park, silently praying that it wouldn't start raining.

Once at the park, I didn't know what to do with myself. No one was really here since it was just a tad chilly. I walked towards the skateboard ramp area, glancing behind them and looking for Jacob's car. I had no idea what a Rabbit looked like, so I just looked for a red car. There wasn't one in sight so I walked around, waiting for it.

That's when I saw some guy on a motorcycle staring at me.

He had a helmet on so I couldn't see his face, and he was paused about a hundred yards away, on the road nearby the tree where Jacob and I had first kissed. His head was turned in my direction, but I couldn't tell if his eyes were on me. I sensed that they were; I could feel them piercing through my face.

I was suddenly afraid. Who was this person, and why was he staring at me? I looked around the park; there was no one here apart from an old couple sitting on a bench. Where the hell was Jacob?

I felt a chill and rubbed my arms, standing there and staring at this stranger. I turned around and walked in the opposite direction, where Jacob was supposed to be.

Then I heard a loud honk and whirled around to face the motorcycle again. Behind the bike was Jacob's car, and he was honking at me. The guy on the motorcycle turned around to look at the car. He revved his engine and zoomed away as I approached.

I climbed in the passenger seat and tried not to glare at Jacob.

"Where were you?" I asked him. "I've been waiting here for like fifteen minutes."

"Got caught up," he answered, smiling the smile that I loved too much. "Sorry about that. You look good."

I blushed and looked down at my lap. "Thanks," I mumbled. "You do, too."

He wore a dark blue hoodie over a white t-shirt and dark jeans.

"I know," he replied, grinning at me.

He was a fast driver, but not fast enough to scare me. His car smelled like him: earthy, with a hint of whatever cologne it was that he wore. I was a little on edge, being in a car with him, but I tried to shake off the goosebumps as I gazed at him.

He turned on the radio to some rap music, which I was definitely not a fan of, and starting to rap along with the beat. The song was about some guy desperately wanting to have sex with some girl he saw in a club and I felt weird listening to Jacob sing words like that.

"Do you like this kind of music, Bella?" he asked.

I shook my head honestly. "No," I said. "My brother got me into rock."

Jacob nodded and changed the station to a rock one, but it was more hard core then anything I usually listened to. He reached over and took my hand, smiling at me as I smiled back.

"Excited?" he asked, and I nodded.

"Definitely."

"That's good. Just wait till you see where I'm gonna take you first. You're gonna love it."

"Any hints?"

"Nope. It's gonna be a total surprise."

The drive to Seattle was two and a half hours long. We stopped at a rest stop to get some junk food snacks and use the restrooms. We didn't talk as much as I thought we would, and when we did it was mostly small talk. Jacob held my hand the whole way there, his finger occasionally stroking my palm. It tickled and I giggled often, which made him grin at me the whole time.

When we were finally at our destination and able to get out of the car, I stretched, my body stiff from sitting for so long.

"Here we are," Jacob said, looking around. He had parked on some street in a shopping area. Buildings towered over me and the streets were bustling with shoppers. I had been to Seattle before, but not this area.

Jacob took my hand and led me down the street.

"So you're taking me to where you said you'd be taking me?" I asked.

"Yep," he said excitedly. "This place is genius. And then there's this seafood place where the food is the bomb! So good. And then, tonight, there's Torrid, this awesome club. Don't worry about getting in, I've got connections."

He wanted to take me to a club that night? I wasn't comfortable with that, and I was supposed to be home by dark.

"Um, I'm kinda supposed to be home before the sky goes from blue to black."

Jacob looked at me before sighing in an almost angry way.

"That brother of yours. . . " he mumbled. "Screw it. It doesn't matter. He thinks you're with all your friends, right? I don't see the issue then. We can't have real fun before the sun goes down; I've got places to show you."

I was going to reply to his little rant when, suddenly, a thought occurred to me.

"Hey, Jacob?" I said, not sure if my question would offend him. "Can I ask you something?"

He looked down at me curiously.

"Bella, never be afraid to ask me anything," he said, smiling. "Shoot."

"Okay, if you grew up in Michigan, how do you know all these places in Seattle?" He looked surprised by my question before he glanced away and looked straight ahead.

"Oh," he said. "I, uh. . . I came here a lot with my mom and her boyfriend. And I also came here last week with Paul and the guys. That's how." He said it matter-of-factly and also in a way that told me the discussion was over. I left it at that.

We walked for a few blocks and he was talking the whole time, commenting on things and people we saw here and there. His fingers were intertwined in mine and our arms were swinging between us.

I felt happy. I was here with my boyfriend. Away from overly protective Emmett and anti-Jacob Alice and Jasper. It was just me and Jacob, and I loved it. I felt my spirits lift as we walked. I kept looking at my hand in his and it made me all fuzzy on the inside.

". . . what do you think?" Jacob was saying. I looked at him, having no idea what he was talking about. I had been caught up in boyfriend land.

"Huh?" I said, and his brows furrowed.

"Weren't you listening?"

I bit my lip, blushing. "I just started daydreaming," I said sheepishly. "My bad."

"Am I that boring?" he joked, but I could have sworn his eyes got darker.

"Not boring at all," I said quickly. "I just started thinking about . . . us." I blushed harder as he chuckled and before he could comment on my red face I added, "What was it you asked me?

"I was actually asking you out on a real date," he said. I stared at him. "I mean, yeah I know this is us hanging out alone, but originally there was supposed to be a lot more people with us. I want to do something more . . . romantic." He smiled fondly at me and my heart must have stopped.

"Oh," I choked out. "Okay."

"I knew you would say yes!" he laughed, lifting our hands up and kissing mine. My skin heated up where his lips touched.

"Where will you take me?" I asked. "And when exactly? So I can, you know, finally tell my brother and stuff. . . "

"How's tomorrow sound?"

My eyes widened. "Tomorrow? That's so soon, and it's a school night."

"Hey, the sooner we start dating the better. This is only the beginning, baby. We need to get this shit with your brother over with."

I hesitated, not sure if I was comfortable with telling Emmett so soon.

"C'mon," Jacob chuckled. "We go out tomorrow or I won't date you at all." He said it jokingly and with a smile on his face but something told me he was serious.

"I guess we can go out tomorrow. . . " I said quietly.

"That's the plan."

He squeezed my hand once before putting his arm around my waist. I was forced to lean into him and I wrapped my arm around his bulky torso. It was awkward walking like this but I liked the fact that he had his arm wrapped around me.

"Look, look!" he said suddenly, sounding like an excited little boy. "Here it is, the one store in Seattle made of pure awesomeness! Archie McPhee and Co.!"

I looked up at a wide store that looked like a toy store. We paused outside the window and Jacob grinned up at it fondly. The window had weird monster-looking cartoon things painted on it and the inside was very colorful.

"We're at a toy store?" I said in disbelief. This was what he wanted to show me? This was what he was so excited about?

"No, silly," he said, that grin still plastered on his face. "It's a joke shop! Well, kinda. They have the craziest, most random shit here. Come on!" He pulled me towards the door and inside.

The store was large and the walls were painted orange. The shelves were covered in a random array of items, and I wasn't sure what they were.

"Take a look around," Jacob said. I glanced at him warily and let go of his hand, walking over to the nearest shelf as he went his own way.

I picked up a little blue box because it was the first thing my hand touched. It read "BABY SHOWER" and the plastic window on the front showed a little toy gun inside with tiny fake babies. From what I saw, the little babies were supposed to go in the toy gun like bullets, and you would shoot them out.

"Baby shower," I chuckled in disbelief. "Clever." I shook my head and put the box down, looking around for more weird stuff.

I saw ashtrays shaped like teeth and a Ceramic Smoking Monkey. I saw corn dog flavored lip balm and soap that smelled like eggnog. There were Handerpants, which were pretty much underwear worn on your hands like gloves. There was Inflatable Toast and Onion Ring Mints.

Oh and then there was my favorite: Stylish Mustache For Girls.

This was the strangest store I had ever been in, and I was far too shocked to find anything hilarious. It was just downright bizarre, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I stared at the products with wide eyes, unable to believe that I was seeing such things. Did anyone even eat curry flavored mints or meatball bubblegum? Was mint even mint if it was curry flavored?

I was walking around looking at things for almost an hour. My legs were tired and my eyes felt funny from being wide for so long. I looked around for Jacob and saw him paying a cashier. He had bought something already.

"I hope you got the Handerpants," I laughed, walking over to him.

"Nope," he chuckled. "I got other stuff." He held the bag out to me as I stared at him.

"What? For me?" I asked, stunned.

He nodded. "Of course. I have half the stuff in this place already. This is for you. Consider them gifts from me to you."

I took the bag from him hesitantly, not sure if I even wanted to know what was inside.

He stood there, waiting for my reaction as I opened the bag and peeked in.

Red was the dominant color in the bag.. Everything looked like . . . meat.

_What the hell?_

I reached in and pulled out the first thing my fingers met. The first thing I pulled out was a red pack.

_Bacon Lip Balm . . . ? This could not be for real. . ._

"I'd love to kiss you while you're wearing that," Jacob laughed, leaning in to give me a quick kiss. "Do you like it?"

"I love it," I lied.

Hey, since I was becoming a good liar, I might as well put it to use when I needed to, right?

"Keep digging, there's more," Jacob said.

_More? Oh boy._

I threw the lip balm back in the bag and pulled out something else.

Bacon Mints. Of course.

"Well, I know what I'm having for breakfast!" I said, eying the round tin can as Jacob laughed. I threw the can back in and pulled out the next thing. I had a sneaking suspicion it would have to do with bacon. . .

Bacon Watch. Lovely.

The straps were made to look like bacon strips and the clock itself had a cartoon bacon smiling happily at me.

"Wow," I said, giggling. "This is . . . amazing."

"I know!" Jacob said happily. "They have like a whole wall back there dedicated to bacon. There's one more thing in there, take a look!"

"I'm psychic," I told him, reaching in again. "It's going to be meat-related."

"Dude, you could be the next Sylvia Brown," he said with mock awe.

I pulled out a little white box. Bacon Bandages. I let out a hysterical laugh.

"These I could use!" I chortled.

We walked out of the store, hand in hand.

"You sure you didn't want to buy anything for yourself?" Jacob asked as we walked slowly.

"No, I think you bought me all the hysteria I could take for one day," I replied. I was really having a good time. "Where to next?"

"You hungry? There's that seafood place. . . But I feel like just walking around. What do you think?"

I shrugged indifferently. "Whatever you want," I replied.

We stopped walking and Jacob pushed me gently against the wall of a building so that we wouldn't block pedestrians.

"And that," he said, taking both my hands. "Is why I like you so much." He kissed my cheek and I giggled. He kissed my mouth and then my other cheek before touching his lips to my neck. I felt flustered and hot all over, but mostly embarrassed.

"Jake," I breathed. "We're in public."

"I don't care," he said, but he pulled away. He looked down at me lovingly and I never wanted to see that look leave his face.

"Thank you," I said.

He looked at me, confused. "What for?"

"For . . . everything? For being so nice, for bringing me here, for buying me that weird crap-"

"Hey, Archie and McPhee's bacon products are classic. You're never supposed to call anything classic 'crap'. I do believe it's against the law."

"Does that make me a criminal?"

"Definitely. You should be arrested for Under Appreciation of Bacon Merchandise."

I laughed and he let go of my hands, patting his pockets as he searched for something.

"Damn it," he said, his face almost panicky. "Where the hell is my wallet? I wanted to show you the epic coupon the cashier lady gave me."

"Maybe you left it inside."

"I think so. Wait here, I'll be back." He kissed me on the cheek again before jogging the few feet back to the store.

I leaned against the wall and waited for him, feeling giddy. So far, I felt like I was on top of the world.

That is, until I saw him.

Emmett.

My whole body tensed up as I saw Emmett standing across the street from me. My heart started pounding and I immediately thought about hiding.

But there was no point in hiding. He already saw me. He was staring right at me, a look of solemnity on his face. His face was cold, his eyes black with fury; even if his face was blank.

It was the old Emmett, and it looked like he was back.

I stood there, frozen, my eyes wide with fear. What was he doing in Seattle? How did he find me? Did he see the past few minutes I had with Jacob? I silently prayed that he hadn't, although the anger in his eyes told me he probably did.

I thought about going to warn Jacob, but I was rooted to the spot. Emmett seemed rooted to his, his arms rigid at his sides as he glared at me. I knew he never would, but it looked like he could hurt me.

"I left it on the counter, but the cashier chick saved it for me," Jacob's voice rang out and I turned my head to look at him. He paused a foot away from me, stunned by what was probably a look of horror on my face.

"What?" he asked fearfully, coming towards me. He touched my arm. "What is it? What's wrong?"

I couldn't speak. It felt like my throat was closing up. I looked ahead of me again, at Emmett across the street. Jacob followed my gaze and his hand on my arm tightened almost painfully when he saw what I saw.

"Oh . . . fuck," Jacob said.

Emmett finally unfroze. He looked both ways on the street and jaywalked towards us, his face still blank, and his eyes still angry. I clutched Jacob's arm, afraid for him, and irrationally afraid for myself.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," Jacob was chanting under his breath. "What the fuck is he doing here? Did you tell him?"

He whirled on me, his expression fearful, and I shook my head frantically.

"No!" I gasped. "I didn't, I swear!"

"Then what is his doing here?" he hissed.

"Bella," Emmett's voice was dead serious and his eyes were on Jacob; he had stopped only a few feet away from us. "Let's go."

My feet were still planted to the sidewalk and I looked between my brother and my boyfriend, not sure what to do. Something told me I had better go with Emmett but another part of me wanted to go with Jacob.

"Bella," Emmett said more forcefully, glaring at me. "We're leaving." I moved towards him but Jacob grabbed my arm.

"She wants to stay," he told Emmett. His voice was calm but he was returning Emmett's glower.

"Let go of her," Emmett said, taking a step forward. He was calmer than I would expect him to be in this situation, but something about the calm was frightening.

"Jacob, let go," I said, resigned. I knew I had to go with Emmett, or things would end very badly. Jacob looked at me incredulously and then let go my arm.

"Are you sure you don't wanna stay?" he asked me, and I nodded, my heart sinking.

"I'm sorry," I said to him, and he shrugged. Emmett gave Jacob one last glare before looking at me pointedly and walking away. I looked at Jacob, giving him a sad smile.

"Text me," he whispered, and I nodded, sighing and following behind Emmett.

He had parked only about a block away from where we had been, and he was already getting in the driver's seat, slamming the door shut. I took a deep breath before I got in, not sure if he would explode while were in the car or when we got home. Or if he would explode at all.

I got in the passenger sheet and eyed him warily. His jaw was clenched, his eyes like black steel as they stared ahead of him. He didn't even look at me as he started the car and pulled out. All he said was, "Put your seat belt on" before he started to zoom through the streets of Seattle.

It had been 30 minutes into the drive and he had said nothing to me, absolutely nothing. There was no sound but the muffled roaring of the wind outside us and the gentle purr of the car's engine. He didn't even bother turning the radio on. The bag of bacon gifts Jacob had given me rested on my lap while my hands were folded on top of it. I kept glancing at my brother, waiting for him to say something. Waiting for him to say how pissed he was at me for lying, waiting for him to tell me how disappointed in me he was, waiting for him to tell me I could never see Jacob again.

That, I wouldn't let happen.

I was growing impatient; the silence in the car was driving me insane. It was awkward, tense, and uncomfortable. I was beginning to get angry at his silence, angry at him for coming and getting me. Angry at him for ruining my day with Jacob, and angry that he was ignoring me.

We drove without stopping at any rest stops and about an hour and a half into the ride I finally blurted, "Will you say something?"

Emmett's silent glare flashed again before he shook his head.

"When we get home?" I asked, and he nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I figured," I mumbled irritably, and I saw his hands clench tighter around the steering wheel.

Even though we got back to Forks in less time than it had taken Jacob and I to get to Seattle, it felt like hours longer. Emmett pulled up right in front of our house instead of parking in the driveway, and climbed out. I followed, my body stiff, and stretched a little as I walked a few feet behind him. I wondered if he was going to yell at me once we got inside or if he was just going to stay calm.

I followed him in to the front door hesitantly, and quietly shut the door behind me. I stood by the door and watched him toss his keys onto the coffee table. They hit the wood loudly and I jumped.

He began to pace back and forth, running his hand through his curly locks and rubbing his face tiredly. He was still pacing and I was getting impatient; if he wanted to yell at me, he might as well get it over with. I wasn't afraid anymore, just annoyed that he had taken so long to say whatever the hell it was he wanted to say. He had ruined my day by picking me up and now he wasn't even saying anything.

I decided to begin.

"How did you find out?" I asked him quietly. He stopped pacing, his back to me as he placed his hands on his hips.

"I bumped into Alice at the grocery store," he replied gravely, and my eyes widened.

"I thought she was going to a wedding!" I said, wondering if that was even true.

"She was," he said, turning to look at me. His eyes were still dark. "She was in a dress and they were running late. She was picking up some snacks for the trip to Olympia."

All I could do was stare. Damn it, Alice. She couldn't have gotten snacks earlier?

I was quiet, but Emmett continued talking.

"She looked a little freaked out about seeing me, and she said she had a feeling she would bump in to me, but she couldn't do anything about it. I asked her why she wasn't with you and she started stuttering, saying something about her aunt's wedding and how they were invited last minute. . . That chick's a crappy liar if you ask me. Then I asked her if Jasper was going with her and she said no, so I assumed he might be going to Seattle . . . but then I thought, why would he go to Seattle if his girlfriend wasn't going?

"I then asked her about all those other kids, Mike and Jessica and Angela and whoever. She couldn't lie to me and she told me that none of them were going. So then I thought, hey, what the fuck? If Alice and Jasper didn't go, and none of the other kids went, where the hell were you? Alice wouldn't snitch on you. She's a good friend, you should be glad."- I felt terrible about using her- "I practically begged her to tell me where you were and who you were with, but she just told me to not get mad at you before running away. I almost ran after her but I was suddenly too freaked out. I called your cell a few times, but it went to voicemail. Why would you keep your phone off?"

I stared at him confused before pulling out my phone. It wouldn't turn on.

"Battery must be dead," I mumbled. Emmett ignored me and continued.

"When I couldn't get a hold of you, I called Rose, asking her what to do. She was with Edward at her apartment and he told her that he had seen you-"

"Wait, what?" I cut in. "He saw me? Where?"

"He saw you get into Jacob's car at the park."

"But I didn't see him anywhere."

"It doesn't matter, he saw you." He was starting to show his anger, I could see it. "He saw you get in that asshole's car and drive off. He thought I knew, so when I called Rose, he obviously told me what he saw. He described Jacob's car and actually knew the license plate number. He was on his bike, and he rode off."

"Wait, his bike?" Realization hit me as I thought about the guy on the motorcycle that had been staring at me. "That was Edward?" Emmett just stared at me silently.

"He told me the license plate number and I went straight to Seattle without stopping. I got pulled over and got a ticket for speeding, but I really didn't give a shit. I was too damned worried about my sister and whether or not she was okay. I was too freaked out about whether or not I would find you, about whether or not you were still alive-"

"Don't be ridiculous," I cut in. "If I was still alive? Really, Emmett? I went shopping, I didn't go cliff diving or something."

"You might as well have," he yelled, and it felt like a slap in the face. "You barely know that guy, he could've just been released from juvy or some shit, why would you go to a city alone with a guy you barely fucking know?"

"I know him better than you do!" I yelled back. "There's no reason why you shouldn't like him, you never even gave him a chance! You don't know anything about him!"

"Well if he was anything that I would approve of, you would have come to me instead of going behind my back and shit!"

"The only reason I did that was because I knew you would react like this-"

"I'm acting like this because you lied to me!" he shouted. "If you hadn't snuck around with him and came to me and told me about him, I wouldn't be so pissed off right now!"

"Yes you would! You always over-react, Emmett, which is exactly why there's no point in telling you anything when it comes to me and Jacob. I know you were gonna freak out and probably go to try and beat him up for no goddamn reason!"

"That is not true; if you told me you actually cared about the guy I wouldn't find a reason to hurt him!"

"Why are you like this? Why are you so freakin' overprotective? It's not like I'm capable of going out with some douche bag that could hurt me!"

"From what I heard, he is a douche bag."

"Oh yeah?" I scoffed. "And how exactly do you know that? Where's the evidence of that?"

"Edward told me," he mumbled, and my eyes nearly popped out of my head.

"Edward?" I screeched. "Edward told you? You're listening to Edward? What the fuck!"

"Hey, look-"

"No, Emmett!" My eyes started to water. "This isn't fair, don't you see? You won't even give Jacob a chance. You won't even talk to him or get to know him yet you're listening to Edward? Edward is the asshole! Why is it that you're okay with him, but not with Jacob, when you know how Edward can be? What kind of bullshit is that?"

I had tears rolling down my cheeks now; it was all so unfair. Emmett favored Edward, and I couldn't figure out why. I felt hurt; hurt that he wouldn't even give the guy I liked a chance. He was so willing to go along with whatever the hell Edward said instead of coming to his own sister.

Emmett's expression softened slightly and he took a deep breath.

"Listen," he said. "I don't want to talk about Edward. But you're right; I didn't give that dou- I mean. . . Jacob" - he said the name like it tasted gross to say- "a chance. That's wrong of me. But what else am I supposed to think when I see him all over you in Seattle? Do you have any idea what it took for me to not rip him off of you?"

I couldn't say anything; I was still overwhelmed with the unfairness of it all. Emmett kept going.

"Bella, I'm being honest," he said firmly. "If you seriously came to me instead of lying and told me how you felt about him, I wouldn't have freaked out as much."

"I don't believe you," I whispered, and he growled in frustration.

"I mean it," he said. "I'm not kidding. Sure, I would've been annoyed and concerned, but I wouldn't have started yelling at you or gone after the guy or something! I don't know about you, but coming to me and being honest sounds a hell of a lot better than me finding him slobbering all over you in public."

He was right, and I knew it. I stared at him as he stared at me, a look of nothing but concern on his face. I had been in the wrong, stuck in between the world that I wanted and the world that I had. I didn't want those two worlds coming together because then there would be chaos. Or so I thought.

I was wrong about that, too. My two worlds would somehow be able to fit together. Jacob could be a part of my family life, but I was too cautious to even consider the possibility. Too cautious to do the right thing, and too willing to get in between my two worlds so that they didn't collide. So willing that I would risk losing my brother's trust.

"Sorry," I finally whispered to Emmett. I really was sorry, and I felt like shit for doing what I had done.

"I know you are," Emmett nodded. "And you should be . . . but you scared the hell out of me, Bells."

"Sorry," I said again.

"It's just not like you. I mean, I know you don't usually lie, but going off with some guy . . . ? Since when do you do shit like that?"

"He's not 'some guy'," I said, annoyed. "He's Jacob. I know him. He's sweet, and cute, and funny and I like him. A lot. And, if you hadn't noticed, he likes me, too."

"Yeah, I noticed," he said, a slight look of disgust on his face. "I can tell he likes you, and that's what concerns me. Seeing him all up on you- that better never happen again."

"Not in front of you, anyway." I didn't think before I spoke, and his expression shifted.

_Oh, shit. I'm stupid._

"No," I said quickly. "I meant . . . not ever . . . um. . . never mind."

"Oh fuck," Emmett said, rubbing his face again. "Bella, please. Please tell me you haven't . . . because I swear, I will kill him if-"

"Ew!" I cried, when I caught wind of what he was saying. "Gross, Emmett, no!"

He eyed me skeptically for a second.

"Fine," he said. "I believe you. Which I shouldn't after all the lying you've been doing."

"I'm not stupid, okay?" I said. "I've known the guy for a few weeks, do you really think we'd . . . never mind, this is awkward."

"Anyway," Emmett said, shaking a thought from his head. "You really like this guy? Are you sure?"

"Positive," I said, confidently. "Are you going to give him a chance?"

Emmett thought about it.

"I wanna meet him," he finally said. "And by 'meet', I don't mean see him slobber all over you or almost running him over, although that last thought is pretty freakin' appealing. . ."

"Of course," I said. "Of course you can meet him. Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes, we're going on a date."

Emmett's expression shifted again.

"And when were you planning on telling me this?" he asked suspiciously.

"Well," I began hesitantly. "I'm not sure exactly. . ."

He gave me an incredulous look. "Are you kidding me? You weren't going to tell me about going on a date with him? Bella!"

"Look, it didn't even occur to me when he asked me out, okay?"

"I cannot believe you."

"Emmett, relax! I was excited that he asked me on a proper date, I wasn't worried about you just yet."

Emmett took another deep breath and shook his head.

"Bella," he said. "I'm fine with you starting to date. Kinda. But please, don't ever lie to me again. Because, at this point, I don't know if I can trust you anymore. I didn't think you would give me any reason to _not_ trust you, but this . . . this changes things between us, kid."

That hurt, but I knew I deserved it. I went behind the back of the one person that cared about me the most, and it was horrible of me.

"I'm sorry," I apologized for the third time, but it still didn't feel like enough. "I won't lie to you again, I promise." He studied my face and didn't find any deceit there so he nodded.

"Okay," he said. "I know you're not a little girl anymore, and I knew this day was gonna come soon enough. Still . . . you're always gonna be my baby sister. No matter what. I'm going to hate every guy you might end up with, but that's part of the job description."

He grinned at me for the first time in what felt like forever.

"So we're good?" I asked hesitantly, and he nodded.

"For now," he winked, and I laughed. "Can I get a hug?"

"You don't have to ask," I said, and I walked over to him and hugged him, putting the bag of bacon stuff on the ground. Emmett gave me a squeeze and kissed the top of my head.

"You're growing up," he said quietly.

"Ya think?" I said, and helaughed.

"Unfortunately."

We pulled away and he smiled at me crookedly before noticing the bag on the floor.

"What's in there?" he asked curiously.

"Oh!" I said, picking up the bag. "He took me to some weird place called Archie and McPhee. It's got the strangest things. I swear, you'd love it!"

He peeked inside and saw all the bacon merch.

"What the hell?" he said. "Is the store full of bacon stuff?"

"No," I laughed. "But I guess Jacob loves bacon. They seriously have a bunch of weird joke stuff; you have to go there someday."

"I look forward to it," he said, handing me the bag back. I took it and smiled at him.

"I'm gonna go change," I said. Emmett nodded and I ran upstairs.

Once in my room, I threw the bag on the bed and plopped down on it. I felt exhausted. The sun was still out but I felt like falling asleep. I figured that most of my exhaustion was due to the argument with Emmett, not from walking around in Seattle.

Either way, I was pretty content now. With Emmett willing to give Jacob a chance, all was good in the world.

* * *

**A/N:** Bella outfit for this chapter is on my profile. :)


	8. Every Breath You Take

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine. **

* * *

**Chapter 8****- Every Breath You Take**

_Every breath you take  
Every move you make  
Every bond you break  
Every step you take  
I'll be watching you_

_Every single day  
Every word you say  
Every game you play  
Every night you stay  
I'll be watching you_

_Oh can't you see  
You belong to me  
How my poor heart aches  
With every step you take_

**Police- Every Breath You Take**

* * *

**Edward POV**

"Really_,__really_ stupid! Absolutely mad! After everything, everything we've told you about starting anew, not going back to your old ways, and trying to forget all that happened and moving the hell on with your life, you go and get into a brawl? What the hell is wrong with you, Edward? We had hopes that maybe, just _maybe_ Edward might change. Maybe he'd stop irrationally taking out all his anger on other people for no reason at all, but no! He wants to go and beat up some poor innocent boy who probably didn't do anything but look at him wrong! You're throwing it all away, throwing away everything you came here to do! Did you forget the reason you're even here? Did you forget why we forced you to start school in the first place? Did you forget why you agreed to? Apparently you did, because now that clean slate you were starting with is now horribly, _horribly_ tainted!"

Rosalie had gone mad. She had turned into a madwoman and probably looked like she belonged in a mental hospital at that moment.

We were walking through the mostly empty Forks High parking lot and suddenly I wished I hadn't parked my bike so fucking far away from the school. No matter how fast I walked, Rose was one step behind me, screaming her lungs out about my fight with that Tyler bloke. She had just been called to "pick me up" but I wasn't getting in her car. Like I would ever leave my bike there while I got in her vehicle where she could shout at me some more on the way home.

I was just a few feet away from my bike when I felt a sharp slap to my back.

I whirled on my sister as she stood in the middle of the parking lot with her hands on her hips, a look of pure agitation on her face.

"I'm talking to you," she hissed.

"Really?" I said irritably. "I'm pretty sure talking and shouting like a fucking banshee are two very different things." She narrowed her eyes at me but said nothing, so I took that as my cue to turn around and keep walking.

"Why, Edward?" she called, and she sounded exasperated. I turned around again and saw that she was still standing in that same position in the middle of the lot. She didn't look angry anymore, just like she gave up. I stood and stared at her, taking a deep breath.

I almost said something, but then I shook my head instead and walked back towards my bike. I had a lot to say, but I didn't want to say it. Frankly, I was knackered. I was so fucking tired, tired of everything. One day at school was enough; I had no plans to go back at all. Rose could shout at me all she wanted. Hell, maybe I deserved it.

I got on my bike and pulled my helmet on, watching as Rose strolled back to her car. Knowing that she would probably follow me out so that she could snitch on me to Mum, I sped away without a last glance at her.

I zoomed through the streets, trying to let the speed free my thoughts a bit. There was a lot going on in my head, and a good portion of it was resignation. Who knew I'd be a high school dropout after just a day? It was pretty pathetic, really. Still, like I had told Rose, it was all too much for me at the moment.

In my bike's mirror I caught Rose's red car glinting behind me as she followed me home. I sped up a bit and lost her, able to reach my house way before she did. I pulled into the driveway and pressed a button on my set of keys that automatically opened the garage doors. I got off my bike and tiredly walked it in, feeling like I just wanted to drop into bed and stay there for the rest of the fucking week.

Shit, since I was planning on being a dropout anyway, I would probably be able to do that as it is.

I pulled my helmet off and set it on the bike's seat just as Rose pulled into the driveway and stopped at the garage's entrance. She looked apprehensive as she eyed her surroundings. There was nothing in here save me and my bike, and I knew she must have been looking for my father's car. If he were home, no doubt she'd turn that car round and go back to her flat.

Her eyes met mine, a silent question in them. I shook my head, letting her know that he wasn't here. He had finally started getting his ass to work.

Rosalie drove into the garage and turned the car off, a look of annoyance replacing the apprehension. She climbed out and slammed the door shut.

"You're going to get yourself killed, driving like that," she said harshly.

Obviously she was still pissed.

"Think of it this way, at least you wouldn't have to put up with me anymore," I said lifelessly.

I didn't know what made me say it; it was like word vomit all over again. The look on Rosalie's face was horrified as I turned away from her and walked through the door that led into the kitchen.

Mum was just unloading groceries from the bag and she looked up when I walked in.

"I thought I heard someone out there," she said, smiling.

The look on her face changed from content to concern when she saw my face. I didn't know what my expression was, but it obviously wasn't good.

"What is it?" she asked, her hand holding a jar of jam in mid-air. "What happened?"

Just then, I heard the click of Rosalie's heels as she entered. She gave me one last death glare before she turned to Esme.

"Your little boy here got into a fight today," she said matter-of-factly.

Mum's eyes nearly popped right out of her head. "What?" she said incredulously, looking from Rose to me. "A fight?"

Rosalie nodded, a smug look on her face. It reminded me of when we were kids and she would tell Mum all the wrong things I did to get me in trouble.

"I got a call from the principal," Rose said. "He said he tried to call you but you weren't home so they called me instead, and I had to go and get this twat. Apparently, he found the need to beat some innocent little bloke to a pulp-"

"She's exaggerating," I cut in, but both my sister and mother glared at me, telling me to shut up.

"All I know," Rosalie continued. "Is that he hasn't been expelled, thank goodness, but he has gotten three weeks worth of detention, which he doesn't even plan on doing. He says he's dropping out."

"Edward!" Mum said, appalled. She looked at me in shock and anger, though her voice never rose.

"Look, she doesn't know the whole story," I said, finding the need to defend myself. "First of all, I didn't beat that prick to a pulp. Yeah so I fucked him up a bit, but he's still walking. He's still talking. I didn't break any bones." Esme groaned and closed her eyes, shaking her head. "He deserved it, all right? He was talking shit, and I lost it."

Rosalie laughed bitterly and I felt my temper starting to flare again.

"That's no excuse," she said. "Is it so hard to just walk away?"

"I had been walking away all day! You don't get it do you? I tried, I tried really fucking hard to ignore all the bullshit that came my way. You try having to do that every fucking hour. When someone is provoking you over and over and over and over, you think it's easy to just say 'Oh well that's okay, I'll ignore them and pretend I live in a peaceful world full of rainbows and sunshine' and then walk in the other direction?"

Rosalie's lips were pursed and her eyes were narrowed as Mum looked at me with concern.

"Edward," Mum said calmly. "What you did was wrong-"

"Yeah, no shit," I snapped unthinkingly, and she glared at me,

"Has everything we've told you gone in one ear and out the other?" she asked, stern. "What happened to starting over and going on with your life and trying to be a better person?"

"That's what I told him," Rose said, and I glowered at her.

"Oi, you should both be grateful I even agreed in the first place," I said. "Sure I did it just to get all of you to shut the hell up, but at least I went."

"That's not the point," Mum said. "The point is that you had this opportunity and you should have grasped a hold of it and dealt with it the right way. I know it's hard to forget your old ways and old emotions but if you went in there with a positive attitude and not an angry one, things probably would have gone differently. Now, you're a bright boy, I know that, but how is anyone supposed to know that when you're off getting into brawls?"

"It was your first day, Edward," Rosalie chimed in. "Just think what your first impression must have been like. This was your chance, and maybe you blew it but it's not too late. Think about it, think about trying again at least."

Both women were looking at me with pleading eyes, but it annoyed the shit out of me because I knew I was disappointing them both by not even considering going back.

"I'm a dropout," I said quietly. "I'm not going back. Not in a million years, not for anything or anyone."

"Well you can't just give up!" Rosalie said, a hint of desperation in her voice. "This is supposed to be a healthy experience for you!"

"Healthy?" I said in disbelief. "You think it's fucking healthy to be made fun of and looked at like you're some freak? You think it's healthy to be called a creep and to feel all prickly and shit because of someone you don't even. . . "

Shit. I had started talking about that Bella girl.

Rosalie and Esme stared at me, confused for a moment.

"Feel prickly?" Rosalie said, a look pure puzzlement on her face.

"What are you talking about, Edward?" Mum asked.

As I looked at them, I realized that they would never understand. They would never be able to comprehend just how hard it was. It was really fucking easy for them to tell me how important it was for me to move on and shit, but things are better said than done. I thought that Rosalie of all people would be able to get just how difficult it was. She had been through crap far worse than me and I just didn't get how she could be so blind as to what I was feeling. Wasn't her career all about being empathetic and shit?

I shook my head at them and sighed. "Never mind. There's nothing I can say to make you get it. Forget it."

I turned to leave, hoping that they'd just forget about the whole thing, but then stopped in my tracks.

"And if I were you, I'd lose all hope about me going back to school," I added. "Not going to happen."

I went up to my room and fell onto my bed with my clothes and shoes still on, not giving a shit about anything and just wanting to melt into the mattress.

* * *

I'd have to be really fucking stupid to not realize that everyone I gave two shits about was angry with me. Rose wasn't speaking to me, and neither was Mum.

It had been a few days since my fight with that Tyler bloke, and ever since then my mother and sister had been treating me like an unwanted piece of shit. Rose would barely talk to me when I went to her flat, so I wondered why the fuck she even bothered to let me come in. She'd give me one-worded answers to any questions until I just gave up and stopped showing up to her flat.

I mean, it's not like I hadn't gotten in any fights before. It happens; it was practically fucking routine back in London. But I guess this was different since it was supposed to be a "fresh start" and shit. Obviously I had fucked up again, and my mum and sister were there to remind me of it with every glance.

That Tuesday morning, the day after the fight, I sat at the kitchen counter playing around with the jam and toast. Normally at this time, I would have been in school, perhaps second or third hour.

I had decided to skip breakfast and was about to get up from where I sat at the counter, when my father walked in.

He stopped in the doorway when he saw me, eying me with confusion. He wore a sharp suit and his hair was combed back; he looked nothing like an alcoholic. He rather looked like a smart, wealthy, very cunning man. This was Carlisle when he was sober- he looked like he was a respectable human being. Not the twisted sicko that he actually was.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" he asked me suspiciously.

"Yes," I answered curtly, getting up and throwing my toast in the bin. I was beginning to lose my appetite even more.

"Then why are you home?" he asked. "Are you feeling ill?"

I snorted bitterly. He sounded like he actually cared.

"Figuratively speaking, yes, I am very ill," I said, walking past him.

"Your mother told me you dropped out," he said, stopping me where I was. "But I thought she was joking."

"She wasn't joking," I informed him.

He stared at me and I stared at him. It was awkward and tense; it always was this way between us. When he didn't say anything more, I turned and went back upstairs, my stomach churning nauseatingly.

The rest of the week went by pretty slow. I didn't return to school and they even called my house a few times. One time I answered the phone and told whoever it was on the other end to fuck off. They didn't call back.

I spent most of my time out of the house- the disappointed looks my mother gave me were too much. I would ride around on my bike, sometimes without stopping until I had no idea where the fuck I was. I went to Rose's flat a few times but she worked during the week and ignored me when she was there, so I just gave up with her, too.

I was bored out of my mind. At least when we had first moved here, I could help out with the moving in and shit. But now that we were settled, I really had nothing to do. I wasn't an internet type of person, so I usually just sat in my room with the stereo on really fucking loud.

I took out my sketchbook a few times, but all I could draw was random shit with black pencil. There was no inspiration; I hadn't drawn an actual sketch since I was in London. Normally I would have been able to draw anything, anytime, anywhere. But something was missing. I didn't know why, but I lost the drive to draw. And that scared me, because drawing to me felt like the only thing I was even good at.

Drawing pictures. Really fucking productive.

I'd always been told that I was talented, but I couldn't see myself making a career out of it. Tell my dad that I was going to be an artist, and he'd go mad. Not that I should care what the fuck he thinks about my goals in life. Still, I always felt like a fucking disappointment to both my parents, and there was nothing I could do to change it.

* * *

It was Saturday, another unbearably sluggish day, and I sat cross-legged on my bed, holding a black colored pencil to the blank white sheet of the sketchbook. I decided to just let my mind go blank and let my hand do all the work. It was always interesting to see the random shit I could draw when I was absent-minded.

With all the shit that had been happening, it took a while for my mind to get empty. Once it was, I closed my eyes and set the tip of the pencil on to the paper, moving it in random movements. Not once did I lift the pencil up, and after about five minutes, I opened my eyes.

It was a scribbled mess. It could have been anything; a pile of rubbish, a bunch of stick figures at a mosh pit, a weird tsunami of some kind. . .

But I kept on seeing a head with a mess of long hair…

I tore the page out and crumpled it up, flinging it across the room. I set my sketchbook aside and fell back onto my pillow, feeling right depressed. A part of me almost missed school. At least I would have something to do for seven hours.

I decided to go for a riding spree on my bike again, and once the speed took over my body, I felt better. I didn't know where I was going, I just rode. I wondered if the people of Forks noticed the weird guy riding his bike all over town with nowhere to go.

I was at a stoplight when I saw her.

Bella.

She was crossing the street just about a hundred yards away from me. I was suddenly frozen in my spot, my eyes drawn to her like magnets as she strolled into the park. I lost sight of her just as someone honked at me. I jumped and looked up, seeing that the light was now green. I sped away past the park, my heart racing for a reason I couldn't understand.

My mind was spinning and all I could think about was going back to the park. She had looked different, but I couldn't figure out how. My decision made, I made a wide u-turn and headed back to the park.

I pulled up on an empty road a few yards away from the skateboarding area. She was standing there, looking around like she was searching for someone. The park was empty except for an old couple sitting on a nearby bench. I wondered what she was doing here alone and on a day like this. It was pretty chilly out and the clouds threatened rain. She started to walk around, almost pacing in a way.

I figured out how why she didn't look like herself. She was dressed differently, way differently than how I normally saw her. Her whole outfit looked expensive; she was wearing jeans that were extremely tight and a pink t-shirt under an almost-fancy jacket thing. The only thing that didn't look brand name was the bag she had across her torso. Other than that, she dressed like Tanya used to, and I didn't like it at all.

Then she looked up, and her eyes met mine.

Her brown orbs looked frightened and confused. Her brows furrowed as she looked at me, probably wondering who the hell I was and why the fuck I was staring at her. I was suddenly glad I had my helmet on, glad that she wouldn't be able to identify me.

Bella looked around the park nervously, clearly hoping that I was looking at someone else but not her. But I really had no interest in the old people. She looked back at me, her eyes boring into mine. I thought her gaze would burn a whole through my helmet as there was a chilly breeze and she rubbed her arms, cold.

I couldn't do it. As much as I tried, it was really fucking hard to look away from her face. The helmet felt like protection; it made it really fucking easy for me to stare at her and get away with it.

She turned away from me and started to walk away. My hands tightened on the bike's handles as I almost followed her.

Suddenly, there was a loud honk behind me and I turned to see Jacob Black in his car. He wasn't looking at me but was looking at Bella, honking like a fucking maniac. She turned to see him and a look of relief washed over her face.

Jacob? She was relieved to see this prick?

She approached his car and I felt a pang in my chest. This time, it was something along the lines of panic. What was she doing going towards his car? Was she going somewhere with him?

My eyes immediately fell to the license plate at the front of his car. 411-TDL was burned into my brain as I revved the engine and sped away.

I didn't know why, but I felt like I should know this number. I kept repeating it in my head, making sure I didn't forget. Jacob Black was a complete dick, and apparently what Jasper had once said about them being a couple was coming true.

I ended up going to Rose's flat again, not intentionally, but just because the direction I was going in happened to be where she lived.

She invited me in with the usual solemn look she always gave me when I came over. I didn't say anything to her, but just went and lay on her couch, closing my eyes with my earphones in, trying to drown out the apprehension with the music.

_Quit worrying about her,_ I told myself. _She's nothing to you, if she wants to go out with that prick, then obviously she's no better._

I eventually fell asleep and woke up when I heard Rose's ringtone go off. The playlist I had been listening to had ended, so the sound made me jerk awake. I rubbed my eyes and pulled the earphones out as Rose's annoying ringtone kept gone. Where the hell was she?

"Rose!" I called, my voice thick. "Answer your fucking phone, that gay ringtone is driving me mad!"

I heard a door open and heard her jog towards the phone, which was on the glass round table by the windows.

"Don't call something gay, Edward, it's not nice," she said.

Her phone had stopped ringing by then and she picked it up looking it.

"Oh, speaking to me now, are you?" I asked. She threw me an annoyed glance as she called back whoever's call she missed.

"Hey, Emmett?" she said, walking into the kitchen. "You called? Who? Bella?" My ears immediately perked up and I felt a panicked pang in my chest. "Emmett, calm down, you're talking too fast. Deep breaths, babe. . . Uh huh . . . okay… You really have no idea where she went?"

Wait, so Emmett didn't know about this? Wouldn't he know if his sister had a boyfriend?

"No, I haven't seen her," Rosalie was saying. "I'm positive. Look around town, maybe you'll find her, she has to be with someone. . . "

"Jacob Black," I said, sitting up.

Rose looked at me, a bit surprised. "Sorry?"

"She's with Jacob," I told her, unable to unfurrow my brows. "I saw her get into his car today, she went with him somewhere." Rose's eyes were wide as she took this in.

"Hang on a second, Emmet," she said into the phone, before covering the talking end with her hand. "Are you sure, Edward?"

"Of course I'm sure," I said, annoyed. "I was on my bike and I saw her at the park alone, looking for someone. That asshole- Jacob, I mean - pulled up and started honking at her and shit. She saw his car, and got in. Then I came here."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" she cried. "You see Bella get into some guy's car and you don't say anything?"

"I thought he was her fucking boyfriend!" I defended myself, growing irritable. "I didn't know no one knew where she was!"

Rosalie took a deep breath. "Emmett," she said into the phone. "Edward's here, he says he saw Bella get into the car of someone called Jacob Black… I don't know who that is! Who is that, Edward?"

"Some prick from school," I told her.

"Someone from school," she told Emmett, unfortunately leaving out the 'prick' part. She held the phone away from her ear as Emmett shouted something loudly.

"Calm down!" she ordered. "You're going to get nowhere if you freak out like this. Edward, what did the car look like?"

"411-TDL," I told her automatically. "That's the license plate number. It was a red car, looked like a VW Rabbit, but an old version. Red." I was obsessed with motorbikes, but I knew my fair share of cars, too. Even American models.

Rosalie passed on the information to Emmett and then eventually hung up with a sigh.

"That doesn't sound like Bella," she mumbled to herself.

I felt the panic in my chest ease at the knowledge that Emmett now knew. I lay there thinking as Rose eyed me suspiciously.

"What are you thinking?" her voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"What's it to you?" I snapped defensively.

Her eyebrows rose and then her eyes narrowed.

"Tell me something, Edward," she said, tilting her head to one side.

"I don't reckon I want to," I said, eying her warily.

"How did you know the license plate number?" she asked.

My mind immediately thought**,**_Oh well I was worried about a girl I barely fucking know and feared that the asshole she was going with was going to fuck her up somehow so just in case we never heard from her again, I made sure I knew the number_, but I refrained from telling the truth.

"How did I _not_ know the number?" I blurted. "If a car is really fucking close behind your bike, then obviously I'm going to note the number, just in case they run into me or some shit."

Rosalie didn't look like she was buying it, and continued to stare at me doubtfully.

"What?" I said, beginning to freak out a bit. "Really! You know how I feel about my Yamaha; I'll take down the number of any car that comes too fucking close!"

"Oh, I believe you," she said, nodding with faux innocence.

I suddenly felt exposed and I stood up, looking away from her studying gaze.

"I'm going home," I mumbled, turning for the door.

* * *

The next day, Sunday, was spent on my bike. Carlisle had the day off and there was no way I was spending the whole day around him, so I decided to ride around a bit. I stopped by Rose's, as became routine, but she didn't answer the door, no matter how much I knocked. Once the other people on the floor started popping their heads out to see what the noise was, I reckoned she wasn't there and took off.

In the afternoon, I was at a gas station pumping gas into my bike when my mobile went off. The number was one I didn't recognize.

I answered saying, "If you're calling me, I better fucking know you."

_"It's Emmett, and I jacked Rosalie's cell__,"_ came the deep voice from the other end.

I paused, surprised.

"Emmett?" I asked. "Rose's boyfriend?"

_"Yeah, you got a minute?"_

He was speaking in a hushed tone, like he didn't want to be overheard. I removed the nozzle and put it back on its hook, leaning against my bike.

"I guess so," I mumbled, curious as to why he was calling me. I had never really interacted with Emmett much, not even when I was at Rose's the same time he was. As far as I could recall, we never even had a full conversation, so this certainly felt really fucking awkward.

_"Look, I kinda need you to do me a favour_**,"** he said, almost-whispering. I could barely make out what he said.

"Why the fuck are you whispering?" I asked irritably.

_"Because, your sister is upstairs, and I don't want her to hear me,"_ he said urgently.

"Wait, upstairs where? She's at your house?"

_"Yeah, she's helping Bella get ready for her date."_

And there it was again, that ache in my chest. But it wasn't panic this time, it was something else.

She was going on a date tonight, most likely with Jacob. Wasn't Emmett pissed at her for sneaking around? What kind of a brother-slash-legal guardian was he?

"Oh," I said, unable to really say anything else. I shook my head jerkily, ridding a thought, before continuing. "And why did you nick my sister's mobile exactly?"

_"To get your number, dude,"_ Emmett said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. _"I didn't know how else to get a hold of you, so I got my hands on her phone before she went up with Bella. Don't ask how I got it, I don't think you'd approve."_

I scowled. "What do you want, then?"

"_I need you to do something really important for me."_

I was intrigued. "I'm listening."

_"So, I know you don't like my sister, and I know you don't like Jacob - trust me, I don't like him either - which is why I'm asking you to do this for me."_

"Do what? You haven't told me anything!"

_"Chill, I'm getting there."_

"Then get there fast and skip the intro bullshit," I said, impatient with curiosity.

_"I want you to spy on them."_

I blinked. What did he just say?

There was silence on the other end as he waited for my response, but I was speechless myself. By 'them' I was sure he meant Bella and her asshole boyfriend, but I needed confirmation.

"Who . . . do you mean by 'them' exactly?" I asked slowly.

_"Bert and Ernie,"_ he said sarcastically. _"Bella and Jacob, who else? I know I must sound crazy but you have no idea how freaked out I am right now. I mean, I barely know the guy. All I know is that I almost ran his ass over one time, and then caught him slobbering all over her in Seattle. . ."_

Unpleasant images flashed through my head and I shook my head again, focusing again on what Emmett was saying.

_". . . the guy is coming over in about an hour or so and you can bet I'll interrogate his ass like he's on fucking Law & Order. Shit, he should be on Law & Order, the way he was on top of her and shit. Douche bag. Anyway, my point is, I wanna make sure he doesn't pull anything funny, know what I mean? I mean I would totally follow her there myself, but I can't because I promised Rose I'd spend the night with her before I even thought about this. Bella isn't a little kid anymore, but I can't say she exactly knows what's best for her. I may be judging Jacob prematurely, but I seriously don't know if he's right for her. I want to be absolutely positive that he won't harm her in any way; I need someone to watch them and make sure he doesn't try any moves on my little sister on their first date. So, are you in?"_

I listened to his little speech in stunned silence. I knew he was overprotective and shit, but wasn't having someone spy on his sister's first date a bit much?

"Don't you think that's going a little too far, mate?" I asked.

Emmett sighed. _"I know, I know,"_ he said, sounding exasperated**.**_"But I honestly can't help it. I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with her going into the dating world. Times like this I wish she was five again, ya know? When she needed big brother to help her out and shit. Now when she needs help, she's not gonna be calling me, she's gonna be calling her boyfriend. It's kinda hard to take. Like I told Bella this morning, I was a teenage boy not too long ago. Our species don't think with our brains, we think with our goddamn hormones."_

I chuckled. He had a point there.

"Listen," I said. "If you're having trouble with all the emotional shit, you need Rose, not me."

_"Right, right. But really, are you in? I thought it would be easier for you to do the deed since you don't really like either of them. . . I mean, it's not like you'd have the urge to get up and fuck Jacob up every time he touched her, ya know? "_

I wasn't sure that I agreed with him on that one. I knew what I felt when I was around Bella, and it was really fucking dangerous. How was I going to take seeing her with some asshole guy? I kept telling myself that I didn't like her, and I probably didn't in the way that really mattered. Still, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this.

_"I'll pay you,"_ Emmett suddenly said. _"How much do you want, I'll pay you by the hour. Five bucks an hour? Ten? Come on man, I'm desperate."_

"That's a bit pathetic," I said.

_"I know I'm a little psycho right now, but I don't care!"_He sighed._"If someone was there to assure me that Jacob doesn't go too far, I'd be fine, really! Kinda. I wouldn't be as paranoid, I swear. Come on, help me out. Please?"_

This guy was so pathetic. I almost felt bad for him. I thought about it a bit as he waited patiently on the other end. I knew that having to watch Bella with that prick was going to be hard, but I reckoned it was a face-your-fear kind of thing. Maybe if I watched them long enough, I would become immune to what she made me feel. I really fucking hoped so, anyway.

I didn't want to admit it, but a part of me wanted to spy on them because I wanted to make sure Jacob didn't pull anything. It pissed me off that I felt this way, but it was true. I wanted to make sure, like Emmett, that he didn't fuck around with her. I wanted the satisfaction of telling Emmett if he did anything wrong so that I could watch him get fucked up.

"Fine," I told Emmett. "I'll do it. But I want ten by the hour."

I told him I wanted to get paid for it so that he'd think I was in it for the money. Truth be told, I wouldn't take it. I just wanted him to think my intentions were centered around the cash.

_"Yes!"_Emmett said. _"Awesome! Ten by the hour, got it. Shit, I hear Rose, I think she's about to come down. Okay, be here at around six, Jacob'll be leaving here by then. Don't park near the house, and come around the back through the driveway, not the front door. Text me, I'll let you in when the time is right. Okay?"_

"Yeah, just one thing . . . where the hell do you live?"

_". . . you don't know?"_

"Well, obviously not if I'm fucking asking you where your house is at."

_"__86 Walker Street, its right around the corner from the park. Gotta go, bye!"_

He hung up, leaving me to stare at the phone. I couldn't believe I was actually about to do this.

* * *

Come 6pm, I pulled up in front of the Swan property. All the lights were on and Jacob's car was out front. I looked up at the house, wondering which window was Bella's.

Feeling like a pervert, I pulled my eyes away from the windows.

I parked my bike two houses down, since Emmett had told me not to park near the house. I strolled back to his place and had just stepped foot on their driveway when the front door opened and I heard Jacob's booming laugh.

I quickly sprinted to the side of the house, keeping my back pressed against the wall. I peeked around the corner to see Jacob and Bella walking down the front path and towards the car, hand in hand.

Emmett followed them, hands in his pockets, as Rose stood in the doorway. Emmett watched as Bella and Jacob got into the car, and then leaned in to talk to Bella through her open window.

I pulled out my phone and wrote a text to him: _In your driveway__._

I watched as he pulled out his phone and glanced at it.

"Remember what I said, kid!" he said in his booming voice, backing away from the car. "Big brother is always watching. Always."

I rolled my eyes and saw Bella roll her own.

"Bye, Emmett," she said tiredly.

They drove off and Emmett read my text. His back was to me so he slowly turned around and eyed the driveway warily. I popped my head around the side of the house and he spotted me.

"Coming in?" Rose asked him.

"Yeah," he said, looking at her. "Right behind you."

She must have gone inside because he looked at me and nodded his head upward.

"Through the back," he whispered loudly.

I nodded and went through the driveway, trying to step quietly since it was gravel and crunched under my feet.

I walked into their backyard, which was fairly large, and saw that they had a back porch. I climbed up onto the deck and peeked through the windows next to the back door. It was a kitchen with pale wooden floors and dull yellow walls. Rose walked into the room and I turned away from the window quickly, pressing my back against the house again. I felt like a peeping tom and hoped Emmett would let me in soon.

I heard murmured voices and froze when the back door opened. Emmett popped his head out and gestured for me to come in. I stepped into the kitchen, looking around. It was small, but fairly normal. There was a round wooden table in a corner by some windows and straight ahead was an opening leading to what I assumed was the living room. There was also a pair of doors by the round table, though I wasn't sure where they lead.

"Where's Rose?" I muttered to Emmett as he shut the door.

"She went upstairs," he whispered back. "Look, we don't have much time; they're probably at the restaurant by now. Do you know where Joe's Pizza is?"

I thought about it. I had been around town many times on my bike and had spotted a pizza place somewhere.

"I don't really know the address exactly, but I'm pretty sure I know the location."

Emmett nodded. "That's fine. I wasn't sure how I wanted to do this, but I figured you could just go in and pretend to be a customer, ya know? Hide behind a menu and watch them over the top or something. I know it's a bit cliché, but whatever. You just have to be in perfect position to see them."

"And what if they see me?" I asked. Emmett's eyes widened like he hadn't thought about that. He started to pace back and forth, thinking. "You honestly didn't think about that before? You'd make a crappy secret agent."

"Nah, I don't think I watched Mission Impossible enough. . . I was only thinking from your point of view, honestly. Not theirs."

"Well what do we do if they see me, then?"

He stopped pacing. "You can't let that happen."

"Well shall I wear a fucking disguise, then? It's not like I can hide the whole time without someone coming up to me, especially if I'm in a restaurant."

A look of realization came across Emmett's face. Clearly he wasn't too intelligent.

"That's true, too. Dammit!" He stared pacing and thinking again and I stared at him incredulously. He really had no idea what he was talking about.

"You don't have this well planned out, do you?" I asked.

Emmett ignored me and kept pacing.

"How about this," I said. "How about I go to the pizza place and bribe the management not to talk to me? I'll just pay them some cash and tell them to leave me the fuck alone. I'll sit somewhere far away, but somewhere I can see the lovebirds. I'll have my hood up and my sunglasses on. That way they won't be able to see if I'm watching them. I'll bring a book or something, pretending like I'm reading. Hell, I'll even order some fucking pizza. Sound good?"

Emmett stared at me like I was fucking Einstein.

"That . . . is perfect!" he boomed.

"What's perfect?" came Rosalie's voice. She was coming down the stairs.

"Shit!" Emmett hissed. "The dining room is through those doors, go!"

I obeyed, going to the double doors near the round table. They only needed to be pulled open and I entered, quietly shutting them behind me.

I was in a small dining room. The table was dusty, as was the china cabinet that stood on my right. A chandelier hung from the ceiling and heavy curtains hung on the windows. This room had a wide opening that showed half of the living room. The dining room didn't look like it had been used in years. The only thing on the table was a stack of books.

"Who're you talking to?" I heard Rose say.

"Oh, uh, myself," Emmett replied.

"What was so perfect, then?" Rose laughed.

"Huh?"

"You said 'That's perfect'. . . what's perfect?"

"Oh, uh . . . you are."

"What?"

"You are the most perfect being to ever walk this planet." I grimaced at his cheesiness as I heard Rosalie giggle, "I don't believe you, but all right," followed by silence.

I figured they had started making out, so I pulled out my phone and wrote a text: _**Stop fucking snogging my sis and get her the fuck out of here so we can get on with this shit!**_

I heard more silence and then Emmett coughed, probably having read my text, and say, "Listen babe, I gotta call someone at work about something. I'll be with you in a sec."

"I'll be waiting," Rosalie said seductively, and I resisted the urge to puke. These two were so unbelievably cheesy. I didn't know if I wanted to punch Emmett in the face or laugh at his idiocy.

I heard Rosalie go back upstairs and I turned to leave but froze when I saw the title of one of the books.

Dracula by Bram Stoker.

She was into classic horror? I walked over to the stack and squinted in the dim light. I saw Dracula under Frankenstein, which was under a few other classics like Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice. I had read them all, but who knew she'd be into the classics? I carefully pulled out Dracula, a paperback version, and lifted the over.

On the inside of the cover, in perfect cursive, was written: This book belongs to Bella Swan.

Yeah, no shit. I didn't think Emmett would be one to read eighteenth century romances.

I left the dining room with the book in my hand and turned the corner, seeing Emmett standing there and looking embarrassed.

"Sorry about that man," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I kinda forgot you were there."

I stared at him in disgust, shaking my head.

"Okay, we should probably get on with his spying shit," he said quickly.

"Yeah, probably."

"So, I guess we'll go with your plan. Getting your hood up, shades on, and grabbing a table at Joe's Pizza sounds good to me."

"Of course it does, anything sounds better than your shit plan."

"You should better get going, dude. He may have already made a move on her." Emmett lowered his voice even more. "We'll text each other throughout, but it would be easier if you had Bluetooth. Do you?"

"Yes, but I'd rather not sit there looking like a madman talking to myself. I'd rather not speak at all."

"Good point." He saw the book in my hand. "Why do you have my sister's book?"

I stared at the book in my hand, unsure of why I did. But then I remembered our plan.

"Um, something to read at the pizza joint, remember?" I said.

We heard footsteps and Emmett gave me a panicked look. Shit, Rose couldn't stay in one place, could she?

"Go, go!" Emmett hissed, pushing me towards the back door. Normally that would have pissed me off, but I eagerly left, trying to shut the door quietly.

* * *

I reached Joe's Pizza in less than five minutes and saw that it wasn't a very fancy place. It was situated at the end of a block right next to a laundrette. There was a small parking lot that the two buildings shared and I pulled into it, the smell of detergent and pizza mixing in an almost nauseating way.

It was getting dark; I pulled up my hood and put on my Ray Bans, the dark night getting even darker. I probably looked like a fucking burglar, but it's not like I cared. I was here to do a job, a fucked up job, but as long as I was getting paid it was fine with me.

As long as I could keep an eye on her. . .

I crept up the window on the side of the pizza place and peeked in. They were the first people I saw. The place was fairly crowded, but I could spot them sitting all the way across the room in a booth. Bella was playing around with some pasta, her face flushed, as Jacob sat next to her, his arm resting on the edge of the seat behind her. He was saying something and Bella's shoulder's shook as she giggled. He whispered something in her ear and her eyes widened in shock. She looked up at him and he grinned down at her.

What the fuck was going on here?

I quickly walked to the front of the building and entered slowly, trying not to draw too much attention to myself. The hostess lady eyed me up in down in an apprehensive way before walking over to me.

"Hello," she said with a fake smile. "Welcome to Joe's Pizza! I'm Cindy, and I'll be your hostess."

"Yeah yeah, just get me a fucking table will you?" I said quietly.

She looked shocked and tried to say something but couldn't. I raised my eyebrows out her.

"Um," she said nervously. "Sure. Follow me."

I glanced around cautiously as I followed her to the opposite side of the room. The table she led me to was right next to a table where 3 big blokes sat, all of them overweight and over six feet tall. They would completely obstruct my view of Bella and the Douchebag.

"Not here," I hissed at the hostess lady. I looked around the room and saw a booth in a corner that would give me perfect view of the lovebirds without them really noticing me. "Over there." I nodded toward the booth and she followed my gaze.

"As you wish," she said, leading me there.

Once there, I sat down and pulled out a $50 bill from my back pocket.

"Here," I said, holding it out to her. "This is to tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone. I don't want any waitresses talking to me; I'm just here to relax. You can get me a Coke or something, but that's it. Got it?"

She looked at me like I had three fucking heads.

"Y-Yeah," she stuttered, taking the bill. "Got it. Nothing to eat?"

I shook my head hastily. "No, just get me the damn Coke," I snapped.

She quickly hurried away and I kept my eyes on Bella and Jacob across the room. I leaned back in my seat and pulled out Bella's paperback from my back pocket. I had to fold it a bit to make it fit so now it was a little bent. Not like I really cared; I didn't know if I was even going to be giving it back.

I flipped the novel open to a random page and tilted my head down to make it look like I was reading while my eyes were really up and looking at Bella and the Prick.

He still had his arm behind her as he took a sip of his Coke. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, making her turn red. He then proceeded to nuzzle his face in her neck, and her eyes widened in shock again. As did mine.

What the fuck was he doing? They were in a public place and he was all up on her like he was going to fucking bang her right then and there. She pushed at his chest and said something, looking around in embarrassment. No one noticed but I knew she would be really fucking uncomfortable right about now. He stopped snogging her neck and looked at her, his brows furrowed and his lips in a pout.

Before I could see more, my mobile vibrated. I tore my eyes away - it was harder than I thought - and pulled my phone out, seeing that I had a new message from Emmett.

**How's it going?** – Em

_He's a fcking dog._- E

**WTF does that mean? - Em**

I couldn't reply just then because a waitress came over with my Coke. She set it down on my table after eyeing me cautiously, but didn't say anything. The hostess must have told her to piss off. She left and I got back to the text when Emmett called.

"What?" I hissed into the phone.

_"What do you mean he's a dog? What the hell is he doing?"_

Jacob wasn't slobbering all over her anymore; they were just talking. It looked like she was explaining something to him as he eyed her skeptically.

"Well he isn't doing anything now. But just a second ago he was all over her."

I heard silence on the other end and when he spoke he sounded like he was speaking through clenched teeth.

_"All over her . . . how?"_

"Do you really want to know, mate?"

More silence.

_". . . Yes."_

"Kissing . . . her neck."

I found it hard to say, and even watch. Especially since he was doing it now. This time she was letting him, though I could tell by her uncomfortable expression that she wasn't enjoying it.

_"Are you fucking kidding me?"_

"Wish I was," I mumbled. "She doesn't look too happy though."

_"Wait, she's not into it?"_

"Nope," I replied, popping the 'p'. Emmett muttered a string of profanities I couldn't make out.

_"What are they doing now?"_ he asked.

I observed them and saw that they were talking again. Bella seemed to be asking him something and he was thinking about it.

"Just talking," I said.

_"Is he touching her?"_I looked and saw that Jacob was stroking her arm. Seeing him touch her made me feel overheated and angry again. I, quite irrationally, wanted to break his fucking fingers off.

"Yes," I told Emmett curtly.

_"Son of a bitch!"_

"Quite literally."

I took a sip of my Coke as I watched Jacob take a giant bite of his pizza, tearing off a piece in a very animalistic way. He chewed furiously, almost like it was the first time he was eating something in a long time.

"What a fucking slob," I said in disgust.

_"What? What's he doing?"_ Emmett said in a panicky tone.

"Just the way he's eating," I replied, watching Jacob take an even larger bite. I smirked when I saw Bella look at him disgustedly. "You'd think he grew up with a pack of wolves."

"Douchebag," Emmett muttered. _"I can't believe the nerve of him to . . . shit, Rosalie's coming. Chick can't stay in one damn place. Okay, look, keep an eye on them and call me when they leave. Bye.__"_ He hung up and I flipped my phone shut, putting it back in the back pocket of my trousers.

I made sure to keep my head down to make it look like I was reading, all the while watching Jacob and Bella. He was starting on a new slice of pizza as Bella daintily nibbled on her pasta. Jacob was speaking with his mouth full and Bella leaned away. Christ, this idiot really had no fucking table manners. He was with a girl for fuck's sake!

I shook my head as Jacob swallowed and drank a big gulp of his Coke. He leaned in towards Bella and she accepted his kiss.

And I was finally able to look away. I made myself look away.

From my peripheral vision I could tell that they were still snogging and I felt a mixture of annoyance and anger flow through me. I glared angrily at the small text in the book and clenched and unclenched my jaw, waiting for them to come up for air.

I made the mistake of glancing up at them only to be greeted by the sight of Jacob trying to gnaw her fucking lips off. I looked away again and pulled out my mobile once again. Emmett was the only one who could share my irritation and disgust at this point, even though my feelings were unreasoning and came from a confused place.

**He's eating her face, **I wrote. **She's a fucking inedible sandwich that he desperately wants to eat**.

I stared at the text for a moment, contemplating whether or not I would want Emmett to know this. Maybe it was too much information.

I deleted it.

I furiously flipped my phone shut and sat it down on the table, leaning back and not even bothering to pretend to read anymore. They had finally stopped snogging and Bella had her head rested on his chest, her arms wrapped around him. He kissed the top of her head and the moment seemed so much more personal than the PG-13 shit I saw a moment earlier.

Bella looked . . . content. Why the fuck was she happy? Didn't she see his asshole tendencies? Didn't she see that he was a fucking pig and had no manners? That he was all over like she was fresh meat for a fucking dog? I seriously doubted that he actually cared about her.

Even more confusing and irksome to me was the fact that I cared. Why the fuck did I care?

It didn't make any sense to me, any of it. It didn't make sense why it caused my chest to ache to see her with him, to see him all over her, to see her happy with someone like that. It didn't make sense why I wanted to punch him for touching her. It didn't make sense that I resented her for being with him. It didn't make sense that I agreed to do this, even though wanting to help Emmett wasn't even half the reason why I did.

It didn't make sense that I thought she looked lovely that night.

Bella suddenly reached up and stroked his face, so lovingly and longingly.

That was it.

I pulled out my wallet and slapped down a ten dollar bill on the table. I knew my Coke didn't cost nearly that much, maybe it was even free, but I didn't care. I needed to get the fuck out of there before I did something I regretted. I grabbed my phone and got the hell out of there, swiftly walking towards the doors and out.

I jogged over to my bike and climbed on, not caring that Emmett had asked me to stay until they left. I would tell him I stayed until the end; I just needed to leave. I pulled my hood down and ran a hand through my hair, taking off my shades and putting them back in my pocket.

I had my helmet on and had just turned the key in the ignition when I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten Bella's book inside.

"Fuck!" I said out loud, and climbed off my bike again, quickly hurrying towards the restaurant once more.

I froze just outside the window, my eyes widening in horror.

Bella and Jacob were standing in the middle of the restaurant, and Bella had the book in her hand, the cover open.

She was looking at the inside of the cover, where her name was written, a look of shock and confusion on her face. She looked up and glanced around the room with wide eyes, looking for someone.

If I thought I was screwed before, I was fucked twice over this time.

Jacob asked her something and she mumbled a reply, shaking her head and looking around warily again. She looked right disturbed, and had every right to be. I was no less than a fucking stalker, whether I was getting paid for it or not.

Douche and Bella moved towards the doors and I quickly went towards my bike again, hopping on and revving the engine. I saw the pair of them enter the parking lot and I was glad my bike and I were hidden in the dark shadows toward the back. Bella was still eying her book as she got in the car.

How the hell was I supposed to get out of that one? How was that shit even supposed to be explained?

Jacob drove away and I was quick to follow, zooming past his car so I could reach Emmett's house before they did. It was impossible to call while riding, so I just had to get there. Fast. Even if Rose was there.

* * *

I reached the neighbourhood in no time and parked across the street from the house.

I climbed off the bike and jogged towards the house, pulling my helmet off and holding it under my arm. I jogged up the driveway and climbed onto the back deck, panting.

I peeked into the kitchen but saw no one, so I hastily pulled out my mobile.

_**On the back porch**_, I wrote. _**Hurry.**_

I waited impatiently, grabbing at my hair the whole time. I heard loud footsteps and looked in the window to see Emmett rushing to the back door. He threw it open and peeked outside.

"Dude, what the hell are you doing here?" he asked incredulously. "You're supposed to be-"

"They're coming," I interrupted. "They've just left, and they're coming."

Emmett stared at me for a moment.

"Okay," he said slowly. "And...?"

I let out a huff. "She found the book," I told him quickly. "I fucking forgot it inside and then when I went back to get it, I saw her holding it. She saw that it was hers and she was confused, but before she could see me I got on my bike and came here."

Emmett stared at me in alarm before he blinked and his expression changed to one of confused anger.

"Wait, why the fuck did you leave before they did?" he asked.

My mind scrambled for an answer, but I didn't know what to tell him. Initially I thought, _Oh well it illogically tore me up to see your sister with someone else so I had to get the fuck out of there before I ripped his head off._

My mouth moved but no words came out and Emmett stared at me expectantly.

"I-I", I stuttered. "I just wanted to have a fag, all right?"

He stared like he was seeing me for the first time.

"Dude . . . you're . . . gay?"

I looked at him like he was fucking mad before I realized what he meant.

"No!" I said irritably. "Shit, you yanks are driving me mad. I went out to have a cigarette, okay, a cigarette!"

Emmett nodded in understanding.

"What do we do?" I asked him. "She's coming with the book, how are you going to tell her how the fuck it got in the restaurant?"

Emmett rubbed his face tiredly, thinking. He then took a deep breath to his teeth.

"Yup," he said, eying me skeptically. "That's your problem."

I stared at him in disbelief. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"Shh," Emmett hissed, looking behind him cautiously. "Rosalie will hear you."

"I don't give a fuck!" I snapped. "I'm not fucking explaining the book situation; I don't plan on talking to your sister at all, really! I just want to know how the hell you're going to plan on telling her where it came from without bringing me into it."

Emmett took a deep breath and ran a hand through his curly hair.

"Fuck," he muttered. "We're screwed, man."

"No shit, Sherlock," I said angrily. This was all going to get hectic pretty soon if we didn't come up with a solution.

"Look, I'll figure it out," Emmett finally said. "Don't worry about it, I'll think of something."

"On your own?" I scoffed. He looked at me, visibly insulted. Then he shrugged, brushing it off.

Suddenly, his expression became knowing, like he just had an idea.

"Hey," he said. "We don't have to say shit."

I raised my eyebrows, waiting for further explanation.

"Look," he continued. "We can just feign innocence. If she asks us where it came from and we stutter some answer, she'll know we had something to do with it. So why say anything? We can pretend to be just as floored as she is."

I stared at him, a bit impressed.

"That's not half bad," I said, nodding.

"What the hell is going on?" a voice rang out.

That voice, that soft voice that could only have one face was behind me. I froze, my eyes widening as Emmett stared in shock behind me. I slowly turned around, and there she was.

Bella.

_Holy motherfucking asswipe. Not good. Not good at all._

Bella looked at us in suspicion and shock. Her eyes lingered on me, looking me up and down. The book was in her right hand.

"Bella," Emmett choked out. "You're . . . early."

She stared at him suspiciously before looking at me again. I backed up towards the wall off the house as she slowly climbed the porch steps.

"Jacob just dropped me off," she told her brother slowly. "What is _he_doing here?"

I said nothing, just stared at her as she stared at Emmett.

"Oh," Emmett said, his voice higher in pitch than usual. "I called him."

"Why?" she asked, sounding grossed out.

"None of your business," Emmett said quickly childishly, and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever," Bella said distractedly, though her eyes remained curious. She was about to walk inside when she stopped in her tracks, looking at the book in her hands.

_Shit. Here it comes._

"Emmett," she said in a daze, still staring at the book. She lifted it up. "I found this at the pizza place. It's my book. My copy of Dracula, with my name in it. It was just sitting there on the table . . . how the hell did it get there?"

Emmett shot me a quick glance before saying, "Really? That's so weird. No idea how it got there."

He wasn't a really great liar and I pitied him. I seriously just wanted to leave.

Rosalie had dolled her up too much. . .

"Hmm," Bella said quietly. She shook her head. "Man, I am so out of it right now." She turned and headed into the house.

That was it? It was over?

Emmett looked at me with a surprised gaze, his face showing hesitant relief.

He laughed in disbelief. "Shit," he said, rubbing his face again. "That was . . . easy."

I nodded, too stunned to say anything myself.

"Anyway," I said. "I should be off. . ."

I turned to leave but Emmett reached out and grabbed my arm gently. Instinctively, my arm tensed up at his touch, but I didn't over-react.

"Wait," Emmett said. I turned back to him.

"Thanks," he said quietly, giving me a small smile. "For keeping an eye on her."

I shrugged. "Whatever," I said. "Not like I had anything else to do."

Emmett smiled at me crookedly before frowning.

"Listen," he said, his brows furrowed. "I don't know if this'll be too much to ask, but. . . " He said nothing more and stared at the ground.

"But what?" I said impatiently. Even though we were outdoors, I could still smell Bella's perfume. It was doing things to my skin and I wanted to leave.

"Do you think you could . . . you know . . . keep an eye on her . . . all the time?"

"You need to fucking elaborate on that," I said, not entirely sure what he meant.

"You know . . . like, in school and shit. I don't mean follow her everywhere and stuff, I just mean like when you are where she is and she happens to be with Jacob. Just . . . keep an eye out? Look out for trouble? Make sure that asshole doesn't try anything … even though it's almost too fucking late for that shit."

"Let me get this straight," I said lowly. "You want me to keep an eye on your sister in school? If she is where I am and she's with Jacob, watch them?"

Emmett nodded sheepishly. "I can't be at her school," he said ruefully.

I stared at him in disbelief. "You take overprotective to a whole different level, mate. Besides, I dropped out. Didn't Rose tell you?"

"Yeah," Emmett said, looking at his feet again. "I was kinda hoping you'd go back."

Emmett was fucking insane.

"You'd think I'd go back just to keep an eye on your sister?" I asked incredulously. "Mental, that's what you are."

"Look, it's not that hard."

"Mental."

"It's just a favour."

"Mental."

"You shouldn't have dropped out anyway."

"Mental."

"Look, I know I'm a bit crazy, okay?" Emmett said exasperatedly. "I love her, she's my baby sister. What else can I say? I don't like Jacob, and I sure as hell don't trust him, especially after what you saw tonight. I'm not asking you to watch her every step. I'm just saying- watch for Jacob. Make sure he doesn't do anything to hurt her. That's all."

I gazed at him, not knowing what to say. He had no idea how much it tortured me to watch Jacob and Bella. To have to go back to that shithole called high school and watch them all over again was just too much for me to even think about.

When I didn't reply, Emmett sighed.

"Never mind," he said, sounding depressed. "You're right. I'm mental; I should be locked up and put in a straight jacket."

I nodded in agreement, secretly contemplating his request in my mind.

It would be hard, and it would be torturous. It would be grueling and annoying as fuck. But would it be worth it? Would it be worth it watching after a girl I barely knew but felt strange emotions for? What was I going to gain from this?

Emmett sadly waved goodbye before turning to go.

"I'll do it," I said quietly.

Emmett paused, his back to me, before turning around.

"What?"

"I said I'll do it."

He stared at me in stunned silence.

"You mean it?" he asked hesitantly. "Are you sure? I mean, I know it's a crazy request, but-"

"Look, I said I'll do it, okay? I'll go back to fucking school and keep an eye on her. Don't fucking ask me why, because you aren't going to get an answer. I feel generous..."

Emmett grinned at me.

"Can I hug you?" he asked.

"No," I said curtly, and his face fell.

"I owe you," he said. "I owe you so much shit for this, man."

I nodded in agreement. "Yes, you do."

I then turned and stepped off the porch, walking through the gravelly driveway and towards my bike. When I reached it, I looked back across the street at the house.

There she was, in her window. I could make out her shape from there. I think she was looking in a mirror I couldn't see, because she was pulling her hair up into a pigtail. Her brown locks fell behind her, showing off the straps of her tank top, which she had changed in to. She picked the Dracula book back off her table and stared at it. I couldn't read her expression from there, but I knew it would still be confused.

As I watched her, I couldn't believe I had agreed to this. I couldn't believe I had agreed to go back to high school, all so I could spy on her some more. It was really fucking generous of me, but I knew it was more than just generosity. It was something else, something I couldn't explain.

I would be watching her, that's for sure. I knew why I was doing it, though I hated to admit it to myself.

I actually cared.

Was it creepy of me to want to suddenly want to know everything about her? To watch her every move? Was the fact that I cared a good enough excuse for what I was doing?

Did this make me a stalker?

Or something else altogether?


	9. Not Your Concern

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Twilight.

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* * *

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_**Chapter 9 - Not Your Concern**_

Shackles and chains get in the way and I'm locked in the gardener's gate  
Where everything grows but no one should go where I've gone.  
I won't come back

How can you dream in the doorway without ever going in?  
How can you dream in the doorway...  
Without making excuses and drawing conclusions, you're at it again.

I am not your concern the world will still turn when I'm not around  
Rely on me and you'll fall, backs up to the wall  
Someone let me out

_**Not Your Concern- The Hush Sound**_

_**

* * *

**_

**Bella POV**

My room was a chaotic mess.

Clothes were strewn all over the bed and random shoes, without their partners, lay all over the floor. My closet was now mostly bare, as was my dresser. The dressing table had a mess of various jewelry, hair accessories, and unused cosmetics thrown across it.

It was Sunday evening, and I had absolutely no idea what to wear on my date with Jacob. I had suddenly become picky with my clothes, wanting to look nice but not wanting to overdo it since we were just going to go have pizza, not going to go see an opera. I had rummaged through my closet and my dresser frantically, unable to put anything together.

Where was Alice when you needed her?

Alice was driving back from Olympia that night, and she promised she would come and help me out if she didn't arrive home too late. There was no point now; Jacob would be coming in an hour and a half, and I was stressing out to the max.

I was extremely anxious, mostly about how Jacob and Emmett would get along. Both of these guys were important to me, and I wanted them to become friends. If not, then they could at least be polite in each others' company. This was something there was no way I could expect from Emmett. Without a miracle, that is.

I huffed and placed my hands on my hips, staring at the pile of clothes on my bed. I couldn't believe I had this much clothing, yet I had nothing that felt perfect for that night. I finally understood what it meant when a girl said that she had nothing to wear, when in fact she had a bunch of clothes right in front of her.

At that moment, I was that girl and I was stressed out.

I picked up something purple from my bed and saw that it was just a t-shirt. Sighing, I threw it back down and rummaged through the rest of my clothes for something else.

I could have sworn that Alice had once gotten me something dressy, maybe even a few times. There had to be a dressy top or something somewhere. I was definitely not wearing a dress since we were just going to Joe's Pizza. And I wouldn't be wearing my beloved Chucks, either. So this left me with a dilemma. At least I was sticking to jeans.

I glanced at the time and saw that I had just little over an hour left. I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath, trying to get myself to focus on the clothes in front of me and not the apprehension inside of me.

There was a gentle knock on my door and I turned to see Emmett poke his head in.

"Hey," he said, smiling."How's it going?"

He glanced around at the mess in my room, his eyes widening a bit.

"Whoa," he said. "Couldn't find Narnia?"

"I have nothing to wear," I replied with a sigh.

Emmett raised his eyebrows at me, and then pointedly looked at the mountain of clothes on my bed.

"Uh. . . Then what is all that?"

I shook my head. "Nothing is . . . right."

Emmett still stared at me with a puzzled expression. "What, it doesn't fit or something?"

"No, Emmett!" I said frustratedly. "I don't know what to wear, I can't find the perfect outfit!"

"Well ya could've just said that," he said. "I don't get you chicks sometimes." He mumbled the last part under his breath.

"I just wish Alice was here. She would know what I could do. I'm lost; fashion just isn't my thing."

I began pacing my room, eying the messy row of shoes. Maybe if I chose some shoes first, I would be able to find an outfit to go with it. But that just seemed backwards to me.

"Rose is coming," Emmett said, and I turned to look at him.

"Really?"

Emmett nodded. "Yup. I'm spending the night with her. It's been a while since we really did anything together, ya know? She should be here in a while; if you want you can ask her for help."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Yes," I said. "That would be awesome."

Emmett smiled and turned to go, but then paused and turned around again. I stared at him expectantly but he didn't say anything, just stared at me thoughtfully.

"What?" I asked. He continued to stare at me contemplatingly and I wondered what was up. "What is it, Em? You can tell me."

He let out a breath and when he spoke his voice was quiet. "Bella? Are you sure about this?"

I hesitated, but only because I was choosing the right words. "Emmett, if I wasn't sure about this I wouldn't be going through with it. I'm happy. He makes me happy. He makes me feel good about myself, and I like him. A lot."

"Just 'like'?"

"More than a friend, Em. Relax, it's going to be fine. You have nothing to worry about."

Emmett narrowed his eyes before he smirked. "We'll see about that."

I gasped. "What does that mean? I swear, you had better be nice to him!"

He winked at me before leaving the room and shutting the door.

I huffed and shook my head. I knew my brother, and I knew what he was capable of. I didn't think he'd be mean to Jacob, but I knew he had something up his sleeve. I was scared, and I didn't know if I could forgive him if he ruined this for me. I mean, it was my first date. This was a big deal.

I had high heeled shoes, obviously from Alice, but I avoided those like the plague. Shoes with heels were death traps to me due to my terrible foot-and-floor coordination.

I picked up a simple pair of black ballet flats. I cocked my head to one side and studied them. I had never found an occasion to wear them before, so now would be perfect. Now I just had to figure out what to wear on my body. . .

After fifteen minutes I was still as baffled as I had been an hour before. I was beginning to grow angry at my lack of dressy clothes, and also angry at myself for having no fashion sense whatsoever.

There was a soft knock on my door, interrupting my decision to burn all my seemingly useless clothes and just go naked. Jake would love that.

"Come in," I said, and I turned to see Rosalie's gorgeous face pop in.

"Hello," she chimed. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," I said a little breathlessly. I hadn't seen her in a while and I had forgotten exactly how stunning she was. She was dressed casually but still looked like she should be in some catalogue or on some runway.

"How are you?" she asked smilingly, walking in and shutting the door.

"I'm okay," I replied, nodding. Truth be told, I was beginning to panic.

"Are you really?" Rosalie asked, her eyes reading my face. She looked around the room, unsurprised. Emmett had probably told her about the tornado that had passed through there.

"No," I said honestly. "I'm really stressed out. I can't figure out what to wear." I was suddenly glad I had a female with me, someone who clearly had more fashion sense.

"Oh, there has to be something," Rosalie said, picking through the pile of clothes. "Mind if I help?'

"Not at all," I said, relieved. "I love you for it, I really do!" She laughed, beginning to pick out things that she didn't think would work and setting them aside.

Rosalie was a huge help. She managed to find a top that she said was "cable knit". It was moss green and had short sleeves, while the neckline was pleated in a way that made it dressy. I hadn't thought the top would work because of its t-shirt-like qualities, but Rosalie assured me it could be dressed up with a cardigan. I didn't even know if I owned one, and prayed that Alice had gotten me something even resembling one.

We couldn't find a cardigan, but Rosalie did manage to find what she said was a "shrug". It was short, black, and only had one button in the front. Rosalie chose black tights over pants, since the hem of the top rested mid-thigh, and the black flats I had chosen would work with them as well.

Rosalie Cullen was officially a godsend.

Once I was dressed, she had me sit at my dressing table while she brushed my hair, trying to figure out what to do with it.

"Hmm," she said, biting her lip and looking at me through the mirror. "Your hair is naturally wavy, it actually looks quite nice."

"You don't think it's dull?" I asked.

"Oh no, not at all," she said, shaking her head. "It's really quite lovely. It just needs some mousse. Do you have any?"

I regretfully shook my head 'no'. "I don't. I don't have any hair products, actually. Just shampoo and conditioner . . . isn't that all I really need?"

"Well yes," she said. "But there are other things for styling purposes."

I shrugged. "I never found the need for any styling."

Rosalie nodded in understanding. "It's alright. We'll figure something out."

She left the room momentarily to find something to be used on my hair, so I was forced to stare at myself.

My face was boring. Aside from the slight, natural pink on my cheeks, I was a plain sight. I didn't know what Jacob saw in me and I felt that way whenever I looked in the mirror. Before I could degrade myself any more, Rosalie returned, a bottle of something in her hand.

"I found mousse!" she trilled. "I knew Emmett was useful for something." She winked and I giggled, letting her do what she wanted with my hair.

She didn't do much except rub the foam into my locks, making it suddenly look much wavier than it was. She took a few strands in the front and, twisting them, brought them to the back of my head and clipped them there. This made it look like I had somewhat of a crown atop all of my waves. It was new and different, and the dullness factor in me seemed to lessen.

Rosalie was surprised to see that the makeup Alice had once gotten for me was never opened, so she took the liberty of popping everything out of all its wrappings. She told me I had beautiful skin and that I was lucky to have no blemishes at all.

"You actually don't need much of anything," Rosalie said as she twisted off the cap of the mascara. "Your skin is so naturally clear and beautiful; it rather looks like you're already wearing foundation. Girls must envy you."

I snorted. "I doubt it."

Rosalie looked at me questioningly. "Why do you say that?"

All I could do was shrug as realization washed over her face. "Sweetheart, do you think you're not beautiful?"

I bit my lip and looked away."Well, I don't think I'm ugly. I just . . . don't think I'm very pretty. Like you."

Rosalie smiled sadly. "Thank you. But, Bella, you _are_ pretty. You're absolutely gorgeous. I can see why Jacob likes you, though I hope there's more to it than just looks. Really, you're lovely, inside and out."

I smiled at how sincere she sounded.

"Thanks," I mumbled as she brought the mascara to my eyelashes. I looked up so she could apply it.

"That's why you don't need much of anything on your face," she said, putting the mascara on me. "Everything I'm putting on you right now is just to enhance the beauty you already have."

I didn't think that made sense, but I let her do what she wanted.

Rosalie proceeded to putting just a little bit of foundation on me, to "even out my skin tone a bit." She also applied a little bit of eyeliner and a colored lip gloss type thing that made my lips shiny and pinker.

I let her rummage through the small jewelry box I had, and she successfully pulled out a pair of earrings I recalled being given to me by my mother years ago. Renee had always been the eclectic type, so these earrings were unique. They were tear drop earrings and were close to the green of my top. They looked earthy, like they were just pieces off of some beautiful part of nature. They had been the last present I had received from her on Christmas, and I had yet to wear them.

"Success!" Rosalie said happily as she held the outfit to my shirt to see how they would coordinate. She glanced at my expression and her smile faltered.

"What is it?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

My mouth suddenly felt dry and I couldn't get my lips to move. Ever since I had officially considered Jacob to be my boyfriend, I had occasionally thought about how my parents would have reacted if they were here. At times, I wished that they were, knowing that they would be more rational with their feelings about me dating than Emmett was. Both of my parents would probably have been a little surprised, maybe, possibly even happy. Renee would probably have given me all kinds of advice and words of wisdom, where Charlie would have his say and then never bring the topic up again.

Looking at the earrings that Rosalie was dangling in front of me, I felt pain. It was like someone was slowly stabbing a needle through my heart, and I willed myself not to cry. It wasn't the first time I thought about their absence that day, but somehow the earrings made it all the more worse. They were a symbol of what I used to have, what I lost, and what I wished was there on a special night.

"My mom," I finally choked out. "Those . . . she gave me those."

Rosalie gasped just slightly before her eyes became sad. She set the earring down on the table and bent down to give me an unexpected hug. I hugged her back, my eyes getting watery.

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I didn't know. . ."

"It's okay," I whispered, pulling away. "I'm fine. Really. I just . . . wasn't expecting to see them. I forgot they existed, so. . ."

Rosalie smiled at me sadly before picking the earrings up. She was about to put them back in the box, but I stopped her.

"No. I want to wear them."

She looked at me, a little stunned, but didn't ask why. She just smiled and proceeded to put them into my ears.

If my parents, my mother especially, couldn't be here in body, then she could certainly be there symbolically. I wore the earrings, feeling her presence with me like some ghost come back after a long time.

It wasn't long before the doorbell rang and my heart started thudding frantically. I looked at Rose with a panicked expression and she gave me a reassuring smile.

"You look great," she said, rubbing my arm soothingly. "Everything's going to be fine."

I took her word for it as we both headed downstairs and into the living room. Emmett was lounging on the couch and flipping through a car magazine as the doorbell rang again.

"Emmett!" I said in horror. "What are you doing on the couch? He's at the door!" Emmett looked up from the magazine like he was in his own world.

"I know," he said curtly, nodding. I looked at him incredulously as Rosalie came to my aid.

"Don't tell me you're leaving him out there on purpose, Emmett!" she said.

"Okay," Emmett said, and went back to his magazine. I growled with frustration as Rosalie went to answer the door; Jacob was pressing the bell impatiently.

"I thought I told you to be nice," I hissed at my brother.

"Trust me, kid," he said, standing up and dropping the mag on the coffee table. "This is me being nice."

I narrowed my eyes at him as he grinned. Rosalie opened the door and I heard her greet Jacob as well as introduce herself. My anger at Emmett forgotten, I got nervous and bit my lip, looking at the door as Jacob stepped in.

He was wearing a dark blue button-down shirt and jeans, along with a blue and black pair of Nikes. His fingers played around with his car keys as he looked around the room nervously. He spotted me standing there and looked me up and down, smiling.

"Wow," he said. "You look so sss . . ." His voice trailed off as he saw Emmett standing there glaring at him. I swore that if my brother didn't behave, I was going to flip out.

"She looks so what?" Emmett asked quietly, his head tilted to one side curiously. His voice was soft, but dangerous, and Jacob could tell. He met Emmett's gaze evenly as he finished his sentence, "She looks so . . . super."

Emmett smiled and looked at me. "Yes, she does," he said.

He then turned to Jacob again and stuck out his hand. I flinched, thinking that he was going to hit him, but luckily I was wrong.

"They call me Emmett," Emmett said stiffly. "Nice to meet you." Jacob took his hand and shook it once. It looked like the two were trying to squeeze each others' hands to a pulp.

"They call me Jacob," Jacob said, smirking. "And it's nice to meet you, too." They let go of each other and the following silence was awkward.

"Okay," I said with mock cheer, trying to break the ice. "Let's go! Emmett, I'll be back soon. Bye, Rose, see you later!"

I walked towards Jacob but Emmett stopped me by sticking his arm out.

_Oh Lord._

"Wait," Emmett said, still looking at Jacob. "Bella, you can't expect me to just let you go like that, can you?"

"Yes, I can," I said through clenched teeth.

Emmett looked at me and shook his head. "Sorry, kid. No can do."

He looked at Jacob again and nodded towards the couch.

"Sit," Emmett told him, and it sounded like the kind of command you would give a dog. Jacob looked at me warily before doing what Emmett said and I gave my brother a pleading look.

"Em," I said softly. "Please. . . "

"Chill, Bells," he said, grinning and sitting in an armchair across from Jacob. "I need to do my brotherly duties and talk to the guy. It'll only take a few minutes."

I gave him a warning look before sitting next to Jacob, making sure not to sit too close since Emmett's current gaze was like that of a hawk. Rosalie also looked at Emmett warningly before seating herself in the armchair next to his.

"So," Emmett said, staring at Jacob and leaning forward onto his elbows. "Jacob. That's your name, right?"

Jacob nodded.

"Can you speak?" Emmett asked rudely, and I narrowed my eyes at him. He just ignored me.

"Uh, yeah," Jacob said. He was clearly uncomfortable and I could tell he was tense. He was leaning back into the couch and had his keys next to his left leg while his hands were clamped in front of him.

"Good," Emmett said, smiling. "So, I need to know- do you have a criminal record?"

"Emmett!" I protested.

"What?" Jacob said, laughing. "No! What the hell, man."

"Oh, I'm serious," Emmett said grimly. "Do you? If I look you up, will I find out that you've done time in juvy and shit?"

"I don't know," Jacob said. "I'll have to ask my probation officer if I can disclose that kind of information to you."

The room went silent as we all stared at Jacob, our mouths agape.

"It was a joke!" Jacob said quickly, and we relaxed until Emmett glared at him.

"If I were you, I wouldn't joke about shit like that," he said.

"Okay," Jake mumbled. "My bad. I thought you had a sense of humor."

_Oh Jeez._

Emmett's eyebrows raised and I tensed up, waiting for his reaction. Surprisingly, he didn't say anything regarding Jacob's last comment.

"Anyway," Emmett continued. "How are your grades?"

"What?" Jacob asked.

"Your grades," Emmett repeated, trying not to sound impatient but failing. "You know, those letters on your report card that indicate how well you're doing in each class, A being the best and F meaning you're stupid in that subject. . ?"

"I know what grades are."

"Then answer the question."

"They're fairly decent. . . "

"And what does that mean?"

"It means they're _fairly decent_. Meaning they aren't exactly perfect but I'm not failing, either. Not every class, anyway."

"I'm sorry, what? You mean you're failing a class?"

"Not really. I don't have any Fs. One D in English, but. . . "

"Bella's best subject is English."

"Yeah, so?"

"So do you think you can keep up?"

". . . "

"Well?" Emmett prodded.

"I dunno, maybe."

"Can we go now?" I interceded.

"No," Emmett answered curtly before turning back to Jacob. "I see your keys, do you drive?"

"Obviously."

"No need to be sarcastic."

"No need to ask dumb questions."

_Oh, shit. _I thought Emmett would be the one screwing up but Jacob wasn't helping with his sarcasm and 'jokes'. Didn't he see that Emmett was actually being serious?

Emmett ignored that and continued his interrogation.

"You have a license?"

"Yeah."

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"When do you turn eighteen?"

"Um, next year . . . ? Duh."

"Do you wear your seat belt when you drive?"

"Yeah."

"Do you insist whoever is sitting with you wear a seat belt?"

". . . Uh, yeah. Of course. . . "

"Do you really?"

"Yup."

"Are you bullshitting me?"

"No."

"Let's go for a drive."

"Say what?"

"You heard me. Let's go for a drive around the block, just me and you. I wanna see how good of a driver you are."

"Dude, are you serious?"

"Look at my face. Does it look like I'm joking?"

"No."

"Alrighty then."

"I'm not gonna go for a drive with you."

"Then you can't take Bella out."

"Emmett, stop!" I said, getting increasingly frustrated. "You're being ridiculous. I've been with him while he was driving and I'm still alive, aren't I? Obviously he drives fine."

Emmett narrowed his eyes at me before continuing.

"Do you smoke?" he asked.

"Negative."

"Drink?"

"Yup. Water, soda, juice. . . "

"Are you trying to be funny?"

"Never mind."

"Answer the question, do you drink?"

". . . No. . ."

"Are you bullshitting me again?"

"I don't drink, all right?"

"Why did you hesitate?"

"I don't know, nerves?"

"Why would you be nervous?"

"Well, I don't know, maybe because you're freakin' grilling me and shit?"

"Do you have any tattoos?"

"No, I don't."

"Is Bella your first girlfriend?"

". . . No." Jacob answered after a slight pause.

"So you've had girlfriends in the past?"

"Duh."

"How come those relationships didn't work out?"

"I don't think that's any of your business."

"Fair enough. Now, why do want to go out with my sister?"

There was silence as we all looked at Jacob expectantly. My heart thudded in my chest at Jacob's hesitation. Why _did_he want to go out with me? He seemed to think about it before he looked at me. I met his gaze, my brows furrowed.

"Well," Jacob said. "Not only is she really pretty . . . but she's smart and funny and sweet. . . "

My heart swelled as I smiled at him. I thought the very same about him.

"Mm hmm," Emmett said, his lips pursed. "And what do you two have in common?" Jacob looked at Emmett with confusion.

"In common?" he asked, and Emmett nodded.

Jacob looked at me, torn, and I decided to save him.

"Not much," I told Emmett. "But that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. Opposites attract, after all. He's him and I'm me, it doesn't matter whether or not we like the same things."

"Yes, it does," Emmett said, finally looking at me and nodding. "Trust me, Bells, having something in common in a relationship is very important. I know they say opposites attract, but only for so long. There has to be something, _anything_ you guys have in common, something you share a common interest in . . . ?"

I looked at Jacob and he looked at me, both of us feeling uncertain.

"Not really," Jacob said hesitantly. "But that doesn't mean we won't work out. We get along, and we like each other. Isn't that enough?"

"Exactly," I agreed.

"No," Emmett said and I huffed.

"Emmet," I said pleadingly. "Can we please just go? Are you done with your interrogation?"

Emmett seemed to think about it. "Not quite. Jacob, how much do you really care about my sister?"

"Emmett, please," Rosalie was the next to chime in. "Leave the poor kid alone. This is a new relationship, they're just starting out. Stop being so hard on him." I saw Jacob throw Rosalie a grateful glance as Emmett listened to her.

"Fine," Emmett finally said, and I hopped up, grabbing Jacob's arm.

"But wait!" he called, and I sighed, exasperated. "One more thing."

He slowly stood up and took a few steps towards Jacob until they were eye to eye. Jacob was just an inch shorter.

"Let me make something very clear," Emmett said, and my hand on Jacob's arm tensed up at his threatening tone. Jacob met Emmett's gaze evenly.

"I have a pretty accurate bullshit radar," Emmett said in a low voice. "You can't get much past me, kid. So let me just say, if you _ever_ do anything to hurt my sister, whether that's mentally or physically, I will find you, and I will fuck you up so bad that you won't even look human anymore."

"What the hell, Emmett," I hissed, but he ignored me.

"I don't like you," he continued. "And I know you don't like me. How do I know? Bullshit radar. And that's fine. We don't have to like each other. But when it comes to my sister, especially since I'm her sole guardian, we have to coordinate somehow right? So here's the deal. You don't go out on school nights, tonight being the only exception, and when you do, you bring her home no later than 10. You don't touch her in front of me, and you don't do anything she doesn't like or want. Oh, and stay out of her pants."

"Are you serious?" I cried the same time Rosalie said, "Emmett!"

"As for you," Emmett said, turning his gaze to me. His eyes seemed gentler than they were a second ago. "I love you, kiddo. You know that. You can tell me anything. I'm always here if you need me to be, remember that."

I tried not to glare at him since he was being nice.

"I know," I mumbled. "Can we please go now?"

Emmett stared at me, eyes suddenly sad, before he nodded. I pulled Jacob towards the door.

"Praise the Lord!" I cried before opening the door. Jacob laughed his booming laugh as we both stepped out of the house, holding hands. Emmett followed us all the way to the car. Once Jacob and I were seated in the car, Emmett stuck his head in my window.

"You okay?" he asked me.

"I'm fine!" I said impatiently. "I just really want to have a good time, which you seem to not be allowing right now."

Emmett smiled. "Sorry. Just looking out for ya."

"You can look out for me without being so obviously freaked out," I said. He laughed and shook his head, though I couldn't see what was so funny.

"I know," he told me, his eyes sparkling. "Believe me, I know." I stared at him, confused. Was there some hidden joke?

Emmett pulled out his phone and looked at it, leaning out of my window. He read something and began to back away.

"Remember what I said, kid!" he boomed. "Big brother is always watching. Always."

I rolled my eyes. "Bye, Emmett!" I called tiredly, and Jacob quickly drove us off.

The whole car ride to Joe's Pizza, I didn't stop apologizing to Jacob for Emmett's behavior. He kept assuring me that it was no big deal and that he had expected worse, but I still felt terribly guilty. I had hoped so much that they would get along and maybe even become friends. That, I knew, was close to impossible. Still, it didn't hurt to hope, despite the disappointment I felt afterwards.

Once we got to the pizza place, a restaurant that wasn't very romantic but not too casual either, we were immediately seated at a booth towards the back. Jacob was quick to order a pie of pepperoni pizza for himself whilst I just chose to get some pasta for me.

We talked very little the whole time, though it was like we didn't really need to. It seemed like Jacob was touching me somehow the whole time, whether it was his hand on my knee, arm around my shoulder, or fingers on my neck. He made me giggle and blush quite often with the things he would say.

At one point he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "You look so fucking delicious right now." My eyes had widened as I looked up at his grin in shock.

He was so random, it was almost scary.

There was a heated moment when Jacob kissed my cheek and I turned red. And as if that wasn't enough, he proceeded to nuzzle his face into my neck. His warm lips kissed the skin on my neck over and over, and my eyes widened as my face got redder. I looked around me, embarrassed, hoping that no one was staring at us. My whole body was heating up but it was more from being abashed than from passion. I didn't want anyone to see this; I was definitely not the PDA type.

I pushed at Jacob's chest and he pulled away, pouting.

"Not here," I said, looking pointedly around. No one had noticed, but I felt like I was being watched. Emmett's words "Big brother is always watching" rang in my head and although I knew it technically wasn't true, I felt like I was under a microscope.

"Why?" Jacob asked, clearly frustrated. He looked like a child asking why he couldn't have candy before dinner.

"Because," I said. "I'm just not into the whole public-displays-of-affection thing."

"But I wanna flaunt you," he whispered into my ear. "You're so perfect, and I want everyone to know that you're mine."

He pressed his lips to my neck again, and I let him do it. What he said was sweet, and even though I was uncomfortable with this in public, I didn't want to upset him. Still, I wanted him to stop so I asked him something random just to get him to stop kissing me.

"Jake," I said. "So . . . what do you wanna do next time?" He lifted his head away from me and gave me a confused look.

"Next time?" he asked.

"Next time we go out. . . "

He seemed to think about it as he stroked my arm. "Hmm… I dunno. It's definitely not gonna be in town, though. Forks is bor-ing." He took a giant bite of his pizza and chewed furiously, like he hadn't eaten all day. I couldn't help but be disgusted. Even my macho-man of a brother had better manners.

He devoured his first slice in record time and started in on the second, while I ate my pasta with a suddenly very small appetite. With his mouth full, Jacob said, "I wangf goo gayu doo sadu ageng" and I leaned away, having no idea what he said.

He swallowed and took a sip of Coke before repeating himself, "I really wanna take you to Seattle again."

I nodded. "That sounds cool."

He leaned down and I knew what he wanted immediately. I accepted his kiss, and his lips were soft but firm on mine. He started off slow and sweet, but then his lips got faster and more aggressive. His lips moved furiously against mine and my whole body heated up. I didn't think about the people around me; I was too into the moment. It was like it was just me and Jacob in the world as the heat from his lips and his breath seemed to go inside me and take over my veins. My arms found themselves around his neck as his hand pressed into my lower back. His tongue assaulted my mouth and I had no idea what I was doing, but I just went with it.

We eventually pulled apart and I leaned into his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his torso as he kissed the top of my head.

I was content.

I looked up at his face, at his gorgeously tan skin and full lips, at his sparkling dark eyes and bright white teeth. I reached up and stroked his face, unable to believe that he was mine. He smiled down at me and I was absolutely on cloud nine.

It wasn't long before we decided to leave. I wasn't really full, but I wasn't hungry either. I was still completely content with life and I didn't think there was much that could deter me. Jacob paid the bill and we got up, heading towards the entrance.

That's when I saw it, lying on a table across the room, but not far from ours.

It was a paperback copy of _Dracula_, just like the one I had. Had someone forgotten it there?

"Look," I said to Jacob. "Someone forgot their book."

"So?" he asked, following close behind me. I reached the table and picked the book up. It was the exact same version that I had, a special edition copy from a store in Port Angeles. The cover was even bent at the top right hand corner, just like mine. . .

I slowly pulled up the cover and peeked inside to see the words that freakily confirmed my suspicions.

This book belongs to Bella Swan.

_What the hell?_

My eyes widened and I didn't know what to think. How the hell did my book get there? It was definitely mine, with my handwriting in it. It was beyond creepy.

I looked around, wondering if someone I knew had stolen it or something. Maybe I had left it there myself, but that didn't make any sense. My mind was racing as I tried to figure out how it was even possible. I couldn't come up with one logical explanation. I was completely baffled.

"Wait, that's yours?" Jacob asked. "How did that get here?"

"I don't know," I mumbled shaking my head. "This is so . . . bizarre."

"There has to be some explanation," Jake said as we headed towards the door.

I stared at the book as we walked to the car. I felt dazed and confused, still unsuccessfully trying to figure out how something I had seen on my dining room table that morning had ended up at the pizza place that Jacob and I were at. It made no sense at all, and freaked me out quite a bit.

I was quiet the whole car ride home, thinking about nothing but the book. Explanation after explanation ran through my head, but none of them were even possible.

Someone with the same name and same handwriting maybe? No, this was Forks. I was the only Bella Swan, for sure. I kept thinking that maybe I had left it somewhere in public and someone had seen me there and dropped it on the table, hesitant to approach me on my date. That was the one thing that was only slightly possible, even though I had seen the book at home myself just that morning.

Jacob dropped me off in front of the house and gave me a quick kiss before I got out. I was still in a strange state of mind, conscious, but mentally still in How-In-The-Hell-Did-My-Book-Get-There Land.

I didn't even notice that I was walking through the driveway and not up the front path like I usually would have.

Then I heard the hushed voices. They were coming from the back porch, and one of them sounded like Emmett. I slowly walked further up the driveway, trying to walk quietly, and turned to my left to face the porch.

There was Emmett, and there was Edward.

I hadn't seen him for a while, yet I knew by that mess of bronze hair in the glow of the porch light that it was him. His back was to me, and he had a helmet under his left arm. He was talking to Emmett in a hushed tone, and I was even more confused than I was before.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked, and both of them looked at me, startled. I couldn't help but look Edward up and down.

Had he always been looking like a leather jacket model? Yes, yes he had. How could I have forgotten?

I asked Emmett what Edward was doing there, but he only said that he had called him though he wouldn't tell me why. It was all so . . . strange. I could feel Edward looking at me, I could feel that tingling across my skin, but I was still confused by everything.

I decided to brush Edward's being there off as something involving Rosalie, and headed back inside.

The first room I went into was the dining room.

And sure enough, the Dracula book was missing from the pile of classics.

Instead of leaving it there, I headed back up to my bedroom and immediately changed. It wasn't even 9pm yet, but I was really tired. The whole book situation was messing with my head. I set the book on my dressing table and pulled my hair into a ponytail after I changed, deciding that I would just let it go and not let it bother me. I would go insane trying to figure out how it had gotten at the pizza place.

With a baffled mind and tired body, I went to bed before Emmett could come and interrogate me about my date. I drifted off to sleep, my last thought if Edward was still downstairs, or if he had left.

**

* * *

**

Luckily for me, Emmett didn't interrogate me in the morning. He looked extremely guilty during breakfast, and was quiet the whole car ride to school. The only thing he asked me about the date was whether or not I had had a good time. I told him that I did and he gave me an unusually worried expression. I didn't bring up the book, and neither did he.

The first thing I saw when I reached my locker was all four-foot-one of Alice. After giving me the tightest hug ever, she made me tell her everything about Jacob, Seattle, and our date. Saying everything out loud, I suddenly realized how quick everything had gone. The biggest moments of my new life had happened that very weekend: I kissed Jacob on Friday, went off to Seattle with him on Saturday, and then went on a date with him on Sunday. That was pretty damn fast, and Alice was quick to point that out as I gushed everything to her. I didn't mention what had happened with the book, not wanting to give myself a headache with trying to work out the logistics of that again.

"Oh, and I should warn you," Alice said as we walked to math class. "I don't think you're going to enjoy hearing this, but you might want to brace yourself."

"For what?" I asked anxiously.

"A certain someone is back in school," she said vaguely.

I knew who she meant the second I walked into math class.

There was Edward Cullen. Sitting in my seat. Again.

"Great," I muttered, trying to ignore the heat I felt whilst looking at him. He had on that leather jacket again, this time over a red t-shirt with black lettering on it, and he was slouched down in his seat. His eyes were blank and they had circles under them like he hadn't slept all night. His expression was glum as he just stared at the floor absentmindedly. I had seen him just the night before, but it was too dark for me to see his chiseled features and full lips, which were making me feel all sorts of strange things.

Would this be cheating on Jacob?

I guiltily sauntered over to the seat behind him as Alice followed. He looked up when I passed, those green eyes momentarily piercing through mine. I sat down and Alice sat beside me.

"Hey Edward!" she said cheerily. "Where've you been, buddy?"

Edward turned his head towards her a little. "Away," he said simply. His voice was low and absolutely velvety.

"Well I know that," Alice said, a huge smile still on her face. "But what were up to all week last week? I had a feeling you weren't suspended like the rumors said. You came for a day and then poof! You were gone."

"Can I ask you something, Small Person?" Edward asked. Alice nodded enthusiastically. "Why do you care?"

Alice tilted her head to one side, thinking.

"I don't know," she said thoughtfully. She looked at him again. "I guess just 'cause you're my friend, so I wondered."

I stared at Alice. Edward was her friend? Since when?

"I'm your friend?" Edward asked skeptically. "Do you even know what a friend is?"

"Oh yeah," Alice laughed. "And even if we're not good buddies now, we will be one day. I know it."

Even though I was behind Edward, I could tell he was giving her a funny look.

Mr. Varner began class and I was forced to sit through an hour of number talk, something that I despised and was no good at.

A few minutes through class, my phone buzzed.

**Boooored. Thinkin of u. - J**

_LOL Maybe u should pay attention in class :) - B_

**Dats y I'm bored. No duuuh lol - J**

_Trying to focus on math, here. See you next period. - B_

**C'mon babe, talk 2 me! Dont be a nerd - J**

That offended me somehow.

_Jake I'm gonna get in trouble. - B_

**Whatever. - J**

Was he mad? That was the last thing I wanted.

_Sorry. This is one subject I'm super bad at. Varner hates me as it is. - B_

**Y would he hate a sexy little thing like you? ;) – J**

Okay, that was irrelevant…

"Bella!" Alice hissed, and I looked up to meet her urgent gaze. "Stop texting your boyfriend and pay attention. Varner keeps looking your way."

I looked at the front of the class in time to see Mr. Varner narrow his eyes at me before looking away. I figured he was giving me a chance, so I put my phone in my bag before I could risk it getting taken away. He later handed out worksheets, and I had absolutely no idea what to do. The problems all looked so confusing and I stared at them like I was seeing numbers for the first time in my life. Math had never been my best subject, and it wasn't helping that I couldn't focus because of Jacob texting me.

I struggled through the whole class, not knowing the answers when Varner called on me, while Edward somehow knew the answer every time. I was also hyper aware of his presence, my eyes always roaming the soft bronze hair at the back of his head. My eyes absorbed his broad shoulders whilst my nose took in the intoxicating scent of cigarette smoke mixed with cologne.

Who knew such a scent could be so appealing?

Every time I would be distracted by the back of Edward, I immediately felt guilty, feeling like I was somehow cheating on Jacob with the asshole.

When the bell rang, I hurriedly grabbed my books and stood up, eager to see Jacob. Just like Edward's first day here, my foot caught in the table's leg and I stumbled-

Right into Edward.

He had also been standing, so when I fell forward my right hand met his back, pushing him a little, before I found his elbow to grab on to. My left arm was balancing my books and I practically pulled him with me as he also momentarily stumbled to the side.

I regained my balance as he looked at my hand on his arm before turning to face me, a bewildered expression on his face. My eyes were wide and I was frozen, stunned by his face that wasn't too far away. I had never been so close to him, never close enough to notice the perfection of his skin, the muscular strength of his jawline, or the specks of blue in his intensely green eyes.

I couldn't let go of his arm; it felt firm under my hand.

I was taken out of my stupor when his surprised expression turned into a scowl. He wrenched his arm from my grip.

"What the fuck," he said harshly, causing me to take a step back. "Is tripping part of your maths class routine or something?"

I found my voice because of his rudeness. "It's not like I did it on purpose," I spat. "It was an accident. Jeez."

He sneered at me before storming out of the room, leaving me to stand there, seething.

Alice stared at me tentatively.

"You okay?" she asked, and I nodded.

I headed to my locker, seeing Edward down the hall at his. He was throwing it open and flinging some books in aggressively. I would never understand that boy.

It wasn't long before Jacob came; wrapping is arms around my waist from behind. Alice took that as her cue to leave, giving us a small and, definitely forced, smile before she walked away.

"How ya doin?" Jacob whispered, setting his chin on my left shoulder as I put the last of my books in the locker. "Did your brother give you a hard time last night?"

"No," I replied, unable to concentrate with his strong arms wrapped around me like this in school. "He didn't ask much."

I closed my locker and gently pulled his arms off, not wanting to hurt his feelings. I turned to face him and he was looking down at me with a surprised expression.

"Really?" he said, gently pushing me against my locker and grabbing my waist again. "That's unexpected."

I bit my lip and nodded, losing my ability to speak. He was clearly not afraid to flaunt our relationship in school, though I was still uncomfortable with it being made so obvious.

"Well, I'm glad," Jacob said. "We don't need your brother ruining things for us now, do we?" I shook my head and chewed on my bottom lip some more.

Jacob touched my lip, pushing it down a little so that my teeth were forced to let go. "Don't do that," he said, his voice husky. "You'll ruin your lips."

He then leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I couldn't enjoy it, not there. I could feel eyes on us and I wanted him off of me, not wanting to get in trouble since making out in the hallways was definitely a school no-no.

Still, I let his soft lips mold against mine as his hands went from my waist down to my hips.

Wait, what was he doing?

He stepped closer, pressing me into the locker and kissing me furiously. I felt heated, but not from passion. It was more like embarrassment, shame, and shock.

I was saved by the bell as it rang, and Jacob pulled away, smiling at me. We walked hand in hand to Spanish class, me still trying to recover from the fact that people had definitely been staring.

Spanish went by fast, with me and Jake looking at each other every few seconds. I was once again oblivious to my surroundings, and I knew that had to do with the distraction of Jacob. Neither of us got our answers right when we were called on, and it somehow seemed okay.

Even though I knew it wasn't.

We said our goodbyes before going off to the rest of our classes, and I found myself in a very good mood.

It was a nice feeling, having a boyfriend. It wasn't exactly like I had always imagined, but what did that matter? At least I had someone to call my own.

Gym class rolled around I walked in to the sight of Jacob playing basketball with his friends. He was really into the game and didn't notice my entrance, so Alice and I sat on some bleachers, watching and chatting. At the back of my head, I wondered if Edward would show up, since I had also had the class with him.

Sure enough, it wasn't long before Edward and Jasper walked in. Edward looked like he was a damn runway model, modeling the hideous uniform. He was the only guy that seemed to be able to pull it off. I tore my eyes away and looked back at my boyfriend, who was now guffawing and play-fighting with one of his friends.

Jasper and Edward approached, Jasper immediately sitting next to Alice whereas Edward climbed on and sat on the bleacher behind the three of us. I was suddenly tense, as I always was when Edward was around.

"So Bella," Jasper said casually, leaning forward to look at me on Alice's other side. "How's everything with Jacob going?"

I internally groaned. Was Jasper making it a habit to talk about Jacob during every gym class? And in front of Edward, too?

"Good," I said shortly. I didn't say anything else and Jasper smirked at me, though I didn't know why.

"How was your date?" he asked, and I felt annoyed for a reason I couldn't understand.

"Jeez, Jasper, nosy much?" I snapped. He raised his eyebrows at me as Alice gave me a quizzical look.

"Jeez, Bella, PMS-ing much?" Jasper countered, and Alice giggled, smacking him on the arm. I could have sworn I heard a snort come from behind me, but I wasn't sure.

I didn't respond, not wanting to further the discussion when Edward was around. Why did he have to make everything so uncomfortable?

Coach Clapp blew the whistle and we were forced to split up into our soccer teams. Coach made the girls play first while the boys watched, before switching it up and letting the guys play. I hated that, since I was always embarrassing myself in front of the boys.

I stood awkwardly in the middle of the court, waiting for the ball to be kicked in my direction. I tried to move around as little as possible, afraid that I might trip on the flat surface.

Alice was into everything; she probably had more school spirit than the school mascot. She was a tiny thing, running after the ball and easily kicking it away from other girls as Jasper cheered her on. There was a point where the ball came towards me and I stopped it with my foot like we had learned. I was suddenly frozen, not knowing if I should kick it towards the goal or pass it to someone else. I'd rather not do anything but stand here, but obviously that wasn't allowed since gym class, unfortunately, required movement.

"Run with it!" Jacob's voice shouted, and I whipped my head to see him cheering me on. "Come on, Bella!"

Before I could do what he said, another girl kicked the ball from under my foot. I honestly felt relieved that I didn't have to deal with it anymore.

I was super thankful when Coach blew the whistle and it was the guys' turn to play. Us girls strolled over to the bleachers and I sat on top with Alice, wondering how Jacob could even have energy to play since he had been going all out with the basketball before class started.

I was also curious to see how Edward would do. He didn't seem like the jock type. . .

The guys were always more aggressive at every sport, most of them anyway. They kicked the ball too hard and stole it from each other like they were animals in the jungle fighting over food.

My eyes weren't on Jacob, but were actually on Edward.

He was surprisingly good. He easily stole the ball from the other guys and weaved through them, effortlessly making three goals for his team in the first five minutes. It was impressive. It was almost like the other guys were afraid to get in his way, and I didn't know if that was because of his reputation or just because he was so damn good.

Jacob was the first guy to get in his way. Edward was taking the ball towards the goal again, his muscular legs working quickly and expertly to get the ball away from everyone else. When Jacob came in front of him and tried to take it away, Edward held his arm out and shoved him out of the way, kicking the ball hard into the goal. His teammates cheered as Jacob just looked pissed. Usually he was the star athlete in gym class, but it looked like Edward was stealing his thunder.

It seemed like the rest of the game was Edward vs. Jacob. The other guys barely even interfered, mostly just following the ball wherever Edward took it, and not really trying to stop it. Only Jacob and a few of his friends even bothered trying to steal it from him. Edward outmaneuvered them every time, sometimes passing the ball to Jasper who was able to goal it. The expression on Edward's face was intense and focused while he played, almost furious. He clearly got pissed when someone came in his way, especially Jacob.

It wasn't long before the game got heated, and a little too physical. Was it just me, or was Edward pushing Jacob a little too hard? Jacob didn't mind shoving him back when he himself was in control of the ball, and I got nervous.

But why was I nervous for Edward, and not Jacob?

I told myself that it was because Jacob was much more buff and could hurt Edward if they got into anything. But what did I care if Edward got hurt? I didn't even like him.

I told myself it was because I didn't want Jacob to get in trouble.

Yes, that was the reason. It had to be.

"Wow," Alice mumbled to me. "Jacob and Edward are just a little too into it."

"I know," I agreed quietly, watching anxiously as Edward pushed Jacob away before kicking the ball to Jasper.

Suddenly Edward had the ball again, and there was a flurry of movement before Edward ended up falling on his behind, Jacob running with the ball and successfully kicking it into a goal as his team cheered.

"Wait, did Jacob just trip him?" Alice asked in confusion. I was pretty sure I had also seen Jacob's foot shoot out at a strange angle.

"I think so," I said.

Edward hopped onto his feet and yelled something at Coach, his expression furious. Coach blew his whistle and the gym grew quiet.

"That was a fucking foul," Edward seemed to be saying. "He fucking tripped me!" Coach waved Jacob forward, who looked pretty smug.

Coach exchanged some words with Jacob, who seemed to be denying cheating. Edward said something to Jacob, who said something back. We couldn't hear anything over the mumbling of all the other kids. Coach seemed to dismiss Edward's claim since Jacob's smug smile grew larger and Edward's scowl became even more infuriated. He seemed to be protesting and Coach was trying to get him to relax. Jasper walked over and said something to Edward, who visibly calmed down, taking a deep breath.

"Boys," Alice muttered, shaking her head, and I hummed in agreement. It was just a stupid game, it wasn't like they were fighting for survival.

Gym class ended, with Edward's team obviously winning, and Jacob walked over to me as we all walked towards the back exit that lead to the locker rooms.

Jacob was sweaty as he held me around the waist, and I tried not to cringe away.

"Cullen is such a loser," he chuckled as we walked across the gym with the crowd.

"You know, you guys get into the sports way too much," I said.

"That's the fun of it," he said. "It's fun playing like your life depends on it, it makes things so much more interesting. Now, you, on the other hand. . . "

"What about me?"

"Well, it doesn't really help if you're just standing there and doing nothing," he chuckled.

"That's not fair!" I cried playfully. "At least I don't cheat."

Jacob's smile fell as he ceased walking, causing me to stop. He glared at me, pulling me to the side as the crowd left the gym.

"Wait, what the hell does that mean?" he asked irritably. I was taken aback by his sudden annoyance. The gym was empty now and we were standing near the exit.

"Uh. . . " I said. "Wasn't there some issue about you . . . tripping Edward?"

"You believe that shit?" he asked, visibly upset.

"Well, I don't know, I thought I saw-"

"You didn't see anything!" Jacob said loudly. "I can't believe you're gonna go and believe-"

"Jacob, relax! Fine, maybe I was wrong. Sorry I doubted you." Jacob clenched and unclenched his jaw, taking a deep breath through flared nostrils.

"Whatever," he said, letting go of my arm. He nodded towards the exit. "Let's go."

I hesitantly followed him, wondering what the big deal was. We said our goodbyes as he turned to the right, where the guys' locker rooms were and I turned to the left. Alice asked me where I had been, but I told her I had just stopped to talk to Jacob.

It was soon lunch time and Jacob stopped me when I was walking over to my table with a lunch try.

"Wait," he said, grabbing my arm again. "You're sitting with me now." He gently pulled me along as I gave a bewildered Alice an apologetic look.

"Okay," I told Jacob, following him over to his table of loud jocks.

"Hey guys," he greeted them, sitting down and pulling me down next to him. Most of his friends were on the basketball team with him, and all of them were either dating a cheerleader or someone popular. None of these girls looked even remotely friendly.

"Hey Bella," a guy I knew was called Paul said. "So, how's it goin?"

I smiled at him shyly as Jacob wrapped an arm around me again. "It's okay," I said timidly.

I felt like I was being ignored for the rest of the period. Jacob would kiss me every now and then, but mostly seemed absorbed in conversation with his friends about one thing or another. The girlfriends talked among themselves, occasionally throwing me bitchy looks.

I looked longingly across the room at my old table. Edward now sat there with Alice and Jasper, Mike, Jessica, Angela, and Eric. My true friends. I felt uncomfortable there with Jacob and his teammates; I certainly didn't belong. Everyone at my old table looked happy, with the exception of Edward, who was just picking at his food, somewhat of a pout on his lips.

I caught Alice's eye and she frowned at me, giving me a sad look. I frowned back, really wishing I could be with her and not with those unwelcoming people. I would have to talk about it with Jacob later. I didn't think I could deal with sitting with his friends for the rest of the year.

I didn't have much of an appetite and just sipped on my bottle of lemonade, trying to engage in the conversation Jacob was having with his friends. But they were talking about some wrestling match, and I knew nothing about wrestling, so I just listened politely.

It wasn't long before I looked sadly across the room at my former table again.

I caught Edward staring at me, and his expression looked . . . concerned? Angry? A concerned kind of angry?

I gave him a what-the-hell-are-you-staring-at-look and he narrowed his eyes at me before looking away. What the heck was that about?

Lunch seemed to snail by, and then I had my last class- US government. It wasn't until I was in my seat and Edward walked in that I remembered the day a week prior when his name was called and he wasn't there. I tensed up when he approached the teacher and spoke to him. Mr. Ackerman greeted him and then gestured for him to have a seat. Edward walked forward but then paused when he saw me sitting there. He looked at me briefly before passing me and sitting all the way at the back of the classroom.

The class went by quickly, and when the bell rang, Edward rushed past me and out the door. I shook my head and followed, shoving my books in my locker and leaving with Alice.

It had become routine that Alice drove me home. I had a license myself; I just didn't have a car. I never pushed Emmett to get me one, knowing that we couldn't really afford it, so I hitched a ride with Emmett or Alice. Jacob was out of the question, since he usually had some kind of practice every day after school. The guy was on the basketball _and_ the football team, after all.

Alice dropped me off in front of the house and sped away, telling me to say hi to Emmett for her. I agreed and strolled up the front path slowly, stopping when I saw the motorcycle in driveway.

It looked familiar. . .

Edward?

I stared at the bike some more before hesitantly walking towards the front door again. I was once again frozen when I saw that the door was already open.

It wasn't open all the way, it was only half ajar. Still, it was strange, and I pushed it open slowly to look inside.

The living room was empty, but I could hear voices coming from the kitchen. One of them was Emmett's deep rumble and the other was low, smooth, and velvety. . .

Edward. Definitely Edward.

But what was he doing here? And why was he talking to Emmett in hushed voices, just like last night? Now that my mind wasn't clouded and confused like the night before, I was able to take more interest in the business of my brother and his girlfriend's brother. I wasn't a nosy person, but all of this was just way too interesting and bizarre for me to just ignore.

I crept into the living room and quietly dropped my book bag on the couch. I tried not to make any noise or step on any creaking floorboards as I tiptoed towards the kitchen doorway to eavesdrop.

". . . I'm not taking it," I heard Edward say lowly.

"C'mon!" Emmett seemed to be saying. "I feel bad, I can't just let you do something like that and not pay you for it, and you said you would."

"All right, so I lied," Edward replied. "I don't want your money."

Money? What was Emmett trying to pay Edward for?

"Fine," Emmett said. "If you won't take the money, then tell me how else I can repay you. And it's not just for last night, it's for. . . I don't know, as long as they're together, I guess."

Who was the "they"? And what did Edward do last night to get Emmett to pay him?

"It's fine," Edward was insisting. "Can't you see I'm being fucking generous with this shit? Keep. The. Money."

"Dude. . . "

"What? What kind of person just gives away money like that when the other person is insisting they keep it? How much more idiotic can you get, mate?"

I didn't think I was relevant in the conversation, so I was about to make some noise to indicate my presence, but then I heard Emmett say, "I just feel so guilty about doing that to Bella."

Wait. What?

"Right, but then why are you paying _me_?" Edward asked. "What do I have to do with making you feel less guilty?"

"Because, I feel like. . . Ugh, I don't know, I feel like I should have my money taken away or something. Just take the money!"

"I'm telling you for the last fucking time, I'm not taking the money. Buy yourself something nice, will you? You wanted me to spy on her on her date and I did, and you wanted me to keep an eye on her in school, and I'm doing it, all for free and because you asked me as a favor. So I'm doing you the favor, and you should just be really fucking happy that I'm not asking you to pay me by the day."

I was frozen in my spot, my heart pounding in my ears, my eyes wide and my mind racing furiously.

Emmett had gotten Edward to _spy on me_?

"I know, but-" Emmett said before Edward cut him off.

"'But' nothing. Stop feeling guilty about it. Look, I don't even deserve the money considering I took off early and risked us getting caught by leaving her book there. Tell yourself that and convince yourself that I don't deserve to be paid."

The book. . . Edward?

_Edward!_

Emmett had gotten Edward to spy on me on my date, and Edward had my Dracula book and left it there. But why? Why did he have my book and why the hell was he spying on me?

Why, why, why, why, why?

So many damn whys were whirling around in my head as my blood starting boiling.

I couldn't believe they would do this to me. I couldn't believe _Emmett_would do this to me. I mean, I knew that he didn't like Jacob but he would go so far as to hire someone to follow me on my date and watch me? Not only was that creepy, it was downright _wrong_.

That meant Edward had seen everything. Every moment with me and Jacob . . . every kiss, every touch…

And what was this nonsense about watching me in school? He was keeping an eye on me there, too? And telling Emmett about it?

No. This was just beyond ridiculous.

To say that I was pissed was an understatement.

With newfound determination and a type of anger that I had never felt before, I turned and walked into the kitchen to face the two.

They were standing across from each other, Edward with his arms crossed over his chest and Emmett with his hands at his sides, an envelope in one hand. Both of their heads whipped around to look at me and both had a look of pure horror on their face.

Good. They should be scared. I was about to kick some ass, and I didn't care that they were both guys and probably stronger than me for that matter.

There was a tense silence as I glared at Emmett and Edward, too pissed off to say anything at all. My emotions were overwhelming me, anger being the most dominant, but there was also a fierce sense of betrayal and confusion and embarrassment and hurt. So much hurt.

"Wha . . ." was all Emmett could say, his mouth agape. Edward didn't look so horrified anymore, but kept his face blank.

I finally found my voice.

"How. Could. You?" I growled through clenched at Emmett, my voice sounding raspy.

Wait a second. When had my eyes started tearing up?

Emmett was quiet, unable to say anything. He looked at Edward who looked back at him with a blank stare. I felt a tear fall and Emmett looked at me sadly before taking a step forward.

"Bells," he said softly, but I didn't want him trying to comfort me.

"No!" I cried, louder than I meant to. "How could you do this to me? How could you get someone to spy on me, how could you get _him_ to spy on me? How could you sink so low? How?"

I was pretty much screaming, the betrayal clear in my voice, and Emmett cringed. The tears were flowing freely and maybe I was overreacting, but I was pissed. I felt so exposed, so deceived.

"I'm sorry!" Emmett said. "I know it was too much, I know I went too far! But I was worried, okay? I didn't know anything about Jacob!"

"You met him just last night!" I cried. "You were getting to know him and even though you did it the wrong way, you found out for yourself that there's nothing wrong with Jacob!" I furiously wiped my cheek with the back of my right hand. "I never thought you would do something like this, it's just not fair! Why can't you let me be normal? Why can't you just let me go and have a boyfriend and do what I want and not have to worry about being watched all the time? Why don't you trust me enough not to do anything stupid? Why do you have to pay someone to stalk me?"

"Bella, I trust you, I do, but after Seattle I just don't know anymore!"

"Don't bring up Seattle, I thought we were past that!"

"We are! But just the way he was on top of you that day and then at Joe's and then at school. . . "

My mind went momentarily blank before I realized that Edward had told him all this. I whirled on Edward and his blank face wavered for a second.

"You!" I said. "I can't believe you would agree to that! And if it's not for the money then why would you do that? I mean I know you're an asshole and shit, but really, Edward?"

"I was doing him a favor," Edward said, his voice icy.

"Yeah?" I scoffed. "If someone asked you to murder someone as a favor, would you do it? If someone asked you to kidnap someone as a favor, would you tell them to keep the goddamn change and do it because you feel generous? Huh? Would you?"

I was seething, I was hurt, I was angry, and I was wondering why the irritatingly beautiful creature in front of me had done what he did. Was he really capable of being 'generous' or did he have a hidden agenda?

"No, I wouldn't," Edward said emotionlessly. "But that's not the same thing. And I reckoned if he was going to be in my sister's life I might as well do something nice to get along with the bloke, no?"

"That doesn't make any sense!" I cried. "What does you spying on me and then telling everything to Emmett have to do with you being nice to Emmett because he's dating your sister?"

"Bella, please calm down," Emmett said. "We aren't going to get anywhere if you're screaming like that."

"No!" I said. "I refuse to calm down; don't tell me to calm down! Do you have any idea what I feel right now? I feel really fucking betrayed, that's what I feel! I can't believe you, my brother, would do something like that! How would you like it if someone was spying on you and Rosalie all the time?"

Emmett cringed.

"It's just wrong! I mean I knew you tended to over-react, but this is a completely different kind of low, Emmett. Even for you."

"Bella," Emmett said calmly. "We can talk about this civilly. But not while-"

"Don't talk to me about civil!" I said angrily. "What the hell do you know about being civil? Is it civil to have someone spy on your sister and her boyfriend? What do you think we're gonna do, start having sex in the middle of the school hallway?"

Emmett cringed again.

"You had no right," I hissed. "You had no right to go and do something like that, especially _you_!" I whirled on Edward. "I don't know you, and you don't know me, and I don't want to know you. So you had no right to agree to something like that. Apparently you have no sense of right and wrong, because you can't decide for yourself what is even remotely close to being okay! I'm not your concern, Edward. Why did you have to go and get involved?"

He didn't answer my question, but just stood and stared at me, the coldest expression on his face.

I was suddenly panting, my throat in pain from screaming. I realized that I had pretty much just asked them a bunch of questions without getting an answer to any of them.

"I'm chained," I whispered, staring at the floor. My throat hurt. "I'm so damn chained."

"What do you mean by that?" Emmett asked softly. I shook my head, not wanting to talk to him. I let the tears fall silently as I just stood there and hugged myself.

I suddenly wanted my parents there, knowing that if they had been, none of this would be happening. I would be able to be normal, and live a normal life without any worries about being spied on by overprotective brothers and mysterious assholes.

Emmett took a step forward again and I took a step back.

"Don't," I told him. "Don't even try to comfort me right now. I finally realize that I'm not normal, and I can't be. I realize exactly how chained I am, how little freedom I have. Why can't you just me go? I'm not a little girl anymore; I don't need someone to hold my hand while I cross the street. Just . . . don't."

I turned and walked into the living room, wiping my tears as I grabbed my book bag and headed for the front door.

"Wait," Emmett said from behind me. "Where are you going?"

I stopped and kept my back to him as I snapped, "Why don't you just have Edward follow me? He'll tell you everything!"

With that, I walked out the still-open front door and slammed it shut behind me.


	10. Can't Let Go

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 10- Can't Let Go**

_Well I can't let go  
No, I can't let go of you  
You're holding me back without even trying to._

_I can't let go  
I can't move on from the past  
Without lifting a finger you're holding me back._

_And then we saw our paths diverge  
And I guess I felt OK about it.  
Until you got with another man,  
And then I couldn't understand  
Why it bothered me so._

**Can't Let Go- Landon Pigg**

* * *

**Edward POV**

The night after spying on Bella's date, proper sleep escaped me. I tossed and turned in bed, my head spinning with everything I had seen that evening. Bella's face, that asshole all over her, my conversations with Emmett, Bella's face, the book of classics, Bella's face. . . everything was replaying itself in my mind like a broken video reel.

I would drift off for twenty minutes and then wake up again, staying that way for an hour before I drifted into unconsciousness again. Around 4am I actually fell asleep for good, only to be startled awake by the fucking alarm clock at 7am. I was supposed to go back to school that day, to keep an eye on Bella for Emmett, but I was seriously reconsidering. It was a stupid idea anyway, and I would get nothing out of it except pain, annoyance, and probably even anger.

I thought about Bella and that made me think about Emmett's request. Thinking about Emmett's request made me think about Bella's date. Thinking about Bella's date made me think about Jacob all over her. Thinking about Jacob all over her made me think about how much I wanted to punch him in the face. Thinking about punching him in the face made me think about ways I could get to see him get punched in the face. One reason was catching him do something to hurt Bella, and then snitching on Emmett. Thus, watching Emmett sock Jacob in the face for me.

That was enough to get my ass out of bed.

I hopped in the shower, hoping that it would wake me up a bit, and threw on some jeans and another random t-shirt. The first one I saw in the drawer was a bright red one; the color almost fucking blinded me. I had gotten the shirt in London and the front of it said, in black lettering, FUCK YOU ALL. As if that wasn't enough, it had a fist with the middle finger sticking up.

I chuckled. How very appropriate.

I pulled on the shirt and grabbed my leather jacket off the back of my desk chair before heading down to the kitchen. Mum was there making breakfast for my dad, who was probably getting ready for work.

Mum turned around with a plate of bacon and froze when she saw me, surprised.

"You're up," she said in a stunned tone. "And dressed!"

Normally I would have made some comment like, "Well aren't you Mrs. Obvious this morning", but I was too fucking knackered to say anything so I just nodded.

I sat at the counter as she put the stack of bacon in front of me. I cringed away from it, giving her an Are-You-Fucking-Serious? type of look. My mother knew I hated bacon. I wasn't really much of a meat eater; I wasn't a fan of bacon or steak or anything pork or beef for that matter. I was fine with anything that had once had a beak, like chicken or turkey, but all other kinds of meat repulsed me for some reason.

"Just ignore that," Mum said. "Leave it for your father, I'll scramble you some eggs, yes?"

I nodded again, yawning, as she gave me a puzzled look and headed to the fridge.

"Where are you off to this morning?" she asked casually. "It's not like you to not have a lay in."

"School," I muttered, and she froze in her tracks, nearly dropping the carton of eggs she had in her hand on her way back to the stove. She stared at me and I stared back, telling her with my eyes that I wasn't joking.

Her whole face lit up and she set the carton down, grinning widely at me.

"You're really going back to school, sweetheart?" she asked hopefully. "You're not just being cheeky with me, are you?"

I slowly shook my head and yawned again.

"That's wonderful!" she cried, unexpectedly hugging me. I awkwardly patted her on the back before she let go. "Why the sudden change of heart?" She turned her back and grabbed the carton, walking back to the stove and starting on my eggs.

What was I supposed to tell her? Oh, I'm going back to school to spy on this girl and her boyfriend for her brother so that I can catch the idiot fucking up and watch his ass get kicked?

That was the truth, but I obviously couldn't say that.

"Got bored," I said, keeping my answers short.

Mum threw me a surprised look over her shoulder. "You were so bored you actually wanted to go back to school? I didn't think anything would make you want to go back. Not that I'm trying to discourage you. You're doing the right thing."

"There isn't anything to do here, Mum," I said, getting up to get myself some orange juice. "And yes, I was just that bored."

She was done with my eggs and set the plate on the counter. She was about to turn away when she spotted my shirt and stopped. Her expression became absolutely appalled.

"Edward!" she said, sounding offended. "What sort of a shirt is that? Tell me you're not wearing that to school!"

I smirked and drank some juice before sitting down again. "I'd tell you that but then I'd be lying."

Her expression became even more affronted before she got bossy. "Go wear something else."

"What? No, I'm already wearing this, I'm not going to go upstairs and get something else just because my mother is offended by the content of the shirt."

Mum glared at me. "It's not appropriate," she chided, and I rolled my eyes.

"No one at school cares, Mum," I told her. "Really. Besides, I'll have my jacket over it; you won't be able to see what it says."

She shook her head and turned away, muttering something sounding like "don't know where he gets clothing like that. . . "

I quickly ate my breakfast and took off, not wanting to be there when Carlisle came down. The last thing I wanted was someone else going ooh-ahh over my decision to go back.

I got on my bike and headed to school, easily remembering the way. I found that corner spot in the parking lot and pulled up, glancing around the lot as I turned the bike off. I was early, and I was glad. There weren't many cars or people around and I didn't want to be hearing people start mumbling about my return. Which was inevitable, but something I didn't want to deal with first thing in the morning. Because, of course, I just got there and wouldn't want to get expelled first thing.

I wondered if I had to go see that pudgy red-haired lady again, like I had on my first day. Did she have to give me something for being out all week? Was I supposed to give her something? I reckoned I had plenty of time before class so I slowly walked into the school and towards the main office, trying to ignore the stares from people who had already arrived.

I walked into the office where the lady was typing something at a computer. She looked up and saw me, her eyes widening slightly.

"Hello there," she said, surprised.

"I'm back," I said curtly. "As you can see. . . " She nodded silently, staring. Why the fuck was she staring?

"So," I said awkwardly. "Do you have to give me something . . . ? You know, for being out almost all of last week? Or am I just here for no reason?"

She stared at me some more before shaking her head jerkily, remembering something

"Oh," she said. "Oh, right! Hmm… " She stood up and set her hands on her hips, thinking. I was convinced they hired just anyone to work in schools these days.

"Well," she said. "Do you have a note?"

"A note?"

"Yes."

"What kind of note? A doctor's note or school notes or a music note, or what?" I hated people being vague with me.

She chuckled. "No, you silly goose." What the fuck? "I mean an absence note. Though if you were sick, a doctor's note would work. But an absence note is usually written by your parents and submitted to me, stating the reason why you were absent."

"Oh," I said my brow furrowing. "Is that necessary for me to go to all my classes?"

The lady shook her head. "No," she said. "But it is necessary if you don't want to remain listed as ditching for the days you were out."

"So I'm listed as ditching for all those days I wasn't here?"

"Yes. You get off the list if you bring me a note."

I thought about that. Mum wouldn't write me a note saying I was sick, and I wasn't sure she would be okay with writing one that said I had temporarily dropped out.

"Never mind," I said, backing towards the door. "I was ditching."

By the time I made it to my locker to retrieve my schedule, the bell had rung. I was being stared at from all directions and it unnerved me. Yeah, so I was back. Big fucking deal. I was here to do a job and nothing else. I wondered if I would drop out again once Bella and Jacob broke up. I was pretty sure they weren't going to last, if she knew what was good for her.

I sauntered into math class and saw that no one was there except for that prick of a teacher, Varner. He was writing on the blackboard and paused when he saw me in the doorway.

"Mr. Cullen," he said. "I see you're back."

I nodded solemnly and walked over to the desk I had sat at before. I remembered Bella saying that it was hers, but not anymore.

"Do you have a note?" Varner asked as other students began filing in. He walked over to me and stood by my desk. I shook my head again, the exhaustion catching up with me. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, especially not this prick.

"Did you go mute over the last week?" Varner asked, and I glared at him.

"No," I said. "I'm just not in the mood to talk to anyone."

He met my glare evenly before continuing.

"Mr. Cullen, as your teacher, I have a right to know why you weren't in class," he said calmly. "That way I can help you, with your cooperation, catch up on missed work."

"I don't think I'll need help catching up," I said, glancing at the blackboard. We were doing easy shit again.

"Suit yourself," Mr. Varner said. "But don't come complaining to me when you fail your final exam."

I snorted as he walked away from me. I doubted I would fail his exams, especially since his classwork itself was preschool crap. Maths just came easily to me, even in London. I never knew why, but I just embraced the fact that I was good at something at school.

I began to space out from exhaustion, not really noticing when Bella and that tiny girl, Alice, walked in. I only knew Bella was there when I felt my skin crawl in that strange way it always did when she was around. I looked up to meet her gaze as she passed by. Her chocolate brown orbs were probing as she sat behind me, her sweet scent floating to me.

But then Alice starting yakking at me and I got distracted. It wasn't long before the class started and I was able to focus on the lesson. As expected, it was the easiest fucking thing ever. I daydreamed half the time, not even needing to pay attention to what Varner was saying to understand anything.

Alice hissed at Bella to pay attention and stop texting her boyfriend, and that made me tense up a bit. I never took her as one to be texting in class rather than paying attention; I reckoned she was too good a student to do things like that. I guess I was wrong.

When the bell rang, I stood up and started gathering my things. That was when I heard a small shriek and I was pushed slightly forward. Someone grabbed my arm tightly, pulling me to the side. I caught my balance and saw a pale white hand clutching my bicep before I turned to meet Bella's wide eyes. Her gaze was stunned, like she couldn't believe what she was doing.

I was pretty fucking surprised myself, surprised that she had grabbed onto me to get her balance. I was sure it was out of pure instinct, but she still had her hand wrapped around my arm for fuck's sake! She was flat on both her feet, yet she wasn't letting go.

Why the fuck wasn't she letting go?

I quickly assembled my thoughts, scowling and wrenching her hand out from under me before storming out of the room.

Had she noticed how my eyes lingered on her lips for just a little too long? Did she notice how I was momentarily entranced by her chocolate brown orbs?

I really fucking hoped not. I was suddenly angry at myself for not being prepared and for forgetting that I was supposed to hate her.

_Who are you kidding, Cullen? You don't hate her. You can't._

So then maybe it was true. Maybe I couldn't hate her no matter how much I tried. Still, I could act like it. For her sake and for mine, I had to act like she was the most annoying person on the whole fucking planet.

_She is. She's annoying for not seeing what an asshat Jacob really is. What's it going to take for her to see that?_

I was at my locker when I saw Jacob all over her again. He had her pushed up against the lockers and was once again attempting to eat her fucking face off. I saw how his hands travelled from her waist all the way to her fucking hips. I glanced around me for a teacher or the head. Wasn't snogging in the corridors against the rules or something? There was no one around other than students and I contemplated how long it would take me to break his fingers off without getting caught.

The bell rang, pulling me out of my violent thoughts and making Jacob stop licking at her face like a fucking dog. The two walked away hand in hand, an image of the happiest fucking couple on the planet.

And I was left to stare after them, thinking about how much it was a stupid idea to do this.

It was a stupid idea for me to come back and "watch" her. Why the fuck would I want to watch her anyway? I knew Emmett was a bit obsessed about the whole thing, but why did I have to go and get myself involved if all it was doing to me was reminding me of how much I fucking needed therapy?

The rest of the day went by fairly normally. There were plenty of mutterings around the place about me being back, though I knew that'd stop over time. I was pretty surprised that I was back myself.

Jacob and his pack of assholes were their usual dickhead selves in Schneider's class, though I was pleased to see that they weren't quite as rude to her as they were on my first day. The old lady was happy to have me back, probably because I was the only person in the whole class that even listened to what the fuck she had to say.

When gym class came round, I sat behind Jasper and Alice and Bella on the bleachers, unable to tear my eyes away from the back of Bella's chestnut colored locks. They looked so soft the way they just tumbled down her back in waves; it took everything in me not to just reach out and run my hand through them.

Jasper started asking her about Jacob again and I couldn't help but glare across the gym at where the said wanker was playing basketball. By just the way he moved around, you could tell the bloke was into himself. When he scored, he got this smug look on his face like he was the shit. And when he missed the hoop his expression was one of complete fury, and he would glare at the hoop like it was its fault he couldn't get the fucking ball in.

Asshat.

Coach blew his whistle then and we were forced to go our separate ways.

I was glad that we were actually being made to play "soccer" instead of just learning shit about it. I never understood why Americans call football "soccer", and that other weird game with the funny looking ball "football". In American football, you aren't really using your feet for anything but running so I didn't know why it was called football. But in English football, known as soccer to the yanks, we're using our feet to kick the ball. Therefore, it makes more sense for football to be called football, rather than be called soccer whereas a sport where you tackle each other and throw around a strange looking ball is called football.

Am I making any fucking sense at all?

The girls were made to play first, and I was curious to see how Bella would do. I didn't take my eyes off of her at all, and she looked extremely awkward standing in the middle of the court and doing nothing. The expression on her face looked almost frightened, and it would become panicked when the ball came anywhere near her. Obviously she really didn't want to be there.

Jacob and his friends were actually sort of laughing at her awkwardness, and Jacob let them secretly jeer at her. It pissed me off that he would let them make fun of his girlfriend; so she wasn't very athletic- big fucking deal. She wasn't the only girl who wasn't very good at sports, though she probably was the most awkward.

When it was the guys' turn to play, I eagerly took over the game. It had been a while since I played, but it was actually the only sport that I enjoyed. None of the other guys even came near me in the beginning, and I was able to make several goals. I kicked the ball really fucking hard, pretending it was Jacob's head, and it went into the goal without a problem.

But then Jacob started getting in the way. From the look on his face when he came in front of me, he clearly wasn't happy with me being the new "star athlete" or whatever. I got really fucking annoyed by the way he was all up in my face, so I had no problem pushing him away so I could pass the ball to Jasper or kick it in a goal if I was near enough. But the way he just kept on getting in the way was so fucking irritating; I just wanted to break his goddamn nose.

At one point, the wanker fucking tripped me. He denied it, but I knew it, and so did Jasper and all the other blokes. That dick's leg fucking shot out, and he tripped me, causing me to fall on my ass. I wasn't embarrassed, just pissed that he had the nerve to even do something like that. I got even more pissed off when Coach didn't believe me. Wasn't it his job to look out for cheating like that?

By the time class ended, I was still fuming. Jasper was the only one able to calm me down even a little as we walked with the crowd out of the gym.

"It's just a game, man," he was telling me. "You know how Jacob can't stand someone being better than him at anything."

"Yeah well he's not going to have to worry about someone being better at being a complete dick than he is," I muttered, and Jasper chuckled.

"True that," he said.

I noticed Jacob pull Bella out of the crowd and to the side, a look of irritation on his face. The crowd moved out and he was holding onto her arm.

This was the kind of thing Emmett needed me to keep an eye on.

When Jasper and I, who were at the back of the crowd, exited the gym, I paused just outside the door and told Jasper to go on without me because I had to "tie my laces". He left and I was able to listen in on Bella and Jacob.

". . . wasn't there some issue about you . . . tripping Edward?" Bella was asking.

"You believe that shit?" Jacob had said, and he sounded irate.

"Well, I don't know, I thought I saw-"

"You didn't see anything! I can't believe you're gonna go and believe-"

"Jacob, relax! Fine, maybe I was wrong. Sorry I doubted you."

I left at that point, disappointed that she decided that maybe she had doubted him. But I couldn't believe she had called him out on it, and that she decided to go by what she saw and not by what her boyfriend said at first.

Jasper and I headed to the cafeteria after that, and he lead me over to where he and Alice sat, along with some other people. The guys called Mike and Eric looked afraid of me, and the girls they were dating, Angela and Jessica I think, were all ogly-eyed as I approached.

I saw Jacob pull Bella unwillingly towards his own lunch table, where he sat with his asshole friends. Bella did not look happy to be there, and I noticed her food go untouched as she kept glancing longingly at our table. I didn't have much of an appetite myself, and just picked at my food whilst everyone else at the table chatted away about one thing or another.

This Jessica girl was a right flirt, giving me suggestive looks and trying to bite into an apple slowly and in a seductive manner while looking me dead in the eyes. I raised my eyebrows at her when she licked her lips slowly after having a sip of her iced tea. I seriously felt bad for that Mike bloke. Clearly he was her boyfriend and her skanky behaviour didn't go unnoticed by him. But by the way he kept giving me slightly fearful glances he was too much of a pansy to really say anything.

"You know," I said to Mike after I had had enough of Jessica's poor effort to be sexy. "I think your girlfriend here has a nerve disorder where she's forced to do everything really fucking slow."

Mike furrowed his brows at me and looked at Jessica who suddenly looked embarrassed.

She was saved having to give an explanation when the bell rang, and I watched as Bella hurriedly got up to go.

I went to my last class, US government, and spoke to the teacher about why I hadn't been in his class that first day.

"Ah yes, Mr. Cullen," the young bloke of a teacher said. "I heard about you. Don't worry about catching up with anything, we're starting something new today anyway. Sit where you want."

I decided he was a pretty nice guy and wouldn't give me any bullshit, so I turned to go sit down.

And there was Bella, sitting there and staring at me apprehensively.

_Fuck_**,**I thought. _This girl is like a pop-up book from my own person hell._

I glanced at her briefly before sitting all the way at the back of the classroom. Even though I technically didn't have to keep an eye on her since Jacob wasn't around, my eyes seemed to have a mind of their own. She sat four seats ahead of me, yet I was tall enough to see above the heads in front of me and at her curtain of brown waves.

I reckoned that I should probably pay attention in the class since I honestly didn't know much about the US government. All I knew was that the current president was a twat and that the upcoming election was a big deal because a black man and a woman were running. That I knew from the news my dad would watch.

Everything the teacher, Ackerman I think he said his name was, said sounded like a different language. Apparently we were learning about the steps to bill legislation in this country, and I didn't understand any of it. In the UK we learned about Parliament or whatever pretty briefly, but this was completely different. The teacher had a great sense of humour and was actually able to make the class entertaining, but I still learned absolutely nothing.

It wasn't long before I zoned out, only to be startled slightly when my phone buzzed against my thigh. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw that Emmett had sent me a message.

**Come over after school**, he wrote. **Preferably before Bella gets home. Need to talk to you. -Em**

I inwardly groaned. What did he want from me now? Having to watch his sister get 12-rated with an asshole was enough; did he want me to literally follow her every step now too?

_Can't u just call me later? -E_

**No**. **Has to be face to face. -Em**

I typed back a quick 'ok' and hurried out of there as soon as the bell rang. Pushing through the people in the corridor, I headed to my bike and got on, eager to get over with whatever Emmett wanted to say.

* * *

The Swan residence wasn't very far from the school and I got there in no more than five minutes on my bike. I didn't bother parking far away from the house since I planned on getting my ass out of there fast, and instead pulled up just a little into the driveway.

I jogged across the front lawn, knowing Emmett wouldn't give a fuck that I stepped on the grass, and rang the doorbell impatiently.

Emmet opened the door and nodded inside.

"C'mon," he said. "I gotta give you something."

I followed him in curiously, not caring to shut the door since I would just take what he wanted to give me and leave. But he headed for the kitchen and I was right behind him, intrigued.

Once in the kitchen, he reached for a small white envelope that sat next to the toaster. He held it out to me.

"Here," he said. "For you."

I eyed the envelope warily. "Love letters already?" I joked. "But we're only just getting to know each other. "

Emmett rolled his eyes. "No dude. This is me paying you back. For, ya know, everything. . . "

My eyes shot down to the envelope in his hand and I suddenly got the gist of what he was saying. Realizing that he was trying to pay me for spying on Bella, I took a step back.

"No," I said. "It's all right, really. Keep it, I don't want it."

Emmett groaned. "This is why I wanted to talk to you in person, I knew you wouldn't come over if I told you why. Look, just take the money, I owe you."

"No," I said, more firmly.

"Spying on someone isn't a little thing," Emmett insisted. "I can't let you do it for free, forget that generosity bullshit. It's just not morally correct."

I laughed. "Morally correct? Since when do you give a rat's ass about moral values? You're the one trying to give a guy money for spying on your sister. That's not exactly the epitome of ethics, mate."

Emmett sighed. "I know. But look, it's a hundred bucks, if you want more you can-"

"A hundred?" I said in disbelief. "You're giving me fucking one hundred dollars for staring at your sister? And I thought you were already mental enough. . . "

"If you want more-"

"No! I don't want the damn money!"

"Shh," he shushed me. "If Bella comes, she'll hear you."

"Maybe she should know."

He looked at me like I was the mad one. "I'm sorry, what? You think Bella should know?"

I nodded. "Look, I understand that you're overprotective and shit, but it's a bit too much. I mean it's no big deal for me, but if someone was following me around all the time, I'd like to know. Because frankly, I really hate shit being kept from me."

Emmett shook his head. "No, she can't know, she'll flip out on me."

"And with good reason."

"She'll flip out on you, too."

"Whatever. I don't think Angry Bella will be very frightening."

It was the first time I said her name out loud. Emmett kept ranting on about why I should take the money, and there I stood, thinking about how her name sounded coming from my mouth. It rolled off easily, like I barely had to move my lips at all to get it out. And when it was out, it was like music, like I had just sung.

_What the fuck is wrong with you? Music? Really? Get a fucking grip, her brother is right there._

I gave Emmett my full attention again.

". . . for real man, it'll make me feel like all this shit is worth it."

I shook my head vehemently. "Nothing is going to make it worth it. What I see is only going to piss you off."

He was instantly curious. "What did you see?"

"The usual. Him trying to gnaw her lips off." Emmett looked disturbed. "Didn't want to hear that now, did you? Exactly. I'm not kidding, we should stop this shit. And keep the money, I'm not taking it."

"C'mon," he kept insisting. "I feel bad, I can't just let you do something like that and not pay you for it, and you said you would."

"All right, so I lied. I don't want your money."

"Fine. If you won't take the money, then tell me how else I can repay you. And it's not just for last night, it's for. . . I don't know, as long as they're together, I guess."

"Its fine," I implored, wanting to leave. "Can't you see I'm being fucking generous with this shit? Keep. The. Money."

"Dude. . . " he started to look resigned, and that was a good thing.

"What? What kind of person just gives away money like that when the other person is insisting they keep it? How much more idiotic can you get, mate?"

"I just feel so guilty about doing that to Bella."

"Right, but then why are you paying me?" I asked. "What do I have to do with making you feel less guilty?"

Honestly, he should feel guilty, for the both of us while he's at it. What he did was pretty fucked up.

"Because, I feel like. . . Ugh, I don't know, I feel like I should have my money taken away or something. Just take the money!"

He shoved the envelope at my chest, pushing me a little. Right, if he wanted to get physical with this shit, then so be it.

"I'm telling you for the last fucking time," I told him, frustratedly taking his hand and shoving it back to him. "I'm not taking the money. Buy yourself something nice, will you? You wanted me to spy on her on her date and I did, and you wanted me to keep an eye on her in school, and I'm doing it, all for free and because you asked me as a favour. So I'm doing you the favour, and you should just be really fucking happy that I'm not asking you to pay me by the day."

"I know, but-"

"'But' nothing. Stop feeling guilty about it. Look, I don't even deserve the money considering I took off early and risked us getting caught by leaving her book there. Tell yourself that and convince yourself that I don't deserve to be paid."

I wanted him to forget all this shit and stop nagging me. There was no way I needed or wanted his money.

Suddenly I saw movement to our left and our heads whipped around to see Bella standing there, a look of pure fury and hatred on or face. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears and her chin was quivering.

I was right though; Angry Bella was not frightening at all.

She was rather quite . . . cute?

I couldn't believe I had just thought about how cute Bella was when she was pissed off.

I quickly composed my features, making sure my thoughts didn't become written on my face. Bella glared at the both of us, neither of us knowing what to say. Things were definitely going to get even more fucked up from here and I knew I should have just left when I still had the chance.

"How. Could. You?" she growled at Emmett, and the rage on her face was just hilarious. I resisted the urge to laugh at her angry-kitten type of fury and kept my face as cold and blank as possible.

And it all went downhill from there. She was screaming at him and he was acting like a pansy ass, unable to defend himself or his actions. He kept apologizing, which was fine, but I didn't feel he was being assertive enough when it came to telling her exactly why he felt the need to hire me in the first place.

Then she turned to me and yelled at me that I had no right to spy on her. And that really got me thinking, because she was right. I really did have absolutely no right to do what I had. I knew my reasons for doing it, but that didn't make it any better.

"I'm not your concern, Edward!" she had screeched, and she was also right when it came to that. She really wasn't my concern at all, but I couldn't help but make her. I told her some bullshit excuse about doing Emmett a favour because of him being in my sister's life, but I knew it was a shit reason, and she knew it too. When she asked me why I had gotten involved, I couldn't answer.

Of course, I fucking knew why I had gotten involved. I had gotten involved because I wanted to; I wanted to know if Jacob did anything wrong.

Any excuse to watch her, any at all. . .

Tears started falling down her cheeks and I suddenly felt really bad for her. She whispered something about being "chained" and then talked about how she could never be normal and how she had no freedom.

I'll admit, I agreed with her a bit on that one. Emmett was just a little too overprotective. I understood that he was her big brother or whatever, but there's a limit. And he had crossed it a really long fucking time ago.

She started to leave and Emmett followed her into the living room while I remained frozen in the kitchen. Even though none of the spying shit had been my idea, I was partly responsible for it and it was true that I felt guilty.

I heard the door slam shut and the house was quiet before Emmett dragged his feet back into the kitchen. I couldn't do anything but stare at him as he dropped the envelope on the counter. His face looked like he had just aged 10 years. He looked so tired and worn out. I started feeling sorry for him, even thought I knew he had pretty much dug his own grave.

"She probably just went for a walk," he assured himself tiredly. "But you know what? I don't know what to do anymore. I give up."

He sounded so resigned, like he wasn't just giving up on his sister, but like he was giving up on life. I knew the feeling.

I wanted to cheer him up somehow, but making people smile wasn't something I knew how to do very well. I stared at him, my face probably still blank, and he stared at me with a look that, translated into words, would be: "Why the fuck am I still alive? I should just go and jump off a fucking bridge."

I didn't think Emmett would kill himself, but the expression on his face was too grim. And being grim when you had a boisterous personality like his was not a good thing.

I decided to try and give him some advice.

"Listen," I said. "I know you feel bad. And don't tell this to anyone, but I feel a little guilty as well. Just a bit, though. Both of us went overboard with this spying shit. But honestly mate . . . you need to let her go."

I expected him to protest, but he silently stared at me so I continued.

"I understand she's you're little sister and you love her, and that's all fine and really fucking dandy. But there's a limit, you know? Hiring me to spy on her was a stupid idea, and I take partial responsibility for that. But I think you should loosen your grip from around her, give her some freedom. Now I'm not saying let her out partying till the early hours of the morning and shit, but don't be so restraining. Because she's right, she's not a little kid. She's what? Sixteen? Seventeen? Girls these days are having boyfriends and getting them laid at thirteen and fourteen, so you should be pretty fucking glad she isn't that stupid. Now I know you don't like Jacob, and I can't fucking stand that wanker either, but there's nothing we can do about it. He is her choice, and she obviously has terrible taste, but if something goes wrong, let her see for herself how wrong she is. She only snuck off to Seattle because she was afraid to tell you about Jacob, right? So don't make her afraid. Don't make her afraid to come to you and tell you these things. She needs to let you know and you**need**to know, but you're hurting that by holding onto her so fucking tightly. She's not going to want to come to you, she's going to want to get the fuck away."

I finished talking, realizing how hypocritical I sounded. I was lecturing Emmett about letting go of Bella when I couldn't even do that myself. She meant more to him than she probably meant to me, yet I was trying to convince him to let her be whereas that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Emmett took a deep breath and ran his hand through his curly hair before giving me a funny look.

"Dude, did you just lecture me?" he asked with a small smirk

I chuckled. "You know what, I guess I did."

"Yeah, well thanks," he said, sounding sincere. "You're making a lot of sense, and I appreciate it. . . Shit. I did go overboard, didn't I?"

I nodded.

"I'll try," he said. "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna lengthen the leash a bit."

"How about you just fucking let go?"

"She'll run wild!"

"Not if you trust her."

"I trusted her before and she ran off to Seattle."

"She ran off because she was afraid."

"All right fine," he said exasperatedly. "I'll take your advice. Shit, who knew you had words of wisdom in that head of yours?"

I shook my head and was about to respond when I saw him stare at the envelope with a speculative expression. He glanced at me and opened his mouth to say something, but I gave him a look that said don't-even-start-that-shit-again, and he shut his mouth.

"I'm off," I told him. "This dramatic crap is too damn tiring."

"Okay," Emmett said, nodding. "See you later, man."

I nodded once before going out the back door since I was already in the kitchen.

"Oh by the way," Emmett said, causing me to stop in my tracks. "Don't worry about watching Bella at school. Just let her be. . . "

I nodded and left the house, thinking about what he had just said.

Something told me that I was still going to be keeping an eye on her, though the reason had nothing to do with Emmett.

I strolled down the gravelly driveway and reached my bike. Picking my helmet off the seat, I looked to my right when I heard sniffling.

Bella hadn't gone anywhere. She was just sitting on the front steps of the house, crying and talking into her phone. She angrily wiped away tears and I could only make out a little of what she was saying.

". . . completely ridiculous . . . come get me? . . . I know, but it's just. . . Edward . . . not fair at all . . . doesn't understand. . . Edward . . . doesn't trust me . . . unbelievable . .. . don't want to even be around him anymore . . . with you. . . "

I put the helmet back on the bike and rolled it off of the driveway. The gravel would fly everywhere if I started it there, so I pushed it forward and onto the street, right in Bella's view. She glanced up when I got onto the street, and gave me the most hateful glare I had ever seen her give me. It was so powerfully hateful that it actually made me stop pushing the bike and freeze, staring back at her.

Bella looked away before standing up. "Yeah, okay," she said into the phone. "Meet you there."

She began to walk down the front path and turned right, away from the house. I knew she was probably going to go see Jacob, though I wasn't sure it was a good idea to go see him without at least telling her brother where she would be; Emmett reckoned that she had just gone for a walk.

I followed a little behind her and to her left, still pushing my bike on the street, as she power walked away. I tried to think of a way to get her to stop and at least call her brother, though I could do that easily myself. But I wanted her to do it because it was her relationship with Emmett that was turning into rubbish now.

I felt a bit accountable for that and I had already given Emmett my mini-lecture, so maybe it was Bella's turn. I didn't think it was safe for me to say much to her. We had barely had anything close to a conversation since the first time I met her.

Everything that happened next happened really fucking fast.

Bella suddenly tripped and fell forward, catching herself on her hands and landing on her knees. When she stumbled, I had instinctively reached forward to grab her, letting go of my bike in the process. It fell to the side with a loud clang, and Bella, still on her knees, turned to look at me with a startled expression as my helmet rolled towards her. My arms were still stretched out towards her, a slightly panicked expression on my face.

We stared at each other awkwardly before I quickly tried to make it look like I was more concerned for my bike, swearing and picking it up again. Bella eyed my helmet warily as I straightened my bike up. She decided to pick it up and got on her feet, brushing herself off with one hand.

She held the helmet out to me, that hateful glare still prominent on her face. I knew I deserved her hate, but that look made that ache in my chest come back.

I snatched the helmet away from her as she continued to stand there and glare at me.

"Were you stalking me again?" she asked harshly.

_Yes._

"No," I snapped back defensively, unable to say anything more.

Bella's eyes narrowed. "Then what were you doing?"

"What does it look like I was doing, I was fucking walking. Is that illegal?"

"No, but stalking is. I am _so _going to get a restraining order against you."

"Where were you off to, then? Going to see your dickhead of a boyfriend?"

She actually took a step towards me, obviously trying to seem menacing.

"Watch what you say, Edward Cullen," she hissed. "You don't know him and neither does Emmett. Both of you need to back the hell off."

"And we are," I said. "But are you really going to run off to see him without letting your brother know?"

She snorted bitterly."Like you care. And that's _your_ job." She turned to walk away again but I wanted to keep talking to her, even if none of it was anything nice.

"I thought you wanted me to back off," I called. She ignored me and kept walking, giving me the middle finger as she did. I couldn't help but chuckle at that, but I didn't follow her anymore. Instead, I put my helmet on and climbed back on the bike, zooming past her.

I decided to head home, still really fucking knackered from the whole day.

The second I walked into the kitchen from the garage, I heard a mumble of voices coming from the living room. I paused, listening to the voices that sounded like a bunch of women. I recognised my mother's soft voice amongst the other more high-pitched and nasally voices. Then I heard a male laugh, and I knew right off the bat that it was my father.

Since when did my parents have company in the early afternoon? Since when did they even know anyone in Forks to even have them over?

Confused but intrigued, I walked towards the living room slowly, trying to figure out how I was supposed to make it to the stairs without them noticing. It seemed impossible.

I peeked around the corner and saw my parents sitting on the couch across from two other women. One of them was a girl from school; it was that whiny-voiced chick with platinum blonde hair that had had the nerve to touch me on the first day. She was also in my maths class, and I was pretty sure she sat behind Bella. The woman next to her looked just like her only much older. They had the same almost-white blonde hair, but the older woman looked absolutely plastic. Everything about her looked manufactured. Her face was stiff and her lips looked like they were about to explode. Her chest looked 3 cup sizes larger than normal, and her dress was there to emphasize that point.

Two other women sat in the two armchairs near the fireplace. One of them was a middle-aged brunette with her brown hair pulled back in a knot and the other was probably older than my mother, with gray hair pulled back and a pearl necklace. All these women looked wealthy and snobbish; the complete opposite of my mother yet the type of people my father was always around.

I watched as they all talked and laughed and sipped tea, other than the girl from school. But what was she doing there anyway?

I tried to be discreet as I hunched my back a little, as if that would help, trying to make it to the stairs unnoticed. But of course, the girl from school spotted me with her beady little eyes.

"Eddie!" she screeched excitedly. I cringed at the nickname; if she were a male I would have broken her nose for that. I didn't even know the girl's fucking name and she was already calling me by the name I loathed.

I already had my foot on the first step, and I turned to see everyone in the room staring at me.

"Edward," Mum said. "Come say hello."

_Fuck my life._

I twisted my torso to the right a bit but kept my left leg on the bottom step.

"Hello," I muttered, still not moving from my step. There was a point in my life where I was very social, but that part of me died a long time ago.

"Well don't be rude," Mum chided. "You've got working legs, come over here and meet everyone."

I resisted the urge to groan and took my time walking forward into the living room. The girl from school was smirking at me, and the other women were eying me in a damn-I-wish-I-was-forty-years-younger-so-I-could-have-a-go-at-him type of way. It was really quite disturbing.

"That there is Mrs. Stanley," Mum said, gesturing towards the brunette. "And that's Mrs. Hampton, and Mrs. Mallory and her daughter Lauren."

I nodded awkwardly at all of them, not really knowing what to do.

"You know Lauren from school, don't you?" Mum asked. I shrugged, not knowing what to say other than "Oh yeah she's that chick with the annoying voice and the fingernails like claws that practically fucking groped me on the first day."

But of course I couldn't say something like that in the presence of ladies.

"Not really," I mumbled. The said Lauren girl had a smirk on her face that was annoying the hell out of me. She flipped her hair back and fluttered her eyelashes.

Why did girls do that? It made them look completely mental and like they had a fucking nerve disorder in their eyes.

"I've heard so much about you," Lauren's manufactured mother said, grinning a too-white smile at me.

"Oh yeah?" I said. "And what have you heard exactly?" I was curious as to what Lauren had told her since I hadn't been very gentlemanly the one time I spoke to her.

"Oh, I can't say," Mrs. Mallory said. "That's between me and my daughter." She giggled like a little girl then as she and Lauren exchanged looks.

"Well if you weren't going to tell me, why did you even bring it up?" I asked. I didn't notice that my tone was rude until Mum gave me one of her "looks". That look used to scare the shit out of me as a kid but now it got nothing out of me except laughter.

Mrs. Mallory guffawed, and Lauren and the other women joined in. My dad looked amused and my Mum had a small smile on her lips.

"I apologize for my son's rudeness," Mum said. "He can be a bit . . . abrupt."

"Oh, it's fine!" Mrs. Mallory said. "He's got spunk." She winked at me and giggled again, making me feel highly uncomfortable.

"Anyway," I said to the room at large. "I'm going upstairs. . . Nice to meet you all."

Yeah, real fucking nice to meet a bunch of lunatic women. Where do my parents find these people?

I quickly turned and headed for the stairs before anyone could stop me, skipping every other step on my way up. I got to my room and immediately headed for the stereo, pressing play and plopping down onto my bed. I let the over driven guitar and manic drums of Green Day clear my mind and replace all the shit that was going through my mind.

"What song is that?" a shrill voice rang out and I sat up quickly, startled.

And there stood Lauren, her hand resting on the knob of my now-open door. She was eying me speculatively, one foot over the threshold.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I snapped. This slag just walked into my room without even fucking knocking.

She looked taken aback by my sudden anger, and once again I realized how lucky she was to be female.

"I-I… " she stuttered. "I did knock."

I could barely hear her over the music so I lowered the volume, standing up.

"You can't just fucking walk into someone's bedroom like that," I told her, pissed. "Especially not mine."

"Sorry," she said, not looking remorseful at all. "I just came to say goodbye." Her tone of voice became low and what she probably thought was seductive.

"Bye," I said curtly. "Now get the fuck out of my room. Now."

"Aw, that's not nice," she purred.

"I don't bloody care," I said. "You need to leave."

"See you around," she smirked and winked before shutting the door and I shook my head, still pissed. The nerve of some people was beyond me. . .

* * *

They had gone mental. My parents were officially the maddest pair in the history of insane people.

Shortly after the annoying females left, I went down into the kitchen to get something to eat because I was fucking starving. My parents were alone in the living room, whispering to each other. Naturally, I became immediately curious as to what they were being so hush-hush about. But I didn't tend to be a nosy little prick, so it wasn't too hard to ignore them.

I was throwing together a sandwich when I heard my name. My ears perked up as I heard my father saying something about me, followed by the popping sound of a beer can being opened. I wasn't sure exactly why, but my anger started to swell.

"Try," I heard him say to my mother as he began to go up the stairs. "If that doesn't work, I'll speak to him myself."

I didn't want to speak to Carlisle, but I sure as hell wanted to know what he wanted to speak to me about.

"I'll see," Mum replied and it wasn't long before she joined me in the kitchen, holding a tray of used teacups.

I tried to make it look like I hadn't been listening, but she noticed something was off right away.

"Really darling, making a sandwich doesn't take that much concentration," she laughed.

I stared at her expectantly, waiting to see if she would say whatever it was she was going to try and speak to me about. But she smiled at me and went towards the sink, putting the teacups in. She was silent for a few minutes and I continued to stare at her, trying to find clues in her expression.

I was pretty good at reading peoples' facial expressions and figuring out what was on their mind, but all I saw in my mother's face was contentment. She had a small smile on her face as she washed the dishes, and there wasn't the slightest hint of worry or sadness on her face.

Growing impatient, I finally blurted, "Mum, what do you want to talk to me about?"

She stopped mid-wipe to look at me, surprised. I continued to stare at her expectantly before her expression shifted to one of realization, and then false confusion.

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking away.

I sighed, deciding it was best to get whatever it was over with.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," I said. "I heard you and your husband, now what is it you want to say?"

She stopped washing again and gazed out the window for a few seconds before turning back to me, a look on her face that I could only classify as doubt.

"Sweetheart. . . " she began, but then hesitated, not knowing how to begin.

"Is it bad?" I asked, and she shook her head quickly.

"No, no, it's not, but it's just a . . . suggestion." She turned away again and wiped her hands dry on a towel.

"A suggestion . . . for what?"

Mum sighed. "Look, it was your father's idea, not mine-" she began.

"Then I don't want to hear it," I cut in.

"Edward, just listen," she said gently. "Now I agree with him to an extent, but I want you to stay open minded."

"The fact that it's Carlisle's idea is bad enough, but now I have to be open minded as well? This can't be good."

Mum glared at me. "I want you to listen to what I have to say, and listen very carefully."

I didn't respond, silently telling her that my attention was hers.

"You father thinks that you should start dating," she said, and my eyes nearly popped right out of my fucking head. Before I could protest, Mum continued loudly. "Now before you get cross with him or with me for that matter, I want you to think about it. We feel that it would be good for you to see if you fancy a girl and try-"

"Mum, stop," I said abruptly. My head was spinning and I wanted this ridiculous conversation to end. "That's not going to happen. There's no fucking way I'm going to date anyone right now. Maybe someday, but definitely not now since it's only been three months since. . . " My voice trailed off and I was suddenly choking on words. It was like a hand had clamped around my throat, preventing me from saying anything more on the subject.

Mum's eyes softened as she gazed at me sadly.

"I'm going to tell you what I told you months ago," she said softly. "And I know you don't want to talk about it, and you don't have to. But just listen. What that girl and that boy did to you was horrid. No one deserves to be put through anything like that, especially not at your age. I told you since you started dating her that she wasn't exactly my most favourite girl, but I let you do as you pleased since you obviously cared about her very much. But sweetheart, you can't still be pining for her-"

"No," I said through clenched teeth. "I am not pining for that bitch."

Mum winced at my choice of words, but it was true. I was not pining for her. I definitely wasn't still in love with her, but there was no way in hell I was going to start dating again. There was no way that I was going to give a girl my love and trust, only to have her tear me to shreds in the end.

"Then why won't you even consider the option?" she asked, looking deeply concerned.

I looked at my mother, the one woman that I always knew I could trust. Her face and her eyes were made up of nothing but love, kindness, concern, and all for me. I reckoned she had a right to know at least a little about why I was trying to avoid fancying anyone at the moment.

"Because I can't let that happen again," I told her quietly. I suddenly felt like a vulnerable child, and the fact that my mother was looking at me like one didn't make me feel any better.

"I understand that," she said. "But I doubt there's a girl as vile as that around here."

"You never know," I chuckled. "I'd rather not risk it."

"Why are you letting her continue to have that power over you?" she asked with an edge to her voice, almost like anger. "Why are you letting her cruel actions control your decisions about what's best for you?"

I knew her questions were rhetorical, but I couldn't help trying to answer them in my head. She had a point; why was I letting Tanya rule that part of my life? I wasn't even thinking about being in a relationship because I was afraid of someone doing what she had done. I knew what she was like, yet I was afraid of getting involved with someone who might accidentally end up being like her. I wasn't as pained as I once had been over the whole ordeal, but whenever I thought about dating, which was honestly very rare, Tanya's sneering face popped into my head, destroying any desire for relationships.

"I don't know," I mumbled thoughtfully, and Mum nodded in understanding.

"You don't have to try it right away," she said, going back to her dishes. "But there's no time better than the present. If there's a girl you fancy. . . " She trailed off suggestively and I snorted.

"It's not that easy," I said, thinking about Bella again.

What if Bella and Jacob fell apart? Would that leave room for me?

But of course, she was completely and insanely infatuated by him. I didn't have the slightest idea why, but it wasn't my place to think about the reasons. Because I wouldn't be able to think of any anyway.

And not only that, but there was the small matter of the fact that she absolutely loathed me.

Yeah, that would be a problem.

". . . . there's that Lauren girl who seemed quite lovely," Mum was saying, and she had my attention again.

"I'm sorry, what?" I said, stunned that she thought Lauren was anything close to being lovely.

"Now this is what your father's idea was," she cautioned. "When he heard that Mrs. Mallory had a daughter who went to your school, he insisted she come along. She seems like a nice girl, so if you're ready to go into the dating world again, she's there. And she's interested."

"Yeah, I could tell by the way she fucking barged into my room like a fucking lunatic," I said irritably. Mum glared at me briefly for my language before continuing.

"The poor girl is just. . . " she struggled for a word.

"Desperate?" I suggested. "Mental? Stupid?"

"Stop," Mum scolded. "She's sweet."

I snorted. "Sweet? Yeah, she's as sweet as shit."

"Edward please. And besides, your father seems to like her."

"Oh yeah? Then why doesn't he have a go at her then?" I said it unthinkingly, and the moment the words left my mouth I knew I had just fucked up. The look on Mum's face was horrified as the tap water ran over her frozen hand.

"Shit," I whispered. "I didn't mean-"

"Go," she said quietly, looking away from me. I could barely make out what she had said; the running water was louder than her voice.

"Um . . . what?" I said nervously, knowing I had probably upset her.

"I said go," she said, louder. Her head was down and she was washing a cup slowly, almost absentmindedly.

"Mum, I'm so-"

"Go, Edward!" she practically yelled and I actually jumped. Mum never yelled at anyone. She was the most soft spoken person in the world. But she had actually yelled at **me**, of all people.

I was such a dick.

Without another word, I turned and went back up to my bedroom, knowing that I had fucked up big time.

* * *

Nothing was any better the next morning. Mum didn't speak to me at all and I felt like a complete prick. I made my own breakfast, spreading some jam on toast, and then went off to school without exchanging so much as a word with her. I felt like shit, and everything just got worse once I got to school.

It was fifteen minutes into maths class when a girl I didn't recognize walked in.

She had on the shortest mini skirt I had ever seen, with a ridiculously tight top that pushed against her tits so that they almost overflowed. Her face was caked with make-up and she had on stilettos that had a ribbon that wrapped all the way up her calves. Her brown hair was the waviest I had ever seen.

She looked like a hooker.

It wasn't until she spoke that I finally knew who she was.

"Sorry I'm late Mr. Varner," she said in her soft voice.

_. . . What the fuck was Bella Swan thinking dressing like that?_

The class gasped in unison, everyone gaping at her. Including me. Alice was the only one who didn't look surprised, just disappointed as she slowly shook her head at the sight in front of her. Bella looked around the class in embarrassment, her cheeks turning pink. And that was quite an accomplishment, considering the amount of blush she had on her cheeks. It made her look like she had a rash.

She didn't wait for Mr. Varner to answer before she slowly walked towards her seat, taking deliberate steps like she was walking on a balance beam and trying not to fall. Clearly high heels were not her thing, since she tripped and had to catch herself on my desk.

She was holding onto my desk, leaning down, and her tits were right in front of my face.

_Holy motherfucking shit._

I made myself look away, and at her face instead. The makeup was horrible and her brown eyes were lined with dark eyeliner whereas her lips were a bit too red. She did not look like herself; she looked like a slut.

She quickly straightened herself out and fell into her usual seat behind me, the entire class silent as fuck.

"Hey Bella," some prick across the room called. "How much?"

The class started snickering and I tensed up, suddenly pissed at what he said. But Alice was the first to intercede.

"Shut the hell up, Parker!" she screeched from across the room. "Just because you can't get laid, doesn't mean you can act like an asshole to someone who is far too good for you!"

"Enough!" Mr. Varner cut in. "Everyone stop right now, and focus on the lesson!" The class reluctantly looked away from Bella and I was glad she was out of view for me. I didn't want to see the expression on her face and I definitely didn't want to see her appearance again.

What the hell made her dress like that? It was almost, _almost _enough to get her arrested for indecent exposure. Almost.

The rest of the class was a pure disaster for Bella. She got every answer wrong when called on, and Varner took her phone when she was caught texting again, saying she would get it back at the end of class. There was a pop quiz and at one point I heard her mumble to herself, "Ugh, I can't get any of this shit right. Stupid math. When the hell am I going to need to know quadratic formulas in the future?"

Varner thought she was cheating and took her paper away, giving her an immediate F.

At the end of class, Bella stumbled over to Varner's desk to retrieve her phone. As she was speaking to him, I couldn't help but stare at her legs. They were slim and creamy, and the short skirt revealed part of her thighs.

_Don't get turned on, don't get turned . The Fuck. Away._

My eyes only travelled to her ass, but that made things worse so I focused on her back. The slim curve of her waist was prominent, as were her hips.

I felt a stir in my groin and I squirmed in my seat.

_Not helping. At all._

Sure the outfit was slutty, but her body was just . . . so. . . fucking. . .

"Mr. Cullen?" I looked up to where Mr. Varner was standing by Bella; he was beckoning me forward.

I shoved my notebook in my bag and strolled over, curious and keeping my distance from Bella when I reached them. We were the only ones in the class at that point.

"Mr. Cullen, I was wondering if you could me a favour," he began.

Why the fuck was everyone always asking me for favours? Did I honestly seem like the I'll-do-anything-for-you type?

"I'm listening," I said hesitantly.

Bella was glaring at me, and I wasn't sure exactly why. "Mr. Varner, it's not necessary," she said, evidently annoyed. "I'll try harder, I promise."

"I'm not sure I can take your word for it, Ms. Swan," Varner told her. Then he turned to me again. "Finals are coming up, and I was wondering if you could tutor Ms. Swan here."

_Oh jeez._

"T-Tutor?" I stuttered. Why the hell was I stuttering?

"Yes, tutor," Varner said.

"It's really not necessary," Bella growled. "And if it is, then why Edward? I can ask Alice, she's not bad at math."

"I can't afford to let someone who is your friend help you, Ms. Swan," Varner said. "There will no doubt be too much girly talk and not enough work. Besides, Edward here is the best in the class. And you are, well, the worst."

"Thanks," Bella mumbled, and I smirked.

"Final exams are next week," Varner said. "If you fail the exam, you fail my class. As your math teacher Ms. Swan, I don't want to fail you. But if I have to, I will. Judging by your test grades and your classwork in general, you aren't taking in any of the material. You need a tutor, and I feel Edward here would be perfect."

I suddenly had a headache, trying to take in all this shit. I could barely be around Bella and now he wanted me to tutor her? I was sure that required being with her for at least an hour. Possibly alone. Teaching. I was going to be teaching Bella.

This was not a good idea.

But it was a very appealing one.

". . . don't know why it has to be him," Bella kept saying.

Mr. Varner sighed exasperatedly. "Look, Ms. Swan, are you willing to get better?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Do you want to fail my final exam, therefore fail my class?"

"No."

"Then you need to give this a shot. I will speak to your . . . brother, and see how he feels."

"Obviously he's going to agree with you," Bella said, annoyed. "He just **loves** Edward." She shot me another glare that I mirrored with a blank stare.

"Well that's just fine," Varner said.

"No, it's not," Bella snapped. "Edward and I don't get along!"

"It doesn't matter. As long as you understand when he explains the material to you, you'll be fine."

"I doubt it," she snarled. Where was this nasty attitude coming from?

"What do you say, Mr. Cullen?" Varner asked. "You're awfully quiet."

I thought about it. What did I think about it? I knew it would be a pain in the ass, but for me a different kind of pain. I was a bit sick of doing people favours, and they always seemed to involve Bella.

But this was different.

This was for _her_. This was for Bella.

So why not? As much as it killed me to be around her, I couldn't help but want to. I knew it was best for me to just leave her be, but I didn't **want**to. I was drawn to her like a fucking magnet, and even though I knew she hated me, I didn't care that much.

She wanted nothing to do with me yet I wanted everything to do with her.

I couldn't let go of the girl that was just _not _interested.

"I'll give you extra credit," Varner said. "Even though you technically don't need it. Still."

"Fine," I said, trying to sound emotionless. "I'll do it."

"No!" Bella said, and she looked really pissed off. "No, I don't want your help."

"Ms. Swan, this will be up to your brother now," Varner said. "I will give him a call and explain the situation, and we'll leave it up to him."

Bella glared at the both of us before storming off, her heels clicking loudly against the floor. She tripped when she got to the door but caught herself on the door frame. She straightened herself up and straightened her skirt before walking out.

Varner and I exchanged looks that said what-the-fuck-is-up-with-her before he said, "Thank you for doing this, Mr. Cullen."

I nodded and just left, wondering what I had gotten myself into.

Emmett's answer was obvious. He wouldn't be very happy with Bella failing, and would be glad to have me help her. Especially since he didn't have to pay me, even though he'd probably end up trying.

So it was pretty much a done deal.

I would be Bella's tutor.

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, I know you all want to shake Bella, possibly even strangle her. Let's just put up with it for now; it'll be worth it in the end.


	11. Falling Apart

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 11- Falling Apart**

_Maybe it's because I'm crazy,_  
_Maybe it's because I just can't,_  
_Honestly tell you what I want._  
_It's never enough to stay still and hold you,_  
_To break loose and run the taste of you,_  
_Wild on my tongue._

_Am I no good to you now?_  
_Am I no good to you now?_  
_Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh_  
_We're spilling over._  
_Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh_

_We're falling apart._

**Falling Apart- Matt Nathanson**

_**

* * *

**_

**Bella POV**

Jacob picked me up at the park and took me over to his house for the first time. The whole way to his house, I had been fuming about what Edward and Emmett had done. He listened with interest as I ranted, and I could tell he had a lot of angry things to say, though he wasn't saying them.

Neither of Jacob's parents were home, and that made me just a tad anxious. His house was small and in a remote part of town, closer to La Push but not quite on the reservation.

Jake took me inside and I noticed how cluttered the house was. It smelled like the woods for some reason, and I looked around curiously as he took me up a flight of stairs.

We entered Jacob's room and I gazed around, my eyes wide. The place was a mess; he had stuff all over the floor and his massive bed wasn't made. Posters of skateboarders and rappers were plastered on the walls and the dirty clothes bin was overflowing.

"Make yourself comfortable," Jacob said, sitting in a chair at a computer desk. He turned the computer screen on and started doing something as I hesitantly took a seat on the edge of his bed.

I felt uncomfortable and awkward, not knowing what we were supposed to do now. It also may have had to do with the fact that I was in his bedroom. I had never been alone in a bedroom with a boy before.

_You're his girlfriend__,_ I thought. _Of course you're going to end up in his bedroom, even if you don't do anything. Suck it up._

"So. . ." I said, trying to make small talk. "What do you wanna do now?"

Jacob grinned at me over his shoulder before turning back to the computer.

"I'll be right with you," he said. I glanced around the small room, a bit overwhelmed by the clutter. I mean, I knew he was a guy and all, but even Emmett had a tidier room.

Thinking of Emmett, I remembered what Edward had said about letting him know where I was. I contemplated that, and then decided that Emmett didn't really deserve to know. Besides, Edward knew where I was going. He would probably tell Emmett for me.

Jacob stood up from the computer and crawled onto the bed, sitting across from me and leaning back on his elbows with his legs stretched out. We smiled at each other shyly before he spoke.

"Can I ask you something?" he said, sounding curious. "Don't be offended. . . "

"Sure," I said automatically. "Why would I be offended though?"

Jake shrugged. "Some girls get all defensive."

I was intrigued. "Ask away."

"Why do you dress like that?" he questioned, his head tilted to one side.

I furrowed my brows at him before looking down at myself. I had on my usual jeans-tshirt-and-hoodie ensemble. I knew it wasn't very exciting but the way he asked made it seem like he was asking someone of a different culture why they dressed the way they did.

"You're not, like, pissed are you?" he asked.

"No, I'm not mad!" I quickly assured him. "Um. . . I don't know how to answer your question. I guess I just don't have much of a fashion sense. I tend to wear what's comfortable. . .and clean. . . " I trailed off, seeing that he was eying my body like he was memorizing every inch of it.

"Hmm. . . " he hummed, still staring. I started to feel self-conscious and shifted in my seat, his eyes meeting mine when I moved.

"You don't feel very good about yourself do you?" he asked, his voice curious again.

I shrugged, not knowing what to say. He was right, but I didn't want to voice my concerns out loud.

"You should," he continued, gently nudging my leg with his foot. "You're adorable." I felt my cheeks grow warm and looked away as Jacob laughed.

"Thanks," I mumbled, smiling.

"But you know… I think you should dress differently. You should show off what you have."

"What do I have?"

"A sexy ass body."

My jaw dropped at the bluntness of his words and he chuckled at my reaction.

"Really," he said. "What you usually wear does nothing to accentuate a body like yours. Girls would kill to look like you; girls risk their _lives_ to look like you."

I thought he was being a little dramatic, but I was flattered nonetheless.

"Well then, what do you suggest I wear?" I asked, interested in his opinion. Jacob seemed to think about it, pursing his lips in concentration as he stared at my body again. I chewed on my lip, waiting.

"Try a skirt," he suddenly said, eyes on my legs. "And I don't mean those long, ugly skirts. I mean a proper skirt, to show off those beauties that I see in your gym shorts." His eyes roamed up to my chest and I felt my face heat up again.

"And something not so loose on top," he declared. "Maybe something sleeveless, and form fitting." His eyes snapped to my face. "Your face is fine for the most part. But I thought all chicks wore makeup. Not that you need much. I still think your face needs color. Just a little."

He smiled then, and I met his gaze as I thought about what he was saying.

Skirts were definitely not my thing, and neither was anything without sleeves. The climate of Forks was far from anything that would make it okay for sleeveless things to be worn. As for something form fitting, I didn't mind that entirely as much but if something was form fitting and sleeveless, I wasn't sure I would be comfortable with that.

The image I kept getting in my head from Jacob's words was of the girls that his friends went out with. The girls with entirely too much cosmetic goop on their faces and skirts too short and tops too revealing or tight. It was not me, definitely not, so I was pretty sure I wouldn't be comfortable with anything that.

"I don't know if I would be comfortable in those type of clothes," I pointed out hesitantly. I thought I saw a look of irritation cross his features before they settled into a blank mask again, but I could have been imagining it.

"Forget comfort," he said gently. "Hobos are probably comfortable in their ratty old clothes, but that doesn't make them look good does it?"

"I don't think hobos necessarily care about how they look," I replied. "They probably care more about having clothes to wear in general."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. All I'm saying is, I know what would look good on my girl. You should try my suggestion. Seriously. Find a mini-skirt somewhere and pair it with a cute little top. You won't regret it. You'll look pretty damn hot. I can't just imagine it."

_Then imagine it__,_ I thought. _You can think about me dressing like that all you want, but it's not happening._

Of course I didn't want to tell him that, so I quickly thought of an excuse.

"Emmett would flip," I told him quietly. It was true; Emmett would not let me out of the house looking like a whore.

Jacob groaned and fell on his back, rubbing his eyes.

"Why do you care?" he mumbled tiredly before getting on his elbows again. He looked me dead in the eyes. "Your brother needs to back the hell off. I know he's protective and shit, but he seriously needs to get the hell out of your business. You're not a little kid. You should be able to do what you want, when you want, with whoever you want."

I nodded in agreement, thinking about the drama that had just taken place less than an hour before.

"You need to stop listening to him," Jacob said with conviction. "I'm not kidding. He's not gonna get the message that he doesn't rule you if you keep letting him control your life. If he tells you not to do something, do it anyway. If he tells you that you can't hang out with someone, hang out with them anyway. If he says you can't go somewhere, go anyway. That's the only way he's gonna get the point."

I could hear the hint of anger in his words as I listened carefully. He was right about me not letting Emmett control my life, but I didn't feel like the way he wanted me to go about it was right. But then again, Emmett had gone really far with the whole spying stuff. I thought he needed a really big reality check. He needed to know that I wasn't a baby. Even thinking about the whole spying business got me pissed off again.

"I know what you mean," I told Jake, my thoughts still centered around Emmett. I wondered if he was worried about where I was.

"Don't let him rule you," Jake said again, and I nodded.

At that point, my life was starting to revolve around Jacob and Jacob only. I needed Emmett to take a step back and I needed to take a step forward into Jacob's life as he took a step into mine.

I had to choose between making Emmett happy and making Jacob happy, and I chose Jacob.

**

* * *

**

I honestly did not know that I even had a skirt that short. The second I got home from Jacob's, followed by a very awkward and brief conversation with Emmett about where I had been, I ran up to my room to rummage in my closet for things I knew I definitely did not have.

There was no top tight enough and no skirt short enough. Jacob's words had been replaying in my head, and I wanted to make him proud. I wanted him to see that I was serious about us, and that I would do [almost] anything to please him. Because the fact of the matter was, I couldn't do anything that would want him to not be with me anymore.

The last thing I wanted was to be left again.

I didn't want to risk him leaving me for someone who dressed like he wanted, so I needed to dress to his liking in order to avoid that. Sure, it was probably desperation getting the best of me, but what else was I supposed to do? Alice, Jasper, and Emmett, the three people that I thought would always support me, were completely against me.

In a way, Jacob was all I had left and I had to keep him.

I found the skirt in a small bag that had been shoved towards the back of the top shelf of my closet. At first I didn't notice it there, but it fell out when I yanked down a pair of jeans in the hopes that some too-small shirt would be hidden behind it.

I leaned down and picked up the small black bag, curiously peeking inside. I reached in and felt something lacy, my initial thought that it would be lingerie though I would have no idea why I would have it in the first place. I pulled out a heap of black fabric, dropping the bag so I could hold it out with two hands.

It was a short and frilly skirt, but it was attached to a thick pair of black tights. I suddenly remembered where I had gotten it.

Three years prior, when I had just turned fourteen, Alice and I had gone shopping for Halloween costumes. It was the last Halloween before my parents left, and Alice had insisted that I dress as something crazy and different that year. In all honesty, I had wanted to be a clown. I figured it would be fun, but Alice decided that since we had just started high school, we wouldn't want any cute guys looking at us and thinking we were dorks.

Renee had dropped us off at a costume store before going to run errands, and that is where we found the Gothic Ballerina costume.

I had refused at first. The costume wasn't very frightening; it only consisted of the frilly black tutu and tights along with a top that looked like it was a corset. It had really just been a sleeveless velvet top with crisscrossing fabric across the front, but the costume itself was way too dark for my liking.

"That's the point," Alice had said. "It's Halloween, you're technically supposed to be a little dark."

With much persuasion, and also a lot of whining on Alice's part, I ended up being a gothic ballerina that year. I was glad that it was drizzling Halloween night, so I was able to wear a hoodie over the top.

I stared at the tutu-like skirt and decided that it would be much shorter than it had been three years earlier. I was sure I had gotten taller, and the skirt wouldn't still reach just above my knees like it had.

But then again, the skirt being super short was the point of why I was doing this.

Since Jacob wanted to see legs, I was able to rip off the tights that were attached to the skirt. I didn't bother looking for the top of the costume since it was far too ridiculous for school, but I did manage to find a pair of dangerous-looking stilettos. They would be strapped on with the ribbons that would wrap all the way up my calves. Just the sight of them made me nervous, but I would try. For Jake.

On the right side of my closet were a bunch of dresses still in their bags. Some had been gifts from Renee, and the others had been from Alice. I usually never wore dresses, but I decided that if I couldn't find a decent top, I would make one.

I pulled out the several dress bags and zipped them open one by one.

There was one dress, a reddish-pink number, that I felt would be perfect if I ripped the flowing skirt off. The top of the dress had a silky quality to it, though it wasn't completely made of silk. It had tiny rhinestone buttons down the front and short butterfly sleeves.

The dress was old as well, and I knew it wouldn't fit me the same. It would probably be tighter around the chest, since I knew my boobs had gotten bigger since two years prior, and it would probably be tight around my waist as well.

Perfect.

It took me an hour and a half to slowly unstitch the top of the dress from the bottom; I was extremely glad that the dress wasn't made with just one piece of fabric. On top of that, I was able to cut off most of the sleeves off and twist and sow the remaining fabric to make it look like it had spaghetti straps. Because I was definitely not comfortable with wearing anything strapless.

The ending result was a short, tight, silky-ish top and a tutu-skirt that looked more like a skirt and less like a Halloween costume.

I tried the outfit on and gaped at myself in the mirror.

The top was way too tight around my boobs, squishing them closer together and giving the effect that they were bigger than they actually were. The skirt was shorter than mid-thigh but successfully covered my privates.

I looked like a hooker. I truly, honestly did. I felt naked and exposed, and not like myself. It was as though I were wearing lingerie; that was how much skin was showing. I looked at myself, appalled that I would have to dress like this the next day.

**

* * *

**

I woke up the next morning, determined to do this right.

After pressing the snooze button and brushing my teeth, I threw on the scandalizing outfit and faced myself in the mirror, resolved to do something with my face and hair.

I pulled out all the makeup that Rosalie had applied on me for my date and tried to mimic what she had done. I applied some mascara and foundation, along with some eyeliner. My face felt heavy right away, but I decided that I actually looked a little better. But just a little.

I couldn't find the shade of lipgloss that Rosalie had put on me, so I settled for a color that matched my top a little. That's what girls did, right?

After my face was caked in cosmetics, I picked up the bottle of mousse that Rosalie had left here since Sunday and squirted some of the foam onto my hand. I tried to copy what she had done by rubbing it into my hair, but it just didn't look the same. It was wavier, sure, but it was a poofy kind of wavy. Not a pretty kind of wavy.

I pulled on the deadly stilettos and tied the ribbons up my calves. They oddly reminded me of snakes crawling up my legs as I walked over to the full-length mirror.

My jaw dropped at the sight of me, and not in a good way. I looked absolutely ridiculous. Looking at myself, I wanted nothing more than to pull on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I looked like I was dressed up to go give lap dances, not like I was going to school.

The makeup made me look much older, and I didn't like it at all. At that point, I was already running a little late and there was no point in turning back. I hoped that Jacob would like what he saw, because this seriously took a lot of effort.

After texting Jacob and asking him if he could come and take me to school today, there was only one last thing I had to do: try and get past Emmett.

**

* * *

**

I carefully walked down the stairs, one step at a time. My legs were wobbly with the heels and I held on to the railing tightly. How was I supposed to walk in these all day?

Once I reached the foot of the stairs, I slowly stepped into the kitchen where Emmett was pouring coffee from the coffee maker.

He probably didn't hear me at first since I was walking so slowly, but once I stumbled and had to catch myself in the kitchen doorframe, his head whirled in my direction.

The coffee he had been sipping spurted from his mouth the second he saw me. I wasn't close enough to be sprinkled with it, but I did cringe. It was quiet as he stared at me, his eyes wide as saucers as they roamed up and down my body.

He blinked fast a few times before his eyes rested on my face, his expression one of extreme disbelief.

Finally, the explosion.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING?" he cried, and the loudness of his voice made me flinch again. He set the coffee cup down on the counter and continued to stare at me, a vein sticking out in his forehead.

"They're called clothes, Emmett," I said.

His eyes narrowed. "And where in the hell did you get clothes like that?"

I stuck my chin up defiantly. "I made them. Sort of."

"What?"

I sighed, annoyed. "The skirt is from a gothic ballerina costume and the top is part of an old dress. The shoes are Alice's doing."

"You are not going to school like that," he said with finality.

I had a feeling he would say something like that.

"Yes, I am," I said through clenched teeth. "You need to know that you can't make decisions for me."

"Excuse me?" he said. "I'm not just your brother, Bella, I'm also your legal guardian. And if I say you're not going to school dressed like that, I mean it. There's no way in hell I'm driving you to school looking like a hooker."

"Fine," I said. "You don't need to take me. That's what I have my boyfriend for."

Something that looked a lot like hurt crossed Emmett's face before his expression settled into anger.

"Dammit, Bella!" he cried. "What the hell has gotten into you? Going to see your boyfriend whenever the hell you want to, dressing like a stripper, that nasty attitude- it's not you! Ever since you started going out with that asshole, you've been acting completely out of control."

"I am not out of control," I growled.

"Look at you!" He gestured up and down with his hand. "Don't tell me this isn't ridiculous."

I agreed with him there, but I couldn't say.

"Get used to it," I muttered, unable to say anything else.

"Over my dead body," he growled back.

"I'm not a little kid anymore, Emmett!"

"You sure as hell act like one."

"I do not act like a child; you're the one that insists on treating me like one!"

"Well with the way you've been the past few days, what do you expect me to do?"

"How about you back the hell out of my life?" My tone was sharper than I intended, and his eyes flashed with anger before he took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself down.

When he looked at me again, his eyes were pained.

"I tried," he said quietly. "I promised myself that I would let you be more independent."

"Well you're not doing a very good job."

"I know. . . but I haven't even started letting you go yet and you're already like this. Maybe this is a sign that I should hold on tighter, not loosen my grip. What made you dress like that anyway? It's your boyfriend isn't it? He's the one that wants you to dress like that, right?"

"Stop blaming Jacob for everything."

"Well what other assumption am I supposed to make?"

"You can _assume_ that this is my decision."

"And what's the motive behind your decision? Don't tell me you just woke up today and thought, 'Oh I'm gonna dress like a hoe today, just for the fun of it.'"

I was pissed off that he had a point; Jacob had everything to do with this. Still, I was tired of arguing with him.

"I'm not going to argue with you anymore," I muttered, just as a loud honk came from outside. "That's Jacob."

I hurried into the living room and towards the front door, grabbing my backpack from the couch.

"Wait, don't you want breakfast?" Emmett called from the kitchen.

"Not hungry," I called, shutting the front door behind me.

**

* * *

**

Jacob was absolutely shocked.

The second I stepped out of the house and slowly walked to his car, he had been gaping at me the entire time. His mouth was open and it didn't close until about a minute after I was already in the passenger seat with the seatbelt on.

His eyes stayed on my chest for a good thirty seconds before they wandered to my legs, which were almost one hundred percent exposed since I was sitting down.

Jacob suddenly groaned and closed his eyes, leaning back and resting his head on the headrest.

"Fuck," he mumbled. I furrowed my brows at him, confused by his reaction.

"What?" I asked. "You don't like how I look?"

"Are you kidding?" he said, his voice hoarse and his eyes still closed. "I fucking love it."

"Then what's the issue?"

His eyes popped open and he looked at me, his dark eyes looking somewhat desperate.

"The issue is that I'm getting fucking hard," he said.

I stared at him, my eyes widening.

"Oops," I whispered. "Sorry. . . I can go change. . ."

"No," he said, laughing and putting the car into drive. "Don't bother. You look really damn hot."

"Thanks," I mumbled, smirking.

"It's a little much though," he admitted, beginning to drive.

"It is?"

"Just a little. But it's fine, as long as it's just for me."

I laughed. "Of course. Who else?"

"That's what I like to hear."

The second I climbed out of Jacob's car, the amount of heads that turned in my direction was innumerable. It made me uncomfortable and I held on to Jacob's arm as we walked towards the school. I had to walk super slowly and he found it amusing.

"Is this your first time in heels?" he chuckled after I almost tripped for the third time.

"No," I said. "But it is my first time wearing them to school."

"First and last," he said in my ear. I looked up at him and he smirked.

"You're gonna get yourself killed in those. As sexy as they are, you're obviously not cut out for them. Let's save them for special occasions, deal?"

"Deal," I agreed, relieved that wearing these death traps was a onetime thing.

Once inside the school, the eyes on me increased in number and I felt myself turning redder with every step. Jacob held onto me tightly, his chin up and a smug look on his face.

"Meet you at your locker in a bit okay?" he said, and I nodded. He gave me a sloppy kiss on the cheek before he walked away, leaving me to take the last few steps to my locker alone. I tried to ignore the whispers at and about me as I walked like a tightrope walker.

Alice was already at her locker, transferring books from her bag. At the sound of the tapping of my heels, she turned and literally dropped both her jaw and the book in her hand. That only drew more attention my way, and I glared at her as I reached my locker and put in the code.

I could feel Alice's gaze on me as I put books into the locker; they were practically burning a hole in the side of my head.

"Say what you want and get it over with, Alice," I sighed.

"What in the name of Diane von Furstenberg are you wearing? And your face!"

"What's wrong with my face?"

"Are you trying to steal Bozo the clown's job?"

"That's mean," I told her, whilst silently agreeing that I had probably overdone it with the makeup.

"I'm being honest," Alice said, and I met her concerned gaze before it travelled down my body. "Thanks for using my shoes, though. Even though they do not belong with this outfit."

"No problem," I muttered.

"Why, Bella? Why would you do this to yourself? I mean I know I've asked you to dress just a little bit better, but this. . . this is just the image of pure insanity."

"Sorry you don't like it," I said, annoyed, as I shut my locker and faced her. "But this is my decision and I'd appreciate it if you kept your opinions to yourself."

I could see the hurt in Alice's face. First I had hurt Emmett with my words, and now Alice. She was my best friend and she didn't deserve this, but I couldn't help but try and convince those close to me to give me a little leeway.

"Fine," Alice mumbled. "If you want me to not tell you what I think about your so-called 'decisions', then maybe it's best that I don't talk to you at all."

With that, she gave me a sad and concerned look before turning and heading over to our math class. I felt a pang go through me, like she had just broken up with me or something. That was the only thing I could classify it as, a break-up.

What was wrong with me?

Before I could hate on myself some more, I felt familiarly strong arms wrap around my waist and a pair of soft lips meet the skin of my neck.

"You look upset," Jake mumbled, and I sighed, just the slightest bit distracted by his mouth.

"I think Alice just broke up with me," I told him. He laughed and pushed me against the lockers, a position I was beginning to get used to.

"Who needs her," he said, molding his lips with mine.

My brows furrowed as we kissed, not liking that he said that. Frankly, **I **needed her. She was my best friend after all, and without her I wouldn't even have this outfit, despite the fact that it was somewhat of a disaster.

I couldn't say anything as we continued to make out, and I lost all sense of time as his hands travelled to my backside.

"Your skirt is too ruffly," he said against my mouth.

"Sorry," I mumbled back.

The bell rang and when I pushed away, he pushed me back again, my head slamming lightly against the lockers. His lips became more aggressive and my whole body heated up.

"We're gonna be late," I gasped.

"I don't care," he said, crushing his lips to mine again and again.

He finally pulled away after another thirty seconds and glanced around the emptying hallway.

"C'mon," he said pulling me towards the opposite end of the hall.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trying not to trip with my heels. He didn't answer me and instead pulled me into a smaller, dimly lit hallway all the way at the other end of the building. At the end of the hallway was a door that I didn't even know existed. On the front was a plaque that read, "Janitor's Closet".

Wait, what was going on?

Jacob pulled me into the closet and yanked on the metal cord that turned the light bulb on. He shut the door behind him and turned to face me with a huge grin on his face.

I stared at him apprehensively, suddenly scared.

"Baby, don't look so freaked out," he said, grabbing my hips and pressing me against the door. His lips were all over my neck and my body was tense, knowing exactly what he wanted to do.

"Um, Jake?" I said nervously as his lips travelled from my neck to the side of my face. "We might get in trouble. . . "

"Don't worry about it," he muttered, pressing his lips to mine.

My heart was thudding frantically. I did not want this. Not now, and not in a freaking janitor's closet.

"Jake," I said again as his warm hands somehow ended up under my too-tight top. He wasn't letting me breathe; his lips were working furiously against mine.

"Jake," I said more urgently, but he was persistent, his lips never leaving my skin.

I was beginning to freak out slightly, knowing that this was too much. This wasn't right. This was scary.

"Jacob!" I said louder, pushing at his chest. He finally backed up, a look of pure vexation on his face.

"What?" he said. "What is wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with _you_?" I countered. "A janitor's closet? Really?"

"What does it matter?" he snapped. I was slightly taken aback by his tone.

"I don't want to do this. This is wrong." I couldn't think of another word to describe what we were doing.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "We aren't the first ones to make out in a janitor's closet, Bella. It's not a big deal."

"We're cutting class."

"Whatever."

I was beginning to get really annoyed. His "whatever" response was getting old and extremely irritating.

"No, it's not 'whatever'," I said, and his eyes narrowed. "We're in an enclosed space that smells like dirty water, with mops and brooms and cleaning chemicals. This isn't exactly very classy."

Jacob laughed without humor. "This is funny, the girl talking about class is the girl in the sluttiest outfit I have ever seen in my seventeen years of existence."

I stared at him, offended. I knew the outfit was beyond slutty, but I had done it for him. I did it to make him happy, and he had even told me that he loved it. And now he had just called me a slut for dressing how he wanted me to.

I fought back tears as I glared at him.

"Thanks a lot," I said. "I dress how you want me to and you tell me I'm slutty. Nice, Jacob."

I turned and pulled open the janitor's closet before he grabbed my arm tightly, turning me to face him again as the door closed behind me once more.

"It's not like that," he said urgently. "I didn't call you a slut. The outfit is a bit much, but that doesn't make you a whore and I appreciate the attempt to please me. Trust me, I can't take my hands off you because of this. And look, look what you're doing to me."

He pushed his hips against me and I could feel the bulge that was his erection pressing into my stomach. It made me gasp and turn red, and I became very uncomfortable.

Jacob leaned his head down to kiss me again, but I wasn't in the mood for any of it.

"Stop," I told him, unwrapping his arms from around me. "I want to go to class."

His eyes darkened slightly, but he took a step back.

"Fine," he said. "Go, then."

I knew I had upset him and that was the last thing I wanted, but I couldn't do this. Everything was getting a little crazy.

I sighed and turned around, grabbing the door handle and opening the door. I looked down the empty hallway and took a few steps out, glancing behind me at Jake, who was still standing there and staring at me with that I'm-pissed-off-but-trying-to-control-it expression.

"Are you coming?" I asked him softly, and he shook his head slowly. I stared at him, confused as to why he would want to stay in the closet.

"Go, Bella," he said again.

Feeling strange, I shut the closet door in his face, leaving him in there.

I had only taken but two steps when I heard a loud crash come from the inside of the closet.

_What the hell?_

I stared at the door, suddenly scared. Did he pass out or something, or did he just knock something down out of anger?

Figuring it was the latter, I quickly hurried to my math class, tripping and landing on my knees twice before I finally reached the classroom.

**

* * *

**

Math class was a disaster.

I knew I would be stared at, but it was different when all the ogling eyes were concentrated in one room. I had tripped and had to hold on to Edward's desk, but that caused my boobs to be just inches away from his face. Utterly humiliated, I quickly took my usual seat behind him as the whispers continued.

Unable to get my mind off Jacob, I texted him and asked him if he was mad at me. He said he wasn't and that everything was okay, before asking if I wanted to come over after school. Before I could answer him, Varner took my phone and told me I could get it back at the end of class.

As if that wasn't bad enough, he gave a pop quiz. I muttered to myself about how useless the math was, but Varner thought I was talking to someone and gave me an instant F.

To make things worse, he insisted at the end of class that I get myself a tutor. Not just any tutor, but Edward Cullen.

He wanted _Edward Cullen_ to be my tutor.

I was beyond pissed off about that, but Varner wouldn't hear it. Much to my dismay, he left the decision to Emmett and Edward. I was surprised that Edward actually agreed, but that only meant Emmett would agree too.

Not happy at this twist of events, I was cranky the rest of the day.

Alice and I had kinda-sorta made up after she defended me in math, so I was glad that I would still at least get a ride home.

The second I stepped into the house, I pulled the deadly shoes off my feet. I hadn't even taken off my backpack before I had both stilettos in my right hand.

Emmett was at work, so I had the house to myself. I went to my room and the first thing I did was change. I threw off the shameful outfit and pulled on a pair of jeans and a gray Kings of Leon t-shirt. They were one of the few bands that Emmett had gotten me into and they had quickly become one of my favorites.

I washed the horrendous makeup off of my face and pulled my overly wavy hair up into a ponytail, promising myself to thoroughly wash the mousse out that same night.

I was pretty sure that I would not dress like that again, even if Jacob wanted me to. I had tried it and failed miserably. It had done nothing but cause Jacob and I to get into an argument of sorts, and I didn't want it to be that way between us.

So dressing like a floozy was definitely out of the question from now on.

After I had changed and was looking like myself again, I started on some homework. I got most of the stuff done fairly quickly.

And then I got to the math homework.

Everything was a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me. It felt like I was trying to read stuff written in Sanskrit, and my head hurt just looking at the numbers. It reminded me of what Varner had said about Edward tutoring me, and I suddenly wished I was good at math so that I wouldn't need his help. Why did he even bother?

My phone buzzed and I picked it up, seeing that Emmett was calling. I felt my stomach churn, feeling guilty and angry at myself for how I had treated him that morning.

"Hello," I answered.

_"__Hey__,"_ he said on the other end. _"Are you home?"_

"Yeah."

_"Good. Listen, your teacher called. . ."_

_Oh, great._

Emmett's tone of voice was very serious; it was how he usually got when he transitioned from the big brother role to the legal guardian role.

"Mr. Varner?" I asked nervously. I knew exactly what this was about.

_"Yep."_

"And. . . ?"

_"He said you're failing his math class."_

I sighed. "I know. It's the math, it's so confusing."

_"__He said you always text in his class and that you were cheating on the pop quiz today."_

"I was not cheating! I was talking to myself and he thought I was trying to get answers out of someone else."

_". . . Talking to yourself?"_

"Yes."

_"But you were texting though. . . ?"_

". . . "

_"Bella?"_

"I might have been."

I heard Em sigh on the other end. It was like he didn't have the energy to yell at me. He had pretty much given up on me, and knowing that hurt.

_"Edward's going to tutor you."_ He said it as a fact, not as a question or a suggestion.

"That's your decision then?"

_"Yep."_

I sighed, accepting the fact though I was definitely not happy about it. Because honestly, I needed the help.

_"I don't want you to fail the class and the final next week, kiddo. If Edward can help, then that's what we're going to have to do."_

"Fine," I muttered, knowing that I pretty much had no say in the matter. "But that doesn't mean it'll be successful."

_"It will if you let it."_

"No, it will if Edward doesn't act like an asshole."

_"He won't, he promised. I already talked to him, he's coming over at five."_

"What! He's coming today?"

_"Yeah, I figured the sooner you two got started, the better."_

I groaned and collapsed onto my pillow, burying my face in it while Emmett continued to talk from the other end.

_"He promised he was going to at least __**try **__and be nice. So it would be pretty freakin' awesome if you could try also."_

"Fine, I'll try," I said, but my voice was muffled by the pillow.

_"What?"_

I lifted my face up. "I said fine, I'll try. But if he turns into a jerk then he's gonna hear it."

Emmett chuckled. _"That's fine I guess. I should be back by six."_

"Wait, you won't be here?" I was suddenly anxious; this meant I would be home alone with Edward.

_"I can't, I'm in Seattle. They sent me here last minute."_

"But what if he tries to kill me?"

Emmett snorted. _"Don't worry, I don't think he'll even try."_

"I can't believe you're letting me stay home alone with a guy," I told him. "If it were Jacob you would be completely against it."

_"That's different,"_ he countered. _"Jacob is your boyfriend, he likes you. He might try something. Edward, on the other hand, doesn't like you. He won't try anything Jacob would."_

"Jacob wouldn't try and strangle me."

**"**_Stop being so melodramatic. Edward won't try to strangle you either. He wouldn't dare. Look, I gotta go. I guess I'll see you guys when I get home. Oh, and I'll bring dinner. Just focus on your schoolwork."_

"Okay," I said. "Oh, and Em?"

_"Hmm?"_

"Sorry."

He knew what I was apologizing for. _"__It's all right, kid. I know the cause. But please tell me you aren't going to dress like that again. I'm seriously considering locking you in your room, but then again I don't want to make you miss school because of that."_

"I promise I won't dress like a skank again. That was just an experiment. An experiment that failed miserably."

_"Kid, if you wanted to do experiments, you should have told me! We could have blown shit up together or something."_

I laughed. "I think I'm gonna take a break from any kind of experimenting."

Emmett chuckled. _"Okay, that's good. I'll see you later okay?"_

"Okay," I said.

After we hung up, I felt satisfied that we had mended things for the most part. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was less than an hour until Edward got here.

I was suddenly nervous about this whole tutoring thing. I didn't know what exactly I was afraid of, but my stomach flipped every time I thought about Edward as my tutor. I kept getting images of him doing a terrible job and laughing and sneering at me when I didn't understand something. So he was pretty smart, but that didn't mean he could be a good tutor.

Only time would tell.

**

* * *

**

When five o'clock rolled around, I was a nervous wreck. I didn't know what to do with myself as I moved my school books from the living room to the dining room, trying to pick a place where this tutoring thing would happen. I kept glancing at the clock, feeling even more nauseous the closer the minute hand got to the 12. I decided on the dining room because it was rarely used and also because it would just be easier to work at the table sitting on chairs opposed to using the coffee table and sitting on the floor.

Exactly one minute after five, the doorbell rang and my stomach lurched.

_Get a hold of yourself__,_ my inner voice said. _It's just Edward. Everything's going to be fine._

_Yeah, Edward the asshole and the guy that freakin' worked with your brother to spy on your date__,_another voice said. _This is going to be a complete disaster._

"I'm going insane," I muttered to myself as I headed for the door. Hearing voices in my head was not a good sign.

I pulled the door open and saw Edward standing there, his backpack over his shoulder.

I was momentarily entranced by his appearance; his face seemed to glow in the dim light of the sun. He had on his usual leather jacket, but it was his face that I couldn't take my eyes off of.

His piercing green eyes were cautious and his brows were furrowed just slightly. His chiseled jaw line and cheekbones were competition to those of a male model, and his full lips were parted just slightly.

The mess of bronze hair atop his head was like a crown, crowning the unbelievable perfection that was his face.

I was pulled out of my staring when he moved to grab at his bronze locks.

_Sex hair__,_ I thought. There was no other word for it.

"Are you going to let me in, or what?" he asked, and from his tone I could tell he was trying really hard not to say it rudely.

I composed myself with mental reminders that I had a boyfriend, and stepped aside to let him pass.

"You're late," I said emotionlessly.

He glanced at his watch as he passed by, and I caught a whiff of cigarette smoke and a spicy type of cologne. It was remarkably appealing.

"Technically, I'm not," he said, turning to face me once he was inside. "I arrived at exactly five o'clock. It took me a minute to get off my bike, lock it, and then to walk up to your front door and ring the doorbell. Another minute was wasted by you staring at me."

My eyes widened at how he had just called me out.

"I was not staring at you," I said, narrowing my eyes. Edward shrugged, not saying anything else.

I shut the door and locked it, feeling like I had just locked myself in a lion's cage and was doomed to be eaten alive. When I turned to face him again, he was looking around.

"So where do you want to do this?" he asked. His voice was deep and velvety, and the English accent only made it all the more attractive.

I immediately hated myself for thinking such things; if he wasn't such a jerk I would undoubtedly be crushing on him.

Big time.

I nodded towards the dining room, where the light from the chandelier was already on.

He followed me in and threw his backpack onto the table, standing on one side of the table while I stood on the other, across from him.

We stared at each other awkwardly before he raised a brow and said, "I'd like to do this while we sit, if you don't mind."

"Oh!" I said, slightly embarrassed. "Right."

I plopped down in the chair and he sat across from me, zipping open his bag and throwing all its contents onto the table. I stared at him as he pulled over a math textbook and notebook before looking at me expectantly.

I glanced around for my bag and saw it in the living room. Sighing, I got up to go get it, feeling oddly self-conscious as I walked to and from the living room.

"KOL fan?" Edward suddenly asked, and I stared at him while I sat back down with my bag on the table. His eyes were on my shirt and I looked down at it, smiling softly.

"Yeah," I said, zipping open my bag and pulling out my math books. "Emmett got me into them."

Edward nodded, his face emotionless. "He has good taste."

"Yep," I said curtly.

It was strange. We were actually getting along. Who would have thought such a thing was possible between Edward Cullen and Bella Swan?

"So. . . " I said hesitantly, and his eyes snapped back to my face. "How do you want to start this?"

Edward shrugged. "However you want to."

I shrugged as well. "I don't know."

"And that's why I'm here."

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

We were both silent, not knowing what to say or do. Then Edward sighed, opening up a notebook.

"Right," he mumbled, flipping through pages. "I guess I'll just have to get things going myself."

"I guess so. . . "

"So, I reckoned that since we're doing this so you could pass the final next week, we should go over everything that he taught us so far." His voice was all business. "We can make sure you know how to do everything, and I mean _everything_**,** that he's done. Sound good?"

He glanced up at me then, and I got lost in his eyes briefly before I could nod.

"Yeah," I said. "Sounds fine."

"Good." He sat up straighter and sighed again.

"Shit," he muttered. "Why is it so fucking hot in here?"

"The heat is on," I told him.

"Why?" he asked, like having the heat on was the most ludicrous thing ever.

"It was chilly."

He then proceeded to pull his jacket off and I saw the t-shirt he was wearing underneath. It was black and in green and blue highlights it said, _"I'm all for being social, but this is fucking bullshit."_

I giggled and he glanced at me as he set the jacket aside on the table, one eyebrow raised.

"I like your shirt," I couldn't help but say. It seemed so appropriate for this occasion.

Edward glanced down at his shirt before smirking.

"Complete coincidence, I swear," he said. He smiled at me crookedly, and I was breathless.

Did Edward Cullen just _smile_at me?

He seemed to be thinking along the same lines, because the smile immediately went away, only to be replaced by a blank mask.

"Anyway," he said, all business again. "You should probably get your stuff open if we plan on getting anywhere."

"Right," I agreed, pulling open my notebook.

"Did you do the homework?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Did you understand it?"

"No."

"So then how did you do it?"

"I tried my best."

"In other words, you bullshitted the whole thing."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Can I have a look?"

I handed him the notebook and he glanced in it. It was silent as he looked at my work, his expression one of intense concentration.

Then he glanced up at me, both his eyebrows raised. His mouth twitched like he was trying not to smile.

"What?" I asked, suddenly embarrassed that I hadn't tried harder on the homework.

"Really?" he asked, unable to hold on to the smirk any longer.

"Really what?"

"This doesn't make sense."

"I know! It was so hard."

"I mean what you did, not the homework in general."

"Oh."

Edward snorted, and I felt like he was laughing at me. Suddenly offended, I said, "You know, it's not nice to laugh at people. Just because you understand something I don't. . . "

His smirk faded. "No one's laughing at you."

"You are."

"No, I'm not. I just think it's a bit funny that you think that the work you did here even looks close to resembling something someone who actually tried did."

"I did try," I lied. It was true I had spent all of but five minutes on the thing, jotting down random numbers and adding and subtracting as I pleased. Just for the sake of getting something written down.

"No, you didn't," Edward said, not buying it.

"Don't tell me what I did or didn't do, Edward Cullen," I snapped. "You think I pulled that out of nowhere?"

"I think you pulled it out of your ass."

"Oh, that's nice." My voice was thick with sarcasm.

"Look, I'm not stupid," Edward said. "None of this makes sense. You might be able to get it past Varner, but you can't get it past me. You're not going to learn anything if you do a bunch of random shit like this."

"Well then tell me how to do it the right way."

"That's why I'm here."

We silently stared at each other before he held the notebook out to me.

"Erase everything," he ordered.

"Sorry?"

Edward sighed. "Erase everything you did there. If we're going to make progress in a short amount of time, we might as well start with the homework and do it properly."

"How long are you staying, by the way?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Not sure."

"Shouldn't we set a schedule of some kind? Like what days you'll be coming over and what time you'll be coming and going?"

"Every day."

"Huh?"

"I think it's best I come every day," he said matter-of-factly. "Especially if finals are next week. We can skip weekends though if you like. . . "

I stared at him, thinking about his suggestion. His face was blank and I thought about having to see him every day for the next week.

"Okay," I agreed.

I wasn't sure if my agreeing had to do so much with learning the material. . .

Edward nodded. "It's settled then. I'll be here every day, excluding weekends. Same time?"

"Sounds good."

"Great," he said.

"Great," I echoed, nodding.

This was so awkward.

"Not that I want to," he quickly added.

I stared at him. ". . . not that I want to either. . . "

Edward cleared his throat before saying, "So, shall I explain to you how to do those problems the non-freakish way?"

I rolled my eyes. "That's why you're here." We had both been saying that a lot.

Edward began to explain how to factor quadratic formulas. He ripped a piece of paper out of his notebook and did the first homework problem for me, explaining what he was doing slowly and step-by-step. The first time he explained it, I was a little distracted. I kept thinking about how crazy it was that he was here, and that he was actually being nice. Kind of. If I wasn't thinking about how strange it was that he was tutoring me, I was staring at his face.

His full lips moved ever so slightly as he spoke, his voice soft and serious. I hadn't even noticed how we had been leaning towards each other; he was leaning forward as he did the problem, and I was leaning forward so I could better see what he was doing.

At one point he glanced up to meet my staring gaze, and he was close enough for me to see the specks of blue in his penetrating green eyes.

His brows furrowed and he leaned back in his chair, away from me.

"You know, the maths is written on the paper, not on my face," he said, looking at me like I was weird.

I blinked and shook my head jerkily, the blood rushing to my face.

"Yeah, I know," I said quickly. "I just. . . " I trailed off, embarrassed, not knowing what to say.

What was I doing? I had a boyfriend and yet here I was, dazzled by a guy just because he was being nice for once. Just because he was probably the best looking guy I had ever seem. Clearly I was pretty damn shallow.

Thankfully, Edward didn't insist on knowing what was on my mind. It looked like he had enough on his own.

He was staring at the table intently and taking a deep breath while grabbing at his hair again. He looked. . . frustrated.

"What's wrong?" I asked, and his annoyed gaze met my confused one.

He suddenly shoved the notebook towards me.

"Just do it," he said, looking away again. What was wrong with him?

"What?"

"Do the damn thing!" he said, his voice laced with irritation.

Taken aback by his sudden rudeness, I looked down at the notebook, seeing the work he had done but not understanding how or why he had done any of it.

"Um. . . " I said hesitantly. "I don't get it."

"Well maybe if you had been paying attention.."

Before I could say anything he added, "Forget it. Gimme the book, I'll just explain it again."

I shoved the notebook back and he leaned forward once more.

"Focus this time," he said, looking into my eyes evenly.

I determinedly looked down and actually listened to what he was saying and watched what he was doing. He had a calm, serious, and slow way of explaining things. It wasn't hard to get what he was saying, and it wasn't long before I completely understood how to do the problem.

I tried a few on my own, and kept screwing up one way or another. Edward was surprisingly patient, unafraid to grab the pen from me and show me the mistakes I was making and how not to make them again.

It took me four tries to get one problem right. On my fourth try, I was able to do it without much of a struggle.

Nervous, I held the notebook out to Edward and he took it from me silently.

I chewed on my lip as he looked at it, unable to tell from his expression if I had screwed up again.

Finally, he handed the notebook back, his face unreadable.

Disappointed, I took the book back.

Then he said, "It's about fucking time."

I glanced up, confused, and saw him grin at me crookedly once more.

"Yes!" I said, bringing my fist back in triumph. "It's really right? I did it correctly?"

"No, I'm just screwing with you," he said, but I could tell he was just kidding.

"Phew!" I said, wiping off fake sweat from my forehead. "That took me long enough."

"Don't get so excited," Edward said, an amused glint in his eyes. "You've still got like five other problems to do."

I groaned. "Don't I get a break?"

He shrugged. "If you want."

I sighed and sat back in my chair, not knowing what to do. I suddenly felt in the mood for a snack, my mind going in the direction of Pop-Tarts.

"Want a Pop-Tart?" I asked.

Edward furrowed his brows. "Pop-Tart?"

He stared at me blankly.

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. "You don't know what Pop-Tarts are? Are you human?"

"Wait, wait, you mean those square sugary things with the colorful icing and shit?"

"Yeah. So you've had them before?"

"Nah, but I must have seen adverts. They sound familiar."

I got up and headed into the kitchen. As I opened the pantry and stepped in, I couldn't believe I was going to be sharing Pop-Tarts with Edward Cullen, who was actually being pretty decent.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I looked at the several different flavors we had.

"What flavor?" I called from the kitchen.

"What?" Edward called back.

"I said what flavor? We have strawberry, blueberry, chocolate chip, smores, and hot fudge sundae."

There was a pause.

"What do you prefer?" he asked.

"Hot fudge sundae! Definitely!"

"Fine."

I pulled open the box and took out two packs of Pop-Tarts, heading back to the dining room once I put the box away.

When I entered, Edward had that strange look on his face again. It was a look like he was thinking hard about something, almost like he was doing a difficult math problem in his head. He clenched and unclenched his jaw a few times and only looked up when I held out the Pop-Tart to him.

He took it from me and studied the pack as I took a seat across from him and popped open mine.

He nodded. "Yeah, I've seen these around. Colorful."

"I know," I said, nodding and breaking off a piece. "It's so good though. It's just gooey and delicious on the inside. What I love about Pop-Tarts is that they can be eaten cold, even though they're technically supposed to be toasted. Best creation in the history of unhealthy breakfasts."

Edward stared at me as I spoke, his expression a mixture of bewilderment and confusion. He glanced at the pack once more before putting it in his back pocket.

"For later," he said.

"You don't know what you're missing, dude," I said.

"I guess I'll find out later, then."

"I guess you will."

It was quiet again and I felt weird, trying not to chew too loudly.

Edward stared at the table in front of him, that odd look on his face once more. I decided against asking him about it, but instead finished off a Pop-Tart and set it aside.

"Okay," I said, brushing my hands together to get rid of crumbs. "I'm done."

Edward nodded towards my notebook.

"Try those other problems," he said. "But do them all before asking me if they're right."

I sighed and tried the problems, feeling pretty confident about what I was doing.

When I had gotten to the second problem, my phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw that it was from Jake.

**Wat r u doing? - J**

For some reason, my stomach flipped with anxiety. I hadn't told Jacob about my tutoring sessions with Edward. It had totally slipped my mind, especially since I had had no idea it would be happening so soon.

_Homework__ -B_

Hey, it's not like I was lying.

"That your boyfriend?" Edward asked, and his tone was a little disgusted.

"Don't start," I warned him as I set my phone on the table. It wasn't long before it buzzed again.

**Come over. Want me 2 come get u? - J**

Sighing, I decided to tell him the truth.

_I can't. I'm being tutored. - B_

**Tutored? Wtf? By who? - J**

I took a deep breath.

_Edward Cullen__ -B_

I was nervous as I sent the text and put it back on the table, unsure of how he would react.

"Give me the phone," Edward suddenly said.

I looked up at him, startled. "Excuse me?"

"The phone. Give it to me. You need to focus, and texting your asshat of a boyfriend is one of the reasons you're failing maths in the first place." He held out his hand.

"I don't think so," I told him, but before I could react, he reached over and grabbed my phone from the table in front of me.

"Hey!" I protested. "Give that back."

"Nope," he said, shaking his head. "Not until you finish that."

"What are you, another Mr. Varner? Give it back." I stood up and walked over to his side of the table

"No," he said, standing up and holding the phone behind his back.

"And just when I thought that maybe, just _maybe_you weren't such an asshole," I hissed, trying to grab it from him. He kept turning around so I couldn't get it, an amused look on his face.

"I promise you'll get it back when you finish that," he said calmly.

"I don't care, I want it now!" I might have even stomped my foot.

"No need to throw a toddler tantrum. I swear, it's like taking sweets from a baby."

Before I could respond, my phone starting buzzing. He looked at it before glancing at me.

"Your boyfriend is calling," he said.

I successfully grabbed the phone from his hand and threw him a glare before answering it as I walked out of the dining room and into the kitchen.

"Hello," I said.

_"Edward Cullen is fucking tutoring you?"_ Jacob's angry voiced boomed from the other end and I cringed away from the phone.

"Yes," I said nervously. "It's not a big deal, I was forced into this."

_"By who?"_

"Mr. Varner."

_"Didn't you tell him you didn't want that dick tutoring you?"_

"I did, but he left the decision up to Emmett."

_"I swear, your brother needs to fuck off."_

I suddenly felt defensive. "Emmett is just looking out for me."

_"Oh, you're on his side now?"_

"I'm not taking sides!"

_"That's what it sounds like!"_

"I'm not, really!"

_"So you're telling me that you don't want to come over because you're with Edward?"_He sounded absolutely pissed.

"It's not that I'd rather be with Edward, God, what is wrong with you? Of course I'd rather be with you, but Varner is going to fail me if I fail his final next week. He said if I at least got tutored, I would have a chance in passing."

_"Who cares? So you fail his class, big fucking deal!"_

"It is a big deal to me!"

Jacob snorted bitterly. "All right, I see how it is."

His tone made me nervous. "How is it?"

_"You choose school, your brother, and that dickhead Edward Cullen over me."_

I was horrified. "What! No! That is _not_ it!"

_"That's exactly how it is__,"_ he growled**.**_"Otherwise you would have been okay with coming over right now."_

"Emmett wouldn't allow it, it's getting dark," I said.

_"Again with your brother!"_

"He's in charge of me, Jake! What else am I supposed to do?"

_"How about you start listening to__me__for a change?"_

"I would, if you were being the least bit rational."

_"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"_

"I have priorities, okay? School is important to me."

_"When are you going to stop being a loser and have fun?"_

My eyes welled up with tears and I couldn't say anything. Why was he being so mean?

_"You know what, just forget it,"_ Jake said, and my heart lurched.

"Jake, wait-"

_"No, I'm tired of waiting, Bella! I'm so sick of you being afraid to just have fun and do what you want. It's always school and Emmett with you, school and Emmett, school and Emmett. And now Edward too."_

"Jake, listen-"

_"Shut up, I don't wanna hear it!"_A tear slipped down my cheek. _"I'm done. This is too fucking ridiculous."_

"Jake," I sobbed. "Jake you have to listen, it's not like that-"

_"Oh God, are you crying?"_ he asked, appalled.

"N-No," I lied, wiping a few tears.

_"Don't lie to me. Shit, girls like you are too fucking sensitive. I don't know what I was thinking."_

No.

No, this could not be happening to me. It was like my heart was slowly being torn in half, slowly and painfully.

"Jacob, please-"

_"Bye, Bella."_

The other end clicked shut, and I stared into space, shocked. I lowered the phone from my ear as tears rolled down my cheeks, in disbelief of what had just happened.

He did not just break up with me.

He couldn't have.

He wouldn't.

He hadn't said, "it's over". Weren't those the deadly words?

He hadn't left me.

No. No. No. No. No.

In a zombie-like state, I walked over to the small round table by the dining room doors. I didn't know if Edward had heard anything, or if he was still there.

I didn't care.

All I cared about was that I had just been left.

Again.

I collapsed into the chair and buried my head into my arms, crying. I couldn't hold it in, this feeling of sudden loss. It brought back memories of two years ago, except this time I was utterly alone.

I had avoided this happening with every fiber of my being. Yet it had happened anyway. I had tried so hard to do what I could to make Jacob happy, going so far as to dress slutty because he had wanted me to. I had tried to prevent this, but I had been doing something wrong all this time without even knowing it.

Hell, I still didn't know what I had done wrong. I had no clue. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was that wrong had been done. By me. Somewhere, somehow, I had screwed it all up.

I hadn't seen the signs that Jacob and I were falling apart. I was blind to everything, all the little things that may have shown that we wouldn't last.

Or maybe I just wasn't good enough for him. I could see the logic behind that.

It was basically all my fault. It was my fault we had fallen apart.

All I could do was cry, not giving a damn that Edward was probably having to hear me sob. My heart hurt, and I didn't know what to do.

I heard a soft noise to my right and could feel someone's presence, knowing that it was Edward. My sobs had quieted by now, though I was still sniffling immensely.

"Um," I heard Edward say softly. "I think I'm going to go now. . . "

I just nodded, my head still buried in my hands. Something about his words made me cry even harder. Just him saying "I'm going to go now" had me crying like someone had just died. It was just the fact that I was being left again. Even though Edward was nothing to me, he was leaving, and I was so tired of being left.

I heard the front door open and close, and an emptiness so deep filled me.

I was alone.

* * *

**A/N:** All outfits are on my profile.


	12. Fallin' For You

**Disclaimer: **Twilight is not mine.

_**

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**Chapter 12- Fallin' For You**

_I don't know but, I think I may be fallin' for you  
Dropping so quickly, maybe I should keep this to myself  
Waiting 'til I know you better_

_I am trying not to tell you but I want to  
I'm scared of what you'll say  
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling  
But I'm tired of holding this inside my head_

_I've been spending all my time just thinking about ya  
I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you_

**Fallin' For You- Colbie Cailat**

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**Edward POV**

Tutoring Bella had been the weirdest, most awkward, most frustrating experience ever.

Apparently Varner had called Emmett and informed him about the whole thing, and Emmett had called me in return. He made me swear on my bike that I would be nice to his sister, and I had reluctantly agreed.

If I had a choice, I would find a way to be unpleasant and helpful. It wasn't going to be easy, but it would have been worth a shot. And then Emmett brought my Yamaha into the whole thing. When my bike gets involved, shit gets serious. So, obviously, I had to agree to his terms.

"I don't know what you have against my sister," Emmett had said. "But whatever it is, you need to let it go. Promise me you won't piss her off by saying something uncalled for. No, better yet, swear on your motorcycle. School is important to her and she's going to hate herself if she fails the class. Do it! Swear on your bike!"

So I was pretty much fucked.

I knew it was dangerous for me to be kind to her. Being kind entailed actually attempting to get along. And if she cooperated, which I hoped she wouldn't so that I would have an excuse to be an asshole, then I would probably become even more screwed over than I already was. I had been trying so hard to not like her so that I wouldn't end up falling for her, thus possibly being taken advantage of and having my heart ripped out of my chest once again.

I promised myself that I would be nice, while secretly praying that Bella would act like a bitch so that I could tell Emmett that she was the one that wasn't cooperating. That way it would be easier for me to steer clear of any possible feelings of affection towards her.

And then she went and wore a fucking Kings of Leon shirt.

I hadn't noticed it when she answered the door. I was too taken aback by how she was gawking at me. I hadn't really changed appearance-wise since I saw her in school. Well, I had actually showered before I went to her house, but was that such a huge difference that she had to stare at me like that?

I noticed the shirt when she got up from the table to go get her bag.

_Great__,_ I had thought. _The more I try not to like her, the harder she makes it. And how? By just being her fucking self. First she's into the same classics, and now she's into KOL._

_Fuck my life to the deepest pits of hell._

Unfortunately, Bella had collaborated just fine. She didn't get entirely too catty, except when I grabbed her phone when she started texting her asshat of a boyfriend.

Speaking of The Asshat, he had called her and she spoke to him in the kitchen. I sat in the dining room and looked over her work, trying not to eavesdrop but she was making it too fucking difficult. She sounded like she was arguing with him, but she didn't get my full attention until I heard her crying.

She was hysterical.

She was begging, saying "Please, Jake" over and over. I wondered what he was saying and what she was begging him for. I didn't like the sound of her begging; it was pathetic in a sad way, making her sound inferior to him somehow.

At one point I had gotten up and stepped towards the double doors that lead into the kitchen and faced the small round table by the window. I heard silence in the kitchen and then saw Bella collapse into a chair at the table, crying into her arms.

She was in hysterics. You would have thought that someone had just died with the way she was sobbing. That ache in my chest that I was getting used to came back, and I didn't know what to do. I hoped it was a heart condition, and not what I thought it was.

But then again, maybe it _was_a heart condition. Just not in the literal sense.

Watching her cry like that, I could only assume that the wanker had broken up with her. And honestly, I didn't feel as great as I thought I would feel upon knowing that they were no longer together.

Ok, so maybe there was a _little_gratification in knowing about their separation. But just a little.

It was overshadowed by the devastated way that she was crying.

Something in me stirred, something old. Something that hadn't risen to the surface for months and months. I wasn't sure what it was, but I could feel it in my bones and in my veins. I could feel it snaking its way up to my skin and attempting to make my muscles move. It wanted me to step forward, sit with her, talk to her, comfort her. . .

Hold her.

I couldn't. I wanted to, and the ghost in me wanted to, but it couldn't happen. Not now.

Instead, I pulled my jacket on and walked over to the table where she still had her head buried in her arms. I told her that I was leaving and she nodded briefly before she started bawling even louder.

It was disturbing, and it hurt me to the point that I couldn't stay.

I took off, hoping that Emmett would be coming home soon. I didn't want her home alone in an emotional state like that; she might try to hang herself from a ceiling fan or something.

I tried to keep my mind off of Bella on the way home, but it was almost like a habit now. It was more or less involuntary to think about her. I pictured her in the KOL shirt and the jeans, something that actually made her look, well, sexy.

Was I crazy to think that a girl in a simple t-shirt and jeans is sexy? Because that's all I kept thinking on the way home.

It was almost dinner time when I arrived, and Mum was in the kitchen preparing it. She was still upset with me about the comment I had made about Carlisle, but I hoped she would come around. She always did, in the end.

I went up to my room and threw off my jacket and backpack, tossing them onto my bed while I put a CD in the stereo.

I was in the mood for some Kings of Leon.

As the song "Crawl" blared through the speakers, I pulled off my shoes and took out my sketchbook, suddenly wanting to draw something, anything.

When I plopped down on my bed, I felt something nudge against my ass. I reached back and pulled the Pop-Tart thing out of my back pocket. I couldn't help but smile slightly at the memory of Bella freaking out because I had never actually eaten the snack food before. It looked too sweet, but she seemed to enjoy it, and that made me want to try it.

I popped the pack open and was greeted by a brief whiff of something that definitely smelled sugary. I pulled out one of the large squares and saw that the front of it was frosted and sprinkled, like ice cream. Obviously that was why it was called Hot Fudge Sundae. I broke the square in half and saw that the inside was filled with some gooey, marshmallow-like substance. I sniffed it curiously, careful not to get any of the goo on my hands, and found that it actually smelled good.

So I took a bite.

_Holy motherfucking shit_, I thought_.__This tastes fucking __**good**__!_

I quickly devoured both halves of the first square and set the other one, still in its pack, on my bedside table. I shook my head in disbelief at the fact that I had deprived myself of a Pop-Tart for so long. And I had never been one for sugary snacks. Ever.

I pulled my sketchbook over to me and was about to draw something random, when my phone started to buzz.

I sighed and saw that it was Rose on the ID.

"What?" I answered.

_"What did you say to Mum?"_ Rose's chiding voice came from the other end.

I sighed and fell back on my bed. "I'm great, thanks for asking," I replied sardonically.

_"What did you say to her that has her so upset?"_ Rosalie prodded.

I knew she was talking about the little comment I had made to Mum about Carlisle, the reason she hadn't been speaking to me.

"I may or may not have said something about her husband," I admitted.

Rosalie was silent on the other end. I knew she was torn now. She wanted to be angry with me about saying shit to Mum, but now that she knew it was about Carlisle, she wouldn't want to side with Mum on anything.

**"**_Oh,"_ was her simple response.

"Look, it was just something I blurted out," I said. "She was trying to get me to try dating this slag, Lauren."

_"Oh, really?"_ Rosalie said, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Yeah. She's so fucking annoying. Lauren, I mean. I come home from school and she's sitting there with a bunch of other women. And then she bursts into my room later and I'm like, what the fuck! Rude. And then Mum was going on about how I should start dating and then she said how much Carlisle likes Lauren, so I had something to say about that."

Rosalie listened to my little rant silently.

_"Well I agree with her about one thing,"_ she said.

I groaned. "I'm not dating, Rose. Forget it."

_"It wouldn't be a bad idea to-"_

"No," I said firmly. "It's not happening. I'm going to hang up on you."

**"**_Don't you dare! Listen, Mum called and wanted to talk about you. She said she was concerned about you and she even cried a bit. She said she wished she could help you, and that she wished you could heal that other part of yourself. You know what part I mean. . . "_

The part of me that wanted to comfort Bella. The part that wanted to keep an eye on her. The part that found her sexy in a t-shirt and jeans. The part that wanted to help her with school.

I knew exactly what part she was talking about.

"No," I said again, but my voice was weaker.

_"I also agree with her that you can't let what happened with Tanya rule your life."_

Shit.

"I don't want to talk about this," I said. "Change of topic. Please."

_"Well we're going to have to talk about it one day. Would you rather it happen over the phone or in person?"_

Over the phone. Definitely.

"Why are you both on my ass?" I groaned. "I'll start dating when I'm ready. Stop pushing me."

_"I understand that, believe me, I do. We're just worried, that's all. It would be nice if you found someone who could heal that part of you."_

_I already have._

I almost said it. I almost said that I may have found someone. But that actually wasn't true. I hadn't found anyone. . . technically.

Of course I was talking about Bella. But what did I really know about her? Did I honestly know enough about her to actually have a justified reason to have "found someone"?

I knew she liked the classics and Kings of Leon. I knew she liked Pop-Tarts and that she was terrible at math.

I knew she could be snarky and defiant. She had a playful side, which I had witnessed that evening.

But was that enough?

I also knew that Bella was single now. Hopefully it wasn't temporary.

However, something told me she was going to go back to him. Something told me she might beg him to take her back. She had been begging him over the phone, so maybe she would go to him in person and ask to be taken back. Maybe she would get on her knees. For begging purposes, amongst other reasons.

I quickly shook that thought away.

How did I know that she would go back? I just did. It was an unpleasant feeling deep in my gut. I knew since the beginning that something wasn't right with Bella. The way she was around Jacob was. . . strange. It wasn't entirely obvious, but with the intense way I had been watching her lately, it all came together.

She looked at Jacob like he was her oxygen, like she was lost without him. It was like she would die without him, like she would do anything to please him.

Some would argue that that was love, but it was far from.

There was a strange sort of desperation in Bella, and I didn't like it at all. It had only been made evident by how she had dressed and how she had cried after she got off the phone with the Asshat. . .

_"Edward? You haven't hung up on me have you?"_ Rose's voice brought me back from my thoughts of Bella.

"Still here," I mumbled. "Look, when I'm ready to start dating again, you'll know."

There was a short pause, and then, _"Are you gay?"_

_What the fuck?_

"What!" I said. "No! What the fuck, Rose!"

_"Sorry,"_ Rosalie laughed. _"I'm only kidding. But if you were, you'd tell me right? And Mum? Wouldn't want us hooking you up with some nice girls for no reason."_

"You're mental. Just because I don't want to date anyone at the moment, you think I'm gay? Fuck you."

_"Well that's not very nice."_

"Since when do I care about nice?" Except when tutoring Bella.

_"You've got a point there. Anyway, I just want you to know, that we're here for you. Both Mum and I. And you should apologize to her, by the way."_

"I don't do apologies."

Rosalie sighed exasperatedly. _"Whatever, Edward. Do what you like, as stupid as it may be."_

"Bye, Rose." I was done with this conversation.

_"They would be so proud of you. . . "_ Rose's voice was odd, like she was talking absentmindedly.

". . . Sorry?"

_"Never mind. See you later, Ed."_

She hung up, leaving me to stare at the ceiling.

I had no idea what Rose's last comment meant, but it had me thinking. The whole conversation had me thinking.

Bella was single now. And I knew she didn't like me in that way, despite her staring, though that was probably because I had been being nice.

What were my chances?

If my parents and sister wanted me to go back into the dating world because they felt it was healthy for me, then fine. The idea had seemed ridiculous because the only girl I "wanted" had been taken. By Jacob.

But she wasn't with him anymore. So maybe, just maybe. . .

No. It was too soon. They had broken up a little over an hour ago. She had been infatuated with that asshole and she wasn't going to move on that quickly.

Still, the tutoring session had been a start. We had gotten along. She had given me a fucking Pop-Tart.

So where did that leave us?

I would try, I decided. Even though it was too early to try and get far, it wasn't too soon to try and start to get to know her a bit more. Maybe I had a chance.

Because, frankly, I was tired of trying to hate her. Who was I kidding? It just wasn't possible. The Kings of Leon t-shirt had made up my mind for me.

It's sorted, then, I thought. I'll take it slow, but I would try and carve out a place for myself in her life. I would try and get to know her a bit more and see if my emotions were getting all fucked up for good reason. If not, I would back away.

Tomorrow, I decided. Tomorrow, at school, I would walk up to her and… and do what?

Say hello? Make small talk?

But then she might suspect something. . .

I could be cold and blank. That wasn't entirely too hard.

I could ask about her maths work. . . yes! That would work. I would ask about the work and then talk a bit about our next session.

Perfect.

I had to strike while the iron was hot, while she wasn't with Jacob anymore. Maybe she would see what she was missing out on. Not right away, but later on. Later, when I eased myself into her life a bit more. Maybe she would realize who she's better off with.

I was screwed. The whole I-have-to-hate-her-before-I-fall-in-love-with-her-and-she-breaks-my-heart thing wasn't working for me.

So it was settled. The next day, at school, while she was still broken up with the Asshat, I would start to, slowly but surely, reserve my spot in her heart.

Because I couldn't lie to myself. As much as I knew it might kill me if it didn't work out, I couldn't deny the truth.

I was falling for her.

Pleased with my new plan and my inner musings, I decided to go to bed early and without dinner.

Tomorrow would be a fresh start.

**

* * *

**

I couldn't believe it.

I wished I was hallucinating; I wished that I had gone insane and was seeing things.

My whole plan went out the fucking window, down the fucking toilet, run over by a fucking truck, and shit on by a fatass motherfucker.

The sight I saw when I walked over to her locker the next day made me want to fuck someone up. The other old Edward, the dangerous one, was threatening to come back up to the surface.

She was with him again.

He was holding her pressed against the lockers and he was brushing hair out of her eyes. He was smiling down at her all lovingly and shit, and she was looking up at him like he was the greatest fucking person in the world.

How the fuck did she get back with him in less than twenty four hours?

Pissed, I turned and walked back to my locker, my blood boiling. The inner monster in me was restless, and I tried to calm myself down as I threw my locker open. My heard turned to my right and I saw the two of them talking, Bella smiling.

How could I have been so naïve to think that I even had a chance? How could I have thought that one little argument between Bella Swan and Jacob Asshat Black would keep them apart long enough for me to squeeze my way in?

I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying my best not to glare in their direction.

She had looked so happy. Her smile was radiant, her face glowing. But why? Why was she so happy with him?

He, on the other hand, hadn't been looking at her the way she looked at him. He may have been smiling down at her, but the way he held her was. . . possessive.

I clenched and unclenched my jaw, feeling the simmering in my veins cool down.

Life just wasn't fair. I realized that long ago, but it hadn't been so blatantly obvious until now. It hadn't hit me hard like a slap in the face until I saw her with him again. It was like life was telling me, "fuck you".

"Fuck you, too," I muttered to no one in particular.

But then I had an idea. . .

It was a stupid idea, and probably even desperate. But in a way, I _was_ desperate. I was desperate to stop being so obsessed with Bella, because watching her with Jacob was only doing to me what I had tried to avoid for months. It was causing me pain.

Suddenly, I had an idea.

This new idea was a bit mental, honestly. But it would have to work. For now.

Not only would it keep me distracted from Bella, but it would also please my parents and Rose. . .

It all boiled down to the fact that I needed a huge distraction from all this shit.

Glancing around the corridor, I saw the head of platinum blonde hair that I had been looking for. She was at her locker farther down the corridor, and was applying lip gloss whilst looking in the mirror attached on the inside of the locker door.

Determined with my new, last minute plan, I pushed myself through the crowded corridor and walked over to Lauren.

I stood behind her and she saw me through the mirror, her blue eyes widening. She rubbed her lips together and put the lip gloss stick back in the tube before smirking and turning to face me.

"Edward," she said a little too sweetly, cocking her head to one side. "What can I do for you?"

I stared at her emotionlessly, thinking about her question.

I had an answer.

"You and me," I said. "Let's talk."

**

* * *

**

**Bella POV**

I didn't know how long I had been crying. It felt like ages in between the time Edward left and the time Emmett came home.

My sobs had subsided a great deal when I heard the front door open, followed by footsteps through the living room. The footsteps stopped when they entered the kitchen, but I didn't need to lift my head out of my arms to know that it was Emmett.

"Bella?" he said quietly, concerned and confused.

I turned my hand to the right to see him standing there holding containers of Chinese takeout. His brows furrowed when he saw my face, which was probably blotchy and tear stained.

"What happened?" he asked, setting the containers on the counter.

I sat up and wiped my face, the pain in my heart lessened just slightly by the fact that I wasn't alone anymore. Not in the physical sense anyway.

"Was it Edward?" Emmett suddenly asked, sounding pissed. "Did he say something to you? Shit, I told him to at least try and be nice. You know what, I don't care if he's Rose's brother, I'm about to kick some British ass-"

He broke off when he saw me shake my head frantically.

"No," I said, my voice hoarse from the crying. "It wasn't Edward. He was fine." I wiped my nose on my sleeve and Emmett ripped off a paper towel and brought it over to me before pulling out the chair next to me and sitting down.

"Then what happened?"

I blew my nose into the paper towel and thought about what to tell him. I wasn't sure if Jacob and I had officially broken up or if it was just one of those periods couples have where they both need some "space".

"Jake and I got into an argument," I decided.

"Oh," Emmett said, frowning. "But why do you look like you've been crying for hours? Was it that bad?"

I nodded.

"It happens," he shrugged. "Arguments are part of every relationship. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll come around, whatever it is you argued about."

He patted my hand reassuringly, but I knew he just didn't understand.

"I don't think he will," I said. I stopped there, unable to say "I think he broke up with me."

It must have been written on my face, because realization dawned on Emmett's face before he looked sad. But I was sure I saw just a hint of relief in his features.

"Did you guys break up?" he asked gently.

I shrugged. "He never said it straight up."

"What did he say?"

I thought about our argument and couldn't even remember his exact words, except for the end where he had told me that he didn't know what he had been thinking and that he was "done".

"He said he didn't know what he was thinking," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "He said everything was too ridiculous and that he was done."

Emmett stared at me silently before taking a deep breath.

He shook his head. "That little shit," he muttered. "I swear, if I see him again. . . " He looked up at me then and saw something in my face because he said, "You still like him don't you?"

I nodded once and looked at my hands, feeling pathetic.

Emmett sighed. "Bella, he wasn't right for you. Guys like that-"

"Don't," I interrupted him, not wanting to hear him hate on Jacob. "Just stop. I want to be alone."

It was ironic that just moments ago I wanted anything but to be alone yet now I pretty much asked for it. If Emmett was going to do nothing but insult Jake then I didn't want to be around him.

I stood up and threw the paper towel out.

"Don't you want to eat?" Emmett asked.

"I'll be down in a bit," I told him. "I'm gonna wash my face and then lie down for a little while."

Emmett nodded, his expression sympathetic, and I turned and went upstairs.

My eyes were read and puffy from crying and I splashed some cold water on my face before going to my room and plopping down on my bed.

Jacob and I had been together for such a short amount of time, and already we had fallen apart. This was not how I had expected my first relationship to be.

But something told me that this wasn't the end, that there would be more to our relationship. It wasn't over until Jacob or I said that it was. He had to say "it's over".

But wasn't saying "I'm done" the same thing? He could have meant he was done with our argument.

Yes, I resolved. That is what he meant. He had meant he was done with our argument.

Feeling a little better by this thought, I pulled out my phone and texted him.

_Is this it? Are we over? - B_

It was easier to write it to him than ask him in person or over the phone.

I had to wait a torturous five minutes before he replied.

**No. - J**

My heart swelled and I breathed a sigh of relief. So it was true. We weren't over. The weight on my chest had been lifted and I felt like I could breathe again.

_Okay. -B_

I didn't know what else to say, so I kept it at that. I was surprised when I got a reply.

**Not yet anyway -J**

For some reason it felt like a threat, and I felt queasy.

_What does that mean? -B_

**It means don't fuck up again. -J**

My heart lurched. We hadn't broken up, but he was still angry. I needed to fix this.

_Ok. Sorry. -B_

**Sure sure. -J**

_=] - B_

**lol -J**

So he was laughing out loud. That was good. I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket, going down to dinner with a smile on my face.

I told a very surprised Emmett that everything was okay, and he tried to mask the look of disappointment on his face with a smile that was just a little too forced.

**

* * *

**

The next day, Jacob was acting like nothing had happened. Emmett dropped me off and I met Jake in the hallway; he wrapped his arm around my waist like he would have any other day, and I reveled in the moment. He said it was okay for me not to dress the way I had the day before, and I was glad that I could rock my t-shirts and hoodies again.

We chatted a little before I had to go off to math, and I was in a good mood as I sat down in my seat. Alice joined me soon after and I felt pretty content.

Until Edward walked in.

What I saw shocked me. I didn't want to believe it, but there it was, right in front of me.

Edward was strolling into math class, hand in hand with Lauren Mallory.

_What the hell?_

They were holding hands and she had the smuggest look on her face. Edward looked pretty nonchalant, but he smirked at her right before she kissed him on the cheek and went to sit in the seat behind me.

Alice turned to look at me wide-eyed before I met Edward's amused gaze. He sat down in his usual seat in front of me and my mouth was still hanging open.

Behind me, I could hear Lauren and her friend gushing over Lauren's knew "boyfriend". I felt my chest constrict in an odd way upon thinking that Lauren and Edward were together. I tried to deny the fact that it bothered me, but it honestly did. I felt my current dislike for Lauren, which had already been pretty high, grow dramatically.

Unable to control myself, I tapped Edward on the shoulder, biting my lip.

He turned his head around to stare at me, one eyebrow raised expectantly.

"Are you coming today?" I breathed. I knew that he was, but I had the sudden urge to talk to him, to ask him anything.

"Do you have other plans?" Edward asked, and his tone was somehow condescending.

I furrowed my brows. "No. Do you?" I wondered if he did, since he obviously wasn't single anymore.

"Not really," he replied. "So I'll be there."

I nodded, satisfied, and he turned around again.

A big part of me was really looking forward to the next tutoring session. The last time, despite the horrific ending, had been. . . pretty good. I hadn't expected it to go so well; I thought I would be ripping my hair out of my scalp by the end of it.

But I had seen a completely different side of Edward. He hadn't been entirely nice, but he hadn't really been mean either. He had actually been, for the most part, calm and helpful and patient. It was something that I really did not expect to come out of him.

It made me want to be around him more, knowing that a side like that actually existed. And not only that, but he had been a pretty good teacher too.

This point was proven when Mr. Varner put some of the homework problems on the board and I, much to his surprise, actually volunteered to do one. I got it correct and smiled smugly at the teacher on my way back to my seat.

The day's lesson itself was incredibly difficult. I tried to focus so that Edward wouldn't have a hard time explaining it to me later, but it was no use. I was completely lost.

I let myself zone out, figuring that Edward would just tell me how to do it later.

I felt almost giddy when I thought about the next tutoring session. I realized that it was excitement, and my excitement worried me.

Why was I ecstatic for Edward to come over?

**

* * *

**

A few minutes before five, I already had the dining room set up for the next session. I had my book sitting neatly on the table, as well as my calculator and a few pencils. I didn't know why I needed so many, but I tried to keep myself busy to make the time go by faster.

It disturbed me how much I was looking forward to this. Emmett noticed as well, because the second I started organizing the table he said, "Eager, are we?"

I shrugged and tried not to give anything away from my face.

I had told Jacob that Edward would be tutoring me for the next week or so, and he wasn't happy that I would be spending more time with Edward and less with him. I calmly explained that I needed to stick to the tutoring and he said it was fine as long as I could make up for the lost time somehow.

The doorbell rang at exactly 5:01, and I had been up in my room, changing into a long-sleeved blue top. It had gotten chillier, so I felt cold in the t-shirt I had been wearing.

My stomach churned as I went down the stairs and heard Emmett greet Edward.

I reached the landing and saw Edward standing in the living room, backpack over shoulder, usual leather jacket and Chucks.

"Hi," I said, trying to sound nonchalant.

What was wrong with me?

"Hi," Edward responded curtly, his face blank.

"Well, I'll let you kiddies get on with business," Emmett said, clapping his hands together once. "I'll be upstairs if you need me. I actually have paperwork to take care of. Who'da thunk that with my job, there's paperwork shit involved? Blasphemy." He shook his head and walked over to the stairs, smiling at me on his way up.

Edward glanced at me briefly before going into the dining room. I followed, seeing that he was taking out all of his books. I went and stood across from him, chewing on my lip.

"Ready?" he asked, sitting down in the chair. I nodded and sat across from him, opening up my notebook.

"So," I said quietly. "You know the thing he taught us today? I didn't get it. . ."

Edward nodded without looking at me before saying, "That's why I'm here."

Our little catchphrase.

He smiled crookedly and looked up from under his eyelashes; I was instantly breathless.

Was he doing that on purpose?

The glance and smile were gone quicker than they had come, but I wasn't done staring at him.

_Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob_**,** I chanted in my head. I quickly looked away from Edward before he could catch me.

He opened up the textbook and notebook and sighed a big sigh.

"We didn't get as far as I would have liked yesterday," he said. "But I guess we can start fresh, from today's pain in the ass of a lesson." He glanced up at me and I nodded, looking away from his eyes before I could get lost in them again.

He started to do what he had done last time, ripping out a piece of paper and showing me how to do a problem. Even with his patient and slow way of explaining how to do things, I still didn't get it. It was all way too confusing, and my head hurt as I tried to follow the steps.

"There," he said after a few minutes, boxing off the answer. He put the pen down and looked at me. "Do you get it now?"

I bit my lip and shook my head, causing him to sigh. I felt his breath lightly caress my face and I suppressed a shudder.

"Were you focusing?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "I swear I was, I just don't get it."

Edward nodded and stared down at the paper with his brows furrowed in concentration.

"Okay," he finally said. He flipped the paper over and drew two lines, dividing the paper into thirds. "Let's break this down some more."

He did the problem again, except this time he broke it down so that the three confusing steps were separated in the three boxes. That helped a lot, and by the end of it I was pretty confident that I would be able to do a problem on my own.

That is, until I actually tried it myself.

I stared down at my notebook, completely baffled. I tried to do it by looking at Edward's example, but I kept screwing up somehow.

After fifteen minutes of doing God-knows-what, I groaned and rested my forehead on the table.

"What's wrong with you?" Edward asked, and I almost chuckled at his tone.

I banged my forehead on the table with every word, "I. Don't. Get. It."

"Well don't do that," Edward said, and I could hear the smirk in his voice. "That's only going to make you lose IQ points."

"Too. Freaking. Late."

"Let me see what you did." I suddenly felt embarrassed, and held the notebook tightly under me without lifting my head.

"No."

"Come on."

"Nooo."

"You're such a child." I felt him grab the notebook and my head flew up as I held on tighter, but he wouldn't let go.

"It's okay," I insisted, tugging on the notebook that we were both now clutching. "Let me try again and then I'll show you."

"I want to see it now," he said, pulling. We played tug-of-war with the notebook, and of course he was winning. He had that crooked grin on his face as he pulled the notebook so hard that I was being pulled forward with it. My hands were slipping and it wasn't long before he tugged sharply and my arms dropped to the table.

"You're evil," I declared, glaring at him as I sat back in my chair.

He chuckled, but didn't look down at the notebook like he had intended to. Instead, he stared at me curiously for a few seconds before holding out the notebook again.

"Fine," he said, no longer smiling. "Finish what you started."

I didn't thank him, but just grabbed the notebook and began to focus on trying to get it right.

Edward craned his neck, trying to see what I was doing from where he was. He obviously couldn't see, because he huffed and leaned back in his chair.

"Be patient," I told him, trying to hide the amusement in my voice. He narrowed his eyes at me and I smirked, still trying to figure out the stupid problem.

From my peripheral vision I saw him pull off his jacket and drop it on the table. I glanced up and his t-shirt caused me to grin.

"Stewie!" I cried happily, the math forgotten. He had on a black t-shirt with Stewie from Family Guy on it. The cartoon baby was pointing a finger at me while the words "YOU SUCK" were written under him. I giggled at the sight.

Edward raised a brow and looked down at his shirt.

"That's a very motivational shirt, Edward," I laughed.

"Ignore Stewie and do the fucking work will you?" he said irritably.

"Stewie is distracting. I can't concentrate, especially if he's telling me I suck."

Edward rolled his eyes and sighed again. He put his jacket back on and I smiled. As he slid his arm through the jacket sleeves, I noticed his biceps and how firm they looked. They weren't overly large like Jacob's, but they were still pretty impressive.

_Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob._

"Thank you," I told him, referring to him putting his jacket back on and covering up the distracting little cartoon baby.

"Yeah, yeah."

I giggled and looked down at the notebook again, while Edward tried once more to see what I was doing from where he sat.

Unsuccessful and annoyed, he stood up and walked around the table. I tensed up as he pulled out the chair next to me and sat down. It didn't escape my notice how he made sure to push the chair a little more to the right so that he wouldn't be entirely too close. I caught that appealing whiff of cigarettes and spicy cologne as he sat.

I stared at him as he put his right elbow on the table and put his head in his hand, his knees facing me. He didn't look at my face, but instead focused on the work I had done. He shook his head a little and mumbled something that I couldn't make out, despite the fact that we were just about a foot apart.

"What?" I asked, and his green eyes were suddenly piercing through mine.

It was a strange, intense moment as we both stared into each other's eyes.

I felt myself get goosebumps, though not in a creepy way, and I couldn't look away.

He was the first to move in any way when he shut his eyes. He took a deep breath through his nose and I looked down at my notebook, feeling my face get red.

That had been very, very strange. Not to mention overwhelming.

I felt chagrined as thoughts of Jacob came back to me.

But I also couldn't help but think, Why didn't Jacob make me feel that way?

Edward's phone buzzed loudly and we both jumped at the sudden noise. He pulled it out and read a text message before sighing and replying. He set it down on the table and opened his mouth to say something before his phone buzzed again. With an annoyed expression, he picked it up and replied to another text.

Remembering how he had taken my phone when I was texting Jacob the day before, I said, "Mr. Cullen, I'm afraid I'm going to have to confiscate that."

He raised an eyebrow, giving me a skeptical look. "Sorry?"

"You heard me," I said, holding out my hand. "You took my phone, so I get to take yours."

He rolled his eyes and handed over his phone, which I gladly took and set aside to my left. It wasn't long before it buzzed again.

And again.

And again.

"Who the hell **is** that?" I asked irritably after it buzzed for the seventh time.

"Lauren," Edward muttered, looking at my notebook in his hands. I had finally finished the problem, though I was pretty sure it wasn't right.

"Oh," was all I could say. I had forgotten about her.

Curious, I had to ask, "How did that happen?"

Edward looked up confusedly, "How did what happen?"

"You and Lauren."

He developed a mischevious glint in his eyes. "Well, you see, when a man and a woman love each other very much-"

"No!" I cried, covering my ears. "You know what I mean."

He smirked and then shrugged. "How does any couple happen? How did you and the Asshat happen?"

I glared at him before saying, "Don't start. Jake and I. . ." I trailed off, trying to remember how we had even gotten started.

Everything had happened so darn fast and I only kept getting flashes of him always looking at me, talking to me, writing my number on his arm… There was nothing in particular that caused us to "get started".

Edward was staring at me expectantly.

"It was a bunch of stuff," I finally said. Edward gave me a strange look, like he didn't believe me, and then nodded.

"So, you and Lauren. . . ?" I prodded. I never would have thought the two of them would be together. It was such a random pairing. I may have believed it were possible when Edward was more of a jerk, but now that I saw his not-so-mean side, it was hard to believe.

"I met her, formally, through my parents," Edward said simply, staring intently at the table. "Then I asked her out."

"But _why__?_" I asked, and I didn't bother masking the incredulity in my tone.

Edward didn't look offended but just calmly said, "I can say the exact same fucking thing about your prick of a boyfriend, you know."

"Don't even start with the Jacob remarks," I snapped. "Lauren is a conceited, self-righteous, egotistical hoe."

I didn't know where the anger in my voice came from; I dismissed it as a reaction to how Lauren had tormented me in the past.

"And Jacob is a controlling, obsessive, annoying little asswipe," Edward countered.

I narrowed my eyes. "Lauren is a devious, manipulative, whiny little bitch."

"Jacob is possessive and cocky."

"Lauren is insensitive and cruel."

"He's an idiot."

"She's a blonde bimbo."

"He's a wanker."

"She's. . . wait, he's a what?"

"A wanker."

"What the hell is that?"

Edward chuckled and shook his head. "It's better if you don't know."

"What does it mean?"

"I'm not telling you."

"I'll google it then."

"No! Trust me, you do not want to do that."

"Then tell me what it means."

"Nope."

"Fine, I'll ask Rosalie the next time I see her."

Edward chuckled again. "Good luck with that."

We glared at each other before he nodded to my notebook.

"Plan on finishing that any time soon?"

"Right," I muttered, looking down at the problem again. It seemed that our little banter had caused me to forget some of the steps. Frustrated, I tried to focus but I felt absolutely dumb not being able to do any math.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," I muttered. "Ugh, I'm so dumb."

"Oi," Edward's voice was low and disapproving. I glanced at him and saw that he was glaring at me; I was taken by surprise.

"Don't call yourself stupid," he said seriously. "You're not, you just need a lot of focusing and repetition. But don't degrade yourself; we won't get anywhere if you have an attitude like that."

I felt myself turn red, like he was a teacher that had just yelled at me in front of the class.

"Sorry," I mumbled, looking back down at the paper.

"I don't need your apology," he said. "Just focus."

I nodded determinedly. His phone buzzed again and I glowered at it before going back to my work.

I added something I thought needed adding and multiplied what I thought needed multiplying. I could feel Edward's gaze on me and my work and that made me even more nervous.

Suddenly he said, "No, no, no. You're making a huge mistake."

He reached out to grab the pen from me, and his hand brushed against mine.

Electricity.

That is what I felt when his skin connected with mine. It was brief, but it ran across my whole hand and up my arm. I gasped slightly and glanced at him, his shocked eyes mirroring my own.

He now had the pen in his hand and mine was just frozen in mid-air from when I had jumped at the static shock. Maybe one of us had rubbed against or touched something that created static? But we were touching each others' skin, not anything metal. . .

Edward blinked rapidly before shaking his head jerkily.

"Uh," his voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat. "So. . . look, you're not supposed to add anything there. . . "

I stared at what he was doing without really paying attention. I felt jittery and I put both my hands under my thighs so I was sitting on them.

I was so completely and utterly confused. What Edward made me feel was so strange to the point that it was irrational. It didn't make any sense. I figured that a lot of it had to do with his looks, but then what about the shock I got out of touching him? Why didn't I get that when I was with Jacob?

Why didn't I feel as _free_ when I was with Jacob?

Could I possibly be falling for Edward?

_No,_ I thought. No_, that can't happen. I have Jacob. My Jacob._

It was messing with my mind and messing with my insides. I scolded myself internally for not thinking more about my boyfriend, before I was able to pay attention to what Edward was doing.

He sighed exasperatedly. "Now do you know what to do?"

I bit my lip and nodded, even though I still had no clue. Edward wasn't buying it.

"Look, forget this shit," he said. "We'll work on it some other time. Let's do something else."

I took a deep breath to clear my head before I nodded.

"How about we do one of his old lessons?" I suggested. "The ones that might be on the test?"

Edward nodded once and I began to flip back pages in my notebook when the buzz of my phone in my back pocket made me jump. I pulled it out and saw that Jacob was calling.

I furrowed my brows. Jake knew I was being tutored now, so why would he be calling?

Edward cleared his throat and I glanced up to see him smirk and cock an eyebrow at me. He held his hand out for the phone, which hadn't stopped buzzing.

I shook my head and handed over the phone, which Edward flipped open and held to his ear.

"What are you doing?" I cried, panicked.

Edward ignored me.

"Sorry Mr. Asshat," he said into the phone. My eyes widened and I tried to grab it from him but he switched ears. "Yes, this is Edward." I could hear Jacob's loud, angry voice and my heart started pounding.

"She's busy at the moment," Edward said, nothing but amusement on his face. "She's actually getting an education, I think you should try it. It'll come in handy in the future."

"Edward," I growled. "Give me the phone. Now."

Edward grinned crookedly at me but I was too pissed to be dazzled by it this time.

"Threatening me, are you?" Edward said, a dangerous hint to his amused voice. "Look, I'm doing your girlfriend a favor. She needs to go to uni and do something with her life and that's only going to happen if you piss off and leave us the fuck alone."

I was suddenly terrified. My heart was still pounding and I stood up and walked to Edward's other side and snatched the phone from him. Frantically, I put it to my ear.

"Jake," I said, my voice shaking. "Jake, don't listen to him. . . " I trailed off, hearing nothing on the other end. "Hello?"

Silence.

I flipped the phone off, glaring at Edward angrily. He may have just ruined everything that I had only just gotten back.

"What the hell did you do?" I hissed.

Edward's face was serious, the amusement gone.

He shrugged. "I did it for your own good, you know. He needs to stop interrupting us. He's a bit obsessive, no?"

"You ruined everything!" I said angrily, my eyes tearing up. Edward cringed. "I just got him back and then you had to go and be an asshole again! He's going to be **so**mad."

"Calm the fuck down," Edward said. "You didn't do anything wrong. If he's going to be pissed at anyone, it's me. You've got nothing to worry about."

Emmett was suddenly there, eying the both of us warily.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Your sister's gone a bit mad," Edward told him matter-of-factly.

"Shut up!" I said, frantically flipping my phone open and calling Jacob. "You just screwed everything up! I hate you, Edward."

I turned and stormed out of the kitchen, holding the phone to my ear. It went straight to Jake's voicemail and I swore, pressing the "send" button again. Again, it went to his voicemail and I wanted to cry.

Edward didn't understand. He may think that Jake would be angry with him, but that wasn't necessarily true. One way or another, I knew I would be put at fault.

I gave up and flipped the phone shut, blinking back tears. I heard a mumble of voices from the dining room and then footsteps coming into the kitchen.

I turned and saw Edward there, hands in his pockets, his face a little sheepish.

"That bloke you call your brother is making me apologize," he muttered. "So. . . yeah. . . sorry."

His apology was barely audible but I didn't care. I glared at him and turned my back, hearing him sigh and leave the kitchen. It wasn't long before I heard the front door open and close, and then Emmett was behind me.

"You okay?" he asked, and I shrugged, feeling dead on the inside. I looked away from his pitiful expression and went upstairs, not wanting to do anything but be swallowed into my mattress.

**

* * *

**

When Emmett dropped me off to school the next day, I was apprehensive. I didn't know if Jacob would be mad at me or if he would just ignore me. I'd rather he yell at me than not pay attention to me at all, because I couldn't bear it being like we weren't together.

I walked down the hallway, chewing on my lip anxiously, my eyes roaming the halls for a tall, tan figure.

I didn't see him around, and just when I passed the small, dimly lit hallway that lead to the janitor's closet, a hand flew out and grabbed my arm, yanking me into the hallway.

I gasped and almost tripped as I was pulled into the hallway, whirling around to see Jacob.

He had a tight grip around the area under my forearm, and it was really beginning to hurt. His expression was furious, his eyes dark.

I was terrified.

"Jake," I breathed. "Let go."

He continued to glare at me, and my heart thudded in my chest. He was silently searching my face, his grip getting tighter and more painful.

"Jacob," I said. "You're hurting me. Let go, please."

He ignored me, his eyes narrowing.

"Why did Edward Cullen answer your phone?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous.

"I... I… He. . . " I stuttered.

"He what?" Jacob growled, his grip even tighter. I was starting to lose feeling in my hand.

"Ow," I muttered. "Jake, you're really hurting me." My voice was shaky.

"Answer the question," he hissed, shaking me a little with the hand holding my arm.

"He just took it!" I told him quickly. "You called and he just took it and answered it."

That wasn't exactly true. I had given it to him. But with Jacob holding me this way, I didn't want to piss him off any more. Because, quite frankly, he was scaring the hell out of me.

"And you let him?" Jacob asked angrily.

I knew it, I knew he would find some way to blame me.

"I-It was too late, he was too quick, I couldn't stop him before he was talking to you," I rambled. My hand was going numb and the muscle under his hand ached. "Jake, let go. Please."

"Why is it that Cullen gets more time with you?" he asked, still not releasing me.

"He doesn't," I whimpered, wincing from the pain.

"Yes he does!" He shook me again and my heart was hammering so loud, I thought he could hear it. I looked down the small hallway, seeing students pass by without a care in the world; they couldn't see us under the dim light.

"I only ever see you in school," Jacob was complaining. "You refuse to come over to my place, and I know you're being tutored and shit and that's fine or whatever, but then Cullen answers your phone and starts talking shit. That doesn't make me very happy."

"I'm sorry," I said, not really sure what I was apologizing for. "And the tutoring thing is temporary. It's only until the finals are over, and then I'll be able to spend more time with you. I swear. Just a few more days."

The bell rang and he finally let go of me. I felt a sharp ache before I could feel the blood rush back to my hand, and I rubbed my arm.

"I don't want Cullen anywhere near you after this tutoring shit is over," he said.

I nodded, unsure of how I felt about that. "Okay. Fine."

His mood suddenly changed and he leaned down and gave me a chaste kiss.

"See you around, babe," he mumbled before walking away.

I stared after him in a daze, not entirely comprehending what had just happened. He had been angry, as expected, about Edward answering my phone and talking smack, but I didn't know he was still upset about me not spending more time with him.

I rubbed my sore arm, the hurt not going away.

Fearfully and hesitantly, I pulled up my sleeve.

Sure enough, there it was.

Under the dim light of this particular hallway, I could see exactly where Jacob's long fingers had wrapped around my skin.

He had bruised me.


	13. Open Your Eyes

**Disclaimer**: Twilight is not mine.

_**

* * *

**_

**Chapter 13- Open Your Eyes**

_The anger swells in my guts  
And I won't feel these slices and cuts  
I want so much to open your eyes  
'Cause I need you to look into mine_

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

**Open Your Eyes- Snow Patrol**

_**

* * *

**_

**Edward POV**

The look on Bella's face when I walked into class hand in hand with Lauren Mallory was fucking priceless.

Her jaw dropped and her eyes nearly popped right out of her head as her gaze went from Lauren's face to our hands intertwined.

I felt so fucking smug seeing her react like that. I had reckoned that maybe she would be a bit surprised, but her expression told me that she was absolutely floored. And I liked that.

I had made sure to explain to Lauren that I had no real interest in her whatsoever. I told her that I didn't like her, and that I would never kiss her or any of that shit. I made sure to make it very clear that my sole purpose on asking her to be my "girlfriend" was just to please my parents and sister. I didn't say anything about Bella and the distraction I needed from her.

Lauren, being the shallow slag that she is, didn't give a rat's ass that I was using her. Any girl that had any sort of self respect would tell me that I was mad, that she refused to be used. But no, not Lauren. She just wanted to be seen on the arm of Edward Cullen.

So there was something in it for the both of us, and that was perfect.

Even though Lauren's job was to distract me, she distracted me during all the wrong times. Like the tutoring session, for example. She kept texting me after I specifically told her to leave me the fuck alone for an hour or so. I was glad that Bella took my phone; otherwise I would have answered it and snapped at the stupid cow.

That tutoring session was even more intense than the last one. Bella didn't wear any shirt with a particular band I was fond of, but she did wear a top that was the most complimentary blue that I had ever seen. The colour on her did something to her skin, somehow making it look radiant. It was weird; I didn't know any particular colour could make a girl's skin look so fucking good.

The playful side of Bella was back, and it was amusing to see her so . . . free. I never saw this side of her when she was with Jacob; never saw her joke around or tease or laugh. It was bizarre that she was comfortable enough around me to be that way, especially considering the fact that I had tended to always be a complete dick to her.

The session included me trying to explain to her a somewhat difficult lesson. It wasn't anything I couldn't do, but it didn't fall under the category of "preschool shit" either. It was something that had once given me a hard time, but something I would be able to do after my memory had been refreshed. Even I had to pay attention in Varner's class to understand the lesson.

We didn't get anywhere. She didn't learn much, but there were just too many distractions the whole time.

For one, she got excited when she saw my Stewie t-shirt. Her whole face lit up and she grinned when she saw the image of the evil little baby. It was like giving a child an early look at what they would be getting for Xmas. She had even clapped her hands together a little. It was so fucking bizarre.

_Well that's just fucking lovely_, I had thought. _She likes the classics, Kings of Leon, and now Family Guy. What else could we possibly have in common? Does she ride a motorcycle as well? Did she also have a tattoo once removed, or an ex that started shagging her best friend after years of being a torturous bitch?_

I got her to focus and there came a point where I got so annoyed with being unable to see what she was doing from where I was seated, that I actually went and sat next to her. I was sure to pull the chair a little more to the right so I wasn't entirely too close, but near enough to see whatever errors she may have been making.

She was making the silliest mistakes, so I grabbed the pen from her, my hand brushing against hers in the process.

And that's when I felt the electricity.

It was quick, but strong. It went from my hand, all the way up my arm and I was frozen. I stared into her brown orbs as she stared into mine, neither of us able to comprehend what had just happened. I kept thinking maybe it was just static from something that creates it, but it was so different from that.

What the hell was it?

I quickly got myself to focus elsewhere, trying to explain the problem to her. But she didn't understand it so I gave up and we decided to work on something else.

But before we could do that, her boyfriend started calling. I immediately got pissed off that he was interrupting us, so I happily answered the call for her.

The dickhead was furious that I had picked up, and actually had the nerve to threaten me and tell me that he would come over here and fuck me up if I didn't give Bella the phone back.

Oh what I would have given to get into a brawl with Jacob Black. I wanted nothing more than to break his face in all the right places.

Bella freaked out on me, and even told me that she hated me. Her saying that to me was like a slap in the face, but I tried to ignore it. I kept telling myself that she was just in the moment.

Emmett came down and forced me to apologise to his sister. I had told Rosalie earlier in the day that I didn't do apologies, but I soon realized Bella was the only exception.

Soon after, I left, wondering why our tutoring sessions always had to end on a negative note. Last time, she and her boyfriend had broken up, and now she was pissed at me for answering her phone.

I honestly didn't mind. If it meant spending more time with her, I'd take the negativity.

I was back in time for dinner, my mother absolutely ecstatic that I now had a "girlfriend". I didn't consider Lauren to be one, but if the thought pleased my mother and I was forgiven, then whoop-de-fucking-doo.

"Your father's going to be so happy," she had crooned whilst bringing freshly laundered clothes into my room. I could care less about making my father happy, but I was careful not to say that out loud, since I had just recently been let off the hook.

"What about you?" I had asked. "Are you happy?"

She gave me a small smile as she set a stack of clean t-shirts on my bed. "I'm happy you've found someone to spend time with."

I stared at her suspiciously, knowing that she had been careful with choosing those words.

"You're happy I've got a . . . girlfriend," the word was difficult to say since it was untrue. "But you're not happy it's Lauren." I said it like a statement; the idea was evident on her face.

Mum shrugged. "I'm just glad you've moved on from the whole Tanya situation."

I hadn't quite moved on, but she didn't need to know that.

I had told Lauren to leave me alone when I was at home, and only to annoy me while I was at school. But of course she didn't listen. She texted me every two minutes and if I ignored her she called so much that I ended up switching my mobile off.

But then she left me six voicemails:

_"Edward, why won't you answer? Where are you? Thinking about you, baby. . . "_

_"Hey! Call me, okay? I'm soooo bored. I know you said to only talk to you when we're in school and that you only gave me your number so I could text you in class, but I couldn't help but call. It would be crazy of me not to put the number of a hot guy such as yourself to good use."_

_In a very whiny voice,__"Edwaaaard! Why won't you answer my texts? Ugh, are you still tutoring that Swan girl? Ewww. Call me."_

_"Where the hell are you? Jeez. Is your phone on silent? Call me, please."_

Clearly, someone was really fucking desperate.

_"Oh. My. God. Answer your phone! I know you don't like me and stuff, but c'mon! You can't leave a girl hanging."_

_"God, I am so frickin' bored. I keep thinking about how sexy you looked in school today. I love your leather jacket. Can I borrow it? Oh, and I love your sex hair. I can't wait to be the cause of that and run my hands through it. Hehehehe. Call me, Eddie."_

Right, that was the final straw. Was she boosting my ego? A little. Was that overshadowed by her asking for my jacket, saying she wanted to have sex with me, and calling me Eddie? Yes.

Fed up, I finally called her. The desperate little thing answered before the first ring was even over.

_"Eddie!"_ she trilled. I cringed. This bitch was delirious.

"Let's get some things straight," I told her as I got ready for bed. "First of all, if you call me 'Eddie' one more damn time, I'm calling this whole thing off." I heard her gasp. "Second, no, there is no way in HELL you are getting my leather jacket. Keep dreaming. And third, I am not going to have sex with you. Did I not tell you that?"

_"Yeah, you did,"_ Lauren said. _"But-"_

"No, I meant what I said. Obviously if I'm not going to fucking kiss you, I'm not going to shag you either. And leave my hair alone. No one touches it but me. Like I said, keep dreaming."

I heard Lauren sigh. _"Why are you so serious all the time? Don't you want to have a little fun?"_

"No. All right, I'm hanging up now. Don't call me."

_"But why?"_ she whined.

"Because you're fucking annoying as hell, that's why!" I snapped.

Silence. I could tell I had probably hurt her feelings.

I sighed. "Look, Lauren. I know my intentions of asking you to be my pretend girlfriend are all wrong. That's just me. I'm all fucked up in the head. If you don't want to do this, then fine. I'll find someone else."

_"No!"_she said quickly. **"**_I already broke up with Tyler, and I don't want to be single again. Besides, you're doing this to make your parents happy, right?"_

That was what I had told her, but not my main concern.

"Yes."

_"Then it's all good."_

"Right, I'm going to bed. Bye."

I hung up before she could say anything and took a deep breath. This was not going to be easy.

**

* * *

**

Lauren did her job perfectly in school. For the most part, anyway.

She met me at my locker, as discussed, before every class and we held hands as we walked through the corridors. Crowds parted like the Red Sea to let us pass and I could hear all the mumblings about us.

There were several times that I caught Bella's eye, in the corridor or in class, and she never failed to gawk at me and my new "girlfriend".

I wondered if she was jealous. Something told me that she was, thought it didn't make sense why she should be. What did she care if I had a girlfriend or not? She was perfectly happy with that Asshat of hers. At least, that's what it looked like on the outside.

Like I had said before, I'm a very observant person. Nothing much gets past me.

So I could tell, something was wrong with Bella.

I didn't know what it was, but I could tell something was bothering her. She was distracted in maths, and was unusually quiet, not even responding to Alice's endless banter. She didn't look up to stare when I walked in with Lauren, like she had been doing all morning.

I wondered if everything had been going well with her and her boyfriend. They seemed perfectly fine in the corridors, him holding her around the waist all possessively and shit. She seemed content as usual, but there was something amiss about her, something I couldn't put my finger on.

During lunch, she sat with Black again and didn't even stare longingly at our table like she had been doing ever since the wanker forced her to sit with him and his pack of idiots. She was absentmindedly picking at her food, staring into space, and occasionally smiling at the Asshat or answering one of his questions.

I found that, even with Lauren as a distraction, she couldn't keep me from watching Bella whatever chance I got. Sure, her job was to keep me from thinking about Bella at all, but it just wasn't possible. My eyes were drawn to her like magnets, wherever she was.

During gym, I thought it was strange how she wore a long-sleeved shirt under her tee. Coach pulled her aside to tell her that that wasn't okay for gym attire, and I overheard a little of their conversation from where I sat at the bleachers with Jasper and Alice.

"I'm sorry, Coach," Bella had been saying. "I was just cold."

I furrowed my brows upon hearing that, feeling like it was always too warm in the gym. Sometimes the school people overdid it with the heating, and every room often felt like a fucking oven.

"Cold, Ms. Swan?" Coach had repeated skeptically. Bella nodded fervently, but I could tell she was lying. The girl was an open book.

"All right, I'll let it go this time since you might be feeling a little under the weather," Coach said. "But I'm going to have to ask that you not wear layers in the gym. You might get overheated, and it can be unhygienic."

"Bella's been strange today," Alice commented as Bella slowly walked back to us. "I have a bad feeling."

"You okay, Bella?" Jasper asked her when she sat beside Alice.

She hadn't heard him.

Alice poked her in the arm and Bella jerked away like she had just been electric shocked. We all stared at her in confusion.

"What's the matter?" Alice said. "You've been distracted all day and you weren't even listening when I was telling you about how I got the summer internship at Missmagazine. You encouraged me to apply, remember?"

"Oh," Bella said. "That's great! Congrats." Her congrats was half-hearted, and Alice wasn't buying it.

Alice sighed. "Is everything okay? If something was wrong, you'd tell me right?"

"Of course," Bella replied. "Everything's fine, I promise."

Bullshit, I wanted to say. _Something's messed up somewhere and you know it, so spill._

I became more excited than ever for the next tutoring session. I'd figure out what was on her mind; something in me was itching to know.

I'd get it out of her, I thought.

My mission for the next session was to get inside her head.

**

* * *

**

After school, I walked with Lauren to my bike. She wanted a ride home but I told her to piss off. My bike belonged to me only; no one's ass belonged on it except mine.

But then I saw Bella at the other end of the lot, watching us.

"Fine," I told Lauren. "Get on."

Lauren excitedly hopped on, and I sat in front of her, trying not to see Bella's reaction as Lauren wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Where do you live?" I asked Lauren as I put my helmet on. She told me her address and I kept it in mind as I pulled out of the parking space.

From a distance, I could still see Bella. But this time she wasn't alone- Jacob was with her, and he did not look happy.

I paused, my hands tightening on the handlebars. Bella and the Asshat were standing by his car, and they looked to be arguing. Both of them looked distressed, and Bella seemed to be telling him something to which he kept shaking his head.

I tried to read his lips and could easily tell that the words "I'm sorry" were being spoken over and over by him.

I was extremely curious as to what exactly he was apologizing for.

"Hey you," Lauren's whiney voice got my attention. "What are you waiting for?"

I didn't answer her question, but just revved the engine.

"Don't I get a helmet?" she pouted.

"You wanted to get on," I told her, my voice slightly muffled by the helmet. "If we crash and you bust your head open, it's your fault, not mine."

"But that's not-"

"Hold on tight!" I cut her off, just a second before I zoomed away. She actually screamed with fright and buried her head in my back.

"Stop!" she suddenly screamed when we had only gotten a few blocks away from school."Oh my God, I'm going to die, stop! Mommy!"

"Fuck," I muttered, pulling up in front of the pizza joint where Bella had had her first date. Lauren immediately climbed off, shaking, and I pulled off my helmet.

"What the hell happened?" I asked.

"That was scary," she whimpered, running her hands through her wind-blown hair. "I thought I was going to fly off."

I rolled my eyes. "If you can't handle the speed, stay off the bike."

"Gladly," she said. "I'd rather walk than ride on that death trap again."

_Thank the heavens for that,_ I thought.

"Fine," I said. "Suit yourself. Have a nice walk."

Before I pulled my helmet back on, I remembered something.

"Oh," I said. "Let me just say, if you call me or text me after 5pm, this whole pretend relationship thing is over. Got it?"

She huffed and nodded, and I pulled my helmet on, thinking of ways to kill time before it was five and I would see Bella again.

**

* * *

**

When I pulled up in the driveway at the Swan residence a few hours later, I saw Emmett come in at the opposite end of the driveway, from the back of the house.

"Hey!" he called, walking over to his car which was parked in front of my bike.

I pulled my helmet off. "Where you off to?"

"Groceries," he replied, opening the driver's side door. "Need to pick up a few things. Her Highness in there is running short on Pop-Tarts."

_Yum, _I thought. _Would be nice to have more of those way-too-sweet-but-too-fucking-good-to-ignore motherfuckers._

"And I need to get some stuff for tacos," Emmett added. "Bella wants to make 'em tonight."

I nodded and climbed off the bike, thinking it interesting that Bella cooked.

Emmett got in the car and I pulled my bike to the side so he could pull out.

When he pulled back so that the driver side window was next to me, he lowered the window and said, "Oh, and do me a favour." One of those again? "Try not to piss my sister off or make her cry or some shit okay? I'm tired of coming home after one of your sessions and having to see her upset for one reason or another."

I smirked. "No guarantees, but I'll try my best."

Emmett gave me a look that said "I'm not kidding, don't screw around with my sister or I'll fuck you up" before pulling all the way out and driving off.

I parked my bike in front of the house and walked to the front door, ringing the doorbell. There was no reply and I wondered if maybe she was ignoring me. Deciding that that wasn't very likely, I rang it again.

Still there was no reply and for some unknown reason, I felt worried.

I tried the doorknob and it was unlocked. Turning it, I pushed the door open and peered inside, into the living room. It was empty.

_What the hell?_ I thought. _Where's she gone off to?_

I walked in and shut the door behind me, looking around warily.

"Hello?" I called, feeling like an idiot. "Bella?"

It felt weird saying her name out loud; I realized how I had actually never really called her by her name. Not to her face, at least.

There was no answer and I headed into the dining room, where her books were already organized. I set my bag down and pulled my jacket off, setting it on the table as well. Bella would be disappointed that I wasn't wearing a t-shirt that she would find amusing. It had gotten really chilly outside so I had worn a gray hoodie under the jacket.

The house was completely silent and I felt like I was alone. A bit creeped out, I left the dining room and went back into the living room, glancing into the kitchen as I headed towards the stairs.

Looking up, I called her again. "Oi! Is anyone up there?" Surely Emmett would have told me if she wasn't home.

I had the sudden urge to go upstairs, and I slowly started to climb the steps. Once I reached the top, I looked around.

I was in a small, carpeted hallway. In front of me was a door that was open just slightly to reveal part of a bathtub. The bathroom, obviously. There were three other doors up here, and I assumed two of them were Emmett and Bella's bedrooms.

Before I could move any further, the door all the way at the end of the hall opened, and Bella flew out.

She stopped and screamed upon seeing me, clutching her throat.

I jumped at her scream, staring at her as the shocked expression on her face changed into relief.

"Crap," she said, panting. "You scared me."

"Am I really that hideous?" I asked, watching her as her breathing slowed.

She laughed nervously, unnecessarily pulling the left sleeve of her hoodie down.

I got a good look at what she was wearing, and groaned loudly, shaking my head.

"Just fucking shoot me now," I muttered to no one in particular.

She was wearing a gray hoodie, just like me, except hers had an image of The Beatles on it.

_The fucking Beatles__,_ I thought. _She likes one of the best British bands in the history of the world. Like me. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

Bella was staring at me confusedly.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked.

I sighed and shook my head, focusing on her feet; she was wearing pink and purple striped socks.

"Never mind," I said. I looked at her face again; she was still standing there and staring at me funny. "Did you not hear the doorbell?"

"I did!" she said. "I was in the bathroom, and then I came out and I was freezing so I had to put on a hoodie and some socks. I was trying to hurry down there, but then you popped out of nowhere and scared the hell out of me."

I nodded at her explanation, and turned towards the stairs, expecting her to follow. I headed back down to the living room, hearing her footsteps behind me.

"You know you really shouldn't leave the front door unlocked like that," I said. "Any old madman can just walk in. It's not safe."

"Any old madman such as yourself?"

"Yeah, you should definitely stay away from my kind." She had no idea how much truth was in that statement.

I stopped when I got to my usual chair and she was staring at me thoughtfully.

"What?" I asked. She stared at me some more before shaking her head and walking over to the chair across from me. I eyed the chair next to her, contemplating if I should sit there like I had last time or if I should keep my distance.

Screw it, I thought, walking over to the chair next to her. I pulled it out and moved it a little to the right like last time so I wouldn't be too close.

I noticed Bella staring me up and down as she sat; there was a whiff of strawberries as she moved and I resisted the urge to inhale deeply.

"I like your outfit," she muttered. "Especially your shoes."

I looked down at myself. Other than my gray hoodie that was styled to look sort of like a jacket, I just had on dark jeans and my favorite leather Chucks.

"Thanks," I muttered, smirking. She always complimented what I wore. It was so strange, yet it was definitely an ego boost.

"Really," Bella said, still staring at my feet. "Those Chucks are awesome. I'm kind of a Converse junkie myself."

I cocked my head to the side. "Are you?"

Bella nodded. "Yeah. I think I have them in every color."

I smiled crookedly at her, slightly amazed at how you could never guess anything about this girl. All of her interests, all of her likes, you wouldn't know upon first glance.

"That's cool," I said. My eyes wandered to her hoodie. "Beatles fan?"

Bella nodded enthusiastically. "Huge fan."

"Your brother got you into them, too?"

"No, The Beatles are all me."

"Yeah?"

"Yup. My . . . my dad was a fan, too. . . " Her eyes got sad and she looked away, biting her lip.

Rose had told me what happened to Emmett and Bella's parents. I thought they were complete assholes to just take off and abandon their kids like that, but I kept quiet.

"Oh," was my simple response.

The silence was remorseful and I could see her eyes glistening with tears. Before she could cry, I cleared my throat.

"So," I said. "Where do we start?"

Bella blinked rapidly, trying to stop the tears, and smiled forcibly at me.

"Um," she said, her voice a little raspy. "However you want. I had trouble with today's lesson, actually. Kinda need help with that."

"That's why I'm here," I said our tutoring catchphrase.

I leaned across the table to drag my bag towards me. I pulled out my notebook and the maths book, flipping through pages to find the most recent lesson.

The next hour or so was spent by me going over with Bella a few of the things that Varner said would be on the exam, which was only in a matter of days. Bella was focused and understood right away, easily figuring out how to do some problems on her own. In a short amount of time I had gotten her to understand three different lessons.

I felt like a fucking good teacher, especially when she grinned in triumph after finally understanding how to do something. It made me feel a bit, well, proud.

However, I couldn't help but notice how she kept fidgeting with her left sleeve. Every few seconds she would tug at it or clench the cuff in her fist. It was a bit distracting at times, when I would try to explain something to her and she'd be playing around with the sleeve. Occasionally she would lightly rub the area below her left forearm, and I started to think she was hiding a fucking rash or something.

Bella dropped the pen and sighed. "Phew! Glad that's done and over with!"

We had just finished the third lesson, and made more progress in one hour than we had in the last two tutoring sessions alone. I felt strangely exhausted, even though all I had really done was explain some maths to a girl that was smarter than she gave herself credit for.

"Are we done, then?" I asked, feeling awkward because this was the first time a session had actually concluded properly.

Bella shrugged. "I guess. I'm tired of math."

She really did look exhausted. The area under her eyes was a little dark, like she hadn't gotten enough sleep.

"Yeah, you look knackered," I said. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Tired," I said. "You look tired."

"I am."

It was silent again and she began to stare into space absentmindedly. Her eyes were slightly glazed over, a clear indication that she was deep in thought about something.

I stood up with a sigh, reckoning that it was probably time for me to go home. I honestly didn't want to, but it wasn't like I could stay. I tried to think of ways to kill time before Emmett came back; it was getting dark and a crazy part of me didn't want Bella home alone.

_You're mental_**,** I told myself. _Stop worrying about her and go the fuck home._

Suddenly, yet still absentmindedly, Bella rolled her sleeves up.

_What the fuck was that on her arm?_

I stood there, frozen, my gaze locked on the long, dark shadows on her left arm. They were right below her forearm and looked like finger marks.

Like fucking bruises.

My mind was at a stunned blank for a few seconds before I felt my body get heated. I could feel my blood start to boil and all I could think was, He hurt her, he hurt her, he hurt her, he hurt her, he hurt her. . .

Bella suddenly snapped out of her reverie and looked up at me, her eyes widening at whatever expression was on my face. Because I was fucking furious, and there was no doubt about that.

I couldn't form words. It was like my throat had closed up, my head about to explode from the whirlwind of sudden thoughts and images. The old Edward, the one practically fucking raised by hoodlums on the streets of London, was seething, stirring, and ready to come out.

"Edward?" Bella said quietly. She looked almost frightened. "What's wrong with you?"

I closed my eyes, trying to reign in the anger before I did something I regretted. I would never hurt her, but the table looked really fucking breakable at the moment.

I took a deep breath, running my hand through my hair, as Bella continued to stare at me apprehensively.

Subconsciously, she reached for her left sleeve, but it was rolled up. She looked down when her hand touched skin, not fabric, and quickly yanked her sleeve back down.

No wonder she was being all fucking tense and fidgety. She was trying to cover up what he did to her.

"It's your boyfriend, innit?" I asked, my voice rough with anger. I sounded pretty calm, even though I was fucking livid on the inside.

Bella's eyes widened even more and she blinked before her face settled into a very unconvincing blank mask.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she mumbled.

What a fucking lie. If she really didn't know what I was talking about, she would have asked, "What about my boyfriend?" or something along those lines. But her answer was a dead giveaway.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I said harshly, the monster in me slowly seeping out. "He did that to you, didn't he?"

Bella's eyes narrowed. "Mind your business, Edward."

I growled and punched the air, turning around so that I wasn't facing her anymore. I clenched and unclenched my jaw a few times, taking deep breaths through my nose.

This was not good. Not good at all. I always knew something was a bit dodgy about Jacob Black, but I had never thought he would be an abusive little shit. If he was within arm's length, I would strangle him until his face went blue and his eyes glazed over.

_Calm the fuck down,_ I told myself internally. _You're going to make Bella piss her pants. Try explaining that to Emmett._

"Edward?" Bella's voice was cautious and mildly curious.

"What?" I said through clenched teeth, still not turning around.

"Why do you care?" she asked softly.

I didn't miss the defensive hint to her tone.

I sighed and rubbed my face. "I don't fucking know."

I turned around and saw that she was staring at me with a slight scowl on her face.

"It's just fucking wrong, okay?" I snapped, not wanting her to see my I-like-you-but-I'm-scared-to attitude. "And I bet you're still fucking with him. You are, aren't you?"

She glared at me. "It's not his fault."

"What the fuck does that mean?" I cried.

"It means it's my fault okay?" she yelled, standing up. "He did nothing wrong! All he wanted was some of my free time! I ignored his texts and his calls and he got mad, and rightfully so!"

"So he fucking _hit_ you?"

"He didn't hit me! He just grabbed me so I wouldn't get away."

"He left a motherfucking _mark_! Are you _mad_? You think that's nothing?"

"He didn't mean to! He said he was sorry!"

"'Sorry' doesn't mean anything! 'Sorry' isn't going to make that mark go away!"

"He didn't mean to!" she repeated again, her eyes starting to glisten with tears. "He doesn't know his own strength; he didn't know he was holding on that tightly-"

"That's bollocks! What a bunch of bullshit!"

She didn't reply; her breathing was heavy and tears escaped down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away before crossing her arms and glancing at me.

Her eyes were pleading.

"Please," she whispered. "Please don't tell anyone."

I stared at her incredulously. I had been too pissed off to even think about telling anyone, but now that she mentioned it I reckoned it would be a really good idea to tell Emmett. We could fuck Jacob up together.

"No," I told her. "Shit like that can't be kept secret."

"It's not like he freakin' beat me or something!" Bella said desperately. "He didn't know what he was doing, and he's sorry, and it's not his fault, and he's not going to do it again. I already talked to him about it. He's sorry, he really, truly is. There's no need to blow this out of proportion."

It all sounded like a bunch of fucking excuses to me.

"You forgive him for that?" I asked, already knowing her answer.

"Yes."

I took another deep breath, resisting the sudden urge to shake her and yell, "Snap the fuck out of it!"

I really did not understand this girl.

"He's a fucked up little tosser," I said bitterly. "I don't know what the fuck you see in him, but all I know is that he's fucked up and he needs to _be_ fucked up."

"I'm not going to talk about this with you, Edward," she said, glowering at me. "I don't know why you even care at all."

I shook my head, trying to think of an excuse.

"It's just not right, okay?" I finally told her. "It's morally incorrect to see that and not care. Just like if I were to do nothing after seeing some old man getting beat up on the street for no reason, or see someone shoplift, or see someone abuse their fucking child. Not doing anything at all would almost be as bad as the action itself."

"Since when do you care about moral values?" she scoffed.

I was obliged to take another deep breath, and then I saw her eyes get all pleading again.

"Promise me," she whispered. "Promise me you won't tell anyone. It was an accident, and nothing more. There's no need to get Emmett or anyone else involved. This is between me and my boyfriend. And you, apparently."

I couldn't promise her something like that. Of all the things she could have made me promise her, and that I would have actually done, she chose to make me promise her something as twisted as that.

"It was an accident," she insisted again. "I swear it was."

I thought about that, about whether or not it really was an accident. I had never really seen Jacob hit anyone, but everything about him told me that he was capable of doing it, even to a girl.

_But what if it was an accident,_ I thought. _What if you're overreacting?_

_Shut the fuck up,_ I told myself. _I'm not overreacting._

_If you see her bruised again, then you can step in. For now, let it go._

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What the fuck do I do?_

"Fine," I said before I knew what I was saying. "I won't say anything. This time."

A look of utter relief washed over her face, like I was a doctor that had just told her that she wasn't dying of some disease.

"Thank you," she said, sounding absolutely sincere. "Nothing like this will happen again. He promised me, and I'm promising you."

I nodded curtly, still really pissed off. I had the sudden urge to smoke, as if that would make all this shit disappear.

"I need a fag," I muttered, searching my pockets.

Bella's eyes widened. "What? Whoa. . . "

I rolled my eyes. "A cigarette, I need a fucking cigarette!"

"Oh."

"Fucking yanks," I muttered to myself as I found the pack in my jacket pocket.

"No!" Bella suddenly said. "You can't smoke in here! The smoke detector is going to go off."

I huffed and tried not to snap at her. My mood was at its worst and I needed some fresh air. Well, fresh air plus tobacco smoke.

"I'll take it outside then," I mumbled, walking past her and into the living room. I went out the front door and walked down the two front steps, beginning to pace up and down the footpath as I lit my cigarette.

Immediately after the smoke went down my lungs and then out, I felt the heat radiate through my mouth and throat. I knew smoking was bad and all, and my mother and sister had been nagging at me to quit for ages, but it was too much of a habit. Close to an addiction even. It just made me feel really fucking good. Something about the heat connected with me, and I could always count on a fag to help me clear my head.

I paced and smoked for a few minutes, the fag making me a little more immune to the cold. It really was chilly out, and it was getting dark as well. The sky had faded to a dark blue, and the houses on the block had all their lights on. I could hear a few crickets around and the wind was brisk.

I was almost done with the fag and was just about to put it out in the potted plant by the door, when the car rolled up.

I didn't know who was in it because the streetlights hadn't been turned on yet, but it only took a few seconds of staring to recognize the red car that seemed oddly familiar.

And then the tan, bulky bloke that was the one person I least wanted to see in that moment climbed out.

Jacob Black.

My whole body tensed up and the monster in me coiled, ready to spring, as the Asshat paused to stare at me with narrowed eyes.

Upon seeing him, my only thought was that he had hurt her. That he had left a mark on her. That he had bruised her. That he had physically harmed her, whether it was intentional or not.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I had promised Bella that I wouldn't blow the whole thing out of proportion, but with this motherfucker right in front of me, it was really fucking hard not to pound him to a pulp.

Jacob walked slowly over to me, stopping when he was just about two feet away. He was almost within arm's reach. Almost.

"Cullen," he said, nodding. His face was blank, his eyes cold and challenging.

_You promised her, you promised her, you promised her_**,** I kept telling myself, trying to rid the violent images in my head of me fucking up the Asshat in various, very painful ways.

I felt stiff, and suddenly the air around me wasn't chilly anymore. It was too fucking hot.

"Shouldn't you be in there," Jacob said, nodding towards the house behind me. "You know, giving my girlfriend an education and shit?"

I still couldn't find it in me to say anything as the war inside of me raged on.

"Not such a smart ass in person, huh?" Jacob continued, the most annoying fucking smirk on his face.

"What are you doing here?" I finally managed to say. My voice was a mumble and my teeth were clenched.

"I was just in the neighbourhood," Jacob said, looking around. "I passed by the house and figured that I'd check up on her, see how she was doing. I saw her brother pull into the grocery store parking lot a little while ago, so I knew he wasn't home. He's a little uptight. But then that meant that Bella was home alone. With you. And, well, being her boyfriend and all, I didn't like that very much."

His smirk grew and even looked a little evil as he eyed me up and down.

I clenched and unclenched my jaw a few times, both my hands forming fists as my forgotten cigarette lay at my feet, still smoking a little.

Jacob suddenly looked over my shoulder.

"Oh hey, baby!" he said. "I came to see you."

"What?" I heard Bella's voice behind me, but I didn't want to turn my back on this asshole. "Why would you do that?"

I watched Jacob carefully, noticing how his expression looked offended before it became pissed.

"You could be a _little _more appreciative," the Asshat said through a forced smile and clenched teeth.

"Jake, you know you can't be here," Bella said, sounding a little panicked.

I kept my eyes on the Asshat and could easily tell by his face that he was trying not to start shouting at her.

This bastard was bad news.

"Aw come on, don't be like that," Jacob said. "You're not even going to invite me in?"

He walked forward and pushed past me, not hesitating to roughly bump my shoulder with his. I stumbled just a little to the side, my right fist pulling back just slightly before I stopped myself.

_You promised her, you, promised her, you promised her_; I bitterly chanted the mantra in my head.

I turned to see Jacob climb the two front steps and stand in front of her, running his hands from her shoulders down to her wrists. She winced when he reached the area where the bruise was.

Seeing him touch her, especially after seeing the black and blue marks, caused the monster in me to growl.

Slowly, it was beginning to take over my body and if Jacob didn't get the fuck out of here fast, his ass was dead.

He was mumbling something to her in a low voice, something I couldn't make out.

I took a deep breath, spotting my bike not far from Jacob's car and desiring the speed of escape.

But I couldn't leave her alone with him.

Of course, I could always let Emmett do the dirty work.

But then again, I wanted to be the one to do it. I wanted to be the one to pound my fist into his face over and over until he wasn't moving anymore.

Not only that, but Emmett didn't know what I did. He didn't know the little bit of information that would give him every reason to fuck this Asshat up.

"Jake, please just go," Bella's still-panicked voice pulled me out of my violent thoughts.

I turned to see her looking up at him pleadingly as he gazed down at her, clearly pissed off.

"Well, that's just really fucking nice, Bella," Asshat snapped, not bothering to reign in the anger. "I come all the way here to fucking see you and you kick me out."

"I'm only saying it because if Emmett comes back and sees you-"

She was cut off by his growl as he briefly whirled away from her.

"What did I tell you about your brother?" he growled. His tone with her was so fucking condescending, like he was speaking to a misbehaving child.

Bella looked fucking terrified.

She was _scared_ of him. And I didn't like that shit at all.

"If she wants you to leave then get the fuck out of here," I snarled before I could control myself.

_Shit. __Here comes the monster. ._** .**

Jacob's head snapped in my direction, a look of complete fury on his face. He went down the steps and was suddenly in my face.

"How about you mind your own fucking business," he spat. My whole body was tensed and ready. It wouldn't be long before this wanker got what he deserved.

"Jake," Bella said, sounding more freaked out than ever. "Don't do this."

"Shut up!" he yelled at her. "I'm tired of you telling me what to do!"

That was it.

My fist collided with his jaw, hard, and I felt something crack in my knuckles as pain shot up my arm and Jacob stumbled back. The look on his face was madness as Bella shouted something I didn't care to understand.

I was in full fuck-up-this-motherfucker mode.

Jacob charged at me and tackled me onto the grass, his fist colliding with the side of my face. I pushed him off me and rained my fist down on him, the rage taking over my mind and body. Intense pain was going up my arm but that didn't stop me from using the same fist to beat the shit out of him. A few of his blows came in contact with my head and chest, but I was immune to what they felt like. I returned the blows, punching and kicking any part of his body that I could manage.

The adrenaline coursed through my veins as we ended up on the ground over and over and over again. My fist was a machine on automatic; it wasn't controlled by my mind anymore. It was pure instinct, rage, and vengeance.

We were on the ground, rolling, pushing, shoving, kicking, and punching like it was a fight for survival. How I had longed for the day that I would get to show Jacob Black that I wasn't one to be fucked around with. That day was finally here, and I was not about to go easy on this prick.

I didn't know how long we had been going at it. I was vaguely aware of Bella's screams, and the shouts of other people, probably neighbours. All I cared about was the dickhead I was beating up.

He wasn't easy to fight. He had strength and insanity over anything else, but I had skill and years of experience. Still, he almost gave me a run for my money.

Almost.

I knew I would be bruised up badly, but I didn't give a fuck. His ass was going down if it was the last thing I did.

We somehow ended up on the pavement, and I was suddenly on the ground. I rolled over before his fist could come down on me. With all the strength I could muster, I lifted him up and threw him back down, hard.

There was a flurry of action and, out of nowhere, I was being pulled away, my legs thrashing the air.

Emmett's voice was low in my ear, "What the fuck are you doing?"

I ignored him and continued to struggle, not satisfied with the job I had done. I wasn't finished with the prick, and I'd be damned if anyone tried to fucking stop me now.

I was slowly coming back to my senses, Emmett's insanely strong grip keeping me away from Jacob, who was being held back by two men that were probably neighbours. Jacob was struggling against their arms, his face wild, primal, like that of an untamed beast. He looked completely mental, and dangerous. I wasn't fucking scared of him, though. I always knew he was fucked up in the head.

"Edward, stop!" A female shriek rang out, and it sounded like Rosalie. What the fuck was she doing here?

"You got lucky this time you cock-sucking, motherfucking bastard!" I yelled at the Asshat.

I was suddenly on the ground again, the right side of my face pressed against the grass.

"Edward, you need to calm the fuck down," Emmett growled. I stopped struggling and relaxed my arms that he was still holding behind my back. The pain in my right hand was worse than ever, and Emmett's grip on my arms wasn't helping. I was panting, the exhaustion finally settling in as the adrenaline faded.

"Jacob!" Emmett yelled. "Get the fuck out of here before the cops show up!"

I wasn't in any position to see if he obeyed, though soon enough I heard the sound of tires squealing and taking off.

"Let me go," I said, my voice raspy. Emmett let go of me and I slowly hopped to my feet, the pain in my fist intensifying as I held it in my left hand.

There were a few onlookers standing in their doorways with horrified expressions, and the two men that had held on to Jacob were eying me warily.

"Clear off!" I told all the neighbours. Slowly, they left, still throwing me apprehensive looks.

I looked to see Bella and Rosalie standing by the front door, Bella in Rosalie's arms. Her face was tear-stained and she looked at me fearfully. I didn't want her to be afraid of me; I would never hurt her. But the impression she probably got from the whole brawl was that I was some madman. Her boyfriend had been worse, but I bet she wouldn't see that. She never saw his fucking flaws.

Rosalie was rubbing Bella's back soothingly, while at the same time giving me a death glare. Her mouth was set in a grim line and I knew I would hear it from her later.

Emmett was glaring at me as well, like he wanted to fuck me up himself.

I didn't care. I was knackered and wanted to go the fuck home. And do something about my knuckles which I could barely move from the pain.

I felt something warm trickle down my upper lip and I wiped at it with my good hand: blood. I swore under my breath as Emmett suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the house.

"Watch it," I told him as I let him pull me along. "My fist is all fucked up."

"I don't care," he said, evidently still pissed. I had never seen him this angry, and it wasn't frightening, though only a tad intimidating. He was taller and bulkier, a contender for Big Foot.

We passed Rosalie and Bella; Bella looked at me frightfully before looking away and Rose gave me a look that said "Just wait till I get you alone, you're in for it".

Emmett pulled me into the kitchen and ripped off a paper towel.

"Pinch your nose with this and hold your head up, look at the ceiling," he ordered seriously. "It'll stop the bleeding."

I took it and did what he asked as he left the room, probably to go and talk to a very distressed Bella.

I heard footsteps come in behind me and there was a sharp slap to the back of my head and I cringed.

"What the fuck, Rose!" I said. "I'm trying to stop a fucking nosebleed for Christ's sake! Control yourself, woman."

"What the hell is wrong with you!" she cried. "What were you thinking?"

"I don't want to hear this now," I told her through clenched teeth.

"Oh, you just wait," Rose threatened. "I haven't even started."

"That's great, can it wait until later? My nose is fucking leaking blood and my fist is broken."

"What?" she said, looking at my right hand. "It's broken? Let me see..."

She tried to take my right hand but I stepped away from her.

"No," I said. "Don't touch it. It's hurts like a bitch."

"We'll have to get you to hospital," she said disapprovingly.

Emmett came in again. "You're an idiot," he told me matter-of-factly. "Bella is fucking terrified right now."

I was slightly taken aback. "Of me?"

"Of you, of everything! What the hell were you thinking getting into a fight with Jacob in front of her?"

"It just happened," I said. "He showed up randomly and started acting like a dickhead so I gave it to him. You would have done the same."

"What the fuck did he do? Bella wouldn't say."

I hesitated. I was so close to telling him about the bruise, just because it would justify my actions a bit more, but I refrained, remembering the stupid ass promise.

"He was being an asshole to your sister," I told him truthfully, but carefully. "She told him to leave because you weren't here, and he wouldn't, so when I told him he got all pissy and then it just started."

Emmett stared at me. "You sure?"

"What the fuck do you mean am I sure? Of course I'm sure! I think I fucking remember my reasons for wanting to kick someone's ass."

Emmett nodded thoughtfully as I wiped my nose on the paper towel, seeing that it wasn't bleeding anymore.

"You should go apologise," Rosalie suddenly said. "To Bella. You were completely out of control today."

"I second that," Emmett agreed.

I groaned. "Why the fuck is everyone always making me fucking apologise? I don't do apologies."

"You do when it comes to my sister," Emmett said severely. "Look, I know you have problems with Jacob, and believe me so do I, but to try and fuck him up in front of her? That's her boyfriend, and as much of a dickhead as he may be, she still cares about him. Don't ask me why, because I'm fucking confused about it myself, but Bella is really damn vulnerable these days. She can't take seeing something like that. And she confirms that you started it."

"She what?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"She said you threw the first punch."

"Oh. Well, yeah, I did, but I didn't start the whole fucking ordeal."

"Regardless, she's a mess. Just tell her you're sorry that she had to see that."

"Fine," I growled. "But can we at least do something about my fucking hand?"

"Come on," Rosalie said, grabbing my elbow. "Let's get you to the emergency room. I'm borrowing your car, Emmett."

Emmett nodded, and pulled the keys from his back pocket. "Sure. Drive safe."

I yanked my arm out of Rose's grip when we got to the living room. "I can walk, thanks."

She narrowed her eyes at me but ignored my comment as she led the way out of the house. Bella was still sitting out on the front steps.

Rosalie leaned down to give her a hug. "If you want to talk, call me, okay?" she said. Bella nodded. Rosalie gave me a pointed look before adding, "I'll be in the car, Edward."

I glared at her; there was no way to get out of this.

Rose proceeded to the car and I walked down the two little steps so that I was standing by Bella's side, but not too close. She glanced up at me cautiously, like I would explode on her or something.

I took a deep breath before speaking.

"So, I'm being forced to apologise. Again. Even though I don't know why I should. I haven't done anything wrong. All I did was fuck up an asshole that deserved it." Bella cringed. "Anyway, I'm supposed to tell you that I'm sorry that you had to see that. Which, I actually sort of am. As you can see by my shattered fist, it was pretty fucking messy and just not something anyone should have to see. So, yeah. I'm sorry. Not for what happened, or for what I did, but for what you saw. Yeah. . ." I trailed off awkwardly, awaiting her reaction.

Bella looked away from me, her expression blank. She acted like I hadn't spoken so apparently she hadn't forgiven me. I turned away, still feeling a bit awkward, but her voice stopped me.

"I'm not the one you need to apologise to," she said quietly. I turned to look at her again but she was still staring straight ahead.

"I know you're not telling me I should apologize to your boyfriend," I said in disbelief. She nodded once and my eyes nearly bulged out of my head. "You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

"You punched him first," she said, still not looking at me.

"So what?" I said. "He deserved it; did you hear the way he was talking to you? And guys don't do that shit, apologising after a fight. That's pansy bullshit."

Bella was shaking her head and I started to get pissed off again.

This girl had to be fucking blind. Didn't she see how he was all wrong for her? Didn't she see all the little signs that he was fucked up in the head? Didn't she see how possessive, obsessive, and temperamental he tended to be? She should have left him a long fucking time ago, and that bruise should have been the final straw.

I wished I could make her open her eyes, to show her how messed up he was. Either she knew all his flaws and ignored them, or she was too much "in love" to see it. Her naivety bothered me immensely, and I wished I could grab her face in my hands and look her in the eyes and say, "JACOB BLACK IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU".

Couldn't she see that he was a criminal in the making? Couldn't she see that everyone that actually cared about her didn't like Jacob at all? Not Emmett, not Alice, not Jasper, not Rosalie . . . not me. Obviously there was a reason for our dislike, and she couldn't see it.

The girl needed to open her fucking eyes and question whether or not their relationship was a healthy one. Because honestly, I felt like it could only get worse.

"Are you happy?" I asked before I could stop myself. Her head shot up to look at me again, and her expression was offended.

"What the hell kind of question is that?" she asked.

I shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. "Just curious."

She looked away from me and glared straight ahead of her, obviously angry once more.

"I don't think it's any of your business," she finally mumbled.

That one little sentence told me everything I needed to know.

Without another word, I turned and walked to Emmett's car where Rose was waiting. I climbed in and shut the door, cradling my broken fist.

"What took so long?" Rose asked.

I glanced out the window at Bella and saw her wipe a tear away.

"Stuff," I said curtly. "Sometimes the truth hurts."

Rose gave me a weird look. "What does that mean?"

I shook my head. "Never mind. Let's go to the A&E. My fist is killing me."

Rose didn't wipe off the bizarre look she gave me as she pulled out of the driveway. Emmett hadn't parked the car all the way in, probably more concerned about breaking up the fight.

As Rose pulled on to the road, I winced as the slight movements caused my fist to ache. The pain was almost unbearable now and I tried not to show it on my face.

I continued to cradle it as I looked out once more at the pretty girl I had broken my fucking fist for.

Rose drove away and I watched Bella fade into the distance through the side view mirror. I recalled everything I had known about her; all her likes and dislikes, her playful side, how she was focused and determined when it came to schoolwork. I recalled how her face lit up at the smallest things, and how easily she blushed. I didn't know much about the girl, but I reckoned it was enough for now.

Even though I thought she was mental for sticking with her boyfriend, I figured she had a reason for it. I wouldn't be surprised if her attachment to Jacob was a result of the whole parental abandonment thing.

She didn't need a boyfriend; she just needed to be shown that she was loved. As well as some therapy. I certainly didn't love her, not yet anyway, but there were others that did. It drove me mad that she couldn't see that.

_That'll be my job,_ I thought. I'd show her, one way or another, that her parents' leaving didn't mean that no one cared about her. Maybe if she realized that, she'd let the asshole go.

_Great job, Cullen,_ I thought. _You've just created for yourself another possibly impossible mission._

_Good fucking luck to you._

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**A/N: **Have I driven you all crazy with this madness yet? I'm assuming you think it looks like they're back to square one.

Do you feel better knowing that they'll jump to square five next chapter? :)

Stick around.


	14. I've Got Friends

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight.

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**Chapter 14- I've Got Friends**

_I've got friends in all the right places  
I know what they want  
and I know they don't want me to stay._

_And you and I will find  
that when I need you  
I need it quickly_

**I've Got Friends- Manchester Orchestra**

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**Bella POV**

It had been one of the terrifying things I had ever witnessed.

Edward and Jacob were two savages with the way they had been attacking each other. It was scary to see Jacob getting so hurt and to see Edward doing the hurting. But I would be lying if I said that it didn't freak me out to see Edward getting hurt, too. The bottom line was that it killed me to see anyone get harmed, and not be able to do anything about it.

I had been completely and utterly helpless. All I could do was scream for them to stop. There was no way I could interfere, and no way I could end the madness. The noise alerted all the neighbors and just as I was about to call Emmett, he pulled up into the driveway and jumped out of the car. Rosalie was with him and I wasn't aware that I had been crying until I was in her arms.

I saw a side of Edward and Jacob that I had never seen before. Both of them had expressions of pure rage on their face, and just the memory itself gave me chills. They looked vicious and insane, controlled entirely by their fury, and it made me feel like I should never get on their bad side.

Because honestly, they both looked capable of committing murder.

I hadn't known that Edward would react that way upon seeing my bruise. Of course, I hadn't planned on him seeing it all, but my subconscious ended up getting the better of me when I had absentmindedly pulled my sleeves up.

I was surprised that he was so angry. He reacted exactly how I would have expected Emmett to, right down to the fight outside of my house. Which is why I had to make Edward promise that he wouldn't tell anyone. He surprised me once again when he actually agreed to. I was pretty sure Jacob wouldn't hurt me again, and I needed Edward to know that. Jacob wasn't an abusive boyfriend. He may be a little possessive, and as annoying as it could be at times, I had to remind myself that it was because he actually cared. I never had a guy care about me that way.

After Jake had bruised me, I had been distracted for much of the week. I kept wondering if it would happen again, and I kept telling myself that it wouldn't. But deep down I knew that this wasn't normal.

Somehow I couldn't bring myself to leave him; I couldn't even think about it. I didn't know if I would ever find a guy that cared about me the way Jacob did, so I decided that I had to keep him.

I knew that no one liked him. Emmett didn't and neither did any of my friends. They didn't like that I was going out with him, but they just didn't understand. They didn't understand that I needed this, more than anything. I knew I was broken on the inside, and Jacob made me feel whole in a way.

After Jacob had left and Edward went to the hospital for his broken fist, I stayed outside on the front steps for a little while longer. My mind was working furiously, and had been for a while. I kept wondering if Jacob would be mad at me because of Edward, or if Emmett would get suspicious and figure out that something was wrong.

When Edward asked me if I was "happy", I couldn't answer him. And that really bothered me.

After he drove off with Rosalie, his question rang in my head over and over.

_"Are you happy?"_

I thought about it, and realized that I wasn't. At least, not in the literal sense of the word.

I was happy that I had someone that cared about me in a romantic type of way. After all, that was what I had always wanted. It wasn't a fairytale romance, and I didn't know why I had expected it to be, but at least it was something. I'd take anything, as long as I wasn't alone.

But everything seemed to be going wrong. I couldn't keep Jacob happy, and that worried me. Because if you weren't happy in the relationship, why would you stay in it?

The same question could be applied to me, but my case was different. Any other girl could easily break up with her boyfriend if she wasn't happy with him, and then soon after find another guy who would care about her as much as the first one had. But it wasn't the same for me.

If Jacob left me, I would be alone. Possibly forever. He was the only guy that had ever been even remotely interested in plain old boring me. Who knew if I would ever find anyone else who cared about me in that kind of way?

The only way I would ever, ever break up with him is if I found someone better. Someone who returned the favor. But that didn't seem very likely, so I had to stick with Jacob.

Happiness was a broad term, anyway. Who decided what happiness was?

I was perfectly content where I was. . .

Once I went back inside, Emmett and I made tacos and made small talk, neither of us willing to talk about what had happened. We saved a few tacos for Edward and Rosalie, expecting them to come back eventually since Edward's bike and jacket were still here.

It was getting near the time I went to bed and Edward and Rosalie still hadn't returned. I decided to retire for the night, going upstairs and changing into my pajamas. I was headed to the bathroom when I heard Edward's velvety voice come from downstairs.

". . . can't do a fucking thing with a fucking cast on," he was saying. "I do everything with my right hand, how the fuck am I supposed to write or eat properly? I'm just glad I can still have a fag with this thing on. The doctor tells me I can't ride my bike anymore and I'm like what the fuck, you have got to be fucking kidding me! Not ride my bike? Want kind of bullshit is that? How the fuck am I supposed to get around? I almost socked him in the face, but of course I couldn't because of the goddamn cast. Who the bloody hell does he think he is, telling me shit like that?" His voice became just slightly muffled, like he was speaking with food in his mouth. "I don't care what he says, no one can separate me from my Yamaha."

I listened to his little rant with a smirk on my face; it was amusing.

"First of all," I heard Rosalie's chiding voice. "Stop talking with your mouth full. It's disgusting. And second of all, _there is no way in hell you are riding that bike with a cast on__._ It's extremely unsafe, not to mention downright stupid."

"Try and stop me," Edward replied. "How am I supposed to get to and from school?"

"Have Mum give you a lift."

"I don't want to, I want my fucking bike." He sounded like a pouty little boy.

"The cast is only for a little while. You're lucky it's only a fracture and nothing worse."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fucking disabled."

I stopped eavesdropping then and went into the bathroom, only to open the door on my way out and see Edward standing there.

I yelped and jumped, putting my hand to my heart with surprise. He looked just as stunned.

"Oops," he said, looking awkward. "Didn't know anyone was in there."

I relaxed and immediately blushed, embarrassed to be caught in the oversized t-shirt and tattered sweats that I wore to bed.

"Twice in one day," I said. "One of these days you're going to give me a heart attack."

He smirked and I pushed past him, not failing to smell that enticing cologne, and headed to my room.

Once inside, I shut the door behind me and climbed into bed, looking around for my phone. I needed to call Jacob, not caring if he was asleep or awake. After tonight, I knew sleep would evade him. Poor guy was probably in pain. He hadn't even looked at me after Emmett ordered him to leave, and I wanted to make sure everything was okay between us. Until I got some confirmation, there was no way I could sleep.

I couldn't find my phone from where I was sitting, so I got out of bed and looked around my room. I was pretty sure I had had it in my hand on the way up, and I groaned inwardly at having to go out and look for it. I didn't want to be seen in my poor excuse for sleepwear again. Some people just didn't appreciate comfort.

That, and the fact that the thought of Edward seeing me like this again was enough to make me turn red.

Suddenly there was a gentle knock on my door and I walked over to it, pulling it open to see Edward, his expression blank.

"What do you want?" I blurted rudely, immediately abashed to be seen like this once more.

"So, I'm trying to take a piss. . . " Edward begins conversationally. "And I hear a loud fucking beeping noise, which scares the shit out of me. Well, I should say it scared the 'piss' out of me. I almost missed, mind you."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I cried, offended.

He held out my phone.

"I believe this belongs to you," he said. I grabbed the phone from him as he glanced quickly around my room. "You know, you really shouldn't leave your phone in the bathroom. If you forget it, it might go off and surprise someone, causing that someone to lose aim, therefore damaging the wallpaper in there."

"Goodbye, Edward," I said abruptly, shutting the door in his face. I heard his footsteps retrieve and walked back to my bed, flipping my phone open to see that I had a new message. Of course, it was from Jake.

**Just letting u know, I'm not goin to school 2morrow - J**

My heart sank.

_How come? - B_

**Did u not see what the fuck went down 2nite? I dont feel gud - J**

_Oh. Ok. Feel better. . . - B_

Just to make sure, I sent another one: Are you mad at me? - B

**Of course not. Y would u think that? - J**

_Just wondering... -B_

**If I'm ever mad at you, u would know it. -J**

Something about that statement gave me chills.

_Okay. -B_

And that was the end of our conversation.

**

* * *

**

The following day, Friday, seemed to pass by slower than usual without Jacob. I felt single, and the loneliness got deeper and deeper by every class. Alice was in an extremely good mood, and was actually unsurprised when I told her about the fight between Edward and Jacob.

"It was going to happen one day," she had said. "It was only a matter of time. . . "

Edward was in a horrible mood all day, the scowl on his face permanent. I had a feeling it had a lot to do with his cast and with not having his bike. He couldn't write with his right hand and was irritable and snappy with everyone.

When lunch time rolled around, I decided to sit with my friends. There was no way I was sitting with Jake's group when he wasn't there.

It felt good to sit with Alice, Jasper, Angela, Eric, Mike, and Jessica again. I realized how much I missed hanging out with them. Even with Edward as a new addition to the table, it felt nice.

"Miss my fucking bike," Edward mumbled from where he was sitting directly across from me. He was poking at the chicken strips on his tray with a plastic fork.

"Relax," I told him, annoyed at how he had been complaining about his bike or fist all day. "It's not like your bike is missing. It's at my house. Jeez."

"Is it still in your driveway?" he questioned, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes."

"Why?" he asked incredulously. "Didn't anyone think to put it in the garage or something? What if it gets all fucked up in the rain? What if someone knicks it? What if a car hits it? What if the wind blows so hard that it falls over?"

Everyone at the table laughed and he scowled at them as I rolled my eyes.

"Stop being so paranoid. The worst the rain is going to do is wash it. No one is going to steal it; everyone knows who it belongs to and they wouldn't dare. And barely any cars pass by in front of my house, so you don't really need to worry about it getting run over."

"What do you mean by that?" he suddenly asked, brows furrowed.

"By what?"

"By 'everyone knows who it belongs to and they wouldn't dare'."

Alice and I exchanged a glance.

"You're the only one in town with a bike like that," Alice told him. "Everyone's seen you on it. And let's just say, your reputation isn't one that would be uncommon in prison."

Edward stared at her. "So you're saying I have the reputation of a criminal?"

Everyone exchanged wary glances with each other.

"Are you fucking joking me?" Edward mumbled. "People think I'm a crook around here? Well that's just really fucking brilliant."

"Not exactly 'criminal'," Jasper cut in. "More like..." He trailed off, unable to find another word that suited Edward's reputation.

"Hooligan?" I suggested.

"Troublemaker?" Alice threw in.

"Rebel?" Angela suggested.

"Thug" was Mike's suggestion, "punk" Jessica's, and "hoodlum" Eric's.

"All right, all right," Edward said throwing his arms up. "So basically everyone thinks I'm no good. They all think I'm some trouble-making felon."

"Pretty much," I agreed. It was true. Word travels faster than the speed of lightning in Forks; ever since Edward's fight with Tyler Crowley in the beginning of the year, most of the people in town who didn't know Edward personally thought he was an angry young man who probably did time for something back in London. They all thought he had a criminal record of some kind, and most steered clear of him.

"Lovely," Edward muttered bitterly. "But you know what, its better I'm seen as some goon rather than seen as a pansy that'll let anyone walk all over him. And they're not wrong; if someone touches my bike, I swear they won't have hands anymore."

"That's horrible," Alice commented, and Edward shrugged.

"Change of topic, shall we?" Alice said, and everyone at the table hummed in agreement. "So who's going to the Annual Forks Charity Dinner tomorrow night?"

Everyone, except Edward, groaned in unison.

The Annual Forks Charity Dinner was an event that the mayor held every year. It was especially a big deal amongst the wealthier residents of town, though pretty much the entire population was expected to attend. It was an event where auctions were held, along with other things that would raise money for various charities. But people saw it as much more of a social gathering, though an extremely boring one.

I had been to the event several times with my parents, mostly when I was younger and not old enough to be left home alone. I recalled the dinner as being tedious, with nothing really to do except watch a bunch of old people talk and drink wine. There wasn't any dancing, at least not the enjoyable kind, or anything else that today's youth would find entertaining. The teenagers of Forks had experienced it at least once in their lives, vowing to themselves never to go back. Emmett and I had not been there in a while, and we didn't expect to ever return.

"Oh come on!" Alice said, referring to our reactions. "Where's the town spirit? This is the only chance everyone in town gets to meet each other, gets to socialize!"

"Alice, anyone worth meeting is _not_going to be there," Jasper said, and I giggled in agreement as Alice glared at him.

"That is not true," Alice argued. "I'll be there! With my parents. And so will you, Mr. Whitlock."

"You're just going because you want to dress up," Jasper pointed out.

"No," Alice sniffed, her nose in the air. "Besides, I see every day as an opportunity to dress up."

Jasper chuckled. "Can't argue with that."

"What is that dinner thing?" Edward asked.

As Alice filled him in on what the dinner was about, I couldn't help but stare at him. He listened to her intently; his brows furrowed just slightly, his lips pressed together in a concentrating pout. My eyes were like magnets, drawn to his face which was just a little more than a foot away from my own.

"That sounds really fucking boring," Edward said after Alice was done, and his voice along with the movement of his lips snapped me out of my dazed staring.

"What about you, Bella?" Alice asked.

"What about me?"

"Are you going?"

I snorted. "Yeah, right. Like Emmett would ever want to go to that thing again."

**

* * *

**

I was wrong.

Emmett did want to go to the dinner, and I was not happy about it.

"Please tell me you're joking," I said as we drove home after he picked me up.

"Wish I was kiddo," he replied. "Rosalie is dragging me, and her mom is going, too. I have yet to meet Mrs. Cullen, so Rose sees this as the perfect opportunity."

"Didn't you tell her how boring it was?"

"Well yeah, but Rose is into being social these days. She wants to get to know the townsfolk. I tried to persuade her to go without me, but then she mentioned her mother… and Carl Hagginshire."

"Who?"

"Carl Hagginshire. He's the CEO of the gym where I work. Well, the chain of the gym that I work at. Anyway, I think that if I impress him, I could get a promotion. I wanna talk to him; show him that I'm capable of being more than just a personal trainer. I don't know, I feel like this is my chance to make it big."

"How big can you get in the personal training field?"

"I don't know, but this is important to me."

"So you're going to the dinner to socialize with this CEO guy?"

"That, and to meet Rosalie's mother."

"But why do I have to go? I'm not a little kid that can't stay home alone."

Emmett hesitated. "You really wanna know why I don't want to leave you home alone?"

"Please."

He sighed. "It's because I don't trust that boyfriend of yours. Apparently he has a tendency to show up out of nowhere, and I don't want you alone with him."

I shook my head. "He's not going to do that again."

"You never know."

"What the hell am I supposed to do at the dinner, Em? Every time I was forced to go, all I did was walk around and stare at people."

"It wouldn't kill ya to mingle."

"Maybe I don't want to be a social butterfly. It's not me. If I'm going to socialize with anyone, it'll be my friends. And none of them are going. Well, except for Alice, but she's just in it for the fact that she gets to get all dolled up."

"There you go; you can hang out with Alice."

"But she's going to be socializing with other people."

Emmett sighed exasperatedly. "I don't know what to tell you, kid. But you're going. And I think socializing a little will help you. You've been all about your boyfriend lately; I don't want you to become isolated from the world because of him." His voice had that tone of authority he had developed over time, and it annoyed the hell out of me.

"I've always been a little anti-social, Jacob has nothing to do with it," I said irritably. "I don't need to go to this thing. I'll hang out at Angela's or something."

"You're going, Bella."

"I'll find someone whose kids need babysitting."

"You're going, Bella."

"I'll go to the movies with Jessica."

"You. Are. Going. Bella."

"I. Will. Find. A. Way. To. Occupy. Myself."

"You're going, I don't care if I have to drag you kicking and screaming."

"That's exactly what you're going to have to do."

The rest of the ride home was silent, both us wearing a permanent scowl on our face.

**

* * *

**

When we got home, I stormed up to my room, still pissed that I was being dragged to the stupid dinner the following night. Not only did I know how boring it was going to be, but it was something we had to dress up for, and I knew I had absolutely nothing. As usual.

The first thing I did was throw my closet open, knowing it would take me the rest of the day to find something even remotely suitable. I decided it would be a good idea to recycle the outfit I had worn on my first date, but then I remembered it had short sleeves.

And that wouldn't do, because of the stupid bruise.

It wasn't hard to hide when I went to school; the weather of Forks allowed me to wear long-sleeved things every day. Special occasions, however, were always a pain in the ass. I hated dressing up, and I hated it now more than ever because of the black and blue marks.

Frustrated, I picked up the phone to call Alice. She agreed to come over ASAP, and after I hung up the phone, I shook my head at her enthusiasm to dress me up like a doll.

It wasn't long after I hung up on her that I got a call from Jacob.

"Hey," I answered.

_"Why didn't you answer your phone__?"_ Jacob demanded. _"I called you like two minutes ago."_

"Sorry, I didn't know. I was talking to Alice."

_"Why?"_

"Needed her help. Emmett's making me go to this stupid charity dinner thing tomorrow night."

_"Tomorrow? Really? I was hoping we could hang out."_

"Oh. . ." I didn't really know what to say.

_"Do you__have__to go to the thing?"_

"Apparently."

_"Is he forcing you to?"_

I knew where this was going, and I didn't want it to. "Yes, but it's okay. Alice will be there, and it's been a while since I was around . . . other people."

_"__Other people as in people that are not me?"_ He sounded offended.

"No," I said quickly. "Other people as in people that I don't see every day. You know, in school and stuff."

_"Uh huh . . . so, do you wanna hang out or what?"_

"Um, I just told you I'm going to the dinner."

_"Clearly you don't want to."_

"I know, but-"

_"Goddamn it,"_he suddenly muttered. _"Your brother tells you that you have to go, so you go."_

I groaned inwardly. This had gone exactly where I didn't want it to.

"Look, I can still hang out with you. I'll spend an hour or so at the dinner, and then you can pick me up."

It was a stupid plan, and I would have to be sneaky, but I had to make it work. Emmett and Jacob were both important to me, so I decided to try and please the both of them.

_"__And will that work?"_

"It has to. I'll make it."

_"Fine. What time's the dinner?"_

"Don't know yet. I'll text you."

_"Gotcha."_

We chatted for a little while longer, and I asked him how he was feeling since he wasn't in school. He said he was better, but he had quickly changed the topic. Soon the doorbell rang, and I knew it was Alice. I ended the call with Jake and waited for Alice's little footsteps.

Soon enough, my door flew open and Alice danced in with a giant grin on her face.

"_Bonjour__,_ Bella!" she trilled, putting her expensive-looking handbag on my bed.

"Do you ever say hello in English?" I laughed. That day I had approximately gotten two _bonjours,_ three _ciaos_, and one _hola_.

"Not necessarily," she said, walking over to my closet. "Wow, it's been so long since I've been here."

I sat down at the edge of my bed, feeling guilty. It had definitely been a while since Alice came over. A part of me missed the girl time, and I reveled in the fact that she was here now.

Alice hummed as she looked into my closet. After a few minutes, instead of humming, she tsked every two seconds.

I saw her shake her head. "What in the name of Gucci . . ." she muttered.

"What?"

She turned to look at me with a devastated expression. "You have absolutely nothing in here."

"Didn't you buy me a bunch of stuff, like, a few months ago?"

"Yes, but they're outdated! They won't work."

"Alice, it's just a dinner. Not the prom."

She ignored me and kept tsking.

After another few minutes, she shut my closet doors with a bang and turned to me with a look of pure determination.

Oh no. I'd seen that look before. That look meant-

"Shopping!" Alice cried excitedly.

"Noooo!" I groaned dramatically and fell back on my bed, covering my face. Alice came over to me and yanked my arm.

"Come on, Bella! There's no time like the present! We need to go shopping! You don't have anything worth squat in that closet and I want my best friend looking good tomorrow night."

I let her pull me up into a sitting position. "Alice, I don't need to go shopping. I'm sure I have something perfectly fine in there."

"Nope," Alice shook her head. "I'm telling you that you don't, so you don't. Let's go." She pulled on my arm and I finally gave in. For someone so tiny, she was pretty strong.

We went downstairs where Emmett was sitting on the couch on his laptop, Rosalie next to him.

"Hey Rosalie," I said in surprise. She looked up at me and grinned a dazzling smile. "When did you get here?"

"Just a little while ago."

"Oh my Versaci!" Alice said excitedly. "Are you Edward's sister? You're freakin' gorgeous!"

Rose laughed. "Thank you. And yes, I am. Edward's sister, I mean." She stuck out her hand and Alice shook it enthusiastically.

"So nice to meet you," Alice said. "I'm Mary Alice Brandon, Bella's friend."

"Alice is dragging me shopping," I told Emmett remorsefully.

Emmett gave me a sympathetic look. "Aww, I'm sorry. How unfortunate."

Alice set her hands on her hips and glared at him. "I resent that. Also, we're going to need your credit card."

"I'm sorry, midget, that's not happening," he replied with a smile.

"Come on, Bella doesn't have anything for the dinner tomorrow!" Alice said with a stomp of her foot.

"Oh you two are going shopping for the Forks dinner?" Rosalie asked.

I nodded solemnly.

"I was headed to the mall today as well," she said. "I'm afraid I also lack something decent to wear tomorrow night. We can go together."

Alice clapped her hands together. "Yay! It's going to be so much fun!"

Emmett chuckled and reached into his back pocket for his wallet. He took out a credit card and handed it to me.

"Here," he said. "Swear to me you will not let the midget anywhere near this card. I don't trust her over enthusiasm."

"No guarantees," I told him, taking the card. "But I'll try."

**

* * *

**

Soon after, Rose, Alice and I headed to the mall in Rosalie's car. Well, it used to be Emmett's car but it was Rosalie's now. It was strange sitting in the red sports car again, after such a long time.

The shopping trip went longer than I had hoped. Alice and Rosalie became quick friends and dragged me into store after store. They made me try on outfit after outfit, and I complied.

That is, until I was being made to try on the tops that were sleeveless.

Because of the bruise, I kept making excuses as to why I didn't want to try on the sleeveless, strapless, or short-sleeved tops. I kept saying "I'm too tired" or "I'm cold", and the one that worked the most was, "I'm sure that'll fit fine."

Alice and Rosalie forced me to buy several different outfits with the intention that I would wear one the following night and save the others for some other events. I also ended up with a few dresses, Alice claiming that she had a feeling I would need them.

After we had bought a lot of clothes that I knew I didn't need, we ended up in a shoe store. As Alice and Rose looked at shoes that I knew would be the cause of my sudden death if I wore them, my phone started to buzz.

I pulled it out of my pocket and glanced at the caller ID.

It read, _That Bloke That Tutors You._

My heart skipped a beat as I stared at the phone confusedly. The bloke that tutors me? That had to be Edward, but I never got his number.

"Um, hello?" I answered uncertainly.

_"Can you tell me why the fuck you aren't here_**?"** came Edward's irritated and honey-smooth voice.

"Uh. . . " I was speechless. "What are you talking about?"

_"It's a weekday. It's five. I'm here. You're not."_

I slapped my hand to my forehead. "Oh, tutoring! I forgot."

_"How the fuck do you remember every day except today?"_

"Alice came over to help me find something to wear to the dinner tomorrow night. I didn't have anything, so now we're shopping."

_"Wait, you're going to that dinner thing?"_

"Yeah. Emmett's making me, because Rosalie's making him. And now I'm at the mall trying to find something decent."

_"Don't you sound excited."_

"Ugh, please," I lowered my voice so Alice wouldn't hear. "I dread shopping."

_"But you're a girl."_ He sounded perplexed.

I rolled my eyes. "Not every girl likes shopping, Edward."

_"That's the first time I've heard that, really."_

"Really?"

_"Yep."_

It was silent then and I suddenly felt awkward. This was the first time I had ever talked to Edward over the phone.

_"You might have told me__,"_ he suddenly said. **"**_That you weren't going to be there. I would have stayed home."_

"How did you get there anyway? Without your bike, I mean."

_"Jasper. He came over after school and then dropped me at your place on his way home. I swear, I feel like a fucking charity case. Now I'm here with your brother, waiting for you lot to come back so I can go the fuck home with Rose."_

"Sorry."

_"Yeah, whatever. Just let me know the next time you're not going to be here so that I don't show up for no reason, all right?"_

"You would want me to . . . call you or something?"

_"No, I want you to get a fucking skywriter and write it in the sky_**,"** he replied sarcastically.

"Fine, I'll call you then. Since you obviously took the liberty of adding your number in my phone."

_"Like I said, you might not want to leave it lying around."_

"Bella!" Alice called, holding up a pair of bright red, 8 inch heel stilettos.

I shook my head furiously, my eyes wide. Alice pouted at me and put the shoes back.

"I gotta go," I told Edward. "Bye."

I hung up before he could say anything more and walked over to Alice to try and dissuade her from getting any shoes that might cause my legs to break.

**

* * *

**

On Saturday night, the outfit I was going to wear had already been laid out by Alice the day before. There was a sleeveless, white top that ruffled slightly and was trimmed with black lace. Over that was a pleated shrug, along with skinny black pants that were skin tight. I had told Alice that they were too fitted, but she assured me that they would stretch over time. There was also a pair of black flats, since heels were out of the question.

And then there were the gloves.

I had been stressed out about how to hide the bruise, since much of what we had purchased had short sleeves or no sleeves at all. But then I spotted the elbow length black satin gloves. I asked Alice if she thought they were appropriate, and she said that they could work depending on what I wore.

I had made sure the outfit Alice put together was centered around the gloves.

I didn't put on any makeup save for some mascara and lip gloss, and I didn't even bother putting mouse in my hair. I just combed it and let the waves fall as they were; I was lucky my hair wasn't frizzy that night.

After I felt like I looked presentable, I walked downstairs, feeling like I might rip my pants with how tight they were. Emmett and I headed to the dinner, neither one of us excited and both of us bored before we even got there.

The dinner was held at the mayor's house each year. It wasn't a mansion, but it was definitely one of the larger, more historic homes in town. The yard was large, as was the backyard, and both were decorated with glittering lights. It reminded me of Christmas, and I knew they had overdone it with the decorations. But it was understandable how in a boring town as Forks, the dinner was an event they always went all-out for.

We walked into a large hall where several people, most of them adults, stood around talking with wine glasses in their hand. Classical music was being played on a piano. Several people, those that looked the most bored, leaned against the wall here and there. I looked around for Alice but didn't see her; we had been running a little late so I had assumed someone I knew would already be there.

"Oh look," Emmett said, nudging me and nodding to a far corner. "There's Edward. Who's that chick he's with?"

I followed his gaze to see Edward leaning against a far wall towards the back, Lauren Mallory on his arm. He wasn't wearing a suit, but he looked very handsome in all black. He wore a black button-down shirt with black pants, and he had on those leather Chucks I loved so much. The solid color on his whole body made his skin look paler, his eyes greener, and his hair bronzer. All the attention was drawn to his face and I was momentarily breathless.

His expression was one of extreme boredom. Lauren seemed to be chatting away at him, looking promiscuous in her too-tight and too-short hot pink dress. He evidently wasn't listening to her; his eyes were straight ahead and inattentive.

"That's his . . . girlfriend," I muttered to Emmett, my stomach clenching uneasily for some reason.

"What?" Emmett said, staring some more. He didn't seem to believe it. "Wow. That doesn't seem like his type."

"She's not," I snapped unthinkingly. Emmett looked down at me questioningly and I could feel myself turning red. Before I could explain myself, a male voice cried out, "Emmett!"

I turned to see who it was that had just saved me, and saw a large man almost as big as Emmett. Emmett went over and greeted him, and the two hugged in those lame man-hugs where they smack each other's back really hard. They began talking and I stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Obviously my brother had forgotten me upon seeing his friend, so now I had to find something else to kill time.

My eyes went back to Edward, and now he was talking to Lauren, his facial expression sarcastic as he spoke. She was pouting at him, and the sight sickened me for some reason. Suddenly feeling thirsty, I walked over to a long table where the drinks and appetizers were. The wine was passed around by waiters, never available to those underage. Not that I wanted any.

I picked up a clean glass from one end and moved to wear the bowl of punch of was. I poured in some of the pink liquid with a ladle, almost spilling it on my white top when I heard the velvety voice behind me.

"Gloves?"

I jumped slightly and turned to see Edward frowning at me.

"Oops," he said, smiling crookedly. "Was this where you get a heart attack at my sudden and unwelcome appearance?"

I narrowed my eyes at him as he glanced down at my gloved hand around the glass.

"That's clever," he said, nodding towards my hand. "Covering up the bruise like that."

I didn't say anything, but just furrowed my brows at him, annoyed, and lifted the glass of punch to my lips.

He suddenly grabbed my wrist, his grip firm but not tight.

My eyes widened as his piercing green orbs penetrated my own. What the hell was he doing?

He seemed to realize what he had done, because he suddenly let go and took a step back, looking slightly embarrassed.

"I wouldn't drink that if I were you," he mumbled. "Tastes like piss and dirt."

I stared at him and then looked down at my glass. Finding my voice, I said, "And you would know what piss and dirt tastes like?"

Edward chuckled. "No, but if I had to guess, it'd taste like that."

I cocked an eyebrow and raised the glass to my lips again. Both of Edward's brows shot up.

"Really?" he asked. "You're really going to drink it anyway?"

I took a sip and his crooked grin grew larger as he watched me.

The punch tasted super sour and just awful. It was like I had just taken a sip of vinegar. The liquid sat in my mouth as I grimaced and put the glass down.

"Told you," Edward said smugly. I looked around desperately, not sure what I was looking for. But there was no way I was swallowing it.

"Just swallow it," Edward said, pure amusement on his face. "There's nowhere to spit it out."

The grimace still on my face, I swallowed like I would be swallowing bitter medicine.

"Ew!" I said once my mouth was clear, and Edward laughed.

He reached for some type of pastry and handed it to me. "Here. This'll get rid of the taste."

I quickly took it and bit into it, glad to taste something sweet and fruity.

"What is this?" I asked after I swallowed the first bite.

Edward shrugged. "I dunno, but it's pretty fucking good." He reached for another and put the whole thing in his mouth, chewing it quickly. I tore my eyes away from his lips as they moved.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked casually. I was glad for the company, not willing to stand around awkward and alone. "You're the last person I expected to see at something like this."

"My Mum made me," he muttered.

"Oh yeah, she was coming. Where is she?" I glanced around, looking for a woman with bronze hair and green eyes. Edward looked around the room and then nodded towards the door we had entered from.

"There," he said. "In the blue."

I looked and saw a beautiful, middle-aged woman with caramel colored hair and laughing green eyes. She had on a blue dress and was smiling a brilliant smile as she spoke to an elderly couple.

"Wow," I said. "She's pretty. I can see where you-" I broke off, catching myself mid-sentence.

Edward stared at me. "Where I what?"

"Where . . . where you get your eyes."

Edward nodded, giving me a weird look, and then looked towards his mother again.

"Where's your dad?" I asked.

Edward looked at me, and his face darkened. His expression became grim and his eyes turned a shade darker. I was slightly taken aback by his reaction, racking my brains for any memory of someone telling me that Edward and Rosalie's father was dead.

"Oh," I said. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

Edward snorted bitterly. "Yeah, I'm really fucking sorry myself. He's not dead, though. He just couldn't make it."

"Oh," I said again, nodding. Edward was acting strange, and I sensed he probably didn't get along with his father very well.

"Bella! Edward!" a high-pitched voice cried.

Edward groaned and turned to see Alice skipping over to us in a bright canary yellow dress. How she was able to skip in heels that long, I did not know.

"You look so great!" Alice said as she reached us. "Those gloves look good; I knew they would work with the outfit." She looked at Edward and frowned.

"A bit goth today, huh?" she asked. "And was it so hard to find a blazer and a tie?"

"I don't do ties," Edward told her. "And I don't give a fuck about blazers, this isn't the prom."

Alice raised her brows at him and looked at me, remembering how I had also once made a comment about prom.

"Unstylish minds think alike," she muttered.

"Hallelujah, there's Jasper," Edward said, leaving us. I watched him walk away as Alice turned fully towards me.

The next hour or so was merely for socializing. Alice introduced me to a bunch of people I didn't know, and I awkwardly said hi to them as she did all the talking. I spent a few minutes with Rosalie, who looked absolutely stunning in a baby blue dress, until someone else found her to occupy their time.

I found myself glancing around for Edward often. Usually he was hanging out with Jasper by a far wall, or being harassed by his annoying girlfriend. Alice was too much of a social butterfly to pay enough attention to me, so I ended up standing against a wall with a couple of other bored teenagers that I knew by face, but not by name.

I was standing and staring absentmindedly at a tile in the floor, when I heard my name being called. I looked to my left to see Emmett standing with Rosalie and Mrs. Cullen, Emmett waving me over.

Suddenly nervous, I walked over to them.

"Hello," I said politely to Edward's mother.

"Bella dear," Esme said, smiling at me brilliantly. She took my hand in both of hers. "So nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot."

"Really? What have you heard?"

"Oh, little things from Rosalie and Edward. Edward tutors you, yes?"

I nodded, biting my lip.

"He doesn't give you a hard time does he?" she asked, raising an eyebrow and looking motherly.

"No, no," I assured her quickly. "He's great. I actually learn more from him than I do in class."

Esme chuckled. "That's good. You let me know if he acts anything other than a gentleman."

"Okay," I agreed, laughing. She let go of my hand and the following few minutes were spent in polite conversation.

I loved Mrs. Cullen. She was such a warm, kind person, always smiling and laughing. She seemed extremely charmed by Emmett; most of the time when she laughed, it was because of him.

I excused myself when my phone buzzed. It had taken me forever to stuff it into the front pocket of my pants since they were so tight. The phone made a huge bulge, but it was covered by the ruffles of my top. I didn't have a purse or handbag or anything.

I walked to a far corner and dug for the phone in my pocket. It was squeezed in tightly and the satin gloves weren't helping. Since the bruise was on my left arm, I pulled off the glove on my right and tried to get the phone out. Finally succeeding, I pulled it out to see a message from Jake.

**So wat time does the dinner thing start? -J**

_Oh shit__._ I had totally forgotten that I was supposed to meet Jake an hour or so into the dinner. Heart pounding, I typed a quick reply.

_It started a little over an hour ago... -B_

I nervously awaited his reply. Instead of a text, I got a phone call.

"Hello," I answered nervously.

_"This shit already started and you didn't tell me__?"_ came Jacob's booming voice. I cringed away from the loudness.

"I'm sorry!" I said, trying to keep my voice down. "It slipped my mind. Alice came over, and then we went shopping and today-"

_"__Whatever, Bella. Do you still want me to come and get you or not?"_

"Um, where will we be going? I'm a little dressed up."

_"Doesn't matter. We're coming to my place."_

"Oh. . . "

_"Well?"_

"Yeah, I guess you can still come."

_"Alright, I'll leave in a few minutes. It's at the mayor's house right? I think Paul's girlfriend is there."_

"Yeah. I just have to let... Emmett know."

_"Are you fucking serious? Why can't you just leave?"_

"Because he'll worry. I can't just disappear, Jake. Be sensible."

_"Whatever, I'll be there in 20 minutes. I don't care what your brother says, I want you there."_

"Okay, okay. Relax."

_"I'll text you when I'm outside__."_ He hung up and I pressed the end button, feeling a little bummed out.

I looked around for Emmett and saw him speaking to a middle-aged man with white hair and glasses. I didn't want to interrupt them, but I needed to let Emmett know. Sneaking out was an option, but not one I wanted to risk.

I stood behind him, slightly out of view from the older gentleman, and tugged on his elbow.

"Em," I whispered. Emmett turned his head a little in my direction, but otherwise ignored me. I tugged on his elbow again. "Emmett."

He turned to glance at me briefly. "I'm busy, Bella."

What the heck was wrong with him?

"It's important," I said.

Emmett continued to ignore me as he spoke to the old man. I was getting anxious; Jacob would be here soon and I needed to tell my brother that I would be leaving.

I waited a minute or two for him to finish talking, but they seemed to go on and on. Impatient to the point where I didn't know what I was doing, I smacked his arm. Hard.

He turned to glare at me incredulously as the old man looked at me strange.

"What do you want?" Emmett asked through clenched teeth. I was a bit surprised by his anger.

"I- I just have to tell you something."

"What?" he asked, teeth still clenched.

"I'm leaving. With Jacob."

Emmett's eyes widened slightly, and he turned to the old man again. Much to his dismay, the man was walking away and had found someone else to talk to. Emmett turned to me again, his expression telling me that he was extremely pissed off. I took an involuntary step back.

"Bella," he said, sounding like he was trying not to shout. "Please tell me you're joking." His eyes were pitch black and I was slightly afraid.

"Of course I'm not kidding," I told him. "Jake's coming to pick me up soon. I promised him I would spend an hour or so here and then he'd come and get me."

"Get you? Get you and take you where?"

"I don't know," I told him. I hadn't had time to think of an excuse.

"You're lying," Emmett said flatly. "He's taking you to his house, isn't he?"

"No," I lied again.

"Stop fucking lying to me, Bella."

"Yes, okay? He's taking me to his house, what's the big deal?"

"I wouldn't leave you home alone so that you wouldn't be alone with him, and now you expect me to let you go to his house?"

"I'm not asking you for permission, Emmett," I told him. "I'm telling you. Jacob is coming, and I am going with him."

Emmett's face turned cold and he clenched and unclenched his jaw a few times, taking a deep breath through his nose.

"Are you telling me," he said slowly. "That you interrupted me to tell me that you are leaving with your boyfriend to go to his house?"

"That's exactly what I said."

Emmett took a deep breath and glanced around. There were a few people nearby watching. Did we really look as tense as we felt?

"Bella," Emmett said in that same, I'm-trying-not-to-yell-at-you tone. "I cannot _believe_ you."

His voice was laced with pure disappointment, as well as anger.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I cannot believe how selfish, immature, and irresponsible you have become." His voice was getting just a tad louder and I felt hurt at his words.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You just interrupted me while I was talking to _Carl Hagginshire_!" he said, not bothering to keep his voice down. "I told you about him, remember? Everything was going great and then you came and acted like a complete child, to tell me that you're going with your boyfriend! I mean, really Bella?"

I stared at him, not knowing what to say. There were definitely more people watching, one of them being Edward.

"I- I," I stuttered.

"No, I don't wanna hear it," Emmett said, holding up a hand. "If you want to go with your boyfriend, go. If you choose him over everyone else, go ahead. I don't care anymore. I am done with you, Bella."

His words were like a stab to the heart as I felt my eyes tearing up.

"All I know is that you've changed," Emmett said. "You're not the Bella I knew. Your world revolves around your boyfriend, and no one else. It's always Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You're not who you used to be, it's like you've molded yourself around that douchebag and you don't care who you hurt in the process. I just give up on you. I give up on trying to protect you, I give up on trying to show you that I care, and I give up on trying to help you make the right choices. You want to fuck up your life, go right ahead. But don't come crying to me when everything falls apart. Because all I'm going to say is 'I told you so'. So go ahead, go with your boyfriend. You obviously don't want me interfering in your life, so fine. I'll back off. But know this- know that I am _so_ disappointed in you."

There must have been at least 50 people around the perimeter that heard the whole thing. Forks townsfolk were nosy, after all. Tears fell down my cheeks as Emmett turned and walked away, leaving the room and going somewhere else.

I glanced around at the people staring, turning red as even more tears fell. I turned and hurried away, going through the nearest door and then through another one, finding myself outside on the back deck.

I cried as I sat down on the steps that lead off the deck and onto the grass of the massive backyard. My phone was still in my hand, and I pulled it out, shakily typing Jake a message.

_Don't bother coming. I can't go with you. I screwed everything up. I'll talk to you later, but please, don't come. I'm sorry. -B_

I sent the message and turned my phone off, not wanting to read his angry replies or hear his angry voice if he called.

There was no one out there, though it was beautiful. A big gazebo stood in the middle, decorated with lights. There was a lit-up water fountain nearby, the only sounds coming from its running water and unseen crickets. Everything else was silent.

I wiped my tears away uselessly, for they fell as rapidly as the water rushing in the fountain.

I felt hurt on the inside, feeling like I had just lost my brother. His words recurring in my head over and over. Him telling me that he gives up on me, that he doesn't care if I fuck up my life, that he gives up on trying to protect me, that he's done with me, that I don't care who I hurt. . .

But what killed me was that he said he was disappointed in me.

That hurt more than anything else he had said. I never wanted to disappoint him, and although I knew I already was just by going out with a guy he didn't like, I didn't know his wounds ran that deep. I didn't know how hurt he felt. The worst part was that I didn't know how to fix any of it. I didn't know how to get him back.

I heard a door open behind me but I ignored it, staring straight ahead at the sparkly gazebo. Whoever it was would see me here and leave, hopefully being smart enough to know by my posture that I wanted to be alone.

But I soon heard footsteps on the deck, and then a small click. A few seconds later I smelled cigarette smoke.

"Whoever you are, can you not smoke near me?" I said, my voice gruff from the crying. I cleared my throat. "It's gross, and despite everything, I don't want to die yet."

Whoever it was didn't leave, and I turned to glare at the stranger.

Oh. It was Edward. Again.

He stood staring down at me, his eyes smoldering. It was a little dark, the only illumination coming from the gazebo and fountain, which were a few yards away. Still, I could tell his eyes were piercing as they stared at me; I could almost feel his gaze on my face.

Slowly, he took a few steps in my direction, cigarette in his left hand. He sat to my left and stared straight ahead as he smoked. I continued to gaze at him, not knowing what I was feeling. Even though I felt hurt, guilty, and remorseful on the inside, I felt something completely different physically.

It was dark, and Edward was next to me, closer than he'd ever been. His pale face and hands stood out in the darkness. I stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. He had just come out here and lit a cigarette, and then sat next to me without saying a word.

There was an odd type of static in the air, like it was collecting in the atmosphere around us, waiting to spark the second we touched. Why did I suddenly want to touch him? To reach out and stroke his cheek, to run my fingers along his chiseled jaw line?

If I moved my left knee just a little, it would bump his right.

_It's the emotions_, I told myself. _You're overwhelmed._

Edward and I had yet to say anything to each other, but something about him next to me felt . . _.__right._

_The emotions are making you delusional__._

Edward inhaled more smoke before blowing it out slowly. I didn't bother holding my breath from it anymore. The heat, as horrible as it smelled, was almost soothing in the night chill.

I didn't take my eyes off of Edward as he smoked. I waited for him to acknowledge my presence. My tears had stopped, though I could feel the wetness on my face.

Finally, he looked at me. His brows were furrowed and he was frowning; I frowned back.

Unable to take the silence any longer, I whispered, "What are you doing?"

His face became blank before he looked straight ahead again. "Having a fag," he said simply.

"I know," I said. "But what are you doing sitting next to me?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me before, very deliberately, scooting more to the left so that there was a large gap between us. I tried to ignore the sudden emptiness I felt from the space.

"No," I said quickly and without thinking. "I don't mind, I was just... wondering..." I trailed off and looked away, glad it was too dark for him to see me blush. He slid closer again, but not as close as he had been before.

"He really loves you, you know," he mumbled suddenly. He smoked some more as I thought over his words. For a second I thought he was talking about Jacob, but then I realized he was talking about Emmett.

"I know," I whispered, the guilt overtaking me again. I felt my eyes fill up with tears again, and I sniffed, wiping them away as they started to fall rapidly once more.

Edward reached into his back pocket and produced a tissue.

"Thanks," I muttered, taking it from him and trying to blow my nose in a very non-embarrassing way.

"I feel so guilty," I whispered, the need to talk about this getting stronger. "I feel like such a horrible person."

"You should," he said softly.

I nodded in agreement. "The thing that kills me is that I don't know how to fix things. With both of them. I love them both and I don't want to lose either."

"You love Jacob?"

I hesitated, and he looked me in the eyes.

"Didn't think so," he said, putting the cigarette out in the ground.

"But I'm not going to break up with him," I said. "It can turn into love, I know it. It takes time. But I just don't know how to make them both happy, you know? Jake wants more time with me, but Emmett won't let it happen."

"You heard what he said, he will now."

"Yes, but he says it's because he doesn't care anymore. Do you have any idea how much that hurt to hear?"

Edward nodded slightly. "I can imagine."

"I don't know what to do," I whispered again. "I feel so torn."

"I think you know exactly what you need to do. You're just afraid to do it."

I stared at him, and he stared back, his eyes still scorching.

"I'm confused," I said. "Care to enlighten me?"

Edward smirked a little. "You care about them both, clearly. Your brother, and your boyfriend. But who do you think is going to stick around if you and your boyfriend are no longer together? Obviously since you wouldn't be with your boyfriend anymore, it's going to be Emmett. He's always going to be there. Boyfriends come and go."

"Not necessarily," I mumbled, but secretly knowing that what he was saying was true.

Edward raised a brow. "Really? Do you think Emmett is going to one day say, 'Oh hey Bella, I don't want to be your brother anymore, it's over'?"

"He pretty much did," I said, my voice barely audible. "Not in those exact words, but he did."

Edward shook his head. "Regardless of what he says, he will never stop loving you, and you know it. So don't sit there and think bullshit like how he doesn't care anymore. It's not fair to him that you think he'd sink low enough to actually feel that way."

His tone was almost angry, but his voice was soft.

"So you're saying he was right?" I asked. "About me being selfish and all that?"

"A bit. I'm not saying he said it to you appropriately, what with the audience and shit, but still. Your world revolves too much around your boyfriend, so much so that it's like you ignore everyone else."

"That's not true," I argued. "I hung out with Alice and Rosalie yesterday. I let you tutor me. I sat with you guys at lunch. I came to this dinner. I'm not isolated."

"If you had a choice, you'd be with Jacob all the time."

He was right. How did he know this? Was he some kind of freaky mind reader?

"You let me tutor you because it's temporary," he continued. "You hung out with Alice and Rose because they forced you to go with them, and you needed their help. You sat with us at lunch because your boyfriend wasn't there. You came to this boring ass dinner thing because Emmett made you, and even then you made plans to meet Jacob later."

I gawked at him, shocked at his perception.

"Every choice you make has Jacob connected to it. You're mental if you didn't realize that."

My mind was a stunned blank. Everything he was saying clicked in my head, and I didn't know what to say.

"That's just how Jake is," I finally mumbled."He's headstrong."

Edward snorted. "Headstrong is the wrong word. He's fucking controlling and you know it. You already know everything. You're just ignoring it. You're scared."

"Am not."

"Bollocks. You _are_scared."

"Of what?"

"Of. . . " he trailed off and bit his lip, looking away. "You know what."

"Oh please, Edward. You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know a lot more than you think. All I'm going to say is, you can't let what happened in the past keep you from making a good future." He chuckled. "That's some pansy shit, innit? Got that from my Mum. I can relate."

At his words, an ache went through me upon thinking about my parents. Their departure was what my past was centered around. But I still couldn't see how that could relate to. . .

Oh.

_Oh!_

Edward looked at my face and he could probably see the realization on it because he quickly looked away and at the ground.

He shrugged. "Just my theory."

I sat there in stunned silence as I thought that over. My parents leaving had something to do with me being with Jacob? I wasn't sure he was entirely correct. When Jake broke up with me, I was devastated because memories from the loss came back to me. But I didn't see how that had anything to do with me being _with_him. I really liked Jacob; wasn't that reason enough to stay?

"I really like him," I finally said, as if that settled the matter.

Edward nodded towards my arm. "Even after he did that?"

I immediately started to feel angry. "I told you, that was an accident."

Edward shrugged but didn't say anything.

"Jacob would never hurt me."

Edward shrugged again. "I just think you need to get your priorities straight. So you like your boyfriend, obviously. Fine. But that doesn't mean you can shun everyone else. It's really not worth it."

I nodded understandingly. "You pretty much hit the nail on the head . . . and I didn't even know there was a nail that needed hitting."

Edward laughed. It was the first time I heard his laughter; it was a low, smooth, melodious sound. Edward had always seemed like the tough guy, and he still kinda was, but that laugh made me see more of his softer side. That, and the mini-lecture he had just given.

"I suppose I did," he said, smiling crookedly at me. Suddenly, his face was serious again. "You made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone about that bruise. But can you promise me something in return?"

His face was inches away from mine and his eyes were burning with an emotion I couldn't put my finger on.

"If he does that to you again," he said quietly, his breath caressing my face. "If he hurts you again, accident or not, please tell me you won't stay with him."

I stared at him, shocked. His expression was almost pleading, his green eyes burning.

"I can't," I whispered. Edward blinked and looked away.

"Maybe I should let Emmett know then-"

"No!" I said loudly, clutching his arm. "You can't, you promised!"

"Then you need to promise me. What he did is not normal, it's not healthy, and I'm still pissed about keeping it a goddamn secret. Which is really fucking stupid, mind you. But if you don't promise me that you'll leave him if he hurts you again, I _will _tell Emmett. Because that is just not right."

"Jacob is not abusive," I hissed.

"Maybe not, but what if he becomes? Will you be smart enough to leave?"

"Of course!"

"Prove it," he growled. "Promise me you'll leave him if he hurts you again."

I stared into his angry, hardened eyes. Once again, he was right. It wasn't healthy, but it had still been an accident.

"I promise," I finally whispered.

Edward's eyes softened and he looked away.

"And could you let go of my arm?" he asked, still not looking at me. "You're cutting off circulation."

I quickly let go of his firm bicep, turning red. Edward smirked at me before standing up.

"We should go back inside," he said. "It's getting cold, and I think you have something to say to Emmett."

I stood up and faced him.

"My turn to ask you something," I said.

Edward eyed me warily. "What?"

"Why did you do this? Why did you come and talk to me?"

He stared at me thoughtfully before shrugging one shoulder.

Then he said, "Isn't that what friends do?"

The word sent something warm through me.

"Friends?" I echoed.

Edward nodded. "That's what we are, after all," he said nonchalantly. "I mean, not like BFF's or any of that shit, but we're mates. Wait, no, I mean mates as in buddies, pals, friends. . . Right?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me and grinned crookedly.

"Right," I said, smiling slightly. "Friends."

Edward's crooked grin grew larger as he nodded towards the door and then went ahead of me.

Me and Edward Cullen, friends? Now that was something I didn't see coming.

I didn't know why, but hearing Edward call us "friends" filled me in a way that made me feel like I hadn't had any. I knew I had Alice and Jasper and some other kids at school, but it's like they were my friends without actually being _friends__._

Why didn't Alice come out and talk to me? Or even Jasper? There had once been a time where he was like another brother.

I realized that since my relationship with Jacob, I hadn't had the same type of friends. Everyone was opposed to him, so much so that our relationships changed. They were still friends, but not like how they used to be before Jacob. I knew they'd always be there, but I also knew that the distance was because they didn't want me to stay in the relationship I was in.

I didn't know how much I needed a friend to talk to until Edward came outside. I always felt free with him and that was strange, considering our history. Our very short, kinda messed up history.

Now I felt like I _needed_him. As a friend.

And that was the strangest, most unexpected thing ever.

Yet it felt so right.

* * *

**A/N:** After all, every relationship starts with friendship, right? ;)


	15. Earth To Bella Part 1

**Disclaimer**: Twilight isn't mine.

* * *

**Chapter 15- Earth To Bella (Part 1)**

_Earth to Bella  
You think you've got it all figured in_

_Earth to Bella  
Everything you know is wrong (Well, almost)_

_Earth to Bella  
I see where you are not listening  
I bear the burden of being the voice that let's you know  
We all grow old  
And before you swim you've gotta be okay to sink_

**Earth To Bella, Part 1 - Incubus**

* * *

**Edward POV**

What the hell was I getting myself into?

Friends? Bella and I? There must have been some alcohol in that one sip of shitty punch I drank.

It all started when I found out Bella would be going to the dinner. I had had absolutely no intention of going, but I seemed to have a change of heart when I spoke to her over the phone.

She looked incredible as usual, but the whole night was spoiled when Emmett had to go and humiliate her in front of everyone.

Because, well, I could relate.

He pretty much told her off in front of everyone, and it pissed me off that he was doing that. He could have taken her out of the room or something, but the whole audience bit just wasn't necessary. I could feel the humiliation radiating off of her, and I connected with it.

When she started crying and left the room, I was like a moth to flame. I had to follow her; I had to see if she was okay. I was so fucking sick and tired of holding myself back and not comforting her when no one else was there to do it.

I basically told her everything I had wanted to tell her for a while. Everything about how she was so isolated, about how there were people who cared about her, about how the bruise was like a preview of what was to come if she wasn't careful. Much to my surprise, she listened.

And then I declared us to be friends.

She had asked me why I came to talk to her, and obviously since the truth was out of the question, I had to settle for friendship.

Friendship, I felt, was a good start. We had to be _something_ after all.

After I led Bella out of the backyard, we walked back towards the main hall where everyone was still gathered. Before I could leave the dark little corridor that lead to the backyard and enter the main room, Bella grabbed my arm.

Her face was slightly illuminated by the light coming from the hall and her eyes were wide with terror.

"What?" I whispered.

"I can't go back out there," she whispered back. "Especially after . . . you know."

I sighed. "The worst they're going to do is look at you. They just need something to talk about; it's not a big deal."

"What if they say something?"

"Tell them to fuck off," I replied curtly.

Bella stared at me incredulously. "I'm not you, Edward. I can't just say things like that to people."

"It works. You should try it."

She shook her head frantically, a panicked look on her face. "I can't."

"You'll be fine," I tried to be reassuring. "They'll look and then they'll look away. They'll mumble a bit and then they'll get bored. Don't worry about it."

Bella didn't answer and remained frozen, staring ahead of her in fright. Apparently she had serious stage fright or some shit.

"Look," I said. "I'm going to go out. It'll probably be made into a big deal for no reason if we go out together. Just come out when you're ready."

She nodded, biting her lip, and I wanted nothing more than to take her hand and lead her out myself.

I sighed again and walked out, getting a few glances but otherwise being ignored. I walked across the room and leaned against the wall casually, able to see Bella still standing in the shadows of the corridor.

I glanced around the room and saw that Emmett still wasn't around; neither was Rose. Mum was speaking to some woman, and Lauren was chatting away to some slag whose short and slutty dress rivaled her own.

The room suddenly fell silent and I turned to see that everyone's attention was on Bella, who had finally stepped out.

She stood there, still as a statue, her cheeks flushing a deep pink. Her eyes were still wide and she looked like she wanted to melt into the floor and disappear.

_Move, Bella_, I thought. _Don't just stand there looking like a fucking deer in headlights._

Everyone broke out in muttering again, but no one really looked away. It was so fucking obvious that they were talking about her, it made me sick.

But why the fuck weren't they looking away?

Bella's panicked gaze met mine and I didn't know what to do.

_Distraction,_ I thought. They needed to be distracted from her.

I spotted Lauren sneering at Bella and saying something to the slag next to her behind her hand.

I hated myself for what I was about to do, but Bella needed this. The poor thing was fucking terrified.

"Oi!" I called to Lauren from across the room. "Come over here, sexy, and give me a kiss!"

Everyone looked away from Bella to stare at me. Lauren gawked at me from across the hall, shocked.

"Come on!" I called. "Walk that juicy little ass over to me!"

Everyone began muttering again, undoubtedly about me this time, and I saw Bella throw me a grateful and relieved look. I briefly returned a crooked smile before turning to see my mother looking at me like she wanted to smack me.

Lauren unfroze and started walking in my direction, a smug look on her face. I knew that I probably looked like a douchebag with the way I was calling to her, but it's not like my rep had been brilliant in the first place.

Lauren reached me just as I saw my Mum walking towards a very distressed Bella. Some people still had their attention on her, so I quickly grabbed Lauren and crushed my mouth to hers.

Lauren's lips were sticky from too much lip gloss, and she eagerly molded her lips against mine with a moan. She threw her arms around my neck and I reluctantly wrapped my arms around her waist. Her breath smelled like alcohol, like she had somehow gotten her hands on a glass of wine or two. I devoured her lips aggressively, knowing that I was giving the townsfolk quite a show.

I popped one eye open to see that our vulgar little snogging session was being watched by disgusted expressions.

Believe me, they weren't the only ones grossed out.

I saw Mum lead Bella out of the room and the second they left, I pulled away from Lauren.

She was panting and staring up at me in awe, like I was her hero or some shit.

The people in the room were still eying us and shaking their heads.

"What?" I said to them loudly. "Don't act like you haven't seen a pair of teenagers making out before."

They mumbled to themselves some more and I was approached by a serious looking, middle aged bloke.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave," he said grimly. "Such conduct is not acceptable at the mayor's charity dinner."

I shrugged. "Whatever. Not like I wanted to be here anyway."

I walked towards the exit, Lauren trailing behind me, and we went out to the front of the house.

There were a few people outside, others just arriving, and even some leaving.

Lauren took my hand as we descended the stone steps that lead down to the area where cars were parked.

"I thought you said you'd never kiss me," Lauren said, still sounding smug.

"I know," I said, spotting Bella speaking to Emmett by their car. I let go of Lauren's hand and stopped to look at her.

"That was the first and last time, so I hope you enjoyed it," I added.

Lauren gave me a confused look. "Why the hell did you kiss me then? Not that I'm complaining." She took a step forward and put her hands on my chest, reaching up on her tip toes to get to my mouth. I pulled her arms off of me and took a step back.

"Not happening," I told her firmly.

"You are the most confusing individual I have ever met!" she cried dramatically, throwing her arms in the air for effect.

I raised an eyebrow and smirked at her antics. "Ooooh, 'individual', where'd you learn that big word?"

Lauren narrowed her eyes. "Not funny, Edward. I want to know why the hell you told me to kiss you in front everyone and are now blowing me off."

My eyes immediately shot back to Bella, who was still talking to Emmett outside of their car. He was leaning against the car with his hands in his pockets, listening to whatever she was saying with a serious expression. From the lights that decorated the front yard, I could see tears glistening on her cheeks. The girl never stopped crying.

Lauren followed my gaze and her eyes nearly popped out of her head.

"Oh my God!" she said loudly. "You have a thing for Bella Swan!"

"Shut up," I hissed, even though the few people hanging around nearby hadn't noticed. Hearing Lauren say it out loud made me cringe and made me realize how much I didn't want people to know.

"And no, I don't," I lied effortlessly. "I don't have a 'thing' for her, so get that idea out of your head."

Lauren eyed me suspiciously. "But that would make sense. Right before you hollered at me, everyone was watching her . . . oh my God. You kissed me to distract everyone from her, didn't you?"

I stared at her, dumbfounded. Holy motherfucking shit. The girl was smarter than she looked.

"I-uh. . ." I was actually speechless for once. Lauren gave me another self-satisfied look and nodded.

"Bella Swan, huh?" she said, a nasty hint to her tone. "Don't know what you see in that little loser; I thought you were tutoring her for extra credit or something."

"Shut the fuck up, Lauren," I snapped. "I already told you I don't like her. Yeah so maybe I did use you to distract everyone from Bella, big fucking deal. We're friends."

Lauren's eyebrows shot up high and she snorted. "Friends? You have got to be kidding."

I narrowed my eyes. "What's it to you?"

Lauren shrugged, trying to seem indifferent. I could see a hint of jealousy in her features. "I just think it's weird. Someone like you being friends with someone like her. It's unnatural."

"Piss off, Lauren. I don't say anything about your annoying little friends."

"Whatever," she replied, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "It's cold, I'm going inside."

She turned and went back into the house, leaving me standing there grateful for her absence. I watched as Bella and Emmett hugged, a content smile on both their faces. I smiled to myself, glad that everything was seemingly all right between them.

My smile faded when I saw Bella get into the car, Emmett climbing into the driver's side.

They were leaving?

I frowned as I watched them drive away, no longer wanting to stay there.

* * *

**3 WEEKS LATER**

It had been three weeks since I declared Bella and me to be friends.

Everything had been pretty okay after the dinner. We had continued our tutoring sessions, and Bella had managed to pass the final exam with an A-. I had been insanely proud of her, though I didn't tell her that in those exact words, and she kept telling me it was all my doing. I was a bit sad, however, knowing that our sessions were over. It would be weird to hang out with her as "just friends", even though that's technically what we were.

She was still with Jacob, but she didn't isolate herself from the world like she had been doing before. I found her hanging out with Alice a bit more, though she still sat with the Asshat and his pack of assholes at lunch. Jacob and I avoided each other at all costs. I didn't fail to notice how he had had two black eyes when I saw him the Monday after the fight. And that made me feel really fucking good.

Bella's relationship with Emmett was going pretty good as well, and again she told me it was all my doing. Thanks to me and my little lecture, she had learned not to take those close to her for granted. I didn't know I had had that effect on her.

Honestly, I hadn't had a chance to talk to her as properly as I had at the dinner. The sessions had gotten serious, with less chit-chat and more work, since the exam was looming nearer. Once she had taken the test and passed, there was no need for our sessions.

In school, Jacob occupied all her time, and we didn't get a chance to talk in maths or even in government, during which I had begun to occupy the seat next to her. Because I seriously needed help in that particular subject.

Now it was November, just a week before Bella's seventeenth birthday. Her birthday fell on a Sunday, the thirteenth. A party was being organized at Bella's house, by no other than Alice, since Bella had refused to have a sweet sixteen the year before. Alice felt that was preposterous, and with the help of Emmett and Rosalie, was able to persuade Bella into having a seventeenth birthday party.

I now sat in my room, contemplating for the hundredth time in one day, whether or not I should get her a gift.

We were friends, but we weren't _that_ close. Not yet, anyway. What was the etiquette for getting a present for someone who you were kinda-sorta friends with, but not to the extent that _not_ getting a gift would be scandalous?

I lay on my bed and ran a frustrated hand through my hair. Should I get her something? Would she mind if I didn't? What the fuck would I get her anyway? I mean, I wanted to get her something. But would that send the wrong message? Would that be an obvious oh-wow-he-fucking-likes-you?

So many questions were going around in my head and it was annoying the hell out of me.

To get her a fucking present, or not to get her a fucking present? That was the motherfucking question.

I stared up at my ceiling, once again weighing the pros and cons of each option. My frustrated thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on my door.

I sat up. "What?"

The door open and Lauren strolled in like it was her own room.

_Fuck, not her again_, I thought. This bitch had been so clingy lately.

"Hey baby," she said, smiling and closing the door behind her.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked.

Lauren shrugged and took the liberty of walking over to the bed and sitting down. "Just thought I'd pay you a visit."

"Lauren," I said, trying not to shout. "You can't just fucking show up without telling me."

She made her eyes all big and innocent-looking. "Why? I'm your girlfriend, after all."

"You're not my girlfriend! Why the hell are you here?"

Lauren sighed and fell back on the bed with her arms behind her head, her tits protruding over the neck of her tight top. She kicked her heels off and put her feet on the bed, crossing her right leg over her left so that I had full view of her knickers from underneath her skirt.

It was like she was openly asking to be fucked.

"Just visiting," she murmured. I didn't miss the seductive hint to her voice.

I stood up and stared down at her form, disgusted by her sad attempts to seduce me.

"You need to leave," I said, looking away.

Lauren sat up and gave me her trademark pouty face. "But why? Let's hang out."

"I don't want to hang out with you."

Lauren suddenly stood up and pushed me against the wall, hard. My back hit the wall and I stared down at her almost furious expression. Both her hands were on my chest and she glared up at me.

"No," she hissed. "I am sick and tired of you being so rude to me. Why can't you just be nice?"

I was speechless again, not knowing what to say. I watched as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Just be nice," she whispered, running her hands up and down my chest. "I know we're a fake couple, but you don't have to be so nasty all the time."

She pushed her body against me so that her chest was flush against me. I stared at her, still shocked, as her hands wandered slowly and suggestively down my chest.

I caught her wrist before her hands could reach their destination. Not wanting to be harsh, I gently pushed her away.

"Stop," I said gently but firmly. "What are you doing?"

A tear escaped her cheek as she took another step back and pulled her shirt off. She wasn't wearing a bra.

My eyes widened as Lauren stood before me, topless. Her breasts were there in front of me and I tried to look away, but couldn't.

"I want you," she whispered.

I felt a sudden warmth go down my body and concentrate on my groin, so I forced my eyes to look at her face. She looked sad, desperate, hungry.

As for me. . . I was slowly getting hard.

It's not my fault, really. I'm a guy, a straight one at that. If a girl's naked tits are right there in front of me, obviously it's going to have a physical effect on me, whether I act on it or not. And it's not like Lauren was an ugly girl. She was fairly pretty, and her body was good, but her nasty attitude and vain personality were a huge turn off.

"Fuck," I muttered, turning away from her. It was easier to talk when her knockers weren't in front of my face. "Lauren, you need to leave. Now."

I faced the wall in silence, waiting to hear movement. I heard Lauren sniff before I heard the rustle of fabric as she put her shirt on. A few seconds later I heard the gentle click of her heels as she put them back on her feet.

More footsteps, and then the door opened and closed.

I turned to see my empty room.

_What the fuck just happened?_

* * *

A few hours after that strange incident, I was in a bookstore.

It was practically empty except for the elderly woman behind the counter and some girl with red hair towards the back.

I was here because I decided I would get Bella a book. She liked to read, after all. And after Lauren left, I couldn't stay in my room. It suddenly felt stifling and I wanted some fresh air.

The irritating cast had finally come off, so my bike was finally back in my possession. I quickly got on and drove into town, not knowing I was going for Bella's present until I was at a red light and spotted a bookstore around the corner.

I roamed about the shelves, not knowing where to start looking. She probably had all the classics, so I walked right by the classics section. There were so many options in Fiction that it made my head hurt, and I wasn't sure if she liked Dracula and Frankenstein because they were horror or because they were classics.

After twenty minutes of useless searching, I gave up. I realized I didn't know enough about her to know what types of stories she would find interesting, and I wouldn't want to get her a classic that she had already read.

As I turned to leave, I spotted the perfect book on a shelf in the Self-Help Section:

**Wonky Blighters: The American's Guide to British Slang by L.J. Thorn**

I laughed out loud as I picked it up. The redhead and the lady behind the counter threw me a look like I was insane.

The book was like a dictionary of British slang terms with definitions that would tell Americans what the word or phrase meant. I had never even heard of several of the words, but the book contained words I used all the time like wanker, tosser, fag (when talking about cigarettes), bollocks, etc.

I thought it was perfect since Bella would always ask me what some of the words I used meant, and I almost fucking danced with joy at the find.

And it was the only copy there.

I mean, was that fucking fate or what?

* * *

The week dragged on slowly, and before I knew it, it was the Saturday before Bella's party.

Alice and Rosalie were at Bella's house, making the house all fancy and shit, and Rose asked me to stop by and help. Not having much of a life and wanting to see Bella like the pansy that I was becoming, I agreed.

I pulled up in front of the Swan residence and saw Alice and Rosalie's cars in the driveway. Emmett's wasn't there, so I assumed he had gone to get something.

I rang the doorbell and was greeted by a very excited Alice.

"Hey you!" she chirped happily, and I gave her a small smile before pushing past her and going in.

The living room had been completely rearranged. The couches had been pushed up against the wall, and the coffee table was gone. There was nothing in its place, just a giant square of the bare hardwood floor. Silver and blue balloons hung here and there, and small, sparkling white lights hung in curving rows from the ceiling. Vases of blue and white bouquets were placed on the mantelpiece and on side tables. The room looked larger than ever, and looked like it was decorated for a wedding rather than a birthday party.

Rosalie stood barefoot on a couch against the furthest wall, trying to hang up another long string of sparkly lights. She looked over her shoulder to glance at me.

"Hey Ed," she said, reaching on her tippy toes and unsuccessfully trying to tape the lights up. "We need you. Help me hang some more lights up, will you? You're tall."

"How'd you manage the others?" I asked, walking over to her.

"Emmett," she replied simply, climbing off the couch. She handed me the end of the string that wasn't taped up yet.

"Isn't this all a bit much?" I asked as I kicked my shoes off. "It's a birthday party, not a wedding reception."

Alice and Rosalie exchanged a glance. "Men," they said in unison.

I eyed them confusedly but didn't care enough to ask them to elaborate. I climbed onto the couch and easily taped the end of the stringy lights thing to the corner of the opposite wall.

"Lower," Rosalie demanded, and I complied.

Once I did that, I stepped off and stared at my work. Like the other strings across the ceiling, it hung in a low curve, but not low enough to touch anyone's head.

Alice set her hands on her hips and looked at what had been done in the room so far.

"Something's missing," she mused. "That wall over there looks blank. But a 'Happy Birthday' banner would be tacky."

"Where's Bella?" I suddenly asked.

"She went with Emmett to get some supplies. Edward, come with me into the kitchen. You need to hang up some more lights."

I sighed and followed her, deciding it'd kill time before Bella got there.

The next twenty minutes or so were spent hanging up lights in the kitchen ceiling. The kitchen had also been cleared up a bit, the counters bare of everything, including appliances like the toaster and blender. Rosalie explained that they were practically child-proofing the whole house since there would be a bunch of teenagers there the following day. They didn't want anyone messing around with things.

I was propped up on a dining room chair and hanging lights from the chandelier to the wall, when Alice cried, "Holy moly Armani! I can't believe I forgot confetti!"

"What the fuck do you need confetti for?" I asked, hopping off the chair.

"For the dance floor!" she replied. "Duh!"

"What dance floor?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "The center of the living room isn't empty for no reason, Edward."

"Oh," I muttered, picking up another long string off lights.

"Alice, you can get the confetti tomorrow," Rosalie insisted.

"I can't," Alice said, shaking her head. "Tomorrow is reserved for cooking slash baking, for whatever the caterer's will bring, last minute touches, and also for getting Bella ready. I don't know if there'll be time."

"I'll call Emmett and ask him to pick some up," Rosalie said.

Alice's head suddenly whipped to the window. "Too late. They're back."

"I followed her gaze and looked out the window to see Emmett and Bella getting out of the car. both holding bags in their hands.

"I suppose I should go grab some," Alice sighed. "And I'll pick up some balloons, too. I don't think we have enough for the front of the house."

With a resigned expression, she walked out the door and greeted Emmett and Bella briefly before heading to her car.

Emmett and Bella looked around, Emmett in awe and Bella in . . . apprehension?

"Holy shit," Emmett muttered as Rose took the bags from them. "It's like a fairytale land."

Rose laughed from where she sat on a couch, pulling supplies out of the shopping bags. "I suppose you could say that."

Bella met my eyes as I climbed on the chair again and gave me a small smile. I smiled in return before she said, "You guys really shouldn't have."

"Oh, it's no bother," Rose said. "We're happy to do it. Isn't that right, Edward?"

I stared at her. Why the fuck was she bringing me into it?

"Right," I muttered.

Bella sighed and went into the kitchen, leaving me to wonder why she was so down. Perhaps it had something to do with Jacob.

Suddenly, Rose's phone started to ring. She still had that ringtone I hated so much.

"Didn't I tell you to change that retarded ringtone?" I said.

Rosalie glared at me. "Don't say things like that," she said before answering. "Hello? Louise? What's wrong? Oh, dear. Not again. Are you sure? I swear, those sisters of yours. . ."

Rose was using the type of voice when she was dealing with kids she counselled at the middle school. Calls like that meant she would be taking off soon.

Sure enough, Rose hung up after a minute and stood up.

"Louise again," she mumbled. "I'll have to pay her a visit in a bit."

She left the living room, probably to let Emmett and Bella know that she was leaving, and then returned to walk out the front door.

When she was gone, Bella walked in.

"Need help?" she asked tentatively. I tried not to stare at her usual t-shirt-and-jeans-ensemble that somehow turned me on more than Lauren's bare breasts.

I shrugged. "If you want, you can just put tapes to the end of the stringy things so I can hang them up."

She nodded and starting doing what I asked, and it was quiet for a bit.

"So, uh…" I began making small talk. "You look pretty damn ecstatic about this party."

Bella snorted humourlessly. "Oh yeah, I'm stoked."

"Not a party girl, eh?"

"Not in the slightest. I'm only doing this because Alice and Em and Rose were all pushing me to. I don't see why it's such a big deal that I didn't have a sweet sixteen. I just didn't feel like it. Seventeen is no different."

I nodded, knowing what she meant about birthdays not being a big deal. I felt the same.

"Did you tell them that?" I asked, holding my hand out.

She placed the string in my palm. "Yeah, and at first Emmett was on my side, but then Alice talked him into it, telling him that I needed this and that I deserved it. She practically guilt tripped him into it, going as far as bringing up what he did at the dinner. And Rosalie was there, and she took Alice's side, so of course Emmett had to agree with Rosalie."

I chuckled. "Gutted."

Bella furrowed her brows at me. "What?"

I opened my mouth to tell her what it meant, but then remembered the book I had gotten her.

I smirked instead. "You'll find out soon enough."

Bella eyed me confusedly. "I have yet to find out what a wanker is."

I laughed. "I suppose you'll find that out soon enough as well."

Her brows remained furrowed as I finished up the ceiling. Once I was done, I climbed off the chair as Bella and I looked at the view of the now fancy rooms.

"This is too much," Bella muttered. "It's way too extravagant for my taste."

"At least it's only for one day."

"Yeah, one day of having to smile and be all happy for a bunch of teenagers that I barely know."

"You're not the hostess; technically, Alice is. Let her do the socialising."

Bella smiled. "I plan on it."

Emmett came in then, to survey my work.

"Ever think about being an interior designer?" he asked me jokingly.

"Over my fucking dead body," I said, though I couldn't hide a smirk.

"Nothing wrong with that," Emmett laughed. "Anyway, the midget just texted me. She said she just had a sudden idea to make raspberry chocolate truffles for tomorrow. Now I don't know what the hell that is, but it sounds damn good. Only problem is, we don't have any raspberries. Or enough chocolate. So now I gotta run to the store and pick it up since Alice is on the other side of town, not near the grocery store, and Rose is handling business elsewhere."

Emmett took a breath after talking quickly and looked between me and Bella.

"You guys gonna be okay for a few minutes?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, we'd probably burn the house down in your absence."

Emmett laughed. "That wouldn't surprise me. I'll be back in a bit."

With that, he left, leaving Bella and I alone in the house.

It wasn't the first time that we had been alone, yet it felt . . . different. I reckoned it was because now we were friends.

"So what do we do now?" I asked.

As if to answer my question, Bella's phone buzzed. She pulled it out and read the text, sighing and flipping it shut when she was done.

"That was her Royal Highness Alice Brandon," she told me dryly. "She wants us to clear the dining room table and put the chairs against the wall, then start filling the party favours. Jeez, I can't believe she can still order us around when she's not even here."

I snorted. "That's Alice, I guess. Shall we get started?"

We began to clear the table of all the unused party junk that had been there and arranged the chairs against the walls. Once that was done, Bella led me to the small table in the kitchen where paper party favour bags had been spread out. They were colored light blue and white, with a floral pattern as well as a big bow on the front flap. Next to the girly bags were packets of chocolates and other sweets.

"Wow," I said, sitting across from Bella at the table. "Alice sure got a lot of shit ready in a short amount of time."

"I know," Bella said. "I can't wait for this whole thing to be over with."

Bella demonstrated to me how many sweets went in each bag, along with little girly trinkets like small bracelets and rings.

"Are there going to be any blokes at this party?" I asked, feeling awkward playing around with female jewelry.

"I think so," Bella said, flashing a small smile. "But I think the guys get something else. Not sure what."

We chatted aimlessly for another few minutes before Bella said, "Want something to drink?"

I shrugged. "Sure. What've you got?"

"Well a lot of the drinks are for the party but I don't think Alice will care if we open one bottle of lemonade."

"Sounds fine," I said, and Bella walked over to the refrigerator. A minute later she was handing me a glass of lemonade.

"Cheers," I said, taking the glass from her. She clinked her glass with mine and I laughed.

"That's not what I meant by 'cheers'," I told her.

Bella sat down. "What did you mean?"

Again, I remembered the book. "You'll find out tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" she said, raising an eyebrow, and I nodded. "You're being awfully vague today."

I smirked, and her phone buzzed again. This time it was a phone call. She looked at the ID and frowned.

"I need to take this," she said, standing up.

"It's your boyfriend?" I asked, and she nodded once before going into the living room.

I sat absolutely still, straining to hear what she was saying. Yes, I was being a nosy little prick, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to know if they were arguing or something.

Sure enough, it was only about fifteen seconds before I heard Bella's slightly raised voice.

"No, Jake," I heard her say. "You can't. . . Jacob, really. I'm not kidding. Now isn't the time."

There was silence and then, "Stop it. You can't come over now, okay? You just can't. I'll see you tomorrow."

She walked back into the kitchen and I stared at her, a little surprised.

"Did you just hang up on him?" I asked, not bothering to mask that I heard the end.

Bella sighed and sat back down, looking glum. "He misses me. He wants to come over, and I told him all about the party preparations. He doesn't care, he wants to see me."

"Obsessive," I muttered under my breath, but knowing she could hear me.

Bella narrowed her eyes. "Don't start."

"I'm not," I told her, not wanting to get into an argument. "Besides, at least you stood up for yourself."

Bella didn't say anything but just took a sip of her lemonade and reached across the table for another party favour bag. It was closer to me than her, so I reached out to get it for her.

And then my fucking elbow hit my glass of lemonade, causing the glass to fall over and drench some of the bags that we had already finished.

"Fuck!" I cried, standing up.

Bella ran to get napkins as I picked the glass up and grabbed the bags that had yet to be touched by the spreading pool of lemonade.

"I am so fucking sorry," I said as Bella returned with napkins. She began to wipe but I grabbed her wrist.

"It's okay, I've got it," I told her. "I spilled it, I'll clean it up."

She handed the napkins to me and picked up the spoiled bags, eying how much damage had been done. Quickly, she walked over to the counter and spilled the favours out of each bag into neat little piles.

"The favours are saved," she said. "But the bottoms of the bags are all ruined. Ugh, Alice is going to flip."

"I'm sorry, I really am."

"Don't worry about it," she assured me quickly. "We'll think of something."

She clearly looked distressed so I said, "I'll go get some more."

Bella shook her head. "I think they're custom made. Alice got them online."

I groaned, walking the wet napkins over to the bin. "What the fuck is up with her and fancy shit?"

"That's Alice for ya."

"What do we do?" I hated the stressed expression on her face.

"I don't know," she replied. "I'll call Alice."

I watched as she dialed Alice's number.

"Hey, Alice?" Bella said. "We have a problem. Well, there's been an accident with the party favour bags. Edward may or may not have spilled lemonade all over some of them, so now we're short."

I heard Alice's shriek on the other end, and Bella sheepishly held the phone out to me.

I took it from her and held it to my ear. "Oi. How goes it, Small Person?"

_"__I knew it__!"_ Alice shrieked. _"I knew something was going to go wrong at some point, and I had a feeling it would be because of you! Those bags were not cheap, okay? And I had them custom made for the party."_

"Shit happens, all right? And besides, no one fucking told you to get all fancy with the party crap. You couldn't just get regular party bags and regular lights like the rest of humanity?"

_"__Hey, Bella is special. She didn't have a party last year, so this is has to be nice for her."_

"You know she doesn't want any of this right?"

_"__Yes, but she doesn't know what she needs."_

"That's a bit of an insult to her, no?"

_"__No. I love her and I know this party will make her happier than she's been in a while. Now you, Edward Cullen, need to go get some more party bags."_

"I thought they were special."

_"__They are. But Party Shack has some nice stuff. Go over there and get blue and silver party favour bags, light blue and white if the others aren't available. And please, nothing bland."_

"How the fuck am I supposed to know if something is 'bland'? If it's blue and white or blue and silver, I'll get the damn thing."

_"Please, for the love of Dolce and Gabbana, make sure it's not something for a baby shower. I can already see you making that mistake."_

"For the love of what? And basically if it looks all pansy-like and flowery, I'll get it."

_"Get a few packs, just in case there are any more accidents. It's on Covetty Boulevard, you can't miss it. Chop, chop! We don't have enough time."_

"Ay ay, Captain."

I could almost hear Alice's eye roll. "_Give the phone to Bella, please."_

I handed Bella the phone and went to grab my jacket; I had taken it off and set it on a couch earlier.

Bella came into the living room just as I was about to leave.

"You don't have to go, you know," she said, and I was momentarily confused by what she meant.

"You want me to stay?" I asked uncertainly.

Hell, if she wanted me to stay, then screw the party favour bags. I'd deal with Alice's bitching later.

"No, I mean, I could go get them," Bella explained. "I know party stuff is probably out of your element, and it's out of mine too, but I think as a girl I have a better chance of knowing what would be appropriate."

I smiled crookedly at her business-like tone.

"It's all right," I told her. "Unless you want to come with . . . ?"

"No way," she said quickly. "Motorcycles and I don't mix."

"Oh," I said, wishing for the first time ever that I had a car and not a motorbike. "In that case, see you in a bit." I opened the front door, but paused.

"Will you be okay by yourself?" I suddenly asked.

She raised both eyebrows at me before rolling her eyes.

"No, Edward," she said sarcastically. "I'll probably burn the house down in your absence."

I chuckled before I walked out and shut the door behind me, feeling oddly like she wasn't safe in there.

I pushed the bad feeling back and jogged over to my bike, wanting to make the trip quick.

As I climbed on, I had the strange feeling that I was being watched.

I paused and glanced around me warily. I could almost fear a pair of eyes on me and I glanced at the houses around the perimeter. I didn't see anyone in any windows, but the odd feeling of being stared at wasn't leaving me. I looked at Bella's house to see if maybe she was watching from the window, but all the windows were curtained and empty.

Shuddering, I ignored the feeling and revved the engine, taking off as soon as I could.

* * *

I found Covetty Boulevard and walked into the large store that looked to colourful from the outside. The inside was overwhelming to look at; shelves and racks with of all kinds of party things. Everything from balloons to streamers, birthday banners to confetti, were all there. Why hadn't Alice just come there before?

I sauntered over to a rack that had bags hanging from it, but saw that they were just gift bags.

Sighing frustratedly, I decided to just ask someone that worked there.

Spotting a middle aged man in a red vest that was eying me like I was about to nick something, I walked over to him.

"You know where the party favour bags are?" I asked him. I tried not to sound rude, because the look he was giving me was annoying as hell.

"Aisle 3," he said stiffly, and I nodded.

I turned to walk away but then turned back.

"Don't worry, I'll pay for it," I added. He looked slightly stunned by that, and I walked towards the aisle he had mentioned. Apparently the rumours that I was some hoodlum really were around.

I reached the small aisle and glanced around at the large variety of favour bags. My eyes fell on some blue ones and I quickly grabbed them.

Upon closer inspection, I saw that they had images of rattles and baby bottles. So Alice was right. I almost did get the stupid baby shower ones. I quickly put those back and grabbed another pack of blue ones. They were striped light blue and gray and were even a little sparkly. They had glitter or something on every other stripe.

"Fucking perfect," I mumbled, grabbing three more packs and walking to the front of the store.

After paying, I quickly left the store and climbed back on my bike, ready to take off.

For some reason, I felt like I had to get back to Bella's place right away. There was an urgent voice at the back of my head, and I didn't know why the fuck it was there.

All I knew was that I had to get to Bella.

Fast.

* * *

I pulled up in front of the Swan house and looked around nervously. There were still no cars in the driveway, so Bella was still alone.

I climbed off and didn't even bother pulling my helmet off until I reached the front door. I felt around the eave for the spare key that was usually there, but my fingers met nothing but the wood.

Slightly panicked, I turned the doorknob to see that it was unlocked. I pushed the door open and glanced inside, seeing an empty living room, still decorated with lights and balloons and blue flowers.

I walked in and shut the door behind me, my ears straining to hear any noises at all.

It was quiet. Perhaps too quiet.

"Bella?" I called.

No answer.

I looked into the dining room and kitchen, seeing that both rooms were empty.

That left the upstairs.

I jogged up the stairs and entered the small hallway. Bella's bedroom door was closed and I walked over to it, freezing in my tracks when I heard the deep laugh coming from inside.

_What the fuck was Jacob doing here?_

I had my hand on the doorknob and was about to turn it when I heard Bella giggle. Wait, what the bloody hell was going on?

I paused, listening, only to hear Jacob's deep voice say something and Bella giggle again.

Then I heard . . . panting? It was heavy breathing, that's for sure.

I was frozen in my spot, my nerves getting icy.

And then Jacob moaned.

No, no, no, no, no, this was not fucking happening.

I kicked the door open, gawking at the sight before me.

Bella was on her back, on the bed, and Jacob was on top of her, shirtless.

Both of them broke their kiss and jumped when the door opened, Jacob sitting up quickly so that he was straddling her.

I eyed Bella's face, seeing that she was flushed and breathing heavily, her eyes wide. The hem of her shirt was up a bit, revealing the flat plane of her stomach.

"What the fuck, Cullen!" Jacob cried.

My eyes shot to him and I knew that my expression was still shocked, though there was anger boiling under the surface. I was still too stunned to say anything, but my hands were curling into fists.

Seeing him, shirtless, on top of her. . . I wanted to slice his guts out.

Bella pushed at Jacob's chest and he climbed off the bed, picking his shirt up from the floor. Bella sat up and glared at me.

"What the hell are you doing, Edward?" she said angrily.

I stared at her, trying to form words.

"Fuck," I muttered at last, the first word out of my mouth naturally a swear word.

I nodded towards the Asshat. "What the hell is he doing here?" I demanded.

"I could ask the same about you, asshole," Jacob said, taking a step toward me.

"Watch it, dickface," I told him. It had been a while since I spoke to him, and the monster in me was starting to stir again. "I gave you two fucking black eyes before, and I can do it again, just as easily."

"Enough," Bella said, getting off the bed and coming between us. My body was tense. "You two are not going to go at it again, especially not in my room. Leave, Edward."

I did a double take and stared at her. "What?"

"You heard me," she growled. "Leave. You can't just come into my room like that."

"Oops," I said coldly. "Didn't mean to be a cockblocker."

Bella's eyes widened before they narrowed. "Get. Out."

My feet wouldn't move and I glanced at Jacob who stood where he was, still shirtless, glowering at me. There was no way I was leaving them alone together.

"I'm here because I was invited," I said. "He isn't supposed to be here. Why don't you tell **him** to leave?"

Jacob and I both looked at Bella expectantly, and she glanced between us, looking torn.

She stared at Jacob and her mouth opened and closed, like she was trying to say something but the words wouldn't come.

Jacob watched her attempts with cold eyes before he icily said, "Don't think too hard, Bella. I can see you'd rather have him here. It's okay, I'll leave."

I took a step backwards out of the room and turned to the side to let him pass. He pulled his shirt on and passed by me, his face inches away from mine, his nostrils flared as he tried to intimidate me. I returned his livid expression, restraining the urge to punch him since he was so close. My hands were still fists at my sides.

Jacob stomped towards the stairs and went back down, leaving me to stare apprehensively at Bella.

She stood there, shocked, before she snapped out of it and suddenly bolted out of her room. "Jake, wait!"

I stared after her.

She was really going to make him stay? What the fuck?

I followed her down the stairs in time to hear the front door slam shut.

Bella paused in the middle of the living room, her back to me as she stared at the front door.

She turned to face me, the look on her face still mildly stunned, and sank down on a couch.

I stood there awkwardly, not knowing if she was going to burst into tears or start screaming at me like she had always done whenever I interrupted her and Jacob.

Suddenly, she looked up at me, brown orbs glistening with tears, and whispered, "Thank you."

My brows furrowed as I stared down at her. "Come again?"

Bella blinked and looked away, staring at the floor in concentration. She put her head in her hands. "Oh. My. God. I cannot _believe_what I was about to do."

She was silent for a few moments and the room was so quiet that I could hear her steady breathing.

"Um," I said, my voice breaking the silence. "Earth to Bella. . . you all right?"

She was still quiet and absolutely still, as if I wasn't even there.

I gazed at her, curious and confused, as she finally lifted her head to look at me again. "Thank you so much. For bursting in on us."

"You're welcome?" It was more like a question.

Bella took a deep breath and walked over to me, stopping just about a foot away.

"I almost had sex with him," she said barely audibly.

I suddenly felt uncomfortable. "Yeah, I reckoned."

She shook her head, though it was more like she was shaking her head at her own actions. "I wasn't ready, there's no way I was. He just . . . showed up, on foot, and walked into my room. He was there, and . . . God, I don't know, I guess hormones took over."

She didn't meet my eyes as she turned away and started pacing. "If you hadn't shown up, I'd be screwed."

"Literally," I said, smirking.

I felt this warmth through my chest, the same warmth I had felt when I found out she had aced her maths exam.

I was fucking proud of her.

Why? Because she wasn't mad at me for interfering. She was fucking glad about it. She was realizing that what she would have done was stupid and that she would have regretted it later.

Bella paused and looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time.

Finally she said, "I'm glad you're here. Please stay."


	16. Earth To Bella Part 2

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns everything.

_**

* * *

**_

**Chapter 16- Earth To Bella (Part 2)**

_Earth to Bella  
This is a quiet Emergency  
Earth to Bella  
There's so much more to get than wronged (Oh Yeah)_

_Earth to Bella  
You're treading water successfully  
But are you Really?  
Don't you want to see the Deep?_

_It's not so hard  
Just forgive yourself  
And Feel the water open._

**Earth To Bella (Part 2)- Incubus**

_**

* * *

**_

**Bella POV**

Jacob had showed up out of nowhere, and I couldn't understand why he was so prone to doing that. It was actually getting a little annoying.

Just a minute after Edward left, I went up to my room to lie down and relax for a few minutes. All the party business was stressing me out. A big celebration was the last thing I wanted, but no one was on my side when it came to whether or not it would be thrown. Well, except for Edward. But he was too late with his opinion.

There was something so easy about being around Edward. The awkwardness had started to fade and it was nice just to talk with him. I was completely comfortable around him; the only thing that made me nervous was how I was utterly attracted to him.

Every time I saw him, my breath caught. He always looked so unearthly, inhuman, but in a good way. It was like he was some god come down to live with humanity or something.

I must have dozed off a little, because I jumped awake when I heard my door open.

I sat up to see Jacob standing there, a huge grin on his face.

"Jake?" I had said in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

"Just thought I'd drop by," he said, shutting the door behind him. For some reason, the sound of the door shutting sounded ominously louder than it was.

I stood up and tried to keep my voice gentle. "Jake, didn't I tell you that you couldn't come?"

He shrugged, looking around my room. "I ignored you. Besides, I saw you were home alone and I wasn't sure I was very happy about that."

"I'm not a little kid, Jake."

"I know." He grinned at me and took a step forward and looked around again. "So this is your room, huh? I always wondered what it looked like."

"Now you know," I muttered, trying not to show my discomfort with him being in my room. With the door closed. While no one was home.

"How did you get in?" I asked.

Jacob held up the little key that was usually under the eave. "This. Everyone keeps a key under the eave; there really needs to be a new hiding spot."

I watched as he pocketed it, reminding myself to ask for it later.

It was silent as Jacob looked me over. "So you'll be seventeen tomorrow huh? Excited?"

"Not really. I hate parties."

Jacob looked puzzled. "Why? Parties are the best. I still plan on taking you to a few."

I forced a smile. "Great. Wanna go downstairs?"

"No," Jake said quickly. "Let's stay here. Let's hang out."

He walked over and sat on the bed, pulling me onto his lap. He brushed a few locks of hair out of my face and kissed my cheek.

"You look beautiful," he said quietly. I felt myself turn red.

Jacob lifted a hand and ran it softly over my cheek and lips. His arm got tighter around my waist and it wasn't long before we were both gasping for breath after the most dizzying make-out session I had ever had. His tongue and assaulted my mouth like never before and my thoughts were all in a jumble.

Then, he stood up and pulled his shirt off.

Holy crap. He was _ripped_**.**

I stared at him in astonishment, not knowing what to say; he looked like a body builder in the making. I always knew he had muscles, but not to this extent. It was intimidating, if not very, very appealing.

"What's wrong?" Jacob said, smiling smugly. "Never seen an eight pack before?"

I shook my head slowly.

Jacob laughed. "Do you like what you see?"

I nodded slowly as a strange heat went from my stomach down. I didn't know what I was feeling but it grew more intense as I spotted the top of his boxers peeking out from the waistband of his jeans.

"I like what I see, too," Jake said softly, and I couldn't help but giggle. He was being so cheesy, but it was cute . . . in a hilarious way.

He slowly walked over to me and pushed me down on the bed, my head hitting the pillow softly. My heart was racing as he climbed on top of me, hovering on his elbows so that his body grazed mine just slightly. My whole body felt heated, but it was a good kind of heat.

Looking into my eyes with the biggest grin on his face, Jacob slowly lowered himself on top me. I could feel the entire front of his body. . .

Including his erection.

That caught me off guard and I gasped softly. Jacob smirked and started kissing my neck, his lips leaving a hot trail on my skin. His hands were burning hot as they lifted up the bottom of my shirt and ran across my stomach. I shivered in a good way, reveling in how strange everything felt . . . strange, yet so intensely _good_.

These emotions and physical feelings were so new to me, I couldn't think straight. All I was focused on was how great everything felt.

Jake stopped his kissing and looked me in the eyes again, his dark orbs smoldering.

"Do you want to?" he asked.

His hands trailed down to the waistband of my jeans and I knew exactly what he meant.

I didn't know what I was thinking, my thoughts clouded by the heat and by Jacob. But mostly by how loved I felt.

My mind was still in a daze and I didn't realize I was nodding my head 'yes' until Jacob grinned and kissed me vigorously. His lips molded against mine and he pressed his hips down in such a way that I gasped loudly. My gasp was drowned out by his loud moan.

And then Edward burst in.

The door banging open was almost like an alarm clock, waking me up from a deep sleep. I was momentarily disoriented, my heart still racing, as I gazed at Edward's stunned expression. I was suddenly aware of the position I was in, and my thoughts were immediately cleared as Jacob sat up.

At first, I was humiliated. Being caught in the act like that, especially by Edward, was pretty embarrassing. And because I was embarrassed, I felt angry. I was angry that he had just stormed in like that, and that he was causing Jacob to be mad at me again. I tried to follow Jake and get him to stay, but the moment he left the house, it was like a light bulb turned on in my head.

I stood in the living room, still in shock. I thought over everything that had happened in my bedroom, and I couldn't believe what I had almost done.

When my mother and I had had "the talk" several years before, she told me that I would just know when I was ready when the time was right. I would know that the person I was with would be the one I could share that special moment with. She told me it was important to not give in to peer pressure or to just do it for the sake of getting it over with.

Renee had also stressed that the best idea was to wait for marriage.

"That way you would be giving yourself up to someone that truly loves you," she had said. "It wouldn't be one of those cases where a boy has sex with you and then you never hear from him again. I wouldn't want that for you. It's not very likely that someone would marry you to get laid and then divorce you the next day."

She had a point. I was absolutely comfortable, unlike several girls these days, with waiting to take that big step in my life. I didn't want it to be the result of a bunch of teenage hormones. That's what made honeymoons so special, waiting and waiting for that moment to come.

So it had been decided by me several years previous that I would wait until I was wed with someone I was completely in love with. But now was not the time. Definitely not now.

So what had happened? I had let my hormones get the best of me, that's what.

As for Jacob, I was not in love with him. Not yet, anyway. We were in the first stages of our relationship and sex was not an option.

Besides, I knew he would understand if I talked to him about it. I probably gave him a mixed signal after that whole thing.

And now I was so . . . grateful. Gratitude was the last thing I would have expected out of myself after that scene, but it was undeniably strong.

I knew I would have regretted losing my virginity. And to Edward I would be forever thankful.

So I had to thank him. I just had to. If he hadn't come in, I'd be a wreck right now. I probably would have cried or something. I wasn't ready, and I needed an interruption to show me that.

I also wanted Edward to stay.

Because for some reason I knew that watching him leave would hurt more than having watched Jacob walk out the door.

But that's how friendship was . . . right?

_**

* * *

**_

**Edward POV**

Of course I stayed.

After all, she asked me to. Who was I to deny her?

We just stood there for a few moments, staring at each other, wondering what the hell was going on.

Then, Bella sighed, looking sad all of a sudden.

"I should call him," she said. "Make sure he's not angry or anything."

My eyes flashed, and I knew she saw it because she bit her lip sheepishly.

"Does that upset you?" she asked.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and ran a hand through my hair.

I shook my head, not feeling like telling her how much it fucking pissed me off that she always went back to him, no matter what. Always.

She chewed on her lip some more before going into the kitchen with her phone. The anger in me swelled as I tried not to think about how fucked up everything was becoming. Everything was becoming a tangled mess.

So, it went like this: I liked her, but didn't want her to know. Yet I couldn't stay away from her and wanted us to be friends, despite the fact that I knew how much it would hurt me just by being around her. She obviously wanted to be my friend as well, but why did I feel like she wanted more than that? She was sending mixed fucking signals, telling me to stay yet calling up her boyfriend. Thanking me for interrupting them almost about to bang each other and telling me how she felt about, well, almost everything.

_Still trying to avoid pain? Too fucking late. It's all your fault, you stupid dimwit. Friends? Really? Idiot. You're falling for her when you know she doesn't bloody want you, you know she's all about that boyfriend of hers. Stop trying and hoping before you become suicidal. Give the fuck up._

My depressed thoughts were interrupted by the door opening and Alice walked in with four large shopping bags. She smiled at me before plopping down on the couch, looking absolutely knackered.

"Phew!" she said. "I'm exhausted. You will not _believe_ how many goodies I found."

I eyed the several bags she had as she placed them at her feet, once again leaning back on the couch.

"I thought you just went for confetti."

"Ever heard of fate?" she asked, and I had no idea what she meant.

"I might have. What's that got to do with anything?"

"I went for confetti and found several other wonderful things by chance. It's like it was meant to be." She glanced around the empty room. "Where's Bella?"

I nodded once towards the kitchen where Bella's voice was low. She didn't seem to be arguing, just talking. "On the phone with the Asshat."

"The who?"

"The boyfriend."

"Oh," Alice frowned, and I knew she didn't like him either. Hell, no one did.

"Do you need me for anything else? I'd like to leave."

Alice waved a hand at me as she began emptying out bags. "Sure. Thanks for coming; I think we can handle the rest."

I nodded, relieved, and left the house. I had had enough crazy emotions for one day.

**

* * *

**

The second I left Bella's house and got some fresh air, I felt free. Being inside had made me claustrophobic all of a sudden, and there was no doubt it had something to do with the suffocating atmosphere caused by the crazy web of emotions.

I rode on home and tried to think of what to do with Bella's birthday gift. It sat on my desk at home, waiting to be given away. But how was I supposed to present it? Did I wrap it up in wrapping paper? Was I supposed to tie it up in a sissy little bow?

Bows, I decided, were out of the question. I'd be shot dead before I was caught tying a fucking bow with ribbons.

I could just hand it to her, couldn't I? I didn't see anything wrong with just holding it out to her and saying, "Here. Happy fucking birthday to you, now study this shit so you can understand what the fuck I say all the time."

Then again, I _could_ do something like that.

I sat, staring at the book, wondering what to do. Finally I decided that the least I could do was throw it in a bag. A gift bag, that is. But where would I find one? I was already home and too fucking lazy to go back to Party Shack, so I reckoned I'd just ask my mother.

I stumbled down the stairs and into the parlour where Mum was flipping through some home decorating magazine.

"Have we got any gift bags?"

She looked up thoughtfully. "Gift bags? What kind?"

"Isn't there just one kind? You know, the ones you put birthday gifts in and shit?"

Mum stood up, smiling, and led me out of the living room and back upstairs.

"And may I ask who you've gotten a gift for?" she asked as we ascended.

"No."

We reached the upstairs hallway and she led me into her bedroom and towards her wardrobe.

The wardrobe was walk-in and large. She entered it and switched on a light. I stood outside awkwardly, looking around my parents' bedroom. I had never been in here since we moved; the walls were a weird coffee color, the sheets cream.

I heard Mum rummaging through something and she finally walked out with several gift bags, spreading them out on the bed.

"Take your pick," she said, placing her hands on her hips.

I quickly scanned the variety and my eyes landed on a shiny blue one, just the perfect size for the book. It went with the fucking color theme, too.

"This one," I said picking it up. "Thanks Mum."

I grinned at her and turned to leave, but stopped when she spoke.

"It's for Bella Swan isn't it?"

I turned to stare at her as she gave me a knowing smile. Fuck, why did mothers have to know everything?

"Uh. . . " was my reply. What the fuck was I supposed to say?

"That's awfully sweet of you," she said, breaking the silence. "I didn't know you were such good friends. Though, that does explain the horrendous act you pulled at the dinner last week."

I snorted. "Yeah, we're friends. But that's it."

Mum nodded, her eyes twinkling with hidden knowledge. Obviously she suspected something. Shit, was it that obvious?

"I just think it's a surprise since you've never gotten _anyone_a gift before. Ever."

The phone rang and she winked at me before adding, "Do your old Mum a favour and put these back in the closet, will you?"

With that, she turned and strolled out of the room.

Fuck.

**

* * *

**

I finally knew what girls felt like when they stared at a closet full of clothes and didn't know what the fuck to wear.

I used to go to parties all the fucking time back in London. I used to throw on a t-shirt, my leather jacket, and head out the door. But this was different. Alice made it out to be some fancy occasion; was I supposed to wear a fucking tie or something?

Now it was the day of Bella's party, and I was stuck.

I knew I was wearing jeans, that was for sure, as well as the leather Chucks that Bella loved so much. I wanted to wear a t-shirt but I wasn't sure if that would be okay. Shit, I didn't even have anything that would be appropriate at all.

My "Fuck You All" tee was really tempting me at the moment.

I rummaged through my drawers, suddenly wishing the Small Person was around. At least she would be able to help somehow.

Just when I was considering going shirtless, there was a knock on my door.

I turned to see my Mum pop her head in.

"Rose just stopped by," she said. "Alice Brandon told her to give you this. Apparently she 'had a feeling' you would need them." Mum sounded perfectly confused, as was I.

She stepped in and held out a bag that looked like it was from some mall store. I grabbed it from her and peeked in.

"Why would Alice Brandon get you shirts?" Mum asked. "Perhaps she fancies you."

"Holy motherfucking shit," I gasped, peering into the bag. Sure enough, there were three or four button-down shirts in there. Not overly dressy or anything like that, but actually things that I would wear.

"Must you use that kind of language?" Mum said, exasperated. "And don't forget to thank this Alice girl, as well as pay her back. I don't know what on earth goes through that sweet girl's head. . ."

She shook her head in confusion and left my room, still leaving me to gawk into the bag.

I couldn't accept this, I really couldn't. Not without paying her for it at least.

Picking up my phone, I texted Rose.

**What is the Small Person's number? -E**

_I'm sorry, who? -R_

**ALICE! -E**

_No need to shout. It's 214-097-6789. I hope you're about to thank her. -R_

**Obviously. - E**

I wrote Alice a text:

**I fucking love you so fucking much right now.**

A few seconds later I got her reply:

_Um. . . okay. And, who is this exactly? -A_

**Edward. -E**

_Oh! LOL. You're welcome. -A_

**How much were the shirts? -E**

_Don't worry about it. -A_

**Don't be stupid; tell me how much they were. Since you obviously removed the tags. -E**

_I refuse to tell you. -A_

**Listen, Small Person, you are small enough to kidnap in the dead of night. I will bring you here and rip apart a pair of your favorite designer shoes if you don't tell me how much the shirts were NOW. -E**

_How dare you threaten me? -A_

**How. Much. Were. The. Shirts. Dammit. -E**

_$1,278.60 -A_

**WHAT? -E**

_Yep. Still wanna pay me? -A_

**WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PAY THAT MUCH FOR ME? -E**

_For the love of Moschino, no need to shout. I have a special membership with the store so I got a discount. Discount price in total was $580. - A_

**Why couldn't you say that before then? I'll pay you when I see you. -E**

_You will do no such thing. - A_

**Shut up. Yes I will. Bye. -E**

I was done with that conversation, suddenly feeling drained. Alice was just way too nice to everybody. It was almost annoying.

I'll admit, my family had money. Carlisle was some business mogul or something so we had one of the wealthier homes in town and always had a pretty abundant amount of money. I had access to my parents' account as well, so money was always available to me.

Yes, I was pretty fucking spoiled.

Paying Alice back wouldn't be a problem. And I didn't care if I had to hide the money in her purse; there was no way I wasn't going to pay her. I felt like a charity case enough as it is.

After I had showered, I picked a black and white flannel looking shirt. I finished getting dressed and threw the book in the gift bag, not bothering to write anything in the little tag on the bag's handle. I pulled on my jacket and headed out to my bike, actually looking forward to tonight.

**

* * *

**

The house was packed. I wasn't surprised, seeing as I was an hour and a half late, but I was still shocked as to how many people were there. The house was vibrating from the loud music playing on the inside, and through the windows I could see people dancing as colourful lights pulsed around them. The tree in the front yard was lit up, as were some parts of the house itself. Balloons were attached to the ground, lining the front path that led to the front door. People were lingering outside, and some were even going around the house and into the backyard.

There was no place to park my bike, so I rode on the Swans' yard and parked it right under the tree. I got stares from people that were clearly thinking, "What a douchebag," but I couldn't be bothered by their looks.

I got off the bike and went in through the open front door, pausing momentarily to gaze around me.

The place looked like a fucking nightclub.

The strings of lights still hung from the ceiling, but they were the only source of light, along with the pulsating disco-ball type of thing that stood at the DJ's table to my left. A bloke was playing hip hop and the living room was filled with dancing people while others lounged on couches. The dining room table was like a fucking buffet, just covered in all kinds of desserts. People were eating around the table, some sitting on the chairs that Bella and I had arranged.

There were also people standing or dancing on the stairs, and I hoped that Bella had locked her bedroom door before an overly hormonal couple got to her bed before she did.

Speaking of Bella, where was she?

I clutched the gift back tightly and pushed my way through the dancing crowd. There were less people in the kitchen, and I could see that the counters had been cleared off for cans of fizzy and bowls of punch.

I looked out the kitchen windows and saw that the backyard was completely transformed as well.

I stepped onto the back deck and paused, in awe.

The deck and backyard had, unsurprisingly, been lit up as well- but it was the girl standing in the middle of it all that got my attention.

From the lights above her that were strung amongst tree branches, Bella glowed like a fucking goddess.

She stood talking to Alice, arguing maybe, but she looked fucking unbelievable.

The dress she wore was the nicest blue, strapless and fitting her like a glove. It hugged her hips just before it ruffled to her knees. Her hair was curled elaborately and her legs were elongated by the silver heels. From here I could see the glinting of a necklace around her neck, as well as silver bracelets on her right wrist.

My breath caught in my throat; never had I seen a creature so fucking beautiful.

Alice, who was in a bright ass neon green dress, looked like she was reassuring Bella of something. Bella, in return, was shaking her head, her expression stressed out.

Alice said something and rubbed Bella's arm reassuringly before nodding her head towards the house. Bella shook her head no, and Alice sighed before walking towards the back deck where I was standing. I saw Bella start pacing in the grass, dialing a number and holding her phone to her ear.

"Edward!" Alice said in surprise as she walked up the little steps to the deck. "You look good! I knew the shirt would fit."

I reluctantly tore my eyes off of Bella and looked down at Alice who was grinning up at me. "Right," I said, reaching into my back pocket. I pulled out a small envelope containing the money for the shirts. "Please don't be stubborn and just take the fucking money. I swear I won't stop nagging."

Alice rolled her eyes. "I know you won't." She took the envelope from me with a sigh.

I nodded towards Bella, who was still trying to reach somebody. From the looks of it, the person wasn't answering. "What's up with her?"

"One word," Alice said, a look of disapproval on her face.

"Jacob," we both said in unison.

"What's he done now?" I asked.

"It's more like what he _hasn't_done. He's not here, in case you didn't notice."

"Oh."

"By the way, she's going to love your present," Alice said with a grin.

"What?" I glanced down at the bag in my hand. "Do you even know what it is?"

"No. But I know she's going to like it. A lot."

I stared at her. "You little weirdo."

Alice laughed before we heard the DJ announce from the inside, "Dance-off! Everyone gather round and show off some mad skills!"

The few people that had been outside with us went inside excitedly, leaving Bella, Alice, and I the only ones outdoors.

"Ooh!" Alice said. "Dance off! Listen, try and get Bella to come inside, okay? It's her birthday party and all she's worried about is that her boyfriend isn't here."

"I'll try," I mumbled, and Alice skipped inside.

The backyard and deck were empty now, the only sounds coming from the vibrating music inside.

I slowly strolled over to Bella as she frustratedly hung up the phone for the hundredth time.

She looked up, spotting me, and stopped her pacing abruptly. Her face broke into a smile, though it didn't touch her eyes.

"Hi," I said, shoving my hands in my pockets. I stopped just about a foot away from her, trying not to stare at her magnificent form. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks," she muttered. Her eyes fell on the gift bag that hung from my wrist. "Oh no. Please tell me that isn't for me."

"It's not for you."

She looked surprised, and almost embarrassed. "Really?"

"No."

"Then why'd you tell me it was?"

"Because you asked."

Bella stared at me incredulously before laughing. "Really, you didn't have to."

"I know. But I saw it and reckoned that you actually needed this. As long as you're going to be friends with me, that is."

She stared at me, confused. "What do you mean?"

I grinned crookedly. "You'll see." I held the bag out to her but she wouldn't take it.

"I can't," she sighed.

I ran an aggravated hand through my hair. "Look, I don't normally get people gifts so consider yourself special and just take the fucking thing, okay?"

Shit. Word vomit.

Bella furrowed her brows at me, probably at my unintentionally harsh tone, before reaching out and hesitantly taking the bag.

She peeked inside, biting her lip. "It's a book?"

"Yeah," I said. "But it's dark out here. You might want to look at it later."

Bella nodded and looked up at me. "Thanks," she mumbled, smiling. Again, the smile didn't touch her eyes.

"You okay?"

She shook her head, but didn't say anything.

"Still upset because your boyfriend isn't here?"

"How did you-"

"Alice."

"Oh. Yeah, he said he'd come but he clearly forgot or something. And he's not answering his phone either."

"Maybe he's on his way," I said, trying to make her feel better.

Or maybe he got hit by a car. But let me not get my hopes up.

"I don't know," Bella said, continuing to pace. "I'm getting really worried."

"Don't sweat it. Why don't you just go inside and try to have fun? He'll show up when he does."

Bella stopped pacing to look at me wistfully. "How am I supposed to have fun without my boyfriend here?"

I raised a brow at her, feeling a lecture coming on. "Do you remember what I told you at the dinner? About you being isolated because of him? When he gets here, you're going to be following him around and doing what _he_ thinks is fun. Then what's going to be the point of all this?" I gestured towards the house, where the lights inside were pulsing like mad and the walls were vibrating from the music. "You'll never know what you're missing out on if you keep this up."

"I didn't ask for any of this."

"I know, but it's here and you have to deal with it. The party's going on so you might as well join in. How do you think Alice feels about you being all depressed during a party that she worked on so hard and threw for you? I'd be pretty pissed if I was her."

Bella bit her lip, thinking, and I hoped I was getting through to her. Wherever Jacob was, he was ruining her birthday for her just by not showing up.

"I mean, I want to have fun," Bella said, eying the phone in her hand. "But I don't know. . . I'd feel guilty. . ." She trailed off, continuing the assault on her bottom lip with her teeth.

"I'm sorry, what?" I said incredulously. "Did you just say you'd feel _guilty_ about having fun because your boyfriend isn't here?"

Bella looked up at me from under her lashes, and my breathing hitched before she said, "That does sound stupid, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. Really fucking stupid. It's _your_birthday. _Your_ party. Not your boyfriend's. If he's not here, it's his loss. You should at least enjoy it while you can."

Bella stared at her phone again and I quickly stuck my hand out, palm up. "I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate that. For your own well being."

She slowly reached out to place it in my hand, but before she could put it in my palm, it started to buzz.

Bella quickly glanced at the ID and whirled away from me as she answered, "Hello? Jake? I've been calling. . ."

I huffed and dropped my arm as Bella spoke to the Asshat.

"Oh," she said, disappointment clouding her voice. "Okay. No, it's okay. I understand. Sure. Bye."

She flipped her phone shut, looking absolutely depressed and smiled at me sadly.

"He's not coming," she said quietly.

I tried to hide my inner joy. "Really? And why is that?"

Bella shrugged. "He didn't really say. He just said he couldn't make it and that he was sorry."

I snorted. "Yeah, right."

Bella looked hurt so I quickly added, "Hey, at least you know he didn't get hit by a car or something. The party's still going on, there's still time to have some fun. C'mon. There's a dance-off going on or some shit."

Bella's eyes widened before she laughed humourlessly. "Dancing plus me equals disaster."

I nodded towards the house. "Then let's go watch."

She sighed and nodded, but before she could pass by me I stuck my hand out again. She rolled her eyes and placed her phone in it, which I in return shoved into my back pocket.

We slowly walked back to the house where everyone was still in the living room, pounding with music.

A crowd was gathered around a guy that was break dancing, his movements quick and rhythmic. It was actually pretty impressive and Bella and I watched in quiet enjoyment.

"I'm gonna go put this in my room," Bella yelled over the music. She gestured at the gift bag I had given her, and I nodded. She pushed through the crowd and headed up the stairs, leaving me to watch as the break dancer was kicked off the floor by Alice and Jasper, who began dancing salsa as the music changed to their liking.

The two were great dancers, as if they had taken lessons or something, and the way they looked into each others' eyes made it seem like a private moment. So private in fact that I had to look away.

Abruptly, the music changed again, and this time it was Emmett and Rose that pushed Alice and Jasper off. The music this time was a fast-paced jazz, and my sister and her boyfriend danced to it like they were having the time of their lives. But then I started to notice the little things about their dancing, how they somehow managed to make it just a little bit sexual.

Disturbed, I yelled out, "Boo! You suck! Get off the floor!"

People around me laughed, including Emmett, as Rosalie threw me a glare.

Suddenly I was shoved onto the floor, stumbling but catching my balance.

"What the fuck!" I cried, whirling around to see Jasper standing there, grinning.

"Your turn!" he yelled over the music.

The crowd had quieted down a bit, all of them looking at me apprehensively. Rose and Emmett had backed away, both of them smirking, so now it was only me standing alone in the middle of the fucking dance floor.

I was supposed to fucking dance? No fucking way.

The music changed to a song I recognized- it was the 80's song Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham!

Oh, fuck. I was supposed to jitterbug or something? Fuck this.

"I'm not doing it," I told the crowd. I tried to push back into them, but Jasper shoved me back. I swear, if he wasn't my mate, I'd punch him.

"I'm not fucking doing it!" I said again. "I'm-"

"Hey!" I was cut off as Bella's petite blue form was pushed onto the floor, crashing right into me. I grabbed her before we both fell on our asses, and Bella turned to glare at Alice, whose grin matched Jasper's.

"Oops!" Alice called. "Did I push too hard?"

Bella's hands were still on my arms as she looked up at me, her expression humiliated. She let go quickly, looking around at the watching crowd.

Her so-called "friends" were fucking clueless. Didn't they know she had intense stage fright?

"Come on, Bells!" Emmett encouraged. "Show 'em what you got!"

Bella looked at him, terrified, and shook her head frantically.

"Let's get those feet movin'!" the DJ impatiently said into a microphone.

"Fuck you!" I told him. "We don't want to dance!"

The crowd protested and we were being jeered at, but encouraged at the same time.

"Oh, just get it over with!" Rosalie called. "It's fun!"

I looked at Bella who was chewing on her lip, her face flushed.

I sighed. I was not a dancer, nor did I enjoy doing it. But if it would get everyone to shut up and if it would get Bella to be more relaxed, then whatever.

I closed my eyes and listened to where the song was up to.

Wake me up before you go-go

Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo

Wake me up before you go-go

I don't want to miss it when you hit that high

Wake me up before you go-go

'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo

Wake me up before you go-go

Take me dancing tonight

I wanna hit that high (yeah, yeah)

I listened to the beat, nodding my head slightly to the rhythm. It had been a while since I'd been on a dance floor; I had head banged all the time at concerts and parties in London, if that was considered to be dancing.

The music was such that I started to feel my whole torso moving, a little like head banging but not really. Before long, my feet were moving and Bella was staring at me in surprise.

I felt like an idiot, I honestly did. I hoped nobody was filming this; I knew I looked really fucking stupid. But this was for Bella. This was so that not all the attention was on her.

I heard people cheering at me and egging me on, but my eyes were on Bella. A slow smile spread on her lips and she cocked her head to one side, looking curious.

"C'mon," I said, loud enough so she could hear me over the music, but so that no one else could. "Get it over with. Ignore the people and listen to the music."

Bella bit her lip, still smiling, and started to nod her head in time to the beat. People started cheering and I nodded my head in encouragement.

It took Bella a few seconds, and finally she started moving her feet as well as her body. She started to- I believe "shimmy" is the right word- and moved her hips back and forth while sliding her feet just slightly.

I grinned at her, and she grinned back, actually looking like she was having fun.

"I feel like an idiot!" she called over the music.

"Me too!" I called back.

"But it's fun!"

"I know!"

I didn't know what I was thinking, but I reached out to grab her hand, pulling her arm up and around so that she was forced to do one of those turns.

Being eternally uncoordinated, she tripped and stumbled forward, causing me to grab her around the waist and hold her steady.

But she was laughing. Hard.

It was contagious, and I couldn't help but laugh myself. Before I knew it, the both of us were guffawing hysterically. The song had ended and there we stood, laughing our asses off like we had just witnessed the most hilarious fucking thing ever.

The crowd started to clap as Bella and I tried to catch our breath. Another song started and Mike and Jessica were shoved onto the floor. Bella and I pushed our way out of the crowd, heading into the mostly empty kitchen where the drinks were.

Both of us were still panting as I poured a glass of punch and handed it to Bella, whose face was flushed with energy.

I downed a glass of punch and poured another, drinking that down just as quickly to quench my thirst.

"Wow," Bella gasped. "That was . . . something."

I grinned and ran a hand through my hair. "I know. I just hope no one filmed it or something."

Bella's eyes widened, almost like she was scared. "Yikes. I hope so, too."

Emmett and Rosalie came into the kitchen to get drinks as well.

"Good job you two," Rosalie said as she popped open a can of fizz. "That was fun wasn't it?"

"Man, you guys sucked so bad," Emmett commented as he opened the refrigerator for a bottle of water.

"Gee, thanks a lot," Bella said as she glared at him.

"Aw don't worry about it, kid," Emmett said, punching her lightly in the arm. "It's all a good time. We all looked stupid."

Alice's voice suddenly came from the DJ table, "Bella Swan? Get your cute little ass over here! Time to cut the cake!"

Bella groaned and Rosalie took her hand, dragging her back into the living room where the crowd was waiting.

I felt for Bella, I really did. I slowly walked back into the other room where a table had been set next to the DJ's. On it was a small two-tier cake, white with blue ribbons around it. The top of the cake had blue flowers in the center, and the whole thing looked fake and inedible.

"That's not what everyone's going to eat," Emmett informed me from my side. "That's just for show."

I shook my head. "I'd hate to see what Alice's birthday parties are like."

Emmett snorted. "Trust me, you don't."

Bella stood behind the table as the DJ played a weird remixed version of Happy Birthday. The crowd sang along and I watched as Bella blushed a deep pink as she closed her eyes briefly, probably making a wish, and blew out the sparkling candles. Everyone cheered and Bella smiled at them, biting her lip as she left the table and Alice carried away the cake.

The rest of the party was actually . . . fun. Bella was around me most of the time, usually trying to avoid being the center of attention. Both of us hit the dance floor once more, but this time it was everyone dancing, not just us. The cake was fucking amazing and the buffet of desserts was gone way before the party was over. Towards the ends of the party, everyone was led out to the backyard.

Apparently Alice had hired fire eaters to perform.

I looked at Emmett in disbelief as we stood watching the fire eaters.

"Are you fucking serious?" I asked him. "You let Alice _do_ all this?"

Emmett shrugged with a sigh. "The girl is insatiable. Of course I didn't let her pay for all of it. Surprisingly she was able to get everything for cheaper than it actually is. Midget's got connections."

I stared at the fire eaters and one stood on the shoulders of another as they both juggled torches of flame. "Remind me to never let Alice throw a party for me."

"Deal."

* * *

The night ended around 11pm, since there was school the next day, and many of the guests were reluctant to go. Everyone was so excited and kept on buzzing about how much fun they had. Emmett was eventually able to kick everyone out, and once the last person was out the door, he slammed it shut and dropped on a couch.

"Damn!" he said, kicking his shoes off. "What a night!"

The only people still there were myself, Rose, Jasper, and Alice. All of us were just sitting on the couches, staring at the mess before us. Bella had gone upstairs to change.

"Alice," Emmett barked. "You made this mess, now clean it up."

"Excuse me?" Alice said from where she sat under Jasper's arm.

"You heard me. All of this was your doing, now fix it."

"Oh please," Alice replied. "I did the organisation, not the disorganisation."

"Yes but if there hadn't been an organisation, there wouldn't be any disorganisation."

Alice opened her mouth to reply but Rosalie cut her off, "All right, you two. We'll all clean up together. But not tonight. You've all got school tomorrow and it's getting late, so clean-up can wait until tomorrow. All of you should report back here tomorrow evening, okay?"

"Yes, Mom," Emmett laughed and Rose smacked him on the arm.

I was pretty fucking knackered and I got to my feet soon after Alice and Jasper left. I stretched, hearing my body crack, and waved goodbye to Emmett and Rose.

I was just about to go out the door when I remembered Bella's phone in my back pocket. I pulled it out and eyed it, glad that I would get to see her just one last time.

Emmett and Rose stared at me as I retraced my steps and headed towards the stairs. When I was halfway up, Emmett said, "Hey, you know you can just give that to me right? I'll give it to her later."

_Fuck. _

I was making everything so obvious.

"I'm already halfway there," I mumbled, skipping steps as I reached the upstairs corridor.

The sliver of light coming from under Bella's door told me that she was still awake. I flipped her phone open and changed my number from _The Bloke That Tutors You_, since that was no longer taking place, to _The Bloke You Jitterbugged With_.

I knocked hesitantly, turning the knob when I heard her soft, "come in".

I walked in to see her in her pyjamas, sitting Indian style on the bed with the book I had given her on her lap.

"Hey!" she said, smiling. "Everyone's still down there?"

"No. Just me and Rose. I was about to leave but then I remembered this." I held out the phone and she stood up, taking it from me.

"Yikes," she said. "Wouldn't be smart to lose this. Thanks."

"No problem," I said.

She sat back on the bed after setting the phone on her side table. "I was just flipping through the book you gave me." She grinned up at me.

"Oh yeah?" I said, taking a few more steps in. "Do you like it?"

"Are you kidding? I love it! It's perfect! I finally know what you meant when you said I was 'gutted' the other day. You were right. It did 'suck to be me'."

I laughed. "Did you get a chance to look up 'wanker' yet?"

Bella shook her head and started flipping through pages. "Let's see . . . wanker, wanker, wanker. . . "

I laughed again, hearing her say the word sounding both dirty and hilarious in her American accent.

She eventually found the definition and read it to herself before she gasped and flung the book away from her.

"Ew!" she cried. "Edward!"

I chuckled and ran a hand through my hair. "I told you, you wouldn't want to know. Bet you're glad you didn't Google that shit, right?"

Bella rolled her eyes but smirked slightly. She reached for the book again. "Man, I could read this all night."

"Yeah well, enjoy it. I'm gonna go now. School tomorrow and shit, you know."

Bella sighed. "Ugh, I can't believe I forgot about school. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Right," I said, turning to go. "See you tomorrow."

"Oh, and Edward?" she called. I turned around again.

"Cheers," she said, holding the book up.

I chuckled. "That's not exactly how you use it, but you're welcome."

I shut her door behind me as I left, feeling what I had swore I would never let myself feel ever again.

Love.


	17. So Contagious

**Disclaimer: **Twilight is not mine.

* * *

**Chapter 17- So Contagious**

_Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected_  
_And I can tell I've been moving in so slow_  
_Don't let it throw you off too far_  
_Cause I'll be running right behind you_

_Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)_  
_To say you're the only one breaking me down like this_  
_You're the only one I would take a shot on_  
_Keep me hanging on so contagiously._

_Oh you're everything I'm wanting_  
_Come to think of it, I'm aching_  
_On account of my transgression.._  
_Will you welcome this confession?_

**So Contagious- Acceptance**

**

* * *

**

**Bella POV**

It was the Tuesday after my birthday party, and Edward sat in the seat next to me in government class, frustratedly grabbing at his bronze locks.

We were taking a test and I could tell he was having a hard time. Every now and then I would hear him say under his breath, "what the fuck" or "shit" or "bloody yank government." I tried to stifle my giggles at his frustration, but he always glared at me when I let one slip.

I knew this wasn't the easiest subject for him, and it pissed him off to be so bad at it since he was good at pretty much every other subject. I breezed through the multiple choice questions and quickly scribbled down answers to the short answer ones. After fifteen minutes, I was done, and I set my pencil down on the desk, all while smirking smugly at Edward.

He narrowed his eyes at me before he quickly started bubbling in random answers on his answer sheet. My eyes widened at his carelessness and it wasn't long before he threw the pencil down with a huff.

I giggled and he rolled his eyes, unable to control the crooked grin that broke across his full lips.

Edward and I had gotten closer since the party, and I realized that he was, very slowly, becoming my best friend. Alice was still my BFF, but there was a difference between having a girl as a best friend and having a guy as one.

This was a fact that I couldn't tell Jacob; he hated Edward as it was, and telling him that his "enemy" was becoming my best friend was something that would undoubtedly set him off.

I was extremely surprised, not to mention relieved, that Jake actually wasn't mad at me for the whole Edward-bursting-into-my-bedroom situation. The next time I saw him after that, he seemed . . . fine. He was calm and actually in a good mood, apologizing over and over for not showing up on my birthday.

Secretly, I was glad he didn't come. Edward was right; I would have done what Jacob had wanted me to, and would have been unable to have fun on my own.

Once the bell rang, I gathered my books and waited for Edward as I watched him speaking to Mr. Ackerman at the teacher's desk. Jacob had basketball practice, so I never saw him after government, which was my last class. That left me free to talk to Edward at the end of the day.

Mr. Ackerman was telling Edward something very calmly. Edward, on the other hand, looked aggravated and kept assaulting his hair with his hand.

Finally he mumbled something to Mr. Ackerman, who nodded, and then walked towards where I stood waiting by the door.

"What was that about?" I asked as we left the classroom.

"I'm not fucking surprised," Edward mumbled. "He says I'm failing his fucking class. As if I didn't already know that. Wanker."

"Really?" My tone was unsurprised, and actually came out as rather sarcastic, though I didn't intend it to.

Edward narrowed his eyes as we walked to my locker. "Listen, just because you happen to know more governmental shit than I do, doesn't make you another fucking Einstein or anything."

"I didn't say that. I'm just not shocked that you're failing."

"Neither am I, honestly," he muttered. "I just don't understand why he's giving me such a hard time. I thought he was a nice bloke and all, and then he tells me-" Edward put on a very convincing American accent-" 'Mr. Cullen, you are failing my class. I know you've only been in this country for a few months and shit but you need to get a fucking grip and focus.'"

I laughed. "First of all, I doubt Mr. Ackerman threw the F-bomb or said 'shit'. Secondly, that's a really good American accent. You had me fooled for a second there."

"I did?" he asked as we reached my locker.

I put in the code and threw my books in. "Yeah, it was pretty believable."

"That's awesome, dude," he said, pretending to be American again.

I laughed again, feeling oddly lightheaded.

"What's so funny?" came Alice's voice as she arrived at the locker next to me.

"It's me," Edward said, still putting on the accent. "Apparently I would be an amazing American. Now all I need to do is eat fast food every day and talk a whole lot about nothing and speak very loudly and exclaim 'Oh my God!' at the slightest chance I get."

"Oh my God!" Alice cried, and I giggled. "Is that what you British think of us Americans?"

Edward shrugged. "Just some stereotypes." He was English again.

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Yeah well, I'm surprised that you, being British, aren't overly polite and don't drink tea all day and have bad teeth."

Edward flashed me his pearly whites, as if to emphasize that point. "I don't like to be polite if I can help it. That's pansy shit. And I hate tea."

"Also," Alice said. "You aren't entirely too snobbish."

"Oh," I said. "And you also don't say things like 'pip pip cheerio'."

Edward stared at me. "What the fuck is pip pip cheerio?"

Alice and I laughed and I shrugged, "I don't know. Just something I heard somewhere."

Edward continued to look at me funny. "I don't think you'd find that in the British terminology book."

"Edward, you should study," Alice suddenly said. I looked up to see that she was staring at him thoughtfully.

"Sorry?" Edward said, sounding as confused as I felt.

"You should study," Alice declared matter-of-factly. "For government. I don't think you're going to pass the pop quiz tomorrow."

"What pop quiz?" I asked her, closing my locker.

Alice shrugged. "Got a feeling."

"Look, I could care less how the fuck the American government works," Edward said. "It's one subject I'm just never going to understand."

"Bella can help you!" Alice chirped, and I gawked at her. "She's good at government, aren't you Bella?"

I was at a loss for words. "Uh . . . yeah. Yeah, I am. . . "

For some reason I felt myself turn red under Edward's curious gaze.

"You can totally pay him back like that," Alice said excitedly, shutting her locker. "He helped you with math, now you can help him with government."

"She doesn't need to pay me back," Edward told her calmly.

Before I could stop myself, I said, "I don't mind! I can help you."

He stared at me, his brows furrowed. "Are you sure?"

I nodded fervently. "Sure. It's no problem. I still kinda sorta owe you for that A- on the math final."

Edward smirked. "If you don't mind helping me, I can come over today or tomorrow or whenever."

"No," I said quickly. Alice and Edward looked at me like I was insane.

I didn't want Edward coming over, mainly because I knew how prone Jacob was to just popping up out of nowhere. Everything was okay between us at that moment and I didn't want Edward's constant presence at my house to become a bigger issue than it already was.

"I can come over to your house," I suggested meekly. I bit my lip, waiting for his response as his green eyes studied my face.

He suddenly gave me a knowing look and nodded just slightly.

He understood exactly why I didn't want him over.

"Fine," he said, expression unusually blank. "You can come to my place then. When do you reckon you can come? Today? Tomorrow? The weekend?"

I promised Jacob I would spend the weekend with him, so I couldn't do that.

"I can come today," I said, shrugging. "Since the pop quiz is tomorrow. If you want..."

"Sure," Edward said, pushing himself off of the lockers. "D'you know where I live?"

I shook my head slowly and he smiled.

"Ask Rose and she'll give you the address. See you at . . . 4?"

I nodded and he smiled once more before turning and going towards his own locker.

I felt slightly flustered as I glanced at Alice, who was beaming at me and giving me a freakish look like she could see right through me.

"What?" I asked, a little creeped out by her grin.

"You two would be so great together," she sighed dreamily.

My eyes bugged out of my head. "Alice! Why would you say something like that?"

I actually took a step away from her, my heart thudding a little faster.

"Just saying," Alice said, attempting to be casual. "Now c'mon, let me take you home. You need to relax before you get busy at Edward's."

She walked ahead of me, leaving me standing in the middle of the hallway with unexplained butterflies in my stomach.

**

* * *

**

When I got home, I was unsurprised to find Rosalie there. She had been spending a lot of time at our house, and I got the feeling she might just be moving in. It was like having an older sister around, and I didn't mind her presence one bit. Obviously she and Emmett were closer than ever, and I secretly wondered if he was going to propose to her soon. Excitement bubbled in me at the thought of Emmett marrying Rosalie; she truly was like the older sister I never had.

"I've got a day off today," Rosalie informed me as she poured some coffee. "Emmett's just left with my car to get a dent out. Apparently some idiot hit it while it was parked and drove off."

"Yikes," I said, pulling out a Pop-Tart. It immediately reminded me of Edward. "Any idea when he'll be back?"

Rosalie shook her head and leaned against the counter, sipping her coffee. The way she moved in our home made it look like she already belonged here. It was nice to see.

"Don't know," Rose said. "I thought maybe we should hang out a bit. Chat, until he gets back."

"Oh," I said through a mouthful of Pop-Tart. "I wanted to ask him about going over to Edward's."

Rosalie's brows furrowed. "Edward's? Whatever for?"

I tried to seem nonchalant as I shrugged one shoulder. "I'm going to tutor him in government. He's failing, and I sort of want to pay him back for helping me ace math. So I'm going over to his house, around four."

Rosalie paled.

She stared at me, almost fearfully, as her eyes widened and her coffee cup was frozen in mid hair. Her knuckles turned white as she clutched it tightly.

"Rosalie?" I said hesitantly. Her reaction was scaring me. "You okay?"

"Huh?" she jumped slightly as if she just noticed that I was there. "Yes. Yes, I'm fine." She looked away and cleared her throat.

"Why can't Edward come here?" she asked, her voice a strange type of forced calm.

"I'm kinda worried that Jake will show up. He tends to pop up randomly and I don't want him to freak out if he shows up and sees Edward here. He won't understand that we're . . . friends. . . "

I trailed off, realizing that she wasn't listening. Her gaze was on the floor, her perfectly sculpted face looking worried.

She finally looked up at me and nodded silently.

"I was wondering if you could give me the address?" I asked uncertainly. "To your parents' house?"

Rosalie took a deep breath and set her coffee cup down on the counter. "Of course," she said, her voice strained. "Let me just make a phone call and I'll be right with you."

She took her phone out of her pocket and went out the back door, leaving me to wonder why she was so freaked out.

I looked out the kitchen window and saw her pacing back and forth on the deck, speaking to someone on the other end urgently.

I racked my brain, trying to figure out why she looked so panicked after hearing that I'd be going over to Edward's.

I glanced out the window in time to catch Rosalie taking a deep breath, her expression relieved.

What the hell was going on?

She flipped the phone closed and headed towards the back door; I stepped away and tried to act like I hadn't been watching.

"Do you want to write it down?" she asked as she entered.

"Um, yeah," I said, throwing the Pop-Tart wrapper away. I had devoured the snack in quick and quiet anxiety when I had been watching Rosalie pace. "Let me go get a piece of paper."

I left the kitchen and went into the living room, where my book bag was. Rosalie was acting so strange and it kind of irked me.

Who had she called, and why? Why was she all of a sudden okay with me going when she was all freaked out a second ago?

I went back into the kitchen with a pen and piece of paper, greeted by Rosalie's warm and stunning smile.

"Here, let me just write it down for you," she said.

She took the paper from me and wrote the address down; I watched her gorgeous side profile, now seemingly unconcerned.

She handed me the paper with a smile, and I almost asked why she had been so panic-stricken.

I chose to mind my own business and just took the paper from her silently.

"I'd take you there myself, in Emmett's car, but we're supposed to head to the gym later. I need to renew my membership around five, and with him at my side it'll be a much shorter, cheaper process. Pays off to have a boyfriend working there." She laughed and picked up the coffee cup again. "You said you'd be going around four?"

I nodded and folded up the paper, putting it in my back pocket. "I'll wait until Emmett gets back and then I'll probably take his car."

"We can drop you off."

"No, I might even leave early."

"Whatever you like."

For the next few minutes, Rosalie and I made pleasant conversation in the living room while I did homework. I skipped the government assignment, figuring that I'd just do that with Edward.

After about an hour, Emmett came home, and he was just as surprised as Rosalie when I told him about going over to Edward's.

He stood in the living room, across from where I sat, and his expression was grim.

"You're going to Edward's house?" he asked slowly.

I nodded, wondering what the hell his problem was.

Emmett glanced at Rosalie who nodded at him reassuringly. With her reassurance, his stressed expression relaxed.

"Okay, what is up with you two?" I asked, annoyed. "Both of you start freaking out when I mention going to Edward's, and I want to know why."

Emmett and Rosalie exchanged another glance and I huffed, slamming my notebook shut. "What is going on? Do you think there's something going on between Edward and me? We're just friends."

"No, no," both of them started protesting and I narrowed my eyes.

"Don't worry about it," Emmett said. "It's nothing. Make sure the kid learns something."

He fished in his pocket before throwing me his car keys. "Here. Drive safe. Try not to get into an accident, 'cause car insurance ain't cheap."

"I'm not going yet," I told him slowly. "Why are you in such a hurry to get me out of here?"

"I'm not," Emmett insisted. "Just . . . never mind."

Emmett and Rose looked at each other yet again, and I stood up, irritated with their behavior. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it wasn't even 3:30 yet.

"You know what," I said calmly, reaching for my bag. "The sooner I get there the better."

I left the house, knowing for sure that those two knew something I didn't.

**

* * *

**

As soon as I typed in the address Rosalie gave me in the GPS of Emmett's car, I hit the road. I drove slower than I usually did, partly because I hadn't been behind the wheel in a while and also because I didn't want to get to Edward's so soon that he wouldn't be prepared.

When I was at a stoplight, I decided to text Edward and let him know I was on my way. When I scrolled down to find him listed as _The Bloke You Jitterbugged With_, I couldn't help but laugh. I wondered if he would change his name every time he somehow ended up with my phone.

I turned the radio on to some random station, and it was fifteen minutes before four o'clock when the voice in the GPS told me, "You have arrived at your destination."

I immediately pulled up and looked around, seeing that I was in somewhat of a remote part of town. It was so remote that it didn't even look like I was still in Forks.

The houses were spaced very far apart from each other, leaving enough room in between them for long stretches of bricked driveway and large masses of perfectly mowed lawns.

The house I had pulled up in front of was, like the others, very large. It was two stories as any other house, but it was white and majestic looking. The number 613 on the front door notified me that I as in the right place, but what kept me in my car was just how cold the home looked.

Its windows gazed down at me as if telling me silently that I wasn't welcome. And although the massive yard was perfectly cut and the bricked driveway shone in the sun, the house looked stoic and dead.

Taking a deep breath and feeling unusually nervous, I grabbed my backpack from the passenger seat and climbed out of the car. I glanced around me anxiously at the surrounding houses, all of them equally creepy.

I took my time walking up to the front door, the only sounds coming from my sneakers against the polished brick. There was no wind blowing, and everything was completely silent. Once I reached the front door, I shuddered. I seriously hoped the GPS hadn't misled me, because I was utterly creeped out.

The second I raised my finger to press the doorbell, the door flew open to reveal Esme grinning at me.

"Bella!" she said. "So nice to see you! I saw you pull up from out the window. Come in."

I smiled at her and entered the house, which was so much warmer on the inside. Clearly Esme had a thing for interior design, because the second I walked into the house I felt completely at ease.

I had walked into a foyer, brightly lit by the light coming from the large windows. The floor was a shiny hardwood and the staircase nearby was grand. The house smelled nice, almost like cinnamon, and I could see part of a very cozy looking living room just around the corner.

"How are you, darling?" Esme asked, grinning at me and placing a gentle hand on my arm.

"I'm great," I told her. "Thanks. How about you?"

"Oh, the usual," she said, and I didn't really understand what she meant. "Come into the kitchen."

I followed her through the warm living room and into the kitchen, glancing up the staircase as I passed it, half expecting Edward to show up at the top.

The kitchen was large, open, and bright; it looked like it belonged to a professional chef and was straight out of a home decoration magazine. Esme gestured to a stool by the marbled kitchen counter and I sat down hesitantly, putting my backpack in my lap like it would dirty up the perfectly pristine kitchen.

"I have muffins in the oven," Esme informed me. "Would you like anything?"

I shook my head and bit my lip, feeling insanely nervous. I hadn't expected to actually sit down and try to strike up conversation with Edward's mother.

"Oh don't look so anxious," Esme said as she sat on a stool across from me. "I won't bite."

I laughed nervously. "Um . . . does Edward know I'm here?"

"Yes," Esme said, smiling. "He's upstairs. But I wanted to talk to you first. Well, thank you rather."

"Thank me?" I asked, confused.

Esme nodded, the skin in between her eyebrows creasing slightly, as though she was worried. "Edward's been so different ever since we moved here."

"How do you mean?"

Esme shrugged. "Ever since he was a boy he's always been a bit of a handful. Especially outside of the home. Always stirring up trouble, getting into brawls, mouthing off to the wrong people. I expected the same out of him here, but all of that actually lessened."

"And you think that's because of me?" I asked.

"Not necessarily," Esme shook her head. "But I know he's been so much happier after becoming friends with you. So, thank you."

I could only look at her. "I, uh. . . I don't think I'm responsible for that."

"I think you are," Esme said, giving me a small smile. "Maybe you don't see it yet, but I do. Tell me; was he always as nice to you as he is now?"

I snorted, memories of Edward raising a bat to me coming into my head. "No, definitely not. I guess he's nice because we're friends now."

"Exactly. Your friendship has changed him, and to you I will be forever grateful."

I shifted in my seat. "_He _was actually the one that initiated friendship."

Esme's brows furrowed. "Really?"

I nodded. "He's the one who said we were friends, I just went along with it."

Esme's head was cocked to one side, the expression on her beautiful face thoughtful.

"It was at the dinner," I explained. "When Emmett kinda blew up on me. Edward came out to talk to me. And then when I asked him why, he said it was because we were friends. It was totally unexpected, but it is what it is. . . "

Esme looked at me in wonder, like I was some beautiful creature she was seeing for the first time. "That . . . that does not sound like my son."

I smiled crookedly and shrugged. It wasn't the Edward I had known either, but I liked the change a whole lot.

"Is he busy?" I asked, suddenly dying to see him.

"Oh, I don't think so. He's probably up there with his music or sketchbook or something. He spends all his time in his room, I barely see him." She sighed. "You can go on up if you like. His room is the last door on the left."

I nodded and stood up, waving to her awkwardly as I turned to leave the room.

"Oh, and Bella?"

I turned around again.

"Make sure you knock. Loudly. My son gets quite cross if you do otherwise."

**

* * *

**

I took my time walking up the large staircase, taking everything in. Edward's house made me feel like I should be wearing a dress, and not my boring jeans and hoodie combo. Normally I would think of someone who lived in a house this grand to be snobbish, kind of like Lauren Mallory, but Esme and Edward weren't anything like that. They didn't rub their wealth in anyone else's face, and that made me feel a lot more comfortable with being there.

Once I reached the second floor, I looked down the long hallway. It was wide and carpeted, the carpet making me feel like I should take my shoes off so not to make it dirty. It was brightly lit from the sunlight streaming in through the windows on this unusually sunny day, and I took some hesitant steps forward as I approached the last door on the left.

Like all the other doors on this floor, it was shut tightly. I clutched the strap of my backpack tighter over my shoulder with my left hand as I raised my right hand to knock.

My stomach clenched nervously and I hesitated with my fist raised in the air. I took a deep breath, telling myself to calm down, and knocked loudly as Esme had suggested.

I had expected the door to fly open, but I didn't even hear movement on the other side. I knocked again, a little louder, but still there was no response.

I grabbed the doorknob, remembering what Esme had said about Edward not liking people entering without knocking first.

_Screw it_, I thought. I did knock, he just wasn't responding. Was he asleep?

I slowly turned the doorknob, which was unlocked, and pushed the door open so that it creaked eerily.

I peeked in anxiously, and the first thing I noticed was the bed. It was large and looked extremely comfortable, like the beds you would see in hotel rooms. The walls were painted gray and the ceiling was black; I wasn't surprised in his choice of color theme.

I walked in a bit more, seeing that there was another door on the far right. It was shut and I could see the thin strip of light at the bottom. I knew right away that it was probably a bathroom, and I gazed around the room some more as I waited for him to come out.

Edward's bedroom was fairly tidy, though there were a few articles of clothing and books lying around here and there. There were some posters plastered onto the wall around his bed; The Beatles, Sex Pistols, Green Day, Pink Floyd, Kings of Leon. . . all bands that I had heard and liked.

I didn't miss the bookshelf by the door; I was immediately drawn to it, being the bookworm that I was, and I ran my finger over the spines of books that I had read a hundred and one times over. The classics looked the most worn out- Dracula, Frankenstein, Jane Eyre, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Clearly he had a thing for classic horror, and he wasn't alone with his interest in that area.

I bit my lip and walked further into the room, stopping by his desk. His leather jacket was slung over the back of the spinny chair, and I slowly reached my hand out to touch it.

I ran my fingers along the back of the jacket, the leather smooth under my fingertips. I had the sudden urge to sniff it, but I restrained myself. Instead, my gaze fell on the large, leather bound book on the desk. It didn't look like a notebook, and I could tell the pages were thick. Wondering if this was the sketchbook Esme had told me about, I reached out and touched the cover.

_Don't do it,_ I warned myself. _Don't be nosy, don't go through his stuff. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't._

Ignoring my inner ramblings, I glanced at the door of the bathroom. It was still shut, and I couldn't see the shadows of movement from underneath it.

I picked the sketchbook up, my heart hammering in my chest.

I delicately lifted the cover and saw that the first sketch was one of London. It was just like the one I had seen in Rosalie's apartment a few months before, except this one wasn't from a distance. It was from the point of view of someone possibly sitting on a bench in the middle of the city, or standing on the street, observing the rush.

It was absolutely amazing, and I couldn't believe Edward had drawn it.

I glanced at the bathroom door before turning the page. The next picture was of a dog, an extremely detailed one, and I couldn't fathom that this was Edward's doing. I flipped quickly through the next few pages, noticing that some of the drawings were just random scribbles and shapes.

The doorknob of the bathroom rattled and my heart lurched as I threw the book back onto the desk, stepping away from it like it was something infected.

I faced the door just as it opened, and there stood Edward.

His hair was wet and he had nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

I stopped breathing.

_Hello, abs._

Edward's expression was extremely surprised as I looked him over, my face heating. His wet hair was a bronze mess and his green eyes were stark against the paleness of his face and chest.

His chest. . .

His abs were not much compared to Jacob's eight pack, but they were certainly something. I counted six protrusions of muscle, so he basically had a six pack. Along the left side of his torso was a strange pink patch, and I could make out the letters of a word, faded into his skin. It looked suspiciously like he had gotten a tattoo removed.

Seeing him shirtless made my stomach clench, but not from any kind of anxiety.

It was pure _desire_**.**

His muscular arms were at his side, his broad shoulders looking firm. He was lean, compared to Jacob, but his lack of bulk was somehow so much more appealing than Jake's rather large upper body.

Edward cleared his throat and my eyes snapped to his face, my face getting hotter. He was smirking crookedly at me and I suddenly gasped, unable to hold my breath any longer.

I was panting slightly and Edward frowned, his brows furrowing. "Weren't you breathing?" he asked, his tone curious.

I couldn't answer when he was standing there, more than half naked, but my eyes were glued to his chest.

What I was feeling inside of me was so similar to what I had felt when Jacob was in my room a few days earlier. It was a strange heating and clenching of muscle, right below my belly.

Jacob had to touch me to get that reaction out of me, but Edward . . . he just had to stand there.

"My face is up here," he said, and my eyes snapped to meet his piercing green orbs. "Are you okay?"

I nodded slowly, swallowing, my mouth dry.

"Um . . . you mind stepping out for a sec?" he asked. "I think I'd like to put on some clothes and shit, you know."

Without a word, I turned and hurried out of his room, shutting the door behind me. It slammed shut and my heart was thudding against my chest as I leaned back against the wall.

I had not expected that, not at all. Who knew I'd see Edward Cullen half naked?

Who knew his body was just as beautiful as his face?

Who knew that I wanted him in the same way I had wanted Jacob?

Except, this time, I didn't change my mind after I was given a chance to clear my head.

That, I felt, was wrong. Was this cheating on Jacob? It certainly felt like it. For one, he didn't know I was here. He'd freak out if he knew.

A minute later, Edward opened the door, wearing worn out jeans and a white shirt that said "T-Shirt".

I smiled at it as I walked in, still embarrassed.

Edward shut the door behind him and I stood in the middle of the room, feeling awkward.

"Well," Edward said, sheepishly shoving his hands in his pockets. "You're early."

"Sorry," I mumbled.

Edward shrugged. "I don't mind. You could've told me."

"I texted you."

Edward's brows furrowed. "You did?"

He walked over to the side table and I stepped aside to let him reach it. He flipped his phone open and read the text, running a hand through his water-darkened hair.

I could smell him from where I was standing; he was just inches away. I took in the aroma of soap, cologne, and laundry detergent . . . he smelled clean. Not that he smelled dirty before. There wasn't a hint of cigarette smoke in his scent and I found myself missing that just a little.

"Shit," Edward mumbled. He set the phone back down and looked at me. "I was in the shower."

"I know," I said a little too quickly.

Edward grinned before moving over to the desk to the right of his bed. He took the leather jacket off the chair and threw it onto the bed, rolling the spinny chair out.

He nodded towards it. "Sit."

His commanding tone made me smirk. "I'm not a dog," I said as I approached the chair and sat down.

"Good girl," he said condescendingly, and he even went as far as to pat me on the head. I swatted at his arm but he dodged me, chuckling as he plopped down on his bed, his legs dangling off the side so that he faced me.

I unzipped my backpack and pulled out my government textbook and notebook as he watched me.

I gently pushed the sketchbook aside to make room for the books, and Edward leaned over and grabbed it, placing it under his pillow.

"For the toothfairy?" I asked. "I didn't know she prefers sketchbooks over teeth now."

Edward cocked an eyebrow, a strange light in his eyes. "How did you know that was a sketchbook?"

I felt myself turn red, and quickly looked away. "Your mom said you have one so I figured. . . "

I chanced another glance at him and he nodded slowly.

He suddenly clapped his hands together loudly, making me jump. "So! Are we going to start with this governmental shit or what?"

"Yeah," I say quickly, opening the textbook. "Um . . . where're your books?"

"I didn't think I'd need them."

"What? How am I supposed to tutor you if you don't use your books?"

"I reckoned you'd read and I'd listen."

"That's not tutoring, that's kindergarten story time."

Edward huffed and reached across the mattress, reaching for his backpack at the foot of the bed. He pulled it up and zipped it open, flipping it upside down so that all the contents poured out.

He raised an eyebrow at me as if to ask, "Satisfied?"

I nodded my approval. "So, tell me, what are you confused about?"

Edward sighed. "Why are there so many assholes in the world? If you throw a cat out the window, does it become kitty litter? Who decided what order to put the alphabet in? What really _did_ come first, the chick or the egg? It's all motherfucking confusing if you ask me."

I tried not to laugh, but a giggle escaped me before I was able to put on a mask I hoped looked serious. "Can we be serious, Edward?"

He smiled. "We can be _very _serious if you like."

My jaw dropped. "Are . . . are you _flirting_ with me?"

His brows furrowed. "What? No!"

I blushed again. "Oh."

"Maybe."

"What?"

"Never mind."

We stared at each other in silence for a second before Edward pushed himself higher on the bed and leaned back against the headboard. He had to turn his head to his right to look at me from where I sat at his desk.

"So are you going to teach me something or what?"

"Right," I said, feeling flustered. "So, um, do you get what Mr. Ackerman taught about nullification?"

"That sounds really fucking painful. I wouldn't want to be nullified."

I frown. "Serious, Edward."

"Right, sorry."

"Do you get it or not?"

"Nullification?"

"Yes."

"No, I don't. Stop assuming I understand anything about the way this government works. Just teach it to me."

"Well, nullification was when the states had the right to 'nullify', aka declare void, a federal law the states deemed violated the constitution. But it was overridden after the Civil War and the North's victory, which proved that the federal union is indissoluble and states cannot declare acts of Congress unconstitutional."

Edward stared at me blankly. "What the bloody hell are you on about?"

I sighed. "This is going to be a long day. Forget nullification, we need to start from the beginning."

The next hour was me explaining to Edward, very slowly, the workings of the American government. I tried to keep things basic, and he listened intently, even taking notes sometimes. He asked question after question, which I welcomed, and it wasn't long before he understood the fundamentals of how the government came to be. I knew it would take a lot of time before we could work up to the present day government, but I honestly didn't mind more time with him.

I was explaining to Edward the significance of the Great Compromise, when there was a knock on his door.

Esme popped her head in, grinning ear to ear. She walked in carrying a plate of blueberry muffins.

"Fuck yeah!" Edward said, his eyes on the plate.

Esme gave him a disapproving look. "Edward, please, there's a lady present."

"Really?" Edward said, taking the plate from her. "I don't see one."

Esme continued to glare at him and Edward looked at me like he just noticed I was there.

"Oh," he said, pointing to me. "This thing here?"

"Edward!" Esme chided, and I reached over for Edward's pillow, hitting him with it. He caught it and chuckled, setting the plate of muffins on the desk in front of me.

"I swear, I don't know why she deals with you," Esme said, shaking his head.

I didn't know why I did either.

"He isn't giving you a hard time, is he?" Esme asked as Edward took a muffin and plopped back down on the bed.

I shrugged. "Nothing I can't handle. He's been worse."

The second I said the last part, I bit my lip, realizing how awful that sounded.

Edward suddenly looked sad, and so did Esme.

"Sorry," I said quickly. "I didn't mean-"

"Don't worry about it," Edward said. "I know I'm a prick, and I know I was worse. Whatever. People change."

I continued to gnaw on my lip as Esme sighed. "Well, I'll leave you two to work."

She smiled at me before exiting the room, leaving Edward and me to sit there in an awkward silence.

I picked up a muffin and started nibbling along the edges as Edward stared off into space.

He suddenly looked at me, his eyes smoldering. I was caught off guard, my muffin halfway to my mouth.

"Listen," he says, putting his muffin down on the side table. "I just wanted to say that. . . I'm sorry. For before."

I was momentarily confused before I realized that he was talking about when he used to be an asshole to me.

"Oh," I said. "It's okay. I get it."

He raised his eyebrows skeptically. "No, I don't think you do."

I didn't say anything, just watched at him warily.

"Don't you want to know why I was such a dick? In the beginning?"

I almost said yes, but then caught myself. Maybe I didn't want to know.

"Not really," I told him honestly. "Not yet, anyway."

Edward smiled. "Good. 'Cause I wasn't going to tell you. You're not ready."

"Knowing why you were such an asshole is something I need to be prepared for?"

Edward's smile fell slowly and his eyes darkened just a bit. "Yes."

They way he said that one word scared me a little.

"But," Edward said, his mood changing quickly. "I'd like to hear some of your theories as to why I was a git in the beginning and then suddenly became nicer."

Upon hearing the word "git", I excitedly pulled out the British terminology book from my backpack.

Edward laughed. "You brought that with you?" He pulled himself up so that his legs were once again hanging off the side of the bed, facing me.

"I figured I would need it," I told him as I flipped through the pages until I got to the G section.

"Let's see, 'git'," I read out loud. "'A silly, incompetent, stupid, annoying, or childish person. It is usually an insult, more severe than 'twit', but less severe than 'wanker' or 'arsehole'. Hmm. I see what you mean."

Edward was grinning at me, pure amusement in his green eyes.

"Theories," I mused, setting the book down on the desk. "Well, I thought that maybe you were just mad at the world because you didn't want to move here..."

Edward nodded in approval. "That's correct."

"Really? You were that mean just because you didn't want to be here?"

Edward pursed his lips and shook his head. "Any other theories?"

I thought for few seconds. "Well, I figured that maybe you were just like that. Maybe it was just in your personality to be rude."

"People aren't born with rudeness."

"I figured maybe you were the one exception."

He snorted before his eyes searched my face. "I feel like you have another theory. One that isn't detailed, but one that's correct nonetheless."

I nodded, chewing on my lip. "I do."

Edward stared at me. "What is it?" he whispered.

"I guess the reason that made the most sense to me was that maybe something happened to you? Something bad? And because of that you were bitter and hated everything and everyone."

Edward blinked, and then he smiled sadly.

"You hit the nail right on the motherfucking head," he said softly.

"What happened?" I asked hesitantly, not wanting to sound nosy.

Edward looked away and shook his head. "Not yet."

"Okay," I agreed right away. "You don't have to tell me. But can I ask a question?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me, basically saying that I could.

"What was that tattoo you got removed?"

Edward smirked. "Noticed that, did you?"

"Well it's not hard to ignore a big pink patch."

"It was the name of my ex-girlfriend," he said calmly.

I was silent, not expecting that answer.

"She was a bitch," he told me matter-of-factly. "But I was stupid and in love, and stupidly in love, so. . . "

"Oh."

"Let's get back to the Great Compromise, shall we?" he said, picking his muffin back up.

I could tell this conversation was over.

I started to quiz him, asking him questions about everything I had tried to teach him that day. His answers were always on the right track, though not exactly one hundred percent correct. Still, it was a large improvement from when we started and he still knew absolutely nothing about our government.

I hadn't noticed how my spinny chair had wheeled closer to his bed, so that it was beside his side table and my knees were touching the side of the bed. Edward wasn't leaning against the headboard anymore, but was now actually leaning on his elbow.

Our faces were just inches apart.

"Ready for the next question?" I asked, not bothered by the closeness.

Edward nodded, looking into my eyes so intensely that I forgot to even think of one.

I looked away when I felt my face grow heated and stared at my fingers knotted in my lap to help clear my head.

"So," I said. "Next question . . . um, the Nullification Crisis was during the presidency of which president?"

Edward looked away from me, his brows furrowed in concentration. "Uh . . . something Jackson. . . Anthony Jackson? Wait, no, that's my middle name. Something with an A I'm sure. . . Adam? Aaron? Alexander? Fuck, I know this."

He fell back onto the pillow and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

I tried not to giggle, letting my amusement show with a smirk.

"Andrew!" he suddenly yelled, and I jumped.

Edward hopped back up on his elbow and smiled at me. "It's Andrew Jackson, innit?"

I stared at his joyful expression, his full lips pulled up into a glorious smile, and for a second I forgot the answer to the question myself.

I stared at him, and he stared back, still smiling.

I gasped, once again forgetting to breathe.

Edward frowned. "Did you forget to fucking breathe again?"

I nodded sheepishly.

"Something's wrong with you if you can't remember to fucking breathe. I suggest getting in touch with a mental health therapist."

He smirked and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Give me the number of yours," I countered, and his smirk fell.

"You win," he said grimly, and I smiled triumphantly.

Somehow, my face had ended up closer to his. I had my elbows on my knees so that I was bent forward in the chair, my face inches away from his. He was smiling softly, looking pleasantly happy, and I could feel that the expression on my face was the same.

Being with Edward was easy, as easy as breathing. Well, almost as easy as breathing, since I couldn't even freaking remember to do it when I was around him. His good mood was so contagious, and I couldn't help but feel my spirits lift when he was playful and teasing. All of the joy I was experiencing upon being with him couldn't be more unexpected, but I welcomed it with open arms. He was the only one who could make me feel like this, and I needed him. I had to hang on to him, just like I had to hang on to Jacob.

Was it out of line that I thought that way? Was it unacceptable to think of my friend like that? Guilt consumed me just by thinking such a thing.

Suddenly, Edward's eyes flashed down to my lips. His own full lips parted just slightly and I was immediately drawn to them.

Ever so slightly, he leaned forward, and I was frozen.

Inch by inch, we were almost nose to nose. We were so close that I could feel his steady breathing. Every nerve in my body was frozen, but frozen by heat as if such a thing were possible.

_No,_ I thought. _I can't do this. Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob._

Edward looked into my eyes and I could see something in them. Something deep, smoldering, lustful. Never had he looked at me so intensely, and I was completely and utterly disoriented by it.

His eyes fell back to my lips and my heart was hammering so hard I could hear it in my ears.

_Move,_ I told myself. _You can't do this!_

Edward leaned in just a little closer, and I stayed still. I wanted to move, but I was paralyzed.

Paralyzed by a sudden need, a sudden ache that I needed to get rid of.

Edward's breath was on my lips, and then. . .

. . .

. . .

_BZZZZZ._

We both jumped a yard in the air as my phone buzzed from its place on his desk.

Edward leaned back, a sudden look of horror on his face. I was in shock, completely surprised by what had almost happened.

My phone continued to buzz with an incoming call, and I forced myself to move, unable to take Edward's horrified expression.

I stood up and grabbed my phone to see that Jacob was calling.

Relief coursed through me as I answered. "Hello?"

_"Where are you?"_ Jacob sounded irate.

I was speechless and I watched as Edward fell back onto the pillow, a look of disbelief on his face as he clutched at his bronze hair.

"I, uh-" I stammered nervously, knowing I couldn't tell him that I was at Edward's.

_"Bella, where the fuck are you?"_ Jacob asked again, sounding even more pissed.

"I'm at home," I lied, and Edward glanced at me, his brows furrowed.

Jacob was silent on the other end.

"Jake?" I said, thinking that he hung up on me.

_"You're at home?" _He sounded skeptical.

"Yes," I lied again, glad that he couldn't see my face. I was an open book, a terrible liar.

_"What are you doing?"_ he asked, and I felt like I was being interrogated.

"Homework," I replied curtly.

_"Oh yeah? In your room?"_

"Um, yeah. . . "

_"Huh."_

He was silent again, and I began to freak out.

_"Can I come over?" _he asked curtly, and my heart began thudding even harder. As if the almost-kiss with Edward wasn't enough to give me a heart attack.

"No," I said a little too quickly. I bit my lip soon after. "I mean, not today. Maybe tomorrow."

_Any day but today, please._

_"Okay. See you later, baby._**" **His voice sounded cold and I heard the click of him hanging up on me.

I flipped my phone shut, a nervous uneasiness in my stomach.

I glanced at Edward who was staring at the ceiling, his expression serious.

Things were different between us now.

I could feel it.

"I need to go," I said softly.

Edward nodded, not looking at me, and I felt a strange pang in my chest.

"Are you upset?" I asked, and seconds felt like minutes as I waited for his answer.

"No," he said, sounding like he was deep in thought.

I started to pack my books, putting my phone back in my pocket and slinging my backpack over my shoulder. "See you later then?"

Edward nodded silently, eyes still focused on the black ceiling.

I wanted him to look at me, and I felt empty without his gaze meeting mine.

What the hell was going on with me?

I sighed sadly and turned to leave.

"Wait," Edward's voice stopped me when my hand was on the doorknob.

I turned back around to see him stand up and walk over to me slowly. He stopped when he was about a foot away.

"There's something I need to tell you," he said seriously.

I suddenly felt anxious, not liking the expression on his face. "What?"

Edward hesitated, running a hand through his hair. He sighed. "See, I dunno if I should even fucking tell you this."

"Tell me," I insisted.

Edward sighed again and looked at me contemplatively. "Let me just warn you, what I'm about to tell you might make you cry. But I feel you should know. It's only right."

My stomach still felt uneasy and my heart hadn't stopped hammering.

"Tell me," I urged again. The suspense was killing me.

"Well, after I left your house Sunday night, I was on my way home and I saw your boyfriend. . . "

"And. . ."

"And he was with Lauren."

His words took a moment to sink in, and when they did, I felt confused.

"Elaborate."

"I was at a stoplight by Lauren's house and I saw him drop her off in his car. She climbed out and her clothes were in disarray, and her hair was all fucked up. This was the night of your party, mind you."

I stared at him, trying to comprehend the point he was trying to make.

Then, it hit me. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

"He didn't come to my party because he was with Lauren?" I gasped.

Edward nodded solemnly and I felt like the floor had disappeared from underneath me. I clutched the doorknob harder.

He couldn't have. He couldn't have cheated on me; that just wasn't like him.

Suddenly, I was in denial. "Wait, that doesn't mean anything. Maybe he just gave her a ride."

"I knew you would find some excuse for that asshole," Edward said bitterly. "And that's exactly why I need to tell you the last part. Do you think you can handle it, or are you going to not believe me no matter what I say?"

"Just say it," I snapped.

"I followed her in. Lauren, I mean. She saw me on my bike and gladly welcomed me into her house. I asked her where she'd been and she tried to lie, telling me she was just out for a walk when Jacob pulled up and asked if he could drop her home. I knew that was bullshit because who the fuck goes for a walk at eleven at night? Not only that, but she smelled like sex. When I pointed that out to her, she finally admitted it."

His eyes searched my face briefly before he quietly added, "They had sex, Bella."

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, and there was a nasty pang of betrayal that went through me. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew Edward wouldn't lie to me about this.

A tear escaped me and Edward reached a hand out, as if to wipe it away. He dropped his hand, looking forlorn.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I shook my head, choking on words as a sob escaped me. Edward looked desperate, like he wished he could help me. Again, he raised his hand, only to drop it again.

"I knew it," I choked out. "I knew I couldn't keep him for long. I can't keep _anyone_."

"This has nothing to do with you," Edward told me gently. "Don't blame yourself, it's just because he's a twisted motherfucker."

"It's me," I said. "I should have known. . . "

I wiped my nose on my sleeve and wiped my tears with the back of my hand. I looked at Edward determinedly.

"Thank you," I said. "For telling me."

Edward looked rueful as he nodded.

I turned and left his room, shutting the door quietly behind me.

I didn't even say goodbye to Esme as I stumbled down the stairs and headed to the front door.

When I left the house, I kept my eyes on the ground as I walked to Emmett's car, willing myself not to cry anymore.

I was almost to the car when I almost crashed into someone.

I stumbled slightly, but the man caught me and held me upright.

"I'm so sorry," I told him, looking up at him.

He let go of me and I saw that he was a blonde man, with piercing blue eyes and blonde hair slicked back. He wore a sharp suit and he was staring down at me curiously.

"It's quite all right," he said in an English accent, and I realized that this must be Edward's father.

I could see how much he looked like Rosalie.

I smiled shyly and went around him, walking quickly back to the car.

Once inside, I hurriedly started the car and pulled out of the fancy brick driveway, feeling the gaze of Edward's father on me until the house was out of sight.

**

* * *

**

I felt proud of myself for not crying the entire way home.

Once I got there, I pulled into the driveway, seeing that Emmett and Rosalie still weren't back yet. I climbed out of the car, feeling exhausted, and walked up the back deck, opening the back door with the key on Emmett's set of car keys.

I walked into the kitchen and closed the door behind me.

Suddenly, I didn't feel so alone.

The kitchen was empty but I felt like someone was there.

Something in my gut told me to leave, but I was frozen.

The house was silent, and I listened, my ears straining for any small sound.

Silence.

_It's all in your head_**,** I told myself. _Don't be so paranoid._

I walked into the living room and froze, my heart skipping a beat.

Jacob stood in the middle of the living room, still as a statue, staring at me impassively.

He watched me in silence, his expression unreadable.

His eyes, however, were somehow darker than usual. If dark brown eyes could get any darker.

After a few more seconds of agonizing silence, I finally spoke.

"Hi," I whispered, my voice barely audible.

"Hi," Jacob replied. His tone was clipped, and I saw how his hands were shaking just a little.

It was silent again, the only sound being my frantic heartbeat.

I wished he would move, or just say something. He stood there, stock still, gently trembling hands at his sides.

Where were Rose and Emmett? I prayed that they would walk in any second, cutting the tension that was so thick I could barely breathe.

"Say something," I finally pleaded.

"Oh trust me, I have a lot to say," Jake said. I didn't miss the threatening undertone to his voice.

"You're scaring me," I whispered.

His stoic expression softened the slightest bit and he took a step forward, smirking.

"I'm not trying to scare you," he said. "I just want to know why you lied to me."

My mouth opened and closed, but words refused to come out.

"I asked you something," Jake suddenly growled, taking another step forward.

My heart was about to burst out of my chest as I reflexively lied, "I stepped out for a walk."

Jacob's thick eyebrows raised in skepticism.

"With your book bag?" he questioned.

"Studying outside of the house?" I said it like a question, knowing he wasn't buying any of it.

Jake's expression remained stoic.

"How's Edward?" he suddenly asked, and I blanched.

"E-Edward?" I stuttered.

"Yeah, how's he doing? I hope he's doing okay because he won't be so pretty when I'm through with him."

My heart was in my throat. "Leave Edward alone."

If Jacob was trying to hide how pissed off he was before, he wasn't holding back anymore.

He was in my face all of a sudden, and I stumbled back so that I was pressed against the wall.

Trapped.

"What the fuck were you doing over there, anyway?" Jacob hissed. I smelled alcohol in his breath, though he wasn't quite drunk.

"What were you doing with Lauren?" I retorted, getting pissed that he was accusing me of cheating.

Jake looked surprised. "What?"

"You were with Lauren on my birthday," I said, believing it a little more now that I had said it out loud. "You had sex with her and then dropped her home."

Jacob was completely taken aback. "Did Lauren tell you that?"

I shook my head and realization dawned on his face.

"Edward," he said curtly.

I nodded. "I went to Edward's house to tutor him. We didn't do anything. I didn't cheat on you." My voice was low, quiet.

"You lied to me," he said, as if what I just told him didn't matter. "About being at home."

"Because I knew you would react like this."

"Oh baby, I'm not reacting." The threat in his voice was back.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the key that used to be under our eave. I had forgotten to ask for it back.

"Good thing I had this thing," he said, holding the silver key up between us. "Comes in handy sometimes. I passed by the house and saw that no one was home, no cars in the driveway. I thought maybe you were home alone so I decided to pay you a visit. I came in and saw that you were gone, and just when I was about to call you, Lauren texted me. She said she saw you pull up in front of Edward's house. She lives nearby him, you know."

At the mention of Lauren, I felt that nasty pang go through me again. I despised her.

"Lauren texted you?" I asked, and Jake nodded.

"I'm glad she told me," he said. "Otherwise I would've freaked out a little bit. But then I decided to call you and see if you would tell the truth, which you didn't. So now I'm wondering what the fuck is going on between my girlfriend and Brit Boy."

"I told you, I was tutoring-"

"Stop telling me that bullshit," he snapped. The smell of alcohol in his breath was starting to irritate me. "It's not just today, it was Sunday, too. I was with Lauren, while you were with Edward."

"What are you talking about?"

"Does jitterbugging with Cullen ring a bell?"

I stared at him as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through something. He pressed a button and then turned the phone to face me as a video played.

It was a video of Edward and me dancing at my party.

My stomach clenched nervously as I watched the video, blurry, though not blurry enough to hide how happy we both looked. We really did look silly with our dancing, and I blushed when I saw the part where Edward spun me around I stumbled, having him catch me around the waist as we both laughed.

"Paul sent it to me," Jake said, turning the video off and pocketing the phone. "He thought I'd find it interesting."

"We're friends," was all I could say.

"Bullshit."

"We are! At least I didn't sleep with him! How could you cheat on me, Jacob? With Lauren? She's with Edward!"

"She's not happy with Edward."

There was a lump in my throat as I realized the horrific truth.

"And you're not happy with me."

Jacob stared at me, and I could see the truth in his eyes.

He wasn't happy being with me.

"I could be," Jacob said. "If you would stay away from Cullen."

"I can't," I said immediately. I knew I should probably stay away from Edward, but that wasn't going to happen.

"Yes you can," Jacob said through clenched teeth. "And you will."

"I don't want to."

His eyes narrowed. "I don't give a fuck if you don't want to, Bella. I'm telling you to stay the hell away from Cullen, and you are going to listen."

I didn't like the way he was talking to me, like he owned me or something. "You are not the boss of me, Jacob."

His eyes turned so dark that he looked like an animal, and he stepped even closer so that I was pushed against the wall even tighter.

"Yes. I. Am," he growled.

I stared at him incredulously. He did not just say that.

Suddenly pissed off, I pushed at his chest, hard, and he stumbled back.

"No, you're not!" I snapped. "Stop being such an asshole, Jacob!"

So quickly that I didn't even see it coming, his hand flew out and struck me straight across my left cheek.

My head was whipped to the side as I clutched my stinging face; my cheek felt inflamed.

_I couldn't believe he had just slapped me._

I looked at him, my eyes watering with pain, and saw that he was still glowering at me, breathing heavily.

My heart was hammering and every cell in my body was telling me to run, but I couldn't move.

Jacob moved forward and I flinched as he took my shoulders and pushed me against the wall once more.

"Let's get something straight," he hissed, his face centimeters away from mine. "You belong to _me_**.** You are_ mine_, and no one else's. _I_ control you. Go against my will, and I swear to _God_ you'll regret it. . . "

He put his mouth so close to my ear that I could feel his teeth graze against my earlobe as he spoke one final word. . .

"Bitch.


	18. How Long

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight.

_**

* * *

**_

_**Chapter 18- How Long**_

_Why'd you go and break what's already broken?  
I try to take a breath but I'm already choking  
'Cause everywhere I look, I can see how you hold him  
How long till this goes away?_

_I can't seem to get my heart over you  
'Cause you creep into everything I do  
And now I'm dyin' to know  
How he touches you_

_I can tell you're lyin' when your lips move_

_Beat down and bruised  
I can't see him with you_

**How Long- Hinder**

_**

* * *

**_

**Edward POV**

I couldn't believe I had almost kissed her.

What the fuck was _wrong_ with me? I guess I was pretty fucking masochistic or something, because after she left I felt like it was time to hang myself from the ceiling fan.

Having Bella around was just so fucking _nice_. It was easy being around her, talking to her, and I tried really hard to actually understand what the fuck she was teaching me, because I kept getting distracted by just looking at her. Everything she did was fascinating to me; when she bit that full bottom lip of hers, when she twirled a strand of hair around her finger, when she blushed scarlet at the smallest things.

I had to tell her what I saw after her party. It took everything in me not to ride after Jacob that night and fuck him up after dropping Lauren off. Not because he had fucked my supposed "girlfriend" but because he had cheated on Bella.

Instead, I chose to get information out of Lauren.

She was all remorseful and shit for cheating on me, but I told her I didn't give a fuck. When I asked her why the hell it had to be Jacob and not some other bloke, she said it had been spur-of-the-moment.

"So, I was coming back from Jessica's house," Lauren explained. "And then I saw Jacob, in his car. He asked me if I wanted a ride, and I agreed, only because my heels were like freaking killing me. He asked me if I wanted to come to his house and at first I was like what the hell? No. But then. . . I don't know, he got all, like, seductive or something. And then I said yes before I knew what I was doing. I mean, the guy looked good. I mean, like, if he was ugly I would've been like ew, no! But he's not, and even though I know he's with that Swan girl, I was really. . . "

Lauren had trailed off, blushing. She was clearly embarrassed about something and when I pushed her she said, "I was just really, really frustrated."

"About what?" I had asked.

She didn't answer and then I finally understood.

She was _sexually_ frustrated. Basically, she wanted a quick fuck to let out all that pent-up hormonal shit.

It occurred to me that maybe Jacob was, too. It made sense, since I cock-blocked him in Bella's room. And if he was picking up random girls to shag, then clearly Bella wasn't letting him in her pants.

Which, to be quite honest, I was really fucking glad about.

But I didn't understand why Jacob couldn't just wank off in the shower if he was so sexually frustrated. Then again, I knew he probably wanted some actual pussy, since it just wasn't the same without.

Anyway, after Bella left, I had been lying on my bed all depressed and shit. A part of me didn't want to tell her what the Asshat had done, but a bigger part of me hoped that, upon knowing the truth, she would break up with him or something.

Something told me that wouldn't be the case.

I heard my father's voice outside in the corridor, and I stiffened.

What the fuck was he doing home?

The only reason I had even agreed to allow Bella to come to my house was because I knew that my father was working late and that he wouldn't be around. That's why Rose had called me, to confirm that he wouldn't be home when Bella was.

I panicked slightly, wondering if she had run into him, or seen him, or if he had seen her. I shuddered at the thought of Carlisle meeting Bella.

That was something I would never let happen.

Even though he supposedly hadn't "done" anything in years and had gotten "help", I still didn't trust the sick motherfucker. I just didn't want to risk it.

Feeling right depressed and worrying about Bella, I decided to text her.

_Are you okay? -E_

I got no reply.

**

* * *

**

The following day, I was anxious as I pulled into the Forks High parking lot. I hadn't spoken to Bella at all since the day before, and she hadn't replied to my text. As panicked as I was, I didn't text her a thousand times or leave her any messages.

I walked into the school and felt complete and utter relief when I saw her at her locker.

She looked sad, desolate, and I was immediately concerned.

Walking over to her, I noticed something was off about her face.

It looked . . . darker. Less translucent, and a bit shadowy.

Bella's head turned to the left as she spotted me, her eyes widening.

I froze in my tracks, my brows furrowing.

Why did she look afraid to see me?

Before I knew it, Bella was slamming her locker shut, whirling around and hurrying off in the opposite direction.

She was fucking _running_from me.

What the fuck was going on?

Confused, I went back to my locker and got my things for maths. I would get to the bottom of this.

When the bell rang, I hurried off to class. I entered the classroom and saw that Bella was sitting in her usual seat behind mine, head bowed, brows furrowed. She looked to be doodling in her notebook.

Okay, something was wrong.

I walked over to my seat and sat down sideways so I could face her easier.

"Hi," I said.

She jumped slightly and glanced up briefly before looking back down and continuing on the random spirals she was drawing.

I stared at her lowered face, at how her skin seemed somewhat thicker.

_Makeup,_ I realized. _She's wearing makeup. But why?_

"What's wrong with your face?" I blurted.

Bella looked at me fearfully, and her hand flew to her left cheek.

"What's wrong with my face?" she asked, looking panicked.

"The makeup," I said. "Why are you wearing it? Your face looks fake, and you don't need it anyway."

Bella bit her lip and dropped her hand. She suddenly looked annoyed.

"I'm a girl, Edward," she snapped. "Girls wear makeup. Now leave me alone."

I gaped at her, a strange ache going through me at her words. What the bloody hell was **wrong** with her?

Before I could say anything more, Alice sauntered in and took her usual seat beside me. She didn't even look at Bella or acknowledge her in any way, and I got the feeling that they weren't speaking.

I was confused and had no idea what the fuck was going on, and that pissed me off.

I could barely focus in class, my thoughts concentrated on the girl behind me and why the fuck she was acting so strangely. Could it have been the almost-kiss, changing things between us? I regretted almost doing it myself, but at least I wasn't treating her like shit.

When the bell rang at the end of class, Bella was the first one out of her seat, as if her ass was on fire.

She hurried out of the room, practically running, and I looked at Alice who, as usual, didn't look the least bit surprised.

"What the fuck is up with her?" I asked Alice as we gathered our books.

Alice sighed. "She's being weird, I know. Honestly, I have no clue what her issue is. When I asked about her makeup, she got all defensive and just downright rude."

The midget suddenly looked devastated. "She even told me to 'fuck off'."

I raised a brow as we left the classroom. "She said that to you?"

Alice nodded. "Seriously, I'm getting sick of her mood swings. One minute we're best friends and then she hates me."

"I'm sorry, Small Person," I said, trying to sound sincere.

"Don't worry about it, Freakishly Tall Person."

"I'm not freakishly tall."

She grinned up at me. "To me you are."

I rolled my eyes and Alice looked sad again. "Is it sad that I'm getting used to her mood swings?"

I nodded. "A bit."

"I blame Jacob the- what do you call him? Asspants?"

"Asshat."

"Yeah. I blame Jacob the Asshat."

I watched Jacob and Bella chatting by her locker, Bella's expression blank as he stroked her cheek.

"So do I, Small Person . . . so do I."

**

* * *

**

The next few days went by in the same manner.

Bella avoided me and barely spoke to me class. She still wore a pile of cosmetics and had a dead expression. She flinched at the smallest things and refused to come to my house to tutor anymore.

On Wednesday, I passed the pop quiz thanks to her brilliant tutoring methods, and when I showed her she just gave me a small, forced smile.

On Thursday, she practically ignored me and just shrugged when I asked her a question, even if the question was one that couldn't really be answered by a shrug of the shoulder.

By Friday, I was mirroring her coldness. I ignored her as she ignored me. I didn't talk to her and she didn't talk to me. I walked right by her like she was part of the wall, and she did the same.

It killed me to do that, it really did. But she was starting to piss me off, to be quite honest. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong with her, and she acted like the almost-motherfucking-kiss was nothing.

I thought the worst that would happen was that it would get awkward between us, killing the easiness that had been going on ever since the dinner. I never thought that she would just fucking shut down on me like that.

When Saturday came round, I was fucking depressed. I didn't know what the fuck to do with myself and I wanted to call her and just hear her voice again. Even though it had only been a few days since she last spoke to me normally, it felt like ages.

I spent all fucking day arguing with myself, weighing the pros and cons of just popping up to her house and demanding to know what the fuck her problem was. But then again, that might only piss her off, which seemed like my only option since obviously talking to her wasn't fucking working.

By the afternoon, I decided to just screw everything and call her.

She didn't answer her mobile, so I decided to try calling the house.

_"Yellow?__"_ Emmett answered.

"What the fuck, is that how you answer the phone? What'll it be tomorrow, purple?"

_"Oh hey Edward. What's up, why're you calling the house?"_

Why _was_ I calling the house?

"I'm trying to get in touch with Bella," I said. "She's not answering her phone and I needed to . . . ask something important about the government homework."

_"Oh. Well, uh, sorry about that but she actually ordered me to not bother her for the rest of the night."_

"And why is that?"

Emmett sighed. _"We got into an argument. She wanted to go to some party out of town with Jacob, but I told her she couldn't because I didn't want her leaving town with him and because I caught that asshole here on Tuesday."_

"Wait, what?"

_"Yeah, when Rose and I came back from the gym, he was here. They were just sitting on the couch, chilling, but it still pissed me off because she knows the rules. She knows she can't have him there when no one else is around."_

"And then what happened?"

_"Then I kicked him the fuck out! Bella admitted that she invited him, and then finally Jacob left."_

"Wait, she said she invited him over?" I was baffled. "I don't think that's true. . . "

_"Why?"_

"Because she was with me when he called her, asking if he could come over, and she told him no."

_"Really? Are you sure?"_

"I'm positive."

_"Maybe she changed her mind."_

"Maybe. . . "

_"So yeah, she kinda blew up on me for not letting her go to the party. But I've had it, you know. Do you know how hard it is not to punch that asshole?"_

I snorted bitterly. "Yes, I do know."

_"So she stormed up to her room and demanded that I not bother her for the rest of the night. And I agreed. As long as she's home and not off partying with that dick. I do feel a little guilty though."_

"Nah, don't feel guilty, mate. You're just doing your job."

_"I guess . . . anyway, I gotta work on dinner. See ya."_

I hung up, relieved that Emmett had made her ass stay home.

I still wished I had gotten to talk to her, just to know if everything was okay, and the depression had gotten so bad that I skipped dinner and crawled into bed way earlier than normal.

**

* * *

**

Around one in the morning, I jolted awake to the loud buzzing of my phone.

"Fuck," I muttered, reaching over to grab it from the side table.

I didn't even bother looking at the ID to see who it was as I answered, "Why the fuck are you calling me at one in the fucking morning?"

No one spoke from the other end, but I heard music. It was some kind of techno beat, and I heard it along with the murmur of people talking and laughing.

I sat up and frustratedly ran a hand through my hair. "Hello? Who is this?"

_"Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha,"_ someone laughed slowly. It was a girl, definitely, and she sounded high or something.

"Who the fuck is this?"

_"Edwaaaard!"_ she said, laughing again.

And then I recognized the voice.

"Bella?" I said incredulously.

_"Yay!"_ she cried happily. _"__You got it right!"_

She was slurring her words, and I could only barely make out what she was saying. "Bella. . . what's going on? Where are you?"

_"Part-ay, woo hoo_**!****" **she suddenly yelled, and I heard people cheering in the background. _"__Yeah, baby!"_

What. the. fuck.

I clambered out of bed and hastily pulled on some jeans.

"Bella, I need you to tell me where you are," I said calmly.

_"Why?"_

"Because you're obviously drunk, and I need to come get you."

_"Nooo!"_she suddenly cried. _"__I'm not telling, no way, nuh uh, no no no no."_

"Would you rather I come get you, or let Emmett do it?"

_"Don't you dare tell him!"_ she said, sounding freaked out. _"Oh my God, he was soooo mean! He wasn't letting me come but then Jake came and I snuck out the window. Ha. Ha. Ha. Oh! Pretty lights!"_

I heard a click, and then silence.

"Fuck!" I yelled.

I pulled on any random t-shirt from the floor and threw it on as I redialed Bella's number.

She didn't pick up and I was tense with worry, desperately needing to know where this party was.

Thinking quickly, I called Alice.

I was pulling on my leather jacket and heading out the door with my keys when she answered sleepily, _"__Hello?"_

"Alice, do you know about a party out of town?"

_"Wha- Edward? Is that you?"_

"Yes, Small Person, it is me. I really need you to tell me if you know about there being a party somewhere out of town, somewhere Jacob would go."

_"Uh, hang on,__"_ she mumbled sleepily, and I heard the rustle of fabric and then a small click, like she had turned a lamp on.

_"Start from the beginning,__"_ she said. _"__What do you need to know, and why in the name of Louis Vuitton are you asking me this at one in the morning? I need my beauty sleep."_

"Yes, I know you do. But Bella just called me, and she was drunk."

_"What?"_

I walked into the garage and pulled my bike, pressing a button on my keys to open the garage door. "Yeah, I know. She wouldn't tell me exactly where she was, but I know it was a party. Emmett had mentioned a party out of town, and I was wondering if you knew of any tonight?"

Alice took a deep breath. _"Okay, I'm trying to make sense of this. A party out of town? There could be thousands of parties out of town, how do you expect me to know?"_

I shrugged as I climbed on my bike once I was in the driveway. "I dunno, you seem like you would know where all the good parties are."

_"If there was a good party tonight, I'd be there."_

"Alice, I don't know if I have enough time," I said, getting impatient. "Please, rack that tiny little brain of yours and tell me if you heard about any parties out of town, preferably one where Jacob or his mates would go."

There was silence as Alice thought, and I clenched the handle of my bike tightly as I waited. The night air was cold against my face and there was a tightness in me chest that I knew wouldn't be gone until I had Bella safe in my arms. If she drank too much and passed out somewhere no one could find her. . .

_"Oh!"_ Alice gasped. _"On Monday, Jared mentioned a party in Port Angeles. It's right outside of Forks, and it's at his cousin's place. I don't know if that's it, though. . ."_

"Who's Jared?"

_"One of Jacob's friends."_

"Great, and do you know if Jacob said he would be going?"

_"I think their whole group of friends was supposed to go. There's a high chance that he'll be there. He's at like every party, with the ridiculous exception of his girlfriend's."_

"What's the address?"

_"I really don't know the address of Jared's cousin, Edward."_

I groaned in frustration, grabbing my hair. "Is there any way you could find out?"

_"I think Jasper has Jared's number. I'll get him to ask Jared for the address and then I'll text it to you."_

I let out a relieved breath. "Thanks. I'm going to head to Port Angeles, meanwhile."

_"Hey Edward?"_

"Yeah?"

_"Why are you going through the trouble of going and getting her? Why don't you just tell Emmett?"_

I paused, not knowing how to answer her.

"She doesn't want me to tell him," I finally said.

_"She's drunk, Edward. She doesn't know what she's saying."_

"No, I think she was just a bit sober when she told me that. . . Look, Emmett's probably asleep, thinking that she's safe in bed. I don't want to worry him, I'll just bring her home myself and then let him freak out all he wants."

_"I think it's stupid not to tell him."_

"Didn't ask for your opinion," I snapped.

_"Just admit that you care about her."_

Wait, what did she just say?

I was speechless as I heard her giggle from the other end.

_"We all know, Edward,"_ she continued. _"__Even if we don't say anything, we can tell. Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie . . . we all know that you care about her, more than just a friend."_

Where the fuck was this coming from?

"Uh. . ." I was at a loss for words. Was it even worth lying? "Listen, thanks for your help. Just text me that address. Bye."

I quickly hung up, my heart beating just a little.

Was it really that obvious that I liked her?

I ran a hand through my hair, pocketed my phone, and pulled my helmet on.

If it was obvious, then so be it. I didn't give a fuck.

I wasn't going to hide it anymore.

**

* * *

**

By the time I reached Port Angeles, it was a little past two in the morning.

I pulled up in front of some random old store and checked my phone. Sure enough, there was the address that Alice had texted me.

I quickly read it a few times, burning it into my brain, and headed off to where I reckoned it was.

About ten minutes later, I had found the given location.

It was some house in a crowded, wealthy-looking neighbourhood. I could smell salt water nearby, so there must have been a river or ocean somewhere.

Much like Bella's house had been on the day of her party, the house was packed, inside and out. It vibrated with music, and there were dancing people all over the place, even on the roof.

That only meant one thing- everyone was fucking drunk.

I parked my bike under the shade of a tree across from the house, trying to keep it from getting nicked.

As I walked towards the house, I quickly glanced at the people outside, seeing if Bella was among them. I only spotted a few people puking into the potted plants, and overly drunk couples making out like mad on the grass.

The second I walked into the crowded house, the smell of alcohol overwhelmed me.

Everywhere I looked I saw intoxicated people dancing, snogging, climbing on things . . . it was pure madness. I was overpowered by the crowd, not knowing where to look first. I was beginning to think that I would never find Bella in the pandemonium.

I walked by a few doors and heard people moaning and groaning loudly from the other side.

I froze outside a door when I heard the noises, praying Bella wasn't in one of them. Other couples were lining up outside the doors, as if waiting their turn.

This party could not be what I expected.

As if to answer my thoughts, a drunken bloke who was waiting with his two girlfriends banged on the door, "Hey! You've been in there for like 20 fucking minutes! Hurry up!"

"Wait your fucking turn!" came a male's voice from the other end.

It wasn't Jacob in there, I knew that much.

When I turned to walk away, a too-skinny blonde chick shoved a wicker basket in my face.

"Condom?" she asked.

I stared at the basket, the condoms inside of it almost half gone. "Uh, no thanks."

I tried to walk away, but she grabbed my arm, "Wait. We also have flavoured ones if you-"

"No," I said harshly, shoving her hand away. "I don't want a fucking condom, okay? Piss off!"

She glared at me before walking away, leaving me to stand there irritably.

Where the fuck was Bella?

I pushed people out of the way as I continued my frantic search. I somehow ended up going down a crowded set of stairs and into a basement that was spacious. It had a pool table and a large area that was being used as a second dance floor. It also had a long bar that stretched across one side, and a disco ball hanging from the ceiling. Plush couches were pushed up against the walls.

It was like a nightclub in someone's basement.

I scanned the crowd for a tall, tan bloke or at least a pale, skinny brunette girl with chocolate brown eyes. There were several moments when I stared at a mop of brown hair, only to see that it was some other chick.

I assaulted my hand with my hair just as a girl drunkenly climbed onto the bar with a microphone.

"Hello Port Angeles!" she yelled, and I whirled around at the sound of her voice.

It was Bella.

I stared, shocked, as she danced to the music while standing on top of the bar.

She started singing loudly and terribly,

"P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face

Mum mum mum mah

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face

Mum mum mum mah"

She started dancing quite sexually, and I saw that she was wearing a see-through white t-shirt with a short black skirt. You could see her dark blue bra through it, and she was barefoot. She shook her head around, messing up her hair on purpose as she shook her hips provocatively.

She accidentally dropped the microphone and started laughing hysterically when it hit the ground. She laughed so hard that she turned red and was bent over, clutching her stomach with laughter.

Bella took a deep breath after a moment, composing herself; before some bloke in the crowd called out, "Keep on dancing, sexy!"

Bella grinned drunkenly at the speaker and kept dancing like she was a stripper. People cheered her on and some even threw money at her.

This shit had to stop. Now.

I walked over to the bar where she was, just as a chant of "take it off" began.

A bunch of guys, even girls, started yelling at her to take her top off.

"Take. It. Off! Take. It. Off!" they chanted.

My temper flared as I saw Bella reach for the hem of her shirt, licking her lips seductively. If she hadn't been drunk and in a room full of watching people, I might have been turned on.

Just as she pulled her shirt up enough to reveal her flat belly, I reached the bar in time to grab her wrist.

She looked down at me confusedly as I looked up at her, pissed.

"What the fuck dude?" she said, blinking like she couldn't see my properly.

"Bella, you need to get down from there," I told her. "Do you have any idea what the fuck you're doing?"

"Edward? Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me; now get the fuck off of there."

The chants for her to take her top off were gone, and people were beginning to stare.

"I don't want to," she whined like a little girl. "I'm having _fun_! Like a nun in the sun, shaking her buns! Woo hoo!"

I huffed and grabbed her legs, knocking her off her feet so that she fell over my shoulder. I held her legs tightly and hauled her away as she started to weakly punch at my back. She was pretty fucking light to carry.

"Put me down!" she cried, slurring her words. "Edward, let me go!"

I pushed through people and reached the staircase just as I felt Bella's hand go into my back pocket. I was momentarily taken aback as I felt her hand on my ass as she pulled the phone out, but that was gone when I heard her grunt, followed by the sound of metal hitting something hard.

"Take that!" Bella cried. I froze at the foot of the steps, turning to see my phone all the way at the other end of the room. It became lost amongst several pairs of feet and I tried to control my temper as I put her down.

I took her face in my hands and looked into her eyes. They were glazed over with intoxication and I could smell alcohol on her breath.

"Bella, stop," I said firmly. "Listen to me. You are drunk. You need to try and relax and please, for fuck's sake, just do what I ask. I am sober, you are not. I am a thousand times smarter than you are at the moment. My brain is working properly, yours isn't. So you need to chill the fuck out and stay here. Don't move. I'm going to go find my phone, and I would like for you to not throw it and shit, okay?"

She stared at me like she had no idea what the fuck I just said.

"Stay here," I told her again, and I quickly went searching the floor for my phone. I prayed that no one had stolen it, knowing that it probably got kicked around. I kept glancing over my shoulder at Bella, always relieved to see her still standing where I had asked her to, leaning tiredly against the wall and mumbling drunkenly to herself.

After five strenuous minutes of searching, I caught the glint of my phone's metal part in a corner of the room. I quickly picked it up and observed it quickly. Flipping it open, I saw that it wasn't on. There was a large crack across the front and when I tried to turn it on, it wouldn't work.

Great. She had fucking broken my phone.

Sighing, I rushed back to Bella. I reached her in time to see her swallow a shot and pick up another from a tray held by some girl.

Just as she pulled the second shot to her lips, I grabbed her wrist.

"What the fuck, Bella, are you trying to get fucking alcohol poisoning?" I cried.

I took the shot from her and handed it to some random bloke, who shrugged and devoured it.

"Hey!" Bella protested. "Just leave me alone, Edward!"

"No, fuck that. I'm taking you home."

I took her hand and started to lead her up the stairs, pausing several times when she stumbled.

We reached the top and I was pulling her towards the front door when I remembered her bare feet.

"Where are your shoes?" I asked.

Bella shrugged. "Don't know, don't care."

I sighed frustratedly. "Bella, please try and remember. You can't leave the house without your shoes."

"I don't know where they are!" she cried, devastated. "I don't know if they, if they were Dorothy's red clicky clicky."

"What?"

"I'm tired," she yawned.

"I know. Don't worry, I'm taking you home, but we need to find shoes."

"I hate shoes. Shoes are retarded."

I ignored her drunken banter as I lead her through the house with me, on the search for a pair of shoes. I spotted a pair of flip flops that were going to be too big for her, but I took them and dropped them on the floor in front of her.

"Put those on," I demanded. "I know they're not yours, but they're something."

"Ewww," she said. "Those are gross-looking. Brown, brown, ew, brown. I don't like."

I sighed and threw her over my shoulder again, picking up the flip-flops and leading her over to an empty spot on a couch. I plopped her down and kneeled, quickly shoving the shoes onto her dirty feet.

"Ha. Ha. Ha," Bella laughed. "I'm like Cinderella and you're like the prince."

I stared up at her. "Right."

"Except these shoes don't fit so I'm like, like, like, the fugly stepbrother."

"You mean stepsister?"

"Ya."

I shook my head and took her in my arms again, leaving the house as she threw her arms around my neck.

When I reached the fresh air, Bella blurted, "Edward, you're so handsome."

I froze and stared at her drunkenly content expression. "Uh, what?"

"Your face is like, like, so beautiful. I was. . . I seen . . . you're just fucking hot."

I stared at her some more and put her down, making sure she was steady enough to stand on her feet. She swayed a little, but I grabbed her round the waist, running a hand through my hair.

Everything was getting so frustrating.

"I mean, Jakey is cute too, but not as cute as you," she babbled. "He's like Mr. Macho Macho Man Man Man, and you're like Mr. Lean But Still Muscular Man Man Man. You're sexy. If I was a whore, I would. . . "

What. the. fuck.

"You're really drunk, Bella," I said, "You have no idea what the fuck you're saying."

"Do to," she said, nodding fervently. "I- you- I- you look like that Brad Pittberg."

"Brad Pitt."

"Ya."

"Well, uh, thanks, I guess."

"Can I touch your face?"

I gawked at her. "Why?"

Bella shrugged, her eyes droopy. "I always wanted to touch your face. It's facey and perfect-looking. Yum, I would kill to have skin like yours."

If I wasn't so worried about her drunken state, I would have been laughing my ass off.

"Go ahead," I said. "Touch my face if you want, but then we're going home."

Bella's eyes squinted in concentration as she slowly reached a hand out to rest on my cheek.

The second her skin met mine, electric currents ran underneath the surface before settling into a warmth that spread throughout my head.

I closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling.

Bella stroked my cheek and then my nose.

"So smooth," she said in awe. Her fingers travelled to my lips and I parted them slightly, trying not to take her finger in my mouth.

_She's drunk__,_ I kept telling myself. _She's fucking plastered._

Bella stopped touching me and I opened my eyes to see her sniff her fingers.

Suddenly, she blanched.

"Oh no," she muttered. "I think I'm gonna. . . I think. . ."

She stumbled over to a tree and started throwing up onto the ground. I rushed over and held her hair back as she puked, feeling glad that at least the alcohol would be out of her system a bit.

When she was done, she coughed twice before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

She shivered and I quickly took my jacket off, throwing it over her shoulders.

Suddenly, Bella was crying.

"Ed-Edward," she sobbed. "Take me h-home."

"I am," I said softly. "I am, I promise. C'mon."

I took her round the waist and supported most of her weight with my body as she rested her head on my shoulder.

I walked her across the street to my bike, immediately wishing I had brought a car.

Would I be able to take her on my motorcycle? Was that safe?

And, where the fuck was Jacob?

I glanced one last time at the chaotic party before letting go of Bella so I could face her properly.

She was shivering, and not looking at me. I walked behind her and took the jacket off her shoulders.

"Put your arms through," I told her. "You'll be warmer that way."

I was fucking freezing myself, and it was mostly because of the freezing ocean wind. But Bella was far more important.

"My head hurts like a bitch," Bella slurred, pushing her arms through the sleeves of my jacket.

"That's what happens when you get wasted," I said.

Suddenly, she gasped.

"Oh my God," she said. "Jake!"

I reflexively glanced around, looking for him. I didn't see him at all, and looked back at Bella to see her staring in front of her, in a daze.

"Bella, where is he?" I asked.

Bella shook her head. "I don't know. He was . . . he was somewhere and then . . . he told me to wait and then . . . he, he, he gave me shots. They tasted bad but he made me drink them and then I liked them and then I kept having more and then he was gone and then I started dancing and people were so nice. . . I drank the shots Edward, I drank the. . . I wanted. . . I wanted to, to forget so I drank them. I wanted to forget. . . "

I listened to her rant carefully, trying to make out the slurred words.

A tear slid down Bella's cheek as I was zipping up the jacket for her.

"I don't want to make him mad again," she whispered, as I wiped the tear away with my thumb. "If he gets mad, I'll have to wear makeup again."

I stared at her, my chest constricting.

What the fuck was she going on about?

A feeling of dread filled me as I once again took her head in my hands. She was no longer wearing the makeup, and she flinched when I touched her face.

Her intoxicated brown eyes met mine as I tried to find some shred of understanding in them.

"Bella, what do you mean you'll have to wear makeup again if you make Jacob mad?"

Bella stared at me fearfully, her eyes widening. She shook her head frantically.

"I can't tell you," she whispered putting her fingers to my lips. "It's a secret, you have to . . . shhhh."

I clenched and unclenched my jaw, resisting the urge to shake her and demand to know what the hell she was talking about. I pushed her hand away from my mouth.

"Bella, I won't tell anyone, I promise," I lied. If it was anything that her brother would find worth knowing, I wouldn't keep it a secret.

Bella kept shaking her head in a strange swaying motion, her eyes closed. "Can't tell. Can't tell, I promised."

"Bella did he hurt you again?" I almost choked on the words. "Did he hit you? Tell me!"

Bella's head stopped shaking and she opened her eyes to stare into mine.

And then I saw the truth. He had. He had hit her again, and now that she wasn't wearing any makeup, it must have meant that the bruise faded.

"Bella," I whispered. "You're going to break up with him, aren't you? Remember what you promised me- if he hurts you again, you have to leave him. You're going to leave him, right? Tell me."

Bella's eyes watered and she shook her head slowly.

My anger swelled and I wanted to hit something. This girl was fucking _mental_.

How long was this bullshit going to go on? How long would I have to watch her go through this shit? How long was I going to torture myself over the girl that was too fucking stupid to see the goddamn light and leave her fucking boyfriend? She was driving me mad. How long was I supposed to watch her be with him, watch him own her, watch her scared to death?

Not too long, if I had anything to say on the matter.

"Bella, you have to!" I said angrily. "You _have_ to!"

She flinched away from me before she blinked once, suddenly falling forward.

"Whoa," she mumbled as I caught her. "I feel dizzy."

I took a deep breath, knowing that now was not the time to try and get answers out of her. She had told me enough.

I pulled her upright and once I was sure she wouldn't stumble, I reached for my helmet.

"Bella, I need you to listen to me very carefully," I said. "I'm going to put this helmet on you, and I want you to leave it on. Don't try and take it off, okay?"

Belle nodded sleepily. "I get to ride on your motorcycle?" she mumbled, her eyes half-closed.

"Yes. I'm going to need you to hold on to me very, very tightly and not let go at all. Do you understand?"

She nodded and reached out, grabbing my arm tightly.

"Got it," she said.

I sighed and pried her fingers off my arm.

"Bella, I mean you have to hold on to me tightly when we're on the bike. Okay? When I'm riding, you need to hold me around the waist and not let go. Got it?"

"Oh," she said. "M'kay."

I stuffed the helmet onto her head so that I could only see her eyes. They were still half closed and Bella mumbled something that was muffled by the helmet.

I stared at her, in my leather jacket and helmet, and felt a fuzziness go through me.

She looked sexy in my shit.

I walked Bella closer to the bike and patted the flat area behind the seat, where a second person could sit.

"Can you sit, or do you need help?"

She stared at me blankly, and that answered my question.

I lifted her up and cradled her in my arms as I settled her onto the bike, making sure one leg was on either side. It wasn't hard, and I climbed in front of her, reaching behind me to wrap her arms around my waist.

"Remember, hold on tightly," I instructed. "Don't let go, no matter what. Understand?"

Bella rested her head on my back and I felt her nod.

I silently prayed she wouldn't let go while I was riding; having her fall off the bike in the middle of the highway was the last thing I wanted.

I revved the engine and felt Bella's arms tighten. I shivered in the cold wind and pulled my bike off the grass and onto the road.

A minute later, I took off, Bella's arms holding me in a vice grip. I could still feel her helmeted head pressing into my back.

I drove faster than I normally would, anxious to get her home. I expertly weaved through cars on the roads and highway, riding so fast that the wind against my face made my eyes tear up.

I knew that sooner or later I would be followed by cops; my speed was way over the limit. But I also knew that there was no fucking way they'd be able to catch up with me. I'd let them follow me all the way to Bella's house if I had to, but I wasn't stopping for anything.

**

* * *

**

I reached Forks in half the time it had taken me to get to Port Angeles, and I pulled up in front of Bella's house as I released a deep breath. My face was numb from the cold and my head hurt. I sniffed, feeling a cold coming on.

"Dammit," I muttered. I hated getting ill.

Bella didn't release her tight grip from around me, and her head hadn't lifted from my back.

I reckoned she was still conscious because of her tight grip, and I rubbed her arm soothingly before I pried it away from me.

As I climbed off the bike, Bella straightened up, mumbling something.

I picked her up and set her on her feet, holding her tight because she swayed a little.

She pulled away from me and leaned against my bike as I gently removed the helmet for her.

Her hair was a mess and she lazily ran her hand through it with still-droopy eyes.

"That was scary," she mumbled.

I saw that her hands were shaking and I took them in mine, rubbing them because they were cold.

"You did good," I assured her. "Better than Lauren did the first time. Stupid cow started screaming for her mother."

At the mention of Lauren, Bella's scowled.

"I hate her," she said. "Stupid, fat, psychotic bitch. Crazy little . . . little. . . I'm cold."

"C'mon," I said, putting the helmet on the seat. "Let's get you inside; it's fucking freezing."

"No," Bella protested weakly as I carried her to the front door. "Emmett is going to be... to be... pissed."

"And rightfully so."

I climbed up the front steps and set Bella on her feet, holding on to her as I rang the doorbell frantically, trying to wake Emmett up.

"Wait, don't you have a key or something?" I asked her.

"Jake has it," she mumbled, her head on my shoulder. "He took it... and he won't give it back. Asshole."

I raised a brow.

The door flew open and Emmett stood there in a bathrobe, his eyes tired, bloodshot, and cautious.

I smiled sheepishly as he took in the sight in front of him. "'Sup, mate?"

"Bella?" he said incredulously. "Bella! What's wrong, what happened?"

He reached out and grabbed her, pulling her into the house as I followed.

"Em, be gentle," Bella muttered, annoyed. "What the hell. . ."

He sat her down on the couch and crouched in front of her. Bella leaned back and threw an arm over her eyes.

"Bella, what happened?" he demanded. "Are you okay? Where did you go? Where... Bella_,__why the fuck do you smell like alcohol?"_

He was pissed, that's for sure.

"Uh, because I drank it," Bella said as sarcastically as she could manage in her intoxicated state.

"Are you out of your mind?" he yelled.

Bella cringed and looked at him.

"Stop yelling," she slurred. "You're making my head pound even more. I wanna go to bed."

"She's plastered," I said, and Emmett looked up at me; obviously he had forgotten my presence.

He suddenly stood up, glaring at me.

"What the hell did you do to her?" he growled.

My jaw dropped.

"What the fuck are you blaming me for?" I cried. "I'm the one that went and fucking got her!"

Emmett stared at me, his brows furrowing. He took a calming breath and then ran a hand through his curly hair.

"Okay," he said quietly. "Obviously since my sister is too wasted to speak properly-" he gestured to Bella who was humming Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to herself "-I'm going to need you to explain to me what the fuck is going on. I want to know everything."

I sighed. "Right, so, I'm sleeping, right, and all of a sudden my phone starts buzzing. So I pick it up and it's Bella, and she's drunk, blabbering on about pretty lights and shit. And I asked her where the fuck she was, but she wouldn't tell me. She hung up on me, so I called up Alice and asked about any parties out of town. She tells me about one thrown by one of Jacob's friends and gives me the address after asking Jasper for it. So I go to this party, and its fucking wild. People shagging all over the place, a girl walking around with a basket full of condoms...fucking mental.

"So I finally found her, dancing on a fucking bar, singing some shitty song that I know I've heard on the radio and always changed the station whenever it came on. Anyway, so she's dancing on the bar and I'm like what the fuck, get down from there! She didn't listen so I carried her and she fucking pulled my phone out and threw it. It's broken now, by the way, but don't worry, I'll get a new one.

"Right, so where was I? Oh, right, so I got her a random pair of shoes because hers were missing. You might want to throw those out, mate, who knows whose nasty old feet those've been on. And Jacob is completely AWOL during all of this, mind you. She told me she snuck out the window. Anyway, I got her out and she puked her guts out right before I got her on the bike. And now she's here, singing to herself."

I glanced at Bella who had moved on from Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and was now sleepily humming Marry Had A Little Lamb. I was surprised she hadn't passed out yet.

Emmett was staring at me blankly before he looked at Bella, worry clouding his expression.

"Why didn't you just call me?" he asked, his eyes still on Bella.

I stared at him, frozen, not knowing what to say.

He looked at me when I didn't respond, his gaze questionable.

"Are you pissed about that?" I asked, avoiding the question.

Emmett shrugged. "Not entirely. I would have wanted to know if my sister was out getting drunk, though."

He didn't look angry, just serious.

"Sorry," I shrugged. "If she ever calls me, drunk or high or half-dying, I'll let you know."

"Was that supposed to be funny?"

"No."

"Good, 'cause it wasn't."

"Tired," Bella mumbled. "Sleepy, sleepy, fucking sleepy. Is this my bed? It feels different. Hey why are you guys in my room? Get out. Rude."

"All right, let's get you to bed," Emmett said. He took Bella in his arms and started carrying her towards the staircase.

He paused when he reached the foot of the stairs and turned to face me again.

"Don't you want your jacket back?" he asked.

"She can keep it," I said, shrugging. "For now, anyway."

"I love this jacket," Bella mumbled against Emmett's chest. "It smells like Edward. Mmmm. I like Edward. Edward, I like you. Is he still here? Mmm, sleepy."

There was an awkward moment after that, and Emmett glanced at me.

"Stay here," he said. "I'll be back."

He proceeded up the stairs and I waited, shivering from the air that came in through the open front door.

Bella fucking liked me. That made me feel so fucking good. Not only did she like me, but she thought I was sexy. Sure, she had been drunk when she said it, but you couldn't deny one thing:

_Sometimes intoxication brings out honesty._

If that was the case, then Bella hadn't been lying about liking me and thinking I was better looking than the Asshat. Shit, even I knew that.

A part of me wanted her to tell me she liked me while she was sober. Chances were that she wouldn't remember any of it, and that was a shame.

Emmett came back down a minute later.

"Listen," he said, looking aged. "Thank you. Seriously. I owe you **so much** for this, man. God, if you hadn't gotten her, then. . ." A tortured expression came across his face. "I don't know what could've happened. She could be on the street, or. . ." He trailed off, rubbing his face with his hands.

When he looked at me he looked like he was in agony.

"Thank you," he said, pure sincerity in his voice.

"No problem," I mumbled. "If she hadn't called me, I wouldn't have known..."

We stood there in silence, neither of us looking at the other. The atmosphere in the room was tinged with pain, concern, grief. For what happened, for what could have happened, for what was happening with Bella.

"I should go," I finally said. "It's like, what, almost four in the morning now?"

"Yeah," Emmett whispered. "I'll get your jacket back, I promise. And sorry about your phone. I can get a new-"

"No," I cut him off. "Don't worry about it. It's okay."

Emmett nodded.

I bit my lip. "See you later, then."

Emmett nodded again, staring at the floor.

I turned to leave, but then stopped in my tracks, remembering something very, very important.

"Oh," I said. "There's something you need to know."

Emmett's brows furrowed. "What?"

"Jacob has your house key."

_"What?"_

"Yeah, Bella told me that he has a key to the house. Probably the one that's always under the eave. You might want to get that back."

Emmett's expression was pissed. "That asshole," he said through clenched teeth.

"And another thing," I said. "Jacob. . ." I took a deep breath, knowing that this was for the best. "I think he hit Bella."

Emmett blanched, his eyes widening. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, stunned.

"I know," I said, nodding. "She told me that she had to wear makeup because he got mad at her. That can only mean that he hit her or something. I mean, she didn't say it in exact words but. . ."

I didn't bring up the first bruise, only because that was a stupid promise between me and Bella. Telling him about her drunken confession would be enough to get the wanker killed.

Emmett's face darkened in color, his face contorted into the deepest fury I had ever seen.

He suddenly punched the wall, leaving a hole in it, and I stared at him, wide-eyed.

I wanted to tell him to calm down, but a part of me wanted him to be this angry.

I wanted him to go and kill Jacob.

If he wouldn't, I would.

"I'm going to kill him," Emmett growled, his hands curled into fists.

"You should," I said. "I dunno where he is, but he wasn't at the party."

Emmett took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face again. "Thanks for telling me."

I nodded. "Sure. Oh and, quick question . . . do you plan on fucking Jacob up?"

Emmet smirked, a bitter, vengeful thing. "Oh yeah. Big time."

"Invite me?"

Emmett grinned. "Definitely."

I smiled and left the house, closing the door behind me. The wind was really picking up now, and I sneezed.

"Shit," I muttered. My voice was getting nasally.

I climbed on the bike, feeling as cold as a slag's tit, and pulled my helmet on.

For now, I was going home. I was knackered and I knew I was getting sick.

But being sick wouldn't hinder me when it came to Jacob Black.

Because, quite frankly, the next time I saw him. . . his cunt-faced, wanking, cock-licking ass was dead.


	19. All I Need

_**Disclaimer: **_ _Meyer owns everything._

_**

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**Chapter 19- All I Need**

_I'm dying to catch my breath  
Oh why don't I ever learn?  
I've lost all my trust though I've surely tried to  
Turn it around_

_Can you still see the heart of me?  
All my agony fades away  
When you hold me in your embrace_

_Don't tear me down  
For all i need  
Make my heart a better place  
Give me something I can believe_

_Don't tear me down  
You've opened the door now  
Don't let it close_

**All I Need- Within Temptation**

_**

* * *

**_

**Bella POV**

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the pounding headache that threatened to make my head burst open.

I moaned and rolled onto my back, squinting at the blinding light that came in through the windows. The light made my head hurt even more, so I pulled the blanket over my face.

My mouth was dry and tasted bitter, and my stomach felt queasy, a strange kind of nausea that made the slightest of movements painful.

I sat up, eyes shut tight against the light, grimacing at the ache in my belly. My head swam and I immediately fell back on the pillow, not letting myself move anymore.

I felt like shit.

I suddenly realized that I felt overheated, and looked down at myself.

I was wearing a leather jacket.

I stared at it confusedly, knowing it wasn't mine. It didn't smell like me either. The leather was a little worn out, and it smelled like cologne and cigarette smoke. Definitely not mine.

Yet it looked oddly familiar. . .

"Oh my God," I said, my voice hoarse.

Edward's jacket. I was wearing Edward's leather jacket, in bed.

I stared at the ceiling, my eyes adjusting to the bright light just a little, though the pain in my head refused to leave.

I tried to remember the night before, but it was mostly a blur. I remembered Edward, just not what he had been doing. Or what I had been doing for that matter. I remembered drinking and dancing, but only vaguely.

I didn't remember Jacob, though. I vaguely recalled him handing me drinks, but everything else was just . . . a foggy mess.

I sat up again, extremely slow this time, and zipped the jacket open. I ran a hand over its smooth leather, trying to remember how it had come to be in my possession.

And what had Edward been doing at the party? How did I end up home, and in bed? Did we get past Emmett? What happened to Jake?

Intense pressure went through my head like a dull knife and I groaned, putting my head in my hands.

I was never going to get drunk, _ever again__._

I had had no intention of going to a party last night, but the truth was that I was just scared.

I had become a different person after Jacob had hit me. . .

_"Bitch."_

_The word kept repeating in my head, a vicious thing that sent a pang through me every time._

_My hand had remained on my cheek as I stared at Jacob, the hurt, both physical and emotional, threatening to cause me to break down._

_"Don't you dare start crying," Jacob had said with narrowed eyes. "Bella, I swear to God. . . "_

_I started to take deep breaths, blinking back the tears. When I looked at Jake again, his eyes had softened just a tad._

_"Look, I'm sorry I had to hit you," he said. "But sometimes you can just be so fucking frustrating. You know, I wouldn't have to hurt you if you would just cooperate."_

_I had stared at him, silent._

_He reached out a hand and I flinched, but he ignored me, placing it on my bruised cheek._

_"I hope you have some makeup to cover that up. It'll be gone in a few days, but. . ."_

_He looked me in the eyes pointedly, an eyebrow raised, and I scrambled up the stairs and into my bedroom. I was breathing heavily, my heart beating._

_Everything was going so, so wrong. I was terrified of Jacob now, not knowing what to do._

_Every nerve in my body was telling me that this wasn't right, that I had to tell someone right away, that Jacob had to leave._

_But another part of me was saying that if I tried anything, he would hurt me. All he had done was slap me, but I knew, deep down, that Jacob Black was capable of killing me if he wanted to._

_Did I still like him? Hell no._

_The slap had shattered everything in me that made me feel anything close to affection for him._

_My hands were shaking as I rummaged through my makeup, finding some random foundation and coating my face clumsily. After the bruise was covered, I hurried back downstairs._

_He was on the couch, flipping through channels. He didn't look up as I came down, but he patted the seat next to him._

_"Come here," he ordered._

_My mind and body reacted automatically, the fear in me allowing no hesitation._

_I plopped down in the seat next to him and he pulled me closer, holding me around the waist and kissing me on the top of my head._

_He settled on some crappy MTV reality show and ignored me for the next few minutes._

_"Get me a soda," he suddenly barked._

_I looked up at him in disbelief, and he gave me a look that made me shoot out off the couch faster than he could blink._

_I returned with a can of Pepsi, and Jake just glanced at it briefly._

_He shook his head. "Coke."_

_I went back into the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge. We had no Coke._

_I went back into the living room and stood by the couch, biting my lip._

_"What?" Jacob snapped. "Where's the Coke?"_

_"We don't have any," I whispered._

_"Speak up. I can't fucking hear you."_

_"We don't have any."_

_Jacob sighed and rolled his eyes. "Get the Pepsi then."_

_I went back and grabbed the can of Pepsi, bringing it to him. He snatched it from me and popped it open, patting the seat next to him again._

_I sat down hesitantly as Jacob drank._

_After another minute he said, "Jared's cousin is throwing a party this Saturday. You're coming."_

_"Okay," I whispered._

_"Oh and just an FYI, if I ever see you with Cullen again, you'll be just as dead as him."_

_Fear gripped my insides like a claw. "Okay."_

_At one point he started kissing me, but I couldn't feel it. I was numb, just letting him do what he wanted with me. His hands were all over, traveling from my hip to my waist to my chest. I resisted the urge to shudder when his hand went up my shirt and squeezed my left breast._

_I felt dirty._

_Jacob pulled away when we heard the sound of keys in the front door. He slid a little away from me just as Emmett and Rosalie entered, Chinese takeout in their hands._

_"What the fuck are you doing here?" Emmett had asked, furious._

_"I came to see my girlfriend," Jacob had replied coolly._

_"Leave," Emmett's tone was curt._

_Jake had glanced at me briefly before standing up, his back straight, a cocky look on his face._

_"Sure thing. I'm just sayin', whenever Bella invites me over, I'm coming. Just doing my duties as a boyfriend."_

_He had left, and Emmett had been glaring at me. I hoped my expression was some variation of blank._

_Rosalie quietly took the takeout containers from Emmett._

_"I'll just put these in the kitchen," she had said softly before leaving the room._

_"Did you really invite him over?" Emmett had questioned, still glowering at me._

_I almost said no, but I knew I had to lie._

_"Yeah," I mumbled, not looking him in the eye. "Got bored after I got back from Edward's. Sorry."_

_"Bella, you know you can't have him over when no one's home," he said irritably. "Why the hell would you call him over?"_

_"I missed him."_

_"You missed him? What, was he MIA from school or something?"_

_I shrugged._

_"Bella, what is wrong with you?"_

_"I feel tired, I'm going upstairs," I said dismissively, standing up._

_"Don't you want dinner?"_

_"Leave something in the fridge."_

I remembered that day and shuddered. It was the reason why I had to stay away from Edward completely, why I had to make sure I wasn't seen talking to him or being friendly in any way.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember more of the party.

It started coming back very slowly, bits and pieces of information.

I remembered pain, a lot of it. Quick, swift doses of it.

_Jacob handed me my first shot and I refused. He grabbed my wrist so tight that it hurt, his eyes narrowed. I drank the tiny glass of alcohol, the taste a combination of bitter and sour. The red finger marks on my wrist vanished in mere minutes._

_Jacob and I were dancing on a crowded floor; I was a little tipsy. I accidentally stepped on his foot with my high heel and he hissed. He smacked my arm, saying "Watch it!" No one around us noticed anything._

_Jacob and I were making out against a wall. His encouragement was pressing into me and I was so drunk that I enjoyed it. He pulled me to one of the rooms that were for sex, and walked right in on a couple on a double mattress on the floor. "Hurry up," Jacob had said, ignoring the protests of the line waiting outside. The boy on top of the girl clearly knew Jacob, so he pulled out before he was done and yanked the girl to her feet. They left and Jacob shut the door, pushing me onto the mattress. The pause had been enough time to bring me to my senses just a little, and when Jacob took his shirt off, I rolled off the mattress and got on my feet. I had refused and Jacob had pushed me down again. I had said something and he had slapped me in reply. He climbed on top of me and I vaguely remembered scratching at him, to which he only grabbed my neck, choking me._

_I struggled to breath, staring up at his violent expression. He had bent down to whisper in my ear, "You. Are. Asking. For. It."_

_He released me and I gasped for breath just as there was a bang on the door._

I didn't remember much after that.

I reached up to feel my neck, knowing that there wouldn't be any marks.

Jacob was like a skilled abuser, knowing how to hurt me without making it obvious to everyone else. The slap had been the only exception, as well as the first bruise I had received on my arm.

I sat there, on my bed, hung-over and scared shitless. I was stuck and I didn't know what to do.

I knew that I no longer loved Jacob. Hell, I didn't think I ever did. I clung to him desperately, wanting a fairytale romance. But it was just so far from what I had dreamed.

I wanted someone else. . .

Edward suddenly came to mind, and the more I thought about him, the clearer he became in my memories of the party.

I remembered flashes of him carrying me, getting me shoes, holding my hair back as I puked. I remembered him practically yelling at me about something, but I couldn't remember what. I remembered him putting a helmet on me and giving me his jacket.

His jacket. I looked down at myself and couldn't believe I was wearing it. It felt so intimate having it on.

Just when I was about to pull it off, there was a knock on my door.

"Yeah?" I said, my voice still raspy. I cleared it, but it was too dry to need clearing.

Emmett popped his head in. "Hey. How you feeling?"

"Like crap," I replied gruffly.

"Good." Emmett walked in and held out a glass of water. "Drink this. It helps."

I eagerly took the glass and gulped it down. My throat felt better, and so did my stomach.

I handed the glass back, licking my lips.

Emmett left, only to come back later with another glass. I drank it down just as eagerly and handed it back.

"Thanks," I said, feeling better.

Emmett didn't reply, his face serious as he set the glass down on my side table. He stood and stared at me with his arms crossed, expression serious.

Yep. We hadn't gotten past him last night. How did I think that would be even remotely possible?

"So," I said, deciding to just get this conversation over with. "What happened last night?"

Emmett raised a brow. "I'd like to know the same thing, actually."

"I don't know, I was drunk."

"No shit."

"Look, I'm sorry okay?"

Emmet stared at me incredulously, mouth open, arms falling to his sides. "You're _sorry_? Are you kidding me? You sneak out the window, wearing almost nothing by the way, go to some sex party all the way in Port Angeles with your boyfriend, get so hammered that you don't even remember your own name, make Edward come get you, and you're _sorry_?"

I cringed at his loudness. "Well what else do you want me to say?"

Emmett was quiet as he glared at me.

"I really am," I said. "Honest. It doesn't change what happened. . . "

"Damn straight it doesn't. And it won't _ever_happen again."

"Of course not."

"Good, because I'm nailing your windows shut."

"You're what?"

"You heard me."

"You can't do that."

"Watch me."

He stared at me, challenging me with his eyes to tell him he wouldn't do something like that.

I knew he would.

"What happened after I got back?" I asked. "_How_ did I get back?"

"Edward brought you on his bike."

"Really?"

"Yep. I took you to bed and then he told me about. . . " Emmett sighed and came to sit next to me.

"Bells, why didn't you tell me?" he whispered, his eyes pained.

"Tell you what?"

"About Jacob . . . about him hitting you?"

My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat. How did he know this? How did _Edward_ know this?

I blanched, realizing I could have said anything in my drunken state.

"I-you-how. . . " I stuttered. "How did he know that?"

"You told him. That's the only reason I'm the tiniest bit glad that you were drunk."

I sighed and closed my eyes, shaking my head. Things just couldn't get any worse.

Emmett's tone changed. "If I ever see that dick again, I swear I'm going to kill him. That asshole is going to die a slow and very, very painful death."

I stared at Emmett in horror, his eyes focused on the floor, fists clenched, expression contorted with fury.

Before I could say anything he asked, "It's over between you two, right?"

My mouth opened and closed, no sound coming out. "Uh. . . "

Emmett shot up, glowering down at me furiously.

_"__Are you out of your damn mind__?"_ he shouted.

I cringed and covered my ears. "Calm down!"

"Don't you fucking tell me to calm down! You're still with him?"

"I don't know!" I cried, desperately wanting him to stop screaming.

"What the hell does that mean?" he bellowed.

"He disappeared, I don't know! Stop screaming! I think everyone in Washington heard you."

Emmett took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to reign in his anger. "Bella, listen to me very carefully. Just because Jacob disappeared, doesn't mean you can't break up with him. What, are you waiting for _him_ to break up with _you_? He's sick, Bella, he's not going to leave you. Whether or not you leave him shouldn't even be up for discussion! There's something Rose says about abusive relationships- 'One blow, you go.' Is that the first time he's hurt you?"

I looked up at my big brother, all bulk and brawn, ready to protect me no matter what. I loved him so much, and it just wasn't worth a douchebag boyfriend to lose him.

I shook my head.

"Fuck," Emmett hissed, turning away from me. He turned around again. "When was the first time?"

My response was automatic, like I had counted the days in my head. "A little over a month ago he left a bruise on my arm."

"And you didn't tell anyone?"

"Well-" I bit my lip, remembering that Edward had known about it. If I told Emmett, he'd flip out on Edward, and I didn't want that. Not after how much Edward had helped me.

"Well, what?" Emmett prompted.

"Well, no. I didn't."

Emmett's eyes narrowed, like he could see through my lie, but he didn't say anything. "You're never seeing him ever again."

It wasn't that easy. "I know."

"You are going to break up with him."

It wasn't that easy. "I know."

"We will find a restraining order against him, right after I kick his ass."

It wasn't that easy. "I know."

He turned into Emmett the personal trainer. "Today I want you to rest. You might want to take a shower, switching from cold water to hot water, and drink a lot of water and fruit juice. Also, take a lot of naps and eat things rich in minerals. I'll help you out with that. All of that will help with the hangover."

I nodded, chewing on my lip, and Emmett reached out to stroke my cheek.

"I wish you'd talk to me," he whispered. "Like old times. I hate what he's done to you."

A sad smile graced his lips as he turned and left the room, leaving me to sit there feeling like the shittiest person in the history of the world.

**

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**

I spent the day doing what Emmett had suggested. I took a shower and rested in bed after changing out of the slutty outfit.

I had felt strange taking off Edward's jacket, feeling naked without it as I slung it over the stool of my dressing table.

I had taken a nap, which wasn't a problem, and Emmett forced me to eat some weird fish dish he had made.

But no matter what I did, the headache just wouldn't go away. It would fade a little, and then come back in full force, sometimes so strong that it would make me stop what I was doing and hold my head in pain. Emmett suggested going to the hospital, but that would just be embarrassing. The last thing I wanted was the town of Forks murmuring about how the innocent Swan girl had gotten insanely drunk and couldn't handle her first hangover. I assured Emmett that the headaches were probably because it was my first hangover, and I was able to talk him out of a trip to the ER.

Emmett had refused to give me any Tylenol, saying something like, "The ibuprofen will be hard on your stomach and your liver, which is probably still trying to process all that freakin' alcohol."

Throughout the afternoon, my mind kept wandering over to Jacob. I wondered where he was, if he was at home or somewhere else. I wondered if maybe something had happened to him; he hadn't called at all.

I was going to break up with him. I had no other choice, and there was nothing else I wanted than to be free of his grasp on me.

I had been incredibly stupid with staying with him for as long as I had, but knowing that I had Emmett (and also Edward) to protect me made me feel like maybe it wouldn't be so hard to sever all ties.

The more I thought about it, the easier it sounded in my head. I would call him, wherever he was, and tell him it was over. Over the phone.

Because I knew it wouldn't be safe to do it face-to-face.

While Emmett was cooking up a meal that smelled really bad but that I knew he was making to try and help me, I noticed how he kept on bringing up Edward.

At first it had been things like, "If Edward hadn't shown up. . . ", "Good thing Edward saved your ass in time or. . . ", and "You owe him big time for the shit you pulled last night."

But then he started saying things like, "That kid seriously has his fuckawesome moments, don't you think?", and "I was surprised he gave you his beloved leather jacket. Actually, no, I'm not surprised."

I couldn't believe he was dropping hints about Edward.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked from my spot at the kitchen table.

Emmett had just mumbled, "Obviously after last night's little confession, the feelings must be mutual."

Emmett hadn't meant for me to hear that last part, since I had had my head in my arms for a while and probably appeared to be resting.

He jumped and looked at me in surprise. "Weren't you napping?"

"Can't really sleep anywhere other than my bed, Em. And this headache makes it impossible anyway."

"Oh," was all he said, and he went back to stirring whatever the hell he was making.

"Why have you been dropping hints about Edward all day?" I asked. "I know he saved me, you don't have to bring it up every two seconds."

Emmett laughed nervously. "Who's dropping hints?"

"You are."

"Am not."

"Yes you are, and I want to know why."

"Chillax, kiddo. I'm just super grateful to him, okay? And I hope you are, too."

"I am," I said, sincerely. "More than you."

"Good."

"But that doesn't mean you can drop sly little hints."

Emmett sighed and turned away from his mystery dish. "I'm not dropping any hints."

"If you say so," I mumbled.

He turned back to the stove. "Gotta learn to love what's good for you."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Oh my God, will you stop?"

"Stop what?"

"Stop talking about Edward! We're friends."

"Unfortunately."

"Emmett, you're acting like a grandmother trying to hook your granddaughter up with some nice little farm boy you met at the market."

"Whoa whoa whoa, hang on a sec. I'm not trying to hook you up with anyone, okay? Honestly, I'd rather you remain boyfriend-less for the rest of your life and join a convent. I'm just saying, if you had to. . . "

I stared at him, processing his words.

He wanted me to be with Edward.

I was speechless as he gave me a knowing smile, and I felt myself turning red.

I mean, I had thought about Edward all the time, but my thoughts had always been centered on how handsome he was. I never imagined myself being with him, like a couple.

That felt like an impossibility to me. Edward was so . . . different from what I would imagine in a boyfriend. Jacob had been everything I had imagined, in the beginning.

Edward was rough-and-tumble, tough, outspoken, sometimes vulgar, and fearless. He was mysterious, brooding, and cynical.

He was the kind of guy I would think to be abusive, but instead he was caring, responsible, and sweet. He was intelligent, patient, and helpful. He was playful, teasing, and just perfect in the least perfect way.

In that second, sitting at the wooden kitchen table, I had come to the conclusion that Edward Cullen was everything I could possibly want in a boyfriend.

Everything and more.

**

* * *

**

This new conclusion gave me even more of a headache. Before I could even think about Edward and I being together, I had to think about whether or not _he_ would even want that.

Everything told me that he would. I mean, he had been helping me out for a long time now.

I had known him for all but three months, and they had been the craziest months of my life.

After all, we had gone through so much in that short amount of time. Images flashed through my head:

Edward almost hitting me with a bat, Edward tutoring me, Edward talking to my crying self at the charity dinner, Edward dancing with me at my birthday, Edward taking me home in my drunken state whilst giving me his precious jacket. . .

The doorbell rang and I jumped from my spot on the couch. I had been mindlessly watching TV in my pajamas while Emmett was in the shower.

I stood up as the doorbell rang again, staring at the closed front door.

Was it Jacob? That thought had my heart thudding. He still hadn't called and I wondered if he was okay. Deep down, I didn't really care. I never wanted to see his face again.

The doorbell rang again, more impatiently this time, and I took a hesitant step forward, not knowing if I should answer it.

Finally I remembered that Jake had the key. He could just enter if he wanted to; he wouldn't even bother ringing the bell.

With that frightening little fact in mind, I walked over to the front door and pulled it open.

And there stood the boy that had invaded my thoughts all morning.

"You look like shit," Edward said.

I stared at his tall form, trying to take in all of him at once through my pounding headache. He was in a jacket that wasn't leather, but nice all the same. His jeans were a little torn at the knees and his hair was in its usual sexual mess. His sharp green eyes searched my face as my brown orbs searched his.

He didn't exactly look wonderful himself. He had purple shadows under his eyes and his nose was just a little red at the tip. His voice also sounded nasally, and he looked a bit paler than usual.

"So do you," I finally replied.

"Are you going to invite me in or what?" Edward asked. "It's the beginning of December and I've got the fucking flu. Making me stand out here isn't helping."

"Oh, sorry!" I mumbled in embarrassment, stepping aside.

"Cheers," Edward said, walking in.

I shut the door, shivering from the wind, and turned to face him. He had a brown paper bag in his left hand while his right was shoved into his pocket.

Before either of us could say anything, Emmett came stomping down the stairs, practically running.

He was in nothing but his bathrobe, his hair and face wet from the shower.

Emmett glanced between us frantically, relief clouding his face.

"Shit," he said. "I thought Jacob was here."

"He has a key, remember?" Edward said.

"Oh right," Emmett replied, looking ashamed. "Remind me to change the locks, okay, Bells?"

"Were you planning on fucking the Asshat up in your bathrobe, then?" Edward asked. I stifled a giggle.

Emmett looked down at himself and flushed.

"You might want to leave that to me," Edward said. "There might be a wardrobe malfunction."

I couldn't suppress my laugh and Edward smiled crookedly at me while Emmett's eyes shot between us two.

"Whatever," he finally said. "I'm going upstairs to change."

"Please," Edward said, and Emmett glared at him before going up the stairs.

Edward turned to look at me again and I stood there, biting my lip.

"I wasn't kidding when I said you looked like shit," he commented.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I wasn't kidding when I said you looked like shit either."

Edward smiled. "I know I do. It's because I'm ill."

"Then why are you here?" I blurted, sounding just a little bit rude.

That didn't hinder him. He held up the paper bag. "Brought you something."

I stared at the bag confusedly and took a step forward. "What is it?"

Edward took a step back and held up a hand. "Stay away. You might catch the flu."

"Ew, is it Swine?"

"Perhaps."

"Gross."

"I know."

Edward pulled out a plastic bottle from the bag. It had a brownish-greenish liquid inside it and looked absolutely revolting.

"You brought me liquidated cow turd?" I asked.

Edward laughed a beautiful sound even though he was sick. "No. That's for another time. This is for your hangover."

"Wha- how did you know I still had a hangover?"

"Mum has been babying me all morning, since I'm ill and shit. She was talking to Rose over the phone and Rose told her how Emmett told her that you were still having headaches."

"Oh." Apparently nothing could be kept a secret in the Cullen family.

"So then Mum decided to make you the hangover thing that she always makes for my . . . dad. It's just a bunch of random shit thrown into a blender, but it works like a charm, just after a few sips. She was going to bring it to you herself, since she wouldn't let me leave the house in my sick state, but I snuck out with a note on my pillow. And now here I stand."

"Wow," I said. "You snuck out into the freezing cold, sick, just so you could bring me a hangover cure?"

Edward nodded sheepishly. "Was that stupid?"

"Extremely."

"Oops."

I didn't know why, but my eyes started tearing up. He was just so incredibly sweet. Jacob never did anything like this for me.

He never brought me hangover drinks even though he himself was sick.

He never listened to me as I cried.

He never gave me his jacket when I was cold.

He never helped me out with school.

He never helped decorate for my birthday party, or even show up at the party itself.

He never danced with me.

He never did anything to show that he cared. Ever.

And Edward always did. He'd always been doing it and I'd been too blinded by Jacob and his awfulness to even realize it.

"Uh . . . why are you crying?" Edward asked.

Before I could stop myself, I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his torso.

Edward stumbled back, his hand on my back, stunned.

It was silent as I rested my head on his hard chest, breathing in the scent that was one hundred percent Edward. It was cologne, cigarettes, soap, and somewhere there was a hint of lilac.

It was heavenly.

"Thank you," I whispered as a tear escaped my eye. "For saving me. For coming. For everything."

"No problem," Edward mumbled. He was a little stiff as he awkwardly patted my back.

I didn't let go. I didn't want to.

"Um," Edward said. "Remember what I said about staying away? This is an ill man here."

"I don't care."

I was hugging Edward Cullen for the first time ever, even if he wasn't hugging back.

I didn't know that I was sobbing like a baby until Edward finally wrapped his arms around me.

"Shh," he said. "What's wrong?"

I couldn't speak, suddenly overwhelmed by a thousand different emotions.

I was filled with need; I needed Edward.

I was filled with hate; I hated Jacob and what he had been doing to me.

I was filled with intense gratitude; there was nothing I could do to repay Edward for everything he had done for me.

I was filled with anger; I wanted Jacob gone.

I was filled with confusion; I didn't know how to leave Jacob, how to leave him safely without him hurting me or coming to hurt me.

But most dominant was the fear, gripping me with a cold hand. Being in Edward's arms reminded me of the arms I should be in, the arms I started in- Jacob's arms. But thinking of Jacob terrified me, because of how he had hurt me. I was afraid that he'd show up as randomly as he always did and torture me mercilessly.

I was so stuck, and I didn't know what to do. I knew what I wanted; I wanted to be free of Jacob. But a part of me knew that it wouldn't be as easy as a simple "it's over." He didn't want to let go of me, that much I knew. He repeatedly told me that I was his, and although I had always wanted to hear a guy say that to me, Jacob's words had a darker, much more twisted meaning.

I knew that one of these days, if I didn't get away fast, he would rape me.

And that was what I feared the most.

I cried into Edward's chest and he held me silently as we both stood in the middle of the living room.

Edward was all I needed, all I wanted. I felt at home in his strong arms, the fear and pain and sadness lessening. As he held me in his embrace, my resolve was strengthened. I had once told myself that the only reason I would ever leave Jacob was if I found someone better.

He was right here.

I was making Edward's jacket all wet and I felt myself turn red as I stepped away and wiped my eyes.

"Sorry," I choked out pathetically.

Edward shrugged, his expression pained as he looked at me. He set the bottle of nasty liquid on the table.

"I'm just . . . so scared," I whispered. My headache had gotten worse from the crying and I collapsed onto the sofa, bending over and putting my head in my hands.

I felt Edward sit next to me.

"It's going to be okay," he said softly. "I promise."

I started crying into my hands, his words sounding so false. It wasn't going to be okay, not before milestones of torment.

Before I knew it, Edward was pulling me into his arms again. He leaned back into the couch and I cried into his chest as he held me.

I was so embarrassed to be acting like a blubbering fool in front of him. But at that point, I didn't care. I didn't care because I was in Edward's arms at last.

Never had I felt so safe.

"Shh," Edward said, rubbing my back. "Calm down."

My emotions were going up and down, and I didn't know if it was the stress, hormones, PMS, or the hangover. Probably a combination of all of them, so I wasn't surprised at myself when I reacted to Edward's words angrily.

"No, don't tell me to calm down!" I cried, pulling away. He eyed me warily. "You don't get it! He's going to hurt me! He's not going to let me break up with him; he's going to hurt me until I swear that I'll always be his. You don't know the monster that he is; he's never going to let me go."

"Bella, listen to me," Edward said, sitting up and looking me in the eyes. "He isn't going to hurt you again, I swear. I won't let him. We won't let him, and when I say 'we', I mean your brother and I. I swear, the next time we see him, he's going to regret everything he did to you."

"What is beating him up going to accomplish?" I said, my voice breaking. "He's only going to get mad at **me** for what you guys do."

"He isn't going to touch you. We'll kill him."

"Stop," I said, tears falling freely. "I don't know how serious the both of you are about killing him, but the last thing I want is to have you and Emmett locked up in jail. Then I'll be alone."

Edward stared at me, his eyes soft.

"I'm scared," I whispered again, looking in his eyes for any kind of comfort.

Edward took my face in his warm hands, and his green eyes were the most intense I had ever seen them.

"Listen to me," he said, wiping my tears with his thumbs. "You have nothing to be afraid of. It's over between you and him, okay? Even if he doesn't know it yet, he will. I'll tell him myself if you like. But he isn't going to hurt you _ever again_. We'll take care of it."

"But-"

"No buts. I never break my promises, and when I swear that he won't hurt you again, I mean it. I'll protect you, I'll always protect you. No matter what."

He didn't let go of my face and I saw in his eyes how sincere he truly was. He meant every single word.

But that didn't settle the fear in me. It was lessened, but it was still there.

"I don't want you to get hurt," I said.

Edward let go of me and snorted. "I'll be fine."

"You guys are all the same," I said bitterly, wiping my face. Edward reached over to the tissue box on the table by the couch and handed me a tissue. "You're all so controlled by testosterone that you become stupid."

Edward smirked. "And you think estrogen doesn't make girls stupid sometimes?"

He looked at me knowingly and I knew he meant my staying with Jacob.

"You win," I mumbled, and he laughed.

I sneezed into the tissue and Edward groaned.

"Congratulations," he said, frowning. "You now have the flu."

"Great," I said, just as Emmett came down the stairs.

He looked at my face and his brows furrowed.

"Have you been crying?" he asked.

I nodded as Edward gestured at his jacket.

"Yeah, and she snotified my jacket as well," he said.

"Snotified isn't a word," I said, blushing. "And if you want your leather jacket back, it's in my room."

Edward stood up. "I hope you didn't puke on it," he said with a smirk.

"Not intentionally," I remarked, and he looked slightly scared as he headed towards the stairs.

When he was gone, Emmett took a seat next to me and brushed some hair out of my eyes.

"You okay?" he asked, and I nodded.

"Yeah. I just . . . panicked."

"Panicked?"

"Mm hmm. About . . . _him_. I'm just a little scared."

"Bella, you don't have-"

"I know, I know," I cut him off. "I know I have nothing to be afraid of. Edward gave the same lecture."

Emmett smiled and then his eyes fell on the bottle of goo. "What the hell is that?"

"Some hangover drink Edward brought."

"Oh. What's it made of?"

"God knows what."

"Ugh."

Edward came back down, wearing his beloved leather jacket with his "snotified" one over his arm.

"You were joking about the puke," he said, glaring at me.

"Jeez, where's your sense of humor, Cullen?" I said.

Edward picked up the bottle of goo and held it out to me. "Drink this."

I cringed away from it, the headache becoming more pronounced. "I would never drink something that color."

Edward held out the bottle to Emmett. "Here. I suggest shoving this down her throat. I swear, it works like magic."

Emmett hesitantly took the bottle from him and twisted the cap open. He sniffed its contents and recoiled.

"Holy shit," he said. "That is _nauseating_."

"I know," Edward said. "But it's worth it, it really is."

Emmett held the open bottle towards me and I shrank into the couch.

"Open up, precious!" he said, sounding like an evil scientist.

"No!" I cried, standing up and trying to make a run for it.

Edward grabbed my wrist as I tried to get past him.

"C'mon!" he said, smiling. "Hold your nose and drink it; don't you want the headache to go away?"

"I'll survive," I said. "Let me go."

"No." Edward grinned.

Emmett stood up, an evil smirk on his face, just as Edward grabbed my other wrist and held my arms behind my back like I was being arrested.

"I hate you guys," I growled as Emmett brought the bottle to my lips. I kept my mouth shut tight as I turned my head away.

"Here comes the choo-choo train!" Emmett cried happily.

"I'm not a baby, Em," I said through clenched teeth. The stuff smelled horrendous.

"Yeah, she's a big girl," Edward said from behind me. "She prefers airplanes."

"Here comes the airplane," Emmett said, grinning.

"I'll drink it myself, dammit!" I finally said. I really did not want to be force fed.

Edward let go of my wrists and they fell limply to my sides; I wanted him to hold me again.

I snatched the bottle of revolting crap from Emmett and went into the kitchen. They followed.

"I really don't want an audience," I declared.

Emmett rolled his eyes at Edward and left, but Edward stayed.

"That goes for you, too," I snapped.

"Someone needs to make sure you don't spill that down the sink."

"Don't you trust me?"

His eyes flashed with something I couldn't recognize. "No."

"I promise I won't spill it."

"You'd better not. My Mum slaved over the stove for hours trying to whip that up."

"I thought it was just a bunch of random stuff thrown into the blender?"

"Hard work."

"I'm sure."

"Go on, drink it."

"I can't with you watching."

"Then turn around."

"You turn around."

"But then I won't know if you spill it or not."

I sighed exasperatedly and turned away from Edward as he chuckled.

I felt his eyes boring into my back as I slowly brought the bottle to my lips.

I took a sip, and immediately regretted it.

The liquid was thick and a little chunky, tasting like I had just drunk someone's vomit.

I immediately gagged and went to the sink, forcing myself to swallow. I needed the sink nearby just in case I hurled, which seemed very likely.

After I swallowed and set the bottle down on the counter, I flew to the fridge where I pulled out a bottle of water and washed down the disgusting poison.

Edward had been watching me with an amused expression.

"You know one sip isn't going to cure anything," he said, grinning crookedly.

"I don't care," I snapped after drinking half the bottle of water. The sour taste was still there so I reached for a Coke.

"Is that all you're going to drink? One sip?"

"Yes," I said, popping the Coke open. "No offense to Esme, but that was the worst bottle of crap I have ever drunk in my life. I'd rather live my life with a hangover than have to try that again."

"Mum wouldn't take offense. She knows how horrible it is. But it works; really, you just need a few more gulps."

"You'd have to kill me first."

"But then you'd die with a hangover."

"I wouldn't feel it in death."

"Maybe you will."

"I highly doubt that."

We stared at each other in silence as I sipped my Coke.

If anything, the headache had gotten worse.

"My head is killing me," I told him.

"Yes, well maybe if you had drunk some more. . . "

I glanced at the bottle of vile liquid once more as my head pounded away agonizingly.

"It really works?" I asked.

"Absolutely."

"You know this from experience?"

"It's been a while, but yes."

"Your dad drinks it all the time?"

"All the fucking time."

I sighed.

"Try holding your nose," Edward suggested.

I set the can of Coke down and took a hesitant step towards the bottle. I picked it up like it was something infected and Edward smiled at me encouragingly. As if to make a point, my head gave one painful throb that had me wincing.

I pinched my nose shut and took another sip of the thick liquid, glad that I couldn't taste it, but not pleased with the overall texture. I swallowed it and took another sip, keeping my eyes on Edward's encouraging smile.

"Is that enough?" I asked him, my voice high from the pinched nose.

Edward shook his head. "Just a few more."

I groaned and took three more sips, setting the bottle down and going back to the can of Coke with my nose still pinched.

Once my mouth was no longer sour, I released my nose from my fingers and looked at Edward warily.

"There's a whole bottle, what am I supposed to do with it?"

Edward shrugged. "Save it for your next hangover."

"Never again! I don't plan on ever repeating last night. My body can't handle it, apparently."

"Good choice," Edward nodded his approval. "Though I must say, Drunk Bella was . . . incredibly amusing."

I blanched. "Um . . . why?"

Edward shrugged again. "You were just funny. I learned a lot about you."

He smiled at me like he knew something I didn't.

"What did I tell you?" I asked suspiciously. "Other than, you know . . . about Jacob."

Edward's smile faltered but his eyes still twinkled with a hidden knowledge. "Oh, nothing much."

I was on edge. "Edward. Please. Tell me what I said."

He grinned devilishly. "Nope."

"Quit teasing me! I wanna know what the hell I told you."

"Are you sure?"

I hesitated. "Yes."

"Are you really, _really_ sure?"

"I hate you."

"Really? That's not what you told me last night."

"What the hell did I tell you?"

"All I'm going to say is, I didn't know you felt so strongly about me."

_". . .__What__?"_

"Oh, look at the time. I should get going. You broke my phone so my mum can't call me. She must be worried. Bye."

He turned to leave and I ran after him.

"What did I say?" I asked as we passed a curious Emmett on the living room couch.

"Bye, Bella," Edward laughed, and before I knew it he was out the door.

**

* * *

**

At three in the morning, I was startled awake by the sound of something falling and hitting the hardwood floor.

Disoriented, I glanced at the clock to see that it was three in the morning.

I looked around my room, but it was too dark to see anything but the outlines of furniture. Too sleepy to turn the lamp on and see what had fallen, I fell back onto the pillow tiredly.

And then a hand covered my mouth.

My eyes flew back open and I screamed into the hand as I saw the dark form above me.

His fingers dug into my jaw and I scratched at his arm, trying to pull it off, but I was too weak.

Jacob leaned down and hissed in my ear, "Shut the fuck up. I have a gun and I swear I'll blow your brains out if you don't relax. Your brother's gone, he can't hear you. You wanna be next?"

I screamed into his hand again, my eyes pooling with tears.

Emmett. . .

He couldn't have.

I tried to bite at Jacob's hand, but the way he was holding my mouth wouldn't make it possible.

All I could do was scream and cry helplessly.

"I said shut up!" Jacob hissed, and he let go of my mouth briefly so he could give me one hard blow to the head.

The darkness consumed me.


	20. Save You

**Disclaimer**: Twilight isn't mine.

_**

* * *

**_

**Chapter 20- Save You**

_Take a breath  
I pull myself together  
Just another step till I reach the door  
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you_

_I wish that I could tell you something  
To take it all away_

_Sometimes I wish I could save you  
And there're so many things that I want you to know  
I won't give up till it's over  
If it takes you forever I want you to know_

_That if you fall, stumble down  
I'll pick you up off the ground  
If you lose faith in you  
I'll give you strength to pull through_

_Tell me you won't give up cause I'll be waiting if you fall  
Oh you know I'll be there for you_

**Save You- Simple Plan**

_**

* * *

**_

**Edward POV**

I wanted to die.

I lay in bed, feeling like someone was shoving a red hot branding iron down my throat. My head was throbbing like mad and every time I coughed it was like someone was punching me in the chest.

So braving the cold December winds to bring Bella a hangover remedy had been a pretty fucking bad idea. But I didn't care, really. I heard she still had a hangover so I made my Mum make that shitty homemade drink that my father drank just as much as he drank alcohol. I pretty much snuck out and brought it to her, finding her a complete mess and absolutely terrified about that boyfriend of hers.

All I could do was hold her as she cried, desperately wishing I could do more.

Now it was Monday, seven in the morning, and my ass was staying home from school. I wanted to go, just to see Bella, but Mum started bitching at me so I just stayed in bed and let myself feel like shit. I took as much medicine as possible, trying not to overdose and turn into a vegetable.

After an early breakfast, since the illness kept me sleep deprived, I drank some tea to help soothe my throat and retired to my room by eight to do something in my sketch book.

I knew what I wanted to draw the second my eyes fell on the chestnut brown coloured pencil.

I had wanted to draw Bella ever since I first saw her; there was an itch in my fingers that could only be relieved by the movement of pencil across paper. I had postponed drawing her as much as possible, but I just couldn't do it anymore.

The headache was fading thanks to ibuprofen, so I was able to draw a general outline of Bella's heart-shaped face and a few strands of her thick, wavy locks.

I hadn't gotten far when my new phone, some complicated iPhone shit that Rose got me, started buzzing like mad. I had kept my old phone number, just to make it more convenient for myself and people who already had my number.

I saw it was Emmett calling and wondered what was up, my mind falling to Bella and if she was okay.

"How goes it?" I answered.

_"Is Bella with you?__"_ Emmett asked, panicked.

My chest tightened, and it wasn't from the flu. "No, why would I have her at eight in the morning?"

_"She ran away."_

**"**What?"

_"She left a note, saying that she was sick of not able to do what she wanted, and that she was leaving to find her own way, whatever the fuck that means."_

By the time he finished his sentence, I had already thrown on a pair of jeans and a plain back t-shirt. My heart was about to thud out of my chest and my stomach was in knots.

"That doesn't sound like her, mate," I said, my mind whirring for some kind of explanation.

_"I know,"_Emmett said. **"**_I just don't know why she would run away, I mean the note . . . and she left her phone . . . shit, I'm fucking losing it right now. Do you think she's with Jacob?"_

"No, there's no fucking way," I said as I pulled my jacket on. "She's fucking terrified of staying with him, why would she just go off and see that wanker?"

_"That's what I'm thinking..."_

"Did you talk to Rose?"

_"She isn't with her either, and Rose is just as confused as me."_

"You might wanna talk to the fuzz."

_"Who?"_

"The police."

_"Oh right, right."_

"Hang on, I'm coming over. I want to see that note."

I hung up and hurried down to the kitchen, where Mum was wiping counters, beginning her daily obsessive morning clean-up.

She saw me and her jaw dropped.

"Edward!" she cried. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'll be back in a minute," I said curtly, heading for the garage.

She grabbed my arm. "You must be mad going out as ill as you are! Are you trying to end up in hospital, then?"

"Mum, its Bella," I said, urging her with my eyes to understand.

Mum eyed my face, a vision of pure concern. "What's happened?"

"I don't know, but she's run away and I need to find her."

I tried to get away, but her grip tightened. "Let Emmett and the police handle it, you're too sick."

"I'm fine-"

"No, you're not-"

"Mum, just let me go, will you?" I cried. "Stop fucking babying me, I'm not a child. Bella could be in danger, and I won't let my whinging mother be the one who stops me from saving her, because I fucking love her, all right?"

Shock crossed Esme's face as her grip loosened and her arm fell limp. I knew I had hurt her feelings, and I would try to mend them later, but now just wasn't the time.

"Sorry," I muttered, and that was the last thing I said before I left the house.

**

* * *

**

I reached Bella's house in record time, and the door was already open when I got there.

I parked my bike carelessly and jogged up the front path, going into the house to see Emmett in his pajamas, pacing up and down with his phone to his ear.

"Let me see it," I demanded, holding my hand out.

"No, she was here last night," Emmett said into the phone as he fished his pocket for the note. "This morning there was a note on her pillow, but. . . "

I tuned him out as I read the note, a folded piece of notebook paper that was all wrinkly and folded several different ways, like Emmett had read it a thousand times.

The note read, _"Emmett, I'm running away. I'm just so sick and tired of not being able to do what I want. I'm not a kid, and if you need to learn the hard way, then so be it. Maybe I'll see you again one day. I want to start over, somewhere else. Please don't look for me. Love, Bella."_

I stared at the note in confusion. The handwriting was hurried and it looked like she had been pressing down on it very hard with the pen. I could feel the lettering on the back of the paper with how hard she had scratched the words.

But there was something very, very wrong about the note.

"This isn't her handwriting," I muttered.

Emmett had hung up the phone and was dialing another number when he looked up at me in confusion. "What?"

"This isn't her handwriting," I told him. "I've seen her handwriting loads of times, and this just isn't it. It's too . . . it's just not Bella."

Emmett took the note from me. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, you knobber, that is _not_ her fucking handwriting."

I was beginning to panic, wondering what the hell was going on. Bella hadn't written the note, so that meant someone had to write it for her.

"Maybe she was too nervous to write it herself," Emmett said. "Maybe she had someone else do it for her."

"But who would she run away with? Alice?"

"I talked to Alice; she has no idea."

I came to a haunting realization. "What if . . . what if she was taken?"

Emmett paled. ". . . Do you think . . . Jacob?"

"Who else?"

"Fuck," Emmett hissed. "I should have changed the locks."

"Then why didn't you?" I asked harshly, finding him an easy target for my anger.

"There wasn't enough time, you only told me about it like two days ago."

"Two days is enough fucking time to get the locks changed. And where the fuck were you when he took her?"

"I don't know, sleeping? I checked on her right before going to bed, she was fine. Fuck! It's all my fault."

"It is," I said, glaring at him. "But there's no time to blame yourself now, you can wallow in self-pity later. Get the cops here; I'm going to go check out her room."

I ran up the stairs and jogged down the corridor to Bella's bedroom, seeing that everything was neat and orderly. There were no signs of a struggle; only the bed was unmade.

I glanced around and saw that everything was pretty much in its place. I opened the closet, expecting it to be emptied of some clothes, but it was as full as any other girl's closet.

I pulled open her drawers, seeing that they were pretty full as well. When I opened the drawer that had her knickers and bras, I was momentarily mesmerized.

_Pervert__. __What's more important, Bella or her knickers?_

I shoved the drawer closed and looked around the room; it didn't even look like she'd packed anything. Her book bag lay untouched by her bed.

She had definitely been kidnapped.

Rose eventually came over, along with the police, and we told them everything we knew about Bella and Jacob. They searched her room and observed the note, but they seemed so fucking _useless_ to me.

"Why is it taking them so long to search her fucking room?" I hissed to Rose while some of them were upstairs. "They're not going to find anything I didn't already see."

"I think this is the biggest thing that's happened in Forks for a long time," Rosalie replied.

"So what? That doesn't mean they can take their time investigating nothing when she could be out there. . . "

I broke off, a lump in my throat.

"She'll be fine," Rosalie assured me.

I didn't answer her and decided to leave the house for some fresh air.

I paced up and down the front of the house, not caring that I was stepping on the nicely mowed lawn.

My mind was whirring, trying to figure out where Jacob had gone with her. If he had taken her to his house, that would be a problem, since I didn't know where the fuck he lived. The psychotic bastard could live out in the woods for all I knew.

Besides, I doubted he would take her to his house. Someone in town would see. Unless it happened to be really late at night or extremely early in the morning. But didn't he have parents? He certainly didn't live alone.

I knew absolutely nothing about this guy. That was a complete fail on my part; perhaps I should have done more research about the boyfriend of the girl that I had, reluctantly but surely, fallen in love with.

I started to think about who would know more about Jacob than me. It had to be someone who would know the details on every person, someone a bit on the gossipy side.

Alice.

I whipped out the silly little iPhone and started stabbing the screen frantically, trying to get my contacts open. I came across Alice's number and jabbed the screen with my finger. I must have been pressing too hard since it wouldn't go, so I had to tap it gently.

"Stupid shit," I muttered, holding the phone to my ear. I wasn't a fan of touch screens.

Alice picked up after the first ring. _"Edward?"_

"Yeah."

_"I was just going to call you. I've been calling Emmett, but the line's been busy. Any news on Bella?"_

"No, nothing yet."

_"I've been calling everyone at school; no one knows where she is."_Alice sounded completely frazzled. _"And I keep getting this feeling. . . "_

I was immediately on high alert. "Feeling? What feeling?"

_"I could be wrong. . . "_

"Alice, have you _ever_ been wrong?"

_"Well, no, but-"_

"But nothing! What do you have a feeling about; do you think you know where she is?"

_"I don't know where, but I just have this intense gut feeling that she's with Jacob. That's why I was trying to get a hold of Emmett."_

I had stopped breathing for a moment. "Are you sure she's with Jacob?"

_"I'm never sure, Edward, but I just. . . God, I just know he has something to do with this."_

"No feelings about where he could be?"

_"Not really."_

I sighed, frustratedly grabbing at my hair. "Well, thanks for letting me know. It's not much of a help, seeing as we already reckoned he had something to do with it, but-"

_"His friends__,"_ she suddenly whispered.

"What?"

_"Ugh, my head is killing me. I just feel like . . . his friends, I think they know. Some of them . . . or one of them? I don't know, just. . . Ugh, I need some Tylenol."_

"Alice, you think Jacob's friends know where he is?"

_"Maybe, I don't know.__Argh__, my head. Look, I gotta go."_

"Okay."

_"Edward?"_

"Yeah?"

_"His friends.__"_ She said it with a type of urgency that I had never heard in her voice before.

"Got it."

Alice hung up and I ended the call, attacking my hair some more and trying to think things through.

I had learned to trust Alice and her freaky little "feelings" to a certain degree, and I knew I could trust her with this. She had yet to be wrong about something, and it wouldn't hurt to just go with her on this one.

I went back inside where Rosalie was using the house phone to make calls, and Emmett was talking to someone who I was told was the Chief of Police. I wasn't focused on their conversation, more worried about somehow getting a hold of one of Jacob's friends and getting them to tell me where the Asshat was.

Every second that passed was a new kind of torture for me. I had no idea where the fuck she was, what he had done to her, what he was planning on doing to her, what she was going through. . . whether or not she was even fucking alive.

I racked my brain, Alice's urgent words playing in my head over and over.

_His friends. . ._

I looked at the time, seeing that it was a little past noon. They wouldn't be out of school for another two hours or so. Anything could have happened in the two hours that I would have to wait to corner them. Shit, something could have already happened.

I started pacing in the middle of the living room, trying to come up with some kind of plan. My main focus became the Asshat's friends as I tried to think of a way to get them cornered. One of them, at least. But would they tell me anything?

Every plan I came up with involved some kind of violence where I beat the shit out of one of his friends, thus forcing them to surrender and tell me everything I wanted to know.

Though the thought was tempting and very, very possible, I tried to think of other alternatives.

I'd have to scare the shit out of them somehow, so that they would quickly give me information without me trying too hard.

Then, it hit me.

The perfect way.

It could go very wrong.

Or it could work like magic.

The only thing was, the plan required the old Edward to come out for a bit.

The slightly mad, borderline psychotic, thuggish, a-little-too-rough Edward Cullen would have to make an appearance.

**

* * *

**

I hadn't entered my parents' bedroom since Bella's birthday, when I had asked Mum for a gift bag. Walking into the eerily clean room gave me goosebumps. Everything was so spotless and perfect, like you would be able to tell if anyone touched the slightest thing. It was so fucking cold, and I don't mean temperature wise.

That made what I was about to do even more difficult.

I didn't know where my father kept it, but I knew he wouldn't exactly keep it hidden or locked up anywhere.

I stared around the room, eying the drawers and wondering if he would keep it in a place as obvious as that. Mum knew I came home, but she hadn't spoken to me since I blew up on her. I wasn't worried about that at the moment, I just had to get what I needed and get the fuck out of there.

I checked every single drawer at the long dressing table, but found nothing but clothes and random bottles of vodka shoved here and there.

When I didn't find what I needed in those drawers, I turned to the armoire.

I opened the little doors and didn't find my needed object, so I moved down to the little drawers.

And there it was, in the last drawer at the bottom.

The gun.

**

* * *

**

I would have taken my bike to Forks High, but I decided on a car. If I was going to be getting Bella, it would be safest if I had a vehicle rather than a motorbike.

When I came to America, I had found a silver Volvo that I was particularly fond of. I had only ridden in it once, but it just didn't have the same appeal as the bike did.

And besides, I'd need somewhere to hide the gun afterward.

I sat in my Volvo in the parking lot of the high school, waiting for the final bell to ring. I couldn't figure out how I would get one of Jacob's friends cornered outside of a crowded school.

I looked at the time on the dashboard and saw that it was almost 1pm. I still had a little over an hour.

I was growing impatient, knowing at the back of my head that he could have hurt her by now.

He could have taken from her the one thing she was afraid of losing.

My grip on the handle of the gun tightened as I thought about that; if Jacob raped her, he'd be dead. Quite literally.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself before I did something stupid.

The gun wasn't loaded. I knew my temper so I had taken the bullets out; they would just be useful in scaring the shit out of Jacob's friends enough so that they'd cave and tell me shit.

But if I found out that the Asshat had stolen her virginity from her, I'd have no problem putting those bullets back in. I had them, just in case.

My eyes flew to the time every second. I couldn't just sit on my ass and wait until school was over. There just wasn't enough time. Five hours had passed since I first found out she was missing. The worst things happen in mere minutes; I hated to think what would have been the result of hours of unsuccessful searching.

Impatient, I climbed out of the car, the gun in the inside pocket of my jacket. I stared at the school building, contemplating whether or not to just go in. The school didn't really have tight security. This was Forks and like Rose said, Bella going missing was the biggest thing to happen in years.

A small movement caught my eye and I glanced up to see a janitor come out a back door and throw a large bag of rubbish into a bin. My mind started whirring again and then a second later I was silently creeping up to where he was.

It wasn't long before he went back into the school, and I waited a few seconds before I tried to see if the door was unlocked.

Of course it was.

I pulled it open just slightly and peeked in; it was one of those smaller corridors that were a dead end; it only really had a janitor's closet.

It was empty and I crept in, shaking my head.

I just entered the school with a gun, for Christ's sake. It wasn't loaded, but still. I could've been some psychotic freak keen on taking innocent lives.

I kept myself pressed against the wall as I crept deeper into the corridor, closer to the main corridor which was brightly lit. There were classes going on right now, so there wouldn't be anyone there.

I froze when I heard voices.

"Ready?" someone, a male, was saying.

"Fuck yeah," another bloke said. "Old lady Schneider thinks I'm going to the bathroom. She won't be getting this pass back."

The voices were coming closer, so I was forced to hide in the fucking janitor's closet.

I quickly entered it in time to peek out and see the two guys enter the very same corridor; they were exactly where I had been a moment ago. They were going to exit from the door I just came in from, and from the dim light coming from the main corridor I could see that they were Jacob's friends.

Perfect.

"Wait," one of them whispered. "Let's wait for Paul."

"Paul's not coming."

"What? Why?"

"He's got a test."

"So what? He was the one who planned us ditching."

"I know, but we'll just have to wait for Quil and then go to Seattle ourselves."

So they were ditching. Very interesting. I wondered if they knew where Jacob was.

As if to answer my question, one of them said, "Man, I wish Jake was here."

My muscles tensed.

"I know," the other replied. "But he's taking care of business."

"I hope he goes easy on that bitch. Bella Swan was always pretty nice."

"Nice or not, you know how Jake is. Payback is payback. After that stunt she pulled with Cullen at my cousin's party, he was pretty pissed. He couldn't keep his bitch in line before, so he's gonna try and do it now."

"Still. I feel a little bad for that chick."

The other bloke, who I now assumed was Jared, shrugged. "Don't. She's had it coming for a long time."

"I'm surprised he hasn't fucked her yet."

"He said he'd do it today. Said something like, 'I've waited too long to prove to that bitch that she's mine' or something like that."

"He's got that right," the other bloke snickered.

My heart was pounding, my hand so tight on the doorknob of the closet that I thought it would break off. The anger in me swelled and I had to clench my eyes shut and take deep breaths through my nose.

I wished my gun was loaded.

The way they were talking about her disgusted me. I wanted to bash their faces in so badly; it took everything in me not to just go out there and do it. To hear them talking about Bella like she was a dog made me want to hurt someone. They had absolutely no right to talk shit like that.

"Shh, someone's coming," Jared hissed.

I strained my ears and heard footsteps.

"It's a dean," the other one hissed. "Quick, go out through there."

"We have to wait for Quil."

"Screw Quil! C'mon."

The guys exited out the same door I came in from, just as one of the deans passed by, glancing down the corridor briefly before continuing his little "walk of surveillance".

He was shit at his job, clearly.

The second the dean was out of sight, I flew out of the closet and threw myself at the exit.

I exited the building in time to see Jared and the other bloke just a few feet away, walking towards the parking lot.

It wouldn't be easy two against one, but it could be easier with the gun.

I clutched the handle inside my jacket a second before Jared stopped the other guy.

"One sec," I heard him say, glancing at the phone in his hand. "Sarah's calling."

The other boy groaned.

"You go ahead, Embry," Jared said. "I'll just be a second."

"Fucking whipped," the other boy mumbled before jogging off towards a car.

That left Jared completely alone.

I mean, was this fucking fate or what?

"Hey baby, how's it going?" Jared said into the phone. He leaned his shoulder against the wall, his back to me.

I took a few quiet steps in his direction, my hand tightly clutching the unloaded gun. I tried not to make any sound, keeping my steps on the concrete as quiet as possible.

When I was close enough, I took the gun out and pressed it to the back of his head.

"Don't move," I said.

Jared stiffened and stopped talking into the phone. He whirled around and his eyes widened at the gun that was now pointed at his face.

"Hang up the phone, wanker," I ordered, not lowering the gun. "Now."

Jared looked absolutely terrified as he flipped the phone shut.

"Get back there," I said, pointing towards the rubbish bin. "Quick."

Jared looked at me like I was a fucking monster, and that's what I felt like. But I had to do this.

"C-Cullen, what are you doing?" he asked, his voice breaking with fear.

I huffed. "Just do what I say and get behind the fucking bin, _now_. Or else your mummy won't be able to recognize your corpse."

Jared complied, and I kept the gun pointed at him as I quickly glanced over my shoulder to see Embry get in a car.

Once Jared was behind the bin, I shoved him so that his back was pressed against the wall.

"What do you want?" he asked, shaking as I put the gun to his head. "I didn't do anything, why-"

"Where's Bella?" I growled.

Confusion crossed his face, and then realization.

He swallowed. "Who?"

"Don't fucking play games with me," I hissed, pressing the gun harder into his temple. "I swear, if you don't tell me where the fuck she is, I'll blow your fucking brains out."

Jared still looked terrified as he shook his head. "Don't, please. I-I don't know where she is."

He was lying, I could tell he was. No one could fucking lie to me; everyone was an open book.

I pressed the gun even harder and he winced. "Do you want to die? Is that it?"

Jared shook his head. "Look, I can't tell you, okay? I don't know, just please, let me go, I didn't do anything to you!"

"Where's Jacob? You know where he is, I know you do."

Jared looked torn and kept glancing to the side to see where the other guy was.

"Hurry the fuck up!" I hissed, pressing the gun as hard as I could.

"Ow! Shit, okay. Look, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but he took her to my cousin's house. The one where the party was at? My cousin got arrested for giving booze to underage kids, and his parents aren't home yet so the house is empty. Now please, let me go."

I glared at him, but didn't lower the gun. I briefly glanced to my left to see that the other bloke was now looking in this direction, wondering where Jared was.

"What's he going to do to her?" I asked Jared.

"I don't know," he replied desperately. "I swear I don't. . ."

I could tell he was being honest, so I released a little bit of pressure from the gun.

"If you tell anyone about this, I'll come back," I hissed in his face. "Got it?" I pressed the gun harder to make my point.

"Got it," Jared said, his voice trembling.

I pulled the gun off of him and jogged back towards my Volvo, all while the other guy looked on in complete confusion.

"What the fuck?" I heard him say, his eyes widening as he saw my gun.

I got into the car and sped away right as the other guy, Embry I think his name was, ran in Jared's direction, probably thinking I shot him. Idiot probably thought I did, even though he hadn't heard gunshots.

I sped through Forks, my phone pressed to my ear.

_"Hello?__"_Emmett answered after the third ring. _"Edward? That you? Where the hell are you?"_

"I know where she is," I said, almost hitting a pedestrian as I zoomed through a light a second after it turned red.

_"WHAT?__" _

"I got one of Jacob's friends to tell me, she's at that house in Port Angeles, the same place the party was at. That's where he took her."

_"Shit. What's the address?"_

"I don't know, I just know the location."

_"That's no fucking help, Edward!"_

"Look, at least I know where the fuck she is!"

_"And what the hell are you going to do once you get there?"_

"Fuck Jacob up and bring Bella home."

_"Edward, I need to know the fucking address."_

"I'll tell you when I get there."

_"Edward!"_

"What the fuck do you want me to do; I don't know the fucking address, all right? Christ, at least I know where she's at!"

_"You expect me to sit here and wait for your call to tell me the fucking address?"_

"Yes! There's nothing else you can do!"

_"Fuck. Okay, fine, I'll tell the cops it's in Port__Angeles__and I'll come with them. You better fucking call soon."_

"Halfway there, mate."

I hung up, increasing my speed as I left Forks.

My adrenaline was pumping and I hoped, prayed that I would get there in time.

I would do whatever I could to save her. I didn't know if she was even alive, but I knew what Jacob was capable of, and murder was one of those things.

I wouldn't give up until it was over, until she was safe in my arms and Jacob was out of the picture. He wouldn't get away with what he'd been doing to her, that was for sure.

I'd always be there for her. I couldn't promise to fix all her problems, but I wouldn't let her face them alone. She was mine to take care of, mine to love, mine to hold, mine to cherish, and mine to save.

She needed to know all this; why the fuck hasn't I told her before?

My hands tightened on the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white as I thought everything over.

A few months ago I was keen on hating Bella. I wanted nothing to do with her, all because I knew that loving her would give me nothing but pain.

I was right. I loved her and now I was being internally tortured, my insides tearing up at the thought of her hurt in any way.

I arrived in Port Angeles and made all the turns necessary, remembering where I had gone to save her from the party.

I felt like I was always saving her, in one way or another. Saving her from bad grades, from having a boring birthday, from getting plastered and passing out in the middle of nowhere. . .

It was all getting a bit tiring, really.

But I'd do it, as long as I had to.

I'd always be there to save her, from anything.

I pulled up in front of the house, my tires squealing and coming to a sudden halt.

I glanced around the outside of the house, seeing Jacob's red car parked in the driveway.

He was here. And so was she.

I pulled my phone out, adrenaline pumping through my veins. I didn't feel ill anymore, I just felt a rush.

_"Where is she?"_ Emmett answered.

"310," I said, glancing at the number on the door. I looked down the street. "Haymacker Street."

_"Got it,"_ Emmett answered.

I was about to hang up when Emmett said, _"Hey Edward?"_

"What?" I replied, impatient. "You sister is in there, in God knows what condition."

_"I know. But I just wanted to say. . . "_

**"**Get on with it."

_"__Fuck him up real good, okay? And keep him conscious because once I get there, I wanna get my fair share in, too."_

I laughed bitterly. "I'll try my best, but no guarantees."

Emmett chuckled and I hung up.

I glanced at the gun on the passenger seat and thought about whether or not to bring it inside with me.

I didn't want to be charged with murder or anything, seeing as this was where all of it was pretty much headed.

I knew myself, and I knew what I was capable of.

Like Jacob, I was capable of murder.

Because I'd done it before.

I decided to leave the gun, counting on my fists to do the job; I threw the weapon into the glove compartment.

I climbed out of the car and ran up to the front of the house, trepidation mixing with the adrenaline. The front of the house was trashed; it obviously hadn't been cleaned since the party.

I wasted no time in throwing the door open.

The inside of the house was messier than the outside, but there was no sign of Jacob or Bella.

I decided not to call out to them, deciding that a sneak attack would be best.

I tried not to step on anything that would make a noise as I crept through the first floor of the house.

I reached the back of the house where the rooms for sex were.

One of the doors was slightly ajar.

My heart was thudding as I crept towards the door, my muscles tense as I placed my hand on the doorknob.

Pushing the door open, I saw the one thing I hoped and prayed I wouldn't have to see.

I felt an agonizing jolt go through me as I saw her.

She lay on the double mattress in the corner, bruised and battered, her eyes barely open.

I was frozen in horror, my body going ice cold.

I felt myself shaking as I took in her tattered clothes. Her sweats were torn and her shirt was stained with blood. Her face was covered in bruises and cuts, along with her arms. There was dried blood under her nose and her lips were swollen. Her hair was a mess and her body lay limp.

But she was breathing. Her breathing was shallow, but it was there; I could tell by the difficult rise and fall of her chest.

Then, suddenly, her head turned in my direction.

_Move__! __Go to her!_

I couldn't. I was horrified, terrified, my heart thudding and aching, my eyes tearing for the first time in years.

Bella let out a jagged breath as her eyes met mine.

"Edward," she gasped out.

With one last breath, her eyes lost light.

And then, ever so slowly, they closed.


	21. Let Go

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is not mine.

* * *

**Chapter 21- Let Go**

_Hey you, look what you do to me  
You bend and you bruise me  
Why you try to control me?  
But you don't own me_

_How come you just want to hurt me?  
How come you just want to push me?_

_I can't ignore you anymore_

_I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away  
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take_

_You kept pushing me  
You keep using me  
You keep twisting me  
You keep breaking me_

_You can't have me anymore_

_You can't have me, let go!_

**Let Go- Red**

* * *

** This chapter is nothing but violence. I promise it'll be the only one of this nature in the whole story, but it is a VERY important chapter. **

**Cringe-worthy material ahead.**

**There is NO RAPE. Nobody worry about that, just in case that's a touchy subject with anyone.**

* * *

**Bella POV**

I woke up in the back of Jacob's car, my head throbbing from where he had hit me. My wrists and ankles ached, so I looked down to see that they were bound together tightly with rope.

I lay still for a second, trying to figure out what was happening. The car was going along a bumpy road, and I was being jostled up and down, my head hurting even more with every movement.

It was dark in the car and I could tell that Jake was driving fast, his posture relaxed as he leaned his head back against the headrest. He looked perfectly content, like he was driving to the beach on a lovely day, not like he was kidnapping someone in the early hours of the morning.

From the back seat I could tell how the corner of his mouth was pulled up in a small smile, like he was extremely pleased with himself.

And that pissed me off.

The car hit a particularly large bump, and I groaned loudly as my head was jolted up and then thrown back down.

Jacob glanced back briefly before turning to the road again.

"Finally," he said. "I thought you had a concussion. That would've been no fun."

_Yeah_, I thought. _Well maybe you shouldn't have hit me on the head, asshole._

I'd be damned if I said anything, though. As much as I hated Jacob Black, I was scared shitless of him.

I stayed silent as I pressed my head into the seat, trying to repress any movement that would cause it pain.

"Where are you taking me?" I finally whispered.

"Someplace familiar," he replied curtly.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked, my voice breaking.

I remembered him saying something about Emmett being "gone", and my eyes immediately started tearing up. Emmett couldn't be gone, there was no way. Wouldn't I have heard if Jacob shot him? I couldn't live without my brother, I just couldn't. I knew I had been horrible to him over the last few months, but he was all I had left.

Jacob chuckled darkly. "You don't have to worry about him."

"What did you do to him?" I somehow managed to growl.

Jacob didn't reply, but instead increased his speed even more.

Suddenly he came to a screeching halt, causing me to roll on my stomach and fall off the seat, into the tight area in between the front passenger seat and the back.

My forehead hit the floor of the car and I let out a cry of pain.

Jacob reached back and pulled me up by the back of my shirt, bringing his mouth close to my ear as my torso dangled in the air and the neckline of my t-shirt almost choked me.

"Do me a favor, and stop asking questions," Jacob hissed, his hot breath giving me goosebumps. "If you don't shut up in the next two seconds, I'll throw you into oncoming traffic."

He let me go abruptly and I gasped for breath as I hit the floor again.

Jacob took off and I lifted myself up and pulled myself onto the seat again, sobbing. I had to use my elbows since my hands were tied together, and it was difficult to sling my tied ankles up and over.

I was scared out of my mind, desperately wishing I had my phone. I needed someone, anyone to help me.

I stared at the door of the car, wondering what my chances were of escaping. He was driving too fast for me to get out safely, and he had just turned onto a busy highway.

I had learned somewhere that if you were in the trunk of a car you could kick the tail light out and stick your hand out through the hole to get someone's attention. But I wasn't in the trunk; I was in the back seat, with my hands tied together.

I was screwed.

All I could do was cry, absolutely wishing to die.

"Quit your blubbering," Jacob growled. "Nobody can hear you crying, baby. No one except me, and I don't give a shit."

I tried to swallow back my sobs, racking my brain for ways to get him to take me home.

"Please," I said, deciding to beg. "Please Jake, just take me home."

He chuckled. "Yeah, right."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Why?" he asked incredulously. "Maybe because you fucking cheated on me a thousand times. Maybe because you never want to spend time with me. Maybe because after I told you to stay the fuck away from Cullen, you didn't want to fucking listen."

Edward.

I suddenly wanted nothing more than to be in his arms. Upon thinking about him, a fresh wave of tears began and I just couldn't control myself.

While driving, Jacob leaned back to punch me in the face.

I cried out in pain as I felt the veins around my right eye break; he was yelling something I couldn't comprehend.

My sobs subsided and I took deep breaths through my mouth, trying to keep my mind clear. I had to think through this. There had to be some way I could get him to relax and stop doing what he was doing and get me home safely.

"Are you going to kill me?" I whispered.

I had been practically inaudible, but I knew he heard me because he laughed.

"Oh baby, I don't want to," he said. "But if you don't behave and do as I say, that's exactly what it's going to come down to."

I stayed silent, wanting to disappear. The area around my right eye was throbbing and swollen, and I knew there was a bruise there. If he was hitting me places other people could see, then he didn't plan on taking me back home, or anywhere out in public for that matter.

A few minutes later he pulled up somewhere and I tensed up, waiting to see what he would do next.

He climbed out of the car and came around to open the door by my head, putting his arms under my shoulders and proceeding to drag me out of the car. My bare, bound ankles hit the cemented driveway with a thud and I winced at the pain.

The cold December wind bit against my skin as I looked up and saw that the house was the same one where the crazy sex party had been. The sky was showing the first hints of dawn; it would have to be almost seven in the morning. It took him four hours to get me here?

"Look familiar?" Jacob asked, an amused smile on his face.

I didn't answer. I glanced around and saw no one in the neighborhood. Would anyone hear if I called for help?

Jacob seemed to read my mind because he roughly said, "I swear, if you scream or something I'll kill you. I still have my gun and I don't give a shit if I get arrested, but you'll never see anyone ever again."

That was enough to dissuade me.

He dragged me down the driveway, the heels of my feet scratching painfully against the cement. I winced but didn't cry out, determined to show him that he wasn't going to be able to break me down anymore.

Somehow, I would find a way to escape.

I would fight.

Jacob dragged me all the way around to the back of the house, not bothering to carry me to make it easier on himself.

He was trying to make it as painful as possible for me, and so far he was pretty damn successful in that area.

Jacob pulled me up the stairs of the back porch; my bound feet slammed on the edges of every single one of the steps that he dragged me across.

Finally the heels of my bleeding feet met the cool, smooth surface of kitchen tiles. Jacob kept pulling me, and the carpet in the hallways managed to burn the cuts on my heels even more. I clenched my teeth and took deep breaths through my nose, determined to show some strength.

Jacob took me into one of the rooms that had been used for sex, and I immediately started to squirm.

He threw me on the floor, hard, and crouched down to hold me in position.

I stared up at him, terrified, as he fixed me with a cold glare.

"Don't try anything funny," he warned as he untied my wrists. Without looking away from my eyes, he reached down and untied my ankles.

The second I was free, I stretched on the cold ground, grateful for the feeling of circulation in my wrists and ankles beginning again.

I looked at Jacob and saw that he was staring at me contemplatingly, his head cocked to one side.

My heart was pounding, wondering what he was going to do next. I wondered if I should try and hit him; after all, I was free now.

One glance at the huge muscles protruding from his tight t-shirt dissuaded me.

Still, I would try. If I couldn't persuade him to let me go, I'd fight until he was forced to.

I watched Jacob's hungry, predatory eyes travel from my face down to my boobs, and then lower.

My heart rate sped up; I knew that look.

"I'll be right back," he said, his eyes snapping back to my face. "I'm gonna go get breakfast. I'll still be in the house, so I swear if I come back and you're not lying right here you're gonna be sorry."

With one last warning glance at me he stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him. The doorknob moved a little and clicked.

He was locking me in.

I heard his footsteps retreat and then suddenly it was silent. I lay staring up at the ceiling, feeling lost. How was I supposed to get away?

I glanced around me at the windowless room, empty save for the double mattress in the corner and a lamp in the other corner across the room. It looked like a room in a brand new house, unpainted and unfurnished.

I looked up at the source of dim light, seeing that it was a skylight right above the mattress. The blue sky was getting lighter and in that moment I wanted nothing more than to be in the comfort of my blankets.

I stared at the skylight and saw that there was a latch that held it closed. The ceiling was a little low, so if I stood on the mattress I might be able to unlatch it and possibly stick my hand out, maybe even my head.

Maybe, if I was insanely lucky, someone would see me and call for help. Maybe I would even be able to go back and lay on the floor before Jacob got back.

A minute later I decided that it was worth a shot.

Heart hammering, I got to my feet and quickly tiptoed over to the mattress. I was a little unsteady on my feet, but managed not to fall.

I climbed on the double mattress, seeing that if I stood on my toes, my fingers would be able to unlatch the skylight. However, I wouldn't be able to stick my hand out.

"What the fuck are you trying to pull?" Jacob's loud, angry voice made me jump.

I whirled around and saw him standing at the open door, two bowls of cereal in his hands. He looked absolutely furious.

How did he get in so fast? Did he just try and make me think I was locked in, so I wouldn't try and get out?

Suddenly he hurled a bowl across the room.

I dodged out of the way and the bowl crashed against the wall next to me, breaking into pieces as cereal and milk flew everywhere.

Jake set the other bowl down and made his way slowly over to me.

"Here I was, getting us some food, and you try to get away," he said, his eyes dangerous. "That's not very nice, is it?"

I was frozen, pressing myself against the wall.

"Jacob, please-"

He cut me off with a sharp slap to the face, grabbing me by my hair and throwing me off the mattress and onto the floor. My head hit the floor hard and I groaned, rolling onto my back. Jacob came over to me and grabbed my hair again, dragging me to the other end of the room, by the lamp.

"You think I was kidding when I told you not to try and pull anything?" he hissed in my face. He punched me in the face again and I cried out, despite my earlier promise to stay strong.

"Please," I found myself begging. "Jacob, please don't do this."

"This is payback, bitch," he said. "You think I lied when I said you were **mine**? Huh?" He punched me again and I whimpered into the cold ground and held back a cry as I felt an excruciating pain in my nose.

"Newsflash, baby," he whispered in my ear. "I wasn't."

He stood up then and I refused to look at him, trying to ignore the pain in my face as I focused on the white wall next to my head.

"Look at me," he demanded.

I refused.

"Bella," he warned.

I ignored him.

He kicked my back but I kept my lips shut tight as I winced.

Jacob lifted me by the hair again and slammed my head into the wall.

My suppressed cry of pain turned into a whimper as black spots appeared in front of my eyes and something warm trickled down my eyebrow and from my nose.

Then, for the second time in one day, darkness.

* * *

I didn't know how long I had been out cold before I woke up. The sun was high in the sky, so I assumed it was noon or a little before. My head was still pounding as I sat up.

The house was silent.

I glanced around cautiously for Jacob, but saw nothing but the empty room, the milk and cereal still splattered on the floor.

Slowly, I got to my feet.

My whole head, including my face, was hurting and my back was stiff. My head swam and I had to brace myself against the wall before I passed out again.

Once I was sure that I wasn't going to collapse, I looked towards the door. It was open and I took cautious steps toward it.

Once I was out of the room, I glanced down the hallway. It was on the first floor, so one end of the hallway opened into the kitchen while the other end opened into the living room.

_This is your chance_**,** I thought. _You can get away, hurry!_

I frantically looked towards the kitchen and then to my right at the living room.

Jacob could be in either room; I had a fifty-fifty chance of getting caught.

Heart pounding, I looked to my left, towards the large and brightly lit kitchen.

It looked so welcoming. . .

With one last glance towards the living room, I tiptoed towards the kitchen, adrenaline pumping through my veins.

Once I was there, I glanced around, my eyes falling on the back door that lead to the porch.

I ran to it.

I was a hairsbreadth away from the handle when I felt myself pulled back sharply by the hair once again.

"No!" I cried desperately; I had been so close.

"I'm making this too easy for you," Jacob growled as he pulled me back towards the room. I tried not to fall as he pulled me backwards, his grip on my hair tight.

I had been so close. He couldn't do this to me, he couldn't. . .

He threw me back in the room and I fell to the floor, my right arm spreading out, pointing at the lamp.

That's when I decided that it was time to start fighting back.

I crawled forward and grabbed the lamp, pulling it hard so its cord was pulled out of the socket.

"What the fuck are you-"

Before he could finish, I threw the lamp at him, falling on my back with the power behind my throw.

Jacob ducked and the lamp flew over his head, crashing into the wall and shattering.

I got on my feet as Jacob said, a maniacal growl to his voice, "Oh, you're one of _those_."

I tried to run, but he grabbed me and punched me so hard that I fell on my ass again, spots forming before my eyes.

As I tried to regain composure and get on my feet, Jacob walked to the broken lamp and picked up a large shard of the broken ceramic.

"You wanted to hit me with a fucking lamp?" he said through clenched teeth. "Let me show you what that feels like."

I didn't know that he had put the shard in between his fisted fingers until after punched me again, the shard stabbing my skin and cutting it.

I cried out at the sharp pain and tried to protect my head but the blows kept coming as I lay in a fetal position on the floor, wishing to die.

"Stop, stop, please," I begged, crying now.

He didn't listen.

He beat me until he was so tired that he was panting. My head was covered with my hands but that only meant that my arms took all the pain. He kicked when his arms got tired and punched when his legs got tired.

When he was done he dragged me over to the mattress and threw me down. I moaned in pain, my eyes opening wide when he straddled me.

"I fucking love it when you moan," he said, roughly pushing my hair out of my face. He took my aching face in his hands and kissed me hard, pure aggression in the movement of his lips. He bit my lip and I screamed, knowing that it would bruise.

I pulled at his hair as hard as I could and he cussed, letting go of my lips to punch me in the nose.

The pain that it caused me was agonizing, and I knew for sure he had broken it now.

Somewhere, buried deep inside, I found the power in me to punch him back. My fist connected with his jaw and a sharp pain went through my wrist. The punch made him angrier as his fist rained down on me even more.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid__,_ I cried in my head. _He's on top of you; did you expect him to get off? Did you expect to actually hurt him?_

I protected my head again but that didn't help much. My hurt wrist was screaming in pain, as were my arms.

I fought as much as I could, scratching his face, slapping him, punching him, trying to kick him off me. I tried to ignore the torture provided by my injured wrist, nose, and arms, clenching my teeth against the pain.

It was like trying to fight a brick wall.

Useless.

The only time he got off me, it was just so he could kick me in the ribs.

The whole time this was going on, I tried my hardest not to cry out. I took the beating silently, wanting nothing more than for him to take out his supposed gun and shoot me.

I just wanted it to end.

It felt like hours before he was done. I remained completely still, playing dead in a way. My whole body ached; there wasn't an inch of my skin that he left untouched. I was afraid to move, wanting him to think that he killed me.

Because that's exactly what he was doing. Slowly, but surely.

I was laying sideways, my face pressed into the wall, so he rolled me onto my back with his foot.

He came on top of me and started kissing my neck as his hands travelled under my shirt and under my bra.

My eyes flew open as his hands travelled down to the waistband of my sweats.

_No, not this. Anything but this._

"Stop," I said, my voice hoarse. "Please don't do this."

"Shut up," he said through clenched teeth.

His hand went under my waistband and under my panties, his warm fingers touching me where no one had ever touched.

"No!" I screamed.

I didn't know where my strength came from, but it came from somewhere. I poked him in the eyes, my fingernails connected with his eyeballs, causing him to scream and cuss loudly.

"FUCK!" he cried, pulling his hands out from my pants. "YOU LITTLE BITCH!"

He climbed off, clutching his face, and I took that opportunity to get on my hands and knees and crawl as far as I could in the state I was in. I tasted blood in my mouth as it trickled down from my nose and every single movement was so painful that the black spots came back.

I had only made it halfway to the door when I felt him grab my ankles, my knees giving out as he yanked me and I collapsed onto my stomach.

He dragged me back and I kicked with all my might; my foot was able to connect with his face and I took that opportunity to get on my feet and run.

I ran as far as the living room before he came up behind me and grabbed my arm, twisting it behind me painfully.

He threw me on the floor, but I was able to grab hold of a glass ashtray on a nearby table and smash it into his face as he tried to climb on top of me again. I crawled away, towards the front door, screaming for help in the hopes that someone out there would hear me through the walls.

Jacob kicked me in the back of the head and I was on my stomach once more. He rolled me over onto my back and took my face in his hands. I was in too much pain to move so I just whispered, "Let me go." My voice was seeping with desperation.

Jacob's hard glare bore into mine. "Never."

He was off his guard so I stabbed his eyes with my fingers again. He cried out and grabbed his face with his left hand while his right wrapped around my neck tightly.

He was choking me.

I was struggling to breathe, my fingernails clawing at his hands.

I was suddenly tired of trying to run. I didn't know what I did to deserve this. No one deserved this. Jacob had tried to control me from the beginning, and it was time I put it to a stop. There was no one here to protect me, no one here to help fight Jacob off.

No Edward, no Emmett.

Just me.

I didn't want to be _Jacob's_ victim.

I wanted him to be _mine__._

I had let go of him just recently, and now it was my turn to tell him that I wasn't fucking around anymore. He had his fun breaking and bending me, making me hate him, but enough was enough.

He couldn't have me anymore.

My lungs were screaming for oxygen as I tried and failed to pry Jacob's fingers from around my windpipe.

He scowled down at me with a bloody face (did I really do that to him?) and his teeth were barred, his eyes bloodshot (did I do that, too?).

I was on the verge of unconsciousness when he finally let me go.

He wanted me to live so he could torture me some more.

I gasped for breath and he took my hair in his hand, bringing my face close to his.

"If I'm going to fuck you, I want you alive for that shit," he said.

He took me in his arms and carried me back to the room as I struggled. I hit him as much as my weak, bruised arms would allow, but it was like he was made of stone.

He threw me down on the mattress and gave me another hard kick in the ribs.

I screamed as I felt something break, the most excruciating pain going through my torso. There was a dark haze in front of my eyes and the pain didn't let me think straight.

"Kill me," I gasped, and it hurt to speak. "Just kill me, shoot me."

Jacob said something, but I didn't know what. My mind was focused on the pain in my broken ribs, the pain that wouldn't let me think, the pain that made it hard to breath.

And if it hurt to breathe, I didn't want to breathe at all.

I had fought him to the best of my ability, but there had been no use.

Jacob walked away, but I didn't dare move.

He could do what he wanted to me, once I was dead.

For the third time that day, the world faded to black.

Except this time I hoped it would stay that way.

* * *

I was awake, but I was actually dead.

I was in pain, but I was numb.

I could see, but I was blind.

Where was I?

I couldn't move, it hurt too much.

But I could feel a little. I knew I was lying down, because I could feel something soft under me.

The mattress.

So I was still here, I was still alive.

_Damn it._

It hurt so much to breathe.

Why was I still breathing?

I didn't want to breathe anymore.

Then, I felt something.

It wasn't anything on my body; it was something outside of it.

A presence.

Was it Jacob?

I hoped it wasn't.

I hoped he dropped dead somewhere.

I found that I could move my head without the pain in my torso.

The presence felt like it was to my left, so I turned my head in that direction.

My vision was blurry, but I saw someone standing in the doorway.

Who was that?

I blinked, trying to see better.

That face. That beautiful face. I knew that face, I loved that face. It was an angelic face, a face that made me feel like there was hope.

But who was it?

He was tall, with a messy head of bronze hair. His green eyes were wide with horror.

"Edward," I finally gasped.

It hurt so much to say his name.

It hurt so much that for the fourth time, I let myself be swallowed into darkness.

* * *

**Edward POV**

The second her eyes closed, I started moving. I was on my knees next to her in an instant, taking her battered face in my hands.

"Bella, Bella," I said frantically. "Bella open your eyes, please." My voice was breaking, my eyes wet. My heart felt like someone was squeezing it in a vice grip, my chest tightening painfully.

Her face was cold, and my hands shook as I set her head back down and pulled my phone out.

I was breathing heavily, blinking back tears.

I hadn't fucking cried since I was a boy; this girl had the power to do that to me.

I dialed 999 and then cussed when I remembered that the emergency number here was 911.

My thoughts were in a jumble, my hands never ceasing to shake as I kept chanting her name, hoping that she would hear my voice and lead herself back.

She couldn't be gone, she just couldn't.

I'd die. I'd follow her, wherever she was.

I stared at the slow rise and fall of her chest, telling myself that that was a good sign.

_"__911, what's your emergency?"_came the voice from the other end.

I swallowed, my mouth opening but no sound coming out.

_"Hello?"_

"I need an ambulance," I finally choked out. "310 Haymacker Street, Port Angeles-"

Something hit me hard on the back of the head and I fell to the side, my phone flying out of my hand and sliding across the floor.

Trying to blink the dark spots away, I flipped onto my back in time to roll out of the way a second before Jacob's fist could hit me again.

I hopped onto my feet, one final glance at the broken girl in the corner enough to get the angry blood pumping through me furiously. I only had a second to look at Jacob's face; apparently Bella had put up a fight. He had his own set of cuts on his face.

But that was nothing compared to what I was going to do to him.

He lunged at me and we tumbled to the floor.

My fists connected with his jaw a few times as he tried to get his blows in. I pushed him off of me and he fell on his ass. I took that opportunity to kick him in his face as he tried to get back on his feet.

I wouldn't let him.

I made sure he stayed down as my fists rained down on him, a string of profanities the only think leaving my mouth and going through my head. He got his blows in, but I barely felt them.

All I felt was the months of built up rage, blinding fury that was turning me back into the monster I used to be.

I threw Jacob against the wall and it shook with the impact; his fist collided with my left eye and I returned his blows as he returned mine- a vicious circle of violence. Both of us wanted the other one on the ground, at our mercy.

I was thrown on the ground, Jacob on top of me as he grabbed my neck, choking me. I struggled to breathe, using my hands to try and punch him, but he was leaning out of reach. My lungs were about to burst from lack of air as my fist finally collided with his jaw. His grip loosened and I took that as my chance to take his fingers and bend them backwards, hard.

There was a loud snap and Jacob cried out in agony, falling to the ground and clutching his hands.

I kicked at him, punched him, hit him until he was curled on the ground, helplessly trying to protect is head.

I became pissed that he wasn't fighting back. If he didn't fight back I wouldn't have the satisfaction of knowing that I had fucked him up in fair game.

"Get up and fight you cock munching asswipe," I growled, kicking him until he was on his back, his distorted fingers in the air.

"Can't take what you dish out, huh?" I said as I kicked him in the head.

He groaned and rolled over, getting on his knees and climbing to his feet as I caught my breath. The index and middle finger of his left hand were deformed as he lunged at me again, a demented look on his face. He used his right hand to punch me in the jaw and I was pushed backwards before I tackled him to the ground once more.

Unexpectedly, his fist slammed into my chest and the breath was knocked out of me as he rained down blows on my stomach. I felt like I was losing oxygen, but it wasn't long before he stopped and I was able to shove him away, punching him several times in the face with both fists.

He stumbled back against the wall and I knocked him down on the ground again, his head hitting the floor with a loud thud. He was back on his feet quickly, tackling me so hard that we ended up outside of the room and into the corridor.

I was getting tired; my muscles ached and my face hurt. My knuckles were cut up and sore and my heart was hammering as sweat ran down my forehead.

I threw the Asshat off me and he came for my throat again, but I kicked him in his dick and he fell on his knees, clutching his crotch.

Normally I would sympathize with a bloke that got kicked in the dick, but not this time.

Jacob wasn't human to me.

And at that moment, neither was I.

I kicked him some more, stomping on his face mercilessly.

He was yelling something, probably telling me to stop, but I didn't care. My ears heard nothing but the sound of the blood rushing in my veins and the sound of my frantic heartbeat.

"Dude, stop," Jacob was saying, his face contorted with pain as blood gushed from his nose. "Wait!"

"Fuck you!" I cried, barely recognizing the insane, demonic voice that came out of me.

I wanted him dead, and I wanted it to be slow.

Jacob kept trying to get on his feet, but I kept knocking him down. He was crying out in pain, the pathetic little prick, but I didn't give a fuck.

Somehow he managed to aim a kick at me and I fell on my ass in the kitchen. I grabbed the leg of a stool and threw it at him just as he got on his feet. He grabbed the stool before it could hit him and threw it aside, charging at me like a wild bull, half crouched.

He grabbed me around the waist and we were on the ground again, my foot pushing up to hit him under the chin.

He held up a hand. "Wait," he said, panting. "Just wait."

I paused only for a second before I ignored his plea and punched him in the head.

His head flew back and knocked into the corner of the counter loudly.

His body became limp as his eyes closed and he fell back onto the tiles of the kitchen with a loud thud.

He was still.

I stood over him, panting, waiting for him to get back up.

He didn't.

Was he playing dead?

I kicked him in the shins. "Get the fuck up!"

He was silent.

I kicked him in the face and stepped on his cheek. "I said get the fuck up, asshole!"

He was still, unconscious, and that infuriated me.

My fists started raining down on his head again, the only thought in my head that I wanted to do to him what he did to Bella.

I hit, kicked, and punched his lifeless body, the echoes of skin upon skin reverberating through the kitchen like drums.

I grew tired and stopped my blows, panting.

I stared at him; I had knocked him out cold.

His chest wasn't rising or falling and I paused.

I hesitantly got to my knees next to him and put my ear close to his mouth.

The lightest trickle of breath came out, but nothing more.

He was still breathing.

I stood up just as I heard the sirens. They started out in the distance and then got louder. I wasn't sure if it was the ambulance or the police.

I stared down at Jacob's body, his face paler than usual. An odd kind of panic went through me.

Had I killed him?

I mean, I had wanted to, but not quite _literally_.

Then again, maybe I did. . .

I had meant to disable him, but had I gone too far?

Did I care?

Just a bit.

I heard pounding footsteps and then Emmett's voice called out, "Bella! Edward!"

"In here!" I called back, my voice hoarse.

Emmett came running into the kitchen, his eyes falling on the lifeless body at my feet.

He stared at it in shock and horror, just as the sound of more pounding feet met my ears.

"What- What did you do to him?" Emmett asked. He almost looked scared.

I shrugged sheepishly. "Beat the shit out of him."

". . . Is he dead?"

"Still breathing."

"Didn't I ask you to keep him conscious so I could get my share in?"

I gestured at Jacob's body, indicating that he should proceed and do what he wanted.

Emmett came forward and gave Jacob a resounding kick in the ribs; it was like watching someone kick a rag doll.

A few paramedics came in, along with a few cops.

"Where's Bella?" Emmett suddenly asked me.

I remembered her then, my throat closing up again. I gestured towards the corridor. "She's bad, mate."

Emmett saw the look on my face and blanched, his face growing bone white.

"Shit," he gasped, and took off towards the corridor.

Two paramedics came forward to look at Jacob.

"What happened?" one of them asked me.

"We got into a fight," I said curtly. No need to tell them the gory details.

I heard Emmett yelling from the other room just as a few more paramedics and police officers entered the house.

"Wait, let me take a look at you!" a paramedic said to me as I went in the direction of the room Bella was in.

"I'm fine," I snapped, hurrying now.

When I walked into the room, the sight I saw before me made me freeze.

Emmett, holding Bella in his arms, tears running down his face.

He set her down gently on the gurney, rolled in by two paramedics, his face the deepest form of sorrow and pain I had ever seen on a man.

"Help her, please," he whispered to a paramedic, his voice agonized. "I can't . . . just, please. . ."

They checked her pulse and said some words of reassurance to Emmett, but I couldn't focus on them.

My eyes were on the girl lying on the gurney, her bruised face battered yet still hauntingly beautiful. I somehow managed to blame myself. If I had gotten here on time, if I hadn't left her house last night, if if if if if. . .

So many fucking ifs and it felt like they were all pointing to me.

"That bastard," Emmett said through gritted teeth, and I looked up to see his furious expression. He suddenly pushed past me and left the room. I watched as they rolled Bella out of the room, and I followed with a heavy heart and aching body.

Outside of the house, the paramedics had already put Jacob into an ambulance.

Emmett was trying to get in somehow, looking like a madman.

"I'll kill him, I'll fucking hill him!" he was yelling, his arms flailing against the closed ambulance door.

A few cops were getting him to calm down and it wasn't long before he was thrown on the ground, arms behind his back. He was mumbling something into the ground, the pavement becoming wet with his tears.

I went to his side and knelt by his head as the cops tried to get him to relax.

"Calm down," I said, my own shaky voice betraying me. "She's going to be fine. But you need to get up and get in the ambulance with her; she needs you."

Emmett didn't respond and kept his face pressed into the concrete.

A few minutes later they let him up and he climbed into the ambulance with his sister. A few paramedics started bitching at me about my own cuts and bruises, but I told them to piss off and headed for the car, intent on following the ambulance to whatever hospital they were headed to.

Before I could reach it, I was stopped by a cop, who questioned me more on what happened at the house.

I knew I couldn't tell _him_ to piss off, so I told him all I could without saying anything that would get me in trouble. I went on about Jacob abusing Bella, about him kidnapping her, about me being told by his friends where she was (without talking about the gun), and about me coming and fucking him up.

"You do realize you truly hurt that young man, don't you?" he asked sternly after I was done.

"That was the intention," I said stiffly.

He stared at me, probably contemplating if he should arrest me for anything. I hadn't necessarily done anything _wrong_. I had tried to make it look like a testosterone fuelled, teenage fight in my story.

Well, maybe I had done something wrong, but I basically sugar-coated every fucking thing to make me look like the good guy.

"Do you realize that you trespassed on private property?" he asked.

What the fuck. It was like he was trying to find a reason to arrest me.

"No, sir, I didn't," I replied, trying to keep my cool. "There was a massive party here the other night, as you can see by the shitload of rubbish all over the place, and no one was really home to get pissed off at me about trespassing. And I was worried about trying to save the girl I loved, so I didn't give a rat's ass about trespassing, really."

"Well you did a hell of a job with saving her," he said condescendingly.

I almost punched him in the face. The only thing stopping me was the fact that he could throw my ass in prison and also that my whole body was aching. I just didn't want to fight anymore.

"I know," I said.

He let me go after that, asking for my information and shit first so he could get in touch if this turned into a full blown investigation or something.

By the time he was done, the ambulances were long gone and I had to find my own way to the hospital. I followed some signs that indicated where the nearest one was, and silently prayed that I was going to the right one.

* * *

I was right.

The second I entered the hospital, I asked for the room of Isabella Swan. They wouldn't disclose that information to me because I didn't really have any relation to her other than being her friend, so I was pretty fucking glad when I heard Emmett call my name.

He had just gotten coffee from the first floor and was headed back up to Bella's room.

"How is she?" I asked in the elevator.

Emmett stared in front of him, his face somber. "Alive."

"That's good."

The rest of the elevator ride was silent and we climbed out on the third floor.

The hospital smell was sickening as I followed Emmett down the corridor and into Bella's room.

Once there, I hesitated before entering.

Emmett walked in, not even turning around to see if I was still behind him. The door slowly shut in my face and I stood there, weighing the pros and cons of seeing Bella in whatever state she was in.

There were no pros.

The cons were that it would probably torture me; I was already blaming myself for the state she was in and seeing her attached to whatever it was she was attached to would only make me suicidal.

I decided to just go in and see her, knowing that I had to see her heart rate monitor to reassure myself that she was still alive.

I took a deep breath and turned the knob, the smell of over-cleanliness assaulting my nostrils.

Emmett sat by her bed, staring at her face with sorrow.

She looked much better than when I had last seen her, but only marginally. Her cuts were cleaned up and her head was wrapped in gauze whilst an oxygen mask covered her mouth and nose. An IV was stuck in her thin arms and the bruises on her face sent a pang through me. But she looked calm and serene, like she was in a deep sleep.

I glanced at her heart rate monitor and saw that it was steady. That relieved me a little, though I wasn't going to be completely relaxed until she was her normal self again.

"She has three broken ribs," Emmett said quietly. "Her nose is broken, her wrist is sprained and she has bruises covering her whole body."

I was silent, his words making my blood boil again.

I hoped Jacob would die.

"Has she woken up yet?" I asked, my voice raspy. I cleared my throat.

Emmett shook his head. "No. But the doctor said she should be up soon. They gave her a lot of anaesthetic, so. . ."

I nodded.

Then, a frightening thought came to me.

"Did he . . .?" I began, but I couldn't finish the question.

I wanted to know if Jacob had taken advantage of her, if he had forced himself on her, if he had taken her virtue against her will.

Emmett shook his head slowly, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

She was still a virgin, and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. She would need enough therapy as it was, and a sexual assault would only add to her pain.

"Jacob's in a coma," Emmett suddenly said.

My eyes widened. _"__What?"_

"Yeah. You really wanted to kill him, didn't you?"

I stared at him in shock, not knowing what to say.

"I thought I just knocked him out cold," I muttered, not knowing what to make of the situation.

Emmett snorted bitterly. "No shit."

I stood there, feeling odd.

Jacob was in a _coma_? Wasn't there a rare chance of people waking up out of those things?

I felt odd about that shit; chances were that Jacob wouldn't be in Bella's life anymore because he'd either stay that way forever or be taken off life support.

Either way, I was a murderer.

Again.

Unless there was some miracle and he survived. . .

"How bad is he?" I asked. I needed to know the chances.

"Not good," Emmett said, his eyes still on Bella.

"Is he going to die?"

Emmett hesitated. "I don't know. They say he's deep into the coma, beaten so bad that he's unresponsive to touch, light, sound. . . They don't think he'll make it."

He trailed off and looked at me expectantly.

What the fuck did he expect me to say?

"Oh," was my brilliant response.

Emmett continued to stare at me, his expression stern.

"What?" I said, irritated.

"How could you do that?" he hissed, sounding almost angry.

I stared at him incredulously. "Are you fucking joking? You're the one who told me to fuck him up good-"

"That's not the point. You lost control, dumbass! Didn't you know that once he was unconscious you should probably stop and not push it any further?"

Of course I did. But I didn't want to.

"Look," I said. "I'm sorry I didn't keep his eyes open long enough for you to have a good go at him, but-"

"It's not about that," he said loudly, then lowered his voice before continuing. "This isn't about me being able to kick his ass; this is about you getting into trouble with the law."

"What?"

"If Jacob's family decides to press charges against you, which they most likely will, you could be going to jail."

_Oh, fuck._ I hadn't thought of that.

"Christ," I hissed, running a hand through my hair.

"That's right," Emmett said, glaring at me. "I've learned to love you as a brother, and the last thing I want is to see you hauled off to prison to become some inmate's bitch."

"That's not funny."

"Wasn't supposed to be."

We glared at each other, a flurry of emotions rising in me.

I had fucked up, big time.

But I couldn't lie that the satisfaction was still deep inside of me.

Because, finally, Jacob Black was out of the picture.

And it was about fucking time.

* * *

**A/N**: *pops open bottle off champagne* We can officially say that Jacob Black is out of the picture! Let's celebrate!

Time to get E/B going. :)


	22. The Last Night

**Disclaimer: **Twilight is not mine.

* * *

**Chapter 22- The Last Night**

_This is the last night you'll spend alone  
Look me in the eyes so I know you know  
I'm everywhere you want me to be  
The last night you'll spend alone  
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go  
I'm everything you need me to be_

_The night is so long when everything's wrong  
If you give me your hand  
I will help you hold on_

_The last night away from me  
Away from me_

**The Last Night- Skillet**

* * *

**Edward POV**

I stared at Bella's heart rate monitor, the steady beeping of the machine assuring me that everything was okay. Well, other than the fact that she still looked like crap and would probably be in pain once she woke up.

It was the day after the whole ordeal, around two in the morning. Emmett was asleep in an armchair in the corner of the room, a blanket draped over his large form. He was snoring loudly as I sat in the chair by Bella's bed, my eyes always on either her face or the monitor.

Emmett and I hadn't left the hospital. We took turns sleeping in the armchair in the corner, wanting someone to be there when Bella woke up. We lived on crappy cafeteria food and coffee, both of us, especially me, needing to have a shower. My jacket and jeans weren't exactly in the best condition after rolling around in dirt, fighting. I had gotten dirty looks from nurses due to my appearance, but I honestly didn't give a fuck. They couldn't make me leave.

Rosalie and Mum had stopped by, and so had Jasper and Alice. Teddy bears and flowers sat on the table by Bella's bed, an indication of how much she was loved.

My body still ached, but that didn't stop me. I was going to sit my ass right here until she opened her eyes.

I knew Jacob was in the same hospital, but I didn't trust myself to find out exactly what room.

What Emmett had said about me possibly going to jail for what I did to him haunted me. I was aware that at seventeen years of age, I would be sent to the juvenile detention center, but only until I turned eighteen. I still had about six months until then, but I had been trying to work out an argument, just in case.

Emmett coughed and I looked over my shoulder at him. While asleep, he didn't look as intimidating as when he was awake. This whole thing had been taking a toll on him, and it pained Rosalie to see him like that. She herself had sworn that she would kick Jacob's ass if he weren't already in shit condition.

Knowing my sister, she would have no problem doing something like that.

I looked back at Bella, her battered face an image that was forever burned into my brain.

I glanced down at her right hand, which was lying next to her thigh, a cast around her wrist. Her knuckles were all cut up and were just starting to scab over.

I reached out and stroked her cut knuckles, my first time touching her since I had held her head in my hands. There was a slight undercurrent of electricity in my fingers when my skin touched hers. That always happened, and I never quite understood why.

I glanced over my shoulder briefly, to make sure that Emmett was still snoring, before I turned back again.

I gently took Bella's limp hand in mine, my brows furrowing at how cold she was.

I glanced at her face, which was overpowered by the oxygen mask, and wondered if she could hear me. The doctors had said that she wasn't in a coma like Jacob, and that she was just in a deep sleep because of the anesthetic. Her eyes were responsive to light, but she just hadn't woken up yet.

They also said it was somewhat of a miracle that she only had a few broken ribs, a nose, and a sprained wrist. With the beating she had to take, it could have been much worse.

"Why won't you wake up?" I whispered to her lifeless form. "Are you dreaming? Is your dream so fucking awesome that you can't even open your eyes to say hello?"

I sighed. "You really are freaking Emmett out, you know. If you could see him . . . the poor bloke looks half as dead as you. You look awful. It kills him . . . and me . . . to see you like this, really. But we know it's not your fault. He, as in your ex-boyfriend, isn't going to bother you anymore. I took care of him. I may have overdone the whole thing, but all that matters is that he is officially out of your life. For good."

I paused, watching her face. For a second I thought I saw her eyes move under her eyelids, but once I was staring at her she was still.

I bit my lip and continued, my throat feeling a little tighter. I lowered my voice so that it was barely audible. "I think I'm too pussy to say this while you're actually awake, but. . . I think I've fallen in love with you. I never wanted for this to happen, and tried so hard to make sure it didn't but. . . it just did. And now I'm going mad, praying that you're going to wake up soon, because I feel like it's been ages since I heard your voice . . . so, do us all a favor and wake the fuck up, okay? Wait, did that sound too harsh? I'm sorry. I apologise, but really now, enough is enough. I'm getting impatient here. . . "

I trailed off, sighing. I might as well have been talking to myself. I glanced at her heart rate monitor, which had pretty much become a habit, and noticed that there was something different about it.

Was her heart beating faster?

I glanced at her face, worried. She looked the same.

Without letting go of her hand, I leaned back in the chair, yawning.

Then I remembered there was something else I had to say.

I leaned forward again, squeezing her hand just a bit.

"By the way. . . I'm sorry I broke my promise. You know how I said that Jacob won't hurt you again because I'd protect you? Obviously you know that that shit didn't exactly go as planned. If it did, you wouldn't be here attached to so many fucking tubes. Now I feel like it's my fault that everything happened. If I had just. . . I dunno, stayed with you or something. If I had made Emmett change the locks faster. . . Fuck.

"And now I could be taken to prison. Really fucking brilliant, innit? Jacob should become some inmate's bitch, not me. He hit me first anyway, though even if he hadn't I still would have fucked him up. Still, just seeing you like this kills me. It makes me feel so fucking guilty, and I hate it.

"You . . . you actually made me cry, did you know that? That is so fucking embarrassing, and I dunno why I'm even mentioning that shit, but really you almost gave me a fucking stroke with the way you looked. Again, I know it's not your fault. But I can't help it, you're just. . . I care about you. A lot. And I dunno if you feel the same, but I sure as fuck hope you do because then I'd just be wasting my time. I didn't fuck up the boyfriend of just any girl. If some other girl I knew, like Lauren for example, had an abusive boyfriend, I would have told somebody about it, not gone and fucked him up. But I had to do that for you.

"Just, wake up soon, all right? I'm not a patient person, and just watching you in this corpse-like state is-"

I suddenly broke off, my ears filling with the eerie silence of the room.

Emmett wasn't snoring anymore.

I slowly turned my head, dreading what I'd see.

Sure enough, his eyes were wide open, staring at me.

_Fuck,_ I thought. _How much has he heard?_

He was staring at me blankly, his eyes holding absolutely no emotion.

I normally didn't blush or anything like that, but I felt my neck grow hot.

I stared back at him awkwardly, not knowing what to say.

What the fuck was the proper etiquette when being caught saying mushy things to an unconscious girl, especially when the person that caught you was her older brother?

I suddenly realised that I was still holding Bella's hand; I let go like I had been electrocuted.

That action got a smirk out of Emmett and I smiled back crookedly.

I was confused.

"Why can't you say that shit to her when she's awake, huh?" he finally asked.

I let out a sigh of relief and then chuckled nervously. "Um . . . which bit are you talking about exactly?"

"Everything starting from when you said you've fallen in love with her."

"Fuck," I said under my breath, looking away in embarrassment.

"_Love__?_ Really, bro?"

I shrugged, not meeting his gaze. He didn't sound angry, just highly amused.

"She's not ready," he said softly. I turned to look at him, and he was staring at me pointedly.

"Not ready for what?" I asked, brows furrowing.

"Do you really think she's going to be ready for any kind of relationship after this?"

I looked at Bella again, and knew exactly what he meant. Her first relationship was clearly a disaster.

"I know what you mean," I said quietly.

"You're going to have to wait."

I looked at him again, a sudden realization dawning on me. "Wait . . . you'd be okay with . . . me and her?"

His small smile fell and he stared at the floor.

There was a silence that seemed to stretch on forever before he spoke. "No. Not really. I don't think I can ever be okay with her being with anyone, at least not until she's a mature adult and ready to settle down, if that's what she wants. I wasn't okay with her having a boyfriend in the first place, and look what happened when I let her date whoever the fuck she wanted. I'm not going to be okay with anyone she dates for a _very_ long time."

"Not even me?" I asked hesitantly. "After all the shit I've been through for her?"

Emmett's gaze met mine and he smirked. "I'll admit, risking jail time by putting that asshole in a coma says a lot about how you feel about her."

"And that's not enough?"

"Look, I'm her older brother. No one is ever going to be good enough for her. She can find the most perfect guy in the history of the world, and I still won't find him worthy."

"That's so sweet, it's almost nauseating."

Emmett chuckled. "I know you're different from other guys and I know that you'd probably die for her. What I don't understand is _why_."

"It's complicated."

He nodded. "I'm sure. And if you two were to get together, don't expect it to be all unicorns and rainbows from me. As long as she's under my roof, there are rules that both of you would have to follow."

"Fair enough."

"Be prepared to wait a long time, though. She won't be ready for any kind of relationship for a while."

I sighed, and looked at the broken girl on the hospital bed. "I know. I'd wait years if I have to."

After our little chat, Emmett left to get some more coffee. It was nearing 3 in the morning, almost twenty four hours since Bella had been kidnapped. I wished I could go back in time and just be there so I could protect her.

The loudest sound in the room was that of Bella's heart rate monitor, and the second Emmett left I had taken her hand again.

"Are you going to make me beg?" I asked her. "To be quite honest, I'd rather you woke up for me rather than Emmett. I think I deserve it, don't you?"

I felt free talking to her, not knowing if she could hear me. Everything I said to her was things I wanted her to know, but I also didn't mind if she couldn't hear a word of it.

Every time I looked at her face, the guilt became overwhelming.

"I'm sorry," I said for the millionth time. "Really, _really_ fucking sorry that this happened."

I wanted to tell her that I loved her, but she'd have to be awake for that. The words would mean nothing if she didn't hear them.

Then, ever so slightly, I felt her finger move.

My eyes shot down to our hands and again, gently, her middle finger pressed lightly against the back of my hand.

"Bella?" I said. "Bella, can you hear me?"

Two of her fingers moved this time, and I knew I had to keep talking.

She was finally coming back.

"Bella, listen to the sound of my voice. I know I sound like shit, but still, follow it out, okay?"

She made a soft noise in her throat, almost like I light moan.

"C'mon," I said. "I know you can hear me. Open those eyes."

Her heartbeat accelerated a little and her eyes fluttered.

I smiled and squeezed her hand. "That's it. Wake up now."

Her beautiful brown orbs opened and she stared at the ceiling, her eyes moving here and there as they blinked. Her brows furrowed and she used her left hand to pull the oxygen mask off.

I squeezed her hand again and she finally looked at me, her sleepy eyes staring.

I stared back hesitantly, not knowing what the expression on my face was.

"Hi," I said softly.

Bella smiled just a little, and then winced.

"What hurts?" I asked, concerned.

"Everything," she whispered. Her voice was raspy.

I glanced around, not knowing what to do. I spotted the button to the right of the bed, the one that called the nurses.

"Want me to call a nurse?" I asked. "I think they're supposed to give you more pain reliever."

Bella shook her head and winced again.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "You'd rather be in pain?"

Bella nodded. "I don't want to go to sleep again," she whispered.

I didn't want her to either, but I'd rather she wasn't in pain.

I bit my lip, thinking. "I think Emmett would like to see you awake. He went to get coffee. Shall I call him?"

She shook her head and I raised my eyebrows, surprised. "No? How come?"

Bella stared into my eyes and then squeezed my hand.

I understood. She wanted to be alone with me for a few minutes longer.

I smiled at her. "I'm glad you're awake. It's about fucking time, too."

Bella giggled and then winced. "Ow!"

"What is it?" I asked.

"My ribs."

"That's right, they're broken."

"Shit."

"I know. Maybe you do need some more anaesthetic."

She shook her head frantically, looking almost scared.

The door opened and Emmett walked in, two cups of coffee in his hands.

He froze, staring at Bella wide-eyed.

"You're awake!" he said, a huge grin spreading across his face. He quickly walked over and held the cups out to me. I took them from him, scowling.

He reached down to hug Bella and I panicked a bit. "Oi! Gently! Are you trying to fucking crush her some more?"

Emmett pulled back and saw Bella's pained expression.

"I'm so sorry, kiddo," he said. "Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head.

"She needs more anaesthetic," I told him.

Bella threw me a death glare and I laughed, amused that she could look so threatening in the state she was in.

"Really?" Emmett said. He reached out to press the button for the nurse.

"No!" Bella said loudly, and Emmett froze.

I watched as her face contorted with pain.

"No need to shout," I admonished. "Relax."

"She doesn't want to go back to sleep," I informed her brother.

"Bells, I'm glad you're awake, but if you're in pain. . . "

"I'm fine," she whispered.

"Liar," I said, and she glared at me again. "I can tell it hurts you to even talk."

"I'm fine," she repeated. "Honest."

"Bollocks."

"Shut up, Edward."

"You shut up."

"You."

"You."

"Okay, stop," Emmett said. "Seriously, you two. Bella, if you're in pain we should get a nurse in."

"But I don't want to go back to sleep," she whispered.

"I know, but pain is one of the reasons you passed out in the first place. According to the paramedics, anyway."

She stared at him in defeat.

Emmett pressed the button and called for the nurse, and I held out a cup of coffee to him. I wanted one hand free so I could hold Bella's.

He took the cup from me just as a nurse walked in. She gave me a look that clearly said "get the fuck out of my way" and I sighed, standing up.

I stood next to Emmett as we watched her inject something into Bella's IV. Bella looked terrified, and I could tell by her heart monitor that her heart was beating fast.

"Calm down, sweetheart," the nurse told her. "This is going to make you feel all better."

The nurse left soon after, and Bella started to stare at me intensely as I took the seat next to her again. Emmett was on the phone with Rose, telling her that Bella had woken up.

"What's wrong?" I asked "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I don't-"

"I know you don't want to go back to sleep, but you have to. The more you sleep the better you'll feel every time you wake up."

She continued to watch me, looking like she had something to say.

I stared right back, taking a sip of my coffee.

A bitter taste filled my mouth and I grimaced, swallowing.

"What the fuck is this shit?" I asked Emmett.

He paused his conversation with Rose to look at me like I was stupid. "It's coffee, dude."

"Doesn't taste like it."

"Don't you like yours without sugar?"

"Fuck no!"

"I could've sworn you told me you did. Oops. My bad."

I stood up, rolling my eyes. "I'm gonna go get another."

I glanced at Bella, who was still staring at me.

"You okay?" I asked.

She nodded and blinked, her eyes half-closed from the anaesthetic catching up with her system.

"I'll be back," I told her. "Though you'll probably be asleep when I do."

She opened her eyes wider, as if to make sure she was still awake when I returned, but I just smiled at her effort. She would be out cold any second now.

"Good night," I said, smirking, and she glared at me.

I chuckled and headed towards the door.

"Edward?"

She called me softly, her voice barely above a whisper, but I heard it even over Emmett's hushed conversation with my sister.

I turned to look at her again, and she was fighting to keep her eyes open.

"Nothing is your fault," she whispered. "Nothing."

Her eyes closed, and then I knew.

She had heard everything.

* * *

I thought about that in the elevator on my way back from the cafeteria. If she had heard everything then that meant that she had also heard when I said that I was falling in love with her.

Or did she? Maybe she'd just heard bits and pieces, and not everything. If she had heard every word, I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Would she behave differently towards me, knowing that I loved her? She had seemed like her usual self in the hospital room, but how much of that was due to the anaesthetic?

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice that I got off on the wrong floor.

I looked around at the doors and saw that all their numbers began with two. I was on the second floor and Bella was on the third.

I cussed and stopped abruptly in the middle of the hallway, turning around and crashing right into an elderly nurse that had just come out of a room.

She squealed and dropped the files she was holding, and I caught her before she could fall over.

"Fuck," I said, crouching down to pick up the scattered papers. "I'm sorry."

I stood up with the papers and was about to hand them back to her when a certain name on one of them stopped me cold.

On one of the papers, the patient's name was listed as Jacob Black.

I stared at it, my eyes running frantically over the other information. I wasn't able to take in much before the nurse snatched them out of my hand.

"Watch where you're going, young man," she chastised. "This is a hospital, you need to be careful. And don't be so nosy, this is none of your business."

"Sorry," I muttered again, and she turned and walked in the opposite direction.

I looked at the door the nurse had come out of, my heart hammering.

Was Jacob in there?

I glanced down the hallway to see that no one was paying any attention to me.

Quickly, I reached out and grabbed the door's handle, turning it and quietly slipping into the room.

The room was empty, except for the broken boy on the hospital bed.

Jacob didn't look so arrogant when he was unconscious. He had several stitches and a cast on his left hand, while a tube attached to a ventilator was shoved down his throat.

_Did I really do that?_ I thought.

I didn't really feel bad seeing him so hurt. After all, Bella had looked much worse.

His room was smaller and looked so much colder than Bella's. He had no teddy bears or flowers on the bedside table, and there was no family here to sit by him and see if he would wake up.

He looked completely and utterly alone.

I stood far from his bed, not trusting myself to get too close. I still had the coffee cup in my hand, but it was frozen in mid-air.

A part of me wished that he was awake, so he could actually feel the pain he was in. I suddenly wanted him to stay alive because dying would be the easy way out.

"Who are you?"

I whirled around at the sound of the timid voice.

It was a small woman, slight in figure with tan skin and jet black hair cut short. She wore a large winter coat that seemed to swallow her small body, and her dark eyes were beady and frightened.

She had to be a relative of Jacob's.

"Uh, I, I. . ," I stuttered.

How was I supposed to answer that?

_Hello, I'm this bloke's murderer?_

"What are you doing in my son's room?" the woman asked.

So she was his mother. . .

"Oh, uh, I think I've got the wrong room. . . "I lied.

I bit my lip, feeling awkward as the lady stared at me.

"I'll just . . . leave," I added.

I went around her to get to the door and was about to get my ass out of there when her voice stopped me in my tracks.

"I don't know what to do with him," she said. Her voice sounded far off, like she was daydreaming and just mumbling to herself.

"Sorry?"

She had her back to me and didn't turn around as she kept talking to herself.

"They say it's my choice whether or not to take him off life support," she muttered. "They say he won't make it. But I don't know . . . that would be like killing him . . . even though he's already dead."

I was frozen, not knowing what the hell I was supposed to do.

"Even after everything he did, he's still my son. I still love him, despite the torture he's put me through the past few years. I'm going to be all alone if he's gone. . ."

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly going dry.

"Lady, why are you telling me this?" I asked.

She jumped at the sound of my voice and turned to look at me. Her eyes looked dazed and were frantically looking me over.

She looked mentally unstable.

"Who are you?" she asked again.

I didn't say anything.

With one last parting glance, I turned and left the room.

I was sure about one thing: There was a lot I had yet to know about Jacob Black.

* * *

During the week Bella was still in the hospital, I started going back to school, mostly so that I could get Bella her assignments. She was stressed out about getting behind in all her classes, and I just wanted the worried creases in between her eyebrows to go away.

Every class was tedious without her.

Everyone in town knew all about me putting Jacob in a coma and about Bella being badly beaten. Teachers and students treated me differently, like I was some criminal that had just escaped from prison. They avoided me like the plague, throwing fearful looks my way as if they would be my next victim or something.

The only people that didn't treat me any different were Alice and Jasper. Alice had been disapproving at first, ranting on and on about how it was stupid of me to go so far, but nonetheless expressing her thanks for my having saved Bella on time.

I didn't feel like I had saved her.

As for my possibly going to jail, that wasn't going to happen. I had gotten lucky.

Apparently Jacob's mother didn't want to press charges against me. I found that to be insanely baffling.

Something told me she wasn't in the right state of mind to press charges, and I also got the feeling that she didn't like Jacob any more than anyone else had. Her mumblings had told me that he had put her through years of torment, and who knew what that could have been.

That didn't mean the police didn't get in touch with my parents, though. It was as if they _wanted_ me in jail, despite Jacob's mother's unwillingness to charge me.

Mum had gone absolutely ballistic. Before we had known that Jacob's mum didn't care, Esme had started crying hysterically, saying that I was the only son she had and that I had just ruined my life. Of course my father hadn't been there for any of it, but Rose had.

At one point I was dragged off to the police station by some private investigator and questioned about what happened.

I had told him the truth: I loved Bella, she thought she loved Jacob, he wasn't healthy for her, abused her, kidnapped her, beat her until she was unconscious, and then got a taste of his own medicine when I showed up. I said it had been self-defense, since he hit me first. Not only that, but he would have raped Bella if I hadn't shown up when I did. My emergency phone call had been recorded, and you could hear the sound of fist meeting flesh when Jacob punched me while I was on the phone.

Since Jacob's mum wasn't pressing charges, which the cops seemed to disagree with but couldn't do anything about, I was off the hook.

Jacob, however, would be in deep shit if he were to wake up.

I wanted him to wake up.

* * *

Bella was out of the hospital within a week and a half.

Her sprained wrist was getting better, but her ribs were still healing. However, she was allowed to go home with pain medication and strict instructions to take it easy physically, along with directions on how to tape up the area. According to her doctor, it would take six to eight weeks for her ribs to heal completely.

Now it was Thursday, the day after Bella returned home from the hospital.

I pulled up in the Swans' driveway right after school, anxious to see her somewhere she wasn't attached to an IV. I climbed off the bike and adjusted the strap of my backpack, full of school work that Bella would have to do.

Emmett had finally changed the fucking locks, and instead of putting the spare key under the eave he kept it in a potted plant on the back porch. So a person would have to go all the way at the back of the house to get the key and then come back around to open the door.

Emmett said that I could come and go as I pleased, so I just took the damn key from the back and walked right in.

No one was on the first floor so I headed upstairs.

I paused outside Emmett's bedroom; the door was open and he was inside putting laundry away. I smirked; it was amusing seeing him perform domestic duties.

"Hey," I said, getting his attention.

He whirled around, startled, and then relaxed when he saw it was me. I noticed that he looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep. He had dark shadows under his eyes and he looked a little sullen.

"Oh hey," he said, folding a t-shirt. "What's up?"

"How's Bella?"

Emmett sighed sadly. "Not so good. She handles the pain okay, but I'm just worried about the night terrors."

I stared at him. "Night terrors?"

"She woke up screaming and crying three times last night. Scared the shit out of me every time. I guess the lack of anesthetic makes her dream again, and she kept having nightmares."

"What kind of nightmares?"

"She wouldn't say. She just kept screaming 'Don't hurt me' or 'Let me go' or 'please'." Emmett's expression was pained. "I'll bet anything that she's dreaming about that asshole."

"She was too scared to go back to sleep," Emmett continued. "So she's been up since four in the morning and I can tell she wants to sleep, hell, she _needs_ to . . . but she's just too fucking terrified. It could be the pain meds they gave her that make her dreams so vividly. I guess once they leave her bloodstream she'll be fine, but I really don't know. . . "

"Is she asleep now?"

"I doubt it."

I sighed. "I'm gonna go give her the homework."

"Try and get her to sleep, will you?"

"No guarantees, mate."

I went down to Bella's room and knocked on her door.

"Yeah?" Her voice was timid.

I opened the door and popped my head in, seeing her in bed with _Dracula_ opened up on her lap.

She looked up at me and smiled, her eyes twinkling. I loved how she just lit up every time she saw me. It made me feel like the shit.

But Bella looked worse than Emmet. The shadows under her eyes were more pronounced and she looked gaunt, her skin an unhealthy yellow color.

"How are you?" I asked, walking in.

Bella shrugged. "Used to be worse."

I nodded solemnly, my eyes falling on the book. "Is that helping keep you awake?"

Bella frowned, blushing. "How much did Emmett tell you?"

I walked over to the other side of her bed, plopping down next to her and pulling my backpack off. "He said you had nightmares all night and are now too afraid to go to sleep."

"I'm not afraid," she mumbled, not looking at me.

"Then how come you look so fucking tired?"

She looked at me then, her eyes wary. "It's not easy to sleep with broken ribs."

I looked at where her torso was covered by her blanket. "Does it hurt now?"

She shook her head. "Tylenol."

I nodded and zipped my bag open, taking out my books.

"Learn anything interesting?" Bella asked through a yawn.

I stared at her disapprovingly. "You really should sleep."

She shook her head, adamant.

I sighed, resigned. "Since when is anything interesting taught in school?"

Bella smiled and set _Dracula_ on her bedside table. Looking at it reminded me of her first date, when I spied on her and accidentally left the book in the restaurant.

I smirked at the bittersweet memory.

"So are you gonna give me the work or what?" Bella asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I took out a bunch of worksheets and handed them to her. "Varner says he wants them back by tomorrow or he won't count them. Dickhead. And Ackerman says you don't really have to do the work, just know the material. He'll give you extra credit if you do it, though. Alice got your Spanish and biology homework. She said she'd come give it to you herself, but I insisted I do it since I was coming over anyway. She said she'd call you if she can't make it."

"She called."

"Okay."

It was silent as we stared at each other, sleepy brown eyes boring into concerned green ones.

I suddenly realized this was the first time I was on Bella's bed. I was leaning against her headboard, right next to her, and we would have been shoulder to shoulder if it weren't for the two inches of distance between us.

She yawned and I frowned.

"You know you're going to fall asleep eventually," I said. "Whether you want to or not. Your body can only take so much before you collapse."

"I know that," she mumbled, her eyes closed. "But I'll keep fighting."

"Look, I know you're a fighter and shit but this is just borderline stupidity."

"I'm not stupid," she said, opening her eyes and glaring at me.

Her face wasn't too far away, and though she still had a few fading cuts and bruises, she was adorable in the way she pouted.

"I didn't call you stupid. What you're doing is."

"Whatever."

_"__Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top__,"_ I started to sing softly, keeping my voice just above a whisper.

Bella giggled. "Stop that. It won't work."

_"__When the wind blows, the cradle will rock__."_

"Cut it out."

_"__When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall__."_

Her eyes closed ever so slightly. "Edward," she mumbled. "Knock it off."

_"__And down will come baby, cradle and all. .__."_

Bella's eyes were still half closed as she looked up at me.

"Nice try," she said. "You have a pretty impressive voice."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Do I?"

She nodded, biting her lip. It wasn't swollen anymore so just looking at her mouth did things to me.

"I can't believe you just sang me Rock-A-Bye-Baby, though. That's so . . . un-Edward-ish."

"It's kind of a fucked up lullaby, if you think about it. Who the fuck sings to their child about babies falling out of trees?"

Bella giggled. "Good point. But there's more, don't you know the rest of the song?"

"What do you think I am, a record of lullabies?"

Bella smiled and sighed, her eyes closing. I didn't say a word, hoping that the silence would help her fall asleep.

A second later her eyes flew open. "Crap. If I drift off, wake me up."

"What? No way!"

"Please?"

I hesitated for just a second. "Forget it. You. Need. Sleep."

I grinned and started singing again. **"**_Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are__."_

"Really, Edward? _Really__?"_

I kept my voice soft, trying to croon. _"__Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky__."_

Her eyes drifted shut again. "I hate you and your beautiful voice."

_"__Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.__. ._ You know, I think you need your own lullaby. . . "

Bella was silent, her head tilted to one side, eyes closed.

Slowly, she started falling to her right.

A few seconds later, her head was resting on my shoulder.

I remained absolutely still, not wanting to wake her up. She was finally asleep, her breathing slow and steady, and I couldn't believe I had done it by singing her children's lullabies.

I snorted. That was just too fucking funny.

I must have stayed still for about fifteen minutes before I couldn't take it anymore. My legs had fallen asleep and Bella hadn't awoken.

I reckoned that fifteen minutes would be enough for her to be in a deep sleep, so I slowly lifted her off my shoulder and pulled her gently so that she was lying flat on her pillow.

I brushed her brown hair out of her sleeping face; her expression was the epitome of calm. A small smile graced her lips and I resisted the urge to kiss her. Necrophilia wasn't my thing.

I leaned on my elbow and lay on my side, just watching her sleep. It was the most fascinating thing.

I didn't know long it had been, a few minutes perhaps, before she started talking.

"Edward," she mumbled, and my eyes widened.

Her eyelids remained closed though, her breathing just as steady as it was before. But now her mouth was open just slightly.

"Jacket," she muttered in her sleep. "Want your jacket."

I tried not to laugh out loud. Bella talked in her sleep? How amusing.

"Like you," she whispered after a few more minutes. "A lot."

I was frozen, staring at her face. That was the second time she had said she liked me. First it was while she was drunk, and now it was while she was asleep.

When was she ever going to say it when she was awake and sober?

Slowly, I reached out my right hand and softly stroked her cheek.

"I like you too," I whispered. "So fucking much."

I leaned in and pressed my lips to her forehead, inhaling the scent that was all Bella. It was the sweetest aroma and I didn't remove my lips until there was a knock on the door.

I jumped and sat up, just as Emmett popped his head in.

He looked at Bella's sleeping form and grinned.

"You did it," he whispered.

I smiled crookedly in return.

Emmett nodded in the direction of the corridor and I got off the bed slowly as to not wake her up.

"How'd you do it?" Emmett asked once we were outside.

I hesitated, contemplating whether or not I should tell him.

_Screw it_**,** I thought. _What's he going to do about it?_

"I sang to her," I replied, shrugging.

Emmett raised both eyebrows. "You sang?"

"Yep. Rock-A-Bye-Baby and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."

Emmett guffawed as we went down the stairs. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."

"I wish I was, mate. Wish I was. But it worked so who cares?"

I settled into an armchair and sighed, not wanting to do anything.

Emmett turned on the telly and switched on some stupid reality show where a bunch of douchebag blokes tried to win the heart of some slag who was clearly just trying to get famous for her "acting" of sorts. Emmett and I made fun of every single guy on screen.

That is, until the earsplitting scream coming from upstairs interrupted our fun.

Emmett was out of his seat in a flash, and I was right on his tail.

The sound of Bella's scream had sent a cold pang through me, like all my internal organs were freezing up.

Emmett rushed into Bella's room and was immediately at her side; she was thrashing around in her blankets, beads of sweat covering her forehead.

"Stop!" she screamed as Emmett tried to shake her awake. "Stop doing this, please!"

"Bells, wake up!" Emmett said, trying to shake her awake.

I stood in the doorway, frozen.

Bella's eyes flew open as she panted, her eyes glancing rapidly around her room, at Emmett's face and then at me.

She stared at me for longer and then turned away, rubbing two shaking hands over her face.

Emmett sat on the edge of her bed, stroking hair out of her eyes. She was sweating so much that her chestnut brown locks stuck to her forehead.

"You okay?" he asked. "You want some water?"

"My ribs," she whispered in pain.

"I'll get you some pain reliever," Emmett said. He kissed her forehead before giving me an anguished look that said, "I told you so."

Once Emmett was gone, Bella turned to glower at me.

"Why did you leave?" she hissed.

I was taken aback by how hostile she sounded.

"What?"

"You left," she accused, her eyes filling up with tears. "Why?"

My throat closed up; I didn't know what to say.

"You were sleeping," I replied simply.

Tears fell from the corner of Bella's eye to her ear.

"But you keep the nightmares away," she whispered.

I was at her side quickly, sitting where Emmett had been before. I wiped her tears and looked into her exhausted eyes, trying to figure out what she was going on about.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, my left arm over her body, resting on the other side of her.

"I woke up and saw that you weren't here anymore. I went back to sleep, thinking that the nightmares stopped but they didn't. . ."

I bit my lip, wiping away more tears that had fallen. "And you think that's because of me?"

Bella nodded and sniffed.

Emmett returned with a glass of water and pills, and I straightened up so that Bella could sit up and take her medication.

Once Emmett took the glass from her, he looked between us.

"Do you want to sleep, Bella?" he asked her.

I hadn't looked away from her, not even when Emmett came in.

"Only if Edward stays," she replied. "He keeps the nightmares away."

I glanced at Emmett to see his reaction, and sure enough he had both his eyebrows raised in disbelief. "He . . . what?"

"The bad dreams," I said. "Apparently my presence makes them disappear."

Emmett eyed me skeptically before looking at Bella. "Um, Bells, are you sure about that?"

"Positive," she replied. Her voice was a conviction.

Emmett still stared at us like he didn't believe a word of it, so I decided to experiment.

"Listen," I said. "I'll stay with her until she falls asleep again. If she can go an hour without waking up screaming, then it works. If she still ends up waking up from a nightmare, then it doesn't. The only way to know is if I stay."

Emmett didn't look happy with that idea."Do you have to stay in her bed?"

"Yes," Bella replied, almost immediately.

Both Emmett and I gawked at her as she blushed a deep pink.

Her brother closed his eyes and shook his head. "Oh man. This is getting a little crazy."

He finally opened his eyes and said, "So what, are you gonna stay all night or something?"

I didn't miss how he sounded a bit irritated.

Yep, he was still Emmett, still that overprotective older brother. Of course he didn't want me in his sister's bed all night.

"I'll stay as long as I can," I told him. "I'll stay awake. If she wakes up screaming I'll leave, but if she doesn't then she's right. . . "

I trailed off, thinking how insane it all sounded.

Emmett huffed. "Fine. It's almost dinner time; you might as well stay for that, too. I'll order pizza or something. You still wanna sleep, Bells?"

Bella nodded and Emmett glared at me. I kept my expression blank.

"Keep the door open," he ordered.

With that, he turned and left the room, making sure the door was wide open.

Once Emmett was gone, I went to sit on the other side of Bella's bed, against her headboard.

"Just curious," I said. "What do you dream about?"

Bella looked away from me and chewed on her lower lip.

"Him," she said after a minute.

I nodded. "I knew it. . . What does he do, if you don't mind my asking?"

Bella didn't look at me yet.

A curtain of hair was hiding the right side of her face from me.

I couldn't resist; I reached over and tucked it behind her ear.

She looked at me and smiled then. I smiled back.

"You can tell me," I told her, taking her hand as gently as if she were made of glass. "Since I keep him away."

Bella took a deep breath and I squeezed her hand.

She scooted closer to me and put her head back on my shoulder.

I reveled in her close proximity and held her to me, wrapping my left arm around her while my right was still holding her hand.

"He hurts me," she whispered. "Over and over. He won't stop. I beg him, but he doesn't. . ." Her voice broke and she stopped talking.

I kissed the top of her head. "He's not here anymore. He won't come back. I took care of him."

"I'm glad you won't get arrested." Bella knew all about how Jacob was in a coma and how I almost went to jail.

I chuckled. "Me too."

I quietly held her until she yawned.

"You should sleep now," I said.

Bella nodded. "Wake me up when the pizza's here."

"Sure."

It wasn't long before she fell asleep on my shoulder again, and I set her back on the pillow exactly as I had done before.

I stared at her serene face, thinking how this would be the last night she spent alone.

If it was true that I kept the nightmares at bay, then I'd spend the night. Emmett couldn't stop me; I knew he needed sleep as badly as Bella did.

If my presence really did help her sleep better, then so be it. It made sense, really. I was the one that had taken Jacob out of the picture; I was the one that "saved" her. Clearly I was some symbol of protection and comfort for her, and I loved that even though I didn't feel I deserved it.

I made it my job to always protect her. I wasn't going to leave her tonight. I'd stay with her every single fucking night if it meant that she could sleep well. I'd even sing to her, and I hated singing. If Emmett made me sleep on the floor, then fine.

As long as I could hold her in my arms, look into her eyes, and tell her that she'd never be alone- I was perfectly fine with an aching back.

This was the last night she'd spend away from me.

I spent the next few hours doing some of Bella's homework for her. I only did the ones that contained multiple choice questions, because I could get away with it without having to fake her handwriting. After I was done with that, I picked up her copy of Dracula and started reading it to kill time.

She had been right.

Not once in the two and a half hours that I was with her did she wake up screaming.

She did mumble in her sleep though. It was usually my name or something about my jacket or motorcycle. At one point she even mumbled, "Smoking is gross."

That reminded me how I hadn't had a fag in a while. Thinking about one made me crave it, but I knew she wouldn't appreciate it if I started smoking in her room.

The doorbell rang and I assumed it was the pizza guy, but I waited until Emmett came up to announce it before I woke Bella up.

Emmett walked in, glancing at Bella warily.

"Pizza's here," he declared, staring at Bella's sleeping form. "She didn't wake up at all?"

I shook my head, trying not to look smug.

"Huh," Emmett said. "Interesting."

I smirked and he narrowed his eyes at me. "Hey, this isn't a one way ticket into my sister's bed, okay?"

"Keep your voice down," I told him, whispering. "And what kind of sick fuck do you think I am? I told you I'd wait for her, so I'll wait. Calm yourself down. I'm here because she wants me to be and because she needs the sleep."

Emmett visibly relaxed. "You can't stay here all night."

"I know that. I'll be here until the next time she falls asleep, and then I'll go home. Good luck with her for the rest of the night, though."

Emmett sighed. "All right, whatever. I trust you. Don't change that." I could hear the warning in his voice.

"I won't."

"Wake her up and help her come downstairs. I'll get dinner ready."

He went back downstairs and I looked at Bella, thinking about how to wake her up. She looked so peaceful; I didn't want to change that. Shaking her awake might make her ribs hurt.

I stroked her face, hoping that would wake her up.

"Bella," I said softly. "Time to wake up."

She mumbled incoherently and pressed her face against my hand, sort of like a when kitten would rub up against someone's leg.

"Pizza's here," I said. "Doesn't that sound so fucking good?"

Bella hummed in agreement, but her eyes were still closed.

I pressed my lips to her warm forehead, and her eyes fluttered open.

I looked down at her, wary, but she was smiling.

"Hi," she said sleepily.

"Hi."

"How's it goin'?"

"Pretty good. You?"

"Same old, same old."

I chuckled. "Are you hungry?"

"For what?"

That caught me off guard. Was she flirting?

"Um, food," I said.

Bella turned red. "Oh. Uh, yeah. A little."

I smirked and climbed off the bed, walking over to the other side as she sat up.

"Your hair looks like a nest," I said. "It's cute. Very I-don't-give-a-fuck."

Bella turned even redder and nodded at her dressing table. "Hand me that brush. Please."

I did as she asked and then watched as she ran it through her hair.

My fingers itched; I wanted so badly to do that for her. Her hair looked so silky and soft, I just wanted to run my fingers through it.

Once she was done I took the brush from her and set it back on the table.

I held my hand out, waiting as she slowly pulled the covers off. She took my hand and I helped her to her feet, not missing her wince.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

"Not really. It aches sort of, but it isn't really pain."

"Can you walk?"

"Do you see my legs?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Then yes I can."

"Well, I'm sorry Miss I-Don't-Need-Anyone's-Help-Because-I'm-So-Fucking-Independent. Excuse me for caring."

Bella knew I was joking so she grinned. "Bella. The name is Bella."

She walked past me but tripped, almost falling on her face.

I caught her around the waist, careful not to crush her ribs.

"Well, well, well," I said, turning her to face me. "Look who almost fell on her ass after claiming she could walk."

Bella narrowed her eyes. "I'm fine."

I ignored her protests as I picked her up, carrying her out of her room as she tried to get me to put her down.

"Stop struggling," I admonished."You're supposed to take it easy physically, remember?"

"Whatever," she grumped, and I laughed as we reached the kitchen where Emmett was setting plates on the wooden round table.

He glared at me as I sat Bella down in a chair.

"I said _help_ her come down, not _carry_ her down," he said.

"She almost fell on her ass trying to walk," I informed him. "So she couldn't."

"She needs the exercise," he argued. "She's been in bed for more than twenty four hours, that's no good."

"Shut up you guys," Bella said curtly. "Let's eat."

After dinner, Bella, Emmett, and I chatted for a bit before it was time for Bella to go back to bed. It was around 10pm and of course she was still tired.

Emmett took the liberty of carrying her upstairs this time, all while she pouted about how we were overdoing everything.

Once she ready for bed, and I sat beside her, Emmett gave me a pointed look.

"I want you out by midnight," he said sternly. "And this lamp stays on until you leave. You can sleep with the lamp on, right Bells?"

Bella nodded, but she suddenly looked worried.

"Sounds fair," I said.

Emmett glanced between us before kissing Bella on the top of her head. "Goodnight, kiddo."

"Night," she mumbled in response.

Emmett left, leaving the door open again, and I watched Bella's suddenly stressed expression.

"What's wrong?" I asked, trying to smooth out the crease in between her brows.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

I put my finger under her chin, and turned her head towards me. I raised an eyebrow, letting her know I wasn't buying it.

Bella sighed. "I'm scared. If you leave. . . "

I nodded in understanding. "You think the nightmares will come back."

Bella nodded once and then lowered herself on the bed so that she was lying flat on her back. I lay on my side again, resting on my elbow so that I was hovering above her a bit.

"I can't stay here all night," I told her softly. "For one thing, I can't sleep in jeans and my jacket."

"Then take it off," she said.

I cocked an eyebrow again. "What?"

"If you take it off, you can be more comfortable."

I sat up and pulled the jacket off, putting it aside. "How's that?"

"Better."

I smiled and rested on my elbow again. "I'd sleep with you if I could."

Realising how wrong that sounded, I changed my wording. "Uh. . . Meaning, I'd stay by your side all night if I could. But Emmett won't let me, and it would be too hard to sleep in jeans and a t-shirt anyway."

"I understand," she said. "I'm just worried about what happens once you leave. . ."

I sighed, seeing her dilemma. "I know what you mean. If you stay up all night after I leave, I can come back tomorrow afternoon and help you catch up on sleep."

Bella smiled and then yawned, closing her eyes. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

It was silent as I watched her fall asleep, listening as her breathing became slower and deeper.

I kissed her forehead and sighed, falling back and rubbing my face. I glanced at the clock on her bedside table; it wasn't even half past ten yet.

Come to think of it, I was pretty knackered myself.

I yawned, the exhaustion catching up with me.

I tried to stay awake, knowing that it wouldn't be a good idea to fall asleep. For Bella's sake it would be fine, but not for mine if I wanted Emmett to spare my life.

I became lost in thoughts of what it would be like after everything was over. What would it be like after she was healed and went through whatever therapy it was she needed? Would she be back to her normal self? Would we finally be able to be in a healthy relationship?

The poor girl needed to know what a real boyfriend was like.

Lost in thoughts of Bella and me, it wasn't long before I lost the fight against my eyelids and fell into a blissful sleep.

* * *

I woke up to bright sunlight stabbing me in the eyes.

"Fuck," I muttered.

Why hadn't I pulled down the blinds the night before?

I rubbed my eyes and shifted a bit; coming to the realisation that someone was on top of me.

My eyes opened and I picked my head up to see a head of brown hair resting on my chest.

I was still at Bella's.

"Fuck," I said again, looking at the clock. It was six in the morning.

I gently pulled Bella off of me and set her back down on her pillow. Disoriented, I got out of bed and grabbed my jacket, sleepily running a hand through my hair.

Hadn't Emmett come to make sure that I left on time?

I kissed Bella's cheek right before I left her room, trying to be quiet as I walked past Emmett's.

It was no use. He was in the kitchen, in his pyjamas, and pouring coffee.

"Morning, sleepyhead," he said.

I paused in the kitchen doorway, eying him warily. He didn't look upset.

"You don't look like a morning person," he commented, smirking.

"Sorry," I muttered, my voice thick with sleep. "Fell asleep."

"Obviously," Emmett said, leaning casually against the counter and sipping his coffee.

"Why didn't you make me leave?"

Emmett shrugged. "I fell asleep, too. I woke up at two in the morning to take a piss when I remembered that you should've been gone. But then when I went to Bella's room, I saw how peaceful you both looked. I was gonna wake you up, but then I heard her mumble, 'Edward, stay,' or something like that, so I thought 'Fuck it.' It's about time I got a decent night's sleep, too. So I just turned the lamp off and left."

I nodded at his explanation. "Well, I'm gonna go get ready for school and shit. Have a shower and whatnot."

Emmett smiled. "Of course."

I turned to walk away, but he stopped me.

"Hey, Edward?"

"What?"

"Thanks."

"For. . . ?"

Emmett shrugged. "Everything. Jacob being gone, going to get her. . . I didn't quite thank you for getting there in time."

"You're welcome."

I turned around again.

"Oh and Edward?"

"What now?" I asked, irritated.

"You can stay tonight, if you want."

I stared at him. "Really?"

"Yeah. But only for a few more days. I don't know how long this nightmare thing will last."

I nodded. "Okay. Thanks."

"I owe you," he said.

"Nah."

"No, I really do."

I shrugged. "Can I go now, or do you still have yet to proclaim your undying love for me?"

Emmett chuckled. "Maybe some other time."

I snorted and waved half-heartedly, making my way towards the front door with a smile on my face.

Once I was on my bike, I glanced up at Bella's window.

She was standing there, looking out at me.

I smiled crookedly at her and waved as she smiled back.

I pulled out of the driveway and gave her one last parting glance before I took off into the streets of Forks.

Soon, everything would be back to normal, with one small change.

She would be mine.


	23. Near To You

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight.

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**Chapter 23- Near To You**

_Near to you, I am healin'  
But it is takin' so long  
Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on_

_Yeah, I'm better near to you_

_Well, you and I, it's somethin' different  
And I'm enjoyin' it as cautiously  
I'm battle scarred, I am workin' oh so hard  
To get back to who I used to be_

_He's disappearin'  
Fadin' steadily  
When I'm so close to bein' yours  
Won't you stay with me, please?_

**Near To You- A Fine Frenzy**

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**Bella POV**

**TWO AND A HALF MONTHS LATER**

My phone buzzed on the bedside table and I jumped from the loud sound breaking the silence of my room.

It was a chilly February morning, and I was getting ready for another dreary day of school.

My life had fallen back into its normal patterns, though the past two months had been anything but eventful.

My night terrors of Jacob harming me had stopped once I was taken off the pain meds. Edward's presence every night had helped immensely, and my therapist, Dr. Kane, had said it was because Edward had always taken on the role of a protector for me.

But there had been times when Edward couldn't stay the night, and the nightmares had always returned in full force.

I was no longer required to go through the therapy, though I was still healing emotionally. I was almost back to my normal self, thanks to the help of my friends, Edward, Emmett, Rose, and Dr. Kane, but I hadn't quite gotten over the trauma of what happened.

And what had almost happened.

I still flinched when someone made a sudden movement, thinking they were about to hit me. My stomach churned when someone said the name Jacob, or Jake, even if it had nothing to do with the one that had hurt me. If I saw a guy with tan skin and dark hair, my heart started hammering. The sound of skateboard wheels rolling on concrete made me tense up and break out in a sweat.

All those things were a constant reminder of my past, and everyone was working so hard to try and help me heal.

Edward helped just by being around. He didn't have to try very hard to keep me distracted from thinking negative thoughts. He didn't have to put in too much effort, like most people, to make me smile or laugh. He never looked at me weird if I got a panic attack from thinking about something I shouldn't have been thinking.

He never, ever, brought up Jacob.

He was finally out of the picture. I was relieved to find out Edward wouldn't have to serve jail time for putting him in a coma, though I thought that was a risky move on his part.

I wasn't sure how I felt about Jacob being in a coma, though. Part of me felt sorry for him, only because of what his family must have been going through, but another part of me was glad that he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone anymore.

I had felt safe. . .

Until I found out that he woke up.

They had been trying not to tell me that Jacob survived. About a month after the whole thing, he woke up from his coma and I overheard Edward talking to Emmett about it.

I had had a huge panic attack; I hyperventilated like crazy and had curled into a fetal position in the middle of the kitchen floor, rocking back and forth. I was convinced that he was going to come back for revenge, that he would come and try to finish what he started.

It was Edward who was able to pull me out of it. It was Edward's touch that calmed me down.

A few weeks after that we found out that he had been sent back to Michigan.

Why?

Because they found the dead body of a missing girl, and all fingers pointed to Jacob.

The girl had been one of Jacob's ex-girlfriends, and he had raped and murdered her. No one had suspected him of anything because he had been the "perfect boyfriend"; courteous, kind, and gentlemanly.

However, he body had been accidentally dug up and the girl was identified as the "missing person" they had been searching for. It had taken them a year.

Jacob was now in Michigan, awaiting trial for her murder. There was still the matter of what he did to me (that hadn't been forgotten), but if everything went okay, he'd be put in jail for life.

I shook all thoughts of Jacob from my mind as I walked over to my phone, which had buzzed loudly a second time.

I flipped it open and saw a message from Edward.

_My motherfucking jacket is in your kitchen. I dunno how the fuck I could have forgotten it, but I did. Bring it to school, will you? I'm running too late to come get it myself. -E_

I smiled. I loved Edward's text messages. When he wasn't around, we were always texting, much to Emmett's dismay since he paid my phone bill.

_**Sure. -B**_

_I write all that and you reply with one word? -E_

One-worded text messages drove Edward crazy, especially when they came from me. He always felt like I was upset if I replied with no more than a few letters.

**Yes. -B**

_You're doing it on purpose, aren't you? -E_

**Maybe. -B**

_Villain! -E_

I giggled and pulled on my shoes, heading downstairs.

A lot had changed between Edward and me. We were still playful with each other, but it was like every word, every touch, every smile had a hidden meaning.

I wanted to be with him, but I had been too scared in the past two months. I was scared that maybe what had happened with Jacob would happen with Edward. I knew it was a silly thought, but it was all I could think about when I thought about myself being in a relationship again.

Rosalie said that I didn't need to have a boyfriend. According to her, I had to make sure that I was my first priority. I had to worry about myself before I could worry about being with someone. She said that a girl doesn't need a boy to feel good about herself, and that the world wouldn't end if I was single for a while.

She was right, but she just didn't understand that I was a hopeless romantic. I was going to dream about Prince Charming, regardless.

I would have taken her advice about not needing a boyfriend . . . if I hadn't known Edward.

Now, for the most part, I was ready.

Once I was downstairs, I saw that Rosalie was in the kitchen, flipping pancakes. Her golden hair shone in the sun streaming through the kitchen windows and she flashed me a bright smile.

Rose had moved in a little over a month ago. At first it had been to help take care of me, since it was hard for me to shower on my own for a little while. The broken ribs accounted for weeks of torture, and Emmett couldn't always be around to help me with certain things. Rosalie had work as well, but the two of them were able to coordinate so that I was never alone. When I wasn't with either Emmett or Rosalie, it was Edward that stuck around.

It was nice having Rosalie live with us. It was like having an older sister, and I was glad that there was someone around that I could talk to about any and everything. She was an amazing cook, and it was because of her that I was able to gain back all the weight I had lost from the stress of my last relationship.

Rosalie living here also meant that if Edward wanted to see her, he'd get to see me too.

"Morning," Rosalie chimed. "Pancakes?"

"Can't," I told her, spotting Edward's jacket hanging over the back of a kitchen chair. "Running a little late. Where's Emmett?"

"He left early this morning," Rose replied as I picked up Edward's jacket. "Of course he ate all the pancakes I made, so I'm left to make some more. Are you sure you don't want any?"

"Positive," I said, picking up my book bag from the floor.

Edward had been here the previous night to help me with math homework, and we had left a little mess on the kitchen table.

"I'll clean this up when I get home," I promised her as I grabbed a granola bar from the pantry.

"Want me to drop you off? I'm on holiday."

I sighed. "Lucky you. But no thanks, I'll be fine." I grabbed the car keys from the counter and waved goodbye as I headed out the door with Edward's jacket slung over my arm.

Since Rosalie now lived with us, that meant Emmett had his beloved red sports car back. That also meant his other car, the one he had gotten when he sold the red one for more money, was left unused. Especially now, when Rosalie was on a brief vacation from work.

I wasn't a huge fan of sports cars, but I enjoyed driving and it was convenient for me to have a car available whenever I needed. I had been trying to convince Emmett to sell this one so that I could get a car of my own choice. Preferably something that didn't sound like a motorboat on wheels.

I pulled up into the Forks High parking lot and sighed as the weight of it being Monday fell on me. The only thing I liked about school was being around Edward, somewhere away from Emmett's hawk-like gaze.

It was true that Emmett had been a little uptight lately, what with Edward and I getting closer. He knew it was only a matter of time before I was finally one hundred percent over the trauma and ready to start over, but my poor brother wasn't ready for it himself.

I turned the engine of the car off and glanced at Edward's jacket, which sat in the front passenger seat.

Smiling, I pulled off my coat and threw the leather jacket on over my sweater. It was a little big on me, but I liked it that way. Being wrapped in Edward's jacket was almost as good as being wrapped in his arms.

I lowered my head and sniffed the leather, inhaling the deep cigarettes-and-cologne-and-something-like-lilac scent of Edward.

It was intoxicating.

I remembered how one time Edward had caught me sniffing it. I had blushed furiously, extremely humiliated to be caught red handed.

He had simply grinned crookedly and said, "Be careful. You might get high snorting at it like that."

I couldn't help it. I loved Edward's jacket; it was like a part of him. Today I decided he'd have to fight me for it.

Grinning at the memory, I climbed out of the truck and threw my backpack over my shoulder.

I got several looks from bystanders as I walked through the parking lot. I was used to this by now; ever since the whole thing with Jacob, a lot of attention had been focused on me. Although I hated it, I knew that it could be much worse.

It could be like what Edward had to deal with.

Everyone was terrified of him. They all treated him like a criminal, staying out of his way and being way too nice when they ended up in a situation where they had to talk to him. Jacob's old friends were in awe, looking up to him like he was some idol. Edward hated this almost as much as I did.

I knew what a great person Edward was. What I hated was how no one else did. They all knew him as tough-guy Edward Cullen, the thug from London who somehow got out of jail time. It was maddening.

As I entered the school, I realized that all the stares I was getting were because of Edward's jacket. I had been bold to put it on, and I was by no means enjoying the attention, but a part of me felt smug because it was like my silent declaration of our relationship.

We weren't exactly together, not yet anyway.

But we were almost there, and everyone knew it.

I noticed that Edward wasn't at his locker and frowned. Instead, I strolled on over to my own.

Alice was throwing books into her locker next to mine while talking on her phone.

"I know, Jazz," she was saying. "Oh for the love of Zac Posen, please just rest! You can't try and come to school as sick as you are."

"Hi, Alice," I said, popping open my locker.

"I know, but-" Alice broke off as she caught sight of me, her jaw dropping. "Uh, Jazz, I'll talk to you later okay? You too. Ciao."

She flipped her phone shut with a loud snap and continued to gawk at the jacket.

"Yes, it's Edward's," I said, knowing what she was about to ask.

"Did. . . Did he give that to you?" Alice asked in disbelief.

I shook my head, smiling. "No. I took it."

"You _stole_ Edward's jacket?"

"Well, kinda. He left it at my house and asked me to bring it to school, so I brought it."

Alice nodded with understanding and gave me a strange look.

She opened her mouth to say something and then shook her head, thinking better of it.

"Say what you want to say, Alice," I sighed.

Alice pursed her lips tightly and shook her head again as she shut her locker.

I took out my own books and looked at her exasperatedly. "Al, please. Say what you want. I can take it."

"Do you know what you're saying by wearing that?" she blurted.

I stared at her. "Um, no. Care to enlighten me?"

Alice grabbed my arms, a desperate look on her face. "You're saying that he is yours. You're saying that you two are together, that you're practically _engaged_."

I snorted. "I'm wearing his jacket Alice, not a diamond on my finger. I'm just teasing him."

Alice let go of me and crossed her arms over her chest. "That's not what it looks like to others. That's all I'm saying."

"Why do you seem so against it?" I asked curiously. Alice had never been Anti-Edward and Bella. She had always been like our advocate, or spokesperson.

"I'm not against it. I just . . . are you sure you're ready to put yourself out there? Are you really ready?"

"It's been two and a half months," I kept my voice low whenever talking about "the incident". "I'm getting better. No more panic attacks or nightmares. The flinching is less, too."

"You nicked my jacket!" A shocked voice came from behind me.

I jumped and whirled around, seeing Edward in all his godlike glory.

He wore a dark gray sweatshirt and dark jeans, along with the leather Chucks I loved so much. His hair was in its usual casual disarray, and his expression was one of mock horror.

It took me a moment before I could talk. "I, uh. . . "

Edward smirked; he knew by now the affect he had on me.

He took a step closer and my heartbeat sped up. "You're a thief," he said, emerald eyes glinting. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

I swallowed before I lifted my chin up, trying to seem defiant. "Finders keepers, loser's weepers."

Edward chuckled and shrugged. "Fair enough."

My jaw dropped. "Wait. . . you're _giving_ it to me?"

"Giving it to you? I may be a little mental, but I haven't gone mad all the way. Since you already have it on, you can keep it on."

I smiled and started to take it off. "It's okay. I'm just teasing."

Edward put a hand on mine to stop me, and sure enough that electric undercurrent was there.

"No, really," he said, his eyes boring into mine. "Keep it for now. It looks good on you."

We stared at each other. His hand never left its position on mine and I felt like my whole body was heating up. When had he gotten to standing so close to me?

"Oh God," came Alice's voice. "Get a room, you two."

I blushed and Edward dropped his hand so he could glare at Alice.

"Listen, Small Person, just because your boy toy isn't here-" he began.

"Don't even get started talking about Jasper-" Alice cut him off.

"I thought this was a democracy with free speech and shit, I can say whatever the fuck I-"

"There's a difference between free speech and. . ."

I listened to their mindless banter with a smile on my face as I gathered my last few books.

Everything was going so well.

I silently prayed that nothing would ruin my day.

**

* * *

**

I tapped Edward on the shoulder with my pen. "I don't get this first question."

We were in math class and he was in his usual seat in front of me.

He turned around to look down at my notebook. "What don't you get?" he whispered.

I tried not to stare at his face as I bit my lip. Having his face so close to mine always made me want to shudder in an oddly delightful way.

"Um, do I have to simplify it in order to solve it, or can I just solve it like this?"

"You can solve it like that."

"How?"

"Were you paying attention?"

"No. I mean, yes."

Edward raised an eyebrow and I looked away from his piercing eyes so I wouldn't get distracted.

"Well, I was," I said. "But I don't understand any of it."

Edward opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the classroom door opening and Lauren Mallory stumbling in. Except, you wouldn't have thought it was Lauren Mallory at first glance.

Everyone stared at her; she did not look like herself.

Her usually silky straight hair was a frizzy mess and she was wearing absolutely no makeup. Her curves, which were usually out and on display for everyone, were hidden by an over sized sweatshirt and sweatpants.

"Sorry I'm late," she mumbled to Mr. Varner, before hurrying to her seat behind me.

The class was in somewhat of a shocked silence. What had happened to her?

Once everyone had stopped gawking at Lauren, Edward gave me a look that said, "What the hell is up with her?"

I shrugged and looked at Alice, who usually knew all the gossip.

Alice wasn't look at us, but was frowning at the floor, her brows furrowed in thought.

Suddenly, she looked at Edward, her eyes wide in horror.

"You didn't," she gasped.

I stared between Edward and Alice; Edward looked at Alice like he had no idea what she was talking about, and Alice was looking at him like she just found out that he had murdered somebody.

I almost chuckled at the thought.

Edward, intentionally murder someone? Never.

"What?" Edward asked her. "What the fuck are you looking at me like that for?"

Alice put her face in her hands briefly before looking at me sympathetically.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked. I felt worried all of a sudden.

Alice shook her head, mouthing "later", and then pulled out her phone to start texting furiously.

Edward and I looked at each other in complete confusion.

Something was wrong, and it involved Edward and Lauren.

**

* * *

**

I waited impatiently on the bleachers in gym class, anxious to talk to Alice about what was going on.

She was all the way on the other side of the gym, deep in conversation with some redhead that I had never spoken to before.

I huffed with irritation and looked around for Edward; he hadn't arrived yet in order to keep me company.

Finally, Alice strolled over to me, her brows permanently furrowed since math class.

"What is going on?" I asked as she plopped down next to me, looking forlorn.

"That's what I've been trying to find out all day," she replied, not meeting my gaze. "It took me a while, but my feelings have, unfortunately, been confirmed. I asked around and spoke to my usual sources, and now I know what's wrong with Lauren Mallory."

"Well, what is it?" Her nervous expression was freaking me out.

Alice sighed and looked at me, her eyes tragic. "I don't know if I should. . ."

"Alice, you can't announce you know something and then not tell me. That's cruel. What is up with Lauren, and what does Edward have to do with it?"

Alice bit her lip, contemplating. I was about to scold her again when she finally blurted, "Lauren Mallory is preggers with Edward's baby!"

My heart stopped.

For a second I couldn't say anything and just stared at Alice while she chewed on her lip, nervously awaiting my reaction.

It felt like someone had taken hold of my heart and was slowly crushing it so that the blood was fighting to pump through my veins.

"Bella?" Alice said, looking rueful. "You okay?"

Of course I wasn't. She had just told me that the boy that had become my best friend and that I was maybe, possibly falling in love with, had knocked up another girl.

It sounded so unlike Edward. . . but at the same time it sounded just like him.

I felt traitor tears coming and I blinked them away as the boy in question walked into the gym.

Normally I'd become breathless by the sight of him in the tacky gym uniform, the only guy that could pull it off and make it look appealing in the slightest.

But now I just couldn't find it in myself to look at him.

He sauntered over to us like nothing was wrong, like he wasn't about to become some child's father.

Edward stopped in front of me, looking down at my expression worriedly. I tried to keep my face blank, but I knew it wasn't working.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

He looked from me to Alice, who was now glaring at him.

"What?" he asked, a little aggravated this time. "What did I do?"

"Ask Lauren," Alice hissed.

"Lauren? What the fuck does she have to do with anything?"

I couldn't look at him, I just couldn't.

I took a deep breath and stood up, joining a group of people that were taking a warm-up walk around the gym.

"Bella, where are you going?" he asked. I ignored him.

I heard his velvet voice as he talked to Alice. A few seconds later I heard him cry, "What the fuck! Has this school gone _mad_?"

This was followed by the sound of running footsteps and then he was walking beside me.

"Bella, it's not true," he said urgently. "I didn't knock anyone up, I swear."

I wanted to believe him, but why did it seem so impossible?

"Bella, look at me," Edward said.

He reached out an arm and I flinched out of habit. He ignored me and grabbed my arm, firmly but not painfully, effectively stopping me.

I turned to face him but kept my eyes trained on the letters of the school's name stamped onto his gym shirt.

Edward put a finger under my chin and lifted my head up so I would look at him but I kept my eyes cast downward.

"Bella, please," his voice sounded so desperate that I had to meet his gaze.

His green eyes were pleading.

"I didn't get her pregnant," he said imploringly, not letting go of my chin. "I swear."

He sounded so sincere that I felt a little better, but something was nagging at me.

He let go of me and stared into my eyes with so much disappointment that it hurt.

"Why don't you believe me?" he whispered sorrowfully.

Coach blew the whistle and Edward turned away from me with one last glance of remorse.

That hurt more than anything and I wanted to tell him to wait and that I was sorry I couldn't believe him, but words escaped me.

Edward didn't acknowledge my presence for the rest of class.

**

* * *

**

After gym I made a quick stop to the restroom, trying not to think anymore about Edward or Lauren or Edward and Lauren's baby.

It didn't help that while I was in a stall, Lauren and her groupies walked in.

"My life is ruined," Lauren had been sobbing. "I don't feel like doing anything anymore. My parents won't let me get rid of it, saying it's my 'responsibility'. It's not just up to me, you know? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I have to take care of it. I had plans for my future, I wanted to go to college!" She started crying even harder as her friends tried to unsuccessfully comfort her.

"At least the kid will be cute," one of her friends remarked, trying to sound cheery. "It's going to be a gorgeous baby, with your and Edward's genes."

Lauren started crying like someone had died, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I flew out of the stall and out of the bathroom before any one of them could say anything to me.

By the time lunch came around, I wanted to cry. Everyone was buzzing about Lauren and Edward and my head was pounding with their words.

I sat at the lunch table with my chin in my hand, playing around with the open soda can lid of my Coke. I bent the little tin oval back and forth until it snapped.

Alice and the others were on the lunch line, but I felt too nauseated to even think about food. Edward hadn't arrived yet either, and a part of me hoped he was ditching the rest of the day.

I was wrong.

It wasn't long before I saw his tall form through my peripheral vision as he walked swiftly over to the table. I tensed up; his posture looked angry.

He threw his backpack down in front of me and I jumped.

He took the seat across from mine and glared at me in a way that was almost frightening.

"Why the _fuck_ don't you believe me?" he asked frustratedly.

I bit my lip; the tears that had been threatening to come out all day were finally about to make themselves known.

Edward continued to stare at me, clenching and unclenching his jaw.

"I don't know," I finally whispered.

He groaned and threw his head into his arms. I stared at the top of his head, his bronze hair a little messier than usual, if such a thing were possible.

I ignored the sudden urge to run my hands through it, and instead focused on if Edward was more distressed about me not believing him or about getting someone pregnant at seventeen.

It annoyed me that I couldn't believe him. He had sounded so sincere in the gym, so honest. His eyes had showed me how he was telling the truth but what had been nagging me was that maybe he was just in denial.

Edward said he hadn't gotten her pregnant, but he never said he hadn't had sex with her. Accidents happen, protection goes wrong sometimes.

Maybe he was just in denial about the whole thing, which allowed him to be sincere about it.

It made sense, too. Even though Edward and Lauren weren't together anymore, he was still a teenage guy and she was still a teenage girl. Both of them had to have been hormonal at some point. Edward didn't seem like the type that would deal with sexual frustration for too long, and Lauren seemed like the type who would give it to him whenever he wanted.

Edward looked up at me and his eyes were still hard.

"What do I have to do to get you to believe me?" he asked, his voice tight.

I shrugged and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath through his nose.

He was angry.

Why was he so pissed off?

He opened his eyes once more and they were pleading again.

He reached across the table and I pulled my hands out of the way, but he grabbed them just in time.

"Listen to me," he said urgently. "There is no fucking way I got her pregnant. I never even banged her, okay? She's a slag; it could be anyone's."

Again, his eyes looked the sincerest I had ever seen them.

I wanted to kick myself.

Why didn't I believe him yet? He had just admitted that he didn't have sex with her, but what was it that made me think that somehow it was his?

Edward could tell I still wasn't convinced, because his face darkened and his eyes grew hard again as he let go of my hands.

Yeah, he was still pissed.

"I want to believe you," I said quickly. "I really do."

"Then why don't you?" he asked accusingly. "Do you really think I'm some idiot that goes around fucking any girl I want without worrying about the consequences?"

I chewed on my lip and thought about his question.

Honestly, his usual attitude made me think he would do something like that.

I couldn't answer him because Alice, Mike, Jessica, Angela, and Eric all came back to the table.

All of them watched our little staring match warily.

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" Alice asked me. I looked away from Edward to glance at her as I shook my head.

Edward frowned at my soda can, as if noticing for the first time that I had no food with me.

"You had better not be starving yourself on my behalf," he said coldly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I just don't have much of an appetite. Don't flatter yourself."

Before Edward could reply, Paul, one of Jacob's old friend's, stopped by the table.

Jacob's old friends had been trying hard over the past few months to get on Edward's good side. They practically kissed his ass, wanting to be friends with him so that they could have a reputation like his. It wasn't necessarily a good reputation, but I guess boys found something appealing about being intimidating to others.

"So is it true?" Paul asked him.

Edward glanced up to look at him with an irritated expression.

"What?" Edward asked.

Paul hesitated, like he wasn't sure if he should say anything else.

But the guy was clearly very stupid because he said, "About knocking Lauren up. Is it true?"

Edward's jaw clenched and unclenched again, and before I knew it he was standing up.

_Oh no_, I thought. _Not another fight, please._

But instead of swinging at Paul, who now looked slightly afraid, Edward climbed onto the table.

"Hey!" Alice protested, moving her tray of food away from his feet.

Everyone looked up at Edward, wondering what the hell he was doing standing on a table.

"Everyone listen to me!" he shouted. The whole cafeteria fell silent, their full attention on Edward.

"I didn't get anybody pregnant!" he yelled. He wasn't yelling out of anger, he was just trying to be heard. "I never shagged Lauren Mallory, or anyone else in this whole fucking country, all right? So everyone just shut the fuck up and get a fucking life instead of gossiping about shit! Lauren and I are over, and have been for a very long time! I never fucked her, so that means that I didn't knock her up. Simple. So leave me the fuck alone!"

He took a deep breath and hopped off the table, glaring at Paul. "Does that answer your question?"

Paul stared at him in stunned silence before nodding slowly.

"Good," Edward muttered, and he fell back into the seat in front of me.

The cafeteria's attention had, for the most part, shifted from Edward to Lauren.

She sat at the other end of the room, a horrified look on her face.

I found myself blushing furiously, not for me, but for her. She just had to be so embarrassed about being called out in front of the whole school. Edward had just declared that he never had sex with her, even though Lauren had been trying to convince everyone that he had.

Lauren burst into tears and was out of the room within seconds, not even her friends trailing after her.

"Does that answer _your_ question?" Edward asked me, his eyes cold.

"That was cruel, Edward," Alice hissed.

He sighed and turned his attention to her. "Sorry?"

"That was just downright mean," Alice scolded. "Did you have to go and yell to the whole school? Lauren must be so humiliated."

"Serves her right," Edward snapped. "Who the fuck does she think she is, spreading rumors about me getting her pregnant? I made it very clear at the beginning of our so-called 'relationship' that I wasn't going to shag her. She wanted it, but I wouldn't give it to her. Shit, I never even kissed the girl. Unless you can knock someone up by looking at them, the possibility of Lauren's kid being mine is like the possibility of you growing six feet tall overnight. Not happening. Okay?"

Edward looked at me again and I opened my mouth to finally admit that I believed him, but we were interrupted by Mr. Walsh, one of the deans.

"Mr. Cullen," he said stiffly. "I'm going to need you to come with me."

"Why?" Edward asked irritably.

"We need to talk about the little stunt you just pulled," Mr. Walsh replied sternly.

Edward sighed and stood up, slinging his bad over his shoulder.

He looked at me in defeat this time.

"Make sure you eat something," he suggested curtly, and then he was following Mr. Walsh out of the room.

I watched him walk away along with everyone else, but I felt insanely guilty. I had let my own insecurities get in the way of the truth.

I pulled out my phone and wrote him a text.

**I believe you. -B**

I didn't get a reply all period.

Now that I knew Edward was telling the truth, it was like an elephant had been lifted from my shoulders.

I took his advice and got something to eat, since the anxious nausea had passed.

Alice was ranting about how she felt stupid for assuming it was Edward's baby. According to her, she had a feeling Lauren was pregnant, but assumed it was Edward's out of pure bad judgment.

She felt really stupid about it and within five minutes of her complaining, I had tuned out her voice for my own anxious thoughts.

I was still worried about not getting a reply to my text, but when I was at my locker after lunch, my phone buzzed.

_Let's skive. -E_

**Um, what? That sounds highly inappropriate. –B**

_No, I mean let's go skiving. In other words, let's ditch. -E_

**Are you serious? -B**

_[insert sarcastic tone here] No, I'm just screwing around. -E_

**We have class next. -B**

_Class will still be there tomorrow. -E_

I thought about it and squirmed with discomfort. I had never cut class before, and I didn't know if it would be worth getting caught.

_You won't fail if you skip one class. -E_

I sighed.

Cutting class with Edward . . . it sounded a little exciting.

**Where would we go? -B**

_I dunno. -E_

**But how can we just leave without a destination? -B**

_Wouldn't kill you to be spontaneous every once in a while. -E_

I hesitated, and he probably knew because he sent another text two minutes later.

_I don't know about you, but school is giving me a fucking headache right about now.-E_

That was all it took to persuade me.

**Okay. -B**

_Use the exit in the corridor with the janitor's closet after the late bell. -E_

**Gotcha -B**

_;) -E_

I smiled.

Edward had just winked at me. Sure it was through text, but it gave me butterflies.

Now if only he would do it in person. . .

**

* * *

**

I was nervous as I transferred my books from my locker to my bag. I couldn't stop chewing on my lip, anxious about where we would go and how cutting class just wasn't like me.

Could we get away with it? What if we got caught?

Alice had already gone off to her biology class, so I was glad I was saved from having to give her an explanation.

The late bell rang and I hurried off to the hallway with the janitor's closet, feeling extremely paranoid that someone was watching me.

I kept glancing over my shoulder as I reached the dimly lit area, glad to see that the one dean that was patrolling at this time had his back to me.

I half ran, half walked to the emergency exit, my heart hammering as I pushed it open and stumbled out into the cold February air.

I pulled Edward's jacket closer to me as I shivered and jogged towards the parking lot.

Edward waited in the usual corner that his bike occupied. He was leaning against it, arms folded across his chest. He stood out amongst the dark greens and browns of the surrounding area, heart-stoppingly gorgeous.

I had to slow my jog to a fast paced walk, afraid that I might stumble if he just stood there looking the way he did.

I felt self conscious as I walked over to him; he was watching me intently.

"Any day now," he called when I was a few feet away.

I blushed and stopped in front of him.

"So, what do we do now?" I asked shyly, panting a little.

Edward grinned crookedly and shrugged. "Now. . . we skive."

"Skive. Right."

Edward turned and climbed onto his bike.

I spun on my heel to head to my car but he grabbed my arm.

"Where are you off to?" he asked.

I turned back around to look at him, confused.

"To my car," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

"I'm gonna follow you wherever you go, right?"

Edward looked at me like I was insane. "Get the fuck on," he ordered.

I blanched. "Um . . . what?"

He raised both eyebrows. "Your ass. The seat behind me. Your ass should be placed on the seat behind me."

I blushed harder. He was talking about my ass. . . ?

"But I'm scared," I whimpered pathetically. The thought of riding around on a motorcycle was frightening.

"You've ridden on my bike before," Edward said patiently.

I frowned. "I have?"

He nodded and then smiled. "Of course, you were plastered so I doubt you remember."

"Oh. Well, now I'm sober and scared out of my mind."

"Don't be scared. And we'll come back by dismissal to get the car." He reached behind him and picked up the helmet.

He brushed my hair off my shoulders, his fingers running across my neck briefly but in such a manner that I shuddered with an unexpected desire.

He stuffed the helmet on me with a grin, stepping back to view his handiwork when he was done.

"You look . . . badass," he stated.

I smiled but he didn't see it. He climbed back onto the bike and looked at me expectantly. I took a deep breath, as much as the helmet would allow, and climbed unsteadily on the bike.

"Hold on tight," he said.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and my thighs were hugging his. He felt so firm and stable under me and I was filled with an immediate sense of safety.

I gripped him tightly as he revved the engine, and a few second later we were zooming away.

It was exhilarating.

The adrenaline pumped through my veins as I held onto Edward for dear life. I couldn't necessarily feel the wind in my hair, but I could feel the pressure of the wind against the helmet as it roared into my ears.

The fact that I didn't have a seatbelt on terrified me, but I pushed the thought aside and buried my helmeted head into Edward's back.

About ten minutes later he stopped and I lifted my head to look around.

We were on an empty dirt road, and I knew we were still in Forks because of the familiar forests that lined both sides.

It was pretty much in the middle of nowhere, and I was momentarily puzzled.

Edward climbed off the bike and I felt stiff as I got off.

I pulled the helmet off and smoothed my hair back as I looked around confusedly.

My immediate thought was that he was going to murder me here and bury my body in the forest. My heart started pounding at the thought.

Like I said, I wasn't quite over the whole Jacob thing. If anything seemed off, I got paranoid and suspicious for no reason at all.

"There's this place," Edward said, taking the helmet from me. "I found it randomly, really."

He set the helmet on the bike and nodded towards the forest to our right. Everything was silent, except for the chirping of birds and the cold breezes rushing against our faces.

I followed him and once we were under the shadow of the trees, he took my hand. I felt my stomach flip in a pleasurable way.

I didn't realize how cold my hand was until it was wrapped in his warm one. His skin was a little rough, but his hand felt firm and manly.

We were quiet and I was overwhelmed by curiosity, but I didn't want to ruin the moment by asking questions.

The path he was leading me on was well worn out, like it had been walked on many times. I only stumbled once or twice, and he was there to catch me, never angry or annoyed with my lack of gracefulness.

With Edward's hand in mine, walking through the shady but intensely beautiful forest, everything felt at ease.

Over the past two months, Jacob had been on my mind all the time, only giving me freedom when Edward was around.

Being near Edward helped any lasting thoughts of Jacob fade away, and I could feel myself healing on the inside. It took me a while, but with Edward's endless patience and constant presence, I knew everything would be okay.

I was scarred, that was for sure. Maybe I would be this way forever, but I knew the scars were fading just by being around him. As long as he stuck around, I'd be okay. I knew he had scars of his own, and I hoped he would tell me how he got them someday, but for now I had my own issues to worry about. It took time, but the trauma was disappearing, fading into nothingness.

I was still always on my guard, though. Even with Edward, something could go wrong. I knew he would never hurt me like Jacob had, but the physical pain wasn't the only kind of hurt.

Edward had my love, and love could be twisted in ways to be the most painful kind of torture. I knew that from experience.

I decided it was time to break the peaceful silence.

"So what is this place you found randomly?" I asked. "Is it in this forest, or somewhere outside its perimeter?"

Edward smirked at me. "It's right here."

"This forest?"

"Kind of."

I looked around at the surrounding trees, familiar to me by sight and smell. They were all over Forks, but I was still a little confused. He was still leading me along the path, so it had to take us somewhere.

"I came here every day for two months," Edward told me quietly. "Right after school. I had just been riding without a purpose, and before I knew it I made a turn and ended up by this forest. It had been dead quiet, the perfect environment I needed to just think about things. Sometimes I brought my sketchbook here."

"What did you think about?" I whispered.

"You, mostly," he smiled down at me. "About how it killed me to see you in so much pain. About how I hated your nightmares. About how I needed myself to be patient and not go crazy waiting for you to get back to normal. . . Because I didn't know when that time would be. Could've been years for all I knew. "

I listened silently, feeling my heart swell. Edward, the most impatient person I had ever met, had been willing to wait years for my emotional return.

"Of course, there wasn't a path here when I started," Edward continued. "I made it this way from coming here so fucking much."

"Where does the path lead to exactly?"

"You'll see," Edward grinned.

A minute later we came into a tiny clearing. It was only about twenty or so feet in diameter, a circular area with nothing but the distorted stump of a tree in the middle. There were no flowers, or even that much grass. The trees around us formed a circle around the tree stump, leaving only a few feet of distance between their trunks and the large piece of wood.

It wasn't a meadow, or a field, or anything in nature where I would expect someone to come and think.

It was ugly, but there was still something breathtakingly gorgeous about a random tree stump in the middle of a rainy forest.

"I call it the Heart of the Forest," Edward said. "Sounds pansy, I know, but it's only appropriate. I mean, it is the middle of the forest, and that stump over there looks sort of like a heart. . . "

He trailed of sheepishly and I let go of his hand to step forward and inspect the tree stump more closely.

Sure enough, the top of the stump was dented inwards on the top and then a little narrower at the bottom. It look like a fat heart, bulging out from the sides but having enough definition on the top and bottom to look like something other than a big blob of wood.

"You're right," I said.

"Look closer," Edward said, coming to stand behind me. "There's something scratched into it."

I crouched down and tucked my hair behind my ears as I looked closer at the tree's darkened bark.

Sure enough, there was a quote right in the center. It was a bit blurry, but I could only barely make out the words carved onto the rings.

I read aloud, _"__'To love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something, but to be loved by the one you love is everything.__'"_

Edward chuckled. "Sounds almost like a riddle. It makes sense though . . . I reckon this must have been some lovers' spot years ago. I never see anyone here, though."

I stood up and faced him. "It's beautiful."

Edward nodded. "In a weird way, it is."

"And you found it randomly?"

"It was randomosity at its best."

We stared at each other, both of us smiling.

Edward nodded at the stump. "Wanna sit?"

I stared at it. "On the stump?"

"Well, yeah. You don't think I meant the ground, did you?"

"It feels wrong to sit on it."

"Really? My ass has made that stump home for the past two months, and I haven't heard any protests from the surrounding trees."

I giggled and took a seat on the stump, which was actually big enough for two people. I scooted over so that Edward could sit beside me and he did just that.

"Can I ask you something?" he said.

I shrugged. "Ask away."

"When you were. . . unconscious. . . two months ago. . . did you hear me talking to you?"

I vaguely knew what he was talking about.

I remembered being in complete darkness, feeling like I was asleep. I would hear voices every now and then, but I'd be too tired to wake up. I just felt so comfortable and I was filled with a heaviness that didn't want to let me move.

And then I heard Edward's voice, faintly at first, but I knew it was him. I tried so hard to wake up, though it wasn't easy. The first thing I remembered him saying was that he was sorry he broke his promise about protecting me and how he blamed himself for what Jacob did. That upset me, even in the deep sleep I was in, and that was what made me want to wake up right away. I listened as he talked about how guilty he felt and how he really cared about me. He said that I had made him cry, and that was the part I remembered most clearly.

Edward was watching me expectantly.

"I heard bits and pieces," I admitted.

He looked at me warily. "Can you be more specific?"

I bit my lip and decided it was probably best to just tell him everything I knew. "The first thing I remembered you saying is that you were sorry for breaking your promise. Something about how you should've gotten Emmett to change the locks. You said it was all your fault and that you cared about me. That I made you cry." Edward looked down in embarrassment. "You kept asking me to wake up and I was trying but the way you just kept blaming yourself for it was aggravating me. So I had to wake up."

Edward smiled shyly. "You didn't seem so aggravated when you were awake."

"Aggravation turned to fear."

He became serious again. "That's _all_ you heard?"

I thought about it and then nodded. Edward let out a relieved breath, and I grew slightly suspicious.

"Why?" I asked. "Did you say something you didn't want me to remember?"

Edward looked away and started kicking around some twigs at his feet. "I said everything I'd want you to know."

"I have a feeling I didn't hear everything."

Edward looked at me with blazing eyes, his face just inches away from mine. I could feel his breath on my face and I held my own, a bad habit whenever Edward took my breath away. Literally.

His lips parted and my eyes were drawn to them. I felt a warmth travel from my stomach down and before I knew it I was gasping for breath.

Edward sighed exasperatedly. "Did you forget to breathe again?"

I nodded, blushing, and stared at my feet.

The things he did to me just by sitting there, without even trying. Him leaning against a bike almost made me trip, him holding my hand gave me butterflies, him parting his lips made me feel all hot and bothered.

Jacob had never had this effect on me.

When I thought about Jacob, I thought about the nightmares, and when I thought of the nightmares I thought about Edward spending nights with me.

"Can I ask you something now?" I asked when the silence became unbearable.

Edward shrugged and smiled softly.

"When you had to spend every night with me . . . when I was having nightmares . . . how did you feel about that?"

Edward watched me thoughtfully, and I could tell he was contemplating his answer.

"I dunno how I felt exactly," he said slowly. "All I knew was that I didn't want you to see that asshole in your dreams. If it meant me staying, then so be it."

"You didn't feel . . . uncomfortable?" I felt my cheeks grow hot.

"Well, your bed was quite comfy," he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

My face grew hotter. "So then what was making you uncomfortable? Having to be with me?"

"Oh no, not that." He suddenly looked embarrassed again. "See. . . when I sleep, I. . . "

"You what?"

"I have my shirt off."

I furrowed my brows.

"I can't sleep well with a shirt on," he explained further. "I have a habit of sleeping shirtless, but obviously I couldn't do that in your bed. Emmett would probably kill me for it. The first night I stayed, I slept fine because I was fucking knackered. But the night after that, and so one. . . I was a bit restless."

"Oh," I muttered.

Edward had to sleep shirtless. That was. . . interesting.

I got flashes of Edward in nothing but a towel, and my face was probably beet red by then.

"I'm just glad you can sleep well now," Edward declared, clearly trying to get off the topic of his shirtlessness.

"I never thanked you," I suddenly said, coming to a horrifying realization.

"Thanked me?"

"I never thanked you for staying every night, for getting rid of Jacob, for. . . oh my God, I never thanked you for anything at all! I'm a horrible person!"

Edward chuckled. "You're not a horrible person. It seems like everyone has been fucking thanking me lately. I don't feel like I deserve any of it but I guess you're welcome. Besides, I should take the thanks. I should be glad it's 'thank you' and not 'fuck you'."

"Fuck you," I giggled.

Edward's eyes were wide, his mouth open. "Did you just say 'fuck you'. . . to _me_?"

He wasn't upset, just amused.

"Sorry," I said. "Got caught in the moment."

Edward was trying not to grin; I could tell by the twitch of his lips.

"I'm hurt," he said, trying to sound serious. "Absolutely wounded. You should make it up to me somehow."

I bit my lip. "How?"

Edward's eyes had that mischievous glint again. "How about a kiss?"

I gasped as he grinned.

"I'm just kidding," he said, staring at the floor.

But something told me he had been serious.

He wanted me to kiss him.

"Okay," I whispered.

Edward's head whipped towards me, his expression stunned.

"What?" he gasped. "Bella, no, I was just-"

I reached out and put a finger to his lips.

They were soft under my touch.

I scooted a little closer and Edward was frozen in his spot, shock written all over his face.

I took his chin in my hand and turned his head to the side, so that his profile was facing me.

Leaning in, I gently pressed my lips to his cheek.


	24. I'm Yours

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight.

_**

* * *

**_

**Chapter 24- I'm Yours**

_Well you done done me and you bet I felt it  
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted  
I fell right through the cracks  
Now I'm trying to get back  
Before the cool done run out  
I'll be giving it my bestest  
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention_

_I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some_

_I won't hesitate no more, no more  
It cannot wait, I'm yours_

**I'm Yours- Jason Mraz**

**

* * *

**

**Edward POV**

I was frozen in shock as Bella's soft lips pressed gently against my cheek.

Her mouth was so warm on my cold face, and even though it was a chaste kiss, I had to restrain myself from moaning at the contact.

Because, after all, her lips were on me. So it wasn't on my own lips, but still- _Bella Swan's fucking lips were on my face._

I had only been half serious when I asked for a kiss, but I was completely taken aback when she actually agreed.

For a split second I thought she was really going to do it, and my heart almost came out of my fucking chest.

Then she turned my head to the side and placed the kiss on my cheek, and it may have been brief, but it was really fucking sweet.

Once she pulled away, I turned to see her blushing the darkest pink I had ever seen on her alabaster skin.

She bit her lip and looked down, and it was silent in the little clearing as I tried to think of something to say that wasn't offensive or just fucking stupid.

I cleared my throat even though it didn't need clearing. "Okay."

_Okay? What the fuck was that about?_

"Okay," Bella echoed, smiling shyly.

I stood up and held out my hand. "Shall we?"

She placed her palm in mine and I pulled her to her feet, weaving my fingers through hers.

They fit perfectly.

"Shall we what?" Bella asked.

My mind immediately went dirty places but I shook the thoughts aside.

"We should go get your car," I said as I led us through the forest.

"Emmett's," she corrected. "I don't claim that noisy piece of metal to be mine at all."

I smirked. "You seem like a motorcycle type of girl."

Bella laughed. "Yeah, right. Next I'll seem like the bungee jumping kind of girl."

"That's not as exciting as it sounds, trust me," I told her.

Bella's jaw dropped. "You've been bungee jumping?"

I nodded, remembering how a few friends and I had done it for my sixteenth birthday.

"Yeah. It's good for an adrenaline rush and shit, but afterwards you feel like crap. My neck and back were like I had been sleeping on a concrete floor for days, I felt dizzy for a while, and even my vision was all fucked up."

"Yikes. Remind me to never try that."

We stumbled through the woods and talked about random shit, and ten minutes later we reached the perimeter.

"We need to get you your own helmet," I said as I gently shoved my helmet on Bella's head.

She mumbled something but I couldn't hear her through the helmet. I lifted up the face shield so I could hear her better.

"Sorry?"

"Do you expect me to be riding on your motorcycle often?" she said a little louder.

I grinned and shrugged. "Only if you want to."

A few minutes later we arrived back at Forks High. School had already been let out, so the parking lot was full of people.

Almost every student was staring at us as they moved out of the way for my bike. I pulled up next to Bella's car and she climbed off.

I could never get over how amazing she looked in my shit.

Bella pulled the helmet off, revealing how abashed she looked, and held the helmet out to me. As I took it from her, I noticed how she kept glancing towards our audience.

Of course, innocent little Bella Swan skiving with almost-criminal Edward Cullen was a big deal.

"Thanks," she mumbled. "You know, for showing me that place."

"No problem," I said. "I know it's not an exciting place to skive to, but-"

"It was perfect."

I smiled at her and she smiled back, looking genuinely happy. I hadn't seen her glow like that in a very long time.

"Do you want your jacket now?" she asked.

"Nah, leave it on. I'm coming over tonight, anyway."

"Don't you remember Emmett's latest rule?" she added hesitantly.

I snorted. Emmett had all sorts of ridiculous rules for Bella and me. We weren't even a couple yet and he was already telling us we couldn't be alone in a room with the door closed or something stupid like that.

"Which rule is that?" I asked, cocking a brow. "The one where we have to be at least ten feet from each other at all times, or the one where I can't look at you for more than five seconds straight?"

Bella rolled her eyes, trying to suppress a smile. "Oh, please. You know his rules aren't that crazy. I was talking about the one where you weren't allowed to come on school nights unless it was to help with homework."

"That's a bullshit rule. I'll come over whenever the fuck I want. He's just paranoid because we're getting closer. Well, he can suck it."

Bella giggled. "I'd love to hear you say that to his face."

"I'm coming over," I said with finality. "My sister is there after all."

"You can't keep using Rose as an excuse."

"Sure, I can."

Bella shook her head, the smile still on her face. She was absolutely beaming.

"I better go," she mumbled, giving the watching bystanders one last glance.

I was about to shove the helmet on my own head when I decided that I should give our audience something worth looking at.

So I leaned in and kissed Bella's cheek.

That was the first time I'd kissed her anywhere in public, so there were a few gasps and mumbles.

It was a small gesture, but Bella's eyes were wide as saucers.

"Get used to it," I said with a smirk before pulling the helmet on.

I revved the engine to warn the crowd to get the fuck out of my way, and a few seconds later I was zooming off towards home, feeling like I really needed to just suck it up and kiss her already.

**

* * *

**

The next few days went by in somewhat of a pattern.

I texted Bella before and after school, never really leaving her side in classes or in the corridors.

I became afraid that I was becoming a nuisance for her, what with my constant presence, but she always looked so fucking radiant when I was around that I couldn't knock it off.

I felt insanely protective of her, and at the back of my head I was afraid I might turn a bit possessive, almost like the Asshat.

I heard he had been sent to some state called Mishigar or something. Wait, I think it was called Michigan. I wouldn't know; we aren't really taught the states in school back home.

Anyway, I had been utterly repulsed, yet complete unsurprised, when I found out that Jacob had been sent back to await trial for the murder and rape of a girl. I shuddered to think that that was what could have been Bella's fate, and suddenly I better understood why everyone kept thanking me.

The routine became that after school I'd go home to get something to eat and then spend the rest of the day at Bella's, helping her with homework and shit. I helped her with maths and biology, and in turn she'd help me with government, US history, and Spanish. I also spent quite a bit of time with Rose, since she was always there.

When I heard that Rosalie was moving in with Bella and Emmett, my initial thought had been, "Fuck yeah! Now I can use her as an excuse to see Bella."

But Emmett hadn't been making it any fun. Honestly, I wanted to punch him sometimes.

He watched us like a hawk, making sure I didn't get "out of hand". It was really fucking annoying to be observed like that, and Bella felt it too.

One time I had gotten so fed up that I unthinkingly blurted, "What the hell do you think I'm going to do, start fucking her on the kitchen table?"

Yeah, that hadn't been a very smart thing to say. If Rose hadn't stopped him, I'd have a few broken teeth.

After homework and basic chit chat, we'd have dinner and then I'd go home.

A perfect fucking routine.

Of course, because life is a little bitch sometimes, everything couldn't stay pleasant for long. . .

Weathermen had been predicting a major snowstorm on the way, and this was a big deal in Forks since the only snow they got never stuck and was always reduced to dirty slush. Apparently this oncoming blizzard was some kind of record, so everyone was pretty fucking excited.

Except me.

On Wednesday it had started snowing pretty early in the morning, so by the time I went home, I had to be slightly careful on my bike. The roads were slippery and the sharpest turn would have me falling off the bike violently.

The second I walked into my house, I knew something was wrong.

For one thing, it was messy.

Mum was a bit OCD with cleaning, so it was quite a shock to see that the living room was however my father had left it the night before. He always made a mess in his drunken state; the sofa cushions were either askew or on the floor, and the coffee table had empty beer cans as well dirty plates and teacups.

But what worried me the most was the broken glass that littered the floor.

I stepped into the living room, not even bothering to stomp the snow off my shoes, and inspected the broken pieces of glass. I reached down and carefully picked one up, knowing right off the bat that it was a piece of a broken Vodka bottle.

I glanced around the room one last time, as confused as fuck, and dropped the glass back on the floor. It shattered into a few more pieces and it gave a satisfying crunch as I stepped on it on my way towards the kitchen.

The kitchen was worse.

Broken dishes and glass were all over the place, spilled liquids on the tiled floor as well as the marble counter tops. A few stools were lying on the ground and the jars that were usually lined neatly by the stove were missing, most likely part of the piles of glass on the floor.

I couldn't take a step without crushing glass, so I walked backwards out of the kitchen and hurried up the stairs to find my mother.

I felt uneasy, panic beginning to rise up inside of me. The only thing that could have caused a mess like that was a robbery of some kind or my father in a drunken rage. It had been a while since he went berserk, but that didn't mean it wouldn't ever happen again. Usually when he did that, he'd start breaking things, so obviously something had really pissed him off.

The house was quiet when I reached the second floor, and when I reached my parents' bedroom, there was the unmistakable sound of sobbing coming from the other side.

I threw the door open and saw my mother sitting on the edge of the bed, her face in her hands.

I was at her side immediately. "Mum? What happened?"

I touched her shoulder and she jumped, lifting her head up so that I saw that her eyes were red and puffy from crying. But what stood out the most were the small cuts all over her face, not bleeding and recently cleaned, but still fresh.

"What the fuck happened?"

Esme wiped her eyes and stood up, sniffing. "It's fine," she said, before walking to the box of tissues on the nightstand.

"That doesn't answer the question," I snapped. "Where's Carlisle? What did he do to you?"

I felt the rage building up inside of me as Mum ignored my question and just stood with her back to me.

"Mum, what the-"

I was cut off as a loud bang rang out from the other side of the floor, like the sound of something heavy falling.

I stumbled out into the hallway and heard even more noises coming from my room.

My room.

I ran towards the door and flung it open in time to see Carlisle throw down my entire dresser, the drawers already pulled out and lying on the floor, clothes strewn everywhere. The mattress and pillows of my bed were already in a chaotic mess, and the drawers of my computer desk were shoved open, the computer chair on the ground.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I yelled as Carlisle started kicking at my fallen dresser drawers.

His head snapped up in my direction, his face contorted with drunken fury, his clothes disheveled and his arms out with his fingers curled into something like claws.

He looked absolutely insane.

"Where is it?" he hissed, his voice raspy.

"Where's what?" I cried.

He suddenly stumbled over the drawers and hurled himself at me, pinning me against the wall.

"The gun," he hissed in my face. His breath smelled strongly like alcohol and I had to hold my breath. "The gun, you little piece of shit. Where is it?"

For a second I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about, but then I recalled the gun that I had unloaded and used to threaten Jacob's friends into giving me information. It was still stuffed somewhere in my Volvo, which I hadn't used since Bella got back from the hospital over two months ago.

I shoved Carlisle away from me and he staggered, almost falling onto the pile of drawers.

"I haven't got it," I told him harshly. "It's not with me, it's in my car."

Carlisle wiped his nose on his sleeve and stared at me through hazy eyes. "Then go get it! Go, go!"

"Go get it yourself!" I snarled.

"Don't you fucking talk to me that way," he slurred, coming towards me again.

I moved out of the way effortlessly, and he fell through the open door, landing on his ass. He lay sprawled out on the floor, moaning.

I stared down at the man that was supposed to be my father, the man that was supposed to be a role model. I felt disgusted just looking at the drunken heap on the floor.

Mum came out of her room, her expression horrified at the sight of her husband on the floor.

She crouched down next to him. "Carlisle? Carlisle, are you all right?"

She looked up to give me an irritated look, "Edward what did you do?"

The brewing anger began to bubble out at the way she looked at him so lovingly, at the way she didn't care that her face was all cut up, at the way she glared at me for something that was not entirely my fault.

I lost it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I yelled. "Look at what he did to your face! Look at what he did to my fucking room! Did you see all that broken glass in the fucking kitchen? What the fuck do you mean what did I do? Look at your husband, the filthy, rotten, wanking scumbag!"

I panted heavily as Esme glared at me.

"That's enough," she said. "Calm yourself down."

That pissed me off even more.

"I'm not going to fucking calm down!" I shouted. "I'm so fucking sick of him treating you the way he does, and the way that you fucking slobber all over him like he's the best fucking husband in the whole goddamn world! It's fucking bullshit, that's what it is, and I can't take it anymore!"

Carlisle was still lying on the floor, eyes open but glazed over like he was in his own world, like he didn't hear a word I was saying.

The anger was so immense, so great that I went into my room and started kicking at anything that came in my way. The dresser drawers on the floor, the dresser itself, the clothes that had spilled out, the computer chair that lay askew. . .

I was so sick of the family life that wasn't really family life. My mother was delusional, staying with a man that drank to death and treated her no better than a place mat. She'd get all fucking emotional when I said the slightest thing against him, and I didn't fucking understand any of it. I hated being home for that very reason, because my parents lived in their own little fucked up world, dragging me into it every fucking chance they got.

I stood in my room, the anger coursing through my veins, breathing heavily.

This had to end. Now.

I turned to see Mum helping Carlisle to her feet, whispering words of comfort to his drunken form, and I knew that if she wanted to stay in this fucked up world, then fine.

But I was all but done with it.

I climbed over the pile of clothes and wood to grab an empty duffel bag from my closet.

I began to throw random shirts and jeans in, hurrying into my bathroom for my toothbrush and towel. I made sure to grab some underwear as well, and stuffed them all into the bag until it was so overflowing that I had to fight the zipper to get it shut. At the last minute I remembered that I'd die without my fags, so I quickly pulled out a few packs and shoved them into a pocket on the outside of the bag, along with some deodorant. I then grabbed my sketchbook and pencils, and tossed them into my school bag.

I was pretty much done so I grabbed the bag and headed for the door. I froze when I saw my Mum there. Her expression was pained and a quick glance over her shoulder told me that she had probably taken my father back to their bedroom, where he was most likely passed out.

"You can't just leave," she whispered, tears in her eyes.

Any other time, I'd feel sorry for her. But not this time. This time her tears pissed me off because I didn't understand why the fuck she was crying.

"Yes, I can," I told her stiffly. "Now if you'd just move out of my way. . . "

"Please don't," she whispered, and she looked so pathetic with her cut up face and soft, motherly features that I almost gave in.

Almost.

"Mum," I said through clenched teeth. "You can't keep doing this. You can't keep him and then expect me to stay around forever. Enough is enough."

"Please, baby-" she said, and I pushed my way past her into the corridor.

I was halfway down the stairs when she called, "Edward, please! Please, we can make things better!"

I ignored her bullshit words and made sure to crunch some glass as I headed into the kitchen and out the back door. As the garage door lifted open, I was greeted by freezing cold gusts of wind and an insane amount of snow. I squinted through the cold wind and ice to see that the outdoors were pretty much layered with blankets of white

"Fuck," I muttered, climbing on the bike.

I made sure that my backpack and duffel were both secure before I hit the slippery streets.

I almost crashed twice on the way to Bella's house. I was riding a bit slower than usual, yet I still almost ran the thing right into other cars.

_I'm going to die,_ I thought at one point. _I'm going to die in this fucking blizzard and I didn't even kiss her. I didn't even get to bang her, in a respectful manner, that is._

I was relieved when I reached Bella's street, even speeding up as I pulled into her driveway.

I trudged through the snow, squinting through the wild flurries as I headed for the front door, not bothering to get the key.

I rang the doorbell and shivered in the cold with my backpack on my back and duffel in my hand.

Bella pulled the door open, cringing from the wind and snow.

"How goes it?" I sniffed, having to raise my voice a little over the roaring wind.

"Edward?" she asked. "What are you doing here in weather like this?"

I sighed. "I need a place to stay."

**

* * *

**

An hour later, Bella, Emmett, Rose, and myself were all curled around the fireplace with mugs of hot chocolate. The storm raged on outside, and it had already been announced that the next day would be a snow day from school and work.

Emmett and Rosalie sat with their backs against one sofa as Bella and I sat across from them. There was just something about sitting on the floor around a fireplace, during a blizzard, with hot chocolate, that was just so fucking lovely and straight out of the movies.

I had told Rosalie everything that happened at home, and for once she didn't argue with me about how I had treated Mum. She was concerned, though, and made sure to ring our mother to make sure everything was okay. I explained to Rosalie that I pretty much had nowhere else to go but here, since she would have been my option if she were still living in her apartment.

Emmett, however, was not too thrilled with the idea of me living in his house, no matter how briefly. Things had become a little tense between us, but I didn't let that hinder me too much. I let him know that it would only be for a few days at most, enough time for me to get over the anger that was associated with my insane parents.

"Just so you know, you're sleeping on the couch," Emmett said, taking a loud sip from his hot chocolate.

I shrugged and blew into mine, helping it cool down a bit. "Fine by me."

"Emmett, there are three bedrooms," Rosalie chimed in. "Why can't he get a bed?"

"It's fine, Rose," I told her, but the look on Emmett and Bella's faces was enough to shut her up.

Both of them immediately looked depressed and it took a few seconds for it to register with Rosalie that the third bedroom belonged to their parents.

"Oh," Rose said quietly, looking chagrined. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't worry about it," Emmett said reassuringly. "If Edward absolutely insists-"

"The couch is fine," I told him. "Really. I'll sleep on the floor if I have to."

"The floor sounds nice," Emmett said.

Rose smacked his arm and Bella giggled. I looked down at her and took in her face, which looked so fucking happy. She clasped her mug with two tiny hands and her cheeks were tinged with an excited pink.

She was truly glad to see me here, and that made me fucking ecstatic.

Bella met my eyes and smiled and I grinned back crookedly in response.

Emmett started jabbing at the fireplace with a poker and the flame was encouraged to stay up and hot. I felt perfectly at ease with these three people.

They were pretty much my family.

"Let's tell stories," Bella suddenly suggested.

"What kind of stories?" Rosalie asked.

Bella shrugged. "Any, I guess. It just seems like the perfect moment, what with the fire, and the sun going down outside. . . "

"I have a story," Emmett said excitedly, and he began to talk about some client he had to get rid of because she kept flirting with him and even ended up groping him at one point. He later found out that the she was a he, and had just gotten out of prison for robbery.

I was only half listening, though, because the fact that Bella's hand was on my leg completely distracted me.

I don't think she even realised it, really. I was sitting cross-legged and her hand was just there, on the area above my knee. She was listening to Emmett's story, but she was absentmindedly picking at the denim that bunched up at the crease in my knee.

It felt nice, and I waited with amusement for her to notice.

As Rosalie was telling us a story about some fifteen year old she dissuaded from running off and eloping with her seventeen year old boyfriend who the girl later found out was her half-brother, Bella finally looked down at the hand in my lap.

She glanced up at me and blushed, removing her hand as I smirked.

Emmett and Rose were a little oblivious, Emmett just staring at my sister with goo-goo eyes and she just rambling on and on about how the girl's life was ruined.

"It's okay," I whispered to Bella. "I really don't care. You can put your hand wherever you like."

Bella give me a peculiar look, blushing even harder at my flirtation.

"I'd be careful though," I whispered. "Your brother is all but a foot away from us. You don't want me getting thrown out in the snow, do you?"

Bella rolled her eyes but smiled.

We both looked up to see Rosalie and Emmett staring at us, Rosalie with amusement and Emmett with annoyance.

I cleared my throat to break up the tension.

"So uh, who else has got a story?" I asked, trying not to laugh at the look on Emmett's face. It must be really fucking hard for him to see his little sister turning pink around his girlfriend's brother, who was always around and was now going to be living here temporarily.

"How about you?" Emmett asked. "Any exciting tales for us?"

_You have no fucking idea_, I thought.

"Not really," I said hesitantly. To be quite honest, I had many stories I could tell. My life in London was a thousand times crazier than my life in Forks, and I honestly could have told them anything.

But then I realised that most of the stories I wanted to tell would either scare Bella or piss Rose off. Emmett would even be even more against me going out with his sister.

"C'mon," Bella prodded, nudging me with her elbow. "You have to have some story."

"I do, but none of them are really sitting-by-the-fireplace-with-hot-chocolate material."

"Are they I-need-to-cheer-up-because-I'm-depressed material?" she asked.

"No. More like I'd-only-tell-you-this-if-I-wanted-you-to-think-I-was-insane material."

"Now I _need_ to know!"

"Me too!" Emmett chimed in. "I wanna know what you did that would make us think you're crazy."

"Oh, I could tell you that," Rosalie said with a roll of her eyes

"No, you couldn't," I said suspiciously. "What could you possibly know?"

"Well, there was that time when you were twelve that you thought it would be fun to jump off the roof for fun. There was that time you tried to climb Big Ben in the middle of the night and stick an American flag on top as a joke. Then there was that time you smuggled chickens into school and set them loose. And then you-"

"All right, all right, I think they get it!"

Emmett was looking at me like I was his idol, and Bella was gaping at me, her mouth slightly open.

"Did you seriously try to climb Big Ben?" she gasped. "With an American flag?"

I laughed. "Yeah, and it was on May Day as well."

"May Day?"

"Google it later."

"Dude, did you really let chickens loose in the school?" Emmett asked in awe.

I chuckled. "Yeah, it was a prank for the end of year eleven. Which I think is . . . tenth grade in America."

"Did you get in trouble for any of that stuff?" Bella asked.

"Edward and trouble are good friends," Rosalie said. "They're quite close."

I snorted and Bella looked at me in contemplatively.

"I'm intrigued," she said. "I'm dying to know what else you've done. Care to fill me in some time?"

I tensed up.

_She can't ever know__,_ I thought. _She'd run for the hills if she found out what I've done._

I forced a smile. "Maybe."

I could tell by the look in Bella's eyes that she knew I wasn't willing to tell her anything.

"I'll hold you to that," she said, grinning.

_I really hope not__._

I didn't know how long the four of us sat there, talking and laughing about nonsense. I didn't remember the last time I had this much fun, and all we were doing was sitting on our asses.

It was completely dark outside now but the snow was still falling rapidly. You could tell by the sway of the branches outside that the wind was blowing extremely hard. It was a true blizzard, an absolute freak snowstorm.

After a while, Rosalie had chicken soup on the stove and Bella had gone upstairs to shower. Emmett was sitting on the couch with the remote, trying to figure out why the channels were all fucked up. I had my sketchbook and sat in an armchair, attempting to sketch the fireplace, whose flame had been recreated into a flickering blaze of burning brilliance.

Try saying that five times fast.

The pencil moved across the page effortlessly, and I kept my eyes trained on the fire, trying to capture its beauty without the color and movement that I saw in front of me.

I heard a door shut upstairs and reckoned that Bella had just come out of the bathroom.

Emmett groaned with frustration and I looked up to see that the TV screen was black again, displaying nothing but a blue box that declared, NO SIGNAL FOUND.

"Dumbass snowstorm," Emmett muttered, throwing the remote down on the coffee table.

"Don't get me wrong," he said. "I'm glad I can sleep in tomorrow, but what's the point of staying home if I can't watch anything on TV because the wind and snow screws up the signal?"

I was only half listening, focused on the fire in front of me as Emmett kept on whinging about the telly.

Suddenly the lights flickered.

I glanced up at the light but it looked normal.

"Did you guys see that?" Rosalie asked, coming to stand in the doorway.

Emmett nodded. "Yeah, I hope there isn't a blackout or something. That would suck balls."

I thought nothing of it and went back to my sketch, wishing that I had brought my coloured pencils. A black and white flame wasn't as amazing as an orange and gold one.

"When are you going to draw me another picture?" Rosalie's voice came from right next to my ear and I jumped.

I looked up to see her hovering over my shoulder and I cringed away.

"Whenever you stop fucking hovering," I replied.

"You know that drawing of London you gave me ages ago? It's on the fridge now." She nodded towards the kitchen. "Bella insisted."

"Bella insisted on having my drawing on the fridge?" I asked, tilting my head to one side. "Why?"

Rose shrugged. "She remembered and asked me if I brought it along. I showed it to her and she put it up herself."

I didn't bother hiding my grin.

"Did you draw her yet?" Rose suddenly blurted.

"What?"

"Well you always draw someone you . . . oh, never mind."

I could feel my neck grow hot, especially since Emmett was sitting right fucking there, watching me.

"So what if I have?" I snapped, remembering the picture of Bella I had finished over a month ago.

"You drew Bella?" Emmett asked in disbelief. "What, did she pose for you or something? Let me see."

"I dunno…"

"Oh come on. Unless it's some perverted Titanic-style type of drawing, I wanna see."

"Fine."

I flipped through the pages of my sketchbook until I came to the random one towards the back that held Bella's face.

It didn't do her justice. It was just a simple portrait of her smiling, her thick waves cascading over her shoulder on both sides. I tried very hard to capture the light in her eyes, the pink in her cheeks, the fullness of her bottom lip opposed to her upper, and the angle of her cheekbones. It was nothing compared to the real Bella, but it was something. It was how she looked when I first met her, before she had to go through all that horrible relationship bullshit.

"Wow," Rosalie gasped, taking the sketch from me. I had torn it out a while ago so I could place it somewhere other than the sketchbook; stick it up on the bulletin board above my bed, perhaps. That was usually wear I displayed my favourite drawings.

"This is absolutely brilliant," Rose said. "Well done!"

"Lemme see!" Emmett said, holding out his hand and bouncing in his seat like an impatient child.

Rosalie held it out to him and he snatched it.

"Easy!" I said. "Don't fucking tear it!"

"Damn," Emmett said quietly. "You got skills. This looks like a mirror image, except she looks healthier. Good job, Van Gogh."

"You should show it to her," Rose suggested, taking the sketch from Emmett and handing it to me. "She'll love it."

"I'll show it to her now," I decided, standing up. I desperately wanted to escape their he-is-so-in-love-with-her looks.

As I headed for the stairs, Emmett said, "Why do you have to go to her room to show it to her? Why can't you wait until she's downstairs?"

"Oh, leave him be," Rose chided.

"I'll leave the door open if that makes you feel better," I called with a smirk as I headed up the stairs.

I knocked on Bella's door with two quiet taps and heard her soft voice tell voice tell me to come in.

She was in her pyjamas and had just finished up brushing her damp hair.

"Hi," she said, her lips pulling up into a smile.

"Hey."

Bella set her brush down and stared at the hand that held the portrait of her.

"Something for me?" she asked.

"Conceited, are we?" I teased, and she blushed and looked away.

"It is for you, actually," I said, suddenly feeling nervous.

What if she hated it? What if she saw something she didn't like and accused me of emphasizing her flaws? What if she thought I was some creep for drawing her in the first place?

Bella went and sat at the edge of her bed and patted the spot next to her. I joined her, the sketch clutched tightly in her hand. She arranged herself so that she was facing me, with her left leg folded underneath her and the right hanging off the bed.

"Tell me straight away if you hate it," I told her. "I won't get offended, I promise."

Bella stared at me curiously. "What is it?"

I took a deep breath and held out the folded paper. She took it from me eagerly and opened it.

"Wow," she said, staring at the drawing. "I look so pretty here."

My brows furrowed. The first thing out of her mouth was an insecure thought? That was no good.

"Bella," I said, and she looked up to meet my gaze. "You _are_**.**"

She shrugged and looked back down at the drawing with a small smile on her lips.

I felt a hint of frustration. Clearly she didn't feel too good about herself, yet she had every right to be confident. Granted, she wasn't one of those girls that put herself down to encourage compliments, but she at least had to know that she was far from ugly.

"You don't believe me?" I asked.

Bella looked at me again, her eyes sad.

"I do," she said. "I don't know why you think so, but I believe you. I can see why you made me prettier in the picture."

All right, she was definitely starting to annoy me now.

I narrowed me eyes. "Really? Tell me why I drew you 'prettier', then."

Bella bit her lip, thinking. "This is the version of me you wish you saw. Or, it's how you see me in your head, a little better than how I really am . . . right?"

"How do you know how the fuck I see you in my head?" I snapped, snatching the sketch back. "I'll have you know, this drawing doesn't do you justice. The only reason you don't look one hundred percent like this is because you've lost weight these past few months. But this is nothing compared to how you really are, it's just a general image- shit compared to the real thing. I tried to emphasize everything about you that I love, not make it better. The way your hair waves naturally, the way your eyes light up whenever you see me, how your lower lip is fuller than your upper, how the blush on your cheeks never quite goes away, how the light freckles high up on your cheeks are spread out- everything that means something to me, and that's only physically. So don't fucking tell me how the fuck you look in my head. You're beautiful, and if anyone tells you otherwise, they're either blind or complete idiots!"

I started panting slightly as Bella stared at me with wide eyes, stunned at my little outburst. She looked almost scared and only then did I realise that I had been yelling at her.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down and then reached out to move some hair out of her eyes.

She flinched at my movement and I dropped my hand.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I didn't mean to shout at you. It's just frustrating how you don't see yourself clearly, how you put yourself down."

She was silent a moment longer before she spoke. "I didn't know you felt so strongly about me."

"You have no idea," I whispered.

Suddenly the lights flickered again and Bella and I looked up at the light.

A few seconds later, everything went pitch black.

I was suddenly a blind man, unable to see anything in front of me.

Bella gasped and grabbed onto my arm tightly.

"Edward?" she said in a panicked tone.

"I'm right here," I assured her. "I think the power went out."

I heard Bella's breathing next to me, her grip on my arm tightening so much that it was almost painful.

Her breath came out in short, quick bursts- she was hyperventilating.

I reached out and felt her arm as I heard Emmett and Rosalie call us from downstairs.

"Bella calm down," I said. If she kept hyperventilating, she'd pass out.

I stood up and felt for her shoulders, taking her arm and pulling her up.

"Don't leave me," she said, her voice shaky. "Please."

"I'm not going anywhere," I said as she placed both her hands on my arms.

I ran my hands down her arm and reached her hands, holding on to them tightly.

"We're going to try and go downstairs," I told her. "If the fireplace is still on, there'll be some light."

"Okay," Bella whispered.

I held her left hand with my right and pulled her to wherever the fuck I thought the door was. I went a little to the left and banged my knee on something while something else fell to the floor.

"Fuck," I hissed in pain.

"What?" Bella said. "What is it?"

"My knee hit something," I replied.

"Must be my dressing table."

Her door was to the left of her dressing table, so I reached my hand out to find the doorknob. I was able to find it and I pulled, knowing I had left the door ajar.

Once the door was open, I could just barely make out the corridor outside, but only because the fireplace downstairs was sending up a bit of light.

"C'mon," I told Bella. "Walk slowly."

I took baby steps in the darkness until I was out in the corridor. Both of us could see better because of the dim fireplace light coming up the stairs, so it wasn't hard to walk down the steps.

"Careful," I cautioned as we descended. Bella was still clutching my hand tightly.

"You guys okay?" Emmett asked once we made it to the living room safely; he was standing in the middle of the living room and Rosalie was lighting candles in the kitchen.

"Yeah," I said, trying to let go of Bella's hand.

She held on painfully tight, and I looked down to see that her hands were ghostly pale in the light of the fire.

"Good thing the fireplace was on," Rosalie called from the kitchen. "Otherwise we'd be completely blind."

Bella was staring at the fire, her face blank.

Her hand in mine was beginning to cut off circulation and I had to pry her fingers off.

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked.

I turned her head to face me and she looked up at me fearfully.

What the hell was wrong with her?

I suddenly realised that she was shaking.

"Bells, what's going on?" Emmett asked, coming to stand in front of her.

He took her arms and she let out a bloodcurdling scream, shoving him away and throwing herself into my arms so hard that I stumbled back.

She was trembling like mad and I carried her over to the couch by the fireplace.

"Shh, it's okay," I said, holding her to me.

Emmett's dimly illuminated face was shocked and I gave him a sympathetic look as Rosalie came in and sat on Bella's other side, stroking her hair soothingly.

She was having one of her panic attacks, and she hadn't had one in a long time.

"It's just us," Rosalie murmured. "No one's going to hurt you, sweetheart."

"The dark," she whispered into my shirt. "I don't like the dark."

"You're fine," I whispered in her ear. "You're fine, I'm here."

Bella nodded into my chest and took a deep, shaky breath.

Emmett went and sat in an armchair, spaced out.

Rosalie went to sit in the chair next to him, trying to comfort him.

It was a bit hard on Emmett that every time Bella had a panic attack, she needed me to calm her down, not him.

Bella ceased shaking and I discreetly pressed my lips to her forehead.

"You okay?" I asked.

She nodded and pulled away from me, staring at the fireplace again.

"I'm so sorry, you guys," she said, just a slight tremor remaining in her voice. "The sudden darkness, it just. . . I'm sorry."

"You've got nothing to apologise for, sweetheart," Rose said. "It's fine."

"No, it's not," Bella said. "I thought I was over these panic attacks. . ."

"The darkness came too suddenly, it's not your fault," Rose assured her.

Bella nodded and sat back, taking my hand and squeezing it.

"When do you suppose the power will come back?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Hopefully soon," Emmett said, his worried eyes on Bella.

**

* * *

**

"Soon" never came.

We sat there for a while, just waiting for the light to return.

Rosalie's chicken soup had fortunately been finished before the power had gone, so we all ate that. We spread candles all throughout the first floor, making it easier for us to see. Luckily there was a small, shower-less bathroom just off the kitchen, so none of us would go to the bathroom upstairs and accidentally take a piss in the bathtub.

Rosalie suggested we all just sleep on the living room floor since Bella, who usually had a night-light, couldn't be alone in the pitch darkness, and so that we could stay warm by the fire.

Rose and I went upstairs with candles so she could reach the linen closet, where extra blankets and pillows were placed.

It was almost like a little slumber party, with all four of us just lying on the living room floor, spread out with blankets and pillows.

We all lay side-by-side in a row, our feet by the fire. Emmett didn't even care that Bella was lying next to me; he knew that she would need me in order to prevent any nightmares that would be a result of her recent panic attack.

The couch was on my left side, and Bella was on my right. On her other side was Rosalie, and then Emmett.

My phone told me that it was only about 9 at night, way earlier than we usually went to bed. But with the power out, we had nothing better to do.

After an hour or two, Rosalie and Emmett were knocked out.

However, sleep evaded the remaining pair of us.

We both lay awake until well past midnight, listening to the crackle of the fire and Emmett and Rose's steady breathing.

I lay with my right arm behind my head, and Bella was on her side, facing me.

"Does it feel weird?" she suddenly whispered. It was the first thing she'd said to me since we all settled down.

"Does what feel weird?" I asked.

"You trying to sleep with a shirt and jeans?"

I chuckled quietly. "I've done it before, you know. I can't say it'll become a habit, but it's nothing new."

"So you'll be able to fall asleep with a shirt on?"

"It'll take a while, but yes."

"Sorry for your discomfort."

"Why are you apologising? It's not your fault. I'm the one that somehow created the habit of sleeping in nothing but boxers.

Bella gasped softly. "Wait, so you don't sleep with pants on either?"

I grinned crookedly. "Nope."

"Oh."

Bella fell silent, just staring at me. It was still a bit too dark to see her perfectly, but I had a feeling she was blushing.

"If your brother and my sister weren't in the same room," I whispered. "I'd strip down. But that would be inappropriate, wouldn't it?"

Bella's eyes widened as she nodded and I tried not to laugh.

"Sorry for your discomfort," I breathed.

Bella giggled and buried her face in the pillow.

I was half asleep when I felt Bella's head on my chest, and a little deeper in sleep when I felt her arms wrap around me.

I might have been dreaming when I felt something warm press against my right cheek.

**

* * *

**

The morning brought sunshine, but too much of it.

I sat up, disoriented and accompanied by an aching back. No one else was in the room, but the blankets and pillows were all in disarray.

It was sunny out, but I didn't have to go to the window to see that it was still snowing. It wasn't as much snow as the day before, but it actually looked quite nice. The flakes were falling gently now, and everything outside was coated in a soft white blanket.

I stood up stiffly and went to the window to see Emmett outside, shoveling snow off his car.

"Pop-Tart?" Bella's voice came from behind me and I turned to see her looking amazing in jeans and a fitted sweater.

"Oh," I said, my voice thick with sleep. "I think I should brush my teeth first." I looked down at my disheveled clothes. "Change my clothes as well. Maybe have a shower."

Bella nodded. "Okay. I'll be in the kitchen."

She left the room and I grabbed my duffel from the dining room floor, where I had left it the previous day. I pulled out my toothbrush as well as a towel, pair of jeans, black thermal, and pair of boxers.

I sleepily headed up the stairs and into the bathroom. I tried the light switch but it wouldn't work, so I assumed the power was still out.

Sighing, I set my clothes on the closed toilet lid and my toothbrush on the sink.

I had just pulled my shirt off and was heading for the zipper on my jeans when there was a knock on the door.

I unlocked it and pulled the door open to see Bella standing there, her cheeks a dark pink.

She held out my boxers.

"You dropped these," she whispered, her cheeks growing darker.

Her eyes were glued to my chest.

I chuckled and took them from her. "Oops. Sorry."

"It's okay," Bella squeaked, and then she turned on her heel and ran down the stairs.

I couldn't control my laughter as I shut the door and stripped, climbing into the shower.

About half an hour later I was clean, dressed, and downstairs.

Bella was in the kitchen, staring out the windows. Her elbows were resting on the counter and her ass jutted out just a bit.

"I think I'll take you up on that Pop-Tart now," I said.

Bella jumped at the sound of my voice and turned to look at me, straightening up.

She blushed a little, probably at the memory of the boxers, and headed to the pantry for the overly sweet breakfast snack.

"Hot fudge sundae?" she asked.

"Doesn't matter," I replied. "By the way, where's Rose gone?"

"She's with Emmett, trying to get the cars out of the snow." Bella emerged from the pantry and handed me a blue packet, which I popped open.

"We should help," I said, taking a bite out of the square.

We both started staring out the window at the falling snow. The back deck and the grass beyond it were completely hidden under thick layers of white. A path going from the kitchen door to the end of the deck had been shoveled, so it wasn't as hard to distinguish where the deck ended.

"It's so beautiful," Bella said quietly.

I hummed in agreement, still preoccupied with the delicious taste in my mouth.

"Wanna go out in it?" she asked me, her eyes sparkling with eagerness.

A few minutes later, Bella was all bundled up in her thick winter coat, complete with scarf, gloves, and white beanie. She looked fucking adorable.

I myself didn't have any winter gear with me, so I just went out in my leather jacket and motorcycle gloves.

When we went out on the deck, the snow came up to our knees. I had to hold Bella's hand so she wouldn't fall as we tried to walk through.

For a little while we assisted Rose and Emmett with the cars, and then Bella wanted to go out back where the snow was still fresh.

I followed Bella back down the driveway and into the backyard, where we trudged far away from the house. The snow was too deep for snow angels, but we still made crappy snowmen. Bella made a tall one that she claimed was me, and she even found some twigs to put on top, saying that it was my "crazy hair". I only really made a snow person to humour Bella, so mine ended up being quite small. I called it Alice.

After a while we had several snowmen made, all of them varying in size and claiming to be people we knew. We had Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper, Bella and I, all in snowperson form. I even made a snow-woman with overly large tits, calling it Lauren.

Soon after we had made the snow people, we proceeded to destroy them, ninja style. It was all quite fun, and even thought my head was starting to hurt from the cold, I didn't care. I savored these moments with Bella and couldn't help laughing as she insisted on destroying the Lauren snow person.

I had just finished demolishing the snowman that was Jasper, when I turned to see Bella holding a snowball in her raised fist.

Her eyes widened at being caught about to hit me, and I smirked.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," I said, grinning evilly.

Bella cocked an eyebrow. "Are you threatening me?"

"Yes. You throw that at me and there will be severe consequences."

Bella hurled the snowball at me and I wasn't able to dodge it in time, so it smacked me on the left side of my neck. The coldness seeped into my skin and my neck became a little numb.

"You asked for it," I said, and proceeded to create a snowball of my own.

Bella squealed and tried to make a run for it, but the snowball caught her right in the back of the head.

For the next few minutes it was a snowball war, and I couldn't recall ever having this much fun with her.

At one point I had grabbed her around the waist, causing her to fall on her back with me landing on top of her.

We just stared at each other, both of us panting and neither of us wanting to get up off the freezing cold snow.

I hovered over her in the snow, staring at her flushed cheeks. Her nose was pink from the cold and her eyes were bright with exhilaration.

I wanted to freeze this moment in time, with me on my elbows in the snow, and with Bella staring up at me with the adoration that I had wanted to see in her eyes for so long.

"Emmett," she suddenly whispered.

I came to my senses and got to my feet, realising that it would be very bad if Emmett caught me lying on top of his sister in the snow.

I helped Bella to her feet and we assisted each other in brushing the snow off our bodies.

Once we were, for the most part, snow-free, Bella surprised me by pulling me into a hug.

I didn't hesitate to hug her back, and I rested my cheek on the top of her head.

"What's this for?" I mumbled into her hat.

I felt her shrug. "For making me happy."

I smiled and she pulled away, smiling up at me with squinty eyes because the snow was still falling freely.

I reached out a gloved finger to stroke her cheek.

"You make me happy, too," I said. "Happier than I've been in . . . a very, very long time."

"I do?"

I nodded, my eyes falling to her pink lips.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I had waited way too fucking long for this.

The moment was perfect. The snow was falling, no one was around, and she looked beautiful and happy and radiant.

Heart hammering, I did the one thing that I had wanted to do since the moment my eyes fell on her.

I wasn't going to hesitate anymore; she was mine, and I was hers.

I took her face in my hands and crushed my lips to hers.

**

* * *

**

**Bella POV**

I never saw it coming.

One second Edward was telling me how happy I made him, and before I could blink my face was in his hands and his lips were on mine.

At first I was frozen with shock, my lips paralyzed.

But then I had a warm sensation spread from my mouth down, and I couldn't suppress a small moan as my lips relaxed.

His lips were so soft, so warm despite the cold weather.

I didn't realize how much I wanted this until it was actually happening.

My arms found their way around his neck and then his lips were moving slowly, softly, lovingly against mine.

This wasn't my first kiss, but it was my first **real** kiss. My first kiss being with someone who actually loved me, someone who I loved back.

All of a sudden I wasn't so cold anymore. My whole body was warming up and I couldn't get enough of his lips.

His taste, his indescribable taste.

Too soon, he pulled away, panting a little.

Wait, did we just make out?

He looked down at me, his green eyes the most intense I had ever seen them.

"You have no idea how long I've waited to do that," he whispered.

I was speechless, my heart hammering, my lips tingling from our kiss.

Suddenly his head whipped to the side and he blanched.

My heart skipped a beat and I turned to see Emmett and Rosalie standing there, watching us.

Rosalie was grinning widely, but Emmett was impassive.

"Well that's just fucking lovely," Edward muttered. He glanced at me and shrugged. "At least we don't have to pretend nothing happened."

I nodded and bit my lip, completely overwhelmed. I felt a little dizzy and my heart wouldn't stop racing.

Rosalie and Emmett were walking back to the house now, Rosalie holding Emmett's arm almost like she was restraining him.

Edward sighed and nodded towards the house, taking my hand. "Shall we?"

I nodded again and smiled shyly.

We started trudging through the snow again and we were halfway to the house when he leaned down and whispered, "By the way, there's more where that came from."

I shuddered with anticipation and Edward chuckled as we went up the deck steps.

Who would've thought that one day, Edward Cullen would be mine?


	25. Tiny Heart

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight

* * *

**Chapter 25- Tiny Heart**

_Tiny heart, stuck inside yourself  
When will you open up for me?_

_Tiny heart, you're not by yourself  
When will you recognize the beat?  
Of my own heart, grieving in your hand_

_If you choose me, I'm waiting for you  
Always waiting_

_Tiny heart, stuck inside yourself  
When will you open up?_

**Tiny Heart- Flyleaf**

* * *

**Bella POV**

To say that walking back into the house and facing Rose and Emmett was "awkward" would be an understatement.

Once Edward and I came indoors and stomped the snow off our shoes, we faced our siblings. Both were in the living room, Rosalie putting coats away in the closet just inside the front door, and Emmett poking at a new fire in the fireplace.

Rose held out her hand for our coats and we handed them to her, all whilst we watched Emmett work at the fire. He hadn't looked up at all, and I glanced at Edward to see that he stood there with a content expression. Apparently he wasn't as nervous as I was about Emmett's reaction to us being "official".

Finally, Emmett stood up and looked at us, his face still impassive. My eyes, however, were on the metal fireplace poker in his hand.

To me it looked like a weapon.

"Why am I being stared at by three people?" Emmett asked with a raised brow. He didn't let go of the poker and it made me nervous.

"You're just so handsome," Rosalie said, clearly trying to break the tension and awkwardness.

It didn't work. Emmett's face was as blank as ever, his eyes moving from Rose to me to Edward. His eyes hardened when they landed on Edward, who was just staring back with the ghost of a smile on his lips

I was slowly beginning to panic, and before I could really start to freak out, I blurted, "Will you just get it over with?"

Emmett looked at me and furrowed his brows with confusion. "Get what over with?"

"Just say what you need to," I mumbled. "About me and. . ." I trailed off and looked up at Edward who smiled at me. My breath caught in my throat and I momentarily forgot where we were. My anxiety also decreased a little, and all he had to do was pull up the corners of his mouth. His mouth . . . his soft, pink, luscious lips. . . My lips tingled just thinking about it.

"I'm not surprised," Emmett said seriously, pulling me from my thoughts. "I honestly don't have much to say to either of you, except that I wish it wasn't so soon." He gave me a pointed look. "Are you sure you're ready for another relationship?"

I nodded fervently.

"I need him," I whispered.

Emmett didn't argue with that; he knew how true it was. I needed Edward like I needed air and food and water and shelter. He was something I needed to survive; without him I'd shrivel up into a heap of nothing.

Without warning, Emmett raised the poker so that its pointier side was inches away from Edward's face. He held it almost like a sword.

Edward didn't even flinch.

"I don't care whose brother you are," Emmett said dangerously, his eyes on Edward. "I will hurt you if you do anything to upset her. Just because I was unsuccessful in. . . . " He quickly glanced at me ". . . kicking The Other One's ass, doesn't mean it'll be the same with you. I know you won't intentionally hurt her and I know you love her, but all that matters to me is that she stays happy. At all times. I trust you, though, and that's saying something. I will always owe you for how you helped her these past few months, and I will forever be in your debt. You don't know how grateful I am. But if you do something that makes me do to you what you did to The Other One, then so be it. Don't screw this up. Am I clear?"

Edward's expression was still completely neutral as he nodded. "Clear as crystal," he said.

Emmett sighed and lowered the poker, putting it back into the rack that held the fireplace tools.

"Okay," he said, finally smiling. "I'm done with my threats." I let out a relieved sigh. "I know you two care about each other; I can see that. You have my 'blessing' and shit."

Rosalie snorted and shook her head.

"What?" Emmett said, looking at her like he was offended.

"Oh it's nothing," she replied coyly. "I don't believe using the fireplace poker was necessary, though."

They continued to banter aimlessly back and forth, but I was unmindful. Edward had weaved his fingers through mine and was now pulling me onto the couch. It was as easy as breathing to just put my head on his shoulder and wrap my arms around him. He felt so solid, and his steady heartbeat was like a lullaby, lulling me into peacefulness.

I closed my eyes, perfectly at ease.

* * *

I awoke with a start, not knowing where I was. The living room was completely silent and I felt confused until I felt Edward's lips press to my forehead.

I lifted my head and stared at his face, trying to blink away the sleepiness. He smiled at me and, despite the disorientation; I wanted to kiss him again. His lips looked so welcoming, his eyes burning with love.

"How long was I out?" I asked, my voice thick with sleep. I sat up straighter, my back a little stiff from napping on his chest. My fingers were still entwined in his and the skin of our palms were stuck together like he hadn't let go the entire time.

Edward shrugged. "Not sure. Maybe an hour or so? My mobile ran out of battery and the power's still out so we have no idea what time it is."

"You've been sitting here for an hour? Didn't you get bored?"

Edward shook his head. "Not at all."

I stared into his eyes, the love in them unwavering, and I felt my heart swell. No one had ever looked at me that way. The feeling was indescribable. There were not enough words in the universe to describe how good it felt to know that I was loved. This was what I always wanted, and now I had it.

At the same time, it felt too good to be true.

Would it last?

I pushed the negative thoughts aside and decided to focus on here and now.

"Where'd Emmett and Rose go?" I asked, realizing for the first time that the room was empty. The blankets and pillows were cleared from the floor, and the place looked tidier.

"Upstairs," Edward replied. "They cleaned up a bit and then went up to put all the slumber party shit away. Haven't seen 'em since. Probably in the bedroom or something, shagging."

He said the last statement with a grimace.

"Can I kiss you?" I blurted, as if he hadn't just been talking. I didn't know where it came from, but the urge had grown stronger the longer my face remained inches away from his.

Edward cocked on eyebrow, looking perplexed.

"Why the fuck are you asking?" he questioned incredulously.

I felt my cheeks heat up and looked down at his chest, but he put a finger under my chin and forced my head up.

He had the most beautiful crooked grin on his chiseled face as he said, "Anytime, anywhere. You don't ever have to ask."

I bit my lip before I kneeled next to him on the couch and took his face in my hands. His eyes continued to smolder as I gently rubbed my hands along the side of his face. His cheeks were a little rough from stubble, and feeling the roughness under my hands was something of a turn on.

"That feels good," he mumbled, closing his eyes.

Him having his eyes closed made me feel a little more confident as I leaned in and softly pressed my lips to his.

The effect was immediate. It was an intense heat, traveling from my mouth all the way down my body until it felt so insanely good that I couldn't think straight.

It had never, ever, ever been this intense with Jacob, not even when I had been hormonal.

This was a thousand times more intense because it was _real_.

He didn't waste time in molding his mouth to mine, and before I knew it we were like two animals.

My lips wrapped themselves around his over and over, both of us breathing heavily, neither wanting to let go to take a breather. He had his hand in my hair and my arms were around his neck, clutching him tightly, afraid that he'd disappear.

He was bringing something out of me, something primal. I had this need that I couldn't explain, this need for Edward, for his lips, for his everything. It was months of built up tension, weeks and weeks of desire coming out.

Then his tongue was dancing with mine and I was taken aback by it all.

"You haven't been together for more than two hours and you're already eating each others' faces on the couch?"

Emmett's voice made the both us jump a foot in the air. Edward's hand left my hair and my arms dropped from his neck as I felt my face grow red.

Emmett looked extremely annoyed from where he stood at the foot of the stairs.

"That's twice in one day," Edward said, trying to conceal his irritation. I was confused for a second before I realized that he was talking about the fact that Emmett had seen both of our kisses.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," Emmett replied curtly.

I could tell by his face that it was hard for him to watch all this happening to me so soon after I went through hell.

I still felt a little lightheaded from the kiss as I watched the silent stare down between my brother and boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Edward was my boyfriend.

_Edward Cullen was my boyfriend._

The thought made me chuckle and both guys looked at me peculiarly.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked.

"That you're my boyfriend," I tittered, and I burst into a fit of giggles.

Edward's brows furrowed and he looked at Emmett for some kind of explanation, but my brother just shrugged.

"Why do you find that hilarious?" Edward asked. "Should I be offended? You know what, I think I am. How dare you find my love for you comical?"

That just made me laugh even harder.

I was just so _giddy_.

The snow, the kissing, the fact that Edward was mine- it filled me with joy so overwhelming that I couldn't contain it.

"She's delusional," I heard Emmett say.

"Completely mental," Edward commented.

"She looks like she belongs in a straight jacket."

"In an insane asylum."

"With padded walls."

"Look, she's turning red."

"Should we throw cold water on her?"

"I say let's do it."

My laughing fit stopped, my stomach in pain from guffawing so hard, and I gasped for breath.

"Don't you dare," I told them, panting a little. "If you throw cold water on me, I will be forced to use those fireplace tools as weapons of mass destruction."

"You were scaring us," Edward said, smirking. "And we still want to know why you find my being your boyfriend so amusing."

I took a deep breath, still smiling, and rested my head on the headrest of the couch.

"It's just that I never would have imagined it," I said quietly. "A few months ago I would have never thought that we would be together. I mean, I hated you. I used to dream up different versions of your slow and painful death, just to make myself happy."

Edward's eyes widened. "You're kidding. Wow, you're slightly evil."

"Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating," I added as Emmett plopped himself down in an armchair. "But I just couldn't stand you. I did think you were incredibly handsome, but your personality, at first, just killed it, you know? And to think that now I'm making out with you on the couch- it's hilarious!"

Edward stared at me, undoubtedly turning over my explanation in his head. Emmett seemed to be over the whole my-sister-was-making-out-with-my-girlfriend's-brother-on-my-couch thing, so now he just looked mildly entertained.

"Oh," I cried, suddenly remembering a very important detail. "Remember when you almost hit me with a bat? I never would have imagined, not in a million years, that I'd be with you! I remember it so clearly, the look on your face when you had that bat raised- it was terrifying!"

"Did I ever apologize for that?" Edward asked, eyes apologetic. "If I didn't, I really am sorry. I wouldn't literally have hit you."

"Not even if I actually was really was some 'slimy bloke trying to nick something'?" I was surprised I remembered his exact wording, and so was Edward since he blinked once.

"Not even then," he laughed.

"Yeah, about that," Emmett cut in, looking at Edward curiously. "Why didn't you hear her come in?"

"I was on the balcony, having a fag," Edward replied. "I had the doors closed because Rose would start bitching at me if her apartment started smelling like cigarettes."

"The idea that you almost hit my sister with a baseball bat makes me very uncomfortable," Emmett said.

"The idea that I almost hit your sister with a baseball bat makes me very uncomfortable as well," Edward said.

"The idea that I was almost hit with a baseball bat by my boyfriend makes me very uncomfortable," I added.

Emmett's face suddenly lit up, his eyes brightened.

He scooted to the edge of his chair and looked at me excitedly. "Dude! We should totally teach you self defense!"

"That's actually a brilliant idea," Edward said, grinning.

"I mean, we all know you're a fighter," Em said, looking at me with evident pride. "But it wouldn't hurt to teach you some basics. Simple things that could save your life if you were to, say, end up in a dark alley alone."

"I don't plan on letting that happen," Edward told him with conviction.

"Again, it wouldn't hurt her to know how to do these things. The power's still out and we have nothing else to do, so what do you say, Bells?"

I squirmed. "I don't know. . . "

"Oh c'mon," Edward said, nudging me with his elbow. "It'll be fun."

"What'll be fun?" Rose asked, descending the stairs.

"We're gonna teach Bella how to kick some ass," Emmett told her excitedly. "Wanna join in?"

"Sure," Rose said, laughing. "I'll watch first. And try not to make a mess."

She seated herself on the couch and Edward rose to his feet, holding his hand out to me.

I looked up at him anxiously, noticing for the first time what he was wearing. He was in a black thermal shirt that clung to his body enough to show the definition of his muscles. I was always amazed at how stunning he looked in black; it was a gorgeous contrast with the paleness of his skin, the piercing green of his eyes, and the brilliant bronze of his hair.

Edward cocked an eyebrow and wiggled his fingers.

I sighed and took his hand, allowing him to pull me up.

I knew from experience that Edward and Emmett scheming together wasn't always the greatest thing.

For the next two hours, my boyfriend and my brother were adamant in making sure I knew how to break someone's nose using the heel of my palm, jab someone in the neck, face, or throat with my elbow, and stab someone in the eyes with my fingers. They taught me how to fight off an attacker who had a knife or gun, using a pen as the prop. Of course, I didn't actually get to hurt anyone.

Emmett insisted that Edward be the "bad guy", and I had the sneaking suspicion that he made Edward do it just so he could watch me hit him, even if it wasn't real.

At first I was a little hesitant with pretending to hit Edward. After all, I was anti-violence in every way, and just the thought of me hurting someone made me feel like a horrible person.

But both guys were good at convincing me that these were important survival skills.

What they weren't saying was that if I had known these methods while I was with Jacob, I wouldn't have ended up in the hospital.

That one thought alone was enough to strengthen my resolve.

In the beginning, I was a little meek with my attempts to strike Edward, even if it was pretend.

It was kind of hard to think of him as some thug in a dark alley, especially with the way he was touching me.

Emmett had him "sneak up on me" in several ways, grabbing me around the neck with his arm, pinning me to the wall with a hand covering my mouth, or holding my arms in such a way that made escaping seem impossible.

I just couldn't focus properly, knowing that Edward's hands were on me. My skin heated up with every touch, and I just couldn't bring it in myself to poke, punch, or kick him.

It would have been a thousand times easier if Emmett was the perpetrator.

But Emmett kept pushing me to suck it up and be strong, and I finally knew what it would be like having him as a personal trainer; he was tough. He suddenly became very no-nonsense, not putting up with a single whine from me when a move seemed too hard, or too complicated, or just plain ridiculous. He was encouraging and passionate, and I knew that he wanted nothing more than for me to know how to protect myself if he or Edward weren't there to do it for me.

Rosalie would give her two cents every now and then, sometimes even volunteering to be the criminal. She knew a few tricks of her own, and at one point she demonstrated a vicious looking rib-jab on Emmett; it included a very complicated maneuver in which Emmett goes from pinning Rosalie from behind to being pinned on the floor by her, all in less than five seconds.

For a moment I saw a very fierce side of Rosalie that scared me just a little.

We had been practicing for a little over an hour when Rose disappeared into the kitchen to hunt something down for lunch.

Now it was just Edward, Emmett, and I, standing in the middle of the living room with the coffee table pushed out of the way.

I was totally in the moment, starting to get serious about learning how to fight back. I was becoming good at the simple things, but I could tell by the gleam in Emmett's eyes that he was just getting to the good stuff.

Edward was behind me, with one arm wrapped around my neck while the other was holding both my arms back.

Emmett stood in front of me, an enthusiastic spark in his eyes.

"He's not letting you breathe, Bella," Emmett said fiercely, in full trainer mode. "He's putting pressure on your windpipe and your lungs are fighting for air."

Even though it wasn't really happening, I could feel it. I could feel the fire in my lungs, my entire chest screaming for air.

I knew what it felt like from experience.

"Are you going let him take that from you?" Emmett barked. "Are you?"

"No," I growled.

"Instep, elbow-to-ribs, elbow-to-chin, groin!" Emmett commanded.

Suddenly it wasn't Edward holding me, it was Jacob. A flash of panic went through me before the anger set in and with all the strength I could muster, I stepped on Edward's instep with the heel of my foot, jabbed my elbow into his ribs, hard, slammed my elbow upwards into his face, pushed out of his now loosened grip, whirled around, and with all the strength I had-

I slammed my knee into his groin.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Edward cried out in pain as he bent over at the waist, grabbing his crotch. He had his teeth clenched tightly and his eyes were watering just a little; it was easy to tell that he was trying not to cry out anymore.

I gasped in horror, my eyes widening as Rosalie ran into the room and Emmett said, "Holy shit, Bella, what did you do?"

Edward was still muttering a string of profanities as he stumbled back onto the couch with one hand holding his face while the other was still wrapped around his groin.

"What happened?" Rose asked, looking at Edward with concern. Her eyes shot to me. "Oh my God, did you actually kick him in the balls?"

"I didn't mean to," I squeaked. My voice sounded like I had inhaled helium.

My heart was hammering and the guilt became overwhelming.

I had hurt him; I had actually physically _harmed _Edward. He was still bent forward on the couch, groaning, but now his head was in both his hands.

Would he be mad at me? I had heard how much it hurts for a guy to be kicked in the crotch, and Edward's reaction was proof of that.

To see him in pain, knowing that I caused it, was too much for me.

A sob escaped me and I collapsed into an armchair with my hand covering my mouth, my widened eyes still on the pained boy on the couch.

Edward's head shot up to look at me, the pain replaced by worry.

"I'm sorry," I cried, tears escaping. "I lost it for a second, I'm . . ."

I couldn't say anymore, the guilt practically choking me, and Edward was suddenly on his knees in front of me.

His face was still pained, but it was a different kind of pain.

"It's okay," he said, wiping tears away with his thumbs. "I'm all right."

"It's not your fault, Bella," Rose said, stroking my hair.

"Don't worry about it, kiddo," Emmett chimed in. "It hurts like a bitch, but it's insanely useful."

I sniffed and looked at Edward, who was smirking slightly. I could tell by the slight furrow of his brows that he was still feeling physical pain.

_How hard did I hit him?_

"You're not angry?" I sniffled, watching Edward's face.

Edward raised his brows. "Angry? Bella, I'm so fucking proud of you."

It was my turn to furrow my brows. "Proud? You're proud that I hit you in the . . . thingamajiggy?"

Everyone laughed and my lips surrendered to a small smile.

"That was amazing," Edward said, grinning at me. "No one has ever done something like that to me, and even though my dick is fucking throbbing for all the wrong reasons, I'm so fucking proud of you."

"I'm proud of you, too," Emmett said, smiling down at me. "My baby sister can kick ass, and I couldn't ask for more."

"If you ask me, sometimes Edward needs a kick in the privates," Rosalie said, winking at me.

Edward narrowed his eyes at her and the mood in the room was lightened by a great degree.

Rosalie went back into the kitchen as Emmett said, "I think this is our cue to stop these lessons. We're nowhere near done, though."

He grinned at Edward who rolled his eyes; he knew exactly how much Emmett enjoyed seeing me hurt him.

"I don't think I want to do this anymore," I told them as Edward plopped down in the armchair next to mine.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Edward said, taking my hand. "But it really is a good idea to learn more."

"What he said," Emmett said. "You can never learn enough self defense."

"Just not today, okay?" I replied. I had had enough violence for one day.

Emmett agreed with a shrug and then went in the kitchen to assist Rosalie, who was talking to herself about how we had nothing in the house that would make a good lunch and how we couldn't go out because we were snowed in.

Edward wove his fingers through mine and kissed my knuckles as I watched him warily.

"I'm fine, really," he mumbled against my skin.

I couldn't help but glance at his crotch, somehow expecting there to be some indication of damage.

Of course, no part of Edward's nether regions was visible to me, but just glancing down there had the muscles below my naval clenching.

Edward caught me looking and I blushed, though he didn't say anything.

He continued to absentmindedly run his lips over our raised and intertwined hands, and after a while I cleared my throat and, just to make sure, asked, "Are you sure you're okay? I mean, how's your. . ."

"Thingamajiggy?" he finished with a smirk.

I blushed harder and nodded.

Edward shrugged. "Feels better. It's throbbing less. I don't think there'll be any permanent damage, but if there is, I'll be sure to let you know."

He winked at me and, as if it were possible, I felt my face grow even hotter.

The room grew warmer in temperature and the fireplace had nothing to do with it.

* * *

"Absolutely nothing in this kitchen, _nothing_!" Rosalie cried with exasperation.

Edward and I had joined our siblings in the kitchen to help find something for lunch. It was true that we were running low on several essentials such as bread and eggs, and we couldn't go and get any because of the snow.

Edward was rummaging through the refrigerator while Emmett and Rose looked in the pantry and I ransacked the cabinets.

"It was Bella's turn to do the grocery shopping," Emmett said accusingly.

"Was not," I protested, pushing aside some boxed cake mixes to see if anything worth eating would magically pop up behind them.

"Hey look, I found chips!" Edward said, pulling something from the back of the freezer.

"In the freezer?" I asked, confused. "What the hell are chips doing in the freezer?"

I saw the blue bag that Edward was holding and noticed that it was a bag of frozen French fries.

Realization dawned on me when I remembered that "chips" was the British word for fries.

"Oh," I said, frowning.

Rosalie took the bag from him. "Oh, I can fry these! Not exactly the healthiest thing, but it's better than nothing at all."

"I was gonna suggest that we just eat Pop-Tarts all day," Emmett suggested, holding up the box.

"I like that idea better," Edward said, grabbing the box from him.

I don't think so," Rose chided, snatching the box from her brother. "We'll have a proper lunch. I wonder if we have enough to make a salad. . ."

She took over Edward's station at the fridge and when she opened the door I noticed the bottle of ranch dressing on an inside shelf.

"Oh," I said, reaching for the bottle. "Ranch dressing!"

"What the fuck is ranch dressing?" Edward asked. "Sounds like another term for dressing like a whore."

"You don't know what ranch dressing is?" I asked, my eyes bugging out. "Why does England deprive you of such delicious products?"

Edward rolled his eyes and came to stand in front of me, taking the bottle and examining it. He twisted the cap off and sniffed.

He grimaced. "Smells sour."

I took the cap out of his hand and scooped some of the dressing onto my finger. "Tastes amazing, though."

I popped my finger into my mouth and sucked off the dressing, sighing with content as the tangy flavor exploded on my tongue. It had been much too long since I had ranch dressing with anything.

I opened my eyes to see Edward staring at me with his mouth slightly open, eyes glued to my finger.

"What?" I mumbled around my finger.

"Uh. . . " Edward trailed off, looking slightly dazed and not meeting my gaze.

"What is it?" I asked again, pulling my finger out and swiping at the cap again.

Just when I was about to put my freshly dipped-in-ranch-dressing finger in my mouth again, Edward caught my wrist.

He cocked an eyebrow. "Mind if I see for myself what is so amazing about this 'ranch dressing'?"

His voice was a little husky, and I doubted that it was intentional.

I nodded, my insides tingling.

Edward glanced over his shoulder, still holding onto my wrist, to see that Emmett and Rosalie were oblivious to us. Rose was busy at the stove, getting ready to fry the fries. Emmett was still in the pantry, probably reorganizing the disorder that he had created whilst trying to find lunch.

Without another moment's hesitation, Edward took my finger in his mouth, sucking off the dressing with his eyes on mine.

He sucked slowly, even after I knew the dressing was gone. His tongue played around with my fingertip and I had to restrain a shudder. His teeth pressed down gently as his tongue sucked away.

The dressing was gone, so what the heck was he tasting?

I felt warmth spread inside my body, so I tugged my finger a little, letting him know that I wanted it back. He slowly pulled it out and then smirked at me.

"Fucking amazing," he muttered.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, going to the sink to wash his saliva off.

Things were getting . . . sexual.

And I wasn't sure I was ready for that.

I mean, we had kissed that _same day_. Still, the innuendos were everywhere, but they didn't bother me in the slightest.

Edward and I helped make the salad while Rose fried the "chips" and Emmett went to see if the snow had stopped so he could shovel whatever needed re-shoveling.

Edward didn't know anything about cooking, not even something as simple as throwing together a salad. The only reason he was even helping was just so that he could be near me.

He tried to chop up some carrots but he was holding the knife at an odd angle and the pieces he was chopping were all uneven and just plain funny looking.

I gently took the knife from him after he messily slaughtered a tomato.

"Don't worry about cutting anything else," I told him patiently. "I'll be the cutter and you can be the tosser."

Edward laughed loudly, throwing his head back.

I stared at him. "What's so funny?"

"I don't want to be a tosser," he chuckled, his eyes sparkling with some hidden joke. "Of course, if you keep looking the way you do, it'll become inevitable."

"Edward!" Rosalie admonished. She gave him a disapproving look. "Don't be inappropriate."

"Okay, confused American in the room," I said. "What is so inappropriate?"

"It's nothing," Rosalie said.

"I want to know," I insisted, looking at Edward.

"Are you sure?" he asked, grinning crookedly.

"Edward, don't!" Rosalie said.

Edward glared at her defiantly. "I'm going to give her what she wants, always. And if she wants to know what's so funny about her telling me I'm a tosser, then I'll tell her."

"Wait, 'tosser' means something else?" I asked. "Seriously, where do you guys come up with these terms?

"It means the same thing as 'wanker'," Edward said, watching my expression carefully.

My mouth popped open into a tiny O of realization.

Edward grinned and I heard Rosalie sigh from behind me.

"You really need to improve your vocabulary, Edward," she mumbled.

"No, I think Bella just needs to improve her slang," Edward replied.

My mind was still lost in thoughts of dirty English slang words as I absentmindedly chopped a tomato the right way.

Once I was done, I threw the handful of chopped tomato pieces into the salad bowl.

I turned to Edward, both my brows raised. "Ready to be a tosser?"

He smiled devilishly. "Not if I can help it."

"Please, you two," Rose said, sounding disgusted as she scooped fries out of the oil and onto a paper towel covered plate. "You're making me nauseous."

Edward pulled the salad bowl towards him and proceeded to toss it awkwardly with two wooden utensils.

His movements were robotic and awkward, both his elbows bent stiffly has he moved his arms up and down in a strange manner. He wasn't really tossing the salad effectively. The ingredients were just being layered on top of each other without being mixed.

I giggled at his sad attempts. "Really, Edward? Can't even toss a salad?"

He sighed exasperatedly and let go of the wooden tossing utensils.

"What can I say?" he said. "This isn't the kind of tossing I'm good at."

He winked at me then and I blushed, turning away to toss the salad the right way.

Soon, the four of us were sitting by the fire again, eating at the coffee table. Emmett had informed us that the snow had stopped falling, but that school probably wouldn't be open until the following Monday, which was four days away. For the moment we all just hoped that the electricity would come back on.

Edward loved the french-fries-and-ranch-dressing combo, and he asked me what other delicacies I was willing to show him. I asked him about several products, and once I found out that he knew what Oreos were, I decided to introduce him to Twinkies when I got the chance.

I was putting the plates in the sink when Emmett walked in with the bottle of ranch dressing. He smiled at me before pulling the fridge open and setting the bottle back on the shelf.

I started washing the dishes when Emmett picked up a towel and came to stand next to me, ready to be the dryer.

He was looking at me in an odd way, almost like he had something to say, or ask, but just wasn't.

"What?" I said, scrubbing at a greasy plate. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Emmett did that annoying thing where he opens his mouth and then closes it again without uttering a word.

I sighed impatiently. "Come on, Em. Spill."

Emmett shrugged. "I'm just worried about you. I don't want to see you get hurt again, and to watch you move on so fast . . . it scares me."

I stopped scrubbing the plate and looked up at his stressed expression.

"It scares you?" I asked, letting the water run on my stilled hand. "Why?"

"The last two and a half months weren't just hell for you, kiddo. No doubt that it was a lot worse in your shoes, but seeing how that- that- that complete asshole affected you . . . it was my worst nightmare. Now, I know that you and Edward will be different, are different, but I can't stop thinking that you're throwing yourself at him too fast. I can't help freaking out whenever I think about all of that happening again."

"It won't," I tried to be reassuring, but I had my own doubts. "This isn't the same. Like I said before, I need Edward. I can't imagine being without him."

"Exactly. I know how happy he makes you. That's why I worry that if something goes wrong. . . "

If something went wrong between me and Edward, I'd die for sure.

"It'll be fine," I said, my own words feeling like a lie.

"There's no guarantee."

I shook my head, deciding to try a different approach. "Stop worrying so much. Don't dwell on the negative things, just let it be. I'm happy right now, and you giving me thoughts about how long Edward and I will last doesn't help. Knock it off."

I sounded a bit harsh, but I knew that Emmett didn't have to say anything for me to have doubts about my new relationship.

"I'm sorry," he said, sounding sincere. "Really. I just worry about you, and I probably always will."

I turned back to the dishes and handed him the clean plate. "It's okay. I know you worry, but I just wish you didn't."

He kissed the top of my head. "It's because I love you."

I was able to smile at him. "Love you too."

"It is nice seeing you happy, though."

I smiled wider. "It's nice being happy."

He didn't need to reply to that and we finished the rest of the dishes in a content silence.

* * *

The electricity came back an hour before sunset.

The sky was fading from a grayish blue into an indigo, and Edward and I took advantage of the remaining light to clean up my room a little. I was making my bed and he was picking up scattered papers from off the floor; when the lights went out, he had knocked over a school folder I had set on my dressing table.

Just when I was finished with the bed, the lights flickered on.

We both stared up at the ceiling with relief.

"Finally!" I said.

I heard Emmett cheering from downstairs, and Edward said, "Sounds like someone is happy they'll be getting to sit in front of the telly again."

"Tell me about it," I muttered, smoothing my sheets until they were perfect.

Edward suddenly hopped down on the bed, sprawled out like it was his own, and I put my hands on my hips and fixed him with my best death glare.

He gave me an innocent look. "What?"

I narrowed me eyes. "Did you not see how I just finished making the bed about two point five seconds ago?"

Edward looked down at the bed around him. "Yes, and you did a lovely job."

I sighed with resignation and ended up plopping down next to him. "It's okay. It'll only end up getting messed up again tonight."

Edward smirked. "And why is that?"

I rolled my eyes. "You have a one-track mind, you know that?"

"I have a dick. Having a one-track mind is inevitable."

"You just insulted your own gender."

"Nah, I just speak the truth."

There was a pause and then he asked, "How long do you think before Emmett comes upstairs to invade our privacy?"

I tilted my head to one side, pretending to think. "Hmm. I'll give him five minutes."

"I reckon that's enough time."

"For. . ?"

Edward pulled me gently by the arm until I was close enough to kiss. His lips pressed tenderly against mine and his went into my air.

For the next few minutes, my mind was completely blank. I was thinking with my body, mostly my lips.

Somehow I ended up on his lap with my hands in his hair. It was always as soft as I'd imagined, and I couldn't keep my fingers out of the silky bronze jungle.

My lips made their home with his and I was breathing Edward for an unknown amount of time. Everything about his mouth drew me in like a magnet and once I was in I never wanted to get out of the stupor it put me in. The softness of his lips, the warmth of his breath, and the gentle and loving movements of his mouth against mine . . . it was the best feeling in the world.

We heard loud footsteps coming up the stairs and Edward pulled away, resting his forehead against mine.

"That brother of yours," he whispered.

The footsteps were off the stairs now.

"I don't care," I breathed, kissing him again.

The footsteps were halfway down the hall.

"We should stop," Edward mumbled against my lips.

The footsteps were coming closer.

"I don't want to," I said, pressing my lips a little harder.

The footsteps stopped outside my door and Edward pulled away, lifting me off the bed and setting me next to him.

I pouted and him and he grinned just as Emmett threw the door open like he was an FBI agent busting a drug dealer.

I glared at my brother. "Wouldn't kill you to knock!"

"The electricity is back!" Emmett said, ignoring my reprimand.

"No, really?" Edward said sarcastically. "I thought the light coming from that bulb up there was coming from the heavens."

"Har, har, har," Emmett said, rolling his eyes. He glanced between us. "Why don't you guys come on downstairs?"

Edward and I exchanged a glance and I resisted the urge to tell Emmett to get out of my room so Edward and I could start making out again.

"In a few minutes," Edward told him.

Emmett forced a smile. "How about now?"

"Nope, I'm sorry, now isn't possible."

"Why?"

"Because we're busy."

"Doing what?"

"I don't see how it's any of your business."

Edward and Emmett stared each other down and before things could get any tenser I said, "We'll be down in a second, Em. We were just talking about something."

Emmett stared at me for a second, trying to figure out if I was lying, and I stared back knowing that he wouldn't find deceit in my face.

Because we had been talking about something before he came in . . . . we were talking about not wanting to stop kissing.

After another moment of staring, Emmett sighed. "Fine."

Without another word, he left, and Edward looked at me with an annoyed expression.

"He's so fucking intrusive," he muttered, and I smiled as I climbed back onto his lap.

"He's just overprotective," I said as I set my head on his shoulder.

"There's a difference between being overprotective and being just plain irritating. I swear, if he interrupts us one more fucking time. . . "

His threat trailed off and I looked up to see that his mouth was set in a grim line.

"Is it upsetting you that much?" I asked. "Emmett interrupting us?"

Edward took a deep breath. "I tend to get annoyed easily, in case you haven't notice. Maybe I'm overreacting. But it's just that I've waited so long to fucking have you, and now that I do, your brother keeps getting in the way."

That statement got me thinking about Jacob and how angry he used to get whenever I told him I didn't want to do something because Emmett wouldn't allow it.

Edward noticed my spaced out look. "What're you thinking?"

"Jacob used to have the same kind of attitude," I said, unable to make my voice louder than a whisper. "He'd get so pissed whenever Emmett wouldn't let me do something with him."

Edward stiffened and his eyes darkened just a bit. He clenched and unclenched his jaw, which I learned was a habit that meant he was angry.

"You're angry," I mumbled, burying my face in his shoulder.

Edward sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Just that you're comparing me to that dickhead."

My head shot up. "I'm not! You mentioning Emmett's intrusiveness just reminded me of how. . . _He _used to be. That's all. You're nothing like him."

_Except when it comes to having a temper,_ I thought.

I didn't say that though. I knew that being temperamental was, supposedly, somewhat of a testosterone fueled thing.

"Promise me something?" Edward said, sounding relatively calmer. "I don't ever want to talk about that prick ever again. I don't even want to hear his name, and I don't want him brought up. If you want to talk about him in a therapeutic type of way, that's different. But to be quite honest, whenever I think about him, I just get pissed off. So let's pretend it never happened, okay?"

Pretend it never happened? Did he realize how impossible that was?

"Okay," I whispered.

He kissed me, and for the fourth time that day, every thought flew from my mind.

* * *

I was just drifting off to sleep when I jumped at the sound of my door opening.

A dark silhouette stood in the doorway and I blinked away the disorientation. I knew it was Edward right off the bat; the glow from my blue night light hauntingly illuminated his bronze hair and pale skin. He was the only one in the house that tall, and with a body that lean; I'd probably recognize his silhouette in any dark room.

"You awake?" Edward asked.

"I am now," I mumbled tiredly.

Edward shut the door with a soft click, and then walked over to the bed where he stepped over me so that he was on my left side.

He climbed under the covers over him and I didn't hesitate to snuggle up to him so I could be in my most favorite place in the world: his arms.

Emmett had told Edward that since the power was back on, I didn't need him to sleep since my night light would be working. Edward had agreed to sleep on the couch, but he let me know in secret that he'd be climbing into bed with me later in the night.

Besides, what Emmett didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

"He might discover you in the morning," I mumbled sleepily into Edward's chest.

"Let him," Edward said.

"I don't want him to. He might hurt you."

Edward chuckled. "Let him."

"I refuse."

"Shh, go to sleep."

"I want to stay awake."

"Don't make me sing twisted childhood lullabies to you again."

I gasped with mock horror, my eyes closed. "You wouldn't."

_"Rock-a-bye Bella on the back deck. . ."_

"Why am I on the back deck?"

"You're staring out at our destroyed snow people."

"Why?"

"I dunno."

"Maybe I'm wishing I had created an Edward one, so that could attack him ninja style like the others."

"Well that's not very nice. I don't think I deserve to be destroyed ninja style."

"Kung fu style then."

"Much better."

We were silent and Edward started running his fingers up and down my back. That one movement was so loving, so soothing that I didn't want to be anywhere else. It was one of those moments that I wished I could freeze, or put on replay, so that they'd never end.

His rubbing felt insanely good and I took a deep breath, inhaling the Edward scent that was saturated in his t-shirt.

As sleepy as I was, a thought occurred to me.

"Will you be able to sleep with a shirt on?" I asked.

His hand stilled. "Not right away, and it'll be a restless slumber. . . " He trailed off questioningly.

"Would you have slept without it if you were on the couch?"

"Yes."

"You should take it off. I want you to be comfortable."

He hesitated. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and, without another moment's hesitation, he gently pushed me off his chest so he could sit up.

Once he was sitting, I watched as he pulled the t-shirt over his head. The dim light of the room accented the muscles of his back perfectly and I was momentarily breathless. Of course, they were nothing like a body builder. They were wiry muscles, but they showed that he had strength. They were so Edward and just perfect in every way.

He threw the shirt on the floor and I heard the soft flutter of fabric hitting wood.

"You better pick that up in the morning," I told him.

He lay back down and pulled me into his arms again. I put my head on his naked chest, wrapping my arm around his muscled torso. His skin was also saturated with the Edward smell- soap, cigarettes, intoxicating cologne, and something like lilac that I didn't know the source of.

I ran a finger over his abs and felt him shudder.

"Do you work out?" I asked.

"When I can. I have weights and shit in my room, but it's been a while."

"Doesn't look like it."

Edward chuckled. "It's not really my thing. Lifting weights, I mean. I don't care to look like a steroids filled monster. The only reason I do it is to stay healthy."

"This is going to sound so shallow, but I'm glad you do. Not just for your health but because you. . . are just heart-stoppingly gorgeous."

I felt my face grow warm and Edward chuckled and kissed the top of my head, but otherwise didn't respond.

Didn't he agree? Wasn't he going to thank me for the compliment?

I wondered if he also felt insecure about certain things.

My hands drifted from his abs to the pinkish area on the right side of his torso. It wasn't visible as much in the dark, but I remembered that it was there. It had looked like he had gotten a tattoo removed, and the words, whatever they had been, were faded into his skin.

Edward's whole body tensed up as my fingers roamed about the smooth surface of his removed tattoo.

"What did it say?" I whispered.

He didn't answer for a long moment and I looked up to see a pained expression on his face.

I looked back down, not liking that he was hurting.

"It was a name," he mumbled after a while.

"Oh," I responded feebly, not wanting him to talk about something that caused him distress.

To my surprise he continued. "My ex-girlfriend."

My hand stopped and I couldn't help the vicious pang of jealousy that tore through me.

This time, my own body was tense and Edward noticed.

He started to soothingly rub my back again until I relaxed. "It wasn't that long ago, not even a year, but it feels like ages. I thought I loved her, but now I'm starting to doubt that I did."

The words would barely come. "If you got her name tattooed on yourself, it must have been love. . . "

"It was stupidity, not love."

"How do you know?"

He put a finger under my chin and tilted my head up so that I could see the emotion in his eyes.

"What I feel with you is love," he said softly. "I was with her for three years and I never felt this way with her. I think. . . I think it was just lust, making me think I loved her."

Huh. Lust. That must mean that she was beautiful.

And that also meant that Edward probably wasn't a virgin.

Honestly, that didn't surprise me in the slightest.

"But it didn't work out. . ." I said, suddenly wanting details.

"No."

I waited, but he didn't say anything else.

"What happened?" I asked, trying to keep the impatience out of my voice.

He still didn't answer and I looked up, only to be greeted by his pained expression once more.

His eyes met mine and they were smoldering, but I couldn't place with what emotion.

Pain, definitely pain, but something else. . .

He closed his eyes, the emotion hidden behind his eyelids.

"Another story for another time," he whispered. "You should sleep. It's getting late."

"It's not like there's school tomorrow."

"Bella," he said, his voice sounding aged. "Sleep. Please."

I could tell by his face that he was thinking about things that were agonizing for him. I didn't want his mind to be in dark places, and I felt sorry that I had even asked about the tattoo, which seemed to trigger everything.

I leaned up, propping up on my elbow, and kissed his chiseled jaw. "Sorry."

His eyes flew open. "What for?"

"Asking about the tattoo."

"Don't be," he said firmly. "You deserve answers."

". . . but not yet."

"No, you deserve them now. It's just me that isn't ready to talk about it. And you'd think that with the happiness I've found, I'd be over everything. Shit, I think I need some therapy of my own."

"It's that bad?"

Edward nodded, but was silent.

I leaned down and softly pressed my lips to his, hoping that would make him forget whatever torturous thoughts he was thinking.

It seemed to work, because soon his hand was in my hair. His lips molded with mine, and that unavoidable heat was back, traveling the familiar route from my mouth to my chest to just below my stomach.

Much too soon, he pulled away, kissing my forehead.

"Sleep," he said.

I sighed and cuddled into his side again, my head on his hardened chest. He wrapped his arms around me once more, holding me like he never wanted to let go.

It was all I could ask for.

To lie on him while he was shirtless did funny things to my body but I started to feel even more exhausted by the minute.

Edward started humming a song I didn't recognize, and it wasn't long before the darkness of my room became darker.

* * *

Around six in the morning, I woke up when I felt Edward move.

"Sorry," he whispered. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"Where are you going?" I asked sleepily.

"I need to go back downstairs and act like I slept on the couch all night," he replied, pulling his t-shirt back on. "Before your brother wakes up. Go back to sleep."

Sleep evaded me now that he was leaving, but I tried nonetheless.

He kissed my temple before leaving, but I remained in a strange half-sleep for the next two hours.

It just wasn't the same without him.

Needing Edward in my bed in order to sleep properly was becoming a bad habit I wasn't sure I could break for the life of me.

* * *

The weekend went by in a blur.

Time seemed to fly with the electricity back, but Edward and I spent most of our time in the snow. The wet Forks weather was coming back and the snow wasn't going to last long with the slight increase in temperature.

I really did make an Edward snowperson, and I used my new self-defense skills to knock it down.

Edward was running out of clean clothes, and he said it was only a matter of time before he'd have to go home and "get things sorted".

I didn't want him to go back home; hell, I wanted him to live with us.

But I knew that he couldn't stay forever, and he shouldn't go too long without trying to fix things with his parents either.

I didn't know the details about what happened at his house the day he came over. All I knew was that he had gotten into a huge fight with his mom and dad, and that he needed a break from them.

I remembered Esme, and how kind she had always been. I couldn't imagine her arguing with anybody, with her soft features and heart-shaped face.

I didn't want to pry into Edward's personal life and past, even though he knew everything about my own.

I could only hope that one day he would open up to me, and tell me everything.

Edward was still a mystery to me, and I knew there was a lot I had yet to know about him.

I also knew he wasn't ready to tell me much; he had looked so pained when talking about his ex and that was enough to shut me up.

I'd always be waiting though. I'd always be waiting for that moment where he'd just spill his entire life story.

I knew Edward, but not enough. Definitely not enough.

* * *

Before I knew it, it was Monday.

Edward was wearing his last pair of clean clothes- a navy blue hoodie and worn out jeans, along with his precious leather jacket, of course.

After several long minutes of persuading Emmett that it was okay, Edward gave me a ride to school on his motorcycle. The day before, we had gone shopping for motorcycle helmets and now I was wearing a black and dark purple one on my head. I had to admit, it was very badass. It was mostly black, but on the sides was an intricate design of dark purple. It looked like flames, but thin, elegant ones that wove themselves into each other. Fiery, but feminine. Edward had picked it out himself.

It wasn't until we were off the bike in the school parking lot and Edward kissed me that I realized this was out first time making it "public" that we were together. I hadn't even told Alice about this.

I was suddenly anxious as Edward took my hand, walking with me towards the school building.

He looked at me, his brows furrowing. "What's wrong? You look sick."

"Just nervous."

"What about?"

"Us."

He stopped walking and kept staring at me, his brows permanently creased. "Elaborate."

I took a deep breath. "This is the first time we're going public."

Relief washed over his face, and I wondered what he had been thinking. "Oh. It's not a big deal, really. We're together, so what?"

"I must have a pretty twisted reputation. First I go out with the . . . abusive asshole, and now it's the rebel without a cause from London. I guess I have a thing for bad boys."

Edward winked. "I have cause. Like I said before, another story for another time. But really, don't stress it. People can think whatever the fuck they want, it isn't going to change anything. Besides, it's all people you barely talk to."

I nodded and bit my lip.

Edward took my hand and kissed my knuckles. "Relax. It'll be fine. If anyone looks at you wrong, I'll fuck them up."

"Not funny."

He chuckled. "I won't if you don't want me to."

The bell rang, and he tugged me towards the door; there were already people staring.

_You can do this_, I thought. _Like he said, it's people I barely talk to. It doesn't matter what they think._

Edward squeezed my hand and smiled that crooked grin that always took my breath away.

It made me feel a thousand times better and I took a deep breath as we got closer to the main doors.

This was it.

I could already hear the gossipy hum in the air, and I would be met by nothing but that sound all day.

As annoying as it would be to have to deal with, I knew it wouldn't be so bad with Edward at my side.


	26. Stranger

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is not mine.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 26- Stranger**

_You call me a stranger  
You say I'm a danger  
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight_

_I'm broke and abandoned  
You are an angel  
Making all my dreams come true tonight._

**Stranger- Secondhand Serenade**

_**

* * *

**_

**Edward POV**

I heard her squeal before I saw her.

Bella and I had been walking hand in hand through the school corridor, and as we pushed our way through the watching crowd, we heard a high-pitched shriek come from somewhere up ahead.

Then suddenly Bella was attacked by a small thing that at first appeared to be an over-sized porcupine on two legs.

It took me a few seconds to realise that it was actually Alice.

Bella looked shocked as Alice clung to her, a huge grin on her pixie-like features.

"Um, hi, Alice," Bella said uncertainly, giving me a What-The-Fuck look.

I had just shrugged in response when Alice attacked me next, throwing herself at me and wrapping her tiny little arms around mine so that I was forced to let go of Bella's hand.

Alice just kept squealing and grinning, and it was getting really fucking embarrassing. I resisted the urge to be rude and shove her off.

Finally I said, "Very nice to see you too, Small Person, but you seriously need to get the fuck off of me and stop that squealing because it's making my ears bleed."

Alice pulled away and looked up at me embarrassedly, grabbing both my arm and Bella's.

"I am so sorry," she said, still smiling. "I just _knew_ it would happen one day. Not this soon, but I _k__new _it!"

She squealed again and proceeded to throw herself at Bella once more.

Bella looked at me pleadingly, her eyes silently asking for help, and I took that as my cue to get the midget off of my girlfriend.

"All right, all right," I said, gripping Alice's skinny little arm. "We get that you're excited and shit, but I honestly don't appreciate you molesting my girlfriend like that."

Alice took a step back, clutching her hands behind her back like she was trying to restrain herself.

She started bouncing up and down on her feet. "You guys, this is _so cool_! I am _so_ happy for you two!" She clapped her hands together like an excited child.

I rolled my eyes. "We're dating Alice. We're not engaged."

"Not yet!" Alice cried happily, and my eyes widened.

"Alice, relax," Bella pleaded, casting an anxious look around. "Really, I think you're overdoing it."

We got lucky when someone called Alice's name from across the corridor, and the midget left us with one last squeal and hug for Bella.

"Shit," I muttered as we headed towards Bella's locker. "I feel drained. It's like she sucked out all my fucking energy."

"Tell me about it."

Once we reached her locker, I leaned against the one next to it and took a deep breath.

I needed to tell her that I was going back home today, but I didn't know how she would react. I didn't want to kill her mood, but I knew that I couldn't live at the Swans' forever, despite how much I wanted to.

I unnecessarily cleared my throat, my stomach twisting with anxiety. "So . . . there's something I need to tell you."

Bella looked at me expectantly as she pulled books out of her locker. "I'm listening."

"I'm going back home today." I tried to say it without any emotion, but even I could hear the hint of regret in my voice.

Bella froze briefly, holding a book in mid-air that she had been transferring to her bag. Then she dropped her gaze and stuffed it in, nodding once. I hadn't missed the disappointment in her eyes, even though she had been trying to mask it.

She could control her face as much as she wanted, but her eyes could never lie to me.

"Bella," I said softly, my head resting sideways on the locker.

"Hmm?" she hummed, suddenly busy organising her books around.

"Look at me?"

She acted as though I hadn't spoken.

"Bella."

"Yeah."

"Why won't you say anything?"

She glanced at me swiftly. "I don't have anything to say."

"Nothing at all?"

"Nope."

I sighed. "I really don't want to go, but you know I can't crash at your house forever. And this is my last set of clean clothes."

"There's this thing called a washing machine, and luckily for you we happen to own one."

I chuckled humourlessly. "Yeah, I know that. But I really don't want to be recycling the same clothes over and over . . . and I need to see how my mum's doing. . ."

A part of me didn't give a fuck how my Mum was doing, but the other more rational part actually gave two shits. Even though sometimes I felt like she wasn't a mother any more than Carlisle was a father, I couldn't deny that I had a soft spot for her. I didn't know where it came from, but I knew that Rose had it, too. Her reasons were completely different, but each of us still had some bitterness when it came to the relationship with our mother.

"I understand," Bella said, shutting her locker.

The second her hands were free, I wrapped my arms around her waist and stared into her eyes, raising an eyebrow skeptically. "Do you really?"

She nodded, biting her lip, and I could see the sadness in them. I could see the silent plea for me not to leave her, for me to spend the night in her bed again.

I pressed my lips to her forehead just as the bell rang.

"I'll be around as much as I can," I mumbled against her skin. "But I can't spend nights."

Bella nodded again, and we headed off to class, getting used to the stares that would be gone in a short amount of time.

**

* * *

**

"We're alone," Bella mumbled.

"I noticed," I replied.

It was after school and we were in Bella's empty driveway. We sat on my bike; Bella's arms wrapped around me, and just stared at the empty gravel in front of us.

I felt Bella climb off and I did the same, pulling my helmet off and taking hers from her hands.

"I'll get the door open," Bella said, and I nodded in response, pushing my bike further into the driveway.

Bella went and fetched the key from its hiding place on the back porch, and I took her hand as we headed towards the front door.

When she unlocked the door and we stepped into the living room, I felt like I had come home. There was no other place I'd rather come back to after a long, tiresome day of school.

You know what they say, the home is where the heart is, or some shit like that. It was just amusing that what was supposed to be my actual home was nothing to me and Bella's house was everything.

Walking into the house with my hand in hers made it feel like we were coming home to our house, as if we owned the place.

I shut the door behind me and threw my backpack onto the couch, next to Bella's.

"So," Bella said, casually swinging our intertwined hands back and forth between us. "What do you want to do now?"

My mind immediately went dirty places and I tried not to smirk as I sighed, "Oh, the possibilities."

Bella blushed, though I didn't know why, and I kissed her knuckles, pulling her over to the couch and sitting her down on my lap.

She snuggled her face in my neck and I rested my chin on the top of her head, wrapping her in my arms like I was afraid she'd run away.

She held me like she was afraid of the same thing, and for a moment we sat there in silence, reveling the moment.

"What time does Emmett usually come back from work?" I asked. My voice felt too loud in the silence of the room.

Bella hummed contentedly before saying, "Around five."

"What about Rose?"

"Emmett usually picks her up from the school where she works, so I would say right around the same time. . ."

"Hmm. We have roughly two hours before they get back. What shall we do with our free time?"

"Let's throw a party," she suggested with a giggle. "Want me to call Alice?"

"Nah, we can manage on our own. We'll have a party with just you and me. Let's get the Pop-Tarts and 'range dressing' out, yeah?"

"Ranch. Ranch dressing."

"Same shit, really."

"I still need to introduce you to Twinkies."

"They sound very gay."

Bella playfully smacked at my chest. "I'll have you know, Twinkies are made of awesome."

"As awesome as Pop-Tarts?"

"No. Nothing is as awesome as Pop-Tarts. Twinkies are almost at the same level of awesomeness, but not quite. You'll see."

"I look forward to it," I said, smiling crookedly at her.

Bella stared at me, pure adoration in her eyes. I had never seen anyone look at me like that, and it made me feel all this fuzzy shit inside.

"What're you thinking?" I whispered.

"Just about how beautiful you are," she whispered back.

I snorted. "Uh, thanks. I guess."

Bella frowned. "You don't agree?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes Bella, I think I am the most gorgeous man alive."

"Is that sarcasm I detect in your tone?"

"No."

"_That_ is sarcasm, too."

"Yes."

"Really, Edward. . . you don't think you're attractive in the slightest?"

"Shouldn't you be glad I don't? If I did, I'd go around acting like some self-absorbed douchebag."

"Not necessarily. There's a difference between self-confidence and conceit."

"This coming from the girl who doesn't see herself clearly. Ironic, innit?"

Bella blushed. "I'm a different case."

"Shut up," I muttered, saying it calmly rather than rudely. "You're beautiful, and I don't want to hear anything opposed to that fact, because it isn't true."

Her blush deepened. "You don't think I'm plain?"

"If 'plain' means gorgeous and stunning and smart and funny and selfless and just fucking amazing, then yes. You are the plainest person I've ever met."

Bella's eyes visibly began to pool with tears and I caught one at the corner of her eye with my thumb.

"Don't cry," I murmured.

Bella sniffed and blinked back the waterworks. "I think that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

I smiled and leaned down, gently pressing my lips to hers.

She sighed as her hand travelled into my hair and she grabbed at my locks as my hand went to the back of her neck.

Her lips parted and my tongue was pushing against hers, both of our breathing noticeably increasing in pace.

Our lips molded together like there was no tomorrow. My head and body was filled with the taste of Bella, the intoxicating, all consuming taste of the girl that I was in love with.

Her grip on my hair got tighter and I couldn't suppress a moan at the sensation.

She hummed against my mouth and suddenly I was on my feet, cradling her in my arms.

Without removing my lips from hers, I walked towards the stairs, slowly and carefully so I didn't cause us both to fall on our asses.

I was only really half conscious of where I was going, letting my body do the thinking for me.

That wasn't always a good idea.

Bella pulled away, gasping for breath as I carried her up the stairs. We stared into each others' eyes, and I could see the excitement and eagerness in hers.

Once we made it safely to her bedroom, I kicked the door open and gently dropped her on the bed.

I hovered over her, my gaze into her eyes never wavering, and propped up on my elbows so that I wasn't crushing her with my weight. I started kissing her neck, my lips travelling from just below her earlobe to her collarbone, up and down, over and over.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and suddenly it was hot, much too hot.

Her lips found mine again and my whole body was buzzing, humming with heat and emotion and love so intense that my mind was turning into a fucked up fog. The blood was pumping through my veins, fast and hard, and my heart was trying to beat right out of my fucking chest.

Ever so slowly I lowered myself onto her, no longer trying to hide how much I wanted her.

Because it was true; I wanted her badly and I wanted her _now_.

Bella gasped and I pulled my mouth away from hers to see her wide eyes. Before I could decide what emotion I saw in them, she closed her eyelids, breathing heavily.

Her hands were in my hair again, eyes still closed, and she pulled my head down to hers so that my lips could wrap themselves around hers again.

The only sound in the room was that of our ragged breathing and the rustle of fabric as our clothes rubbed together.

Then, she moaned against my mouth.

She fucking moaned, and I lost it.

Everything was happening so fast; suddenly my hands found their way up her shirt while my lips assaulted her neck over and over. I could feel her pulse against my lips and I felt the odd desire to bite her. Instead I sucked on her skin, spastic shudders going through my body as I tasted her soft alabaster skin.

"Oh, God," Bella gasped, and I swear she was trying to kill me.

Somehow my own sweatshirt ended up on the floor, and the hem of Bella's was up to her chest, leaving her stomach in plain sight.

My lips were on her belly then, and I felt her shudder, her hands holding onto my hair for dear life.

Warm, warm, warm, everything was so fucking warm and I was losing myself as my lips dominated some part of her at all times and my hands went even farther up her shirt.

My fingers found her bra-clad breasts and I groaned against her mouth, my jeans getting too tight in the front.

"Stop," she whispered suddenly.

That one word was like a light bulb going off in my head, bringing me back to my senses. I lowered my hands so that they were resting on her hips.

I pulled away and looked down at her, the both of us panting.

Her eyes were still bright, but now they held a hint of fear.

"What is it?" I whispered frantically. "What's wrong, are you okay?"

Bella nodded, staring into my eyes. "Stop," she muttered again, blinking tiredly.

"I did," I said, my voice husky. Confusion was breaking through my foggy mind.

I decided to give her some space and rolled off of her, propping up on my elbow and lying on my side.

My dick was straining against my jeans at this point, and it was really fucking uncomfortable but I had to stop, because she asked me too.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Too fast," she whispered, closing her eyes. "Everything's going too fast."

At that moment I realised that she wasn't ready. Not for much, anyway.

It had been almost three months since all the shit happened with the Asshat, and you could say that she was almost healed from the trauma of it all, but she wasn't one hundred percent back to normal.

Maybe I was pushing her too fast, letting my own impatient self get in the way of what was best for her.

Then again, she hadn't been complaining. Ever since our first kiss, she'd been just as eager as me when it came to intimacy.

I wasn't surprised that she wasn't ready to go all the way.

But why hadn't I realised that until she told me to stop?

"Stupid," I muttered, rolling onto my back and covering my face with my hands. "I'm so fucking stupid."

_I _had been on top of her, _I_ had shoved my tongue into her mouth, I had pulled my shirt off, _I _had assaulted her neck with my lips and sucked on her skin, _I _had slid my hands up her shirt and felt up her soft breasts. . .

It was _me_. I was doing everything, and she was just going along.

Not once did I think how it must be for her. Yeah, so her eyes showed eagerness and shit, but that didn't necessarily mean that she was ready.

I felt Bella's fingers trying to pry my own from my face. I resisted and my face covered, not wanting to see the disappointment written on her face.

"Edward," she said, pulling at my middle finger. "You're not stupid."

"Yes, I am," I said, my voice muffled by my hands. "So, so fucking dimwitted."

"Stop it," she said, sounding annoyed. "You're not. C'mon, let me see your face."

"No."

"Edward."

"What?"

"Come on."

"No."

"Edward!"

"What?"

"Please?"

_Oh, fuck._

I sighed and dropped my hands, glancing at her to see that she was propped on an elbow and staring down at me with furrowed brows. Her hair cascaded down on one side, the ends of them tickling my bare chest. Her lips were in an adorable little pout that made me want to start kissing her all over again.

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to push you."

"You weren't pushing me," she replied, running the back of a finger across my jaw line. "I was misleading you. I wasn't ready, yet I tried to pretend that I was."

"If I had been more careful-"

"It's not your fault, Edward. I tried to make you happy without thinking about how ready I was."

I reached up and touched her lower lip. "Promise me something?"

"Nothing crazy, right?"

I chuckled. "No. Not this time. Promise me you'll always think of yourself before me."

Bella grimaced. "Yikes. That is crazy."

I rolled me eyes before staring intently into hers. "Really, Bella. I'll always put you first. The only way to make me happy is by being happy yourself. Don't worry about trying to please me. You already do it without trying."

She looked skeptical. "Are you sure about that?"

"Positive."

"I agree to disagree." She pointedly glanced at my crotch and I lifted my head to see the boner that was so fucking obvious that it was embarrassing.

So. Fucking. Embarrassing.

I felt my neck grow hot and I fell back onto the pillow with my eyes closed. "Right. I'll have to take care of that later."

Bella didn't respond and I opened my eyes to see her blushing a deep pink, chewing on her lower lip.

"Sorry," she squeaked, burying her face in my chest embarrassedly.

I laughed and ran my fingers through her soft hair. "It's fine. I got carried away, and I'm really fucking sorry. I'm just glad you told me to stop. Who knows how far my impatient, horny self could have gone."

Bella looked up, her cheeks still pink. "Doesn't it . . . hurt?"

For the first time I was fully aware of the ache in my groin; talking to Bella had distracted me.

I groaned and threw an arm over my eyes, my mind completely focused on the aching discomfort of my dick.

"I'll take that as a yes," Bella sad sadly, and I removed my arm to see her frowning.

I reached out a finger and pushed at the corner of her lips up, trying my best to ignore how they parted just slightly under my touch.

"Cheer up," I mumbled.

"I wish there was something I could do to help," she said ruefully.

My eyes widened and I dropped my hand, bursting out in laughter.

Bella jumped at the loud sound of my guffaw, before furrowing her brows.

"What's so funny?" she pouted, wanting to be in on the joke.

I grinned at her confused expression, and waited for her to get the dirty joke that she had unintentionally made.

When she continued to look perplexed I said, "Bella, there are many ways in which you can help, but I don't know if you're ready for any of that either."

Her jaw dropped and she turned the darkest shade of pink yet, once again burying her face in my chest as I burst out into a fresh fit of laughter.

"I am so humiliated," she said into my skin.

"You? I'm the one with the obvious boner!"

Bella lifted her head to give me a devastated look. "But it's my fault."

I tried to look at her with a serious expression, and I succeeded except for the small quirk in my lips that indicated something that resembled a smirk.

"No, it's not," I said firmly. "It's all on me, baby."

Baby.

It came out so naturally, tumbling from my lips as easily as saying her name.

Bella smiled and leaned down to kiss my cheek. She hesitated, and then pressed her lips to my jaw.

"You have the most amazing jaw line, did you know that?" she said, pulling away.

I stared at her. "What?"

She ran a finger across my jaw line again and I playfully bit at her finger.

Bella laughed. "Really. It's so. . . chiseled. Like on a statue of some Greek god. I don't think I've seen anything like it."

"Huh. Very interesting observation, Miss Swan."

"I happen to be very observant, Mr. Cullen."

I winked at her. "Really, now? Seems like I still have a lot to learn about you."

Bella didn't respond. Instead, she looked away from me, frowning.

"Hey," I said, pulling her chin towards me. "What is it?"

She sighed and rested her head in her hand, still lying on her side and facing me.

"I've been thinking. . . " She trailed off anxiously, staring into my eyes with an emotion I couldn't put my finger on.

I felt a sliver of panic go through me at her words, though I wasn't sure why.

"What about?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even.

"There's another reason I asked you to stop," she said so softly that it was almost a whisper.

"Why? You can tell me."

"I just. . . I don't really know you, Edward."

My brows furrowed in confusion. "Sorry?"

Bella sighed, her cheeks turning a little pink. "I mean. . . I know we have a few things in common, and I know who you are as a person. But I don't really know you. I hate to say this, but it's like you're a stranger."

That last part hurt a little and she stared at me, her eyes imploring me to understand.

And I couldn't.

"What do you need to know in order to 'know' me?"

"All I know is that you grew up in London. I only ever met your mom once, and I know a little about your ex-girlfriend. But that's all, and it doesn't feel like enough. Here I am, making out with you in my bed, yet all I know is how wonderful you are, and that you saved me, and that you like The Beatles and Kings of Leon and classic horror novels."

"What more do you want to know? I'll tell you everything, I swear I will."

"I know that. I meant what I said about everything going so fast. It went too fast. There wasn't enough time for me to learn about you, and you about me. Do you even know my favorite color?"

My mind was blank. "Shit. I don't, actually."

Bella frowned. "See? And it's not just about the basics. You don't feel like a stranger, but I don't think, as my boyfriend, I know enough about you."

I sat up and rested my head back against the headboard. Bella sat up as well, sitting Indian style next to me.

"Let me get this straight," I said. "You don't think you know me enough to be comfortable with me?"

"No, that's not it. I _am_ comfortable with you. I just think I would be more comfortable if you let me into your heart a little."

"You already are," I breathed.

Bella smiled. "That's not what I meant, but thank you."

I took a deep breath. "You want to know more about me?"

She nodded. "And you should know more about me, too."

Honestly, it scared me that she wanted to know more. I know she wasn't making it obvious, but I knew that she wanted to know about my past. I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell her everything, but I would tell her what she could.

I didn't want to be a stranger to her.

"We should work on that, then," I said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Bella opened her mouth to respond, but we were interrupted:

"Bella? Edward? You guys here?" Emmett's voice rang out from the corridor outside.

Bella and I stared at each other with wide eyes for all but two seconds before we were both off the bed, scrambling around to hide any evidence of our actions.

Bella threw me my sweatshirt and proceeded to frantically run a brush through her hair while I yanked the sweatshirt on and adjusted my jeans so that my boner wasn't too fucking obvious.

Nothing seemed to be working.

"Fuck," I muttered frustratedly.

"I guess for once I can say I'm glad that my brother has impeccable timing with this sort of thing," Bella whispered as she flew out of the bedroom to greet Emmett.

I tried loosening my belt and twisting my waistband this way and that, but it just wasn't working.

I heard Bella and Emmett talking in the corridor and I sighed in defeat. I'd either have to shield myself with a pillow or just pray that Emmett didn't have the sudden urge to glance down at my dick.

I headed out to see Bella and Emmett outside Emmett's room.

His eyes flashed to mine and I nodded once. "How goes it?"

Emmett raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "It's all good."

_Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down,_ I pleaded in my head.

Emmett's eyes lowered and my whole body tensed up.

"Why is your sweatshirt backwards?" he asked confusedly.

I glanced down and saw the hood of my sweatshirt hanging limply against my chest. Relief filled me at the same time utter annoyance did.

You motherfucking little shit, I swore at the blasted hoodie in my head. If it hadn't been there, the whole backwards thing wouldn't have been as noticeable.

"Didn't you hear?" I said, trying to sound casual. "It's the new style. It conveniently covers your face to keep it warm."

"That's stupid."

"I know, but we got to keep up with the latest trends, eh?"

I walked forward swiftly and kissed the back of Bella's head.

"I'm off," I said. "See you later."

Before either of them could say anything, I flew down the stairs, taking my hoodie off and putting it on the right way as I passed through the living room.

"Where are you going?" Rose's voice called from the kitchen.

"Home," I called back, grabbing my backpack and duffel, which was packed on the floor by the door.

I paused, not liking the sound of 'home'.

"The house," I corrected myself as I headed out the door.

As I walked to my bike, I felt guilty about leaving Bella to deal with her brother on her own. No doubt that he would ask a load of questions, but I seriously just needed to go take care of the boner that was annoying the shit out of me. I hoped that Bella would just brush him off or lie or do something other than tell him that things got a little too hot and heavy. And stiff.

But for once I could actually appreciate Emmett's tendency to interrupt. As long as he was around, Bella wouldn't do something she wasn't ready for.

Of course I couldn't wait until the day that she was emotionally prepared for sex. Hell, I'd be ecstatic.

I just knew that I had to be patient, I had to be careful, and I had to fucking wait. I'd never push her to do something she didn't want to, and I sure as fuck wasn't going to cheat on her just to get laid.

Sure it had been a while, but I wasn't going to pull a Jacob Black and hunt down Lauren Mallory just so I could get the sexual frustration out.

I wanted Bella, and only Bella.

I couldn't lie to myself though.

I hoped she would be ready soon. Very soon.

**

* * *

**

I stared up at the house that was supposed to be my home.

It stood, vast and cold, starkly pale against the green trees.

This wasn't my home; it was just a dwelling.

With a sigh, I pushed my bike all the way into the driveway and through the open garage doors.

I parked the bike with a heavy heart and picked up my duffel, which held my dirty clothes. Bella had insisted that she wash them for me, but I honestly didn't want her doing anything on my behalf.

I headed into the kitchen and saw that everything was back to normal; no more broken glass or furniture littered the shiny tiled floor.

It looked perfect and pristine as ever. You never would have thought that a drunken man had thrown a right fit just a few days before and broken anything fragile.

It was eerily quiet and for a moment I just stood in the empty kitchen, feeling the coldness of the house seep into me.

Mum tried so fucking hard to make the place look all cozy and welcoming, but it just wasn't working for me. All I felt at this house was emptiness.

The only place I ever felt comfortable and warm and safe and fucking welcomed was Bella's. There was no about that. There was so much fucking love in that house, and I had never experienced anything so amazing.

I made my way through the stoic kitchen and perfect parlour. I went up the barely stepped on stairs and glanced at my parents' bedroom door, which was closed.

Wasn't anyone home?

I approached my own bedroom door warily, turning the knob and pushing it open to reveal a bedroom that didn't look like mine.

It had been tidied up, clothes no longer on the floor, bed with the mattresses intact. The dresser that my father had thrown down was upright again, its drawers safe in their designated areas. The carpet looked freshly vacuumed and the computer chair was on its wheels again, facing the computer screen perfectly.

It didn't look like anyone lived in this room, really. At least when I was staying here, even though it had been messy, it still looked like someone's room. Now it just looked like the clean room of some emo kid featured in a home decorating catalogue.

I huffed and threw my backpack on my bed, zipping the duffel open and throwing the dirty clothes on the floor. It wouldn't be my room until it was fucked up the right way.

I had just pulled off my shoes and was about to go have a shower when I turned around and jumped at the sight of my mum standing in the doorway.

"Fuck," I muttered, running a hand through my hair. "You're like a fucking ghost, popping up out of nowhere."

She stared at me wistfully and I saw that the cuts on her face weren't as visible as they had been a few days ago.

"I knew you'd come back," she said, her voice thick with emotion.

I shrugged emotionlessly "Missed my bed."

I saw the sadness in her eyes, probably at the fact that I hadn't said that I missed her, or wanted to see if she was okay.

"How're you doing?" I asked, only half caring.

"I'm lovely," she said smiling. "Would you like something to eat, poppet?"

_Poppet._

She hadn't called me that in years.

I nodded slightly, a bit taken aback by the term of endearment. "Sure. I guess."

She smiled, her eyes glistening a bit, and headed off downstairs.

I stood there, sort of in a daze, and then shook my head and went into the bathroom, hoping that the water could wash away how shitty I suddenly felt.

Oh, and of course I had to take care of the hard-on.

Once I was out of the bathroom, feeling all clean and no longer sexually pissed off, I decided to text Bella.

**Sorry for just running off like that... -E**

_It's okay. I know you had things to take care of. -B_

**Things like my thingamajiggy? ;) -E**

_No comment. -B_

I knew she was blushing.

**I wish I was there to see you blush. -E**

_I think you've seen me blush enough today, mister! -B_

**It can never get old. -E**

_*eye roll* - B_

**Emmett didn't give you a hard time, did he? Did he get all detective on you and shit? -E**

_Surprisingly, no. I think he's starting to back off a little. -B_

**I'm not sure I want him too... not yet, anyway. -E**

_Me neither. -B_

**By the way, I remembered what you said about everything going too fast. You want to take things a bit slower, yeah? -E**

_Yep. -B_

**Right. Then let's start over. Wanna go out with me? -E**

_Like, on a date? -B_

**No, I was thinking more like a fuckfest. -E**

The moment I pressed the 'send' button, I regretted it.

_Good job, Cullen_**,** I told myself. _The day she tells you she's not ready for sex, you ask her if she wants to have a fuckfest. Nice, very gentlemanly._

I was about to send out an apology, when she replied:

_Rain check? -B_

_Holy motherfucking shit._

**Excuse me while I readjust my jeans once more. -E**

_Oops. Sorry. Again. -B_

**No, but really, if you want to start this whole thing over and take things slow, that's fine. I need to take you out on a proper date. Are you free this Saturday? -E**

_Hmm, let me check my schedule... -B_

**I'm sure it's just overflowing with activities. -E**

_Oh yes. Hang on, give me a second. -B_

She was such a fucking tease. I knew she didn't have a schedule; she just wanted to make me squirm. I could just picture her staring at her phone and giggling like mad over the fact that she was making me wait for nothing.

About two agonising minutes later, I received her reply:

_Oh, look at that! You're lucky! It just so happens that I am free on Saturday between the hours of midnight to midnight on Sunday. -B_

**Ah, so you're free for 24 hours on Saturday, eh? -E**

_Precisely. -B_

**It's a date. -E**

_May I ask where you're taking me? -B_

**No. -E**

_Why? -B_

**It's a surprise. -E**

_I hate surprises. -B_

**Deal with it ;) -E**

Honestly. . . I had no idea where the fuck I'd take her for a date.

_Better think fast, genius._

**

* * *

**

When I left my room, I was suddenly face to face with Carlisle.

I had pulled my bedroom door open just as he opened his, right across the corridor from mine.

We stared at each other for a long moment, and I took in his appearance.

He was in a sharp suit, his hair slicked back professionally, so he must have been going off to work. He went into the office quite randomly, usually at his own leisure. Being in the position that he was, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted when it came to work.

But there was something different about his face. He looked cleaner, saner, and much more coherent.

I wracked my brain for the right word and the found it: sober.

He looked sober.

"You're back," Carlisle said robotically.

"You don't look shitfaced for once," I replied.

The corner of his mouth lifted for a moment. "Haven't had a drink since Thursday."

My eyebrows shot up, probably reaching my hairline.

"Bullshit," I said incredulously.

It wasn't possible. He had been drinking every single fucking day for as long as I could remember; it just wasn't possible that he'd stop cold turkey.

Carlisle nodded, his face grave. "Hard to believe, I know. But it's true. Thursday was the final straw. I had to get help."

I snorted. "Too fucking late, innit?"

"It's never too late."

"Right, whatever," I said, heading for the stairs. What he was telling me was just too fucking hard to believe, almost to the point that it was ridiculous.

"Son," his voice stopped me and I froze with one foot on the step and the other still on the landing.

Son.

Son? Poppet? My parents were trying to drive me mad.

I bristled and turned to glare at the man standing in his bedroom doorway, his eyes asking for any kind of forgiveness.

I wasn't the one he needed to ask forgiveness from.

"I'm not your son," I hissed.

I continued my descent down the stairs, resisting the urge to punch something.

My parents confused the fuck out of me.

And I wanted to know why.

"What happened after I left on Thursday? What kind of help is he getting? Where did he go? How the fuck did he get sober so fast? He's sneaking drinks, he has to be. There's no way he's gotten all normal in four days. That's as possible as me saying that I liked Jacob Black. Really, Mum, what the fuck is going on? How-"

"Please!" Mum cut me off exasperatedly, raising a hand to stop me from talking any more. "You'll choke."

I frowned down at the lasagna sitting in front of me.

I shoved another forkful into my mouth and said, "So are you going to answer the questions or not?"

Carlisle had just left for work and I was trying to get some answers. I wanted to know how the fuck it was so possible for my father to get sober in four days, and why the hell my mother was still sticking around after the shit that happened a few days previous. I wasn't going to lie, I kind of hoped that I came home to find that my father had left, or that my mother had gone and was now living somewhere else.

A bloke can dream.

Mum watched me, her brows furrowed in concentration. I could tell she was thinking things through, and I hoped she was thinking about how to answer my questions, because I seriously wasn't going to fuck off until she gave them too me.

After a while she sighed and closed her eyes, shaking her head.

"Mum?"

"Hmm?"

"It's really not fair. I know I'm not home often, and I know I'm not the best son in the world, but it's not fair that you're keeping secrets from me. There are things I want to know, things I have a right to know. I may not give a shit about him, but I still deserve to know why the fuck he is how he is. I deserve to know what happened after I left, even though I don't regret leaving. He's in my life for now, and I want to know everything."

Mum opened her eyes and looked at me sorrowfully. With a small sigh, she pulled over a stool and sat down opposite me.

"You're right," she said. "You do deserve to know everything, just because you're my son."

I was a bit surprised, thinking that she'd tell me nothing.

"So . . . you'll tell me what happened after Thursday?" I asked.

"I'll tell you our whole story."

"As in, how you two met and developed this fucked up little relationship?"

Mum glared at me before silently nodding.

I put the fork down on the plate and pushed the plate aside, resting my elbows on the counter before me with my head in my hand- the perfect image of an attentive young man.

"I'm listening," I said, staring at her intently.

"Good Lord, Edward, I can't speak with you staring at me like that."

"So close your eyes."

Mum took a deep breath and rubbed her temples before putting her elbows on the counter and forming a steeple with her hands. She rested the tip of her joined fingers to her forehead, almost like she was praying.

I waited as patiently as I could manage, trying not to cry, "Get on with it!"

Finally she sighed and set her hands down, folding them neatly in front of her like a small child just learning how to sit properly in a classroom.

"Right," she began softly, her voice sounding aged. "I can't talk about what happened a few days ago without telling you the whole story. Do you promise not to interrupt or get irrationally upset at my statements before hearing the explanations?"

"But interruptions and irrationality are my specialty."

"Restrain yourself this time, please."

"I'll try."

She went right into the story. "Carlisle had a difficult life. His mother died when he was just a child and for several years he lived with his father, who was quite abusive, in every way imaginable. There came a point where his father, your grandfather Richard, didn't want to deal with him anymore. He left your father in the care of your great grandparents. Following me so far?"

I nodded.

"Your great grandparents were rather elderly, unable to take care of Carlisle the way he needed. He was a victim of abuse, and they had no idea. Them not knowing this hurt your father mentally, and though he was bright and always has been, he was scarred for life. By the time he was seventeen years of age, he was on his own, going to school and just starting to add on to the education that would allow him to become the business mogul he is today.

"Now, we met when I was nineteen and he was twenty-two. My bedroom had a balcony that when you opened the French doors and stepped out, you'd be able to see the balcony of the home next door, right in front of you. That's how I first met your father. I had stepped out onto the balcony one morning, as was daily ritual. It was a warm day, and I stood in nothing but my nightgown, my head tilted up towards the sun. I hadn't noticed the blonde headed young man step out onto the balcony opposite mine until I started to smell cigarette smoke. When I opened my eyes and saw Carlisle standing there, watching me while smoking a cigarette, I nearly had a heart attack! But I became bewitched by those blue eyes, and from then on I did whatever I could to break out of my parents' grip.

"My parents were strict, controlling people. Every aspect of my life was moderated by them, and I didn't have many friends. My home was a cold place, one in which my mother and father obsessed over image and society and reputation and wealth. I hated everything about it, and I wished for another life."

She sighed, her eyes far away. "Oh Edward, I was a dreamer. I immersed myself in romance novels borrowed from the maid, hiding them under my mattress so my mother wouldn't find them. No doubt, she'd disapprove. I wanted a storybook romance, with a winter wonderland wedding, comfy little house, and smiling little children. When I met Carlisle, I felt like I found all that I wanted.

"I was mistaken to think that he lived in the house next door. He was just the friend of the son of the man that lived next to us, a businessman. He was not wealthy; he was not of the same social status. I knew my mother and father would disapprove strongly, because Carlisle didn't have the kind of money he did. He wasn't very well known in society, so there was no way that we would be able to have a normal relationship, a normal family."

Mum frowned and closed her eyes. "We were madly in love. By the time I was twenty I was willing to do whatever I could to stay with him. We were living in Harrogate at the time, and we made plans to run off to London and elope. It wasn't easy, and it was hard for me to just abandon the lifestyle I knew for one that was alien to me, but what drove me was the feeling that I was getting what I read about in the novels- that undying love, charming man. But most of all was the idea of forbidden love.

"Forbidden love was one of the most exciting things to read about, those couples that were passionate about each other but were pulled apart by one thing or another. Your father and I were in a Romeo and Juliet situation, although he had no family to show for it. Still, all I could think about was this fairytale romance that I could have, even if I was already living like somewhat of a princess. My family was very, very wealthy but there was a lack of love. All I wanted was Prince Charming, and I found that in Carlisle.

"I didn't care about money as much as the rest of society did. I didn't want a mansion and maids and butlers and drivers. I wanted the cozy little homes that I read about, where the mother would decorate it to her liking and make it feel welcoming. Of course I wasn't allowed to touch a thing in my home, not even my own bedroom. But when Carlisle and I ran off to London, I was that much closer to my dream. We started out living in a dodgy kind of flat, but only until your father finished school. I myself had been homeschooled my whole life, but I honestly wasn't too worried about education. I just wanted my own home to do with what I pleased, and a man to call my husband. So far I had gotten half of that."

She took a deep breath, and I could tell the story was about to take a not-so-happy turn. "Carlisle was a vigorous student. He focused entirely on his own education, just so that we could get wealthier. Now, he didn't want to become as wealthy as my family had been but he wanted to make enough so that I could have a cozy little home to love. I was pregnant with Rosalie when we graduated to a larger flat and by the time she was three we got our first home.

"There was a change in Carlisle over the years, and I noticed that his shift in demeanour occurred mostly when he wasn't studying. It was as though the man was afraid of having free time. He'd go to work, come home, eat or have a drink, and then we'd head off to bed. It was the same routine, day in and day out. He didn't spend much time with his daughter, and our marriage started to . . . fall apart."

Mum sighed. "I didn't know when the drinking started. It was definitely after you were born, not that that was the reason! Of course not. He had told me about the abuse he went through, but he refused to get help, insisting he was fine. He was at the point in his career where he worked less, because he was head of the company. He didn't work as much as he managed others, and before he knew it he had the power to do whatever he wanted. Working less meant having more free time, and having more free time meant more time to think, to remember the thoughts that he so badly wanted to forget. Of course, all of that remembering led to the drinking, because alcohol is the best friend of someone that wants to lose the memory of something painful. The drinking became really horrid year by year, month by month, week by week, day by day. . . I'm sure you remember some of the fits he used to throw, since you were a child when they started."

I nodded grimly and she continued with another deep breath, her face becoming remorseful. "Despite everything, I still loved him. I was afraid not to. I didn't even realise what he was doing with Rosalie until it was too late, until I had lost my daughter in her teen years, when she refused to stay home for too long. I knew something was wrong with her, and one day, she finally confessed. She told me everything.

"I was furious. You won't remember because you weren't home that day. You were probably worrying me to death by being God-knows-where doing Lord-knows-what. Anyway, when Carlisle came home, I went berserk. Rosalie was there and saw everything, and never had I seen someone look at me with such fear. It's true, I was a madwoman. But he had harmed my daughter. I didn't care if he was the King, _he had laid his hands on my daughter._

"I told him I was leaving him. I told him I was taking you and taking Rosie, and going somewhere else where he couldn't hurt anybody. I told him I loathed him, that he was disgusting and that I would be pressing charges."

Mum's eyes started to get watery and she blinked back tears. "I broke him. I broke that man. He got on his knees and he begged, he pleaded with tears running down his face for me not to leave him. He got on his knees in front of our daughter and begged forgiveness, begged me to take him back. He said he couldn't live without me, that he'd get help and that if I left him he'd kill himself."

She looked me right in the eyes with her own glistening green ones, "I couldn't do it, Edward. To see him on his knees in front of us, begging . . . it was too much. Was I still angry with him? Of course, more than you can imagine. I could see it in his face, the guilt, the pain, the remorse. I could see it in his tears, in the way that he sobbed on the kitchen floor. He was sorry, he really was.

"Rosalie would not, could not forgive him. She could move on and avoid him, but she couldn't forgive him for what he'd done. She severed all ties with him at a young age, and it killed him. The day after I threatened to leave him, he went to find help. I meant what I said about the abuse stopping. It wasn't just because Rosalie had finally gotten a lock on her door, but the man never even tried it again, not since you caught him at it. He was ashamed, and he couldn't even forgive himself. He dealt with his own pain by inflicting it on others, and once the long weeks of psychiatric help for that was over, it was back to the Vodka bottle.

"The drinking was another issue completely. Now it wasn't just for him to forget the pain, it was to forget his shame. He may have stopped his revolting tendencies from occurring, but the human brain tends to remember what we want to forget the most. I asked him to get help for it, but he said he needed the alcohol just like he needed oxygen. It was like his painkiller, it numbed him from the agonising memories.

"To see your hostility towards him these past few years has been difficult, considering that you do not know the whole story. I'm hoping that after I am done, you will see your father in a different light. He really is not a horrible person-"

I opened my mouth to protest and say that fucking sexual abuse did make you a horrible person, but she raised her palm, signaling for me to stop.

"Now, hear me out. I know he's done awful things, and I cannot forgive him myself. We were the three involved, and we have moved passed it. I am not making excuses for what he did, but it is enough for him to still be punishing himself, all these years later, to this day. I understand that you may never be able to have a relationship with your father, and it hurts me.

"However, you have to understand that I am all he has left. The man is wasting away and I am the only one still at it side. Both of his children despise him, and with good reason, but if I leave, it will tear me apart. He has only just been getting better the last few days. When he woke up and saw the damage he'd done, to me and the house, he knew enough was enough, even though he had crossed several lines in the past with his drinking.

"It was the cuts on my face that finally did him in. His drunken rages had never hurt me physically before. You may hate me for it, but I will always stick by him. It's not because I still want that fairytale romance- that is not possible and I gave up on that dream ages ago. I will always stick by him because he needs me. Desperately."

Mum stared into my eyes, her matching green orbs pleading with me to understand. She stood up and walked over to the sink, pulling down a glass from a cabinet and pouring herself a glass of water from the sink.

I sat there, mulling things over. I had so much to think about, from their elopement, to the abuse, to the begging and the drinking . . . it was a hell of a lot to take in. My mind felt about ready to explode from information, and I tried to figure out how I felt about everything my mother just revealed to me.

I didn't know if I necessarily saw Carlisle under a different light. Every time I look at him I saw a sick old bastard, and I wasn't sure if I always would. After everything she had told me, I couldn't doubt that my hate for my father had lessened just a bit. My Mum painted him under a light that made him look like the victim, but I didn't know if I agreed with that. Rosalie was the victim. She would never get her childhood back. We had never had a father, and that was something that we couldn't change.

A lot of things made sense now. I realised that my mother was still with Carlisle because he needed her to heal. I realised that Rose still had a relationship with her because my mother hadn't ignored the abuse. I was pretty shocked to find out that my mother actually told my father that she was leaving him once she found out about what he was doing. I was even more shocked that she stuck around, and all it took was for him to get on his knees.

If I were her, even if he was on his knees on burning coals I wouldn't take him back.

But what irritated me the most was why she hadn't told me any of this before. Where the fuck was I when he was on his knees in front of my mother and sister? If I had seen that, maybe I wouldn't have hated him so much all these years.

It's not easy to stop hating someone when it's all you've been doing for more than half your life. I didn't know if it was possible, but I couldn't be arsed to actually talk to Carlisle about it.

He couldn't take back what he did, and there was absolutely no excuse for it. The fact that he was abused should have stopped him from doing the same to his own child. Apparently his proud self didn't even want to bother getting help for that shit. If only he had reached out to someone, maybe things would be different now.

Maybe I would have a father.

Mum set the glass down on the counter and stood, staring at me.

My mind was still a whirring mess as I glanced up at her. Her gaze was speculative.

"It's a lot to think about, I know," she said.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" I asked quietly.

She smiled sadly. "You never asked."

I cocked and eyebrow in disbelief. "You needed me to ask you about your fucking love story for you to tell me why the fuck my father is shit in the head?"

Mum's smile fell and she sat back down on the stool. "It's more than that, darling. This isn't something I like to talk about, do you see that? I waited until you weren't so young before I told you any of this. . ." She trailed off sadly, staring at the counter in front of her.

"I'm sorry," she said after a moment, looking up at me. "You're right; I should have told you sooner. I guess by not telling you, I made this harder for all of us."

Fuck yeah, she did.

"How do you feel about everything I just told you? I'm not asking you to forgive anyone. All I'm asking is that you understand."

I nodded. "I get it."

Mum smiled then and stood up, walking around the counter and giving me a hug. I hugged her back, savouring how motherly she smelled. She always smelled like she had just baked something, even though she didn't bake often.

"I'm sorry I waited so long, poppet," she said, kissing my forehead. "You should have known a long time ago."

"Don't worry about," I said, pulling away and getting to my feet.

I ran a hand through my hair, feeling knackered. "I'm gonna go lie down. I just . . . need to think about things."

Mum nodded, smiling a little. "I'll be here if you need me."

Once I was up in my room, I collapsed on my bed and ran my hands over my face tiredly. So much shit to absorb in such a short amount of time.

I hadn't decided if I still hated my father. Honestly, I still did a little and I didn't know what to do about it. Maybe it would fade over time, but I honestly didn't know.

Why did it take me so long to know about my parents?

Laying there on my bed, staring up at the black ceiling, I started to wonder what else they had been keeping from me.

What else was everyone keeping from me?

Suddenly it felt like everyone I knew was a stranger.

* * *

**A/N:** Controversial, I know. Thoughts?


	27. True Colors

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 27- True Colors**

_You with the sad eyes  
don't be discouraged  
oh I realize  
it's hard to take courage_

_In a world full of people  
you can lose sight of it all  
and the darkness inside you  
can make you feel so small_

_But I see your true colors  
shining through  
I see your true colors  
and that's why I love you_

_So don't be afraid to let them show  
your true colors  
true colors are beautiful  
like a rainbow_

**True Colors- Cyndi Lauper**

_**

* * *

**_

**Bella POV**

Rosalie Cullen was my savior.

Having her live with us was an enormous help when it came to dates and such. I had needed her help once before, when I had my first date with . . . him . . . and this time I needed her just as much.

It was early Saturday afternoon, and Edward would be arriving at 5pm to pick me up. I still had about two and a half hours since he would be arriving, but I couldn't sit still. I was nervous with anticipation, and I couldn't help the anxious way my stomach twisted every time I thought about the date.

It wasn't the thought of Edward that made me anxious. Every time I thought about him I felt warm and fuzzy, excited, giddy even. It was more so the fact that I had no idea where we were going that made me anxious. How was I supposed to dress for a surprise?

If I dressed up too much and we were just going to the movies, that would be silly. But if I dressed too casually and we were going to some fancy restaurant, that wouldn't be right either. Heels would be bad if we would be doing a lot of walking, and sneakers would be inappropriate if we were going somewhere high-end.

Rosalie, however, kept up an optimistic attitude as she searched through my closet. I sat on my bed with my hand tangled in my hair, internally stressing out as if I hadn't freaked myself out enough.

The problem would never be that I'd have nothing to wear; Rose and Alice had done plenty of shopping for me, whether or not I decided to go with them. I had become incredibly spoiled because of them, especially in the months that I was going through therapy. I felt a little guilty about not actually wearing what they had gotten me. I donned my lovely hoodies and Converse everywhere I went, when I had plenty of designer duds that would make even Lauren Mallory jealous.

But when it comes to dates and wanting to look good for Edward, I'd let Rosalie or Alice take the wheel without complaint.

"Are you sure he didn't tell you where we're going?" I asked Rosalie for the umpteenth time.

"I'm absolutely positive," Rose replied patiently. "If he did, I'd already have something sorted for you."

I picked up my phone from my side table and flipped it open, running my thumbs over the keys.

"Maybe I should just beg him to tell me," I mumbled to myself.

"No, never beg a man for anything," Rose chided, pulling out a top and eying it.

"Maybe I can ask him for hints?"

"That'd help."

It's torture not knowing where we're going. What am I supposed to wear to this mystery of all mysteries? If you're not telling me the location, at least let me know how to dress so I don't look like an idiot. –B

**Hmm. Clothing, perhaps. I suppose it's optional, though. ;) –E**

_Oh, so we're going to a nudist beach? –B_

**Silly Bella, haven't you heard? Nudist beaches are second date territory. –E**

_Darn it! Now I have to find something to wear. –B_

**You don't have to dress up. It's nothing big. Death heels and blindingly sparkly jewelry is not necessary for you and me. Ever. –E**

My heart swelled at the last statement and I smiled to myself. He was definitely my kind of guy.

_Thank god for that! So, sneakers and jeans? –B_

**Yes. :) –E**

_*happy dance* What about on top? -B_

**Nothing. –E**

Seriously, Edward. –B

**I dunno, wear whatever you like. It's just a date, nothing posh. –E**

_I wish you'd tell me… B_

**Laters ;) –E**

_Stop being such a tease. –B_

**It's karma. –E**

_How? –B_

**Laters :) –E**

_Edward! -B_

**Laters. –E**

_You're so annoying right now. -B_

**Laters. –E**

I huffed and flipped my phone shut irritably.

"He's being aggravating, isn't he?" Rose asked knowingly.

I nodded. "Yeah, but he says jeans and sneakers are okay."

Rosalie placed a hand on her hip disapprovingly. "What? Is that boy taking you on a date, or is he taking you to school? Really, my brother doesn't know what to do with a lady."

**

* * *

**

About two hours later I was dressed in an outfit that I could never have put together on my own. Rosalie had refused let me wear sneakers, saying that jeans was casual enough.

Instead she had hunted down a pair of long gray boots that didn't look too deadly because their heel was small and rubber. After all, it was still winter and probably below thirty degrees outside. The boots themselves were extremely comfortable and I knew that they'd soon join my collection of items that were not bought by me but that I would wear repeatedly nonetheless.

Stuffed into the boots would be a pair of skinny jeans, topped by a gray shirt that had a shower of silver studs raining down from the neckline to my chest, making it look like I wore somewhat of an extravagant necklace. Rosalie had also fished out a pair of silver earrings that resembled feathers, but were actually just delicate metal shaped as such.

But my favorite part of the outfit was, hands down, the leather jacket.

I had never been informed that I owned a leather jacket, so when Rosalie pulled it out I couldn't suppress my squeal of delight. It was like a motorcycle jacket, and you could tell it was cut to fit the feminine physique. Light gray in color, it had studs here and there and was badass while still managing to look cute.

Rosalie had informed me that the jacket was bought during my darker days, when shopping with Alice and Rosalie felt impossible because of my emotional state. Some girls found shopping to be therapeutic, but that hadn't been the kind of therapy I needed at the time.

Alice had seen the jacket in the window of some store in the mall several months before, and had immediately gone in to get it for me, her thoughts on how much I was obsessed with Edward's jacket.

When I put the jacket on, I loved how I looked. . . I looked like I could actually belong with Edward. We had completely different tastes in style, but putting the jacket on made me feel better about our relationship, not that I doubted it much. I never would have worn it if I wasn't comfortable in it, though.

I absolutely adored it, and I couldn't wait to see Edward's reaction.

**

* * *

**

When the doorbell rang, I was seated in an armchair with my legs crossed, bouncing my foot up and down with impatience and anxiety.

The sound of the bell made me jump and I flew out of the chair so fast that I tripped on the leg of the coffee table and landed on my knees. The tightness of my jeans made me feel like they would rip in all the wrong places.

"Ow!" I cried, and Emmett helped me up, laughing, as Rosalie got the door.

"Aww, I missed my klutzilla," he said, kissing my head. "Long time no fall on your ass, huh?"

I glared at him and brushed myself off, staring at the door with my heart racing.

Edward entered the living room, looking like Adonis come to life. I blushed furiously as he approached, walking towards me with his arms behind his back and the crooked grin that made me dizzy in all the right ways.

"Did you just fall on your ass?" he asked, smirking. "You okay?"

I nodded and he looked me over as I did the same to him.

Under that sexy leather jacket he wore a gray, button-down shirt with dark jeans and gray Converse. He wasn't overly dressed up, but he wasn't necessarily too casual either.

Edward's arms moved so quickly they were almost a blur, and suddenly there was a wild bouquet of flowers under my nose. Their color so vibrant that I felt blinded by the hot pinks, oranges, and yellows.

"For you," Edward said, smiling sheepishly. "Obviously. It's not like I brought them for Emmett. I read that a girl likes to be given flowers, so I decided to get you some. Roses are too cliché, so I decided on something less common. These are Peruvian lilies, and they mean devotion. Yeah, I Googled that shit. It wouldn't be cool if I got them without looking up their meaning and then finding out later that they meant sexual eagerness or something like that."

I laughed and took the bouquet from him, inhaling the sweet scent eagerly.

"Thank you," I said sincerely, looking up into Edward's bright green eyes. "They're lovely."

He grinned and Rosalie came forward to take the flowers from me. "I'll find a vase for these," she said, smilingly.

"Well isn't that just so darling!" Emmett suddenly boomed. "You kids match!"

He guffawed as Rosalie giggled on her way out.

Edward cocked an eyebrow at the both of them and then grinned at me.

"I guess we do," he said, his eyes lingering on my jacket. "Holy shit. That's fucking awesome. Where'd Alice get it?"

I laughed. "Are you insinuating that I can never pick out something like this on my own?"

"No, but I think I know you better. All I'm saying is, it's fucking sexy."

Emmett coughed pointedly and suddenly Edward looked to him and stuck his hand out.

"Hey," he said, oddly serious. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Edward."

Emmett and I stared at him confusedly.

Emmett took his hand, his brows furrowed. "Uh, yeah. I think we've met before, dude."

"No, I don't think so," Edward said matter-of-factly. "But I have heard a lot about you. Don't worry; I'll take good care of your little sister."

The serious look on Edward's face remained, but I could see an amused glint in his eyes.

Then it dawned on me- he was starting over. He was going slowly, just for me.

Of course, I didn't think he'd start this early, but I knew what he was doing.

Emmett still looked perplexed so I decided to play along as I said, "I'm so glad you guys got to meet. I've been really nervous about this whole thing."

"What. The. Fuck," Emmett said slowly, looking at us like we were insane.

He stared at us for a few more seconds before his brows unfurrowed and his mouth dropped open so that you could tell a light bulb just went off in his head; I had informed him a little while ago that Edward and I would be "starting over". He probably just remembered that fact and made the connection.

Emmett cleared his throat and raised his brows at Edward, nodding towards the couch. "Have a seat, Edward. Let's talk."

I bit my lip and tried not to laugh as the two least serious people I knew sat across from each other with very business-like expressions, pretending like they were meeting for the first time.

Emmett interrogated Edward hardcore. He grilled him with question after question, about everything from his grades, to his college plans, to his hobbies, goals, achievements, and whether or not he had a criminal record or served jailed time.

Maybe I was imagining it, but I could've sworn that Edward looked highly uncomfortable when asked about his criminal record.

Before I could think too much about it, Edward was on his feet and pulling me with him.

We headed out the door, greeted by the icy winds of March, and I couldn't control the tingle of excitement that went through me when I thought about what he could possibly have planned.

**

* * *

**

Once outside, I looked around for his bike, but instead noticed an unfamiliar silver car sitting at the end of the driveway. It was shiny and its surface glinted in the light of the sun.

"Is that yours?" I asked, looking up at him.

Edward grinned down at me and took out the keys, pressing a button that unlocked the vehicle. "Yeah. Where we're going isn't exactly nearby, but I thought that we'd have more time to talk if we took my car."

I let go of his hand and walked around to the passenger side door.

"Wait!" Edward said, and I froze with my door on the handle of the shiny car.

He walked over to me and gently nudged me aside, pulling the door open like a gentleman.

"I'm trying to do things right," he said, peering at me from the top of the door.

"You've always done everything right," I replied, smiling and sliding into the car.

Edward rolled his eyes while a smile graced his lips. "Bullshit, but thanks."

He closed my door as I glanced around the interior of the car, deeply inhaling the scent of the leather upholstery. Edward climbed into the driver's side and slammed the door shut, the crooked smile never leaving his lips.

I watched him as he pulled his seatbelt on and leaned back in the seat, his posture relaxed. He stuck the key in the ignition and turned, putting the car in reverse and glancing in the rearview mirror. I noticed that his hands were in fingerless motorcycle gloves, his long, slender fingers curled carefully around the steering wheel.

For some odd reason, I found the sight of him behind the wheel extremely sexy. It wasn't as hot as seeing him on a motorcycle, but something about the way his hands gripped the wheel and the way he sat back made me want to pull him to me and start doing very inappropriate things.

I hadn't even realized he was already driving until he glanced at me when we made it to the end of our street.

"What's up?" he asked curiously.

"You look very nice driving," I stated simply.

Edward snorted. "What?"

I smiled. "It's just one of those things that make me want to stare at you for long periods of time."

He cocked his head to one side, brows furrowed in contemplation, before he shrugged and didn't question the matter further.

It was silent for a few minutes and Edward reached over to hold my left hand in his gloved right while he drove with his left. He was completely focused on the road, though I didn't miss it whenever he glanced my way with a content smile.

The silence in the car was pleasant. Edward didn't find the need to fill in every quiet moment with conversation, and I appreciated that because it made things less awkward.

"Tell me something?" Edward asked and I looked up at him curiously. "What would be your ideal car?"

Where was he going with this? "Um, I don't know. I'm not really into cars, and I don't necessarily need one, either."

"But if you had to have one?"

"Not sure. Something that can get me from point A to point B would be fine, I guess."

Edward laughed. "Got it."

"Why?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. "You're not going to me a car, are you?" I felt stupid for asking, but also absolutely appalled at the idea of Edward getting me a car.

He grinned at me and winked, but otherwise didn't answer.

"Edward, don't you dare!" I said.

He gave me an innocent look. "What? I haven't said anything."

"I know, but I can tell you're thinking it. No. Cars."

"Motorcycle, then?"

"No."

"Motorboat."

"No."

"Helicopter."

"No!

"Jet?"

"Edward, please."

"Unicycle?"

"That sounds great . . . not."

"Canoe."

"Oh yeah, I can totally go to school in that."

"Parachute."

"No."

"Roller skates."

"No."

"Skateboard."

My throat suddenly closed up and I had to look away from his amused expression.

He knew that he had said the wrong word; it was one of those words that reminded me of the one person I wished I could wipe clean from my memories forever.

"Oh, fuck," Edward said under his breath. From my peripheral vision, I saw him glance at me. "I'm sorry, baby, I didn't-"

"No, it's fine," I said. "I'm okay."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

He didn't respond as he pulled up to a stop sign, glancing both ways before continuing down the road.

My eyes fell on his radio and I wondered what music was in there at the moment.

I hesitantly reached for it, waiting until he saw me to actually touch it.

"Can I?" I asked.

"Of course," he replied. "You don't even have to ask."

I pressed a few buttons before loud rock music suddenly rang out, making me jump. I quickly turned the volume down and listened to the song, pretty sure that I wasn't familiar with this band. It sounded like alternative, something on the punk-pop side.

"Who is this?" I asked Edward.

"YouMeAtSix."

"Who?"

"Normally I don't listen to this type of rock, but this band is the only exception. They're British, I don't think they've debuted anything in the States yet."

"Huh," I said, switching through some more songs. "Where's the rest of your collection?"

"Glove compartment."

I eagerly popped open the compartment, but it wasn't the CD case that was the first thing I noticed.

It was the blue box of condoms.

I felt my cheeks heat up and Edward noticed my hesitation, his eyes glancing between me and the contents of the glove compartment.

His neck visibly grew pink as he smiled shyly. "Sorry about that," he said. "Forgot those were in there."

Why did he even have them? Had they always been there, or were they recent? Was he hoping that I'd be giving it up to him anytime soon?

My thoughts flew back to the day when we had almost gone too far in my room. I had panicked, knowing that I wasn't ready, despite the fact that I felt for Edward what I had never felt for anyone in my whole life. I didn't even know so much as his favorite color, and yet there we were, getting busy in my bed.

I bit my lip and gently pushed the little blue box aside like it was something infected. Hidden under it was a thick gray CD case.

I flipped through the plastic pages, seeing that more than one CD had been stuffed into each pocket. I saw bands that I was familiar with and loved such as The Beatles, Nirvana, Green Day, and Radiohead to bands that I had never heard of like The Libertines, Hollywood Undead, and The Futureheads.

I noticed that more than ninety nine percent of his collection was rock music, and that made me smile because it was almost all I listened to, with the exception of the hardcore stuff that Edward seemed to be a fan of.

I took out the CD that was currently in the stereo and popped in Green Day, letting the sounds of 21 Guns fill up the car.

Edward smiled at me and then casually asked, "What band or artist are you embarrassed to have on your iPod?"

I laughed. "No way am I telling you that."

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

I thought about it before shyly admitting, "Miley Cyrus."

Edward's jaw dropped. "Tell me you're joking!"

"I wish I could," I said, giggling. "But hey, Party In the USA is pretty damn catchy."

"Don't your ears start bleeding? Fuck, I have lost all respect for your musical tastes."

"Hey, don't say that, you haven't invaded my iPod yet. Now what about you, what's the most embarrassing artist you have on yours?"

Edward cocked an eyebrow at me before saying very seriously, "Lady Gaga."

I burst out laughing. "Get out of here! You, Edward Cullen, ultimate biker boy and rebel against all things, have _Lady Gaga_ on your iPod?"

Edward was smirking. "Look, I admire her boldness, all right? Not everyone has the balls to dress the way she does. She's weird, and I appreciate her freakishness." He went into defensive mode. "And it's not like I have her whole album, just a few songs that I can't get the fuck out of my head."

The rest of the ride to Seattle was spent talking about music, and Edward told me about at least 50 other bands that I had never heard of. I found out that he used to write songs and play them on the guitar, though he hadn't done that in a long time.

"Do you have your iPod on you?" he asked at one point.

I shook my head. "Only my phone would fit in my pocket and I refused to bring the bag that Rosalie was trying to get me to bring."

"We'll have to swap iPods later, deal?"

I grinned. "Deal."

**

* * *

**

A while later we were walking down a busy Seattle street, hand in hand. We had taken a ferry here, right in time to see the sunset disappear into the ocean. It had been a magnificent sight, and something told me Edward had it planned that way.

Now the darkening sky was cause for the Seattle stores to be lit up, casting down lights on the streets we walked on.

"Where are we going?" I asked for the hundredth time.

"You'll see," Edward responded for the thousandth time.

I sighed, knowing by now that I should just accept that answer since I wasn't likely to get much else out of him.

Edward lead the way and we walked about four blocks (I was so glad the boots were comfortable) before we stopped outside a shop at the end of the street.

A maroon awning hung over the front, the one window to the shop stretching several feet to our right. It was curtained in velvet so that you couldn't see inside. The awning read "The Withering Pages" in white, elegant script and the door had a plaque hung on the wooden door, reading CLOSED.

"What is this place?" I asked, still eying the front of the store. By looking at it, you could tell it was probably large on the inside, but I wasn't sure what would be in there.

"Just a little place I found," Edward replied, staring at the shop fondly. "I just thought you'd like it. Shall we go in?"

"It's closed," I said confusedly, glancing pointedly at the sign.

Edward leaned down so that his lips were just a hairsbreadth away from my right ear.

"Not for you and I," he whispered, his hot breath tickling.

I shuddered with delight and looked up in time to catch him wink before he pulled me towards the door.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a single key, sticking it into the keyhole and turning.

How the heck did he get the key to this place?

The inside was dimly lit but very beautiful. At first glance it looked like a library, what with all the books, but upon closer inspection I realized that it was actually a bookstore. There were fewer bookshelves and more racks, and everything seemed to be wooden. The floor was carpeted in maroon, and a chandelier hung from the ceiling, its light dim. There was a staircase towards the back that led to an upper floor, and towards our right was an area that looked like it was part of a café. A counter stood by the brick wall, the glass cases under it displaying mouthwatering trays of desserts. Coffee makers stood behind the counter, and round tables were set up for people to sit and enjoy their coffee and sweets. It smelled wonderful in there, too. Like baked goods and ink and paper.

It looked like the coziest place to be, and my eyes couldn't look away from the books- I hadn't been around so many in a while.

"Wow," I gasped, letting go of Edward's hand to walk around a little. "This place is amazing. How did you . . .?" I trailed off, my question kind of obvious.

Edward shrugged. "Just pulled a gun on the owner and threatened to blow his brains out if he didn't cough up the keys."

I set my hands on my hips and cocked an eyebrow, waiting for the truth.

Edward grinned. "I've got connections, that's all."

"Connections? In Seattle? Since when?"

"Yes, yes, and since yesterday."

I stared at him. "You thought of this date yesterday?"

Edward walked over to me, looking sheepish. "Yeah."

"But-but-what?" I sputtered. "You told me like a week ago that you had it planned out, that it was a surprise."

Edward sucked in a breath through his teeth, looking guilty. "Well, not quite. I said it would be a surprise, yes, but I never said I already had the surprise planned. There's a difference."

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "You came up with this whole thing yesterday? As in, 24 hours ago?"

"After much stressing out, yes."

"You're insane! And what would have happened if you couldn't think of something?"

"I would have been fucked."

I reached up to run my fingers over his chiseled jaw; the feel of his stubble did crazy things to my body. "No, you wouldn't have been. I wouldn't have cared." Suddenly something occurred to me, and my fingers stopped moving. "Wait . . . we're alone right now?"

Edward nodded, a dazzling grin revealing his pearly white teeth. "Fuck yeah. Everything is ours to do with what we please. We can raid the cakes back there, and take as many books as we want."

I furrowed my brows and took a step back. "We can?"

Edward nodded again, looking like an excited little boy.

"Okay," I said, feeling a little uncomfortable. "Tell me how you got this place first, and we'll invade. Otherwise it'll feel like stealing."

Edward sighed. "I asked Alice. I was so fucking nervous about what to do with you, and all I could think about was how you wanted to get to know me some more. I'd never done a proper date before, seeing as my ex thought that a date was going to wild party, getting shitfaced, and then shagging on someone's kitchen table. I wanted to take you someplace we could do something that you enjoyed, but where we could also get to chat and shit. I knew you loved books, but I didn't feel like a bookstore was someplace date-ish.

"Then Alice told me that there were some nice places in Seattle, so I drove out here yesterday morning and looked around. I was looking for someplace, I dunno, romantic- but I don't really know how to be romantic and shit, I'm not fucking Prince Charming. So I came across this place pretty accidentally. I was tired and just needed a place to fucking sit and relax for a bit. I looked through the window and noticed the little tables, so I walked in. I knew straight away that it was the perfect place. It just looked so warm and inviting, and it smelled fucking amazing as well. I also knew that I wanted us to have some privacy, so I asked for the manager and then, uh, got him to rent me the place for the night."

Edward took a deep breath after his little speech, and my heart was absolutely swollen with adoration for this boy.

But he still didn't tell me how he got this place emptied out for the night.

"How, Edward?" I prodded.

Edward sighed and took my face in his hands, looking into my eyes with intensity.

"Does it matter?" he asked softly. "I got this place just for the two of us. Yes I had to pull some strings, but it's nothing for you to worry about. I just want you to be happy; I want you to enjoy it."

I felt like a bitch. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound so unappreciative. This is amazing, really. I just don't want to feel like I'm stealing anything."

"Bella, do you honestly think I got this place for free? Do you seriously believe that any shop owner, especially an American, would just say 'Oh you want this place for one night, even though it'd cause us to lose money from our usual customers? Sure, go ahead!' . . . it doesn't work that way, Bella."

"So you paid?"

Edward dropped his hands from my face and sighed exasperatedly, the exhalation of his breath blowing like guilt in my face.

"Yes, baby, I paid for it. No guns involved."

I felt embarrassed and I internally cringed at how much it could have cost him to set this up for me. "Sorry."

He shook his head. "Don't apologize. Just look around, take what you want. Consider it already paid for."

I bit my lip and looked around and the books just waiting to be stroked, flipped through, and sniffed.

Yeah, I had a thing for smelling new books. They smelled great, so what?

"We can have the desserts too?" I asked.

"Oh yeah," Edward said smiling, heading off to the glass counters.

I went to the nearest wooden rack of books, seeing that I was in the science fiction section. I wasn't a hug sci-fi fan, but the sight of any book at all made me giddy on the inside. I picked up a book entitled The Host, wondering what it was about.

After reading the inside flap and deciding that it would be worth a read, I couldn't help myself. I flipped the book open to a random page and lifted it to my nose, inhaling deeply.

Ah, yes. The crisp, clean scent of new books.

"Why are you sniffing the book?" Edward's voice came from behind me and I jumped, whirling around to see him holding two cupcakes. Both were large in size and frosted with thick pink frosting.

"I like the smell of books," I muttered shamelessly, taking the cupcake he was offering. "What's it to ya?"

Edward chuckled. "Nothing at all. Sniff anything you want, so long as it doesn't get you stoned."

He flicked his tongue out to lick off some of his cupcake's pink frosting, and I was mesmerized.

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing," I mumbled, blushing and licking mine.

Edward smirked and then ripped the paper off his cupcake, shoving the whole thing into his mouth.

I gaped at him, his cheeks puffed out like a beaver's, and watched as he crumpled up the little paper and tossed it over his shoulder.

"That's littering," I said in disapproval, taking a bite out of my own dessert.

Edward shrugged but didn't say anything, his mouth too full of cake to speak.

I glared at him and handed him my cupcake, walking over to pick up the paper he had just thrown. I looked around for a trash can and, spotting one towards the little café area, jogged over to it and tossed it in.

Edward met me halfway on my way back to him, and I shook my head.

"Littering is really, really, really douchy," I informed him. "Not to mention bad for the environment."

Edward handed me my cupcake and rested his hands on my hips, pulling me towards him as he swallowed what was left of his cupcake. It didn't escape my notice how there was a smudge of pink frosting on his upper lip.

"I didn't know you were a tree hugger," he commented, his head tilted to one side.

"Isn't that why we're here?" I asked coyly, not taking my eyes off the frosting on his lip. "To learn more about each other?"

Edward smiled. "Yes. And you know, if you want to kiss me, you can go on and do it."

My eyes shot up from his lips to his bright green orbs. "W-What?"

He ran a finger from my ear to my chin, and I suppressed a shudder. "You're staring at my mouth."

"Oh! You have some frosting on your, um, upper lip . . ."

Edward's tongue shot out clumsily, trying to wipe away the smudge . . . but something told me he was missing it on purpose. I mean, it's really not that hard for someone's tongue to reach their top lip.

"Did I get it?" he asked, his eyes glinting.

"Nope. Still there."

He tried again, but kept missing.

I rolled my eyes at him. "You fail, Edward."

"Apparently so," he replied casually.

He gave me a smoldering look and I knew what he wanted. I knew what I wanted to do. Watching him watch me with eyes showing that much emotion made my insides flare up with heat.

I threw my arms around his neck, one hand still clutching the neglected cupcake, and crushed my lips to his.

I could taste the frosting, the sweetness of it erupting in my mouth. What was sweeter was Edward's lips in general, his tongue dancing against mine. My arms held him tighter and I needed to breathe, but I didn't want to.

He was the first to pull away for air, gasping for breath as his eyes twinkled down at me.

"Is it gone now?" he asked breathlessly.

I nodded and he reached up to release my arms from around him.

I frowned at that, watching as he took my cupcake out of my hand.

He stared down at it curiously, before glancing up at me through his long eyelashes with that crooked grin in place. My breath caught in my throat. He'd cause me to suffocate if he kept looking at me like that.

His eyes went from the cupcake to my face over and over, and it wasn't until I caught the mischevious gleam in his eyes that I got the gist of what he was up to.

I took a step back from him. "Edward, don't even think about it."

He tried to look confused, taking a step towards me and twirling the cupcake in his hand, feigning nonchalance.

"Whatever do you mean?" he said, attempting to sound innocent.

I took another step back. "You know what I mean. Put the cupcake down."

He glanced down at it, his brows furrowed. "But it's so lovely. It's pink as well, don't you like pink?"

I started to walk slowly backwards and he stalked towards me, matching my pace.

"Edward," I warned. "Don't even try it."

"Try what?"

"Shut up, you know what!"

"Why are you so terrified of a cupcake? It's a dessert; it won't come alive and eat you. It's supposed to be the other way around. Wait, don't tell me! You've got a cupcake phobia! Holy shit. I never would have thought that, not after all the Pop-Tarts and everything. Wow, Bella the girl with cupakakousophobia."

I couldn't go back any further as I felt my back connect with another book rack. I could've escaped to my left or right, but it was too late; he was just a few inches away, the deadly cupcake held threateningly in his hand.

I narrowed my eyes into a glare. "Edward. Put. The. Damn. Cupcake. Down."

He smirked devilishly, knowing he had me trapped.

Just as he pulled his arm back, I shoved him aside and made a run for it, laughing in the process.

I knew he was probably faster than me, and he could've caught me in a heartbeat, so I knew he was being slow for the sake of the game.

I dodged book racks here and there, trying not to trip as I ran from him. His footsteps thudded behind me as I headed towards the staircase.

"You can run but you can't hide," I heard him say in a creepy sing-song voice from behind me.

I was halfway up the grand stairs when I suddenly felt him centimeters away as he grabbed me around the waist and pinned me against the railing, using his body as a way to keep me from moving.

I tried to ignore the fact that his body felt amazing pressed against mine, and focused on trying to move my head away from the cupcake he had near my face.

"Edward don't," I whined, trying to shove him off.

"You must conquer this cupcake phobia," he said, his breath fanning across my face. "This is no way to live!"

"Edward, come on!"

"Really, you can't go on living like this! Eat the cupcake, face your fears!"

"You're being ridiculous."

"Me? You're the one afraid of cupcakes."

"I am not afraid of cupcakes, I'm afraid of what you're going to do with it."

"All I'm going to do is help you start living again, in a world where cupcakes are joyous treats that make everything better. You can't live in fear of them."

"Edward, stop being so-"

He cut me off by crushing the cupcake against my closed mouth as I whined irritably at the back of my throat.

He laughed and stepped back, observing the mess he had made. I could feel frosting all over my lips and chin, and although I enjoyed his playful side, it was still annoying to have a messy face.

"You suck!" I cried, swatting at his chest as he laughed. "This is so not funny."

"Yes it is; look at your face!"

I tried to make my features look like I was pissed, but it just wasn't possible because I was far from.

"You know what this means," I said, trying to look and sound serious. I knew I failed because just the very sight of his smile made my stomach muscles clench deliciously. "You made the mess, now you clean it up."

Edward's smile faded and his eyes were suddenly smoldering. He bent down to place the now frosting-less cupcake on a stair before stepping towards me, his lips parted slightly.

"If that's what you want," he mumbled, his voice husky.

I nodded, the smell of icing strong under my nose.

Edward kissed me, hard, and our lips were slippery against the frosting. Our breathing was erratic and I'm sure he literally considered this to be "eating each others' faces".

The taste of Edward mixed with the taste of the sweet icing was phenomenal. I couldn't get enough and I was only half aware that I was pressed against the railing in an almost painful manner.

My arms found their way around Edward's neck again and he pressed his body closer to mine, if that was even possible. Every part of my body was touching some part of his, and I didn't want it any other way.

Edward's hands travelled from the middle of my back to lower, ever so slowly.

Then they were resting against my backside and my lips froze.

"Is this okay?" he mumbled against my lips.

His touch was gentle but I felt like it just wasn't enough.

I wanted more.

I nodded and Edward replied with a squeeze, making me moan. His lips were on my neck, and I knew he was getting frosting on it, but I honestly didn't care. We'd just clean that up later, too.

His hands still had a firm grip on my backside and it was causing something unfamiliar to build up at my core. My heart was thudding against my chest and suddenly I was falling, slowly and gracefully.

Edward had pulled me down so that we were sitting on the steps, and I felt a little sad that his hands were now in more chaste areas. In the few seconds that we separated in order to breath, I kept my eyes closed, focusing on the sensations of my body.

My hands were tangled in his soft hair and one of his was at the back of my neck while the other was at my waist.

He suddenly pulled me so that I was on his lap, his lips connecting with mine fervently. I never wanted to stop, never. This was what my body craved, though I could never stop wanting more. I knew that "more" wouldn't be possible yet, but it had to be soon. That's what today was for, for making myself more comfortable though I couldn't remember feeling more loved.

Edward pulled away, his eyes blazing. "Look at that. All the icing's gone."

"Well that's a damn shame," I muttered.

Edward stood up and held out a hand. I took it and stood shakily to my feet.

"C'mon," he said, smiling crookedly. "We've got things to do."

**

* * *

**

I was in the romance section, looking for the books that I adored and had read countless times. Edward was in another part of the store, looking for books that he liked.

It had been my idea to hunt down some of our favorite novels, splitting up in the store and then meeting up at one of the little café tables to share our findings. The point was to educate the other about what kinds of books we were into.

I already had several books in my hands, some of them from the fiction section but most of them from romance. I was a hopeless romantic, somewhat of a sappy one, but I couldn't help it. It was just a part of who I was.

I had an armful of books as I made my way to the little café area, surprised to see that Edward was already there. In front of him and on the table was a huge stack of books, twice as many as I had in my hands.

I dropped my own books onto the table next to his.

"You've read all those?" I asked in disbelief.

Edward eyed my own pile, which looked pathetic compared to his, before answering.

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Did you think I was illiterate?"

I snorted. "No, but that's . . . that's a lot!"

Edward shrugged. "Yeah. Some of it was read for school, in various English Lit. classes, but most of them are just because I used to lock myself in my room in an attempt to avoid my family. If I wasn't drawing, I was reading."

"Okay, I look through your pile and you look through mine," I suggested.

Edward quickly complied and I hurriedly went to his stack of books while he went to mine.

I didn't know where to start. The books on top were mostly horror, ranging from _Frankenstein_ to _The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. _Some of the titles I had never even heard of before, such as _The Green Man_ and _Some of Your Blood_. The others ranged from fiction to science fiction, none of which I had any desire to read.

"Bella," Edward whined. "This is all pansy shit."

"Edward," I said, mocking his whiny tone. "This all looks boring."

"Wasn't the point of this exercise to try and attempt to read the others' interests?"

"Well if your interests were interesting at all, I'd give it a shot."

"If your interests weren't so fucking girly, I'd have a go as well."

I put my hands on my hips. "Hey, I resent that."

"Ever read _The Picture of Dorian Grey?_**"**

"No."

"Well, you're missing out. What about _The Haunting of Hill House?"_

"Never heard of it."

"Where have you been living, woman?"

I lifted an eyebrow. "Have you read _Wuthering Heights?"_

"Yes! In school, and I think it's stupid."

"It is not stupid, it is a classic."

"The only thing that makes it 'classic' is that it's from the fucking nineteenth century."

"You're crazy! Have you ever read a classic romance novel that you enjoyed?"

"No. That is why I avoid them at all costs."

"Okay, what about _Gone With the Wind_. You've had to have read that one."

"Heard of it, but I couldn't be arsed to actually read it."

I gasped with mock horror. "You've never read _Gone with the Wind_? Tell me you at least saw the movie . . . ?"

"Nope."

"Blasphemy!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Look, reading romance isn't my thing."

"Neither is science fiction, and yet you insist I read Darius Grey."

"Dorian," he corrected. "And it's horror, not science fiction."

"Whatever."

"Look, I can turn you into a sci-fi fan in no time."

"Oh really now?"

"Yes. I shall introduce you to a few episodes of Doctor Who, and all will be well."

"What the hell is Doctor Who? Is that a mystery, or one of those primetime medical dramas?"

Edward face palmed shamefully. "You've got so much to learn."

"If you're going to make me watch sci-fi shows, then I'll have to introduce you to a little show called Gossip Girl. Oh, and Grey's Anatomy!"

Edward looked scared. "You wouldn't . . . "

I grinned evilly."Wanna bet?"

**

* * *

**

I didn't know how long we had been sitting on the carpeted floor, all of our books scattered around us. Edward had knocked them all down during a particularly silly moment. We ended up sitting side by side on the floor, sorting through the books and separating them into different piles that Edward called Fuck Yeah I Need To Read This, I'd Read This If I Was Really Fucking Bored, I'll Give This A Go Because You Insist, and Never Ever Would I Even Go Near This Shit.

Edward already had more than a dozen books in the Never Ever pile, though I was able to talk him into getting a few into the Insist and Bored piles.

My own love of reading made it easier for him to get me to throw several books into my Bored stack, and before I knew it we had at least twenty books each that we planned on taking home with us.

"Well that was fun," Edward sighed, laying back but propping up on his elbows. "Are you hungry yet?"

"A little," I admitted. "Are there bags for these books?"

"Not necessary. I'll leave a list of the books and have them shipped to us. We should get going . . ."

I could detect the sadness in his voice and my face mirrored his tone. "I don't want to."

"Me neither . . . but there's still something I want to share with you. You know, in an effort to get to know each other and all that."

He got to his feet and sauntered over to the little counter where the cash register sat, disappearing behind it for a second.

When he emerged, he clutched his sketchbook in his hands. He walked over to where I sat Indian style, and copied my position, sitting across from me.

He stared at the blank leather cover and ran a hand across from it.

"I want you to look through this," he mumbled. "I hid this under that counter yesterday, so I wouldn't have to tote it around. No one's ever been through my sketchbook, but if it has to be someone, I'd want it to be you."

I stared at his face, at his chiseled jaw and plump lips. I stared at his straight nose and his thick eyebrows, at the bronze tendrils that hung onto his forehead. His expression was grave as his serious eyes bore into mine.

He clutched the sketchbook so tightly with both hands that his fingers were going white, paler than he was naturally.

"This is hard for you, isn't it?" I asked quietly.

He nodded, but otherwise didn't say anything.

"If you're not ready, you don't have to-"

"No, I want to," he insisted, loosening his grip. "You know how some people write in diaries and shit, to get all their emotions out?"

I nodded, fully understanding because I kept a diary myself.

"This is what I do to vent," he said. "I draw."

I smiled at him encouragingly, reaching out a hand for the book.

Edward took a deep breath and placed the book in my hands. I had to pull a little hard to release it from his hold, and once I had it I opened it without taking my eyes off of his.

He smiled at me softly and I took that as my cue to look down; he was finally opening up and I was as eager as ever.

The first few drawings I had already seen, from the first time I visited his house and ended up seeing him in nothing but a towel.

The others were completely new to me, and so shockingly beautiful that I became lost in them. Edward was amazingly talented, so much so that some of the drawings looked the equivalent of black and white photos. Every scratch and shade and line was precise and easy; you never would have thought that a boy at the age of seventeen drew these.

Most of the drawings were fairly random; there was a single flower lying in the middle of a road, a squirrel nibbling on an acorn, a pair of tattered Converse, his motorcycle . . . These were all lacking emotion, they were just random things he saw or imagined and transferred onto paper.

When I came across a page that was just a bunch of angry scribbles, Edward chuckled.

"That's from when I came to Forks," he said.

I nodded and continued to page through the book. The drawings of when he came to Forks were all different from the others.

They all had emotion.

There was a drawing of a little boy crouched in a dark corner with his head buried in his knees.

There was a sketch of a teenage boy clutching a broken glass in his hand, his face contorted in anger and blood running down his wrists.

There was an image of a girl standing by a grave marked "Childhood", her dress tattered and stained.

The drawings were so devastatingly sad that I felt my eyes start to pool with tears. Were these drawings that he could relate to, or just the cause of his sad imagination? I hoped it was the latter, hoping that he hadn't gone through anything that would make him want to draw things like this.

Knowing Edward's demeanor, I had a feeling his life had been tough.

There were other drawings that were a little happier, such as an amazingly accurate sketch of the snow people we had made a little while back. I was surprised he had such a great memory, seeing as the snowmen were in the exact positions they had been in real life.

Occasionally throughout the book there would be a random drawing of me, and I still felt like he always drew me prettier than I was. Of course, I would never voice that fact, not after how he had scolded me about my low self esteem.

Through his drawings, I was slowly starting to see his true colors. He was an extremely talented, creative, emotional boy that kept up a hard exterior. He poured his heart and soul into his art; he was an artist. He had clearly been through a lot and that explained his rough-and-tumble personality.

And it wasn't just his sketchbook that let his true colors shine through. Everything he had done for me today showed me so many different sides of him, the sides that I always knew were in him, begging to crawl out. The fact that he had pretended not to know Emmett in an effort to start over showed that he was selfless; after all, he had been doing that upon my request. He had tried to be a gentleman, opening doors for me, and that showed that he was romantic and courteous, though he claimed otherwise. His attacking me with a cupcake showed me that he was extremely playful and carefree, and that was a side I thoroughly enjoyed. The fact that he had read so many books showed that he was bright, and eager to learn. Of course, I could have known that by looking at his report card. Him making out with me on the staircase and asking me if it was okay for him to grab my ass showed that he was passionate, but careful.

I had learned so much about him in one day, and I loved every part.

The book ended at a blank page and I shut it with a soft thud, looking up to see Edward watching me warily.

I sniffed, blinking away the threatening tears. "This is amazing."

Edward smiled and took the sketchbook from me. "Cheers."

The silence was thick and sad, and I had to ask, "Those pictures . . . the ones with the boys and that girl by the grave. What were they about?"

Edward looked away from me and stared at the carpet under us, fingering a diamond shaped pattern in the maroon ocean.

"Another story for another time," he muttered.

I couldn't help the disappointment that filled me. "Edward, that's not fair. You can't show that to me and then expect me not to ask."

His brows furrowed, but he still kept his gaze lowered. "I know that, and you're right. But you have to understand that showing this to you was a big step. Actually talking about it is . . . unthinkable."

"You'll tell me one day? Soon?"

He nodded silently and then finally met my concerned gaze, his expression kept carefully blank. "Ready to go?"

I sighed sadly and looked around at the lovely place around us. "No."

"Hungry?"

"Yeah, but there's plenty of goodies back there."

Edward chuckled, climbing to his feet and holding out a hand. "Yes, but that's not dinner."

I pouted and let him pulled me up.

He placed a chaste kiss on my lips and wrapped his hand around mine. "There's a place down the road called Three Sisters. I've never had the food there, but Rose and Alice have both been there and say that it's brilliant. Sound good?"

I smiled and nodded as I stared up at the boy that made me feel such intense things.

I definitely knew him better than I had before, but I still wasn't satisfied. He was hiding something, and I didn't know how much longer I could maintain my patience.

I'd hold him to his promise, though.

He'd have to tell me his life story one day.

He couldn't keep me hanging for long, because I wouldn't let him.

**

* * *

**

The walk down the street to the tiny little restaurant was a pleasant one. The sun had set quite a while ago, and a quick check of my phone notified me that it was just a little past nine at night. No wonder I was starving.

My fingers were intertwined with Edward's and he had an arm draped over my shoulder as we made our way through the Seattle streets. It was Saturday night, so there were still people bustling about, the hum of voices and laughter surrounding us.

As we stopped at a crosswalk, I looked to my left and saw and a little shop with a fancy purple awning and flashing neon lights in the window that read **Lady Pixie: PSYCHIC- Free of Charge.**

Feeling like we could both use a nice laugh after the whole sketchbook thing, I nudged Edward with my elbow and nodded towards the shop once I got his attention.

He glanced at the window and then turned to look at me in disbelief.

I grinned and shrugged at his expression, to which he kinked an eyebrow.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," he said simply.

I giggled and pulled him towards the shop, ignoring his protests.

I hesitantly pushed the door open and was immediately greeted by the strong aroma of something that made me cough. It would have smelled nice if it wasn't so intense, and I could tell that Edward was already contemplating walking back out the door.

"Shit, did they burn flowers or something?" he asked in distaste, looking around for the source of the pungent scent.

No one was in the store, and we glanced around the dimly lit room. The place looked quite cluttered, the one counter absolutely covered in strange items. There were books lying here and there and objects that looked mysterious rested on dusty shelves.

It was a little creepy.

"Where's the psychic at?" Edward asked. "What's her name? Lady Pixie? Are you sure it isn't really Alice?"

I shrugged and was about to suggest that we leave when Edward called, "Oi! Is there a Lady Pixie around? If you're so psychic, wouldn't you have known you were about to get customers?"

"Forget it," I said. "Maybe she's-"

I was cut off by the sound of a curtain flying open, my eyes shooting to the back of the store.

A woman stood in the doorway of a room that had previously been curtained. She was dark and had long dreadlocks that were beaded at the ends, her body adorned in a colorfully embroidered black skirt and simple black top.

"Hello," she said in a warm voice. "Welcome to Lady Pixie's."

I didn't know why I expected her to be wearing a turban or sporting a Jamaican accent, but I was surprised to find that she was actually quite pretty, her skin a beautiful cocoa color.

"Is that you, then?" Edward asked rather brusquely. I gave him a look, but he didn't notice because he was too busy eying the lady suspiciously.

"That's me," Lady Pixie replied, smiling. "Anything I can do for you two?"

Edward opened his mouth to respond, but I decided to answer for him. I had the feeling what he was about to say wouldn't be very polite.

"Uh, we were just curious," I told the lady, and her happy brown eyes looked at me fondly. "Do you . . . you know, tell the future?"

Edward snorted and I elbowed him in the ribs, silently telling him to be nice.

Lady Pixie laughed. "Something like that."

"Are you for real?" Edward asked suspiciously. "You're not faking being psychic and shit, are you?"

The lady smiled at him, her features soft. "That is for you to decide."

Huh?

Edward and I exchanged a confused glance.

"You work free of charge, yeah?" Edward asked skeptically.

She nodded, still smiling, and said, "I don't take money from people. I assist those that seek assistance, but I don't charge them for wanting to know what they will already find out themselves."

"Go on, if you like," Edward told me. "It was your idea anyway."

I looked at Lady Pixie's friendly expression and decided to just go ahead and give it a shot. What could be the harm in it, anyway? She'd tell me something ridiculous, and I'd laugh.

"Can you come with me?" I asked Edward.

Edward nodded and Lady Pixie moved aside with a smile to let us pass through the doorway she was standing in.

The adjoining room was tiny, with nothing but a small wooden round table in the center. There was no crystal ball or anything, but the walls were all covered in beautiful velvet drapes whose silver embroidery was illuminated by the little chandelier that hung from the ceiling. A very comfortable-looking chaise stood to the side and two arm chairs were at opposite ends of the small table.

I held Edward's hand tightly in mine as Lady Pixie took her seat in one of the armchairs. Her permanent smile was encouraging and I took a deep breath as I took the armchair across from her, forcing Edward to sit in the chaise nearby. Unfortunately that caused him to be sitting too far away for me to touch any part of him.

Lady Pixie grinned at me, showing off her perfectly straight and almost blindingly white teeth, before she folder her hands on the table in front of her. Surprisingly, I didn't feel uneasy around this woman. I was perfectly at ease, and the only negative thing I felt was silliness. I felt silly to be about to speak to a psychic, not really knowing if she was the real deal.

I had heard that real psychics don't usually ask for money, and everything about Lady Pixie felt real . . . so far.

"First off, what is your name?" she asked quietly. "I'm going to need just a little bit of information so I can get a feel for you."

"Bella Swan," I mumbled.

"Your birth date?"

"November 13th, 1992."

"Any names you would like me to associate my readings with, or anyone in particular you'd like me to focus on?"

My thoughts immediately went to my parents, but I shook my head.

"Anything in particular you'd like to know about? I usually get really vague sense of what is too come, nothing too detailed, but if you ask me a specific question about someone or something, I might be able to pinpoint some details."

Again, I shook my head. I didn't know if I could work with too many details.

Lady Pixie stretched out her arm towards me, palm up. I placed my hand in hers and she held it in a firm grip, her skin warm.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked softly.

I thought about it. Something told me she wasn't a phony, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the future.

Honestly, I had come here as a joke. I didn't plan on running into someone that was maybe possibly an actual psychic.

Sensing my hesitation, Lady Pixie smiled. "It's okay if you don't want to do this. I understand that, as tempting as it may be, knowing what the future might hold is quite daunting?"

"How accurate are your predictions?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly. "Like, are you always right?"

"No. I'm only human, I make mistakes. What I see is just what is likely to occur, but it can change. Your future is yours to decide."

I felt a little more comfortable with that knowledge, and glanced at Edward who merely shrugged, his expression bored.

"You don't have to believe me," Lady Pixie said, stilling holding my hand. "Think of me what you will, I am just telling you what I see."

"Okay," I said. "Go ahead."

Lady Pixie grinned and took a deep breath, closing her eyes and giving my hand a reassuring squeeze.

It was complete silence then as the woman sitting in front of me went completely still. It was suddenly as though she were a statue. The only thing that told me she hadn't turned to stone was the fact that her eyes were moving frantically behind her eyelids.

Slowly, almost robotically, she sat back in her chair as her brows furrowed. Her grip on my hand tightened and I looked at Edward who was evidently trying not to laugh.

"A man . . ." Lady Pixie said, and my head snapped to look at her. Her brows were still furrowed in concentration, her lips parted slightly.

A man?

"They . . ." she whispered.

They?

Feeling confused and finally starting to feel uneasy, I couldn't take my eyes off of her phase. It was like she was talking in her sleep, but having a very vivid dream.

"A city," she said. "There is a surprise. No, several surprises. Some welcome, others not so much. So many people, many new ones, others . . ."

She fell silent again and I felt Edward sigh, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the psychic's face.

Is it just me, or was that sweat starting to bead up on her forehead?

She had mentioned a man, a city, surprises, and new people. I felt myself thirsting for more, naively allowing myself to believe every word.

"He returns," she said, and I jumped at the sudden sharpness of her tone. "No . . . yes, you will see him again."

My heart stopped.

"Returns, everyone is returning . . . " she whispered.

My hand was holding hers in a vice grip, and I was aware that Edward was saying something but I couldn't understand it.

My mind was replaying her words over and over. . .

_He returns . . . you will see him again._

No. It couldn't be.

I didn't realize I was hyperventilating until I felt someone wrench my arm free of the psychic's grip, and I was suddenly pulled to my feet and crushed against someone's rock hard chest.

"Shh," Edward was saying. "It won't happen, I won't let it."

Lady Pixie's eyes were open now, staring at me confusedly.

"We're leaving," Edward told her coldly. "Thanks for nothing."

He held me protectively, like he was shielding me from the woman, and led me out of the small room and back into the front area where the perfumed smell burned my noise. I could barely feel my legs, letting Edward half-carry me towards the front door.

The cold winter wind was welcoming and I took a deep breath as Edward cradled my face in his hands.

"Bella, look at me."

My eyes met his and they were smoldering.

"He isn't coming back," he said firmly. "That woman is a fake, she doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. She was just mumbling random rubbish, okay? Don't take what she says seriously."

I nodded, clenching my eyes shut, and let him pull me into a hug with his chin resting on my head.

"I wanna go home," I whispered, and I felt him nod. I was surprised he could hear me over the roaring wind.

Edward kissed my left temple and I inhaled his scent, one of the many things about him that calmed me down effectively.

"I won't let anyone hurt you," he said in my ear. "I swear on my life."

I didn't like him swearing on his life, but I just nodded, speech seeming impossible.

"Don't believe her," Edward said. "It's not worth the stress."

I nodded yet again, but only halfheartedly this time.

When you fear something badly enough and someone tells you it's coming, you believe it no matter how much you don't want to.

"Fuck our lives," Edward suddenly mumbled bitterly. "Everything was going so fucking well."

* * *

**A/N:** So, for the last chapter a lot of you were confused as to whether or not Carlisle raped Rosalie. The answer is no, he didn't. I probably should have clarified that better.

Thoughts on their first date?

Also, all the outfits for this story are on my profile. :)


	28. If You Only Knew

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 28- If You Only Knew**

_If you only knew  
I'm hanging by a thread  
The web I spin for you_

_If you only knew  
I'd sacrifice my beating  
Heart before I lose you_

**If You Only Knew- Shinedown**

* * *

**Edward POV**

The drive back to Forks was tense. Bella was staring out her window with a wrinkle in between her brows, her eyes glazed over. Her hands were clenched into fists in her lap and she was absolutely out of it. I knew her mind was probably in dark places whilst my own was wracking itself, trying to think of ways to distract her.

I turned the stereo on when we were at a red light, and she visibly jumped at the sudden noise. I eyed her warily as she looked away, choosing to stare out the window at the darkness.

Sighing, I turned the volume down, not really paying attention to what song it was. It could have been the British National Anthem for all I knew, and I wouldn't even have noticed.

"Bella," I said quietly. My voice sounded painfully loud in the thick silence. "Please talk to me."

It was as though she couldn't hear me, that's how zoned out she was. I reached over to take her hand but she flinched violently, her fright filled eyes staring at me like she had no idea who the fuck I was.

I took a deep breath, trying not to get too frustrated with her. She had been through a lot of shit that she was just getting over, only to have some psycho witch lady tell her that the Asshat that ruined her life was coming back. What the fuck kind of bullshit was that? As if she didn't already have a fucking panic attack every once in a while, as if she didn't always tense up when hearing words like "skateboard" or "Michigan", as if sudden movements didn't still make her flinch. She was doing better, that was for sure, but it honestly didn't help the healing process if a fucking psychic, real or not, was telling her things that she didn't want to hear.

Bella was staring out the window again and I was about to say something else to distract her when my phone started vibrating in my inner jacket pocket. I pulled it out while keeping my eyes on the road, pressing the touchable screen of the stupid little thing.

"Hey," I answered. I kept my voice low in case Bella became startled by the sound. She was still in her dark little world, oblivious to my presence.

_"Where are you guys?"_ Emmett asked. _"Bella won't answer her phone."_

I glanced at Bella's blank expression. "Her phone must be off or something. How goes it?"

_"Just wondering where you guys were at. It's almost midnight. . . "_

I rolled my eyes. "It's not like you gave us a curfew, dimwit."

_"Whatever, asshole, I was just worried. I left you two alone doing God knows what, and didn't even bother calling until now. Rosalie's already in bed."_

"We're on our way, chill the fuck out."

_"How's Bella?_**"**

Oh, fuck. The one question I was hoping he wouldn't ask.

"Uh . . ."

_"What's with the 'uh'? What happened?"_ His voice had gone from casual to authoritative in less than a millisecond.

"I'll explain when we get there."

_"She's okay, right?_**"**

"Yeah, she's fine . . . physically. I dunno about her emotional state . . ."

_"Hurry up."_

"Fine, but if I get a fucking speeding ticket, the money's coming out of your pocket."

_"Done."_

_

* * *

_

I felt immensely relieved once I pulled into Bella's driveway, hoping that her brother's presence would soothe her. I doubted it, but it was worth a shot. Maybe he'd get her to talk, since I obviously couldn't get her to verbalize in any way.

When I stopped the car, Bella remained frozen. It looked like she didn't even know we had arrived at her own home.

I sighed heavily and pushed my door open, moving around the front of the car to open hers. She remained still as a fucking statue, staring absentmindedly through the windshield.

It couldn't be healthy for her to be in a state of mind like that. Jaw set in determination; I reached in and undid her seatbelt.

As expected, she jumped, but I ignored her movements and gently pulled her out.

Once she was standing outside the car and I was sure she wasn't going to topple over or something, I shut the car door and turned to face her.

She was staring at the ground, her arms crossed in front of her chest, hands clutching her elbows.

I took her chin and forced it upward, leaving it there until her eyes met mine. For a second they were a little glazed over, but she blinked and they became brighter, a sign of her awareness.

"Stop," I mumbled, running my thumb over her lower lip.

"Stop what?" she mumbled back.

I exhaled in relief. Her voice may have been monotone, but at least she was talking. "Stop thinking."

Her brows furrowed. "Why would I want to do that?"

"You know what I mean. Stop thinking about that stupid psychic. Stop thinking about everything that happened a few months ago. Stop being afraid that what that woman said is going to happen, because it's not. She made it all up, and you know it. Please, for the love of Pop-Tarts and leather jackets, stop torturing yourself."

Bella managed a little smile, though it didn't reach her eyes. "What are you, some freakish mind reader?"

I chuckled darkly. "Something like that." I brushed her hair aside and pressed my lips to her forehead. "I know what's going through that head of yours. I don't have a degree in psychology, but I know that thinking what you're thinking can't be healthy."

Bella sighed. "I know. It's cold, can we go inside?"

I grabbed her hand and tucked her into my side, walking straight across the perfectly cut lawn.

Emmett pulled the front door open before we reached it, his eyes assessing Bella as we approached him.

"You okay?" he asked her once we were inside and he had closed the door against the winter winds. I pulled my jacket off and threw it over the back of the couch.

"Yeah," Bella said, not meeting his gaze. "I'm gonna go take a shower and then go to bed. I'm tired."

"Okay," Emmett muttered, frowning.

Bella turned to me, her eyes oddly vacant. "Will you stay?"

"Yeah, of course."

She smiled sadly and slowly walked towards the stairs, practically dragging her feet like they were too heavy for her legs.

Emmett and I stood in silence until we heard the click of the bathroom door closing upstairs.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded.

I immediately launched into our little tale, telling him all about how Bella wanted to see a fucking psychic for entertainment, and how it had all gone wrong. I mentioned what the lady had said, everything from talking about cities to talking about "him" coming back, whoever the fuck "him" was supposed to be.

Emmett's expression had remained serious the entire time, growing dark when I mentioned the mysterious male figure the crazy woman had mentioned.

"Okay, so this 'him' person is supposed to be Jacob?" he asked once I was finished.

I shrugged. "I really don't fucking know. But that's what Bella thinks, which is why she's been zoned out all night. She hasn't been talking until we got here, and I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself by dwelling on the possibility of that wanker somehow coming back."

Emmett ran a hand over his face and exhaled noisily, his expression tired. "Shit. This is not good. Why in the hell would she want to see a damn psychic?"

"Beats me. She thought it would be funny but instead it just fucked everything up."

"I can't believe she actually believes that dickface is coming back. His ass is miles away, in prison."

"We know that, but you know how Bella is. This is all she's going to think about for a while."

"I swear, if that asshole shows turns up around here again-"

"I'll kill him," I finished his sentence and we stared at each other with matching expressions of severity.

Emmett and I had a bond created out of the fact that we both cared about Bella immensely, but what made the bond unbreakable was our mutual hate for the bastard that ruined her life. Neither of us would hesitate to slice his throat if he ever showed his face again. I didn't finish the job because the fucking police had shown up, but I would give anything to get him alone, preferably in a dark alley someplace far away from Bella, just so I could enjoy watching him suffer a slow and painful death at my hands.

"I should go to bed," Emmett sighed, pulling me out of my violent thoughts. "I'm assuming you're going to stay the night?"

He didn't sound happy with the idea, but had long since stopped trying to get me to leave at night, resigned to the fact that sometimes Bella needed me.

"Bella wants me to, so yeah," I replied.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Whipped."

He stalked off towards the stairs but not before I threw a sofa pillow at his head.

"Fuck you; you follow Rose around like a fucking dog with his tail between his legs!"

Emmett barked out a laugh as he ascended. "Good night, Eddie boy. Turn out the lights when you go upstairs, the fucking electricity bill was too high last month."

I shook my head. Bonding with Emmett often resulted in a shitload of verbal abuse.

Once I flicked off all the lamps, I went upstairs and entered Bella's room. It was empty since she was still in the bathroom, so I just plopped down onto her bed, my body immediately relaxing into her soft mattress.

I glanced around her bedroom as I waited, inhaling deeply. Her room smelled like girl. It wasn't the overly perfumed, nauseatingly fruity scent that some slags smelled like, but it was actually rather nice. It was like strawberries and chocolate or some shit like that. It was purely Bella.

I didn't realize I had dozed off until I awoke with a start when the door opened.

Bella walked in with a towel wrapped around her head. I thought she'd be in a robe or have a towel around her body or something (you know, naked somehow) so I was disappointed to see her donning her pyjamas.

She smiled at me as she shut the door behind her. "Thanks for staying."

"No problem," I smiled back, scooting over to the side I usually slept on when I spent the night.

I watched as she stood at her dressing table, pulling the towel off her head and rubbing it furiously through her hair. The scent of strawberry shampoo permeated the air.

She bent over so that she could remove the excess water properly, and I was given a clear view of her ass.

She had a really, really, really nice bum. I wasn't really an ass kind of guy, my interest usually in the boob area, but Bella had to be the exception. It wasn't too bulbous, or too flat, but it had just the right amount of roundness. Staring at her ass made heat travel down to my groin so I quickly looked away, staring out her window instead. Now would not be a good time to get blue balls, especially since I was spending the night in her bed.

I glanced at her side table and saw her iPod sitting there, so I snatched it up and started going through all her songs like the nosy little fucker that I was.

I had to say, she had some pretty good taste . . . for the most part. She was all about the classic rock, but she also had quite a bit of those annoying bands where the singer sounds like he hasn't hit puberty yet.

And then my jaw dropped.

"What the fuck?" I said loudly.

Bella jumped and slowly turned around to stare at me, her brush halfway through her damp hair. "What?"

_"Lindsay Lohan?"_ I said incredulously, holding up the iPod. "Bella, what is this fuckery?"

Her cheeks became tinged with red. "It was back in the day, when she was less of a train wreck."

"Was she _ever _less of a train wreck?"

"Yes, she was. I was thirteen when the album came out, cut me some slack."

I shook my head in disbelief as she turned around to finish brushing her hair.

"Holy shitting fuck!" I cried, and Bella turned to stare at me like I was insane. _"Ashlee Simpson?"_

She rolled her eyes and set the brush down, dropping her wet towel in the hamper on her way over to me.

"Okay, that's enough," she said, grabbing the iPod from me and throwing it in the drawer of her side table. "I have a lot in there from when I was much, much younger. I didn't even get into rock until Emmett started taking care of me."

I smiled at the fact that she sounded completely normal now.

"Feeling all right?" I asked, completely disregarding that we were just talking about the stupid whores in her music collection.

She snuggled up to me and wrapped her arm around my waist, nodding in response to my question and burying her head in my chest. She smelled so fucking good, all clean and girl-like. I rested my chin on the top of her head, holding her to me.

I hated to bring it up, but I wanted to make sure she was over the whole psychic thing, at least a bit. "You're not still worried about what the crazy witch said, are you?"

"She wasn't a crazy witch," Bella mumbled before sighing. "Her words keep on replaying over and over in my head. I guess I just . . . the possibility . . ."

"Is one in a billion," I finished her sentence.

She turned her head to gaze up at me with frightened brown eyes. "Edward, _what if he's that one?_"

I stared back at her, completely at a loss for words.

What if he _was_ that one?

I closed my eyes so that she wouldn't see my own uncertainty.

If he was that one, I'd probably have to kill him.

"Don't worry about it," I muttered, unable to give her the comfort that she sought, the reassurance that I was capable of.

When I opened my eyes, I saw that her gaze had turned wistful. I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, hoping that would be comforting since obviously the right fucking words escaped me.

"I'm gonna go brush," I told her. She smiled softly and pulled away, climbing under her covers and snuggling up with her pillows. I placed another kiss on her cheek before climbing off the bed and heading to the bathroom.

Yeah, I had my own fucking toothbrush at the Swans' house now, even my own towel. Rosalie had gotten me some basic bathroom necessities, saying that it was unhygienic for me to spend nights with Bella if I wasn't going to brush my teeth and shower.

I entered the bathroom and stared at my reflection. I looked like shit. My hair was the perfect example of what happens when you try and stick your head in a washing machine or something. The bronze locks stuck in every direction, making me look like the younger, taller, better looking and copper haired version of Einstein. Bruise-like shadows rested under my eyes and I really needed to shave. I looked too thin somehow, my cheekbones and jaw a little more prominent than usual. It was evident that I had probably lost shitloads of weight since coming to Forks.

I sighed sleepily and pulled out my blue toothbrush from the little toothbrush holder. After my teeth were all clean and tasted like peppermint, my stomach grumbled and I suddenly remembered that neither of us had eaten dinner.

"Fucking great," I mumbled, flicking off the bathroom light on my way out.

When I went back to Bella's room, she was lying on her stomach, her head facing the door. She smiled tiredly as I unbuttoned my shirt, taking that off along with the white t-shirt I wore underneath it. I took of my shoes and socks and then climbed in next to her, still in my jeans.

Bella turned the lamp off and then turned on her side so that we were spooning. She cuddled back into me as I wrapped my right arm around her waist while my head was buried in her neck.

"You didn't eat," I mumbled into her skin.

"I'll survive," she whispered.

I hummed and closed my eyes, breathing in her sweet scent. I pushed all thoughts of the stupid psychic to the back of my head, choosing instead to enjoy the moment and fall asleep. I really was fucking knackered, and it wasn't long before I felt myself drifting off.

"Edward?"

I reluctantly forced myself to stay awake for a second longer, though I kept my eyes closed.

"Hmm?"

"I want to meet your parents."

My eyes flew open.

What. The. Fuck.

I propped myself up on an elbow and stared down at her profile. She hadn't moved at all, her hands folded under her cheek and her eyes locked on the door in a blank stare.

"W-What?" I stuttered. "You want to meet my . . ." I couldn't finish my statement. She had gone mad, and now I was wide awake.

Bella turned so that she was on her back, staring up at me. She looked wary, like she was bracing herself for my reaction.

"It's just, I only met your mom twice, briefly," she said, sounding nervous. "It was months ago. I don't even remember what she looks like. And your dad, I only ever ran into him once and-"

She broke off, staring at me in shock.

What was my expression? I couldn't tell. I couldn't feel my face. All I could feel was the tightening in my chest, the stalling of my heart, the panic that was making its way up my throat.

All I could think was that she ran into my father. . .

_She ran into my father._

"Edward?" Bella sounded frantic and she reached up to touch my cheek. The second her skin met mine, my lungs allowed me to let out a shaky breath.

I pushed the covers off of me, the room suddenly suffocatingly hot.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked. "You look like you're going to be sick."

I sat up so that I was kneeling beside her, running both my hands over my face.

This was bad news. Really, really bad news.

"Bella," I said, trying to keep my voice from trembling. It wasn't working. "When did you meet my father and when? I need you to tell me everything he said, everything he did . . . did he touch you?"

She looked alarmed by my tone of voice, as well as my question. There was no fucking doubt that I sounded panicked, because that's exactly how I felt.

"I-It was a while ago . . ." she trailed off, eying me cautiously.

"Details, I need details!" My voice rose in panic.

She had run into my fucking father. My father the pedophile, the alcoholic. When the fuck was this, and how did I not know? If he had laid so much as a finger on her . . .

Bella sat up, her own expression overwhelmed this time. She leaned back against her headboard, her face alert.

"Calm down," she said worriedly. "He didn't touch me. I mean, not on purpose, just, I mean, he-"

She broke off, staring at me wide-eyed.

Why couldn't I control my features? Where the fuck was the poker face I was so skilled with? I knew I looked like I was scared shitless. My eyes were probably the size of saucers by now.

"Edward, you're scaring me," she whispered.

That was all it took. That was all it took for my features to soften, for my face to relax into something that wasn't panic or fear or anger.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose. "I'm sorry." My voice was barely above a whisper. "Just tell me everything, please."

Bella audibly swallowed before she continued, "I bumped into him months ago, when I came over to your house to tutor you. I left in a hurry and I didn't see him there so I just crashed into him. I apologized, and he said it was okay. I assumed he was your dad because he had an accent, and he looked like Rosalie. . . And that was that. "

"That's it?" I asked in disbelief. "You just bumped into him, apologized, and left? He didn't do or say anything other than telling you it was okay?"

Bella nodded and I felt relief course through me. I collapsed onto her pillows and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.

So he hadn't done anything wrong. Hell, the bastard didn't have any time to. Knowing Bella, she was probably too embarrassed to actually stick around and really talk to him. If she had, who knows what kind of shit he would have pulled.

"Why are you so freaked out about me running into your dad?"

I huffed and dropped my hands from my face, "He's just not a good person. That's all."

"He seemed fine to me."

"Looks can be deceiving, baby."

"Why? What's so wrong with your dad? I didn't feel anything off about him-"

"Bella, you don't get it," I snapped. "You don't know him like do."

"Fine, but I can't visit your mom, either? She was nice."

"No."

"But why?"

"Just drop it, Bella. You don't need to meet my parents, this isn't the eighteenth century. The whole town isn't going to ostracize you for not knowing the parents of your boyfriend."

"I really, really, want to though."

I sat up, unable to stop my eyes from hardening into a glare. She was starting to irritate me; why didn't she just take my word for it and realize that meeting both my parents at the same time was just not a good idea?

"Why are you so fucking worried about my parents?" I asked frustratedly. "What's the big deal?"

She hesitated, her mouth opening and closing. "It just feels like the right thing to do."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means that it feels right!" she snapped, obviously growing angry now. "Is it so wrong for your girlfriend to want to meet the people that raised you?"

I scoffed. "I wasn't raised by my parents, Bella."

Shock crossed her face. "What?"

"Yeah, there's a lot you don't know."

"Then how about you tell me!"

"Not now."

Bella huffed and looked away, scowling. "You always do this, and I'm getting tired of it. You always tell me these cryptic little things about your life, but you never evaluate. Then you expect me to keep brushing it off and be patient, hoping that maybe one day you'll open up."

"I will open up. I promised you that I would, didn't I?"

"Yeah, and I feel like this is the kind of promise that can be fulfilled thirty years from now. I don't know if I'm willing to wait thirty years, Edward."

For a second it was like the walls had come crashing down on me as the air rushed out of my lungs and my head spun like I had just been sucker punched.

She was not doing this.

She couldn't be.

"No, no, that's not what I meant!" Bella said quickly. "Edward, that came out wrong."

I stared at her, unable to speak.

Bella reached for my limp hand and I let her take it; movement wasn't a possibility.

"That last part came out wrong; I'm not breaking up with you. I can't do that, I care about you too much. Edward?"

I was staring at this pale, brown eyed girl, not knowing what the expression on my face was for the third time that day. All I knew was that she had scared the living fuckwits out of me by saying that she wasn't willing to wait. For a split second I thought that she was telling me that she didn't want to be with me anymore.

For a split second she broke me.

"Edward," she said again, moving so that she was sitting right in front of me, mirroring my kneeling position. She took my face in her hands and I closed my eyes, reveling in her touch.

Briefly, but firmly, her lips were on mine and I could feel my whole body relax.

I sighed and rested my forehead against hers. "You can't do that to me." My voice sounded strangled.

"I'm sorry. That's not what I meant."

"Okay."

"Can you let me explain why I want to meet them so badly? Formally?"

I nodded my mouth still unable to form words.

Bella's forehead was still against mine as she took a deep breath, her breath fanning my face.

"I never knew . . . _his_ parents. I never met his mother, or his father. I really don't know if he even lived with his parents. I knew nothing about him, nothing. I feel like meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend's family is so important. Even if they didn't raise you, they're a part of your life. Honestly, it scares me not to know them well. It really, truly does."

She had nothing to fear with my mother, but it was a completely different story when it came to my dad.

"Can you wait?" I whispered. "Please? Just wait a little while and I'll think about it."

She pulled away from me and I could see the disappointment in her eyes.

"I'm tired," she declared curtly.

She turned away from me and climbed under her covers, leaving me to stare dejectedly at her back.

_Fuck my life to the deepest pits of Hell._

I had upset her.

I knew that I was pushing it with her. I was keeping her guessing about my past, and it wasn't fair to her. I was being a dick, and I knew it

I sighed and decided not to argue with her anymore, choosing to join her under the blankets. She was stubborn, but so was I. I didn't need to expose her to the shithole that was my family, with the exception of Rose of course. She didn't need to be subjected to our past, which I knew she would want to delve deep into. Bella had been all about the past lately; she felt like there was danger in not knowing peoples' backgrounds, and with good reason. I just felt that she shouldn't let her own past decide her future.

Little did she know that sometimes there was danger in knowing.

I pulled the blankets up and wrapped my arm around her waist.

She reached down and pushed my arm off; it flopped uselessly to my side.

I froze in surprise, rejection filling me.

After a few seconds of my feeling like shit, Bella sighed and reached back to pick my arm back up and wrap it around her once more. She held on to it this time.

I kissed her back, sort of like a silent "sorry", and closed my eyes, wishing away all the thoughts that would probably nag me for a long time.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, I still felt like crap. I hadn't been able to fall asleep until about three in the morning, and now it was seven. I couldn't stay asleep because Bella wasn't lying next to me.

"Fuck," I muttered, my voice thick. I honestly hoped she wasn't still mad at me. I also wished that I wasn't so fucking fail at articulating why I couldn't tell her anything.

I dragged myself out of bed, still as knackered as I was the night before, but forced myself to find Bella.

I stopped at the top of the stairs and heard her soft voice drifting up, as well as Emmett's deep rumble. Once I was assured that she was okay, I turned for the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I threw on the white t-shirt from the day before, not bothering with the button up one.

I was surprised to see Emmett at the stove, flipping pancakes methodically, all his concentration on the flat cakes that rested on the spatula. Bella stood at the round table, working on what appeared to be a silver platter of some sort. Her back was to me as she dropped a few flowers from the bouquet I had given her into a little glass that substituted a vase. Next to the vase were a glass of orange juice and a plate of eggs and French toast.

"Something special going on?" I asked, getting their attention.

Bella glanced over her shoulder at me with a small smile and I returned it, relieved that she wasn't upset.

"You bet," Emmett said, answering my question. "Today is a big day."

I walked over to a chair at the table and plopped down, watching as Bella expertly sprinkled powdered sugar over the French toast.

"What's happening today?" I asked. "Who's the tray for?"

"My woman," Emmett replied.

I stared at him confusedly. "Shit, it isn't Rose's birthday, is it?"

Emmett guffawed. "Nah, not her birthday. That would be less nerve wracking." He let out a nervous laugh, something very unlike the usually confident Emmett, and I glanced at Bella to see if she knew what the fuck was up with him.

The second my eyes met hers, she bit her lip and looked away, her hand moving too swiftly as she accidentally knocked over the vase and the water in it.

"Shit," she hissed, and I was immediately on my feet, picking up the glass and grabbing a roll of paper towels that sat nearby. I handed them to her as I headed over to the sink to refill the makeshift vase.

As I held it out to her, she was still assaulting her lip with her teeth, her gazed focused away from me and on the spilt water she was cleaning up.

"Thanks," she mumbled, and her hands shook as she took the glass out of my hands.

"You okay?" I asked. She was acting nervous, and it was weird.

"Mmmhmm."

I stared at her and then turned to Emmett, but he was still concentrating on his pancakes.

"Bells, bring me an empty plate," he said. "She'll be waking up soon. I don't want her to come downstairs before anything's ready; I'd rather carry it all up myself."

Bella hurriedly complied, almost like she wanted to get away from me, and I watched her suspiciously as she rummaged around for a plate and handed it to Emmett, her teeth still holding on to her lips.

"What is going on?" I demanded once more. Both of them were acting all nervous and strange, and I wanted to be in on it.

Emmett took a deep breath as he dropped the pancakes onto the plate, handing it to Bella who walked over to place it on the tray.

He turned to me, his back straight and eyes bright. "Today, I get down on my knees and profess my undying love to Rosalie Cullen. I'm going to ask her to be my wifey. Forever and ever."

My jaw dropped as his words sunk in.

"What-you-what?" I stammered. "You're proposing?"

Emmett grinned and nodded, looking like an excited little boy.

I looked at Bella, who was smiling but still not looking at me, her entire concentration on putting raspberries on top of the now syrupy pancakes.

"You're kidding!" I said. "You're going to ask her to marry you?"

"That's what proposing is, bro!" Emmett cried happily. "I'm taking her sexy self up to the Space Needle in Seattle. Is that cool or what?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess," I replied, still a bit in shock. "Wow. Isn't it too soon for shit like that? You two have only been going out for, what, a year?"

"Longer, and it's never too soon. Well, unless you're a hormonal teenager right out of high school or something like that. Seriously though, I love her more than anything and anyone. I know Rose believes in marriage, and she's already living with us, so why not? She's my one and only."

"Right, but what's the point of getting married if the pair of you are already living in the same house? You're practically husband and wife, why do you need a priest or judge to tell you that? Marriage is just a bunch of rubbish, if you ask me."

Emmett sighed. "You don't get it. Maybe one day you'll understand."

His eyes briefly shot to Bella before he turned back to the stove, and I glanced at her to see a frown on her lips and a wrinkle in between her brows.

Had I offended her?

"What's on your mind?" I asked softly, and she lifted a shoulder in a halfhearted shrug.

"You all right?" I prodded. She nodded once.

"Anything you want to talk about?" \

Brief shake of the head.

"Something upsetting you?"

Eyebrows furrowed, another shake of the head.

"You sure?"

Frustrated huff, fervent nod of the head.

I stared at her, trying to read her expression. Her cheeks were flushed, though I couldn't understand why, and her lower lip was a permanent prisoner to her teeth.

She looked anxious. Really, really anxious. It was freaking me the fuck out.

I made a mental note to talk to her the second we were alone.

"You done over there?" Emmett called to her, and she glanced at him over her shoulder, adding the final touches to the garnished pancakes.

"Yeah," she said. "Nearly."

Right, so she talks to him but not me. What the fuck is going on?

Bella walked the tray over to Emmett, who took it from her and set it on the counter next to the stove. He readjusted everything to his desire and then smiled, holding his hand up to Bella so she could high five him.

"This is going to be awesome!"

"Just curious," I said. "Where's the ring?"

Emmett winked. "Hidden someplace special. It all goes down tonight." He turned to the tray and picked it up. "I'd let her sleep, but all my hard work will get cold."

"See you kiddies later!" he called over his shoulder as he made his way to the stairs.

The second he was out of sight, I turned to Bella expectantly. She acted as though I wasn't there, instead choosing to busy herself with cleaning the already clean counters.

I let out an exasperated sigh, trying to keep my temper in check.

"Bella, what the fuck is going on?" I asked, the frustration clear in my voice. "Are you still pissed about last night, because-"

"I'm fine," she cut me off with a mumble.

"Bullshit. Look me in the eyes and tell me you're okay."

She remained silent, her back to me as she unnecessarily wiped at the shiny surfaces.

"Look, I didn't sleep well," she said."I've got a lot to do today . . ."

"Like what?"

Her hand froze and she remained silent before she started fidgeting with the rag in her hand. After a few seconds she turned around and chucked the rag in the bin with a distracted look on her face.

"Hey listen, I'm gonna go stop by the grocery store," she said hastily as she washed her hands. "We need some things."

"I'll go with you," I added, but the second those words left my mouth she was staring at me, her alabaster skin blanching as though she was going to puke.

"No, no!" she said hurriedly."It's okay; it's just a boring old trip to the grocery store, completely uninteresting, pretty tedious actually. Who wants to tag along with me to buy bread and milk and all that?"

She was rambling. She was rambling and twisting her fingers anxiously, and not looking me in the eyes.

Was it wrong of me to become suspicious of her?

I decided to play it cool.

I stepped forward and smiled lightly, running a finger slowly up and down the side of her face, from her temple to her jaw. She shivered under my touch.

"Bella, nothing I do with you can ever be boring," I said. "We could be watching paint dry and I'd be having the time of my life, just because I'd be with you."

Her bottom lip became victim to her teeth again and, being as perceptive as I was, I didn't miss the fleeting look of guilt that crossed her face.

Of course, I could have just demanded that she tell me why the fuck she was so jittery and anxious, but I doubted she'd tell me anything. She'd probably get all pissy like she had the night before.

And demanding things of Bella and ordering her around was not what I wanted to do. She had had enough assholes ordering her about like their little bitch.

"Really, Edward," she said, staring at my shoes. She removed my hand from her face. "It's okay. It's going to be a quick trip unless I end up stopping somewhere else. You should . . . shower or something."

I cocked and eyebrow at her. "Do I smell like shit?"

She shook her head, unsmiling, and turned away to wash her hands . . . again.

I sniffed my underarm for good measure and then decided that maybe a shower would be nice. It's not like a stunk or anything, but it would feel nice to just be clean.

"Fine, I'll shower for the sake of killing time. Anything else you want to do today? You know, anything together? Rose and Emmett will be out most of the day, being all romantic and shit, so . . ."

She shrugged and I almost snapped at her, literally biting my tongue to control myself.

She was getting really, really frustrating.

I decided that I needed to distance myself from her in order to gather my thoughts. Her actions and brief words were confusing the shit out of me.

I let out an exasperated breath and then walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. Might as well kiss her ass.

"I want to go with you," I mumbled into her shoulder. Her posture was unusually stiff. "We should give Emmett and Rose some alone time, anyway. I don't think I want to hear their noises all morning. I'm coming with you, okay? I miss you, even though you're right here."

I felt Bella relax and then she nodded. "Okay." Her voice was but a whisper.

I pulled away from her sadly and decided to go have that shower. Maybe it would help me clear my muddled thoughts.

I stopped in the doorway of the kitchen and turned around again."You should eat something. We didn't have dinner."

She nodded slowly and I sighed in resignation, heading upstairs.

Rose kept my towel in the linen closet. I might as well just move in to Bella's room, but there was no doubt that Emmett would pop a vein if I so much as mentioned the idea.

I briefly went into her bedroom to grab the button up shirt I wore the night before and rushed past Emmett and Rosalie's room. Unfortunately I didn't pass it quick enough, because I heard the unmistakable sound of "Oh God, Emmett!"

"Keep it the fuck down in there," I cried irritably, but I reckoned they were too preoccupied to even hear me.

I cursed to myself as I entered the bathroom, a part of me knowing that I was just bitter because I myself hadn't been laid in a while.

It wasn't my fault, really. It was a good thing that I was waiting. Most boyfriends would start acting like complete assholes to their girlfriends if she wasn't ready for sex.

As for me, I had patience. I didn't know where the fuck I had gotten it from, but I had it nonetheless.

I stripped off all my clothes and stepped into the shower, setting them aside since I'd end up wearing the same ones.

I let the hot water run over my face and let my thoughts run amok, waiting for them to settle themselves.

My mind kept showing me Bella's nervous face, her fidgeting fingers, and her furrowed brows. I knew she was anxious, but the question was why. I was completely baffled and I hated myself for thinking suspicious thoughts.

I stayed in the shower longer than I would have at home, not giving a fuck that I used up all the hot water. I climbed out, smelling like Bella's strawberry shampoo, and threw on the same clothes for the second time that day. I honestly needed to keep some clean clothing at this house, just in case. I mean, the date outfit wasn't dirty or anything, but it was irritating to wear the same shit over and over. I only wore these button up shirts when I absolutely had to, and now I was stuck with wearing it until I found myself going home.

I opened the bathroom door to let out all the steam and then padded back to Bella's room, throwing the towel in her hamper and trying to make my hair presentable. Of course it was a lost cause, so I left it how it was and went back downstairs after pulling my shoes and socks on.

Rosalie's happy voice drifted up the stairs and I headed back down to the kitchen to see Emmett attempting to wash dishes as his future wife shook her head in amusement.

Bella wasn't there.

"Edward!" Rose said, her face glowing in a disturbing I-just-got-fucked-first-thing-in-the-morning way. "There you are. Did you have breakfast?"

"No," I said distractedly, looking around for Bella. "Where's. . . ?" I trailed off, assuming they'd know who I was talking about.

"Where's what?" Emmett asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Obama. Who do you think mean? Bella!"

Emmett and Rosalie laughed loudly, and I stared at them. They looked extremely joyous, and though that was great, I didn't care to know that it was because they had just gotten busy in the bedroom.

"She went to the grocery store," Rose said, picking up a plate of freshly made pancakes. "Here. She also said you didn't have dinner? She ate before she left."

My shoulders slumped as I plopped down at the kitchen table, frowning. "How long ago did she leave?"

"I think it's been a while. She texted me about half an hour ago."

Shit, did I take that long in the shower?

And I told her I was going to go with her; why the fuck had she left without me?

My suspicions grew as I sat there chewing the pancakes, my stomach twisting with my own kind of anxiety. This was the first time in a long time that she had gone out without me.

I had only finished off one pancake when my eyes fell on the refrigerator door . . . and the grocery list that was stuck to it.

My mouth stopped chewing and I slowly lowered my fork.

Something was up.

I swallowed, feeling like I was swallowing rubber, and stared at the piece of paper on the fridge.

"If she went to buy groceries, why didn't she take the list?" I mused.

Rose and Emmett were in their own world; he was playfully flicking water at her and she was shielding herself with a pot lid.

And then it hit me.

Her weird questions last night, her evasiveness, anxiety, and guilt. She was scheming against me all this time.

I knew exactly where she was going.

I flew out of my seat and practically ran into the living room and towards the front door, all the while trying to fish my car keys from my back pocket.

"Where are you running to?" Rose called, coming into the living room.

"It's Sunday, Rose," I told her, my hand gripping the doorknob. I tried not to let the panic and anger seep into my voice.

"So?" she asked.

"Dad's home."

I slammed the door shut on her confused expression and almost tripped as I ran to my car.

I regretted not having my bike, knowing I'd be able to get to her faster if I did.

As I zoomed through the streets of Forks at an absurd speed, I tried not to think about what state I would find her in.


	29. Whatever It Takes

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 29- Whatever It Takes**

_It kills me that I hurt you this way  
The worst part is that I didn't even know  
Now there's a million reasons for you to go  
But if you can find a reason to stay_

_I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this aroundI know what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance  
Believe that I can changeI'll keep us together whatever it takes_

_She said "If we're gonna make this work  
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts  
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"_

**Whatever It Takes- Lifehouse**

* * *

**Bella POV**

Truth be told, I was scared.

As I drove through Forks with the help of the GPS, my heart was hammering. I was paranoid, glancing in my rear view mirror every few seconds. I expected a shiny silver Volvo to be tailing me, but it never was. Still, I couldn't settle the feeling that this was an extremely stupid, risky idea.

The second I heard the upstairs bathroom door close, I was picking up my phone and texting Rosalie to let her know I was off to the grocery store. Lying was so much easier through text. I didn't want to waste time going upstairs to tell her, partly because I needed as much time as I could get and also because I didn't want to interrupt Emmett and Rosalie during whatever it was they were doing.

The previous night I had a nightmare. It was my first nightmare in months, and even though I didn't wake up screaming, it still shook me to my core. I had never had a nightmare with Edward in my bed, but last night had been different. The dream didn't involve him... it involved Edward.

_I was in Edward's bedroom. I had only been there once before, and it looked the same for the most part. The walls were still painted a dull gray and the ceiling was still black. His bookshelf was crammed, just like I remembered it, and clothes littered the floor in a familiar way. For some reason I felt the urge to open the bathroom door. I was pulled forward like a magnet, my feet moving of their own accord. As I stepped toward it, I went deaf. The silence was pressing heavily into my ears and I was suddenly overcome with fear, but I just had to open that door._

_My shaking hand clutched the doorknob and I turned it, yanking the door open._

_An avalanche of glass bottles and guns came down on me and I threw my arms up to protect myself. My hearing was suddenly back as the loud clatter of glass and metal assaulted my ears. I didn't feel any pain under the objects, but I stumbled back, looking with shock at all the bottles and guns. The bottles were filled with what I knew was blood, and the guns came in different types, most of them shiny black pistols._

_I felt a presence behind me and spun around to see Edward's parents standing there, watching me with wide, blood red eyes. Adorned in all black, the couple stood stock still. I choked on a scream and then Edward's father spoke._

_"She knows our secrets," he said in a low, robotic voice. "What shall we do with her?"_

_"She can join the others," Esme replied. Their voices were only made creepier by their accents._

_A chill ran up my spine and I was frozen to the ground, my body going cold._

_Suddenly two loud gunshots rang out and Esme and her husband fell to the ground with blood streaming from their backs. Edward stood behind them in the doorway, his smoking gun pointed at their lifeless bodies._

_He lowered the gun to look at me, tears running down his face. Never had I seen his expression so haunted._

_"You know too much," he whispered, his emerald eyes frantic. "I'm sorry."_

_I stared confusedly at him, unable to speak._

_All of a sudden he raised the gun with a pained expression, and a loud bang rang out before everything went black._

My hands tightened around the steering wheel and I glanced in the rear view mirror for the thousandth time. There was still nobody behind me so I sped on, letting the voice of the GPS guide me to Edward's house.

I didn't want to do this; I didn't want to go behind Edward's back. But when I had jolted awake at six in the morning, covered in sweat, I didn't know how much more I could take.

In all honesty, it hurt me that Edward was keeping secrets. He knew everything about me and my past, so why wouldn't he return the favor?

I understood that there were probably some pretty dark things that he didn't want me to know, but he needed to start opening up because I was going into full panic mode.

The dream didn't make me fear Edward's parents. It only made me want to meet them even more, just so I could prove to myself that there was nothing wrong with them. Even if their past was a little shady, that didn't make them horrible people. Not Esme, anyway. She had been one of the sweetest women I had ever met, more motherly than Renee had been. I couldn't imagine someone as gentle as her having a rough past, and if that was the case then I wanted to know her story. It would give me more insight into who she was, and who Edward was.

As far as what Edward said about his father not being a good person, I didn't want to take his word for it. I trusted Edward, but a part of me wondered if he said awful things about anyone he didn't get along with. If he had a rocky relationship with his father, then there was no doubt that Edward would put him down. I wanted to know his parents' story, and I wanted to hear it from them. Because, quite frankly, Edward might be biased.

I was terrified of doing this. I knew there was only a matter of time before Edward caught gist of what I was doing and came to get me. I knew he was going to be angry, and I didn't want that, but he didn't feel what I felt when I woke up from that nightmare.

The feeling was full on panic. It was fear and burning curiosity and pain. I was hurt that he was still keeping things from me and my patience was wearing thin. Honestly, I was terrified of what he was keeping from me. What scared me more was that I cared so much about him, yet I knew nothing about his background. Sure I knew more than I did about my ex, but this was different. Edward and I had something special, and I didn't want a dark past to change that.

He keeping it from me threatened to hinder our relationship, and I would do whatever I could to save it. Even if it meant going behind his back, even if it meant him getting mad at me, even if it meant me not liking what I hear from his parents. In the end, it would be worth it because I'd be able to understand the boy that I'd give my life for.

"You have arrived at your destination." The GPS lady's voice announcing my arrival at the Cullens' house made my heart falter for the tiniest second. I stopped the car in front of the manor-like home, weighing the pros and cons of doing this. It wasn't too late to go back. Edward wouldn't be mad at me. He'd probably be glad that I was being patient. Well, trying to be.

If I went through with this, the worst that could happen was that I wouldn't like what I'd hear. At least I would have a better understanding of who Edward was. Once he saw that I understood him, he wouldn't be so angry.

Hopefully.

Taking a deep breath, I turned the car off and pushed the door open. I was greeted by a cold wind and shivered slightly before slamming the door shut. It shut with a loud bang that echoed ominously in the quiet, stoic neighborhood.

I willed my feet to move down the brick path, my footsteps muffled by the winds. Once I reached the front door I chewed on my lip in anxiety.

I still had time to turn back. How badly did I want this?

Just find out what you need to find out and leave, I told myself. Whether you hear this now or whenever Edward is ready to tell you, you'll have the same reaction.

I took another deep breath and decided to just get it over with.

I rang the doorbell and waited silently, my foot tapping nervously against the welcome mat. When no one answered for about thirty seconds, I almost bolted.

I had just turned around to make a run for it when I heard the door open behind me.

Whirling around again, I froze at the sight of Edward's father.

I was immediately struck by his beauty. I definitely knew where Rosalie got her looks and Edward his chiseled jaw. This man had sparkling blue eyes and blonde hair that was slicked back without looking cheesy. He had a somber, serious face that made it look like he was forever mourning. This fact was emphasized by his black button up shirt and gray trousers.

"Yes?" he asked quietly, his eyes boring into mine. His voice was smooth, like velvet. Another similarity he had with Edward.

"I-uh-I," I stuttered, my heart pounding.

"He's just not a good person... Looks can be deceiving... You don't know him like I do..." Edward's words from the night before replayed in my head.

The man raised an eyebrow in expectation and I tried to form words that sounded even remotely like English.

"I, um... just came to... um..."

Yeah, not working.

"Aren't you Edward's girl?" he suddenly asked, his head tilted to one side.

"Yes," I said, relieved that I was able to form coherent words.

"He's not here" he said, and his eyes briefly drifted up and down my body before they snapped to my face and stayed there.

"Well, I, um, I didn't really... um-"

"Can you speak, girl?" he asked impatiently. "What do you want?"

I was taken aback by his curt tone, and it seemed to clear my head a little. The cold weather was also catching up to me and I desperately wanted to find some warmth, though I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in there alone with Edward's father, who clearly didn't like me very much.

"Is Esme here?" I managed to ask.

His expression went completely blank but his eyes remained curious, if not still a little irritable. "I'm afraid not. Why?"

"I needed to talk to her."

"There is something called a telephone."

I huffed, beginning to get irritated myself. I was freezing my ass off and this man was letting me stand there and turn into an ice sculpture at his doorstep.

"In person," I said, trying to keep my tone polite. "It's important."

Edward's father, whose name I really needed to find out, eyed me up and down once more before stepping aside with the door wide open.

I stepped into the house, letting the sudden and pleasant warmth seep through my skin.

"She should be back shortly," the man said, shutting the door. "Wait for her in the parlor."

I could feel his eyes on me as I headed into the living room. I gingerly sat on the edge of one of the very antique-looking couches and started to anxiously bounce my right knee up and down.

Edward's father walked in with his hands shoved into his pockets, his gaze thoughtful.

"What is your name, girl?" he asked.

"Bella," I mumbled. The way he was watching me made me uncomfortable. It was like he was trying with all his might to read my mind, to see through me. His gaze was intense, searching.

He nodded. "Carlisle."

Carlisle. So that was his name. I could finally stop calling him "Edward's father" in my head.

It was silent for a moment and he still stood there, watching me.

"Um, where did Esme go?" I asked, just for the heck of conversation.

"Grocery store," Carlisle replied slowly.

Well that's nice. If I actually went to the store, I might have run into her. It would've been a good opportunity to talk to her.

"Oh," I said pathetically.

"How much did Edward tell you?" he suddenly questioned. His voice was wary, but also burning with curiosity.

I stared at him, wondering if my reason for being here could possibly be written on my face.

"Um, nothing," I answered honestly.

Carlisle raised both brows until they almost disappeared into his hairline. "You know what I'm talking about?"

"I think so . . ." I wondered if I should say more or just keep my mouth shut.

I decided to zip my lips are throw away the key.

"What is it that I speak of?" he prodded. His way of speaking was very calm and serious, extremely careful and business-like.

My gut told me that I should lie, that I shouldn't tell him anything. Maybe he was referring to something completely different.

Then again, he was Edward's father. He was a part of this just as much as Esme was. Maybe he'd tell me something.

"I just wanted to know some things," I admitted sheepishly.

My stomach clenched in something that felt like warning.

So much for throwing away the key.

"What things?" he hedged.

"Things Edward won't tell me. About . . . you and Esme. I just wanted to know . . ."

Carlisle's eyes darkened, and then narrowed.

Uh oh.

"My dear girl, I think it's best that you leave," he said, his voice cold. I couldn't suppress a shudder.

I was frozen in my spot, unable to move.

"Didn't you hear me?" he asked icily, eyes glinting maliciously. "Get out. You have no business snooping around where you aren't wanted. You know nothing about my family, and if my son kept things from you then it's best you accept his wishes. They are for a reason."

I was rooted to the couch, shocked by his outburst. This was not the calm man I had met moments before. No, this was someone far more dangerous.

He took a step forward and I internally yelled at my feet to move.

"Get. Out. Of. My. House." He all but growled at me, but it was like my whole body had turned into cement.

"You are such a foolish, foolish girl," he said, looking down at me with disgust. "What does he see in you? Does he see beauty? Brains? A good heart? You know what I see? I see foolishness. I see ignorance. I see stupidity. Now get the fuck out of my house- now!"

I jumped up at last, my eyes brimming with tears. I barely knew this man, yet his words stung. They pierced right through me.

"Carlisle, what's- Bella?"

I whirled around at the sound of Esme's soft voice, my eyes falling on her stunned expression.

"E-Esme," I choked out, feeling relieved. Her presence calmed me, and it had to be the warm and motherly look on her face, the concern and kindness overbearing the shock.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" she asked, stepping forward and touching my arm. Her eyes went from Carlisle and to me, back and forth.

"I just wanted to talk-" I began.

"She has no business here," Carlisle snapped. "None at all."

"But what do you need?" Esme urged, ignoring her husband. "Is everything all right?" I felt the tears running down my cheeks, though I had no idea why.

"I wanted to ask you about-"

"She needs to fucking leave, Esme!" Carlisle shouted, and suddenly he came forward and grabbed me by the elbow.

I yelped in surprise and Esme was trying to get him to let go of me when we heard a door slam.

All of our heads whipped over to the doorway of the living room just as Edward ran in from the foyer.

He froze at the sight of us, his eyes zeroing in on his father's hand on my arm.

His express went from panicked to furious in half a second. His jaw became taut, his eyes hardened, and his hands curled into fists at his sides.

Esme rushed over to him as he raised his eyes to give his father the most murderously angry glare I had ever witnessed on a human being.

"Get your hands off of her." His voice was low and dangerous, the warning growl of a lion before he pounces.

A vein stuck out in Edward's forehead as Carlisle released my arm from his grip slowly, his eyes on his son.

The second I was free I backed away, distancing myself from both Edward and his father.

Because Edward was scaring me, too.

The fury was plain on his face and his eyes never left Carlisle's, his fingers never relaxed. He looked like some beautiful Greek god that was about to unleash his wrath on his minions. He was visibly shaking and Esme was trying to calm him down, whispering words that I couldn't here.

"She came here against your will didn't she?" Carlisle asked him. He seemed unfazed by his son's anger.

"What did you say to her?" Edward asked to clenched teeth. "I swear to God, if you fucking-"

"I didn't say anything," Carlisle replied coolly.

"Don't fucking lie to me! She's crying, why the fuck is she crying?"

I reached up to touch my cheeks, surprised by the wetness.

"I don't know," Carlisle answered.

"You bastard-" Edward took a step forward, but Esme held on to him.

"Edward, stop! Nothing happened!" she said. "Please, calm yourself down."

"What did he say to her?" he whirled on his mother.

"I wasn't here," Esme replied with practiced calm. "I had only just arrived."

Edward's head suddenly whipped around to look at me, and the anger in them made me want to melt into the wall and disappear forever.

"What did he say to you?" Edward asked harshly. His eyes were hard, nostrils flared.

"N-Nothing," I stuttered. His eyes narrowed. "He didn't tell me anything, honest!"

He seemed to believe me because he didn't say anything else. Instead he yanked his arm away from his mother's grip and walked around his father to make his way over to me.

The look on his face was so frightening that I found myself backing away until he reached me, grabbing my hand and pulling me forward sharply. I almost stumbled as he pulled me towards the door.

"Edward, wait!" I said.

He completely ignored me and dragged me to the foyer, his hand tightly grasped in mine.

I almost tripped over the threshold but he caught me briefly around the waist and then let me go once I regained my balance.

His hand was still in mine as he pressed a button on his keys, thus unlocking the Volvo, which was parked messily behind Emmett's car, the one I always borrowed.

Edward only let go of my hand once we were at the passenger side of the car.

He opened the door for me and gave me a hard glare. "Get in."

The look he was giving me was scary, and although I knew he would never hurt me, it still worried me when he was like this.

"But what about Emmett's car?" I asked in a small voice.

"Don't worry about it," he replied brusquely. "Get in."

I obeyed, climbing into the passenger seat and pulling on my seatbelt with shaking hands. He slammed the door shut and I flinched at the noise right next to my ear. I watched as he stomped around the front of the car, making his way over to the driver's side. The angry expression never left his face.

This was not good. Everything was going so wrong. Esme was supposed to be home, and I was supposed to talk to her before Edward got here. We were supposed to keep the conversation a secret between ourselves, like mother and daughter. I was supposed to stop by the grocery store and buy some random items to make my lie look like the truth. Then one day he'd tell me everything, I'd tell him I understood, and all would be well.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't entirely realistic.

Edward climbed into the driver's side and didn't look at me as he pulled his seatbelt on and started the car. His jaw was still clenched and his fingers gripped the steering wheel tight enough for me to see his knuckles go white.

The car lurched forward as he sped away from his home, and my hands held on to the seat for dear life. I had never seen him drive this fast; it was terrifying.

"Slow down!" I cried.

He ignored me and just kept going, possibly accelerating even more.

As he drove, he was visibly taking deep breaths through his nose, evidently trying to calm himself down.

Crap, how angry was he?

The tension in the car was almost suffocatingly thick. It was also dead quiet; the only sound was the smooth purr of the vehicle as it sped through the streets at a ridiculous speed.

Edward's anger was practically rolling off of him in scorching hot waves that rivaled the heater he had turned on. His anger put me on edge and I wasn't scared of what he would do like I had been when I was with him, but I was much more apprehensive of what he would say to me once he calmed down.

Suddenly realizing that I didn't want him to start yelling at me once we got home, thus creating a scene and ruining Emmett and Rosalie's day, I decided that I'd try to get him to talk at that very moment.

"Edward," I said.

He didn't look at me or even acknowledge that I had spoken. His hands tightened around the wheel even more, and I was afraid it would snap in his hands.

"Edward," I said again, a little louder now, and this time he scowled at me briefly before bringing his eyes to the road again.

I guess that was my cue to start talking.

"Look, I know you're pissed-" I began.

_"Pissed?"_ he repeated incredulously. His voice was gritty. "You think I'm _pissed_? No, pissed is an understatement. Try furious. Try livid. Try betrayed and hurt and downright insulted. Don't fucking telling me I'm pissed. I'm not pissed, I'm fucking outraged. You have no fucking idea-"

He broke off and took a deep breath, speeding right through a stop sign. He didn't seem to notice.

When he said he felt hurt and betrayed, a pang of guilt went through me. I understood his reasons for feeling that way, but I wanted him to understand my own reasoning.

"I'm sorry-" I started, but he interrupted me again.

"Don't give me that bullshit," he snapped. "You can tell me you're sorry all you want, but you know what? I don't fucking believe you for a second. The only reason you'd be sorry for going there is because you didn't find shit out. You're not sorry that you lied to me. You're not sorry that you went behind my back. So stop pulling false apologies out your ass, all right?"

He was panting slightly as I felt my eyes pooling with the tears again. He was right. He was absolutely right, and I hated myself.

"Do you want to hear me out?" I said after I was sure the tears wouldn't disable my voice.

"No."

"I didn't do it to hurt you."

Edward scoffed. "Really? Because that's exactly what it feels like."

"I just wanted to-"

"I know what you wanted, Bella." His voice was still gritty with anger. "You wanted to know things about my parents, things that I was going to tell you eventually, things that you were just too fucking impatient to wait for. You put yourself in danger by going behind my back and you-" He cut himself off to let out a frustrated growl.

Holy crap, he just _growled_**.**

He literally clenched his teeth together and let out a rumbling, throaty sound that gave me goosebumps.

The car came to a sudden halt and I lurched forward slightly as my seatbelt kept me from hitting the dashboard.

Suddenly Edward was out of the car and walking across the road towards the forest; we were on an empty road that had the woods on both sides.

I watched as he started pacing back and forth among the trees, not entirely out of view. The car was beeping because Edward had left his door open; I hugged myself against the cold.

Edward punched a tree and my eyes widened. His fists were clenched as he paced back and forth some more; his mouth was moving like he was mumbling to himself.

He punched a different tree, swinging both his arms this time.

His anger shocked me. I knew he would be mad, but this was just . . . this was complete rage. I hadn't seen him this angry since that fight with him outside my house all those months ago. I remembered how he had looked capable of murder than.

That's exactly how he looked now.

I had to look away when he reached up to grab at his hair and I noticed that his knuckles were bleeding. Even though he was several feet away, I could see red tainting the pale white of his hands.

He was bleeding and it was all my fault.

I stared down at my lap as I felt the guilty tears run down my face. I saw them drip onto my jeans, making dark little circles.

Edward came back a minute later, and I cringed at the sight of the blood on his knuckles.

"You're bleeding," I whispered, more tears escaping.

"Yeah, no shit," he replied sarcastically. He revved the engine before taking off.

The silent tears kept streaming until we got home, which wasn't long due to Edward's maniacal driving.

Once he pulled up in front of my house, he climbed out and slammed the door shut.

This time he didn't even open my door for me.

I sat in the car and watched him walk towards the front door, shoulders hunched.

He glanced over his shoulder at me with an emotionless expression before continuing on his slow stroll towards the front door.

A minute after he disappeared into the house, I climbed out and followed suit. I felt like the most horrible person in the world. Right then and there I wanted to vanish, because it felt like my entire relationship with Edward, everything that we had built over these past few months, was being thrown in the gutter. By me.

I paused in the open front door, surprised by the sight in front of me.

Rosalie was squealing happily as she hugged Edward, who had his back to me. Emmett stood to the side, laughing loudly as he watched them.

Rose's gaze met mine over Edward's shoulder and she pulled away from him to launch herself at me, the biggest grin on her face.

"Bella!" she cried, holding me in a tight embrace. "We're going to be sisters!"

It took me a moment to remember that Emmett was supposed to propose today.

Slightly confused, I furrowed my brows as she pulled away to smile gloriously at me.

"Uh- what?" I managed to stutter. I glanced at Emmett who shrugged.

"She found the goddamn ring!" he said, grinning."I guess the armoire wasn't the best place to put it."

I glanced down at Rosalie's hand to see the sparkling diamond on her finger.

"Oh," I mumbled. "Wow, that's great. I'm happy for you guys."

I knew I sounded unenthusiastic and I hated that it was that obvious. Here I was, ruining the moment.

Rosalie frowned, as did Emmett, and then Emmett's eyes fell on Edward, who was standing there and staring intently at the floor.

"What the fuck happened to your hand?" Emmett cried, walking over to him.

He tried to take Edward's wrist, but Edward yanked his arm out of the way.

"It's nothing," Edward mumbled irritably. "Fuck off."

"Edward, you're bleeding," Rosalie said in shock. "What on earth happened?"

Rosalie was more persistent and didn't let Edward pull his arm away from her. She had a tight hold on his wrist while he huffed in aggravation.

"Bella, what the hell happened?" Emmett turned to me.

Edward's eyes met mine and I felt like he was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't put my finger on it because all my attention was on the anger that seemed a permanent part of his eyes.

The room was dead silent as everyone waited for my response. Emmett's gaze was worried, as was Rosalie's, but Edward's expression was cold.

The atmosphere in the room had gone from joyous to tense in such a short amount of time that I felt my head start to ache. I shut the door and stumbled over to the couch, where I plopped down tiredly.

"Well?" Emmett said impatiently, glancing from me to Edward.

"I was right," Edward told Rosalie. His voice was back to its usual smoothness, though I could still hear the pain and betrayal in it. "Dad was home."

Rosalie's hand flew to her throat as she looked at me with wide eyes.

It occurred to me then that if I hadn't been so damn stupid, I could've asked Rosalie for what I wanted to know.

"Then what happened?" she whispered to her brother.

Edward shrugged. "I came in and he had her by the elbow. Mum was trying to get him to piss off. He didn't tell Bella anything though, much to her disappointment. She still doesn't know."

Edward and Rosalie gave each other a meaningful look.

My eyes fell on Emmett and I was shocked to see that he was glowering at me.

"You went to the Cullens'?" he asked in disbelief. "I thought you went to the grocery store."

I merely shook my head.

"Why the fuck would you go there alone?" Emmett cried.

Then it hit me.

Emmett was in on it.

"Wait, you know?" I asked. "About their parents?"

Emmett exchanged a look with Rose and I felt my anger flare up.

"Well that's just great!" I cried, my eyes growing wet again. I got to my feet. "Everyone knows except me. How is that fair? Why won't anyone tell me anything? What, do you think I'm going to go and tell the world all your secrets? It's nice to know how trusted I am around here!"

I stomped towards the stairs, waiting for someone to stop me but no one did.

I flew into my room and threw myself on the bed, letting the tears flow freely.

I cried into my pillow until my lungs demanded oxygen, not really caring that I was making a mess of myself. There was pain in my chest, but I knew that it had nothing to do with my physical body.

I didn't know how long I had been sobbing. All I knew was that I had to let it all out.

Most prominent was the guilt. Then there was the anger, followed by the hurt and the feeling that I was a complete idiot. I wanted to bang my head against the wall, throw things around. I wanted someone to yell at me and tell me that I was the worst girlfriend in the world.

I didn't deserve Edward.

I couldn't lose him, but because of my own actions I felt like he was slipping away. I needed him in order to function and now I was pushing him away by being a selfish bitch.

I felt sorry for myself and I lay there in self pity for what felt like hours, though a part of my brain was aware that it had only been a few minutes.

There was a knock on my door and I sat up, grabbing my box of tissues to clean up the mess that was my face.

I hoped it was Edward. I needed him now more than ever. I wanted him to hold me and listen to me as I apologized over and over. I wanted him to tell me that it was okay and that he forgave me. I wanted him to wipe my tears away.

I didn't care if he didn't tell me the story. I'd wait years and years if I had to. It just wasn't worth the pain of knowing that I hurt him.

Rosalie popped her head in and I felt the disappointment swell inside of me.

She smiled sadly and shut the door behind her, making her way over to my bed and pulling me into her arms.

The gesture was so motherly, or rather sisterly, that I found myself bawling again.

She held me close and I ruined her pretty baby blue top with my snot and tears. She stroked my hair and shushed me and told me that everything was going to be okay. She took a tissue from the box in my hand and wiped my face for me, like I was a small child.

And then she said the words that made me stop crying just as abruptly as I had started:

"I'll tell you everything."

* * *

I seemed to be crying a whole lot today.

My eyes were puffy and swollen by the time Rosalie was done with her story, and I couldn't wrap my head around it.

I was absolutely horrified. She told me everything from how her parents met to when she was eighteen and came to the US. She didn't go into detail, but she did talk about Carlisle going into her room every night, as well as the alcoholism. I was sick to my stomach, and by the time she was done I had cried so hard that I felt nauseated. Rosalie herself had gotten teary eyed, but she held it together. I could only imagine the pain she had gone through. I truly admired her strength in this situation.

I couldn't believe that Esme, sweet motherly Esme, had stayed with him. Rose tried to explain why she was still close to her mother, but I just didn't get it. I now fully understood why Edward hated his father, but it was still a mystery to me why either of them remained in a relationship with her.

I guess you had to be in their shoes to understand completely.

Rosalie and I talked for almost two hours. I asked her question after question without trying to seem nosy, and she answered to the best of her ability.

I got why Edward would keep something to the magnitude of sexual abuse from me. I got why he wouldn't want me to go to his parents' house alone. I got why it was hard for him to talk about what happened with Rose, especially since he witnessed it.

All of this only made me feel worse.

"Rose, do you think I'm the epitome of selfish bitches?" I asked.

She smiled and brushed a lock of hair out of my face. "No."

"Honestly? I sure feel like it."

"I don't think you're selfish, or a bitch. I think what you did may have been a little . . . well, self-serving . . . but that doesn't make you selfish. You're a bit naive, sweetheart, and I say that with love."

I appreciated her honesty. "I just feel horrible. I went behind his back, I lied to him as well as you and Emmett . . . I completely ignored Edward's plea for me to be patient . . . " I groaned and buried my face in my pillow. "I'm such a screw up."

"You're feeling everything you should," Rose said, stroking my hair. "Your guilt is just a sign that you really do care about him. It's not too late to fix things."

I moved my head so that my cheek was flat against the pillow and I was looking up at the beautiful woman sitting on my bed.

"Do you think he'll forgive me?" I asked. Part of me didn't want to hear her answer.

Sure enough, Rose looked away before replying. "He'll come around eventually."

I groaned again and cursed myself, closing my eyes.

"Edward doesn't do well with betrayal and lies," Rose said, and I opened my eyes to find her staring down at me with a frown on her full lips and disapproval in her blue eyes.

Oh, that's right. Edward had been through stuff that I had yet to know about.

But I'd be damned if I nagged him about it. He'd tell me when he was ready, and that was the end of it.

I sat up with a sigh, removing some remaining wetness from the corner of my eyes.

I sniffed. "Is he still downstairs? I should go apologize."

"You should. I'm not sure if he's still there, though."

"Thanks for telling me everything," I told her shyly. "I know it must have been hard for you . . . I'm so sorry I ruined your day like this. Emmett had it all planned out."

Rose placed a hand on mine. "Honey, I've talked about this loads of times before. It hurts to speak of it, but it helps. I think it's good that you know now. Also, you didn't ruin our day. Everything sort of got off when I found the ring under a stack of t-shirts in the armoire. Really, I don't know what that man was thinking placing it there . . ."

Before Rose and I left my room, I knew one thing was for sure.

I'd probably never see Rosalie Cullen the same way ever again.

* * *

The GPS lady couldn't help me now.

When I got downstairs, Edward wasn't there. Emmett told me he left right after he gave in and let Emmett do something with his cut up hand. My brother didn't bring up my stupidity, probably because of the look on my face, whatever it was. I knew I probably looked worn out and depressed. Rosalie's story could do that to you.

The only thing Emmett told me was that I needed to fix things with Edward, and fast. None of us felt that Edward would leave me, and I avoided the mere thought, but we knew that if Edward was left alone to think about the negative things too long, nothing good could come of that.

The three of us sat there, trying to think about where Edward could have gone. There was no way he went home, but he didn't seem like the type to go for a calming drive either.

My thoughts kept flying back to the moment where Edward punched a tree, and that's when I realized that I knew exactly where he could have gone.

Edward and I knew each other pretty well by now, with the obvious exception of his past. It was no surprise that he would know right away that I went to his parents' house, just like it was no surprise that I would realize that he was going to the place he took me not too long ago.

Edward once took me to a place where he claimed he went when he needed to think about things. He called that place the Heart of the Forest.

I didn't remember the exact location. It had been in the middle of a forest that lined a dirt road, and I wasn't sure where to stop the car. The GPS of Rose and Emmett's red sports car was no help, seeing as Middle of Nowhere wasn't a place that it was familiar with.

I had a vague memory of where the dirt road was, and once I reached it I looked out for Edward's car.

Sure enough, it wasn't long before I spotted the shiny silver Volvo, parked crookedly on the side of the road. I parked the sports car, that I hated to drive by the way, right behind the Volvo and climbed out.

I was a bit nervous as I entered the green forest. The last time I was here I had been with Edward. Now I was on my own, stumbling down the path that he had made by his own two feet.

The forest was damp, cold, and dark. I looked out for the thinning of trees, remembering how they had formed a circle around a tree stump and how the sun shone more in that part of the forest than any other part.

About ten minutes after I had entered the woods, and also tripped a few times, I saw an opening ahead.

I pretty much jogged towards it and then stopped when I saw him.

I was still in the shadow of the trees when I stopped to watch Edward sitting on the heart-shaped stump and smoking a cigarette. He was facing me but his head was down, his shoulders hunched. Again and again, a little too fast it seemed, he brought the cigarette to his mouth. He blew out long gusts of smoke and his eyes were hidden by the furrow of his brows.

I bit my lip, not wanting to disturb him. But he looked so miserable just sitting there; I wanted nothing more than to just wrap my arms around him.

I took a step forward and let my foot snap a twig. His head snapped up and the sadness in his eyes was so staggering that I gasped.

When he saw that it was me, his expression went blank and he looked down again, bringing the cigarette to his mouth once more.

Was it wrong that my stomach fluttered at the way his full lips wrapped around it? I didn't necessarily approve of Edward smoking, but watching him do it was, well, sexy.

Get it together Bella, I internally scolded myself. You're here to patch things up, not ogle at your hot boyfriend.

I sighed and stepped forward again, waiting to see if he would do or say something.

He didn't.

I didn't know what to say. He had reacted negatively to my apologies and to me saying that he was 'pissed'. I didn't want to say the wrong thing, so I let a few phrases run through my head before I could find the right one.

Luckily for me, I didn't have to because he spoke first.

"Did you tell Emmett and Rose you were coming here, or did you tell them you were going to the post office?" His voice was soft, but thick with sarcasm.

I cleared my throat unnecessarily. "They don't know I'm here, only because they don't know this place. But they do know I came to get you, so I didn't lie."

Edward snorted and then took a long drag from the cigarette. He looked up and his eyes were mocking. "You came to 'get' me? What, are you gonna take my hand and drag me to the car?"

Under his penetrating gaze, I started to feel nervous. "I-I just wanted . . . you need to hear me out. It's only fair. Please."

He stared at me and something in my face made his eyes soften. "I'm listening."

"First of all, I'm really, really, really, really sorry."

He didn't respond. The blank look remained on his face as he stared at me. For a second I thought he hadn't heard me.

"Edward?" I said tentatively.

"What?"

"I said I was sorry."

"I heard you."

My cheeks blushed crimson and I took a deep breath before starting my explanation, "Last night I had a nightmare. It wasn't the usual nightmare that I have when you're not around, it was different. I was in your room and your bathroom was overflowing with guns and bottles full of blood, and your parents were there, and you shot them, right before you shot me." Edward's expression was no longer blank; his eyes were wide, his jaw slightly agape. "I woke up in a full on panic and that's why I was so distant this morning. I know I was horrible to you, and I'm so, so, so sorry. I was just . . . I kept thinking about the dream and whether or not it meant something. Maybe it was just my fears visualized, but I didn't know. All I could think was, 'Oh my God, what could he be hiding?' I mean I know you're not a horrible person, not like a murderer or something-" I tried to ignore the sudden look of discomfort on his face. "-but I just can't explain the panic I was feeling."

I took another step forward. "Edward, I was scared. Especially after that whole thing with him and not knowing his parents or his background and I know you're nothing like him but I was just terrified of the possibilities and I just had to know . . . And then your mom wasn't home and I almost made a run for it but your dad opened the door and I didn't want to be rude and I wanted to know why you hated him . . . so I went in and when I said you didn't tell me anything he just. . . blew up on me, and rightfully so. Then Esme showed up, then you, and now everything is all screwed up. I was stupid and selfish, I know that. I'm a liar and a backstabber and I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve you-"

He was on his feet and my words were cut off by his fingers to my lips.

"Okay," he said solemnly. "I get it."

I blinked away the tears and he looked down at me wistfully. Once he was sure I wasn't going to start ranting again, he dropped his fingers and took a step back, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

Yep, he was definitely still mad.

"So, do you understand now?" I asked awkwardly, fidgeting with the zipper on my jacket. "Why I . . . acted stupidly?"

He nodded but continued to watch me silently.

"Will you please say something?" I begged exasperatedly. "Please."

He looked away and took one last drag from his cigarette before dropping it to the ground and stomping on it. I saw that several other cigarette stubs littered the floor, but now would be a bad time to complain about the environment.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned to face me. "Do you really want to hear it?"

I nodded. "Of course. I know you have a lot to say, so just say it. Yell at me if you want, I deserve it."

His brows were furrowed slightly as he started pacing back and forth. His mouth opened a few times, but he always closed it, rethinking what he was about to say.

Finally he huffed and stopped pacing. He stood about three feet away when he turned to look at me with a hard glare.

Here it comes.

"You have no idea the shit that went through my head," he began. "I'm not even sure if I believe in a higher power, but I was fucking praying that I was wrong. On my way to parents' house I was praying that you weren't going to be there, that you really had gone to the store. Quite frankly, I was scared shitless because I knew my pedophile father was home, and I wasn't sure if he was back to drinking again. Just the thought of you being anywhere near him, without me especially, was driving me mad.

"And you want to know what really pisses me off? That you did it on purpose. You intentionally lied to me and Rose and went behind my back to find out things that were none of your business." His expression was deepening into a scowl and I knew he was just starting to let go. "Why the fuck would you do that, after everything I've told you? It fucking hurts, Bella. It hurts that you don't trust me enough to wait a little while so I can get my shit together and tell you everything. It hurts that you felt the need to lie to my face and put yourself in danger because you were too fucking impatient. I have been through enough lying and backstabbing to last me lifetime, I don't need this shit from you!"

He was practically yelling and I let the tears escape. I hated being yelled at. It made me feel small, and though I knew he wasn't intentionally belittling me, I still felt bad.

"After everything, everything that I've done for you- that's how you repay me? After all the support I gave you, all the patience I've had? Do you think it was easy for me to wait for you to heal after the whole thing with the wanker? I never would have imagined that you were capable of doing something like that. And yeah, I get you were all panicked about the nightmare and shit, but why didn't you tell me? We're supposed to be communicating, that's how this shit will work, right? I know I sound like a hypocrite because I talk about communication without telling you everything, but I'm trying. Isn't that worth something to you?"

I nodded and he walked over to me, looking tired. He wiped my tears and I closed my eyes, reveling in his touch.

"The thought of you putting yourself in danger infuriates me," he whispered. I didn't open my eyes, afraid to see the anger in them. "I'm trying really hard to think of a good reason why you did that, but I can't. I heard your explanation, but I still don't feel like it's a good excuse for lying and going behind my back. I'm sorry, but I don't."

I sniffed but didn't open my eyes. "So you're still mad?"

"Yes."

I nodded in understanding.

"Bella, look at me," he said softly.

I opened my eyes to see him staring into mine, his gaze sorrowful but intense.

He took both my hands in his; his skin was rough. "I know you feel like shit, and you should. I know why you did it, though I think it's a rubbish reason. But there's one thing you should know. I care about you more than anyone and anything. No matter how much you piss me off, that won't change. All I ask is that you respect my feelings. Baby, I'm not asking for much. Just a little patience and trust."

I saw disappointment in his eyes and it was so clear that I burst out in tears. His disappointment was worse than his anger, and at that point I knew I didn't deserve someone as good as him. He may be rough around the edges, but he was a softie on the inside. For me, at least.

Edward pulled me to his chest as I cried and then he walked backwards until we were sitting on the stump with me in his lap.

I ruined his lovely jacket with my snot and tears, and he held me in the way that I had been craving all day.

I was a useless piece of crap. Why did he want me?

I didn't realize that I was blubbering out more apologies until he firmly said, "Quit saying you're sorry. I get the point."

I kept my mouth shut and swallowed my sobs as he sighed and pressed a kiss to my head.

"Let's just . . . move past this," he suggested. "I don't think I'll forget it anytime soon, but . . . I guess I forgive you."

I sniffed and looked up at him. He gazed down at me with a small smile.

"You do?" My voice cracked.

He nodded seriously and I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his neck.

"Oh, and Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"You do deserve me."


	30. Your Surrender

**Disclaimer**: Twilight is not mine.

* * *

**Chapter 30- Your Surrender**

_I got close to your skin  
While you were sleeping.  
I taste the salt on your hands_

_I reached out to touch you  
The morning light disarms you  
Won't you let me in?_

_I've become your shadow  
I'd love, but don't know how to  
I'm always lost for words  
You look like a thousand suns  
I wanna be the only one_

_How long till your surrender?  
How long till your surrender to me?_

**Your Surrender- Neon Trees**

* * *

**Edward POV**

Prom. A whole day dedicated to pansy shit.

I stood in Jasper's bedroom, staring at my reflection in his floor length mirror. I was wearing a suit and I felt like someone's butler.

"I'm not doing it," I told Jasper.

"Oh, come on!" he complained. "You can't not go to prom. It's a rite of passage and you won't get another chance; you're a senior."

"Yeah, but Bella's a junior. She'll get another prom next year, and I can just go with her then."

"But she wants to go now."

I huffed in irritation and looked him up and down. He wore a black suit with a pink silk vest and tie over a white shirt. I would never be caught dead wearing something that color.

"I know she wants to go. But every time I look in the mirror I feel like that butler from The Addams Family."

"Nah, your head is a different kind of square."

"Fuck you, at least I'm not in pink."

"Salmon," he said stiffly. "It's salmon."

I snorted. "A gay fish. Lovely."

"Alice wants us to match and she threw a fit when I refused."

"Gutted."

"Tell me about it."

I stared at myself in the mirror some more, wondering if this was really what Bella wanted. After all, she hated dancing and wasn't necessarily a social butterfly.

I never dressed up, not for anyone. I had once worn jeans and a t-shirt for my aunt's wedding. This time around I had on a black suit; the jacket was pinstriped very lightly and underneath I had on a black button up shirt, black silk vest, and a white tie. Of course, Alice knew that I wouldn't want to wear anything with too much colour, so she reckoned I would just love this particular outfit. I had paid her for everything, but refused to wear the shiny black shoes she found.

I was wearing my leather Chucks to prom, and I didn't give a fuck what anyone thought. I was wearing a tie for fuck's sake. That was enough.

"Ready to do this?" I asked warily.

Jasper nodded with a sigh. "Let's get this shizz over with."

* * *

As Jasper and I drove to Bella's house, where our girlfriends were getting ready, I thought about how fast the year had gone by.

It was now the end of May, and just about eight months ago I started my first day at Forks high, got into a fight with Tyler Crowley in the boys' locker room, and got chewed out by Rosalie in the school parking lot. I thought I hated Bella and wanted to fuck up Jacob Black just because the cocky grin on his face pissed me off. I had also sworn to never put my foot in that school again, but obviously that didn't work out.

How time flies.

The first few months had gone by agonizingly slow, and of course that had to do with falling in love despite my resistance as well as watching the girl I was falling for date an abusive wanker that needed someone to give him a taste of his own medicine and then some.

Once Bella and I were officially together, everything seemed to fly by. About three months prior she had completely betrayed me by going behind my back and going to see my parents. I had never been so angry with her, not since way back when I had to deal with her staying with an abusive asshole. I told her that I forgave her, but that was just so that she wouldn't become suicidal with guilt. A small part of me still felt hurt about the whole thing, but I didn't often dwell on that. I'd never really be able to forget what she did, or fully understand it for that matter.

I very rarely went home, but every now and then I was forced to. Most nights I slept in Bella's room (Emmett trusted me way more than he should) but I still had to return home for clean clothes.

However, I did have a few extra things for myself in Bella's dresser. And her closet. And her bathroom.

Our trust issues had improved since that whole going-behind-my-back thing, but I could still tell Bella was searching for more in me.

I knew that it wasn't fair that I knew everything about her yet she still yearned to know more about me. It wasn't fair to her, especially since she was in a previous relationship with a complete stranger. I was a total dick for still keeping secrets from her, but I was slowly coming to terms with myself.

I was ready to let her into my past... for the most part.

I was afraid of how she would react to knowing some of the things that I did, which is why I was keeping those secrets aside for another time.

She deserved an answer, though. She deserved to know why I acted like a complete prick in the beginning of the year, why I had been reluctant to love.

Tonight was prom, and I wanted it to be special. Tonight I was going to open up.

I pulled into the Swans' driveway and climbed out of the Volvo, not regretting my decision to avoid going in a limo. Limousines were just not my thing, and Bella hadn't been ecstatic about it either. The limo would be picking up Alice and Jasper from here, and then Bella and I would be taking Rose and Emmett's red sports car.

I honestly liked that car, even if it was a little ostentatious. Like I said, it was prom. If we weren't going to take a limo, then we might as well take the next flashiest thing. I would have loved to take my motorcycle, but Bella wouldn't exactly be in the kind of clothing you'd wear whilst riding on the back of a motorbike.

Jasper and I walked up the front path, taking our time because the weather was nice for once. It was spring, and even though that didn't mean all that much in Forks, it was a nice change from the freezing ass weather in winter.

Alice surprised us by answering the door, her smile bright as she eyed us.

"Look at you two!" she cried, opening the door wider to let us in. "Jazz honey, you look amazing! And holy Jimmy Choo, Edward! You look like a rock star!"

I chuckled. "Thanks, Small Person."

Jasper wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she snuggled into his side. Alice had on a short, frilly dress that matched Jasper's "salmon" colored vest and tie perfectly.

I glanced around the room curiously. "Where's everyone else?"

"Rose is still working on Bella. Just wait till you see her. And Emmett is getting the camera ready." Her eyes suddenly glanced down at my feet and there was a moment of shocked silence before she gasped. "Oh my mother freaking Michael Kors! You're wearing your Chucks."

I tried not to laugh at the vicious look on her face. If she wasn't so tiny, it'd almost be intimidating. "Look, I'm wearing a fucking tie _and_ a vest. There was no way in hell that I'd be wearing those over-polished little fuckers as well."

Jasper shook his head at me, obviously knowing how Alice was about these things, as Alice set a hand on her hip and pointed a manicured finger at me.

"You, Edward Cullen, are impossible. Did you ever think, for one second, that this is a special night? That you should abandon your fashionably handicapped ways for one evening? For Bella?"

"Don't bring Bella into this," I said irritably. "You know she doesn't give a rat's ass whether I wear a suit or a clown costume."

"Well who are these dashing young men?" Rose came down the stairs and I was saved from Alice's retort. "You clean up well, Eddie."

"Where the fuck's my girlfriend?"

"Patience," my sister chided. "She'll be down in a bit. Emmett!" she called. "Hurry up, the boys are here!"

"Jeez, I'm right here, woman," came Emmett's booming voice as he stomped down the steps. He was fiddling with a very professional-looking camera that hung from around his neck. He glanced up to look at us and a big grin broke across his face. "Well, will ya look at that. It's like a James Bond audition."

I rolled my eyes just as he snapped a picture. He continued to take pictures as I stood there, bored as fuck. Alice and Jasper posed accordingly, and I resisted the urge to tap my foot with impatience. I was so close to just going upstairs and getting Bella myself.

I wanted to see my girl, and I wanted to see her now.

As if she were answering my thoughts, Bella's soft voice drifted down the steps, "Um, Rose? There's been an issue with the dress. Again."

I stared curiously as Rose sauntered up the stairs, only to return a minute later with an excited smile.

"She's ready!" she trilled.

Everyone watched the staircase expectantly, but Bella didn't come down.

Alice sighed and walked over to the stairs to look up at whatever was delaying my girl.

"Bella, why are you just standing there?" Alice asked. Bella mumbled something I couldn't hear. "Don't be nervous, honey, it's just us. You won't trip, I promise. You look amazing." Bella said something else and Alice sighed again. "Come on, Bella. It's prom, nothing to panic about. Come on down... Edward's here."

That seemed to appease Bella because Alice smiled encouragingly and skipped back over to Jasper's side.

"Emmett, if I trip and you take a picture, I'll kill you!" Bella called.

Emmett laughed. "No pictures until you're steady on your feet, kiddo! I swear."

A moment later I saw the bottom of a purple gown through the balusters of the stairs, and before I knew it the most gorgeous creature I had ever laid my eyes upon was standing just a few feet away from me.

At first sight, you never would have thought it was Bella. If it weren't for those wide brown eyes, the pink tinged cheeks, and the way she was biting her lip, I could have sworn it was someone else.

Bella wore a long, flowing, deep purple gown that elongated her body. It only had one strap that was wrapped around her right shoulder. There was no way she was wearing a bra under that, and the thought more than turned me on. Her face wasn't overly made up, but the area around her eyes was darkened and her pouty lips were shiny. Her hair was pulled up into an elaborate bun type of thing, but a few strands escaped to frame her face.

She looked elegant and romantic.

She looked classy.

She looked older somehow, a bit more mature.

She looked sexy.

Her eyes took me in, and mine were doing the same. I couldn't believe that she was mine, this beautiful girl that screamed sexiness and innocence all at once.

Apparently we had been staring at each other for quite some time, because Emmett coughed loudly and broke us out of our reveries.

"Bella, this is Edward," he said slowly, like he was talking to a stupid child. "Edward, this is Bella."

Bella blushed and looked at her feet, which were hidden by the hem of her gown. I rolled my eyes and walked over to her, wrapping her in my arms and inhaling her scent. I held her like she was fragile, something to be cherished.

"You look amazing," I whispered in her ear.

"You too," she breathed into my chest.

The click of Emmett's camera made us pull away, and I scowled at him. "You're not a photographer, you're a fucking paparazzi man."

He guffawed a little too enthusiastically and before I knew it he was snapping more photos, ordering us around into various poses. He took photos as we put the corsages on our girlfriends, and I tried not to be rude about how cheesy and cliché this whole thing was.

"You know, it wouldn't kill you to smile in one of these pictures," Emmett told me at one point.

I grinned and gave him the middle finger, allowing him to snap a picture of that as Rose voiced her disapproval.

It wasn't long before the limo arrived, full of Mike and Jessica and all those other people, and the four of us departed. Emmett gave me the keys to the sports car and I had my arm over Bella's shoulder as we walked to the car.

The wind blew the bottom of her gown and she held it down because. . .

_Holy motherfucking shit_... there was a slit in the side.

Bella's hands were no match for the winds, because I could clearly see her creamy legs as the fabric was blown away from her body. If her hands weren't holding part of the dress down, I'd probably be able to see her knickers, too. A part of me was glad that there wouldn't be a knicker display because ever since she had first come down those stairs, I had become half hard.

"Damn dress," she grumbled as we approached the car. "As if walking in these shoes isn't hard enough."

I opened the passenger door for her and she climbed in slowly, being very careful to conceal her legs.

Once I climbed into the driver's side, I smiled at her. "You really do look really fucking incredible."

I watched as pink spread across her face.

"Not too bad yourself," she giggled. "You really are something else in a suit."

I sighed and started the car. "Honestly, I just want to take it off."

I hadn't meant to make it sound like an innuendo, not that time at least. But Bella's cheeks darkened and she looked away.

The atmosphere in the car suddenly became sexually charged as both of us became a bit more aware of the other. I stared at her, and she stared at me, and my eyes involuntarily travelled to her chest, which seemed to be emphasized by the ruching.

I didn't realize we were leaning towards each other until I felt her breath on my face. Immediately, I pressed my lips against hers. Her hand flew to my hair and my hand captured the back of her neck as our lips met and departed over and over. We both fit together perfectly, and my lips felt sticky from her gloss but I didn't care.

Bella pulled way, panting slightly, and my whole body protested with the need for more.

Great, I thought. I'm two-thirds hard and we haven't even gone to the prom yet.

"We should go," she whispered, and I nodded as I pulled out of the driveway.

Things had been getting a bit more heated between Bella and I, especially over the past few months. There was always the need for more, but I had to be painfully careful these days. She was getting more comfortable lately, and usually when things got a bit too passionate, I was the one to pull away.

Bella's lack of protest during the more passionate moments made me wonder if she was ready to take things further.

Hell, I had been ready for ages. It was all about her now.

I also wondered if she knew she was ready, or if she just got caught in the moment. I didn't want her to do anything that she'd regret later on.

* * *

Prom was being held at the school, of course, but there was an after party at Alice's house. The only reason Emmett was even letting Bella go to an after party was because there would be adult supervision, and because it was at Alice's. At first I tried to figure out how a party could be any fun if it had adults watching our every move, but then I remembered that this was Alice we were dealing with. Recalling what she had done with Bella's birthday party, it was bound to be insane.

Bella didn't even want to go to prom, let alone an after party, but Alice had been able to convince her to attend both. I suspected some guilt tripping on Alice's part. Bella's only condition was that I go with her (as if I'd let her go with any other motherfucker), so of course I was being dragged along. Several Alice Tantrums ensued until I finally accepted the suit she got me, and that is how we ended up where we are now- going to prom.

The drive to the school was calm and content, with that subtle hint of intimacy in the air. We chatted and joked around a bit, and all was well. But I couldn't help glancing at Bella and every little thing about her made me want to pull the car over and take her right there in the sports car.

Apparently I was a bit hornier than usual because the tiniest thing, such as Bella gently brushing hair out of her face or licking her lips, would make all the heat go down to my groin. I wondered if I had the same affect on her; I caught her staring at me a few times during the drive. We chatted a bit, but I couldn't keep my hands off of her. If I wasn't holding her left hand in my right, I would have a hand on her knee or I would stroke her bare arm.

All I knew was that I hadn't wanted her this bad in a long time. Maybe it was the dress or that I was seeing her bare shoulders, arms, and neck for the first time. Maybe it was the makeup that made her look sexier, even though she was still gorgeous without it. Whatever it was, it was giving me blue balls way too soon.

Then again, I was getting used to the boners. It was a part of being with Bella in a non-sexual relationship, though I accepted that. I had made it very clear that we wouldn't do anything she wasn't okay with.

I kept telling myself that as I pulled into the school parking lot, already full of people in their poofy dresses and tuxedos.

"Oh God," Bella said, staring fearfully out at all the people. "I don't know if I can do this."

I kissed her hand. "You'll be fine, I promise."

"But-but- there's _dancing_."

I chuckled and stroked her cheek with the back of my finger, marveling at the blood that rushed up to her skin. "You've danced with my before, remember? Jitterbug?"

Bella groaned and put her face in her hands. "Don't remind me."

"Hey, it wasn't that bad. I'm offended that you don't want to reminisce about my dancing skills."

She giggled and I grinned, loving the sound of her laughter. "Trust me, Edward, you dance just fine."

I captured her lips in another kiss and then before my slight boner could get any more painful, I climbed out of the car and walked Bella to the gym's main doors. I didn't bother to not stare at her legs as the light breeze lifted her hem once again.

I was fucking in love with that slit in her dress.

We already had our tickets so we were able to enter straight away. The second we entered the gym, I burst out laughing.

"This place looks so fucking stupid," I chortled.

The gym went from masculine to sissy in no time. Fake flowers in pastel colours made up archways and decorated the walls, making everything look dressed up for a baby shower... a baby shower for a baby girl. Beads of sparkling lights hung from the ceiling, reminding me of the lights we had put up for Bella's birthday party.

"What's the theme again?" I asked Bella. "Pansy babies at teatime?"

Bella giggled. "It's supposed to be some 1920s, garden-like thing."

I snorted and pulled her over to a table where Jasper and Alice were already seated.

"There you guys are!" Alice tittered. "How are you doing, Bells? You didn't trip yet did you?"

"Knock on wood, Alice," Bella said. "Don't jinx it. It hasn't happened yet, but it will."

"No it won't," Alice said confidently."You're going to be just fine in those shoes. Even when you dance."

Bella glared at her. "Alice, I'm not dancing. Not in these death traps."

I nudged her with my elbow. "Yes you are. If we're going to be here, we might as well attempt to have fun. I don't want you to be bored."

"That's the spirit!" Alice said cheerfully, and Bella sighed, resigned to her fate.

* * *

Prom itself was, surprisingly, rather fun. It's not like I was expecting it to be boring as fuck, but it was enjoyable to say the least.

It was impossible to be bored with Alice's enthusiasm, and after taking a shitload of photos and making polite conversation with randoms, we pretty much spent the rest of the night on the dance floor.

Now, I wasn't a big fan of dancing. I was more of a jumping-up-and-down-and-head banging-at-a-concert type of guy. But I wanted Bella to have a good time, and just sitting at our table wouldn't do that. So we ended up on the floor with everyone else, trying not to look like complete idiots.

There wasn't a moment where I wasn't near Bella. I was completely enthralled by her tonight, unable to look away at how she was glowing. She looked so happy, and I wondered how much of it was because of me. About an hour and a half into prom, her face was flushed with excitement and energy. I couldn't keep my hands off of her; if I wasn't touching some part of her I'd start to feel detached.

After a while I wondered if my touching was becoming unbearable for her, but if my skin wasn't on some part of hers, then she'd take the initiative.

There was a whole hour where they played nothing but slow songs, and Bella and I were glued to that dance floor. Her arms were a permanent fixture around my neck and my hands were rooted to her waist, occasionally travelling a bit lower. At times my lips were cemented to hers, but I (unfortunately) had to behave because not only was my dick starting to bother me, but we were under many pairs of watchful eyes.

It didn't escape my attention how several people, mostly blokes, were particularly interested in Bella tonight. Many people that never even spoke to her before were coming up to her to say hello. Obviously it had to do with the fact that she made all the other girls look like washed out hags. My Bella really was the most beautiful girl here, and I wasn't being biased. Everyone else looked so fake and manufactured with their overly done makeup, slutty dresses, and stiffly styled hair. Bella had a natural beauty that was only enhanced with how Alice and Rose had done her up.

If I wasn't smiling or kissing or touching Bella, I was glaring daggers at all the wankers that were blatantly and unabashedly eye-fucking her.

During a slow dance, both Paul and Mike Newton were dancing with their dates, but their eyes were on Bella. They didn't even know I was glowering at them, that's how entranced they were.

"What is it?" Bella had asked, and we stopped our slow dancing.

I narrowed my eyes at Newton, whose gaze was clearly on Bella's ass.

"Everyone is eye-fucking you, and it's pissing me off," I explained.

Bella's eyes widened and she glanced around warily. She saw what I saw, several males eying her lustfully and females giving her the jealous stink eye.

"Oh wow," she mumbled, looking away and blushing. "That's . . . uncomfortable."

"See something you like, Newton?" I snapped. Mike's gaze finally detached itself from Bella's backside to stare at me in surprise. I raised my brows at him as Bella and Jessica, who he was dancing with, stared at him expectantly.

"Oh, I-uh, was just- uh-," he stuttered.

"Yeah, keep your beady little eyes where they belong," I said flatly.

Bella placed a hand on my chest, probably in an attempt to keep me from socking the asshole. I instinctively wrapped her tighter in my arms,

"Sorry," Mike mumbled before dragging Jessica off the floor and towards the food.

That's right, wanker. Piss off, she's mine.

"Edward." Bella's voice was quiet and I looked down into her wary eyes as she clutched my hand. "C'mon. Let's go outside. I think I need some fresh air."

I let Bella lead me off the dance floor and out onto the football fields, which had been turned into a place for couple to walk around and get cozy. Archways made of intertwined balloons lead you down a carpeted walkway with benches set up every few feet. Some couples were far out on the field, sitting on blankets or evidently about to shag each other on the grass. It actually looked rather nice, and not gay at all like the inside.

"This is unexpected," I said.

"Yeah," Bella agreed quietly, and her hand tightened in mine. "Let's go somewhere far."

Once again I let her lead me, and we walked past the walkway with the benches, past the majority of the couples sitting on the football field, and past the couples that were practically ripping each others' clothes off. Those were the ones farthest way.

Bella walked as far down the field as we could go, finally coming to a stop a few feet away from where the field ended at a brick wall.

She turned to me. "Is this okay? We can sit on the bleachers if you're worried about ruining your suit."

I snorted and took my blazer off, throwing it onto the grass before plopping down. I spread out with my arms behind my head. The grass was damp but I didn't care. It felt nice out here, and you could see a few stars in the night sky.

Bella smiled and tossed her little purse to the ground. She sat down gingerly, being very careful because of the lovely slit in her dress. She sat with both her legs curled to her right while she sat up, leaning on her left hand. She started to run her hands through my hair and I closed my eyes, humming contentedly.

"It's nice being away from the noise," she mumbled. "It was fun while it lasted."

I opened my eyes and looked up at her. Her pale skin was stark against the black sky and more of her hair had escaped the knot at the back of her head. Her cheeks were naturally painted with pink and her pouty lips were parted ever so slightly. The lights that lit up the field were a good four yards away, so it was dark without being completely blinding.

Her brown eyes were looking at me so lovingly, so full of adoration that I spoke without really thinking. "She cheated on me."

Bella's hand froze in my hair and she blinked several times. "What?"

I clenched my eyes shut and took a deep breath through my nose. Her hand moved as if to leave my hair, but I held on to her wrist. It was extremely soothing, and if I was going to get on with the story, it would help immensely if she comforted me like this.

"Tanya," I said. Her name felt like a curse word. "My ex."

Bella's mouth opened into a little "o" of understanding, but she kept on the stroking movements in my hair. "You're ready to tell me about her?"

"Yes," my heart was beating, though I didn't know why. I'd tell her what I could until it started to become too much.

"I'm listening."

I nodded but didn't start yet, letting myself be calmed even further by what she was doing with my already fucked up locks. It was silent this far out on the fields, and I doubted that anyone even knew where we were. Not only was it darker back here, but it was more peaceful. It was like we were in another field altogether, far away from the rest of Forks.

"We met when I was twelve," I began quietly. I let the memories flood back, and each and every one of them tugged at my insides. "It was in school, and we were in year 7. That's sort of like sixth or seventh grade here. She was new, and I just remember thinking, wow. That girl is very, very pretty. Of course, she was nothing compared to you." Bella smiled gently but there was something in her eyes that I couldn't entirely make out because of the darkness. "Of course, she was as ugly on the inside as she was pretty on the out. But that, I found out later.

"See, Tanya was an amazing actress. That's what she wanted to pursue as a career of course, but what I didn't realise was that she was always acting. Constantly. But I didn't know this until it was much too late.

"So, she ended up getting the seat next to me and we hit it off straight away. She was just so friendly, with everyone. It was hard to not like her. I mean, the girls were jealous and all that, but they didn't loathe her. They couldn't. It was almost impossible to. She was by no means perfect, and she didn't have it all, but she acted like she did. And when I say that I mean that she was confident in herself. She wasn't conceited or vane, just self assured. She had high self esteem but it never got to being conceit.

"We became fast friends, and we soon became inseparable. She was the complete opposite of me with her taste in music and clothes and books, but she could always keep up a conversation and make it interesting. She was amazing at improvisation, and I guess that had to do with the whole acting thing. We would talk for hours and hours on end, without getting tired.

"She was my first everything- first friend who was a girl, then first girlfriend. First kiss, first date . . . we lost our virginities to each other." Bella winced but I only acknowledged it by brushing a lock of her hair aside and then resting a hand on her leg, hoping that would comfort her. "Of course, when you're a pre-teen, you're not in love. It's mostly just hormones acting up. I didn't feel like it was love until later on, when we were fifteen or sixteen. I know that it was still too early, but what we had was strong. I felt complete, like I didn't need anything else in life. She put up with my mood swings, the stupid things I'd do, the occasional times when I got a bit too plastered, though I much rather preferred to get high." Bella's eyes were wide. "Yeah, baby, I've done drugs. Just a bit. Nothing too damaging." The lie slipped easily through my teeth but I chuckled at her shocked expression.

"I was so infatuated with her that I got her name tattooed on my torso, honestly believing that we'd be together forever. We all know what a mistake that shit was. Tanya went ballistic when she found out, and I couldn't figure out why she would be pissed off that I got her name tattooed on myself. I mean, she should have been flattered. Her lack of enthusiasm was the first sign that things weren't as great as they seemed."

I took a deep breath, knowing I was about to get to the thick stuff. "Let me introduce you to Peter. He was there way before Tanya. In fact, we had been best friends since we were three." Bella's eyebrows shot up. "Yeah, that's some serious shit, innit? Peter was like a brother to me. We were inseparable before Tanya came along, and even then we stayed friends. He had his girlfriend Charlotte, and I had Tanya.

"Peter was different from me, in that he took more risks. He was quite the daredevil and he did loads of crazy shit if he got too bored with life. He was the reason why I'd done some of the things I'd done, but it was part of his personality to be audacious. In other words, he was an idiot. Always getting into trouble, and dragging me along with him. I really did need the adrenaline rush though. I saw nothing wrong with attempting to climb Big Ben or swimming with sharks in the dead of winter or nicking something from one of those outdoor bazaars and letting the shop owner see you. Peter was fearless, and I admired him. Everyone did, all of the guys in our . . . group of friends." I tried not to say "gang" because, quite honestly, that's exactly what we were and I didn't want to scare her.

My throat started to tighten a little. "Both Peter and Tanya were the only two people I'd trust with my life. They knew all my secrets, every single little thing about me and my family. They understood me, and that's all I needed. Understanding. I didn't need pity, or sympathy, or empathy. I needed understanding. Both their parents treated me like one of their own, and I couldn't imagine it being any other way, anywhere else.

"I think we were all about sixteen when everything started to . . . deteriorate. I didn't think anything was wrong because, like I said, Tanya was a brilliant actress. But there were times when I knew she wasn't acting, when she really was angry opposed to pretending to be. She would throw these sudden temper tantrums, these random fits where she'd just go insane because of the smallest thing I'd do. I'd make a joke that would rub her the wrong way and she'd just . . . snap. She'd start throwing things and hitting things, and hitting me and-"

"What?" Bella's shocked and angry voice broke through my fog of memories. "She hit you?"

I nodded seriously, recalling all the times that Tanya had found something to chuck at me or a reason to smack me, and sometimes even punch me.

Bella's eyes were glistening with tears, and she was breathing heavily. "That . . . that is sick."

"I know," I agreed. "She's . . . she was a twisted little fuck. I didn't know why I stayed with her, but I did. I didn't know why I still loved her, but I did. I took what she gave me, because sometimes it felt like I deserved it. I felt like, as the girl I loved, she had the right to do things like that. That maybe I really did do something wrong. She never really hurt me, never really left a bruise or anything, but what hurt the most was just the fact that she was doing it. I wasn't going to hit her back, I'm not that fucked up. It didn't physically hurt, but emotionally it. . . it took quite a toll."

Bella had tears running down her face and her jaw was set angrily. I reached up to wipe her tears. "Don't cry, love. It's okay."

"No, it's not," she said, more tears escaping. "It makes me angry that she did that to you. I had no idea that you went through what I did, I just..."

I sat up and pulled her into my lap, not caring that the slit in the dress revealed her entire leg. She wasn't sobbing, but the tears were falling freely.

"Baby, what happened to me was nothing compared to what happened to you. You went through hell, against your will. You were helpless, afraid, lost. I wasn't. I knew what was happening, and I let it happen only because I was blinded by what I thought was love. I was so into the _idea_ that she loved me that I let her do that. At least you understood that you didn't love him, and he didn't love you. You were his toy, and you figured it out, though you couldn't do much about it. Why do you think it killed me to see you with him? Not only was it completely wrong, but I could relate. I couldn't bear to see you go through the same thing I did, even though your case was ten times worse." I kissed her temple as she sniffled. "Do you want to hear more, or is that it?"

Bella turned to look at me. "More. She cheated?"

I nodded and took a deep breath. "Yeah. I caught her bent over her a couch while Peter pounded into her from behind."

Bella's jaw dropped and I nodded grimly.

"Yep. It was at a party, her own birthday party actually. I couldn't find her, or Peter, so I just went and looked for them. Lo and behold, he was fucking her over the couch in the guest bedroom." Bella was staring at me, her expression no different from someone watching a fascinating but appalling television show.

"What did you do?" she whispered.

I snorted darkly. "I acted on instinct. I wanted to fuck him up. All I could think was that he was raping her, that he was taking her against her will. I became... savage, monstrous. It wasn't until she threw a lamp at my head and told me to get the fuck out of her house that I realised... she wanted him." My throat constricted at the memory as all the emotions flooded back. The anger, the hurt, the betrayal. Bella must have seen it in my face because she hugged me, resting her cheek on my shoulder while I rested mine on hers.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"So am I," I replied. "And if that wasn't enough, she proceeded to follow me down the stairs, yelling at me the whole time about how I was useless and a piece of shit and that I was lousy in bed. Of course that got the attention of the partygoers, so now it was like the Tanya Denali Show, a show where she humiliates someone to the point of no return. I stood there in a daze, not really believing that she was breaking up with me, in front of everyone, over my best friend. She yelled at me about how she was never happy with me, how I wasn't good enough for her, how I was too 'safe' whatever the fuck that meant. Clearly she wanted someone a bit more dangerous, so of course Peter would be her first choice. Suddenly she told me that I was stupid for not seeing it before... she'd been with Peter for two years without me knowing. Half of my so-called 'friends' knew, but did they think to tell me? No.

"It just... it broke me. I became this zombie after that, after the humiliation. I didn't have anyone anymore. Not Tanya, not Peter... my parents were as useful as a pile of shit, Rose was in the States. I was practically alone.

"I had let myself love her; I had let myself believe that she loved me back. She was the first girl to capture my heart, and I thought I was her first, too. I was so... blinded by the idea that I was loved, that I couldn't see her for what she was. I let her hurt me over and over and over, yet I still let myself think that I was loved.

"Isn't that what we all want? To be loved? It sounds like such a simple thing to ask for, but it's really not. Love comes with pain, and I never wanted to love again. I became a bitter, angry person. I didn't give a fuck about anything anymore; I just wanted to draw and listen to music and just... disappear."

I looked down into her sad eyes. "And then I met you, and everything changed." I sighed and pressed my forehead to hers, closing my eyes. "I'm sorry for how I acted in the beginning. I was such a prick."

"I get it now. I get why you hated me."

"I never hated you; I was just scared to feel otherwise. I made myself think that I hated you, but I couldn't. You have this very innocent face, this elegance and beauty that you don't see on girls these days. You look like a heroine from some Austen novel, very romantic and soft. It was hard to hate someone like you, especially when I saw that you had a playful side. I was so fucking terrified of loving you because I was afraid that what happened with Tanya would happen again.

"And then I saw what was happening with the Asshat, and things changed big time. I wasn't the victim anymore, you were. I may have waited a little too long to help you, idiot that I am, and I can never forgive myself for that. I realised that you were worth saving, that you were worth loving."

Bella's lips found fine and she caressed my face with both her hands. I sighed contentedly, not realising that my body was tense until I felt myself relaxing in her arms.

"I'm glad we found each other," she whispered in between kisses.

"Me too."

My lips molded with hers and our tongues met over and over as my entire body begged for more. Bella's hands were a permanent fixture in my hair and I moaned into her mouth when she tugged at the strands. Her answering moan was almost enough to make me come undone- no pun intended.

My right hand cupped the back of her neck while my left ran up and down the fabric of her dress, whose slit was shut only because she was seated on it whilst sitting on my lap. She pulled away so that she could breathe and my lips travelled across her jaw and cheek until they were at her ear.

I thought carefully before I did what I did next, and after a second I figured she was ready to go a little further. Not only did she know more about me, which would undoubtedly make her more comfortable at times like this, but her body language told me she wanted it. The way her head was thrown back just slightly, the way her lips were parted, the way her eyes were hooded with desire... it all told me that she craved it.

So I took her earlobe in my ear and sucked, eliciting a loud moan from her. Her grip on my hair was tight to the point where I was starting to worry that she'd unintentionally pull them out, but I didn't care. I wanted to show her how I much I loved her, and I wanted to show it with my body.

I nibbled on her ear some more and then let my lips venture down to her neck. Her skin was open to me, thanks to the one strap and the heart shape that covered her breasts.

She pulled my head up so that she could kiss me again, and I let my hands wander from her neck down to her chest.

Yep. Definitely no bra.

I lightly ran my hand over her right breast and then squeezed gently, knowing it wouldn't bother her. Boob play was something that we had gotten used to. She didn't mind it any more than she minded us making out. In fact, me playing around with her tits had become a general part of our make out sessions.

"You okay?" I whispered. I would ask her this time to time; just to pull her out of her hormonal emotions a little to make sure she was doing what she wanted and not worrying about trying to please me.

Bella answered with a moan and I chuckled, taking her lower lip in between my teeth as I palmed both of her breasts. I wished she were wearing a top, only so that I could push my hands below it. I had never really touched her naked tits... I'd stay within the borders of her bra, always.

But tonight she wasn't wearing a bra... so that pretty much left me with no other choice.

Slowly and carefully I pushed her back so that she was lying on the grass and I was hovering above her while propped up on my elbows. Her arms were limp against my back as I sucked on the skin at the side of her neck. Her skin tasted sweet with a pleasant hint of tang, and I found myself sucking on her a bit harder than I intended to.

I didn't realize that my teeth were pressing on her skin until she cried out a little.

I froze and looked into her shocked, lust-filled eyes. My eyes then shot to the skin I had sucked, and my heart constricted when I saw that her skin was a bit darker than pink from where I had sucked it, and would probably get darker over time.

I had given her a hickey. I had marked her.

I was such a dick. As if her past boyfriend hadn't marked her enough, here I was biting on her neck like some goddamn animal.

"Fuck," I hissed, feeling a bit panicked. "Baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I'm fine," she gasped, still panting. "I'm okay."

Confusion filled me. "But-but I just... I just marked you."

Her eyes grew darker with desire, as if they weren't already lustful, and she bit her lip in a way that made my already painful dick scream for attention.

"I know," she whispered. "It's fine by me. I'm yours."

"But you don't think that's wrong? That I'd... leave a mark? After...?"

I internally cringed. Leave it to me to ruin the moment.

Bella shook her head and frowned. "That was different."

Yes. She was right, that was different. The Asshat had marked her like a piece of property. My mark was a love bite. It showed that I loved her. It wasn't an angry mark or anything like that.

Bella got a hold of my tie and pulled me down until her lips were on mine again. She held onto my tie like a leash as I lowered myself so that I was lying on my side next to her, propped up on my left elbow.

Without removing her lips from mine, she pushed herself up so that she was propped up on an elbow like me.

I ran my right hand from her chest to her waist to her hip... a second later I discovered her creamy white thigh.

Because when she was lying on her side, the slit in her dress exposed both her legs as the fabric fell onto the grass below her.

Did I mention how much I fucking loved that goddamn slit in her dress?

I ran my hand up and down her thigh, feeling the goosebumps that popped up along her skin.

Her legs- her naked legs- were new territory for me. I knew that if I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at her legs, I'd probably catch a glimpse of her knickers, too.

So that's exactly what I did. I briefly stopped kissing her to look at the skin my hand was touching. Her legs were smooth and creamy, stark against the darkness of the field. My eyes wandered up and I was disappointed to see that there were no undergarments on display.

Bella giggled and I looked at her to see her chewing on her lip. "Disappointed?"

I narrowed my eyes but kept a smirk on my face. "I'm glad my disappointment amuses you."

Bella reached up to stroke the side of my face. "I think it's adorable how your face falls when you don't get to see as much as you want. You've been doing it all night."

"What? Really?"

She nodded. "Mmm hmm. It's cute."

"I'll show you 'cute'," I growled playfully. I quickly ran my hand from her thigh to her calf, swiftly yanking her leg up and hitching it over my hip.

She gasped and stared at me wide-eyed, surprised by my bold move.

This was as far as we had ever gone. Bella's bare leg, naked from foot to her knicker line, was folded over my hip. Her abdomen was pressing into my hard on.

"You think there's something 'cute' about doing this to me, do you?" I said dangerously. I made sure to keep the smirk on my face so she wouldn't think I was being too serious.

Bella slowly shook her head and then her shaking hand was trying to unbutton the buttons on my vest.

I grabbed her wrist. "What are you doing?"

"Taking your vest off," she breathed.

"Why?"

She frowned. "You don't want me to?"

"No, it's fine," I assured quickly. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but just this... a-and your shirt." I let her unbutton me with one hand, since her other was trapped by the elbow she was propped up on. I was glad that she was setting herself boundaries and not letting herself do something that she couldn't be able to handle.

My vest was successfully unbuttoned and I pushed it off, feeling relieved of the extra fabric. I loosened my tie a bit more and then gazed down at her as she unbuttoned by shirt as well.

"Where were we?" I asked once she was done.

"You were showing me why there is nothing cute about what we're doing."

"Ah, yes," I said thoughtfully. "I guess I should continue this lesson, don't you?"

She nodded fervently and I laughed, crushing my lips to hers.

I rolled us so that she was lying on top of me with me on my back. Her hair was coming loose so I reached up and gently pulled at the knot, unable to unwind it. Bella reached back and pushed my hand away, pulling out the pins that held the knot together. She dropped them onto the grass and let her hair cascade down so that there was a curtain that covered the movement of our lips.

Bella's lips became a bit more urgent than usual, and I moaned when she bit my lower lip, doing what I had done to her before. Her hands ran up and down my chest and my own went from her back to her ass. I squeezed her delicate backside and she groaned against my mouth, our lips vibrating from the sound.

Suddenly, something was different.

_She was grinding against me._

My lips froze and my eyes flew open as she continued to grind against my hard groin, the slit in her dress making it easier.

I couldn't believe she was creating friction for us... friction that was about to make my dick burst right out of the designer pants that Alice had gotten for me.

Bella stopped grinding and my dick protested as she caught wind that I had frozen completely. She shoved her hair to one side and looked down at me with concern.

"Don't stop," I said huskily. "Please."

Instead of waiting for her to continue, I rolled us once more so that I was lying on top of her. This time I put my weight on her, but not all at once so that I wouldn't knock the breath out of her.

I shamelessly pushed my dick into her stomach, knowing by now that she wouldn't mind the feel of it.

My hand found her chest again and suddenly the bunched up fabric at the top of her dress was annoying me.

As if she could hear my thoughts, Bella reached up to push the one strap down. It didn't do much for her chest, but it was something more. I started kissing any skin that was above the neckline of her dress, and I didn't think anything could stop me...

Until she thrust her hips.

For the second time that night, I was shocked at how far she was going.

She had just _thrust into me_, for Christ's sake.

"Are you trying to kill me of Painful Boner?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly.

"Sorry," she whispered. "I didn't know what I was doing."

"It's fine," I said.

I thought for a second before I decided to take it even further. Hell, all she needed was to take off her knickers and we'd be done.

But we weren't going to do that. Not tonight.

I needed to take care of my blue balls, and I needed to do it now.

I'd finish what she started.

So I thrust my hips into her abdomen.

"Oh God," Bella moaned, and I took that as my cue to keep going.

I thrust a few more times and then she was thrusting with me; our bodies moved in perfect synchronization.

Somehow she ended up pushed upward so now my crotch wasn't pushed into her abdomen anymore, but was actually at her crotch.

_Holy motherfucking shit_, my dick was at her crotch.

Yeah, she had knickers on and I was in boxers and pants, but it was a huge leap.

I stared into her eyes the whole time I was thrusting into her, knowing that I wasn't going to be able to stop.

She was breathing heavily, her forehead glistening with a thin sheet of sweat, and there was nothing but love and lust in her eyes.

She wanted this, just as much as I did,

"Oh God, Edward," she said again, but I couldn't respond.

With every thrust I knew that I was closer and closer to discombobulating. There was no stopping it now.

The pressure was building and building and there was heat everywhere and Bella was moaning and saying my name and I was sweating but all I could think was that I cared about this girl more than I cared for anyone, including myself and she could please me in every which way and it would be perfect.

A part of me wondered how long it would be before she surrendered herself to me, but at the moment all I cared about was that I was making her mine the best way I could.

I finally came undone and collapsed on top of her with a loud groan.

She was kissing my face and I felt high, my vision slightly muddled. I was panting and I wanted to tear my clothes off, but I had one of the best feelings in the world- the feeling of a no-longer-hard dick.

It was amazing.

"You okay?" Bella asked quietly.

I nodded into her chest, inhaling her perfume.

We lay there in silence for a moment before I remembered that I was crushing her with my weight.

"Fuck, sorry," I mumbled, pushing myself off. I collapsed onto my back next to her.

Bella giggled. "It's all good."

I became aware of the wetness in my pants and cussed.

"Fuck my life. I should have lasted longer. I'm such a tosser."

Bella rolled onto her side so that she could rest her head on my chest with a content sigh. She wrapped an arm around me as I stroked the back of her head. The sky was pitch black, making the twinkling stars more apparent. I wished I could freeze that moment in time.

"How are you feeling?" I asked suddenly, realising that maybe she was still a little... horny. I mean, I had found my release, but what about her?

"I'm okay," she said, and I detected a smile in her voice.

Not sure that she knew what I meant, I asked, "You don't need to... you know... become relieved or anything?"

If blush had a sound, I'd be hearing it loud and clear. Her pause indicated that she was slightly abashed by my question.

"I'll take care of it," she mumbled barely audibly.

My eyes widened at her statement.

So she'd be pleasuring herself later? Wow. It was hard to imagine my sweet innocent Bella sitting in the bathroom with... wait, did she even have one? What would she use?

Before my dick could wave hello again, I pushed the thoughts aside.

"Anything I can get you?" I asked.

She thought for a moment. "I'm a little thirsty."

I sat up slowly as to not startle her and adjusted my pants, irritated by the stickiness inside. Bella plopped down on her backside, looking absolutely euphoric, a smile on her face. Once I had my vest and shirt buttoned back up and ran a hand through my hair a few times, I grinned down at her.

"I don't look like I just dry humped my girlfriend, do I?" I asked.

Bella eyed me up and down, a little longer than necessary, and smirked. "You look perfect, as always."

I gave her a chaste kiss and then picked up my jacket, shrugging it on. "Try not to miss me too much."

"Stay away from the punch!" she called after me as I jogged towards the school, and I laughed.

I wanted to make it back to the girl I loved as soon as possible.

* * *

**Bella POV**

I didn't know the last time I had felt so _happy_.

As I sat in the grass, staring up at the starry night sky, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Sure my expensive dress was going to have major grass stains as well as an ocean of wrinkles, and sure my hair looked like I had just gotten down and dirty with Edward (because I had), but what surprised me the most was that I didn't care. I was so insanely elated that I didn't think anything could kill the feeling.

We had gone pretty far tonight. Prom itself had been unexpectedly fun, but the best part was being far out on the football field, away from prying eyes and overprotective brothers. It was being alone with Edward and showing him how I felt with my body, as well as giving him the pleasure he'd been craving without giving myself up just yet.

To feel him sucking on my skin and leaving a mark didn't even remind me of what it was like to be with HIM. There was no comparison, none at all. That had been Edward's way of showing me his love- if that's what it was, because I didn't tend to use the word lightly- and with HIM it has just been pure cruelty. I had felt so good, in every which way, with Edward's hands all over me. He was worshipping my body like no other, and I reveled in it.

When I had thrust against him, I hadn't been thinking. My body had a mind of its own, and I just went with it. There was always that voice at the back of my head that warned me not to go too far, and I heeded its warning with a clear a mind as I could manage given the situation.

When he had started moving his hips with mine, I almost lost it and demanded that he rip my panties off. But there was that voice, that Goody Two Shoes voice, that told me I wasn't ready. No, it knew I wasn't ready.

Almost, but not quite. I was sure that it would be Edward. Of course. I couldn't imagine it being with anyone else. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. He was like my other half; my slightly broken but getting better other half.

The past hour or so replayed itself in my head like favorite scenes from a movie. I could feel the smile on my face, and I knew my face muscles would grow sore soon enough.

I didn't know how long I had been staring up at the sky with a smile on my face before I realized that Edward hadn't come back.

I sat up and looked towards the school, not seeing anyone except a few couples that still remained. They were just small shapes in the distance, that's how far back on the field Edward and I had been.

I wondered why it was taking him so long to get a drink; I took out my phone from the clutch that I had haphazardly thrown onto the grass, and saw it was a little past eleven at night. Prom ended a few minutes ago.

"Bella!"

Alice's voice made my head snap up and I saw her running towards me. It was too dark to see the expression on her face but the panic in her voice made my insides twist painfully.

I stood up with my purse in my hand, eyes wide as Alice reached me, panting.

"Bella, you have to hurry," she said, and in the dim light I saw tears glistening on her cheeks. She took my hand and pulled me sharply, causing me to stumble.

"Alice, wait," I said, my voice high pitched. "What is it, what happened?"

She said the two words I never wanted to hear in her distressed tone of voice, "It's Edward."

That was all it took for me to push past her and run.

That was all it took for my heart to race so fast that I thought it would out beat itself.

That was all it took for me to run in four inch heels without tripping, not even once.

I didn't know where I was going, but all I knew was that I had to go.

I kept the tears away long enough for me to make it inside the gym without any vision problems, but the gym was empty.

Everyone had gone outside, through the other pair of doors that lead to the front of the school, out onto the main road.

Without thinking twice, I sprinted outside and pushed past the gathered crowd, anxious to reach the front and see why they all sounded so shocked, so frightened, and so panicked.

The sight before me was one that I would forever have burned into my brain.

It was a brown car, slightly rusty, parked crookedly in the middle of the road. It had a large dent in the front.

Lying a few feet away from the car, in a small pool of blood, was the boy I had given my heart to.

_"Don't miss me too much..."_

My own scream didn't register with my ears before the pain in my chest became too much for my body to take.

"Edward" was my only uttered word before the darkness engulfed me.

* * *

**A/N**: Don't hate me... too much. You know how I am with the cliffhangers. ;)

Bella's prom dress and Edward's suit are on my profile.


	31. Keeping Me Alive

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 31- Keeping Me Alive**

_It's like I never lived before my life with you  
So much was missing here__I never even knew  
I still picture the place we were  
When I fell into your world_

_My heart is in you  
Where you go you carry me  
I bleed  
If you bleed  
Your heart beats  
Inside of me_

_You're keeping me alive_

**Keeping Me Alive- The Afters**

_**

* * *

**_

**Bella POV**

I was being jostled in a very irritating way. I felt like I was about to fall, but something kept me still, a little too still. Cold fingers poked and prodded me and I wanted to tell them to leave me alone, but I couldn't talk and I couldn't move.

There was an ache at the back of my head and my mind felt foggy as I struggled to remember something. Something had happened, something big, and I tried to grasp onto what it was but my brain wasn't cooperating.

A flicker of something flashed through my barely-there memories. I had been somewhere, with someone...

I opened my eyes and immediately squinted at the bright fluorescent lights overhead. They burned into my pupils and my eyes watered as I tried to blink through my blurry vision.

"Bella, you're awake!" a booming voice said, making the headache a lot worse.

At first I didn't know who the voice belonged to, seeing as my mind was a little fuzzy, but soon Emmett's worried face was hovering right above mine.

Suddenly there were other faces, the faces of paramedics, and I realized that I was in an ambulance. They asked me several questions about headaches and if I felt pain anywhere else, and as I answered their questions my mind started to cooperate.

I looked down at myself the best I could based on how much the stupid neck brace would allow, and I saw that I was in a purple dress.

It all came flooding back to me, crashing into me like an unexpected tidal wave.

Prom.

Edward.

Accident.

"Edward," I choked out, and for a second I found it hard to breathe.

Images of Edward in a pool of blood kept flashing through my mind, and I clenched my eyes shut, willing them all to go away. The panic was eating at my insides and I was close to hyperventilation.

That had not happened, it couldn't have. I didn't think I'd be able to live through it if it wasn't some sick nightmare.

"Bells, he's fine," Emmett said, his voice thick with worry.

That only eased the panic by a little bit. "Fine" wasn't good enough for me.

"W-Where is he? What happened?" I stammered, fumbling with the neck brace. My hands were too shaky and they were soon stilled by the paramedics, who insisted I keep it on.

"He's in another ambulance, with Rose," Emmett murmured. I was glad he was tall so I wouldn't have to turn my head in order to see him. Not that the annoying neck brace would allow it, anyway. "Are you sure you're okay, though?"

"I've been better," I replied, trying to get up. I was strapped onto a gurney so the paramedics unbuckled me and watched carefully as I slowly sat up. I felt a little dizzy but it soon passed. Reaching back to feel the back of my head, my fingers met a small bump and I winced.

After assuring everyone for the millionth time that I was okay and no longer feeling nauseous or dizzy or faint or anything like that, I made Emmett tell me what happened with Edward. The only thing I was feeling was panic and fear and worry.

Emmett handed me a sweater that he brought from home and then took a deep breath before starting. "Edward got into a fight with some guy named Paul. They were kicked out, but that only meant that the fight ended up outside. Paul pushed Edward onto the road just as a car was coming, but luckily the driver was an old man driving no more than 15 miles per hour. Edward was hit from the right side, and we're also lucky that the man swerved instead of running him over."

"Lucky?" I squeaked, freezing in the process of pulling the sweater on. "Emmett, there was blood. Oh God, what if he-"

"Bella, he's fine," Emmett assured me, putting a hand on my knee. "I heard him cussing up a storm when they got him in the ambulance."

"Did he break anything?"

"Probably, kiddo. He'll be up and running in no time, I'm sure, but we need to just wait and see what the doctors say."

To hear that Edward was cussing right after the accident calmed me down a little, but I knew I couldn't be placated until I saw him.

"How did you get here so fast?" I asked.

"Alice called when the accident happened. It's a good thing me and Rose were still awake, so we hurried and drove out here. Alice told me to grab a sweater for you and we got here just as the ambulances arrived. Shit, I don't think I've driven so fast in my life."

He suddenly pulled me into a hug and I almost fell off the gurney as I held onto him tightly.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered.

"Me too," I said, inhaling the manly scent that was my brother. "I wish we could say the same for Edward."

Emmett pulled away and looked at me exasperatedly. "Bella, quit worrying. He's going to be okay! Anyone who can scream 'motherfucker' and 'shit' and 'wanker' at that volume has to have some kind of energy."

* * *

The ride to the hospital felt like hours, and most of it was spent worrying. The paramedics were finally convinced that I really was okay, with nothing more than a headache and a bump, so they left me alone until we got there. My lower lip was sore and a little bloody, thanks to my negative thinking and tendency to assault it in moments of distress.

Edward's ambulance had arrived at the hospital before ours had, so I didn't get to see him before they whisked him away into the ER.

I received even more unnecessary attention as I was forced to see a doctor about my head and get an x-ray done. I waited in a room with Emmett for an excruciatingly long time before the results came back. Dr. Choi assured me that my skull was fine, but he also mentioned that I might have a concussion.

As Emmett and I left my room, we ran into Alice and Jasper, both of them looking frantic.

Alice pulled me into a tight hug, tighter than I could ever imagine her tiny arms were capable of.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" she trilled, letting me go so Jasper could hug me as well. "Are you okay? How's your head?"

"I'm fine," I assured her. "I'm just really anxious to see Edward."

"He'll be okay," Alice said confidently. "I just know it."

We found a panicked-looking Rosalie outside one of the rooms, and the five of us waited around while the doctors did what they had to do with Edward. Thankfully there was a little waiting area adjacent to the room Edward was in, so we all just sat around and held each other, praying that everything was going to turn out better than we assumed.

Only in a hospital would the messy appearance of visitors be considered acceptable. It was sad, but true. Emmett and Rose were both in their PJ's and Alice, Jasper, and I were in our prom clothes. My hair looked like a haystack, and the ache of my feet, which were still in the high heels, was barely noticeable over the emotional pain.

The only people that didn't have a look of concern on their faces were Alice and Jasper; Alice because she "had a feeling" everything had looked worse than it really was, and Jasper because he trusted her instincts.

Unfortunately their confidence and hope wasn't rubbing off on me. My heart was beating too fast for my liking, and my mind was plagued with pessimistic thoughts.

I couldn't imagine a life without Edward. I couldn't even remember what I was doing before I met him.

Was I even living?

He had always been there, since the beginning. He was there through everything with Jacob and everything afterwards. Even if he was an asshole in the start, his presence was constant. My life before Edward was an insignificant blur, the only thing standing out being my parents' departure. Everything before that felt like a dream.

He was the one who had been keeping me alive this whole time. What if I hadn't met him, and I was still with Jacob? What would become of me? Would I even be alive, or would I still be someone's miserable, abused girlfriend?

He had done so much for me; he had saved me. My connection with him was so strong that it felt like if he was hurt, I was hurt. I was feeling so much pain inside that I wondered if he was feeling the same, only ten times worse.

If his heart stopped beating, mine would too.

It occurred to me that this was the first time during our relationship that Edward wouldn't be there. He wouldn't be holding me in my bed at night, or kissing my nose in the morning, or laughing at my blush.

I missed him already and my eyes welled up with tears, the first time since I woke up in the ambulance. Alice was at my side immediately, since Emmett was comforting Rosalie, and I quietly sobbed into my best friend's shoulder.

"He's going to be back to normal in no time, Bella," Alice murmured, as if she knew what I was thinking. "Shit happens, and Edward is strong. He'll pull through it, he's a fighter. Literally."

I let her hold me for what felt like hours. Every second seemed to hurt me physically, and I glared at the clock that hung on the wall nearby. It wasn't moving fast enough. I kept bouncing my knee up and down, and after attempting to try to get me to stop fidgeting, Alice gave up and decided to just watch.

Finally, a door opened and Edward was wheeled out on a gurney.

I got a brief glimpse of him before he was whisked down the hall and into another room. What I saw made me burst into a fresh wave of tears.

His head was bandaged, but there was a big red splotch on the left side of his forehead, indicating that he was still bleeding. His face and arms were bruised and scratched up, and his eyes were closed. He was unconscious.

Alice continued to hold me as Edward was pushed past us, and a doctor handed Rose a bag of Edward's prom clothes. The tag on his white coat read Dr. Barry.

"He's going to be just fine," he assured us, looking at Rose. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were wide as she held a shaking hand to her mouth. I had never seen Rosalie look so freaked out, so . . . unstable. She had always been so put together and strong. To see her this frantic was unsettling.

"His right arm is broken and I suspect a few ribs might be as well," Dr. Barry said in a very serious, business-like manner. "We just took an x-ray, and also some MRIs, but it could be a while before the results come back. The bleeding on his head is from when he hit the pavement, and he'll need stitches. Also, he's got some torn ligaments in the knee, as well as a concussion. Hang tight; I assure you that he's going to be just fine. I'll let you know the details as soon as the MRI and x-ray results get here."

Rose asked him a few more questions before he left to do what he had to do. The doctor's words didn't calm me in the slightest. Part of me was glad that Edward wasn't in pain, since he was unconscious now, but he would have to wake up eventually and deal with it.

We waited around for another long period of time, and I was starting to get sleepy but I forced my eyes to remain open. It was almost three in the morning and Alice was sleeping with her head on Jasper's shoulder. Both of them didn't want to leave until they saw Edward, and no amount of badgering by Emmett or Rose would get them to go home and rest.

My body told me that I was tired, but my mind refused to let me sleep. Like Alice and Jasper, I was unwilling to go anywhere until I saw that Edward was okay. We all accepted coffee from Emmett, and I wasn't even a coffee drinker.

At one point I did doze off, only to have Emmett shake me awake and tell me that he was taking me home. I mumbled something about Edward and he ignored me, picking me up like a small child and telling me that we'd go home for a change of clothes and then come back. He let me know that Alice and Jasper would be doing the same, as if that would make me agree with him.

* * *

When we got home, I took off the gown and painful shoes, setting them aside gently because a small part of my brain reminded me that they were probably expensive. I trudged over to my closet and pulled out the first things my hands touched, which ended up being a random pair of jeans, a green t-shirt, and a gray hoodie.

When I turned towards my bed, I saw Edward's leather jacket, lying there forgotten.

I picked it up and held it in my hands, letting the other clothes fall onto the bed. He hadn't worn his jacket to prom, instead choosing to abandon it for the night. I resisted the urge to start bawling as I lifted the jacket to my nose and inhaled.

It still smelled the same. Cigarettes, cologne, and the mysterious scent that could only belong to Edward. It was like he was here with me, in my room.

I got dressed in a very zombie-like state, pulling the leather jacket on over my clothes. I was glad it was chilly outside, so I wouldn't look like a fool in all the layers.

With the intention of lying down for just a second, I rested my head on the pillow with part of the jacket still held to my nose.

If I closed my eyes, it was like he was here.

I'd close my eyes, but I'd still fight sleep.

It didn't work. I ended up passing out with a small smile on my face.

**

* * *

**

I woke up, scared and shaking, at about eight in the morning. Half asleep, I stumbled down the stairs to find Emmett chugging down coffee like his life depended on it.

"You lied to me," I mumbled groggily.

"Sorry, kiddo," he replied just as sleepily. "You needed to get out of that dress and I needed to pick up a set of clothes for Rose. Ended up collapsing on my bed."

After choking down a granola bar and some milk, we headed back to the hospital.

Emmett didn't comment on the jacket.

Rose wasn't where we had left her, and we found out that all of Edward's injuries had been taken care of.

It was, finally, time to see him.

**

* * *

**

Edward wasn't awake.

When we entered his room, Rosalie was sitting by his side and just staring at him. She looked on the verge of collapse as Emmett went over to her and kissed the top of her head, handing her the bag of clothes.

"What's the verdict?" he asked.

Moisture gathered in my eyes as I went to Edward's other side, across from where Rose was seated.

He looked so entirely vulnerable that I almost had to turn and leave the room. I forced myself to stay by his side, paying close attention to his heart rate monitor and the steady rise and fall of his chest. A cast covered his right arm, all the way up to his thumb, and a neck brace made him look like he had a broken neck, though thankfully that wasn't the case. The bed sheet covered the rest of the damage, and I was glad. Seeing his bruised and scratched up face was enough, and the bloody gauze wrapped around his head wasn't helping matters.

"His right arm is shattered, and some ribs are fractured," Rose explained, her slightly distant eyes on her brother. "He has MCL and medial meniscus tears in the knee, grade 3, which is actually the worst kind." Her voice was far-off, detached. "He also fractured his femur. Oh, and a concussion. We have to wake him every few hours and keep a close watch on him when he's awake. According to Dr. Barry, it could have been a lot worse. It's going to take him several weeks to heal."

I couldn't look away from Edward, wishing I could see the green of his eyes.

How fast everything had happened. One second he was confessing about his past relationship and we were getting busy in the grass; suddenly he was in a hospital bed and I was standing by his side, trying not to cry.

It was downright cruel that he'd gotten hurt right after the amazing night we'd had, after he'd told me everything. It was such an unfair twist of fate.

"I got to speak to him for a few minutes before he fell asleep again," Rose said. I felt an irrational pang of jealousy that she got to talk to him before I did. "He didn't say anything that made sense. He did mention Bella, though." Rose smiled at me and I immediately felt guilty for feeling jealous. "After I told him she was okay, he fell asleep again. Alice and Jasper came back and saw him as well, but he was asleep so they didn't get to talk to him."

After a few minutes, Rosalie left to change into the clothes Emmett brought her. He walked over to my side of the bed and pulled me into a hug, kissing the top of my head but saying nothing.

"I'm gonna go get more coffee," he said softly. "Is there anything you want?"

Yes. I wanted Edward to wake up. I wanted to see his eyes. I wanted to see him smile. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted him to tell me that he'd be okay.

"No."

Emmett offered me once last squeeze and then left the room, leaving me alone with my unconscious boyfriend.

I took a shaky breath and walked to the opposite side of the bed, slowly seating myself in the chair Rose had previously occupied.

I stared at Edward's face, wishing I was somewhere else, preferably with a healthy Edward.

The hand nearest to me didn't have a cast so I took it in mine. His knuckles were bruised and it reminded me of when they had been cut up due to him punching a tree. It had been my fault that time.

Edward's skin was rough as I brought his bruised knuckles to my lips.

"I miss you," I whispered, finally letting the tears fall. "Please wake up."

I didn't know why I expected him to respond. Sighing, I gingerly put his hand back down but held onto it tightly.

I didn't know what else to say. All I could do now was wait for him to open his eyes, and try not to start blubbering.

A few more minutes passed and then Emmett and Rose returned, but I didn't really pay attention to them.

"Shouldn't we be waking him up?" Emmett asked. "How long as he been out?"

"Little over two hours," Rose mumbled. "We should probably wait for Dr. Barry to come back."

Waiting was excruciating. I wanted to look away from his injured body, but I couldn't. Rose settled herself into an armchair in the corner and Emmett leaned against the wall.

Thankfully, it was only a little while until the doctor walked in.

"Let's wake him up now, shall we?" Dr. Barry said. He stood on the other side of the bed, across from me, as he reached down to gently shake Edward's shoulder.

"Edward," he said, loud enough for a sleeping person to hear. "Time to wake up."

It took a few more tries before Edward finally stirred a little. He didn't open his eyes, so Dr. Barry shook him lightly again.

At last, a muttered "fuck" escaped his lips and he took a deep breath, which caused him to wince.

He opened his eyes to glare at Dr. Barry, not noticing me sitting by his side. "What the fuck?"

Dr. Barry chuckled and said something that didn't register with me; I was just sitting there and reveling in being able to hear Edward's voice again, regardless of the fact that it sounded like sandpaper.

Edward suddenly became aware of my presence since my hand was still in his, and he blinked at me while I gave him a tentative smile. It was so good to see his emerald eyes again, even if they were a little hazy.

He continued to stare at me, an unusual look in his eyes as Dr. Barry went on and on about how to take care of his injuries and such.

The doctor gave up on trying to keep Edward's attention and instead turned to Rose, talking to her about compression braces and pain meds.

Edward continued to watch me, a warm look in his eyes, but there was something else swimming in his green orbs that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Edward? Are you feeling any pain? . . . Edward?"

"Huh?" He turned to look at the doctor, irritable again.

"Doc, are you sure his ADD type of behavior isn't because of the concussion?" Emmett joked from his position against the wall. Clearly he was relieved to see Edward awake and cussing again.

Edward shot him a glare but Dr. Barry smiled, informing us that Edward would have to stay another night or two in order to be observed and checked for internal bleeding. My heart fell at the thought of two nights without him, and I doubted Emmett would let me stay at Edward's bedside all the time.

After the doctor left, Edward was staring at me again, seemingly oblivious to our watching siblings.

"Hi," I whispered shyly, and he smiled crookedly in response. His smile was still dazzling, even if his face was terribly hurt.

"Hey," he breathed, eyes twinkling.

"Good to see you awake and alive, man," Emmett said, walking over to him and patting his shoulder.

I winced at the same time Edward did.

"Fuck, watch it!" Edward said. "Do you not see I'm on a fucking hospital bed?"

Emmett looked abashed. "Shit, I'm sorry."

Rosalie was staring at me contemplatingly for a few seconds before she hooked her elbow around Emmett's.

"Let's go get more coffee, shall we?" she asked a little cheerily.

"Again?" Emmett whined. "How much coffee do you need, babe? You're gonna stain your beautiful pearly whites." Rose ignored him and dragged him out of the room.

"We'll be back in a second," she called over her shoulder. "Try not to fall asleep until then, Edward."

I was alone with Edward once again.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, squeezing his hand.

He seemed to think about it as he ran his thumb across my palm. "Like shit," he finally mumbled. His eyes lingered on his leather jacket and he smiled to himself.

I sniffed and nodded. "I can imagine... Edward I was so scared. I just... seeing you like that... I thought my life was over."

His eyes softened further and got to the point where they almost looked watery. "Me too. I thought I'd never see you again."

I brought his hand to my lips and ran the bruised skin against my mouth. I could feel the tears pooling again but I refused to let them fall.

Edward tried to sit up but then winced in pain.

"What hurts?" I asked, on alert.

"Everything," he replied, voice husky.

"Anything I can do?"

He shook his head with a soft smile and then frowned, reaching up to touch the neck brace.

"What the fuck," he mumbled. He tried to get it off with one hand but failed.

"Your neck isn't hurt, is it?" I asked.

"No," he replied. "Just my arm, knee, ribs, head... I'm fucking sore all over."

He finally got the neck brace off and he moved his head around, relaxing the muscles and letting it crack.

"What a night," he chuckled, grimacing immediately afterwards. "Motherfucking shit, I can't even fucking laugh without it feeling like someone's stabbing me."

My hands fluttered over him, trying to find a way to make him feel better. Knowing it was useless, I let my hand fall limp.

Edward eyed me carefully. "You look terrible."

I raised an eyebrow. He was the one on a hospital bed all scratched up, bruised, and braced, yet he thought _I_ looked terrible.

"Well thanks," I said sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood. "You didn't find me so repulsive a little while ago on the football field."

Edward laughed but then hissed right after. "Fucking motherfuckers!" He panted slightly. "Try not to make me laugh, okay? It hurts like a bitch."

"I'm so sorry," I said, chagrined. The pained expression on his face sent a pang through me. "Is it the ribs? It's the ribs, isn't it?"

He nodded, still grimacing, but then smoothed his features. "You don't have to stay. You look tired. Maybe you should-"

"Edward!" He was cut off by a panicked voice, and my head snapped up to see Esme bursting through the door.

Carlisle was right behind her.

Edward blanched, his face frozen into a mask of shock. I felt my stomach twist at the sight of Carlisle, not forgetting our last encounter.

"Oh Edward sweetheart, we've been so worried!" Esme cried, practically throwing herself at him. Her hands fluttered over her son like mine had, desperately searching for a way to ease his pain.

Edward stared past her, his eyes on his father, who stood hesitantly in the doorway. My body felt ice cold and I felt myself cringing back, away from Edward's parents.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Edward murmured; the question was for his mother but his eyes never left Carlisle. He stood in a simple blue button up shirt and trousers, still breathtakingly handsome. Still, I could never forget the malice I had once seen in his icy blue eyes.

"What do you mean?" Esme sniffed. "We came to see you, of course." She had yet to acknowledge my presence and that was fine by me. The less attention I drew to myself, the better.

Edward's brows remained pulled together and his father met his gaze evenly.

"I got a call from Lauren Mallory's mother this morning," Esme explained, lovingly running her hand through Edward's messy hair. Edward glanced at me worriedly before finally looking at his mother. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were narrowed slightly. "She was offering me her sympathy but I didn't know what she was going on about. Then she mentioned the accident, and I nearly had a heart attack. Oh, look at you! What's the doctor said, when will you be able to come home?"

Edward ignored his mother completely and nodded towards Carlisle, who had now stepped into the room and was just a few inches away from the foot of the bed. "What's he doing here?"

Esme looked from Edward to Carlisle with puzzlement. "He was worried about you."

Edward snorted. "More like he was your ride here." His voice was thick with sarcasm and resentment.

"I wanted to see how you were," Carlisle said coolly, taking another step closer. "It's not an entirely ridiculous thought."

"You see me, I'm alive. Now leave," Edward replied icily.

"Edward, stop, please," Esme said, clenching her eyes shut. She opened them, revealing something frantic in their green depths. "Is it so hard to believe that your father cares for you?"

This all felt too personal for me to be there, but I wouldn't be able to leave the room without passing right by Carlisle and without drawing unwanted attention to myself.

There was a wild, slightly maniacal look in Esme's eyes, a look I had never seen before. I didn't know if it was because her son was in a hospital, or because of something else altogether.

"Yes," Edward answered his mother's question stoically.

Suddenly his head whipped up to look over Esme's shoulder, at the doorway.

Rosalie and Emmett had come back.

Rosalie's face was blank, her eyes on Carlisle's back. Emmett stood in front of her, at an angle that made it look like he was trying to shield her. He glared at Carlisle like he wanted nothing more than to start pounding his face in. The look in Rosalie's eyes was cold; never had I seen her look at anyone like that.

Esme and Carlisle followed our gazes, and Carlisle stiffened when his eyes fell on his daughter.

This was bad. Very, very bad.

"Mum," Rosalie said quietly. "What are you doing here?"

Esme stood up and sniffed, staring at Rosalie.

"Rosalie, why didn't you tell me?" she asked, sounding hurt. "Katherine Mallory rang me this morning, asking how Edward was. Her daughter came home last night and told her about the accident, so when she offered me her condolences, I had no idea what she was talking about! Your father was at a meeting this morning, so I had to wait for him to return with the car before we could come here. How could you not tell me about this? We're his parents."

Rosalie glanced briefly at Carlisle, who was now staring blankly at the floor, a solemn look on his face.

Esme had a point, but didn't she even think that Rosalie and Carlisle in the same room was bad news? I couldn't imagine what Rose was feeling, and at that point I wanted Esme and Carlisle to leave so that the tension in the room wouldn't be so suffocatingly thick.

"I didn't want to worry you," Rose said emotionlessly. "I was going to call, though, very soon. It's just been a bit hectic."

Suddenly Carlisle's astonished voice rang out, "You're engaged."

Everyone looked at him to see that his stare was on Rosalie's engagement ring, an impressive rock that rested on the ring finger of her left hand. He glanced at Emmett briefly before looking at her ring again.

"Yes," Rose replied seriously, her chin lifted.

"You didn't think it was something we should know?" Carlisle murmured, eyes downcast. His voice sounded cold.

"Mum knows," Rosalie said, monotone.

Carlisle's eyes flashed to Esme, who suddenly looked guilty.

Carlisle took his cold glance away from Esme before staring at Rosalie's ring again; he never looked her in the eyes.

"When is it?" he asked.

"What's it to you when the hell the wedding is?" Emmett snapped, and Rosalie put a calming hand on his arm.

"It's in July," she stated simply. "London."

Emmett looked at her in disbelief, like he couldn't believe she was giving her father that kind of information, but Rose kept her resentful glare at an area just above Carlisle's shoulder.

"What?" Edward's voice cut through the tension and then all eyes were on him.

"It's in London?" he said incredulously. "You're kidding me, right?"

Before anyone could say anything more, a nurse arrived to inject pain meds into Edward's IV. It was completely silent as she did her thing, and on her way out she informed us that there couldn't be more than three people in the room, not including Edward.

"We were just leaving," Carlisle said coolly. "Esme."

Emmett stepped aside with a glower, not taking his eyes off of Carlisle as he left the room. Esme looked to Edward with one last parting glance before following Carlisle, looking forlorn.

The room was dead quiet afterwards. No one met anyone else's gaze and my heart was still thudding from the anticipation that something crazy might occur. I was glad nothing got out of hand, but I wondered how this had affected Rosalie emotionally.

A quick glance in her direction showed that she was deep in thought; Emmett was watching her warily, his arm still protectively around her. She didn't look hurt or afraid; she just looked thoughtful.

Edward was watching me with concern and I gave him a tentative smile to assure him that I was okay.

"Well, shit," Emmett said. "I thought the shit was gonna hit the fan."

Rosalie took a deep breath, looking worn out, and walked over to the armchair in the corner.

She plopped down and leaned back tiredly. "I don't understand why Mum didn't tell him."

"Maybe she didn't want him to come to the wedding," Emmett suggested. "Fuck, I don't even want that asshole to come."

"Me neither," Rose mumbled distractedly. "But he has to let Mum come, though. She's a grown woman; she doesn't need her husband to allow her to go places. She has to come. She must."

"Rose, why the fuck is it in London though?" Edward asked, sounding agitated. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"I don't see why not," she told him. "Most of my friends are there, and I can't think of a better place. Believe it or not, I feel homesick every once in a while, too." Her voice grew a little quieter, "You know why I came to America. Even though it was a lost cause, seeing as the person I wanted to get away from ended up moving into the same state, I'm still making Forks my home. That doesn't mean I can't have my wedding where I want, and it'll be easier for the guests as well, since most of them are in the UK anyway. Besides, weren't you saying you wanted to move back to London once you turned eighteen? Your birthday is just a month away."

My heart stopped momentarily and I looked at Edward for an explanation.

Moving back to London?

Edward took in my expression sheepishly and then rolled his eyes at Rose.

"In case you haven't noticed, sis, things are a bit different now. There's no fucking way I'm moving back to London if Bella is here."

I felt the tightness in my chest relax as Rosalie smiled. "I know that. I was just wondering if you'd changed your mind."

Edward shook his head.

"You know, Rose," he murmured, brows pulled together. "To be quite honest . . . I don't want to go back. Ever."

I couldn't help but feel a bit smug, but Rose was staring at him as Emmett just looked uninterested.

"Edward," Rose said slowly. "You are going to my wedding."

Edward snorted and then winced. "Ow. Yeah, I didn't say I'm not going, of course I'm going. But just so you know, I'll be in the hotel room a majority of the time, only leaving for your wedding and then coming back to the States when the pair of you are off to the honeymoon. I just don't want . . ."

He trailed off, and I knew what he was trying to say.

He didn't want to run into anyone he had issues with, i.e. his ex girlfriend and ex best friend.

"I understand," Rose told him gently. "But do you really want to be cooped up in a hotel the whole time?"

Edward shrugged, his eyes droopy, as sleep threatened to overtake him once more.

* * *

We spent the whole day at the hospital. When Rose and Emmett would go to get food, Edward and I would watch cable on the small TV and make fun of the soap operas. It was hard not really being able to touch any part of him other than his hand, because I was afraid I would unintentionally hurt him. He fell asleep a few times, but we always ended up waking him up after a while. I was the only one he didn't curse at when being shaken awake, so after a while Rose and Emmett gave up on trying and let me take care of that.

Rose made a trip home and brought him some things to keep him entertained, but he couldn't really use any of it. He couldn't draw in his sketchbook since his right arm was busted, he couldn't comfortably hold a book open with one hand, and he'd rather talk to me than listen to his iPod.

At the end of the day it was time to go home, and this time it was Emmett that would be staying the night with Edward.

I was sad to leave, and I knew Edward felt the same. His entire face fell when Rose said that it was time to leave for a little while.

"I'll be back tomorrow," I promised him. I tried to make sure my voice wasn't too shaky. I was anxious leaving him like this.

"I'll be waiting," he said, smiling, but his eyes betrayed the pain he was feeling in watching me go.

I wanted to hug him or kiss him or something. I couldn't just . . . walk out.

Edward must have felt the same, because he crooked his finger at me, smirking. "Come here. Quick."

I grinned and leaned down, gently taking his injured face in my hands and pressing my lips to his. His kiss was gentle and sweet, and I smiled against his mouth. His lips were a little chapped and there was a cut in his lower one, but he still tasted the same.

Tantalizing.

When we pulled away, both reluctantly, Emmett and Rose turned away as if they had been watching.

Emmett walked over to me and opened his arms. I walked into them and he held me tight.

"See you tomorrow, okay?" he said. "Get some sleep."

I nodded against his chest and pulled away, unzipping my hoodie because it was a little warmer now. Edward's jacket was slung over my arm. I'd definitely be sleeping with it in my arms tonight, since its owner couldn't be.

I was about to walk away and meet Rose at the door, when Emmett held on to my arm, his eyes frozen on my neck.

"What. The. Fuck. Is. _That_?" he asked, sounding shocked and almost angry.

I stared at him confusedly and reached up to the spot he was possibly staring at. My fingers met a sore spot.

I immediately remembered Edward's warm lips on my skin, sucking and nibbling.

My face went red.

The hickey.

_Oh, crap._

"It's nothing," I mumbled, pulling my arm away from his grip.

"Nothing?" he repeated incredulously, and suddenly his glare was on Edward.

"Took you long enough to notice," Edward said, rolling his eyes. He was unhindered by Emmett's death glare.

"Are you kidding me?" Emmett said to him. "That's almost the same as a fucking bruise and after everything that she went through-"

"Emmett, stop," I said. "Leave him alone."

"Bella, he left a _mark_. What the hell were you two up to last night?"

"You don't wanna know," Edward smirked, and I began to wonder if he had a death wish. Then again, he probably knew Emmett wouldn't hurt him since he was already on a hospital bed.

"You should be glad we're in a hospital," Emmett told him. "I swear to God I'll send your ass back to the ER if you so much as-"

"Oh, would you just stop?" Rose interfered, grabbing Emmett's arm and glaring up at him. "Stop being ridiculous, it's just a hickey."

Her nonchalance was startling, and we all looked at her in surprise.

"Just?" Emmett repeated. "Rose-"

"It's nothing," she told him. "It's prom, I'm sure there was a little . . . something going on. Trust me, they wouldn't have done anything stupid. Right?" She looked at us over her shoulder with a cocked eyebrow.

Both Edward and I nodded immediately and Emmett narrowed his eyes.

"Now, I trust you'll be nice to my brother," Rose said to Emmett. "Don't irritate him, the boy is already irritated enough."

I found myself zipping up my hoodie again, and lifting the hood. Rose and I left the room with parting waves, and I smiled at Edward shyly before we headed out.

"Thanks," I said to Rose once we were in the elevator. "For making sure Emmett didn't pounce on Edward."

Rose smiled. "Don't worry about it." She hesitated for a moment. "So . . . a hickey. That's a big step."

I blushed and looked away. "Yeah."

"You two are being careful, right?"

"We didn't do anything!" I said quickly.

"I didn't say you did." She smiled warmly. "Just making sure my brother is being a gentleman."

I blushed even harder and bit my lip. "Yeah. He's perfect."

She laughed and the mood immediately lifted.

"So, Bella," she said casually, once we were in the car. "What do you say to being a bridesmaid?"

I looked at her in shock. "What? Me?"

She nodded, grinning widely. "Who else? You know you're like a sister to me. I want you to be a special part of the wedding."

"Wow. That's . . . wow. I'd love to."

"I'm glad," she said. "I think you'll like London. Besides, I need you to keep Edward . . . _distracted _while we're there. He'll need it."

She had no idea how much I understood what she meant.

* * *

**A/N:** I need to give a huge, enormous, elephant-sized thanks to **lyleslove** for all the medical info. I am completely ignorant in that particular area.

Next stop... London! ;)


	32. The English Way

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

_**Chapter 32- The English Way**_

_I will never give up on you for_  
_All the times you sat and sang to me,  
Tried to make me better  
So now I'll try to let you know that  
This is the English way to make us all fit back together_

**The English Way- Fightstar**

* * *

**Edward POV**

Every single fucking thing had been working against me for almost two months now. I was pretty convinced that God, if there was one since I wasn't sure what I believed in when it came to religion, hated me. If there was a higher power, I was sure I was loathed up there because the past ten weeks had been complete and utter crap.

Everything went down the shithole on prom night. It was turning out to be one of the best nights of my life, and fucking Paul had to ruin it all. Stupid, cock sucking wanker.

See, I had just gone back to get my Bella something to drink, when I overheard Paul and his cronies talking about her. At first I thought they were talking about some other girl, but then I heard her name.

".. and Bella, _hot damn_," Paul was saying, not bothering to keep his voice down. "What I wouldn't give to get under that dress."

For a second I was frozen, the empty plastic cup in my hand crushed under my fingers as the anger swelled. I looked towards Paul, who was just about a foot away with his back to me. His friends were on his other side, so they saw me glaring at the back of his head. They saw the furious expression on my face and tried to silently tell him to shut the fuck up because I was about to break some necks.

Paul, like the idiot he was, kept on rambling. "I mean, I can't believe that's _Bella Swan_. Quiet, shy, virginal Bella. Now I can see what Jake saw in her. She obviously has some potential to be a sexy little thing. Cullen's so fucking lucky; first he gets rid of Jake and then he gets the girl. I bet he's already tapped that ass, and it was probably a pretty tight ass, too-"

"Edward, don't!" Alice's cry from somewhere barely registered with me right before I pounced.

Everything else after that was a blur. All I knew was that he was being vulgar about Bella, _my _Bella. The asshole needed to keep his mouth shut about what wasn't his, and I was willing to teach him that lesson. There were fists and pain that I didn't really notice, and then other voices and hands were pushing us towards the door and telling us to take it outside. That was fine by me. I'd fuck him up in a church if I had to, as long as I got the job done.

Before I knew it I was shoved, hard, and a second later it was like I had been bombed. The entire right side of my body exploded into the worst pain I had ever experienced. My vision darkened and it felt like I was being murdered by men with spiked clubs, who mercilessly beat down on me.

All I could think was, _I'm dying. I'm dying and Bella is out there, alone. I'm never going to see her again . . . I never even told her that I love her._

The pain was making it hard to think and breathe, and I didn't know if I was crying or screaming or what. Bella was the only thing on my mind, and for the first time in a long time I was praying to a God I wasn't even sure existed. All I could think was, _take care of her. Make sure she's always safe and happy. Send me to hell, I don't care, as long as she keeps living on this earth, and as long as she lives a long, happy life._

After that I couldn't really remember much except waking up and passing out over and over. I knew I was alive by now, but I also knew that I was close to being the opposite. I tried to fight the darkness as much as I possibly could, my only thought being the girl that I was leaving behind.

Things became a bit clearer once I was all braced up and medicated, and especially after I was able to see and talk to Bella. It felt like mere seconds from the time that I was hit by a motherfucking car to the time that I was lying in a hospital bed.

Going home was a pain in the ass. I hated being restrained in any way, and the cast on my arm did just that. As if that wasn't enough, my ribs were all taped up and it hurt to do things that people did every day, like laugh. Basically, I was disabled, and I tried to rebel against the doctors and not use the stupid crutches, but it ended up being a necessity.

After the larger injuries had healed, I still had a brace on my knee and I also had a limp. I was forced to do leg therapy and shit, and they put me on pain meds that made me sound like I was permanently drunk. I couldn't attend graduation, which was two weeks after prom, but I didn't really care. I was glad to get out of wearing that ugly yellow gown. Besides, as some kind of punishment for the fight at prom, Paul and I weren't allowed to attend the ceremony. They still sent me my diploma, and that was enough.

What I hated most was that I couldn't stay at Bella's anymore. For the first few weeks of recovery I had to go to my other house, where my parents lived. I was in a shit mood being away from my girlfriend, but I couldn't be in her bed when people had to help me do every fucking thing. I wouldn't burden them like that.

I could tell it was hard on Bella as well, because whenever she and Rose came to visit (which was only when my father was out) she always appeared sleep deprived. I probably looked no better. We usually talked over the phone but it just wasn't the same. Even though Bella, Rose, and Emmett visited about every other day, I didn't feel like I was athome. With the way Mum was babying me, I'd rather still be in the hospital.

Dr. Barry asked me if I was a smoker, and when I replied with the affirmative, he told me to quit cold turkey. He informed me that smoking slowed the healing process by a lot, so if I wanted to heal fast then I'd have to give up the fags. Especially since it would take me, according to the doctor, three fucking months to be completely back to normal.

I was miserable.

My birthday had come and gone in June, and that was probably one of the much more decent days. By that time I didn't need as much bed rest, so we were in the dining room when Bella, Rose, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper all came over with various smiles and gifts and cake. Bella got me a new pair of motorcycle gloves, as well as a book of American slang in return for the British slang book I had gotten her a while back. We snapped a few pictures, even though I still looked like a dying man, and we hung around a bit while my mother made some of my favourite food. It was a pretty nice night, with the people I cared about the most.

Now it was mid-July and Rosalie's wedding was days away. I was no longer immobile, but I still had a compression brace on my knee and a slight limp. Still, I could get around easily enough. For now, my main focus was making sure that this was a good summer for Bella.

Especially since the summer before had been the worst of my life.

* * *

"Someone shove a sock in that kid's mouth," I groaned.

We were on the airplane, on our way to London, and some woman's one-year-old child wouldn't shut the fuck up.

"Maybe he's hungry," Bella said.

"I don't give a fuck, it's giving me a concussion all over again."

Bella glared at me, not appreciating my reference to a past injury. We sat by the windows, where the seats were in pairs. Rose and Emmett sat behind us, an elderly couple sat in front of us, and in the row next to ours was the couple with their annoying wretch of a child.

The child let out another high-pitched wail that I could have sworn made me go deaf in my left ear.

"For fuck's sake!" I said out loud. "Shut him up before I chuck him out the window!"

Several passengers stared at me wide-eyed as the couple glowered at me.

"What's that, boy?" the father of the child said. He was a pudgy man, probably in his thirties, and he had a British accent. "You got something to say, you little twit?"

Ah, yes. Good ol' English folk.

"Yeah, how about you shove a-"

A sharp smack to the back of my head cut me off and I whirled around to see Rose glaring at me. Emmett was hiding his laughter in the crook of his arm.

"Knock it off," she hissed. She then turned to the couple. "Please excuse my brother's rudeness. He's recently hit his head."

I opened my mouth to respond to that when an air hostess came to ask if anything was wrong.

Bella gave me a look that said, "Shut up, you're embarrassing me" so I let Rose do all the talking and decided to sulk for the rest of the way there.

"Fucking kids," I mumbled, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. "Can't stand them."

When I opened my eyes and looked down, Bella's gaze was almost . . . sad.

"What?" I asked.

She blinked, as if realising that I saw something in them, and looked away. "Nothing."

"Tell me," I said. After all, communication was key and shit, right?

She shook her head again, staring off into space.

I sighed, frustrated. Now, I wasn't the kind of guy that wanted to hear about other peoples' feelings, but Bella was the only exception. I wanted to know everything she was feeling. Always.

I took her hand and brought it to my lips so she would look at me.

She did, and I looked at her from under my eyelashes, a trick that I recently discovered. It worked like a charm whenever I wanted her to tell me something. She told me it "dazzled" her, whatever the fuck that meant.

"Tell me, please?" I asked again, kissing her knuckles. I kept my gaze on hers and tried to keep a straight face, which was hard because her eyes look hypnotized and her mouth was hanging open a bit.

"You don't like kids," she mumbled sadly.

My brows furrowed. "No."

"Not at all?"

I kept her fingers in mine as I lowered our hands. What was she on about? "Nope. Not in the slightest."

"I do," she stated wistfully.

Oh.

_Oh.._**.**

Bella wanted kids. Someday.

"Oh," I said, taken aback for a second. "You want one of those little buggers?"

Bella huffed and pulled her hand out of mine, crossing her arms in front of her chest like a pouty toddler.

"They're human beings, Edward," she said, glaring at the seat in front of her.

Why was she so touchy about this?

I didn't say anything as I tried to absorb this new piece of information. Bella wanted children someday. This was kind of a big deal.

I mean I really, _really _couldn't stand kids. They were just so whiny and needy and messy and just too much of a hassle. Not to mention that you had to teach them how to take a piss in the toilet and how to use utensils and all that simple shit.

And honestly, I didn't think I would make a good father. I knew I would never be a useless old fuck like my own dad, but I didn't think I would be very good.

I did plan on being with Bella forever, but did she require children in order to be happy? That was all I really asked for, but how selfish was I?

I pondered this a little until it was announced that we would be landing. Soon the plane was going downward and Bella grabbed my hand tightly; going up and going down made her anxious.

Once we were done with what we had to do in the airport and I was sure no one fucked around with my luggage, we headed out into the British air.

I knew it was a weird thing to think, but England smells like England. The second we stepped out of Heathrow Airport, I took a deep breath. It was hard to place a name on the scent, but I'd be able to recognize the difference between the air of England and the air of Washington.

I was filled with an odd kind of nostalgia and for a moment I just stood there. It didn't quite hit me that I was back in England, that I was back on British soil. It felt good to be back, and it felt amazing to have Bella here with me. Somehow it made it feel more like home.

Rosalie headed over to a cab and I took Bella's hand. She stood, transfixed, staring ahead of her in disbelief. I didn't know what she was staring at. The view from here wasn't much. The airport wasn't in central London, so Bella was basically looking at the empty sky and trees here and there.

I nudged her. "England to Bella."

She smiled up at me (clearly I was forgiven for the children thing). "I've always wanted to come here."

I grinned down at her. She looked so fucking adorable. Her t-shirt was gray and had a Union Jack on it, but the red and blue stripes of our flag were actually guitar handles. The image was faded, making the t-shirt look vintage and very cool.

"Well, here you are," I said.

"Edward, hurry!" Rose said, and I looked up to see her nodding towards the taxi. The driver helped load our luggage, which wasn't much since we were only staying about a week and a half, and I limped towards the backseat. The compression brace that was still on my knee made me walk like I had a peg leg. It was fucking irritating.

Rosalie and Emmett were having their wedding at the Regal Garden Hotel, a five star hotel in London. The ceremony itself would take place on the grounds out back. There was supposedly a lake back there, and acres of grass and beautiful scenery or whatever. Then the reception would take place inside, in one of the halls. Emmett had made me groomsman, so Bella and I would be walking down the aisle together, which I didn't mind so much.

But since having the wedding at the hotel wasn't cheap, we wouldn't be staying there.

We were going to be staying at my Aunt Kate and Uncle Garrett's place, until the day before the wedding. I was gutted.

It wasn't that I didn't like my aunt and uncle. They were fine. My mum's sister was like the sane version of my own mother, and Uncle Garrett was very laid-back about everything. They were extremely hospitable people. Aunt Kate was still in contact with Mum, and she had found happiness in the lifestyle my mother escaped from. They had always been close growing up, even when my mother ran off with Carlisle.

Aunt Kate and Uncle Garrett didn't know about Carlisle and what he did to Rose. That was something of a secret. They did, however, know that he was an alcoholic and figured that our estranged relationship with him was because of that. They didn't like him any more than I did.

Originally they had lived in Norwich, but now they lived in a very large, mansion type of home in London, not far from the hotel where the wedding was. Uncle Garrett was some type of business tycoon, though he was far wealthier than my own dad. Most of it was inheritance.

I didn't want to stay with my aunt and uncle because, for one thing, it would be too cluttered. They had three children for fuck's sake, and my aunt and uncle were incredibly social people. They always had their mates round, and it could get annoying after a while. I hoped that while we were there, they refrained from inviting people over.

* * *

The drive from the airport to my aunt's place was almost an hour, and Bella fell asleep with her head on my shoulder. I was just dozing off when the driver pulled up outside the house and I rubbed my eyes sleepily as Rose paid him.

The house was large, square, three-stories, and brick. A lot of the houses in London were. There was a black gate in front and the windows were all square. It was a nice house, not intimidating or anything. It was located in a non-busy part of the city so there were buildings around, but it's not like you could see Big Ben from here.

Bella was looking around in awe, her eyes on the surrounding buildings and houses.

"This is so pretty!" she said as Emmett pulled our suitcases from the taxi. He handed me mine along with Bella's.

"Just wait til you see the center of it all," I told her.

The gate out front didn't really have a lock or anything, so we swung it open and walked right down the brick driveway and towards the big wooden door. Rose and Emmett lead the way and Bella held onto my arm, her grip tight.

"I'm nervous," she whispered.

"Don't be. Aunt Kate and Uncle Garrett are great."

"Is this house haunted?"

I raised a brow. "Um, I don't know. I've never been here. They moved into this place less than a year ago"

Bella was chewing on her lip just as the door flew open and Aunt Kate grinned out at us.

"Look at you all!" she cried excitedly, coming down the front steps. She was followed by a man who I was sure was a butler, and he helped the driver of the taxi carry our luggage inside.

Aunt Kate was a tall woman, a bit thinner and less curvier than my mum. They had the same colour hair, though Kate's eyes were gray instead of green. She wore gray trousers and a loose-fitting pink top, her hair pulled into an elegant bun. Her face held the same kind of warmth my mother's usually had.

"You must be Emmett!" she said, looking up at him. "You're so large, what do you eat? Look at those arms, oh my!" He held out his hand for a handshake but she hugged him, catching him by surprise. Once she was done gushing over Rose and congratulating them, she pushed them aside to look at me and Bella.

"Oh my," she said quietly, resting her hands on her hips. "Look at you, Edward. I swear, you get handsomer and handsomer every time I see you." She pulled me into a hug and I felt my neck grow hot; compliments from family always embarrassed me somewhat.

Finally she turned to Bella with a warm smile. "And you, my darling, must be Bella. Look at you, you're so precious! I've heard so much!"

Bella then became victim to one of Aunt Kate's crushing hugs and she looked nervous, flustered.

"Well I can't keep you all out here!" Kate said, pulling away and heading for the door. "Come in, have some tea!"

Bella gave me a nervous smile and we followed Aunt Kate into the house.

"So the tea thing is true, huh?" Bella whispered, smirking.

I chuckled. "It's one of the only stereotypes that actually has some accuracy to it, yes."

The inside was large, bright and warm. It was everything my mother tried to accomplish, but never really did, not to this magnitude. Even though my aunt and uncle had two maids, a butler, and a nanny, you could tell that Kate had touched the rooms with her own love and affection.

It was weird being served by maids. I was perfectly capable of pouring myself a cup, even though I didn't even like the stuff, so it was awkward to have someone else do it for me. After a little chat which mainly involved Rose and Emmett doing most of the talking, we got a tour of the house.

While we were on the second floor and Kate lead us to the staircase that lead to the third, something small collided with my leg, the same one that had the compression on it.

"What the fuck," I said, stumbling. I regained my balance and looked down. It was a little girl.

She sat on her ass, looking up at me in surprise and borderline fear.

"Lucy, sweetheart, please don't run in the house," Aunt Kate chided.

Lucy, who looked to be about three or four, got to her feet and shyly went to her mother.

"Rose, Edward, do you remember Lucy?" Kate asked.

Rose said yes at the same time I said no.

"You've gotten so big!" Rose cooed. "Last time I saw you you were a little baby! What about Michael and David? Where are they?"

"Oh, you know boys," Kate said, waving a hand dismissively. "Probably off being mischievous somewhere. Say hello to everyone, Lucy."

Lucy hid behind her mother's leg, letting her blonde curls fall into her face.

"Hi," she whispered.

Everyone said their hellos while I just stood there. I was awkward with kids.

After Lucy ran off, keeping a large distance from me, Kate lead us up to the third floor.

"She was so adorable," Bella said, sounding distant.

"Yeah," I replied, because I didn't know what else to say.

"Your rooms are up here," Kate said once we got to the landing. The hallway was just as long as the others; a large window at one end lit it up brightly. The walls were painted a tan colour, and the doors were wooden.

"Rosalie, Emmett," Kate said, opening a door on the left wall. "This will be your room. Until the night before the wedding, of course." She laughed and let them go in and unpack before turning to us with a bright smile.

"Now, you two will be in here," she said. "I figured you'd want to share a room."

"You figured right," I said, smirking at Bella. As expected, she blushed.

Kate opened the door to a bright room with a large bed and pale green walls. It looked like a hotel room, scrubbed clean and in perfect order. Our suitcases sat on the bed.

"I'll leave you to unpack and then you can join me for dinner. We need to catch up!" She placed a loving hand on Bella's cheek. "And I want to know more about this beauty."

She winked at me and then shut the door behind her, leaving us alone.

"She's so nice," Bella said, smiling.

"Yeah, Kate's cool," I replied, unzipping a suitcase.

Bella wrapped her arms around me from behind, resting her head on my back.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"We have a bedroom all to ourselves for a week and a half."

She was silent and I turned around to see her blushing furiously.

Without warning I attacked her, grabbing her and throwing her onto the bed with my lips crushed against hers.

She laughed and kissed me back, wrapping her arms around my neck.

My hand went up her t-shirt for just a second before we were interrupted.

"Ewww! Gross!"

My head whipped up to see a small face peeking out of the wardrobe.

Bella pushed me off and sat up, staring at the little boy's face.

"What the fuck," I groaned, getting a little pissed. "This place is infested with children."

Bella scowled at me and then hesitantly climbed off the bed, walking towards the wardrobe door.

"Hi," she said quietly. "What's your name?"

The little boy, who had a mop of hair the same color as Kate's, stared at her warily.

"David," he replied. "Who're you?"

"I'm Bella." She pointed to herself. "And that's Edward, your cousin."

David looked at me like he had no idea who I was.

"What the fuck are you doing in the closet?" I asked him. I didn't bother trying to take the harshness out of my voice.

He suddenly looked scared and averted his gaze to look at the floor. Served him right, little fucker. Who the hell does he think he is, interrupting my Bella time?

Bella glared at me before turning to David again. She crouched down to his level.

"What _were_ you doing in the closet?"

"Hiding," he replied.

"From who?"

"Michael."

"Why?"

"We're playing hide and seek."

Suddenly the door flew open and another boy, who looked to be about ten, stood there.

"Found you!" he shouted.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I said, plopping down on the bed. "How many of you are there?"

David ran out of the closet and ambushed Michael. "Tag, you're it!"

The two boys ran off, slamming the door shut behind them. I sighed as Bella looked after them with a fond smile on her face.

Damn, she really did love kids. Fuck.

She stood up and gave me a look of disapproval.

"You don't have to be so mean to them, you know," she said.

"I was not mean," I countered. "I just tell it like it is."

She rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to speak but before she could scold me some more I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her on top of me.

I held her head in my hands and tilted it up so that my lips would have better access to her neck. Her breathing was slightly erratic as she gasped, "We have-to-un-pack."

I ignored her and kept sucking on her skin, but being careful this time because I didn't want Emmett to have an aneurysm at the sight of another hickey. I was tempted to give her another one though, just to piss him off.

I ran my tongue over her throat and she moaned.

"Shh," I said. "There are kids in the house."

There was a sharp knock on the door and I froze. Bella climbed off of me and straightened her clothes.

"You guys done unpacking?" came Emmett's voice from the other side. He threw the door open, looking between us swiftly.

"Not yet," Bella said, fidgeting and going over to the suitcase.

"Chill the fuck out," I told him. "We're getting to it."

"Hurry, I'm starving and your aunt made something good for dinner."

"How do you know?"

He pointed to his nose. "Fuckawesome food radar, right here."

With that he left the room, making a point to leave the door open.

When Bella and I unpacked like we were supposed to and headed out, I glanced at the doorknob.

"Good," I said. "There's a lock. We'll need it tonight."

**

* * *

**

**Bella POV**

We had been in London for all but five hours and I was already in love with it. So we hadn't been to the best part of the city yet, but I'd been entranced ever since we landed. The airport itself was gigantic, and I still couldn't quite fathom that I was in London. I had always wanted to come here, and now here I was, with my brother, future sister-in-law, and amazing boyfriend.

I had been nervous ever since I found out that we wouldn't be staying in a hotel, but with Edward's aunt and uncle. I wasn't sure what they would be like or how they would treat us. All I knew was that they were wealthy, and that always made me feel a little self conscious.

However, Kate and Garrett were not what I had expected. Kate was extremely sweet, warm, and loving. It was hard to be anxious around her and she had the same kindness I had once seen in Esme's face. Garrett, who had come back from work right before dinner, wasn't what I had expected, either. He was tall, balding, and hilarious. He was constantly cracking jokes and the smile on his face lit up a room. The two were very, very welcoming and after a while I felt perfectly comfortable in their mansion of a home.

The only thing I wasn't comfortable with was being waited on. Kate and Garrett had maids and butlers, as well as a nanny that ran after the adorable little kids, and it was so strange to have someone clean up after me and bring me things. Kate and Garrett were perfectly nice to them, but I just felt odd being treated like I was someone superior.

After a delicious dinner that Kate made herself, the jetlag started to kick in. We all bade goodnight to everyone and headed up to our rooms to go to bed.

This was the first time that Edward and I would be sharing a room since the accident, so I was feeling a little skittish. I didn't think that anything had changed much, but I was feeling a nervous sort of excitement.

I changed for bed in the bathroom, pulling on a pair of shorts and a tank top. I normally wore PJ's, but it was just so humid in England. The sweats I usually wore wouldn't suffice if I wanted a good night's sleep.

When my teeth were squeaky clean and my face was washed of the day's anxiety, I pulled the bathroom door open. Light from the inside filtered into the dark bedroom, illuminating Edward's figure from where he lay in bed.

I felt shy all of a sudden. This was the most skin I'd ever shown him, not including the prom dress.

Edward lifted his head, squinting at the light.

"Why are you just standing there?" he laughed. "Come here."

I bit my lip, my stomach fluttering with irrational butterflies.

I switched the light off and waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness before I walked over to the bed and crawled to Edward's side.

He pulled me into his arms and I felt like I was home.

I sighed into his bare chest, the hairs tickling my cheek. "I missed this."

He squeezed me tighter and kissed my forehead. "Me too."

His hand rested on my lower back and, despite the jetlag, I couldn't sleep. I had missed being this close to him, and I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. I couldn't ignore the electricity that clung to the darkness around us. It seemed to be intensified by the fact that we hadn't been in the same bed for almost two months.

Edward must have been thinking along the same lines, because his hand suddenly slipped up the back of my tank top. Even though his skin was warm, I shivered. His long fingers skimmed my back slowly, going back and forth. It would have been ticklish if it wasn't making me warm all over.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Is the door locked?"

"Yep." I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Good." I pushed myself off his chest and pulled his head down until I was flat against the pillow while he kissed me.

His hand was squished under my back so he pulled it out and instead pushed it up the front of my top, his warm hands sliding up until they found my bra-clad left breast. He squeezed it and I moaned while he moved so that he was hovering over me.

His warm, wet lips molded against mine and our tongues pushed against one another. His right hand hadn't left my breast and he ran his fingers over it until he could feel my nipple hardening. My breathing was shaky and warmth spread down my body until a wetness pooled between my legs. He moved onto the next boob, moving his lips to my neck until they were doing my favorite thing- sucking and nibbling.

He was careful where he put his hickey this time. This time when I cried out from the brief pain of being bitten, I felt it just above my right breast.

"Shh," he shushed me, gently kissing the mark he made. "There's like fifty other people in the house."

I nodded and bit my lip, panting a little. Something about there being other people in the house was a turn on. Maybe it was the danger of it all, the possibility of being heard. It was even more exciting, the thought that what we were doing was some dirty secret. Technically, it was.

Edward's lips left my skin and he looked down at me with smoldering eyes as his hands rested at the hem of my tank top.

I nodded in encouragement and he didn't hesitate to lift it off of me. I helped him pull the tank top off until I was in nothing but my bra and shorts . . . which were quite shorter than what I was used to.

This was . . . different.

He stared down at my chest for a few seconds, mouth slightly agape. I could feel my face grow warm but it felt good to be this exposed to him. My breasts were covered by a simple blue bra from Victoria's Secret. It matched my panties.

"You're beautiful," he mumbled.

"Me or my chest?" I giggled.

He met my eyes then and smiled slyly. "Both."

He attacked my lips again and my hands tangled themselves in his soft hair. I couldn't get enough of his taste, his smell, the feel of his soft, full lips against mine.

Edward ran his hand over my naked stomach and once again those muscles right below my belly button begged for more.

He was touching me all over, but there was one, aching place that he wasn't going. There was one spot where I needed him the most, wanted him the most.

When his lips were on my neck, I decided that I needed to guide him. How else was he going to know how ready I was?

Edward had always promised that we wouldn't do anything I wasn't ready for.

Now, I was ready for something more.

"Edward," I gasped when his lips were sucking on my neck. "Touch me."

He froze and tensed up a little, before gazing down at me in surprise.

"What?" he asked, voice husky.

"Touch me," I whispered again.

When he still remained frozen, I took his hand, which was momentarily resting just below the wire of my bra, and guided it down to the waistband of my shorts.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yes," I breathed.

He kept his eyes on mine as he slowly ran his fingers across the waistband. My breathing increased in pace and his eyes were filled with lust.

When his hand cupped my sex, I closed my eyes.

I knew I was radiating heat; I could feel it myself. I was also aching with need, and I knew he could feel that, too.

When he started rubbing me down there, I moaned loud enough to wake up the entire house.

Edward's hands froze and I bit my lip.

"Sorry," I whispered.

His eyes turned pleading. "Baby, I really don't want your brother to break the door down."

I nodded and looked pointedly at his hand resting at my core. He took my cue and kept rubbing, a little firmer this time.

It wasn't satisfying me. I knew my panties were ruined by now, but this wasn't giving me the relief I sought.

It was just driving me crazier.

"More," I begged. "Please."

That was all it took for his hands to slip underneath both my shorts and panties.

I whimpered when his fingers met my throbbing clit, and he ran his tongue over my mouth.

His fingers ran gently across my lower lips and he groaned against my mouth. My girls parts were throbbing like crazy, and I didn't know how much more I could take.

"You're so wet," Edward whispered huskily. He continued to run his finger up and down my slick lower lips and it wasn't until I bucked my hips against his hand that he finally took the initiative and slipped a finger in.

I gasped and Edward paused the movement of his lips to look at me with concern.

"Is this okay?" he asked. His finger wasn't all the way in; only a small part of it was.

I hesitated for a moment, not knowing if it would hurt.

Eventually my throbbing nether regions, need for Edward, and maddeningly clenching abdominal muscles won out over my fear of pain.

"Yes," I gasped.

"Just relax," he whispered.

I took a deep breath and let my body go limp and sink into the mattress. Ever so slowly, he pushed his finger further in.

At first there was that uncomfortable feeling of being stretched, and then the pleasure took over. It was an odd sensation to have something inside of me, and my heart was threatening to create a dent on the inside of my chest.

Edward pulled his finger out (I never realized how long his fingers actually were) and replaced it with two, stretching me even more.

"Fuck," he said, panting. "You're so tight."

In and out went his fingers, and once again I bucked my hips, making him go deeper.

"Careful," he warned. "I don't want you to lose your virginity to my fingers."

I would have giggled if I weren't so full of desire.

"Faster," I begged.

He groaned and moved his fingers faster, even inserting three. I tried my best to stifle my moans, and eventually I had to put a pillow over my mouth as my hips met his hand at a steady rhythm.

The pleasure at my core was building and building and every muscle in the lower part of my body was being pulled tight.

I was panting, hard, and it was all heat and desire and lust.

I was close, so close, but it wasn't until Edward pressed down on my clit with his thumb and curled his fingers that I screamed into my pillow, letting go of all the energy that had been building up.

I felt lightheaded as the tremors shook through me. My vision was slightly hazy and my entire body was buzzing so much I could almost hear it.

Edward pulled his fingers out, slowly, as I lay there panting. The look in his eyes was something along the lines of wonderment mixed with desire.

He leaned down and gave me a chaste kiss. "I'm so proud of you."

I giggled, feeling euphoric.

"Why?" I asked. My voice was raspy so I cleared my throat.

Edward lay down at my side and threw an arm over my stomach. "Because you handled yourself so well. We've gone pretty far, no?"

I opened my mouth to speak but then I felt something hard pushing against my thigh.

I looked down.

Oh.

"What?" Edward asked.

I was staring at the crotch of his boxers, and he followed my gaze.

Edward sighed. "Don't worry about me."

"Don't be ridiculous," I muttered.

I was still staring at his crotch, trying to figure out what to do.

"Bella?"

Hesitantly, I reached in between us to lay a finger on his hard on, with nothing in between us but the fabric of his boxers.

Edward sucked in a sharp breath and I watched his expression carefully as I willed myself to wrap my whole hand around it.

He groaned and closed his eyes as my eyes widened at the firm thickness that my hand was grasping.

And I thoughtIhad been radiating heat.

"Bella," Edward whispered, voice gritty. "You don't have to-"

"-do anything I don't want to," I finished his sentence for him. "I know. And I want to."

I was completely unsure where to go from here. I had never touched a guy's . . . cock . . . before.

I blushed at mentally thinking the word "cock."

Were they all this thick?

I was so virginal it was almost embarrassing in his presence.

Edward put his hand on mine and pushed my hand up and down his length.

Wow. And I thought his fingers were long.

"Just like that," he whispered.

He removed his hand from mine and let his arms go limp as I kept moving my hand up and down. Now it was Edward's turn to put a pillow over his mouth when I gave him an experimental squeeze.

He was panting and sweating, but I knew it wasn't enough. I needed to give him the same pleasure he gave me.

With my heart hammering a mile an hour, I reached up for the waistband of his boxers and slowly pulled them down until his arousal sprang free.

My eyes widened.

Holy crap. Talk about intimidating.

For a moment I contemplated taking it in my mouth, but that was just too frightening of a thought. I was going to be taking it slow, and I doubted it would even fit.

Edward could see my hesitation so he reached down to pull his boxers back up but I stopped him.

"No," I said. "I'm okay."

"Bella?"

"Huh?"

"Have you got lotion?"

"I think so. Why?"

"Skin burn is bad."

For a second I was completely confused, and then it sunk in.

Oh. Lubrication.

Such a virgin.

I stumbled off the bed with a hot face and went over to the dresser. Pulling a drawer open, I found the small tube of lotion and squirted a decent amount onto my shaking hand.

Once I returned to the bed, Edward tried to get me to rethink things but I told him to hush and let me do my thing. Well, it wasn't "my thing" but I really, really wanted to do this.

I bit my lip and once again took his length firmly in my hand. I did what he had just showed me, pulling my hand up and down. It was easier, smoother this way. Edward stifled his moans with the pillow and I could also make out some muffled curse words.

I started to move my hand a lot faster, and even though I had never felt so strange in my entire life, I knew I must have been doing okay because Edward was starting to writhe, his chest moving up and down with his panting.

His abdominal muscles were tightening and suddenly he sat up, pushing my hands away and pulling his back up before collapsing backwards and groaning loudly into the pillow.

There goes another pair of boxers.

Right in front of my eyes he began to soften until it wasn't stiff anymore. It was the strangest, most unbelievable thing I had ever seen.

For a second he just lay there as I watched with a pounding heart.

Then he held an arm up, motioning for me to join in.

Still clad in nothing but my bra and panties, I cuddled up next to Edward.

He started peppering my face with kisses and I giggled briefly before his lips were crushed against mine.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you," he mumbled.

My heart broke and I didn't know how to respond so I just ran my fingers over his lips.

The wetness in my panties was starting to get annoying, so I made a quick run to the bathroom with a new pair. Once I was through, Edward followed suit with a fresh pair of boxers.

When Edward returned from the bathroom, he climbed back into bed with a kiss to my brow. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," I replied honestly. I felt a little tender down south but it was a good kind of tender.

Edward planted a kiss to my lips and then held me close. "Goodnight, my Bella."

"'Night."

It only took me a minute to drift off, feeling warm and fuzzy all over.

**

* * *

**

The following day was exhausting. After a delicious breakfast, I made Edward go sight-seeing with me.

He was acting . . . strange.

At first I thought it was what we had done the night before. I started to doubt that theory after a short amount of time, only because he had been in pretty high spirits before bed and in the morning. He wasn't even mean to the little kids.

It wasn't until Rose and Emmett went to the hotel for wedding-related stuff that I brought up the fact that I wanted to go sight-seeing.

Edward agreed, but it seemed that he agreed with some reluctance. He had averted his gaze from mine and just mumbled, "Okay, if you're dying to". When I left to get ready, he seemed lost in his own thoughts.

It was hard to enjoy the beauty of London with Edward looking so anxious. His smiles were forced, his kisses stiff, and his eyes troubled. He looked stressed out while we were on the double-decker bus, while we rode in the London Eye, while I snapped pictures of any and everything.

Every now and then he would point out places he would hang out- pubs, music halls, bookstores, record stores, lounges. He said that he never stayed in one place for too long. He was always on the go, moving from place to place and from people to people. He caused trouble any and everywhere, did almost anything for a good adrenaline rush. He explained how he and his friends always used to try and provoke the guards that stood outside of Buckingham Palace in their red coats and tall, furry hats. Those men were always standing ramrod straight with professionally mastered expressions of seriousness. Nothing you would say or do would get them to talk or move- well, unless you tried to trespass.

Even as Edward told me about these places, his tone was bored. I didn't miss how his eyes would glance nervously here and there, how he'd scan large crowds. He took me to a restaurant that he said had the best fish and chips ever, and he was right. They served the food in paper, and when I looked perplexed, Edward laughed and told me that they tasted best that way.

He was trying really, really hard to make this a good experience for me. It didn't matter how much he smiled or laughed; the truth was plain in his eyes.

Edward was worried, and I wanted to know why.

The sun was setting and Edward was taking me somewhere for dinner, when I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't wait for this mood to pass, so I had to talk to him.

"Okay," I sighed. "What's wrong?"

I came to a stop in the middle of the street and Edward pulled me aside so we wouldn't block the flow of pedestrians.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"You've been acting weird all day," I said softly. "Is everything okay?"

Edward snorted, but the sound was off because it wasn't real. "It's fine. C'mon, let me show you the-"

"Tell me the truth," I said quietly. "I want to know what's bothering you."

"I said it's fine," he insisted, pulling on my arm. "C'mon."

I kept my feet firmly on the ground, not budging. "Edward. I'm not blind. I appreciate you trying to put a smile on your face for me, but I can see it. Something's bothering you."

He looked away momentarily before sighing and meeting my gaze again. "Look, I just feel . . . nostalgic. Coming back here's been strange. So many memories and I'm just afraid of-"

"Oi! Fuck me, is that Edward Cullen?"

The voice came from some distance and Edward's eyes widened. "-that," he finished his sentence in a whisper.

I looked over his shoulder and saw two tall boys walking towards us. Edward was frozen, staring straight ahead with panic in his eyes. His grip on my arm tightened.

"Edward," I tugged on his arm but he didn't respond.

The two boys, one blonde and the other brunette, stopped confusedly behind Edward. I stared at them apprehensively.

"Oh c'mon, don't act like you don't know us, Barms," the blonde-haired one said.

I furrowed my brows at the strange nickname, but Edward blinked and whirled around to face them. Just like that, the panic was gone from his eyes. First there was recognition, then surprise, and then joy.

"Aha!" the brunette said. "I knew it was you! I'd recognize that I've-been-shagged hair from a mile away!"

Edward's hand in mine tightened as the brunette threw himself at him, pretending to cry hysterically as they hugged.

"We've missed you so much!" he cried dramatically, pretending to bawl. "No note, no goodbyes!"

Edward shoved him away, laughing. "Get the fuck off!"

"We see you've been busy," the blonde said, glancing at me.

"Bella," Edward said, looking at me with a gleam in his eyes. "This is Sam and Tom, the wankers I call my friends. This is Bella, my girlfriend. Hands off, bitches."

I smiled shyly and did something sort of like a wave. I was awkward with meeting new people.

"Bella," Tom, the dark haired one, said. He cocked his head to one side. "That's 'beautiful' in Italian, innit?"

"Since when do you know Italian?" Edward asked in disbelief. "You barely know English, you dimwit."

"Fuck you, asshole, I know a bit of this and a bit of that."

"Anyway," Sam, the blonde, interrupted their little argument and stuck out his hand. "Very nice to meet you, Bella. Your name doesn't do you justice. Edward's a lucky bugger."

I blushed and shook his hand as Edward glared at him. "I know you're not flirting with my girlfriend."

"Oh, a little possessive, are we?" Tom teased. "Can't say I blame you, Barms."

"Barms?" I repeated. "What, is that like a nickname?"

Edward shook his head at his friends, but they smirked and ignored his look of warning.

"Oh, she doesn't know?" Tom asked. He turned to me. "Hasn't he told you all the crazy shit-"

"Shut up," Edward hissed.

The two boys glanced between Edward and I curiously.

"Hmm," Sam pursed his lips in consideration. "I guess not."

"What?" I asked. "I wanna know."

"Bella, it's nothing," Edward said.

"Nothing?" Tom repeated. "You think burning shit is nothing?"

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Shut it," he said, looking frightening more a moment. "I'm not kidding, if you say one more word I'll destroy what's left of your balls."

Tom sighed, gazing at Edward nostalgically. Clearly he was unhindered by Edward's threat to his privates. "You haven't changed a bit, mate."

I had a million questions whirling around in my head and I was about to press for details, but Sam spoke up.

"Let's go to Pig's Head and catch up," he suggested.

"What's that?" I asked.

"A pub," Edward explained simply.

"Wait, didn't you turn eighteen last month?" Tom asked excitedly. "Hey, we're all legal now! We don't have to use those fake IDs anymore! I'm glad, I look fucked up in my photo."

"You always look fucked up," Edward smirked.

"You always look fucked," Sam laughed, glancing pointedly at Edward's hair.

"Now, now, let's keep the conversation appropriate," Tom said, trying to look serious. "There's a lady present."

"Oh I'm sorry, Tom, I didn't know our conversation offended you," Edward teased.

"You calling me a lady?" Tom asked with narrowed eyes.

"Fuck yeah I am."

"Look who's talking, the pretty boy with the pretty dick."

"Grow a dick before you start talking about mine, shitface."

They continued to insult each other and I was actually quite shocked at how mean they were to one another. Sam watched them with amusement.

"You guys are friends?" I asked at one point. "Why do you keep hating on each other?"

Sam leaned towards me. "This is the English way, babes."

"Shut the fuck up, you're going to make her think we're all mental," Sam said.

"We _are_ mental," Tom said proudly.

"You're such a twat."

"Your mum's a twat."

I raised a brow at Edward and he rolled his eyes. "Look, it's been fun with you tossers but I really need to take Bella to dinner. No pubs tonight."

"Why don't we all go to dinner together?" I suggested. From what I saw of Edward's expression, he liked these guys. They weren't the friends that betrayed him, and they were pretty hilarious. Since Edward's mood was lifted, mine was too.

"I dunno . . . " Edward hesitated.

"Oh come the fuck on!" Tom groaned. "It's been too long for you to just tell us to piss off. If you're going to leave, at least give us a fucking proper goodbye. Prick."

"Seriously, mate," Sam agreed.

Edward glanced from me to his friends.

"Let's do it," I insisted.

What could go wrong?


	33. Vulnerable

**Disclaimer: **Twilight is not mine.

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**Chapter 33- Vulnerable**

_And your slowly shaking finger tips  
Show that you're scared like me so  
Let's pretend we're alone  
And I know you may be scared  
And I know we're unprepared  
But I don't care_

_Tell me, tell me  
What makes you think that you are invincible?  
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure  
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable_

_Impossible_

**Vulnerable- Secondhand Serenade**

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**Bella POV**

As the days winded down and Rosalie and Emmett's wedding day approached, things began to get busy.

The first week had been pretty fun, and consisted of Edward and me hanging out in the city. His list of places to take me seemed endless, and occasionally we were joined by Sam and Tom. We would leave soon after breakfast and then return home right after dinner, exhausted but content.

Edward's fears of running into people from his past never really came true. After two days of being in London, he stopped glancing around skittishly and started letting himself have a good time. He was happier, more excited, and this was only heightened by the presence of his good friends.

Unfortunately, the fun had to end eventually.

Since I was a bridesmaid and Edward was a groomsman, sometimes we were forced to separate and help the bride and groom with certain things. I met the other bridesmaids, most of whom were Rosalie's best friends from high school.

Vera, a tall, blue-eyed brunette, was the maid of honor. She and Rosalie had been best friends since they were in diapers, and Vera knew everything about Rosalie, including the darker parts of her past. She was incredibly sweet and soft-spoken and treated me like a younger sister. Lee and Louise were the other two bridesmaids. They were sisters, just a year apart, and both of them had to be the most hyper people I had ever met. Well, aside from Alice. Even though they were sisters, they were complete opposites. Lee was the tallest of our group, with straight brown hair and a jovial smile. Louise was almost as short as Alice, with short red hair and freckles. Speaking of Alice, she and Jasper had flown in about four days after our arrival. Jasper was another one of the groomsmen, and Rosalie, being the awesome person that she was, had made Alice a bridesmaid as well. I didn't know what I would have done without Alice there; I had felt extremely out of place amongst Rosalie and her older friends, as kind and welcoming as they were.

Now it was two days before the wedding, our last day staying at Kate and Garrett's. The following day, the day before the wedding, we would be moving into the hotel.

Somehow Edward and I ended up home alone with the three little kids, with the exception of the maids, butlers, and nanny. Rose and Emmett were at the hotel, where the staff was helping them with last-minute preparations. I wouldn't have any bridesmaid duties until the following day, when I would help Rosalie shop for wedding favors. Kate and Garrett had left for a while, visiting some friends in Northampton.

Edward and I were taking advantage of the almost-empty house, cuddling on our bed.

Our lips pressed together over and over, the only sounds that of our breathing and our kissing. Edward's tongue waged war with my own, and it won. I let him do what he wanted and once he pulled away I moved so that I was lying on my side, facing him.

"Are we meeting up with Sam and Tom tonight?" I asked. The four of us had been hanging out almost every day since we ran into them. We'd definitely have to keep in touch.

Edward had his head resting in his left hand while his right cupped my backside.

"Not tonight," he answered. "But definitely tomorrow, since we won't have much time after the wedding."

"I'm gonna miss them."

Edward smiled. "They're worth missing, I guess. They didn't deserve me just taking off to America without saying goodbye, but I was a different person back then."

"You're not still scared, are you? About running into anyone you don't like?"

Edward hesitated and then sighed. "No. Not anymore." I couldn't tell by his expression if he was telling the truth, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I lifted my head to kiss his nose. "I'm glad."

When I glanced over his shoulder at the open doorway, I jumped. Lucy was standing there. Her blonde curls were flat on one side, and messy on the other. She was in her PJs, a purple teddy bear dangling from her right hand.

Edward followed my gaze and when he saw her standing there, he groaned, falling back onto his pillow.

"Fucking kids," he whispered.

I sat up and looked at the little girl, whose brows were furrowed worriedly.

"Hi," I said softly.

She mumbled something that I couldn't make out.

"Sorry sweetie, I didn't catch that," I said softly.

"Where's mummy?" Lucy whispered. The poor thing looked on the verge of tears.

My heart broke for her and something in me stirred when she asked where her mother was.

_Sometimes I wonder the same thing, kiddo._

I scooted off the bed and walked towards her cautiously, not wanting to scare her away.

"Your mommy went to go visit some friends," I explained, crouching down so that we were eye to eye. "She should be back soon."

Lucy blinked but didn't move and, not wanting her to leave, I decided to strike up a conversation.

"Did you just wake up from a nap?" I asked, my tone curious.

She nodded, chewing on her lower lip. I smiled. That gesture was so much like me.

"Wanna come in and chat?"

"Bella!" Edward protested. I looked over my shoulder and shot him a look. I liked kids; he'd have to deal with it.

Lucy was staring at Edward with apprehension.

"Don't worry, he won't bite," I assured her.

Edward snorted but I ignored him this time, standing up and offering Lucy my hand.

She just stared at it, still chewing on that lip.

"That's a cute teddy," I remarked. "I have one, too. Wanna see?"

Lucy's eyes lit up and she hesitantly took my hand. I grinned and lead her over to the bed, where a very unhappy-looking Edward was sitting up to make room.

I helped Lucy climb on to the bed and she sat as far away from Edward as possible, her legs crossed Indian-style. She sat dangerously close to the edge as she watched me zip open a suitcase that sat in the corner.

"Move up a bit, will you?" Edward said. I looked up to see him looking at Lucy, not me.

Lucy glanced at him, her brows furrowed.

Edward cocked an eyebrow at her. "You'll fall off the bed, kid."

My heart swelled as I watched Lucy shift her bottom so that she was closer to Edward and not on the verge of toppling over. She smiled at him shyly and he returned a small smirk.

I was frozen, watching the little scene before me like it was something much more fascinating than it actually was.

Edward's request for Lucy to move up so that she wouldn't fall off the bed was so simple, yet it tugged at my heartstrings.

Progress.

Edward glanced at me and I suddenly remembered I was supposed to be doing something. I reached down and rummaged through the suitcase until I found the old teddy bear that I had since I was five. It had been my first friend, since I was a lonely child without any real buddies to talk to. Sad, but true. It wasn't a comfort blanket, but this was my first time leaving the country and I wanted to take a little piece of home.

I walked over to the bed and sat next to Edward, across from Lucy.

"This is Bob," I said matter-of-factly.

Edward chuckled. "Bob? That's creative."

"I was five and I lacked imagination," I replied defensively. I turned back to Lucy. "What's your bear's name?"

She shrugged.

"Should we give him a name?" I asked.

Lucy nodded eagerly and I put on a show of thinking, tapping my finger against my chin and everything.

"Hmm," I pondered out loud. "How about...?"

My mind was at a complete blank.

"How about Footsie?" Edward suggested.

I turned to look at him with raised brows. "Footsie?"

Edward shrugged. "Her pajamas are purple, and so is the bear. Her pajamas are footsies. Why not?"

I stared at him a second more before bursting out into laughter. Lucy joined in; it was what kids did when they saw others laughing, even though they had no idea what was so funny.

"Quit laughing at me," Edward grumbled.

"Sorry," I gasped, trying to control my fit of giggles. "I just find it hilarious that you just named a teddy bear Footsie."

"This stays between the three of us, by the way," Edward said, giving Lucy and me a pointed look. "It's a secret, okay?"

Lucy nodded eagerly and then looked at her bear with a smile on her face.

"Do you like that Lucy?" I asked. "Footsie?"

She grinned, showing off her tiny white teeth, and then nodded fervently.

"See, I know what I'm talking about," Edward said smugly.

I rolled my eyes just as the sound of running footsteps approached.

Mildred, the nanny, stopped in our doorway, her panicked expression relaxing when she saw Lucy. Then her features settled into disapproval.

"There you are!" she chided. "I've been looking everywhere for you! Why'd you wander off, eh? You gave me quite a fright! And what are you doing in here, there's no need bothering your cousins. Come here, now, we need to get you dressed and fed."

This nanny meant business.

Lucy looked sad at being scolded and before I could say anything, Edward spoke up.

"She's not bothering us," he said, trying hard to keep his tone polite. He wasn't fooling anyone; I could hear the annoyance in his tone. "Give her a break; she was looking for her mother. You expect her to just sit around in bed and wait for someone to escort her places?"

The nanny stared at him, stunned. "Uh, I'm sorry sir, but you must understand that when I didn't find the child in her bed, it scared me quite a bit."

"Yeah, I get it," Edward replied. "But you honestly don't need to come in here and start shouting at her."

"My apologies," the nanny mumbled. "However, I will need to get her dressed and fed."

"I'll do it," I said, without thinking.

Mildred blinked at me. "Sorry, miss?"

"Take a break," I said. "I'll hang out with Lucy. I'll get her dressed and everything."

"You're insane," Edward mumbled.

"I'm not sure that would be appropriate..." Mildred hesitated. "It's my job."

"It's fine," I assured her. "Kate and Garrett won't mind. I wanna play with Lucy a little. Really, take a break or something."

Mildred laughed nervously. "I'm not sure I can take a break, really. There's a lot of running after Michael and David . . ."

"Then I'll lighten your load," I insisted. "Please."

Mildred smiled and after thanking me profusely, left the room.

Edward was staring at me.

"What?" I mumbled.

He just shook his head in disbelief.

"What?" I said again.

"You just made yourself babysitter. Good luck."

I rolled my eyes and got off the bed, holding my hand out to Lucy.

"C'mon, honey, let's get you dressed and fed and then we can play."

Lucy complied and she led me to her room while a bummed out Edward remained.

I didn't know what drove me to take care of Lucy. It was true that I adored children, and there was a part of me that wanted to look out for them. Edward's general attitude towards kids was disappointing, but his behavior towards Lucy today gave me hope. I didn't think I needed to have children in order to be happy in a relationship with Edward... but I felt like I needed them to feel complete. For now I could only hope that Edward would change his mind. I'd give him a chance.

I helped Lucy pick out an outfit and I brushed her hair for her, even pulling it up into two pigtails. She was possibly the most adorable child I had ever seen, with her bouncing curls, rosy cheeks, pouty little lips, and bright gray eyes.

Mildred came to get her for lunch and just like that I was suddenly in a melancholy mood.

**

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**

Edward was in the shower and I was taking care of some more packing for the move to the hotel, when I heard a knock. I turned around to see Emmett standing in the open doorway.

"Hey," I said. "You guys back from the hotel already?"

Emmett shoved his hands in his pockets, looking unusually nervous. "Yeah. We got most of the stuff taken care of, but the staff sorts out most of the other stuff."

He hesitated, just standing there, and I could tell something was on his mind.

"What?" I asked.

He did that really annoying thing he always does, opening his mouth and then closing it again at least three or four times.

"You wanna go for a walk?" he suddenly blurted.

I stared at him. "A walk?"

"Yeah, you know, when you put one foot in front of the other over and over, thus causing you to move forward?"

"I know what walking is, Em," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Let's go out to the garden," he suggested. "Let's just . . . talk or something. I feel like we haven't had a normal conversation in forever, what with all the wedding stuff going on. And you're always around Edward, so I figured we should just chat a little."

I nodded in agreement and followed him out, feeling a little uneasy. Emmett was fidgeting slightly, so clearly he was anxious, too.

Emmett was never anxious.

I was so used to him being solid and strong, with a nothing-bothers-me attitude. To see him so skittish was unsettling.

We walked out to the garden in an awkward silence, and it wasn't until we were further down the concrete path that separated the roses from the irises that I started talking.

"So . . ." I began awkwardly. "What brought this on?"

"Just wanted to chat," Emmett smiled in my direction, but he wouldn't meet my gaze.

"Okay, something's up," I said. "Tell me. What's it about?"

Emmett sighed. "You know I care about you, right?"

_Oh no,_ I thought. _This can't be good._

"Um, yeah."

"Well, I've been thinking . . ." He trailed off and squinted into the distance, using one hand to anxiously twist and bend the fingers of the other.

I tried to be patient, but he was honestly starting to worry me. Emmett was never at a loss for words.

"You've been thinking . . . what?" I hedged.

"About you and Edward," he said it quickly, the words jumbling together. His gaze remained straight ahead, as if the brick wall at the back of the garden was incredibly fascinating.

I stopped walking and he turned to face me at what I could only describe as a snail's pace.

"What about me and Edward?" I asked slowly.

Emmett ran his hands over his face and sighed again before dropping his arms and finally meeting my gaze. He looked nervous, worried.

"You two are . . . being careful, right?" he asked warily.

It took me a second to realize what he was talking about, and then I remembered how Rosalie had asked me the same question when we had visited Edward at the hospital.

_What. The. Hell._

"Emmett," I said quietly. "You are not about to give me a sex talk right now."

He cringed. "Don't call it that."

"So you _are_?" My voice was high-pitched and squeaky.

I could feel my face grow red and I covered it with my hands.

_Oh, the horror._

He went off on a nervous rant, speaking so quickly that I could barely make out the words. "Look, I know you're not a little kid anymore and you're in a serious relationship, and you guys have been sharing a bedroom and stuff and it just kinda scares me 'cause you know Mom had me right out of high school and that didn't work out so well. I mean, you're in love and I'm sure sometimes you feel like showing your love in other ways, like with your, well, you know, body or whatever. And I mean that's fine but the last thing we need is a baby in the house, I mean I trust you and Edward but I swear if he's not being careful or if he's making you do things you don't want to, you can tell me, and I'll set him straight. I swear, I'll rip his balls off if-"

"Oh my God, _stop_," I said. My face must have been the color of a tomato. "Stop, stop, stop, _stop_."

He broke off, looking at me apologetically.

"I'm embarrassing you, aren't I?" he asked sheepishly.

"Embarrassing is an understatement," I said, one hand still covering my face. "I'm not embarrassed, I'm traumatized."

Emmett had an odd look on his face, almost like he was stressed out. "Well, I felt like it was my responsibility."

"It's not," I protested, finally dropping my hand from my face. "Mom beat you to it ages ago. There's really no need."

"I know, I'm sorry," he said, sounding sincere. "But I just thought maybe I needed to refresh your memory or whatever."

"No, Em, no refreshing," I begged. "Please, spare me." I wanted to get the hell out of that garden.

"I had to, okay?" he said. "I get nervous whenever the two of you are in a room with the door closed."

"Emmett, what we do behind closed doors really isn't any of your business."

_Ugh, wrong thing to say, genius._

Emmett's face hardened for just the fraction of a second before it settled into resignation. "You're right. I just need some reassurance that you two aren't going crazy when the lights go out."

_The horror. Make it stop_**.**

"You're my _brother_," I said exasperatedly, as though that would make him shut up.

"I know that, kiddo, but you know I'm more than that. Just please tell me that you guys are being safe-"

"Oh my God, I'm a _virgin_ okay?" I cried. "There. I said it."

If my face was red before, it had to be along the lines of maroon now. The accompanying silence was the most awkward I had ever experienced in the presence of my brother. We just stood there, facing away from each other, staring at the ground or the flowers, anywhere but at one another.

"Um," Emmett broke the silence. "Okay. Good. That's... yeah, that's good."

I nodded, chewing on my lip.

"Because, well, he's eighteen and you're not," he added. "So, anything . . . too mature . . . would be illegal. Technically. In the states, I mean. Well, here also. Maybe."

"The age of consent in Washington is sixteen," I pointed out in a whisper.

"Shit."

"Yeah."

Of course I had done my research.

It was silent again, the wind a little too loud in my ears.

"So, um, sorry for being a very uncool brother," Emmett chuckled.

My whole body relaxed at the sound of his laughter. The worst was over.

"No, you're still cool," I said, shuffling my feet. "You're a little, well, paranoid... but that's okay. It's your job, I guess."

"You know, if you ever want to talk about... _that_ kinda stuff, Rose is available."

I smiled. "I know."

"There you are," Edward's voice rang out and I saw him walking towards us with Lucy at his heels. "I came out of the shower and you weren't there." He nodded behind him, towards the little girl. "She was looking for you as well. Wants to play or some shit."

For a second I was just staring. His messy hair was damp and darkened from the shower and he was clad in a simple white, v-neck t-shirt. The black jeans fit him like a glove, and his feet donned black and white Converse. So simple, yet somehow so amazingly sexy.

I was about to disregard everything Emmett had just said and jump on Edward right there.

"Oh, um, Em and I were just talking," I said, shaking my head to get rid of the slightly inappropriate images.

Edward glanced between the two of us. "What about?"

"Doesn't matter," Emmett said quickly. "Just stuff."

Edward looked suspicious but he didn't say anything more. He looked down to where Lucy was suddenly clinging to his left leg, peeking from behind it to stare fearfully at Emmett.

"Aw, come on, Lucy," Emmett said to her with exaggerated exasperation. "Almost a week and a half of being around me, and you're still being shy?"

I smiled. Emmett loved kids like me, but Lucy was still wary around him.

Edward smirked. "It's because you're fucking gargantuan."

Emmett frowned. "Not fair. She's perfectly fine around you, and you hate kids."

"Yeah, it's 'cause I'm awesome," Edward said as though that settled the matter.

I was surprised to see how tightly Lucy was actually holding on to Edward's leg. She had the denim at his knee clutched in a tiny hand. I was also surprised that Edward wasn't trying to kick her off or something of that nature.

"Come on," I said, holding my hand out to her. "Emmett's nice, I promise. He's my brother."

Lucy hesitated, but Edward gently pried her fingers off his jeans.

"Go on," Edward said, softly nudging her forward. "Emmett's an idiot but he's cool. He won't hurt you."

I watched in amazement as Lucy actually took Edward's word for it and continued to walk forward. For the next few minutes we watched as she finally warmed up to my brother. Of course he was amazing with kids and it wasn't long before he was chasing her around the garden while she squealed in delight.

Edward caught my eye and nodded towards the house, taking my hand as we headed inside.

"You're warming up to Lucy," I said in a playfully accusing tone.

Edward shrugged. "She's sweet."

"Yeah. I wish I could take her home with me."

Edward stopped walking when we were in the foyer, and turned to face me.

"I need to ask you something," he said seriously. "Be honest, okay?"

Just like that the nervous feeling was back. "Always am."

"This whole . . . children issue. You really want kids?"

I nodded silently.

"Do you need them in order to be happy?" he asked.

"No," I answered immediately. I ran my fingers over his lips. "I need you to be happy. I need kids to feel complete. They're both different."

Edward frowned. "I want you to feel complete."

I smiled sadly. "I can live with happy, Edward. I didn't know what happy felt like until I found you. I can always start a career where I get to work with kids, and I'll be fine. It's no big deal. All I want is for children to know what it feels like to be loved. I didn't have that. I can sacrifice having children, as long as it means I get to keep you. I'll be a teacher or something, and that's enough."

I didn't mention that it would mean a lot to me if we created a child that was a part of both of us.

Edward stared at me silently. "What if I won't make a very good father?"

_Oh..._

So that's what this was about.

"Why do you say that?"

Edward shrugged. "I know myself. I don't think I want to risk it."

I stroked his face and he closed his eyes. "I think you'll be a great dad."

He shook his head. "I'm such a selfish bastard. Here you are sacrificing kids for an asshole like me, and-"

I covered his mouth my hand. "You're not selfish, or an asshole. You just know what you want."

He took my wrist and removed it from his lips. "I'm selfish."

"You're _not._"

"Yes, I am."

"Edward, stop. You're not selfish. I know you, you're not like that. You've been through a lot, I know, but you're wrong."

He didn't respond so I knew he didn't believe me. Instead, I hugged him, resting my head on his chest.

I still had hope.

**

* * *

**

"Ugh, I really should not have waited this long," Rosalie mumbled.

We were at a special wedding shop in London, trying to find some nice wedding favors. Rosalie had left the least important thing for last, but now we were having trouble trying to find something appropriate for a garden wedding. It was just Rosalie, Alice, and I.

"Flowers would be too obvious for a garden theme," Alice mused. "So nothing overly floral."

"Agreed," said Rose. "But I don't want something that sends the wrong message like soaps or scented candles that may indicate one's house smells."

I was silent because this kind of stuff was totally out of my element. I was there because Rosalie wanted me to be (since it was my duty as a bridesmaid), and because they needed the point of view of someone who wasn't blinded by the "epicness" of something. Alice's words, not mine.

I wandered away from the two and started scanning the shelves for something that stood out.

As I walked among the shelves full of candles and candies and mini picture frames, I wondered about my own wedding. Edward had once voiced his distaste for marriage, but I wondered if he would warm up to the idea. We were still at an impasse when it came to children, but would he deny me a wedding, too? It was another one of those things that I didn't need in order to be happy. I was already with Edward, but once again it was the matter of self completion.

Just the thought of wearing a flowing white gown and walking down the aisle to a smiling, glowing Edward made me swoon. I was a hopeless romantic and I felt like a wedding was the most romantic event in a woman's life.

I decided that I would be able to talk Edward into getting married one day. I didn't think he would deny me that; it wasn't the same as having children. Yes, marriage he would agree to. It was only the matter of whether or not he would get on one knee and pop the question. That was what I wanted, being the slightly traditional person that I was. I really did want that sparkling ring on my finger, but it wasn't just about the materialistic things. I wanted some solidity to who we were as a couple. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Edward would always stay true to me. However, to call myself his wife made me feel a little more significant. It would make me feel like we had a stronger bond. It was just who I was.

I was so lost in thoughts of marrying Edward that I didn't notice the two girls walking in the opposite direction when I turned the corner.

I walked right smack into one of them and her large breasts jiggled violently as she stumbled back, almost slipping on the polished floor because of the insanely high heels that were on her feet.

"Watch where the fuck you're going, you stupid bitch," she cried as her friend caught her.

Stunned by her rudeness, my feet wouldn't move. The two girls, both intimidatingly beautiful but dressed in a way that suggested they were on the slutty side, exchanged a strange look before glaring at me scornfully.

"I-I'm sorry," I stammered.

The one I bumped into, a statuesque blonde with hazel eyes, gave me a dirty look and adjusted the top of her tube top.

"American, yeah?" she said. "Not surprised in the slightest. Fucking yanks."

Offended, my jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"

The blonde narrowed her eyes. "Don't go acting all insulted and shit."

"I reckon she's as stupid as she looks," the other girl snarled. Her dark brown ringlets framed a gaunt face with ocean blue eyes.

"Probably," the blonde laughed.

I felt the tears sting my eyes. Why were they being so cruel? They didn't even know me. Better yet, why the hell was I still standing here? Every muscle in my body, aside from my heart which was pounding away furiously, refused to move.

"Look, I said I'm sorry," I said, my voice stronger than I expected. "You don't have to be so rude."

The blonde laughed, a surprisingly melodic sound, throwing her head back and putting a hand to her collarbone in a very dramatic fashion.

"'I'm sorry'," the brunette mocked me in a baby voice. "Ha! Stupid fucking cow doesn't know the meaning of sorry."

"Oh look at that," the blonde said, curling her lower lip to exaggerate sadness. "She's got tears in her eyes. You going to cry, little girl? Boo hoo, did you wet your nappy?"

I finally got my feet to move but as I charged forward to walk away, the blonde shoved me back.

"Where you running to?" she asked. "Your mummy?"

"Must be bedtime," the other snarled.

I turned around to walk in the other direction but the blonde was quick and she was suddenly in front of me.

"You're so bloody pathetic," she hissed in my face. I took a step back. "Obviously you have no spine, you worthless little fuck."

"Leave me alone," I said through clenched teeth. The anger wouldn't show. And where were Alice and Rose? Why weren't they looking for me?

"You scared?" the blonde asked.

"No," I whispered, hating how weak I sounded. I could feel my hands shaking.

"You look like you're about to pee in your nappy," she laughed maliciously.

The other girl picked up a lock of my hair and I jumped at how close she was standing behind me.

"Isn't she so fucking ugly?" she asked the blonde, her tone mildly curious.

The evil grin fell from the blonde's face and she inched her face closer to mine.

"Too fucking ugly to live," she hissed.

That was it. With traitor tears falling, I pushed past her as hard as I could and ran for it, leaving them laughing behind me. I didn't know where I was going; all I knew was that I had to get out of that store, away from those girls.

"Bella? Bella!"

Alice's familiar voice made me stop and I turned to see her running towards me. I hastily wiped the tears away with trembling hands.

"Where were you?" she asked. "We were looking-" She froze, her eyes on my tear-stained face. "What the hell happened?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, I'm fine. Where's Rose?"

"Bullshit, Bella. Tell me what's wrong. Did someone hurt you?"

Hurt my feelings, yes. Hurt my self esteem, yes.

Suddenly Rose was behind Alice, her gaze concerned.

"Bella, what happened?" she asked, putting a hand on my arm. "Did someone say something to you? Who was it? I swear I'll shove my stiletto up their ass."

She saw right through me.

"You guys, it's nothing," I insisted. "It was just some stupid girls. You know how they can be. Whatever. What about the favors?"

"Found them," Alice said quietly, her worried gaze unwavering. She showed me a little green bag she was holding. "Silk hand fans with a cherry blossom print. I know I said nothing floral, but they were too cute to overlook... Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm just sensitive." I tried to laugh, but it came out sounding choked.

Rose was looking around the store suspiciously, probably searching for the horrible girls.

"Can we go home now?" I asked.

Rose looked at me sadly but nodded towards the door. "Good thing we bought these already. C'mon."

I hurried out the door with them and the way each of them had an arm hooked around one of mine made me feel safe.

Well, almost safe. I wanted to be in someone else's arms.

**

* * *

**

We had finally moved into the hotel that morning, and the wedding was the next day. Tonight, Rosalie and Emmett would be going to their bachelor and bachelorette parties. Edward and I would not be attending. For one thing, there would most definitely be drinking going on, and I wasn't legal here. Nor did I have any interest in the possible appearance of male strippers. Edward felt the same way. He wasn't an alcohol drinker himself, and he wasn't the stripper kind of guy, anyway. Jasper and Alice were just like us in that sense, and just like us they wanted to spend the night before the wedding together.

When I arrived to our hotel room, Edward wasn't there yet. He had gone for a final tuxedo fitting with the other groomsmen, so that meant that I was alone for now.

And being alone was very, very bad. Being alone meant having too much time to think. Being alone meant no Edward to distract me from my pessimistic thoughts. Being alone meant dwelling on the negatives of everything.

I sat down on the hotel bed and resisted the strong urge to cry. The awful words of those horrible girls kept echoing through my head, and I didn't understand how complete strangers could be so vile.

_"Obviously you have no spine, you worthless little fuck."_

_"I reckon she's as stupid as she looks."_

_"Isn't she so fucking ugly?"_

_"Too fucking ugly to live."_

_"Too fucking ugly to live."_

_"Too fucking ugly to live."_

I looked up and caught sight of myself in the mirror of the dressing table. My eyes were a little red and my hair looked flat in a very unappealing way. I was the epitome of simple, with nothing but a pair of blue jeans and a magenta, long-sleeved tee.

I was suddenly appalled at how I looked. The magenta made the natural blush on my cheeks look like a rash. My hair, even though I had washed it that morning, looked dirty somehow. The brown color wasn't helping.

Why was my nose that shape? Why was my lower lip so swollen-looking? Why were my eyes so dull?

Disgusted, I turned and lay on my side, facing away from the mirror. I couldn't look at myself anymore.

I was so lost in thoughts of how I was too plain, too boring, and too hideous for Edward, that I didn't hear him come in.

"Pink! They have us in fucking pink!" he cried, and I jumped, startled.

I turned on my back and watched as he took his jacket off and slung it over the back of the chair that sat at the hotel room's desk. With an exhausted sigh, he plopped down on the bed next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me towards him.

He kissed my forehead. "I think it's karma. Remember how on prom I made fun of Jasper because he had to wear a 'salmon' color? Yeah well, the groomsmen are in pink. Baby pink. Silk tie and vest and shit. It's so fucking terrible. At least the jacket and trousers and black. I guess we're supposed to coordinate with the bridesmaids or whatever."

I didn't say anything so he suddenly became more focused on my face. Just like that, his expression changed from mild annoyance to concern.

He was silent for a moment and then he was propped up on an elbow. "All right, who do I have to fuck up?"

I stared at him, wondering if I should tell him what happened with the girls at the store. Maybe he'd think I was weak and pathetic, like they did.

"It's nothing," I whispered.

Edward narrowed his eyes. "Bella, you know that shit doesn't work with me. You're upset, I can tell. Tell me what's wrong."

He started stroking my cheek and that little gesture, for some odd reason, made me burst into tears. I hadn't sobbed at all and now, with Edward here, I couldn't help but let loose.

He held me to his chest as I let it all out, not saying or doing anything other than pressing his lips to my hair. He knew that this was one of those moments where I didn't need anyone to talk to me or comfort me... I just needed to cry.

Everything those girls had said to me struck a painful chord. I wasn't confident in how I looked, no matter what Alice or Rosalie or Edward told me. My self esteem was so low it was barely even existent. Even though I almost agreed with those girls, what they said still hurt. A lot. Nobody wants to be told that they're too ugly to live. That was just plain cruel.

Once I was done sniffling and sobbing like crazy, I sat up and grabbed a tissue from the night stand. I blew my nose, loud, as Edward sat up next to me.

He tucked hair behind my ears. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

I shrugged. "I think it'll do more harm than good." I sounded like I had a cold.

"Try me."

I sniffed and played around with the soiled tissue in my hands, trying not to dwell on how pathetic I might sound... and how Edward might overreact.

"There were these girls," I began in a whisper. "They were just... so mean." I stopped, but he waited patiently for me to continue. "We were shopping for wedding favors. I wandered off and accidentally bumped into one of them. She just... flipped out on me. Called me all sorts of horrible things. I'm just sensitive, that's all."

I ended it there but Edward wasn't satisfied.

"What did they say?" he asked.

I took a deep breath. "I'd rather not repeat their words. Let's just say they made Lauren Mallory look like Mother Teresa."

"Wow, that bad?"

"Yep."

"And you're letting a couple of strangers get to you?"

It sounded pathetic when he put it that way.

"I guess I am," I said quietly.

"Why?" Edward sounded utterly confused. "What does it matter?"

"Because they really hit a nerve, okay? That's why."

"What nerve?"

"Forget it."

"No, tell me."

I sighed. "You're only going to tell me I'm silly."

He didn't deny it. "Maybe I am, or maybe not. The important thing is that I care. I want to know what they said to you."

It hurt just thinking about it. Unable to keep my voice above a whisper I said, "They told me I was too ugly to live... "

I couldn't look at him. I could feel the shocked and angry waves rolling off of his body. He let out one sharp breath and then everything was quiet. All I could hear was the sound of my heartbeat in my ears and Edward's breathing- he was trying to take calming breaths.

I glanced sideways without moving my head and saw that his hand was clenched so tightly into a fist that his tendons stuck out. I finally looked at his face and saw that he had his eyes closed, but his nostrils were flared. He was clenching and unclenching his jaw, an angry habit of his.

I waited for what felt like half an hour, though it was probably only two minutes. Finally he opened his eyes, and the fire in them almost made me cringe.

"If they weren't girls..." he trailed off and I could have thought of several deadly words to end that statement.

"It's okay," I mumbled.

"No, it's not," he said, the anger evident in his voice. "Bella, look at me."

I stared at him warily and he took my face in his hands. His eyes were blazing and the intensity of his gaze could have burned a whole through my pupils.

"You. Are. Beautiful." I tried not to roll my eyes, but the statement still made my heart swell. "It doesn't matter what any old slag in some random shop says. It doesn't matter what anyonesays. You are absolutely the most gorgeous creature I have ever seen, and I don't say that shit to anyone. Actually, I've never said it to anyone. Don't think, not even for a second, that you don't stun me every time you walk into a room. You do. Every time. I think you're beautiful, and that's all that matters."

The tears welled up again as I heard the sincerity in every word.

"Don't put yourself down," he said. "Sometimes you need to take what people say and shove it up their ass. No one, especially not a complete stranger, has the right to talk shit about you. They're not worth the pain, Bella. Do you get what I'm saying?"

I nodded, letting him talk me into a better mood.

"Now I don't know who the fuck those girls were, and they're lucky I don't. Because I honestly hate that they hurt you. I hate that you let them hurt you. Didn't you say anything? Didn't you tell them to shut the fuck up?"

I shook my head, looking down in shame.

"I have no spine," I mumbled, remembering the blonde's words from earlier.

"What?" Edward sounded incredulous. "Is that something else they said to you?"

I could feel the color return to my cheeks as I nodded.

"Oh for fucks' sake," he said. "Who the fuck were these girls? Where they chavs? I bet they were chavs."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Never mind, it doesn't matter. Bella, you need to stand up for yourself. You can't let people walk all over you. That gives them permission to say and do whatever they want."

"I know, I know," I mumbled. "It's not easy."

"I understand that, but sometimes people cross a certain line. When that line is crossed, it becomes a matter of your dignity, of your self-respect. They need to be put in place, and it doesn't matter how you choose to do it but you have to. I know it's hard, believe me, I do. But it's something that has to be done, because it comes down to how much self-worth you have."

His gaze was fiery and intense again.

This was what I loved about Edward. We balanced each other out. Whereas I was emotional and non-confrontational, he was tough. He helped me be a stronger person and I helped him develop a softer side.

"I'm just... not a very confrontational person," I explained.

"It's not about that," he insisted. "It's not about starting problems with people. It's about maintaining your dignity and then moving on. You've been through too much shit to let a couple of stupid bitches get to you."

I nodded slowly and he gave me a very soft, very sweet kiss.

He sighed and gazed at me with a small smile. "I think you need to let loose," he said matter-of-factly.

"How so?"

He thought for a second. "Hmm. Hey, why don't we ring Sam and Tom? It's been like, what? 48 hours since we saw them last?"

I smiled fondly at the thought of Edward's crazy friends. I was also glad the mood was lightened. "Yeah, going that long without hanging out with them is unacceptable."

Edward chuckled. "Look, the sun's still up. Let's go have an early dinner somewhere or something. The wedding tomorrow's going to be all hectic, and no one's going to miss us tonight.

"You're right," I said, remembering the bachelor and bachelorette parties. "We should go out, especially since we go back to Forks in 3 days."

While Edward called up his friends, I got dressed. I decided to try and dress a little less boringly, to help with the whole self-confidence thing. I threw on a cream colored couture-looking t-shirt that had the sketch-like image of a model on it. It came with a black vest, and it was stylish yet simple. I then pulled on a pair of dark jeans and hunted down my super casual flats. I ran a brush through my hair and applied just a teensy bit of lip gloss and mascara. I didn't know if I would ever be a makeup person.

It took me all but two minutes to get dressed, but Edward was taking longer because one of his hands was holding his phone to his ear.

"Tom, for the last fucking time, I am not going there," he said, trying to pull the button up, red and black plaid shirt over his arms. "You know why."

I could have helped him, but I liked the sight of his bare chest as he struggled to get the shirt on. He caught my eyes and smirked, knowing I was enjoying the show.

He started doing a little dance, undoubtedly trying to look something like a stripper. Except, well, he was putting his clothes on opposed to taking them off. Bummer.

I giggled and watched as Edward yanked his pants off, holding the phone in between his shoulder and ear. He was still grinning and doing the little dance as he spoke, pulling another pair of jeans on with exaggerated, meant-to-be-sexy slowness. Yeah, it was sexy.

Suddenly the smile fell from Edward's face and he stopped dancing, focused on whatever Tom was saying.

"Tom, no," he said firmly. "There's no fucking way. I already told you, there are hundreds of other places to go, so why there? . . . No, fuck it. . . Tom, stop being a dick, you know the issue. Out of all the places in bloody London? . . . Screw Sam, I don't give a fuck! I've been avoiding that place all fucking week. . . . Don't bring Bella into this, asshole, it's not the only place she'd like. . . Tom? Hello? Fuck you, you stupid fucking dick!"

Edward angrily tossed the phone onto the bed and finished buttoning his jeans with a scowl on his face.

"What was that about?" I asked.

Edward was pulling his leather Chucks on. "Tom and Sam want to go to Fizz... it's this lounge place we all used to hang out... before."

"Before? As in . . . before your life was ruined . . ."

He nodded silently.

"Still worried about running into unmentionables?" I asked.

Edward snorted. "Unmentionables. Tanya the Slag and Peter the Prick. They're mentionable enough."

I walked over and sat down next to him on the bed. I could see how vulnerable he was. Edward may be all tough on the inside, but he wasn't immune to pain. There were things that he was sensitive about, just like me.

I ran my fingers through his soft hair and he sighed contentedly.

"You need to let go," I told him softly. He opened his eyes to look down at me in confusion, so I elaborated. "I know you're scared of running into old enemies, but you really shouldn't be. It's a big city. What are the chances? You just told me to stand my ground and then move on. You're not moving on, Edward."

He blinked at me.

"Do you see how you still let them control you?" I asked.

"They don't-" He started to protest.

"I don't mean it like that," I cut him off. "I meant that you let them instill this strange, leftover fear in you, so that you're worried about going certain places. This isn't just their city Edward. This is your home. Don't let them make you afraid of your own home."

"I'm not afraid," he mumbled. "I just want this to be a nice experience for you, and running into them would be... quite the opposite."

I wrapped both my arms around his left one and put my head on his shoulder. "I know. But I honestly don't think you should let them get to you, not after all this time. What are the chances of running into them in a city this size anyway?"

"Bella, they're still together and they still hang out at Fizz," he told me.

I hesitated for a second. "It's Tuesday. Why would they be there on a Tuesday?"

"I dunno," he said. "But with both of our bad luck combined, I wouldn't be surprised if they both showed up together, pissed me off, and then there was an earthquake, followed by a riot."

**

* * *

**

Balance. That's what it was all about. Edward had words of wisdom for me, and I had some for him. It was perfect.

I managed to drag him out of the hotel and out onto the London streets. I wanted him to let himself have fun, and worrying about people he hadn't seen in almost a year was no way to do that.

Fizz was amazing. It was the ultimate teen hangout, complete with pool tables, arcades, a dance floor, and a bar that supposedly only sold "virgin" drinks. The lights were colorful and probing and it was almost like the more fun version of a nightclub. Since it was the middle of a weekday, it wasn't too crowded. Only a few people hung out by the pool tables, a few at the bar, a handful at the dance floor, and almost no one at one of the many colorful, plush-looking couches.

"Wow, this is amazing," I gasped in the doorway,

"Yeah, it's pretty cool," Edward said, glancing around. His body visibly relaxed when he didn't see anyone he didn't like.

He nodded towards the bar, "Look, there's Tom and Sam."

We approached the two just as they got up from the bar with what looked like beers.

"See, I told you he'd come!" Tom said to Sam.

"How goes it?" Sam asked us, ignoring Tom. "You guys ready to say 'fuck you' to the world and have fun?"

I laughed. "I'm as ready as you are."

"We'll be over there," Sam said, nodding towards an empty purple couch by a flat-screen TV. "Get some drinks or something." He grabbed Tom by the collar and dragged him towards the couch.

"What would you like?" Edward asked nodding towards the bar.

"Um..." I hesitated.

He read my mind. "They have virgin drinks, too. I mean, they're not supposed to have alcohol since they cater to under-eighteens, but over-eighteens can't help stopping by."

"I don't know much about drinks," I admitted. "Do you they have piña coladas? The non-alcoholic ones, of course."

Edward smiled and nodded, calling the bartender over. He didn't get anything for himself, but I wasn't surprised. He was pretty much anti-alcohol.

We headed over to the purple couch where Sam and Tom looked extremely comfortable.

"Ever played pool, Bella?" Sam asked, sipping his beer.

I sat down and shook my head, daintily sipping my piña colada through the little straw.

"Never?" Tom said incredulously. "Don't they have those in America?"

"Yes, we do," I said defensively. "I've just never played before."

Tom nudged Edward, who sat next to him. "Edward should teach you. He's quite good with that stick there." Tom winked at Edward as I raised my brows.

"Really, Edward?" I said, smirking.

He shrugged, the ghost of a smile on his lips. "I'm all right."

"All right?" Tom repeated. "You're fucking brilliant. You're quite good with getting those balls in those holes."

Even though I was sipping through a straw, I almost choked.

Sam sighed. "You're too fucking vulgar around the ladies, you twat."

"He hasn't been around girls in a while, that's why," Edward said. "Either that or he's gone queer."

"Fuck you, I'm not queer," Tom said. "Not that there's anything wrong with that... If I was... which I'm not."

"Just keep digging yourself into that hole, idiot," Edward laughed.

"Anyway, Bella," Sam said. "How's everything with you?"

I liked Sam. He was the calmness to Tom's vulgarity.

"It's good," I said. "Mostly wedding stuff. You guys are coming to the wedding tomorrow, right?"

"Fuck yeah, we are!" Tom said. "Wouldn't miss it for the world! Rose was always like our older sister, too. That and we want to see Eddie here in pink."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "How the fuck did you know about that?"

"Heard it through the grapevine," Tom said, winking. "I'd say the color suits you. Brings out your eyes."

Edward made some insulting response, but I didn't hear it because I was too focused on the group of girls that had just walked in.

Amongst them, was the blonde from the store.

My hand tightened around my glass and my throat closed up.

No, no, no. Why was she here?

She was looking as gorgeous as ever, with her blonde ringlets curled to perfection, her jeans hugging every curve, and the sequins on her tank top sparkling dazzlingly from the probing lights.

"Bella?" Edward was staring at me. "What is it?"

I lowered my head, trying to hide my face from the blonde and her cronies.

"Can we leave?" I squeaked.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"It's the girl," I hissed. "The one from the store. The one in sequins."

"What? Where?"

His head snapped up and his eyes roamed the lounge before they froze on her.

In what seemed like seconds, his entire face blanched.

His face became ghostly pale and he was frozen, eyes wide, expression shocked.

"Bella," he said quietly. His voice was strained.

"What?" I breathed.

"That's Tanya."


	34. We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is not mine.

* * *

**Chapter 34- We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands**

_Somebody get my phone  
So I can throw it in a public pool and watch it float  
And as it's slowly sinking down, become a social ghost  
Inside a box, cut out the top to let some light shine in  
To remind me of what I've done and where I've been_

_When it all comes crashing..._

_Aaaaahhhh.  
Now we've got a big, big mess on our hands tonight  
Aaaaaahhhhhh  
Now we've got a big, big, big, big,mess on our hands_

**We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands- The Academy Is...**

* * *

**Edward POV**

Shock. Denial. Fear. Anger.

In that very order, those were the emotions that twisted through me the moment I saw Tanya in Fizz.

I had been having a really bad feeling since the moment I walked in. I knew I shouldn't be there and I knew it was a bad idea to go to that place, but I ignored my gut and went with my head. I let Bella talk me into thinking that everything would be fine. I let her talk me into thinking that the probability of me running into someone from my past was low.

That had been a huge mistake.

As I stared across the room at the only girl that had ever torn me apart, all I could think was that this could not be happening. Not with Bella here.

Then I remembered how Bella had pointed out that Tanya was the girl from the store, the one who had been a bitch to her, and just like that the fury set in.

She could be vicious to me all she fucking wanted, but if she messed with my Bella she was about to find herself face down in the dirt.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck," Tom said from beside me. "We've got a big mess on our hands."

I couldn't move, and I couldn't look away from Tanya. All I could think was that she hurt the girl I loved. No physical pain could ever amount to the torture that comes out of emotional pain, and I knew that better than anyone.

I wanted to get the fuck out of there for Bella's sake, but more than that I wanted to rip that slag's throat out.

As if she could hear my thoughts, or maybe even sense my presence, Tanya slowly turned her head to meet my gaze. The action was very creepy, but what was even more horrific was the evil smirk that spread across her face at the sight of me.

Somehow she knew I'd be here.

"Oh my fucking God, she saw you," Tom said. "Let's get the fuck out of here. Sam, pay the-"

I stuck my arm out to keep him from moving, but I was still meeting Tanya's gaze evenly.

"We're not going anywhere," I said, monotone.

"I don't want to be here when limbs start flying," he protested, standing up. "You're mad if you want to stay."

I momentarily looked away from Tanya to glare up at him.

"Stop being such a fucking pansy and sit your ass back down," I snapped.

He stared at me and then turned to look at Sam, who sat there with a grim expression on his face. Sam was always the more loyal one.

With a sigh and a shake of the head, Tom sat back down.

"Edward, maybe he's right," Bella whispered, clutching my arm. "I really don't want there to be an issue."

Tanya was walking over to us with a member of the skank sisters on either side of her.

"Bella, there's been an issue from the moment she opened her mouth in that store."

Bella looked up warily just as Tanya reached our couch. The three girls towered over us, wearing matching smirks and sporting similar styles of whorish clothing.

"Well, well, well," Tanya said. Her voice was high-pitched and sickly sweet. "What a surprise seeing you here, Edward."

_Yeah, right. Surprise my ass._

I remained silent; I wasn't even going to acknowledge her statement. I was also surprised that I was able to remain so calm, so stoic.

"How are you?" she asked, smiling. The smile was fake, forced. Like it was painted on her.

"Like you care," Sam said coldly.

Her head snapped over to look at him, a quick snake-like movement.

"I don't recall asking for your opinion, Samuel," she hissed.

"We don't need your permission to talk to you, you stupid cow," Tom retorted.

She glared down at him. "Watch yourself you little wanker, I haven't forgotten your little stunt last summer."

Tom blanched but his gaze didn't waver.

"That's a low blow, Tanya," Sam said.

"Do you always find the need to insert your opinion where nobody really gives a fuck?" Tanya asked him.

"Enough," I said, and once again my tone was monotone.

Not liking that I had to look up to see Tanya, I stood up. Bella's hand, which had been tightly wrapped around my bicep, floated down my arm until her fingers were in mine. She remained sitting.

Standing up meant that I was looking down at Tanya, but that also meant that we were chest to chest. Dumb whore didn't even want to take a step back. I didn't like how close our faces were, but I couldn't move back because I'd end up on the couch again.

"Did you miss me?" Tanya asked, her hot breath fanning across my face.

"No," I replied, and I could tell my face was absolutely cold.

Being in her presence again, that's how I felt on the inside. Ice cold and emotionless. The anger of what she did to Bella still lingered, but I was pushing it aside. For now.

"Shame. I would've thought you'd be thinking about me all the time, especially when you have to deal with-" she shot Bella a disgusted look. "_-that_ thing by your side."

If she wasn't female I would have socked her in the face so hard she'd be flying across the room.

Instead I moved forward so that she was shoved back just slightly. Bella was digging her fingernails into my palm but I barely registered the slight pain.

I glared down at Tanya and tried not to give in to the urge to smack her. "Don't," I said through clenched teeth. "That 'thing' you're talking about happens to be my reason for existing. If you so much as _look _at her again, let alone talk shit about her, I'll have you eating out of a tube for the rest of your life."

Tanya rolled her eyes. "Right. Like you'd so much as step on an ant. Whatever, Edward. I must say, I'm disappointed. You went from shagging the likes of me to- oh wait, you haven't gotten in her knickers yet, have you? I can tell by just looking at her. She's as virginal as motherfucking Mary."

"Shut the fuck up," I snapped, and she actually looked surprised for a second. "How about you just run off with your little friends and find some douchebag to fuck, you stupid fucking slag. I don't give a fuck what you say about me, but leave Bella out of this shit. You can say whatever the bloody hell you want to me, but if you _ever_ talk to her again I swear you won't have a nose to breathe out of."

I was shaking. I was visibly shaking with the anger that threatened to explode out of me

"Touchy," she remarked. "You're quite sensitive about her, aren't you? Or maybe you've just gone soft. That's it, innit? You're all emotional and stuff now? Do you cry during chick flicks, too?"

"Fuck off, Tanya," I said. "Take your bitch pack and go piss someone else off. You're not worth my motherfucking time."

Tanya gave a very anxious-looking Bella a dirty look. "I have to admit, when I first saw you two together last week, I couldn't believe my eyes. Edward Cullen with some boring little girl. And then when she bumped into me at the store, I couldn't help but have some fun." She sighed. "If I'm no longer worth your time, I'm surprisedsheis."

I took a deep breath, reminding myself that she was female.

_Don't break her face, don't break her face, don't break her face._

"She's worth a shitload more than you are," I finally said. My voice was gritty with anger.

"Awww," Tanya cooed, like she was looking at a baby. "Little Edward is in love! How sweet. I remember when it was me you used to fawn over. You were practically my little bitch." She sighed in exaggerated nostalgia as I clenched and unclenched my jaw. "Good times."

"I'm done with you," I snarled. I looked down at Bella. "We're leaving."

Bella slowly stood up and kept her gaze away from Tanya. I hated how she looked so fragile, so afraid in front of my ex. It was just the kind of behaviour Tanya liked to prey on.

I shoved past Tanya and my friends followed loyally, but the stupid bitch wasn't done.

"Tell me, Barms," she said, and I froze at the use of my old nickname. I slowly turned around to see Tanya walking towards me, leaving her two friends behind.

She ran a pointy fingernail down my chest, licking her lips. "Have you still got my name tattooed on your chest? Or has it graduated down to your dick?"

Her finger moved all the way down my front and I was about to stop her before she could reach the waistband of my jeans, but I didn't have to...

In a move quick as lightning, Bella was suddenly gripping Tanya's wrist. Hard.

I looked at her in shock, surprised to see that she was glowering at Tanya, her jaw set in anger. The expression on her face was fierce, the angriest I'd ever seen her.

"Don't. Touch. Him," she growled. She said every word slowly, and every word held a clear warning. Every word was a threat.

_Oh, shit._

I was stunned, unable to say or do anything. I watched the stare down between Tanya and Bella, not knowing what was about to happen next.

"Get your filthy hands off of me," Tanya said.

Bella silently let go of Tanya's wrist, but her furious glare was unwavering. Tanya rubbed her wrist and- _holy shit_- she actually had red marks.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are," Tanya snapped. "But touch me again and you're dead, you stupid fugly bag."

I opened my mouth to tell Tanya to piss off and go fuck herself, but Bella spoke before I could.

"Yeah, and what exactly makes me ugly, huh?" Bella asked angrily. Her cheeks were flushed, and I half expected her eyes to be glowing red. "Is it my face? My hair? My eyes? I don't know what the hell kind of demented definition of 'ugly' you have, but you have to be the most hideous person I have ever met in my whole entire goddamn life!"

_Whoa._

This was Bella? My Bella? My sweet, innocent, non-confrontational Bella?

"Excuse me?" Tanya screeched, taking a step forward.

I stepped up to stand in front of Bella, but that didn't stop her from ranting.

She went around me to shoot daggers at Tanya. "You heard me," Bella snapped. "And when I say you're hideous, I don't mean physically. Physically, you're gorgeous, but it's really sad that someone who looks like you gets stuck with the most horrendous, most awful, most horrible personality ever. Frankly, I feel bad for you."

"You feel bad for me?" Tanya asked, laughing bitterly. "Look at you- you should feel sorry for yourself."

"I'm through feeling sorry for myself," Bella said passionately. "But it's you that I pity because you don't know what you lost when you cheated on Edward."

There was an audible gasp that came from both Tanya and Tom, but Sam and I were too shocked to respond in any way.

I couldn't believe she would bring that up. I didn't really mind, but the fact that she touched on such a sensitive topic was surprising.

Tanya looked flabbergasted before her eyes narrowed into slits. "What the fuck would you know about that?"

Bella let out one hard laugh, but it was thick with resentment. "Didn't you think he'd tell me all the shit you put him through? We have been through too much crap to put up with your bullshit, so I suggest you stay the hell away from me _and_ Edward."

Tanya stepped up until she was in Bella's face and I stuck my arm in between them.

"And what if I don't want to?" Tanya asked, seething.

"Well then that's too bad," Bella hissed. "Because he's _mine_**,** and I won't stand for anyone trying to hurt him."

"Okay, ladies," Sam said a little nervously. "I think we all get the point. Tanya is a bitch, and Edward belongs to Bella so Tanya needs to back off. Got it. C'mon, let's go."

I held onto Bella's wrist as we tried to walk away, but Tanya was faster.

Quick as a viper, Tanya shoved Bella in the shoulder so that she stumbled back.

"Don't put your hands on her," I said, stepping forward. "Touch her again and you won't have fingers anymore, got it?"

"You just shut the hell up," she snapped, shoving at my chest. "You're in love with this little shit, after me? Is that what it comes down to?"

Wait, what? She was..._jealous?_

"You'rethe one that left me!" I cried incredulously. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why the fuck do you care who I go out with now?"

I got her. I knew I got her because her expression went completely blank for just a second. She was going into Actress Mode, something I was very familiar with.

The next words out of her mouth would be a lie.

"I'm not jealous," she said. "Why would I be jealous of someone like her?"

"I know what it is," Bella said seriously. Her eyes still held the ferocity she had aimed at Tanya. "She's upset that you'd pick someone like me over someone like her because you haven't been pining for her. You don't want her back; you're not on your hands and knees, begging for her to take you back. Instead, you're happily in love with someone that she deems below her. She's insulted."

I was impressed. Bella was seeing right through her, something I had failed to do for so long.

"Let me explain something to you, Tanya," I said calmly. "You are a cruel, selfish human being. I was so blinded by the thought that you loved me that I didn't see you for what you really were- a completely stuck up, whorish, psychotic snob of a bitch. You treated me like shit and it was so hard for me to get over it, but I did. I realized that you weren't worth the pain. You weren't worth shit. Just because I found happiness and you didn't, just because things haven't gone your way, doesn't mean anything. You honestly need to _get over yourself._**"**

She jabbed a finger in my chest so hard that it would have broken her nail, had it been made of anything other than flesh and bone.

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen," she sneered. "You will never, ever be happy with someone like her. Ever. You can tell yourself you love her all you fucking want, but you will never be happy."

"Newsflash, skankbag... I _am_ happy. Keep telling yourself that I'm not and maybe, just _maybe_ you'll actually start believing it."

Tanya stood there in silence, breathing heavily. Her mouth was in a thin line and her shoulders were heaving up and down with her panting. Her nostrils were flared and her eyes were sparkling malevolently. Her face was getting redder and redder by the second.

This was bad. This was something I knew all too well. This was what happened when she was about to throw a violent, raging fit.

"Bella," I said, keeping my eyes on Tanya. "Get back."

Suddenly, way faster than I expected, Tanya let out an ear-splitting scream of rage. She looked like a vicious banshee, bent at the stomach with her mouth open.

The bartender, who had been watching warily but didn't interfere because he knew Tanya too well, as well as the other people in Fizz (the ones who hadn't left the moment Tanya walked in), all looked up in shock.

"I. HATE. YOU!" she screamed so loudly that veins stuck out in her neck and forehead.

"Right back at you, bitch," I said.

With a vicious growl she lunged at me, raising her hand in a move that I knew was meant to smack me across the face.

I caught her wrist before her palm could meet my cheek, but what shocked me was what Bella did.

She hurled forward, grabbed Tanya by the hair, and yanked her away from me.

_Holy motherfucking shit._

"Don't you dare!" Bella screamed, her pale face contorting and reddening with fury.

Tanya reached up to pull her hair out of Bella's grip but used her other hand to try and swing at her. I managed to get Bella out of the way just in time, and both Sam and Tom had to hold Tanya back. I held both of Bella's arms behind her, even though I wanted to let her kick Tanya's ass because I couldn't. If I wasn't worried about Bella getting hurt, I would have let her go.

"He doesn't deserve this!" Bella cried, tears running down her flushed face. She tried to get out of my grip, but I held fast. "He's been through too much for this! I won't let you hurt him anymore, I won't. I'll kill you before you get to him! You're _nothing,_ you hear me? I have been through an abusive relationship, I have been beaten within aninch of my life, so you don't scare me! You're a lying, cheating, backstabbing slut and I hate you for what you did to him! _I hate you!_"

"Bella, Bella, look at me," I said, and my voice was thick with emotion. She met my gaze with large brown eyes that were wild but overflowing with tears.

Bella Swan had just let out several months' worth of anger.

I took her face in my hands. "I'm okay," I whispered. "Calm down. Take deep breaths. She's not going to hurt me, I swear. It's okay, baby, relax. Deep breaths."

Bella closed her eyes and tried to calm her panting down. The tears still fell freely from her closed eyelids and I turned to look at Tanya.

Sam and Tom still held her back, but she wasn't struggling. She was too busy staring at Bella, her jaw clenched and her eyes intense.

"What does she have that I don't?" she whispered.

"A heart," I replied flatly.

"What the fuck is going on?" The new voice made me tense up.

_Fuck my life to the max._

I turned around and, sure enough, there he was.

Peter.

I didn't know what I was feeling at seeing him again. The anger was most prominent, and it clouded the extremely thin layer of hurt. There would always be just a little bit of hurt, but it wasn't enough to torture me like it had done before.

Because I didn't hate him anymore.

If I was still in "love" with Tanya, I would hate him. If I still cared that he betrayed me, I'd hate him. But at that moment, I didn't hate him at all.

There was nothing worth hating him for.

Now he was just another useless piece of shit that I didn't want to deal with. Another piece of shit that was getting in the way of things.

There he was, all 6 feet and 2 inches of him. He had dark brown hair that was gelled into something of a douchebaggy fauxhawk, and his dark blue eyes were completely shocked to see me. He was flanked on either side by two guys that I recognized as Joey and Alex. They had once been friends, too.

"Edward," Peter said, smirking. He didn't look surprised to see me at all, and that was probably because he had also seen me somewhere in the city. "Nice to see you again."

_Lying bastard._

I gave him a brief nod, but just kept staring at him, watching him cautiously.

Suddenly Tanya burst into tears, and Sam and Tom released her warily. The second she was free, she ran into Peter's arms, sobbing like someone had just died.

"What the fuck?" he said, patting her awkwardly on the back. "What happened?"

Tanya pointed a finger at me and Bella. "Them!" she cried, like a tantrum-throwing toddler tattling on us. "It's all their fault! Him and that stupid fucking hag."

_Oh, for fuck's sake. Drama queen much?_

"Who the hell is she?" Peter asked, nodding towards Bella. She was watching him suspiciously.

_As if you don't already know who she is, asshole._

"My girlfriend," I said, monotonous once again. "What's it to you?"

Peter's eyebrows shot up. "Oh." He eyed Bella up and down, and I didn't like that.

"Well, we best be leaving now," Tom laughed nervous. "Ed?"

I nodded and took Bella's hand, leading her to the doorway.

"Just a second, Barms," Peter said.

_Fuck. _I hated how that nickname always made me freeze.

I slowly turned around and he was giving me his signature sardonic smirk. It usually meant he was up to something.

Great.

"What do you say we stop by Old Man Eliss' and show him whose back? For old times' sake?"

I snorted. It was ridiculous how he managed to act like we were still friends.

"No thanks," I said sarcastically. "Maybe next time."

I had turned to walk away, but his hand came down on my shoulder.

"C'mon, don't be like that," he said. "Bring your girlfriend, it'll be fun."

I turned around, roughly shaking his hand off of me. "No. I said I'll pass. Go find someone else."

Peter nodded to himself, the smirk growing bigger. Tanya clung to him like mould.

"I see how it is," he said, lips pulling into a grin. "You've gone soft, eh?"

Tanya giggled and sniffed. "That's what I said."

"I haven't gone soft," I said, trying not to raise my voice. "I've just gotten smarter."

Something in Peter's eyes flashed. "You calling me stupid?"

If this was a year ago, the sudden fire in his eyes would have intimidated me. Now it had no effect whatsoever.

I pretended to think about it. "Maybe I am."

Peter narrowed his eyes. "You've got balls."

"It's a good feeling. Maybe you'll know what it's like one day."

I was pushing it, I really was. But at that point I didn't give a fuck.

Peter inched himself closer but I stood my ground. Tom and Sam immediately came to stand on either side of me and I tried not to roll my eyes. Like I would need them to back me up.

"You've changed," Peter noted.

"You haven't," I retorted.

"I can see it in your face. You look... better."

I cocked an eyebrow but otherwise didn't respond. I couldn't even be arsed to thank him.

"Are you done?" I asked. "I'd like to take my girlfriend and leave."

"Why're you running off?" he asked, amused. "It's been so long and you don't even want to hang?"

I managed to laugh, but it sounded as bitter as I felt. "You expect me to hang out with you? Nice one, Pete. Keep telling yourself that everything's still how it used to be. I'm done."

I turned to walk away, but once again the asshole touched me, this time pushing me back a bit so that I almost fell over Bella.

"Nah, don't be like that," he said, but there was angrier set to his position. "Clearly you've moved on." He glanced towards Bella. "Let's face it; it's just not the same without you around this place. Pissing people off and nicking shit isn't fun without you." He lowered his voice so that it was just above a whisper. "Bliss still lives down the block, and he doesn't care about what you did to his sis anymore... He's still loaded with bong and thizzle, and I'm hearing he's gotten his hands on some snow, too-

"Well that's just too fucking bad," I snapped, interrupting him. My heart rate had picked up and I prayed Bella didn't know the drug references. "I don't do that shit anymore, all right? Go rob a bloody shop yourself and go find some other prick to get stoned with."

"You know it won't be the same," he protested. "You're Barms, my right hand man."

I shook my head at him. "Not anymore. Haven't been for a long time."

He stepped closer, looking almost desperate. What the fuck was wrong with him?

"Come on," he said, a bit more passionately. "You have to. It hasn't been the same- Kevin, Mark, Jack, Mitch... even Joey and Alex here aren't the same. They're all idiots." He nodded towards his mates, who stood a good deal back. Wimps.

"If they're idiots, what does that make you?" I shot back.

Again his eyes flashed, and now that he was closer I could see how there was something wonky about his pupils.

Right then and there, I knew he had snorted something before he came here. Not much, but maybe just a little.

"What, do you think you're too good for us now?" he asked, getting in my face. "You think one trip to America makes you all fucking saint-like?" His breath reeked like something unfamiliar. Maybe he had smoked something opposed to snorting it. He'd always been more of a "snorter".

"Edward, let's _go_**,**" Bella said, clutching my arm.

"Yeah, just go ahead and fucking run off again like some fucking pussy," Peter snapped, shoving me. My hand twitched, but I tried to stay calm because Bella was here.

"You think getting a new girlfriend and living in another country changes who you were, where you came from?" He shoved me again. "You're still the same fucking Edward, I can see it." Another shove. "You've still got the balls to get away with anything, but apparently you'd rather tuck them in and play Boyfriend." Shove. "You're itching for your old life, I know you are. So show it." He shoved me so hard that I was pushed out of Bella's grip.

"You're wrong," I told him, my blood boiling. "There's no fucking way I want to go back to who I was. I'm not a fucked up asshole anymore, and you're just going to have to live with the fact that I'm done with you and the rest of 'em. Tell Mitch and Mark and the rest of those wankers that they can fuck off. You can, too."

"Is that how it is?" he said, raising his voice. "You're just going to kick us to the curb?"

"Yeah, I am," I said, not backing down. "Now get the fuck out of my way."

There was a moment of silence where Peter and I just stared each other down. We stared and stared, and the wild look in his eyes never changed.

"You know what," he said slowly, eyes glinting maliciously. "You can run all you want, but that doesn't change anything. That doesn't change what you are **.**_..murderer_."

There was a stunned silence as everyone absorbed this. Those that knew were shocked that it was brought up... those that didn't know were completely confused but afraid.

Every nerve in my body had frozen. Peter smiled triumphantly, as if he'd won. All I could do was stare back. I was completely helpless, and I couldn't look at Bella. I wouldn't be able to see the expression on her face. I wouldn't be able to bear it.

Even for Peter, that was a low blow. A really, really low blow.

"Didn't think I'd forget, did you?" Peter asked smugly. "Seen Rudy's family around?"

"Shut the fuck up," I growled.

He shook his head and then turned to look at Bella. "I'd be careful with this one," he told her. "He's done things even you 'merkins would find utterly appalling."

I still didn't look at her. I couldn't.

Instead I did what I had been dying to do the moment Peter walked in.

I made sure my fist connected with his face, hard.

From then on, it was complete chaos. People were screaming and I was furious, and I was pounding on Peter like there was no tomorrow.

All I could think was that he had just ruined everything. Everything that Bella and I had worked up to was going down the drain and it was all because of Peter and his big mouth.

_Stupid fucking shitfaced wanker._

There were others fighting too, most likely my boys against Peter's, and Bella was screaming at me to stop but I didn't care.

I was so blinded by the fury that I didn't even notice when the sprinklers went off, set off by the bartender who wanted to get us the fuck out. People cried out and ran out of the place, and Sam and Tom were dragging me away while I kicked and flailed my legs and told them to let me go or I'd fuck them up too.

The next thing I knew I was outside, and the air was cold against my face even though it was summer. Bella was saying something to me, trying to calm me down I think, and I wiped the blood from my face as they walked me somewhere.

_Everything's ruined, everything's ruined, everything's ruined._

I honestly didn't know where the fuck my mind was. I was in such a daze, such a panicked, angry daze, and if it weren't for the fact that a part of me knew I was with Bella, I would have gone mental.

Suddenly I was in the back of a cab and Sam and Tom were saying things I didn't understand. Bella's hand was in mine, but mine was limp and hers was holding mine in a death grip.

_What am I going to tell her? She's going to run for the hills._

By the time we reached the hotel again, my mind was no longer clouded. I could think clearly, and I had made up my mind.

"Want us to come in?" Sam asked Bella. He had a black eye, and Tom had a split lip.

"No," I answered for her as I climbed out of the cab. "We're fine."

Sam and Tom eyed us warily and I turned my back and walked towards the hotel's front doors, ignoring the weird looks I was getting. I knew Bella was right behind me; I could feel her presence. I hadn't looked at her at all.

The elevator ride up to our room was silent and tense, and I was glad we were alone. She didn't speak to me, and I didn't speak to her. There were unanswered questions hovering in the air between us, and I didn't want to answer them but I knew I had no choice.

When we reached our room, I waited for Bella to open the door by sliding the card, and she walked in ahead of me without turning around.

Slowly, I entered the room and shut the door behind me. The click of it closing seemed a thousand times louder in the tense silence.

Bella was facing away from me, fidgeting. Her clothes were still a little damp, and I could feel mine were, too.

I stepped forward so that I was just a few feet behind her. I was scared, the most scared I had been in a really long fucking time. My heart was thudding like nothing else and I didn't know if the moisture on my face was sprinkler water or sweat.

"Bella," I finally said, and my voice was raspy. "Talk to me."

She turned her head just a little so that I could see her cheek from where I stood.

"Edward?" I only knew she said my name because of the movement of her lips; her voice was barely audible.

"What?" I asked cautiously. My heartbeat was louder than my voice.

"Why did he call you a m-" She broke off, choking on the word. Her eyes closed and she looked away again, leaving me to gaze at the back of her head.

I knew she expected me to answer her question, but the words just wouldn't come.

She finally turned to face me and there was so much in her face. There was fear and worry and suspicion, but most of all there was the disappointment.

I closed my eyes. "Bella..."

She didn't respond until I opened my eyes. When I finally looked at her, her brows were furrowed and she was staring at me like she didn't know me.

"You're keeping something from me," she whispered. "Something big."

It wasn't a question, but I nodded.

Taking a deep breath, I knew I couldn't keep this from her. Yes, I had promised her I would tell her all the things I'd done, but I never would have thought I'd have to tell her about this, too. I had excluded this from the list of Crazy Shit, because it was too horrible to be a part of it. It belonged in the list of Unforgivable Sins That Would Land Me In The Deepest Pits of Hell.

I'd have to read her that list, too.

"Okay," I finally sighed.

She raised a brow.

I took another deep breath. "I'll tell you everything... Right now."


	35. Sins Of My Youth

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**Chapter 35- Sins of My Youth**

_All these mainstream made emotions  
Made me the boy that they wanted me to be  
But when I took down my defenses  
For the first time there was something in me  
Yeah something in me_

_Hot like a smoking gun  
Back when I was young_

_I break habits just to fall in love  
But I do it on designer drugs  
You can call me dangerous  
But these are the sins  
The sins of my youth_

_Would you love me still?  
Would you love me still?  
Would you love me still?_

**Sins of My Youth- Neon Trees**

* * *

**A/N: **Very disturbing material ahead. You have been warned.

* * *

**Edward POV**

Bella watched me with a blank expression, and I knew she was trying to be brave. I'd said it before; she could put on whatever mask she liked, but her eyes would never be able to lie.

She was terrified.

I reckoned she wasn't afraid of me, just of the mystery that was my past life. At least, I hoped that's what she was afraid of.

As for me, I was scared shitless about what her reaction might be. Would she run out of the room, screaming? Would she call me a criminal and then ring the police? Would she faint? Have a heart attack, maybe?

I tried to be rational. Bella wasn't like that. She'd probably understand that I had done things I wasn't proud of, and that I was no longer that person.

"Do you want to change first?" I asked, suddenly feeling awkward. "We're both still a bit... damp."

She shook her head slowly and walked over to the bed, where she gingerly sat at the edge. She looked exhausted and that, in return, made me feel as knackered as she appeared.

I took a deep breath and slowly trudged over to the bed, using the toes of my shoes to pull them off my feet. I sat down across from Bella and she crossed her legs Indian-style. I wanted to smooth out the wrinkle in between her brows but I knew it would stay there until I revealed everything.

Either that or it would become a permanent part of her face for the rest of her life.

I sighed. "I don't even know where to start. I mean, I know you want to know why Peter called me... that... but everything is sort of linked together in some fucked up web." I nervously gestured with my hands.

Bella's expression went from worried to patient. "Edward, you can tell me anything. You know that."

I nodded. "I know. I'm just worried about how you'll react."

She bit her lip, contemplating something. "I trust you," she finally said. "Just start from the beginning, whatever the beginning is."

I took another deep, shaky breath and wracked my brain for the memories I had buried so long ago.

"I suppose I should start with Peter and joining his . . . gang . . . ." I began, glancing up at her warily.

She nodded in encouragement.

I sighed again and closed my eyes, leaning back against the headboard.

"You already know that Peter and I had been friends since childhood. I don't even remember how old we were when we first met, probably younger than five. Our mums were best friends, and we only lived down the road from one another. I just remember playing with him _all_ the time. We were inseparable.

"I think we were about eight or nine when we really became close, like brothers. Like me, he never really had much of a father figure. His real dad passed away when he was one and from then on his mum had to work in order to get food on the table. She worked two jobs and usually she'd leave him with a babysitter she could barely afford. He didn't have any family because his parents' marriage hadn't been a favourite in either of their families. His dad was Jewish but his mum was Catholic so both had pretty much been disowned by their relatives.

"So when we were eight or nine, both of us became more aware of what was going on in our homes. We started to become affected by it, since our minds weren't childishly oblivious anymore. My dad's drinking had gotten worse, Rose was always aloof since she had hit her teenage years, and Mum was a mess. Peter was all I had left, and he had his own issues to deal with.

"See, his mum got re-married. She married someone from the church, a minister or reverend or something, and he was the biggest wanker imaginable. Well, apart from my own dad. He was controlling, obsessive, and possessive, always talking about how Peter was headed down the 'devil's path' or whatever. He made Peter's mum quit her two jobs, yet he took over their home like it was his.

"Peter loathed him. We had both grown up with a good deal of freedom, but this man was taking it away from him. Peter's step-dad wanted things done his way. He wanted them to eat a certain way, talk a certain way, and _be_ a certain way. For a nine year old that knew nothing but freedom and fun, it was a little hard to take. I only got to see him at school, and he always looked so fucking miserable.

"There came a point where Peter just snapped. He didn't want the life his step-dad was enforcing on him, and he had had enough. He got the idea of revenge from somewhere, and that was when we committed our first crime, at the age of nine..."

I stopped here and opened my eyes to take in Bella's expression. She looked like she was in the middle of an extremely interesting movie, and I smiled.

"Well?" she prodded. "Your first crime?"

I chuckled and closed my eyes again. "Right. One day at school, Peter walked into class with a scowl..."

I could picture it like it was yesterday, one of my more vivid childhood memories.

_Peter sat down in the seat beside me, glowering at nothing in particular._

_"What happened now?" I'd asked._

_"What do you think?" he'd snapped. "It's her husband again. He's making me go to camp this summer."_

_I had felt sad, thinking about a summer without him. However, I tried to make him feel better._

_"That doesn't sound so bad," I had said in my best cheer-up voice. "It might be fun."_

_Peter had looked at me like I was insane. "It's achurchcamp, Edward. There will be nuns, I think... and praying."_

_"Oh."_

_We sat there in silence, not really listening to the teacher._

_"I have an idea," he had whispered, and I noticed the gleam in his eyes. Even at the age of nine, he had already developed that signature smirk._

_"What?"_

_"We should get revenge on him."_

_I had grinned, excited for an excuse to not go home after school._

_"What do you want to do?" I asked._

_Peter thought about it for a moment, and in seconds the smirk was back. He ripped out a piece of paper from his notebook and started drawing furiously. This was how we communicated our plans during class; he'd draw a rough sketch of something he wanted to do, and I'd improve the sketch and make his idea clearer, sometimes even adding to it. We had a whole collection of our drawings in a box under my bed._

_When Peter handed me the paper behind the teacher's back, I quickly took in his drawing. He had drawn some kind of wonky square with a stick figure in it, and then zigzag lines sticking out of the square. Arrows had labeled what the shapes were; he knew he was a crap artist._

_The arrow pointing to the square said "bed", the arrow pointing to the stick figure said "stepdick" and the arrow pointing to the zigzags said "fire."_

_I grinned up at him and then got to work on making the sketch better. At that age, my talent was like that of an amateur cartoon artist. I made the bed three-dimensional and gave the flames some shape. Once I was done, we put our heads together and observed the drawing. Our plan was complete._

I opened my eyes and Bella's mouth was hanging open.

_If she's shocked by that, what'll she look like when we get to the murder?_

"You... _burned_ his stepfather?" she asked in disbelief.

"Not really," I answered. "Well, I'll admit that was the intention but it didn't quite go as planned."

_When we arrived at Peter's house, his mum wasn't there. This was a rarity, seeing as she was always cooped up in the house, not allowed to go anywhere except church and the grocery store. Peter knew his mum did the shopping that day, so he was well aware that his stepdad would be home alone._

_Peter found the matches in the kitchen and we snuck up the stairs to his parents' bedroom, where his dad was napping. According to Peter, his dad always napped when his mum was out because apparently nagging her was exhausting._

_We crouched down against the bed so that we would be out of sight, and Peter struck a match._

_"He always tells me I'm going to burn in hell," he whispered, his childlike face glowing menacingly in the flame of the match. "We'll see whose burning now."_

_He handed me the box of matches and I lit a match as well. Peter pulled his arm back to throw the match onto the bed, but I stopped him._

_"Wait," I said. "Shouldn't we make it look like... it wasn't us?"_

_I was always the one that usually helped us get away with things. Peter just made the plans._

_I looked around the room and my eyes fell on some candles. Peter followed my gaze and grinned._

_We lit the candles and then used them to burn the edge of the sheets. My heart was beating erratically, half expecting his mum to walk in. The bed didn't catch fire that quickly, so we threw the lit candles onto the bed and then made a run for it._

_We were halfway down the stairs when we heard him start to scream, and by the time we left the house, matches in hand, we were laughing hysterically._

_"Fat old bastard," Peter had said._

_We made the excuse that we had been at my house the whole time. Well, in my backyard actually. There was a way to get to the back of my house from the front, so my mum wouldn't have known whether or not we had been there the whole time. We buried the matches, including the one we had used to light the candles, and then pretended like we had been running around back there right after school._

"So you got away with it?" Bella asked.

I nodded, and then continued with my biography of sorts.

"I developed a thing for fire after that," I grimly confessed. "It was strange. Even though the initial idea of trying to burn his dad was Peter's, he didn't have the same fascination with fire like I did. There was just something about the heat and the flame and the light... I loved it.

"So by the time I was twelve, I was an expert on fire. I could burn any and everything without getting hurt, and I was breathing in smoke almost as much as I was breathing in oxygen. That's why the first time I smoked a cigarette at thirteen, I didn't even wince."

"You smoked your first cigarette at thirteen?" Bella said incredulously.

"I took my first sip of alcohol at ten . . ."

She stared at me like I had three heads and I coughed to bring her out of her stunned state.

"Um . . . should I continue?" I asked.

She nodded.

"The whole trying-to-burn-the-stepdick thing had been the first time me and Peter experienced a true adrenaline rush," I said. "We became addicted to that adrenaline, and we always looked for new ways to get that blood pumping faster than normal. I'd jump off of roofs, piss random people off until they chased us, mess around with wild dogs and other animals we came across, run through the middle of busy streets... and that was all before we were teenagers.

"We were about thirteen when things started getting a little more... serious. Before that it had just been the two of us, but soon our group got bigger. We became friends with Joey and Alex and just like that I started to grow jealous. I wasn't used to there being others that we did crazy shit with. Of course, I was still Peter's favourite. When Tanya and I started dating, our group of five became the best of friends.

"Adolescence brought along more freedom than before, and we started heading out to the city more often. Things only got better when my parents moved here, because that meant that instead of just visiting London all the time, I lived here.

"Slowly our little group started to grow in members. We met more people, made more friends, and before you knew it this odd type of exclusivity developed...

"When we were fifteen, Peter started testing people, seeing if they were good enough, adventurous enough to stay with us. He made them do things outside of their comfort zone and what started out as a bit of shoplifting and littering turned into breaking into houses and vandalizing public property.

"What was worse was that he put me in charge of making sure they went far enough. I'll be honest, at the time I was more than happy to do the job. I wanted nothing more than to make our group smaller, so I made these guys do shit they could've been sent to jail for."

I sighed and dropped my head, feeling guilty. "I was such a dick. I was a bully. I bullied these guys into doing horrible shit, and the poor blokes just wanted to fit in somewhere. I told them, I said, 'If you can't do this, you're not good enough. Do it or that's it. You're done and I never want to see your face again.' I mean... when I think back now, I can't believe the way I was with people. Being around Peter for so many years not only made me fearless, but it also made me into a huge asshole. And the only thing worse than an asshole is being a fearless asshole."

I paused there, reluctant to get into details. I knew I had to, but a part of me was hoping that she'd tell me to shut up now.

"Well?" she asked quietly, eyes attentive. "What did you make them do?"

I sighed. "Like I mentioned earlier, it started out with small things like shoplifting. Some of them were so fucking determined to do what I told them and it annoyed the fuck out of me because I didn't want them in our group. So I started to be a little harsher..." I hesitated briefly, choosing my words carefully. "I made them get a little more... violent..."

_Just get it over with,_ I told myself. _You promised her you'd tell her everything, so do it._

My voice became flat, emotionless. "I made them mug people, on the street. I'd go out in the middle of the night, meet them in an alley, and point out random people they should attack and rob. At first they were surprised that I'd go that far, but then they became determined. They actually did it. I pointed out a little old lady and they actually attacked her. I pointed out a woman with a stroller and they attacked her, too.

"And you know what the worst part was? That I didn't care. I honestly did not give a fuck that the old woman could have died with a blow to the head, and that the child could have been abandoned on the empty street had the mother blacked out for too long. All I cared about was making our group smaller to make Peter and I look bigger, more important. I didn't give a fuck about those women."

Bella looked disturbed, so I looked away from her face and stared at my hands. I had to continue; there was no stopping now.

"And when the mugging wasn't enough, I went even further. It wasn't enough because they were all willing to do it. They all stayed. So Peter told me to kick it up a notch..."

_I stood in a dark alleyway with three other guys, Mitch, Andy, and Carl._

_The night was quiet and cold, the wind whistling loudly in our ears. The three guys stood there, shivering, while I stood across from them, seemingly immune to the frigid temperature. At that moment, in their eyes, I was the strongest, the toughest, and the one that deserved the utmost respect. They were afraid of me, afraid of what I could do, but at the same time they admired me. You could see it in their eyes, the way they stared at me with reverence whenever I spoke._

_"Who're we m-mugging?" Andy had asked, stuttering with the cold._

_I cocked an eyebrow, cruelly. "Mugging? Who said anything about mugging?"_

_The boys exchanged confused looks and I gave them my asshole smirk, a harsher version of the crooked smile girls liked so fucking much._

_"G-Greg said we h-have to mug s-someone to stay in," Carl stated._

_I laughed condescendingly. "Greg is an idiot. No one is mugging anyone tonight. Greg and the others got off easy, but Peter wants to step things up. So unless you're really pussy, you'll do what I ask."_

_They stared at me, more nervous than usual now._

_Slowly, almost dramatically, I drew out the knife._

_They stared at it, the blade glinting dangerously in the dim streetlights. I twisted the blade in the air for affect, hoping some of them would back out._

_"Who wants to go first?" I asked, making my smile as sinister as possible. The goal was to freak them out, to push them until they broke._

_They stared at each other, and then at the blade of the knife._

_"What do we have to do?" Mitch asked slowly._

_I stuck my head out of the alleyway and, in the distance, saw a thin man with glasses and a suitcase walking down the street across from us. He'd be directly across from us in approximately two minutes._

_I held the knife out to Carl. He didn't take it._

_"Take it," I ordered._

_He complied, holding the knife gingerly. "What do I do? Cut myself?"_

_I rolled my eyes. "There's a man coming down the street now. Slice him."_

_All of their eyes widened in disbelief._

_"But-but," Carl stuttered._

_"But what?" I snapped. "If you don't have the balls to do it, you can piss off."_

_He swallowed and then peeked out of the alleyway, watching the man who was closer now. He looked at me fearfully and I raised my brows in a way that clearly said, "Well? Are you pussy or what?"_

_Carlos shook his head. "I can't do it. I just... this is going too far."_

_I snatched the knife from his hands, almost cutting him in the process. Not that I would have cared if I actually did._

_"Fuck off," I spat._

_Just like that he was gone, leaving the alleyway like there was a fire under his ass._

_I was surprised when Andy followed him, silently and without looking at me._

_I stared at the remaining boy, Mitch, expecting him to follow the both of them. But he didn't. He stood there and stared back, just a hint of apprehension in his eyes._

_I silently held the knife out to him, watching his face carefully._

_He swallowed once and then took the knife from me, evenly meeting my gaze._

_I smirked and nodded towards the entrance/exit of the alleyway._

_"Don't let him see you," I advised him quietly. "Don't drop the knife."_

_Mitch nodded once and then kept his back against the wall as the man across the street passed by. When the man was a few feet away from our alley, Mitch pulled his skullcap lower down on his forehead and then silently jogged across the empty street._

_He stalked the man for a few feet before he lunged forward and slashed him at the side of his face, practically chopping his ear off. Mitch turned and ran for it as the man fell, dropping his suitcase and crying for help as his blood pooled on the pavement._

_It was a gruesome sight and I chuckled as I watched Mitch run away._

I stopped there, keeping my eyes on my hands. I couldn't look at her, not yet.

I figured it was best to just keep going.

"Of course we got away with it," I said quietly. "We always did. Well, most of the time. But the few that actually did do what I told them started bitching at Peter, telling him that I made them do shit I'd never do myself. Obviously, that was complete bullshit. So one day Peter said, 'Ed, take these boys out and show them that you've got more balls than all of them combined. They want you to prove it, so prove it.' He had given me that smirk of his and just like that it was done.

"So... I took some of them out and decided to let them tell me what to do for once. They went wild- telling me to graffiti public property, stab or mug people, rob stores at gunpoint... and I did it. I actually did it, just to prove myself to them. I was a criminal. We all were.

"The crazier the shit, the more aware the cops became of us. I got arrested about three times, but thankfully it was for petty things that I was allowed to get bailed out for. That was only thing my father was actually good for... bailing me out. By the time we were sixteen, most of us had some kind of criminal record. We laughed and joked around about how we'd get arrested for getting caught vandalizing, but not for breaking into a house or trying to burn one down. They said that they owed it to me, making sure we got away with doing the bigger things.

"That's how I got my nickname. Barms is short for barmy, which means crazy." I laughed bitterly. "I was a genius according to them, a crazy genius."

I took a shaky breath and stared at the wall across from me. I couldn't tell what Bella's expression was from my peripheral, but her mouth was most definitely still open.

"Rudy was one of the guys that wasn't allowed to stay with our group," I mumbled. "He refused to set fire to a random shop because it was right next door to his grandmother's floral shop and he didn't want to risk it or something like that. We kicked him out and he, in turn, recruited all of the guys we had cut off and created his own little group.

"Peter was pissed. He didn't care that Rudy was out, but he did care that he had taken our leftovers and started his own little gang. We didn't really have rivals before that, and now Rudy and his boys had given us a whole new reason to be worse than we already were.

"There were fights breaking out all the fucking time. It got tiring after a while, but it was all a matter of respect. The rule was that if you saw Rudy or one of his guys around somewhere, you'd fuck them up. It was all very twisted and cruel, but that was just how it had to be."

I sighed. "We weren't like other gangs, the 'real' ones that actually had some kind of territorial purpose or whatever. We were just a bunch of idiot teenagers that had a thing for adrenaline. All we cared about was getting stoned and doing crazy shit that would get us in trouble.

"Peter was the mastermind behind it all. Everything was his idea and we just went along with it. Like I said before, he'd come up with the idea to do something retarded, and then I'd figure out how we could get away with it. It was a good system.

"But there came a point where everything was getting a bit too out of control. It was like all those years were building up and building up to something big, something that would be the downfall of all of us. Well, the downfall of me mostly.

"I didn't know when I started getting into the drugs. It was definitely when things started getting weird with Tanya, but it was also before I found out about the cheating. We became friends with Bliss, whose real name was Chris, and he wasn't what you would expect out of a drug dealer. His family was extremely well-off, so it's not like he needed the money he got from selling stuff. He did it more like a hobby, which I thought was idiotic, considering his life was pretty good. It was too late for the rest of us. He always seemed happy, his family life seemed perfect, yet he sold and did drugs. I guess no one is ever truly happy with their lives...

"I started off with pot and when that wasn't enough to erase what was happening at home, I went on to other things. Soon I discovered ecstasy and it became the one thing that I wanted. The high from it was... unbelievable. Its name is quite appropriate, seeing as you'd feel so fucking fantastic, like everything in your life was just how it should be.

"You feel nothing but happiness and love and it's just... too amazing to be real.

"The funny thing is that I never really got addicted. The only thing I needed on a daily basis was a pack of fags. My lungs are probably the most damaged part of my entire body. Still, the drugs came with being around Peter. If he snorted something, we'd snort something too. If he rolled up a mysterious joint, we'd roll one up too.

"After a little while I even started selling the drugs myself, but then I got bored and quit.

"Then the problems with Rudy started getting worse. He also used Bliss as a drug source, and Peter didn't like that. Bliss honestly didn't care. As long as his customers kept their mouths shut, he was more than happy to give them what they wanted.

"But then Peter made Bliss choose- he'd have to stop being the drug source for Rudy or he'd rat him out. Bliss was left with no choice, and eventually he chose Peter. Well, he claimed to.

"One day I caught one of Rudy's boys, also one of our leftovers, leaving Bliss' place. I became suspicious that Bliss wasn't sticking to his word. When I confronted him about it, he was scared shitless that I knew. I threatened him, telling him to knock it the fuck off before we fucked him up and then used somebody else as a drug source. He agreed, swearing he wouldn't do it again, so I let him ago.

"I didn't trust him, I didn't trust anybody, so of course I had someone spy on him and make sure he did what I asked. I used someone new, someone Bliss wasn't familiar with, and made him pose as someone from Rudy's side.

"Sure enough, it wasn't long until Kevin, the bloke I made the spy, came round to tell me that Bliss was still selling shit to Rudy and his mates.

I called Peter...

_He answered after two rings, "Ed. How goes it?"_

_"Motherfucker isstillselling shit to Rudy's guys," I said furiously._

_Peter hesitated. "Fucking traitor."_

_"What do you want to do?"_

_Peter sighed. "This can't go on. He's practically fucking backstabbing us, the wanker. Does he actually fucking think we're stupid? Like we're actually going to put up with this shit?"_

_"Dunno. Do you reckon we should kick his sorry ass and then nick his shit?"_

_There was another pause, and I knew he was thinking about what to do in his twisted mind."Nah. We need to really hit home. Just taking his shit isn't enough. Besides, he'd probably just go get more. Do you think we should just rat him out now?"_

_"I dunno, mate. We're associated. It could be tricky..."_

_"Does his little sister still fancy you?" he suddenly asked. "The virgin?"_

_My brows furrowed. "Not sure."_

_"Pop her cherry. That'll get him good." I could hear the smirk in his voice._

_I turned my head and stared at the hotel room door, so that Bella wasn't sitting in my peripheral anymore._

_"I hate that I didn't even think twice about it," I said. "All I cared about was the revenge, maintaining our respect; teaching Bliss a lesson."_

_"What about Tanya?" I had asked Peter._

_"Oh, she won't care," he said, and I would have expected to hear some uncertainty in his voice, but I didn't. He sounded extremely sincere and at that time I didn't have a reason to doubt him._

_"You sure?"_

_"Oh yeah, talk to her about it. Fuck, get her involved if you want."_

_Later that day I rang Tanya and told her about Peter's plan of me taking Bliss' sister's virginity as revenge._

_She had laughed. "That's genius!"_

_I was surprised, seeing as she had always struck me as the jealous type. "You're okay with it?"_

_"Of course," she had trilled. "That'll show the bastard. When Peter says something, he means it. Bloody fool."_

_"Huh. So I guess I'll do it, then."_

_"Oh, you know what would be even better? If we had a threesome!"_

_My eyes widened. "What?"_

_"Think about it, baby. What's worse than a virgin losing her virginity to a raging threesome? Fucking priceless, that's what it is!"_

_I had chuckled. "That would be something pretty fucked up to wake up to."_

_"Tell me about it. I can imagine it now- you pounding into her with me sitting on her face."_

_She had continued to laugh, and I couldn't help but join in. It all sounded pretty twisted, and that was what we lived for._

_The next day we had it all planned._

_I went to Bliss' house, pretending to be in search of some ecstasy. Tanya would be joining me later, sort of as a 'surprise'. I knew Bliss wasn't home at that time, and it wasn't very likely that his parents would be. The two of them were always out, and so that meant that Bliss' sister, Anna, would be home alone._

_I ran my hand through my hair a few times, and then rang the doorbell. When no one answered after ten seconds I rang it again, more impatiently this time._

_Sure enough, the door flew open and there stood Bliss' little sister._

_She was young, only fourteen, and not particularly extraordinary. She was ginger, with straight red hair and light freckles covering much of her face. She was a shy, quiet girl that rarely ever spoke to anyone. She liked to keep to herself, though you could tell she was going through the struggle to fit in. The way she dressed and acted in public insinuated that she wanted to be like girls like Tanya._

_I knew that wasn't how she really was. Whenever we visited Bliss she'd be cooped up in her room, with a book. But she was like most girls her age- looking up to the wrong people and wanting to be like them, all for the sake of being popular._

_She also had a massive crush on me; that had been obvious from the start._

_I gave her my crooked smile, knowing it would mesmerize her._

_"Hey," I said, keeping my voice velvet soft and seductive._

_She stared at me for a second, and then blinked._

_"Uh... I... I mean, hi," she stammered, laughing nervously. Her voice was very young and childlike. You'd think it would have made me feel wrong about the whole thing, but it didn't._

_I had caught her on a day when she wasn't all slagged up to make people like her. She was just in a pair of jeans and a strap top. She was cute, in an innocent virgin type of way._

_I kept the stupid grin on my face; I could tell by her wide eyes and flushed cheeks that she was falling for it. Hell, most girls did._

_"Is Bliss home?" I asked, raising my brows innocently._

_"N-No," she stuttered, looking and sounding breathless. She stared at me head to toe. "He went out about an hour ago."_

_"Oh," I said. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out an envelope that contained Monopoly money. Anna knew all about Bliss' "hobby", but she kept her mouth shut. She was very close to her brother, and would do anything to keep him from getting in trouble._

_"I had to give this to him," I said, holding the envelope up. I kept my voice carefully regretful. "Do you mind if I just... drop it in his room?"_

_If Anna didn't have a massive crush on me, she would have offered to leave it in his room herself. If she wasn't so busy ogling at me, she'd realize that we usually did these sort of transactions in secret, not by ringing the front doorbell. If she hadn't been so turned on by me just looking at her, she'd be aware that something was very, very wrong._

_Unfortunately for her, her estrogen levels were overpowering her common sense._

_"Sure," she said immediately, stepping aside to let me pass._

_I walked in slowly, making sure to brush my arm against hers as I passed. I smirked down at her and she was doe-eyed._

_I stopped in the middle of the foyer, pretending to be confused._

_"Uh, where is his room again?" I asked, falsely perplexed. "Is it on the left, or right? I forget. It's been a while."_

_My argument was stupid, but of course she wouldn't realise it._

_"I can show you," she said quickly, taking the bait._

_"Great," I said. "That's nice of you."_

_I remember thinking,It's so easy getting virgins to do what you want._

_I winked at her and her eyes widened even further as she led me to the staircase. I stared unabashedly at her ass, and I hoped she could feel my gaze. I heard her take a deep breath, so maybe she did._

_She led me down the upstairs corridor and paused outside a door on the far left. I passed by her room, and the door was open. I made a note of that._

_I smiled kindly at her and then walked into Bliss' room. It seemed normal, but we all knew about the drugs hidden under a loose floorboard; and behind a wall panel in the closet and under his mattress._

_I sat the envelope of fake money on his bedside table and then turned to look at Anna, who stood nervously in the doorway._

_I stepped closer until we were inches apart and she was looking up at me with those wide eyes. In their blue depths I saw apprehension and surprise, but mostly excitement._

_"Well, thanks," I said, smirking at her. "Nice seeing you."_

_Her face fell just a little, and she nodded, stepping aside to let me go._

_I walked slowly down the corridor, feeling her eyes on me, and then I turned to her bedroom door._

_"Is this your room?" I asked, feigning curiosity._

_She nodded._

_"Do you mind...?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow but keeping a friendly, seductive smile on my face._

_She shook her head and I walked into her overly girly room as if I was interested._

_"Wow," I said, knowing she stood in the doorway. "This is cute... like you."_

_I looked at her in time to see her blush and mumbled thanks._

_I stared at her bed, an extremely fluffy looking thing, and then moved my gaze to her bedside table. She had a battered old copy of The Giver sitting there, and I cocked an eyebrow._

_I was glad I had read that one._

_"Oh, that's my favourite," I lied, picking the book up._

_"Really?" she said, sounding surprised._

_I nodded and slowly ran my finger down its' spine. Her eyes watched my finger go back and forth, her lips parted._

_She caught my eye and I licked my lips, setting the book back down._

_"I didn't expect the ending," I said. "Honestly I was rather confused most of the time."_

_She grinned at me. "Me, too. It was all quite shocking, really. I did like the concept of the whole novel though- the concept that when everything in your life is monotonous, you can't truly appreciate the joys in life. Also, they experience no pain, so therefore they can't experience the joy. Such a true idea, expressed in an interesting way. It was brilliant..."_

_She trailed off, blushing slightly. Smart girl- why did she look up to the slags?_

_I nodded politely, keeping my smile warm. "Oh, I agree," I said, knowing I'd have to get her comfortable with me. "You're right. And how interesting is it that colour can't be described through words, if it doesn't even exist? I mean, if you try to describe 'red', but you don't know what colour is, how do you explain it? Weird, right?"_

_She stared at me like I was her hero and I grinned._

_I was getting impatient, though. I was here to fuck her, not talk about books._

_But where the hell was Tanya? She said she'd be there five minutes after me, yet here I was, alone with the girl._

_I decided that I needed to get this over with. I wasn't going to wait for Tanya; perhaps she had forgotten. I had a responsibility to take the virginity of this girl, and I needed to do it before anyone came home._

_"I'm kind of bored," I said casually. "Do you mind if I just... stay? I mean, I really have nowhere else to go..."_

_She blinked, surprised by my request. "Oh. Um... sure, I guess."_

_I grinned. "Cool."_

_I plopped down onto her bed, leaning back on my palms and crossing my legs- the ultimate look of comfort._

_She looked stunned, and I smiled. "Don't just stand there. It's your room."_

_She smiled shyly and slowly walked over to the bed. She sat a good deal away from me, folding her legs into a pretzel. Her face was slightly flushed and her breathing was a bit erratic._

_She was horny. Perfect._

_"It sucks that I never really talked to you before," I said. "You seem cool."_

_She looked at me dubiously. "Cool? Me?"_

_"Yeah," I said confidently. "I mean you're pretty, smart... that's cool to me."_

_She got that look in her eyes again, like she worshipped me._

_"I think you're cool, too," she mumbled._

_I laughed. "Thanks._

_I sat up and shifted myself closer to her. She was frozen._

_Slowly but confidently, I reached out and ran a finger over her thin lower lip. She was completely still, except for the visible shudder that went through her body._

_"Do you know... I've always sort of fancied you," I lied, looking into her eyes._

_She gasped sharply, and then blinked._

_I ran my fingers over her freckles and she closed her eyes._

_"Me too," she whispered. "A lot."_

_She opened her eyes, looking scared, but I was grinning at her._

_"That great," I said. "Because I've always wanted to do this."_

_I took her face in one hand and leaned forward at a snail's pace, waiting to see if she'd reject me._

_I knew she wouldn't. No one did._

_I pressed my lips against hers and she squealed- probably a mixture of surprise and excitement. Not wanting to scare her by shoving my tongue into her mouth too soon, I pressed my lips against hers sweetly, chastely._

_When I pulled away, licking my lips, she looked intoxicated... by my presence, that is._

_"I have a boyfriend," she suddenly gasped._

_I cocked an eyebrow, not expecting that. "What?" My tone was curt; this was the real Edward, not the fake one that seduced this girl._

_She looked down, frowning. "Rudy."_

_My jaw dropped. No fucking way._

_Before she could see the surprise and irritation on my face, I made my expression look disappointed. She looked up, guilt written all over her face._

_"That sucks," I said, pressing my lips into a slight pout._

_"Wait," she said. "Aren't you going out with Tanya Denali?"_

_Shit. Wasn't expecting her to bring that up._

_"We broke up," I lied effortlessly, pretending to look sad. "I just... couldn't get you off my mind."_

_Her eyes were wide again._

_"Rudy doesn't need to know anything," I said, winking. I bit my bottom lip briefly and then kissed her again._

_She sighed and her hand got lost in my hair._

_Good girl. This had to be consensual._

_I kissed her harder, more passionately, this time shoving my tongue into her mouth. She kissed me back awkwardly, trying hard to make this good because she obviously didn't know what she was doing. Typical virgin._

_I pushed her until she was flat on her back with me hovering on top of her. She looked scared, but she was flushed and panting so I knew she wanted it._

_I pressed soft, gentle kisses along her face and neck and her whole body was stiff. I ran my hand over her stomach and thighs._

_"Just relax," I said._

_She complied and I felt her body loosen up beneath me. I started grinding myself into her and she gasped. I looked down at her and she looked shocked but very, very aroused. Her body language made it blatantly obvious that she wanted me._

_I slid my hand up her shirt and hesitantly ran my finger under the wire of her bra. I stared into her eyes and saw the fear but she wasn't saying anything._

_Time to stop wasting time and get this shit over with._

_I knew I had to be fast. I had to pop that cherry and get the fuck out of there._

_I crashed my lips against hers, roughly this time, and made my tongue probe every inch of her mouth. She was panting heavily, whimpering slightly, but her hands had a really tight grip in my hair._

_Before she could blink I had her shirt off and both her tits in my hands. I squeezed them roughly, pressing kisses into her neck and breastbone. Her breathing was shallow, but her body was stiffening up again._

_She stopped me when my hands went to the waistband of her jeans._

_"Wait," she gasped._

_Shit. I wasn't going to fuck her if she told me "no". I was a lot of things, but "rapist" would not be one of them._

_Never. Sexual assault just wasn't my thing._

_This is why this needed to be consensual. She needed to let me fuck her, and all would be fine._

_"What?" I said my voice husky. I was hard by now, and I wanted to be in and out- fast._

_"Are..." she hesitated, and I tried not to look annoyed."I'm... I'm a virgin."_

_I pretended to look surprised. "Oh. Really?"_

_She nodded._

_I smiled and kissed her in a way that was supposed to be comforting. She remained stiff._

_"I can take care of that," I mumbled._

_I unbuttoned the button on her jeans and eased them down slowly, sensually. Her breathing hitched in her throat and by the time her jeans were all the way off her breathing had become something close to hyperventilation._

_"Just think," I said, pressing a kiss to her naval as I palmed her sex through her knickers. "You're about to have sex with Edward Cullen. You're so fucking lucky."_

_She smiled tentatively, but it didn't reach her eyes. She was scared. She knew this wasn't right. She knew she didn't want this as much as she thought._

_Now was the time._

_I pulled a condom out of my back pocket and unzipped my jeans, pulling them down. I impatiently yanked her knickers down and ran a finger across her slit as she whimpered. My fingers came away damp, but not enough. She wasn't ready._

_It didn't matter._

_I rolled the condom on- I had gone commando for a reason -and hesitated at her entrance, looking at her face. She looked scared, and rightfully so. This wasn't going to be pleasant. But I wasn't going to back off until she told me no. If she told me to stop, I'd stop._

_There was some part of me, a kinder part of me, which wanted to give her another chance to think about it._

_I cocked an eyebrow. "Ready?"_

_She hesitated, and then nodded once._

_Then I slammed into her, hard._

_She cried out as her barrier broke, so loud that the whole city could have heard her. Her entire body stiffened and her mouth was open in something close to horror._

_I pulled out and then slammed into her again, and I could tell she was trying not to cry. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip, whimpering as I pounded into her over and over._

_She was so, so tight and it was amazing. I knew I was hurting her, I knew she was in pain, but she wasn't stopping me._

_I came quickly and landed on top of her, panting heavily. I pulled out of her and she let out a sob._

_I climbed off the bed and took the condom off, tossing it into a nearby bin. I felt completely nonchalant as I pulled my jeans back on._

_I looked at Anna, who lay their stiff and crying, and smiled somewhat cruelly._

_"See you around," were my parting words._

I swallowed, keeping my eyes on the hotel's closed door.

"I didn't feel an ounce of guilt," I said, voice thick with disgust. "I was completely okay with taking the virginity of an innocent girl that knew she didn't want it but was too afraid to admit it. Everything about her screamed 'NOT READY', and I was smart enough to realise that, but I didn't give a fuck. Now, thinking back, I can't **imagine** what she went through after that...

"Afterwards, when I called Tanya to ask her where she'd been, she told me she had fallen asleep. Of course, at that time I believed her. She promised to make up the whole threesome thing to me, which she did. I was into anything sexual, as long as Tanya was involved. The only exception was the virgin thing.

"Tanya didn't show up because she was fucking my best friend at the same time I was fucking an innocent fourteen year old girl. It's the only thing I really feel guilty for, to this day. Well, aside from the... you know. I was a fucking predator. There's no other word for it, really."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, rolling my neck because staring at the hotel door had made my neck stiff.

Now it was time to stare at my lap. I didn't look at Bella's face yet, but I saw how her hands were in fists in her own lap.

"Bliss found out the next day. He was... beyond furious. It was the kind of fury that only an older brother can have when he finds out that one of his friends ruthlessly fucked his younger, virginal sister."

Here it goes...

_We were hanging out in Tanya's basement, where we usually went to just relax. Her dad traveled for work and her mum was like Bliss' mum, too social to be at home enough._

_Tanya sat on my lap and we were snogging as Peter, Sam, Tom, and Kevin sat around playing cards and drinking beer. Peter's girlfriend, Charlotte, was there as well._

_Peter was pleased when I told him about my taking a poor girl's innocence, and for now we were enjoying the peace while it lasted._

_Because it wouldn't._

_Suddenly the basement door flew open and running feet stumbled down the stairs._

_"You fucking bastard, I'll kill you!"_

_To say that Bliss was "angry" would be an understatement. He was furious, outraged, and completely mental with rage._

_Peter stood up and blocked Bliss from getting to me, putting a hand on his chest._

_"Whoa," Peter said. "Calm the fuck down."_

_Tanya got off my lap and I stood up, going to Peter's side at the same time the other guys did._

_"I swear to fucking God, if youevertouch my sister again, I'll fucking kill you!" Bliss screamed at me._

_I couldn't help the amused smile that spread across my lips. He shouldn't have come here alone. What an idiot._

_Peter shoved him a little roughly. "And you shouldn't have been selling to Rudy behind our motherfucking backs," he snapped._

_Bliss looked stunned, then momentarily embarrassed, then angry again._

_"That doesn't even fucking matter!" he cried, trying to come at me._

_Peter punched him in the jaw and Bliss ended up on the ground, groaning. Peter walked up to him and put his foot on Bliss' chest to keep him down._

_"Oh, but it does matter," Peter said coldly. "If you hadn't gone behind our backs, we wouldn't have had to teach you a lesson by fucking your sister. Frankly, she's lucky it was Barms and not me. I would have fucked her tight ass more than once."_

_Bliss tried to get up but Peter kicked him in the face._

_"We all roughed him up a bit," I admitted. "It was... fun… at the time. Tanya and Charlotte sat there on the couch, sipping their beers and watching like it was some film. After that, Bliss left, promising not to sell to Rudy anymore. But the worst wasn't over..."_

_Of course Rudy found out about it too, seeing as Anna was his girlfriend._

_He was worse than Bliss had been, and he knew where to find me._

_We were in one of our many alleys. It was two or three in the morning, on a Sunday. That was usually when we made guys do stupid shit if they wanted to stay with us. Sam was joining me that day, along with Jason, one of our other friends. There were only two guys there that night, and I wasn't even sure I knew their names._

_Sam, Kevin and I stood across from them and I was about to tell them that I wanted them to break into and vandalize a parked police car, but we were interrupted._

_I heard the click of the gun before I saw it._

_I turned and saw Rudy standing at the entrance of the alley, pointing a gun right at my head. The expression on his face wasn't angry- it was cold, heartless._

_No one had ever pointed a gun at me before. Usually I was the one pointing it at someone else. So when I saw Rudy standing a few feet away from me, the barrel of the gun closer to my face due to his long arms, I was more than a little surprised._

_To this day, I don't know if I was scared. I was apprehensive definitely, but the fear was either nonexistent or very weak._

_All I could feel was the adrenaline, and that was what I lived for. That, and Tanya._

_I stared at Rudy as he stared at me; the gun was trembling._

_"Rudy, what the fuck are you doing?" Sam had asked voice tight with panic._

_"Shut up," Rudy had snapped through clenched teeth. The gun was shaking harder now. "Just... shut up."_

_I was so focused on the gun I didn't even notice the two boys I was supposed to be initiating exchange a look and then edge away from the rest of us. They were gone in a flash, and Rudy didn't seem to care._

_He wasn't there for them. He was there for me._

_I stared at Rudy impassively, but my whole body was stiff. He could lose it at any moment, and all it would take was for him to put the slightest of pressure onto the trigger._

_"Put the gun down," Sam said, anxiously. Kevin was frozen. "You're not thinking."_

_Rudy turned the gun on Sam. "Shut the fuck up. Get the fuck out of my way and let me do whatever I bloody want." He was suddenly seething, his mind overpowered by rage._

_The second Rudy pointed the gun at Sam, the adrenaline spiked. I tensed myself, ready to spring at Rudy if I had to. This was suddenly a matter of brotherhood, and he'd have to get through me to get to Sam._

_"Rudy," I said his name warily, like I had approached a wild animal. He turned the gun on me and I relaxed only fractionally. Sam wasn't in danger anymore. "I know you're pissed-"_

_"'Pissed'?" he repeated, stepping closer. The gun was so close to my face that my eyes went cross-eyed if I looked at the barrel. "You think I'm pissed? You- you just- you went and-you fucked my girlfriendyou bastard, I'll-" he cut off his own sentence with a growl of fury and the gun was pressed against my forehead._

_I winced and stumbled back, and he came with me._

_I was trying to figure out how to get the gun out of his hands but he was so mentally unstable at the moment that nothing was safe._

_"She. Was. A. Virgin," he spat, spittle landing on my face._

_No shit, I thought, but it wasn't like I would say anything, considering he had a gun pressed to my head._

_"You went in and you fucked her forwhat? Huh?" he pressed the gun harder and I winced. My hands were lifted a little, halfway on the journey to grab the gun from him._

_Before I could answer, Sam tackled him and a loud bang rang out as Rudy reflexively pressed the trigger._

_Everything after that happened so fast that if it weren't for how I'd felt afterwards, I'd doubt that it happened._

_Sam was on top of Rudy, trying to keep the gun away from anyone's face, but it wasn't easy. Rudy was a big guy and he had the gun pointing in the air as he struggled to get it to aim towards me._

_He wasn't successful in the slightest, because I got out of the way just as he pulled the trigger again and the bullet crashed into the brick wall of the alley._

_"Calm the fuck down!" I screamed at him, but suddenly I was frozen, not knowing what to do. If I got close enough to the gun to try and grab it, he'd shoot me._

_Kevin suddenly lurched forward and tried to wrestle the gun free while Sam continued his struggle to restrain Rudy._

_Kevin was triumphant and he lurched up, the gun in his hand. At the same time he stood up, Rudy threw a hard punch at Sam's head. Sam was thrown off, clutching his head and groaning, and Rudy jumped up, staring at Kevin and the gun in his hands._

_"Stay right there," Kevin said, voice trembling. The gun, which was now pointed at Rudy, was shaking. "Just stay."_

_Now Rudy was the one to look scared. His fingers were curled into claws of some kind and his face was wild, almost insane. He kept glancing from me to the gun, back and forth like gazing at an abnormally fast tennis match._

_There was something different about Kevin as he pointed the gun at Rudy. Suddenly the way he was pointing the weapon had meaning, a meaning stronger than to just keep Rudy away from us._

_There was something in his eyes, some kind of hidden hate that was just beginning to resurface..._

_"You don't know what you're talking about," Kevin snapped. "You come round here acting like you actually gave a fuck about her."_

_Um... what?_

_I stared at him, puzzled. Rudy narrowed his eyes at Kevin._

_"I do care about her," Rudy snarled. "I actually did something about it, instead of just being a pussy and watching as someone else-"_

_Kevin clicked the gun, and it wasn't loud but it shut Rudy up._

_"Kevin, wait," I said, approaching him cautiously. "Stop, what are you doing?"_

_He glanced at me through his peripheral, but his head and the gun remained in Rudy's direction._

_"He doesn't care about Anna," Kevin said, voice trembling. "He just wanted to get in her knickers because she was tight-"_

_"You don't know anything!" Rudy yelled, and I wrapped my hand around Kevin's wrist, stilling him. He was shaking, shaking from the fear and the anger._

_He wasn't stable anymore, either._

_"He doesn't really know her," he said, voice thick with hate. "He doesn't love her like I do."_

_Oh fuck, this had taken a completely different turn._

_"Kev, put the gun down," I said calmly but authoritatively._

_He ignored me completely, his hands still shaking._

_"Kevin," I said again._

_His face was contorted with rage and his eyes were glazed with madness whilst his whole arm shook with the pressure of what he wanted to do._

_This was not good. I needed to dispose of this gun and then get the fuck out of here._

_I grabbed Kevin's arm and started wrestling the gun away from him, just as Rudy tried to step forward and punch me. Sam was quick and had Rudy tackled again, while I struggled to free the gun away from Kevin._

_"I'll fucking kill you, Cullen!" Rudy was shouting as he tried to fight Sam off. "I'll kill you, I'll kill you both!"_

_I was stronger than Kevin and the gun was no more in my hand than it was in his. I had him pinned against the wall, but he was putting up a good fight._

_"How would you feel it was Tanya?" Rudy shouted, and my fight with Kevin was weakened slightly as his question threw me off balance._

_"How would you feel if Tanya was a virgin and I went and fucked her so hard she wouldn't stop bleeding for hours-"_

_..._

"I just shot him," I whispered, staring at my hands. It was suddenly too hard to talk. "I was pissed and he was there and the gun was in my hands and without a second thought I just..."

That was it.

The silence stretched on and on and I knew I had to look at her.

Bella wasn't looking at me. There were silent tears streaming down her face and her entire body was visibly tense. Her gaze was on the pillow next to me and her expression was some mixture of horror and shock and disbelief. I watched warily as she started shaking.

Holy fuck. This was worst than I thought.

"Bella?" I said cautiously.

Her eyes snapped towards me and there it was, clear as day- the fear.

I reached a hand out to try and comfort her, but she flinched so violently you would have thought I was holding a knife to her face.

"Bella, please," I whispered, and she startled me by stumbling off the bed and away from me.

What the hell was going on?

She had her back to me, standing just a few feet away from the door.

I slowly got off the bed, my heart thumping erratically. I knew it was a lot to absorb, but I didn't think she'd react this way.

I stood behind her, just waiting for her to say or do something other than having her back to me.

I heard her sniff and then watched as she reached a hand up to her belly, grabbing the fabric of her t-shirt.

"Bella, talk to me," I pleaded. "I know it's a lot to take in-"

"'A lot to take in'?" she squeaked. "A lot to take in? Edward, you..."

I took a deep breath, feeling the most distressed I had in a while. "I know what I did. I'm not proud of it, but-"

"It doesn't matter," she cried. "Edward... it's like I don't know you."

I stared at her back in quiet shock.

I didn't even know what to say to that.

I ran a hand through my hair, feeling all kinds of anxiety.

"Bella... that's it. That's my story. That's who I was, that's what happened... You know me better than anybody."

She turned slowly to face me and the fear and apprehension was still there.

"You've stabbed people," she whispered. "You've mugged people, you've started fires, and you've done and sold drugs... You... you practically _raped_ someone..." she broke off with a choking sob, and covered her mouth with her hand.

My jaw dropped.

Then I was angry.

"You know that's not what it was," I said, barely able to control the growl in my voice.

"Yes, it was," she sobbed, dropping her hand and sniffing. "Edward... she didn't want it, and you knew it."

I shook my head furiously. "She never told me 'no'. You know I would've stopped, and of course it hurts the first time- I can't believe I even have to explain this to you..."

Completely and utterly exasperated, I collapsed onto the bed with my head in my hands. I pulled at my hair, frustrated.

You'd think that after telling her everything, I would feel lighter, like a weight had been lifted.

That wasn't the case. I felt like there had been a weight placed on me, a thousand times heavier than the last.

"Edward, I don't know if I can do this."

Those words. Those nine words crushed me more than anything ever had.

I looked up at her, feeling the panic and adrenaline course through me.

Her eyes were on the floor, but they were moving wildly like she didn't know where to look.

Like she was thinking way too much.

I stood up, my legs feeling numb, and took a step towards her.

"You don't know what you're saying," I said, and I couldn't stop my voice from shaking.

She clenched her eyes shut and took a step back, her lower lip trembling and her cheeks wet.

She nodded. "I do."

"No you don't," I said angrily. The anger was a shield from the pain that I refused to feel. "Bella, you can't do this."

She let out a sob and shook her head. "You don't get it."

"Then explain it to me," I begged, taking her hands. She tried to wrench her grip away but I didn't let her.

I was not going to let go.

She struggled to speak as she sobbed, her head down. "The th-things you did... I never th-thought..."

"It's awful," I said earnestly. "I know it's awful, but you need to understand that I'm not like that anymore."

"Doesn't change anything," she whispered. "Let me go."

I held her wrists tighter. "No."

"Edward, let me go."

"Never, Bella."

She was shaking, I was shaking, she was crying, and I was close.

This was not happening. This could not be happening. This is not what all these past months had led up to.

My grip had loosened and she wrenched free, stumbling back towards the door.

"This is too much," she whispered. "Too much for me."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, but her words meant something else.

It was sinking in, painfully slow.

"Bella, don't..." I begged, and my voice wavered. "Don't go."

"Don't follow me," she whispered. "I don't want you near me right now, just... don't."

There was an ache in my chest and I couldn't move as she zombie-walked towards the door and opened it.

"Bella wait," I said, and the desperation in my voice was almost pathetic. "Please, we can...:

"We can what?" she whispered. "Work it out? Edward, I wish we could..."

"Yes, if that's what you want to call it. Just, please, don't leave. Please."

I stared at her back, my heart cracking with every second she stayed away from me. Pretty soon it would break in two, and I'd be nothing.

She had her hand on the doorknob, gripping it so tight that her knuckles were white.

She took a step out the door, like she wasn't sure, and watching her go was making me insane.

"Bella, I love you," I said despairingly, and I sounded like a dying man.

I had never said those words out loud, never felt like I had to until now.

She froze, knuckles going whiter than before.

With one last sob, she ran out of the room, slamming the door shut on my heart.

My mind could not wrap around what just happened.

She did not just leave me. She couldn't. She wouldn't.

It started to sink in faster than before, and then it hit me so hard I literally collapsed onto my knees.

She did.

* * *

**A/N: **Most controversial chapter, right?

Here's all I'm gonna say: There's more to Edward's story than he lets off. Since this is his POV, he sees things a certain way and he describes them how he remembers them.

Before anyone leaves an angry review about how horrible Edward is, give the next chapter a chance.

All will be cleared up and/or confirmed.


	36. Broken

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight

* * *

**Chapter 36- Broken**

_The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight  
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time  
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out_

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating_

_In the pain, there is healing  
In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on  
I'm barely holdin' on to you_

**Broken- Lifehouse**

* * *

**A/N: **This is a long one, folks. It's also probably the most important chapter in the whole story.

* * *

**Bella POV**

What had I ever done to deserve this?

This is what I kept asking myself as I blindly stumbled through the hallways of the hotel. I was feeling a whirlwind of emotions, none of them positive. There was pain, so much pain, and it was the most unwelcome. There was hurt and betrayal and anger and fear and horror and disgust and disbelief.

That was not the Edward I had grown to love. That was not the Edward I knew. That was not the Edward I wanted to be with.

Even though I was hurting like never before, I didn't think anyone could justify what he had done. The drugs I expected, the mugging was a slight surprise, and the murder was a huge shock. I couldn't comprehend how Edward, _my_ Edward could be so coldblooded and just shoot someone. It made absolutely no sense.

But what made me sick to my stomach was what he had done to that poor girl.

In my eyes, it was rape. Having gone through what I had with Jacob (and it was easier to think his name now), it was rape. Knowing what it felt like to be taken advantage of, it was rape. It didn't matter that she didn't tell him "no". The mere fact that he knew she didn't want it made it rape to me.

And he had an absolutely bullshit excuse for it, too- revenge. It was just unacceptable, and it broke my heart.

It broke my heart that he was so wonderful to me and made me love him, only for me to find out that he was nothing short of a criminal. A part of me hated him for having the nerve of being with me, knowing what I had been through with Jacob.

I didn't think I could ever be with someone like that.

To me, he was almost like Jacob, if not worse. I didn't know why I kept falling for the wrong type, what I had done to deserve being hurt over and over and over again. Did God hate me?

I tripped and collapsed onto my knees in the middle of a random hallway, and let myself fall back onto my behind. I was crying like someone had died, and that was because _it just wasn't fair._

I wrapped my arms around my knees and sobbed into my thighs, wanting to die.

I would never know what it would feel like to be loved by the right person. It was psychopaths that kept falling for me, and it made me hate life.

I didn't know how long it was before someone opened their hotel room door to ask me what was wrong. It was a woman, but I didn't even want to bother explaining myself. Eventually I got up and walked away, wiping away the last of my tears.

I wasn't going to cry anymore; I didn't even know if it was worth it.

I walked around for a while, ignoring the few maids that asked me if I was lost, or if I was okay, or if I needed help.

Yes, I was lost. No, I was not okay. Yes, I needed help.

I was breathing through my mouth because my nose was stuffy and my eyes were so puffy that my vision was hindered. Once I let myself think past all of the shit that Edward had done, I tried to think about what to do.

I took a deep breath and leaned against a wall by some elevators. I wasn't going to go back to the hotel room, not with him there.

Rosalie and Emmett were still at their bachelor and bachelorette parties, and I was suddenly worried about what would happen at the wedding. I still loved Rosalie, despite who she was related to, but I highly doubted she knew what Edward did. I wasn't going to tell her because it wasn't my story to tell, but I didn't even know if I was going to make it to the wedding.

There was no way in hell that I'd able to walk down the aisle with Edward.

I jumped when my phone started vibrating in my pocket, and I prayed that it wasn't him. I pulled it out and glanced at the screen, relief coursing through me when I saw that it was Alice.

I flipped it open and held it to my ear, but I couldn't speak.

"Bella?" She sounded anxious. "Bella, are you okay? Something's been nagging me all day..."

Even though I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore, the sound of her voice made me burst into tears all over again.

"Bella, where are you?" she asked.

"A-A-Alice," I sobbed.

"We're coming to get you. Tell us where you are."

I looked around me and saw that I had somehow ended up on the second floor.

"Second floor," I gasped.

"We're on our way," she said and I flipped the phone shut, trying to compose myself.

The elevator dinged and I turned in time to see Alice and Jasper walk out and freeze at the sight of me.

"Oh, my God," Alice said, and she immediately came to sit next to me. I threw myself into her arms and let the sobs rack through me as Jasper watched in quiet concern.

"Bella, where's Edward?" he asked, and just hearing his name was enough to ruin me.

They were both stunned into silence by my hysterical weeping, and Alice looked like she was about to have a panic attack.

"Okay, let's get you upstairs to our room," Jasper said, helping me to my feet. I felt worn out and exhausted so I let them half-carry me into the elevator.

We went up to the fourth floor, the same floor that I had run down from. When we got off the elevator, I was filled with an ominous feeling. The hallway was long and empty, the yellow lights dim in a way that made it look creepy. I kept my head down and let my two friends take me to their room, which was in the 430s.

When we passed by room 425, the room I had shared with Edward, I couldn't help but glance at it.

It looked the same. You wouldn't have thought that a criminal was on the other side.

I wondered if he was still in there, or if he had run off.

I hated that I cared.

Jasper stopped outside the door, and we turned to look at him.

"Is he in here?" he asked, pointing at the door.

I shrugged, trying to look I didn't give a shit.

Jasper knocked on the door and I turned to Alice, pleading with my eyes for her to get me out of here.

She nodded once and took my hand, leading me straight down the hall to room 431. She swiped her card and pulled me inside, where I immediately went over to the bed and collapsed.

Alice came and curled up beside me.

"I can't be with him," I said, voice raspy. "I might even hate him."

"Bella, you don't really mean that." Alice chided. Then she searched my face and her expression melted into disbelief. "You... you hate him?"

I shrugged halfheartedly.

"But what happened?" she asked.

I ignored her question. "I don't think I'll never be able to forgive him. Ever."

"But what did he _do?_" Alice asked, exasperated.

I swallowed thickly. I almost told her what he did, but I decided against it. It just wasn't my story to tell, and it would kill me to talk about it.

"Did he hurt you?" she asked.

Traitor tears stung my eyes once more. "In more ways than you can imagine."

"Bella," Alice said, and I could tell her patience was waning. "What the hell did he do to make you hate him?"

"What hasn't he done?" I cried, and I thought I had run out of tears but they just kept coming. "He... he told me all this stuff that he did back before he met me, and... Alice, he's no better than Jacob."

I could feel the waves of shock roll off of her as she sat there and stared at me, absorbing what I had just said.

"Bella, he couldn't have," she finally whispered.

"Oh, he did," I said, and I sounded as bitter as I felt. "You better believe it. All I'm going to say is that he is not who I thought he was. He's... he's done things..." I took a deep, shaky breath. "He should be in jail. He told me all these... crimes that he committed and I still can't quite believe... I loved him, I really, really did. Maybe I still do, but I'm trying to stop myself because this always happens to me. Alice, I always fall for the crazy ones, and it's just not fair. It's over; I'm just... I'm done."

I sniffed and wiped away the tears as Alice stared at me. My heart was hurting, my head was pounding, and my eyes were aching. I felt sick, and I wanted to curl up and disappear forever.

"You broke up with him?" she asked, and her voice sounded so small.

"I had to!" I said defensively. "I can't be with someone like that, Alice. It isn't right. It's... its sick."

She clenched her eyes shut and put two fingers to each of her temples, thinking hard.

"It's not supposed to be like this," she muttered to herself.

"It doesn't even matter," I said. "I don't know what to do anymore."

"Bella, I'm trying really hard to understand... but I can't."

"I don't expect you to. I just... I need someone I can trust. That's all."

"Are you going to tell me what he did?"

I shook my head. "If I talk about it, I'll... I don't know what I'll do."

We sat there in silence, me feeling like crap and Alice holding her head like she had a headache.

Finally, she sighed. "Okay. What are we going to do about the wedding tomorrow? You two have to walk down the aisle together."

"I'm not going to," I said. "I'll walk down the aisle with anyone else, just not him."

Alice looked frustrated. "I'm not going to ask you why because it's none of my business, but... is it so bad that you won't even plaster on a fake smile for the sake of your brother's wedding?"

Emmett. What would he say about this? And it would be hard to keep this from Rose. I didn't want to ruin their wedding day with my problems.

However, Emmett and Rosalie were involved as much as I was. She was Edward's sister, and Emmett was my brother, and they were getting married. If Rosalie was in my life, Edward would as well and I didn't want that.

At least, that's what I kept telling myself.

"I don't know what to do, Alice," I whispered. "I guess I'll go to the wedding, as long as he isn't anywhere near me. I won't be able to handle it. It'll hurt too much."

Alice nodded, but she looked completely perplexed.

A moment later, Jasper walked in with my suitcase in his hand. The only way to describe his face was using a cliché- he looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Well," he said quietly, shutting the door behind him. "That was... surprising."

"What?" Alice asked him. "What happened with Edward?"

Jasper set the suitcase down and ran two hands over his face. "He was a mess. I don't think I've ever seen him so... broken. It was hard to watch."

I hated the pang of guilt that went through me. I ground my teeth together and told myself that this was karma. If he was in pain, it was for all the pain he put others through.

But why did it feel like karma was biting me in the ass, too? What had I done to be in this much pain?

"He kept talking about how he doesn't deserve to live anymore," Jasper mumbled.

"What?" Alice was stunned.

"Yeah. I didn't want to leave, afraid that he'd do something rash. I tried to talk him into not being so... you know... suicidal. I reminded him of the wedding tomorrow, but he just told me to leave, take Bella's suitcase, and let him die. He's... God, I don't know. He needs help."

"I don't think he'll do anything too crazy," Alice said, sounding unbelievably confident in a moment like that. "We should keep an eye on him though, maybe call up Sam and Tom...?"

Jasper shrugged and sat down at the edge of the bed. "It's... so fucking baffling. I mean, I take it that you broke up with him, Bella?"

I nodded, not meeting his gaze.

"Can I ask why?"

I shook my head.

Jasper didn't argue with me but handed me a box of tissues that I gratefully took from him and used to clean the mess that was my face.

I was so, so tired. The pain was so exhausting and I wanted nothing more than the unconsciousness of sleep to overwhelm me. I was overwhelmed with Edward's awful past and I wished I could erase all of the gruesome images that flashed through my mind. I had gone through enough pain to last me a lifetime, and I wanted it to end.

I let myself fall back until my head hit the pillow and I closed my eyes.

"I just want to forget," I whispered. "I'll go to the wedding tomorrow but I'm so close to just giving up on everything."

I felt the bed move and then Alice was lying next to me.

She put her head on my shoulder. "Whatever it is, I'm so, so, sorry. I thought for sure that Edward was the one for you, but... I guess maybe I am wrong sometimes."

"I guess you are."

* * *

Alice tried to shake me awake, but she shouldn't even have bothered. It's not like I had slept at all.

"Rise and shine," she trilled. "Today, I am determined to help you put on and maintain a poker face believable enough for wedding pictures."

"Good luck with that," I whispered in my hoarse voice.

It was the day of the wedding, and I had slept in Alice and Jasper's room. He had graciously volunteered to use the couch while Alice slept beside me. It took me forever to fall asleep, and when I did it had only been for small intervals. Those small intervals were plagued with the disturbing images Edward had planted in my head, along with the memories of everything that had happened at Fizz.

On the plus side, I hadn't cried all night. There was a numbness that took the place of the sadness and pain, a numbness that made me feel absolutely nothing about anything. If I hadn't been so numb, I would have been surprised at my lack of emotion as I climbed out of bed, still in my clothes from the day before.

I was a zombie through the shower, and even more of a zombie while I got dressed. Edward was at the back of my mind, and probably would be for the rest of my life. I tried to focus hard on every little task so that he wouldn't be in the center of my mind.

"Where's Jasper?" I suddenly noticed his absence as I pulled on a random pair of sneakers. I had been so focused on not focusing on Edward that I didn't even realize what was going on around me.

"He's making sure everything is okay," Alice said carefully, and I knew she meant he was probably making sure Edward hadn't jumped out the window or something.

The mere thought of him doing something like that made me cringe, and the pain came back before I pushed it behind the numbness again.

_I must not let myself care._

I nodded and sat on the bed, waiting for Alice to finish applying her makeup. I didn't see the point of putting any on; our makeup would be done all over again once we got ready for the wedding ceremony. Thinking about the wedding made the seemingly permanent knot in my stomach tighten.

I wondered if I would go ballistic seeing Edward there, if he was going to be there. I had a feeling that Jasper would somehow force him to go, much like Alice was doing with me. I understood they did it for the sake of Rosalie and Emmett, but they thought that this was just a very bad breakup.

I would go insane if they tried to get us to make up.

Alice was finally done with her unnecessary primping and she turned to look at me with the saddest expression I had ever seen on her delicate face.

"Look at you," she whispered.

"What about me?" I mumbled.

She walked over to the bed and curled up beside me, taking both of my hands and squeezing them hard.

"I care about you so much," she said emphatically. "You're my best friend in the whole world, and I want the best for you. Now, I don't know what happened between you and Edward, but obviously it was bad if it made you look and act like this."

_Look and act like what? _I thought. _I'm trying so hard to be normal._

She looked away from me, distracted. "I thought for sure he was the one." She shook her head, ridding a thought. "Regardless. I know you're hurting, I can tell. I hate seeing you like this. If you need a night where we pig out on Ben & Jerry's and watch sappy chick flicks, that's fine. We'll do it. But today... today you need a poker face."

"I thought I already had one on," I grumbled.

Alice smiled sadly. "Your _eyes,_ Bella. I know you're hiding your emotions but your eyes are the most expressive part of you. Well, apart from your blush, but that's been absent for a while."

I looked down, not knowing what to say.

"You'll pull through this, I know it," Alice said confidently. "We'll help you."

I felt like such a charity case.

"I think I can handle my problems on my own, Alice," I said, sounding colder than I meant.

Her enthusiastic look fell before she shrugged it off and pulled me off the bed.

"I know you can handle them on your own, but you shouldn't have to."

* * *

The hotel's bridal suite was full of squealing young girls having breakfast with the bride. There was the bustle of movement as the bridesmaids ran around making last minute adjustments to this dress or that shoe.

Thankfully Rosalie was too excited to notice my blank stare.

The next few hours were painful. I had to put on a fake smile and act like I cared when someone asked me my opinion on their hair or when they gushed over how nice the bridesmaid dress looked with my skin tone. The most annoying things were the pictures. They were taking so many pictures, one after the other, and I knew there had to be at least a few that unexpectedly captured my less-than-enthusiastic expression.

I was trying, I really was. After a while the fake smile was making my cheeks hurt and I just wanted this wedding to be over with. I didn't think about what would possibly happen after the nuptials. I didn't think about what would happen when I went back to Forks, and whether or not I'd be home alone while Emmett and Rosalie were at their honeymoon in Bermuda.

I didn't even want to think about _afterward;_ the word itself suddenly had an ominous ring to it.

The wedding would take place in the afternoon, outside in the hotel's massive and beautiful garden. Then the reception would be inside the hotel, in one of the ballrooms. The ceremony I could deal with, but the reception scared me. I would not be dancing, I would not be eating, I would not be socializing. Still, I would be there, pretending like I was part of the happiness that came with weddings.

After brunch, it was time to start getting ready. I assisted Rosalie in getting into her dress, a gorgeous, sleeveless, flowing gown that was covered in lace and hugged her curves in all the right places. It had a pale gold sash around the waist, and the plunging neckline did amazing things for her boobs. It was lovely for a garden wedding.

It was time for Vera and Lee to assist with makeup, and we all started helping each other out with the cosmetics. All I really did was say things like "looks good" or "that's a nice color".

I slipped into the bridesmaid dress; it was a lovely dark coral color with a black sash. It was strapless and flowing, the hem falling just above my knees. I felt a little exposed, but everyone complimented me.

When all of us were beautified, I was pulled over to the mirror.

I didn't look like me.

The expression on the girl's face was bored, a tad surprised to say the least. Her dress fit her perfectly and her hair was pulled back into an elaborate style that involved a braid that curled around the back of her head with a few locks framing her face. Her eyes looked wider thanks to the makeup, kept natural due to the garden theme of the wedding. There was a fair amount of blush on her cheeks because her naturally pink cheeks were on vacation for a little while. Her lips were shiny, giving the illusion that she was pouting prettily, even though she was frowning.

She was beautiful, and would have been stunning were it not for her emotionless face.

Then I remembered the girl was me, and the depression came seeping back.

We all waited patiently for the call that would let us know that the guests had arrived and were seated. There came a point where Rosalie quietly asked me what was wrong, and I knew my poker face wasn't unreadable anymore. Apparently Alice had told her that I was having boy trouble, so I shrugged it off, telling her that Edward and I had gotten into a fight and that it was nothing for her to worry about.

"It's time, it's time!" Alice's excited voice suddenly rang out and my heart skipped a beat.

There was no more avoiding him now.

We all went down to the back of the hotel and stopped inside the grand ballroom where the reception would be held. There were a pair of double doors that led out onto the gardens, where the ceremony would take place.

I peeked out one of the windows of the ballroom, trying to see what had been done to the gardens of the hotel.

Stone steps lead down to the acres of grass, a part of which was split in half by white fabric in order to create an aisle. Chairs were lined up on either side, all of which already had seated guests. I recognized some of them from Forks, some of Emmett's friends, and the others I assumed were Rosalie's friends and family. She knew a lot of people that was for sure.

Temporary pillars were strategically placed to help form a canopy of delicate fabric that hovered around where the ceremony would take place. A few feet behind the altar was a small pond, adorned with lily pads and lotuses. The gardens stretched behind that, and you never would have thought that we were in a city.

And the flowers- there were flowers everywhere. They were wrapped around the pillars, colorful and fun, as well as adorning the makeshift altar that sat at the far end. It was definitely a sight to behold, without being over-the-top or too dramatic.

"The groomsmen are here!" someone said, and my throat tightened.

I heard footsteps and the sound of male voices echoed across the ballroom. I remained where I was, frozen by the windows.

I didn't hear his voice. Was he even there? Was he even coming?

"Emmett's not here, is he?" Alice cried. "He can't see her!"

"He's coming down with Ryan," Jasper's voice said. "Get Rose out of here so we can get him into the garden without seeing her, quickly!"

It was mayhem as the bridesmaids, except for me, hustled to get Rosalie into a nearby room before Emmett could get to the ballroom. A moment later, Alice returned to keep me company.

She stopped at my side, eying me with concern. "How are you doing?"

"Is he here?" I whispered tersely.

I already knew the answer. I could feel him in the room.

Alice nodded.

"Alice, I can't deal with him," I said, almost inaudibly. "Not after last night... Let me walk down the aisle with someone else, please. Can I borrow Jasper?"

Alice chewed on her lip. "It's not my wedding, Bella."

"I don't care, just do something. Please, I'm desperate. I can't... not him. Anyone but him."

She looked panicky. "The wedding's about to start."

"Ask Rosalie if it's okay, please," I begged.

"Bella!" Emmett's voice rang out throughout the room, and I jumped. I only turned my head fractionally, still too afraid to turn around fully.

Emmett was suddenly beside, looking like a little boy on Christmas morning. He had a huge ear-splitting grin across his face, and his eyes were sparkling.

I couldn't help but smile genuinely.

"Look at you!" he said, pulling me into a hug. "You look great!"

"I can say the same to you," I said, hugging him tightly. His arms felt so good to be in, and I blinked back tears.

He pulled away, a little too soon for my liking, and beamed down at me.

"Can you believe it?" he said. "I'm getting married! In London! Who would've thought?"

"Pretty amazing," I mumbled.

"Man, I can't wait to get to Bermuda. Listen, I'm trusting you and Edward to not burn the house down while we're gone, okay?"

Edward. House. Burning.

I couldn't breathe.

Before I could react in a noticeable way, we were interrupted by one of the hotel's staff.

"Excuse me, if everyone could please assemble, the musicians are about to begin," he said.

There was more bustling and Emmett forgot me, suddenly looking nervous.

"Lee," I said, grabbing the nearest bridesmaid's arm. "Switch groomsmen? Please?"

Lee looked confused. "Um, sorry Bella, but I'd like to walk down the aisle with my sexy boyfriend. Can I ask why? Is something wrong with you and Edward?"

I started to feel nauseous and shook my head, deciding that I had to meet my doom.

I couldn't keep running away from him. Not until after the wedding, anyway.

I stepped back from Lee and her boyfriend, taking a shaky breath before I finally turned all the way around.

There he was.

He stood furthest away from everyone else, leaning against one of the tables that had been set up for the reception. For a second I forgot how horrible he was, how much he had lied to me and hurt me, and what he had done. I forgot about the drugs and the stabbings and the arson and the pretty-much-rape.

For a second, I let all the pain from the night before flood back.

Even though his face indicated that he had gotten zero amount of sleep, and even though his hair looked unwashed, there was something I felt for him. Even though his green eyes were downcast, and his brows were furrowed in something that resembled anguish, I was still hurting. Even though his posture was too stiff, too hunched, he was beautiful. Hauntingly beautiful.

And I hated him for it.

As if he could feel my gaze, he lifted his eyes.

There was something that happened when his eyes met mine, something in the air. It was an odd kind of electricity, but not the sexual kind. It was a different kind of electricity that jolted through me, and it was almost painful. It felt like need and despair and pain and sorrow.

His green eyes, puffy and swollen, expressed complete and utter agony.

I looked away, my heart palpitating.

That look in his eyes was almost enough for me to feel sorry for him.

Almost.

The bridesmaids and groomsmen assembled like we had practiced, in the order we would be going out in. Emmett was at the front, and everyone else was in pairs. Edward and I were supposed to stand in front of Alice and Jasper, behind Lee and her boyfriend.

I was frozen, completely oblivious to the organization that was being attempted around me.

"Bella," Alice jerked on my arm. I looked at her pleading face.

"Poker face," she whispered. "Jasper gave Edward the same lecture."

Almost reluctantly, I glanced up at Edward to see that his pained expression had been replaced with a look of impassiveness. Now he looked bored, even though his eyes were blazing with some hidden emotion.

"I don't know if I can," I whispered, choking on the words.

"It's only 30 seconds," Alice said. "30 seconds and you separate."

I took a deep breath and nodded, and she pulled me over to the line that was forming. Jasper was pulling Edward along, and Edward wasn't even fighting it. They made us meet in the center of the line, and then proceeded to take their places behind us.

I stood next to Edward, unmoving. He stood next to me, still as a statue. Both of us faced straight ahead.

We were so close that if I shifted even a little to the right, our arms would brush. He didn't say anything, and neither did I. There was an unmistakable hum in the air, and I could practically feel the static currents in between us.

The doors opened and we heard the music that would lead us out onto the garden. Emmett did his thing, followed by best man and then Rosalie's friends with their groomsmen partners.

And then Lee and her "sexy" boyfriend had gone out into the sun.

It was our turn.

At first I thought Edward nudged me, but when I looked down, I saw that he had his elbow bent towards me. I remembered that we were supposed to be arm in arm.

_This is going to be too much for me._

I looked up at his face, and his brows were furrowed in... worry? I guess he wasn't sure if I would take his arm or not.

I didn't want to touch him.

"Go, it's your turn!" Alice said, and I jumped. Without thinking, I had taken Edward's arm and we were walking out into the gardens.

Our steps were a little too hurried, and our arms were stiff. It was awkward, and the violinists had to speed up the music to match our pace. I could feel the tension between us, and I despised him for it. I despised him for everything.

Emmett was eying us in confusion when we reached the altar, and I let go of Edward's arm like he had burned me. I stumbled over to where the bridesmaids stood, willing myself not to cry.

_Don't look at him, don't look at him, don't look at him, _I chanted in my head.

I decided to watch the guests to distract myself. I didn't recognize most of the people, but there were a few from Forks that smiled and nodded at me. I tried my best to return the gesture, though it probably came off as super fake, which it was.

I saw Esme sitting in the front row, already dabbing her eyes with a tissue. I was a little surprised to see her, and I wondered if Carlisle was in London as well.

Then the Bridal March began, and everyone stood to watch Rosalie glide down the aisle.

She was stunning, almost ethereal. She was glowing and smiling and looking the happiest she had in her entire life. The look on Emmett's face was one of pure love and adoration. You could tell that she was the center of his world, his reason for living. He only had eyes for her, and she only had eyes for him.

The tears returned, and I tried to tell myself that they were happy tears. I was happy for Emmett and Rosalie, glad that they got their happily ever after.

I would never have a wedding. I would never have someone that loved me like Emmett loved Rosalie.

Nobody wanted me, and the ones that did were screwed up in the head.

Despite the fact that I told myself that my tears were tears of joy, deep down there was the aching pain of reality.

Emmett and Rosalie joined hands and I forced myself to zone out during the vows. I didn't think I would be able to hear them promise their eternal love to one another. Instead I watched Esme as she stared at her daughter getting happily married. She was smiling and constantly wiping her eyes, no doubt overjoyed that Rosalie was getting the kind of marriage she never had.

When they were announced husband and wife, we all cheered as they kissed and Emmett dipped her like you saw in the movies. We cheered some more as they walked down the aisle together and disappeared inside, to the ballroom.

It was time for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to follow them out, and once more I had to face Edward.

This time I didn't take his arm, and he didn't offer it to me. We were once again walking with our backs straight, faces impassive. It was more painful than if he showed any emotion at all.

Once we were back inside the ballroom, I practically made a run for it. Rosalie and Emmett had gone out into the lobby, and the bridesmaids and groomsmen were supposed to take pictures together while the guests filed into the ballroom for the reception. Alice took my hand and we met up with everyone else in the lobby. I didn't look at Edward as we followed the bride, groom, and slightly disgruntled photographer into another one of the hotel's gardens.

The photographer ordered us around for a while, and I put on my best smile, hoping it would come off as genuine. Emmett and Rosalie would have those pictures forever.

I glanced at Edward once, and he wasn't even bothering to smile. His face was stony, emotionless and I felt an annoyance that I couldn't comprehend.

Once we were done taking pictures, we headed into the reception hall before the bride and groom, making our way over to the tables that held our place cards.

Then I remembered that I was sharing a table with Edward.

_Worst day ever... Okay, maybe not **the** worst._

Our little table was supposed to seat me, Edward, Alice, and Jasper. I didn't know who else to sit with, and I was really close to sitting with some random family.

"Bella, this way," Alice was on me once again, pulling me towards the table.

"Alice, no," I stopped her, pulling on her arm until she stopped walking. "Please stop. You guys can't force us back together."

"That's not our intention, Bella," she said. "We're trying to make everything look okay for Em and Rose. Don't take away that poker face yet."

I sighed heavily. "Alice, this isn't going to work."

"Anyone seen Edward?" Jasper was suddenly beside us, looking worried.

Alice scanned the crowd while I stared at the floor.

"That's funny..." she mumbled. "I saw him just a second ago."

I looked up and scanned the crowd as well, my heart thumping. She was right, and relief filled me.

He was gone.

"Where the hell is he?" Jasper said.

"We can't worry about that now," Alice said, holding onto his arm. "I think they're about to introduce the Mr. and Mrs. now. C'mon."

She dragged us over to our little table and I reluctantly sat down in the little seat. The one beside me remained empty.

The DJ announced Emmett and Rosalie, and the pair walked in, hand in hand. They danced their way over to the dance floor for their first dance as a married couple, and I watched wistfully.

The rest of the evening was somewhat of a blur. I was a zombie again, picking my way through my food and making lame small talk with people that stopped by our table. Alice and Jasper tried to keep me entertained, but it just wasn't working. Every few minutes they would cast a worried look around, undoubtedly looking for Edward.

I hated to admit it to myself, but I was worried, too.

Jasper's words from the night before rang in my head.

_"He kept talking about how he didn't deserve to live anymore."_

I swallowed thickly, trying to push away the anxiety that threatened to push me out of my chair and go searching for him.

_Why do you even care?_ I asked myself. _He doesn't deserve your concern._

_Yes, but he's still a human being, even if he is a messed up one,_ I argued with myself. _Suicide is never the answer._

The anxiety was turning into panic, rapidly bubbling to the surface.

"Bella?" I glanced up to see Sam standing by my chair, looking wary.

"Yeah..." I trailed off awkwardly.

I wondered where I stood when it came to Edward's friends. Sam had always been nice, and for some reason I couldn't imagine him doing the things Edward had done. Still, he had been part of the gang. He had also done things that were probably illegal, and he had been there when Edward killed the Rudy kid.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly.

He raised his brows, taken aback by my tone. "I, uh... wondered if I could talk to you for a sec?"

He glanced at Jasper and Alice, and Alice got the hint.

"Come on, Jazzy, let's dance," she stood up and pulled Jasper over to the dance floor, leaving me alone with Sam.

"I don't know if I want to talk to you," I told him, staring at my plate of untouched food.

Sam sighed and sunk into Edward's seat.

"Bella, I'm really fucking confused," he said. "I have no idea what's going on."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't you?"

He looked exasperated as he shook his head. "I don't. Edward wasn't answering my calls last night or this morning, and when I saw you two walking down the aisle I knew something was wrong. I caught up with him after the ceremony and asked what was up, but he told me to piss off and leave him alone. I've never seen him look so depressed. Bella... did you guys break up?"

I rolled my eyes, forcing myself to look and sound indifferent. "Obviously."

He groaned and put his face in his hands. "Fuck. This is not good."

"What's it to you?" I snapped. "It's not like it's any of your business."

Sam dropped his hands to look at me with something close to sadness.

"You're right," he said quietly, and I almost couldn't hear him over the music. "But when he was with you, he was so... different. He was actually happy for once. I've never seen Edward happy, and I've known him for a while. You changed him for the better. I don't know what went wrong, and you're right- it's none of my business. But you guys seemed perfect together, so it confuses me as to what went wrong.

"Usually when couples break up, at least one of them is able to cope, since one of them would have to have done the breaking-up. But both of you look like someone died, and now I'm wondering if something forced you apart."

I stayed silent. Sam probably already knew everything Edward had done.

"Yeah," I muttered. "Something did force us apart."

He didn't say anything, but I knew he was dying with curiosity. When I looked at him, his lips were pressed into a thin line, like he was forcing himself not to ask.

A waiter passed by our table, pushing a cart of food. Sam stopped him and took a plate.

"We could be here for a while," he mumbled, taking a forkful of something that looked like salmon.

"Look, I don't know what you want me to say," I told him. "I didn't like the person he was, so I broke up with him."

Saying those words hurt so much that I was surprised at how monotone my voice was.

Sam stopped with the fork halfway to his mouth. "You dumped him?" Realization crossed his face and he slapped a hand to his forehead."Holy shit. Is it because of what happened at Fizz?"

I swallowed. "Kinda."

He stared at me, looking wary again. "It has to do with Tanya?"

I snorted bitterly, growing angry that he came to that conclusion. "Tanya? Please. I'm more worried about the fact that I was dating a criminal."

Sam's mouth opened and his eyes widened. "What... what did you just say?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Edward has issues. Quite frankly, I'm glad he told me everything, otherwise I'd be completely clueless as to who he really is."

Sam dropped his fork and it fell to his plate with a clatter. "He told you everything?"

I nodded, starting to feel sick. "Everything."

"Everything as in... everything up to the whole Rudy business?"

I couldn't look at my plate. "Yes."

"Bloody hell," he murmured, and there was a pause before he spoke again. "Wait... do you mind telling me what he told you, exactly?"

I was suddenly furious again. "Yeah, I mind!" I snapped. "It hurts just thinking about it; imagine how it feels when I have to say it out loud!"

"Bella, please," he pleaded. "I think everything has been blown way out of proportion. What did he tell you?"

At that point, I wanted to throw it in Sam's face.

_Blown out of proportion? Yeah, right._

"The drugs," I said through clenched teeth. "The stabbings, the arson, the muggings... what he did to that poor girl-" I broke off, choking on the words.

Sam let out a huge gust of air. "Anna?"

I nodded once.

Sam closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

"Bella..." he began warily. "Edward doesn't know the things he did back then any more than _you_ do."

I was lost. "That doesn't make sense."

"Yes it does. Ever heard of hallucinations?"

_Wait... what?_

"Elaborate," I demanded.

Sam took a deep breath and turned in his seat so he was facing me. He started talking rapidly. "There was a time when Edward was messing around with LSD, or acid. It wasn't an addiction, but he usually fucked around with it when we went out to initiate guys. Most of us didn't like what the acid did to us. At first you feel tingly all over, and euphoric. But then you start to feel all these different emotions at once, and worst of all were the delusions and hallucinations. With me so far?"

I nodded and he continued.

"It's really twisted, this LSD. It fucks with your brains so you think you see, smell, or hear things that aren't really there. It makes you see sound and hear visions, which I know doesn't make sense now but it's the only way to explain what it does to you. Your perception of time and the size and shape of objects gets all fucked up, and you think inanimate objects are moving or changing shape and color. Not only that, but the false happiness you feel turns into more negative things, like fear or irritation or anger. And you feel it all at the same time so it gets to be pretty overwhelming."

"How do you know so much?" I interrupted him. "I get that you've done it but you sound so... medical."

Sam smiled sheepishly. "It's because I'm going into medicine."

I raised my brows. "Medicine? Wow. I never would have expected that from someone who..."

"Was in a gang? Yeah, I know what you mean. Luckily for me, I figured out how to straighten myself up. I was the first to leave Peter's group, actually. Then Tom followed, and then Edward finished up our trio when the whole Tanya thing happened."

I was starting to get fidgety with impatience. "So, back to the LSD stuff... it made Edward hallucinate?"

Sam's expression went grim as he nodded. "Yeah. Most of us weren't into acid, and Edward was the only one that did it. I reckon it was because the effects of it can last for hours on end, and Edward wanted to forget about the shit he dealt with at home for as long as possible."

Sam sighed before continuing, and I knew he was about to get to the point. "Like I said, LSD causes hallucinations, but also flashbacks. There came a point where Edward was having flashbacks all the time. The flashbacks of LSD are usually flashbacks from the last time you used it. Whatever you experienced the last time you used it, you'd experience it again well after the short term effects had worn off. He'd be in school, let's say a good six hours after using, and all of a sudden a desk would be moving, or getting bigger right before his eyes.

"Here's the thing- Edward would usually be strung up on acid when we went out to do crazy shit with Peter. He'd watch Peter or someone else do something, and whatever he'd do would be intensified by the drug. Then, hours later, Edward would have a flashback of the event except he'd think that he was the one who did it."

"I'm confused," I said. "Peter would do something, Edward would watch him while he was high, and then Edward would have a flashback of that same event?"

"Yes, except Edward, because he was high when the event took place, would experience it far worse than it was, and he would experience it as though he did it. Through his eyes."

I tried to process that information. "It all sounds a bit far-fetched," I admitted.

Sam shrugged. "Drugs. They're a bit more complicated than they seem."

"So, he never did any of the stuff he told me he did? Peter did it, and Edward thinks he did it instead? I'm sorry, Sam, but that doesn't sound right."

Sam stared at me, contemplating. "I'm not going to say Edward hasn't done some pretty crazy shit. That's how he got his nickname, Barms. Starting fights for no reason, breaking into shops and sometimes homes, grand theft auto. The list goes on.

"But there's a fine line between what he did and what he _saw someone else_ do. Also, if he did something crazy himself, while on acid, he'd imagine it in an altered way.

"Bella, you might have to enlighten me as to what he told you he did. I'm afraid he's still being delusional, even after we've told him countless times that he hasn't done some of the things he thinks he did.

"It's so easy for Edward to hate on himself, and it's no help that the acid makes him think he's way worse than he is. Okay, yes, he has actually done stupid shit while high on the LSD, but it's obvious why he only remembers the extreme stuff that may or may not have happened. He's really not as bad as he thinks, but he just won't listen. His false memories are so vivid that he thinks we're the delusional ones.

"So... unless you want to keep thinking that he's some monster for the rest of your life, you'll have to tell me the things he told you he's done."

I chewed on my lip, reluctantly thinking about all Edward had told me. The images I conjured up were sickening, and I wondered how many of them were true.

Sam was waiting patiently.

I took a deep breath. "Um... he started off by talking about him and Peter burning Peter's stepdad's bed."

"Ah. That probably happened. It was before I met them, and they were kids, right? So I doubt they were doing drugs back then. I didn't know them until we were thirteen."

"What he said about making guys commit crimes in order to stay in the group... was that true?

Sam looked ashamed. "Yeah, I'm sorry to say that stuff happened."

"Edward was in charge?"

"Yeah. I went with him sometimes. It wasn't pleasant."

I felt nauseous. "He actually made them slice people..."

Sam's eyes widened. "What?"

I stared at him. "You know... making them go out and cut people with knives..."

Sam closed his eyes and shook his head. "Hell."

"Are you telling me he's still having flashbacks of what never happened?"

"No. He hasn't done acid in a while, but he probably remembers a hallucination-slash-flashback as an actual memory. Poor guy probably doesn't know the difference anymore."

I took a moment to absorb that. "So he never cut people?"

_Please say no, please say no._

"No."

_Thank God._

"But then how do you explain what he said?" I asked. "Where did he get the memory of making someone slice innocent people?"

"We witnessed that happen once, and it wasn't even someone from our group. Usually to initiate someone we'd make them nick something or vandalize something or mug someone. When Peter demanded that we make things harder, we made them use weapons to steal from people, but we never made them use them.

"When we decided to make them rob people at knife-point, we never told them to actually stab people or cut them in any way. I mean I know we were fucked up, but that's pretty twisted. We never meant to hurt innocent people. We just stole from them, for kicks. The only people we hurt physically were the ones that fucked around with us.

"There was one night, not an initiation night, when we decided to just go hang out as friends, not as gang members. We went drinking for a bit, and we were on the streets when we saw some idiot just run up and cut someone's face open, even stabbing him a few times." Sam grimaced. "It was just... sick. Disgusting. I'll honestly never forget how that man was on his knees, screaming for help." Sam's eyes glazed over and then he blinked, shaking his head.

"Anyway, Edward was the one that decided we run after the asshole that cut him and fuck him up. A few them actually did, but Edward and I stayed behind to try and help the poor man out. We couldn't do much, other than call the cops, but I could tell it was hard for Edward to watch someone bleed to death.

"Later he said to me, he said, 'Sam, I'm telling you, that fucking image of that man just won't get the fuck out of my head. It's sick.' After that, he proceeded to take some LSD, and that's when the trouble started. What made it worse was the fact that we made people mug others by knife-point, and so Edward would get some sick image of making them slice people, when in fact they never did. Still with me?"

I nodded, feeling just a little bit of relief. So he hadn't made anyone cut someone else.

"But he said that he's stabbed people," I said hesitantly. "There came a point where people started telling him what to do, to prove he had... 'balls'? He mugged people and vandalized things and lit things on fire?"

Sam shook his head. "Edward hasn't stabbed anyone. That was the effect of the stabbing we saw. Sometimes he'd imagine he saw one of us get stabbed, or he'd imagine that **he** stabbed one of us, or he'd imagine that he did the slicing. It was different every time, and we told him it was time to lay off the LSD."

"Okay, so he never stabbed anyone, or made anyone else do it?"

"No."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "But then what about the vandalizing and the mugging in general? Burning buildings?"

Sam chuckled. "One thing at a time. Okay, the vandalizing was just another part of street life, really. It's not like we were hurting anyone, we were just pissing people off. Yes, he has mugged people. We all have. We're not proud of it, well, Edward and I aren't proud of it, but we can't change the past. We never put someone's life in danger, but yes we have punched a bloke or two to steal his wallet or something.

"And yes, he has burned things but he hasn't lit houses on fire. He hasn't put people out of their homes or anything like that. Edward had a thing for fire ever since he was kid, but he started out burning useless shit. Random rubbish on the street, plants, broken down and abandoned cars in the junkyard... it was stuff like that. I'll admit, there were times when he lit buildings on fire, but it was usually abandoned buildings or old ones that just stood there for no reason or were claimed to be haunted or some shit. One time he burned a historical site, but at the time he didn't know it was important. Fucked up, I what, did you think he doused a random house in gasoline and then set it on fire?"

I flushed and shrugged one shoulder, an affirmative.

Sam smiled crookedly, and the action reminded me so painfully of Edward that I had to look away.

"It was nothing like that," he assured me.

I remembered something. "But that guy, Rudy. Didn't he get kicked out of the group because he wouldn't set a store on fire?"

"Yes, but that was Peter's demand, not Edward's. Apparently the shop owner had wronged Peter somehow, and we all knew how Peter was with revenge." Sam rolled his eyes. "Edward had even told Peter that it was going a bit too far, but Peter had told him to shut up and that his only job was to help them get away with it."

"Harsh."

"I know."

"Did they end up burning it down, though? The store?"

Sam nodded, grimly. "Peter did it himself. We told him to chill the fuck out, but he wasn't having any of it. When he wanted something done, he wanted it done. There was no stopping him. So yeah, he did end up burning the shop. It didn't burn to ashes, but there was quite a bit of damage. And I'm guessing you know why Edward thought it was him afterward?"

"He was high, and had flashbacks."

"Yep."

"Okay so stabbing and slicing are off the list. Arson is still up there, but not houses?"

"No, no homes. Mugging and vandalizing are still up there as well, but no one's life was endangered."

I let out a shaky breath. "I think I can live with that." Then I remembered something else. "Wait, Edward said he was into ecstasy. He never mentioned LSD."

Sam nodded knowingly. "It's easy to get them confused. They both have similar short-term side effects, including the hallucinations. It's true that ecstasy was his thing, but the LSD was what caused him to think he did things he really didn't.

"On top of that, Edward doesn't like to think about using LSD because it reminds him of how we used to tell him to quit. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't addicted, but every time he got some from Bliss we'd all tell him to lay off. And that pissed him off.

"He honestly, truly believes that he's stabbed or sliced people. He doesn't like being told otherwise, because he thinks we're trying to trick him into thinking he's a better person or whatever. He just doesn't get it."

I sat there, thinking about everything I had just learned. I was halfway relieved that Edward hadn't really done some of the things he claimed, but there was still the matter of shooting Rudy and practically raping a fourteen year old. Rudy had to have died in order for Peter to bring it up in Fizz, and how would Edward have hallucinated the Anna thing?

I started to feel nauseous. "Um, Sam? What about the whole Rudy thing? It had to have happened in order for Peter to call Edward a murderer..."

Sam shook his head, looking irritated. "Peter is a dick. He knows how sensitive Edward is about that."

I couldn't breathe. "So he actually killed him."

"No, no!" Sam said quickly. "It's not like that. I was there, I know what happened. How much did he tell you?"

"He was trying to wrestle the gun away from some Kevin, and when Rudy mentioned Tanya he... snapped."

Sam groaned softly and shook his head, eyes closed. "Still the same story." He sat up straighter. "Look, Kevin wanted to shoot Rudy over Anna. Even though Rudy was Anna's boyfriend, there was a thing between her and Kevin as well. She saw him as just a friend, but he wasn't having it. Typical love triangle.

"So Kevin had the gun pointed at Rudy while I pinned him down. Edward was trying to wrestle it away, because now both Rudy and I were in danger. But then Rudy brought up Tanya, and Edward lost focus on what he was trying to do- get the gun away from Kevin. Kevin took Edward's distraction as an opportunity to strike, so he pointed the gun at Rudy and pulled the trigger."

"But why does Edward blame himself?" I asked incredulously. "Is it because he lost focus and feels guilty?"

"That… and he felt the trigger go down. Edward's finger was more on the trigger than Kevin's was. Kevin had to press on Edward's finger in order to shoot. Edward felt it, and now he blames himself for being distracted and what makes matters worse is that he knows what it physically feels like to shoot someone."

"What happened after that? Did they get away with it?"

"No. Someone had heard the gunshots and called the cops. What was surprising was that Kevin actually confessed. The cops showed up and he said, 'Yeah, I killed the motherfucker'. It was crazy."

"If Edward thought he was the one that did it, why didn't he say something to the police?"

"It's everyone's natural instinct to save their own asses first. By the time the shock wore off, it was too late. Kevin was in handcuffs."

"Where is he now?"

"Prison."

"Wow."

"Yep."

I could practically hear the puzzle pieces coming together. _Click, click, click, _one at a time.

But there were still a few pieces missing.

"Edward may have hallucinated some of the stuff, but is the way he felt about them because of the drugs, too? He said he felt no guilt after anything. That's what gets to me."

Sam nodded. "Yeah. Like I said, it messes with your emotions. Edward was usually very calm during our, uh, _activities..._ but it was a result of the drugs, of course. That's why he doesn't remember feeling bad about anything. It was afterward that he got irritable and pissy. I'm sure now he feels like shit for all of it, but back then it was nothing. The acid just... destroys your sense of right and wrong.

"And it's not like LSD made him do nothing at all. The hallucinations made him go mad sometimes, and he used to get so frustrated. That's usually when he'd go find some piece of rubbish to burn or something."

"Where were his parents through all of this?" I asked, slightly incredulous.

Sam shrugged. "Nowhere, really. We were pretty much Edward's family. His mum didn't know what he was up to, and his dad was too plastered to care."

"There's something I don't get... Edward and I had talked about why he was so... cynical when I first met him. He hated life, and he wasn't afraid to admit it. He said that he was the way he was because of Tanya and Peter, how they betrayed him. How is it that the betrayal was what made him so grumpy all the time? All this stuff that he thought he did... why wasn't that the source of his asshole behavior?"

Sam smiled. "You don't miss a thing, do you? Well, obviously Edward told you about Tanya and left it at that because he was afraid of your reaction to the other stuff, and rightfully so. I'll bet you anything that everything he thinks he did made him a dick to you as well. He just never admitted it. I'll bet he pushed the memories of all that stuff away, and let the emotions take control. That's my theory, but you'll have to ask him."

I took a deep breath. "Okay. Please tell me he dreamed the whole thing with Anna."

Sam gave me a rueful look.

_Oh no._

That had been the one thing that hit me the hardest, and that was the one thing he didn't hallucinate.

I wanted to cry, but I blinked rapidly and stared at Alice and Jasper as they twirled on the dance floor.

"I can't believe it," I muttered, almost inaudible over the music. "He actually raped her."

"That's a harsh word," Sam said. "Is that what he told you? That he raped her?"

I slowly shook my head. "He didn't have to say it. That's what it sounded like."

"Didn't he mention that she didn't say no?"

"It doesn't matter," I snapped, temper flaring. "He _knew_. The fact that he knew she didn't want it makes it rape in my eyes."

Sam looked weary again. "Yes, but technically she wanted it."

I shook my head. "That's not how I see it. She was scared, Sam. She wanted to say no, but she was too scared because it was Edward Cullen."

Sam raised a brow. "Do you know Anna?"

"No..."

He nodded to himself. "I think it's about time you met her."

* * *

The second the reception was over, the plan was in place.

I noticed that Edward was nowhere to be found as we hugged Emmett and Rosalie goodbye after the reception. Rosalie had looked worried as she glanced around for him, but Emmett had been pulling her towards the car which would be taking them one step closer to their honeymoon destination.

The second their car disappeared into the distance, I was sprinting back up to Alice's hotel room. I rummaged through my suitcase and pulled out a random t-shirt and pair of jeans. I still had my makeup on and my hair done up, but I pulled off the earrings and the high heels.

My stomach was in knots as I headed to the lobby of the hotel, typing Alice a quick text.

_Heading out with Sam, be back soon. It's important. -B_

Sam was where he said he'd be, waiting for me in the lobby. He hadn't been staying at the hotel, so he was still dressed in his suit.

"Ready?" he asked, and I nodded.

When we got in the cab, I could feel the anxiety turning into nausea. Whenever I was nervous about something, I'd think about it so much that I'd make myself feel physically sick.

"Bella, it'll be fine," Sam assured me as the taxi drove through the crowded London streets.

"I just don't know what to expect," I muttered.

"Anna's changed over the past two years," Sam said. "I know you picture her as some innocent, goody-two-shoes virgin, but she's not."

"It doesn't matter how she is now," I replied quietly. "It's how she was at the time her innocence was taken from her."

Sam sighed. "I guess we'll just have to wait until you meet her."

The sun was just beginning to set, but it wasn't too dark out since it was summer.

I had been enormously relieved to know that half the things Edward told me hadn't really occurred how he thought they did. I was almost starting to forgive him.

Almost.

Because if this whole Anna thing was really what it sounded like, I didn't know what I'd do. That was a total deal breaker.

I needed Edward a whole lot. It was sad that the drugs made him beat himself up over stuff that he didn't do. So far the only things he was guilty for were drug use, a little bit of drug selling, vandalizing, mugging, and burning stuff that no one cared about with the exception of a historical site that he didn't know was historical. It wasn't as hefty a list as the one before I talked with Sam.

The more Edward's name cleared out, the more I wanted him back.

And the more I wanted him back, the more anxious I was about meeting Anna.

She would do one of two things- confirm my fears or debunk them completely.

I couldn't stop fidgeting until the taxi pulled up outside the bookshop where Anna worked. Sam gestured for me to get out, and I climbed out of the cab while he paid the driver.

I stared at the front of the shop, a cute little place with a dark green awning and flower pots in the window. It looked like the kind of place where I would hang out.

"Ready?" Sam asked.

I swallowed and nodded, my stomach churning with anxiety.

"It'll be fine," he assured me again, leading the way to the front door. "It's almost closing time; there won't be many people around anyway."

The inside of the shop was larger than it looked on the outside and there were only a few people lingering around. My eyes immediately wandered around until I found someone fitting the description of a redhead with freckles.

She was the only redhead in the entire store, and the only one that appeared to be working there.

Anna sat behind a counter in the very center of the store, popping her chewing gum and flipping through a magazine. Her straight red hair was pulled up into a ponytail, some locks hanging out to frame her freckled face. She was really very pretty, but she looked more mature than how I had pictured her. Clearly she wasn't fourteen anymore, but I had imagined her too look much younger, childlike.

In reality, Anna looked like the young woman that she was. At sixteen or seventeen, she was all curves.

"Is that her?" I whispered to Sam.

He nodded in response to my question and then nodded again in the direction of Anna. I took a deep breath and followed him.

"Anna," he said her name to get her attention, and she glanced up from her magazine. Her eyes were lined with blue eyeliner, making her already blue eyes intense.

She looked from me to Sam, surprised. "Sam," she said somewhat coldly, and I could tell they weren't friendly with each other. Her voice wasn't the childlike trill I had imagined. It was husky, but still feminine.

"This is Bella," Sam nodded towards me.

"Hi," I said, my voice coming out as a whisper.

She nodded at me in acknowledgment and then looked at Sam again.

"We need to talk to you," he told her matter-of-factly. "It's pretty urgent."

She glanced at me and I looked away, feeling self conscious. "What about?" she asked. "I'm working, case you didn't notice."

Sam sighed and cast a look around. "Look, it's kind of an emergency. This is a life or death situation."

Anna's eyebrows flew up and her thin lips pulled up into a smirk. "Oh, really?"

"Okay, so maybe I'm being just a bit dramatic. But we haven't got much time, so please could we talk to you for just a second?"

She glanced at me curiously and then looked over her shoulder for someone.

"Oi! Steve!" she called to a lanky boy who was stocking shelves. I hadn't even noticed him. "Fill in for me, yeah?"

"Where you off to?" he asked, annoyed.

"It's just for a second," she replied, turning her back on him. She walked out from behind the counter and I saw that she was around my height, but curvier in the places I wished I was.

"This way," she said, and she led the way towards the back of the shop. I followed her with Sam at my heels, and she stopped by a little table that was almost hidden. There were a few books on it, along with a bottle of water, and I got the feeling that this was her escape.

"This looks important," she said, sitting down at a chair.

Sam and I sat down across from her.

"I'm going to cut to the chase," Sam said. "This here is Bella, and she's Edward's girlfriend. Well, was. Maybe she still is, we dunno. I guess it depends on what you tell us."

At the sound of Edward's name, Anna's expression went from attentive to completely impassive.

Her eyes bore into mine and I squirmed.

_"The_ Edward?" she asked, and I nodded at the same time Sam said yes.

Anna let out a long gust of air that I didn't know she had been holding.

She leaned back in her chair. "I heard he was back, and I heard he had a girlfriend. I also heard he's changed. Doesn't surprise me."

"Edward told me everything," I said quietly, and her blue eyes flashed to my face. "Everything he did. He told me about what he did to you and that upset me. I get it if it's not something you want to talk about..." I lowered my gaze, flushing.

I was surprised when Anna chuckled, but there was no humor behind it.

"I've talked about it too many times to be bothered by it anymore," she told me, completely nonchalant. "That's what therapy is for, innit? Tell me, what do you want to know?"

I hesitated, looking at Sam. He smiled and nodded in encouragement.

"Um, your side of the story, I guess," I mumbled.

Anna smiled sadly. "What did he tell you?"

"That you had a crush on him. That you were a virgin and he took that from you as revenge..." I trailed off, starting to feel sick again.

Anna sighed. "That's all pretty much true. Yeah, I fancied him. He was quite fit, that Edward. Normally I wasn't into any of my brother's friends, seeing as they were all pretty much stoned wankers. But Edward was different..."

"I used to watch him. I know that sounds creepy and stalkerish, but it's true. We went to the same school so I always saw him around. I used to linger around him, hoping he'd notice me. He never did, not until that day..."

She trailed off, eyes glazed over. "I used to look up to the wrong crowd back then. It was quite sad, really. If you were popular you were a slag; that was the law. I wanted to be like the older girls, like Tanya and her lot. I didn't think like them or do what they did, but I liked the idea of it. The idea of getting all the attention, of getting all the hot, bad boys.

"So being the stalkerish schoolgirl that I was, I noticed things about Edward that no one else did. He may have been all rough and tumble, but I was the only one that saw his soft side. I saw him be all lovey dovey with that girlfriend of his, and I wanted that for myself. I noticed when a geeky kid dropped his book and Edward picked it up for him. I noticed when he dropped a quid or two into a homeless man's cup. All these little things made me crush on him even harder, because I knew he wasn't as psychotic as his mates. Yeah he was a bit barmy, but his crazy behavior wasn't as... cruel as some of the others.

"It was a typical crush. I used to write 'Edward & Anna' all over my school books. Every time he came to our house I'd pass by my brother's room just to get a glimpse of that hair. When he was in the same room as me, which wasn't very often, I'd sit up a bit straighter, flutter my eyelashes a bit. I would have done anything to get his attention.

"The day he came over to my house, everything changed. Obviously. Somehow he ended up in my room and before I knew it we were kissing.

"I was nervous, yeah, but I kept reminding myself what this meant. If word got around, I'd be popular. If I slept with Edward Cullen, I'd be talked about.

"I'd _be_ somebody."

She stopped, eyes still glazed over, and gazed into the distance. I was listening intently, literally on the edge of my seat.

"I remember being so nervous. Almost terrified. But I kept reminding myself that this was it, this would finally make me someone.

"I completely forgot that I actually had a boyfriend at that point, Rudy. Honestly, I didn't really like him. I knew he liked me, and that was enough because I just wanted someone who would make me feel special. Rudy did that, even though the feelings weren't exactly mutual. He was a bad boy, not as bad as Peter's group, but bad enough.

"Edward was great, at first. He was nice, and her flirted with me. Even better, he knew stuff about books. How many gang members know the themes of The Giver? I thought I had fallen in love.

"When he kissed me, my whole body lit on fire even though I was still pretty scared. I was scared someone would walk in, and I was scared Edward would change his mind and leave. I didn't know how far we would go, but I had been willing to take it all the way.

"I was stupid, I was young, I was naive, and I wanted him."

She stopped, chewing on her lip. I wasn't expecting her to say these things. I thought she'd be torn up over it, broken, hurt, or traumatized.

"It hurt like I bitch," she said simply, like she was talking about something she had bought at the store. "I was expecting it, but then again I wasn't. He had asked me if I was ready, and I nodded. I gave him my consent. I told him it was okay, even though I knew I wasn't ready. All I cared about was what would happen later. I was a dreamer, a big one, and I dreamed that he'd leave his girlfriend for me after this. We'd be a couple, maybe get married one day. All of that drove me to say yes.

"I remember how he actually asked me if I was ready. Right then and there I knew that if I said no, he'd leave.

"Him asking me if I was ready meant everything. It made me a little less scared, because he was giving me a choice. He wasn't just going to slam into me before I had a chance to brace myself. So when he asked me if I was ready, I only hesitated a little because I was marveling at how he was actually showing me his softer side, as subtle as it was."

Anna sighed. "He was rough, and I told myself not to cry. I told myself to suck it up and deal with it, because this was going to change my life." She chuckled humorlessly. "Oh, it definitely changed my life, even if it wasn't how I imagined it.

"After he was done with me, I was in so much pain. I kept telling myself, 'Stop crying, it's worth it, it's worth it'. And then Edward said, 'See you around' and I knew I had been used.

"Oh, how I hated him after that. I didn't fancy him anymore, I couldn't. I was quite a mess. My brother came home to find me crying, and I didn't want to tell him but I ended up just blurting it out. He kept saying it was rape, and I kept telling him it wasn't. I kept telling him it was my fault that I let him do it, that I wanted him to do it."

Anna blinked and looked at me. "I didn't see much of Edward after that."

I sat there, absorbing everything.

This was so not how I imagined this conversation.

"You... you don't hate him?" I asked awkwardly. "For taking your virginity?"

"Why should I? I'm the one that said yes. He was a horny boy and I was a girl starving for affection." She leaned forward. "Look, I know you think that I was some fragile little child that was preyed on. That's not the case. Yes, I was practically a child, but so was Edward. He was immature, they all were. All I cared about was being popular. I have no one to blame but myself. The only thing he's guilty for is being an asshole and running with the wrong crowd. At least he gave me a chance to change my mind."

I was aware that my mouth was hanging open.

"Um, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" she asked.

I nodded hesitantly.

"Are you a virgin?" she asked, cocking her head to one side.

I bit my lip and nodded again.

"So Edward hasn't had sex with you yet?"

I flushed, especially since Sam was sitting right there.

"No, he hasn't," I muttered.

"You don't look like a virgin," she commented. "Take that as a compliment. You're a bombshell."

I flushed even harder. "Thanks. It's the makeup. I just came from a wedding."

She raised her brows. "Yeah? That's a very nice shade of eye shadow."

"Really? I didn't think it was even noticeable, it's so light."

"Oh, it's noticeable. Brings out the gold specks in your eyes."

"I didn't know I had golden-

"So, we have your word that you aren't traumatized?" Sam cut into our girly chat and I blushed.

Anna sighed. "Yes. I needed just a little bit of counseling, for my self esteem issues, but it was no big deal. What is this about, really?" She looked to me, expectantly.

"I kind of broke up with him," I admitted. "After he told me what he did to you."

"Why'd he tell you anyway? What an idiot."

"Well, I knew he had done some things, but he'd never tell me what. Peter called him a murderer in front of me, and he decided to confess everything."

When I mentioned the murder, Anna looked away.

"It upset you that much?" she asked, staring at a bookshelf. "What he did to me?"

I nodded, taking a deep breath. "I was in an abusive relationship." Anna's eyes flashed to mine. "He- my ex- tried to rape me. Edward saved me. When he told me about you, I immediately compared him to my ex."

Realization dawned on Anna's face. "Oh. So you came here, wanting to hear my side of the story because...?"

"I found out that Edward hasn't done some of the stuff he thought he did. The only thing that was left nagging me was your story. If you were traumatized by what he did, there was no way I'd be able to take him back."

"Do you want him back?"

"Yes," I answered immediately. "I just wanted to be true to myself."

Anna sat back in her chair. "Well there you go."

"But..."

"But what?"

"Weren't you... you know, scarred _at all _after it?"

"I felt like shit, and I felt stupid, but I was not traumatized for life. It did, however, make me stronger. I no longer look up to the sluts. I don't let guys walk all over me anymore.

"Bella... That's your name right? I consider myself just another girl that regrets her first time. Most people do, and I am no exception. If Edward is as changed as I'm hearing, then you're a lucky girl. I don't doubt he's different, because I've seen the difference in him. You got the best of him. Good for you.

"But you should know that I'm not holding it against him, so you shouldn't either. It was a stupid mistake on my part, and a stupid decision on his. Trust me when I say I wasn't an innocent little girl that didn't know what she was doing. I knew what I was doing, and I did it anyway.

"It was just a really bad day, and I've put it behind me."

"So you forgive him?" I asked in slight disbelief.

Anna shrugged. "Nothing to forgive. I was stupid, and he was a dick. Simple."

"Oh..."

"But you know what I say?"

"What?

"I'd bet anything that when he saved you from your asshole ex, it was his way of trying to repent for what he did to me."

I thought about that. "He never mentioned that."

She shrugged. "Ask him. He'd probably tell you the same."

Sam nudged me. "See? Told you that you needed to meet her. Anna's a tough one."

I nodded slowly, feeling the relief course through me.

I could take him back. I would take him back. I needed him back.

Anna's point of view had changed everything drastically.

Edward was so quick to think of himself as a monster. Yes, he had done some pretty horrible stuff, but he was both delusional and much too hard on himself.

I didn't feel guilty about leaving him. I felt like I did the right thing. I hadn't known that he had been so stoned that he hallucinated, or that Anna wasn't an innocent child traumatized forever. It wasn't my fault.

Edward needed help. It wasn't healthy for him to think of himself the way he did. I had only made things worse by breaking up with him, not that I regretted what I did.

"Thank you, Anna," I said. "You've been a huge help."

She smiled. "Happy to be of assistance. I dunno your relationship with Edward, but from what I'm hearing it's pretty solid."

"It was," I muttered. "I need to fix things. Fast. I'm so scared he'll do something stupid."

"Well then, you better go hunt him down," she smiled kindly.

I smiled back and stood up, feeling so much lighter than when I had sat down.

We bade goodbye and left the shop, and I waited as Sam hailed a cab.

"Um, Sam?" I asked before he could get in.

He turned to me. "'Sup?"

I blushed. "Can I hug you?"

He grinned and laughed. "Sure, if you like."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around him, putting my chin on his shoulder for a moment. I squeezed him once tightly, before pulling away.

"I owe you so much," I said. "If it weren't for you... I don't know. Things would have been much worse."

"Bollocks," he said kindly. "You don't owe me anything. You two were in trouble, and you needed to know the truth. I felt like, as the one that actually knows the truth and as one of Edward's best mates; it was my responsibility to set things straight."

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "You're awesome."

He winked and nodded towards the taxi, where the driver was getting impatient. "You're pretty awesome, too."

As we headed towards the hotel, I stared out at London at night. It was absolutely gorgeous, the lights illuminating all of the ancient buildings.

I chewed on my lip anxiously, thinking about what I was going to say to Edward. It was clear at that point that he was hurting, both from what he had done and from my leaving him.

I was immensely relieved that two of the things he claimed he'd done- rape and murder- weren't what he thought they were. He had never stabbed or sliced anyone, and that was a relief as well.

As for the other stuff- the mugging, the burning things, the vandalizing, and the drugs- I wasn't entirely surprised. If Edward hadn't done anything to that magnitude, I'd be worried about his personality being the way it was over something like a cheating ex. It was just another part of Edward's past, and I decided to accept it and move on.

Honestly, the rape and murder would have been something I could NOT live with. The other things were by no means okay, and as disturbing as they were, they were a part of him and his life on the streets.

All of that had just been a result of wanting to fit in somewhere. Sam had mentioned that the gang was Edward's family, and now that I thought about it I could understand him doing those things to feel the love and unity that would come from his group of friends. He was a boy starving for some affection, and it was unfortunate where he got it from.

But Edward had changed greatly, and I had to realize that.

I still loved him, possibly more than before.

Poor, poor delusional Edward.

I had to fix things, before it was too late.

* * *

**A/N: **Are we breathing sighs of relief now? :)

Thank you to **Pinkaquaclouds** and **JoeyJam** for being my stand-in beta and beta-ing this wordy bitch.


	37. Yet

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is not mine.

* * *

**Chapter 37- Yet**

_These days pass me by_  
_I dream with open eyes_  
_Nightmares haunt my days_  
_Visions blur my nights_

_I'm so confused_  
_What's true of false_  
_What's fact or fiction after all_  
_I feel like I'm an apparition's pet_

_But you haven't lost me yet_  
_No you haven't lost me yet_  
_I'll run until my heart caves in_  
_No, you haven't lost me yet_

_If it doesn't break_  
_If it doesn't break_  
_If it doesn't break_  
_If it doesn't break your heart_  
_It isn't love_

**Yet- Switchfoot**

**

* * *

**

**Bella POV**

It was past eleven at night when we got back to the hotel. A light drizzle fell from the night sky and I waved to Sam before jogging toward the hotel's front doors. I wondered if they had found Edward yet or if he was still missing. My mind kept conjuring up the worst of images and I pushed them aside when the elevator doors opened.

_Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. _

I chanted it like a mantra until I got to the fourth floor. My steps were hurried as I shuffled down the hallway, eyes wildly searching for room 425.

When I got there, I stared at the door. The only thoughts in my mind were morbid and I had to push them aside once again before knocking. Loudly.

There was no response.

Was he even in there? Maybe he was asleep. I knocked again, in case he was unconscious.

But what if he was unconscious for _other_ reasons? There was no knowing what Edward would do.

With that frightening thought in mind I banged on the door frantically. I probably woke up the entire floor. When there was still no response I cursed and jogged to Alice and Jasper's room, wishing I had the card that would let me into room 245.

Alice threw the door open only a second after I knocked.

"You're back," she said in relief, pulling me into the room. Jasper was on the phone, pacing.

"Any sign of him?" I asked pointlessly. I already knew the answer.

Alice looked worried as she plopped down onto the bed with her fingers to her temples.

"No," she muttered. "We have no idea where he'd go. We don't know anyone else in London, other than the bridesmaids and groomsmen, but none of them have seen him since after the wedding photos. Where'd you go with Sam?"

I started pacing like Jasper, unable to sit still.

"I had to go meet someone," I told her distractedly. "No one has seen him at all?"

She shook her head, biting on her lower lip.

I let out a shaky breath. "Are you sure he isn't in his room? We can't just break in or something?"

Alice shook her head frantically. "We made it to his room just as the maids were going in. It was empty."

"Where?" Jasper's voice alerted us and he gazed at us pointedly with the phone still held to his ear. "Okay, thanks. No, it helps a lot. Thanks, man."

He hung up. "Ryan was going up to his hotel room with one of the bridesmaids, after the wedding pics, and he caught a glimpse of Edward getting into an elevator headed downstairs, to the basement. He thought nothing of it, but after I called him the first time he made some calls himself and heard from John that he saw Edward going back towards the ballroom an hour and a half ago."

"An hour and a half ago?" Alice repeated. "That's recent."

"But why would Edward go back to the reception hall after the wedding was over?" I mused.

We all went silent, thinking about this new piece of information.

"Do you think he went out into the gardens?" Alice blurted, sitting up straighter.

Jasper snorted. "Edward sitting in nature? Yeah, right. It doesn't make sense to me."

Alice's suggestion hit me. To me, it rang a bell.

My mind flitted back to all those months ago, when Edward and I had first become a couple. It was two months after the Jacob incident and I had begun to heal. We had ditched class and he took me to that place in the forest where he used to go to think things through. Technically I was the only person who knew that Edward wasn't opposed to nature. He liked it because it was peaceful and allowed him to think. He had also gone there to calm down after I had visited his parents behind his back.

"Maybe he _is_ in the gardens..." I thought to myself.

Jasper looked at me skeptically. "Somehow I doubt that."

"You think we should check?" Alice asked. "Just in case?"

"Let me go," I decided. "There's a possibility he'd be out there. Believe it or not, Edward isn't that opposed to nature. He once told me it helps him think..."

Alice furrowed her brows. "If you're sure."

The more time I spent thinking about it, the more positive I was that he'd be out there.

"I'll let you guys know if I find him," I mumbled before flying out the door.

Their expressions, which clearly said they thought I was going a little crazy, were the last things I saw before I shut the door behind me.

**

* * *

**

The door to the ballroom was open, but it was completely dark inside. The place looked dead without the decorations and the bustle of people. It had all been cleaned up, the lights turned out. The only source of light in the room was from the light coming in from the lobby and the dim glow coming from the doors that lead out to the gardens.

I slipped into the ballroom and made my way over to the garden doors, pushing them open. They made a squeaking sound that gave me goose bumps.

The gardens were even more beautiful at night. With the temporary chairs, aisle and altar gone, there was more attention paid to the nature of it all. Ancient-looking lamp posts cast a glow on everything, but the light was like that of the moon. The pond seemed to sparkle and it was like stepping into a fantasy world.

Edward was nowhere to be seen, but I knew I was only looking at one part of the vast gardens. I walked out onto the grass and made my way around the pond, searching for any sign of movement. The morbid part of me was fearfully searching for an unconscious body lying on the ground.

Beyond the pond was a small path of trees, lined on either side with colorful flowers. They stretched on into the distance, and I could see that there was more than just one pond in the whole thing. Benches sat here and there, for those looking to enjoy a peaceful moment in nature, but I didn't see any other people.

It was completely silent. If I listened hard enough, I could hear cars honking out on the street on the other side of the hotel, but the sounds seemed so distant, like they were part of another world. The only other sounds were that of the wind whistling through the branches, and the chirping of crickets.

I was deep into the garden when I stopped walking and shivered. It was suddenly very creepy out here. The light from the lamp posts wasn't pretty anymore; now it was just eerie. I rubbed my bare arms, wishing I had thrown on a sweater or something.

"Edward?" I called. I felt like an idiot.

I waited, straining my ears but hearing nothing. My feet started moving, and I didn't know where I was going. All I knew was that I had to keep moving forward. My feet were magnets, being pulled towards an invisible force.

"Edward?" I called again, louder this time.

I heard a muffled groan and froze. I looked around me wildly, searching. There were a few trees and bushes, but one single lamp post stood in the distance. I figured that I had reached the end of the gardens, because I was now on the other side of a hill that descended down towards a fence separating the grass from the street.

I looked to my left and saw him.

If it weren't for the movement of him taking a swig from a bottle of something, I wouldn't have known anyone was there. I blinked, focusing on the dark figure that sat by the pond.

His profile was illuminated very dimly by the light of the lamp post standing a few yards away. His shoulders were hunched and he had his right arm propped up on his knee, hand clutching a glass bottle of something. His other leg was stretched out in front of him and his jacket was thrown to the side, leaving him in the light pink waistcoat and white shirt from the wedding.

I couldn't tell what his expression was but his posture was that of someone defeated, broken.

I had never felt so relieved in my life. He wasn't trying to off himself, he was just sitting there and... sulking.

I pulled out my phone and wrote Alice a quick text.

_Found him. He's okay. -B_

I almost typed "he's alive", but I didn't want to be melodramatic. I also felt like "okay" was an understatement, and I wasn't even sure if he _was_ okay.

Edward didn't know I was there. My steps weren't exactly quiet, but he was in too much of a trance to notice. He just stared at the pond like he was thinking about jumping in it or something. He raised the glass bottle to his lips and drunk from it like it was water and he'd just been through the desert.

I didn't know why I couldn't move or say anything. I was just stunned, surprised by the sight of him drinking. I knew he didn't drink much, having an alcoholic father, but to see him do it was heartbreaking in a way.

He stared at the drained bottle for a second and then his features contorted into something that looked like a scowl. So quick that I would have missed it if I hadn't been staring, he hurled the bottle away from him. It hit a nearby tree and loudly shattered into pieces.

"Edward," I said again. The sound of the shattering glass had pulled me out of my own trance.

His head whipped to his right and he blinked at me as if he didn't really believe I was there. His expression went from confused to surprised to pained and then settled into a mixture of pain and puzzlement.

The tension in the air was palpable. I was breathing it in and suffocating from it, tasting it but choking on it.

Then his mouth went slack and he looked away.

I took a few steps forward but froze when he cringed away from me.

I frowned. Did he think I was going to hit him or something?

I knelt a few feet away from him, still unsure what to do. He clearly didn't want me near him, when all I wanted to do was wrap him up and pull him into my lap like a small child.

There was an odd smell, booze mixed with another odor that was hard to describe. I had never smelled it before, but it was raw and smokey and almost sour. I got the gist that he had probably smoked something.

It was silent between us and then he started mumbling to himself, almost too low for me to hear. I couldn't make out all the words, but the ones I could were slurred.

"What does she... can't take... alone... fucking... don't deserve... hurts..."

Then he wrapped his arms around both his knees and started rocking back and forth.

Something was not right.

I crawled forward on my hands and knees until he was close enough to touch. He absolutely reeked of alcohol and cigarettes and that other thing he might have smoked. I silently told myself that this was what Edward's pain smelled like.

I put a hand on his arm and he stopped rocking to look at me. His breath was rancid and his bloodshot eyes were fearful.

"We need to get you upstairs," I whispered, blinking back tears. "You're a mess."

He shrugged my hand off and kept rocking, mumbling incoherently.

"Edward you're scaring me," I whispered.

He was. He didn't seem to be in his right mind and it was absolutely terrifying.

The rocking stopped again and he looked at me with furrowed brows, mouth still hanging open like it was too heavy for his face.

His mouth opened and closed like he forgot how to speak and then he blinked and turned his head away.

"What do you want?" he asked, and the words spoken in his hoarse voice were slurred and butchered.

I let out a shaky breath, knowing that I couldn't talk to him while he was like this.

"I want to take you upstairs and get you cleaned up and tucked into bed," I answered.

He was shaking his head before I was done.

"You were gone," he muttered. "You... left."

My heart hurt.

"We should talk about that later," I said sadly. "But I can't talk to you when you're high and drunk. And it's cold. Come inside. Please?"

He wrapped his arms tighter around his knees and buried his face in his thighs. It was like looking at a child in a young man's body.

He said something, but I didn't know what.

"What was that?" I asked gently.

"Go," he said loudly, and I blinked in surprise.

"You want me to go?" My voice broke at the end.

He nodded into his legs. I stared at him and then he peeked out as if he were making sure I was gone. When he saw me still sitting there he huffed and scowled, dropping his arms and legs and glaring into the distance.

"What do you want from me?" he asked, voice filled with exasperation and pain and anger.

"I already told you," I said calmly. "I want to take you upstairs-"

"I'm not going anywhere!" he snapped, and even when the words were slurred they sounded just like Edward. "It... you... you left and then... it hurts."

"What hurts?" I whispered.

He looked towards me and I waited as he tried hard to focus his eyes on my own.

He looked straight at me and pointed to himself, right where his heart was. "This."

My eyes welled up with tears and I nodded.

"I know," I said. "I know you're hurting. I am, too."

"Leave me," he whispered, staring at the pond again. "Feel like... feel like shit and... just leave me here. Deserve this."

"You don't deserve this, Edward."

"Stop," he groaned and suddenly his face was in his hands. "Fucking... Just stop. Please."

I sniffed and stood up, holding out my hand.

"Come on," I said. "Let me take you upstairs to your room, and then I'll leave you alone."

He stared at my hand like it was some unknown, foreign object. Then he looked up to meet my gaze with his sad, broken face.

"You... you promise?" he asked.

Did he want me to leave that much?

"I promise," I lied, knowing he wouldn't even remember any of this when he was sober. "You can't stay out here. It's cold and before you know it the hotel's gardeners will find you. They'll see the broken glass and know it was you. We don't want that, right?"

He hesitated and I waited patiently. When he put his hand in mine, I did my best to pull him up.

It wasn't easy. Being as drunk and high as he was, he couldn't stay upright. I wrapped my arm around his waist, put his arm over my shoulder, and pulled him over to a tree. I made him lean against it while I retrieved his jacket and anything else he might have dropped.

Under his jacket was an empty pack of cigarettes and in the darkness I could see the places where he had used the ground as an ashtray. I shook my head, feeling sorry for the people who had to clean this up, and brought the jacket over to Edward.

I tried to get him to put it on, but he refused. I decided to put the jacket on myself, not because it was cold, but because it would free my hands.

It took me forever to half-drag Edward into the ballroom, especially since he was putting a lot of his weight on me. When he stubbornly told me that he could walk on his own, I reluctantly let him go. He stumbled around before he fell, and watching him fall on his face once was horrible enough; I decided to ignore his stubborn behavior and continue dragging him inside.

When we made it out of the ballroom, the looks we got from the lobby were extremely agitating.

Edward noticed them as well and on our way to the elevator he snapped at people, slurring things like "Yeah I'm fucking stoned, what's it to you you bloody wanker?" and "Go fuck yourself" and "Your mum's a twat".

I could feel my face was crimson, but I ignored everything until we were in the elevator. Thankfully we were alone.

When the doors closed, Edward shrugged me off and leaned against the wall, sliding down until he was on the floor.

I sighed. I would have to pick him up again. My arms were aching from half-carrying him and he smelled even worse in the closed confines of the elevator.

I didn't mind it too much. All I cared about was that he was safe. He was here with me, not off somewhere else trying to hurt himself.

When the doors opened on the fourth floor, he swatted my hand away and tried to stand up himself. He managed to stand, but I still had to steady him before we started walking again.

We reached room 425, I checked the jacket I was wearing for the card that would let us in as Edward leaned against the wall beside me with his eyes closed.

"Where's the card?" I asked him, but he looked like he was half asleep. He shrugged and mumbled something in gibberish.

I sighed and patted the pocket of his pants, causing his eyes to open and stare down at me. I found the card in his front pocket and blushed under his gaze. His eyes were intense but it was a pained kind of intensity, like he couldn't bear me touching him.

I slid the card into its designated area and then pulled him into the room, shutting the door behind us.

"Go," he told me, turning his back and walking over the bed. The room had painful memories. Just over 24 hours ago I had left him here.

Edward collapsed onto the bed, face down, and I stood there unwilling to leave. He must have known I was still there because both his hands went up to pull at his hair as he groaned into the mattress.

I took the jacket off and threw it over the chair of the desk before walking over to him.

"We need to clean you up," I told him. "You're covered in dirt."

The back of his pants were really filthy, as were his hands and fingernails. I wouldn't be giving him a bath but he at least needed to change his clothes instead of sleeping in dirt.

"You promised," he slurred into the comforter. "Liar."

I sighed. "I'll help you get cleaned up and then I'll leave. I swear."

He propped himself onto his elbows, giving me a withering a look as he could manage in his intoxicated state.

"Shut up," he mumbled. "I can't... you lie. Just... get the fuck out."

His words hurt but before I could react he was off the bed and stumbling towards the bathroom. He didn't bother turning the bathroom light on before he started retching into the toilet.

There was a loud groan, a loud thump, and then silence.

I ran over to the bathroom and flipped the light on, only to find him passed out on the floor.

I tried not to panic, knowing that this was bound to happen. Instead I told myself that this was good. He now had the alcohol out of his system. I did, however, try to revive him, even checking his pulse. His heart was definitely beating and after convincing myself that he would be okay, I tried to figure out how to get him cleaned up and over to the bed.

I grabbed a towel and dampened it, using it to wipe his face clean. He looked so vulnerable and boyish when he wasn't awake.

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to get him to the bed. I definitely couldn't carry him; he was too tall and I was too small.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and then decided to call Alice and Jasper for help. When they arrived, they didn't seem too surprised to find him reeking of alcohol and what Jasper confirmed as pot. I helped Jasper get Edward into the bed and then assured them that I'd be able to take it from there.

Once they were gone, I turned back to Edward's unconscious body and started to get him out of his filthy clothes. I gently pulled the waistcoat and tie off of him, and then removed his pants. I knew how he usually slept shirtless and in his boxers, but I found a clean white t-shirt he could wear.

Once I was done cleaning him up I pulled my shoes off and headed for the bathroom. I used his toothbrush to brush my teeth, and I washed all the makeup off of my face, washing the makeup off felt amazing. It was like washing away the memories of the day and the day before. Taking away the heaviness of the makeup was like taking away the emotional heaviness I had been feeling for over 48 hours.

My scalp was hurting so I freed my hair from the elaborate hairdo and let it cascade down in messy waves. I didn't bother brushing it and all of my personal items were still in Alice's room.

I crawled in beside Edward and the moment my head hit the pillow all the exhaustion came crashing down on me. I hadn't slept a wink the night before, for obvious reasons, and the stress from what happened at Fizz the day before combined with the emotions of Edward's story were enough to wear me out. It had been an extremely long day, especially the entire conversation with Sam and the trip to see Anna.

I turned the light out and stared at Edward's profile. He looked so peaceful in that moment and I resisted the urge to run my hands over his stubble.

Instead I crawled closer and wrapped an arm around him, putting my head on his chest and holding him to me. I didn't care that he still reeked.

I was just too afraid to let go.

* * *

**Edward POV**

_This is it. This is hell._

Those were my first thoughts when I woke up to the feeling of someone pounding my head in with a hammer. I couldn't open my eyes because of the light and my mouth felt like sandpaper. I was aching all over, and it took me a moment to form a single coherent thought.

Then I realised that something was wrong.

I was comfortable.

Not only that, but there was a weight on my chest.

My eyes flew open and I let them burn under the light that was streaming in through the windows. I blinked a few times and my eyes watered as a sharp pain shot through my head.

I groaned and looked around, my eyes falling on the arm that lay across my torso. My mind was working slowly, so it took me a while to recognize that the arm belonged to Bella.

The ache in my chest that I felt as a result of seeing her was the most painful of all the aches of my body.

Even in sleep there was a crease in between her brows and her messy waves cascaded onto the pillow under her head. Her lips were in a pout... a very attractive pout.

I felt a myriad of emotions at seeing her in bed with me, many of them leftover from the day before and the night before that. There was so much agony; I could feel it in my bones and in every ache of my body.

I only went to the wedding because Jasper kept nagging me about how I had to be a good brother and shit. I didn't want to see Bella because I knew I'd probably just wither into nothing at the sight of her. I didn't literally fall apart when I saw her, at least not visibly.

She looked so beautiful at the wedding. I couldn't believe I had lost her over my past. I had expected her to be shocked and even disgusted, but I was not expecting her to run away. It had torn me apart and I had lain on the floor for hours and hours, not really believing that it was all happening. I wanted it to be some sick, twisted nightmare but it was the worst reality I had ever experienced.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel betrayed. She told me she would always stick by me, no matter what. She told me I could trust her. She told me that she needed me as much as I needed her, that she couldn't leave.

And yet she did.

After I was done torturing myself about how she could leave, I decided that it wasn't her fault. I was stupid to not have anticipated how upset she would be, especially about the Anna thing. That was one thing I should have kept to myself, knowing her past with the Asshat. A part of me knew it was better to be honest, but I didn't know if it had been worth the anguish I felt.

Then I decided that this had to be the punishment. It was all karma, coming back to bite me in the ass. All that shit I had done wasn't going to go unpunished, so this was some higher power's way of putting me in my place as the piece of shit that I was.

I had nothing to live for. The one person I kept breathing for didn't want me anymore, so where the fuck was I going with my life?

The wedding was very uncomfortable for me. Seeing her again was reopening all my wounds, making them bleed and bleed until I was dried out and worn out and wishing for death. At first, I contemplated it. A monster like me shouldn't be walking around amongst more civilised people. I thought about ways to end it all, to cease the pain and suffering and go to hell where I belonged.

Then I decided against it. It wasn't the hope of her coming back that made me less suicidal, because I had no hope. It wasn't the thought of my family that kept me going, because they didn't give a fuck.

Even though the pain was unbearable, I decided to deal with it. I decided that I would live with the pain because dying would be the easy way out. Dying would mean no more emotional distress, but then how would that be justice in the eyes of everyone I hurt? It wouldn't.

So I decided to punish myself by living.

I stared at her sleeping figure, confused. Why was she here? How did she get here? How did _I _get here?

I couldn't remember much from the night before. The last thing I remembered clearly was going down to the hotel's basement to get some weed and booze from Steve, a bloke that had been working at the hotel for years. He was in his late twenties, but he started out on the streets like us. Then he got an actual job, but that didn't mean he didn't carry alcohol and drugs with him at all times. He had been happy to see me, but not happy that I wanted to get something from him, since he had heard I cleaned myself up.

I remembered going out to the gardens, not wanting to be tempted to leave the hotel and jump in front of a car or something.

I gave myself_ one_ night to ease the pain, just one. That's why I drained the entire bottle of Vodka and smoked all the pot after my cigarettes ran out.

That was also why I felt like complete and utter shit this morning.

I didn't remember much from when I was drunk/high and I wasn't trying to. It was all blurry, but I remembered bits and pieces of Bella. She had felt like a dream. I couldn't recall what she was doing; all I knew was that she was there and that it killed me.

I gently pushed her arm off of me and climbed out of bed, wanting to get as far away from her as possible. It hurt too much to be close to her.

My head was still pounding and I looked down at myself, seeing that I was in a white t-shirt and my boxers. My clothes from the wedding were in a pile on the floor, and I had to wonder if she had undressed me.

I also smelled like shit.

I was unsteady on my feet, feeling weak and parched. I stumbled over to the bathroom and took all my clothes off, having a cold shower to wake myself up. I wondered what I would say to her when she woke up. Why was she even here? Did she want me back? I was so fucking confused, and the fact that I didn't know what happened the night before wasn't helping.

After the shower I threw on the same white t-shirt and pulled on a pair of jeans. I found half a bottle of water and drained the whole thing much too soon, causing me to order stuff from room service. Despite the drinking and smoking the night before, I didn't have much of an appetite.

Once I had drunk several bottles of water, I didn't know what to do with myself. Bella was still sleeping and I didn't know if I could stay in the same room with her for much longer.

Just as I was contemplating leaving her there and going for a walk to clear my head, she stirred.

I froze by the door, immediately on edge.

I watched as her hand reached out to the empty space beside her. She lifted her head, brows furrowed, and then slowly turned towards the door.

She blinked at me sleepily and then sat up. Her brows were still furrowed but now she was frowning. Her expression became worried, guarded.

"Were you leaving?" she asked in a hoarse voice.

I couldn't look at her. She was just sitting there with messy hair that fell in waves over her shoulders and that fucking adorable pout and those eyes, those deep brown eyes...

It hurt too much.

I shrugged in response to her question.

She chewed on her lower lip. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

I shook my head.

She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "You were drunk... and high... I had to get you upstairs and cleaned up."

I thought about that for a moment. So she had taken care of me.

But _why_? Was she over everything already? I sure as fuck wasn't.

I finally nodded.

"So..." she trailed off awkwardly, looking down and fidgeting with the blanket as I stared at her blankly.

She sighed. "We need to talk."

What the fuck? She breaks up with me, pretty much emotionally tearing me apart, and then comes back two days later with a "We need to talk"?

She was intent on torturing me, I was sure of it.

I closed my eyes and spoke to her for the first time since I told her I loved her.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked, and the pain in my voice was clear even to me.

She didn't answer and I opened my eyes to find her gazing at me sadly.

All the emotions came flooding back, all the hurt and the betrayal and the self-loathing and there was even some anger.

I forced myself to look at her, right in the eyes.

"Do you have any idea what it feels like... to have you leave me and then come back out of nowhere…To make me believe that I wasn't worthy of living and then show up to tell me that we need to 'talk'? Do you?"

She looked surprised.

"I..." she trailed off, unsure of what to say.

I huffed shakily and sunk into the chair by the desk with my face in my hands. I felt so emotionally unstable at that moment. I'd feel anger one second, pain the next, confusion and irritation after that... it was a fucking roller coaster and I couldn't deal with it.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her with my face still in my hands.

I heard the rustle of the comforter and assumed that she was facing me now.

I heard her take a deep breath. "I guess I should get right to the point. I talked to Sam yesterday. He told me everything, about the LSD..."

My head snapped up. "What?"

She bit her lip, nodding. "You didn't stab anyone, Edward. Or burn anyone's home down. Or shoot anyone."

I stood up, my head about to explode with the confusion. "What are you going on about? What did Sam tell you?"

Over the next twenty minutes she told me everything.

She told me the bullshit excuses my friends had been telling me for ages- that I wasn't as bad as I made myself out to be, that I'd never hurt anyone innocent (other than Anna), that the drugs made me so high that I was delusional.

She believed the lies.

When she was done rambling about how I wasn't an angel but I wasn't the devil either, I tried not to bang my head against the wall.

For the first time all morning, regardless of the raging hangover, I was able to form some coherent thoughts.

"You believed him?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Did you believe him because you really believed I couldn't do things like that? Or did you believe him because you were so desperate to think that I wasn't a complete monster?"

She stared at me and then something like fear crossed her face.

I knew it. She believed him because she _wanted _to.

"You think I lied to you," I said it like a statement.

She shook her head slowly. "You don't know what the truth is."

I could feel the anger rising. "That shit happened to _me_, and you're going to go and believe Sam?"

"Edward, you were high the whole time. At first I thought what he was saying was far-fetched, but it makes sense! Don't you see? You're so dead set on thinking of yourself as a monster, and then the drugs made everything so vivid. Don't you think that if you really had stabbed someone or if you really had shot Rudy, there would be repercussions? Why is it that _you_ were the only one that talked about stabbing people? Why was it that _you _were the only one that blamed yourself for shooting Rudy when Kevin proudly confessed to it? Why is that _you_ were the only one rambling about putting people out of their homes by committing arsony? Edward, you always think the worst of yourself, and you know it."

I thought about that for a moment. I hated to admit it, but she had a point. I really had been the _only one_ to feel guilty about the so-called stabbings and the burnings of homes. But the more I thought about it, the more confused I became.

I sighed. "Okay, so maybe my memories of everything are a little... singular. And yes, I do think of myself as an evil piece of shit, but with good reason. But you haven't brought up... you know... Anna." I cringed just mentioning it after everything.

She surprised me by smiling. "I met her."

My jaw dropped. "You what?"

She launched into the story about how she met Anna and how she wasn't an innocent virgin girl anymore, but that she didn't say no because she wanted it, not because she was too scared to.

"It doesn't change what I did," I said exasperatedly. "She may have wanted it, but I shouldn't have gone on with it."

"Do you hear yourself?" Bella asked softly. "You're not even bothering to think about it, you're actually blaming yourself. Edward, why are you trying to convince yourself that you actually raped her?"

"Because I did!" I all but yelled.

"No, you didn't," she said, and I could tell she was starting to get pissed off herself. "Have you even spoken to her since that day?"

I clenched my teeth and shook my head.

"All right then," she said. "You don't know how she feels about the whole thing."

"I sure as fuck know how _I _feel about it. Maybe that's all that matters."

"It's not. In order for it to be rape, she'd have to say it was. That's not what she thinks."

I rubbed my face with both my hands. It was all getting to be too much.

"Bella," I almost choked on her name. "What do you want me to say?"

I felt completely and utterly exhausted. It was too early in the morning for her to be draining me emotionally. It was still hard to look at her.

She stepped off the bed and walked over to me. I leaned away from her on instinct.

She looked wistful as she lifted a hand and placed it against my cheek. The second her skin met mine, there was a spark and then I was leaning into her hand.

"I want you to stop calling yourself a monster," she whispered. "Because you're not."

I looked up at her, at a loss for words.

"You're asking too much," I whispered back. "You're asking me to disbelieve everything I've known for a very long time."

"No, I'm asking you to disbelieve what you don't have any evidence for."

I thought about that with my eyes closed. Everything wasn't as vivid anymore; it was more of a blur, a crazy blur of colours and loud sounds and tastes that were so far away yet somehow so close to home.

"I'm so confused," I whispered, reveling in the warmth of her hand.

"I know. But you don't have to be."

I opened my eyes and looked up at her, meeting her gaze. Her chocolate brown eyes were so full of concern that it made me hurt even more.

I wasn't sure if I could do this.

There was no doubt that I wanted her, and there was no doubt that I loved her.

But it wasn't going to be easy for me to just take her back right away after everything.

I took her wrist and removed her hand from my face.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted quietly. "I feel so... lost."

"Will you let us help you? Me, Jasper, and Alice? Even Sam... we all care about you, Edward. We want you to stop beating yourself up."

"That's not what I'm talking about," I said, standing up and stepping away from her. "You just... I wanted to die after you left. Now, waking up next to you... it was hard; really, really hard. You're standing there talking like nothing happened. It's not fair, Bella. You don't get to just run off like that, leaving me broken, and then come back as though my problems are yours to fix."

She flushed and looked down, and I knew I had caught her.

"Do you blame me?" she asked. "For leaving?"

I had to think about that for a moment.

Did I blame her for leaving?

My story was pretty fucking twisted, that was true. But did I really expect her to stay with me after all of that?

Yes, I did.

Because I was stupid and I thought she would accept me.

"I guess I don't," I answered her question. "But at that time I just found the thought of you leaving to be... absurd. After a while it started to make sense, why you would run off but... it still shocked me and hurt me. I guess I just thought that since you knew about the whole Tanya thing, you'd be a bit more open-minded or something." I sunk down onto the bed. "I'm such an idiot."

"You're not," she sighed, walking over to me again. "You're just misled."

I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated.

"So what do we do now?" I asked. "Because... I mean, do you even want me back?" My voice broke.

"More than anything," she whispered, and I could tell by looking into her eyes that she was telling the truth.

But this didn't feel right.

"Bella, would you still have wanted me back if everything were true?"

She hesitated, and again the truth was clear as crystal in her eyes.

She wouldn't have.

"You know what hurts most of all?" I asked. "That you wouldn't have kept me otherwise. If you never talked to Sam, where would we be?"

She knew I had a point, and she looked away.

"That's not the point," she said. "Most of it wasn't true, and that's all it matters."

"Look at me? Please."

She met my gaze.

"All I ever wanted was some acceptance," I whispered. "From you especially… to have you leave after telling you everything... it was the worst thing I've ever experienced. Bella, I thought you'd accept that I'd _changed_. I'm not that person anymore."

"I think I would have come to realize that sooner or later," she said, eyes searchng mine. "It might have taken a while but over the last twenty four hours I realize that I don't know what I would do without you. You were there through everything, and... I'm a selfish bitch. I know it's wrong for me to waltz back into your life like this and try to fix things like nothing happened, but I don't know what else to do. I wouldn't blame you for turning me down..." Her voice trembled before she trailed off, dropping her gaze to the floor.

"I don't think I'd ever be able to turn you down," I whispered. "But now it's hard for me to patch things up as quickly as you expect."

Her brows furrowed. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that what you're doing right now, trying to make me think I'm less of a monster and then expecting us to just go back to living like nothing happened... it's not possible. I want you back, more than anything. But I need time to process everything, to think things through."

"Time?"

I nodded.

Her lower lip trembled. "Okay. Time. How much time? Because I need you..."

There was a lump in my throat. "I need you, too. More than I ever have."

I was taken off guard when she plopped down into my lap and pulled me into her arms. She held me close and buried her face in my neck while I sat there, stiff with surprise.

I finally wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her hair, inhaling the scent I had missed so much.

Something warm and wet trickled down my neck and I looked down to find her crying.

Just like that, everything I was feeling for myself disappeared.

"Hey," I said softly. "What's wrong?"

She managed to laugh shakily. "We're a messed up pair."

I chuckled humourlessly. "Tell me about it."

She held me closer, arms getting even tighter around my neck.

"Tell me you won't let me go," she mumbled against my skin.

"I won't," I said. "If you won't let me go either."

"Never."

Her lips found mine and I absolutely fucking melted. I took her face in my hands, tasting her like never before.

"I love you too," she said against my lips.

* * *

**A/N: **I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for some fluff... and maybe a little smut. I'm all worn out on the angst.

Now, I don't want it to be like they can be back together and live happily ever after like nothing happened. Their relationship has changed. But I don't want them to be on a 'break' either because that won't work for either of them. So I'm going to balance it out, because they still have a little ground to cover. Seriously though, it really is time for some fluffier moments.

I still have big plans for this story, but it isn't long until the end. I'm guesstimating less than 10 chapters until the epilogue is up, but I can't be sure. My fingers tend to have a mind of their own when I write, so it all just depends.

Updates might be a little later than usual from now on. I started college and I didn't think I would be as busy as I am these days. I write when I have free time and on weekdays that time is limited. :( I won't abandon the story though, and I'll update to the best of my ability, but school comes first for me.

Thank you guys for reading and reviewing and alerting and favorite-ing and just being downright awesome. :)

You are lifesavers **Pinkaquaclouds** and **JoeyJam** for putting up with my wordiness. ;)

More soon!


	38. Momentum

**Chapter 38 - Momentum**

_All we need is a little bit of momentum  
Break down these walls that we've built around ourselves  
All we need is a little bit of inertia  
Break down and tell break down and tell_

**Momentum- The Hush Sound**

**

* * *

**

**Edward POV**

It was time to say goodbye to London, but there was one last thing I just had to do before we left.

The three days after Bella came back had been very laid back and slightly uneventful. Neither of us wanted to let the other out of our sight, so we basically just hung out in our hotel room and... cuddled... like the pansy that I was becoming.

I didn't realise how much I took Bella's presence for granted until that brief period of time when she was gone and I was fucked up. That's why it was like I had to be touching her at all times, repeatedly telling myself that she was here to stay. She didn't show any signs that she was going to bolt again, so I took comfort in that fact.

We never did much more than kiss, and that was my fault. It was clear that she wanted more by the way she pouted when I broke off a kiss too soon or when she not-so-subtly brushed a hand across the front of my jeans or moaned loudly against my mouth.

It wasn't that I didn't want her, because I did. But I also wasn't kidding when I said I needed time. Not a load of time, but just a bit. I was still taking it slow, more for me than for her. I had been slightly scarred when she left, so I was taking a brief amount of time to heal mentally. I was determined that we'd stop taking it easy once we went back to Washington.

We were visited by Alice and Jasper a few times, and even Sam dropped by at one point.

One night, Sam, Bella, and I had the longest conversation in the history of conversations. Sam told me in detail everything he told Bella, and it was the first time I actuallylistenedto the shit I used to do.

Before, way back when I was delusional and Sam was telling me that what I was saying was bullshit, I used to brush him off. But once he joined Bella and me for dinner at our hotel room and we all just sat there and talked... it was insanely different. We were so into the conversation that we barely even looked at the food sitting in front of us.

When it was time for Sam to go, it was way past midnight. The last thing he said before leaving was, "You can't forget your past but you can stop living in it. The only thing your past deserves credit for is for making you the person you are now. What's done is done, and you can't change it. Edward, you're still living in it. I think it's about time you cut that shit out. The fact of the matter is, you've changed. Start acting like it."

His words stuck with me for a while, and I decided he was right. I couldn't change the things I'd done (or thought I'd done) but I could stop dwelling on them and start accepting that I wasn't that person anymore. I had a new life now, with someone I loved. It would be best for the both of us if we talked about it for a bit, to get things out of the way, and then moved on with our lives.

It was with that thought in mind that I woke up the day before we would be flying back to Forks.

I was going to take Sam's advice, but it wouldn't feel right until I did one last thing before I left the country.

That is what led me to the bookshop that morning.

I climbed out of the cab, hoping I had gotten the right place. I'd never been to this one bookshop in particular, but that wasn't surprising since there was a shitload of them in London.

I felt all nervous and jittery as I approached the front door, not knowing if she would be in there. Sam told me she worked from the morning til the afternoon on this particular day, but a part of me was hoping he was wrong.

Then again, if I left London without doing this it would nag me for the rest of my life and I would never be able to completely "move on".

I pushed the door of the bookshop open and the bell chimed, signaling my arrival. The shop was completely silent, and I didn't see anyone around. It was probably too early for anyone to bother coming to a bookshop, but I couldn't help feeling like I would be more comfortable if there were others nearby.

I awkwardly stood by the door, not sure what to do. Should I go looking for her? Should I just wait until she showed up?

I didn't have to wait long before she came around the corner of a bookshelf, a big cardboard box in her hands.

She froze at the sight of me, blue eyes going wide in shock. The box almost slipped from her hands and I reflexively stepped forward to catch it, but I didn't have to. She maintained her grip, knuckles white, and then slowly set the box on the counter without looking away from me.

There was a long, tense, uncomfortable pause before she finally spoke.

"Edward," she said in greeting, eyes wary.

I shoved my hands in my pockets, feeling sheepish. "Anna."

She looked completely different from how I remembered. She looked older, more mature... womanly. Her red hair was pulled up messily and her eyes were lined with metallic blue; it did frightening things to her eyes, made them look more intense.

"I reckon you aren't here for a book...?" she trailed off, making it sound like a question at the end. Her eyebrow was raised and she tilted her head to one side.

I had heard that she was different now, more confident, but it was strange seeing it in person. I shouldn't have been surprised to see that she had no problem looking me in the eye, especially since the last time we had seen each other I had all but stolen her virginity.

"No," I mumbled, staring at my feet. "I'm not here for a book."

She nodded and then waited expectantly.

I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair. "So, I heard you met Bella."

Anna smiled. "She was sweet. You're lucky."

"I know," I said with conviction. I was the luckiest motherfucker alive, and I didn't even deserve it.

"The pair of you kissed and made up then?" she asked casually, pushing the box aside and leaning her elbows on the counter.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"That's good."

More awkward silences.

_Just get to the fucking point._

"We're going back tomorrow morning," I said, staring intently at a line in the hardwood floor. "To Forks..."

"And?"

I took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. It wasn't easy.

"I have every intention to move on. Sam sort of explained things to me, and now I've decided that I need to forget who I was and focus on who I am now. I'm trying to forget about all the shit I did, or thought I did, and just... live my life. With that in mind, I also realised that I can't really move on unless I say something I should have said a long fucking time ago.

"I know it doesn't mean much, and I know it doesn't change anything, but..." I made sure her eyes were locked on mine so she could see the sincerity in them. "I'm sorry. I'm really, really fucking sorry. I mean it. I was a complete asshole, and I didn't even think twice about what I was doing because I didn't care and not caring was a part of my asshole behavior. I didn't think about what it would do to you, and for that I'm sorry.

"I wish there was some way I could make it up to you, but... how do you make up for something like that, you know?" I ran a hand through my hair again. "I don't expect you to accept my apology, but I just had to get this off my chest before we went back. I feel like theleastI could do was apologise. No young girl deserves to go through something like that, and I don't know if I'll be able to forgive myself, but we have to start somewhere, yeah?

"Because I'm leaving him here, the old Edward. I'm not taking him back to Forks, but I had a feeling he'd end up sticking with me if I didn't come over here and tell you how sorry I am for what I did. I hope you can see that I really fucking mean it. I fucking hate apologising to anyone, but this is something I just had to do."

I stopped, thinking if there was anything else I had to say. There wasn't. I had pretty much said everything I had to.

Anna's face was impassive as she studied me. The silence was almost unbearable and I finally tore my gaze away from her to stare at the floor.

"Balls," she finally said, and I looked at her in confusion.

The look on her face was... impressed?

"Uh... what?"

"You've got balls," she replied matter-of-factly. "It's not easy to apologise to people, especially about things like that. You coming all the way over here to say you're sorry... it's impressive."

"Thanks... I think."

"But really, there's not much to forgive."

I stared at her incredulously. "I came all the way out here to ramble out apologies like a blubbering fool, at the ass crack of dawn nonetheless, and you're telling me there's nothing to forgive? How can you not resent me for something like that?" I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Okay. Fine. It's not about me, it's about you. That's okay, that's good."

Anna giggled. "You're so fucking hilarious. Tell me, Edward, do you feel better after that heartfelt apology?"

"Kind of."

"What would make you feel better all the way?"

"If you told me to fuck off and that I was a monster and that you never wanted to see me again. Better yet, if you used something large and heavy to beat the shit out of me."

She cocked an eyebrow. "I don't believe there's anything large and heavy around here that would be easy for me to beat you with."

"How unfortunate."

"Indeed."

Anna smiled, "Really though, there's not much to forgive. Like I explained to your girlfriend, I was a part of it just as much as you were. You gave me a chance to back down, and I didn't. My fault, not yours. However, itisyour fault for coming over and seducing me in the first place. Not that I resent you for it, not anymore at least, but... we were idiots."

"So... you _do_ forgive me?" I asked hesitantly.

She shrugged. "If you insist that there's something to forgive, then sure, whatever."

I was slightly amazed. "How can you be so nonchalant about everything?"

She put her chin in her hand. "I've just come to terms with myself, that's all. I got help, and then I moved on. Time heals all wounds, even those that are self-inflicted."

There was the ring of a bell and I turned to see a woman walk into the shop.

"And thus my day begins," Anna said with a sigh.

"I uh... I guess I'll leave now," I mumbled. "We've got to head back in a few hours... there's packing to do."

Anna nodded understandingly.

"So, um... bye."

She smiled. "Cheers. This actually means a lot to me, believe it or not."

I somehow managed to smile back. "No problem."

When I turned and walked out of the shop, it was like I was walking out of my old life.

On the cab ride back to the hotel, I was feeling nothing but peace. My mind was tranquil, and it was the first time in a long time that I didn't feel stressed out about anything.

It was the best fucking feeling in the world.

**

* * *

**

"How did it go?" Bella asked nervously when I entered our hotel room.

I sighed contentedly and kicked my shoes off, not hesitating to climb onto bed next to where she sat. I sprawled out, stretching, and put my arms behind my head.

"Actually, really well. She didn't piss her pants after seeing me."

Bella smiled and flopped onto her stomach. "Told you."

I rolled my eyes and then got serious. "You weren't kidding when you said she'd changed. I wasn't expecting her to be so... relaxed about all of it."

"She grew up fast. She had to."

I hummed in agreement and stared off into space, just mulling things over.

I was caught off guard when Bella crawled up to me and wrapped her arms around my chest, planting a kiss on my jaw. Normally I would have welcomed her doing things like that but over the past few days I was being careful.

I stiffened and I knew she felt it because she sighed into my neck.

She had been trying to get me to loosen up over the past few days, but I still needed time before I could let myself get close to her inthatway. The whole Anna thing was why she had left in the first place, and I didn't want to rush into anything. I could tell that she wanted things to go back to normal quickly; it was obvious. I could also tell that she was trying hard to give me space, but it was times like this when I knew she could only take so much.

Bella pulled away reluctantly, frowning. She just lay on her stomach with her cheek against her arms, eyes cast downward.

It was completely silent between us, and the tension was back.

It had been slightly awkward between us after she told me she loved me. I believed her, but there was something different between us now. There was a palpable change in the air, a tension that needed to dissolve. The question washowwe were supposed to dissolve it.

Because, in all honesty, it's not like we were going to be shitting rainbows and fairy dust from now on. We would have to work up to going back to how we used to be, and sometimes it was like I was the only one that understood that.

We lay in silence for a little while, both of us lost in our own thoughts.

A moment later I broke the silence, "We should finish packing."

"Yeah," was the only thing Bella said as she climbed off the bed and finished putting things into the suitcase. I started packing my own, feeling irritated at myself for wanting time. I knew that I needed it, because I didn't want to pull Bella into something that I wasn't giving one hundred percent to. A part of me felt guilty for pushing her away over and over.

To make the both of us feel better, and to assure her that I was here to stay, I made a point of walking over to her and enveloping her in my arms. Her entire body relaxed and she seemed to melt into me, her arms wrapping around me with her head buried in my chest. I pressed my lips to the top of her head for a moment, and then pulled away.

She smiled at me wistfully and I smiled back, glad that that was all it took for some, if not all, of the tension to dissipate.

I never wanted her to think that I didn't love her anymore, or that I was angry at her for leaving. I could understand why she left, even though it was taking a little time to sink in and settle.

Once we were all packed, we had the whole day ahead of us and nothing to do.

"What do you want to do now?" I asked, plopping back down onto the bed. "We've got all day."

Bella chewed on her lip. "I kinda wanna go out."

"Out?"

"Yeah. We've been stuck in this room for the past few days. I say it's time for some fresh air, no?"

I didn't particularly feel like going back out, but who was I to deny her?

I shrugged. "Sure, if you want. Where would we go, though?"

She smiled. "I was hoping you would have some ideas."

I rubbed my jaw, contemplating. "I've already shown you all the fuckawesome places..."

"There doesn't have to be a destination... we can just go for a walk somewhere."

Then I had an idea. It was a silly idea, but it was still an idea.

I stood up, grinning for the first time in forever.

"Let's go to Tesco's!"

**

* * *

**

The look of puzzlement on Bella's face was fucking hilarious. Every time I looked at her I had to hold back laughter. Her expression would change from curiosity to suspicion to worry to excitement in two second intervals. She kept worrying her lower lip with her teeth.

"Relax," I chuckled while we were in the bus. "It's nothing big. I just feel like we need to get even."

"Even?" she echoed, sounding concerned. "Even... how?"

I just grinned and winked, causing her to huff.

When the bus stopped at our stop, we only had to walk a few blocks before we reached our destination.

Bella stopped and gaped. "You brought me to a supermarket?"

I laughed and took her hand. "It's more than just a supermarket. It's got... everything. You gave me shit about Pop-Tarts and Twinkies... now I think I should educate you on the crap I grew up with. What do you say?"

"I say hell yeah," she laughed.

I pulled her inside and immediately started searching for the aisles with all the sweets and other unhealthy shit. I didn't have to go far.

I grabbed the first thing I saw, "Fuck yeah, bonbons!"

The elderly woman that shared the aisle with us threw me a weird look but it wasn't like I cared. I was in the presence of bonbons for fuck's sake! Nothing else mattered.

"Bonbons?" Bella asked, cocking her head to one side. "Aren't those like chocolate filled cakes?"

"No way," I laughed. I showed her the packet of strawberry bonbons. "See? They're like chewy little balls of goodness." She took the packet from me and started observing it as I walked down the aisle, marveling at all the sweets I knew from my childhood. I started pulling down packets and packets of bonbons, forgetting how much I loved them until that moment.

"Oh the lemon ones are the best," I said, pulling down a pack. Then I saw a packet of something else. "Fuck yeah, strawberry laces!"

I was a kid in a sweet shop. Well, a Tesco's, but same thing almost. I decided I'd take her to a real sweet shop later. The idea excited me way too fucking much.

"Strawberry laces?" Bella laughed, taking packets of bonbons out of my arms. I didn't realise how fast they we were getting full. "What are those, like edible shoelaces?"

I rolled my eyes as I pulled down a packet of them. "I suppose some idiots have tried to lace them into their shoes, but really the point is to eat them." I showed them to her. "See? Girls like to braid them and shit but I like to eat them by the handful. Now we need a basket or something."

She took the strawberry laces from me... all three packets of them.

"Go find one," she said, arms full of sweets. "I'll wait here."

The second my arms were free I took off, feeling lighter physically and emotionally. I quickly found a shopping basket and went back to where Bella was, holding the basket out as she dropped the sweets into them. They made a satisfying sound as they all fell in.

"Where's the fudge?" I muttered, glancing around. "Aha!"

"Fudge?" Bella looked perplexed. "You eat fudge... raw?"

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Don't you?"

She furrowed her brows and shook her head, a slow smile spreading across her lips. "Well my... mother wasn't much of a baker. I just never came across fudge in its natural form. Why are you looking at me like that?"

I shook my head at her as if in pity. "You poor thing. I can't imagine how painful it must have been for you to live a life without fudge. You've been robbed of your childhood, I'd say."

"I've had fudge," she said defensively. "I've had fudge brownies and stuff."

"Yes, but fudge is best when it is, as you put it, 'raw'. Tsk tsk, Bella Swan." I pulled down the packets of fudge. "No worries, child, I shall teach you in the art of fudge consumption."

Bella snorted. "The art of fudge consumption?"

I nodded seriously. "You laugh now, but wait until you consume this heavenly peace of chocolaty goodness. It'll be an orgasm in your mouth."

The second the words left my lips, I wanted to knee myself in the crotch.

_An orgasm in your mouth?_

As if there wasn't already some kind of sexual tension between us.

_Idiot._

Bella blushed and looked away, fighting a smile

"I, uh, I meant that it's uh... shit." I was at a loss for words.

Bella's cheeks were still pink as she smiled. "It's okay, I know what you meant." She took the fudge from my hand and dropped it into the basket I was holding. "And just so you know, I'm taking your word for it. You better hope the fudge doesn't let me down."

With a small smirk she sauntered away from me, and unless I was hallucinating again she was wiggling her ass a little more than usual.

Holy fuck, was she getting flirty with me?

Flirty Bella was something I hadn't seen often, and fuck if it wasn't turning me on. I was still reluctant to get close to her in that way, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't long for her like she longed for me.

Stunned into silence, I shook my head and started searching the aisles for more.

"Oooh, Chocolate Orange," I said to myself, pulling a few boxes down from a shelf.

"Hey look, there's vanilla fudge over here," Bella called, and I practically ran to where she was standing.

"I totally forgot that existed!" I replied, dropping a pack in the basket.

We continued to pull things from the shelves and before I knew it the basket was getting pretty full and heavy.

"Oh my God," Bella said when we were in our third aisle of junk foods. Her tone was a mixture of disgust and wonder.

"What is it?" I looked at what she was looking at and snorted. "You know it's not really someone's dick, right?"

She had spotted a tin of Spotted Dick pudding. Spotted dick in general was a cake with raisins in it. There was sometimes pudding made out of it as well.

Bella shrugged, grimacing. "It doesn't look appealing."

"It's all right," I said, shrugging. "I like it better when it's not in pudding form. Doesn't taste bad, just has an unfortunate name."

"I'd try it just for the heck of trying it, but..." she hesitated, contemplating.

"But what?" I pulled down the can of spotted dick pudding and set it on the pile of sweets. "Nothing wrong with trying new things." I glanced down at the basket between us. "What do you say we take go to an old fashioned sweet shop and then take this shit back to the hotel for the best sugar rush of your life?"

Bella grinned at me, the first genuine smile in what seemed like ages. "Let's do it."

**

* * *

**

There was only one classic sweet shop that I used to frequently visit when I was still living there. They did things the old fashioned way, pouring sweets in bags and then measuring them out to determine the price.

It was from there that we loaded up on even more sweets, and by the time we left Bella was shaking her head in amazement.

"I don't know how we're going to consume even half of this in 24 hours," she said as we rode in the taxi. "We might have to find some kids to share it with it."

"Ain't no fucking kids getting near my bonbons," I said.

Bella giggled. "You looked so adorable in there. Like a little boy. And look at you now, all pouty."

"I'm not pouty," I protested.

"You're pouting about not pouting."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"So what if I am? You don't understand the significance of the magic that is bonbons."

"Bonbons are magical?"

"Indeed."

"How magical?"

"Magical enough to make Harry Potter look like a prepubescent little boy waving around a stick and saying bullshit words that he made up."

Bella started cracking up and I grinned at the sight. She was so beautiful with her pearly white smile and pink cheeks. The way her eyes lit up when she laughed was enough to make my day.

I ended up laughing with her and we didn't even know that the cab driver was trying to tell us that we had arrived at the hotel.

By the time we noticed his glare, we were gasping with laughter. I almost forgot to pay him but once that was taken care of, there was a stitch in my side.

We stumbled into the hotel, bags in our hands and tears of laughter running down our faces.

What I said wasn't even that funny, really. But it was like the laughter was just dying to come out, and once it came out it bubbled over.

A few minutes later we had all the sweets dumped onto the hotel bed, and it was fucking candy land. We practically fucking drowned in all of it, not knowing where to look or where to start.

Bella was chewing on some jelly babies while I removed the orange tin foil that covered the Chocolate Orange.

"Does that really taste like an orange or does it just look like one?" Bella asked, putting down the bag of jelly babies and reaching for the little cola bottle jellies.

"It tastes like it," I said. I tossed the orange foil aside and tapped the big ball of chocolate hard against the side table, the traditional way to start of eating the "orange". The "orange" was sliced up and the fragments were stuck firmly together so in order to separate them into their slices you had to bang it against something.

Sure enough, the slices fell apart in my hand and Bella gazed on in wonder.

"That's so cool," she said, popping a cola bottle into her mouth. Then her expression changed. "Holy crap, this actually tastes like Coke."

I laughed, shoving an entire slice of the chocolate orange into my mouth. "That's the point."

I held the other slices of the chocolate orange out to her and then suddenly remembered something.

"Fudge!" I cried, dropping the slices and all but shoving the fudge in her face.

"Jeez, let me enjoy the taste of the chocolate orange first," she chided, swatting my hand way.

"I don't think you fully understand the epicness that is fudge," I stated seriousness.

Bella smirked. "Well, you might just have to teach me."

I swallowed.

Once she was done marveling in the chocolate orange, she finally took the fudge from me and observed like it was some interesting specimen.

"Eat it already," I said, bouncing with impatience.

She moved it towards her mouth slowly... too slowly.

What a fucking tease.

The fudge finally met her tongue and she took her time chewing, her lips moving rhythmically in an up and down motion. It was probably the most erotic thing I'd ever laid my eyes on.

Then she closed her eyes and moaned, and the sound went straight to my dick.

"Orgasmic, yeah?" I whispered, because I couldn't speak above that.

She shook her head. "Almost, but not quite."

_Fuck. Me._

Then she opened her eyes and they were filled with such extreme lust that everything I had told myself about not getting intimate yet went out the fucking window.

I was on top of her so fast that I knew I had chocolate orange squished under me, but I didn't care. Her mouth tasted like fudge and her hands were tugging at my hair and she was moaning and her tongue was probing mine and my hands were raiding the skin under her shirt...

I had missed this. I had missed this so much, and I had never felt so fucking needy until that very moment.

There was knock on the door and I groaned. I carefully pulled back, panting, and composed myself before walking over to the bed. Bella sat up, smoothing out her hair, cheeks pink.

The incessant knocking continued on and I wanted to punch whoever the fuck it was.

I opened the door and revealed Alice and Jasper.

"Hey did you guys finish pack- Holy Moly Michael Kors, where did all that candy come from?" Alice ran over to the sweet covered bed, eyes shining.

"Shit," Jasper gasped. "What did you do, rob a candy store?"

I chuckled and waved him in. "Might as well have. Help yourself."

"Oh my God, Chocolate Orange!" Alice shrieked. "Ew, why is it all squished?"

"You've had chocolate orange?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah," she trilled. "Got it in Seattle a few times. It's rare, but it's around."

For the next hour or two we all became intoxicated with the sugar rush. My teeth felt brittle by the end of it.

"Ugh, no more," Bella groaned, lying back with her hand on her stomach. "I feel like we're five and had too much Halloween candy. I can practically feel the sugar in my veins."

"I can't even look at this stuff anymore," Alice covered her eyes. "Someone take them away before I puke."

Jasper and I packed away the sweets the best we could, but we decided to split them amongst ourselves so it would just be easier to take them to the States.

Bella and I called dibs on majority of the bonbons and fudge, but Alice and Jasper settled for the fruitier things and a lot of the Haribo brand sweets.

Once they had left and the bed was no longer covered in a diabetic's worst nightmare, we tiredly curled up and called it a day.

As we lay in bed, our last night in London, there it was again.

The awkwardness.

We both lay on our backs, hands on our stomachs, eyes on the ceiling.

We were like a couple on the verge of divorce, and it was getting to be fucking ridiculous.

Without taking my eyes off the ceiling, I reached my left hand out and searched for her right. Once our fingers were intertwined, I felt better.

Our hands were still stuck together in the morning.

**

* * *

**

"Are you sad to leave?" Bella asked me when we were on the plane. We were finally heading back to Forks, and I felt a little nostalgic but not enough to make me want to stay.

"Not really," I replied, absentmindedly running my thumbs over her knuckles. "All right, maybe a bit. It's still home, you know? The whole sweet shop adventure made me a bit nostalgic but now there are just too many shitty things associated with London. I kind of want to leave it behind. All the drama..."

She knew what I meant. The whole Tanya and Peter thing, the wedding, the breakup... all of it was just so crazy and exhausting and I just wanted to leave it in London.

Bella nodded distractedly. "Hmm, I know what you mean. I want to leave it all behind too..." Then her expression shifted into one of curiosity. "Can I ask you something?"

"By all means."

She hesitated. "I don't really want to bring up the past but..."

I tensed.

"When you told me your story you said that you got arrested for three things but then got bailed out... what were they?"

My entire body relaxed and I almost smiled. "Shoplifting and then twice for fighting."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Yet you got away with... the other things?"

I chuckled and sighed. "Yeah. Crazy, innit?"

"Very."

Majority of the plane ride back to Forks was silent. That had been happening quite a lot in between us, the silence. I didn't know what would fix it, but I hoped I'd figure it out really fucking soon.

By the time we got to the airport in Port Angeles and took a cab back to Forks, neither of us could stay awake. The taxi driver had to practically fucking shout to let us know that we were by Bella's house, and I all but had to carry Bella inside.

It was pretty late at night, so the house was dark and quiet. We somehow made it upstairs to Bella's room and I dropped the suitcases on the floor before we both just collapsed into bed.

The smell of her pillow and her warmth next to made it feel like home.

I fell asleep in no time.

**

* * *

**

My body was still in the UK mode so when I woke up it was only six in the morning when it should have been around 11, the usual time my lazy ass got out of bed. I felt completely refreshed but what woke me up even more was that Bella wasn't next to me.

I sat up and stretched, feeling all dirty from the plane ride. That, and I hadn't changed out of the clothes I traveled in.

I pulled out fresh clothes from my suitcase and decided to have a shower, but not before I made sure Bella hadn't run away while I was asleep or something. I had become a bit paranoid about that.

I walked over to the stairs and strained my ears, listening for movement. I heard voices, but they were echoing through the living room so I assumed the television was on. What could possibly be on at six in the morning?

I heard Bella cough followed by some rustling like she was shifting positions on the couch.

Assured that she wasn't making a run for it, I went for the shower.

By the time I came out and got dressed, not bothering to do more than just towel dry my hair. I could smell breakfast.

I sauntered downstairs and into the kitchen, where Bella stood flipping over hash browns in one pan while the other fried an omelet.

She looked up and smiled when I walked in. "I heard you go into the bathroom so I made breakfast."

It was the first time I'd seen her cook anything. She was barefoot but dressed in jeans and a purple t-shirt, her hair pulled back into a ponytail.

She was fucking adorable.

"Hungry?" she asked, pulling me away from thoughts of ripping that t-shirt off.

"Oh yeah, yeah," I said distractedly. "When did you get out of bed?"

"Five," she sighed. "Too early, but I couldn't sleep anymore. So I decided to just get the day started early." She was setting up two plates and shoved one at me. "I hope you like this stuff. I wasn't sure if you'd want bacon or..."

"No, this is fine," I assured her. "I hate bacon."

We headed over to the little round table by the windows and sat across from each other.

I smirked, forking some of the omelet. The inside of it was oozing with cheese.

"I don't think I've ever had anything you've cooked before."

She paused with the forkful of hash brown halfway to her mouth, suddenly looking nervous. "You haven't?"

I slowly shook my head, twirling the fork around in my hand. Bella chewed on her lip, eying me nervously.

Ever so slowly, just to fuck with her, I moved the fork to my mouth.

Revenge for the fudge incident.

"Just eat it already!" she blurted, and I grinned, finally putting the food in my mouth.

I chewed slowly as well, and this time her eyes were trained on my mouth. She finally released her lower lip from her teeth but now her eyes were glazed over as she watched me.

She squirmed, and I knew she was getting turned on.

What was it about people eating that made it so fucking erotic?

"This is actually really, really good," I told her, chopping off another forkful of egg.

Her eyes lit up. "Really?"

I nodded through another forkful. "Orgasmic."

Was I horny or what?

Bella blushed and then there it was again... the silence. But this time there was something else.

I was acutely aware of her presence just inches away from me. It was like a static charge passed between us every time she moved. I wasn't uncomfortable, but my entire body was on high alert, completely aware of everything she did.

I wanted.

The small things, the way she chewed, the way she pushed her fringe out of her eyes, the way she licked her lips after taking a sip from her orange juice... it was all driving me mad.

Something told me she could feel it too, the energy between us. The way she kept glancing at me with something close to desire in her eyes, how she'd attempt to be discreet with how she stared at my mouth or hands or biceps.

It was pathetic, really. How we were both just sitting there, horny as fuck, but not doing anything about it.

I mean, we had the whole house to ourselves.

_The whole house to ourselves..._

The second that thought crossed my mind, I was done for. It wasn't like we hadn't been alone in the house before, but this was different. There would be no Rosalie and no Emmett walking in on us. Other times, when we were home alone, it was only for a few hours.

But this time the house was ours for more than a week.

The possibilities...

Then I remembered my promise to take things slow, and I wanted to bang my head into the wall.

Bella cleared her throat and my eyes snapped to hers. Her lips were shiny from whatever and her eyes were bright.

"You done?" she asked, glancing at my plate.

My plate was clean so I handed it to her, then following her to the sink where I would help her out by drying.

The silence between us while she washed and I dried wasn't awkward anymore...

It was electric.

I felt it when our arms brushed, when our fingers touched when she handed me a plate, when she shifted so that her hip nudged mine.

I wanted to lift her onto the kitchen counter and tear her panties off.

But that wouldn't be appropriate.

"Well, we have the whole day ahead of us," I said once we were done with the dishes. "What shall we do?"

She shrugged, chewing on her lip. "We have the whole house..."

So her thoughts mirrored mine.

I nodded, partly hoping that there were some chores that needed to be done so I wouldn't be tempted to give in to the urge to shove my tongue down her throat.

"Any work that needs to be done?" I asked, shoving my hands in my pockets. They itched to touch her.

She shook her head. "We cleaned up pretty thoroughly before we left." She glanced at the fridge. "Although we might be running low on groceries..."

"If we're going to be living here for the next week and a half, we might as well stock up."

Suddenly a huge grin stretched across her face. "Let's go to Thriftway!"

**

* * *

**

This whole domestic thing was new to me. The grocery shopping went by fairly smoothly, not including the moments where I wanted to do dirty things to her right next to the fruits and vegetables.

When we got back, we unloaded the groceries and the static charge was as potent as ever.

It wasn't until she offered me a Pop-Tart with a shy smile on her face that I knew I was a goner.

We were in the kitchen, in the pantry. It was the size of a closet, and lit only by the light streaming in from the kitchen windows.

The way she looked up at me, Pop-Tart held out, smile shy, eyes peeking out from under her eyelashes, cheeks pink... it was too much.

I grabbed her shirt by the stomach and yanked her towards me, crushing my mouth to hers. The Pop-Tart fell to the floor with a loud thump as she held on to me with her hands on my biceps.

I was starving, completely starving for her. I was starving for her touch, her taste, and by the way her lips hungrily molded against mine, I knew she was starving too.

I had one hand clenched around the fabric of her shirt and the other hand held her head to mine, refusing to let go. Her hands traveled from my arms to my neck to my hair and my hand went from the back of her head to her ass.

She moaned into my mouth and the sound went straight to my dick as over and over and over our tongues clashed together.

That need, that need to feel every single inch of her kept growing and growing and I couldn't stop, I wouldn't stop, I didn't want to stop.

We broke apart momentarily, panting with our foreheads together, and then she was reaching up to kiss me again. It was all lips and tongues and teeth and I was feeling woozy, intoxicated by her sweet taste.

She tugged on my hair and a sound left me, something of a growl, and before I knew it I was using my hips to push her against the shelves of the pantry, hard. All the jars rattled, threatening to topple over but I didn't care because I was trying to satisfy the hunger in me.

I let go of her shirt only so I could let my hand wander up the hem, and I felt her shudder as my fingers ran across the smooth skin of her belly. She was whimpering and it wasn't until I opened my eyes that I saw her cheeks were wet.

I pulled away, staring down at her in alarm.

_Why was she crying?_

"What's wrong?" I asked. "What happened?"

She opened her eyes as more tears fell free and I wiped them away the best I could.

She shook her head, sniffling. "It's nothing, just... I want you."

My brows furrowed as she desperately pulled me to her, but she was sobbing through our kisses and I just couldn't do it anymore.

"Baby, why are you crying?" I asked, pulling away again. "Tell me."

She looked up at me, and there was some emotion in her eyes that I couldn't place.

She didn't say anything, just stared at me, so I decided we should probably get out of the fucking pantry.

"Let's get out of here," I suggested, pulling her out. My elbow collided with a jar of pickles and it fell to the floor, shattering into pieces and spreading green liquid across the kitchen floor.

"Motherfucker," I hissed, stepping away from the mess. Bella moved to get something to clean it up, but I stopped her. "No, leave it."

I took her hand and led her to the living room where I pulled her onto my lap and brushed the hair out of her face. She wasn't crying anymore but something was really, really bothering her.

The only thing bothering me was the hard thing straining against the front of my jeans.

"Why the tears?" I asked softly.

She looked down and played around with her fingers, contemplating.

"You can tell me. Remember what we promised each other? That we'll always be open and honest, all the 'communication' stuff? It's important."

"I know," she whispered. "I just feel stupid."

I cocked my head to one side. "Why?"

She sniffed and bit on her lip before answering. "Because I'm being ridiculous."

"How?"

"Because I want you."

Confusion. "You have me."

"No," she said, meeting my gaze. Her eyes were intense with need. "I _want_ you."

I let that sink in.

_Oh._

_Ohhhh._

Bella blushed and looked down again, shaking her head. "I'm such a whore."

I had to laugh at that. "You're not a whore. So you want to shag me, big deal. You're my girlfriend, I'd be worried if you didn't."

She smiled just a bit, cheeks still pink. "Sorry. I just... it's been so long since I could... and I can't help feeling rejected after, you know..."

My heart sunk. "You feel rejected?"

She shrugged one shoulder and then I had her face in my hands.

"I never rejected you. It's because I said I needed time, isn't it?"

Her voice was barely audible, "Yeah."

I sighed and ran my fingertips across her cheeks. I watched as even more blood rushed to the surface and she closed her eyes.

"That wasn't rejection," I whispered. "I hate that you feel like that."

"These last few days... when you would pull away from me... it's been hard. You've always been right there but I've been feeling so lonely... I mean I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me or anything, I'm just being honest."

I stared at this girl, the one that I had been so afraid of falling in love with. The one I'd obsessed over and practically stalked. The one who I had pined for while she was trying to satisfy her controlling, possessive, abusive asshat of a boyfriend. The girl who I had almost gone to prison for after beating said boyfriend into a coma. The girl I'd waited months for while she healed emotionally and physically after her abusive relationship. The girl that knew all of my secrets.

Yes she had run away after promising to stay, but I couldn't blame her anymore.

Now here she was, admitting that she'd been suffering for me for days. I didn't realize how much I'd been suffering myself until she brought it up.

"I want you too," I confessed. "More than anything." I chuckled nervously and glanced down at the bulge in my jeans. "Obviously."

Bella's gaze followed mine and she stared... and stared... and stared.

Until she was borderline hyperventilating.

"Bella?" I asked anxiously.

Then she threw herself at me, our teeth clashing as she kissed me, hard. She straddled my lap and all but ground her crotch into mine, moaning and tugging at my hair.

At the back of my head I knew something was off, but when your dick is so fucking hard that it feels like it might explode, it's hard to concentrate on anything else.

My right hand released her hair from the hair tie while my left crawled up the back of her t-shirt, playing around with her bra strap. My lips went from her swollen mouth to her neck, sucking in the skin. She threw her head back, panting as her hands clutched at the fabric of my t-shirt, pulling so it no longer clung to my chest.

"Bella, wait," I managed to gasp right before she shut me up by crushing her lips to mine again. She bit my lower lip and it hurt, but it hurt in a good way.

I pushed her so I was lying on top of her horizontally across the couch, one arm bracing me up while the other wandered up her shirt and rubbed her left breast through her bra. It was awkward, that position, because I was too tall for the couch; my calves hung off the arm.

"Some...where else," I panted, pulling away.

Bella clambered off the bed and pulled me towards the stairs. We tripped over our own feet as we stumbled up and once we reached her bedroom she had me on my back on her bed. Her hands struggled to pull my shirt off so I gave her a hand as she straddled me and watched.

She looked down at my naked chest with her messy locks falling over her shoulders, lustful eyes, and flushed face and I wondered how far she would let this go. Clearly she was eager.

Only one way to find out...

She yelped and giggled as I caught her off guard, swiftly flipping her so that she was the one on her back with me hovering over her.

All of the tension and awkwardness from the past few days had vanished into thin air, and all we had needed was a little fun and lovin'. It was like the tension was building momentum so that by the time we had broken down those walls and let ourselves _feel_... that was it. It hit us hard.

"Someone's eager," I chuckled, looking down at her as she bit her lip.

"You have no idea," she breathed out before reaching up and pulling me back down to her. Her warm hands rand over my bare shoulders and arms, and soon she had both legs wrapped around me. This way my crotch was directly at her entrance, and something told me she knew exactly what she was doing.

I pulled away so our crotches weren't touching, and she frowned, lifting her hips up until we touched again.

"Take it easy," I murmured, kissing her nose.

"I don't want to," she whispered, eyes searching mine.

I felt drunk again, unable to think straight. "Um… what... what are we doing?"

"Edward, please," she pleaded. "Don't think. Just... just _do_."

"Do what?"

Her cheeks got the darkest I'd ever seen them. "Me."

Before I could even think about what she said her lips were on mine again and she was making these noises, these animalistic noises that indicated she was some wild woman beast that hadn't eaten in days. It was completely surprising, if not slightly frightening.

"Bella, Bella, wait," I mumbled against her lips. "Wait, stop."

She pulled away, panting, and I looked down at her face.

"What are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she asked with tears in her eyes.

"You want... to have sex?" My voice sounded like someone else's. "Are you... are you sure?"

"Please," her voice trembled.

I climbed off of her and pulled her up so we were sitting face to face.

"Why? Why now?" I asked. "I'm not complaining I'm just... what brought this on?"

She moved closer so she was kneeling in front of me.

"Everything," she said, voice full of emotion. "Everything brought it on... London, being without you, seeing you broken, connecting with you all over again. I've never felt so close and then so far at the same time. I need you, badly."

I didn't know what to say. It was like I was incapable of speaking, my throat constricting.

She was practically on my lap as she pulled my head to hers, not for a kiss, but so that she could rest her forehead against mine.

"Please," she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I need you."

"I need you, too."

"I want you."

"I want you, too."

We were whispering, and it was cheesy but it didn't matter. If I had seen two people do what we were doing in that moment, I would have laughed my ass off. But what I wouldn't have understood was that it's not cheesy and it not ridiculous when you're actually experiencing it. When you're actually experiencing the array of emotions, love being the most prominent, you don't care what's cheesy and what's not. The only thing that matters is the person in front of you.

Her breath was fanning my face and I only had to open my eyes for a split second, I only had to look into her brown orbs for one short moment before I realized that what I had been trying to do for the past few days was done. I had taken my time, I'd thought through everything, and we weren't perfect but we never would be. I just had to accept that.

There would be no other way to express it now, because words were being used but they weren't enough anymore.

There was only one word I could say that would change everything we ever knew, change the course of our relationship even further, let us get to know each other in ways that I had been craving for almost a year.

One word that was the equivalent of letting it all go, forgetting and remembering, giving and taking, making and breaking.

The word left my lips without a second thought, caressing her face and making her shudder with anticipation.

"Okay."


	39. My Love

**Disclaimer**: Twilight is not mine.

* * *

**Chapter 39- My Love**

_My love, leave yourself behind  
Beat inside me, leave you blind  
My love, you have found peace  
You were searching for release_

_You gave it all into the call  
You took a chance and  
You took the fall for us  
You came thoughtfully  
Loved me faithfully  
You taught me honor  
You did it for me_

_Tonight you will sleep for good  
You will wait for me, my love  
Now I am strong, you gave me all  
You gave all you had  
And now I am home_

**My Love- Sia**

* * *

**Bella POV**

"Okay."

That one word stopped my heart, but what had I been expecting, more rejection?

My heart started beating in a rapid rhythm, possibly loud enough for him to hear. My entire body was hyperaware of his closeness, practically humming with anticipation. Then there was the nervousness, the realization that this was really happening.

I was about to lose my virginity.

Everything my mother had told me about waiting for marriage flew out the window. In my gut I knew that Edward was my everything, the one person I could trust, the only person I'd ever give it up to. I couldn't imagine it being anyone else, and why wait? Edward didn't believe in marriage, and if I ever decided to roll with him on that one, sex would happen anyway.

But over the past few days I had been feeling so _needy._ It was an ache that I couldn't get rid of, an ache that got stronger and stronger every time he so much as looked at me. Every time his lips met mine I could feel the heat devouring me from the inside, slowly, slowly, slowly.

The awkwardness over the past few days had only made my attraction to Edward stronger. It was difficult to have him pull away from me, and it was torture whenever I glanced at that sex hair, those sculpted lips, that chiseled jaw, and most of all- those penetrating green eyes. I almost combusted whenever he stretched, revealing the top of his boxers and the bottom of his abs, or when he had his back to me and I got a perfect view of how his jeans accented his backside.

The more he tried to keep his distance, the more I wanted him.

And then I knew I couldn't take it anymore. I was ready, so entirely ready and all I needed to do was say so.

Was I scared? _Yes._ Did I care? _No._

Because this was Edward I was dealing with, my Edward. For some crazy reason he loved me and I loved him back, and that was more than I could ask for.

"Okay," I echoed his word in a whisper.

He brushed some hair out of my eyes and searched my face like he was looking for some sign that I was uncertain. His next words proved me right.

"Are you really sure about this? I'm just making sure..."

"I've never been so sure of anything else," I replied, eyes falling to his lips. They were fuller, no doubt from our incessant making out, and remembering how soft they were had me internally begging for more.

He smiled softy, eyes lighting up. "So this is it, huh?"

My breathing hitched. "This is it."

We kind of stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. He was waiting for me to proceed, probably because I was the one that had declared myself ready, and I was waiting for him to start because I had no idea how to.

How does one go about having sex?

It may seem like a stupid question now, but at that moment I had absolutely no idea what to do.

I decided to just dive in.

Apparently Edward decided to dive in as well, because we both ended up jumping towards each other at the same time, thus causing our noses to crash together.

Hard.

"Ow," I muttered at the same time he swore, and we both ending up rubbing our noses, laughing nervously.

_Awkward._

"Um, let's try again?" I asked, but my voice ended up really high pitched and squeaky.

Edward was grinning as he ran his fingers over my cheeks, which were undoubtedly crimson by now.

"You're such a virgin," he chuckled, and even though I knew he was teasing I felt utterly embarrassed.

"Sorry," I mumbled, looking down.

He tucked a finger under my chin and made me look at him. His expression was amused but his eyes were soft.

"What're you apologizing for? It's okay. We have all the time in the world and no one to interrupt us. We'll take it slow, I promise."

I nodded and took a deep breath, closing my eyes to pull myself together.

This was a big deal, and I knew that. I wouldn't be able to take this moment back, and I had to be absolutely positive that I wanted this.

My body was screaming, _just do it already!_

And that was enough for me at that point.

When I opened my eyes, Edward was staring at me with a serious expression, eyes lustful, and my gaze wandered down to his bare chest. His broad shoulders morphed down into a sculpted chest and rippled into a toned stomach and abs that weren't as prominent as I remembered. I knew he hadn't worked out in a while, and he had lost just a little bit of weight, but he was still beautiful... and he was still mine.

"Help?" I whispered shyly.

He knew what I meant and he didn't hesitate to lean in towards me, very, very slowly.

"Just relax," he breathed, his warm breath caressing my lips.

I let the clean scent of him wash over me as I let my body loosen up.

The second his soft lips met mine, every inhibition I had was gone.

He was cupping my face with one hand while the other held firmly to the back of my neck.

"Just feel," he said against my lips and I did exactly that, finally allowing myself to let go and not worry about the consequences.

Our lips molded together over and over and before I knew it he was lying on top of me with his lips all over my neck and I had my legs curled over his hips.

His hands tugged at my shirt and he sat up, straddling me so I could assist him in taking it off.

I had on a simple black bra, not really expecting us to go anywhere physically, but I didn't care because it was going to be coming off anyway.

Edward stared down at my chest, momentarily mesmerized, before his mouth was crashing against mine again while his hands fondled with my breasts. It just wasn't enough for either of us so he grabbed my leg and rolled us over so I was on top of him.

Looking directly into my eyes he reached up and unclasped my bra in one quick, practiced move. It was like all he did was run his finger over it.

My bra fell away, leaving my chest bare for the rest time. Edward flung the bra aside before flipping us over once more, this time so that he was hovering over me on his elbows.

I felt completely and utterly vulnerable, but my nipples were hardening just from being bare and in front of Edward. He groaned and took them both in his hands, squeezing while he put the weight of his lower body on me so that I could feel him hard against my abdomen.

If my abdominal muscles weren't already clenching with want, they definitely starting going crazy then.

I moaned at the feeling when Edward ran his thumbs over my nipples, and moaned even louder when he took one in his mouth.

There was something liberating about being as loud as I wanted without worrying about being heard. The last time we had gotten intimate like this we had to worry about our siblings, not to mention Edward's aunt and uncle and their three small children.

Edward squeezed one breast while sucking on the other and I succumbed to the sensations, letting myself feel.

It was so invigorating, yet absolutely maddening.

Everything he did to me went right down to my groin. My panties had to be soaked through by then and when I reached down to unzip my jeans my hands met Edward's fly instead of my own. I decided to roll with it and undo his button, but it was like trying to undress him while being drunk. It wasn't helping that his lips were all over my neck now, sucking and nibbling.

I gave up on his fly and decided to tangle my hands in his hair while I felt the familiar sharpness as he bit down and created what would no doubt be an obvious hickey. I groaned and pulled on his hair, causing him to elicit his own groan before he moved on to my mouth. His tongue danced with mine before he started kissing up and down my jaw.

I pushed on his hips, silently telling him to lift his lower body. He complied and I went for the waistband of his jeans, fumbling with the button because my hands were shaking so much.

I growled in frustration and Edward chuckled, pushing my hands away and easily unbuttoning his jeans. I pulled down the zipper, carefully of course, and before I knew it he had kicked them to the floor.

His erection was straining against his boxers and I couldn't help but stare at it as I reached down to unbutton my own jeans. I didn't have a problem with it and Edward helped me pull them off before collapsing onto me once more and thrusting against me. The feel of him hard against my core was too much and I almost ripped his boxers off because of the way my girl parts were throbbing.

I was lost, so completely lost in Edward. I couldn't think. All I could do was feel his lips all over me, occasionally allowing myself to get greedy and keep his mouth on mine.

Because I was sure of one thing- I couldn't get enough of his taste.

His hands were tangled in my hair, almost painfully, and I couldn't help but pout when he pulled away. I looked up at his face, eyes wild with desire, hair a chaotic mess, lips swollen, and I had to wonder what I could have done to deserve someone so breathtaking.

I decided to declare myself a lucky bitch and call it a day.

He started to kiss down my chest, starting at my collarbone and going to the valley between my breasts. My chest was heaving and I was flushed all over, but he didn't seem to mind as his mouth continued its journey down to my naval.

When his soft lips reached my abdominal muscles, just above the waistband of my panties, I just knew he felt them clench. I moaned softly, squirming at how close he was to my nether regions.

"Edward," I whispered. "Please."

He glanced up at me from under his eyelashes, but only for a second because his hands had ventured to the waistband.

He pulled my panties off with careful slowness, his eyes on my face the whole time. He glanced down at my naked parts only briefly, but it was enough to make him groan and mumble something that included the word "wet".

I felt completely vulnerable, being naked in front of him for the first time. I was self conscious under his gaze, though his expression was one of awe.

"Fucking beautiful," he whispered, and when he looked at me I could see from his eyes that he meant it.

I lay there as he ran his hands over me, starting at my thighs and going up, up, up my entire body until his hands were cupping my face and he was kissing me gently.

He climbed off so that he was on his side next to me and he kept kissing me while his right hand went down to cup my aching sex.

When he rubbed his hands over me I nearly came apart right then and there, bucking my hips against his hand and moaning embarrassingly loud against his mouth.

I sounded like a dying walrus.

It wasn't like I cared how I sounded at that very moment, but I knew I'd be horrified later.

Besides, Edward was too distracting for me to be appalled about how I was in bed.

He bit onto my lower lip at the same time he slowly slipped one finger inside of me.

Being as wet as I was, his finger slid in easily.

Being as needy as I was, it drove me insane.

He pulled his finger out slowly and then inserted two as he sucked on my earlobe. When he put three in I bucked my hips again, causing his fingers to go in deeper and stretching me a little bit.

"Ung, faster," I slurred, and he didn't hesitate to pull his fingers in and out at a steady rhythm.

The tension deep at the pit of my stomach was building steadily and all he had to do was press down on my clit, hard, before I screamed my release.

My entire body was absolutely buzzing as the tremors rocked through me while I lay, panting and sweaty and disoriented. I was vaguely aware of Edward pressing kisses onto my cheek.

"You're amazing," he said into my ear.

I mumbled something incoherently, intoxicated by the after effects of my orgasm and how I suddenly wanted to fall asleep in the bliss that I was in.

Edward swept his hand over my face like he was trying to move stray hairs aside, although they weren't any. I was out of my happy period enough to notice the slight concern in his eyes.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I felt a sudden knot at the pit of my stomach, a sudden anxiety. I wanted him more than ever but I couldn't shake the fear of pain, especially since I didn't have a very high tolerance for it.

I nodded, trying to push back the hyperventilation that threatened to break through. I needed to put on a brave face.

Apparently my brave face sucked because Edward saw right through it.

"Relax," he told me again, planting a gentle kiss on my shoulder.

I took a deep breath right before Edward's lips met mine again, and just like that my fear diminished. I was still just a little bit nervous, but Edward put all his love into his kisses. I felt safe and secure and warm all over.

With the soft kisses he was giving me you never would have thought that I was completely naked and he in just his boxers with what was probably an extremely painful erection. You would expect our kisses at that point to be primal, needy, passionate.

But these kisses were different. These kisses were Edward helping me relax, telling me that he loved me and would take care of me and would never hurt me.

His kisses spoke volumes.

I felt him shift slightly and when I opened my eyes I saw that his boxers were off and he hovered over me, gloriously naked. I must have been staring because he had to say my name to draw my attention back to his face.

What I saw in his eyes was absolute lust, complete adoration, and almost boyish excitement.

"This is it," he whispered.

I nodded, biting my lip.

He kissed my nose and then reached down to pull something out of his jeans pocket. A condom.

"Can't forget this," he mumbled, expertly ripping it open and pulling it on. Once he was done he hovered over me, looking deep into my eyes.

"It's going to hurt," he said tentatively.

"I know," I breathed.

"And you might not come."

"I know."

"But it'll get better."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know."

He chuckled and then parted my knees, resting on his elbows as he hovered over me. I could feel the heat radiating off of him as he waited at my entrance, hesitating once more.

I had never been so afraid yet so excited at the same time. The adrenaline was pumping and my heart was pounding a tattoo inside of my chest.

This was it.

"I'll go slow," he whispered, pressing a kiss into my neck.

It was a very successful distraction from what was about to happen.

"I love you more than anything," he pressed a kiss into the other side of my neck

Another nice distraction.

"You're my everything," he sucked on the skin at my collarbone.

I almost forgot what he was about to do.

He pushed his length into me just a little bit and my entire body stiffened.

"Relax," he told me again, but I could tell by his face that he really just wanted to start banging into me.

"Just do it," I choked out. "I'm okay, just-"

He cut me off by crushing his mouth to mine as he pushed all the way into me, causing me to cry out as my barrier broke painfully. His mouth on mine muffled my cry but my entire body had gone rigid. Edward let out a loud moan into my mouth, and I could tell by the shudder of his body that it felt amazing for him.

It was uncomfortable. Very, very uncomfortable. I had never felt so full and so stretched; I'd always been too afraid to use tampons so Edward was the only thing that had ever been up there.

"You okay?" he asked, panting.

I was hurting down there, but I felt okay so I nodded.

"Keep going," I whispered breathlessly.

He waited a second to allow my body to adjust and then he pulled out.

It hurt at first but I bit on my lip, trying not to be a baby about it. All I knew was that this was a onetime thing, and it would get better.

Even though it hurt, it didn't matter to me. This was Edward; this was the only person I'd ever give it up to.

I closed my eyes and let myself feel, surprised by how the pain gradually started to fade once he started moving. I could feel the potential for pleasure but it was more discomfort than anything else. I tried to focus on other things. I focused on Edward's ragged breathing, how he tried to ignore his instincts to just start pounding into me. I focused on the sound of our bodies slapping together, not an attractive sound, but a sound as real as we were. I focused on his soft moans and groans, the evidence that he was having the time of his life, however brief it may be.

It was all I could ask for.

I didn't know why I was so uncomfortable, though most of the pain was gone. I was being stretched and stretched and stretched and I knew I was going to end up being pretty wide down there.

The headboard was banging against the wall, not loudly, but enough to create a consistent tap, tap, tap sound.

I looked up at Edward's face, at how his eyes were half closed in ecstasy, mouth slightly agape. I couldn't believe I could do that to him and I felt nothing but complete, unadulterated love for this boy.

His thrusts were getting a little faster and I was being stretched even wider and I knew he was close by how his muscles were straining. I started to feel that buildup again, the one at my core, but then it was too late.

It felt like too soon that he came, collapsing on top of me and knocking the breath out of me. We were both sweaty and breathing heavily and I didn't realize my fingernails had been biting into his arms until I moved my hands to wrap them in his hair. He had little crescent shaped nail marks in his skin and I instantly felt guilty.

Edward looked up from my chest to gaze at me with a look of pure adoration that made me melt.

"Wow," was the only thing he said, expression slightly drunk.

I smiled slightly; feeling oddly exhausted, and ran my hands through his- now literal- sex hair.

He pushed himself onto his elbows and searched my face for any signs of distress. "You're okay?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "More than okay."

He planted a chaste kiss on my mouth and then slowly pulled out. I winced but it wasn't bad. I suddenly felt empty and hollow.

Edward flopped down next to me and pulled me to him so that my face was nestled into his neck. He smelled like sweat, but I knew I probably did too.

I felt totally different then. It wasn't just physically, but mentally and spiritually I felt like there had been a change. I felt older somehow, more womanly.

Edward's- now floppy- length was pressing awkwardly into my thigh and it was very distracting.

"Hey Edward?" I whispered sheepishly.

"Hmm?" He still had an intoxicated look on his face and his smile was lazy.

"Can you put your boxers back on?"

He frowned slightly, looking hurt.

"It's kind of distracting to have your, um, you know... pressing against me," I said hastily. I could feel my cheeks grow darker.

His face broke out into a huge grin. "My thingamajiggy?"

I giggled, remembering a time long ago when I had accidentally kneed him in the privates and used that term. "Yeah, that."

He kissed my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I put emotion into every word and it wasn't hard to. He kissed me again before finding his boxers and pulling them back on. I took that opportunity to climb off the bed and hunt down another pair of panties.

When I climbed off the bed I became aware of the aching at my nether regions, the soreness that I knew would probably get worse before it got better. My legs felt a little like jelly and I had to pause before I started walking, afraid that I would fall on my face.

When I walked over to the dresser I could feel Edward's eyes on my naked body, and I felt both self conscious and turned on at the same time. How could I possibly get aroused again, after all that? I quickly found a random pair of panties and pulled them on, picking up my abandoned t-shirt and throwing it on without bothering with a bra.

Edward was back in bed, under the covers and still shirtless. I had heard about girls having a sex glow but I wasn't aware that guys had it too until I looked at him. There was something different about him when he held his arms out for me to join him, something about his face that made him look younger and more jovial.

I snuggled up with him under the covers, my entire body feeling exhausted.

I rested my head on his chest and hummed in contentment at the feeling of his strong arms wrapping around me. It was the best place to be.

"Well?" he said after a few moments of happy silence.

"Well what?" I muttered, almost on the verge of sleep. I was much too comfortable.

"... How was it?"

I opened my eyes to glance at his face, his expression a little anxious.

"I mean, it's been a really long time, I haven't actually gotten laid in ages," he started rambling nervously. "I mean it's not like a minded, I was fine with waiting and shit, but I mean not since the Queen Bitch from Hell, a.k.a. Tanya, have I actually had sex like, you know, actually being inside of someone. I mean it's not like the same thing if you jerk off in the shower, it's completely different from fucking somebody, not that I fucked you or anything, I mean that was actual sex, we can call it making love or whatever, but like-"

I stopped his rambling by putting my hand over his mouth. I didn't like the wrinkle in between his brows.

He was confusing me. "What are you asking?"

He held onto my wrist and kissed my palm before pulling it away from his face.

"I felt like a virgin again, to be honest," he admitted sheepishly. "I was trying to make it good but I didn't want to hurt you either. On top of that I was trying not to give into the urge to just start ramming into you. Because, let's face it, I'm a guy. I'm an animal. So I was just wondering if it was obvious that I've lost my fucking 'touch' or whatever you want to call it. 'Cause it feels like I have."

I suppressed a smile, afraid that I would offend him by laughing.

Nothing goes past him.

"What?" he asked, frowning. "Why're you smirking like that? What's so... Fuck. It was bad, wasn't it? It was awful, I can tell. You'll never want to fuck me again; I was that bad, wasn't I? Kill me. Just fucking kill me now."

I gave in to the fit of giggles and covered my face with my hands, flopping back onto my pillow as the laughter overtook me.

When I opened my eyes I saw that he was on one elbow, staring down at me.

He did not look amused.

I stroked his face, loving the stubble there.

"Edward," I sighed, smiling. "I have no one to compare you to. How would I know what's good or bad? I mean, it didn't feel great but that's just how it is. I've always known the first time wouldn't be spectacular. All I care about is that it's you. I wouldn't have had it any other way."

He stared at me skeptically. "You're not bullshitting me, are you?"

I raised my brow at him. "Seriously, Edward?"

He smiled ruefully. "Fine, I believe you."

I patted his cheek. "So don't hurt your testosterone fueled little ego about it, okay?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

We fell into a companionable silence again but then I started wondering how _I _had been for _him._

Then I remembered my dying-walrus moans and absolute horror filled me. I could feel my face growing red and I wanted to melt into the mattress.

Edward sighed and then glanced at me, his expression suddenly freezing.

"What?" he asked, alarmed. "Why do you look so horrified?"

"Oh, my God," I squeaked, covering my face with my hands again.

"What is it?" he asked, trying to pull my hands away from my face.

I lifted them briefly, only to squeak out, "Dying walrus."

Edward was silent and I peeked through my fingers to look at him. He was staring at me in puzzlement.

"Did you just say 'dying walrus'?" he asked, half amused and half confused.

I nodded, still peeking at him from in between my fingers.

"Uh... why?"

I closed my fingers and stayed in the darkness.

"What walrus has died? Did I know it?"

I almost laughed, but I was too embarrassed.

Edward started running his fingers across the back of my hands, a sign of his patience.

When I felt less horrified I lowered my hands, but still chewed on my lip.

He smirked at me, but I could tell he was burning with curiosity. "Wanna fill me in?" he asked.

I sighed. "I sounded like a dying walrus, didn't I?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "A dying walrus?"

"Yes, Edward, a dying walrus. I sounded like a sea mammal dying a very slow and painful death."

"In bed?"

"Yes."

If I wasn't already horrified enough, he cocked his head to one side, as though reminiscing about how I sounded.

"Nah," he finally said, shaking his head. "I wouldn't say a _sea _mammal..."

My jaw dropped but before I could cover my face he held onto my wrists and laughed.

"I'm joking," he assured me. "Baby, I don't really remember what you sounded like. I was a bit distracted, you know. I've heard you moan before, and it has always turned me on. No sea mammals here."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Although..." He trailed off, eying me peculiarly.

"What?"

He ran a finger very lightly across my lower lip. "We can have a repeat of the past twenty minutes and then decide what you sound like."

My heart skipped a beat but then my sore girl parts throbbed once, as though reminding me that I needed to relax for a bit.

"Maybe some other day," I said, wincing as my awareness of the soreness increased.

Edward grimaced. "Does it hurt like a bitch down there?"

I half-shrugged. "It's tolerable."

"Soon?"

I sighed contentedly.

_Oh yes._

"Soon," I agreed.

His answering grin was so enthusiastic that I had to laugh.

"You're like a little schoolboy," I teased, pinching his cheek.

He snorted and swatted my hand away. "I'm no more a schoolboy than you are a schoolgirl... Though I'm not opposed to the idea. You as a schoolgirl... I reckon I like it."

I dropped my jaw in mock horror. "Oh my God, you're a kinky schoolboy."

He threw his head back and laughed a booming sound.

"We can test that theory out as well," he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

I blushed and decided to change the direction in which the conversation was going.

"No, you're much too handsome and manly to be a schoolboy. Let's just call you a sexy student and call it a day."

His smile was almost sad. "Nah, I don't think I'm really a student anymore..."

He trailed off and I realized that for most of the summer we hadn't even talked about what we were going to do once September rolled around. Edward had technically graduated high school, even though he didn't attend graduation due to the horrific prom accident, but as far as I knew he hadn't applied to any colleges.

"Hey, what are you doing come September?" I asked.

Edward looked away and then fell back onto the pillow, pulling me over to him so that my head rest on his shoulder.

"I've thought about it, if that's what you're wondering," he sighed. "I'm thinking I'll take this year off, you know? I was thinking about getting... help."

I looked up at him and he was staring at the windows across the room, deep in though.

"Help?" I repeated. "Help for... the whole LSD business?"

He nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I mean... I've been thinking about it almost every single fucking day, about stuff that I'm not sure I did or didn't do. So I was thinking that speaking to a professional about it would help sort things out... help me determine reality from hallucinations."

My heart swelled. This was my Edward, my proud, stubborn Edward that was talking about getting help for himself.

"That's great," I said, smiling up at him with pride. "That makes me so proud."

He smiled shyly. "Yeah, well, I'd rather not live the rest of my life wondering whether or not I've stabbed people."

"What about after? After you take a year to get help? Are you going to start school again?"

He sighed. "I guess so. Another reason I wanted to take a year off is so that I could go to university with you, wherever you go... if I can manage to get in. I might start working as well, so that I could eventually pay for uni. Although what kind of work I'll do, I don't know. Fuck, I don't even know what I want to do with my life."

"You could major in art or something," I said encouragingly. "You're an amazing artist."

His neck darkened. Edward's version of blushing.

"I dunno..."

"You can," I assured him. "It's something you love, right?"

"Right, but I haven't drawn anything in ages."

"So? Doesn't mean you aren't great."

Edward sighed. "I dunno. I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

I hummed in agreement and cuddled up closer to him, not caring that it wasn't even noon yet and I already wanted to sleep.

_**SPLIT HERE**_

_It was night time and I was home alone. I stood in the middle of the dark living room, barely able to make anything out. The only source of light was from the street lights outside, and even with those it was too dark to see anything but the outline of furniture._

_I felt scared, my heart thumping erratically for reasons I couldn't name. I reached for the lamp that usually stood on the side table by the sofa, but my hands curled around air._

_"Edward?" I called out into the darkness. "Edward, I need light."_

_There was no response._

_I tried to move but my feet were stuck to the ground, as though there were heavy weights on them._

_I could feel the panic well up inside of me as I struggled to move my feet. The darkness felt thicker, suffocating me._

_"Edward!" I called again. "I'm in the living room, just come! Please."_

_Again, there was no response._

_Then I heard a woman's soft voice, familiar yet foreign at the same time._

_"He's coming," she said. "He's coming."_

_My head whirled around, searching for the source of this voice, but I couldn't see anything but the outlines of the couches and coffee table._

_"Where is he then?" I asked the invisible source. "Where is he?"_

_I heard laughter then, male laughter._

_It wasn't Edward._

_The sound of that laughter sent chills up my spine. Every cell in my body dreaded that cruel, maniacal sound._

_"No," I choked out, willing my feet to move. "No."_

_The front door slammed open, causing me to scream._

_He stood in the doorway, brown eyes filled with wild, sadistic lust. His unnaturally white teeth opened up into an evil grin, glinting in the dim light from the streets behind him._

_"I'm back, bitch."_

I awoke with a start, panting and sweating. My entire body was shaking and I could feel the tears on my face. The sound of my frantic heartbeat pounded in my ears and I couldn't hear anything but that.

_It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream._

What made it worse was that Edward wasn't next to me. His side of the bed was warm but I could feel the same panic from my dream start welling up again. I flew out of bed and made it as far as the door before the vertigo took over. I clutched the door, waiting for the dizziness to pass, before I lunged into the hallway.

I had only just made it to the top of the stairs when the bathroom door opened and Edward stepped out, half asleep and still in nothing but his boxers. He blinked in surprise when he saw me but before he could say anything I had very roughly thrown myself into his arms.

"What- Why are you shaking?" he asked, concerned.

"Where did you go?" I countered, unable to keep the accusation out of my tone.

"To take a piss..." he muttered confusedly.

I took a deep breath, inhaling his scent, before I pulled away apologetically.

"Bad dream," I mumbled, blushing.

He reached up to stroke my cheek. "What was it?"

I didn't want to think about it but it was so hard to forget. I remembered the darkness and Jacob's vicious face and that female voice that I had heard once before but couldn't remember when.

"Jacob," I spat his name like a curse and Edward's expression darkened. Before he could start going on a murderous rant I continued, "It was just dark and I was calling for you but you never came and then I heard this voice, this woman, say 'He's coming' and I thought it was you but it wasn't, it was him, and he was just standing there and-" I had started hyperventilating slightly and Edward had to hold me before I could calm down. It took minutes of him telling me that it was just a dream and that Jacob wouldn't come back for me to relax.

When I was calm enough to let go of him, I felt like a fool for letting a stupid dream get to me.

I also realized I had to pee really, really bad.

"Watch out," I told him, motioning for him to step aside from the bathroom doorway. "I need to pee."

He chuckled and kissed my head as I passed. I smiled at him before closing the door in his face.

"Hey it's half past two, you want me to order a pizza or something?" he called from the other side of the door.

"That's fine," I called back.

When I wiped I saw blood on the toilet paper but I knew it was normal. I had been prone to freaking out for no good reason lately and I wasn't going to let a little blood after my first time scare me.

When I got out of the bathroom I decided to throw on some proper clothes, including a bra, and once I was clad in a fresh t-shirt and shorts I made my way down the stairs.

Edward was in the kitchen, on his phone. He had thrown on a black t-shirt but he was still in just his boxers. His tone was hushed, but he sounded distressed and almost angry.

"... I can't... yes, I know that but it doesn't change anything. For fuck's sake, Mum... You didn't ring Rosalie, did you?"

He was talking to Esme? I shot him a puzzled look before leaning against the counter by which he stood. He had one hand in his hair and both elbows on the counter, his head bowed and a frustrated set to his eyebrows. He didn't look at me.

"Mum, what do you want me to do?" he asked in desperation. He caught my eye but looked away quickly. "Why should I? You know there's nothing I can do, and you know how I feel about him..." He sighed heavily and stood up straight, looking aged somehow. "Well, I'm sorry." He ended the call and dropped the phone on the counter, staring at the wall in front of him.

I found his hand and squeezed it, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"What did your mom want?" I asked.

He looked at the floor and shuffled his feet almost guiltily.

"She, uh..." he hesitated.

I waited patiently.

He took a deep breath and then shook his head. "My, uh... Carlisle's in hospital."

He kept his gaze on the floor as I tried to think of something to say. My brain was wired to say something generic like, "I'm sorry" but that was overpowered by the fact that Edward's father was an alcoholic and kind of a pedophile. Not to mention the fact that Edward hated him. So was I supposed to offer my condolences?

"I don't know what to say," I admitted.

He smiled ruefully and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me to him.

"It's doesn't matter," he said a little distractedly. "I should've known. It was only a matter of time."

"What's wrong with him?"

He snorted bitterly. "There's a lot of shit wrong with him."

"Well why is he in the hospital?"

"Something with his liver. I'm not surprised really, not with how much he drinks. 'Sober' my ass."

"How bad is it?"

He shrugged half-heartedly. "Mum was a mess, of course. Doesn't take much to break her down so I don't know if she was being hysterical with good reason or not. She just kept saying 'His liver, Edward, his liver'..." He trailed off, deep in thought again.

"You gonna go down there?" I asked hesitantly, not knowing if the answer was obvious.

He hesitated before answering and then he shook his head jerkily, like a dog shaking off water after a bath.

"Don't see why I should," he said, holding his head up. "I mean, what is he to me? All he is to me and Rose is a sperm donor and that's about it. There's no reason why I should go see him."

For some reason I felt like he was forcing himself not to care. I didn't know what I would do if I was in his shoes. If my father had been an alcoholic as well as neglectful and a sexual molester, would I want to go see him in the hospital? Probably not.

So I just hugged Edward, hoping that I'd make him feel a little better about whatever part of the situation was worrying him.

A little while later the doorbell rang with our pizza and we settled on the couch. We decided to watch a movie at random and Edward made me choose a number less than 100. I chose 35 because that was the sum of our combined ages and he picked the 35th DVD in our collection, which ended up being She's The Man.

Neither of us was really watching the movie. I had seen it three times before and Edward hadn't seen it at all, but he wasn't entirely interested. He thought it was stupid and kept on picking on me about choosing such a "retarded" number. He was clearly over the Carlisle issue (or he was just distracted from it), but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

When we had finished eating and he was making a comment about how Amanda Bynes made a very convincing male, the house phone rang. I reached over to answer it, pulling the cordless phone out of its cradle.

"Hello?"

_"BELLA!"_

I cringed and held the phone away from my ear. "Jeez, Emmett. I think you just scared the hell out of every Bella on the planet."

Edward rolled his eyes as Emmett laughed on the other end.

"Hang on, I'm putting you on speaker," I told him before pressing the speaker button and putting the phone back in its cradle.

"How goes it in the Caribbean?" Edward asked.

_"You know how honeymoons are,"_ Emmett boomed. _"We're in one of the most beautiful places in the world and we've barely seen the sun." _He laughed thunderously and Edward and I exchanged a look.

"I really hope you mean you haven't seen the sun because you've been sleeping the whole time," Edward replied, grimacing.

_"Sure, bro,"_Emmett chuckled from the other end. _"There's definitely been some sleeping. A lot of it actually."_

"I don't care to hear about you fucking my sister," Edward snapped. "Keep that shit to yourself."

I giggled and Edward glanced at me. I mouthed the word "hypocrite" and he snorted, putting a hand on my leg.

"Where is she, anyway?" I asked Emmett. "Rosalie."

_"She came out of the bathroom just now. Hang on... It's Edward and Bella; I was bored so I called them before you came out..."_

Rosalie's voice was the next one we heard. _"Hey you two! How's everything back in Forks?"_

"Pretty fucking boring," Edward replied as I snuggled up to him with my head on his chest. Being hands free while talking to someone over the phone had its benefits.

_"Sorry to hear that,"_ Rose said, not sounding sorry at all. _"I hope you two aren't making a mess over there."_

We looked around the living room. It was a mess.

"No, it's all fine," I lied.

_"What've you guys been doing to occupy yourselves?" _Emmett asked. _"It must be pretty damn lame without us."_

Edward and I looked at each other. He had a mischievous grin on his face.

"Should we tell them what we've been doing?" Edward asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

My eyes widened. He was insane.

I shook my head, pointedly looking at the phone to indicate that they were on speaker and could hear every word.

"I think we should tell them," Edward said, his hand traveling from my thigh to my backside. He squeezed and I had to stifle a moan.

_"What's the big secret?"_ Emmett asked.

"Nothing," I squeaked out, and Edward had to hold back laughter.

The fact that his hand had moved from my butt to my boob was not helping.

"Oh she's just trying to cover for me," Edward said calmly, acting as though his thumb wasn't currently running over my nipple. I bit my lip and squirmed.

_"Why on earth would she be covering for you?" _Rosalie laughed. _"Though I am curious..."_

_"Fuck, you guys burned the house down didn't you?" _Emmett asked as Edward squeezed my breast and sucked on my neck. _"Or at least the kitchen? Shit, I knew it. I always knew it was just one of these days..."_

I was stifling my moans but it was too hard and just a small one escaped me. I pushed him away and he pulled back with wide eyes.

I scowled at him. Served him right for arousing me while our siblings were on speaker phone.

Emmett was still rambling. _"... but I swear if something happened to that grill I bought, there will be hell to pay. It wasn't cheap and-"_

_"Anyways,"_ Rosalie cut him off. _"I'm curious though, Bella, what exactly has Edward been doing that you need to cover up?"_

Edward was now trying to push his hand up my shirt but I was swatting him off.

"It's nothing, really," I said in my calmest voice.

"No, it's actually a big deal," Edward disagreed, grinning as he pinned my wrists together with one hand while the other successfully crawled up my shirt.

I kicked at him and he chuckled evilly.

_"What are you guys up to?"_ Emmett asked as I decided to play dirty.

I took my bare foot and ran it over Edward's crotch. Now he was the one squirming.

"Edward's just being silly," I told Rose and Emmett as Edward stilled my foot and glared at me. He tried to get in between my legs as revenge.

"So, uh, how's the honeymoon going?" Edward asked them. It was mostly just to keep them talking so he could continue to harass me. At that moment he was trying to touch me down there but I wasn't letting him.

_"Oh, it's pretty good,"_ Rosalie said. _"It's beautiful down here, the water is lovely..."_

Her words were lost to me as the silent war between me and Edward continued. He had managed to grab at my crotch for a split second before I shoved his hand away and tried to make a grab at his own, which he was now trying to protect.

I squealed when he pulled me to him by my bra strap and Rosalie went quiet.

_"What is going on over there?" _she asked.

"She saw a roach," Edward lied, smirking at me as I pushed him away and glared at him. I searched around for something white and found a tissue box, pulling out a tissue and waving it like a flag.

I was surrendering.

Edward gave me a triumphant smile.

"She was trying to cover for me because I've been a bit domestic lately," Edward told Rose and Emmett.

_"Domestic?"_ Emmett repeated.

"Yeah," I said, distancing myself from Edward so that he wouldn't be tempted to harass me again. "He even helped me with the dishes and grocery shopping."

_"No way!"_ Emmett said as Rosalie burst out in laughter. _"Did you take a picture or make a video? That shit belongs on YouTube!"_

"Look, I was trying to be a good boyfriend, all right?" Edward said defensively. "I wasn't going to let her slave away all by herself."

_"Sure, sure,"_ Emmett said. _"Keep telling yourself that, kid."_

Once we had said our goodbyes and hung up, I smacked Edward's arm... a little harder than I intended to.

"Ow! What the fuck was that for?"

"For sexually harassing me while my brother and your sister were on the phone!" I said severely, all though I was giggling on the inside.

Edward rolled his eyes. "As if you didn't like it."

"Not when Emmett is able to hear every damn sound."

"It would've been hilarious, though."

I glared at him. "I am not amused, Edward Cullen."

He smirked at me. "And what are you going to do about that?"

I stumbled with my words. "I'm gonna... I'll... I'll think of something."

He petted me on the head and stood up. "Good luck with that, love."

I watched as he started clearing off the table of our lunch and my body started reacting just by looking at him. He was still in nothing but his t-shirt and boxers and my nether regions started throbbing again, but not because they were still sore.

He turned towards me with the empty pizza box and froze at whatever was written on my face. The words HORNY AGAIN were probably scribbled on my forehead.

Edward smirked slowly, a sinister but sexy thing. It made me squirm.

He put the pizza box back down and took a step towards me. "You insatiable thing, are you ready for more?"

My breath caught in my throat.

But I was still sore, I could feel it.

I shook my head, though sadly.

"Stilly achy?" he asked, frowning even though his eyes were amused.

I sighed and nodded.

He came back to the couch and settled me onto his lap where I gratefully snuggled into his neck. I could never get tired of doing that.

"I wish I could help," he mumbled into my hair.

"It's okay. It's probably only for a day or two."

"... and then?"

I grinned up at him and kissed his cheek. "We pick up where we left off."


	40. Closer

**Chapter 40- Closer**

_I want to fuck you like an animal  
__I want to feel you from the inside  
__I want to fuck you like an animal  
__My whole existence is flawed  
__You get me closer to god_

**xxx**

_Driven by the strangle of vein showing no mercy I do it again,  
Open up your eye, you keep on crying baby, I'll bleed you dry  
Skies they blink at me, I see a storm bubbling up from the sea_

__

And it's coming closer  
And it's coming closer

** Closer- Nine Inch Nails  
Closer- Kings of Leon **

**

* * *

**

**Edward POV**

It happened. It actually fucking happened.

I fucked Bella, and it was fucking mind-blowing. All right, so it wasn't really fucking (we'd get to that later) but the point of the matter was that I had finally, after almost a whole year, gotten inside of her.

And it was so much better than I imagined.

Girls will never be able to understand how amazing it feels to have sex with a virgin. Never. It's a bloke thing, that desire for someone tight.

But when that girl is a girl you love, and she finally trusts you and loves you enough to give it up, it means the world. She might as well be giving you a million pounds with how happy it would make you.

Still, once we started, I found myself becoming uncharacteristically nervous. I hadn't gotten laid in over a year and that was the sad truth. Sex wasn't something you forgot how to do, but for some reason I felt like a virgin all over again. Part of me wanted to just start pounding into her, but I was completely conscious of the fact that I'd probably end up hurting her, and that was the last thing I'd want to do.

When Tanya and I gave it up to each other, it hadn't exactly been the gentlest of occasions. Bitch told me to go harder. The only other person I'd ever had sex with was Anna, and that wasn't even classified as sex, nor had it been gentle.

So I found myself being gentle with Bella for her first time, "making love" or whatever. Fucking was great and stuff, but there was something else about going slow. There was deeper emotion in it, intensity in the form of slow heat, burning with the same passion but still gentle and loving. I was taking my time loving her, and the only difficult thing about it was to ignore my sexual urges to just go harder and faster.

After all, the slower I was, the longer I'd last, the better it would be for her, and the better the orgasm for me. That's why Bella's first time had been my best time.

I intended to have more times like that.

It was different between us now. There was no more sexual tension. What had once been sexual tension was now a static charge that electrified the air between us.

The best part was that we could actually _do _something about it.

I felt connected with her as well. It was like I knew her better, heart and soul. We were both happier, laughing more, joking more, and smiling more. Who knew that sex would lead to all that?

We had gotten closer, in every which way, and I'd never thought that we needed to until we did.

It had now been about three days since we did it. We were being careful, since Bella had been sore, but now she said she was doing much better.

And now that she was feeling better, I was getting excited.

This time I wanted to fuck her.

If she'd let me.

Which I knew she probably would let me.

I sat on the front steps, having a fag, since Bella didn't want the house smelling like smoke. She didn't mind being around me when I did it, but she didn't want the smell to linger on the furniture and shit. Whatever. As long as I got to have one I'd be fine.

I was just reminiscing about how a year ago I had come to Forks as someone completely different. Someone angry, someone bitter, someone willing to take his frustrations out on anyone. I was a dick, a big one, not caring about anyone but myself.

One girl changed all that, and I never would have believed it.

I put the fag out on the concrete and flicked it away from me just as I heard Bella call my name from inside.

I got up and shuffled back into the house, feeling more relaxed after the smoke. I found Bella in front of the refrigerator, frowning at its contents.

"I can't believe this, three days and the fridge is empty. Did we really eat that much?"

Just because I couldn't keep my hands off of her when we were in the same room, I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to me so that our hips touched. Together we stared at the inside of the refrigerator, which contained nothing more than the basics (a few eggs, milk, bread) and almost empty cartons of apple juice and orange juice. There was also a bit of butter and a few leftovers from two days ago.

"I'm going to max out the credit card Emmett left us," Bella said, shaking her head. "All on groceries, too. How pathetic."

"We should go buy something useless," I mused. "Just for the fun of it. Something expensive and stupid that would piss Emmett off."

She looked up at me with an amused smirk. "I'm talking about buying food for our survival and you're thinking about ways to use Emmett's money to piss him off?"

I grinned.

She burst out laughing and playfully shoved me away from her. I just stared at her face, her beautiful smile lighting up her entire expression as her eyes laughed with her. I'd never, ever forget that image.

"You're cruel," she said, smiling and shaking her head. "But I like the way your mind works."

I leaned against the kitchen counter and raised my brows, hooking my fingers into the belt loops of her denim shorts and pulling her to me.

I heard her small intake of breath before I leaned down to look her very seriously in the eyes.

"Is that a yes?" I asked.

She blinked, as though disoriented, and then nodded.

The last thought I had before I fell into the Bella Abyss, a.k.a. the state of mind in which I am drunk on making out with her, was a thought wondering when she'd let me have sex with her again.

The next few moments would be my answer to that question.

I captured her mouth in a kiss and it was warm and tender. After a few seconds it got heated and she was pressing her tongue into my mouth while my hands went from her belt loops to her behind. I grabbed her ass and pushed her towards me so that my hardening dick was pressing into her stomach. I bit down on her lower lip and she moaned softly, which in turn made me slide my hand up the back of her shirt while the other wrapped itself into her hair.

We were feverish then, passionate and needy. Standing there, in the absurdly bright kitchen of the Swan residence, we were like two people deprived.

Which, technically, we were.

Three days worth of horniness was about to come out, and I'd be damned if I'd try to stop it this time.

Because I was going to keep going as far as I could until she stopped me.

I grabbed her hips and pushed her slightly while never removing my lips from hers so that she was walking backwards and I forwards. She didn't stop walking backwards until we were in the living room and her back hit the back of the couch.

Perfect.

I moved my lips from her mouth to her cheek to her neck while my hands slid up her shirt. Her own hands were in the back pockets of my jeans, right against the curve of my ass.

It wasn't until I ground my crotch into her stomach with my hands on her bra-clad breasts that she finally let out a breathy, "Edward, I want to."

Those three words made my fucking day.

I replied by picking her up as she yelped and walking around to the front of the couch where I not-so-gently dropped her.

"Here?" she said incredulously.

"Any fucking where," I replied, not caring at the moment.

I pulled my shirt off at the same time she did and I didn't give a fuck about taking it slow that time. I just threw myself at her, climbing over her on the couch and devouring her in any which way I could.

Her hands were all over my bare chest or tugging on my hair and my own were fumbling with her bra until it was off of her.

It all happened so quickly, and before I knew it her shorts were off and my jeans were off, the condom was on, and we were _that fucking close_...

And then the bloody phone decided to ring.

"Motherfucker," I spat, holding on tighter to her hips to prevent her from getting to the phone. She didn't even try to.

"Damn it," she hissed, and then she was pulling me down to her. "Just ignore it."

"Gladly."

It wasn't easy to ignore. The phone rang shrilly and loudly, and what was even more annoying was that it was one of those phones that ring louder and louder until it stops altogether.

I tried to suck on her nipple but the phone's ring was drilling a hole into my fucking head and I was starting to get really pissed off.

It finally stopped ringing and then the automated voice asked the asshole to leave a message.

_"Hey guys!"_ Alice's irritating squeal of a voice was even worse in telephone form. _"We haven't heard from you two since we got back, how is everything? Mind if we come over?"_

"No!" I yelled at the answering machine.

_"We were just talking about all the candy we still have from that day, and reminiscing about London, all the good stuff and the bad, and we really kinda miss you guys and we were hoping that since Emmett and Rose are still away we could have some kind of fun get together where-" _

Alice's voice cut off because I had gotten up and unplugged the fucking machine.

"Cockblocking bitch," I muttered, flinging the wire to the ground.

Bella was staring at me from where she still lay on the couch, a look of slight shock on her face.

"You're angry," she said, surprised.

My brows furrowed before I realized that yes, I was.

I took a deep breath and rubbed my face with my hands, telling myself that I was being irrational.

"I'm sorry," I sighed, staring unabashedly at her naked tits. "It's just that... three fucking days. This isn't the first time she's stopped us from getting it on, you know. It's just frustrating."

"We don't have to worry about her," Bella said. Then she grimaced. "Unless she shows up here."

I groaned. "If Alice Brandon appears at our doorstep, before we have done what we intend to do, things will get very ugly."

"You don't mean that."

"Oh, but I do." I started taking slow, deliberate steps towards her. "We'll have to find a way to disconnect the doorbell and then seal the windows and doors shut."

"That doesn't sound very safe. What are we supposed to do in case of an emergency?"

"We have our cells."

"What if the batteries die and the electricity goes out so we can't charge them?"

"Well, what's the emergency exactly?"

"Fire."

"Then I guess we burn," I whispered, hovering over her again.

"You wouldn't mind burning?"

"As long as we can burn together, preferably with me inside of you, I'll be fine."

She kissed me, hard, and my need for her grew in the form of extremely painful blue balls.

Without hesitation I pulled her knickers down to find her glistening wet, and I glanced at her flushed face only briefly before I dove in.

I pushed myself into her, hard, and she cried out, causing me to freak out for a second.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What the hell did I do?_

"Fuck, what happened? Are you okay?"

She was panting a little, eyes hooded as she nodded fervently. "You just surprised me."

"Can I surprise you again?" I asked, and I wanted nothing more than to start moving, fast.

"Please."

I finally allowed myself to pay attention to how her inner walls hugged me so fucking amazingly and then I started a rhythmic pace.

I was going steady, still a little shaken from momentarily thinking that I hurt her. I focused on the feel of her, the sounds of her moans, because she actually got to enjoy it this time.

It was happening again, the drunkenness, and I was only vaguely aware of what Bella was saying. She wasn't really talking, but she wasn't exactly sticking to moans.

She was half-moaning, half-talking, and I would have laughed if I wasn't in complete ecstasy.

As I started pumping faster she started digging her fingers into my arms, eyes closed and mouth open. She was saying something like, "Oh God" except it sounded more like "Ahhhhhh Gaaaaaaawd".

"I fucking love you," I said, resting my forehead on her collarbone. Her breathing started to get more laboured, a sign that she was close, and I lifted myself up so that I could go faster.

I'll admit, it was hard to fuck on the couch. We wouldn't be able to lie side by side; only Bella fit perfectly on her back. With me on top of her I had to be careful not to fall off. Our legs were tangled a bit awkwardly, but for what it was worth I didn't care.

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and I knew she was on the brink so I slammed into her one last time before both of us fell apart at the seams.

Disorientation. It was what I always felt with her, except this was different. I lay on top of her, a sweaty heap, and I just didn't want to move. I felt her hand running through my hair. I hummed into the heated skin in between her breasts, every cell in my body still buzzing with the after effects.

"Wow," Bella mumbled. "That wasn't how I expected."

I lazily lifted my head up to look at her. "What did you expect?"

She did one of my favourite things- rubbing the stubble on my cheek- and I closed my eyes.

"I thought it would be like how it was when you... you know..."

I opened my eyes to look at her and smiled. Even after having sex twice she was still shy when it came to talking about it. How very Bella of her.

"When I what?" I asked, a little confused. Then it dawned on me. "When I finger fucked you?"

Her eyes widened and her face flushed. "Um, yeah, if that's what you wanna call it."

"Of course it was gonna be different," I said, kissing her nose. "Two or three fingers is nothing compared to my dick; of course it's gonna be more intense."

She blushed harder and I laughed, thinking to myself that I was going to enjoy making her blush like that for the rest of my life.

"Hey, I'm really uncomfortable in this position," she said, shifting slightly. "Our legs... ow."

"Right, right," I said, finally pulling out of her. I stared at the condom in disgust and pulled it off. "I hate these fucking things."

I pulled my boxers back on and went to dispose of the rubber, making a mental note to get some more because the ones I'd been using were nearing their expiration date. The last thing I wanted was a pregnant girlfriend who was still in high school. The last thing I wanted was a pregnant girlfriend, period.

When I came back, Bella was zipping up her shorts and she had her bra back on. Her sex hair rivalled my own and I couldn't help but grin.

"Hey, if we're going to keep this up we'll need to pick up more condoms," I informed her as I zipped up my jeans. "I've had these for a while, since before I came here, so they'll be expired soon."

She froze in the process of covering her beautiful chest with a t-shirt. "Condoms expire?"

I stared at her, amused. "You didn't know that?"

She stared at me perplexedly. "They never taught that in health class..."

I chuckled. "Yeah, latex gets brittle after a while so it's more likely to break. I don't really want to plant my seed in you, so..."

She looked away and then it was suddenly awkward between us.

Ah, yes. The children issue. I still didn't know where I stood with that.

Just to break the tension I walked over to her and took her face in my hands, planting a chaste kiss on her lips.

"There's so much I could teach you," I muttered.

Her cheeks darkened. "There's so much I'm willing to learn."

_Fuck yes._

_

* * *

_

Without even hesitating, I grabbed the box of magnum condoms off the shelf and threw it into the basket I was holding. I looked at all the other products, lubricants and shit, and wondered if I should get them just for the sake of getting them.

I really, really fucking hated condoms. I felt like they interrupted the flow of things, like when you were about to fuck but you had to pause to put a motherfucking condom on. It just killed the energy. Queen Bitch from Hell had always been on the pill and I decided that I'd talk to Bella about that as well. For now, rubber would have to suffice.

I was just thinking about what Bella and I could possibly do with cherry flavoured condoms when my thoughts were interrupted.

"Good idea," I heard an annoyingly familiar voice behind me and turned to see a really fat woman with blonde hair and sharp blue eyes. The expression on her face was amused, if not a little bitter, and her gaze was on the box in my hand.

Then I realized that she wasn't fat, she was just pregnant, really, really pregnant.

And she was Lauren Mallory.

I just stared at her in shock, specifically at the mountain that was her belly, and she stared at my hand (the one holding the condoms) with somewhat of a mocking expression.

"If I had thought of that I wouldn't be getting this crap," she mumbled, holding up the basket she was holding. It was full of baby supplies- bottles and nappies and other shit that I'd never seen before.

"Um..." I honestly didn't even know what to say.

Lauren, unperturbed by my obvious fascination with her bulbous stomach, nodded towards the condoms. "So are you planning ahead or did you finally get some?"

That rubbed me the wrong way for some reason. "It's really none of your fucking business."

The irritating smirk was still on her face as her gaze moved to my face. She looked me up and down, slowly, and then her smile turned knowing.

She nodded to herself. "Definitely getting some."

_Is it that obvious?_ I thought.

I rolled my eyes."I'd say the same for you, but..."

Her smile fell and she looked aged, like she'd been through shit, which she probably had.

"How far along are you, anyway?" I asked, out of curiosity. "You look like you'll explode any minute."

"Almost nine months," she said, monotone. "Boy."

I nodded, feeling awkward again.

What kind of small talk do you have with someone who is unwillingly pregnant with the baby of a rapist and murderer?

I needed to get the fuck out of there.

"Right, so, uh... Bella must be waiting."

Lauren stared at the box of condoms in my hand and scoffed. "To think that if we had just used _that_ I wouldn't look like_ this_. Fuck my life."

"Uh, bye," I muttered, and with that I turned on my heel and went to find Bella.

I found her in the aisle with all the feminine products like tampons and shit, but I didn't care.

She blushed furiously. "Um, did you get...?"

"Yeah," I mumbled distractedly, holding up the condoms. "But guess who I ran into- fucking Lauren Mallory!"

Bella blinked. "What?"

"She's _this big_," I gestured by exaggeratedly sticking my hand out a few feet away from my stomach. "About to blow any second."

"Wait, she was in the... condom section?"

"Nah, she was getting baby shit. Who the fuck puts the baby shit with the sex shit? Is that supposed to be some sick joke? It's like, 'Oh hey, if you're going to fuck then you might as well buy some nappies for the infant that you will accidentally conceive.' Fucking mental... "

Bella bit on her lip and looked away. I was about to ask what was wrong, but she quickly glanced around her.

"Look, can we just get out of here?" she asked. "I don't want to run into Lauren."

"I hear you," I agreed.

She glanced at the shelves of all the girl products, her cheeks still pink.

"What's with all the variety?" I asked, baffled by all the fluffy looking packets of girly stuff. "Do females really need all this?"

Bella blushed harder and half-shrugged.

"Uh... are you having a hard time making up your mind?"

She gave me a look. "Edward, this is embarrassing. I can't pick out... you know... _stuff_ with you hovering over me."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "I have been inside of you... twice... and you're embarrassed by me talking to you about girl products?"

She smiled slightly and shoved me in the chest. "Go away."

I chuckled and grabbed a random blue box, dropping it into the basket. "There, we've got something for you. Problem solved."

"No!" she said, pulling the box out of the basket. "I don't use... these."

I observed the box she placed back on the shelf. "What's wrong with... Tampax Pearl?"

"Oh for God's sake, Edward, go wait for me somewhere!"

I tried to suppress a smile as I kissed her forehead. "All right then."

As I walked away, I found myself laughing. I loved fucking with her, in more ways than one.

* * *

I slammed Bella into the wall of the dining room with my mouth crushed against hers. My hands were everywhere and her hands were everywhere and it was too hot in the room but that was how I liked it. Her hands pulled on my hair almost painfully and I all but ripped her shirt off of her as I violently molded my lips against hers, over and over. Our teeth crashed together and our tongues explored each others' mouths ravenously.

All of a sudden she was just in her bra and knickers and my hands were everywhere again- her breasts, her ass, her hips, her waist. The warmth in my body was spreading quickly and I could feel it all in my groin as my primal need for her grew and grew.

My jeans came unzipped though my shirt was still on. It would stay on, I really didn't care.

I pulled her knickers down and she kicked them off as I pressed kisses onto her chest, occasionally nipping at her skin.

I paused for all of three seconds to get some rubber on and then it was like we'd never stopped.

"Wrap your legs around me," I whispered hoarsely, and she obeyed, panting and heaving with her eyes filled with insatiable lust.

She jumped up a little and then her legs wrapped around my hips and I pressed her into the wall so that she wouldn't slide down.

I started fumbling with her bra, but she fought me off.

"Forget it," she panted.

"But-"

"Edward, just _get in me_!"

I pushed myself into her, hard, and both of us let out the loudest moans in the history of the fucking world. I held on tightly to her legs so she wouldn't fall and started pounding into her as her hands held firmly onto my shoulders for support.

The dining room had a glass case filled with china and as I banged into her the china rattled in rhythm with our fucking.

Because that's exactly what it was. Fucking. Against a wall.

We were animals, and we felt like animals. I just wanted to feel her, inside and out, because it would be the most incredible feeling in the world.

Always.

I could feel that I was close so I had to try harder to hold onto her legs as I thrust into her like I'd never get to fuck again. Bella started trembling and her fingers dug into my arms so hard I was sure they'd leave a mark and finally she came undone with me following soon after. Her walls were constricting around me and I tried to keep steady on my feet but her body went a little limp.

On my own shaky legs I pulled out of her and slowly let us slide to the floor, panting and sweaty. Through the disorientation I somehow managed to get her on my lap with our foreheads touching.

"Holy crap," she panted. "That was..."

"Intense," I finished.

She nodded and then wrapped her arms around me with her face in my neck. I leaned back against the wall and ran my fingers over her spine.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"Exhausted... A little sore... High..."

I chuckled and pressed a kiss into her temple.

"Loved," she added in a whisper.

I closed my eyes and held her tighter, inhaling the scent of her and letting it wash over me.

"That you are," I said.

We just sat there on the dining room floor, half naked and holding each other, until the hardwood beneath us started to get uncomfortable.

It had only really been about an hour since we got back from the store with the new condoms as well as the groceries, but the car ride back had been electrically charged. The second we walked in the door we dropped the bags and succumbed to our animalistic needs.

Once we got up and tidied ourselves we went to fill the kitchen with our new purchases- except the sex stuff of course.

The mood in between us was happier, more content. I couldn't get the stupid little smile off my face as Bella bustled around the kitchen getting something ready for dinner.

The only time I stopped smiling was when I saw the two missed calls I had from my mum.

I sighed and stared at my phone, wondering if I should call her back. No doubt she'd be updating me on Carlisle's condition, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.

I wasn't even sure how I felt about the fact that he was in hospital. He was never a father to me or Rose, so why did I feel even a little bit sorry that he could be dying with whatever was wrong with his liver?

Frustrated with myself for feeling anything but anger towards the asshole, I irritably threw my phone down onto the coffee table.

When I sauntered into the kitchen my expression must still have been depressing because Bella froze in the process of grating cheese for lasagne.

Her brows furrowed. "What is it?"

I sighed and leaned against the counter next to her. "My mum rang twice."

Bella looked anxious. "...And?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. I didn't answer."

She chewed on her lip and then set the cheese and the grater down before turning to me.

"Edward, I think you should go visit."

I stared at her. "Why the fuck-"

She held up a hand to stop me. "Just hear me out. I know you don't really have a relationship with your... with Carlisle, but you should go for your mom. Just think... she's been there all by herself for how long now? Three days? It must be hard. She needs someone there with her." She glanced away from me. "I think you should put aside whatever hatred you have for him and just go for your mother. That's all."

I watched her face, how her lips were pressed together slightly as she picked up the block of cheese and started grating again.

"You think I'm being selfish," I stated.

She stopped grating again but didn't look up. "Not really."

"Yeah, you do. Maybe I am. So what? I'm a selfish bastard."

Bella sighed and looked at me. "I don't think you're selfish, just a little stubborn. That makes the two of us. I'm not telling you what to do; I'm just telling you what I _think _you should do."

"It's kind of the same thing, baby."

"It's a suggestion."

She shrugged and smiled, starting to grate again. "Do what you want but, that's just my opinion."

We stood there in silence, me thinking about her suggestion and she continuing on with the lasagne. The only sound was the soft grating of the cheese.

Then from the other room I heard my phone start buzzing again.

We looked at each other.

"Do you think it's her?" I asked.

She nodded towards the living room. "Go check."

I walked into the living room and picked up the phone, glancing at the ID. Sure enough, it was my mother.

I took a deep breath. "Hello."

_"Edward! I've been calling for so long, where have you been?" _Her voice was frantic, strained.

"My phone was charging and I left it when we went out," I half-lied. "How's...?"

I heard her let out a shaky breath and when she spoke I could tell she was near tears. _"He isn't getting any better. It just keeps getting worse. They thought it was just his liver but it turns out it's his pancreas too. Oh, Edward, I'm so scared. What am I going to do?"_

As I listened to her shaky, aged voice I realised that Bella was right. I was being selfish. My mum may have been slightly off her rocker, but she was still the emotionally fragile woman of my childhood. It never took much to break her, and she was going to break all alone if I didn't get my ass over there.

"Look, we're going to come over there soon okay?" I told her grimly. "Just... hang in there."

_Hang in there?_ I thought._ She's watching him die and the best I could do was say 'hang in there'?_

_"You'll come? Really?"_

"Yeah, we'll be there. Just hang tight."

"_Oh darling, I'm trying," _she sniffed. _"It's just so hard..."_

"I know. I'll see you soon, all right?"

"All right, sweetheart."

"Bye."

I hung up before she could and tossed the phone back down to the coffee table with a muttered, "bloody hell".

Bella popped around the corner and leaned against the doorframe of the living room, eying me worriedly.

I looked at her and smirked ruefully. "I guess we're going to hospital tonight."

* * *

The smell of hospital never changed. It was always sharp against my nostrils, an antiseptic smell that crawled into my head and gave me a headache. I associated the smell with illness, pain, and mostly death.

We asked for the room of Carlisle Cullen and before they could give me shit I (reluctantly) told them that I was his son.

Bella had one hand in mine and the other held onto a plastic container that held some of the lasagne she made. She said she wanted to give it to Esme, who probably hadn't had a proper meal in days.

When we found the room I wasn't surprised to find my mum just sitting by Carlisle's side, looking twenty years older than she was. It looked like she hadn't gone home in three days; her clothes were all wrinkly and her hair looked unwashed. Her eyes were swollen from crying and she really did look like she hadn't eaten.

It worried me that she may have been starving herself. I really only glanced at Carlisle once; long enough to take in how he looked like a corpse.

Mum looked up and the second she saw us she leaped up and flew into my arms. She was crying hysterically and all I could do was hold her awkwardly with Bella watching us sympathetically.

After a moment she sniffed and pulled away, rubbing at her eyes and turning to Bella.

They hugged and mum muttered something that sounded like "thanks for coming" but I couldn't be sure. Bella handed her the lasagne and they hugged again, all emotional.

Bella had tears in her eyes, and that puzzled me.

I brushed it off; it was probably a female thing.

I allowed myself to fully take in the sight of Carlisle. He looked so much thinner and though he was unconscious there was a furrow in his brows like even his sleep was tormenting him. His heart rate was weak and he was ghostly white, several IV's attached to his arms.

He didn't look like the man I grew up avoiding. He looked like any other bloke who drank too much and fucked up his body in the process. He looked like any other patient with a failing liver. He looked like any other man, just an ordinary man, with a life and a job and a family that loved him; any other man that wasn't an alcoholic or a sexual abuser.

He looked like just another dying man.

"He has cirrhosis of the liver and pancreatitis," I barely heard mum's whisper.

I looked down at her, putting my arm over her shoulder because she looked so frail.

"How bad?" I asked, though I wasn't sure what either of those were.

"Just horrid," she replied, putting her head on my chest. Bella had a hand on her shoulder. "It was the alcohol. It's ruined his liver but as if that wasn't enough his pancreas is destroyed as well. He's in great pain when he's awake, so they keep him unconscious most of the time..." She trailed off and swallowed thickly, blinking away more tears.

"What've they been doing to help?" Bella asked.

Esme shook her head slightly. "I'm not even sure. I've just been telling them to do what they can; we'll pay them whatever, just please..."

"Can't he get a liver transplant?" Bella asked, and I couldn't help wondering why she cared so much.

Mum wiped away a stray tear and then frowned. "They won't let him. Apparently they don't allow alcoholics to get liver transplants."

"I didn't know they could do that," I muttered to myself.

"Oh, they can. I just wish they'd make the exception... They wouldn't even take money for it."

"Mum, you tried to bribe them into giving him a transplant?" I asked a bit surprised.

She looked up at me and I could see it all in her eyes- the desperation, the fear, the pain. This woman loved him and she'd do anything to save him.

"What else am I supposed to do?" she asked, chin trembling.

I sighed and just led her over to the chair.

"You should eat," I told her.

"I'm not hungry," she mumbled. "I won't eat until he does."

"Don't be ridiculous," I sounded harsher than I meant to and Bella put her hand on my arm, shaking her head.

I sighed and backed off, letting her take over with the comforting words because I was shit at it.

We stayed there for a few hours and Carlisle didn't wake up the entire time. The doctor came in at some point, to check on him, and we spoke to him for a bit. He skillfully evaded our questions about Carlisle's condition but we all understood by his grim expression that it was really, really, bad. What Carlisle had was fatal but he was somehow managing to hold onto his life and they were doing what they could to keep him alive.

Money obviously made them try harder.

I wasn't sure how I felt about all of it. It was a bit surreal, almost like a dream. I wasn't sure how I felt about Carlisle's possible demise, either. It wasn't like my father was dying; it was more like my mum's boyfriend was dying. Someone that I never liked but was forced to grow up with, someone who I loathed and wished never existed. I felt absolutely no connection with him, and that made it a hell of a lot easier for me.

I was by no means indifferent about it, but I kept thinking about my mother. She was going to be all alone in that house, and she didn't even work. How was she going to support herself? Maybe she would sell the house and move back to England. I couldn't see her living with us.

Eventually a nurse came by and told us that visiting hours were over. I offered to give my mum a lift home, telling her that she needed to sleep, but she was as stubborn as me and refused to go anywhere. If we hadn't been so successful in getting food in her, I would have dragged her ass to the car.

After one last failed attempt to make her come with us, we gave up and decided to visit again the next day. I honestly didn't want to because of the depressing hospital environment, but Bella made me feel like I had to, like it was my responsibility.

The drive home was quiet and I had Bella's hand in my right hand and while I drove with the other. I felt really depressed after that visit and I honestly just wanted to go home and sleep.

Bella's thought process must have been going in the same direction because as soon as we got home we went straight upstairs. I just took all my clothes off, save for boxers, and climbed into bed while she was in the bathroom.

Now that we were (finally) sexually active, it was easier for me to go back into the habit of sleeping in nothing but my boxers. I forgot how liberating it felt to crawl under the covers half naked.

Lying alone in Bella's bed made me think, and I couldn't stop thinking. Most of my thoughts were on Carlisle, and I hated that.

What did it mean that I actually gave a shit? I didn't give a big shit, just a little shit. A really, really small shit. Still, it was shit... that I gave. And I didn't like to give even the tiniest of shits to someone who I loathed.

The frustration at myself made me even more depressed and it wasn't until Bella came back and cuddled up with me that I actually felt better.

She turned the lamp off and we were in the darkness.

"Something's on your mind," she said.

I ran a finger up and down her arm; the motion soothed me. "Unfortunately."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Okay."

It was silent for a moment and then I gave in.

"I just hate feeling like this," I blurted. "It's so fucking confusing. I mean, I hate the man. So why do I care if he lives or dies? It's pissing me off."

Bella seemed to think about it for a moment, tracing random patterns on my chest. It was successfully distracting.

"Maybe it's your mom you care about..." she suggested quietly."You don't want her to be alone."

"I'd rather her be alone than with that wanker."

"Do you really?"

I hesitated. "Fuck, I don't know. That's what bothers me."

"Honestly, Edward, I just think you're human."

"What, did you think I was a fucking alien before?"

She giggled and then reached up to kiss my cheek. "No, silly, I just mean that you feel sorry for him because when you saw him you didn't see a paedophile or an alcoholic, you saw a man in pain even when he was unconscious. It's just humane to feel bad, even if you hate the person that he is."

I let out a breath. "I think you're right."

She half-shrugged. "Just a theory."

I kissed the top of her head. "It's a very intelligent theory and I feel a shitload better after hearing it. Thanks."

She sighed contentedly and wrapped her arms tighter around me.

And then the silence made me think again.

"Shit," I hissed. "I can't stop fucking _thinking._"

"That's a good sign," Bella chuckled.

"I won't be able to sleep like this."

She was quiet and she looked up at me with what I could make out in the dark as a small smirk.

"I think I can help with that," she whispered.

I realised how much I needed to be close to her in that moment.

She helped me stop thinking that night.

* * *

The following morning I felt much better about the whole thing. All I needed was sex and sleep.

We had fucked gently the night before, if there was even such a thing as fucking gently. Whatever it was, it helped me forget everything except the girl that I was with and how much I loved her. She made it so easy to give in to my animalistic urges, it was insane.

However, I was sure that another trip to the hospital would kill my mood again, but I was willing to revel in the peaceful feeling while it lasted.

I sleepily blinked at the clock and saw that it was half past seven. It was still too early for me, but I was well rested.

I glanced to my side and started staring at Bella, one of my favourite pastimes. She was deep in sleep, her chocolate brown hair spread out on the pillow under her and her pink lips parted slightly. Her alabaster skin was naturally tinged pink in the cheeks and she had a glow about her that I was sure she hadn't had a few months prior.

She was a vision.

The only thing I didn't like about what I saw was how, in her sleep, her brows suddenly furrowed. Her lips came together in a frown and her fingers started twitching, a look of complete discomfort on her face.

I watched, puzzled, and then she started talking.

"Coming," she mumbled, frowning. "He's..."

What was she talking about? I contemplated if I should wake her up, but she just kept talking.

"Edward... where... no... no... close the door... no.. no, stop," she let out a sob and then I started to shake her awake.

"Bella, wake up," I said, shaking her shoulder. "You're having a nightmare."

She opened her eyes and blinked at me, breathing heavily.

"A nightmare," I said, wiping away a tear and pressing my lips to her forehead.

She closed her eyes and rubbed her face with her hands before pulling me down so she could hug me.

"Why won't they go away?" she whispered tearfully.

"What did you see?" I asked gently.

"It's the same thing. That woman's voice saying 'he's coming' and the door that flies open and then _he _is there and I can't find you. This time the lady was screaming and she wouldn't stop..."

I felt completely helpless. I could protect her from a lot of things, but nightmares weren't one of them.

They used to be.

I pulled away from her embrace so I could look at her face. She was crying again, her lower lip trembling.

I kissed her salty tears away. "Just don't dwell on it."

"Edward, why won't they go away?" she asked again. "Even when you're here?"

I felt a stab of pain in my chest. I didn't know what to tell her.

"I don't know baby," I sighed, resting my forehead against hers. "I really don't know."

"What does it all mean?"

We just stared at each other as her question hovered in the air. What did it mean that she was having these dreams about the Asshat coming back? He was supposed to be in prison, miles away. We might have heard if he escaped, and the thought was unsettling though it wasn't likely.

Bella usually never had nightmares when I was with her, so this was just too strange.

We didn't know what it meant, but I had a terrible feeling that we were going to find out really fucking soon.

Because whatever it was, it was coming closer.

* * *

**A/N:** Yep, time to get back into plot.

As always, you guys rock for reading. Much love to **Pinkaquaclouds** and **TashaTBHx** for being awesome betas and **lyleslove** for putting up with all my incessant medical questions through twitter. :)

Drop me a review, and I shall see you all you lovely people later. ;)


	41. Pressure

**Chapter 41- Pressure**

_Tell me where our time went  
__And if it was time well spent  
__Just don't let me fall asleep  
__Feeling empty again_

_Cause I fear I might break  
__and I fear I can't take it  
__Tonight I'll lie awake feeling empty_

_I can feel the pressure  
__It's getting closer now  
__We're better off without you_

**Pressure- Paramore**

* * *

**A/N: **I felt like there needed to be a little more fluff and fun before the angst fest began.

* * *

**Bella POV**

Edward was a very good distraction.

The horrible dreams continued on for a week and they were all I could think about. My paranoia was written all over my face and it drove Edward crazy to see me so freaked out over something that was supposed to be nothing.

The thing that really got to me was that I had the dreams while Edward was in bed with me. I hadn't had nightmares in ages, mostly because he was always there lying beside me. The fact that his presence couldn't ward them off really disturbed me, because now I had to question if they actually meant something.

I wasn't one to have precognitive dreams. It just never happened. But these dreams in particularly played with things that I was sensitive about, and I hated it.

Edward then made it his job to stop me from thinking about these dreams during the day. He was successful to a certain extent but there was always that nagging voice at the back of my head that kept me wondering what it could _mean_.

On top of that, our time was running out. Emmett and Rosalie would be back in just two day's time and I was trying not to let my anxiety ruin the last 48 hours that I had alone with him.

"As soon as they come back, I'm going out to look for a job," Edward said as he helped me fold clothes. It was laundry day, a Thursday, and we had been a little too lazy with the domestic duties.

"Why so soon?" I asked, blushing as I handed him a pair of clean boxers.

He shrugged. "I dunno, it might take a while. Better to start now than later, yeah? Like, if I get a job now I can save up for a flat or something and then eventually start uni when you do. It'll have to be a well-paying job, though... Fuck, I'm screwed."

"Don't worry, you'll find something," I said reassuringly. "There's really no rush. Emmett and Rose don't mind you living here for the time being."

"Yeah, but I feel kind of wrong moving in so unofficially," he countered, frowning.

My brows furrowed. "Don't. You know you're welcome here."

"Yeah, but..." he trailed off, sighing.

I put down the shirt I was folding and turned to him. "But what? You're not intruding. I want you here, and you know that. Emmett and Rose don't mind either, and as far as I know Emmett has started to ignore the fact that you sleep in my bed every night."

He pursed his lips, thinking about something. Then he shrugged. "I give myself a year."

"To find a job, an apartment, and get into school?"

He suddenly looked anxious. "That's unrealistic, innit?"

I sighed, not wanting to discourage him. "It's possible. It won't be easy, but it's definitely achievable. Don't worry, it'll all work out."

He snorted, not buying it.

My phone started to buzz in my back pocket and I pulled it out, seeing that it was Alice.

"Hello," I answered, handing Edward his folded jeans.

_"Enough is enough,_" Alice's voice was stern. "_You two have avoided us for long enough. We are going to come over there and break in ninja style if we have to."_

I sighed and glanced at Edward, who was looking at me questioningly. I mouthed "Alice" and he rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"Sorry, Alice," I mumbled. "We didn't mean to intentionally avoid you-" Edward snorted. "- but we're kind of taking advantage of the empty house."

There was silence on the other end and just when I realized the double meaning to what I said, Alice squealed. I pulled the phone away from my ear, cringing.

_"Holy freaking Mother of Gucci, you finally did it?"_ she cried excitedly.

Of course she said it loud enough for Edward to hear, and he chuckled.

I started blushing all over again. "Listen, can we talk about this later? We're kind of doing laundry..."

"_You. Me. Shopping. Today. We need to talk, ASAP."_

I smiled slightly. A little girl time would be nice, and I didn't realize how much I missed Alice until I heard her voice.

There was also the fact that hanging out with Alice and her incessant babbling would distract me from the memories of those horrible dreams, the memories that lurked at the back of my head, threatening to attack me during any moment of silence.

"Okay, sure," I agreed. "After lunch? Maybe the four of us could do something for dinner, and I'm sure Jasper could keep Edward company..."

Edward frowned slightly as Alice excitedly tittered on about our plans for the day.

"Looks like we're going shopping today," I sighed once I hung up on Alice. "You don't mind, do you?"

Edward half-shrugged. "Not really. I mean I'm kind of bummed that I won't get to spend the day with you, but..."

I smiled and reached up to rub the side of his face. I loved the feel of his stubble against my skin. There was something sexy about it, something stimulating about the rough, scratchy feeling of the little hairs.

"We've spent every waking moment together," I said gently. "I think we need to share each other."

He pressed his full lips into a pout. "But you're mine; I don't have to share you."

I giggled and reached up to kiss him briefly. "Alice misses me."

"Do you miss her?"

"Kinda," I admitted. "I think I need some girl time. It's been a while."

He smirked. "Girl time to talk about our sex life?"

I dropped my jaw in mock horror. "How inappropriate!"

He cocked an eyebrow and grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling me to him. "I thought you liked inappropriate."

Something in me stirred at the sight of his soft lips and chiseled jaw, just inches away from my own lips, but I took a step back to look at him sternly.

"Laundry, lunch, then Alice," I told him. "Your thingamajiggy can wait."

He pretended to look hurt. "Are you depriving my thingamajiggy of your services?"

I grinned devilishly. "Only for a little while."

He sighed and took my hand, kissing my palm. "Fine. I'll deal with the midget and her boyfriend if it's what you want."

I kissed him again, longer this time. "That's all I ask."

* * *

Just a few hours later I was searching my closet for something to wear. Over the past week and a half I had barely walked around with clothes on, with the exception of grocery shopping, of course. I had usually thrown on something random for that, but if I was going to be shopping with Alice then I would actually have to try to put together a decent outfit.

I settled on a pair of light wash jeans and a pink plaid flannel shirt. I wasn't sure Alice would approve of my choice, but at least the shirt was pink, right? That had to count for something.

Edward and Jasper had spoken over the phone for a bit and it was decided that they'd hang out at Jasper's place to watch soccer and play video games. Edward wasn't into video games but according to Jasper he just had to play Modern Warfare, whatever that was.

I stumbled down the stairs just in time to watch Edward, looking delicious clad in a dark blue t-shirt and skinny jeans, answer the doorbell.

The second the door opened he was attacked by a tiny thing that was very obviously Alice.

"It's so good to see you guys again!" she squealed as Edward patted her back awkwardly. He rolled his eyes at Jasper just as Alice threw herself at me.

"You look so good!" she said, hugging me tightly. She pulled away and grimaced at my shirt. "Except for the plaid. Really, Bella?"

I frowned, pouting. "But it's pink..."

She sighed. "I'll let it go because we haven't seen you in ages."

Jasper nodded at me. "Hey, Bella. How's it goin'?"

I smiled at him, genuinely happy to see him after so long. "Pretty good, actually."

"Or so we hear," Alice said, winking very exaggeratedly at me.

I blushed and grabbed her hand. "Shopping, right? Hurry, before the stores close."

She snorted. "All right, I can take a hint. We'll talk about the sex when we're away from our boyfriends because you're still shy. I'll help you overcome that obstacle, don't worry. Bye, guys! Have fun."

She pulled me towards the door but as we passed the guys Edward grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him.

He gave me a look of disapproval. "You think I'm going to just let you leave like that?"

He crushed his lips against mine and I was momentarily floored, surprised by his abruptness. I eagerly took in his taste and I wasn't aware that we had been standing there making out for quite a while until Alice piped up.

"You'll see her again, Edward," she sighed, pulling me away.

The look on Edward's face was forlorn, like he didn't like watching me go. I felt oddly heartbroken walking away from him too, but I gave him a small smile and waved half-heartedly.

Once we got into Alice's canary yellow car, she gave me look of awed disbelief.

"Talk about intense," she said, starting the engine.

I smiled, starting to feel giddy on the inside. "I love him."

Alice smiled at me. "I can tell. You both look so much happier since London, like you're different people. I love it."

My phone buzzed against my backside, making me jump slightly and snapping me out of thoughts of Edward. I pulled it out, seeing that I had a new text from 'Yours'.

I smiled. Edward had gotten a hold of my phone and, as always, changed his name. I remembered way back when he was 'That Bloke That Tutors You' and then 'That Bloke You Jitterbugged With'.

But now he was mine, and he had emphasized that fact by calling himself 'Yours' in my phone. It made me swoon.

_Miss you already. Aren't I the fucking pansy? -E_

**I miss you too... and I love pansies. -B**

_So you admit it then? I'm a pansy? -E_

"Is that Edward?" Alice chimed in. "You two need some kind of rehab. Seriously, Bella, this is supposed to be a healthy getaway from our men."

"Sorry," I mumbled apologetically.

**I gotta go. Alice is being all stern again :( - B**

_Yeah, Jasper's starting to be a prick too. I don't fucking need rehab, what is this bullshit? –E_

I laughed. Alice and Jasper may look like complete opposites, but they were more alike than I gave them credit for.

**See you soon? -B**

_Why is that a question? Damn straight I'll see you soon. I love you. -E_

**I love you too. :) -B**

"Bella," Alice sighed.

"We're done, we're done," I said, pocketing my phone before she confiscated it or something.

"So," she said, grinning and showing off her absurdly white smile. "Tell me everything."

* * *

By the time we got to the mall, Alice knew what we had been up to since coming back from London. She was absolutely elated, talking about how it was "about time" and about how she wouldn't feel like she was "corrupting" me whenever she talked "naughty."

I had about a billion questions on sex, and Alice answered me to the best of her ability. She knew more than I would have thought.

"But that's gross," I whispered as we looked through racks at Forever 21. "What if I choke and die?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "You aren't going to choke on giving him head, Bella."

"But what if it doesn't fit?" I asked quietly, nervously glancing around.

"The key is to breathe through your nose. You don't have to take him all the way in, you just go from the head up, sucking gradually-"

"Okay, okay," I hissed, looking out for eavesdroppers. "I think I get it."

She smiled softly. "Just try it; it's not as bad as it sounds. He might even return the favor. Now_ that_ is a whole other conversation."

It was odd talking about sexual things in the middle of a department store, but there was stuff I wanted to know about in detail. I was sick of being the most obvious virgin.

It felt like hours until we were done shopping for clothes that Alice insisted that I have, and I was actually having a good time. It wasn't the shopping that was therapeutic, it was Alice's presence. It felt nice to talk and giggle with another girl, especially at a personal level. I felt guilty for avoiding her for so long, and I made a mental note to spend more time with her.

I had also been right about her being a good distraction from the recollection of my nightmares.

"Chicks before dicks," Alice said, nodding firmly as we walked out of the sixth store we had been in.

I laughed. "What is that, some phrase like 'bros before hoes'?"

"Of course!" she trilled, hooking her arm in mine. "It's very important."

She stopped walking unexpectedly and I almost tripped over my own two feet.

When I saw the store she had stopped outside of, I almost made a run for it.

"_No_, Alice," I said, unlinking our arms. "Forget it."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella, it's just Victoria's Secret. If you're going to be intimate you might as well get some pretties."

"I don't see the point," I mumbled, insecurely folding my arms over my chest. "They're going to be coming off anyway."

Alice giggled and started to drag me towards the entrance of the store. "But when he sees you in it he'll get even more excited and enthusiastic, and that will lead to better sex."

I tried to resist her pulls but her frail little arms were stronger than they looked. "I don't even know if that makes sense."

"Oh, stop whining," she said. "Just buy a bra or two."

When Alice wants to go into a store, you can't fight her on it. Either way, she'll end up inside whether you're with her or not. I was resigned to my fate, deciding that I'd rather put up with her torture than have to wait for her for God knows how long.

**1 Hour Later**

"I might as well be naked," I hissed at Alice as she held up what looked like a short string of lace.

"Oh, come on..."

"Alice, I'm not wearing that. It's a piece of string that will cover up nothing."

"That's the point."

"No, Alice. Just... no."

"You have to buy something."

"I am," I said, holding up the items hanging limply in my hand. "I'm getting these ridiculously colorful bras, not to mention this glittery one. Oh, and look at these panties. They're so frilly that I'd look like a slutty version of Little Bo Peep."

Alice burst out laughing. "Little Bo Peep? That's priceless, Bella."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it off," I grumbled. "You're the expert."

Alice smiled and took my hand. "That's all fine, Bella, but you haven't gotten any lingerie."

I cringed at the word. "I really don't-"

"If you don't pick something out, I'll have to pick something for you."

I sighed, irritated, and reluctantly followed her to the lingerie section.

I ended up leaving the store with three bags full of stuff that would give any stripper a run for her money.

On our way to Jasper's place, I started getting an incoming call from 'Yours'.

"Hey," I answered, smiling just because Edward was calling.

_"Hey,"_ he echoed in that velvety voice of his, and I could hear him smiling too. _"You girls done with your girly shit?"_

"Yeah, we're on our way to Jasper's now."

_"Yeah, about that..."_ He trailed off and I heard him mumble something to Jasper, who laughed.

"What?"

_"Forget Jasper's, just come home straight home."_

"Why home? What's up?"

Edward chuckled. "_Just hurry up and get here and we'll show you what's up."_

I could still here Jasper chuckling in the background and I grew suspicious.

"What are you guys up to?" I asked warily.

_"Bye baby, see you soon."_

"Hello? Edward-" I stared at my phone in confusion. "He just hung up on me."

"What was he saying?" Alice asked, glancing at me.

"He said to come home instead of going over to Jasper's."

"Why?"

I shrugged, perplexed. "Beats me."

Alice made a u-turn and started driving in the other direction. "Only one way to find out."

* * *

When we pulled up to the house, everything looked normal. Climbing out of the car, I realized how warm it was. Forks always had a little chill year round, but it was particularly humid today. It had gotten warmer throughout the day, and I unbuttoned my shirt, glad that I had a tank top on underneath.

I unlocked the front door and entered the house, dropping my bags onto the living room floor.

"I wonder where they are," Alice mused, placing all eight of her bags on the couch.

As if in answer to her question, we heard the back door in the kitchen open and Edward strolled in, a crooked grin on his face.

"How goes it, ladies?" he asked, grinning.

I cocked an eyebrow at him as he came over for a kiss. "You tell us."

"Yeah, what happened to Modern Warfare and soccer?" Alice asked from her spot on the couch. She had her tired little feet propped up on the coffee table and I started to become aware of how exhausted I was myself.

"There was a change of plans," Edward smirked at her, weaving his fingers through mine. "Come round the back of the house, Jasper's waiting."

I exchanged a curious look with Alice and we followed him into the kitchen and onto the back deck of the house.

The first thing I noticed was that Jasper was shirtless.

The second thing I noticed was that he was standing in a giant inflatable pool.

I gaped at the massive thing that took up almost the entire backyard, stunned into silence.

By the time I could form words, Alice was already down to her bra and panties and being helped into the pool by Jasper.

"You- it- the- what?" I sputtered.

Edward chuckled and put his arm around my shoulder, watching Alice and Jasper playfully splash water at each other.

"Yep," he said, smirking down at me.

"You... You bought a pool? You bought a pool. Oh my God, _you bought a pool_."

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "Hell yeah we did."

I couldn't believe it. "But... why?"

Edward grinned down at me, eyes glinting. "Remember how about a week ago I suggested that we buy something stupidly expensive with Emmett's money to piss him off?"

"So you decided to live up to that suggestion by purchasing a pool?"

He nodded enthusiastically.

"But this is Forks!" I cried in disbelief, unable to take my eyes off the giant blue plastic.

Edward nudged me. "That's the point, silly. Who the fuck has a pool in Forks, when it's raining eighty percent of the time? No one! That's why it's an utterly stupid idea and the pool is useless."

"Come on in, Bella, the water's great!" Jasper called. He now had Alice on his back and he dunked her into the water as she squealed.

"This is so completely insane," I laughed. "I don't know if Emmett will love it or if he'll hate it."

Edward pulled his shirt off, surprising me. "I reckon he'll love it at first and then kick my ass when he finds out how much it was."

"How much was it?" I asked absentmindedly, eyes glued to his chest.

He shrugged. "A little over 300."

My eyes bugged out and snapped to his face. "Dollars?"

He chuckled, undoing his belt buckle. "It had to be expensive, that was the point."

He was already wearing swim trunks and he was holding his hand out expectantly. "You gonna jump in or what?"

I felt my cheeks grow red, partly from having him half naked in front of me, and partly because I was feeling self conscious again.

Edward could read me like a book.

He dropped his hand and stepped forward, taking both of my hands.

"Hey, it's just us," he said softly. "Don't be embarrassed. It's not going to be this humid for who knows how long, so we might as well take advantage of the pool, yeah?"

I nodded, biting my lip, and Edward kissed my knuckles before nodding towards the pool. "C'mon."

I reluctantly followed, watching how much fun Alice and Jasper were having.

I kept my eyes on Edward's excited green ones as I pulled my shirt off and then my jeans.

"The tank top stays on," I muttered, mostly because the bra I had on wasn't very attractive.

Edward stared at my legs. "Fine, but I get to take it off later."

I giggled and took his outstretched hand. "Deal."

The water was chillier than I expected and a squeak escaped me as my whole body shuddered. It felt good though, so I kept my hand in Edward's as I let myself go in deeper.

It wasn't the type of pool you could do much swimming in; it was just for wading around on a hot day. Mostly we just splashed at each other as Edward and Jasper repeatedly attempted to pick us up and throw us back into the water. Of course, because they were bigger and stronger than us, they succeeded every time.

I was soaking wet and shivering, and I started to get soaked in a different way thanks to the fact that Edward was being very sly with what he did with his fingers underwater.

If his fingers weren't skimming over my backside they were "accidentally" grazing across my breasts. At one point, when he was picking me up to throw me into the water, his fingers ended up inside of my panties. I was scared they would fall off for a second, but he made sure that didn't happen.

Our fun ended when Edward shoved Jasper a little too hard and he fell against the side of the inflatable pool, his weight pushing the plastic down so that he tumbled out, taking the water with him. We all stumbled to regain our balance and I managed it by holding on to Edward, but Alice ended up getting poured out with the water.

The four of us just sat there, two of us on the wet grass and the other two still in the practically empty pool, laughing like demented people. I was still clutching Edward as I laughed like a hyena, unable to control myself.

I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt and my eyes watered, and by the time we were all calm enough to look sane I felt high, euphoric.

"It's cold!" Alice squeaked out, standing up from the grass and shivering violently. She was right. The sun was setting and with the sunset came the typically chilly Forks weather.

"I guess it's a good thing you went shopping," Jasper said, putting an arm around her for warmth. "And I'm starving! You guys still wanna go to Gino's, or do we get takeout?"

"Takeout," we said in unison, and I let Edward pull me into him as we walked back into the house.

I was reveling in every second of peace, because something told me it wouldn't last very long.

* * *

Edward shut the door on Jasper's back as he and Alice headed back out to the car.

"Well that was fun," he said, plopping down onto the couch as I picked up the remains of our takeout.

"Yeah," I yawned, covering my mouth with my hand. "Man, I'm tired."

"Leave that there," Edward said, nodding towards the empty takeout containers in my hand. "We'll clean up in the morning. Let's go to bed."

I stared at him, chewing on my lip. Usually when one of us said "Let's go to bed", it meant sex. "Let's go to sleep" meant actually sleeping. We had actually "gone to sleep" only about twice that week, usually choosing to "go to bed" instead. Instead of having sex at random points during the day, we just did it in bed because it was more convenient. If we skipped a night we just did it in the morning.

Either way, we were still taking advantage of the empty house.

Now that Edward used the word "bed" instead of "sleep", I knew he was probably horny. A glance at the front of his jeans confirmed that fact.

But now I was anxious.

See, when we had all come into the house from the pool, Alice and I had to change. It was a good thing that we had gone to Victoria's Secret, because Alice wouldn't have had undergarments to wear otherwise.

I could have worn any old pair of panties and any random bra.

But I didn't.

At the very last minute I decided to put on some lingerie.

Why? I had no clue. I just stood there in my room, eying the pink striped Victoria's Secret bags and thinking about going for it. I honestly had nothing to lose.

However, I was afraid that Edward would laugh at me. Maybe I'd look completely ridiculous, like I was trying too hard. Maybe I'd look like some newbie stripper. Maybe I'd wear it all wrong, or maybe it just wouldn't look right on me.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I was tired of living with maybes, so I sucked it up and threw on the first thing that I touched once I reached into the bag.

All I knew was that it was a maroon color, and I didn't even look in the mirror. I felt completely naked until I threw the clothes on over it, and I had been feeling awkward the rest of the night, like I was hiding some dirty secret under my clothes. Something told me I wasn't supposed to wear clothes over that particular piece of lingerie.

I nervously set the takeout containers back on the coffee table and Edward got to his feet and took my hand, pulling me to him.

He put our foreheads together and smiled at me, a breathtaking thing that would have made me sigh and swoon like some cheesy romantic heroin in a black and white film.

"The things you do to me just by standing there," he murmured, his warm breath caressing my face.

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him deeply, my senses already starting to tingle.

About two minutes later we were in my bedroom and he was splayed out across my bed in nothing but his boxers, gaping at me as I stood wearing nothing but the silly piece of lingerie that I suddenly regretted putting on.

My head was bowed as I fidgeted with the hem of the thing, which reached just about an inch below my nether regions. I just couldn't look at him. It was too ridiculous. Putting it on was a huge mistake.

Edward was shocked into silence for a moment before he finally spoke.

"What... is that?"

I blushed even harder, still unable to look at him.

"Lingerie?" I squeaked out.

"Holy... mother of fuck..."

I glanced at his face to see that he was still gaping at me. Well, he was actually gaping at my boobs which were barely covered by the lace.

I heard the mattress creak and then he stood in front of me, lifting my chin up.

"You look pretty fucking amazing," he whispered matter-of-factly.

I stared at him, skeptical.

"I feel absurd," I muttered.

He sighed and pulled me over to the floor-length mirror that stood across the room.

The second I looked into it I was frozen.

I didn't tend to look in the mirror often, never really found the need to. But now that I looked I was surprised by what I saw.

What I saw was a woman. A slender woman with wild brown hair and doe eyes, pink cheeks, and swollen lips. She wore a pleated babydoll type of thing with an empire waist and satin bow. The thin lace that covered her breasts was practically transparent and the thin straps looked easy to break.

Her legs looked elongated due to the fact that the hem of the top skimmed her upper thighs and barely covered the back of the matching silk panties.

She was sexy and there was no way in a million years that she could be me.

"If you don't think you're amazing, there has to be something wrong with you," Edward murmured, stroking my cheek. "And I say that with love."

I blushed harder and looked at him, almost taken aback by the lust and love in his eyes. Who knew that the two emotions could be mixed so expressively in his eyes?

Then he smirked mischievously. "Now come here so I can take it off."

Before I even had time to think he had me pinned up against the wall, next to the mirror while his hands roughly grabbed at the fabric at my stomach.

In what felt like seconds I was on the bed, naked and on my stomach, and he was pushing into me from behind. It was such a strange position for me, but it worked.

When he started thrusting into me it was so deep and so intense that I just couldn't think. All I could do was feel.

From then on it was all heat.

**Edward POV **

She was wearing lingerie for fuck's sake! Not only was it so completely unexpected, but it was fucking hot.

I'll admit, the past week had been a little stressful. Bella's nightmares weren't going away, and no matter how much we tried to distract each other from them, it was always a lingering thought at the back of our heads.

Sex, however, was a very good distraction.

I watched her sleep, fascinated by the rise and fall of her breasts as she breathed deeply. Her nipples were covered by the blanket, but it was fine. She was the most gorgeous creature I'd ever laid my eyes on, and that was a fact.

I had fallen into the habit of watching her sleep until I couldn't stay awake any longer. I was ready to wake her up from the nightmare which was pretty much unavoidable at that point.

When she didn't wake up from the dream by three in the morning, I allowed myself to collapse.

There was no point, considering I woke up just half an hour later.

A phone was ringing. It wasn't loud, but somehow it had jolted me awake. What was even weirder was that the phone was ringing downstairs, and we were upstairs. The sound was faint, but still audible enough to be heard from Bella's bedroom.

I didn't understand how it could have woken me up, but it did.

The ringing stopped and I was suddenly overcome by an eerie feeling.

Something was not right.

Something was coming.

I glanced at Bella to make sure she was still sleeping soundly, and then I climbed out of bed. Barefoot, I padded out into the corridor and down the stairs.

The house was cold, and the night was pitch black. There was no one around but I couldn't stop feeling so unsettled. I was uncomfortable, though unable to place why.

I assumed the house phone must have been the one ringing, but I found that to be odd. Who would be calling the house at three in the fucking morning?

I stared at the phone in its cradle, barely able to make it out in the darkness. The living room was illuminated only slightly by the streetlights glowing outside, but it was still too dark for me to make out more than the outlines of furniture.

I walked over to the phone and picked it up out of its cradle, pressing the little button that would tell me who called last.

The screen lit up, almost blinding me, and I saw that it was a private number.

I shrugged and put the phone back, finding it impossible to shake the feeling that something was amiss.

It was kind of like when you knew a storm was coming, but you hoped you were wrong. Like when you looked up at the sky and saw that the clouds were dark and pressed together, the air heavy and already smelling like rain. You really hoped it would pass and that the rain wouldn't fall, but reality was that the storm was coming and you wouldn't be able to stop it.

I sighed and stared at the phone some more, shivering because I was just in my boxers and the room was fucking freezing.

I shook my head and turned away from the phone, walking just a few steps before it rung again.

I whirled around and grabbed it, seeing that it was once again a private number.

I quickly pressed the 'talk' button and answered.

"Hello?"

Silence.

I waited for about three seconds before I spoke again.

"Uh... hello?"

There was a click, and that was it.

"What the fuck..." I stared at the phone, wondering if it was some annoying prank. It seemed like a stupid one, calling someone at three in the morning and then hanging up. So fucking immature.

"Wankers," I muttered, dropping the phone back into its cradle.

I walked away and went up the stairs slowly, the exhaustion overwhelming me.

The second I stepped into Bella's room, she let out an ear-splitting scream.

I was at her side in an instant, shaking her awake. She was thrashing around, sweating and crying, and it was the worst I had seen her. Her eyes opened immediately, bloodshot and frightened, and I held her to me, whispering words of comfort because there was nothing else I could do.

She held onto me tightly, her sobs slowly settling down, and then she was just trembling a bit.

I rocked her back and forth in silence, but she didn't sleep.

So we just held onto each other.

By the time 5am rolled around, the sky was a deep indigo. We would soon see the sun, though at that moment the room was still dark. Bella looked knackered, and I felt it as well.

"Should we get out of bed?" I asked my voice hoarse.

She shook her head and tightened her grip on me.

Half an hour later she was asleep again.

And then the knocking started.

It was creepy, really. First the phone, and then the knocking, again, it was coming from the floor below us and again, I was the only one awake to hear it.

I contemplated ignoring the knocker, but he was persistent. He kept on knocking and knocking and it was faint but it was annoying because it was all I heard in the silent house.

I let go of Bella slowly, and she softly fell onto her pillow, still deeply in sleep. A part of me was afraid of leaving her alone, but I no longer had evidence that my presence killed the nightmares.

I walked down the stairs but the knocking had stopped.

I huffed irritably and turned away again, only to have the knocking start again.

It was harder this time, I rough _tap, tap tap._

Angrily, I stomped over to the front door, still in just my boxers, and threw the door open, ready to punch whoever the fuck it was.

There was a man.

He was thin and shorter than me by a few inches and he stared at me in surprise, his face gaunt. He looked older, in his late forties perhaps, and not at all healthy. He looked like he hadn't shaved in a week, and there were shadows under his eyes. His clothes were worn out, and there was one single suitcase in his hand. His hair was brown and curly, surprisingly thick though his hairline was receding.

But I couldn't look away from his eyes.

As tired as they were and as glassy as they were, they were far too familiar.

They were Bella's eyes.

* * *

**A/N: **Kudos to those of you that guessed this right! Yep, it's exactly who you think it is. Time for more shit to hit the fan.

Much love to all you fabulous readers and to my awesome betas **Pinkaquacloud**s and **TashaTBHx.**

Drop me a review, and it's time to turn up the angst. ;)

P.S. The link to the pretty lingerie thing Bella wore is on my profile. At least, it _should_ be on my profile. This website takes forever with these things. =/


	42. Hemorrhage

**Chapter 42- Hemorrhage**

_Memories are just where you laid them  
__Drag the waters 'till the depths give up their dead  
__What did you expect to find?  
__Was there something you left behind?  
__Don't you remember anything I said when I said_

_Don't fall away, and leave me to myself  
__Don't fall away and leave love bleeding  
__In my hands, in my hands again  
__Leave love bleeding  
__In my hands, in my hands  
__Love lies bleeding_

_Oh hold me now I feel contagious  
__Am I the only place that you've left to go  
__She cries her life is like  
__Some movie black and white  
__Dead actors faking lines  
__Over and over and over again she cries_

**Hemmorhage (In My Hands)- Fuel**

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* * *

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**Edward POV**

I stared at him, and he stared back.

His wide, chocolate brown eyes penetrated my own and I just couldn't look away. They stood out against his gaunt face, intensifying the confusion and sadness in their depths.

I forgot that I was angry.

I forgot that I was wearing nothing but my boxers.

I forgot everything.

Filling me was a kind of panic, creeping up my spine and filling up my chest. There was also the shock, disabling me and making me unable to move or speak.

This man could not be who I thought he was. He just couldn't.

I didn't even know him, but I felt like I did.

I wasn't even sure if I was correct in my assumption about who he was, but I just knew it in my gut.

And his eyes were all the evidence I needed.

He was the first to speak, since I was still finding it hard to form words.

"Who're you?" he asked. His voice was gruff, like he didn't use it often. I wasn't expecting such a voice to come from someone who looked like he'd crumble if you so much as put a finger on him.

The panic in my chest dispersed slightly as I came back to my senses, but my heart continued to pound because I was still worried about my assumption.

I narrowed my eyes. "Who're _you_?" I countered.

He searched my face before answering. "Charlie..." He trailed off, watching me for a reaction.

Charlie.

Did Bella ever mention her father's name? It sounded familiar, but I wasn't sure she had ever said his name.

"Charlie... what?" I hedged. I had one hand tightened on the doorknob and the other held on to the door frame.

I was blocking his way, half intentionally and half without realising it.

"Swan," he murmured eyes boring into mine.

_Fuck._

He was her father.

_Fuck._

_This is not good_, I thought. _We're all so fucking screwed._

His posture was stiff, guarded, and I could tell that mine was as well.

"Do you live here now?" he asked, his curious gaze looking over my shoulder for any glimpse of the inside.

"Yes," I answered simply. My voice was cold.

He looked at my face again, searching, and then he looked away uncomfortably.

Charlie stared at his feet, shuffling them slightly. "What happened to, uh... the people that used to live here before?"

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "They still live here."

His head snapped up and his eyes were filled with shock.

I took a deep breath, slightly surprised that it was shaky. Come to think of it, I was a bit shaken up by this. It hadn't really sunk in that Bella's father, the man that abandoned her, was here at her doorstep. It was so fucking hard to believe.

I also knew that I had to deal with this somehow.

"Look," I said quietly. "You really, really shouldn't be here."

He blinked once, trying to hide any emotion, but I could quite clearly see the pain in his eyes.

"I know that," he said, voice raspy. "I just need... to explain."

I started to feel the anger rising up inside of me. I didn't like this man for what he did to Bella, for how he left her so hurt that she ended up in an abusive relationship. It was his fault entirely.

"And you think showing up on their doorstep is the best way to do that?" I asked icily. "You think they're just going to say 'Hey, Dad, welcome back' and let you walk right in?"

He eyes flashed with anger and pain as he clenched his jaw. "You don't know anything."

"Oh, I know a lot more than you think."

"Who the hell are you, exactly?" he retorted angrily, and I was taken aback by the sudden authority in his voice.

"I'm Bella's boyfriend," I stated matter-of-factly. "Not to mention Emmett's brother-in-law."

He was silent. I could tell he couldn't believe what he was hearing by how his eyes widened in shock and he dropped the suitcase he was holding. He stared at me for a fraction of second before, very slowly, he turned his back on me and sunk down onto the front step.

I watched him warily, at how his shoulders were hunched and his head bowed. It was a sight of complete and utter depression.

Slowly, I took a step back and shut the door.

I stared at it for a moment, wondering if he was going to sit there all day. The nosy neighbors would see and then the gossip would start. This was the biggest thing to happen in Forks since the Asshat was put into a coma.

My mind couldn't sit still. I had about a million questions and concerns, and just like that I started to get panicked again.

_Should I let him in eventually? Will he leave? Where's his wife? Did she die? Why the fuck is he here, anyway? What is Bella going to do when she finds out about him being here? I can't keep this from her... should I keep this from her? She's so happy. No, she should know. This is important. Holy fuck, what about Emmett? What's he going to do? Should I call him? Fuck, fuck, fuck._

Then the anger started to set in.

_Why the fuck is he here? He left her broken all those fucking years ago and now the asshole is back? What for? What a stupid fucking wanker to just walk out on his kids and then come back like all is fucking good and well. And he has to explain? Explain what, why the fuck he left like a prick and then showed up at their doorstep? What a dick..._

I ran both by hands through my hair and then let out a frustrated growl, punching the nearest wall. I left a dent in the drywall and my knuckles protested in pain but I didn't care. I was fucking pissed and if I didn't take it out somewhere I was going to take it out on the man sitting outside.

Once I was calm enough I peeked out the window to see him still seated on the step, his posture unchanged. It was staring to get lighter outside and once the sun came up, all of Forks would be up and about as though everything were normal.

With a huff, I headed back upstairs to Bella's room.

She was still sound asleep, her face a mask of peace.

As I stared at her calm expression, the deepest loathing filled me. It wasn't toward her; it was towards the man outside. He had ruined this girl, set her up for disaster. He was going to ruin the few weeks of peace that we had had since London, the happiness that we had been reveling in for that short amount of time.

Because as much as I hoped that Charlie would walk away and never turn back, and as much as I wanted to keep this from Bella to save her happiness, I just couldn't. It wouldn't be right to keep such an enormous occurrence from her.

Her life was going to change (again) and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I reached down and pressed my lips to Bella's cheek, wishing that I could keep her in a bubble where nothing and no one could ever hurt her.

I then grabbed the same clothes from the day before and pulled them on, chuckling darkly at the fact that Bella's "father" had seen me half naked. I hoped that image would haunt him.

Once I was dressed I started to pace back and forth, stressed the fuck out. My glance bounced from Bella to the window and then back again. Her room was starting to get lighter with the rising sun and the brighter it got the more I started to freak out again.

I was trying to think of some kind of plan, but it seemed impossible. I didn't want Bella anywhere near Charlie at that point, but something told me that their reunion would be unavoidable.

It was going to break her all over again.

I ran my hands over my face, and stared at Bella's peaceful expression just one more time, burning it into my brain. Who knew how long I'd go without seeing it again?

With one last sigh I decided it was time to go downstairs and deal with the motherfucker.

**

* * *

**

I opened the front door, letting in an annoying stream of sunlight, and saw that Charlie was still sitting there. His shoulders were still hunched but his head was up, like he was just staring into the distance.

"You gonna sit there all day?"

He jumped slightly and then turned his head to one side. "Maybe."

"You're going to ruin everything."

"I know."

"They're all so happy."

"I'm sure they are."

"Then why the fuck are you here?"

He bowed his head again before standing up and facing me, a look of complete and utter exhaustion on his face. He looked to be eighty years old, opposed to the forty-something he probably was.

"I don't know, okay?" he said tiredly. "I don't know why I'm here. I know I shouldn't be, but..."

"But what?" I snapped.

He sighed deeply and then shook his head. "You're not who I need to have this conversation with."

"Yeah well I think I'm the only one who's actually going to listen to a word of whatever bullshit you have to say."

He frowned deeply and observed me for a moment.

"The second you step through this door, you'll be changing everything," I warned him gravely. "So this is your last chance. You can either walk away and let us keep on living happily... or you can come in and change everything for the worst. Because I can tell you're a lot like Bella in that you're stubborn as fuck, and you won't leave until you get your way. So it's up to you- leave and never come back, or stay and fuck everything up. Take your pick."

He stared at me. He stared and stared and stared for so long that I wasn't even sure he was mentally with me anymore.

"I want to see my children," he finally said quietly, and I snorted.

"You lost that right a long fucking time ago."

He closed his eyes and exhaled, his nostrils flaring. He was losing his composure, I could tell.

"Look, boy, I don't know who you think you are, but I truly do not believe that you have the right to tell me to leave."

"Yeah, well, I don't believe you have the right to show your face after so long and expect me to let you walk in on the lives of the people that I care about."

He took a deep breath and it was so fucking obvious that I was pissing him off, but I didn't care.

"I understand that," he said. "But this is not a conversation I want to have with a boy I barely know, at the doorstep of my home."

"_Your_ home?" I scoffed.

"All right, I get it," he said through clenched teeth. "I'm an idiot of a man that abandoned his children and I don't deserve to step foot into this house, but my children at least deserve some kind of explanation."

He glared at me, and I glared back. I still didn't want to let him in, perfectly content with the fact that he was outside of the house, but my resolve was wavering.

Emmett and Bella _did_ deserve an explanation.

"Once you say what you need to, will you leave?" I asked, raising a brow questioningly.

He sighed and looked down. "I don't know."

"Wrong fucking answer."

"Yes, all right?" he snapped. "Yes, I will leave."

"You're bullshitting me."

He huffed and turned away, only to turn back again.

Suddenly his head snapped to the right and I followed his gaze to see the next door neighbor, an elderly man, shuffle out in his bathrobe to retrieve the newspaper.

Charlie cast me a panicked look and I sighed, stepping back and opening the door wider.

"Thank you," he muttered with sincerity, and he entered the house cautiously, glancing one last time at the neighbor, who didn't notice us.

Charlie left his suitcase on the front step, but I decided that was a good thing.

I shut the door and turned to watch him staring at the living room with his brows furrowed in concentration, like he was memorizing every detail.

For the first time I noticed how much of a mess it was; our takeout containers still littered the table, along with empty cans of coke and sweet wrappers from some of the sweets we still had from London. The cushions on the couch were all askew and a few DVDs were on the floor from when we couldn't make up our minds about what film to watch.

Charlie walked in the direction of the stairs and I stiffened, but he just turned to the kitchen doorway and stared into the kitchen.

"It still looks the same," he muttered.

I just stood and watched him, not liking the fact that he was in the house; it felt like he was intruding in _my_ home.

"They're still asleep?" he asked me, and I realised that I didn't tell him about Emmett.

"No, it's just Bella," I said impassively. "Emmett's on his honeymoon. Comes back tomorrow."

Charlie stared at me again, his gaze intense. "Honeymoon?"

"Did I fucking stutter?"

His eyes narrowed and he clenched his jaw again, but he didn't respond.

It was awkward, I'll admit. I was still silently fuming, resisting the urge to shove my foot up his ass and kick him out. He was stiff and we just stood there in silence, the air thick with tension.

Suddenly he stumbled over to the couch and sunk down, his head in his hands. For a second I thought he was crying but he was too still and too quiet.

"I screwed up," he whispered. "Badly."

I snorted. "Understatement of the motherfucking century."

He looked up at me and scowled. "You use that kind of language around my daughter?"

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Your daughter? If you thought of her as a daughter you would've met me a long time ago."

The pain returned to his eyes but I didn't care. He deserved every second of torture.

I got the sadistic urge to fuck with him some more.

"You don't know how much you hurt them," I said. "You have no fucking clue. You left the both of them so fucking broken that your son was forced to live like he was fifty when he was but twenty one. He had to drop everything- a school, a social life, a car that he fucking loved- so that he could pick up the financial burden of taking care of his younger sister, paying the bills, and putting food on the table. He had to go and get a job when he could've gotten his dream career had he actually graduated when he should have.

"And your daughter?" I snorted bitterly, letting the anger seep into my voice. "Where do I even begin to tell you the shit that went on with your daughter?"

"Please, stop," he whispered, eyes closed, head bowed, the agony clear in his voice.

"Oh, but I'm just getting started. Now, your daughter has always been somewhat of a hopeless romantic. But you knew that, right? She craved, no, she _thirsted_ for love. She thirsted for the love that she didn't get from her parents and only got sometimes from her brother who was only around when he had to be. It's really all she wanted, to be loved. I mean, who doesn't want that?

"But you know what, she wouldn't have wanted it so badly if her mother or her father had told her how loved she already was, how she didn't need a man to make her feel like she was wanted. But what did she get? She got a pair of parents who'd much rather go on a fucking vacation than tell her that they love her!"

"It's not like that," he pleaded.

"It's exactly like that," I snapped. "In fact, she was feeling so fucking unloved that she went out with any fucker that so much as _looked_ at her. Unfortunately, that fucker ended up being a sick, twisted, abusive asshole that controlled her in every which way, tried to rape her, and at one point beat her so badly that she ended up in hospital."

Charlie grabbed onto his hair with both hands and a sound escaped him, a cross between a sob and a growl.

I was breaking him. I was tearing him into pieces and he was going to reach his limit soon but until he did I was going to keep on ripping him a new one.

"She was so emotionally scarred after you assholes left. So scarred and broken that she settled for a sadistic fuck, and if she didn't have _me_ to protect her and _me_ to knock that motherfucker into a coma, who knows where she'd be right now? Probably dead and thrown into a ditch somewhere."

My voice broke at the last part, but it wasn't because I was going to cry. It was because saying it out loud brought back all the memories of everything that happened all those months ago. Just the thought of Bella's body buried in the middle of nowhere... it was enough to make even me stop talking for a moment.

I took a deep breath and in the silence I saw that he was crying.

"I love her," I told him. "I love her more than I love anything else. I'd die for her, almost did once. And you know what? I'd do it all over again. I'd go through all the pain three thousand times if it meant that she'd be safe in the end. You really don't know what you lost when you left."

He wiped the tears off his face with trembling hands and shook his head.

"If I had known..." he trailed off in a shaky voice.

"Life isn't about ifs. The fact of the matter is that you left. Can't change the past so you might as well suck it up and face the consequences of what you did. I learned that the hard way myself..." My thoughts were suddenly plagued with everything that happened in London, but I shook them off.

Charlie was silent, the look on his face miserable and his gaze distant. I didn't feel sorry for him; I just pitied him for being such a fuck-up of a father.

I started to wonder why I never ever came across anyone that had been a good parent. My own dad was an alcoholic pedophile, my mum was emotionally delusional, and both of Bella's parents abandoned her. Perhaps that was why I didn't want children, because I didn't know how to be a good parent. I didn't even know what being a good parent meant.

Whatever being a good parent was, it certainly wasn't the prick sitting in front of me.

"When does... when does Emmett get back?" Charlie asked, staring at the coffee table. His voice was gravelly.

"Tomorrow," I mumbled, thinking about that fact.

I suddenly felt like I was doing everything all wrong, like it wasn't my place to do anything at all.

"Look, maybe you should do this when he gets back," I suggested. "I dunno, if you're going to tell the story you might as well have them both together."

I wasn't sure if he heard me because he was still as a statue, but he lifted one shoulder in something that could've been a shrug.

"I don't know what to do," he mumbled. "I'm here... I just need someone to listen, anyone. Maybe this isn't the best time, especially if he's coming back from the honeymoon. I have a little money left, maybe I can spare something for a motel room..."

It was like he was going insane, just muttering to himself. Then I realised that he was just chickening out.

"Regardless of when you tell them, you'll get the same reaction out of both," I pointed out.

"You're right," he murmured. "I should... I should wait."

I felt a headache coming on and I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated. Everything was getting so fucking frustrating. Should he stay or should he go? Should we wait until Emmett got back? What if he left and then came back tomorrow? Would that be pointless?

It was all so damn confusing and I wished he had never come. I wasn't so sure I wanted him to leave anymore, because knowing that he had been here and keeping it from Bella would fuck around with my conscious too much. I decided to suggest something else.

"Look, maybe-"

"Edward? You down there?"

Charlie and I stared at each other, both of us wide eyed and panic stricken.

Only one word went through my mind at hearing Bella's voice filter down the stairs: _Fuuuuuuck._

"Uh, yeah," I called, and my voice came out all squeaky and nervous.

I heard her take a few steps down and in a flash I was up the stairs before she could come down any further.

She stood in nothing but one of my shirts, which covered her slender body only up to her upper thighs, her hair a crazy mess and her expression one of confusion. Her pink lips were in a slight frown as I went and stood about three steps below her so that we were eye to eye.

"Who were you talking to?" she asked, confused.

My mouth opened and closed, but I couldn't say anything. I didn't want to expose her to this, I just couldn't.

"Edward?" she said, starting to look anxious. "Who's down there?"

I looked at her face, at her beautiful, innocent face and it was almost like I could see all the walls around her about to start crumbling. The walls that I had put all my love into building, the walls that were her strength were all about to come down.

I swallowed, my mouth dry, and took a deep breath. She was going to break down big time, so I at least needed to man up and be strong for the both of us.

"Well," I said quietly so Charlie wouldn't overhear. "For starters, you might want to put some clothes on..."

"But what's going on?" she asked worriedly. "You're making me nervous."

"It's fine," I somehow managed to lie. "Just, come on, you need some actual clothes."

I took her hand and pulled her back up the three steps that she had come down, leading her back to her room. Once we got there I opened up her closet and tossed any random shirt at her, along with a pair of shorts that had been lying on the closet floor.

She hurriedly put them on and I didn't realise my hands were shaking a little until her own anxiety made it difficult for her to pull the shirt on, causing me to help her.

Once she was dressed she stared at me questioningly, but I just couldn't say anything.

I sighed and closed my eyes, pulling her to me and hugging her tightly. I wanted to just hold onto her, never let her go, protect her from anything she wouldn't like.

"I am so sorry," I whispered, pressing my lips into her hair. "So fucking sorry."

She pulled away and looked up at me, frightened. "What's going on? You're scaring me."

It was like there was a big lump in my throat, a lump of emotion so strong that it made me mute.

I wondered if I should tell her, in order to prepare her, or if I should just take her downstairs.

_What if I don't tell her beforehand and she gets a heart attack downstairs? I thought. What if I tell her and she refuses to go downstairs and just breaks down right here? She'll break down either way..._

It was so fucking confusing, all of it, and it felt like I was going to tell her about her death and then take her down to it or something.

"Edward, tell me," she said, and I was taken aback by the slight ferocity in her tone.

I took a deep breath and put both my hands on her shoulders, looking straight into her wide chocolate orbs.

"Your dad is downstairs."

She blanched.

All of the colour drained from her face and she took a step back, her expression one of complete disbelief. My hands dropped as I watched her carefully, my heart already breaking for her.

"That's not possible," she whispered, her troubled gaze watching me intensely. She started shaking her head slowly, her gaze dropping as she clutched at the fabric at her stomach. Her breathing was close to hyperventilation and her eyes were wide but distant.

It was like I kept on making mistakes. Maybe I should have prepared her mentally and emotionally before just blurting it out like that? I felt like I had been fucking up all day.

"Bella, he-"

I didn't even have time to finish before she bolted, running out of the room. I was on her heels, just a few inches behind her as she all but stumbled down the stairs.

She stopped right at the foot of the steps, her eyes locked on the living room, and I almost crashed into her back.

They stared at each other.

Charlie stared at Bella and Bella stared at Charlie.

The silence was deafening, maddening, absolutely filled with emotion. I could almost see the words in the air, all the questions and accusations, the apologies and the explanations. I could see hateful words, words of love, words of regret and sadness and pain and anger.

Then Bella let out a sound that tore right through me. It was a cross between a scream and a painful sob. She brought a hand to her mouth and then her entire body collapsed so fast that I barely had time to catch her. By the time my arm circled her waist, she was already on her knees, hand still on her mouth and eyes still locked on Charlie. There were tears streaming down her cheeks and she was as white as ghost, her chest rising and falling unevenly.

She was trembling like a leaf, her eyes the widest I had ever seen them. She kept shaking her head jerkily, like she was on vibrate.

It was frightening.

Charlie had tears swimming in his eyes as well but he was standing a few feet away, his chin trembling like that of a small child watching their injured parent.

He took a step forward but Bella choked out another sob and finally looked away from him, falling onto her backside and wrapping on arm around her knees while the other hand grabbed my shirt. She pulled me to her and I just held her, watching the distressed look on Charlie's face as his mouth opened and closed as he struggled to find words.

"Em.. Em... Emmett," Bella's broken sobs revealed only one word to me, and I didn't know what to do.

"He's probably on the plane right now, baby," I said, holding her tight. "He'll be home soon, I promise."

Emmett was Bella's rock after her parents ditched them so it was no surprise she'd need him at that moment.

"Bells-" Charlie began, taking a step forward.

"No!" she screamed, looking up at him with a glare. Her expression was extremely angry and pained, her face contorted in agony. "No, don't come near me!"

We both stared at her in shock, taken aback by the viciousness in her voice and expression. Charlie was absolutely stunned; the hand that had been reaching out to her fell limply to his side.

My shirt was soaked with her tears and she buried her face in my chest.

"J-Just go away," she sobbed. "Go..."

I stared at Charlie and he was looking away, a hand on his chest. He still looked absolutely bewildered, like he couldn't believe what was happening. Frankly, neither could I.

"Bella, I-" he began again but she wasn't having any of it.

"Just go away!" she screamed at him, and he took a step back, looking almost scared of her.

He had turned her into a madwoman.

Charlie looked at me pleadingly, but I just shook my head. I couldn't help him.

"M-Make him leave, E-Edward," Bella cried into my chest.

I looked at Charlie coldly. "You heard her."

He looked absolutely distraught and then he took a few more steps forward, "Just let me explain and we can talk-"

He reached a hand out to touch her but I'd cut his hand off before I let him touch her, so I shot my arm out.

"Don't come any closer," I snapped. "If she wants you to leave, then fucking leave."

"She's not giving me a chance," he pleaded.

"She'll think about it when she's ready! What makes you think you deserve a chance? Now get the fuck out before she starts throwing shit at you."

Charlie stared at Bella for a few more seconds before he blinked hastily. He blinked away tears and turned, slowly walking towards the front door. His footsteps were heavy, like he weighed a ton, and they thumped ominously through the house, echoing off the walls.

The shutting of the front door sounded louder than it probably was, and then everything was silent save for the sound of Bella's sobs.

I rocked her back and forth, hating to hear her cry and feeling like I was responsible.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "It's all my fucking fault."

She shook her head furiously but didn't seem to have the energy to say anything. She just clung to me and cried, her body limp.

After a while I picked her up and carried her over to the couch, where she still clung to me as she wept.

I absolutely fucking hated myself.

We sat there in silence for a little while, wrapped in the afghan that usually hung on the back of the couch, and I had to wonder what was going through her head.

"You okay?" I asked, and it sounded like the stupidest fucking question ever.

She shook her head and sniffed. "No."

A few more moments of silence passed before she spoke again.

"Why did you let him in?" Her voice was weak and monotone, like she didn't care.

I sighed. "I didn't want to but he was just going to sit there all fucking day. He wasn't going to leave, and he even admitted that shit. He really wanted to see you but I wasn't letting him in and then I realised that either way, you were going to find out. You'd either see him sitting out there or I'd tell you, because I sure as fuck wasn't going to keep it from you."

She started playing around with a loose thread on my shirt before whispering, "I never want to see him again."

I had a feeling that he would be back, but I didn't tell her that. There was just no way that Charlie was going to fuck off so soon. My best guess was that he'd come back the following day, or maybe even a few days after that, just as long as Emmett was here and Bella had calmed down.

"I can't promise that," I whispered glumly. "I'm sorry."

"Edward, it hurts." She buried her face in my chest.

I felt a searing pain in my chest as I held her even tighter.

"I know, baby. I know."

We literally just sat like that for three hours. Neither of us spoke. The only sound was that of Bella's breathing, which was usually uneven, or the sound of me stroking some part of her to offer comfort in the only way I could.

When the house phone rang it made the both of us jump.

I had half a mind not to answer it but Bella surprised me by being the one to get up and grab it. She looked like the walking dead, her face ghastly white and her eyes swollen.

"It's a private number," she mumbled, brows furrowed.

That was when I grabbed it from her and answered.

"Hello."

I wasn't surprised at who it was on the other end.

"I'm coming back tomorrow."

"For fuck's sake..."

"Look, I know okay? I know it was a stupid thing to do but I can't undo it. I can't undo the last three years either, and I am aware of that. She needs time to recover and it'll be better with Emmett there."

"You really want to go through with this? After what happened just a few hours ago?"

"Of course. I've got a story to tell."

* * *

**A/N:** There are only three chapters left, plus an epilogue. Giving it an actual number makes it sadder, doesn't it? :(

As ever, thanks for sticking around and reading. You guys are awesome, as are my beautiful betas **Pinkaquaclouds** and **TashaTBHx**.

Next update probably won't be as quick as this one, but at least that means the end won't come as soon as we fear. ;)

See you guys next time.


	43. Feeling Sorry

**Chapter 43- Feeling Sorry**

_I feel no sympathy, you live inside a cave  
__You barely get by, the rest of us are trying  
__No need to apologize, i've got no time for feeling sorry_

**Feeling Sorry- Paramore**

* * *

**Bella POV**

I was a magnet for pain.

The past few years had been complete hell. When my parents left, they changed everything. They made me a target for hurt, and I wouldn't have been surprised if I suddenly became immune to it all. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

The initial shock that came from seeing Charlie again wore off and turned into a gut wrenching pain that made me incapable of doing anything other than crying. It just had to be some sick joke.

I had trained myself to think that he was dead. All those nights of crying had made me stronger but it also made me more vulnerable. Just when I was starting to accept the fact that they didn't want us, that they were off living their lives how they always wanted, that I'd be okay with just me and Em and Edward and Rose... he decides to walk back in on our lives.

Once he walked out the door and time passed, I almost couldn't believe it anymore. It felt like some twisted nightmare, and if it weren't for the fact that I was now on the couch in Edward's arms with a heavy weight on my chest, I would have thought I dreamed the whole thing.

I really, really wished I had.

It took me years to finally come to terms with the fact that they left, and accept it and grow from it. I allowed myself to build up a barrier in front of their memories, so that thinking about them wouldn't hurt me anymore. I allowed myself to believe that it was for the best, that this was life and that shit happens. I allowed myself to enjoy the love that I would feel emanating from Edward and Emmett and Rosalie. I didn't need my parents anymore, because I had learned that they weren't the only people capable of loving me.

Those protective walls that I had built to protect myself from the pain had come crumbling down the second I saw Charlie, all of the pain crashing into me and rendering me physically unable to stand up. It was like someone had punched me in the gut and all of the agony traveled to every nerve in my body.

Once the shock started to wear off and my brain was actually able to comprehend what was happening, the anger took over.

Just seeing him standing there, trying to offer me some kind of explanation made me furious. I was so, so sick of the pain and here he was, walking in and bringing it with him. It was his fault that I had been so lonely and depressed, his fault that I chose Jacob, and his fault that I almost died. He may not have been there while it was all happening, but he and Renee had always been at the back of my mind as solid reminders that no one loved me. It was their abandonment that made me desperate to find affection in all the wrong places.

For the rest of the day I just sat on the couch with Edward, not eating or talking. We were just waiting, though we weren't sure what for. Maybe we were waiting for Emmett and Rosalie to get back, or for Charlie to return. Edward mentioned that Charlie was going to come back the next day, and I hated him for it. I hated him for coming back, but did he really have to come back on the day Emmett and Rose got back from their honeymoon?

When I ranted about this with Edward, he just sighed, kissed my head, and said "He just wants to piss on everyone's parade."

I drifted in and out of sleep all day, and there came a point where I slept for more than an hour. When I woke up I saw Edward bent over the coffee table.

"What're you doing?" I mumbled, propping myself up on an elbow. My body was stiff from sleeping in an awkward position on the couch.

He turned, startled, and I saw that he had a rag in his hand.

He glanced back and forth between me and the rag before shrugging one shoulder. "Cleaning?"

I sat up and rubbed my eyes tiredly. How I could sleep so much in one day, I didn't know. It must have been the emotional roller coaster.

"You don't have to do that," I sighed, standing up.

"Already done," he said softly. "I reckoned that since they were going to be coming home to really bad news, the last thing they needed was a house that looked like shit."

I sat back down on the couch and wrapped my arms around my legs with my head resting on my knees. "I really don't think they'd care about cleanliness once they find out."

I became so lost in thoughts of my childhood that I didn't notice that Edward left and then came back, holding a plate under my nose.

I looked at it blankly, unable to register what the food was.

"You should eat," he stated simply. "You haven't eaten anything all day."

I took the plate from him but set it on the coffee table, leaning my forehead against my knees. "I feel nauseous."

My stomach was in knots, and any thoughts of food made me want to throw up the nonexistent contents of my tummy. It was the stress of everything that was taking away my appetite. I wasn't going to feel any kind of peace until Emmett got here, and I didn't know if even that would be enough.

I felt Edward's hand on my back, "You don't feel like chucking do you? Should I get the bin?"

I shook my head. "I'm just not hungry and I feel like if I swallow something it'll come right back up."

He let it go, and I was left to dwell on my negative thoughts again. I had a million questions that nagged at me, and I felt like once I saw Charlie again I'd scream the questions at him. Where had he been for three years? Where was my mother? Why did he decide to show up randomly one morning?

_What was his story?_

I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when the phone rang shrilly, making me jump. Edward and I looked at each other, the same question hovering in the air between us- _Is it Charlie?_

Edward got up and grabbed it, frowning before he answered.

"Hello? Oh!" He looked at me and shook his head, telling me that it wasn't Charlie. "Um, yeah, we're good. Where are you guys? Great. Okay. Sure, no problem. Bella? Oh, uh..." He looked at me and mouthed "Emmett" but I shook my head. If I spoke to my brother over the phone now, I'd break down.

"Yeah, Bella's in the shower. You guys are in a hurry, right? No worries. See you soon."

He hung up with a sigh. "They're about to change flights in Miami. Should be here early tomorrow morning."

I nodded and wrapped the afghan tighter around myself.

And that was how I stayed until Edward carried me up to bed and I was too tired to fight.

I don't even know if I slept at all that night. Closing my eyes wasn't enough to get my mind to calm down and stop over-thinking things and analyzing things and assuming things. I didn't think Edward had slept much, either. He was thinking and I was thinking.

I had at least one hand on him at all times, at least one hand holding some part of him.

I had to hold onto him, because everything else seemed to be slipping out of my grasp.

When the sun came up, it almost didn't mean anything. I had been awake to watch my room grow lighter and lighter. It seemed impossible that just twenty four hours before, Charlie had been downstairs, waiting to see me again. The difference in my mood when I woke up the day before and my mood the following morning was monumental.

Edward nuzzled his face into my hair. "They'll be here soon."

I sighed. "How and when do we tell them? Do we say it the second they walk into the door?"

"Bad idea, baby."

"I kind of just want to get it over with, you know? I feel like it'll be worse if we drag it out."

Edward propped himself up on an elbow. "You're right, but I think blurting out 'Charlie was here' the second they get back from the honeymoon isn't very smart. But something tells me Rose will know something is up; she always does. She's freakily observant like that. Emmett on the other hand..."

"... Is a little oblivious to the world around him," I finished his sentence with a frown.

Edward stroked the side of my face, a look of wistfulness on his expression.

"I wish I could protect you from everyone," he whispered, and his eyes held so much emotion that I wanted to cry.

I captured his hand and kissed it. "You can't, and that's okay."

"No it's not."

"Yes, it is. You're only human, you have flaws, and that's why I love you."

He rested his forehead against mine and kissed me so tenderly and with so much love that I thought I would break all over again.

* * *

We were pacing.

We had been pacing for a while, straining our ears for the sound of a car pulling up into the driveway or keys jingling on the other side of the front door. I was pacing with my arms crossed in front of my stomach and Edward was pacing with his hands behind his back and his brows furrowed.

We passed by each other continuously, neither of us speaking in the strained silence. The only sounds were those of our footsteps, thumping steadily and a little too loudly against the hardwood floor.

Rosalie had called to tell us that they had landed at the airport in Seattle, and would be coming home in a few short hours. Ever since then we had been worried, only stopping to pace once we had come up with some kind of plan as to how to deal with the whole Charlie issue.

The plan was that we wouldn't say anything to Emmett and Rosalie at first. We'd plaster on our fake smiles and let the two settle in. We'd listen to all their stories with interest and I'd serve the spaghetti and meatballs that I had thrown together in all my stress. We'd all eat and talk and laugh and then Rosalie Cullen-Swan would say something that would indicate our hidden emotions. She was so observant it was scary. Once she asked us what was up, we'd tell them everything.

That was the plan, and now we just had to stick to it.

It felt like we had been pacing for ages before we heard the back door in the kitchen fly open.

"We're back, bitches!" Emmett's booming voice reverberated off the walls. "Someone explain to me where the fuck that fuckawesome pool came from!"

It felt like forever since I heard his voice so I ran into the kitchen, almost tripping twice on the short way there.

Both Rosalie and Emmett were sporting amazing tans and setting their suitcases down on the floor. Both looked healthier, glowing, and their smiles were luminous.

I stood just a few inches away from Emmett, frozen by the look of complete and utter happiness on his face. It killed me inside to know that it was all going to be ruined.

So when he opened his arms to me, I burst into tears.

_So much for the plan, Bella._

I threw myself at him and he stumbled back, wrapping his strong arms around me reflexively. I had missed the arms that only my brother had, and his chest was too hard to be comfortable but I didn't care. After all, he had been my rock all those years. That was all that mattered.

"Whoa," he said softly. "What's up?"

For some reason that made me cry even more and it was Edward's voice that made me get a grip on myself.

"She just missed you guys," he said. "A lot. Like... _a lot_."

Emmett kissed my head and looked down at me, amused. "Damn. Missed you too, kiddo. No need to get snot all over the shirt. It's foreign, you know."

I laughed shakily and then hugged Rosalie, who's soft body was the complete opposite of Emmett's but just as comforting.

"We missed you guys, too," she said gently. "It was fun, but we had to wonder what out siblings were up to."

I pulled away from her and wiped my nose on my sleeve, unable to respond to that.

Edward helped Emmett carry the suitcases upstairs, and that left me alone with Rose.

The second we were left by ourselves, I turned away from her and towards the stove.

"I made spaghetti," I said with false cheer.

"Sounds good," she said, plopping down onto the chair at the little round table. "God, it feels so good to be home."

I kept my gaze diverted from hers as I started pouring spaghetti into bowls. "Didn't you like it there? Wasn't it pretty? Are you hungry? You should have some spaghetti, there are meatballs too. Well, duh. Spaghetti and meatballs, it's like PB & J, ya know? Ha ha."

Rosalie stared at me with one eyebrow raised and I flushed, embarrassed by my nervous rambling.

"Sure, I'll have some," she said slowly, and I could feel her penetrating blue eyes on me. "I'm sure Emmett's ravenous as well. Actually, he always is. We've got pictures from when he tried every seafood dish at this restaurant and had all the plates set up in front of him. It was almost hilarious enough to be worth the food poisoning he got afterward."

I laughed a little too hard, but it was the nerves again. I was never going to pull off this pretend-everything-is-okay thing.

I wore my heart on my sleeve.

The guys clambered back down the stairs, laughing and joking, and I had to wonder how Edward did it.

They stumbled into the kitchen and I anxiously shoved a plate of spaghetti at Emmett, accidentally slamming it against his chest. If his chest wasn't rock hard, it might have bruised him.

Emmett laughed and took the plate from me, grabbing another from the counter to take to Rosalie. "Anxious to serve, huh? Why can't you be like that more often?"

"You guys tired?" Edward asked, thankfully redirecting the attention away from me. "You gonna eat and then head straight to bed or what?"

Emmett already had a forkful of spaghetti in his mouth and was making his way over to the table where Rose sat.

"I am exhausted, actually," Rose said, looking anything but. "I'm hungry as well. Airplane food is horrid. This is really good, Bella."

"Thanks," I mumbled, chewing on my lip.

Edward took my hand and squeezed it once, his eyes pleading with me to keep it together.

I took a deep breath and nodded, letting him lead me over to the table.

Edward did most of the talking. He was pretty good at being visibly happy, but only I knew him well enough to see the anxiety in his eyes. I saw how his pupils were slightly dilated, how he kept clenching his right fist together under the table, how his smile was forced, as was his laugh. I could not help but stay completely silent. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I'd either start crying or I'd blurt out the truth.

"Why're you so quiet, Bella?" Rose asked her bright blue eyes boring into mine.

I stared at the table and fidgeted with the table cloth. "I'm just tired."

I could still feel her gaze on me when Edward said, "Yeah, it's been a rough few days..."

I glanced at him questioningly, wondering if he was opening up the conversation we had been dreading for hours. He shrugged at me sheepishly and I braced myself.

Emmett slammed his hand down on the table and we all jumped.

"I know what it is," he said. "Is it that pool in the backyard? I bet you guys have been swimming in it while we were swimming in the Pacific. I'm still waiting for an explanation about that, by the way. Did you guys win it or something?"

Edward chuckled. "Nah, we bought it."

"But this is Forks," Rose said incredulously. "It's completely unreasonable."

"Exactly," Edward laughed.

"Wait," Emmett said, holding his hand up. "You bought a pool because it was a stupid idea?"

Edward smirked at me and I couldn't help but return it.

"Pretty much," he said.

"Wow," Emmett stared at Edward in awe. "You got like two times cooler in my book. I still can't believe you spent money on something like that..."

"Well, technically _you_ did..." Edward trailed off and fake coughed into his fist.

Emmett frowned and glanced in between us while Rosalie's eyes widened.

Then his eyes narrowed as he observed Edward. "Wait a second. Please tell me you don't mean what I think you mean."

Edward grinned. "I would, but I'd be lying."

"Fuck you; you bought that with my credit card, didn't you?"

"Well it's not like we had nearly three-hundred dollars in our pockets."

"Three... _Three hundred dollars?_ American?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "No, Canadian."

Rosalie was giggling and shaking her head and Emmett was just glaring at Edward. Still, the twitch of his lips told us that he couldn't hide his amusement.

"I don't know if I should punch you in the face or commend you for your genius in the stupidity department," Emmett mumbled.

That made us all laugh but that was cut short when the phone rang.

Seriously, the sound of the house phone ringing had become absolutely ominous over the past few days, and I hated that.

I felt the panic start up again as I glanced at Edward to see him swallow, the anxiety more obvious in his eyes. What made it worse was that the house phone was in the kitchen as well, hooked onto the wall.

Emmett got up to answer it but by the time Edward shot out of his seat to stop him, it was too late.

Emmett held the phone to his ear, answering with a smile. "Swan residence. We have a pool in our backyard 'cause we're awesome like that."

Edward and I exchanged another glance, but this time it was disbelief instead of panic.

Emmett frowned suddenly. "Hello?" He glanced down at the receiver and then held it to his ear again. "Helloooo?" He shrugged and then hung up again. "No one there. Bummer. I wanted to hear what they'd say to the pool remark. Also, who the hell would be calling the house phone? Do people not have cell phones in the 21st century?" He sat back down and then glanced up at Edward. "Dude, why are you standing up?"

Edward stiffly sat back down and our panic disappeared for the moment.

The problem was that we didn't know when Charlie would be arriving. Edward had tried to weasel the information out of him but he was unsuccessful. Charlie kept saying he didn't know when he would come, but we both assumed he'd be coming at some point during the evening.

When lunch was over I hurriedly collected all the dishes and went to wash them. Rosalie and Emmett went upstairs to unpack a little and Edward helped me with the dishes.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore," I whispered, absentmindedly rubbing a plate clean.

Edward sighed. "Rose was staring at us the whole time. I'm surprised she didn't say anything."

"Maybe she's waiting to get us alone?"

"I dunno. To be honest, I just want to get it over with. I'm so close to just blurting it out myself."

"Do you think that was Charlie who called?"

He nodded. "Probably. He must've chickened out and hung up when he heard Emmett's voice."

"But that means that now he knows that they're back. Do you think he'll be showing up soon?" Just the thought made my stomach clench with dread.

Edward stared out the window above the sink, distracted. "I hope not."

We heard Emmett's loud footsteps come down the stairs and go into the living room, most likely heading straight for the remote. Sure enough, just a second later we heard him say, "Fuck, I missed cable."

The house phone rang yet again and we both jumped. Edward quickly went over to answer it before Emmett could from the other room.

"Yeah," he snapped into the phone.

I watched his expression, how it went completely blank. That told me that it was Charlie speaking. When he scowled, I knew he didn't like what he was hearing.

"No," he said in hushed tones, looking frustrated. "You really need to rethink that... Fuck if I care, you're not doing that..." He glanced towards the living room cautiously. "You might have told us this before. What the fuck do you... wait... hello? Fuck!"

He slammed the phone into the cradle attached to the wall and glared at it.

"What was that about?" I whispered my heart pounding.

"He's coming. Now."

My eyes widened and my hand flew to my mouth while Edward ran a hand through his hair.

"You were right; he heard Emmett's voice and then wanted to come over straight away. We need to do something about this shit, now."

I was starting to panic again and Edward reached for my hand, taking it and leading me out into the living room.

Emmett was standing with the house phone to his ear, complete shock on his suddenly pale complexion.

_Oh. My. God._

He had heard everything.

He was staring at the wall, the astonishment evident on his face, and right before our eyes the phone slipped from his hand and clattered to the floor.

He glanced up at us, and his eyes held so much emotion that, despite his massive body, he suddenly looked like a small child.

His mouth opened and closed and then he looked right at me, like he was scared. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, like he was trying to calm down, and when he opened them they weren't scared anymore.

They were pissed.

"What the fuck is going on?" His voice was low, slow, and absolutely frightening. Now he was looking at Edward.

Edward looked down at me, expression impassive, before turning back to Emmett.

"Charlie was here," he said calmly.

Emmett's eyes were blazing as he glanced between us.

"When?" he barked.

"Two days ago."

Emmett started pacing and he was breathing heavily, running both his hands through his hair. His nostrils were flared and the color was coming back to his face, but not in a good way.

He suddenly stopped pacing and turned to look at me, the emotion back in his eyes.

"Did he hurt you?"

I stared at him, confused by his question. "N-No..."

"Did he say anything? What happened? What the fuck was he doing here? Why wasn't I told about this, why the fuck was it kept a secret? Fuck!" He punched the air and I flinched. He turned back to us, looking completely intimidating and aggravated. "I want answers. Now."

He looked at the both of us expectantly but I didn't know what to say, since the most I did when I saw Charlie was cry and scream. My knees started to feel a little weak, so I walked over to an armchair and sunk down, feeling overwhelmed.

"You might want to sit..." Edward began.

"I'm fine standing, get on with it." Emmett's tone was curt.

Edward sighed. "We had no idea he was coming. Bella had been having some kind of weird nightmares for days, but the Asshat was always in them, not-"

"What the fuck does that have to do with Charlie?"

"I'm getting to it, chill the fuck out."

"Don't tell me to chill the fuck out; you don't understand what this means!"

Edward scowled at him. "Actually, I do know what the fuck it means, I was here to watch it happen."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Maybe if you'd shut up and stop interrupting-"

"What's going on?" Rosalie's voice filtered from the stairs and I was grateful for the break in the tension. Both Edward and Emmett were getting angry and it was starting to make me panic again.

"Charlie was here, apparently," Emmett snarled.

The look on Rosalie's face was one of absolute shock and she glanced between Edward and me with confusion and disbelief.

"How is that possible?" she gasped, coming and sitting in the armchair beside me. She took my hand in hers and squeezed it, calming me down a little.

"That's what I've been trying to tell him, but he wouldn't listen," Edward grumbled.

"That's because what you're saying is irrelevant," Emmett snapped.

"How the fuck do you know what's irrelevant and what's not, you weren't even fucking here!"

"Stop," I said, and it came out like a sob. "You guys... stop fighting. Please."

They glared at each other and then Emmett huffed, plopping down onto the couch across from me.

"The nightmares _were _relevant," Edward says, calm again. "Because they were a little precognitive. She kept hearing someone say 'he's coming', but the whole time she was freaking out because she thought it was the Asshat."

I stared at him, surprised that I hadn't made that connection yet.

"So yesterday, at like three in the fucking morning, the house phone rings. I come down here, and it's no one. A bit later there's a knock on the door, and lo and behold, it's Charlie."

"How'd you know it was him?" Emmett asked skeptically. "You've never seen him before."

"Bella's eyes," Edward said, looking down at me. "I knew, right off the bat."

"Then what happened?" Rosalie asked.

"He asked if he could come in, but I turned him down. Everything was finally all right again and his coming back was just going to fuck everything up. So I left him sitting out there. Then I realized that he wasn't going to leave so I let him in."

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Emmett asked irritably.

"Because he wasn't going to leave and he was going to be seen," Edward said, surprisingly patient. "He wanted to see Bella-"

"And you let him?" Emmett said incredulously. "Are you fucking stupid?"

"Emmett, please," Rose said softly.

Edward took a deep breath, his calm starting to waver. "Look, I know I probably shouldn't have let him in but I felt like Bella deserved an explanation. Like I said, he wasn't going to leave. Fuck, he'd probably sleep on the front step for days. Anyways, Bella saw him and spazzed out on his sorry ass, so he left. He decided to come back when you returned so that he could talk to the both of you at the same time. He's coming here now, as you heard."

Emmett let out a breath and rubbed his face, leaving it in his hands. Rose squeezed my hand once more before getting up to go comfort him, and Edward took her spot next to me. His large, familiar hands were even more comforting than Rosalie's.

Emmett glanced up at me, the perpetual light gone from his eyes. "You okay, kid?"

I nodded, smiling sadly. "I'm okay."

"Is he really coming here?" Emmett asked Edward. "Because I might just knock him on his ass."

"Probably," Edward answered sullenly. "Stubborn. Just like the pair of you."

Emmett narrowed his eyes and shook his head as Rosalie rubbed his back.

"I can't believe he's doing this," he muttered angrily. "The _nerve_. And what about Renee? Where is she?"

"He didn't say," Edward replied with a sigh. "Now all we have to do is... wait."

"Fuck this," Emmett stood up and started pacing again, an angry set to his eyebrows.

Abruptly he walked over to me and yanked me up by the arm, crushing me to his chest so hard that I couldn't breathe. I didn't care, I just held on to him.

In that moment, it was like Edward and Rosalie weren't there anymore, like we were back in the days before I met any of them, including Jacob. I was back in the days when I was fourteen and vulnerable and it was just me and my brother, struggling to move on from the trauma of our parents leaving us. Once again, it was just the two of us, holding on to each other because it was all we had left.

The moment was personal, just one for me and my big brother.

"I should have been here," Emmett said into my hair.

I pulled away, trying not to make it obvious that I was gasping for breath.

"No, you were fine where you were. I wasn't alone." I looked at Edward and he smiled sadly at me.

The brief silence was broken when there was a knock on the door.

All of our heads whipped in that direction.

My heart rate sped up and the anxiety twisted in my stomach.

Edward and Rosalie rose to their feet, slowly.

Emmett let me go but pushed me behind him like I was in some terrible danger.

Edward put an arm around my shoulder and held me to him protectively.

Emmett clenched and unclenched his jaw.

Rosalie held a hand to her mouth, brows furrowed as she looked between the door and Emmett.

Emmett's hands were clenching into fists.

We all stood there, staring at the door.

The knocking continued.

"Someone get it," Edward muttered.

"I might kill him," Emmett said, and Rosalie put a hand on his arm.

"I'll get it," she whispered, and then looked very pointedly at Edward and Emmett when she said, "Both of you stay calm and don't do anything rash."

She turned and walked lithely to the door, glancing over her shoulder once more before opening it.

I would have thought that I'd fall apart when I saw him again, but I didn't. I felt stronger somehow, and I knew it was because I felt like I had protectors around me.

I was surrounded by people that loved me, and that made me strong.

Charlie glanced at Rose for only a second before he looked over her shoulder at Emmett, whose jaw was clenched and nostrils were flared. His eyes were absolutely cold.

They stared at each other much like I had stared at him the day before. Rosalie glanced at Emmett over her shoulder but didn't let Charlie enter just yet.

"Let him in," Emmett said, and his voice was just as cold as his eyes.

Rosalie watched him cautiously and then stepped to the side.

Charlie took a few cautious steps forward, like he was approaching a wild animal. He paused a few feet away from Emmett, who was a good few inches taller, and eyed him warily. The emotion in his eyes wasn't as strong as when he had seen me, but that may have been due to the fact that I looked like I was going to collapse (which I did) and Emmett just looked murderous.

After a while, Charlie spoke, saying one sole word in greeting: "Son."

It all happened so fast that I would have missed it if I hadn't been watching Emmett.

The sound of Emmett's fist connecting with Charlie's jaw made me cringe, and in a flash Edward was up and trying to restrain him while Rosalie was keeping Charlie far away from her husband.

Emmett was yelling, Edward was yelling, Rosalie was hissing something at the both of them, Charlie was rubbing his jaw with a look of pain on his face, and I sat back down and held my head in my hands because my world was crashing down right in front of my eyes.

I don't even know what happened after that. I was too focused on trying not to break down with my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. I wanted it all to disappear. My ears were open but I was only partially aware of what was being said because everyone was talking at once. It sounded like Edward and Rosalie were trying to calm Emmett down while Emmett was sputtering hateful words at Charlie. I heard my name a few times, and I assumed that Emmett was bringing up what my parents' leaving had done to me.

Charlie's voice was the softest, almost reasoning. I think he was trying to get Emmett to let him explain or something.

It was all like one big soap opera, except it was reality. My reality.

I heard Edward say my name and it wasn't until he touched me that I let out a breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"Fuck, you were turning blue," he muttered, seating himself on the arm of the armchair I was sitting in. I looked around and saw with surprise that Emmett was sitting in the armchair beside me. Charlie was on the couch across from us, holding ice to his jaw, while Rosalie stood by the coffee table in between them, like a referee.

When did all that happen? One second there was chaos and then everyone was seated and calm.

Well, almost everyone. Emmett was still scowling at the ground; his jaw remained taut.

"I deserved that," Charlie mumbled, not making eye contact with anyone. He looked tired, worn out, like he was going to fall asleep if he blinked.

"And you still think we should listen to a word you have to say?" Emmett asked, glaring at him.

"Yes," Charlie sighed. "Not because I want you to show me mercy, but you need to know. Once you hear me out, I'll walk away, but only if you want me to."

Emmett took a deep breath and looked at me, taking my hand while Edward put an arm over my shoulder.

"What do you say?" Emmett asked me.

"I don't think we have a choice," I responded quietly.

Emmett sighed and then turned to Charlie, nodding once.

Charlie was quiet for a moment, probably thinking about how to start his story. Once he started, he was staring at the coffee table, his eyes distant and his hand still holding ice to his jaw.

"We were never meant to be parents," Charlie mumbled. "Renee and I... Having Emmett right out of high school was the biggest... We couldn't handle the responsibility of it all. Getting married right out of high school was a mistake, but when you're young and in love you'll do crazy things.

"The way I felt about her was... indescribable. My entire world revolved around her; she was my everything. It was love at its most desperate." He fumbled with his words before continuing. "It was like I couldn't live without her. She was my oxygen, what kept me going. I didn't see anything wrong with marrying her at eighteen because she was what I wanted, more than anything. When you feel that way about a person, you'll do anything to keep them happy because when they're happy, you're happy. She was a piece of me and it was like I couldn't exist without her. She understood me, and I understood her and it was more than I could ask for. I'd have taken a bullet for that woman. If she wanted to travel, I'd travel with her. If she wanted to buy a farm, I'd work my ass off until we could. If she didn't want kids, then I didn't want them either.

"But when she got pregnant, she wanted to get rid of it but I wouldn't let her." We stared at him in shock.

"'It being me," Emmett murmured.

Charlie looked up ruefully. "Yes. She was freaking out, saying that it was going to ruin her plans for college, but I couldn't let her get rid of my child. Our child. Despite the fact that I'd do anything for her and let her do what she wanted, I grew up in a devoutly Catholic household and although I am not a religious man, I couldn't let her do it. At first she wouldn't listen but eventually she changed her mind and then I was forced to find a job."

"What about your families?" Edward asked him."Your parents, Renee's parents...?"

Emmett and I already knew that answer, but Edward and Rose didn't.

"Well our marriage wasn't exactly approved of on either side," Charlie said gruffly. "Like I said, I grew up in a strictly Catholic household so a marriage to Protestant Renee wasn't going to cut it. We were in love and we didn't care. I'd sacrifice my family for her, and I did just that. We were perfectly happy with being disowned by our overbearing families, as long as it meant being together. So that's exactly what ended up happening, and we were perfectly happy."

"So both your families disowned you?" Edward asked.

Charlie shrugged. "Pretty much. Neither of us had any siblings so it was just our parents and grandparents that we had to face. Renee and I had been rebels of a sort, going against our parents every step of the way. Drove them crazy. We felt suffocated in our households and when we met in high school and saw how much we really had in common, we vowed to break away from our families and live together, just the two of us. So that's exactly what we did.

"We had big dreams, the two of us. We both wanted to travel the world, do crazy things. We had some kind of a bucket list, actually. When she got pregnant, it all changed.

"We had been living in Port Angeles at the time, and we settled into a small apartment. After two years of community college I looked into joining the police force and then when Emmett was three we moved to Forks. Not sure you remember much from then, do you?" He looked at Emmett, who shook his head.

"Anyway, Renee really wanted to move into a small town. Whatever Renee wanted, Renee got because I couldn't deny her anything. I should have known it was one of those things she's be interested in for a little while and then become bored of. When she got pregnant a second time, it complicated things once again because we had been planning to move to Arizona in a few months. She wanted a complete change in climate, a nice little house with cacti out front... A pregnancy meant another baby which meant spending more money and not having enough to travel.

"So we ended up staying in Forks and having another baby. I'll admit, we weren't great parents but we tried. To us, based on the households we grew up in, parenting was putting a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food on the table. We let the two of you be independent, because we didn't want you to have to rely on us for anything. We didn't want to suffocate you like our parents suffocated us."

"Why?" Emmett asked. "Because you were planning on leaving all along?"

Charlie dropped his gaze with a sigh. "Not exactly. I had completely dismissed the thought of traveling for life, but Renee talked about it occasionally. She'd say things like 'I can't wait until we take a vacation' and 'I can't wait to be free'. I kind of brushed it off for years but it started getting more frequent when you went off to college. Bella's always been independent, always keeping to herself with her books. She wasn't a needy kid, not ever. It only justified Renee's reasons to leave for her little vacation."

"If she really wanted a vacation, why didn't she say so?" Emmett asked angrily. "Why the fuck did she just take off? She could've said, 'Hey kids, we're gonna take a break and go to Hawaii for a little while'. Why didn't she do that, huh?"

"Because she didn't have any intentions to come back," Charlie replied patiently.

"So 'vacation' was what she called it to make herself feel better about the fact that it was actually abandonment," Edward said it like a statement.

"I'd say so," Charlie nodded.

"But where is she now, why isn't she here?" I asked.

"I'm getting to it," he told me. "So, when Bella got into her teen's things started to change. As with any teenager, there was a growing distance between parents and child. We saw her at meals and the rest of the time she was holed up in her room with her books. Life got dull for Renee, and she didn't know what to do with herself so she started planning.

"I didn't know she was packing up a little day by day. She was careful to do it when I wasn't around. The money was already adding up, seeing as we had been saving up for it for years. I just never thought that she'd try and put the money to use while Bella was still growing."

I tried to blink away the tears because I was so painfully confused. "But _why_? Why did she want to leave so badly?"

Charlie looked at me and there was something in his eyes, something repentant. He looked away and dropped the hand that was holding the ice to his jaw, where a large bruise was now forming.

"She was an enigma, that Renee," he mumbled. "That's what drew me to her, you know? She was completely spontaneous, jumping from one thing to the next. She was all about living life to the fullest, no regrets. After a while it got tiring, but that's what I loved about her. I loved how she dreamt big, how she had every intention to fulfill those dreams. She was the optimist to my pessimist, and I adored that about her. It's what made me fall in love with her in the first place; she was so unique from everyone else. When we had kids she felt tied down and she hated it."

"She hated us too," Emmett said impassively.

Charlie shook his head. "No, she didn't. Neither of us did. We knew you would feel that way, but..." He groaned and put the ice pack on the coffee table so he could rub his face with both hands. "It's complicated."

"So explain it to us," Edward said.

Charlie looked up exasperatedly. "I'm trying. In order for you guys to fully comprehend the reasons behind Renee's actions, you'd have to have known her for years. Why do you think she pushed you kids away, growing up? Why do you think she made sure you were independent and didn't need us for much? Her dreams were planned a long time ago, long before either of you were born, so when you were added into the equation she wanted to take you out, to lessen the pain when we left."

"If you're trying to make her sound selfless, it's not working," Emmett growled.

"I'm not," he said emphatically. "She was selfish, still is, and she knew it. Her keeping herself distant from you two was completely intentional, to make her feel better about what she was doing. She wasn't going to get rid of her dreams so she could raise kids that she never intended to have." He rested his elbows on his knees and continued passionately, "It didn't matter when she left; she was never going to come back. She despised this town, hated it more than anything. She hoped that by distancing herself from you two she'd make you hate her, or dislike her at the most so that when she disappeared, you'd be glad."

Edward snorted. "Please. She'd have to do more than just avoid her children to make them hate her. That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. Ask me, I'm the one with parents fucked up enough to be hated."

"Clearly she didn't try hard enough," Emmett said, ignoring Edward's comments. "Neither of us hated her."

"Because deep down it wasn't what she wanted," Charlie said. "She tried, but in the end she didn't want to be hated even though it would have been easier on her."

"You seem eager to throw everything on Renee," Emmett said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "What about you? You were a part of it just as much as she was."

Charlie sighed and nodded solemnly. "I know I was. She had me hooked from day one; I could never say no to her. I was perfectly fine with staying in Forks for the rest of my life but she still wanted to travel. We saved up all that money for all those years, set some aside to give the kids when we left, and when the time came- much too soon for my liking- I hesitated.

"I still wanted to go on that big vacation with my wife, but I didn't want it to be forever and I didn't want it to be while Bella was still under our roof. It wasn't working out how it should have, but Renee was adamant." He sighed. "She gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or the kids."

"And you chose her," Rosalie whispered.

Charlie's eyes were glazed over. "I had to. When the love of your life says you have to pick between her and those that wouldn't even be around when they were all grown, what else do you do? Emmett was already out and in college; Bella was starting high school and would be moving out in a few years... Renee wasn't willing to wait until after. She wanted to leave that very day, and that's what she got.

"Love turns you into a fool. It blinds you completely. Renee was more than willing to go without me, but I didn't want to acknowledge that. I couldn't let her go. I didn't want to be a lonely old man while my children were off living their life and my wife was God-knows-where. Christ, I _had _to be with her, wherever she was.

"She used to say things like, 'You'll never see me again, Charlie' and 'It's time, now or never. You let me walk out that door alone and that's it'. Sometimes she'll say 'I can't live without you, baby, you need to come with me' or 'I need you to survive out there'. Everything she said clawed at me and I just couldn't. Say. No.

"She had me wrapped around her finger, always had from day one. I loved you kids more than she did, because to me you were a part of us and to her you were a burden."

I flinched. Hearing him say it out loud hurt more than it hurt when I thought about it.

"A week before she left she told me she found a lump in her breast," Charlie whispered. The atmosphere in the room got darker as all of us listened in shock. "It... it tore me apart. It ripped me open and took me for everything I was worth."

"She had breast cancer?" Emmett gasped.

Charlie smirked, but it was a bitter thing. "No. She lied."

We all listened, completely immersed in the story.

"She said, 'I'm dying, Charlie. I'm dying.' How could I say no to her? How could I say no to her wanting to keep that from you kids? Of course, it wasn't until a few months later that I realized nothing was actually wrong with her. It made me... so _angry_. I remember we were in Sweden at the time. I had started to wonder how she could look so healthy, so radiant, and so happy. When I asked her, she said it was because she was finally living her life the way she wanted to. I bought it, but I'm not stupid.

"I was growing more suspicious day by day. One day, I uh..." He hesitated, his neck growing red from embarrassment. "I decided to see for myself if there really was a lump in her breast. Sure enough, there was nothing."

Edward chuckled. "You felt her up during sex, didn't you?"

"Edward," Rose chided softly, shaking her head.

Charlie sighed. "Afraid so."

"So why are you here?" Emmett asked. "Why aren't you with her, if you love her so much?"

Charlie looked him right in the eyes when he said, "I'm not so sure I do anymore."

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Wait a second, I thought she was your everything. You just left her and came back?"

Charlie sighed. "After she lied to me I didn't know if I could trust her. Believe me, I wanted to, but... She just kept giving me reasons not to. We started to run low on money, which was strange because we had been pretty well off. We had only been to England, Spain, and France and we were only down to a couple thousand francs. It didn't make any sense.

"Then all of a sudden we would have an influx of money. I've never been any good at math, but I wasn't gullible. I knew when we were low on cash and when we weren't. The question was, where was the money coming from after we started to run low?"

Charlie's eyes got even more distant and his tone of voice deepened into something somber. "There was a man. Phil. He was an Arizonian that was on a business trip in Spain. Met him at a bar of all places. Introduced him to Renee, they hit it off... thought nothing of it. Loved her too much, trusted her too much.

"I don't know when I let myself accept that she was having an affair. I denied it for a year and a half and then I just couldn't take it anymore. The extra money, her willingness to stay in Spain for longer than necessary, the fact that she wanted to go on this little 'vacation' while Bella was still living with us... it was staring me right in the face and I didn't want to believe it."

"How did you find out?" Edward asked in a whisper, his expression extremely attentive and interested.

Charlie sighed. "Renee's emails. She'd met him online while we were still in Forks, had been in contact with him even after we left Spain and were in India. It explained why she had wanted to move to Arizona at some point and why she wanted to leave so early. I'll admit, I was curious as to why she had been acting so strange. Everything about her wasn't Renee anymore. She wasn't Renee anymore, not _my_ Renee. She was someone else's Renee..." He trailed off, lost in thought.

The following silence was one of careful contemplation as we all let his story sink in. I couldn't imagine Renee lying about having breast cancer to convince Charlie to travel with her and then having an affair that had started while they were still home. I had a few memories of Renee glued to her laptop almost 24/7, but now I knew the reason why.

"When I ended things, she laughed," Charlie muttered. "She said, 'Oh Charlie, I was waiting for you to say the words.' At that point her words didn't even hurt; I was completely numb. When I told her I was going home, she laughed even harder. She told me I was crazy for thinking that I'd be allowed back into our kids' lives."

"You were," Emmett said, monotone.

"I didn't think I'd be welcomed back with open arms, believe me," Charlie said. "I wasn't expecting smiling children. I was expecting anger, and it's exactly what I got. It's what I deserve."

"And you didn't care that you were reopening wounds?" I asked him, my chest aching.

"Of course I did," he said softly. "Of course. Wounds heal, you know."

I snorted bitterly. "They may heal, but it takes a long time. Healing hurts, too. Especially if the wound is one that took forever to heal, only to be ripped open again."

Somehow I was able to look him right in the eyes when I said that, and what I saw looking back at me was a different kind of pain. It wasn't just pain, it was complete and utter guilt.

I didn't even care. I felt cold all over; like my body was ice and nothing could warm me. I felt cold on the inside, too, like I cared about nothing and no one.

When had I become so apathetic?

"She's right," Emmett said, but his tone wasn't as emotionless as mine. It was softer. "You can't just take off like that, leaving us all emotionally screwed up, and then come back expecting that some guilt and a sob story is enough for us to take you back. I get it, you got played. Big time. Not our fault."

Charlie nodded. "I understand. Like I said, I'm not expecting open arms. I just felt like an explanation was due."

"Showing up on the doorstep early one morning isn't exactly smart, either," Edward mused, rubbing his chin.

"I called," Charlie said defensively.

"Yeah, and then hung up," Edward retorted.

"I just felt like if I called and asked to come over, I would be turned down."

"Damn straight," Emmett said.

"What are we doing about this, then?" Rosalie asked, concern etched on her delicate features. She turned to Charlie. "Where are you staying?"

Charlie shrugged. "Motel in Port Angeles. Rented a car to come down here. Forks isn't exactly where I wanted to stay, not with the gossip that we probably started with leaving."

"How long do you plan on staying there?"

He glanced at Emmett and me before answering. "Not sure. Still got some money left, whatever Renee didn't take."

"Where is she now?" Edward asked curiously.

Charlie shrugged again. "Who knows? China? Brazil? Mars? Wherever she is, she's with Phil."

"I can't believe she would do that..." Emmett muttered to himself, looking disturbed.

"Oh, she's perfectly capable of doing things you wouldn't believe," Charlie replied sourly. "Took me six months of traveling alone to finally be able to let go of her. Six months to decide what to do with my life now that my reason for living wasn't with me anymore."

"Six months to decide whether or not to come home," Rosalie added quietly.

Charlie nodded, closing his eyes and exhaling. "I gotta tell you, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my chest."

"It's been added to ours," Emmett grumbled.

"I'm sorry for that," Charlie said, actually apologizing for the first time. He opened his mouth but then closed it again, seemingly overcome with emotion. "God, I'm... so, so, so sorry. Christ... I know it doesn't mean anything, 'sorry' is just a word but if you could feel what I'm feeling right now... "

He suddenly broke down into tears and it was disconcerting. In the fourteen years that I had known Charlie, I had never seen him cry. Not once. Emotionally, he had always been like a brick wall to me: impenetrable. He didn't wear his heart on his sleeve like me; you could never tell what he was feeling. To have him start crying with his face in his hands shook me up a little.

Nobody did anything. Nobody knew what to do. It was very uncomfortable and the atmosphere was plagued with a strange mixture of tension and concern.

I didn't feel sorry for him. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Surprised by my apathy towards him, I had to look away from his hunched form.

I wasn't one to dwell on the past; In fact, I hated it. Having him come back made it absolutely impossible to forget, and I resented him for it. There was not an ounce of sympathy inside of me at that moment. Once again, I felt cold.

Still, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't deeply concerned for him. I wasn't sure why, but somehow I was worried about him. I hated to feel anything positive at all, but I wasn't inhumane. As cold as I was feeling at that moment, I knew it was only a matter of time before I started to warm up.

I wasn't even sure if I wanted to.

Charlie pulled himself together and Rosalie handed him a box of tissues.

"I'm a fool," he said, sounding like he was choking. "I'm a fool that doesn't deserve to be forgiven, so I'm not even going to ask for it."

He crumpled up the tissue in his hand and looked at us, his eyes bloodshot and swollen. The bruise on his jaw was getting worse and he looked twice his age.

It was a pathetic sight, and I felt a pang of something that I didn't like.

I reminded myself to not feel sorry for him. Not at all.

"I'd like to leave," he said quietly. "I've told you everything, and that was what I came here to do."

"What were you trying to accomplish?" Emmett asked him, monotone once again.

Charlie stood up, slowly, like it was a difficult task to get to his feet. "I'm not sure. I know I've changed things; I know I've put a strain on you two. I'm not asking for much... All right, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want a second chance. I want it, but I won't ask for it. I don't deserve to ask for it." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a piece of paper that looked like it had been crumpled and then unfolded a hundred times.

He held it out to Rosalie. "That's the information of where I'm staying. In case... anyone wants to contact me... for whatever. I won't expect anything, but... The info's there... if... you know... I'll show myself out."

He glanced one last time at Emmett and me, and I couldn't look him in the eye. I was afraid of what I might see there.

A moment later I heard the door click shut and I stopped feeling so cold. It was like he took the cold with him, leaving unpleasant warmth behind. I looked up to meet Emmett's gaze and with his eyes he was asking me, "Are you okay?"

I half-shrugged and rested my head against Edward's side, since he was still sitting on the arm of my armchair. He soothingly rubbed my back and I felt absolutely miserable.

"I don't know what to do," Emmett mumbled, and I looked over to see Rosalie doing to him what Edward was doing to me. "I fucking... hate him."

"I don't think you do," Rosalie said softly.

"What, you actually think we should let him back into our lives?"

"It's too late," I whispered. "We already have."

* * *

**A/N:** So. Charlie. Forgivable or unforgivable? Should he get a second chance? You decide.

Much love to all of you for reading, especially to my fuckawesome betas **Pinkaquaclouds** and** TashaTBHx **for the beta work.

Two chapters left. We're coming to a close. :(

See you guys next time!


	44. Someday

**Chapter 44- Someday**

_You can go  
__You can start all over again  
__You can try to find a way to make another day go by  
__You can hide  
__Hold all your feelings inside  
__You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry_

_And maybe someday  
__We'll figure all this out  
__Try to put an end to all our doubt  
__Try to find a way to make things better now and  
__Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud  
__We'll be better off somehow  
__Someday_

**Someday- Rob Thomas**

* * *

**Edward POV**

What a fucking nightmare.

I think life was mocking us, really. It was laughing at us and saying, "Enjoy the sex and laughs, because I've got a shitload of depression coming your way motherfuckers!"

What a bitch.

We hadn't seen Charlie following his last departure, and he hadn't called back. You'd have thought that his absence would make it more peaceful for us, but we were all a bit unsettled.

Still, time made it easier to get over. I was already over it, and I just thought, "Fuck him". Emmett had a similar attitude, though it resonated at a deeper level with him. Rosalie was a little more sympathetic, and I wasn't really sure what was up with Bella.

Bella had been... quiet. She rarely talked about Charlie, though I knew she thought about him often. It was how she would zone out, her eyes distant, face emotionless. She was in another place, inside of her head, and it kind of worried me. I didn't want her to over-think things, but she wasn't as straightforward as me. Either I liked someone or I didn't, either I forgave them or I didn't, either I wanted something or I didn't. There were no gray areas, which isn't always the smartest thing, but that's just how I was.

Maybe it was a guy thing. Emmett also had a "fuck you, go to hell" kind of attitude towards Charlie, whereas both Bella and Rosalie thought about it more. They often spoke in hushed whispers, and I just knew they were talking about Charlie and what to do about him.

In my opinion, he could just fuck off. We were better off without him and his coming back hadn't made anything better. It left Bella and Emmett with the knowledge that their father was out there, alone, as a result of a cheating wife and bad decisions.

The motherfucker dug his own grave, and now he could live in it.

However, it was hard to just forget Charlie. He was there, at the back of all of our heads. We were still pretending like everything was all right, even though it was far from.

I was looking forward to September, which was just about two weeks away, because Bella would start her senior year and (hopefully) be kept too busy to think about Charlie. I wanted so badly for her to start moving forward and it seemed like the only way to do that was to start something new- in this case, a new school.

Honestly, she was taking it quite well. She hadn't cried it all since he left and day by day, although she was still quieter than usual, she seemed to be getting better.

Now, exactly one week after he walked out the door, I stared at Bella's profile as she watched TV. Well, she was pretending to watch it. Emmett and Rosalie's summer holiday had ended and they were at work, leaving us at home.

Bella's brown eyes were glazed over, though they were focused on the cooking show. The lady on the telly had an irritating voice, one of those raspy ones where you just want to tell her to clear her fucking throat even though that's just how her voice is. She threw in a shitload of meat into a pan and it looked a bit nauseating.

I had been sitting next to Bella on the couch and sketching nothing in particular; I was just trying to get back into the hobby. I had asked her what she thought of a stupid drawing I made of what was supposed to be a dragon but ended up looking like a big dog with scales. I decided to call it a dragon-dog hybrid to make it sound less stupid. When I asked Bella her opinion, she ignored me and that was when I noticed the distant look on her face that I had grown too familiar with.

I sighed and set my sketchbook down on the coffee table, next to Bella's laptop. I had made her start searching for potential universities to get her mind off of Charlie, but then she gave up and turned on the telly.

I took her limp hand off her lap and ran my lips over her knuckles. "Bella?"

She continued to stare at the screen. "Hmm?"

"Talk to me."

She hadn't really talked to me much about Charlie. I hated how the most talking we had done was mostly small talk; I knew that her comments about her "father" had been saved for Rose and I had to wonder why.

Maybe it was childish of me, but I was kind of irritated that she chose to confide in my sister and not me.

Bella rested her head against the back of the couch and looked at me, expression blank but eyes guarded. I knew her face so well- she was trying to look calm but her eyes told me that she was scared that I was going to ask her about Charlie. Which I was.

"What do you want to talk about?" she asked, monotone.

I wasn't going to beat about the bush so I said, "I want to talk about why you talk to Rose about Charlie, and not me."

She blinked, surprised, and then groaned. "Nothing gets past you."

I grinned and moved closer to her, putting my elbow on the back of the couch and putting my head in my hand.

"I don't normally talk about my feelings and shit but, to be honest, I'm feeling a bit jealous of my sister."

She opened her eyes to look at me incredulously before a small smile graced her lips. "You're jealous of Rosalie because I talk to her about Charlie and not you?"

"So you admit it then?"

"Admit what?"

"That you talk to Rose about Charlie and not me."

She shrugged. "I guess."

"Why? Don't you trust me?"

She shook her head. "It's not that. I just feel like... I feel like she'll understand the situation better."

I cocked an eyebrow. "How so?"

She looked away, chewing on her lip sheepishly.

"You can tell me," I said softly.

She glanced at me and I did this thing where I look at her from under my eyelashes with my puppy-dog eyes, blinking every three seconds. It usually always got me what I wanted.

Bella rolled her eyes. "You don't have to give me that look, I'll tell you." She sighed before continuing. "You and Emmett... it's so easy for you guys to just act like nothing happened." I raised my brows at her and she backtracked. "Okay, so maybe you don't act like nothing happened but it's so easy for you to just shun someone and move on with your lives. According to Rose, Emmett is taking it harder than he shows, but he's so willing to move on and just forget about Charlie. Me and Rose... we can't just forget that he's back."

"You can't forget that he left, either," I retorted.

"I know that. But you have to understand, it's hard to ignore that he's here now."

"So what, you're just going to forgive him?" I said incredulously, and I couldn't help the anger that laced my tone.

"He didn't ask to be forgiven, he asked for a second chance," she reiterated.

"And you're going to give it to him?" I thought she was mental.

She shook her head, frustrated. "I know you guys think that I'm going to let him back in as though nothing happened, as though everything is back to normal, but I'm not that freakin' crazy."

"No? Then explain it to me, 'cause you're coming off as a little insane."

She glared at me. "Edward, you won't even _try_ to understand."

"I am trying!" I protested.

"No you're not. Just listening to me talk is not trying to understand. Think about how hard this is for me right now- what would you do about Charlie if you were in my shoes?"

"Fuck him up."

"Edward, seriously," she stood up and started pacing, an angry set to her expression. "Try being a little more sympathetic."

"Why are you so angry?"

"Because you guys won't try to comprehend how we feel right now! It's like..." She stopped pacing and dropped her arms from the wild gestures she was making before coming back to plop down next to me. "Rosalie knows what it's like to lose the trust of a parent." I opened my mouth to say that I did, too, but she didn't let me. "I know you're gonna say that so have you, but it's different for her and you know it. I can't ignore his existence any more than I can let him back into my life."

I ran my hand through my hair, trying not to let the frustration get to me. "So what do you intend to do, exactly?"

Bella chewed on her lower lip again, her brows furrowed. "That's what we've been thinking about. We don't know if he's still staying at the motel or what, but wherever he is I'm not going to ignore him."

I sat up a little straighter, eager to try and understand what the fuck she was getting at. "Okay so if you're not going to ignore him, but you're not going to let him back into your life... what the fuck are you going to do?"

"Find a balance," she muttered. "I'm not going to call him Dad and I'm not going to talk to him every day and I'm not going to forgive him, but I'm still going to find a way to keep things... sane."

I snorted. "Sane. Good luck with that."

Bella scowled at me. "Thanks for the support."

I took both her hands in mine. "Look, I'm just looking out for you. I don't want you to get hurt again; I don't want _him_ to hurt you again. He sat there, blubbering like a little wuss, just to make you feel sorry for him."

"I _don't_ feel sorry for him," she said emphatically. "I'm just trying to be mature about the situation and not pretend like he's still gone, because he's not. He's here, whether we like it or not and we need to do something about it instead of sitting around and turning the other cheek."

"All right, all right, I get what you're saying but... God, I just don't want to give him the satisfaction of having you on his side."

"I'm _not_ on his side," she said exasperatedly. "It's not just black or white! It's not forgiveness or blame. This isn't one of those situations, as much as I wish it was."

I started to see her logic but I didn't like that she was going to let Charlie in at all. Then again, it wasn't up to me. It was her decision, and I didn't have to agree with her, I just had to understand her.

Who the fuck would have expected me to have that kind of knowledge?

"I thought maybe you'd know kind of what Charlie's going through," Bella continued.

I stared at her. "I'm sorry, have I abandoned my children to go on a fucking holiday and then come back to find out that my daughter was in an abusive relationship because of the emotional effects of what I did? I don't think I know what he's feeling right now."

"I'm talking about having done something that you deeply regret," she said. "I'm talking about making a huge mistake with emotional consequences for the other person. I'm talking about wanting to be forgiven but not feeling like you deserve it. I'm talking about apologizing to someone but not feeling like sorry is enough. I'm talking about Anna."

I flinched. "That's... That's kind of a low blow."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I only brought her up because I thought you'd get where I'm coming from with everything that happened between you two."

"Sorry, am I Anna or am I Charlie?"

"You're Charlie."

"So who's Anna?"

"Me."

"But then who's me?"

"No one."

"You're basically saying that Charlie is feeling what I had been feeling after the whole Anna thing, so I should be more sympathetic to the situation?"

"Exactly."

I thought about that for a moment. "Okay, I get it. I still don't think he should be given another chance, but if it's what you want to do then okay. I've got your back."

She sighed tiredly and put her head in my lap. "That's all I ask."

I stroked her hair. "You know you shouldn't hesitate to talk to me about anything, right? Even if I am a little hard-headed and an asshole towards people I don't like."

"I know," she whispered.

We fell into a thoughtful silence and I absentmindedly ran my hands through her soft hair. I thought about how fucked up everything was.

Though, I had to admit, things would have been less complicated if the Asshat showed up. That way we could just kill him and be done with it. It wasn't like I could kill Charlie. That wouldn't solve anything.

I started to wonder- what had ever happened to Jacob Asshat Black? I knew he was in some prison in Michigan but I didn't know much about his sentence.

My eyes flashed down to Bella and I saw that hers were closed.

"You falling asleep?" I whispered.

"Hmm," she hummed. "That feels nice. I might take a nap."

I kept on stroking her hair and watched as she slowly fell into a slumber. No one had been sleeping well and it was posing a problem. Emmett took at least three naps during the day and was still tired in the morning. I took at least two and Rosalie at least one.

When I was sure Bella was really asleep, I said her name but got no response. My eyes flashed to her laptop and, ever so slowly, I lifted her head off my lap and set it gently on one of the cushions. I dropped the afghan on her sleeping form and then plopped down into the armchair, picking up her laptop.

I switched it on, impatiently tapping my fingers against the arm of the chair while I waited for everything to load. Once it was ready I opened up the internet browser and then went to Google.

I glanced at Bella's face once last time before typing in two words: "Jacob Black."

I got about ten thousand results, so I changed the settings so that it would show me the latest options. I skimmed the choices and at the top I saw that there was a newspaper article from just about a month ago.

The headline read, **TEEN CONVICT SENTENCED TO LIFE AFTER PRISON MURDER**

I eagerly opened up the page and was greeted by a fugly mug shot of the Asshat as he smirked at the camera. His brows created a shadow over his eyes and his lips were pulled up into a sinister smirk. I stared at his face with pure hatred, almost wanting to start pummelling the screen with my fists. What I wouldn't give to never see his face every again.

I scrolled down so that his face was out of my view and started reading the article.

Apparently, a few months ago, the Asshat had stabbed another inmate twenty seven times with some metal rod he had somehow gotten his hands on. A few days later he beat another inmate to death. It was a month ago that it was decided that his original prison sentence of thirty years was now increased to life. Not only that, but he'd been put in solitary confinement because apparently he wasn't mentally stable anymore.

I sat back in the chair, feeling so relieved that I hadn't even realised I had any tension about this in the first place. I had to admit, I wasn't too surprised he'd gone off his rocker in prison. I was just glad he wouldn't be getting out at all. My biggest fear now was that he'd escape somehow and come after us, but I quickly pushed that thought aside. I reckoned the security at solitary confinement was pretty fucking tight.

At least, I hoped so.

After a moment of just staring at the article I went back to the Google homepage and hesitated with my fingers over the keys. I glanced at Bella once more before finally typing in: "Renee Swan".

I paused before pressing 'enter', not sure if she was even called that anymore. I doubted the Google would tell me about her whereabouts, but it was worth a shot. I wondered what she looked like as well.

I pressed enter and was greeted by a bunch of shit that was completely irrelevant. Then something caught my eye.

It was a missing person's report from years ago, just a scan of a page out of a newspaper. The photo was one of both Charlie and Renee, one that looked like it had been taken at some event. Renee was in a black dress and she was thin, maybe a little too thin. She looked more like Bella, except for her gray eyes, whereas Charlie had given Emmett most of his features.

Bella had Renee's nose. Their smile was the same too, and I hated that a woman so awful could have a smile so beautiful. I could see what Charlie must have fallen for, seeing as she wasn't exactly hideous. Still, there was something in her expression that I didn't like. In the photo, Charlie's smile looked forced but hers was genuine. However, the smile, as bright as it was, was almost... smug. That was the only word I could think of.

Bella stirred and I panicked slightly, immediately closing the page. I didn't know why I was so on edge; it's not like I was looking at porn or some shit.

She blinked her eyes open and lifted her head in confusion, frowning when she saw me.

"What're you doing?" she mumbled, sitting up.

"Oh, uh, just... looking at stuff online. I'm done." I snapped her laptop shut and set it back on the table. "That was a quick nap."

She shrugged and threw the afghan off, walking over to me to plop down into my lap.

She yawned and buried her face in my neck while I wrapped my arms around her. "I haven't slept well in... forever."

"Likewise," I sighed.

"I miss being able to sleep peacefully," she muttered sadly.

"I miss watching you sleep peacefully," I whispered back.

I pressed my lips to her forehead and she tightened her arms around my neck.

"Edward, I think I'd shrivel up and die without you. Just sayin'."

* * *

I had to wonder if the townsfolk knew that Charlie was back. Bella had told me about the gossip that had been conjured up when her parents left, but he had to have been seen by now. Of course, we really hadn't left the house much since coming back from London, so we would have no real idea of who was saying what about who until school started up again.

So it was with open ears that we headed back-to-school shopping the following day. Bella needed a few things and obviously I accompanied her.

We were on edge in public, eavesdropping on several different conversations without success. I found the people of Forks to be incredibly mundane, most of them talking about their relatives, their plans for whatever day, or some random shit.

"How can anyone be talking about the weather?" I hissed to Bella as we passed by a pair of old ladies chatting in one of the aisles. "I mean, it never fucking changes! How is that even a topic of conversation?"

"We should stop," Bella whispered. "We're being paranoid. I know most of these people; they would have approached me by now. No one's looking at me weird, either."

As if on cue, a woman who looked to be in her sixties shuffled over to Bella with a curious look on her face.

_Oh fuck,_ I thought.

"Bella?" the woman asked.

Bella looked over and blanched as her lips pulled up into a polite smile. "Hi, Mrs. Stephens."

"How are you, dear? It's been a while." I could tell by the glint in the woman's eyes that she was the gossiping type, and she knew a little something we didn't.

"Yes," Bella said softly. "Um, this is Edward, my boyfriend."

I gave the woman a tight smile as she eyed me in obvious disapproval.

"Yes," she said, the fakest smile on her face. "I am aware. So, tell me dear, how have you been?"

Her eyes pierced right into Bella's and I saw my girl squirm uncomfortably. It was so obvious that the old hag wanted gossip.

"Oh, uh, I've been okay," Bella said evasively.

The woman was leaning her head towards Bella, head cocked to the side, expression eager.

Fucking pathetic, that's what it was.

"Look, I'm sorry we can't talk, we're kind of in a hurry," Bella muttered, giving me a desperate look.

"Yeah, we've got shit to do," I added, sounding a bit ruder than I intended.

The woman scowled at me, giving me a look that clearly said "I wasn't talking to you, you hoodlum." I guessed my reputation as some criminal hadn't really changed around town.

She looked into our practically empty shopping basket and tutted. "That's a shame. I heard a little something from a little blue bird and I was looking for some confirmation."

Bella and I exchanged a look, both of us trying to keep our expressions blank.

"Birds lie, that's why we shoot them," I muttered, taking Bella's arm and turning her away from the woman. "Nice talking to you."

Suddenly the old woman reached out and grabbed Bella's arm, eyes glinting.

"But is it true?" she asked. "Helena Penrose heard from Betty Martin that she saw your father. He was taking a cab somewhere, but he must have left your house because George Marshall lives next door and saw him leaving. Is it true, is he back? What about your mother? She was such a nice woman, she helped out at the Church for a while-"

The woman was rambling quickly and not only was it creepy but it was annoying as fuck. Not to mention the fact that her hands on Bella was pissing me off and if she weren't an elderly woman I would have broken her wrist.

Bella surprised me by being the one to pry the woman's hand off of her arm.

"Mrs. Stephens, I appreciate your concern but it's a personal matter," Bella said evenly. "It's really not something I'd like to talk about."

"So it's true?" Mrs. Stephens asked, her hazy blue eyes going wide. "He's really back?"

"Yes," Bella said firmly, but her voice wavered a little. "Now, if you'll excuse us..."

She grabbed my hand and roughly pulled me away.

I put my arm over her shoulders protectively, as though I could protect her from the gossip of the townspeople, and kissed her head. "Well done back there. I thought I'd get myself arrested for attacking an elderly woman. Crazy old hag."

"Word is going to spread now," Bella groaned. "C'mon, let's get out of here."

"But what about your school stuff...?"

"It can wait."

* * *

The rush of wind in my face as I rode my bike through Forks was extremely therapeutic. It was like we were zooming away from our problems, leaving it all behind, and allowing the wind to force our nerves and the tension in our bodies to relax.

As we pulled into Bella's driveway, I became aware of the vibration in my pocket but waited until Bella and my helmet were off before answering it.

"Yeah," I answered as I locked my bike and set the helmet down on the seat.

A woman was crying on the other end, hysterically.

Bella looked at me questioningly and I shrugged. "Hello?"

"E-E-Edward," the woman sobbed into the phone and absolute dread filled me as I came to the realization that it was my mother.

"Mum?"

She continued to sob and Bella looked concerned as she stepped forward to put a hand on my arm.

"H-h-h-he..." She could barely speak and her hysteria answered the one main question that I had.

_Fucking hell..._

"Mum?" I said, my voice strained. "Mum, calm down and tell me what happened."

I already knew.

"He's gone!" she all but screamed into my ear. "He's gone..."

I could feel the blood leave my face and I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding as I leaned against my bike. My mind couldn't wrap itself around anything, and I was at a loss for thoughts, words, and feelings.

The only sound was that of the wind and my Mum's sobbing. My mind was completely blank.

"Where are you?" I asked after a moment.

"Hospital," she said, though the word was butchered by her sobs.

"I'll be right there, all right? Just... I'll be right there."

I snapped my phone shut and sighed, looking at Bella's stressed expression.

When I spoke, my voice was monotone.

"Carlisle's dead."

* * *

The smell of death was stronger this time around. It made me slightly dizzy and I couldn't help but pause to lean against the wall once I reached the floor where my Mum was supposed to be. I took deep breaths through my mouth and waited until the nausea passed before I told myself to stop being such a pansy and go find my mother.

Bella hadn't come with me. She insisted on coming, for support or whatever, but it was clear that she'd rather not. She hated hospitals as much as I did, and her life was stressful enough without her adding more emotional strain on herself. She didn't know or like Carlisle, but Bella's emotions were affected by the things around her and I didn't want her anywhere near a hysterical Esme.

I heard Mum's sobs from all the way down the hallway, and when I rounded the corner I saw that she was crouched on the floor with a nurse trying to console her.

"Mum," I sighed, rushing over to her.

"Are you the son?" the nurse asked me, and I nodded.

"Oh, Edward," Esme cried and she clung to me as I joined her on the floor.

The nurse looked at us sympathetically. "I'm very sorry for your loss."

Her tone sounded very generic and emotionless, obviously because she was probably used to offering her fake condolences to the families of dead people.

"Yeah, thanks," I said curtly.

She eyed me peculiarly before informing me to calm my Mum down since there was paperwork involved and shit. With that, she sauntered off and I was left to tend to my wailing mother.

I held her to me tightly, not knowing what else to do. I could never understand why she was so hysterical, but then again I could never really understand her at all. Actually, I didn't need to. I just needed to be there for her because at that moment she had no one else.

Rose had been at work and I left her a message asking her to come to hospital straight away, but I hadn't gotten a response. I could only hope that she'd show up eventually.

Time went by in a blur. It was almost like my mind had turned off and my body was on autopilot, moving on its own. All I did was comfort my Mum, sign some papers, and comfort my Mum again.

Comfort. Sign. Comfort. Repeat.

Apparently my own attempts to get my Mum to calm down were futile. How could someone have so many tears?

Things got easier when Rose showed up. She knew just what to do and what to say. It wasn't until my mother was in my sister's arms instead of mine that I could actually allow myself to think- that I could actually_ let_ myself think.

Carlisle's death meant almost nothing to me. I sat next to Rose and my mum with my elbows on my knees and my head bowed, trying to feel any kind of remorse. I didn't know why I was even trying to feel anything for the motherfucker.

Like I had said once before, Carlisle had never been a father. He was nothing more than that drunk man my mother lived with, so I couldn't understand why I wanted to feel something.

The negative feelings that I was having had less to do with Carlisle and more to do with Esme. She would be all by herself up in that big house; she didn't have a job... Clearly I was only capable of feeling worry at that point.

The little waiting area was suddenly filled with an ominous silence as Mum's crying came to an end. One look at her face told you that she had exhausted herself to the point where not even crying was a possibility anymore.

They were talking about funeral arrangements and I couldn't help but wonder why the hell he would deserve a funeral.

I watched Rose carefully the whole time, to see if she was showing any signs of distress. Her blue eyes showed nothing but concern and her face was a mask of calmness and stability; I was sure it was the same face she used when dealing with the young girls she counseled. At that moment, Rose wasn't really a daughter or a sister- she was a counsellor.

It sounded crazy, but it wasn't like she had a choice. If she did have a choice she probably wouldn't have shown up at the hospital at all.

So when she told me to go home, I didn't argue.

* * *

I got back to Bella's place fairly late; it was just a little past midnight. First thing I did was get in the shower, wanting to wash the smell of death off of me. When I went into Bella's room she was asleep with the light on, a book sitting face down on her chest. I picked the book up and folded the page, setting it down on the side table before crawling in next to her.

When I switched the light off she woke up, blinking at me sleepily.

"Hey," she yawned. "Everything okay?"

I sighed, pulling her over to me so I could bury my noise in her strawberry scented hair. "I suppose. Rose is with her now."

"Was she really bad?"

"Definitely. I haven't seen her that hysterical in a while. It was upsetting."

Bella looked up at me worriedly. "What about you? How are you doing?"

I shrugged. "I dunno... At the hospital I was trying to feel something, anything for him... but I couldn't. For some reason it bothered me that I didn't care. Now it bothers me that it bothers me that I didn't care. Am I making sense?"

She smiled sadly at me. "Yeah."

"Why, though? Why do I feel bad for not feeling bad?"

"You're going through what I'm going through right now. Well, kinda. In your case, you want to feel something but you aren't. In mine, I don't want to feel anything for Charlie but I am. It's all very screwed up, isn't it?"

"No kidding."

There was silence before she spoke again. "So what happens now?"

"There might be a funeral," I mumbled. "Not sure if anyone will show up, but..."

"You gonna go?"

"...For my Mum."

Bella leaned up to kiss my jaw. "You're a wonderful son."

I snorted. "Yeah, I'm just fucking awesome, aren't I?"

She giggled, for the first time in a while. "I think so."

I kissed her mouth, chastely of course. "Well, thanks." I suddenly remembered something. "Hey did you know Lauren Mallory had her baby?"

Bella tilted her head up to look at me with surprise. "What? How did you know that?"

"I saw them in the parking lot at the hospital, putting the kid in the car. Lauren looked like a right mess and her mother was bitching at her and shit for one thing or another. It was a disturbing sight."

Bella frowned. "I feel bad for the kid. He's going to grow up in an awful household."

"Let's just hope he doesn't grow up to be a rapist like his father."

She might have glared at me, but it was too dark to tell. "Don't. That sort of thing isn't genetic, and you know it."

"All right, all right. Put away your claws. I was just joking."

"Bad joke."

"Bad day."

"I think I want to go visit Charlie."

I did a double-take and stared down at her. "Come again? I'm sorry, but I think I may have sniffed some LSD by accident because I thought I just heard you say you wanted to go visit Charlie."

Bella propped herself up on an elbow so that we were eye to eye. "I'm not kidding. I really do."

"But why?"

"To talk."

"About what?"

"Remember what I told you about trying to understand where I'm coming from?"

"Yeah..."

"You need to do that now. Like I said, I'm not going to ignore Charlie but I'm not going to look at him as a father. I want him to know that, and I want to do that by meeting him face to face. I need him to understand, too."

I puffed my cheeks up and exhaled exasperatedly. "Okay, I get it. Maybe you're right. Want me to come with?"

She shook her head. "No. I need to do this on my own. I'll try to get Emmett to come along, but I doubt he will."

"Charlie still staying in the same place, then?"

"I hope so."

I plopped back down onto the pillow and pulled her to me once more, holding her tightly against my chest.

"Life sucks," I mumbled.

"Ditto."

Deep down I knew that things would get better. They said that all good things must come to an end, but I believed that all bad things came to an end too. I didn't know how I got even an ounce of optimism in me, but something told me that things would improve the more we fought through them.

Someday.

* * *

**A/N: **Someday may come sooner than they think.

The next chapter will be the last full chapter, so I'm going to take my time with it and make sure I tie up every loose end.

As always, I love you guys for reading and putting up with all the angst! I think we can agree that these two need a break. ;)

Much love to my awesome betas **Pinkaquaclouds** and **TashaTBHx. **

See you all soon. :)


	45. Lucky

**Chapter 45- Lucky**

_They don't know how long it takes  
__Waiting for a love like this  
__Every time we say goodbye  
__I wish we had one more kiss  
__I'll wait for you, I promise you I will_

_Lucky I'm in love with my best friend  
__Lucky to have been where I have been  
__Lucky to be coming home again  
__Lucky we're in love in every way  
__Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed  
__Lucky to be coming home someday_

**Lucky- Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Cailat**

* * *

**Bella POV**

The motel was worse than I expected.

It stood in a part of Port Angeles that I would not have wanted to be caught dead in alone. As I walked to the front door, I suddenly wished I had brought Edward with me. He wasn't too happy with me driving all the way to Port Angeles on my own but it was something I needed to do. Now I regretted coming alone.

I also couldn't remember whether or not I locked the door to my car, but I really hoped I had.

The bell above the door chimed as I entered and I was greeted by the scent of old things. It was a hard odor to place, but the only word that I could think of to describe it was stale.

The lobby- or what was supposed to be the lobby- was small with nothing much other than a desk in the center. There was no one around and it was very creepy.

I passed the desk and scurried into the hallway, where room 12B was supposed to be. That's what Charlie had written down on the little paper he had handed Rose.

I hesitated when I lifted my fist to knock, but then quickly decided to go through with it. After all, I had gone through the trouble of driving all the way up here. Also, this was something that I had to do. There was no turning back now.

I brought my fist against the door twice and then waited as my heart hammered and my palms began to sweat. I rubbed them against my jeans and chewed on my lip as I waited and half hoped he wouldn't be there.

I had told Charlie I was coming, but the conversation had been brief and to the point. I had just said that I was going to visit, if he was okay with it, and what time he should expect me. I had hung up with a curt "bye" and ever since then I had been anxious.

I was about to knock again when the door flew open and Charlie stood there with an expectant expression. My stomach twisted nervously as I watched him peer over my shoulder in confusion.

"You came alone?" he asked, the disapproval clear in his voice.

His concern kind of rubbed me the wrong way so I was brusque with my reply.

"Doesn't matter," I said coldly. "I'm the one that needs to talk to you."

He sighed and nodded, dropping his gaze and then stepping aside to let me in.

I shuffled into the room, noticing how much of a mess it was. His bed was unmade and the desk was covered in evidence of the kind of food he'd been eating; most of it was takeout stuff and fast food, and it didn't smell very pleasant.

I pushed aside the sudden urge to start cleaning and turned to face him where he stood by the now closed door. The expression on his face was apprehensive and awkward, like he didn't know what to do with himself.

Frankly, neither did I.

"So, uh..." he trailed off with another sigh. "You wanna sit down or something? Here, let me get you a chair..."

I watched as he shuffled over to the desk and grabbed the wooden chair, bringing it over to sit by the bed.

"Or you can sit on the bed," he added quickly. "I mean... whatever you want."

His anxiety and skittishness made it worse for me so I just sunk down on whatever was nearest, and that happened to be the bed.

"Oh, wait, let me fix that a little," Charlie hobbled over to the bed and started moving the messy blankets so that I wasn't surrounded by them. Once he was done he grabbed the chair and moved it so that it was across from me but not too close. He sat down with a tired sigh and then looked at me, apprehensive again.

I had been so nervous about going through with this that I hadn't even thought about what I would say once I got here.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

I cleared my throat unnecessarily and thought about how to proceed. I was the one that decided to come over here and talk so I had to start and then finish.

I decided to just be honest.

"I'm not going to ignore you," I began with a mumble. "I'm not going to pretend like you never came back, like Emmett's doing. At the same time, I don't know if... I'm not sure how..." I took a shaky breath. "I'm just not ready to take you back like everything's okay again. Because it isn't."

His cloudy brown eyes gazed into mine as he nodded. "I understand."

"Do you really?" I asked skeptically. "Or are you just glad to have at least one of your kids back, even if it's just a little?"

Charlie looked away and I knew I caught him on that one. "You're right on both accounts. I am... immensely grateful that you thought about giving me another chance-"

"No," I said quickly. "Not a second chance."

He looked confused. "But you just said-"

"That I'm not ready to take you back as though everything were okay."

Charlie shook his head, still perplexed.

I sighed. "We can't have a normal father/daughter relationship and it doesn't matter how much we try or how much time we take. It's just not going to happen. It's impossible. For me to call you 'dad' wouldn't be right, because I wouldn't feel right saying it. You're just... not." Saying it was hard, and I saw the hurt flash across his face. "Still, that doesn't mean I can pretend you don't exist. We need to maintain some kind of connection. Do you get what I'm saying?"

I watched him warily as he studied my expression. He sat back in his chair thoughtfully and I observed how thin he was. He'd always been a little on the muscular/pudgy side. I remembered him having a small potbelly that stuck out over his belt when he wore his police uniform, but it seemed to be gone now.

"What you're saying..." he said slowly "Is that you want to keep in touch but you don't want to be my daughter?" His voice went up an octave at 'daughter' and I had to swallow before speaking.

"Yes. Kinda. Well... Yeah. Yeah, that's what I meant."

We sat there in silence as I let that sink in. He leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, brows furrowed in concentration.

The silence was tense and awkward, and I started chewing on my lip again.

"How... How is that going to work?" he asked, glancing up at me from under his brows.

"We have to figure that out," I mumbled.

Charlie shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know how I'll be able to do that. Okay, I get that we can't be normal but how am I supposed to act like you aren't my daughter?"

I didn't know how to answer that, so the question just sort of hung in the air before fading away unanswered.

"I guess I came here to let you know that that's how I feel," I muttered, suddenly feeling stupid about the whole thing. "About this situation."

He nodded, gaze locked on the floor. "Okay."

_Ugh, this is not going how I expected._

"What about your brother?" he asked suddenly. "He just wants nothing to do with me?"

"Pretty much, but... I'm hoping he'll come around."

Charlie shrugged half-heartedly. "It's up to him. I'm happy that you're willing to keep in some kind of contact because, well, I lost ya once and I really don't want to lose you again, kiddo."

I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes, willing myself to stop feeling so sorry for him. I had come here to lay down some boundaries, and that's what I had to do, not to get choked up whenever he said something like that.

"I don't mean to make you uncomfortable," he added hastily. "Just being honest."

"So am I," I said, training my eyes on a stain in the carpet. "I'm being completely truthful when I say that I won't be able to handle more than a relationship where we talk every now and then, but I can't have you treating me like a child or being overprotective or anything like that."

"Because I lost that right a long time ago," he finished my thought and I nodded solemnly.

He ran both hands over his face and nodded to himself. "Okay. I understand. That's fine."

"Okay," I echoed.

I glanced around the room, disgusted by what I saw. "How long will you be staying here?"

"About another week," Charlie answered. "I'm going to go look at an apartment this Tuesday. Meeting with the Police Chief this weekend, gonna see if I can get something going for me."

"You're going to try and be a cop again?" I asked.

"I can try. Quite frankly, it's the only thing I know how to do. I'll go through the process all over again if I have to, so long as I find my place somewhere."

I nodded again, letting us fall back into an awkward silence.

He cleared his throat. "So, uh, you'll call? Every once in a while? Or something?"

I stood up, slowly, so that I wouldn't startle him. "Yeah, I'll do that."

Charlie stood up as well. "Sure, great. I'll, uh, let you know about the new address?"

"Yeah, call me or something," I replied, looking around. "Do you have something I can write my number on, or...?"

The next minute or so was spent by Charlie running around trying to find some paper. He eventually produced a napkin, on which I jotted down my cell number.

Once I handed it to him and he dutifully placed it in the front pocket of his flannel shirt, we stood awkwardly by the door.

"So, um, I guess I'll go now," I mumbled.

"Yeah," Charlie said his voice gruff. "All right."

I smiled tightly and put a hand on the doorknob.

"Wait, let me walk you to your car. This isn't exactly the safest area."

I turned and looked at him, my brow raised in a very Edward-like manner.

"Remember what I said about not being all protective and fatherly?" I asked.

He sighed heavily. "I can't just let it go like that... but yeah, I understand."

I took a deep breath. "But okay. You can walk me to my car, assuming that it hasn't been stolen."

Charlie smiled for the first time, but it didn't reach his eyes.

* * *

I was exhausted by the time I got home, wanting to go to bed and collapse even though it was only about three in the afternoon.

I sauntered up to my bedroom where I saw Edward standing in front of the mirror, dressed in all black, trying unsuccessfully to tame his hair with a comb.

Today was Carlisle's funeral, and he was going to pay his respects. Well, "respects" may have been the wrong word, but either way he was going to be there for his Mom. I had debated on whether or not to accompany him, kind of like supporting Edward as he supported his mother, but he told me it wouldn't be necessary. Being with Charlie was especially draining and attending a funeral wouldn't exactly be helpful. That and I was exhausted from the long drive.

Edward glanced at me as I entered and I couldn't help but stare at how stunning he looked in a black dress shirt and black jeans. Both fit him snugly, emphasizing his lean muscles and making his pale skin stand out. All of the attention was on his face, those green eyes even more piercing than ever and that bronze hair a crazy mess of sexiness.

"You're back," he sighed in relief, pulling me out of my ogling. "I called you."

"I was driving," I said, shutting the door and unzipping my hoodie.

Edward nodded and examined my face, "How'd it go?"

I took a few steps toward him and wrapped my arms around his waist, savoring the immediate scent of his cologne that washed over me. The firmness of his body and the feel of his strong arms wrapping around me was exactly what I needed at that moment.

I rested my head against his chest and inhaled him as I felt him put his chin on my head. "It was very, very awkward but I managed to get my point across."

"That's good. You two gonna call each other and shit?"

"Something like that." I pulled my head back to look up at him. "What about you? How are you doing?"

He shrugged. "I'm all right. To be honest, I just want to get this over with."

"Is Rose going?"

"She said she might stop by the burial ground after work, but I doubt it."

"I can still come with..."

"Nah, you don't have to." He traced the area under my eyes with gentle fingers. "You look knackered. I don't think a funeral is what you need. No doubt my mum will probably be all hysterical again."

"If you're sure..."

He pressed his soft lips to mine. "I'm sure."

Our foreheads rested against one another's for a few seconds and suddenly I knew what I wanted to do with the remaining energy I had left.

My hands roamed over his chest, up his neck, over the rough stubble of his jaw and into his soft hair before my lips were pressing against his.

The heat of our lips molded together in perfect synchronization and as his hands traveled down to my backside, squeezing it once, I could feel that familiar pressure at the pit of my belly. We hadn't gotten intimate since before Charlie came back, and I almost forgot how much I missed and needed Edward's touch.

Our movements became hurried as he had one hand at the back of my neck and the other on my ass while my own fingers tried to unbutton the buttons of his shirt. Once they were undone he threw it aside and I was staring at him in a white wifebeater and the black jeans.

He looked so badass and I still, after everything, couldn't believe that he was mine.

It wasn't long before the wifebeater was off too and then he was walking us backwards until my knees hit the bed and my shirt was off in the two seconds it took me to fall on my back.

Edwards tongue did crazy things to the inside of my mouth and he groaned as he thrust his erection into my jean-clad girl parts.

Once, twice, thrice I felt the delicious pleasure of his hard-on pressing into my sex, and I suddenly hated the denim barriers between us.

"I have a funeral to go to," he said huskily, ceasing the thrusts and pressing hot kisses onto my neck.

I wanted to be so completely selfish at that moment, but I pushed him away with a sad sigh.

He looked down at me incredulously. "What do you think you're doing?"

"You just said you have a funeral to go to... I'm sure you don't want to miss it; it's important to your mother."

Edward's eyes were intense, almost a glare. "And what do you expect me to do with the thing trying to bust out of my jeans, woman?"

He thrust his hips at me once, harder, to emphasize his point.

I giggled. "Um... take care of it?"

He narrowed his eyes as a slow smirk spread across his lips and he sat up so he was straddling me. "I'd much rather have you take care of it."

"Fine, but if your mother-"

He unbuttoned his jeans and shook his head at me. "I choose you over my mother, now shush and let me love you."

My laugh turned into a moan as Edward slid my jeans all the way off and then started kissing up my thigh, stopping dangerously close to the soaked bottom of my panties.

"You like that?" he asked.

I hummed a yes and then his face was hovering over mine, his swollen lips begging to be bitten. "We should try that another time. What do you say to a quickie?"

I pulled his head down and looked him in the eyes. "I don't care, as long as you somehow end up inside of me."

He groaned and bit on my lower lip, making my abdominal muscles clench deliciously. The inner heat was growing into a pleasurable burn that spread from my belly all the way down to my core.

Edward pulled the jeans down, followed by the boxers, and then he was there in front of me- long and thick and hard.

I pulled my panties off eagerly and within the next second he was inside of me, filling me as my walls clenched around him. His hands explored my bra-clad boobs as he started thrusting hard and steadily. It was just what we both needed, a quick solution to our needs from the one that we loved.

His tongue ran over my lips and probed my own, and I couldn't get enough of the taste of him. He had a significant taste that was a mixture of minty and smokey. It was completely and utterly manly and it was completely and utterly Edward.

I lifted my hips in rhythm with his thrusts, feeling him go deeper and deeper into me. The feeling was sensational and I was soon feeling the familiar build in my abdomen, the slow forming of the fireball before it exploded.

Sure enough, as his hips moved faster and harder and as he nipped at my neck with his teeth like some sinful vampire bite, it all became too much.

My legs stiffened, my toes curled, and as I let the slamming of his length overtake me, I felt myself explode into a million different pieces of bliss. A few seconds after me he collapsed and I was greeted by his warm breath caressing my face.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Right back at ya, babe."

* * *

**Edward POV**

I was running late, but there was a bounce in my step. It's amazing, really, the way getting laid made you feel.

I ended up missing the church service for Carlisle, and I had to internally laugh at the thought of him in a church, even if it was just his corpse.

Once I got to the cemetery I had to remind myself to get the stupid fucking grin off my face. Getting laid did that to me, and it would just be fucked up if I showed up to a funeral smiling.

My smile fell effortlessly when I reached the burial ground when I noticed the amount of people that had shown up. There had to be at least thirty people, mostly men that stood around my mother as the priest spoke over the grave.

I reached my mum, who stood towards the front, and hooked her arm with mine.

"Sorry, I'm late," I whispered, starting to feel just a little guilty.

She just kept weeping silently, holding onto my arm tightly as we listened to the priest say whatever it is he had to say. My gaze wandered to the others around us, and I reckoned they had to be people who knew Carlisle from work. No one was really crying, just looking sombre.

I caught movement to my right and was surprised to see Rosalie walking towards us, her expression grim. She had a black coat on and she walked over to Esme's other side, taking her other arm so that our mum was linked between us.

Rose met my gaze and her eyes said, "Only for Mum."

I nodded and turned my attention back to the front, where the casket was being lowered into the ground.

And for the first time, I felt remorse.

I wasn't feeling remorse for him or for the fact that he was gone; I was feeling remorse because of the way things had been. I was feeling remorse for the kind of life that he had led and for the kind of life he made his children and wife lead. If things had been different, if he had been different, maybe I would have been different.

If he hadn't been an alcoholic or a verbally abusive asshole, or a paedophiliac, then maybe I wouldn't have had to resort to the streets to find some kind of love. Maybe I wouldn't have had to resort to drugs to feel happiness, even though it was a few minutes of false happiness. Maybe Rose wouldn't have moved to the States to get away from him.

Maybe we would have been one big happy family; with enough love for everyone so that no one was fucked up any more than was normal.

I sighed, knowing that if he had actually been a good man, then I wouldn't be who I was. Yeah I had been a huge prick until getting with Bella, but that was just who I was and I honestly couldn't imagine myself being someone else.

And I had a feeling Bella wouldn't have really accepted me had I been a "better" person when I first met her.

That thought comforted me.

The other kind of remorse I felt was more my mother, because I didn't want her to be alone for the rest of her life. I wanted her to be taken care of and pampered for the rest of her days because she'd never gotten that. Well, not since before she met the man she married.

Dirt was thrown onto the coffin and once it was buried completely the priest read a few more words. After praying that Carlisle "rest in peace", the little group started to disperse.

"There, there, Mum," Rosalie soothed, patting Esme's back as she sobbed into her daughter's chest. "It's all right; we have to move on now."

"I know," Mum said, pulling away and wiping her nose and eyes with a handkerchief. "It's just going to be so hard without him."

Rose and I exchanged another look and then Rose started to pull Mum away and to the car. I took the hint and followed along, tailing their car with my bike.

Once we got to mum's house, Rose went to make her some tea, so I was left to deal with some more weeping.

Being around crying women would have annoyed me had this occurred about a year ago. Being with Bella had changed that, not just because she had had her fair share of weepy moments, but because she helped me discover a part of myself that I hadn't known existed- a less harsh, more patient part of myself.

Esme lay on the couch with her arm thrown over her forehead and her eyes closed. I sat myself down on the edge of the couch, which wasn't occupied by her small frame, and took her available hand.

"Edward?" she said softly, her eyes still closed.

"Hmm?"

"What would you say to going back to England with me?"

I blinked in surprise and stared at her.

_Back to England? What? Why?_

She opened her eyes when I didn't respond and I noticed how old she looked.

I swallowed. "Unless you plan on taking Bella with you..."

Mum smiled. "I thought so. It's all right. I just thought it wouldn't hurt to ask."

"You're going back to London then?"

She closed her eyes again and sighed. "There's nothing left for me here, darling. What am I supposed to do with this big old house? Kate agreed that I could stay with her."

"So you're moving in with Aunt Kate?"

"Afraid so. Of course I'm sad that I won't see my children every day, but it's not like I see them all the time as it is." I felt a pang of guilt go through me.

"But I need to remind myself that you two are happy here," she continued. "You two are in love and headed in the right direction. You're adults; you dictate your own lives. You're past that age where you'd need your old mum around."

She fell silent and her breathing became so even that I would have thought she'd fallen asleep.

I thought about what she said for a few moments, trying to figure out how I felt about it. If my Mum moved in with Aunt Kate back in London, I probably wouldn't see her for years at a time. I remembered how I used to be somewhat of a mummy's boy, and I had to wonder what happened to him.

I decided that Bella's Boy had killed Mummy's Boy, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. On the other hand, I knew that I was relieved she wouldn't spend the rest of her life alone.

"So you're leaving," I said it like a statement. "When?"

"It'll take a while getting everything ready, but I'm hoping sometime after Christmas. I'd like to spend the holidays with you and your sister. Then I'll start the New Year afresh. 'Move on', as Rosalie said."

"What about the house?" I asked curiously. "Will you put it up for sale?"

She didn't answer and her eyes were still closed so I thought she hadn't heard me.

"Mum? The house?"

She opened her eyes slowly, and I was surprised to see that their green depths were guarded.

"Oh, yes. I'd been meaning to talk to you about that."

My brows furrowed. "Why do you have to talk to me about the house?"

Mum hesitated again, eying my face. "Well..."

"Well...?" I hedged.

She sighed and then sat up, taking her hand out of mine and sitting upright.

"I didn't want to talk about this just yet but since we've already broached the topic..."

"What's going on?" I asked, growing impatient.

Esme started wringing her hands, a nervous habit of hers. "I don't know what use the house would be if I sold it, so I've decided that perhaps I should just... you know... give it to you..."

_Um... what?_

I stared at her as she watched me warily, unable to actually comprehend what she had just said.

It sounded like she wanted to give me the house, but that was madness.

Then again, my Mum wasn't exactly the sanest person.

"So?" she said hopefully. "What do you think?"

I shook my head, as though I could force the confusion in my mind to right itself.

"Hang on," I said. "You want to give this house... to me?"

She nodded.

"What the fuck, why?"

Mum sighed, looking tired again. "Now I know this may come as a shock to you, but it's what I want. It's what your father would have wanted, too."

"Mum, I don't get it. Why me? What am I supposed to do with this place? How am I supposed to pay for it? Is it even legal for you to give it to me? What about Rose, why not give it to her, she's the adult."

"Edward, you're an adult, too," she reiterated.

"Barely!"

"Listen to me," she said, sounding stronger than she looked. "Just listen. Rosalie is a married woman, living in her husband's house. She doesn't want to move in here; I've spoken to her about it. You're living with her and Emmett right now, and just think how much easier it would be if you lived here. Perhaps when Bella becomes of age, she'll move in with you and then Rosalie and Emmett will have enough room to raise a family of their own."

I let out a breath. "Right, that's fine. But a house is a big responsibility. I haven't got a job, how am I supposed to pay for everything?"

"There's no rush, sweetheart. The mortgage has already been paid, the only thing you'd have to pay are the bills."

"I repeat, _I haven't got a job_."

"You'll find one," she said reassuringly.

"Yeah, but do you really think it'd be enough to pay the bills off?"

"Well, it's not like you're moving in right away. I'll still be here for the next few months and even after I leave and you sign the papers, you still don't have to live here."

Feeling overwhelmed, I ran my hand through my hair and sat back.

A house. She wanted to give me a motherfucking house. This was kind of a big deal.

"Don't you think you're better off selling it?" I asked.

"What do you suppose I'd do with the money if I sold it? I don't need it."

"Give it to a homeless person."

"Oh, Edward."

Rosalie walked in with the tea, and I turned to her for help.

"Do you know she's trying to give me the house?" I asked her, hoping she'd come to my defence.

Rose smiled gently as she placed the tray on the coffee table. "Yes. It was my idea."

I gawked at her. "What?"

Rosalie shrugged, handing mum the cup of tea and taking one for herself as she sat down in one of those ancient-looking armchairs.

"I figured it was a nice idea," she said, sipping daintily.

"You women are mad," I said. "I'm eighteen, jobless, and irresponsible."

"Well don't think so highly of yourself," Rose said, rolling her eyes. "Honestly Edward, you don't give yourself enough credit. I think you're mature enough to handle a house, when you're ready of course."

"What makes you think I'm ready now?"

"No one's giving you the house straight away, darling," Mum said. "It will be yours eventually."

"Yeah, after you leave in a few months. What makes you think I'll have a job by then?"

Rose and Mum exchanged a look.

Great, so they were keeping something else from me.

I groaned. "What now?"

Rose cleared her throat and set the tea cup down, folding her hands in her lap and looking at me calmly.

_Oh, fuck, she's going into counsellor mode._

"Do you still draw, Edward?" she asked, cocking her head to one side.

"Um, kinda, yeah. I've been trying to get back into it and stuff but what does that have to do with anything?"

Rose nodded and took another sip of her tea before setting it back down and staring at me thoughtfully.

"What is it?" I asked, feeling on edge all of a sudden.

"What would you say to being a tattoo artist's assistant?"

I gawked at her. "Sorry, what?"

She grinned at me and started talking really fast. "I found an ad in the paper the other day, for Mutinous Ink, up in Port Angeles. They said they were looking for an assistant to do the odd jobs around the studio, you know like helping out with all the supplies or whatever. I mean of course when I called the number and spoke to the man he told me a lot but honestly I was only half listening with how excited I was. Anyway, I told him that I had a brother who might be interested in working there, though I didn't tell him you'd call because it's entirely up to you. Mind you, normally they don't pay for this kind of thing so you're lucky they'll be paying you. I'm not sure how much, because there aren't exactly set wages in tattoo studios, but I hear it's constantly busy and that's a good thing."

She ended with a big breath and the grin still on her face as I tried to absorb everything she just said.

While I was getting my thoughts together, she pulled a newspaper clipping out of her purse and handed it to me. I grabbed it, looking at the very artistic-looking ad. It stood out from the others and clearly grabbed your attention.

"So?" Rose said. "What do you think? Do you think you'd like to give them a call?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "Uh, I guess... This actually sounds pretty cool."

Rose's eyes lit up. "Really? Do you think you'd actually do it?"

I shrugged. "I suppose. I mean, it's not like I have to clean toilets or anything, and it's something. Tattoo studio... that's kind of cool. Thanks, Rose."

"Make sure you call him today," she said.

I nodded, pocketing the clipping but feeling odd about the whole thing.

I felt a bit uneasy, and I knew exactly why.

I sat back on the couch and sighed, looking at my mother and sister.

"Honestly... I don't know how I feel about having things handed to me..."

Mum frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Like, the house and the job... it's something I would have liked to work for, know what I mean? Having it given to me by the two of you... it feels wrong."

Rose smiled. "I can see why you'd feel that way, but if I were you I'd just take the opportunity and roll with it."

"I dunno. I'd have liked to find a job on my own, made my own money, and then found my own place to live. Not that I'm not grateful or whatever, but... This is weird, having it happen without me trying."

"You feel you don't deserve it," Rose said quietly. "You feel like it's unfair for everyone who has to work their ass off. You feel guilty and uncomfortable."

I stared at her, weirded out. "Uh, yeah, I do... Freaky mind reader."

Rose laughed. "Oh, Edward, I'm not a mind reader. I can just read you like a book."

"I don't think I like that."

"Deal with it."

"Edward, just look at it as a blessing," Mum said, her tired eyes trained on my face. "We're just giving you a head start. Everything else, your future... is up to you."

"Wow..." I muttered. "I've got a house and a job... in one day. I do believe Hell has frozen over."

"You haven't gotten anything yet," Rose said. "You still need to call for the job, and you won't be signing for the house until months from now."

"Still, it's so fucking weird! God, it hasn't even sunk in yet."

Mum sighed, a sad smile on her face. "Oh yes. Once it sinks in, you'll see how everything is changing."

* * *

I pulled up in front of Forks High on the first day of classes. Bella let go of my waist and climbed off the bike, pulling the helmet off and shaking her hair out in a very sexy manner.

"And so it begins," I said, smiling as she set the helmet down.

She sighed. "Yeah. It was a crazy summer, wasn't it?"

"Crazy doesn't even begin to cover it! Try insane or fucking maddening."

Bella giggled and I caught Alice's eye from where she stood by the front doors and waved at me. I waved back and she grinned, pointing to Bella and then pointing to her wrist to indicate that they were going to be late.

I rolled my eyes. "The midget is warning you of lateness."

Bella looked over her shoulder at Alice and sighed again before turning back to me.

"I don't think I'm ready to listen to her lovesick speeches," she mumbled.

"Oh that's right, Jasper's at uni."

"Yeah. God, I don't know what I'd do if you were away at college while I was still here in Forks."

"It would suck balls," I affirmed with a nod.

"Definitely. I guess I can sympathize with her."

The bell rang and Alice gave me a look, putting her hand on her hip and tapping her foot dramatically.

"I better go," Bella said sadly. "Plus, you don't want to be late for your first day at a new job!"

Her comment made my stomach churn nervously. I had called Mutinous Ink a week ago and spoken to Felix Bane, the guy that put the ad in the paper as well as owned the studio. He told me to come right in and a few days later I went in to do an "interview" of sorts. It wasn't necessarily like a professional interview, but I did have to bring in a profile of sorts. It was a good thing I had been drawing for years, so I had a lot to show him. He proclaimed I had talent and then went ahead to show me the ropes.

"That's right," I mumbled.

"You'll be fine," Bella said, rubbing my stubble. "Just don't curse too much and follow directions and watch the temper... and don't argue... and be nice to customers... and mind your Ps and Qs... and-"

"Don't be an asshole, got it," I laughed, turning my head and pressing my lips into her palm.

"I should really go," Bella said, her shoulders slumping. "I can feel Alice's eyes burning a hole in the back of my head."

I pulled her to me by her hands. "Alice can suck it."

She pressed her lips to mine and I accepted her open mouth, wanting to make this kiss memorable since I wouldn't be seeing her for hours. I ran my tongue along the contours of her teeth. The kiss was hot and wet and I held her head firmly in my hands so I could prolong how long I'd be able to touch her. Her own tongue fought my own for dominance and I let her win, loving the way it glided across my lips.

By the time it was over we were both panting.

"Don't go," I whispered, tugging her bottom lip with my teeth.

"I have to," she pressed her lips chastely against mine.

I sighed and pulled back, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Fine."

She smiled and kissed me again before picking the helmet up and holding it out to me. "Here. Drive safe, and good luck. You'll do awesome."

"Thanks, baby. Don't let Alice bitch too much."

She laughed. "I won't."

Suddenly she threw her arms around me and I almost toppled off my bike but managed to hold on.

"Love you," she said softly.

My heart fucking melted every time she said that.

"Love you more than you know," I replied.

She pulled back, kissing my cheek, and I playfully smacked her ass.

"Go get an education!" I said, and she giggled, waving at me one last time before walking away.

I was filled with an odd mixture of sadness and happiness watching her walk away. It was never easy to be away from her, but I was glad that a new time of year had come. The warmth of summer (as warm as Forks could get) was gone and the leaves were changing colour.

Never had I loved change so much.

Maybe it was luck, having Bella. I just happened to be around her at the right time, at the right place. I did know that I was a lucky bastard to have her; she was my best friend, my everything. A life without her just wasn't life.

With one last glance at the high school I shoved my helmet on and made my way towards my first day at the new job.

* * *

Mutinous Ink was on a busy street in Port Angeles, a fairly large studio with a black and white awning and some awesome shit in the window. The second I walked in I was greeted by the buzzing needles at work and I glanced around for Felix.

"Edward!" I heard his voice and turned round, watching as he walked over to me with a grin on his face.

I was extremely relieved that Felix wasn't a douche bag. He looked awesome; actually, with tattoo sleeves on both his arms, a mohawk dyed pink, and an eyebrow ring. He also had a snakebite piercing, but it was his smile that made his friendly personality shine through.

"How's it goin'?" he asked, shaking my hand.

"Great," I said. "I'm ready to... do whatever..."

I laughed nervously but Felix's grin was infectious.

"No worries, it's not like I'm gonna be making you give someone a tattoo today," he said, smacking me on the back. "Come on, I'll show you around."

My first day at the studio was fairly simple. Felix basically went into more detail about everything I might be required to do; there was the assisting of the artists, sterilizing the tools, setting up, or there was reception where I would book people in, make sure the artists knew what they were doing, work with the design pictures, etc. There was actually quite a bit to be done, and I knew I'd be kept busy every single day.

According to Felix, the last assistant they had had gotten arrested for something so they needed to find someone else. The only other assistant was some bloke called Ben, and he helped me out a bit as well.

Fortunately I was a quick learner, and in no time I was booking customers in and assisting others with trying to pick a design for themselves.

I was surprised that I could actually be friendly to people other than my girlfriend, and that was a bit sad.

After eight hours, I was absolutely fucking knackered. I had to admit though; it was a job that I could see myself at for the rest of my life. Not exactly the whole assisting bit, but the tattoo industry as a whole. I had watched Felix give about eight people tattoos that day, and it was so fucking cool. I wanted to do it myself, and Felix offered to train me later on, when I was more experienced.

It was so perfect for me, the whole tattoo thing, that I didn't understand why I hadn't thought of it before. The wheels in my mind started turning as I imagined myself about twenty years from then, possibly owning a studio of my own, with my own designs being needled into people's skin.

For the first time ever, I could see where I would be five, ten, fifteen years later. I saw myself either at this studio or at my own, married to Bella (since that was what she wanted, after all), and living in the house my Mum was going to give to me. I saw us happy and still in love, with amazing sex still happening. I saw us financially stable, since the studio would be successful and all, especially because Bella would be doing a job she loved.

For the first time, I saw our ever after.

* * *

"Hurry up," Bella whispered. "It's cold."

"I don't think I can do it."

"Come on, Edward."

"You do it."

"It's not mine, it's yours."

"Actually, babe, it's _ours_."

"It's just a door. Open it."

"Here, take the keys."

She shoved my hand away. "Don't be silly. You get the rights."

"Bella, just take the keys and open it yourself since you're so excited."

"You want to do it together? Like, we turn the key together?"

"That's cheesy."

"Come on, let's do it."

"Oh for fuck's sake..."

"Edward."

"Fine. Only because I love you."

I sighed and looked at the door of the house, unable to comprehend that it was now under my name. Who gives an eighteen year old a house, anyway?

Oh, that's right. My mother does.

It was January of 2010, and Esme had left for England a few weeks prior. I had to sign for the house and she handed me the keys, telling me to take good care of it.

It's not like we'd be living in it right away. Bella and I planned on going off to the University of Washington that coming September, if we got in of course. The house would be abandoned but taken care of nonetheless, and this was where we'd go during vacations. Bella would be moving in that summer, which wasn't something Emmett was too happy about at first...

Until he found out Rose was pregnant.

Rosalie found out she was knocked up about two months earlier and after that Emmett all but kicked Bella out. Well, not really. He was more open about her living with me though, especially with a baby on the way. Then it was decided that we'd spend most of our vacations from school at the Swan residence, but retire to the Cullen residence when we felt like it.

That January morning was the first time Bella and I would be stepping foot in the house while it was our own.

I intertwined my fingers with Bella's and we looked at each other, smiling. Her brown hair blew in the wind, her cheeks were flushed, and her chocolate brown eyes sparkled with happiness. She looked happy, radiant, and I wouldn't have had her any other way.

The flurries fell from the sky softly, landing in her hair and getting caught in her eyelashes. I gently brushed them away from her eyes, and when one particularly fluffy snowflake landed on her nose, I kissed it away before it could melt.

Her expression, as well as the cold, reminded me of our first kiss. I remembered how I couldn't resist her anymore, how I had to show her how much I loved her. I remembered how pink her face had been, from the cold and the exhilaration. I remember my feet being frozen from being buried in feet of snow.

Most of all, I remembered her face. I remembered her smile, as white as the snow, and her expression of complete joy. It was an image I would never forget, an image that she was showing me all over again.

It was almost like the moment was the same, except it wasn't. Still, both moments represented a new beginning.

Our first kiss in the snow was the beginning of our new relationship. Now, standing here in front of my... no, our house... was another beginning.

Had it really been only a year and a half ago that Bella came into my life, and I into hers? Could it really have been only eighteen months ago that I was a complete asshole but watched in agony as she suffered through an unhealthy relationship?

It felt like so much longer than that. We had been through so much in an eighteen month period that it was like we had lived lifetimes together.

In eighteen months, I had changed. In eighteen months, she had changed.

In eighteen months, we had changed.

I was so head over heels in love with her, and the feeling was indescribable. I knew she felt the same towards me, and it had been what I wanted my whole life without realising it.

We weren't just individuals anymore, we were a single unit of love and passion and hopes and dreams.

We were us.

It baffled me that love could do that to a person. It blew your mind, filled you up with a strange giddiness, and made you feel like life was worth living. There was pain, too, but without pain love didn't exist. It was just a part of growing.

Bella had changed me for the better, and I never would have believed it, not in a million years.

Now here we were, about to embark on a new journey.

"On three?" I said, putting the key in the keyhole.

Bella nodded and put her hand on top of mine. "On three."

"One," I said, looking into her eyes.

"Two," she said, staring right back.

"Three," I whispered, and together we turned the key and pushed the door open.

We were still staring at each other when the door was open and I made sure to take her hand before looking inside.

It was dark, but it still smelled nice.

It smelled new, like the rest of our lives.

"Shall we?" I asked, nodding towards the door.

Bella nodded and reached up to kiss me. "Let's."

Together, we took our first steps over the threshold and into forever.

**_- The End -_**

* * *

**A/N: **Here comes the mushy gushy...

Wow. It was exactly one year ago yesterday that I first published this story. I was so nervous about publishing anything that I'd written and I ended up posting the first three chapters in one day. The plot itself had been growing in my mind for years but I just didn't know what form I should write it out in (or if the plot was any good) until I found fanfiction.

I honestly can't express how much this story means to me. Nowadays some people look down on hopeless romantics because it's all about feminism and not needing a man to make you happy. Personally, I think there's nothing wrong with it. There are those of us that dream and dream and dream about the "one", obsessing over romantic things and sighing at anything sweet and sappy. I felt like there needed to be a Bella like that, because there are definitely girls who still dream of Prince Charming. I wanted a story about a hopeless romantic girl who thirsted for Prince Charming but found him in the most twisted way. Still, she found him, didn't she? I think every girl deserves that, regardless of the times.

_To my readers_- You guys have been absolutely amazing. Whether you started reading a year ago when I first published this or whether you read it all in one night, I can't thank you enough. It's hard and nerve wracking getting your story out there to an unknown audience, so your support, kind words, and criticism means more than you think. I know I've been absolutely horrible with replying to reviews lately but I still appreciate every single one and read every single one. You guys are wonderful, and I love you for sticking around until the end. Even if you never reviewed, it doesn't matter. You were here (the stats tell me so, lol) and that means everything to me. There isn't a word awesome enough to describe you guys, so let's just stick with _epically awesome _and leave it at that. I wish I could give you a all a big hug. I love you guys like BadassBritward loves his motorcycle... and his leather jacket... and Pop-Tarts... and his cigarettes. Yeah, I definitely love you like he loves his fags. :)

To my beta _Pinkaquaclouds_- Where would this story be without you? Probably still an outline in some notebook. Thanks for getting me out of the writer's block (which happened more times than anyone would believe) and for being honest with me when a chapter didn't flow or if something sounded stupid. You're my sister from another mister, the other half of my brain, my soul mate in another life, and if it weren't for you, this story would be nowhere. I really, truly owe it all to you. I love you lots.

To my English slang beta _TashaTBHx_- Thanks so much with all the slang-ing! Honestly, Edward would be a really stereotypical British kid if it weren't for your help with his language. You're an awesome, fun, amazing person who I adore and I wish you weren't so far away so I could hug you and then put you in my pocket. Thanks for putting up with my American-ness, too... and for my countless questions about English stuff. Love you, lil sis.

**It's not quite over! There will be outtakes, I just don't know if I'll post them on here or as a separate "story".**

**Also, there will be an epilogue very soon, as well as a really, really important author's note.**

**It's not goodbye :)**


	46. Epilogue

_"To love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something, but to be loved by the one you love is everything."  
- Unknown_

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

10 Years Later

"Edward, for the last time, you need to get up."

Stubborn.

In the twelve years of knowing my husband, he had always been stubborn.

Some things never change.

Edward groaned and rolled over onto his back, revealing the tattoo he had gotten on his right shoulder blade three years prior. It was simple, just the numbers of a date in a scripted circle: 23. 05. 2017. It wasn't the only tattoo he had, but it was the only one that was simple yet full of meaning.

I reached down and shook him for what felt like the hundredth time that morning.

"Edward, come on," I said exasperatedly. "You're not a little kid."

I saw the corner of his mouth twitch as he tried to suppress a smile and rolled my eyes. Twenty-eight years old and he was still a child on the inside.

I put my hands on my hips. "Babe, if you don't get up I'll have to get the Monster to do this job for me."

Edward's lips twitched again, more obviously that time.

A small voice rang out from the doorway, "Momma?"

I grinned.

Just in time.

I turned to see a tired little face watching us from the doorway, her bronze hair a mess and brown eyes blinking sleepily.

Annabelle Rose Cullen had been a complete surprise.

Edward knew that marriage meant a lot to me, so right after college he had proposed in the most unexpected way. He was twenty four and I was twenty three when we tied the knot; a year later we found out about the bun in my oven. We had discussed children quite a bit, but never really came to a conclusion; we were always at an impasse.

So I had been in between changing birth control at the time, and one night got particularly heated, so much so that we honestly didn't care about protection. It had been one of the most passionate nights ever, but it had produced one of the most precious things in our world.

Edward had been absolutely freaked out when we found out about the pregnancy. Then once the shock wore off he really pulled through as the most supportive husband I could have asked for. Still, he had his apprehensions about being a father and even though I assured him that he would be fine, I knew the worry was a thought at the back of his head.

When Annabelle was born on May 23, 2017 (the date he had tattooed on his back), he cried.

He'll deny it, but I was there and I saw the tears in his eyes; I saw them through my own.

He had even named her himself, and I'd never forget the day he, somewhat sheepishly, admitted that he had a name in mind for a baby girl. Annabelle meant grace and beauty, and it was perfect.

Our daughter was the most important thing to us, and Edward couldn't help but admit that kids weren't so bad, and neither was he. He blew me away as a father, and when I saw them interact I couldn't help but feel smug in an I-told-you-so kind of way. Edward was even open to the idea of more children, though he drew the line at ten.

Yeah, in my mind's eye I saw ten children. In his mind's eye, he saw two maximum.

I'd have to do something to change his mind about that.

Edward wasn't a perfect dad and I wasn't a perfect mom, but we got through it together. Every day was not only a struggle, but a blessing. At just three years old, Annie was a handful but she was _our _handful, and that was all we could ask for.

"Annie, I think daddy needs some help getting out of bed," I told her.

She giggled, Edward's smile lighting up her face, and covered her mouth with two little hands.

"Do you think you can help him?" I asked her with a wink.

She let out what I could only ever describe as a "squee" and then ran towards the bed. I caught her halfway, picking her up off the floor and depositing her right on top of Edward's back.

For sixty seconds I watched as Edward pretended to be asleep with a smile on his face as Annie jumped all over him, shook him, tickled him, did whatever she could to get him to "wake up". The sixty seconds after that were spent by watching Edward finally give in to her cuteness and counter-attack with a tickle war of his own.

The sound of her giggles and his laughter was music to my ears.

A glance at the clock told me it was breakfast time, not play time.

"Okay, you two," I said, clapping my hands together. It was a habit from being a kindergarten teacher for four years. "Breakfast."

I held my arms out to Annie and she jumped into them as Edward sat up, rubbing his face.

"Party pooper," he said, pouting.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, excuse me for making sure you get to work on time. Maybe I'll let you sleep in next time so that you can be late and deprive your students of an education."

Edward snorted as I put Annie down.

"Go get your socks, baby, the floor is cold," I told her.

She ran off and I turned to see Edward climb off the bed and saunter over to me in a very seductive way. He still wore no shirt to bed, but now he donned sweatpants that hung dangerously low on his hips. Right over his heart was another tattoo, a badass looking key with the Union Jack intertwined in it, and it coincided with the tattoo I had on the back of my neck; it was a heart design that had a keyhole, and he had tattooed it there himself a few years earlier.

Because, after all, he did have the key to my heart and it was above his own.

"What're you doing?" I asked suspiciously as he pulled me to him by the hips. I held onto his right bicep, where he had an intricate tribal tattoo that I thought was sexy.

"Saying good morning," he replied, brushing his lips against my own but not quite kissing them. His hands went down to my backside, squeezing it once, and I felt myself heat up on the inside.

"Good morning," I said, pulling away because the clench in my belly was not a good thing at that moment.

Edward frowned. "You really are a party pooper this morning."

"There's a little girl in the room down the hall," I whispered. "This-" I removed my hand from where it was now on my boob. "- is a bad idea. And look at the time, you'll be late."

Edward finally kissed me, but it was chaste. "Fine, but don't deprive me tonight. Just be ready."

I giggled and shoved at his sculpted chest. "Get in the shower and make it quick."

He saluted me. "Yes ma'am."

I shook my head at his retreating form as he went into the bathroom that was located in our bedroom.

Turns out, we didn't end up staying in the house Esme left Edward all those years ago when we were still teenagers. Not only did we not live in it enough because of college, but it wasn't easy paying for it. Instead, Rose and Emmett moved in and Edward and I found our own place.

I had been jobless up until after college when I became a teacher, and Edward's stint at the tattoo shop wasn't what he thought it would be. He couldn't really work in the tattoo studio when we were in school, so that hadn't worked out very well. We needed to be economically stable so he ended up quitting after college and becoming an art teacher.

I never would have believed that Edward would quit tattoos for teenagers. But lo and behold, he was now teaching art at Forks High.

He actually loved it and the kids loved him, though that wasn't a surprise. Edward was one of the youngest teachers at the school, and he still had a bit of that badass demeanor, which the teenagers respected but also thought was cool. He found a passion in teaching others about art, and he couldn't have been happier.

College was also where Edward met a psychology professor who had also suffered from LSD addiction at some point in his life. It was with the help of Professor Laurent Martin that Edward was able to receive some type of therapy and help when it came to sorting out what was real and what wasn't. Edward changed immensely in the way that he viewed himself once he realized the things he had and hadn't done.

I left the bedroom to check on our daughter, and I found her sitting on the floor of her room, struggling to get the socks on her little feet.

"Need help?" I asked, crouching down in front of her.

"Wanted to do it myself," she said sadly.

I kissed her on the nose. "It's okay, you'll get a hang of it."

Once her feet were warm and fuzzy I brushed out her bronze locks and led her down to the kitchen for breakfast. Our home was small and modest and not far from the house I grew up in. Charlie lived there now, and he had managed to get a job at the police station, though he never really got back his position as Chief.

My relationship with Charlie was... better. He was in my daughter's life, even babysitting for us occasionally, and at times I felt like he was trying to fix his parenting mistakes through her. Surprisingly, Charlie would have been a good dad had he let himself be one. I was pleasantly surprised by how great he was with Annie; she adored her grandpa.

Breakfast was a hurried occasion and I quickly scrambled some eggs and cut up some pancakes for Annie, making sure to toss some blueberries and strawberries on top so that she got some fruit in her.

Edward came down just in time, his hair wet from the shower. He wore dark jeans and a navy blue button down that wasn't tucked in, along with a black tie. Edward was one of the only teachers allowed to wear jeans, since he was an art teacher. The dress code didn't apply to him as much as it applied to the other teachers.

Adulthood suited Edward well. The lean body of a teenager had filled up over the years and now his stubble and jaw were more prominent, his shoulders were broader, his arms were thicker, and I could have sworn he grew just a little bit taller.

As he walked into the kitchen I almost forgot I should have been paying attention to the stove. He just looked so rugged and manly and sexy, even with the tie.

"Mrs. Cullen," he said, kissing my cheek. "Mmm, smells good."

"Go sit," I said, waving the spatula at the little kitchen table where Annie was.

"Someone's bossy today," he muttered. "Bring that attitude to bed, will you?"

I widened my eyes at him, pointedly looking at our daughter, even though I knew she was oblivious. It always made me nervous when he said things like that in front of her.

Edward shrugged and then took the plate I handed him.

He walked over to the table where Annie was and plopped down after kissing the top of her head.

"What's Annie Banannie doing?" he asked, pouring himself some coffee. He had been calling her that ever since we came back from the hospital with her and she was wrapped in a bright yellow blanket.

"Daddy, look, Momma made smiley face," she said happily, pointing her little fork at the strawberries-and-blueberries face I made on top of her pancakes.

"No fair," Edward said, frowning at his own plate. "Daddy didn't get a smiley face."

I sighed and joined them with my own breakfast. "That's because daddy didn't wake up on time."

Edward narrowed his eyes at me and stuffed his mouth full of pancake so that his cheeks were stuffed.

In true childlike monkey-see-monkey-do fashion, Annie giggled and copied him, proceeding to stuff pancake into her own mouth. Normally I would have chided the both of them for bad manners, but I just didn't have the heart to. Not only that, but we were all running late. Anything to get the food off their plates faster.

Once breakfast was over and I made sure Annie ate up all the fruits, I hurriedly got her dressed for day care and then pushed us all out the door.

We pulled up in front of the day care center, owned by none other than my high school friend Angela Webber.

After giving Annie hugs and kisses, I watched from the car as Edward took her out of the car seat and walked her to the front door, hand-in-hand. I saw them chatting, probably about something silly and then watched as he picked her up and hugged her to him tightly, peppering her face with kisses as she giggled.

My heart was warm as I watched them together. To say that I was happy would be a complete understatement.

I was so completely overjoyed, ecstatic, content; there wasn't even a word good enough to describe it.

For the first time in my life, I felt complete. I felt like everything was good in the world, and nothing could hinder it. I had my husband and my child, my family and my friends. I had the little five year olds at the kindergarten, and I made sure they knew that Miss Bella cared about them.

After years of angst I had finally gotten the happiness and love that I craved for so long. It made life worth living.

I watched Edward finally let go of Annie as the door to the day care opened and Angela let my baby girl in. They chatted for a few seconds and then Edward headed back to the car.

I sighed in contentment and rested my head back.

To love and to be loved in return was an amazing feeling. Every time I looked at my daughter I was reminded of that fact.

The future was always a blank canvas, a blur, or a fog.

But there was one thing I knew for sure.

My daughter would know what it felt like to be loved, as would any other children that came after her. At the hands of her parents, unlike my own experiences, she would know happiness and laughter and life. She would be held and cherished and played with and laughed with and cuddled with. She would be smiled at and sung to and talked with. She would be taught and kissed and raised with nothing but the utmost of importance.

She would be loved.

* * *

**A/N: ***sniff* I feel all emotional. What an amazing ride this has been for me!

As for what I'm doing now, there is another story that I'm working on, and I'm super excited about it. It definitely won't be another angst fest like this one, but it'll still be E/B and AH. Probably romance/humor. If anyone is interested, throw me on those author alerts. I'm stoked about it! :)

Also, I've decided that outtakes will be posted on here; it's just easier that way and most of you seem to agree. I don't know how many there will be or how often they will be posted, but they will exist.

Feel free to keep in touch via Twitter, I have the same name on there- **xNimC**

Also, I have an important author's note/announcement that I think you'll all be interested in. Stick around.

For now, I bid you all happy holidays! ;)

Lots of love from my computer to yours.

- Nim


	47. Futuretake: Christmas 2017

**Outtake 1**

Happy holidays! This outtake... or futuretake... is written, courtesy of **Pinkquaclouds**, because it was her idea. It is also my Christmas/holidays gift to all of you guys for being so wonderful.

Also, this is kind of like a glimpse into a sequel, whether it's a snippet sequel or a regular one.

Regardless, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a happy new year! :)

**

* * *

**

**Christmas 2017**

Edward POV

"No, show me the other one," I said again.

The guy behind the counter gave me an annoyed look and put the little necklace back under the glass. I didn't care, really. It was his job to put up with people like me. Besides, he just didn't understand how important this was.

"What exactly are you looking for, sir?" he asked, and I could tell he was trying to keep his tone polite.

I sighed and rubbed the stubble on the side of my face. "I don't know; that's the problem. I want it to be special, but I don't know _how_ to make it special. I don't want it to just be something she'll wear from time to time and then forget about. It needs to have meaning."

The man, whose electric nametag pin read "Eli", cleared his throat. "You know sir, my job would be made a lot easier if you told me who this gift was for. I'm guessing… girlfriend?"

"Nah, I've already gotten something for my wife. It's for my daughter."

The man perked up right away. "Oh! That's nice, how old is she? Four? Five?"

"Seven months."

He raised a brow at me. "Seven… months?"

I shrugged and nodded, wondering what the big deal was. Did it really matter what age she was now if she'd have it (hopefully) for the rest of her life?

He stared at me like I had ten fucking eyes. "Look, sir, I don't know if-"

"Yeah, I know she's a baby," I cut him off impatiently. "I get it. It needs to be something she'll have forever, though. From her first Christmas and onwards."

"Children tend to keep childhood stuffed animals-"

"She's already got a shitload of toys. Why are you arguing with me? Just show me something nice and take my fucking money."

I was reaching my wit's end and this man wasn't helping.

It was Annabelle's first Christmas and even though I had already gotten her an unreasonable amount of toys, most of which she wouldn't even be able to play with until she was older, I wasn't satisfied.

There needed to be something meaningful, something special. Something that would remind her that her parents loved her, and always would, even when we weren't around.

Toys and stuff was fine, but she'd grow out of those at some point. She needed something that she'd be able to have from the age of 1 to the age of 101.

That's when I thought about jewelry. I wasn't leaning towards diamonds or gold or anything, but it needed to be something timeless, classic, and delicate. Something for a little lady.

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and rested my elbows on the counter. "Help me out, mate. It's Christmas Day, and I don't mean to give you a hard time and shit, but this is really fucking important to me."

Eli stared at me and sighed. "Look, we don't sell jewelry for babies. If it's something you want her to have forever, then it'll have to be limited to a necklace, maybe a locket, or a bracelet of some kind."

I rubbed my chin again and just as I was about to speak, my phone started buzzing.

"Hang on a sec," I told Eli. "Hello?"

_"Hey babe,"_ Bella's soft voice filtered through from the other side. _"Where are you?"_

"Still at the jeweler's," I sighed.

_"You know that's not necessary. She doesn't even know it's Christmas."_

"Yeah, I know, but… I dunno, it just won't feel right unless I get something really, really, special."

_"You spoil her."_

"Your point?"

_"And there will be other Christmases."_

"Yeah, but this'll be her only _first _Christmas."

_"All right, all right,"_ I could hear Bella's smile and then I heard baby noises in the background, followed by a thump.

I instinctively smiled. "What's Banannie up to?"

_"Dropping her sippy cup on the floor as usual. Hmm, I think she needs a diaper change. Hey, be quick, okay? Alice and Jasper will be here soon, and I think Emmett just pulled up with the fam."_

"Give me like half an hour, I'll be there."

There was another thump and Bella sighed again._"Oh, Annie Bannanie, you wear me out. Okay, babe, see you soon. Love you."_

"Love you too."

We hung up and then I turned back to the counter, my eyes suddenly falling on the perfect thing.

* * *

I pulled the car up into our small cement driveway, spotting Emmett's car as well as Jasper's. I sighed as I climbed out, knowing that the scene that would greet me the second I walked in would be chaotic.

Sure enough, when I opened the door to our modest little home I was greeted by loud laughter, belonging to both children and adults.

Something small collided with my right leg and I looked down to see a tiny head of blonde hair clinging to me.

"Uncle Edward, I gots you!" he said, and I laughed, reaching down to ruffle Gavin's hair. He was Emmett and Rosalie's second son, only four years old, and he was fucking adorable.

"Is that so?" I teased, picking him up and tickling him til he squirmed with laughter. "No, I think I've got you now, haven't I?"

I laughed and deposited Gavin into Emmett's arms. He and Jasper were sitting and laughing with Charlie, who was sitting on one of the couches. "Happy Christmas, mate."

Emmett threw a squealing Gavin over his shoulder as we all chatted for a bit before I found Rosalie, hugging her and their sever year old, Ethan, from where they took pictures by the Christmas tree.

"Hey Uncle Edward, you promised you'd take me on your motorcycle today, remember?" Ethan said hopefully.

I grimaced slightly at him, pointedly looking at his mother, but my warning came too late.

"You what?" Rose said, glaring at me. "Edward, you had better not have."

"Please, mom?" Ethan said, looking up at her with Emmett's eyes. He needed a haircut; his brown curls were hanging in his eyes.

Rose brushed them aside. "No motorcycle."

"Where's Bella and Alice?" I asked Rose, and she nodded over her shoulder to the kitchen.

I couldn't stand the miserable look on Ethan's face so as I passed I leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Later, okay?"

He grinned up at me and I winked.

Bella had her back to me with Annie in her arms as she spoke to a very pregnant Alice. She and Jasper were expecting their first child, a girl, and Alice was about to explode any second.

Alice caught my eye and smiled slightly as she continued to talk to Bella with one hand resting on her bulging stomach.

I snuck up on Bella and she jumped as my arms encircled her waist.

"God, you scared me," she laughed as I kissed the top of my baby girl's bald head. Something dinged and she handed an irritated baby to me. "That's the ham. Here, take Annie, she's fussing."

"What's the matter?" I cooed to Annie as she started to cry. "Those stupid teeth are giving you a hard time, aren't they?"

I stuck my finger into her mouth and let her bite on it to relieve the pain from her teething. Her cries calmed down and she cuddled into my chest as I held her and rocked her slightly with my lips pressed to the top of her head. I hated to see her in pain; it broke my fucking heart. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything I could do about it, other than let her stick things in her mouth.

Alice was watching us with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

"You're not teething too, are you?" I asked in mock horror. "Because there's no way in hell I'm giving you my finger."

Alice laughed and wiped a tear away. She had her hair longer now. "No, it's just the hormones. I never would have thought that Edward Cullen would be such a softie. Edward Cullen with a baby in his arms and a finger in her mouth! Never in my wildest dreams…"

She sniffed again and I smiled, looking down at my baby as she bit and sucked on my finger. Her cheeks were tear-stained and she was drooling all over me, but it didn't gross me out. Yeah, so her drool was getting on my leather jacket, but I didn't care. She was in less pain, and that was all I cared about.

I knew what Alice meant by not believing that I'd ever be holding a baby in my arms. Not just any baby, but _my_ baby.

I really couldn't figure out why I ever hated kids so much.

Sometimes they annoyed the fuck out of me still, but not my kid.

My kid was perfect in my eyes.

* * *

**Bella POV**

Christmas was chaotic, but that was how I liked it.

This was the very first time that Christmas was done at our house, and although the preparation for it had been stressful, it was completely worth it.

We all sat around the dining room table and it was… loud.

Annie was banging her frozen teething ring against the table of her high chair, Gavin and Ethan were always talking in their loud child voices, Emmett and Edward were joking about something, Alice was being hormonal/emotional with Jasper, and Charlie and Rose were laughing about something.

It was the kind of environment I loved to be in. It was love and happiness and family. It was perfect.

I elbowed Edward to get his attention and he looked down at me.

"You never told me what you got at the jeweler's," I said. "Did you find something?"

"That's right," Edward said, patting the inside of his leather jacket. "I guess I'll show it to you later."

"I still don't understand why you got jewelry for a baby."

He leaned down and kissed me. "It's not just for the baby, it's for the toddler and the child and the preteen and the teenager and then the woman."

I cocked my head to one side, a little confused. "Really, now?"

He grinned and reached over me to wipe drool off of Annie's face with her bib. "Yep."

"I'm intrigued."

"Pass me some more ham!" Emmett's voice boomed across the table and I was momentarily distracted by the commotion.

* * *

I sighed contentedly and shut the door on Rosalie's back as she headed back to the car with her kids. It had been a pleasant Christmas, from the morning we opened presents to when Gavin and Ethan both fell asleep by the fireplace and Alice burst into tears while staring at their sleeping faces.

"Bella, she won't sleep," Edward's exasperated voice rang out from the stairs and I saw him standing in the middle of it with his finger in the baby's mouth again.

I sighed and walked up to them. "Give her to me. Let me try."

Annie fussed even more when I reached for her, and she clung to Edward, starting to cry.

Yeah, definitely a daddy's girl.

"Where's her pacifier?" Edward asked, walking down the stairs. "My finger's going numb."

"Check the coffee table."

"Never mind, she's fine now," he said, plopping down on the couch with the baby on his lap. "Hey come here, will you? Let me do this while she's calm."

I sat down next to him and wiped more drool off Annie's mouth before he nodded downward.

"My left pocket, on the inside."

I reached into his jacket, purposefully running my hand over his nipple, and pulled out a medium-sized box in a plastic bag.

I reached in and pulled the little velvet box out, hesitating before popping it open.

"Don't you think you should give this to her when she's older? To get her reaction?"

Edward shrugged. "I know she won't remember, but I kind of want to give it to her now. We're going to pack it up until next year, anyway. We'll just keep packing it away until she's old enough to keep it."

"I'm confused. We show her the same thing every year?"

"Well it won't really be the same thing every year. Open it."

I flipped the lid and saw a delicate charm bracelet with a single charm hanging from it. It was a tiny crystal heart that sparkled in the light.

"Wow," I gasped. "This is beautiful."

Edward grinned my favorite crooked smile; it had only gotten more dazzling over the years.

"Yeah? I figured that every year she'd get a new charm. They'll be different every time. I'm thinking there will be eighteen charms in total… signs of our love as we raise her."

I could feel the tears well up in my eyes and the thoughtfulness of it all overwhelmed me. "Oh, Edward, that's a beautiful idea."

He sighed and pressed his lips to Annie's head, her eyes closing as she slowly fell asleep against his shoulder.

"For a beautiful girl," he whispered.

I sniffed and took the charm bracelet, lifting Annie's limp little arm and putting the charm bracelet on her. Of course it was too big, but just seeing it on her made me smile.

I rested my head against Edward's shoulder and fingered the bracelet around Annie.

"She's going to love it," I whispered.

Edward put a finger under my chin and lifted my head so he could kiss me. He ran his tongue over my bottom lip before tugging on it with his teeth and I couldn't suppress a moan.

"Shhh," he said, kissing the corner of my mouth. "You'll wake the baby."

"Let's put her to bed."

"Let's."

He slowly stood up and transferred Annie to my arms as we headed up the stairs and into her nursery. Once she was safe and sound in her crib and the baby monitor was on, we headed back to our bedroom.

I stopped outside of our room and looked up at the doorframe, where mistletoe had been hung.

Edward smirked at me and I put my hands on my hips.

"What is this, Mr. Cullen?"

Edward put his hands in his pockets, and rocked back and forth on his heels. "Well, Mrs. Cullen, I do believe that is a plant."

I raised an eyebrow and grabbed his jacket, pulling him towards me. "What kind of plant?"

"Mistletoe," he whispered, his breath caressing my face.

"Did you put it there?"

"What if I did?"

"Well, you're going to have to make good use of it."

Suddenly he pushed me against the doorframe with his hips. "Oh, I intend to."

I giggled as his lips ran across my neck and every single one of my nerves was on fire.

"Happy Christmas, babe," he said against my skin.

…


End file.
